[somber music playing]
¶¶¶
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the London Tombs.
The night has finally arrived after months of waiting
and you won't believe what we have in store for you,
but more importantly, those unlucky few, who will be walking through those doors.
Before our guests arrive, let's take a quick look at some of the horrors
that lie within the London Tomb's scare attraction.
¶¶¶
[music box tune]
[screams and laughs]
Oooh. Scary stuff, eh.
This horror location will soon be seen again on the big screens
for the return of the up and coming sequel to the original Tomb 's movie.
As you know tonight, our lead actors along with some of their brave celebrity guests,
will soon descend into the hidden catacombs beneath our feet
for an unimaginable night of horror.
Our ghouls are ready, the ghosts are ready and more terrifyingly,
our celebrities are ready.
So, there is only one question left to ask, are you ready? Because you better be.
Well how did that happen? And he's not coming out?
[metallic object dropping]
Be careful with that, it costs more than your house! Who am I kidding? You don't own a house.
Listen, I'm going to say only once: solutions, not problems.
Go on.
Better not be a problem.
I'm not reading that.
-May I ask why not? -Because it's awful, absolutely no understanding
of my character's motivation whatsoever.
You're a TV presenter, Harriet, and your motivation is in the bank.
Oh! I take personal oence to that and I refuse to acknowledge it.
Well you sort of just did.
I am a personality.
I am a star.
And I would like to think after writing for me for over three seasons
that those typewriter monkeys would understand my character.
This is a bit dierent than filming a two-minute intro to a midnight movie, darling.
I don't see how, darling.
This is a synergized multimedia event.
The movie gets publicity, this place gets publicity,
the channel gets a scary new reality TV show,
and you, you get a primetime audience for once.
Think about it, a weekly syndicated survival horror show, with you as the star.
Like, Bear Grylls without eating the wildlife.
-Aim for the stars! -And that's why my character has to be right.
Luckily for you,
I understand my characters' motivation perfectly.
No improv, Harriet.
[grunts]
You're looking beautiful.
Thank you. Champagne.
[cheering]
We're still here outside the London Tombs.
And some of the great fans are hoping to get what might be the last chance
to see their celebrity favs.
Let's have a word.
Hi, what are you most hoping to see our stars face tonight?
Bill Piper, Bill Piper!
You're excited, aren't you?
-Yeah, Piper, Piper... -Piper.
Yeah, okay.
As our countdown nears its end
let's take the chance to look at who's already ventured inside to their fate.
Daytime soap awards star nominee and star of The Tombs two, it's Gigi!
You better know him from his boy band crooning days and star of the North Star, it's PJ!
Our celebrity sidekick, Tanya Merryman.
Television and acting school and main state of reality television, it's Lyle Rourke.
[audience] Lyle, Lyle!
And last, but definitely not least, your celebrity journalist
and news reporter and blogger, Doug Smart.
Doug, Doug, Doug...
[Dom] This place is a fucking maze.
[man] Yeah, they do it on purpose mate, it's to disorientate people.
Builds the fear apparently. It's the whole point of it.
I don't understand why anyone would let, out of work actors, chase around the dark for fun.
I mean, there's something wrong with people.
People like to be scared.
It's a thrill.
You're a mug.
[Dom] Anyway, I didn't come here to be scared. I came here to do a job.
[man] Dom?
[voice] Don't be scared, don't be scared.
To be fair your job is bad, but not as bad as these fucking two.
-It's not even Halloween yet! -[guy] All right, all right.
Dickheads.
I don't know.
I think they're kind of cute really.
[chuckles]
Give us a sip.
-Ah, I've got lipstick on it now. -Give it back here.
You see?
I told you.
There's something wrong with people.
[chuckles] I take it you don't watch horror films.
What happened to good old-fashioned movies for the whole family?
Listen mate, you know what you're missing, all right?
The London Tombs, the first one absolute classic.
Stone cold classic.
A bunch of tourists, they get trapped in this place overnight, and then-
then they get hunted down by a deranged killer.
Picked o, one by one.
Total, old-school slasher!
Yeah, that sounds great.
