1 00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:37,292 Till number one. 2 00:03:43,626 --> 00:03:46,251 Till number one. 3 00:03:52,626 --> 00:03:55,334 Till number one. 4 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,584 Good morning, sir, welcome to Waingel's Bank. 5 00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:10,376 My name is Sheila. How can I help you? 6 00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:25,959 01632 960786? 7 00:04:26,042 --> 00:04:28,459 - You all right? - Yeah, all right. You? 8 00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,792 - Yeah, yeah. - Do you want me to get him? 9 00:04:30,876 --> 00:04:38,501 - Uh, yeah. - Vince! Vince! Telephone! 10 00:04:38,584 --> 00:04:41,542 - Is that Gwen? - No, your dad. 11 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,376 - All right? - Don't ask. You? 12 00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:56,376 Yeah, you? 13 00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:12,834 - What are you doing? - Going round Dad's. 14 00:06:12,917 --> 00:06:14,084 What about supper? 15 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,209 What supper? You didn't tell me anything? 16 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,459 Don't give me that! Of course you knew. 17 00:06:18,542 --> 00:06:20,167 What else do I do every evening? 18 00:06:20,251 --> 00:06:22,251 Just put it in the fridge. I can have it tomorrow. 19 00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:25,334 Vince, you are pushing me to the edge, do you know that? 20 00:06:25,792 --> 00:06:28,376 Eat your dinner, then you can go to your dad's. 21 00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:31,376 - Leave it out, Mum. - Well, what are you going to eat? 22 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,042 Stacy's making a curry. 23 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,417 Who's Stacy? 24 00:06:34,501 --> 00:06:36,042 His new bird. 25 00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:40,751 He didn't tell you? 26 00:07:58,126 --> 00:08:00,126 Oh! Freezing out there! 27 00:08:00,209 --> 00:08:01,876 I thought you'd be back at six. 28 00:08:02,501 --> 00:08:04,834 Long queue in the post office. 29 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,876 You'd think it'd be empty after Christmas. 30 00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:09,292 Starving here! 31 00:08:10,126 --> 00:08:13,709 Forgot already what you were banging on about last night? 32 00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,167 Fridge dinners and all that? 33 00:08:15,251 --> 00:08:18,501 Or have you gone off the idea of stale food... 34 00:08:19,584 --> 00:08:22,667 Oh, sorry. 35 00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:25,001 I didn't know you had company. 36 00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,209 How's it going, Gwen? 37 00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:31,167 - She's modelling. - Pardon me, then. 38 00:08:32,126 --> 00:08:34,584 I'm cooking for three then, am I? 39 00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:39,501 - Gwen? Vince? Anyone? - Yes, please. 40 00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,501 Have you offered her anything? 41 00:08:42,126 --> 00:08:43,626 We only just started. 42 00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:46,626 Gwen, would you like a drink? 43 00:08:52,084 --> 00:08:53,084 Let's have a look. 44 00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:05,876 Very good! He's made you look really lovely, Gwen. 45 00:09:07,584 --> 00:09:09,251 I wish I had that talent. 46 00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:29,209 You've reached 01632 960786. 47 00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,751 I'm not in right now, but if you leave a message, 48 00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:33,167 I'll get straight back to you. 49 00:10:34,584 --> 00:10:39,709 This is a message for Sheila. It's Adonis. Box number 1592. 50 00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:42,542 I got your letter and your photo. 51 00:10:42,626 --> 00:10:44,167 I've got a few other dates this week, 52 00:10:44,251 --> 00:10:46,292 but give me a call and I'll see if I can slot you in. 53 00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:51,126 My number is 01632 960322. 54 00:11:14,626 --> 00:11:16,626 A purchase on a horizon, 55 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,917 a panoply of temptation. 56 00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:20,542 Can a curious soul desist? 57 00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:23,084 I'm just looking, thank you. 58 00:11:23,459 --> 00:11:26,376 The hesitation in your voice soon to be an echo 59 00:11:26,459 --> 00:11:29,292 in the recesses of the spheres of retail. 60 00:12:04,876 --> 00:12:08,792 Imagine, 60 percent vanished from this sensational garment. 61 00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:14,209 In apprehensions lie the crevices of clarity. 62 00:12:15,917 --> 00:12:17,834 Isn't it a little risqué? 63 00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:21,709 A provocation. For what else must one wear? 64 00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:23,917 I'm just going on a date. 65 00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:31,001 A date? Well? And what kind of date? Food and drinks? 66 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,001 Food and drinks, yeah. 67 00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:35,626 An embellishment of occasion, for instance, 68 00:12:35,709 --> 00:12:38,459 but also the emphasis of comfort and pleasure. 69 00:12:39,042 --> 00:12:42,751 Thus you will destroy two birds with a stone. 70 00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:30,459 Imagine, the dress is your image 71 00:13:30,542 --> 00:13:34,709 and from me onto what you project through an illusion. 72 00:13:37,376 --> 00:13:42,626 One sensation of mind, one fabric in recollection of touch. 73 00:13:44,126 --> 00:13:47,209 But this is how I see your night romance. 74 00:13:47,917 --> 00:13:49,709 I predict the fantasy. 75 00:13:50,376 --> 00:13:53,834 Isn't it small? What size is this? 76 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,501 Thirty-six. 77 00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:58,209 But I'm not a thirty-six. 78 00:13:59,709 --> 00:14:03,584 In a number is only the equation of actuality. 79 00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:08,376 Dimensions and proportions transcend the prisms of our measurements. 80 00:14:10,251 --> 00:14:12,376 You're not getting any more in? 81 00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:21,251 There's a lucky man somewhere in the vista of this mysterious mirror. 82 00:14:22,376 --> 00:14:23,792 May I ask his name? 83 00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:27,042 His name's Adonis. 84 00:14:27,126 --> 00:14:30,792 Adonis? I see him. 85 00:14:30,876 --> 00:14:32,334 I like him. 86 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,001 And it's not clinging too tightly here? 87 00:14:40,084 --> 00:14:43,917 Desist warning attention to the askew perception of self. 88 00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:48,167 Lightest trivia and the local vectors of frivolity 89 00:14:48,251 --> 00:14:51,209 are the topics Adonis will be discussing tonight. 90 00:14:52,751 --> 00:14:55,334 I don't normally wear this kind of thing. 91 00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:59,709 Darings eclipse the dark circumference of caution. 92 00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:04,626 Be bold. Your date will compliment you. 93 00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:37,501 Touch it. 94 00:15:39,584 --> 00:15:40,709 Feel it here. 95 00:15:58,626 --> 00:16:03,834 And may I interest you in other desired supposes in our exclusive boutique? 96 00:16:03,917 --> 00:16:06,542 I'm fine for now, thank you. 97 00:16:06,626 --> 00:16:09,167 Then I would like you to announce your locus of residence 98 00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:11,959 followed by the numbers to your telephone. 99 00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:14,334 Sheila Woolchapel, 100 00:16:14,417 --> 00:16:18,792 16 Ferndale Road, Thames Valley-on-Thames. 101 00:16:18,876 --> 00:16:25,042 01632 960786. 102 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,959 Thank you. 103 00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:27,626 The pleasure is all mine, Sheila Woolchapel. 104 00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:32,042 Adonis will be waiting and he will compliment you. 105 00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:39,792 Till number one. 106 00:17:42,376 --> 00:17:44,751 Till number one. 107 00:18:27,751 --> 00:18:30,459 Sheila Woolchapel, 108 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:35,167 16 Ferndale Road, Thames Valley-on-Thames. 109 00:18:35,251 --> 00:18:36,459 Telephonic code: 110 00:18:36,542 --> 00:18:44,292 zero and one and six and three and two and nine and six and zero 111 00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:48,501 and seven and eight and six and stop. 112 00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:52,709 Well, maybe I can actually, you know... 113 00:18:55,084 --> 00:18:56,709 No, I'm not. 114 00:19:00,626 --> 00:19:04,167 I'm off. Your dinner's in the fridge. 