An accomplished bank robber and escape artist,
Willie Sutton,
was once asked by a reporter why he robbed banks.
Sutton remarked,
"Because that's where the money is."
Hey, asshole!
- And Sutton was right. - Money is in the bank.
But it's also in the wallets,
the shoeboxes, cookie jars,
and the private homes of the unencumbered.
If Sutton were alive today,
he wouldn't be robbing banks.
He'd be robbing the wealthy.
They're cavalier, entitled, and unsuspecting.
They'll hang a couple of million dollars on the wall,
and invite everyone over to get drunk.
- Potatoes with that? - No.
Hey.
Hello.
Can I, uh, put this somewhere?
- Throw it on the pile. - Thanks.
Hey, uh, do you know where the fellas are?
- By the piano. - Oh. There they are.
Hey, man. Can I, uh, get one of those?
Take this one.
Cheers.
- I understand. - Yeah.
My grandson likes this, too.
I'm teaching my grandson magic now.
My wife calls it child abuse.
Take two fingers.
Like that. Give it a little tug.
Good job. You loosened it up for me.
Now, I'll take this knot.
I want you to place it in that young gentleman's hand,
and introduce yourself. That's you, son.
Uh...
- Hi. I'm Marguerite. - I'm Russell.
Do that here. Take that.
Next, uh, left hand up, okay?
And then the knot goes in that hand, right there.
- Over the top, right? - Oh, look at you.
You're perfect. Watch this.
Open your hand.
I love this part.
I'll take those.
You're killing me. Here, you take those.
Thank you.
Is that your real name?
Yeah, of course.
- Really? - No.
So, what brings you here tonight?
Uh, you know, I just love poetry.
- What about you? - Oh.
Yeah. It's my absolute favorite thing ever.
Oh, yeah? What kinds?
I mean, epic, self-conscious,
limerick, haiku, free verse.
Slam?
That is the form at its finest.
Sure.
No, seriously, what are you... What are you doing here?
I'm, uh... I'm an art consultant.
What the fuck does that mean?
Holy shit. I can't believe that worked.
Ahh...
I'm a bit more shit-faced than planned.
Surprise, surprise!
All right. Fuck you very much, Michael.
Uh, as we all know,
Michael here has a new book of poems.
Yes.
A light smattering of applause for poetry.
Wonderful.
Everybody, if you wanna grab your beverages,
and follow me out to the pool house
where we can entice Michael to read some poems.
Please.
Hold it. Hold it a minute.
One. One poem.
Two poems from Michael.
"One." I said, "One." You heard me say "one," right?
I'm gonna get another, uh, glass of red wine.
- Do you want something? - Sure. What the hell?
I'll be outside.
All right. As negotiated,
I am going to read one poem.
I think he means two.
All right. I'll read two
if someone shuts this asshole up.
Put your hands up!
Uh-oh!
You got me.
- Bang. - Oh!
That was close.
What are you doing?
Uh... It's a rug.
Someone spilled some wine on it,
so I'm gonna take it to the cleaners.
Where are my dads?
Your dads are...
Your dads are at the pool house. Over there.
You wanna go... You wanna go and see them?
- Yes. - Okay.
How old are you? I bet you're six, right?
- I'm four. - You're four?
Wow! Now that is advanced.
Let's go see 'em.
Hey, uh...
Could you do me a favor?
- Okay. - Great. Let's go.
"What is this labor?"
That guy told me to bring you this.
Which guy?
That guy.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
For the life...
to peel.
- What's in the bag? - Huh.
You mean, "Who's in the bag?" Right?
I need the key for the one on the right.
- I got it! - Thanks.
No problem.
Thank you for making it so quickly.
Uh, I'm gonna just get down to it.
- Sure. - It's come to a point
where we can't really keep up with him.
Right. Understood.
Yeah. We have to take into consideration
the community at large. We're a small group.
And, frankly, as much as we love
having Raymond around, he's just...
a lot for us to handle, as I'm...
- ...sure you're aware. - Yeah. No.
No, no, of course. Um...
Can you give me an indication of, of his behavior,
what he's doing?
Yes, but, uh... First, here are his papers
and some of his drawings.
I think he has everything else with him.
Ah...
Excellent.
It's the prostitutes.
I'm sorry?
Well, he's bribing the security guards,
stockpiling lithium, Adderall, and Xylo-Pfan,
and trading that to prostitutes who give him barbiturates.
Yeah. They're... They're prostitutes?
We're a municipal volunteer halfway house.
We do what we can, but...
we're in the middle of the city.
Yeah, of course.
I'm really sorry.
He's a lovely guy to have around,
but with these fragile people, it's just...
- It's too dangerous. - Mm-hm.
I have a feeling your brother will be just fine.
You wanna hear a joke?
Why the fuck not?
Okay.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
That's awful.
This is my stop.
All right, man. You take care.
Yep. You too.
Hey.
Do you wanna eat something?
Yeah.
You heard about Dad?
Yeah.
We should probably have a funeral.
It sucks.
Well, how about, um...
a moment of silence?
- Sure. - Sound nice?
Mm-hm.
How many more moments do you wanna do?
What's the matter with you, man?
Nothing. You just had a moment.
That was a moment of silence here.
I'm trying to say goodbye to my father.
Okay.
Is something going on with you?
- No. - You mad at me?
- No. - You worried about me?
You don't have to be worried about me.
- I'm not worried. - I can take care of myself,
- well don't. - I... I'm not worried about you.
You know what? I'm gonna do something for you.
- Yeah. What? - I want you to listen to me.
All right?
- Oh, god! - Just hear me out on this stuff.
Oh. All right.
Diazepam. Right?
Any of the benzos.
Mm-hm.
These are very helpful if you need
just a little bit of relief. All right?
So...
All right. Then you got your dextroamphetamines.
Now, this is the stuff they gave the super soldiers in Vietnam.
All right? This is a very practical, 48-hour solution
for the situations that, you know,
require a little bit more attention.
- Okay? - Sounds perfect.