Oh, I suppose this is your lad.
The one that does all the picking and slashing and god knows what?
Slashing, slashing, god knows what.
No, I-- I actually don't recognize that one. Must be new for the sequel.
Let's just wrap it up here, eh? There is a pint somewhere with my name on it.
You head.
[clears her throat]
That had better be a glitch, Gary.
Oh, come on, Olivia, what do you want from me? I'm dealing with all the technical problems,
what in an underground scare attraction.
It's hardly wired for audio visual.
So, no problem then.
No problem, just peachy.
[sighing]
-Uh-oh! Star wrangling? -Character issues.
Problems with the script apparently.
She's going to improv it. I just know it.
What, the writing team couldn't get the right mixture of tits and clichés?
We've created a monster.
She's more of a-- a minor demon.
I was hoping for fashionably late.
Well, time to start clearing out the stragglers.
Well, break a leg.
Fix the cameras.
Yes, ma'am.
[sighing]
-Dom. -[radio interference]
It's not even started yet and I'm already getting shivers.
As we're close to kick o that can only mean one thing.
It's time to introduce our final guest.
You best know her as the star of the original Tomb 's movie,
ready to head back underground one last time.
It's Piper!
Let's take a look back at her time in the original Tombs ' movie.
[engine starting noises]
[engine starting]
Come here. Come here.
-How are you feeling? -Yeah, yeah. I'm good thanks.
I'm, you know, really excited to be here with, with all the greatest fans!
Um, your fans.
I guess so.
-Nervous? -Do you know, what I've got to be honest, I am a little bit.
[Gary] Dom, pick up.
[Dom] Fuck.
[Dom sighing]
I am definitely getting workers comp over that you, dopey prick.
My scream queen lungs are ready to go.
-Okay, good. Get yourself in and good luck. -Thank you.
Bye! Bye!
Our fan favorite is in.
Let's hope she can survive the night.
Okay, don't hold back all right. This is going on TV. I need to make an impact.
-Don't worry, you're going to look great. -Right.
-Just don't get it in my eyes, okay? -All right, all right.
What are you two still doing here? I called places fifteen minutes ago.
Get moving.
Finally, a real star. Well, another one.
-Me? -Modest too, such a rare quality in horror royalty.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
I was so worried you would flake and leave me here with the B-list.
You know, I've done all the reality shows back home.
Now days, seems like a natural career progression.
-Is this your first? -Yes. It is.
I thought so.
You seem a little stressed out.
-Oh, it's not that. It's just uh... -It is a little creepy.
-But this is going to be fun, don't you think? -I guess so.
Hell, I was surprised they talked you into doing this at all.
-Contractual obligation. -[laughing]
Funny too, what a delight.
You know, once we're done here, we really have to sit down and talk.
I am working on a bunch of projects that you would love.
Sorry, you're needed.
-Hi! -Hey, there. I'm-- I'm PJ.
I know who you are.
What gave me away?
I'd have preferred a table read if I'm being honest.
Me too.
And there we have it, everyone's in and the doors are locked.
The night is getting dark and the creeps are coming out to play.
Stay with us as we venture down into the Tombs.
But remember, get comfortable, stay safe and hold your loved ones tight
because it's not only things down in the Tombs that go bump in the night.
[man] And we're out!
Look, I'm not being funny but how many more links have I got to do?
So, you know, what-- what's it like, uh, being back I mean?
Um, it's a little bit strange if I'm being honest.
It's not really somewhere I thought I'd be.
Oh, come on. The only last surviving character from a hit movie.
-Seems like a no brainer to me. -Ha, ha!
Look what the cat dragged back in.
-How's the scars? -Fine, how's the jaw?
Lucrative.
I'm sorry I-- I missed something.
Must be jet-lagged.
This sorry excuse, arsehole of a journalist made quite a name for himself,
-exploiting my personal life. -And I made a mint.
So, I broke his jaw.
-Is that true? -Oh yeah, he's an arsehole!
You know what, Piper? I'm so glad that they didn't kick the life out of you completely.
Oh no, it's there.