115 00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:09,417 What have you done to your hair? 116 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:11,667 Why? 117 00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:13,834 Looks like the council cut it. 118 00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:15,917 Thanks. 119 00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:18,667 You're not dating, are you? 120 00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,334 Why? Aren't I allowed to? 121 00:19:22,417 --> 00:19:23,584 Bit soon? 122 00:19:24,042 --> 00:19:26,376 I didn't know there was a time limit. 123 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,084 I thought you wanted to get back with Dad. 124 00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:34,334 That was a while ago, and obviously your dad had other ideas. 125 00:19:36,459 --> 00:19:42,001 Oh, and tell that femme fatale of yours to get off the phone. 126 00:19:42,084 --> 00:19:44,167 It's gonna cost me a fortune. 127 00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:54,126 You've reached 01632 960786. 128 00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:58,584 I'm not in right now, but if you leave a message I'll get straight back to you. 129 00:20:00,126 --> 00:20:02,209 It's Adonis again. 130 00:20:02,292 --> 00:20:05,834 Amesos Greek restaurant, 7:30. 131 00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:09,792 I'll be wearing a dark Donningtonio suit and carrying a rose. 132 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:14,292 I'm tall, slim, short back and sides. 133 00:20:14,376 --> 00:20:17,084 If you don't find me, I'll find you. 134 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:34,792 Oh! 135 00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:37,626 - Box number 1592? - Yeah. 136 00:21:37,709 --> 00:21:40,667 - Did I scare you? - No, it's fine. 137 00:21:40,751 --> 00:21:43,709 I've got some love vouchers that will give us ten percent off 138 00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,417 as long as we share the same pudding. 139 00:21:45,501 --> 00:21:49,709 Pudding? Sounds good. Join me. 140 00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:10,584 - As promised. - Oh, thank you. 141 00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:20,167 - What? - You look different. 142 00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:21,834 How? 143 00:22:22,751 --> 00:22:24,042 Well, your hair. 144 00:22:25,334 --> 00:22:26,792 Hair grows back. 145 00:22:45,292 --> 00:22:48,667 - Do you know what you're having? - In a minute, OK? 146 00:22:49,584 --> 00:22:51,126 The moussaka looks good. 147 00:23:06,376 --> 00:23:08,459 So, you like dancing then? 148 00:23:09,792 --> 00:23:11,751 Not tonight, I sprained my ankle. 149 00:23:11,834 --> 00:23:15,959 God, I didn't mean tonight. Just in general. You like dancing? 150 00:23:16,042 --> 00:23:17,042 Yeah. 151 00:23:24,084 --> 00:23:27,917 It says in your lonely hearts advertisement that you like laughing. 152 00:23:29,084 --> 00:23:30,084 Yeah. 153 00:23:32,417 --> 00:23:33,584 What kind of things? 154 00:23:34,126 --> 00:23:35,876 Funny things. 155 00:23:35,959 --> 00:23:39,209 - What about cooking? - What is this, an exam? 156 00:23:42,542 --> 00:23:44,417 Friendly evenings, guests. 157 00:23:44,501 --> 00:23:47,667 Welcome to Amesos. My name is Vlassis and you are? 158 00:23:48,959 --> 00:23:50,584 Sheila Woolchapel. 159 00:23:51,959 --> 00:23:53,167 Adonis Jackson. 160 00:23:53,251 --> 00:23:55,584 And may I take your lucky orders? 161 00:23:59,334 --> 00:24:00,334 Madam? 162 00:24:00,834 --> 00:24:04,626 Oh, there will be the tzatziki for the starter 163 00:24:04,709 --> 00:24:08,042 and vegetable moussaka for the main. 164 00:24:08,126 --> 00:24:10,334 Instantly, madam. You, sir? 165 00:24:17,084 --> 00:24:20,084 Um... I will come back for your lucky order. 166 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:09,334 Vince? Vince? Get a move on. I'm desperate. Vince? 167 00:25:13,501 --> 00:25:17,001 Sorry, I didn't know you were staying over. 168 00:25:17,084 --> 00:25:18,584 Didn't Vince tell you? 169 00:25:19,751 --> 00:25:21,501 Well, maybe I didn't hear. 170 00:25:21,584 --> 00:25:23,042 I hope it's not a problem. 171 00:25:23,126 --> 00:25:24,876 Of course not, no. 172 00:25:26,042 --> 00:25:27,084 Nice night out? 173 00:25:27,167 --> 00:25:30,167 Yes, thank you. Caught up with a friend. 174 00:25:30,251 --> 00:25:33,376 Where's Vince? He didn't answer when I called him. 175 00:25:33,876 --> 00:25:36,459 He must've knocked himself out. 176 00:25:36,542 --> 00:25:41,126 It's always the way with him. As soon as he comes, he's out for the count. 177 00:25:41,209 --> 00:25:44,417 Must be the pressure of those mock exams. 178 00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:46,001 It should get better by February. 179 00:25:47,542 --> 00:25:49,501 Did you get anything nice in the sales? 180 00:25:49,584 --> 00:25:51,001 Not much. You? 181 00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:53,626 I found a very tasteful pair of Carpathian stockings 182 00:25:53,709 --> 00:25:57,417 from Dentley and Soper's. Seventy percent off. 183 00:25:58,167 --> 00:26:00,501 Now that's what I call a bargain. 184 00:26:01,542 --> 00:26:03,292 I'm sorry if I was too long in the shower. 185 00:26:04,042 --> 00:26:06,959 I won't keep you waiting as I know you're desperate. 186 00:28:00,626 --> 00:28:03,251 - What are you doing? - You tell me. 187 00:28:03,334 --> 00:28:05,751 - How did this end up in here? - Eh? 188 00:28:06,334 --> 00:28:09,376 The next time your girlfriend wants to try something on, 189 00:28:09,459 --> 00:28:11,251 how about asking me first? 190 00:28:11,334 --> 00:28:14,001 - You got a screw loose? - Don't talk to me like that. 191 00:28:14,084 --> 00:28:16,584 Gwen wouldn't be seen dead in something like that. 192 00:28:16,667 --> 00:28:19,376 - So how did it end up in there, then? - How would I know? 193 00:28:19,459 --> 00:28:21,876 I don't like people going through my things, Vince. 194 00:28:21,959 --> 00:28:25,917 - Touché! Neither do I. - Don't you touché me. 195 00:28:26,001 --> 00:28:29,209 I've had enough of her making a mini-bar from my wine 196 00:28:29,292 --> 00:28:32,126 and now helping herself to my wardrobe. 197 00:28:32,209 --> 00:28:35,542 She's turning my house into a boudoir and I'm not having it. 198 00:28:35,626 --> 00:28:38,334 It's becoming a bit disgusting if you must know. 199 00:28:38,417 --> 00:28:39,417 Leave it out, Mum. 200 00:28:39,501 --> 00:28:41,792 No, I'm not going to leave it out, young Vincent. 201 00:28:41,876 --> 00:28:45,209 I'll say it again because nothing gets through your head. 202 00:28:45,292 --> 00:28:49,042 To be frank, I find Gwen a bit disgusting. 203 00:28:49,751 --> 00:28:52,792 And the sooner you take that on board, the better. 204 00:29:17,917 --> 00:29:18,917 Hello. 205 00:29:53,042 --> 00:29:54,917 I hope you didn't move without me. 206 00:29:55,001 --> 00:29:56,584 Don't get paranoid, Mum. 207 00:29:57,292 --> 00:29:59,709 Now where were we? 208 00:29:59,792 --> 00:30:01,376 Your turn, Don Juan. 209 00:30:18,542 --> 00:30:20,959 - Oh, my God, what's that? - What? 210 00:30:21,792 --> 00:30:23,251 That looks nasty. 211 00:30:24,167 --> 00:30:25,709 Just some sort of rash. 212 00:30:25,792 --> 00:30:27,542 Ugh, I hope it isn't catchy. 213 00:30:27,626 --> 00:30:29,459 Yeah, what is that? I saw it the other day. 214 00:30:29,542 --> 00:30:34,167 I don't know. An allergy of some sort. Maybe the washing powder. 215 00:30:34,251 --> 00:30:36,917 - You should get it looked at, Mum. - Don't scare me. 216 00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:40,917 I'm not scaring you. Just get a cream and Bob's your uncle. For your sake. 217 00:30:41,001 --> 00:30:43,292 My financial advisor had something similar. 218 00:30:43,376 --> 00:30:45,542 Some kind of blood infection. 219 00:30:45,626 --> 00:30:47,501 Ended up having to amputate her right arm. 220 00:30:47,584 --> 00:30:50,376 - Don't give me that. - Seriously! 221 00:30:50,459 --> 00:30:53,334 The doctor kept sending her home saying it was some kind of allergy 222 00:30:53,417 --> 00:30:55,042 and she ended up really ill. 223 00:30:56,251 --> 00:30:58,459 But it's fine now. 224 00:30:58,542 --> 00:31:01,751 She eventually learnt to write left-handed. 225 00:31:01,834 --> 00:31:04,126 Beautiful handwriting too. 226 00:31:04,959 --> 00:31:06,001 Your turn. 227 00:31:25,334 --> 00:31:26,834 Oh, dear. 228 00:31:30,834 --> 00:31:32,584 Tough decision. 229 00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:12,501 Do you have to talk French all the time? 230 00:32:13,084 --> 00:32:15,251 He has to practise for his A levels. 231 00:32:26,584 --> 00:32:27,792 Actually. 232 00:32:31,376 --> 00:32:34,084 Sorry. 233 00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,792 What was that? 234 00:32:42,334 --> 00:32:44,542 - Turn it off. - I've turned it off! 235 00:32:44,626 --> 00:32:46,126 Pull the plug out! 236 00:32:50,251 --> 00:32:53,667 Sit on it or something! Oh! 237 00:32:59,959 --> 00:33:01,126 Mum! 238 00:33:15,459 --> 00:33:16,917 What's going on with this thing? 239 00:37:51,042 --> 00:37:53,751 Till number two. 240 00:37:58,251 --> 00:38:00,042 Thanks for coming in, Sheila. 241 00:38:00,126 --> 00:38:03,376 Look at that, still finding pine needles everywhere. 242 00:38:03,459 --> 00:38:07,334 All over our sofa back home as well. Must get a plastic tree next year. 243 00:38:07,417 --> 00:38:09,501 Yeah, we must. How's it going, Sheila? 