- Think about it. - Okay.
- I'll think about it. - That's... You can only, that...
That, you can just get by with just a half.
I'll think about it.
Did you steal the orphans' collection can off the counter?
Oh, yeah. Maybe.
- Eagle eyes. - Mm-hm.
You want me to, uh...
Yeah. That'd probably be best, right?
Hi. Uh, sir,
I just, uh...
managed to, uh,
apprehend the charity tin from that, uh... corner.
The table there of the... the punk rockers.
You might wanna check the kitty. That feels...
I don't know. A little bit light to me.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, son.
I mean, well, well, well.
You gotta jiggle the handle.
Excuse me! I mean...
Anyway, this is you.
Well, it's not much, but it should do for now. Okay?
You got a list of the local amenities, man?
Maybe a... a map of the area.
My wife and I were just thinking about taking a quick tour.
This is temporary. All right?
We're gonna find you something better, but, you know...
Sure.
You can't stay here.
I'm seeing someone, and...
she comes here from time to time.
Oh, from time to time? You're not seeing anybody.
What?
You're not seeing anybody.
Uh, yes, I am.
No, you're not.
Actually, yes, I am.
Actually, you just said "actually"
while closing your eyes. That's a tell.
Also, there's not tampons or extra toothbrush
in the bathroom. You know what, I think...
I'm gonna go. I want to get out of your hair.
No, no, don't do that. Don't do that.
- Don't do that, Ray. - Hey, I'm kidding.
Where else am I gonna go?
Look, I'm, I'm grateful for even one night here.
Thank you.
Put it in the vise.
- Uh... - Put it in the vise.
Okay. Good.
Come here.
Okay. Okay. We're good, man.
- Yeah. - Okay. Okeydokey.
Okay. That's enough.
All right. Yeah.
No prostitutes.
I like that.
All right, that's it.
We gotta wrap it up for the day. That's it.
Can I help you?
Yeah. Uh, I'm meeting someone.
Do you have a reservation?
Hmm... Namath.
Oh, it looks like you're the first to arrive.
You can have a seat at the bar, and I'll get you set up.
- Ivan. - Mm.
Glass of red wine.
Any particular type?
Yeah, in a glass.
Red. Down there.
- Got it. - Thanks.
Come.
So, uh, you got the money, yeah?
Yeah. I gave it to one of your guys.
Great.
So, what are we, uh... What are we doing here?
I wanted to talk.
Oh, yeah?
About, uh...
About what exactly?
Well, uh...
by my count, we're close.
Yeah, we're close.
Absolutely. I mean, I have to check a little more carefully.
Your father was into me for quite a bit.
He used to sit right up there at that bar, your old man,
every day with his rice pudding
and the Daily Racing Form.
Never missed a day.
You never got the bug for that?
It's not for me, but look.
Uh, I think I have two more.
Two more, then I'm done. Then I'm out.
Alright take it easy. I'll take your word for it, okay?
- Take it easy. - We talked about this.
No, no. You talked about this.
You talked about it, Ivan.
So, your little shoebox is full now? That's adorable.
Let me explain something to you
that your father explained to me.
You have to make hay
while the sun shines.
You understand what that means?
Yeah. How'd that work out for him?
It's a game of discipline.
There are certain forms that have to be observed.
Of course, you get that.
Hmm.
One little heart attack years ago,
I have to take these fucking horse pills
the whole rest of my life.
Excuse me.
Oh.
You look like shit.
No, I'm okay. I'm just not sleeping.
Stop smoking.
Best thing I ever did.
Yeah, I tried that. I quit two years ago.
So, start smoking. Fuck do I know?
Look, I got a busy day ahead of me, okay?
I promise you,
I'm gonna check into your dad's ticket, all right?
There's something you need to understand, Ivan.
I trust you.
That's what this is based on. I love you. I mean,
you're like a son to me.
That's why it's so important to me that you succeed.
Yeah, and I, and I get that,
and I appreciate everything you've done for me,
but I'm not gonna do this forever. I need a number.
You're gonna get a fucking number, okay.
Keep your pants on, all right?
It's rather complicated.
There's things involved you don't understand.
I have to work in your father's vig, all right?
All right? Off you go.
What?
Nothing.
Hi.
- How you doing? - Can I help you?
Just meeting a friend for lunch.
Name for the reservation?
Namath.
Okay.
- Can I help you with that? - No.
Thank you.
Follow me.
Yeah, last week, it was a little bit nuts...
I'll back that up for you.
Last spot on the left.
Hey, man.
I just dropped someone off. Can I use your bathroom?
The bathroom for the help is over here.
Great, thanks.
Whoa!
You're following me.
Yeah, of course.
You've, uh, changed something though.
Can't figure it out.
What are you doing here?
Uh, it is a big, big charity event.
What charity is that?
Oh, it's the one, you know,
everyone's talking about. It's uh...
They're helping out with all sorts of stuff. You know?
Kids...
water, literacy,
- dolphins. - Mmm. Dolphins.
Yeah. No, I...
- I love that charity. Of course. - Right.
I, um, actually have a favor to ask you,
but I have to pee, so...
- just wait. - Mm-hm.
Can you hear me peeing?
Yep.
Mm. Gross. Get farther away.
Hm.
- Thanks. - Sure.
So, um, I came here, obviously, for charity.
- Obviously. - Thank you.
And, um, because this, uh,
Italian producer guy is making this thing I want a part in.
But, um, he's just sort of hitting on me.
- Oh! - Yeah.
So I, I told him that my boyfriend was coming.
Okay.
What's the part?
It's, um, too embarrassing to talk about.
Come on. It's gonna be a lot easier for me
to be your fake boyfriend
if I knew something about the part.
Okay. Well, it's an Italian horror film,
and I play a witch bride.
Doesn't sound so bad.
I'm naked for three-fourths of the movie.
Ah! A genre picture.
Mm-hm.
Will you, um...
be my fake boyfriend or not?
Sure.
Let's see if we can spot him, eh?
- Okay. - Hm.