I reserve it for tabloid hacks.
-Anyway, I thought print was dead. -Bit like your career, honey.
Why don't you move on away then, buddy?
I'll be seeing you.
Don't worry about him.
Why don't we go and get a drink later after this, you know?
Whose got time for camera queens?
Oh!
The three stars finally together. Ah, this is so exciting!
Okay.
Piper! I am so thrilled to be working with a "legend" like you.
Well, it's nice to meet you too.
[voice] Don't be scared.
-Dom? - [voice] Don't be scared.
Dom?
Hello.
Dom?
Help me.
Dom!
Help me.
[voice] Don't be scared.
[screaming]
Ladies and gentlemen, gather around, please.
That's right, come on.
Thank you everybody for joining us here tonight, we appreciate your time.
We'll be kicking o shortly.
Excuse me!
Focus here for a second.
Thank you.
So, I just wanted to run you through basics.
I would hope your reps have been through this already,
but I never assume when it comes to agents.
Each of you have a wristband.
Red is principle cast and blue is special guests.
At a point during the proceedings you will be split up and pit against each other
in a basic challenge.
During which the scare professionals of the production will pop up at random intervals
and boom, give you a scare.
Understood?
Rhetorical question, put your hand down please.
Thank you, everybody.
That went really well.
What are you still doing here? Fuck off!
Anyway, you go easy on them tonight, eh, Nicky boy?
I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
Look, I'll catch up with you later for another cheeky swig.
See you later.
That's new.
When you are ready, boys and girls, it's time to get this ghost train on the rails.
Harriet, on your mark, please.
[beeping]
Dom, Wayne if you're still down there it's time to get your shit together and head on out.
[man] Scare team ready to go live.
And we're back in five, four, three.
[cheering]
Welcome back to our long night of the horrors, live here from The London Tombs.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're ready to begin.
-Are you okay? -Just nerves.
You don't strike me as a nervous person.
Don't worry, I'll-- I'll keep you safe.
-Is that so? -Oh yeah, I'm not afraid of anything.
Excuse me!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, our spooky six.
Wait, wait, wait, um.
I didn't think you we're afraid of anything.
I was just waiting for you.
What's the worst that can happen?
-What? -Nothing, something my agent said.
Oh god.
Eh?
Ah!
-What's your point? -Piper, my dear.
The London Tombs.
It's the scene of your greatest triumph. Your, your brightest day.
-Your... -I'm not going.
Why not? You've already signed up for the sequel.
This is early publicity.
I'm not ready for this kind of event.
It's a closed set, there is nothing to worry about.
Seb, you're meant to be on my side.
What if that crazy fan comes back?
Darling, I understand. Really, I do.
But that was a long time ago, and the sooner you're working, the easier it's going to get.
-Do you think I'm not trying? -No sweetie, I think you're very trying.
Just kidding.
Please, stop pushing me to places that I'm not ready to go to.
Unfortunately, uh, it's not me doing the pushing, dear.
Contractual obligations.
Forcing people into compromising situations since the 1920's.
-So they can sue me? -They can fire you.
Think about it.
Your future, your independence, your bank balance.
You mean yours.
A man can't live on good intentions alone.
You've never had a good intention in your life.
If the sequel does as well as the first, it's seriously good money.
I suppose I better get my walking boots on then.
That's my girl.
At least I will have you with me.
Oh! I have this ghastly event with another client across town.
She's actually calling, uh, a pretty young girl, uh,
-dumb as a skunk, you know. No. -Are you being serious?
Press love her, I mean. At the moment at least.
Un-bloody-believable.
Seriously, you're going to love it.
You're going to-- Thank you, love you.
That's right, you are about to be a star.
Yeah.
Oh, I-- we're going to have a blast.
-Oh hi, I'm-- I'm PJ. -Hi! I'm Tanya.
Oh! I've heard you're a physic.
Wow! Talking to people's dead relatives.
Do you know how much of people's life savings they spend on that horseshit?
I've never charged a penny to anyone.
Why don't you read my palm?
I don't read palms.
How convenient.
-Everyone in their place? -Yep.