244 00:38:09,584 --> 00:38:11,584 - Yeah, everything's fine. - Ah. 245 00:38:12,001 --> 00:38:13,417 What happened to your hand? 246 00:38:13,501 --> 00:38:16,876 Nothing much. Washing machine went bananas. 247 00:38:16,959 --> 00:38:19,667 Well, we know a very good repair company if you need anyone. 248 00:38:19,751 --> 00:38:22,626 - What's that, Staverton's? - Yeah. Staverton's Wash. In your area. 249 00:38:22,709 --> 00:38:24,751 They did wonders with our machine, didn't they, Clive? 250 00:38:24,834 --> 00:38:26,917 Yeah, they did. A really good mechanic. 251 00:38:27,001 --> 00:38:30,501 So how are things going? Do you feel on top of things at the moment? 252 00:38:30,584 --> 00:38:32,376 Yeah, I think so. 253 00:38:32,459 --> 00:38:35,417 We didn't see you at the Christmas bowling the other week. 254 00:38:35,501 --> 00:38:38,001 Oh, I think I had a lot on with my son that night. 255 00:38:38,084 --> 00:38:40,126 Hmm. Interesting. 256 00:38:40,209 --> 00:38:43,626 Sheila, Pete Mathinson spoke to us the other day. 257 00:38:43,709 --> 00:38:47,209 Now he's really impressed with how you're all doing. Lots of good feedback. 258 00:38:47,292 --> 00:38:50,709 Yeah, he also noticed how attuned you were to the Waingel's Wavelength. 259 00:38:50,792 --> 00:38:53,126 Yeah. One thing he flagged with us though. 260 00:38:53,209 --> 00:38:55,251 He wasn't sure about your handshake. 261 00:38:57,126 --> 00:39:00,042 Pete thinks you're doing really well, likes the way you smell as well, 262 00:39:00,126 --> 00:39:03,209 but to tell you the truth, the handshake did come up 263 00:39:03,292 --> 00:39:07,501 and Pete commented on how perhaps it wasn't meaningful enough. 264 00:39:08,042 --> 00:39:10,959 Sheila, Pete wanted you to have this article here. 265 00:39:11,042 --> 00:39:14,334 Um... It's about the importance of a meaningful handshake. 266 00:39:14,417 --> 00:39:16,292 Sure, I'll take a look. 267 00:39:16,376 --> 00:39:18,209 It's written in a fun, easy language 268 00:39:18,292 --> 00:39:21,042 and there's a cartoon at the end that summarises the key points. 269 00:39:21,126 --> 00:39:23,709 And Sheila, if you want, we'd be happy to try out a role-play scenario 270 00:39:23,792 --> 00:39:26,667 - which involves handshaking. - It doesn't have to be a bank scenario. 271 00:39:26,751 --> 00:39:28,584 We have a range of costumes we could all try on. 272 00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:31,042 - It's OK, I'll practise at home. - Hm. 273 00:39:31,417 --> 00:39:33,834 One other thing, Sheila. 274 00:39:33,917 --> 00:39:38,251 One of your colleagues noticed that you tend to visit the ladies' room 275 00:39:38,334 --> 00:39:40,834 prior to clocking out for feeding time. 276 00:39:41,917 --> 00:39:43,501 Who told you this? 277 00:39:43,584 --> 00:39:45,792 It wouldn't be professional of us to say her name. 278 00:39:45,876 --> 00:39:49,542 I normally clock out and instantly leave the building. 279 00:39:49,626 --> 00:39:51,417 Well, if it's a one-off we understand, 280 00:39:51,501 --> 00:39:54,626 but we just wanted to flag it up with you, in case Pete finds out. 281 00:39:54,709 --> 00:39:56,542 A minute or two might not seem significant, 282 00:39:56,626 --> 00:39:58,459 but when we spoke to your colleague, 283 00:39:58,542 --> 00:40:01,542 she did some calculations and rightly reminded us 284 00:40:01,626 --> 00:40:04,917 that if these unwarranted toilet visits were to take place 285 00:40:05,001 --> 00:40:07,334 at an estimate of two minutes per visit, 286 00:40:07,417 --> 00:40:11,084 you would accrue over four hundred minutes every year. 287 00:40:11,167 --> 00:40:14,501 And to tell you the truth, two minutes for a visit to the toilet is generous. 288 00:40:14,584 --> 00:40:16,834 Well, in my experience it's two and a half. 289 00:40:16,917 --> 00:40:18,751 I timed myself right before this meeting. 290 00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:22,501 It was a one-off, I can assure you. 291 00:40:23,084 --> 00:40:26,126 Whoever it was who informed you of my transgression 292 00:40:26,209 --> 00:40:31,001 obviously doesn't notice that I'm regularly in ten minutes early. 293 00:40:31,084 --> 00:40:33,167 Maybe you could do the maths on that. 294 00:40:34,584 --> 00:40:37,417 - What do you think? - Is fantastic. 295 00:40:37,501 --> 00:40:39,001 And the shawl? 296 00:40:39,084 --> 00:40:42,709 The shawlest vantage praises January customer 297 00:40:42,792 --> 00:40:47,917 for she is in purchase of our sacred domain. Cheers. 298 00:40:50,126 --> 00:40:52,042 It's a little tight around the shoulders. 299 00:40:52,126 --> 00:40:54,959 I knew I'd need a size up after Christmas. 300 00:40:55,042 --> 00:40:58,584 When your stature is emphasised, it is my duty to provide you 301 00:40:58,667 --> 00:41:03,209 with a notion of proportion that reflects your ideal of dimension. 302 00:41:03,292 --> 00:41:04,709 Wait here. 303 00:41:38,459 --> 00:41:41,501 Our perspectives on the spectres of mortality 304 00:41:41,584 --> 00:41:45,709 must not be compromised by an askew index of commerce. 305 00:41:50,959 --> 00:41:51,959 I'm sorry. 306 00:41:53,001 --> 00:41:55,584 The model, the affliction. 307 00:41:56,417 --> 00:41:57,542 What happened? 308 00:41:59,251 --> 00:42:01,042 A calamity. 309 00:42:01,126 --> 00:42:05,501 Imagine. Jill Woodmere. Yes, she. 310 00:42:05,584 --> 00:42:09,417 Our range in garments she defined through a rapture of display. 311 00:42:10,542 --> 00:42:15,167 And here, the last dress she wore. Oh, how she adored it. 312 00:42:15,251 --> 00:42:16,751 I'm sorry. 313 00:42:34,667 --> 00:42:36,334 The rhombic coat? 314 00:42:37,626 --> 00:42:40,751 The rhombic coat, yes. I'll try it on. 315 00:42:41,209 --> 00:42:43,709 Sorry, one last thing. 316 00:42:43,792 --> 00:42:46,459 How many of those dresses were in stock? 317 00:42:46,542 --> 00:42:49,167 One. Only the one. 318 00:42:49,751 --> 00:42:52,501 And the model wore that same dress? 319 00:42:53,167 --> 00:42:58,917 Yes. But imagine, she extensively showered before that photograph. 320 00:44:53,542 --> 00:44:54,917 Vince? 321 00:44:56,959 --> 00:44:58,209 Vince? 322 00:45:58,209 --> 00:46:02,292 Zach? Sheila, box number 6832. 323 00:46:05,042 --> 00:46:08,417 I have some love vouchers here with some exciting discounts. 324 00:46:08,501 --> 00:46:11,292 That's if you don't mind sharing a pudding with me. 325 00:46:57,376 --> 00:47:00,167 - You look familiar, you know? - Oh, no, don't scare me. 326 00:47:00,251 --> 00:47:03,709 Seriously, I've seen you somewhere before, I don't know where, but... 327 00:47:03,792 --> 00:47:05,001 Do you bank at Waingel's? 328 00:47:05,459 --> 00:47:07,876 Ah, I thought it was something like that. 329 00:47:08,584 --> 00:47:11,917 I remember now. You fined me for going over my limit! 330 00:47:12,001 --> 00:47:15,917 Oh, not me, I don't fine. I just follow orders from above. 331 00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:17,959 I think I still have a letter from you 332 00:47:18,042 --> 00:47:20,584 asking me to make an appointment with your managers. 333 00:47:20,667 --> 00:47:23,417 You were kind of stern, but I liked it. 334 00:48:11,042 --> 00:48:14,001 What happened? What happened? 335 00:48:14,084 --> 00:48:16,834 It's OK, it's OK. 336 00:48:16,917 --> 00:48:20,292 Come here, it's OK. 337 00:48:35,542 --> 00:48:38,376 It's hard to make friends in this town. 338 00:48:38,459 --> 00:48:39,792 I know. 339 00:48:42,459 --> 00:48:43,751 Is it just me? 340 00:48:44,667 --> 00:48:47,292 No, it's OK. Don't think about it. 341 00:48:49,292 --> 00:48:52,876 It's hard to make friends here, it really is. 342 00:48:56,626 --> 00:48:59,376 You met many others through this? 343 00:49:00,501 --> 00:49:02,917 A few. You? 344 00:49:04,167 --> 00:49:06,084 One or two. 345 00:49:09,417 --> 00:49:11,876 I don't need to meet anyone anymore. 346 00:49:13,126 --> 00:49:14,126 Me neither. 347 00:51:08,126 --> 00:51:11,251 "You who wear me will know me." 348 00:51:12,251 --> 00:51:13,709 What's that supposed to mean? 349 00:51:13,792 --> 00:51:15,542 It's just a design feature. 350 00:51:15,626 --> 00:51:17,042 Cheap bit of mystery. 351 00:51:18,126 --> 00:51:21,042 You think anyone buying these things gives a damn what it all means? 352 00:51:23,584 --> 00:51:25,334 Would you think I'm bonkers 353 00:51:25,417 --> 00:51:27,959 if I told you I think something's wrong with that dress? 354 00:51:28,042 --> 00:51:29,084 Of course not. 355 00:51:29,167 --> 00:51:32,751 I haven't met a woman who didn't think there was something wrong with a dress. 356 00:51:36,167 --> 00:51:38,626 A woman who modelled it died. 357 00:51:39,376 --> 00:51:43,292 And? Half the clothes I bought in the charity shop are from people who died. 358 00:51:44,417 --> 00:51:47,042 Don't run yourself around all this hocus pocus. 359 00:51:47,126 --> 00:51:48,709 Personally, I like you in it. 360 00:51:49,667 --> 00:51:51,167 - Really? - Yeah, really. 361 00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:54,376 - You're not just saying that? - You look good in it. 362 00:51:55,376 --> 00:51:57,584 OK, you look good in most things, 363 00:51:58,084 --> 00:52:01,417 but that dress definitely shows you off. 364 00:52:04,542 --> 00:52:05,876 Put it on. 365 00:52:10,917 --> 00:52:13,501 Don't tell me you're scared of a dress? 366 00:54:46,459 --> 00:54:48,292 You don't want to go into town today? 367 00:54:48,376 --> 00:54:49,917 Oh, it's a nightmare on Saturdays. 368 00:54:50,001 --> 00:54:53,542 Why don't we stay here? You know, acclimatise you to Vince. 