Is, uh...
that him, six o'clock?
- How'd you do that? - I don't know.
Just seems like him.
Yeah, but there are a lot of candidates here.
Only three Italian ones.
That guy, and he's not a creep.
He's almost dead.
And that guy through there, and that seems pretty obvious.
What about that guy?
- That guy's Jewish. - How do you know that?
Okay. That's very impressive.
- Bingo! - Hmm.
Here comes your boy.
Okay. He thinks I'm half-Italian.
- You speak Italian? - Sure. Not really.
- Ah, Giovanni! - Bella!
Tutto bene, Giovanni.
- Bellissimo. - Buonosera. Ivan.
- Ah, parli Italiano? - Un pochissimo.
- Ah! - Is that right?
Ah, Giovanni and I were talking earlier
about how beautiful Paul's house is.
It is gorgeous. Yeah.
Very beautiful.
Uh, how come you, uh, know Paul?
I know Paul through Marguerite who...
- Uh, Elyse. Through me. Elyse. - Ah.
Uh, and I introduced you to Paul at a party in New York.
- Yeah, that party in New York. - Yeah.
- Mm-hm. - I remember it very well, yes.
- Mm-hm. - Oh, Paul. Lovely guy.
- He's kind of... - Super tall.
- Really tall. - Altissimo.
Paul. Altissimo. Sì, sì.
Paul, grande, eh?
- Yeah. - Mm-hm.
Yeah. Eh, so, uh, friends of friends. Mm.
- Yeah. - Sì.
Now, um...
The artwork...
- So-so. - Hm.
Hm, that's a Modigliani.
Ah!
Is he here?
Uh, I think he's dead.
Oh, good!
Um... Well, I, uh, leave you alone, eh? Huh?
Salute, salute.
- Ciao. - Ciao.
- Grazie. - My pleasure.
- Thank you so much. - Giovanni.
Oh, these hands, eh? Mine disappear.
A big sailor, right?
- Thank you. - Thanks.
I like the look of that room. You want to check it out?
Sure.
You, uh, you want a game?
- Yeah. - How about, uh...
Hundred bucks?
How about a thousand?
A thousand?
Why not?
You're not really good, are you?
Eh.
You're full of shit.
Maybe.
Six hundred. That's all I got.
Uh, can you loosen this?
Sure.
Thanks.
Is that famous?
Yeah. That's Philip Guston.
Mid-'40s, I think.
Originally, he was an abstract painter,
and then became more figurative.
More political.
Hated Nixon.
Is it, um...
worth anything?
I don't know.
So why are you making Italian horror movies?
You, um, you know who Aton Eisenstat is?
- I do not. - He's a Hollywood producer.
He's about as big as they get.
Remember how they used to say, uh...
"You'll never work in this town again, kid"?
Sure.
Well, he says it, and he means it.
I met him at an award show party.
He was funny.
I had been in two or three movies.
And I was on some list called "Actresses to Watch."
I was a bit drunk, and...
he told me we were going to an after-party at his house.
I was young, and I just...
I didn't know better.
There was no after-party.
I, um, I hid in the bathroom while he banged on the door,
and then, as soon as I heard him on the phone,
I bounced.
Side pocket.
Well.
I think...
I just got hustled.
Maybe, or I, um, I got lucky.
Maybe.
Can you, um...
Sure.
How do I look?
Ah, there you are, Bella.
I look for you everywhere.
Big house.
Thank you, sweetie. I'll see you in there.
Indeed, sweetheart.
You kids have a great time.
I want to introduce you to my rich friend...
Ah, sì. Grazie.
Que bello.
- Ivano. - Hm?
Ah, un amico, vuoi un cocktail, vino, champagne?
- Okay. - Aspettiamo.
Ciao.
Oh, Jonka!
- Hey. - Hey. Come on.
- Gentlemen. - Ivan!
- Come on in. - Jesus.
I don't wanna hear any of this.
I'm trying to run a real estate business here.
We are trying to run a business.
There wouldn't be any business without me.
The clowns don't run the circus.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
You know what it means.
- Shut up! - You shut up!
Philip Guston.
- Beautiful! - Mm-hm.
Looks like a kid did it.
My brother is a dilettante.
You and me, we understand.
"You and I."
How much do you think it's worth?
Hmm... It's hard to say.
I think at an auction house, up to five.
But privately, between one and two.
What did we say your end was? We said 30K, right?
We said 50.
Nah, I'm just fuckin' with ya.
Believe me, you're gonna get all your money.
Pay attention. I have something else for you.
Another job, kind of special.
This is the self-portrait of Adolf Hitler.
First thing he ever did.
Who's the client?
Benny Green, Power Jew.
I guess he wants to burn it or something.
Ah, I get it. Who owns it?
This guy, John Wolfe.
He lives deep in the Sierras up by Mammoth.
This guy made...
wheelbarrows full of money in textiles,
and then he wound up buying half of Manhattan.
He owns a very considerable collection
of Nazi war memorabilia.
Now as you or may not know,
Hitler fancied himself an artist.
He applied to the Institute. He got rejected.
And I think we know the end of that story.
Mm-hm.
So where does he keep it?
On his property.
Uh-huh. What's the security like?
Well, that's the thing.
What's the thing?
The thing is, there really is no security.
I mean, there's no alarm, there's no surveillance.
It's just him...
living alone with these two dogs.
He keeps the Nazi stuff in this kind of a war room
because he holds a lot of media mogul shit up there.
And the whole thing would be, uh...
for want of a better word, sort of verboten, you know?
- Oh, yeah? - Now listen.
This one is big.
I mean, big.
You bring the Hitler to me,
you do one more little job, a candy from a baby thing,
and that's it.
You and me are done.
Actually done?
Like totally and completely done.
All right. Uh...
What's... What's my cut?
500K.
This guy is an absolute nut.
He will do anything to get this piece.
$500,000. I'm in and then I'm out. We're done.
Well, there is something you should know.
Okay, what?
Back when he was in Nam,
Wolfe liked to sleep in the nude.
