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(Camera shutters clicking)
-(Indistinct chattering) -(Laughter)
(Doorman) Good evening, sir. This way.
Champagne?
Aw. Look!
(Woman laughs)
Bob! Gorgeous.
-(Woman) Yes. Isn't he adorable? -Ooh.
(Man) Look at that.
(Gasps)
(Woman 1) Oh! Bob the cat!
(Woman 2) Look at that.
There he is.
There's great demand for his work right now.
(Photographer) This way! Thank you, sir. Perfect.
Can I have everybody's attention, please?
Thank you.
Welcome, everybody, to our annual authors' Christmas party.
-(All clapping) -(Man) Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
Some of you are familiar faces and some of you are new,
and it is such a pleasure to see all of you here today.
It's going to be a tremendous evening,
-with some fabulous speakers. -Oh, yeah. Thanks, mate.
But I would first like to welcome...
-Here you are, Bob. Shh. -...one of our new authors,
James Bowen, and his companion, Bob.
(Guests applauding)
(Man) Well done. There you go.
The story of how these two lost souls met and saved each other
here on the streets of London
has touched readers from all over the world.
And we are delighted to announce
that James is hard at work on his new book about their adventures.
Aren't you, James?
Which we cannot wait to publish next August.
(All applauding)
What are we doing here, mate?
(All speaking indistinctly)
So, erm, Mr Bowen, what does the big day hold in store for you?
Oh, you know, turkey with the trimmings, I guess,
in front of the TV.
Pigs in blankets for him.
So, nothing special, then?
Oh, that's pretty special for us.
Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't mean...
(Woman) Can I say hello to Bob?
(James) Oh, Jacqueline Wilson.
Hello, Jacqueline.
-Hi. -Yeah, of course.
Thank you. Hello, Bob.
-Love your books. -Oh. That's so nice.
-Not Bob, obviously. Can't read. -(Laughs)
But, erm, yeah.
I see you're sneaking away. I don't blame you.
Such a posh invite. Couldn't say no.
I know. Congratulations, though, on your new book.
Or should I say commiserations?
-I recognised the look on your face. -You did?
You haven't started it yet, have you?
Not yet, no. I can't, erm, settle on a story.
I know the feeling. I'm sure you'll get an idea soon.
They often happen when you least expect it.
So, good luck with it, anyway.
Thank you. Lovely to meet you.
And you too.
(Woman) Aw, Merry Christmas, Jay!
(Man 1) Come and get your mulled wine.
(Man 2) Nice cat, mate.
(Man 3) Thank you. Merry Christmas.
(Crowd chattering)
(Man 4) Ready, ladies and gentlemen? Here we go.
-That's it. Like that. -(Crowd cheering)
-(Woman) Can you believe this man?
(Man 5) Merry Christmas.
-(Boy) Get off! -(Man) Get his legs!
-I haven't done anything. Get off me. -You're causing a scene.
-Hold him down. -(Yells) Get off me.
(Boy) I haven't done anything. You're hurting me. Get off.
(Man) You're causing a scene, all right? Stay down.
-Stay down. -I haven't done anything.
(Man) Stay down. Or you're gonna hurt yourself.
-Hey! Hey! What's going on? -Hold him. Hold...
Why are you holding him down on the ground like this?
-Does it need three of you, really? -(Police siren wailing)
Well, well, well. If it isn't cat boy.
-Long time no see. -It's you.
Still your old charming self, I see.
Tell you what, you can sling your hook right away.
(Police officer) All right, what's going on?
Just standard stuff, really, love.
Er, illegal busker. Got a bit punchy, but we calmed him down.
-(Boy) What's wrong with you? -Excuse me, Officer.
-I thought I told you to piss off. -Do you know this person?
No, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't breaking the law.
Yeah, he was busking over there, in Camden,
not there in the Borough of Westminster.
And?
And you need a permit to busk in Westminster.
-You don't need one in Camden. -Oh.
-All right, phone it in. -Look, this is stupid.
Can we just charge this guy and then we can all go home?
Charge him with what? Playing his guitar?
You knew he was legal, didn't you?
(Despatcher) Control. That's confirmed.
He's right. Let him go.
Let, let him go? Let him go?
(Boy groans)
-(Man) It's unbelievable. -That's assault.
-I wanna press charges. -Walk away. Just walk away. Trust me.
(Police officer) Calm down. He hasn't done anything wrong.
-But he's getting away. -I said calm down.
(Scoffs)
So what's the story? Are you Harry Potter's lawyer?
-Excuse me? Mm. -All that legal stuff.
Borough of this and that, and a magic cat on your shoulder.
Let's just say I'm familiar with the law.
It's a pretty chill cat.
-(Purrs) -(James) Most of the time.
Yeah.
Saw him giving the eye to that dickhead back there.
-Yeah. -He knows you, doesn't he?
Yeah. Ghost of Christmas Past.
