(drumming and flute music)
(projector whirring)
- None of what I have told you
has been picked up by the press.
It will.
In fact, until the Guild sorts it out,
this picture is officially directed by nobody.
We are unofficially scheduled to screen at Venice,
which the rational thought might be to pull out,
but if we were to do that,
between the official un-director
and the unofficial withdrawal
from the unofficial Venice selection,
what we'd wind up with is a very fucking official disaster.
(chuckles)
Which brings us to you.
(energetic rock music)
(razor buzzing)
¶ It's a hard world to get a break in ¶
¶ All the good things have been taken ¶
¶ But girl there are ways to make certain things pay ¶
¶ Though I'm dressed in these rags I'll wear sable someday ¶
¶ Hear what I say ¶
¶ I'm gonna ride the serpent ¶
¶ No more time spent sweatin' rent ¶
¶ Hear my command ¶
¶ I'm breakin' loose it ain't no use ¶
¶ Holdin' me down ¶
¶ Stick around ¶
¶ But baby baby ¶
¶ Remember remember ¶
¶ It's my life and I'll do what I want ¶
¶ It's my mind and I'll think what I want ¶
¶ Show me I'm wrong hurt me sometime ¶
¶ But some day I'll treat you real fine ¶
¶ There'll be women and their fortunes ¶
¶ Who just want to mother orphans ¶
¶ Are you gonna cry when I'm squeezin' the rye ¶
¶ Takin' all I can get no regrets ¶
¶ When I ¶
(siren blaring)
(dog barking)
(car doors opening and closing)
- You!
What the fuck are you doing up there?
Get down here now!
- I had to pee.
- I said now!
Fuckin' freak.
(chattering)
- Ike Jerome?
What's the Ike short for?
- It's just Ike.
- Ike from Ohio.
- [Ike] Pennsylvania.
- Oh, Ike from Pennsylvania?
- [Interrogator] What are doing in Hollywood, huh?
You here to score some weed?
- The movies.
- [Interrogator] Movies!
- Oh, the movies.
What do you do in the movies?
- I don't do anything yet.
I'm starting a job tomorrow, building sets.
(file slams)
- She look familiar?
Take a fuckin' look, huh, you recognize her?
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, The Valley of the Dolls!
She's married to Roman Polanski!
Repulsion, Knife in the Water, Rosemary's Baby!
- You fucking slaughtered her,
didn't you, Ike? - No!
- You slaughtered her! - No!
- You fucking slaughtered her!
- No!
- "Pigs" on the door, written in blood!
- What?
- Is that an insult to us, huh?
Are we fucking pigs?
- No!
- Do I look like a pig to you?
- No!
- You wanna fucking stick me like a pig, bitch!
You fucking try it!
- You don't look like pigs.
- Then what's up with
the fucking James Dean and Natalie Wood?
- It's Montgomery Clift.
- Who the fuck is Montgomery Clift!
(energetic rock music)
- This here's the shop.
This is where you're gonna spend 90% of your time.
You're not gonna see any Hollywood stars down here.
This is where we do all the real work.
You're gonna build sets, you're gonna paint sets,
you're gonna repaint 'em.
Sometimes the scenes get mixed up,
you gotta rebuild the set at a moment's notice.
You took architecture, right?
- Yes. - Yeah, well, we'll see.
Welcome to Hollywood, kid.
Glamorous.
¶ Hear what I say ¶
¶ I'm gonna ride the serpent ¶
¶ No more time spent sweatin' rent ¶
¶ Hear my command ¶
¶ I'm breakin' loose ¶
¶ It ain't no use ¶
¶ Holdin' me down ¶
¶ Stick around ¶ (hammer banging)
¶ Baby baby ¶
¶ Remember remember ¶
¶ It's my life and I'll do what I want ¶
¶ It's my mind and I'll think what I want ¶
¶ Show me I'm wrong ¶
¶ Hurt me sometime ¶
¶ But someday I'll treat you real fine ¶
(wheels sqeaking)
- [Man] Hey, quiet on set!
Camera speed.
Sound speed.
Okay.
(marker claps)
Action.
- I forgot my key.
- Jenny, I'm sorry.
- Don't.
Love means never having to say--
You're sor-- - Cut!
You're saying "never".
- Yeah. - The line is "not ever".
Love means
Not ever. - Not ever, okay.
Having to say, okay.
- [Director] All right, let's try it again.
- All right, back to places. - What a load of fucking shit.
- [Man] All right, quiet on set!
Camera speed.
Sound speed.
Marker.
(marker claps)
Action.
- [Jenny] I forgot my key.
- It's like A Place in the Sun.
- Love means never having to say--
you're sorr-- - Cut.
Cut!
- Sure, it's exactly like A Place in the Sun,
except that he isn't Montgomery Clift,
that's not Elizabeth Taylor,
and Arthur ... - Action.
- God love him, sure as hell isn't Mr. Stevens.
- [Jenny] I forget my key.
- George Stevens?
Do you know George Stevens?
- [Oliver] I'm sorry.
- A little.
- [Jenny] Don't.
- Dotty Langer.
- [Jenny] Love means never having to say--
- Cut! - I'm cutting this ...
- Allie! - What?
- Movie. - You're saying "never"!
- Cutting? - The line is "not ever"!
- I can't work with-- - I'm the editor.
- It's the same thing! - Love means--
- Editor.
- Not ever!
- [Allie] Okay.
- [Arthur] Then say it right!
- [Allie] Okay!
It's the same thing!
- [Man] Holy shit!
- Quiet on set!
(chuckling)
- Had to see it for myself.
- Place in the Sun, meet Red River.
- You look like a fuckin' monk!
They call me Viking Man.
- Vikar.
- Good to meet you, Vicar.
- His name's John.