So, one night, Charlie rolls a bunch of grenades
into this DMZ camp...
Wolfe grabs two Browning nine millimeters
He slips out of his tent.
He executes 11 VC personally.
Thirteen bullets in each clip. That's 26 bullets.
Eleven dead. Two shots a piece.
One to the chest, one to the head.
He only misfired four bullets.
All in the dead of night. Totally in the nude.
This guy's got Purple Hearts.
He's got Silver Stars. Everything.
You love that part about him being nude.
Fuck you. It was in Time magazine.
How's the blood pressure?
How does it look?
Like you swallowed a grenade.
I haven't done any blow in over a year.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
Hello.
Yeah. I know, I know.
Okay. I gotta hit the head before I go.
- Hold on one second. - Wait! No...
That one is...
- ...out of commission. - No, no, it's fine.
It's okay. He could use that once.
Okay.
Jesus.
I had a little bloody nose back in there before.
Sorry about that.
Yeah, I saw that.
Come home and see the old man?
Yeah. That's right.
Long time ago.
Andrew Wyeth, 1950.
First job your father ever did for me, actually.
I put it up in his honor.
Something tells me you think you should own it.
No, I didn't say that.
You didn't have to.
You've got that vindictive, moralistic look on your face.
I feel it.
You know what?
I'm sorry about your father. Truly.
But that's spilled milk already.
No use in crying over it now, right?
Eric.
We really should get to work.
Sure.
Michael!
What the fuck?
Michael, get the fuck down here right now!
So, this here's the original, huh?
Yes.
How long before you knew it was missing?
Yesterday.
I see.
I'm sorry. Um...
Do you think you're gonna be able to find this?
I doubt it.
I mean, it'll resurface somewhere.
Gray market, usually.
There's a two percent recovery rate for high-profile pieces.
Oh, well, that's encouraging.
Yeah. It's basically shaking parts
outta sheets at this point.
We'd have an easier time finding the tooth fairy.
Hey, look, I know you spoke to the LAPD,
but I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Anybody at this party we don't know?
Say, uh...
caterers, valet, uh, staff?
I mean, these things are usually inside baseball.
No. No, we knew everyone.
It was all of our regulars.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Who's the guy who can fix the rug?
What's that now, dear?
Who's the guy who took the rug?
He told me to bring a drink to that lady.
Mr. Brooks,
do you suppose you could provide me with a guest list?
Thanks.
Oh! Burning the midnight oil?
- It's seven o'clock. - Yeah. No shit it is.
Kings tickets. On the glass. And I'm late.
Suck it!
Jive-ass motherfucker.
Bingo.
Motherfucker.
Hello?
Hi.
It's Elyse.
Uh, hey.
Uh...
Can I come up?
Uh, of course. Yeah, uh, yup.
Fuck. Shit.
Yeah, I'm buzzing you.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Hi. - Hi.
I, um, I scratched on that eight ball.
Ah. You did.
I thought we could talk about it.
Sure, we can talk about it. Yeah, um, how did you...
- How did you find me? - Oh, um...
I, uh, looked in your wallet that night.
Oh, okay, nice. Shit, um...
Rematch? Down the street, great bar, great table.
- Sure, yeah. - Great. Okay.
- Okay. - Just give me one second.
Stay right there.
Like in the hallway? Don't...
- Mm-hm. - Okay.
- Yeah. - That's... okay.
- Mm. - Ready to go?
- Yeah. - Okay.
So,
something I was thinking about this, uh, Aton guy,
you know, the dickhead producer.
Yup.
I don't get it. I mean, he's blackmailing you
because you turned him down?
Am I missing something?
Well, I may have left out the epilogue.
I, um, I did something dumb.
Probably out of shame or spite.
I stole the sweetest little necklace
off of Mrs. Eisenstadt's vanity.
Hmm.
Yeah. I also did something else.
I don't think married women
like finding other girls' panties in their hamper.
Anyway, um, it turned out to be one of those award show loaners.
It was worth 250,000.
Problem was I sold it to a Serbian named Milos
for $50,000.
Two weeks later, Aton calls me
and says I'd stolen from the wrong guy
and I owe him $250,000.
And when I said, "Or what?" he said,
"You'll never work in this town again, kid."
The next thing you know, your manager has dropped you,
your agent won't call you back, and...
you're stripping in Palmdale.
- Where's Palmdale? - Exactly.
It's off the 14.
Oh.
So, can you buy your way out?
That's what I've been trying to do.
One Italian horror movie at a time.
I, um, I still owe him $200,000,
or as he likes to say, "400 million Lira."
You, um, you don't happen to have that
lying around, do you?
Not in Lira, no.
That was a good game. You win fair and square.
No, no. Keep it. We're even.
- Hm. - Um,
there is one thing, though, and you know, hear me out.
This may sound a little crazy, but...
would you be interested in helping me out, uh...
you know, returning the fake boyfriend favor?
- How so? - Well,
you're an actress, right?
- Sure. - Well,
would you be interested in becoming a potential home buyer
in the greater Costa Mesa area?
Absolutely not,
but it sounds like that's the part.
Yeah, that's the part.
I feel like there's something you're not telling me.
Maybe.
What's, um, in the house?
Now, I gotta figure out
if there's something in there or not.
Hm.
When?
Next weekend.
And, um, how should I dress?
Well, you should dress like
someone who wants to buy a house in Costa Mesa, I guess.
That's helpful. Good game.
I'll see you then.
Mm-hm.
Bye.
I'm just gonna hang here.
You know,
chill.
You wanna hear a funny story?
Have a peek at that.
What is this?
That's the Larchmont Charter.
That's the best. You gotta read your local paper, Ivan.
North of the crease, east of the fold.
A 40-year-old fella found dead in the L.A. River.
No history of drugs. No priors. Beaten, tortured.
Shot in the head. No survivors.
Skip to the last paragraph. Went to Cal Arts.
Worked at the museums.
Do you know him?
No.
- Never seen him before. - Huh.