Uh, why can't I see any of the scare guys?
That's because they're all hidden.
That's the point.
Sticking to the shadows.
Whoa!
Come on people, let a pro lead the way.
[door closing]
[light metallic noises]
I don't think so, pervert.
I bid you welcome.
Oh my god.
That's not funny.
The year was 1665.
Carried on the back of vermin, fleas spread the devastating
plague through crowded city streets.
Struck down by this aiction in numbers vast enough to defy belief
were dragged from their homes and dumped into mass graves.
[screaming and baby crying in background]
Over three hundred years later, while excavating the very place of London Bridge,
-the builders happened upon a gruesome discovery. -[background man screaming]
Hundreds of human skeletons twisting out of the earth,
as if trying to make good their escape from their earthly tomb.
Some refused to go to work, fearing sickness, while others
were afraid of the less physical threat.
From the damned that they shook loose from their god forsaken bonds.
When we were finally ready to open on the tombs to the public, we had a priest,
concentrate the grounds to, you know, contain the restless spirits.
Although and I don't mean to alarm you, I was oered no guarantee,
no definite confirmation that some small...
Oh look, she's using the script.
...festering for a century still...
The only fucker that festers here, love, are the sub-par electronics.
Two teams will enter the pit of despair with one simple goal.
Concealed into the tomb below is a skull, one of many.
Now, this skull however, does not belong to a simple victim.
Rather a man of great evil.
A necromancer who cast his curse on this place.
The place of his interment promising to return and wreck his revenge.
Robert White.
-Who? -Ah!
That will be revealed in good time.
But for now, I shall tell you this.
I wish you to find it for me.
It's getting like a game show.
-Yay! -To the victors, freedom.
To the losers, well, that would be telling.
A Virgil to your Dante on your decent to hell.
Now, hurry along.
Time is of the essence and your fate hangs in the balance.
[background eerie laughter]
[distant chatter]
Fire hazard.
That's going to end up somewhere very unpleasant if you don't get it out of my face.
[Doug] Ooh! Is that a promise?
That's better.
So, doesn't London Bridge like go up in the middle or something?
That's Tower Bridge, hon.
Oh my god, just like the song.
[alarm going off]
[chain noises]
[eerie whispering]
[chain and metallic noises]
[distorted child voice] Daddy, what you doing to mummy?
Every motherfucking time.
-As our celebrities... -[cameraman] We're out!
-What? -Yeah, we're out.
-What the fuck? -They're saying all the cameras are out.
-What all of them? -That's what I'm getting.
They're re-running the video packages.
Great, so much for live TV experience.
I'm trying to get something out of the control room, just sit tight.
These are real bones.
You know you'd get more screen time if you kept up with the crowd.
Besides, I don't want to get left behind.
God only knows what these weirdos do when the cameras are o.
Oh, my god!
They don't know what they've done. This is a huge mistake.
[Lyle] Are you okay?
No, I'm fine.
Then let's go. I didn't pay for the Hilton to not be sleeping there.
She ain't a physic, you know.
Her crew feeds her information through an earpiece, she does all this...
It's all a total put on.
And Gigi, I can tell you a thing or two about Gigi.
Well, let's just say she didn't get to where she is purely on talent.
And just don't get in the way and her and the spotlight, if you know what I mean.
Total Tanya Harding type.
Anything?
[cameraman] Total radio silence.
Well, I hope the fans are enjoying their extended their ad break.
[Lyle whispering] So, I've done many reality shows.
This is your first one, so if I can help you in anyway?
-Having fun? -You know, I think you're so brave.
For coming back I mean.
-Oh, whatever you've read I... -I was talking about the movie.
-Oh! -I think it's so brave of you to try to re-launch your career,
in a movie where they're killing you o so early.
Oh, you didn't know.
I am so sorry.
I guess I just have a better relationship with the producers than you.
They're making me the new face of the franchise.
They're calling it "The new generation."
Have you even read the script?
Okay.
[baby crying]
[distorted music box playing]
[distorted voice] Tanya.
[baby crying]
Pathetic.
Current mood, unimpressed.