369 00:54:53,959 --> 00:54:55,292 No one's rushing you there. 370 00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:59,501 I just think it'll be good for him to see me back on my feet a little bit. 371 00:55:00,417 --> 00:55:02,251 He was a little short with me on the phone. 372 00:55:02,334 --> 00:55:04,376 He's in a bad way. 373 00:55:04,459 --> 00:55:06,459 The separation really got to him. 374 00:55:06,542 --> 00:55:09,126 Not helped by my ex trying to pit him against me. 375 00:55:09,209 --> 00:55:10,959 - Join the club. - Darren! 376 00:55:13,542 --> 00:55:16,001 - No! - Darren, get off! 377 00:55:16,084 --> 00:55:18,334 Get off! Get off, Darren! 378 00:55:19,751 --> 00:55:21,751 Darren, get off! 379 00:55:22,126 --> 00:55:26,501 - Get off! Get off! - My leg! 380 00:55:26,584 --> 00:55:28,001 Get it off! 381 00:55:29,709 --> 00:55:32,667 Darren, you bastard! Darren! 382 00:55:32,751 --> 00:55:35,709 Mum! 383 00:55:37,709 --> 00:55:39,209 - Mum! - Up here! 384 00:55:40,834 --> 00:55:42,584 Took me ages to get your stuff! 385 00:55:42,667 --> 00:55:45,959 They asked for my ID and everything then they gave me some punk's rucksack. 386 00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,376 I've no idea why they... 387 00:55:48,251 --> 00:55:50,834 Vince, this is Zach. 388 00:55:51,542 --> 00:55:53,084 A friend from work. 389 00:55:54,001 --> 00:55:55,084 Pleased to meet you. 390 00:55:55,167 --> 00:55:58,417 All right. Where do you want me to put these, then? 391 00:55:58,876 --> 00:56:01,459 No point, they're all ripped to pieces. 392 00:56:01,542 --> 00:56:04,542 Eh? This one's not ripped. 393 00:56:04,626 --> 00:56:08,292 - Of course it's ripped. - It's brand spanking new, almost. 394 00:56:12,084 --> 00:56:13,834 It should be ripped. 395 00:56:13,917 --> 00:56:16,751 The dog ripped it to pieces. It should be ripped! 396 00:56:16,834 --> 00:56:19,626 I tell you, it should be ripped! 397 00:57:14,459 --> 00:57:19,667 I have reached the dimension of remorse, Sheila Woolchapel. The dress. 398 00:57:19,751 --> 00:57:23,376 I can't claim with its reacceptance if its purchase is not evidenced. 399 00:57:23,459 --> 00:57:25,042 I had the receipt. 400 00:57:25,126 --> 00:57:26,792 I don't know where it's gone. 401 00:57:33,876 --> 00:57:36,459 Look, honestly, I don't need the refund. 402 00:57:36,542 --> 00:57:38,959 Just let me exchange it for something else. 403 00:57:39,042 --> 00:57:41,959 A casual exchange seldom expresses a lady's self-assurance 404 00:57:42,042 --> 00:57:47,959 - and her embodiment of fashion... - You know what? Just take the dress. 405 00:57:48,042 --> 00:57:50,709 I don't need anything back, just take it. 406 00:57:52,792 --> 00:57:56,459 Lamentations can be fairly addressed to Miss Kolliston. 407 00:57:56,959 --> 00:58:03,126 Distinction avows her noble hearing. Psst! Psst! 408 00:58:03,209 --> 00:58:04,417 Forget it. 409 00:58:15,417 --> 00:58:20,292 Like a whisper in an ocean, like a feather in a storm, 410 00:58:20,876 --> 00:58:27,376 a dress of deduction finds its character in a prism of retail abstraction. 411 00:58:28,459 --> 00:58:30,167 I don't understand. 412 00:58:31,376 --> 00:58:35,126 Miss Luckmoore experienced a transaction of ecstasy, 413 00:58:35,959 --> 00:58:39,501 and I ask if you could mutually sanctify her claim? 414 00:58:39,584 --> 00:58:45,001 Look, this is nothing personal, but I'm done with the sales, thank you. 415 00:58:45,084 --> 00:58:50,209 But your dismissal of such a prestigious consumerist festivity leaves me bereft. 416 00:58:51,209 --> 00:58:54,709 Did Miss Luckmoore engage with the doctrine of the store 417 00:58:54,792 --> 00:59:00,459 and did the experience consolidate your perception of the paradigm of retail? 418 00:59:01,042 --> 00:59:02,542 I've got to go back to work. 419 00:59:02,626 --> 00:59:06,001 Just a goodwill gesture for the inaugural consumer. 420 00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:10,209 A fantastic offer, I inferred to myself in jest. 421 00:59:11,084 --> 00:59:14,376 I just don't see why I couldn't return this dress. 422 00:59:14,459 --> 00:59:19,792 The very purpose of this seasonal retail occasion is to expunge. 423 00:59:20,167 --> 00:59:21,792 Returning what has already left 424 00:59:21,876 --> 00:59:25,834 the ladies' fashion boutique of Dentley and Soper's Trusted Department Store 425 00:59:25,917 --> 00:59:29,292 goes against the nature of things. 426 00:59:39,709 --> 00:59:41,792 Such a pretty dress. 427 00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,084 I hope Adonis complimented you. 428 00:59:58,084 --> 00:59:59,209 Pitcroft! 429 01:00:06,584 --> 01:00:09,126 How's your leg, Sheila? 430 01:00:10,876 --> 01:00:12,042 Better, thank you. 431 01:00:12,709 --> 01:00:13,917 Clive knows the local vet 432 01:00:14,001 --> 01:00:17,042 and he can confirm that he destroyed the dog on your behalf. 433 01:00:17,834 --> 01:00:19,292 He also wanted you to know 434 01:00:19,376 --> 01:00:22,584 that he took great pleasure in denying the dog its last biscuit. 435 01:00:23,751 --> 01:00:25,792 It must be a pain not being able to drive. 436 01:00:25,876 --> 01:00:28,459 The doctor reckons I can start back tomorrow. 437 01:00:28,542 --> 01:00:32,792 Oh, good, good. Um, Sheila, can we have a word? 438 01:00:34,917 --> 01:00:36,376 Of course. 439 01:00:43,709 --> 01:00:44,876 How was your weekend? 440 01:00:45,542 --> 01:00:46,959 Well, interesting. 441 01:00:47,042 --> 01:00:48,667 Anything nice in the sales? 442 01:00:48,751 --> 01:00:50,834 Just a dress, but that was the other week. 443 01:00:51,834 --> 01:00:53,042 Good bargains. 444 01:00:53,459 --> 01:00:56,417 Sheila, I was pleased to see your name down on the bowling list again. 445 01:00:56,501 --> 01:00:59,126 Even though I don't think you should be in Ruth's team, but still, 446 01:00:59,209 --> 01:01:01,959 we have a nice balance of numbers this month, so well done. 447 01:01:02,042 --> 01:01:03,459 Should be an interesting match. 448 01:01:03,542 --> 01:01:05,667 Yeah. Looking forward to it. 449 01:01:05,751 --> 01:01:09,709 Now, Sheila, we caught up with Pete Mathinson this morning. 450 01:01:09,792 --> 01:01:11,334 Really meaningful meeting, um... 451 01:01:11,417 --> 01:01:13,751 just reviewing where we're going with various things. 452 01:01:14,542 --> 01:01:18,001 He was very impressed with how you're getting on, all good. 453 01:01:18,084 --> 01:01:20,584 Only he mentioned that you waved at his mistress 454 01:01:20,667 --> 01:01:23,792 just by Landrake's tuck shop last weekend. 455 01:01:23,876 --> 01:01:26,126 Yeah, I remember, she waved back. 456 01:01:26,209 --> 01:01:30,876 Hm. You see, she asked Pete to call up a meeting about the incident 457 01:01:30,959 --> 01:01:32,959 and we all came to the conclusion 458 01:01:33,042 --> 01:01:37,667 that the waving can only be construed as informal salutation. 459 01:01:39,376 --> 01:01:41,084 I don't understand. 460 01:01:41,167 --> 01:01:44,584 Technically, the mistress of a boss is classified as a superior 461 01:01:44,667 --> 01:01:46,334 according to company policy, 462 01:01:46,417 --> 01:01:50,126 hence her surprise at such a casual mode of greeting. 463 01:01:50,209 --> 01:01:52,876 Yeah, she urged us to term it as insolent salutation 464 01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:55,251 but she gets ahead of herself sometimes. 465 01:01:55,334 --> 01:01:57,542 She smiled. She waved back! 466 01:01:57,626 --> 01:02:01,334 Sheila, when we worked at the other branch in town 467 01:02:01,417 --> 01:02:05,542 we had a member of staff very similar to you; diligent, hard working. 468 01:02:05,626 --> 01:02:09,917 Only, Clive and I noticed a core of the inscrutable about her. 469 01:02:10,001 --> 01:02:12,167 Not remotely on the Waingel's Wavelength. 470 01:02:12,251 --> 01:02:15,709 We didn't think anything of it until we discovered she was in the habit 471 01:02:15,792 --> 01:02:19,542 of injecting foolhardy substances into her bloodstream on a regular basis. 472 01:02:19,626 --> 01:02:22,209 Now we're not suggesting you're inclined that way. 473 01:02:22,292 --> 01:02:26,751 But nonetheless, a story shared and all that. 474 01:02:27,792 --> 01:02:30,459 And those mysterious toilet breaks before feeding time. 475 01:02:30,542 --> 01:02:33,292 One mysterious toilet break. 476 01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:36,876 You would tell us if there was something? 477 01:02:36,959 --> 01:02:39,751 Then we can keep Pete and the Police Force out of this. 478 01:02:39,834 --> 01:02:44,001 Well, it's just been busy with my son and the school holidays. 479 01:02:45,376 --> 01:02:47,834 What's wrong, Sheila? You can tell us. 480 01:02:47,917 --> 01:02:52,792 Nothing! Just a few bad sleeping dreams. 481 01:02:53,667 --> 01:02:55,126 Can you give us an example? 482 01:02:56,501 --> 01:03:01,251 Well, just this one the other night, um... 483 01:03:02,584 --> 01:03:06,917 I was very close to my mother, in real life, I mean. 484 01:03:07,917 --> 01:03:13,126 My father died when I was young and she and I grew even closer. 485 01:03:13,709 --> 01:03:15,334 I loved her dearly. 486 01:03:16,584 --> 01:03:21,417 I didn't have enough space to store all her things after she died, 487 01:03:21,501 --> 01:03:24,209 which always makes me sad. 488 01:03:24,917 --> 01:03:29,417 I gave everything to charity, but wished I'd kept something. 489 01:03:30,584 --> 01:03:34,667 But in this sleep, I found one of her old dresses. 490 01:03:35,209 --> 01:03:40,417 It smelt of her perfume, which I hadn't come across in years. 