Anyway, uh, I gotta finish this and then get back to work.
You gotta punch the clock, huh?
Yup.
Back to the salt mines.
Nose to the stones. Is that right?
Exactly. What the fuck are you asking me, Ray?
I don't know, man. I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, I haven't been around, but this seems to me
like maybe you're trying to clean up one of Dad's messes.
Yeah? Well, I think that's the way it works.
Got it. Well...
read your local paper.
Keep your head on a swivel.
And here.
- Look what I dug up. - What the fuck is that?
Dad's gun.
Why the fuck have you got Dad's gun?
I don't want that.
Well, now, see,
I do, but I don't think
I'm the one that really needs it.
You know how to use that?
Manual's in the box.
How's your German? Mine's a bit rusty.
I think it goes the other way.
Oh, by the way, there's a fella in a Crown Vic
on the corner there.
He's been there all morning.
Probably nothin'.
- Big blind? - Sure.
How much behind?
- 500. - Chips, 500.
Thank you.
Continue, five.
To your right.
Call.
Uh, raise. Make it 110.
- Raise 100? - All in.
The lady is all in.
I'll fold.
Looks like it's up to you, sir.
I'm laying the deal.
He calls.
Run 'em.
Good luck, everybody.
Set of kings wins.
Sorry.
Can I get one of those?
Good luck. Bad beat.
- That's what I'm talkin' about. - That's what I'm talkin' about.
Hey, little lady. You watchin' or you playin'?
Well, I don't know. What should I do?
I think you oughta play.
Why don't you come over here and let Big Daddy show you
- how to do this, all right? - All right.
- Now, you blow on them dice. - Oh, okay.
- That's it. All right. - Uh-huh.
Gimme a yo, Adrian.
Here we go. Comin' out now. Comin' out.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!
No, whoa, whoa, where you going? You're my good luck.
Oh. You don't need good luck.
You know I don't. Gimme a drink over here.
Come on now.
All right. Comin' out again. Hot potatoes!
- Hey, Janice. - Hey.
I'd use the north exit.
Really?
Yeah. The front's crawling with security.
All right. Thank you.
How are you?
Every day is better than the last.
Hmm.
I feel the exact same way.
All right, girl. Good luck.
You too.
Your money is in there.
That parking's reserved for executives.
They'll tell you.
Great dress.
Bet it looked better last night.
Yo, you got 'em?
Gentlemen.
How'd it go?
Well, I'm alive.
So, where is Hitler? You're walking with both arms swinging.
Yeah. That's, uh...
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
I don't like the sound of this.
There's a... complication.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the FBI. They're on to me.
One agent in particular.
No! No, no, no! Goddamn it, no!
This is not the way this goes.
Did you talk to this guy?
No, of course, I didn't talk to him.
So, how do you know for sure that he's FBI?
Because he has a government license plate,
and he doesn't exactly look like a census worker.
Jesus!
Jesus fucking Christ. What is this?
This is me.
And I am telling you
that you are gonna come clean, 100%, right fucking now.
Okay.
I didn't talk to him. I would never do that.
Why are you pointing a gun in my face?
You are making me point this gun in your face.
Aren't you forgetting something, Dimitri?
- Where is Hitler? - I have him.
Why didn't you bring him? Why isn't he here?
For insurance.
You do realize you're kind of out of your depth here, right?
Yeah, I'm becoming more aware of that.
Listen to me.
There was never gonna be any kind of shooting at all.
This was me, testing you.
- Believe me, it's all fine. - Okay.
It's fine.
It... It's... It's for the splatter.
There was never gonna be any fucking splatter.
Okay, I'm getting outta here.
Wait! Wait!
What is this?
That is your last hurrah.
I've made you a shitload of money.
I'm letting you out the back door,
which is something I do not do.
Get me that sculpture that's being fenced
in that safe house.
You bring me Hitler, and that's it. That's it.
We call it a day.
It's The Nose by Giacometti. You know it?
Never heard of it. No.
Well, it's a big deal.
Great.
Ivan.
Take care.
Hey, man.
How's the hash?
That shit was good.
But you should know. It's your joint.
Seems like you wanna talk.
I didn't think you'd spot me with this disguise.
Lyman Wilkers, FBI.
No need to introduce yourself, Mr. Warding.
- I've taken the liberty. - Mm-hm.
Why are you following me?
I'm not following you.
I'm watching you. There's a big difference.
If I was following you, I'd need taps, surveillance,
signatures from judges.
Well, it kinda seems like you're following me.
- I'll have a coffee. - You got it.
Look, you're better at this than me,
so I'll just come clean.
You mind if I come clean?
Please do.
It's not hard to find you.
You get ten dipshits on the Internet,
and you can find the 50 or 60 guys
who install art for a living around here.
Let's see here.
Worked for two private install firms, uh,
Cooper-Beasley and Montrose Partners,
a couple of museums after art school.
And you wanna know the truth?
It was an eyewitness.
There is nothin' like an eyewitness.
Even if it's just a kid.
It's not a bad likeness, if you ask me.
They got a little fat in the cheeks, but, uh,
I think that's the sketch artist's fault.
Not hers.
Yeah, probably.
What are you asking me?
I've been a field agent for 17 years, and...
I've hit what they call the black ceiling.
I think it's time for a change. Maybe...
something inside with a less municipal car,
and, um...
Fuck it, I'm just gonna say it.
No more petty shakedowns with shitheaps like yourself.
In the past three years, you and your pals have taken down
over $75 million
in gray market art.
Here's the thing.
I don't care if you think you got this
tighter than a nun's cunt,
- you gonna slip up. - Mm-hm.
It might not be you. It might be a...
unstable girlfriend,
or a bipolar brother.
But there's always a crack.
Did I mention I've been doin' this for 17 years?
Yeah. You did.
That's twice, and as far as I can tell,
you have my resumé
and the testimony of a four-year-old girl.
Oh, Ivan.
I don't seem to remember telling you she was four.
Just a good guess, I suppose.