-Remind me why we invited him again? -Synergy.
You see you keep saying that, but I'm not sure you know what it means.
I'm already really famous in LA. I have like over a million followers on social media.
And I really love my fans, you know, they're so sweet.
They're always...
Oh Lyle, I just wanted to ask you, um...
You're not scared already, are you?
Something really weird is happening here.
I can feel it.
Listen, I'm a believer.
You can always talk to me if you need to.
Thank you.
[laughing]
Are you ready?
Mm-hmm.
Good.
Cos we only have one shot at this
and there is already some other idiot walking around back there.
-Do you want me to go and have a word or... -No.
I want you to stay on your mark.
I will find him later.
[distorted music]
[whistling]
You okay?
Just uh, bad energy here.
Oh, quit it with your physic play acting, love.
Ooh, shit, fuck!
Pricks.
[honking]
They're definitely life-like, I'll give them that.
Ooh, it looks like this is where we are going our separate ways then.
Sorry, if I upstage you, but-- you know.
Yeah, the new generation.
Yeah, can we quit the chitchat and keep moving?
No, please wait.
Hey, don't worry, Tanya.
Nothing bad is going to happen. It's just a show.
Exactly, she's already playing the part.
No, listen to me.
I know there is something really wrong here.
You're telling me sweetheart.
-Like what? -I don't know yet, but...
Something, something is moving.
Well, it's not us.
Listen, I know you're scared, but nothing's going to happen.
It's just a game.
Please, there's something really wrong here.
You must be careful.
Okay, let's go.
You're confident, you're scary, you're fear.
[metallic noise]
Hello?
Haven't you got anything better to do than play with yourself in the dark?
So not funny.
Ah, you dick! Get out of here man, my bit's coming up.
-Oh my god. -[metallic sound]
Who the hell is that? No one should be down here yet.
No.
Not busting up the place either.
Oi, whose pissing about?
[thump]
This isn't funny, guys.
[girl] Nick?
[cameraman] We're done.
What? Really?
Yeah, they got the CCTV back, but they can't get the outside feedback live.
-Oh! What are they going to do? -Do you really care?
Nah. Good point. Oi, someone get me a car.
I've got places to be with alcohol and some people.
[Gary] Watch this.
Well, you know what, we've got the reaction.
That's all that counts.
Are you serious? We didn't see anything.
Hashtag, no filter. Ha, ha.
[gasps]
Help...
me.
Oh!
If it's going to keep happening, we need to get it fixed now.
Well, if you can get the boys on the radio, be my guest.
They're not coming back to me, are they?
Well, you go then.
-Excuse me? -Go and fix it.
I'm a little bit busy.
Fine! I'll go.
You'll need this.
And don't forget to use the pointy end.
Prick.
Looks like my ex-girlfriend. [chuckles]
-Where's-- where's Piper? Woah! Woah! -Run!
Look, I'm supposed to be the jittery one.
-What's going on? -This thing he's huge! He's just killed someone.
Oh, you can't be serious.
This is a weak attempt to upstage me.
Go and have a look and see if there's anything there.
See? Nothing.
It's just a part of the show.
They're just trying to play on your nerves.
-It's okay. -Yeah, well it worked.
Okay.
Let's go.
Let's get this over and done with.
[Doug] Come on then, Mystic Meg.
What are you feeling now?
Same as before. Something very powerful here.
The necromancer, the one that Harriet mentioned upstairs.
I think it's more than just a story.
I think it's real.
Gather around for I have a tale to tell.
And you're right.
He was very real.
I'm not acting.
I...
As the plague spread through the slums of the city,
no one was safe from the insidious spread of death.
Fearing for their safety, they turned away from the doctors that had done little to stop
the flow of chaos.
And looked for a more arcane remedy.
A wealthy group of citizens trying to safe their own skin
turned to a man named Robert White.
Tanya, how did you know his name?
Specializing
in the dark arts, most notably communication with the spirit realm,
White promised these people, that he could call on this side to save them and their families.
Although this came at a price, Robert White was a deceitful and wicked man.