491 01:03:40,501 --> 01:03:44,167 Brought me right back, made everything feel all right again. 492 01:03:45,292 --> 01:03:50,042 I put the dress on and I looked in the mirror, 493 01:03:50,126 --> 01:03:51,876 but it wasn't me at all. 494 01:03:52,334 --> 01:03:55,001 It was my mother from the grave 495 01:03:55,084 --> 01:03:58,626 with the same jet-black dyed hair. 496 01:04:00,126 --> 01:04:02,751 I remember when she bought this dye. 497 01:04:02,834 --> 01:04:07,126 She was so fed up of the old ones dripping off in the rain, 498 01:04:07,209 --> 01:04:11,917 but this one was permanent. More than her flesh. 499 01:04:17,001 --> 01:04:22,376 I caught a bus and everyone hid under their seats when they saw me. 500 01:04:22,459 --> 01:04:23,876 Racists. 501 01:04:23,959 --> 01:04:26,876 I stank of my mother's corpse. 502 01:04:27,209 --> 01:04:30,126 The stench made the driver vomit 503 01:04:31,167 --> 01:04:35,376 and we went off a cliff and I woke up. 504 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:41,917 And what colour was the bus? 505 01:04:42,459 --> 01:04:45,459 It was the colour of Thames Valley-on-Thames. 506 01:04:46,917 --> 01:04:49,876 Yeah, it was that colour. 507 01:05:07,834 --> 01:05:10,376 I'm dropping some stuff off at the charity shop 508 01:05:10,459 --> 01:05:12,876 if you've got anything that needs taking. 509 01:05:14,834 --> 01:05:17,292 Is that a yes or a no? 510 01:05:17,376 --> 01:05:18,709 Maybe! 511 01:05:19,209 --> 01:05:21,501 Well, you go on Monday, then. 512 01:05:21,584 --> 01:05:26,459 And don't forget to bring the stuff on the back seat. Yes? 513 01:05:27,126 --> 01:05:28,167 Yes! 514 01:05:28,251 --> 01:05:32,834 OK. I'll see you in the morning. I've left you some food in the fridge. 515 01:05:32,917 --> 01:05:34,209 Where are you going? 516 01:05:35,042 --> 01:05:37,042 I'm gonna stay with someone. 517 01:05:37,584 --> 01:05:39,417 What? You mean slaphead? 518 01:05:39,501 --> 01:05:41,417 His name's Zach. 519 01:05:42,209 --> 01:05:44,167 I thought you said he was a mate. 520 01:05:44,251 --> 01:05:46,876 Well, he's something more than that now. 521 01:05:57,167 --> 01:06:01,959 What I always do is, because I love queueing for the sales, 522 01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:07,167 I find it really exciting, and I have done it all night, actually. 523 01:06:07,251 --> 01:06:08,501 Yes, it's great fun. 524 01:06:08,584 --> 01:06:11,459 There's a great camaraderie, you know. 525 01:06:11,542 --> 01:06:14,251 And everybody's good. They keep your place 526 01:06:14,334 --> 01:06:17,751 while you go and get an all-night coffee or something like that. 527 01:06:17,834 --> 01:06:23,251 But the advice I always give, when you go in, don't follow the crowd, 528 01:06:23,334 --> 01:06:27,042 because they all go up the main central escalator. 529 01:06:27,751 --> 01:06:31,417 But I always dive to the side of the store 530 01:06:31,501 --> 01:06:35,876 where I know there's another staircase and run up there to the first floor 531 01:06:35,959 --> 01:06:40,751 because I know what I want because I'd been the week before 532 01:06:40,834 --> 01:06:44,084 and I knew I wanted this, you know, particular dress. 533 01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,959 And there it was... 534 01:08:21,542 --> 01:08:27,084 You've reached 01632 960786. 535 01:08:27,167 --> 01:08:31,251 I'm not in right now, but if you leave a message I'll get straight back to you. 536 01:08:32,501 --> 01:08:34,667 Pick up the phone, it's the Police Force. 537 01:08:34,751 --> 01:08:36,542 Pick up the phone this instant. 538 01:09:00,126 --> 01:09:02,542 If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. 539 01:09:02,626 --> 01:09:03,959 Oh, thank you. 540 01:09:09,751 --> 01:09:11,917 Oh, that does look nice on you. 541 01:09:12,001 --> 01:09:14,542 Really? I might freeze to death in this. 542 01:09:14,626 --> 01:09:17,834 Think about your summer cruise along the Adriatic 543 01:09:17,917 --> 01:09:19,917 with the breeze running through that dress 544 01:09:20,001 --> 01:09:23,626 as you sip your sparkling wine with the captain on deck. 545 01:09:32,334 --> 01:09:34,876 I can't afford a cruise this summer. 546 01:09:35,667 --> 01:09:37,751 Well, if you need any help, just let me know. 547 01:09:37,834 --> 01:09:39,209 Thank you. 548 01:09:46,709 --> 01:09:48,751 All right, mate. Just that, please. 549 01:10:08,584 --> 01:10:13,084 Welcome to Amesos, dear guest. My name is Sandro. And you are? 550 01:10:13,376 --> 01:10:14,959 Uh... Reg Speaks. 551 01:10:15,042 --> 01:10:16,834 May I take your lucky order? 552 01:10:17,626 --> 01:10:19,834 Just a kebab will be fine. And chips. 553 01:10:19,917 --> 01:10:21,626 Kebab and chips, instantly. 554 01:10:21,709 --> 01:10:26,876 Uh... Sorry, no bags on the table. Is not nice. And drinks? 555 01:10:27,292 --> 01:10:27,792 Reggie! 556 01:10:32,042 --> 01:10:37,251 Down it! Down it! Down it! Down it! Down it! 557 01:10:37,334 --> 01:10:39,292 Oi, oi! 558 01:10:39,376 --> 01:10:40,542 I'm soaked! 559 01:10:40,626 --> 01:10:42,917 Never mind, Reg. Never mind. 560 01:10:43,001 --> 01:10:48,542 As your best man, I come equipped, excuse me, for every eventuality. 561 01:10:48,626 --> 01:10:52,959 You need new clothing? Look no further. 562 01:10:53,042 --> 01:10:55,042 I always knew you had a feminine side. 563 01:10:55,126 --> 01:10:58,001 What choice has he got with Babs around? 564 01:10:58,084 --> 01:11:01,501 Well, don't just look at it. I didn't just buy it for the missus, you know! 565 01:11:01,584 --> 01:11:04,501 - I can't put it on in here. - "I can't put it on in here." 566 01:11:04,584 --> 01:11:05,959 - Go on, get it on. - It won't fit me. 567 01:11:06,042 --> 01:11:08,126 It'll fit you, don't worry about that, go on. 568 01:11:08,209 --> 01:11:10,334 Yeah, come on, you big girl's blouse, get it on! 569 01:11:10,417 --> 01:11:13,376 Come on, Reg! Don't let the side down! 570 01:12:16,459 --> 01:12:18,334 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 571 01:12:18,417 --> 01:12:21,334 - Wait, where's the dummy? - Oi! Clipper! 572 01:12:27,251 --> 01:12:28,667 Speech! Speech 573 01:12:28,751 --> 01:12:33,542 Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! 574 01:12:33,626 --> 01:12:36,042 Oh, you bloody tosspot. I'll do it, all right? 575 01:12:36,126 --> 01:12:39,626 Reg here has been hanging around my house, 576 01:12:39,709 --> 01:12:44,751 or more specifically, my daughter's bedroom, since he was 17. 577 01:12:44,834 --> 01:12:47,084 Now we all love Reg, don't we? Don't we? 578 01:12:47,959 --> 01:12:51,709 I mean, he always gets a round in, good at five-a-side, 579 01:12:51,792 --> 01:12:55,792 and I gotta say, he's always good around Babs. 580 01:12:57,001 --> 01:12:58,792 And that ain't no easy task. 581 01:12:58,876 --> 01:13:00,459 You can say that again. 582 01:13:00,542 --> 01:13:03,834 But seriously, we've got a good 'un here. 583 01:13:04,751 --> 01:13:06,334 He's solid, our Reg. 584 01:13:07,876 --> 01:13:12,334 But if you ever, ever mess with my Babs, 585 01:13:12,417 --> 01:13:15,626 I'll take you straight down, make no mistake. You got that? 586 01:13:16,834 --> 01:13:18,501 Steady on, Bananas. 587 01:13:18,584 --> 01:13:22,209 No, no, it has to be said. Best to get it out of the way now. 588 01:13:22,292 --> 01:13:25,167 Now come on, son. Give us a hug! 589 01:13:25,251 --> 01:13:30,709 - No, no, no, come on, that's enough! - Reg Speaks! I salute you! 590 01:13:30,792 --> 01:13:33,376 - To Reg and Babs! - To Reg and Babs! 591 01:13:33,459 --> 01:13:35,792 And here's to your first divorce! 592 01:13:35,876 --> 01:13:37,709 Oi, oi! Less of that, all right? 593 01:14:55,626 --> 01:14:59,042 But he doesn't have to roll his eyes at every suggestion I make. 594 01:14:59,126 --> 01:15:02,251 It's always this "I know better" attitude whenever I deal with Andre. 595 01:15:02,334 --> 01:15:05,959 At this rate, I'll get Reg to DJ, assuming he recovers. 596 01:15:06,042 --> 01:15:08,334 It's a chamber of booze and methane in here. 597 01:15:08,417 --> 01:15:10,584 I'm surprised it hasn't killed the canary. 598 01:15:11,917 --> 01:15:13,251 No idea. 599 01:15:14,126 --> 01:15:17,292 He'll stuff it down him and it's always the same. He never puts on any weight. 600 01:15:17,376 --> 01:15:20,251 No idea how the jammy bastard does it. It's so unfair. 601 01:15:21,751 --> 01:15:25,084 Look, let me know if Andre is willing to be more flexible with the music 602 01:15:25,167 --> 01:15:27,709 otherwise we don't pay. Simple as that. 603 01:15:28,459 --> 01:15:30,334 Exactly. See you later. 604 01:15:41,209 --> 01:15:44,542 Oi! Stop squeezing my spots, yeah? 605 01:15:44,626 --> 01:15:46,042 Knew that would wake you. 606 01:15:46,126 --> 01:15:47,834 Just ease it on, Babs. 607 01:15:47,917 --> 01:15:49,834 Good night, then? 608 01:15:50,251 --> 01:15:53,209 Wish I had a tape of you banging on about how you weren't gonna drink. 609 01:15:53,292 --> 01:15:56,126 It's not the drink, it's just a dirty kebab. 610 01:15:56,209 --> 01:15:59,251 Yeah, right. Don't know why you hang out with that lot. 611 01:15:59,334 --> 01:16:01,042 You know what they'll get you into. 612 01:16:01,126 --> 01:16:04,376 We didn't do anything. It's just a dirty kebab. 613 01:16:04,459 --> 01:16:06,792 Dirty kebab my arse, Reg Speaks. 614 01:16:06,876 --> 01:16:09,334 All you had to do was not accept the drinks. 615 01:16:09,417 --> 01:16:11,542 I didn't want to let the side down. 616 01:16:12,542 --> 01:16:14,376 You gonna lay in bed like that all day? 617 01:16:16,417 --> 01:16:19,167 You know Andre now wants to do a soundcheck? 