What do you want from me?
Let's get one thing straight.
You're useless.
I don't care about you.
You mean nothin' to me.
Unless...
and that's with a capital U,
you can deliver me the man with the plan.
'Cause if not,
it's gonna be my foot in your ass.
Hmmm.
You still got a fax machine?
Fuck you.
Well, like I said, great kitchen.
Great for cooking meals.
And the house, I mean,
unlike a lot of the homes in Costa Mesa,
- hasn't been touched in years. - Mm.
So, a lot of potential.
I see it. It's beautiful.
Ooh.
We lost your boyfriend.
Um, he'll resurface. He always does.
- Oh, okay. - I love your shoes, by the way.
- Oh, my god, thank you. - They're beautiful.
Nordstrom Rack.
- No. - Yes!
So, anyway, real opportunity to do something special here.
Mm-hm.
My boyfriend is impossible. I don't know where he is.
- I'm so sorry. - I heard that.
- Oh, hello. - Hey.
Well, if it was up to me, I'd be calling the movers,
but you know men. He's gonna hem and haw for two or three weeks.
Right?
- It's true. - Yeah.
- Thank you so much, Melanie. - Oh.
Thank you, Candace.
Great to meet you. Thank you.
- It was a pleasure, Terry. - Uh-huh.
You're such a cute couple.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
All right. Have a good day.
- Thanks. Take care. - We'll be in touch.
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
Did you find anything?
Well, I'm definitely getting set up.
Is that good?
Well, it's good to know.
Did you like the house?
I didn't love it. You?
No, I thought it was smelly.
Yeah. It was probably the carpet.
Yeah. I mean, definitely the carpet.
- Right? - Yeah.
So, um, I've been meaning to ask you.
What, um... What happened to that painting?
Uh, which painting?
Guston, the abstract painter that got political.
Simple palate. Hated Nixon.
- Sense of humor. - Hm.
Yeah, that was in the news...
- Hmm. - ...Ivan.
And when I asked you about how much it was worth,
you said you didn't know, so, you're a liar.
No, that's not technically a lie.
What happened to it?
You should only ask questions you want answers for.
They're gonna kill me.
Who's gonna kill you, the homeowner?
No, no. Not the homeowner. She's a museum trustee.
She's sweet. She's old. No. The Greek.
I work for him. He's gonna kill me.
- The Greek? - Yeah.
Jesus, what is this, Port Charles?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, it's complicated, but, uh, I think...
I think I'm gonna kill him first.
Well, holy fucking shit. That's complicated.
Yeah. It's a little complex. Too much?
Um, uh, sort of.
Yeah, I just...
What choice do I have, you know?
Ugh, what are the options?
My options are die or not die.
Okay. Die or not die, huh.
All right. Well, I want in.
What are you talking about?
- I want in. - You want in for what?
- Well, I don't want you to die. - Well, that's very sweet of you.
Come on. You could use my help.
No, I'm... I'm good, I think.
Okay. You're being an asshole.
You, you could use my help.
What the fuck makes you think I want your help?
I'm not asking for it, so I don't want it.
No, no, of course.
Fuck you!
Fuck!
You know what... Fuck!
Wait, wait, wait!
Just wait. Wait, wait. Wait, please.
I'm sorry.
Say it again.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
And I am actually sorry. I'm really sorry.
You said enough.
Yeah.
What if I said I do need your help?
I mean, I'd say you were right.
And you should say it.
I need you.
Well, you're right.
That's better.
I, um, I do need a cut.
- There it is! - I mean, you knew it was coming.
Yeah.
- Yeah, I guess I kinda did. - Hmm.
- Uh, hello. - Hm.
Ah.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Ray Warding. - Sorry to interrupt.
- Elyse. - Not at all.
- Pleasure to meet you, Elyse. - Nice to meet you.
- Raymond. - Morning.
You're here. That's great.
- Indeed, I am. - You met Elyse, Ray?
- Yeah, we just met. - Mm.
Yeah. Um, hi, Raymond.
My parole officer calls me Raymond.
You please call me Ray.
Ray. You know, I'm... I'm gonna go get dressed.
No, no, no. Stay here.
I'm gonna get outta your hair because I am on my way to work.
Elyse.
Nice to meet you.
- Enchanté. - All right.
- You good? - I'm good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
All right.
Ciao ciao.
- Bye. - Ciao.
Sorry.
That's my brother. I thought he'd be gone by now.
Hmmm. He's, um, he's off to work.
Mm.
Well, probably going to a bar for the next 11 hours
to bet on horses and then get shitfaced.
- Huh. - He's staying with me
for a while until he gets back on his feet.
What, uh, what took him off his feet?
Hmm,
bipolar disorder,
class three narcotics, William Gibson novels.
That, and my mother left when he was six,
and the old man died in prison. So...
Ah, that's rough.
- I get it. - Yeah.
Family. Yay!
Hmm.
I, um, I have to feed my cat.
- You got a cat? - Yup.
Didn't figure you for a cat lady.
Just because I have a cat doesn't make me a cat lady.
Well, that is true.
- What's it called? - Cat Stevens.
You got a cat called Cat Stevens?
Yep.
You're gonna have to change his name.
Hm, what, when it converts to Islam?
You know, uh,
I could just take it all back.
I don't think you can put toothpaste back in the tube.
You know, I may have said a...
teensy little bit too much last night,
but honestly,
- this isn't your problem. - Hmm.
This wasn't my problem, and now it is.
I'm gonna go get dressed.
Yeah. Hi. This is Ray. It's your brother. Uh...
We had an unexpected guest. Scary-looking guy.
I got some ideas.
- This is part one? - Mm-hm. This is part one.
I've just got to get the phone.
You're not gonna tell me part two?
Nope. Not yet.
Well, okay. Fuck it.
Now listen. This is your shit.
I ain't gonna hang Kool-Aid in there and save your ass.
I know.
Uh, you gonna let me out?
Oh, this door is broken.
You gotta work the handle.
Pull it up.