And before long his benefactors came to see their wives and children,
grow sick and die from the very illness he promised to keep at bay.
What happened next?
[clock chiming]
Oh, is that the time? You'd better get on your way.
No please I'm not playing, I need to know!
Well, what do you know!
Someone who claims they can speak to the dead is actually talking shit.
No please, I think we are in danger here.
[distorted voice] Robert White.
White.
Dial it back a bit, will you?
Jesus.
Stupid fucking physic, doesn't she know who I am?
Stepping all over my lines, I'm going to call her agent.
I'm going to get her fucking fired.
Let's see what she thinks about that.
You, you're in the wrong place, you're supposed to be over there.
Can't you do anything right? You have one job and it's fucking easy.
How come none of you know what the fuck to do? You're a moving mannequin.
All you have to do is be here when the action's supposed to start.
It's not fucking dicult.
Why aren't you listening to me? Don't you know who I am?
What don't you fucking understand? Get your ass over there.
[Greg] Oh what?
[distant bell chiming]
Hey.
We'll be done soon.
Get ourselves a sti drink, somewhere with lots of lights.
-What do you say? -Yeah, sure.
I mean, it just looked so real.
Well, what kind of real?
Oh my god! What happened?
Take it the news didn't, uh, quit travel across the pond.
I had a run in with a fan and he figured himself to be my boyfriend.
And when I didn't feel the same way he got a little aggressive.
Shit, I'm sorry.
Don't be, I've spent enough time feeling sorry for myself and hiding away.
This is my big return.
Seems like a bit of an odd choice.
Yeah, I'm starting to think that myself.
Although, not as odd as a claustrophobic entering an underground tomb.
You're what?
Sounds like the start of a bad joke, huh?
-I thought you said nothing scared you? -Well not nothing.
Why would they leave a script lying around?
Perhaps they missed their cue.
Or it's a clue.
Oh no wait, nope, never mind it's not for us.
-So, what do we do? -Stay here, I guess.
Fuck that! We should get going.
Don't want the other team to find the skull before us.
-Seriously. -Winners get top billing.
Okay.
What, what's so scary about this place?
[Lyle] Maybe it's just me.
Yeah, not exactly the most exciting footage I've ever filmed.
Quiet.
I'm getting something.
Oh, come on give it up.
You have to listen to me.
No, I don't.
There's something supernatural at work here.
The only thing that's at work here is your ridiculous overactive imagination.
Something evil.
From a misguided childhood.
I know what I'm talking about!
-You're not going to buy into this shit, are you? -Well, I don't know.
She did know who that Robert guy was.
-How do you explain that? -Mm-mmm, she read the script.
Well, yeah. I guess, that could be.
Do you know what? You two wait here. I'm o to find the others.
What the fuck!
-Oh! Oh my god! What happened to you? -You need to help.
Right, we need to get out of here.
Yeah, okay, fella. Good stu.
He's going to come, he-- he will come for us all.
Who? Who is coming?
Oh, knock it o love, if you'll excuse me, I'm leaving.
I wouldn't if I were you.
Yeah well, you're not me.
See you later.
Don't leave us!
So, this is a hallway of nightmares.
[baby crying]
Definitely, fucking nightmares. Okay.
Claustrophobia and dolls.
I said almost nothing.
[PJ] Almost nothing.
Oh, shit.
Oh, this isn't right.
Where the fuck am I?
-Ladies first. -Oh, man up.
You all right?
Still can't believe you signed up for this?
-A job's a job, right? -Mm-hmm.
-You don't think they'd, let me go around, do you? -I wouldn't count on it.
Oh, for f...
What the...
What the f...
-I found it! -Fuck!
See, I found it!
Ooh, interesting.
[Piper] What does it say?
"A warning to any intrepid explorer who finds this accursed skull."
Ooh.
"A curse will fall on those that seek to remove it from this, it's final resting place.
Robert White will rise from hell to seek his revenge.
Go back.
Go back from whence you came."
[chuckles]
Terrifying.
It's plastic.
Heads up!
-So, does that mean we can go now? -Sure hope so.