618 01:16:23,334 --> 01:16:25,542 What's a... What's a soundcheck? 619 01:16:25,626 --> 01:16:27,209 He wants to check all the gear. 620 01:16:27,292 --> 01:16:30,584 He says it takes three hours. It's gonna cut right through the wedding. 621 01:16:30,667 --> 01:16:32,876 It's just playing records, innit? 622 01:16:32,959 --> 01:16:34,667 Well, you speak to him, then. 623 01:16:34,751 --> 01:16:37,417 I can't deal with that weasel-mouthed diva any more. 624 01:16:37,501 --> 01:16:38,917 Every time I question something, 625 01:16:39,001 --> 01:16:41,667 he just comes back at me claiming he's a perfectionist. 626 01:16:41,751 --> 01:16:43,084 Not now, yeah? 627 01:16:45,001 --> 01:16:47,792 - What's that? - Huh? What? 628 01:16:57,459 --> 01:17:00,501 Oi! Cottrell wants to take you on. 629 01:17:00,584 --> 01:17:02,209 About what? 630 01:17:02,292 --> 01:17:04,126 You didn't invite him to the stag. 631 01:17:04,209 --> 01:17:07,459 But, I-I didn't think it was his thing. 632 01:17:08,417 --> 01:17:10,417 You try telling that to Cottrell. 633 01:17:36,334 --> 01:17:38,126 Gary said you wanted to see me. 634 01:18:02,126 --> 01:18:05,834 So how long's it gonna take to get that spare whatever you call it? 635 01:18:05,917 --> 01:18:09,376 - Probably about ten days. - Ten days? 636 01:18:10,376 --> 01:18:13,376 Well, could be sooner if I can get one of my colleagues to drop it over. 637 01:18:13,459 --> 01:18:16,209 - Too busy to do it yourself? - I'll be on my honeymoon then. 638 01:18:16,292 --> 01:18:19,459 Honeymoon? Oh. Congratulations. 639 01:18:19,542 --> 01:18:22,501 And what's the destination? Tenerife? 640 01:18:22,584 --> 01:18:25,584 Uh, Lost John's Cave. Up in Lancs. 641 01:18:26,376 --> 01:18:29,084 - The wife's got a thing about caves. - Oh. 642 01:18:29,167 --> 01:18:32,501 - Already calling her the wife? - She's called me worse. 643 01:18:32,584 --> 01:18:34,584 And what's the wife's name? 644 01:18:35,709 --> 01:18:39,834 Her name's Babs. She works at Ambrook's Razors, dispatch manager. 645 01:18:39,917 --> 01:18:42,959 Ambrook's? Yeah, my sister used to go out with a bloke from Ambrook's. 646 01:18:43,042 --> 01:18:44,292 Really nice fella, too. 647 01:18:44,376 --> 01:18:46,834 Oh, that, um... that must be Phil Keeble. 648 01:18:46,917 --> 01:18:49,292 Why? No one else nice at Ambrook's? 649 01:18:51,042 --> 01:18:52,709 What's your fiancée like? 650 01:18:53,792 --> 01:18:55,292 She's all right, yeah. 651 01:18:55,751 --> 01:18:57,251 How long have you been together? 652 01:18:57,334 --> 01:18:59,792 Fourteen, fifteen years. Something like that. 653 01:18:59,876 --> 01:19:01,626 Why get married now? 654 01:19:02,417 --> 01:19:06,167 I dunno. It's just always been Babs. 655 01:19:06,584 --> 01:19:08,334 You've never been out with anyone else? 656 01:19:08,417 --> 01:19:10,709 - No. - Never tempted? 657 01:19:12,042 --> 01:19:13,501 Not really. It's just Babs. 658 01:19:13,584 --> 01:19:16,001 You're telling me you never ever get tempted? 659 01:19:16,084 --> 01:19:19,626 You never even look at another woman walking down the street? 660 01:19:21,792 --> 01:19:24,959 I can see there's also a problem with the way the belt rides over the pump pulley. 661 01:19:25,042 --> 01:19:26,751 Small-talk time's up, then? 662 01:19:27,542 --> 01:19:29,751 I've got Mrs Beckley up the road at five. 663 01:19:30,209 --> 01:19:31,584 Really? 664 01:19:33,334 --> 01:19:35,251 What's your name, young sir? 665 01:19:36,542 --> 01:19:38,459 Uh, Reg Speaks. 666 01:19:39,417 --> 01:19:41,042 Reg Speaks. 667 01:19:42,959 --> 01:19:46,042 My ex-husband used to say he never looked at other women. 668 01:19:46,126 --> 01:19:50,084 He's probably selling the same lie to his new wife as we speak. 669 01:19:50,626 --> 01:19:53,792 What I'd give to know what goes on in the male mind. 670 01:19:55,001 --> 01:19:56,917 Any thoughts? 671 01:19:58,126 --> 01:20:01,292 It doesn't ride properly over the transmission drive. 672 01:20:01,917 --> 01:20:03,542 All that tension on the belt 673 01:20:03,626 --> 01:20:06,334 is creating havoc with the washers on the clutch shaft. 674 01:20:07,667 --> 01:20:09,917 The transmission mounting bolts have come loose, 675 01:20:10,001 --> 01:20:12,209 which might have been affecting the washer. 676 01:20:12,292 --> 01:20:15,917 The clutch assembly seems to have lost connection with the low-speed solenoid, 677 01:20:16,001 --> 01:20:19,042 but I can check the motor wiring at the transmission block. 678 01:20:19,876 --> 01:20:23,542 The agitator hub seems to be intact along with the transmission shaft, 679 01:20:24,251 --> 01:20:27,251 but the plungers are no longer fitting into the wigwags. 680 01:20:28,126 --> 01:20:30,167 If you let me have a look at the wigwag terminals, 681 01:20:30,251 --> 01:20:32,584 I can be more specific about the problem, 682 01:20:33,126 --> 01:20:34,126 but looking at it now, 683 01:20:34,209 --> 01:20:37,376 I can see the wigwag drive shaft is no longer working... 684 01:20:42,751 --> 01:20:44,751 Why did you invite Chris Dale to the wedding? 685 01:20:44,834 --> 01:20:46,001 Not now. 686 01:20:46,084 --> 01:20:48,584 In other words, yet another pointless guest of yours. 687 01:20:48,667 --> 01:20:51,376 - He taught me judo. - Yeah, when you were 17 688 01:20:51,459 --> 01:20:55,042 and even then you legged it when Roj Lines wanted your dinner money! 689 01:20:55,126 --> 01:20:58,626 Half the people on that list never bothered to invite us to their weddings. 690 01:20:58,709 --> 01:21:00,501 And you can definitely drop Greg and Tina. 691 01:21:00,584 --> 01:21:03,417 - Why? - Because they invited themselves! 692 01:21:03,501 --> 01:21:06,542 Other thing with them is that opens the door to Dave and Sarah, 693 01:21:06,626 --> 01:21:09,959 Justin and Linda, Nick and Charlie, and Adrian and Russ. 694 01:21:10,042 --> 01:21:11,084 Invite Greg and Tina 695 01:21:11,167 --> 01:21:13,959 and you automatically have to invite those jokers as well. 696 01:21:14,042 --> 01:21:15,334 Nip it in the bud. 697 01:21:16,501 --> 01:21:18,167 - Are you listening? - Yes! 698 01:22:12,292 --> 01:22:13,334 Look. 699 01:22:16,376 --> 01:22:17,417 What do you think? 700 01:22:18,959 --> 01:22:20,542 It's all right, yeah. 701 01:22:20,626 --> 01:22:22,834 Wash the stink out and it could be all right on me. 702 01:22:23,626 --> 01:22:24,751 You like me in it? 703 01:22:24,834 --> 01:22:28,459 Yeah. Maybe try it with some tights. 704 01:22:28,917 --> 01:22:29,917 Why? 705 01:22:30,959 --> 01:22:33,917 I dunno. It's a bit nippy out there. 706 01:22:34,001 --> 01:22:36,751 I've told you a million times, they make my legs itch. 707 01:22:36,834 --> 01:22:38,792 You don't need anything else with this. 708 01:22:38,876 --> 01:22:40,501 It's fine by itself, look. 709 01:22:41,292 --> 01:22:43,167 Where did Clipper get it from? 710 01:22:43,251 --> 01:22:45,251 Some shop or other, I dunno. 711 01:22:45,334 --> 01:22:47,126 It's a size 36. 712 01:22:48,626 --> 01:22:50,001 How come you fit into it? 713 01:22:50,084 --> 01:22:51,251 Yeah. 714 01:22:51,667 --> 01:22:53,334 - You listening? - I like it, yeah! 715 01:22:53,417 --> 01:22:57,542 You don't get it, do you? How comes you fit into a size 36? 716 01:23:09,209 --> 01:23:10,792 Reg! 717 01:23:13,584 --> 01:23:16,751 - Not the fleece! - It stinks! Wear the other one. 718 01:23:21,542 --> 01:23:25,334 Like a whisper in an ocean, like a feather in a storm, 719 01:23:25,417 --> 01:23:31,167 a dress of deduction finds its character in a prism of retail abstraction. 720 01:23:31,251 --> 01:23:34,084 See? It's a 38 and it's tight. 721 01:23:34,167 --> 01:23:37,084 - Get a size up, then. - So, you think it's tight? 722 01:23:38,126 --> 01:23:41,292 No, I thought that's what you just said. 723 01:23:47,584 --> 01:23:49,126 Bloody useless. 724 01:24:09,876 --> 01:24:15,917 Villainy! Now the horrid repercussions will abate your rank, madam! 725 01:24:22,167 --> 01:24:23,251 You! 726 01:24:27,792 --> 01:24:30,959 Over 45 minutes they had me on hold and then the line goes dead. 727 01:24:31,042 --> 01:24:32,626 That's my whole lunch break gone. 728 01:24:32,709 --> 01:24:34,542 You could've had your sandwiches while you were on hold. 729 01:24:34,626 --> 01:24:37,167 How am I supposed to eat if I'm all worked up like that? 730 01:24:37,251 --> 01:24:39,501 I should've never gone for that store card. 731 01:24:39,584 --> 01:24:42,126 All that bloody hassle just for a stupid free umbrella 732 01:24:42,209 --> 01:24:44,209 which you ended up losing. 733 01:24:44,292 --> 01:24:46,209 Even when I went in there to try and cancel it, 734 01:24:46,292 --> 01:24:48,459 the woman kept me waiting for 30 minutes. 735 01:24:48,542 --> 01:24:50,542 No apology, nothing. 736 01:24:51,251 --> 01:24:52,292 Reg? 737 01:24:54,417 --> 01:24:58,001 Reg? Reg, are you listening? 738 01:24:59,334 --> 01:25:00,667 Reg? 739 01:25:04,292 --> 01:25:06,709 Let me just try this on you. 740 01:25:06,792 --> 01:25:08,126 See if it fits. 741 01:25:11,542 --> 01:25:14,584 There, that'll keep you warm and cosy. 742 01:25:15,584 --> 01:25:19,876 He's very patient, isn't he? Not like most of the boys we get in here. 743 01:25:20,501 --> 01:25:22,209 What's your name, young sir? 744 01:25:22,292 --> 01:25:25,917 Reginald! Get a move on or we're going to miss the badminton. 745 01:25:28,792 --> 01:25:30,292 You need to ask Clipper where he got it from. 746 01:25:30,376 --> 01:25:32,167 Knowing him, it's some second-hand shop. 747 01:25:32,251 --> 01:25:33,751 What's that got to do with it? 748 01:25:33,834 --> 01:25:36,834 Think about it! We both got the same rash, we both wore the dress. 