- Up? Pull this thing up here? - Mm-hm.
- All right. - Work it.
- There you go. - Great.
Damn.
There's some ol' country-ass shit here.
He like he tryin' to set up for an inquisition.
Mm-hm.
He's our meal ticket, though.
Look, he say he's in there
tryin' to steal this guy's phone.
Watch his ass. I don't trust him.
He's a goddamn thief.
All right. You think you can get him to Laguna?
How do I know who he is?
Well, he's the biggest creep in the bar.
- Don't fuck me on this. - I won't.
I promise. I'll be there.
Agh!
Fucking heel is broken.
Excuse my French, but I just fucking got these shoes,
and they're broken.
Who's the manufacturer?
You say that like you're gonna take a hit out on them.
Possible.
I believe you.
You, um...
You think I can go barefoot in here?
Well, you look like you could do pretty much whatever you want.
Can I, um, see what red wines you have by the glass?
You know what, maybe you'd like to try this one.
I've got more than I can handle here.
You look like you can handle plenty, but, um,
sure, I'll, uh, I'll try it. What kind is it?
It's an Italian red. I don't really...
know too much about wines.
David, fetch her a glass, would you please?
Of course.
I think you might enjoy it.
- Thank you. - My pleasure.
I'm Karen.
Dimitri.
Anyone ever tell you you look like a...
movie star?
Um, well, my mother used to say I looked like Audrey Hepburn
if, um, Audrey Hepburn was a bitch.
I think your mom and my dad would get along.
Hmm.
Mm.
It's really good.
From Corsica, apparently.
I just order the expensive ones that he recommends.
I don't really know too much about them.
They all kind of taste like Robitussin to me.
It's supposed to be good for you. I don't know.
Well, if you say so.
- What do you do? - Mm.
I'm an art consultant.
What does that mean?
You know, I... I help people with their collections.
I mean, for example, I hook up buyers with rare pieces.
Stuff like that.
How about you? What do you do?
Well, I am an actress, um, but...
please don't ask me if you've seen me in anything.
That's what everybody asks?
Oh, yeah. I, um...
I just tell them I was in Forrest Gump. It's easier.
Were you?
So, um, you're just eating at the bar alone?
- Not anymore. - Hmm.
What about you?
Oh, uh, I was going to meet some producer
about a movie, but he's...
an hour late, so...
He wants to put you in a picture?
Oh, and I think he wants to put me in his pants.
- I understand. - Mm-hm.
Excuse me just one second.
No, of course not. That's fine.
Yeah, you too.
Piece of shit.
You all right?
- What happened? - Well...
I mean, with the producer.
He stood me up.
Such a prick. He sends a car for me in Laguna Beach,
and then he doesn't show.
I'm so sick of this shit.
Beautiful.
What's, um... What's that?
Nothing. It's, uh, just a deal that went through.
Good for you.
Do you wanna go for a ride in my limousine?
Yeah.
Sure. Sure, I do.
You have other plans?
No, I don't have any other plans.
Well, what are you laughing at then?
Well, I mean, you were in fucking Forrest Gump.
You're flirting.
So...
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Will you...
go for a ride in my...
chauffeured limousine?
Yeah. That'll be fine.
Not just fine.
Yes.
Fuck, yes.
Where we going, beautiful?
I'm housesitting for these rich people in Laguna Beach.
So, you have to be nice.
- Laguna? - Yeah.
The driver will wait and bring you back.
All right. Let's go.
Don't you want your steak?
I can get a steak tomorrow.
All right.
You know, the log on this guy is strange.
How so?
He's either got an alias with the same last name.
Or?
Fuck, fuck.
He's a twin.
Our guy's got no idea.
There's two of them in there?
Oh, holy shit! This kid is straight fucked.
Should we move?
We're not here.
What if they kill him?
Well then, he's dead.
Hey.
What the fuck?
Not too bad, right?
Not bad.
Why don't you come in with us?
Okay.
It's your dime.
I think they have some good wines.
Mm.
Who lives here?
Well, just a friend.
It's my job to take out the trash, water the plants.
- You want wine? - Yeah, sure.
I don't know anything about it, so...
Let's do this one. It's old.
Yeah, '84.
Thomas, will you open that for us?
Yeah, sure thing.
Decant that. It's fuckin' old.
Keep it in your pants, sir.
What did you say?
I said I'm keen to decant, sir.
Excuse me. Do I, do I recognize you from the track?
No.
What now?
Why don't you put on some music,
and I'll be right back.
Karen?
Who you calling, Karen?
Oh, I'm texting my roommate.
I got it.
Why is the phone so important?
'Cause now I'm dead.
You're gonna have your guy in the morning.
Just keep those guys off me, all right?
You got it.
None of this ever happened.
I don't know you. You don't know me. Got it?
Understood. Thank you, Agent Wilkers.
Attaboy.
About time you showed some respect.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, tell me somethin'.
How'd you know the sculpture wasn't here?
It's the permanent collection of the Guggenheim.
Well, look at you.
Art school.
Come on.
Here you go.
Let's let it breathe.
Shall we?
Whatever you say.
So how about you tell me why you brought me here?
Well, why don't you tell me why you came?
Well,
it was the best deal on the table at the time.
And what exactly did you think that deal was?
Well, I think maybe you've got a daddy issue or two,
and I think maybe you thought that
I could make everything all better.
Maybe you're right.
I am right.
- Really? - Yeah.
I am right.
I've got money. You like that.
Maybe you like the fact that I carry a gun.
Is that real?
Do me a favor.
Put those feet up here on the couch.
Let me get a really good chance to...
to look at them, okay?
You're a little scary.
You have no idea.
Just kind of rub them together.
Gently back and forth, like a good girl.
Like you mean it.
Is that better?
You promised you'd be nice, remember?
Oh, I'll be nice, Karen.
You did say it was Karen, right?
I called you by your name before and you missed it.
When somebody says "Dimitri,"
I turn right around just like a shot.
Thomas!
Do me a favor and step on in here
for a moment, please.