Him and Bob and me have a bit of history.
Bob.
That's one house burger.
-Can I get the bill, please? -Yes, right away.
-And a saucer? -Mm-hm.
Thank you.
They do serve something resembling food
at the Christmas shelters, you know.
That obvious, eh?
Haven't been to a shelter since this.
Stanley knife. Sliced straight through my sleeping bag.
Lucky they only took my money belt.
OK.
Have you tried Monmouth Street?
There's a warm air vent above the kitchen to that hotel.
You're one of them outreach workers.
No. God squad?
I used to be in the same boat as you.
I was homeless too.
I ended up on heroin.
Junkies. Hate 'em.
Not as much as they hate themselves.
So how'd you get clean? Magic cat?
-He helped me get clean, -(Purrs)
learn a few lessons I needed to learn.
Like that.
Fall down seven times, get up eight.
Except sometimes you can't.
Cos you've got nothing to get up for.
Cos you feel like you're nothing, got nothing to give.
-I know. I know. -You don't know anything.
I don't know why I came here. Just so someone else can preach at me.
That is all anyone does, especially at this time of year.
I should have just let them bang me up over Christmas.
Sit down, OK? Finish your food.
All right. Just give me five minutes. No preaching, cross my heart.
Just a story.
OK? Sit down.
Five minutes.
It was a few years ago. After I got clean.
The last Christmas me and Bob worked on the streets.
(Beeping)
(Sighs)
(Beeping continues)
(Sighs)
(Calling Bob)
(Sighs) Yeah. Don't blame you, mate.
(Sighs)
(Beeping)
-(Miaows) -(Lighter clicks)
Not even a please?
Sorry, mate. Guess we're out. (Blows)
No. No, no, no. Oi, you.
Stay there. Stay there, OK?
Back before you know it.
-(Indistinct chatter) -(Spray cans hissing)
(Bell over door chimes)
Don't let the elephants out.
Ah. Where is my good friend Bob?
He, er, sent me to fetch his breakfast.
Hmm. I told you he was the wise one round here.
What time do you close tonight?
I've gotta top up my electric after work.
Er, 10:00.
Got a late delivery. Christmas stock.
Another week of that word.
Hmm. Not exactly my favourite time of year either.
(Cash register beeping)
-(Cash register tray dings) -Oh.
Oh, it's the anniversary. I'm sorry, Moody.
Ah, it's OK.
(Sighs) Anyway,
Christmas is all right.
We have all to believe in something. Hmm?
Christmas. Krishna.
Cricket. (Chuckles)
I suppose I'm Buddish.
Buddish?
Yeah, I sort of believe in Buddhism.
Karma, all that kind of stuff.
Ah, Karma.
What goes around comes around.
Like the poor butter maker.
Why do I feel one of your stories coming on?
(Chuckles) He was a farmer.
His best customer was a shop owner
who ordered one kilo of butter every month.
In return, he paid the farmer flour, beans and...
one kilo of sugar.
OK.
One day, the shop owner weighed the butter,
but it was only 900 grams, not a kilo.
Ooh, he got very angry.
"I am going to call the police on you."
(Both chuckle)
The farmer, he was polite.
He said he was a poor man,
couldn't afford to buy the weights for his scales,
so he measured the butter with the only weight he had.
The kilo of sugar.
Exactly.
Do good, it will be repaid. (Exhales)
-Do bad... -Less butter on your bread.
(Chuckles)
Here.
-For Bob. -Aww.
Merry Krishna.
Thank you.
(Woman) ♪ Oh, bring us some figgy pudding
♪ Oh, bring us some figgy pudding
♪ And bring it right here
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
A merry Christmas and... ♪
Oh, surprise! (Laughs)
-Bloody hell. -I used your spare key.
Do you like it? I thought you could use some Christmas cheer.
There's a lot of things I could use right now.
Like getting my gas and hot water back on.
Haven't had a shower in three days.
Thought there was a nasty niff in the air.
(Sighs) Come on. Good boy.
Nan always did this in my family.
Bits of wisdom, prayers, wishes for the New Year.
You write things you were thankful for in the old one
and then you just hang them on the tree.
"Thank you for James's friendship."
See? It's not so bad.
"Angels are all around us if we just know where to look."
Seriously?
You really don't like the holidays, do you, Ebenezer Grinchface?
(James sighs)
I need to work out what's gonna keep me and Bob going for the month.
(Sighs, clears throat)
-(Mutters) Fifteen... -(Miaows)
(Exhales)
Go on, then, Grinchface. Give us the news.
I need 200 quid to last the month.
What?
Fifteen to get gas and electric back. Then four quid a day.
Bus and tube, say 40 quid.
Papers to sell during the Christmas rush.
Two weeks' food for me and Bob.
-Call that 50 more. -OK.
It's been ages since he's had a check-up. Gotta see a vet soon.