749 01:25:36,917 --> 01:25:39,376 You never heard of scabies? 750 01:25:39,459 --> 01:25:42,501 Reg? Reg! 751 01:25:43,417 --> 01:25:44,709 What? 752 01:25:56,042 --> 01:25:59,417 - You think we'll need a new one? - Hopefully not. Let's see, yeah? 753 01:25:59,501 --> 01:26:02,876 - What was wrong with it? - Basket drive went bananas. 754 01:26:03,501 --> 01:26:04,501 The basket drive? 755 01:26:04,584 --> 01:26:08,209 Yeah, the basket drive. Just went bananas. 756 01:26:08,292 --> 01:26:10,459 And the spin tube bearings are knackered. 757 01:26:11,084 --> 01:26:13,417 I tried to check the clutch surface for any damage 758 01:26:13,501 --> 01:26:16,876 and found that the rivets were rubbing up against the clutch pulley. 759 01:26:16,959 --> 01:26:20,084 There's also the possibility that the drain hose is kinked, 760 01:26:20,167 --> 01:26:23,959 but I can put that into writing for you after a more thorough inspection. 761 01:26:25,042 --> 01:26:27,417 The clutch plate is no longer a plate 762 01:26:27,501 --> 01:26:31,042 and the switch striker is neither switching nor striking. 763 01:26:31,126 --> 01:26:32,876 If I can get to the wigwag solenoid, 764 01:26:32,959 --> 01:26:35,792 there is a chance I can find out why the washer didn't drain. 765 01:26:36,751 --> 01:26:40,751 The blocked pump isn't helping matters and the agitator leaves me at a loss. 766 01:26:42,501 --> 01:26:46,542 I can also see that the wigwag terminals are not where they're supposed to be, 767 01:26:46,626 --> 01:26:48,001 which leads me to the conclusion 768 01:26:48,084 --> 01:26:50,334 that this washing machine is dysfunctional... 769 01:27:50,876 --> 01:27:55,167 - Oi! Cottrell's looking for you. - What now? 770 01:27:55,251 --> 01:28:00,417 One of your neighbours reported you. Just tell me you didn't do it. 771 01:28:00,501 --> 01:28:02,584 I had to, it was an emergency. 772 01:28:02,667 --> 01:28:04,584 You know the rules, Reg! 773 01:28:04,667 --> 01:28:08,126 You fix your own machine, it still has to go through the books. 774 01:28:08,209 --> 01:28:12,542 - I bought my own spare parts. - And? Who paid for your training? 775 01:28:13,792 --> 01:28:16,834 You've really let the side down, do you know that? 776 01:28:16,917 --> 01:28:20,209 Now get in there before Cottrell takes me on as well. 777 01:30:18,542 --> 01:30:20,917 I've had it with Andre. 778 01:30:21,001 --> 01:30:22,209 If he vetoes one more song, 779 01:30:22,292 --> 01:30:24,917 I'm gonna stick that turntable up his miserable backside! 780 01:30:25,001 --> 01:30:27,042 Where'd you learn to talk like that? 781 01:30:27,126 --> 01:30:30,084 Oh, it's easy for you to say. You're not the one having to deal with him. 782 01:30:30,167 --> 01:30:34,376 Every time I say no to something, he just says, "Why? Why? Why?" 783 01:30:34,459 --> 01:30:36,792 Maybe I can make a compilation tape. 784 01:30:36,876 --> 01:30:39,042 - Save us a bit of money too. - You're joking, right? 785 01:30:39,126 --> 01:30:41,501 Your record collection wouldn't even get a flea jumping. 786 01:30:41,584 --> 01:30:44,084 Ease it on, Babs. I'm only trying to help. 787 01:30:47,084 --> 01:30:48,709 What's this doing down here? 788 01:30:51,042 --> 01:30:52,792 Sorry, I didn't see that there. 789 01:30:57,751 --> 01:30:59,876 - What are you doing? They stay there. - Why? 790 01:31:03,292 --> 01:31:05,709 Now come in the kitchen you two. I've got a cheesecake for you both. 791 01:31:05,792 --> 01:31:07,292 Oh, lovely. Cheers, darling. 792 01:31:11,459 --> 01:31:12,584 You're not worried? 793 01:31:13,542 --> 01:31:15,876 - About what? - That. 794 01:31:17,334 --> 01:31:19,709 It's probably just the washing powder we use. 795 01:31:19,792 --> 01:31:22,042 - You don't think it's scabies? - No. 796 01:31:22,126 --> 01:31:23,876 - An allergy? - No. 797 01:31:25,251 --> 01:31:28,626 - Something venereal? - You tell me. 798 01:31:28,709 --> 01:31:30,917 - I haven't slept around. - Me neither. 799 01:31:32,334 --> 01:31:34,584 - Does that mean you love me, then? - Yeah. 800 01:32:05,542 --> 01:32:07,417 She's asphyxiated. 801 01:32:07,501 --> 01:32:09,417 How can a dress asphyxiate it? 802 01:32:09,501 --> 01:32:12,876 Well, how else did she die? She's barely a year old. 803 01:32:12,959 --> 01:32:16,126 - Could be carbon monoxide. - We'd be dead then. 804 01:32:16,209 --> 01:32:20,167 - Not if it's a small leak. - You're scaring me now. 805 01:32:20,251 --> 01:32:22,917 I'll come back and take a look on my lunch break. 806 01:32:23,001 --> 01:32:25,792 No way can you get home and back in an hour. 807 01:32:25,876 --> 01:32:28,209 Go off to work. I'll look at it during lunch. 808 01:32:28,876 --> 01:32:31,417 - If the flame turns orange, call me. - Yeah, yeah. 809 01:32:33,292 --> 01:32:34,459 What are you doing? 810 01:32:35,334 --> 01:32:37,042 Uh... You're going to be late. 811 01:32:38,167 --> 01:32:41,709 Go! Before Cottrell shoves a firework up your backside. 812 01:32:45,084 --> 01:32:47,876 Reg, go! I've got to do my hair. 813 01:32:53,251 --> 01:32:54,709 Thanks for coming in, Reg. 814 01:32:54,792 --> 01:32:57,042 When our neighbour heard you were coming in for a loan, 815 01:32:57,126 --> 01:32:59,917 - he wanted to pass on his greetings. - Oh, who was that? 816 01:33:00,001 --> 01:33:02,126 Mr Watlington, your physics teacher. 817 01:33:02,209 --> 01:33:03,209 Oh, right. 818 01:33:03,292 --> 01:33:06,292 He also wanted to pass on his apologies for hitting you so often. 819 01:33:06,376 --> 01:33:07,376 It's OK. 820 01:33:07,459 --> 01:33:09,501 It was a bit of a Reg Speaks evening, in fact. 821 01:33:09,584 --> 01:33:12,917 He kept telling us about you at school, 822 01:33:13,001 --> 01:33:16,251 and to tell you the truth, he was sad to hear about your finances 823 01:33:16,334 --> 01:33:18,251 when we showed him your loan application. 824 01:33:18,667 --> 01:33:20,251 Now, with that in mind, of course, 825 01:33:20,334 --> 01:33:23,334 we'd love to consider your thoughtful request. 826 01:33:23,417 --> 01:33:25,667 But given that Staverton's kicked you out, 827 01:33:25,751 --> 01:33:27,876 we're somewhat reluctant to sign it off. 828 01:33:27,959 --> 01:33:29,917 What about here? I heard there was a job going. 829 01:33:30,001 --> 01:33:31,959 Sorry, that's taken, I'm afraid. 830 01:33:32,042 --> 01:33:34,959 Though I did see a sign at Dentley and Soper's saying they were looking for someone 831 01:33:35,042 --> 01:33:37,792 in the male alliance of clothing and costume. 832 01:33:37,876 --> 01:33:39,792 No, no, but looking in the sense 833 01:33:39,876 --> 01:33:41,834 - that one of the staff has disappeared. - Oh. 834 01:33:41,917 --> 01:33:44,751 They're just trying to find him. They're not advertising a job. 835 01:33:44,834 --> 01:33:47,376 Oh, silly me. It's my mistake. 836 01:34:09,459 --> 01:34:13,334 Now, the only loan we can offer is the deferred employment package. 837 01:34:13,417 --> 01:34:14,501 DEP. 838 01:34:14,584 --> 01:34:16,584 It's what we like to call a motivational loan. 839 01:34:16,667 --> 01:34:18,542 It helps our customers get back on their feet 840 01:34:18,626 --> 01:34:20,917 and back into the job market. 841 01:34:21,001 --> 01:34:22,876 With that kind of interest rate? 842 01:34:22,959 --> 01:34:24,626 That's just advisory. 843 01:34:25,917 --> 01:34:32,084 Reg, Clive and I had someone over from Staverton's a few years back 844 01:34:32,167 --> 01:34:33,834 and we still think a lot about 845 01:34:33,917 --> 01:34:37,126 how nicely he talked us through the whole process of fixing our machine. 846 01:34:37,209 --> 01:34:40,834 And we thought seeing as we'll be having Reg Speaks in the room, 847 01:34:40,917 --> 01:34:43,209 maybe he could do something similar for us? 848 01:34:44,334 --> 01:34:46,209 It would mean a lot to us, Reg. 849 01:34:46,709 --> 01:34:48,417 But there's no machine here. 850 01:34:49,001 --> 01:34:50,792 You could pretend there's one. 851 01:34:50,876 --> 01:34:52,709 Nobody needs to know. 852 01:34:52,792 --> 01:34:54,209 But I can't just... 853 01:34:54,292 --> 01:34:58,251 Just try. Then we can look at more favourable rates for you. 854 01:34:59,626 --> 01:35:00,667 It'll be fun. 855 01:35:04,626 --> 01:35:05,792 Um... 856 01:35:09,542 --> 01:35:12,584 Plungers on old machines tend to stop retracting, 857 01:35:12,667 --> 01:35:15,126 which means a knock-on effect with the washer. 858 01:35:17,792 --> 01:35:20,709 A-Also the belt drive had come off. 859 01:35:24,042 --> 01:35:30,334 The inlet valve might have been blocked, but I can't verify that. 860 01:35:30,417 --> 01:35:32,167 It s-seems... 861 01:35:32,251 --> 01:35:35,626 It's OK. It's OK, Reg. No one's forcing you. 862 01:35:37,792 --> 01:35:40,626 If it helps. we could kick it off in a role-play scenario. 863 01:35:40,917 --> 01:35:43,834 Yeah. A lot of loan applicants find our Tudor courtroom scenario 864 01:35:43,917 --> 01:35:45,209 puts them at ease. 865 01:35:45,292 --> 01:35:47,167 Clothes still needed washing then. 866 01:35:47,251 --> 01:35:48,584 That's right. 867 01:35:52,542 --> 01:35:53,876 What's the matter, Reg? 868 01:35:53,959 --> 01:35:56,834 You spoke so clearly and nicely when you first came in. 869 01:35:56,917 --> 01:35:59,042 Oh, no, um, nothing. 870 01:35:59,126 --> 01:36:02,126 I-I'm just a bit tender these days, that's all. 871 01:36:04,001 --> 01:36:05,126 How come? 872 01:36:06,501 --> 01:36:11,834 Just a sleeping dream I had last night. It's been on my mind all day. 873 01:36:12,917 --> 01:36:14,292 Interesting. 874 01:36:14,376 --> 01:36:18,792 We're here for you Reg. Sometimes it can help to discuss these things. 