He's writing a western for Huston.
- Love means never. - John Huston?
- Having to say you're sorr-- - Cut!
Cut!
Allie!
The line is "not ever"!
- It's the same thing!
- It's not, you're saying "never"!
- It's ...
I don't, I don't understand.
- You keep saying "never".
- [Allie] I ...
- Over and over.
- [Allie] No, I--
- You still think it's like A Place in the Sun?
- No. - It's a shit line, anyway!
I'm not shooting til Bob's here!
- Bob's the new head of production.
- Bob needs to pork her in her tight little Wellesley ass,
then maybe she'll get the line right!
(laughing)
- John has a charming perspective.
- [Viking Man] You surf man, you surf?
- No, I don't surf.
- Hey Viking Man, hey!
Miss McGraw wants you to get the fuck outta here!
- Well, tell Miss McGraw to learn her fucking lines.
- Get the fuck outta here!
- Fuck you.
- [Man] Somebody get me Bob!
- Why don't you go buy another cream colored jacket, tubby?
- What'd you say, Viking Man?
- Love means not ever having to say you're sorry,
even I fucking got it by now, Jesus!
- Piece of shit! - This is ridiculous!
I'm off this movie!
- Have fun with this turkey, good luck!
- Somebody get me fucking Bob!
- I'll pick you up this weekend, okay?
We'll hit the beach.
- I don't surf.
- Gotta get out of the office sometimes, Vikar!
(cart clattering)
- He senses an untapped reservoir of psychosis.
Makes him all wet.
(chuckles)
(mysterious music)
So cute.
(sire wailing)
(bell tinging)
(chattering)
- Room 928, please.
- Okay, room 928.
(keys jangling) Okay.
$40 a night.
- $40.
Well ...
I'll have it for one night.
- Okay.
- Montgomery Clift stayed in this room.
- [Clerk] Who's McGoverly Cliff?
(soft music)
(lock turning)
(uncanny music)
(breathing heavily)
(film whirring)
(gulls cawing)
(breathing heavily)
(energetic surf rock music)
- Hey, Vikar ...
joint's there in the glove box.
Pass me one, would you?
(clacking)
- There's a gun in here.
- It's a .45.
Feel free to point it, just not at me.
(trigger clicking)
So, why that one?
- [Vikar] Which one?
- Place in the Sun, why?
- It's the first movie I ever saw.
- What, when you were a kid?
- No, 11 months ago.
- You fuckin' kidding me?
- Not fucking kidding.
- Jesus fucking Christ, Vikar!
Movies are a goddamn birthright!
They show them to fuckin' prisoners!
Did you grow up in a goddamn cave in Cambodia or something?
- No, a seminary.
In Philadelphia.
(laughing)
- Holy shit, you keep getting better and better, Vikar.
So, what happened?
So you see the Stevens picture,
you have a fucking psychotic break,
you go to the first tattoo parlor you can find?
- I think it's a very good movie.
And I had a dream.
- We all do, Vikar.
We all do.
(hacking)
I can't be the next Howard Hawks,
because I can't do screwball comedies or musicals.
I know my limits, Vikar.
So ...
I gotta settle for being the next John Ford,
and there you have it in a scrotum sack.
What I'm settling for, all these pussies would kill for!
I'm too overpowered.
Where are they gonna go after me?
Francis, Marty, this fucking giant space robot guy?
Goddammit!
Mister big game.
- Who? - Or Hitchhike Kong.
He doesn't want to be John Ford.
He wants to be Alfred Hitchcock.
Bon jour, assholes!
(shouting)
This is the Vikar.
He builds churches.
(shouting)
He's an autistic, which means he lives and breathes movies,
and I'm pretty sure he's a virgin!
(shouting)
(psychedelic music)
(singing in a foreign language)
That movie sucks.
It looks like shit.
- [Guest] Well I got about a dozen East Coast critics
that would say otherwise.
- [Viking Man] That's great.
There's a scene where a robot jerks off a guy.
- They're droids!
They're droids, okay?
- [Viking Man] They're droids?
They're not robots, they're droids?
- They're sentient beings. - Oh, I'm sorry.
You shut the fuck up, okay? - Okay, okay, okay.
Fine, fine.
What is everyone working on right now?
What is your next project?
- I got this new idea.
It's a modern Batman as a taxi driver
who roams the streets saving prostitutes.
- It's much better way than I use prostitutes.
- Is he like plucking them off the street
and giving them a new home?
- How the fuck are you gonna make a movie
about something other than the war?
That's all that's fucking happening right now!
(gun cocking)
What are you workin' on? - Hey, hey!
- What, what, what?
(singing in a foreign language)
- I got an idea about this ... (pats shoulder)
great white shark that terrorizes a town,
like a New England town.
- Robot shark.
- Fucking robot!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Why's everything have to be a goddam robot?
You two can't make movies together anymore!
No sharing ideas!
Shut the fuck up! - They're droids!
They're sentient beings!
- I'm gonna shoot this motherfucker in the face.
(psychedelic music)
(gun firing) (bottle shattering)
Gonna need more booze!
Want a drink?
- I've never had alcohol before.
- Well you should try it.
It's fucking fantastic.
- Who's that?
- Ha.
Soledad?
Where do I start?
Rumor has it her father is Bunuel illegitimately.
She spent some time in nuthouse.
She was cast, actually,
as the woman who vanishes in L'Avventura,
but they replaced her at the last second.
Someone once told me she's a witch!
And that, 20 minutes down the sand from here,
she gave Coppola's friend, Jim Morrison, the blowjob
of a lifetime, channeled from the fuckin' netherworld
or something like that. (chuckling)
(groaning)
The whole bottle?
You're gonna feel that.
- I wanna talk to her.
- Well, no time like the present.
Seize the moment!