What the hell? I didn't authorize that costume.
It is fucking, fucking real!
What the fuck you staring at? Let's get the fuck out of here.
What happened, what did you see?
Fuck knows, but I'm not hanging around to see it again.
-Oh! -Stupid bitch.
-Are you all right? -We've got to go, he's coming.
-Who's coming? -Him. He's huge.
-What the hell is going on? -Uh, there's a stairwell.
Look, I've got the skull, I've won.
Just shut up, Gigi!
-Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on? -Oh!
Well, that was a bit much.
Gigi, come on.
Fuck!
[Tanya] Help!
Forget it. It's no good.
-Help! -Forget it. It's no good.
Well what do you suggest?
I suggest we head back, walk into the entrance, straight into the lobby.
You want to listen to this asshole?
You're going to be walking straight into him.
Excuse me.
But if this so-called gift of yours has given you any information whatsoever,
then I suggest you might want to share it with us.
He's out there and he is waiting for us.
She's right.
There is a fucking maniac on the loose
and you want to take advice from an ex-mental patient?
What do you mean ex-mental patient?
Ask her yourself, a real fruitcake.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, right.
If you look here, there's the stairwell that's where she's heading, that's our way out.
Look, this is obviously just part of the show.
I mean, it's got to be a trick. We've already found this.
Okay, if you look there, there's the stairway that connects there and that's how we get out.
Let's go.
But...
Holy shit!
-Anything? -Nothing.
Right, we must have gone the wrong way because if you look here...
[Gigi] This is ridiculous.
[Piper] Excuse me?
This is ridiculous.
This is all just part of the show,
and I'm not going to let you use this as an excuse to steal my limelight.
Unbelievable.
-Thank you. -That is not a compliment.
Stop, stop it. We need to work together.
You know what I need to do right now is show those people out there
what they really want to see.
-People are dying! -Oh my god, you are as dumb as you look.
You know what? If you two want to go on, running on home then go, but not...
No, no, no! You stay here!
Hell, with that! I'm going to do what I do best.
I'm going to be a star.
Oh shit!
Mother fucker.
Run!
No.
I've got this. Get out.
[Doug] Shit. Oh, shit.
What the fuck am I doing?
Unbelievable.
Fucking brilliant.
Fuck!
[Piper] Move!
[PJ] Hey, buddy.
Yep, d-- don't mind me.
[Piper] It's locked.
Fuck.
-Have you got any cell reception? -[Doug] Nothing.
[Piper] I've got a bar on my Wi-Fi.
[cell phone ringing]
Surely.
Oh, shit.
I think that's the Wi-Fi.
Fuck!
Thanks for that.
Where's Lyle?
He saved me.
Which one is it?
Oh, Christ!
This is from the seventies.
Jesus!
Robert White.
But that... That was just a story.
But one based in truth.
Look, he cursed this place.
He made a promise to rise from the dead and rised he has.
So, what? He's like a-- a zombie or something?
No, a spirit.
It's taken on a form with no energy of its own.
Nothing to resist it.
This is horse shit.
He was weak at first.
But he is getting stronger with every kill.
Closer and closer to what he really wants.
-And what is it that he really wants? -A host.
Human flesh and blood to carry his spirit.
And then?
Then we can leave this place.
-And God help us! -[Piper] So, what do we do now then?
Well, we stay here, right?
I thought you were claustrophobic.
Lesser of two evils.
Yeah well, I-- I-- I for one might be incapable of moving.
What are you-- uh, what are you doing?
No.
Hold it closed.
Oh, fuck it.
I give up.
Fucking had enough of it.
-Well, now what? -We wait here obviously.
Dumb arse.
-Run? -[Doug] This is ridiculous.
-Are you fucking thick? -You want to carry your own ass?
-Ignore me I-- I-- I-- I'm in considerable amount of pain. -Shut up, man.
No. He'll be back. He knows we are here.
He won't give up that easily, he needs us.
And where is he, if he needs us so bloody badly?
Where is Gigi?
Is this what you want? Is this what you're after?
Shit, we-- we have to help her. We have to find her.
We can't fight him like that.