Yah?
I need you to settle a bet for me.
- Uh... - About my cologne.
- Excuse me? - I'm just asking you man to man
for your honest opinion.
Tell me, do you find my scent
overpowering?
I think you smell great.
I appreciate that. That's very kind,
but I don't think you could give it
a really thorough opinion unless you get up close.
Just smell my neck.
Uh...
I am truly...
the least qualified person to...
smell you.
Thomas.
Smell my fucking neck. Please, don't make a big deal.
Yeah.
Why not? Sure.
Right here. That's all. No big deal.
Just give it a sniff.
You're a fucking loser like your father was.
You son of a bitch!
Fucking family.
Aahh!!
Oh, fuck!
Strip down.
Now!
Yeah.
All right.
Stand up.
Right on top of me.
Right here.
Yeah.
Let me tell you a little bit how I work. Okay?
See, I get a text message on my phone...
whenever a job's been completed.
I'm a very big Jets fan. I mean, I know they suck,
but, uh, what can I say, they're my team.
While we were in the restaurant,
I got one of those text messages from my friend, Anatoli.
Beautiful.
It meant that your little pal, Ivan,
is not gonna come blasting through the door anytime soon.
I mean, that was the plan, correct?
It's really too bad he's laying dead
by the side of the road in Costa Mesa right now.
Fuck you.
You're Nostradamus, baby. You see the fucking future.
- Sorry I'm late, honey. - Fuck you.
- You okay? - I'm okay now.
Hey, big boy.
Jesus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't move. Don't fucking move.
All right.
I think I understand what's going on here.
What's supposed to happen.
You handcuff me to the wall. You phone in some anonymous tip.
It's like I was stealing some artwork, correct?
Something like that.
That's an Egon Schiele on the wall, right?
- Yep. - That's a nice piece.
I take the fall.
You guys get away clean.
That's it.
Checkmate.
Easy.
All right.
You...
Easy.
are a snake in the grass.
- Fuck. - Hey!
If I were you, I'd put the weapon down right now.
In fact, let me give you a little extra motivation.
- Okay? - Oh, my god.
You know what, Dimitri, fuck you!
- Don't! - Just shut up, Ray.
Ivan, wait!
- Shut the fuck up, Ray. - Just wait. Wait.
Ivan, wait.
Just trust me.
Wait.
Okay.
You know what, I think we can, uh,
come to an agreement, all right? I just, uh...
I just wanted to make one point.
What point?
Well, there's uh, there's uh...
There's a thing.
What do you mean? What thing?
You know, it's a thing, right?
Yeah, there's totally a thing. There's a thing.
What do you mean a thing? What, what are you talking about?
You know how all wine all tastes a little bit different, right?
Yeah, they always taste different.
- That's true. - Yeah.
I don't understand. They all taste the same to me.
What are you talking about?
Not all of them, you know.
- Holy shit. - Okay, okay.
Who you calling, Karen?
I'm texting my roommate.
Here you go.
Oh, shit!
Aahh!!
Jesus Christ!
- Goddamn. - Goddamn is right. Are you okay?
How'd I do?
- Pretty fucking great. - I loved it.
- Look at you. - Thank you.
- I'm all right. - You sure?
- Yeah. - Is he dead?
Yeah, he is. He is very dead.
That was a little closer than discussed, Ray.
Yeah, well, uh,
it's not an exact science, you know.
There's many components.
You know, for all Dad's shortcomings and misgivings,
he never tried to kill you.
Well, I don't know about that.
Hm.
Not on purpose, you know.
Yeah. I'll buy that.
Agent Wilkers, you're about to find Dimitri Maropakis.
Cause of death is a myocardial infarction
from a cocaine overdose, and, uh...
Well, if that doesn't put a fine enough point on it,
listen to this.
None of this ever happened.
I don't know you. You don't know me.
- Got it? - Understood.
Thank you, Agent Wilkers.
Attaboy.
About time you showed some respect.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, tell me something.
How'd you know the sculpture wasn't here?
It's the permanent collection in the Guggenheim.
Well, look at you.
Art school.
Bitch.
So, you say you found him like this?
Yeah, yeah. He didn't move for 45 minutes.
Around about what time was this?
- 7:00 a.m. - 7:00 a.m., huh.
Hey, man.
Holy fuck!
It's okay. It's okay. Relax, relax.
I swear to God, I'll give you anything you want.
What do you want? You want money?
No, no, no. No.
I'm here to give you some money.
What the fuck is that?
Well, that makes us even.
For what?
For Elyse. I think that squares everything off.
Who the fuck is Elyse?
- The little actress? - Yup.
Yeah.
Yeah, fucking sure. Okay. Good.
Uh, now will you please get out of my car
before I call security? What the fuck is wrong with you?
It's done! We're done!
She's paid off. It's over.
- You okay? - It's over.
- You all right? - I'll take care of it tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna need
a little more convincing than that, Aton.
Tonight.
Tonight, great.
I'll take care of it tonight.
Tonight. Good, good.
Take this. Come on. Put some pressure on it.
Oh, fuck!
- My wife... - Mm-hm?
doesn't have to know.
Who? Diane? No, of course, she doesn't have to know.
- Okay. - All right.
Bye.
Fuck.
Fuck! What?
Do you know where I can buy some cat food?
Oh. Well, there's a Ralph's on Cahuenga.
It's actually on Ventura.
It's right off Cahuenga by the 101.
- You take the 101? - I don't no.
It's kind of a nightmare this time of day.
- Yeah. - I'll figure it out.
- Oh, okay. - Thanks, Aton.
Yeah, all right.
This isn't the bathroom?
No.
It's so confusing here.
I know it's crazy over here.
Come on. I'll show you where it is, my dear.
Thank you.
The quote by Willie Sutton
that he robbed banks "because that's where the money is"
was later refuted by the man himself
as apocryphal.
What he did say was that he stole because he enjoyed it.
In fact, he loved it.
The money, Sutton claims, well,
the money was just the chips.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to ask you to clear the room.