(gentle music)
- [Vikar] Hi.
Are you an actress?
- Yes.
- What movies are you in?
- Nothing important.
Just a few European movies.
- I'm sure they're very good movies.
- Are you a gangster?
(anxious music)
Did I know you ...
a long time ago?
(thudding)
(ethereal music)
- [Viking Man] Sleep it off, Vikar.
- Why you! (slaps)
What's the matter with you?
- [Stooge] Oh boy you! (wailing)
(bottle shattering)
- [Stooge] Murray, say somthing' nitwit!
Where are you?
(door handle jostling)
(shouting)
(thud)
(grunting)
- What are you lookin' at?
- Your hair.
I think it saved you.
- Man, look in the mirror if you wanna see some freaky shit.
Clifton and Taylor in the terrace scene
from A Place in the Sun tattooed
on this white mother fucker's head staring at my head.
- That's what it actually is.
(suspenseful music on TV)
- Ah, hey man!
Sunset Boulevard!
Apotheosis of Hollywood's golden age.
- I believe it's a very good movie.
- One of the greatest movie openers of all time.
You got the dead man floating in the pool,
telling a story from beyond the grave.
Hey, you know, Montgomery Clift
was supposed to play Joe Gillis.
- Really?
- Billy Wilder wrote the part for him.
And Monty pulled out at the last minute,
claiming the role was too close to his own life.
Hey, you see the little butler, man?
- [Vikar] Yeah.
- [Burglar] He's one of the most talented
directors of his time.
- [Vikar] He was?
- Erich von Stroheim.
He also directed her, Gloria Swanson, when she was young.
Queen Kelly.
- [Vikar] Queen Kelly.
- [Burglar] And that's exactly
what they're watching right there.
- A movie within a movie. - Mm-hm.
- Nothing else.
Just us.
And a camera.
And those wonderful people out there in the dark.
All right, Mr. DeMille. - All right, Mr. DeMille.
I'm ready for my closeup. - I'm ready for my closeup.
(dramatic music on TV)
- You work in movies, man?
- I build sets.
- [Burglar] Ah, I can dig that.
This one of yours?
Looks like a church.
- That's not for a movie.
I built that in divinity school.
- Oh, man!
My Darling Clemintine!
Ho ho!
Apex of Ford's art, you feel me?
- I feel you.
- Some people think it's The Searchers,
which is no doubt one wicked, badass movie
whenever my man The Duke is on screen,
evil white racist honky pig fucker that he his,
but give me Clementine anytime.
- I'm gonna let you go.
But I don't want you to break into my house anymore.
- Okay.
- Hey man ...
You mind if I ...
hang out for a little while?
- I'm tired.
- Oh, go to sleep, man.
I'm just gonna sit here and hang with my man, Henry Fonda.
- Okay. - (claps) All right.
- [Actress] You are going into the services, aren't you?
- [Actor] Yes, ma'am.
- When you watch movies, do you ever dream?
- What are you gettin' on about now?
- Nothing.
(curious music)
- This is all wrong.
These elements are from different time periods.
- This arch is from 23 years later,
when the character of the prostitute dies of consumption.
- Excuse me?
- In 23 years, the prostitute will die
of consumption under this arch.
- Elvira?
Joe.
Have I received the latest changes
for the Man of La Mancha script?
- It's not in the script.
- I'm sorry.
What are you talking about?
- It takes place 23 years after the script.
- Not on my set!
Change it!
(crumples paper)
(moody music)
(tapping)
- I hear you've been vexing them over in set design?
- I vex people.
- (chuckles) Come on in.
Come and sit down here.
(sighs)
I've set up A Place in the Sun for you.
- A Place in the Sun.
- I worked on it.
Do you know what an editor does?
- Puts the scenes in order
because they were shot out of order.
- That's the first thing.
Now watch this.
(film reel whirring)
- I love you.
I've loved you since the first time I saw you.
- Jesus.
Is that the sexiest moment in the history of the movies?
- I love you.
Are they watching us?
(romantic music)
- No other man could have given himself over to this scene
the way Monty does.
- Hold you next to me.
- Between Liz and Monty, none of the closeups match.
In terms of sheer continuity, it's all fucked up.
Stevens is going for rhythm!
And intimacy, pure and simple.
- [Monty] If I could only tell you all.
- [Liz] Tell Mama.
Tell Mama all.
(moving music)
(clicking)
- Fuck continuity.
- Yeah.
(curious music)
Fuck continuity.
Will you teach me how to edit?
- Sure.
That's what I'm doing.
(clicks) (film reel whirring)
The one over on the left.
Yeah, yeah, that one.
(whirring)
It's good.
(curious music)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
Hello? - Vikar, my man!
- You sound far away?
- Yeah, 'cause I'm in the fucking depths of the Philippines!
Good surfin' here! (guns firing)
But look, this call's expensive,
so I'm gonna get right to it.
I need you to come down here for a couple months.
- What?
- I wrote a nightmarish war film.
Napalm, wild armies, drugs, the heart of fuckin' darkness!
We need need someone to put her up together
while we're shootin' if we're gonna hit our schedule.
Dotty says you've got a hell of an eye.
You got a passport, son?
- Passport, no.
- Of course you don't.
That'll take an extra day, but we can do it!
- No, I can't leave.
- [Viking Man] Why the fuck not?
- I don't ...
I don't want to leave Hollywood.
- Jesus Christ, Vikar, I love you,
but you're being a fuckin' pussy right now.
(booming)
Don't you understand?
This is Hollywood.
- What do you mean?
- This godforsaken stretch of jungle is fuckin' Hollywood!
Manila's Holltwood, Paris, Tokyo, fuckin' Norway!
The only place that isn't Hollywood is fuckin' Hollywood!
Now get your ass over here!