-Then how? -Something is holding him to this place.
Something that allows his spirit to remain.
Oh, brilliant yeah. We're back to this nonsense again.
What is it?
A skull.
It's plastic.
Not that one.
The way we came in, one of the skulls on the wall.
I believe if we destroy this skull, we destroy the connection.
Well fuck it, at least it's the way out.
You're going to have to guide us.
Oh, it's you.
Look. You may have all the others fooled, but not me.
But don't worry.
I'm willing to play along.
Oh, my god mister.
Please don't kill me.
I'm too young to...
Hey!
Oh, not the axe.
Oh god, anything but the axe.
Oh my god.
[screams]
What's this?
Nah.
[Gigi screaming]
Sounds like they are having fun down there.
Not for me.
Ooh, this is the one for me.
Ah, that's my baby.
Come to daddy.
You and me.
[distorted music box playing]
[baby crying]
You're a bad ass.
Yeah? I've been hurt before and it ain't happening again.
Fair enough.
[PJ] Ah you're so heavy, ah.
[Doug] Ooh, what the fuck?
-Don't want to mess up your pony tail. -Shut the fuck up.
Quickly, he's getting closer.
Run.
Woah!
-Piper! -[screaming]
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
Fucking typical!
Come on.
Here. Here, here. Down, down, down.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah!
-Where you going? -Going back for the others.
No, no, no, no. Fuck them.
We don't know them, so we don't owe them. Let's move on!
Look, just stay here and be quiet. I'll be back.
Woah, where you going? Woah, woah, what you doing? Woah, I've got money.
Don't leave me!
Fuck!
Fuck.
[noises]
[drill going on]
[drill turning off]
[screaming]
[general chatter]
[piano playing]
-[screaming] -Oh my god.
-What happened to you? -Long story.
-A--a--a-- and him, that thing? Behind me somewhere. - I don't know. I, uh.
What do you want to do?
We finish this.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, uh, come on.
But I was meant to be a star.
[Gigi screaming]
Oh my god.
Thanks for coming back for me you, arsehole.
I could always just leave you here, huh.
Listen, listen! We think we've found a way out.
Well, why are we standing around here talking like schoolgirls?
-I didn't have to come back for you. -Argue later.
[distant scream]
Run.
Fuck you!
Piper!
You should've just fucking left me there.
Fucking pricks!
All right?
Do we need to rest?
No, no. Like you said, no more hiding.
No more hiding.
Now is not the time to panic.
Now is the time to finish it.
Let's go.
Give me a fucking break!
Please, please, please. Of course it doesn't... Fuck!
Ah, for...
For fu...
What the fuck happened to you?
Who the fuck is this?!
What the hell's your problem, Lurch?
Which one is it?
It's got to be that one.
-I'll go. -No!
No!
Come and get me then!
PJ!
Robert White!
This tomb is yours!
PJ.
You okay?
Alive at least.
Let's get you out of here.
Okay.
Come on.
Come here.
[horse neighing]
Ah, god.
Ah, put me down.
Just here, just here is fine. Put me down.
Well, I guess that's the movie scuppered.
Still got the leading lady though.
And the leading man.
Well,
I'm not going to make it to the end credits.
No.
I'm done.
I um, guess you'll have to have that drink on your own.
My final girl.
Woah, woah, woah, woah! Help me.
Just wait, I've just got to check this door!
I am still alive! As unbelievable as it may seem.
-[Doug] Help me! -Wait!
The others?
That is one hell of an article.
I need to get this door open, because he's coming and that won't hold him.
I think he's already here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Kill her, not me.
Please!
I'm too smart to die.
Fuck!
[distorted voice] Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit!
Come on then, you bastard!
Oh, fuck.
[thunder bolting]
[Doug] Woah, Piper.
[chuckling]
You are a fucking legend.
I take it all back.
Ah, Jesus.
No hard feelings, eh.
I got here to talk, so...
What are you doing?
I apologized.
I said I was-- Don't be stupid.
I sai-- I sai-- I said I was sorry.
¶¶¶
[eerie music]
[music ends]