875 01:36:21,542 --> 01:36:26,876 Well, Babs, my fiancée, was in labour. 876 01:36:26,959 --> 01:36:29,917 I was late, so at that point, the door was locked. 877 01:36:32,542 --> 01:36:35,417 I tried to take on her pain just to make her feel better. 878 01:36:47,084 --> 01:36:49,376 I kept screaming to show how much I cared, 879 01:36:49,459 --> 01:36:52,126 but it just seemed to annoy everyone. 880 01:36:53,792 --> 01:36:56,917 I kept knocking on the window in the hope that they'd let me in. 881 01:37:05,459 --> 01:37:09,417 The baby came out of Babs in this dress that looked exactly the same 882 01:37:09,501 --> 01:37:11,709 as the one I wore on my stag night at ZinZan's. 883 01:37:12,876 --> 01:37:16,417 I wanted to wave at my little girl, but she wasn't having it. 884 01:37:18,126 --> 01:37:20,959 She made it clear that I should sling my hook. 885 01:37:27,751 --> 01:37:30,334 - What was her name? - Babs Junior. 886 01:37:31,959 --> 01:37:32,959 Interesting. 887 01:37:33,042 --> 01:37:36,959 Reminds me of a dream Stash and I had when we put the sand dunes in the wash. 888 01:37:37,042 --> 01:37:41,459 Oh, yeah, that. Kept bypassing the spin cycle, I remember now. 889 01:37:42,084 --> 01:37:43,251 Was it an old machine? 890 01:37:43,334 --> 01:37:45,792 No, no, it was brand new. Wasn't it, Stash? 891 01:37:45,876 --> 01:37:47,626 Yeah, very strange. 892 01:37:47,709 --> 01:37:50,834 Did you check the belt if it was broken or loose? 893 01:37:50,917 --> 01:37:52,792 That could have been the problem with it. 894 01:37:52,876 --> 01:37:56,917 That's what we were wondering, but maybe it was something else. 895 01:37:57,001 --> 01:37:58,251 What do you think, Reg? 896 01:37:59,376 --> 01:38:02,667 It's probably a problem with the wigwag and its rotational pull. 897 01:38:03,376 --> 01:38:06,501 Plungers on doors sometimes don't align with the seal, 898 01:38:06,584 --> 01:38:08,751 but the lid switch is often to blame. 899 01:38:09,542 --> 01:38:12,501 The inner tub might've sustained serious dents 900 01:38:12,584 --> 01:38:15,459 resulting in the belt drive loosening or coming off, 901 01:38:16,042 --> 01:38:18,834 but that's usually a problem with older machines. 902 01:38:19,667 --> 01:38:23,501 The lid switch and its actuator, the motor coupler or door lock assembly 903 01:38:23,584 --> 01:38:27,542 are the first things to check when a new machine bypasses the spin cycle. 904 01:38:28,834 --> 01:38:32,209 The agitator drive shaft and spin tube linked to the transmission 905 01:38:32,292 --> 01:38:34,667 can come loose from the tub struts. 906 01:38:35,334 --> 01:38:37,542 If the helix doesn't release the brake 907 01:38:37,626 --> 01:38:40,501 and the belt tensioner doesn't allow slippage... 908 01:40:03,167 --> 01:40:04,209 Imagine, 909 01:40:04,292 --> 01:40:08,376 trading will cease at a premature hour on this, the twelfth day of sales. 910 01:40:08,917 --> 01:40:11,126 There lie other boutiques to your discernment. 911 01:40:11,209 --> 01:40:12,417 But I'm in the store now. 912 01:40:12,501 --> 01:40:15,876 You can't just turf me out. Customer rules and all that. 913 01:40:15,959 --> 01:40:18,584 You must conclude your perusal immediately, then. 914 01:40:18,667 --> 01:40:21,792 Excuse me? I've worked in retail. 915 01:40:21,876 --> 01:40:23,751 Once the customer steps through the door, 916 01:40:23,834 --> 01:40:27,251 you see it through to the last. That's what I had to do. 917 01:40:27,334 --> 01:40:30,834 The doors you passed through are doors in perpetual revolve 918 01:40:30,917 --> 01:40:33,167 and thus not a veritable indication 919 01:40:33,251 --> 01:40:35,792 of the time in which you thought you might have set heel 920 01:40:35,876 --> 01:40:39,792 in Dentley and Soper's Trusted Department Store, mate. 921 01:40:39,876 --> 01:40:41,334 You call those doors revolving? 922 01:40:41,417 --> 01:40:42,459 Hm-hmm. 923 01:40:42,542 --> 01:40:44,959 Listen, I'm here to choose a dress, yeah? 924 01:40:45,042 --> 01:40:48,917 Pick something up, try it on, pay for it, and then leave you in peace. 925 01:40:49,001 --> 01:40:52,209 By the time you've thought of another excuse to get me out, I'll be done, 926 01:40:52,292 --> 01:40:53,417 mate! 927 01:40:55,167 --> 01:40:59,876 This dress. So shabby, so unkempt. 928 01:40:59,959 --> 01:41:04,626 We have rules here about presentation, about hygiene, about conduct. 929 01:41:05,376 --> 01:41:07,376 A required pedigree of shopping 930 01:41:07,459 --> 01:41:10,917 is an aspiration we flowerfully seal to our hearts. 931 01:41:11,001 --> 01:41:15,042 Please, return in a different dress and we will welcome you back. 932 01:41:15,917 --> 01:41:18,959 If you let me buy a new dress, I will. 933 01:41:19,042 --> 01:41:20,167 Psst! 934 01:41:43,209 --> 01:41:48,376 I now announce you extension time. Congratulations. 935 01:41:49,292 --> 01:41:51,209 I never thought I'd say this, 936 01:41:51,292 --> 01:41:53,501 but you lot could all do with a good shag. 937 01:43:11,626 --> 01:43:15,501 Such an intimate document of finesse and joy. 938 01:43:15,584 --> 01:43:18,459 Nice to see a catalogue with ladies bigger than me for once. 939 01:43:19,209 --> 01:43:21,959 Pray tell, your measurements would be? 940 01:43:23,792 --> 01:43:26,417 - Guess. - Thirty-six. 941 01:43:27,667 --> 01:43:30,167 - Really? - Thirty-six. 942 01:43:31,334 --> 01:43:32,626 You're not just saying that? 943 01:43:32,959 --> 01:43:34,126 Thirty-six. 944 01:43:34,917 --> 01:43:39,626 Thirty-six. I had a sleeping dream I was a size thirty-six. 945 01:43:40,751 --> 01:43:43,126 And I went out with my friends to ZinZan's to celebrate, 946 01:43:43,209 --> 01:43:45,376 but it wasn't ZinZan's. 947 01:43:46,084 --> 01:43:47,417 It was here. 948 01:43:48,876 --> 01:43:50,376 That was where it was. 949 01:43:51,584 --> 01:43:55,167 It was in this room and in this catalogue. 950 01:43:55,959 --> 01:43:59,376 Every image was of me in this slip getting skinnier and skinnier, 951 01:43:59,459 --> 01:44:01,417 but the measurements written next to me 952 01:44:01,501 --> 01:44:03,042 were getting bigger and bigger. 953 01:44:03,542 --> 01:44:05,626 I rang the staff bell for assistance. 954 01:44:06,501 --> 01:44:08,959 Two ladies came to my aid and told me 955 01:44:09,042 --> 01:44:10,501 to put my head between my knees 956 01:44:10,584 --> 01:44:12,626 whilst they tried to correct the catalogue. 957 01:44:14,334 --> 01:44:17,376 36, 38. 958 01:44:20,751 --> 01:44:22,251 36, 38. 959 01:44:23,667 --> 01:44:25,209 36, 38. 960 01:44:26,626 --> 01:44:28,542 36, 38. 961 01:44:42,876 --> 01:44:45,126 36, 38. 962 01:44:49,084 --> 01:44:51,126 36, 38. 963 01:45:26,917 --> 01:45:28,417 And then they buried me. 964 01:45:29,292 --> 01:45:31,917 Here in this Trusted Department Store. 965 01:45:33,626 --> 01:45:35,042 And then they buried me. 966 01:45:39,626 --> 01:45:41,626 Your changing room is waiting for you 967 01:45:41,709 --> 01:45:46,292 and your dress to coalesce into a simple union of wonder. 968 01:46:31,292 --> 01:46:34,001 Attention, consumers. Attention, consumers. 969 01:46:34,084 --> 01:46:36,042 Your shopping will conclude now. 970 01:46:36,126 --> 01:46:39,251 Pay us for your items and return to your houses. 971 01:47:02,001 --> 01:47:03,709 Thank you very much. Goodbye. 972 01:47:03,792 --> 01:47:08,126 - Goodbye to you too, dear Audrey. - Fantastic. 973 01:47:15,084 --> 01:47:18,459 There will be this asphodel blouse and a pair of those funeral stockings. 974 01:47:18,876 --> 01:47:20,167 Instantly! 975 01:47:21,126 --> 01:47:24,292 Excuse me, I was here first. 976 01:47:24,376 --> 01:47:26,042 No, you weren't. 977 01:47:26,126 --> 01:47:29,417 Going through that tray doesn't give you the right to bypass the queue. 978 01:47:29,501 --> 01:47:31,376 You came here after me. 979 01:47:31,459 --> 01:47:34,042 No, I didn't. Now if you don't mind... 980 01:47:34,126 --> 01:47:36,584 Such fascination of marvel. 981 01:47:36,667 --> 01:47:40,334 Its touch to the skin, its contour on the body. 982 01:47:40,417 --> 01:47:43,126 I will be served first. There'll be this cinnamon bra. 983 01:47:43,209 --> 01:47:45,126 Thank you very much. 984 01:47:49,667 --> 01:47:51,001 Ladies! 985 01:47:52,334 --> 01:47:53,709 Hey! 986 01:49:53,292 --> 01:49:56,501 Blame! Blame! 987 01:50:04,501 --> 01:50:08,876 Blame! Blame! 988 01:50:17,292 --> 01:50:18,876 A dramatic affliction 989 01:50:18,959 --> 01:50:21,751 has compromised our Trusted Department Store. 990 01:50:21,834 --> 01:50:23,709 Get out graciously. 991 01:50:26,709 --> 01:50:31,292 A dramatic affliction has compromised our Trusted Department Store. 992 01:50:31,376 --> 01:50:34,876 Get out graciously. 993 01:50:37,959 --> 01:50:40,042 A dramatic affliction has compromised 994 01:50:40,126 --> 01:50:42,459 our Trusted Department Store. 995 01:50:42,542 --> 01:50:43,792 Get out graciously. 996 01:50:49,126 --> 01:50:53,584 A dramatic affliction has compromised our Trusted Department Store. 997 01:50:53,667 --> 01:50:55,667 Get out graciously. 998 01:50:59,917 --> 01:51:02,084 A dramatic affliction has compromised 999 01:51:02,167 --> 01:51:04,126 our Trusted Department Store. 1000 01:51:04,209 --> 01:51:06,334 Get out graciously. 1001 01:51:11,126 --> 01:51:13,459 A dramatic affliction has compromised 1002 01:51:13,542 --> 01:51:17,709 our Trusted Department Store. Get out graciously. 1003 01:51:21,876 --> 01:51:24,292 A dramatic affliction has compromised 1004 01:51:24,376 --> 01:51:28,417 our Trusted Department Store. Get out graciously. 1005 01:58:02,001 --> 01:58:04,001 Subtitles: BTI Studios