(soft music)
- [Soledad] Vikar!
- [Vikar] One minute!
- Are you going somewhere?
- Philippines.
- Right now?
- She's getting big.
(soft music)
- Yeah, they do that.
Well, it looks like your career is really taking off.
Mine is going absolutely nowhere.
- [Vikar] You're going nowhere?
- Well ...
I mean, I'm here, auditioning for a part
in The Long Goodbye.
But I don't think I'll get it.
- If I made all the movies,
I'd put you in every single one.
(emotional music)
(booming)
- Vikar.
There you are.
Good to see you.
- I made it. - Yeah.
Here's the story.
We're shooting for eight months.
Everything grinds to a fuckin' halt
when the big guy shows up.
- [Vikar] Last Tango in Paris, The Wild One,
Streetcar Named Desire.
- Yeah, the man himself.
Shh, shh, shh.
- [Director] Marker. (clacking)
Action!
- [Marlon Brando] Okay, I'll think of adding more dialogue.
We'll see.
- [Vikar] What's going on?
- [Viking Man] Marlon's being Marlon.
- (smacks) All right, stop!
(chuckling) Okay, Marlon.
I just need you to say the dialogue.
It's T.S. Eliot.
Good enough for most people,
but go ahead, paraphrase it, do what you have to do.
Please!
- T.S. Eliot was my idea.
- I don't want to die in the jungle, Marlon.
I don't want to die in the jungle!
Now let's go!
Action!
(soft music)
- The eyes are turned from in sleep,
and demise of the castle that disappears.
You see them, the light from a battered beam.
Further and more dignified than they dying sun.
(exploding)
(film whirring)
- Vikar!
My man!
What have you got for me?
- I cut together the battle sequence
that you guys shot yesterday.
- Let's see it.
(whirring)
(booming)
(chuckling)
(booming)
Oh hell, Dotty was right.
The Stevens kid's got a hell of an eye.
I don't know what the hell you're doing,
but it's working, son.
- Fuck continuity.
- That's right, fuck it.
- Have you seen Vampiros Lesbos?
- Soledad's masterpiece, yeah, I've seen it.
- I don't think it's a very good movie.
- You'd be spot fuckin' on about that one.
Jesus Christ!
You're still hung up on her, Vikar?
She's unpredictable, she's unreliable.
She's actually crazy.
She was institutionalized in Scandinavia.
I told you about that.
This.
The work, Vikar.
This you can depend on.
You're good at this shit, you're really good at it.
There's something different.
(patting)
Keep it up, Vikar.
(troubling music)
- [Man] Mr. Vikar, telephone.
- Hello.
- [Man On Phone] Mr. Jerome, do you know who I am?
- No.
- [Man] I'd like to fly you to New Work, work on a project.
- Can you tell me about it?
- It's a new film, it's very delicate.
It stars Vic Thorn, Soledad Paladin.
Do you know who she is?
- Yes.
How far is New York?
- What?
Just get over here.
Flying from LA.
(energetic rock music)
- Mr. Jerome.
Your head precedes you.
Mitch Rondell.
President of production.
- Call me Vikar with a K.
- None of what I've told you
has gotten out to the press, but it will.
In fact, until the Guild sorts it out,
this picture is officially directed by nobody.
We are unofficially scheduled to screen events,
which brings us to you.
Viking Man says you're very good.
We're more than willing to match what you currently make
and increase that by 25%.
27%.
31%.
Done.
- I'm not working on anything right now.
- Okay, back to 25%. (chuckling)
- I will edit your movie.
- Great!
We didn't have to do all this talking, did we?
Welcome aboard.
(clacking)
(whirring)
(unsettling electronic music)
(ethereal music)
(breathing heavily)
(knocking)
- Boo.
So ...
You are editing my film.
- Yeah.
- I didn't know until Rondell told me.
- I've been watching you for weeks.
- I play the model's friend.
- [Vikar] Yes, I know.
- I auditioned for the model.
- They should have cast you.
- I was also supposed to play the gangster's girlfriend
in The Long Goodbye.
- The scene with the Coke bottle.
- And at the last second, the director decided
that nobody would smash my face with a Coke bottle.
- The director, Robert Altman, M*A*S*H,
Brewster McCloud, McCabe and Mrs. Miller.
- Yeah, him.
Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't do it, though,
because I talked to him like a year later,
and he said that that actress went to a party,
her boyfriend took LSD, bit her nose off,
jumped out a window and died.
Could have been me.
- And your nose.
- And my nose.
- Where's your daughter?
- She's in LA with friends.
She's a big girl now.
Are you doing anything right now?
Let's go dancing.
- I know a very good club.
(energetic rock music)
(crowd shouting)
¶ So messed up ¶
¶ I want you here ¶
¶ In my room ¶
¶ I need you here ¶
¶ Now we're gonna be face to face ¶
¶ And I'll lay you down in favorite place ¶
¶ Now I wanna be your dog ¶
¶ Come on ¶
(bright electronic music)
¶ Touch the sin of the fountain ¶
¶ Oh baby touch the sin of the fountain ¶
¶ It's the inner sense ¶
(phone ringing)
- Hello.
- [Vikar] I cheated on Elizabeth Taylor.
(chuckling)
- Don't you know there's no such thing as cheating
when you go to the movies?
You can fall in love with whoever you want,
sleep with whoever you want,
live happily ever after as often as you want.
Liz would understand more than anybody.
(chuckling)
- Dotty?
When you were working on A Place in the Sun,
did you know what it was gonna be?
- You mean did I know it was gonna be great?
- [Vikar] Yeah.
- Of course not.
- You didn't?
- Young man, most pictures, they come and they go.
A really good picture, like ...
say Casablanca.
- Casablanca.
- They seem to live beyond the time they're made,
and then a few sublime, perfect pictures,
like The Third Man, The Shop Around the Corner,
that silent film Joan of Arc,
they seem to live before they're even made.
- The movie's in all times, and all times are in the movies.
- Yeah, sure.
But the making of any movie is always in the here and now.
- I see.
I love you, Dotty.
- I love you too, honey.
Take care.
(ethereal music)
- You know what, I have to make a quick stop.
Here's fine.
I'll be right back.
- [Vikar] Where are you going?
- [Soledad] It'll be just a second.
- [Vikar] I'll come with you.
- No, no, no.
You hold the cab.
I'm gonna be right back.
(unsettling music)
(gasping)
I always loved you.
(gasps)
(clicks)
(smacks)
(sighs)
(clicks) (whirring)
(backwards speech)
(clicks)
(whirring)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Rondell] Vikar, you are behind schedule.
Are you fucking around on me?
- [Vikar] I've been, uh ...
- I'm having a gig at my house tomorrow.
Get your ass there!
That's it!
You got it?
(slams phone)
(tense music)
- I always loved you.
What does he want to talk about?
- [Vikar] I don't know.
I don't want to be here.
- Vikar!
Get over here.
You're here with Soledad?
- [Vikar] Yeah.
- You think you have a chance with her?
I'm the producer. (chuckling)
You're a fucking editor.
You know what the joke in Hollywood is?
The Polish girl is so stupid she sleeps with the writer.
But even the Polish girl isn't stupid enough
to sleep with the editor!
What does an editor do?
You just sit there and snip, snip, snip, snip.
I'm the producer!
I'm getting shit done.
Did you put the sex scene in, huh?
- No.
- I shot that sex scene!
- I don't think it's a very good scene.
- You don't think it's a very good scene?
That took me a week and a half to shoot that,
and I used three cameras for that!
- [Vikar] I'm not putting in that scene.
- You put that scene in!
- I'm not putting the scene in!
- Put that scene in, you hear me?
That's the only reason why she's in the movie.
Do you think people want to see her act?
You want to see who gets the girl?
We'll see who gets the girl.
All right, everybody!
Out by the pool!
(guests cheering)
Follow me.
You know the way to go.
Right this way.
All right!
Come on.
Here we go.
(guests cheering)
All right, everyone ready to have some fun?
Yeah!
Let me hear you.
Sing along, okay?
A one, a two, a one two three four.
¶ Lum di lum di lie ¶
Oh yeah!
(upbeat R&B music)
Woohoo!
¶ Well this cat named Mickey came from out of town ¶
¶ Spreading this new dance all around ¶
¶ And in a just a matter of a few days ¶
¶ His dance became the new teenage craze ¶
¶ Come on let's do Mickey's monkey children ¶
¶ Oh yeah let's do Mickey's monkey children ¶
¶ Lum di lum di lie ¶
(Cork popping)
(spraying)
(splashing)
(cheering)
Woo!
Who's having fun?
All right!
(breathing deeply)
(door opening)
- [Soledad] Where'd you go?
(door closing)
- That house is where they filmed your scene.
- My death scene?
How does it feel watching me die?
- I like watching you die,
because I can bring you back to life.
- Well I don't think the movie
would make very much sense if you did that.
The movie's really saved you, huh?
- I feel like I've known you a very long time.
(kisses head)
- [Montgomery Clift] What's it gonna be like next week?
All summer long?
(ethereal music)
- [Vikar] You have Joan of Arc's eyes.
- [Soledad] When I was young, I felt like Joan of Arc.
- [Vikar] What do you mean?
- [Soledad] They put me in a hospital when I was a teenager.
They tried to erase who I was.
The hospital was in Oslo, Norway.
- [Vikar] Oslo.
(smashing)
(fire crackling)
(breathing heavily)
- What?
- I saw, I saw, I saw!
- What?
- On the screen.
I saw you in Joan of Arc again.
You were burning.
Oslo.
- Shh, shh, shh.
It's okay now.
- You told me something about Oslo.
- Shh, it's okay.
(unsettling music)
(door creaking)
(upbeat music)
- Gentlemen.
Watch this right here.
I directed this scene.
Something else, huh?
Oh, it gets better.
Three cameras.
- You killed the movie!
- Vikar, what are you doing here?
- You killed my movie!
- Scene's not over.
Continue watching, gentlemen.
It's all right.
Hey, Mike.
Really liking the way that disco movie is looking.
Who's that fella, John Travalina?
Those moves!
Really fun!
What the fuck are you doing?
That's my executive team in there!
- You stole my movie!
- It's not your movie!
It's my movie, and I hired you to do it!
- It's not finished yet!
(papers rustling)
- Well if I waited on you, Cassavetes, it'd take 10 years!
- It's art!
It's art! - It's not art!
- It's art, it takes time!
- Shut up!
Stop saying it's art!
- So I'm fired?
- I brought on Walter Merch.
He's a very smart editor, very hip.
- [Vikar] I know who he is.
- Even he doesn't get it, all right?
He watched the first 10 minutes
and thought you were completely incompetent!
But by the time he got to the end,
he said no, that wasn't it.
So I asked him, I said, "What are you saying to me?
"Is he a genius?"
He said, "No, of course not.
"There are no geniuses."
- Billy Wilder.
Sunset Boulevard.
- Shut up!
"But what I am telling you is that
"he's editing in a way that I've never seen done before,
"so we should stick with it.
"Otherwise, we ruin the aesthetic continuity of the piece."
- Fuck continuity!
- Would you shut up?
To answer your question, Vikar with a K,
you're not fired, at least not for now.
Just go finish it!
Hey.
Hey!
Leave the Soledad thing alone.
For your own good.
Actresses ...
They're nothing but trouble.
(ethereal music)
(siren wailing)
- You know what, can you go right here please?
You stay here, you keep the cab.
I'll be right back, okay?
- Hold on.
- [Soledad] Just stay right here.
I'll be right back.
Love you. - Soledad!
(car door slamming)
- [Soledad] What are you doing here?
- [Vikar] This is how you treat your daughter?
- Stop, stop.
Stop!
- Zazi!
(jostling door handle)
(glass shattering) (screaming)
- Stop it!
You're scaring her, stop!
- [Vikar] Get out.
- [Zazi] I'm okay.
- You're both staying with me.
- [Film Narrator] A murder has been reported
from one of those great big houses in the 10,000 block.
You will read about it in late editions, I'm sure.
You'll get it over your radio and see it on television.
Because an old time star is involved.
One of the biggest.
But before you hear it all distorted
and blown out of proportion.
Before those Hollywood columnists get their hands on it.
- [News Reporter] Channel 2.
Good morning.
This is WCBS TV, New York City,
beginning another day of broadcasting here on Channel 2
but authority of the Federal Communications Commission.
WCBS TV is owned by CBS Incorporated
and operated by the CBS Television Safety Division.
(rummaging)
The programs broadcast by this station
are for viewing by the public without charge
and may not be rebroadcast, recorded, or otherwise used
without the prior written permission of CBS Incorporated.
This is the seal of good practice.
It identifies WCBS TV as a subscr--
(car horn honking)
- Hey.
I'm sorry about the window.
- You were mad, I get it.
She lies to everyone.
Some day, you'll understand that.
I watched Casablanca after you fell asleep.
It was pretty cool.
- I believe it's a very good movie.
- Except for this one thing.
In the end, Bogart gives this big speech about ...
you know, why they can't be together,
and they have to do what's right,
and that her place is with her husband.
And then he says, "Some day you'll understand that."
And that really pissed me off!
Because she understood the whole time.
It's why she left him in the first place.
She spent the entire movie trying to get him to understand,
and now he's telling her?
It's bullshit! (sighs)
- I think you're right.
- I think I'm right too.
(film reel whirring)
(eerie music) (phone ringing)
- [Vikar] Hello.
- [Assistant] Mr. Rondell's assistant.
Sorry for the interruption.
- What's wrong?
- [Vikar] I have a message from Soledad Paladin.
She had to leave town.
- She's gone?
- [Vikar] Yes.
She's taking hiatus with her daughter
and won't be returning to New York.
But she wishes to convey her thanks to you
for helping them out while they were here.
- Yeah.
- [Assistant] Have a good day Mr. Vikar.
(upbeat rock music)
¶ When I was a young boy ¶
¶ My mama said to me ¶
¶ There's only one girl in the world for you ¶
¶ And she's probably down in Tahiti ¶
¶ I'd go the whole wide world ¶
¶ I'd go the whole wide world just to find her ¶
¶ I'd go the whole wide world ¶
¶ To find out where they hide her ¶
(film whirring)
¶ Why am I hanging around in the rain right here ¶
¶ Trying to pick up a girl ¶
¶ Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears ¶
¶ When there's girls all over the world ¶
¶ I'd go the whole wide world ¶
¶ I'd go the whole wide world just to find her ¶
¶ I'd go the whole wide world ¶
¶ To find out where they hide her ¶
(roaring)
(distressing music)
- I can't believe you pulled this off, Vikar.
Look at these cocksuckers.
They can't take their eyes off the screen.
You've got a flight to Venice waiting for you
in the morning, first class.
I'll have my assistant get in touch with you
with all the details.
Everyone listen up.
Your Pale Blue Eyes is going right to Venice.
(clapping)
- I always loved you.
(stabbing) (gasps)
I still love you.
(ethereal music)
- Where are the buttons?
(speaking in foreign language)
There are no buttons.
Where are the buttons?
(speaking in foreign language)
(glass clinking)
(cameras snapping)
(speaking in foreign language)
(applauding)
- That's not my name.
(speaking in foreign language)
(audience applauding)
That's not my name.
(crowd applauding)
(shouting) (cameras snapping)
I'm setting the record straight.
My name is Vikar with a K!
- How do you feel about A Place in the Sun?
- I believe it's a very good movie.
- What are some of your other favorites films?
- I believe Belle Du Jour is a very good movie.
I believe the Passion of Joan of Arc is a very good movie.
I believe The Third Man and The Shop Around the Corner
are sublime movies that existed before they were made!
The Searchers, which is a wicked badass movie
whenever The Duke is onscreen,
evil white racist honky pig fucker though he may be!
I'm just trying to set the record straight!
(shouting)
Do you think they got the part about my name?
- I'm sure.
(shouting)
- Mr. Jerome!
- [Rondell] I've been reading in the trades
what you said to the press.
- [Vikar] It was only this morning.
- [Rondell] Well, news travels fast, Vikar.
- [Vikar] They got my name wrong.
- [Rondell] I'm not talking about your name, Vikar.
- In Hollywood, it's important
that they're straight on the name.
- [Rondell] Well in Hollywood,
you know what they're straight on, Vikar?
The fact that you're a lunatic.
And by lunatic, I mean that no one
can figure out what you're gonna do next.
And they don't want to miss out on it.
Do you understand what I'm getting at?
- Have you seen Soledad and Zazi?
- [Rondell] What's that?
- Soledad!
- [Rondell] Oh, yeah.
You know, she's just doing her thing.
- Do you know if she's all right?
- [Rondell] Don't you worry about Soledad.
She's a survivor, all right?
Oh, and by the way, my condolences on Dotty Langer.
- What?
- [Rondell] That editor.
I know she was important to you.
(knocking)
- There's someone at the door.
- Oh!
Good!
That's you present.
I got you something special to celebrate.
Enjoy yourself.
It's gonna be a great night.
(mysterious music)
- Rondell send me.
(uneasy music)
(scraping)
- Vikar!
The conquering hero returns!
Get over here!
You were right, the editor can save a movie.
I was wrong, and I'm never wrong.
Get in here.
Come here, come here.
(chuckling) (patting back)
Ah!
Good to see you.
Have a seat.
Please.
So, what's next?
What are we gonna do next?
- Soledad. - Soledad.
Viker.
Come on, not this again.
That's not gonna happen.
- [Vikar] I want to see Soledad.
- Listen.
I consider you a friend, all right?
We can talk, 'cause we're friends.
We've been through a lot, but we're friends.
Soledad's living here with me.
She's here.
- She's here?
- No, she's not here right now here.
But I mean, she's here.
We're ...
We're living together.
- Where's Zazi?
- Zazi's here too.
Vikar!
Hey!
Vikar!
Come on!
(uneasy music)
- Hi.
- I want you to promise me something.
- What?
- If anything ever happens to me,
you'll take care of my little girl.
- I promise.
- [Soledad] This is a very weird movie.
- [Vikar] Yes.
- See you in the movies, Vikar.
(mysterious music)
(birds chirping)
- Today we gather to grieve the loss of our lovely Soledad.
If I had to say one thing about Soledad
and one thing only, I would say this.
She was the light of my life.
And I was the light of hers.
I can say that with extreme confidence.
She was a unique individual, a true one in a million.
Unfortunately, she never found
that one movie. - I'm sorry.
- [Rondell] That one quintessential piece of work
that would show off her artistic talents.
- Just listen to this asshole.
- Then again, what is talent?
Anyone really know?
I know she had many physical talents
that she shared with many, many people.
- It's just a cliche.
You know all of it.
And I know that I'm a cliche.
The precocious, bitter teenager.
- Where've you been?
- I've been working.
Making music with some friends.
- Can I help you?
- [Rondell] Somewhere that we'll probably never know.
Only she knew.
All I can say and all I can hope--
- Can I come stay with you for a while.
- [Rondell] Flying with her butterfly friends right now.
¶ People say I'm the life of the party ¶
¶ 'Cause I tell a joke or two ¶
¶ Although I may be laughing loud and hearty ¶
¶ Deep inside I'm blue ¶
¶ So take a good look at my face ¶
¶ You'll see my smile looks out of place ¶
¶ If you look closer it's easy to trace ¶
¶ The tracks of my tears ¶
¶ Ooh ¶ (Punches)
(splashing)
Vikar!
Fuck you!
- Zazi!
- Fucking asshole!
All right, everyone.
I think that does it.
Thanks for coming.
You dip shit!
- How long have you been in a band?
- Couple months.
I'm the weak link though.
All the others have played for a while.
It's your fault, you know.
I would've never seen Patti Smith at CBGB
if you hadn't taken mom there.
- [Robber] Keep your mouth shut and empty your pockets.
Nice and slow.
- Okay.
- Oh, man!
A Place in the Sun!
Yo, it's me!
My Darling Clementine?
Sunset Boulevard?
What's it been, five, six years?
- 11 years.
- Oh, man!
See any good movies lately?
- The Long Goodbye, Robert Altman.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Stony detective, I can dig it.
Real cool.
You see Scorsese's latest?
- Taxi Driver?
- No, man!
Raging Bull!
Oh, you gotta see that one!
That's all I can tell you.
It's ...
It's like a opera for boxing.
It's about the confusion of white folks,
how they think they all civilized and shit,
arias playing overhead, all while they beat the shit
outta other folks, black folks!
White America needs to see who the are, the animal inside!
'Cause they all a bunch of raging bulls
trying to keep the Black Panther down!
In the end, DeNiro gets the shit
beat outta him by Sugar Ray!
Okay? (laughing)
"You never got me down, Ray.
"You never got me down."
- Is this a robbery or a movie review.
- I don't know.
How much you got on you?
(bills rustling)
- Like $138.
- You think I could just get the $38?
I'm pretty strapped.
- Take the $100.
- Ah, man.
- [Vikar] Get to see a movie.
- You know what?
For a freaky white boy, you are okay.
- Thank you.
- Oh, and kudos on Venice.
I saw the article in Variety.
- Thank you.
- Hey.
Take care, Sid and Nancy.
- [Man In Film] Do you want gold?
- [Man In Film] Yes.
(howling)
- This is fucking weird.
- What?
- It's fucking weird.
I like it though.
(moving music)
Oh my god!
He's melting his poop.
Is that poop perfume?
- [Man In Film] You can change yourself into gold.
(cheery music)
- Did you see that?
- What?
What, Vikar?
- Come on.
- No, we can't just leave-- - Shh!
- Okay.
Gosh.
So loud.
(film whirring)
Vikar, we can't go up here!
Vikar!
(clacking)
- What are you doing?
- Run!
Run!
(breathing heavily)
(film whirring)
(mysterious music)
- Hey.
I heard you were looking for a print of Joan of Arc.
(whirring)
(clicks)
Did you find what you were looking for?
- No.
I was sure I saw this image in the film years ago.
- [Stranger] But whatever you saw was not
the real passion of Joan of Arc.
- What do you mean?
- It was a substitute.
The original vanished in 1928.
Dryer was able to reassemble it
using outtakes and bits and pieces from a print that he had.
Joan of Arc is a masterpiece, but it's made up of leftovers.
- Where's the real film?
- [Stranger] It doesn't exist.
- It doesn't exist.
- But there are rumors that an original cut of the film
circulated mental institutions.
- Mental institutions?
- The rumor was that the head of an institution bought it
and showed it to patients in Oslo, Norway.
- Oslo?
- [Zazi] My mom always took me here.
I want to show it to you.
(music playing on radio)
- [Vikar] It's like from my dream.
- Get a parking spot in front of the screen.
But not too close, otherwise it'll be hard to see.
It'll be dark soon.
(mysterious music)
(film whirring)
(screaming)
Vikar!
Come back!
Where are you going?
Vikar!
Come back!
(dramatic music)
- [Soledad] They put me in a hospital when I was a teenager.
It was in Oslo.
- Soledad?
Soledad!
(film whirring)
- Ah!
Ah ha ha!
Ah!
(clacking)
(crowd shouting)
Zazi, Zazi.
Where have you been?
I've been looking for you.
- You're fucking nuts, just like my mom!
- No, I found the image!
- Oh, fuck off, Vikar!
- Come back with me-- - Fuck off!
- Woo!
(intense rock music)
- I want to dedicate this to a real motherfucker!
(cheering)
Yeah!
¶ I'm so messed up I want you here ¶
¶ In my room I want you here ¶
¶ Now we're gonna be face to face ¶
¶ As I lay right down in my favorite place ¶
¶ Now I wanna be your dog ¶
¶ Oh come on ¶
- [Montgomery CliftI was just wondering
why you invited me tonight.
(high-pitched ringing)
(mysterious music)
(ice cubs rattling)
- Monty?
- That tattoo is fantastic.
I never expected to be on the back of somebody's head.
- I think it's a very good movie.
Your face, it's all better.
- Yeah, it's better.
- Was it bad?
- [Monty] How's that?
- The accident.
Did it hurt?
- Yeah, it was bad.
Can't pretend it wasn't.
Liz, she ...
She saved my life.
- Elizabeth Taylor?
- She reached into my mouth
and pulled my teeth out of my throat.
She's the only reason I didn't choke to death.
(chuckles) Yeah.
Gave her the teeth later as a keepsake.
- You gave her the teeth?
- You really should have a drink.
(eerie music)
(rustling)
- Am I possessed?
Am I possessed by the movies?
- Just because you love something
doesn't mean it loves you back.
- Why me?
- Is it really just you?
- There's a secret movie that's been hidden
in all the movies ever made.
Who made it?
Who put it there?
- [Monty] The secret movie, the one that's hidden
frame by frame in all of the other movies.
- Yeah.
- [Monty] Perhaps someone is showing you a way out.
Or a way in.
(suspenseful music)
- I'm so tired
- [Montgomery] I know.
- [Vikar] I haven't slept.
- I know.
- [Vikar] For days.
- It's been longer than that.
Since before you came to Hollywood.
Since before you ever went to the movies.
- Yes.
- Since you were just a little boy.
- [Vikar] Yes.
- You must sleep now.
(breathing heavily)
- She's waiting for you.
The most beautiful woman in the world
is waiting for you to come to her right now.
(disturbing music)
(ethereal music)
- [Man] This morning.
I should probably call the police.
- You probably should.
Oh, Vikar.
Never got your place in the sun, did you?
(film whirring)
- Penny.
- For what?
- For your thoughts.
Highest prices paid.
- I was just wondering why you invited me tonight.
- Oh, 'cause of my reasons.
(sentimental music)
- Good evening, Miss Vickers.
- Good evening.
- Good evening, Miss Vickers.
- Monty Clift is so beautiful.
- Liz Taylor's not too bad herself.
This is the best scene in the whole movie.
(sentimental music)
- Aren't you happy with me?
- Happy?
The trouble is I'm too happy tonight.
- Stop, wait stop, stop the film!
- [Viking Man] I'm warning you, Zazi!
It's gonna burn!
- It's so deep and far away.
- [Viking Man] Why am I doing this?
(clicks)
- Shh!
(sentimental music)
They finally got their Hollywood ending.
(sentimental music)
(crackling)
(energetic rock music)
¶ So what if you're at the front of the line ¶
¶ I'm pushing in ¶
¶ I've got no time to argue ¶
¶ As long as I'm all right ¶
¶ But if you were to get to the top i'll step right in ¶
¶ I've got a lot to do ¶
¶ As long as I'm okay ¶
¶ I couldn't care less if you're going down ¶
¶ Don't give me your hand ¶
¶ I'd rather see you drown ¶
¶ You know it doesn't really matter to me if you fall ¶
¶ I'm all right so sod you ¶
¶ I'm okay so sod you ¶
¶ Couldn't care less so sod you sod you ¶
(film whirring)
(shotgun blasting)
¶ I've been out tonight and nothing's free at all ¶
¶ And you enjoy yourself ¶
¶ If I see you walking down the street ¶
¶ I'll laugh in your face to tell who to be ¶
¶ I know I never let it happen to me at all ¶
¶ I'm all right so sod you ¶
¶ I'm okay so sod you ¶
¶ Couldn't care less so sod you sod you ¶
¶ Sod you sod you sod you sod you ¶
¶ Sod you sod you sod you sod ¶
¶ I'm all right so sod you ¶
¶ I'm okay so sod you ¶
¶ Couldn't care less so sod you sod you ¶
¶ I'll never hang around and wait for you ¶
¶ Friend to decide my fate it's all right ¶
¶ I've got it all worked out ¶
¶ And now it's time for you to step aside ¶
¶ Go home and join your precious wife ¶
¶ 'Cause I don't need you here ¶
¶ You shouldn't blame me for the way I get on ¶
¶ You see I'm only looking after number one ¶
¶ You should have realized the way things ¶
¶ would be from the start ¶
¶ I'm all right so sod you ¶
¶ I'm okay so sod you ¶
¶ Couldn't care less so sod you sod you ¶
¶ I'm all right so sod you ¶
¶ I'm okay so sod you ¶
¶ Couldn't care less so sod you sod you ¶
¶ Sod you ¶
(nostalgic music)