Still seems a lot. Especially the heating.
Earth to Bea.
We're in the worst cold snap for years.
Earth to Grinchface.
Homeless guy came in to us last week with frostbite. He lost three toes.
I got given this place for a good reason, you know.
And no one is regretting giving it to you.
It was a big step, and they were happy to help.
Hold on.
A friend. Dr Becky.
She's doing a free vet clinic at the project on Friday.
Bring Bob.
-(Bob miaows) -(Clattering)
(James laughs)
If you two are still speaking.
OK, mate. You stay there, all right? It's cold out.
No, Bob. Bob. Stay. Stay.
All right, mate.
Come on, then. (Sighs)
Come on, then. Let's go.
-(Woman) There's your daddy. -Hey, darling. How'd you get on?
Well, she did very good, but we have to stop giving her all those treats.
OK.
A tale of two kitties, eh, Bob?
If I could afford it, I would, you know.
(Indistinct announcement over PA)
-Spare some change? -No, mate.
-Hey, James. -Hey.
-Busking in town? -Maybe later.
-See how the papers go first. -Ah.
-You've got competition today. -Yeah.
Any spare change for fighting poverty?
-Hey, mate. You got any spare change? -No.
No? You got a nice suit, though. Any spare change? No?
All right, Bob.
Good boy.
-(Man) Hello, love, you all right? -OK, Bob.
Get your blanket out.
Here you are, Bob. Good boy.
(Man) Any spare change?
All right, mate. There you go.
-Good boy. -Any spare change would help.
-Big Issue. Big Issue! -Spare change?
-They're nice and Christmassy. -Yeah, I like it.
-(James) Give it a try. Help or buy. -It's getting busy, isn't it?
-Big Issue, madam? -Everyone's got a gimmick.
Big Issue! Big Issue, sir?
-Hello, James. -Hi, Irene.
Hello, Bob.
-Bit hectic today. -Yeah, nightmare.
-Well, must be off. -See you.
Bye, Bob.
Big Issue. Big Issue, madam?
-Big Issue. Big Issue, madam? -Ah, God bless you. God bless you.
Any spare change, please? Every little helps.
-(Snarls) -Hey. Watch where you're stepping.
Oh, piss off, mate. I can step where I like.
Just be careful is all I'm saying.
You shouldn't have your stupid cat in the way.
-Mate, I'm just trying to work here. -Well, yeah. So am I.
Right, OK. Idiot.
What'd you say? Huh? You want some, then, eh?
-Come on, then. Let's have it. -Hey, James, no.
Just walk away, OK? I'm just trying to work here.
-We can't have this out here. -He just nearly stepped on Bob.
-It shouldn't be in the way. -I've never heard of that charity.
James, people are watching. People are watching.
-You should watch yourself, mate. -(Woman) Can you go?
-All of them are just scammers. -I know.
Listen, why don't you just come back and do this tomorrow?
You're not gonna sell anything anyway, not with this lot round.
-Yeah. -OK? Sorry.
No, you're probably right.
-This way sir. Yeah. -(Camera shutters clicking)
-Yeah. Looking very good. -Look into the lens, please, sir.
Oh. What a splendid cat.
Ah. (Chuckles)
-(Bob growls) -Ah. Sorry. He's a bit hungry.
Ah. Well, I'll tell you what...
Now, you buy her something lovely to eat tonight, OK?
-Thank you so much. -Jolly good.
Let's get a photograph, shall we?
-Make it a good one. -(Woman) Great. Fabulous. Great.
Right, very good.
Er, well, happy Christmas to both of you.
-And you. Thank you. -(Man) There we are!
(Man) This way, sir!
(Photographer) Give us a smile! Lovely.
Mug.
Look at that.
A thousand... something.
(♪ Christmas carol playing)
-I'd like to change this, please. -Sure.
(Mumbles) Have you seen one of these before?
It's an Albanian lek.
Well, it's one thousand Albanian lek.
-Albanian lek. -Lek.
Which converts to just over seven...
seven pounds sterling.
Er, seven pounds and 55 pence, to be precise.
(Sighs) OK. Yeah, I'll take it.
Well, we need our commission, I'm afraid.
You see, we have a ten-pound minimum. I'm sorry.
But you could try the Albanian embassy, maybe.
-Do you know where it is? -You could Google it.
Thanks.
I like your cat.
(Man) I've just explained. I've already been to four shops.
-They're not selling it anywhere. -Oh.
-(Man) Some woman. -(James) Hey. Bloody hell.
-Are you OK? -(Man) I'll look in one other shop...
Yes. Yeah.
-Thank you. (Laughs) -Lunatic.
Look, we can, erm... Down here.
-I just didn't see him coming. -No.
-Obviously. -Erm...
-You, er, you hold onto Bob. -Ooh. Yes.
-OK. -Hello.
Some people, eh?
(Grunts) Just don't look where they're going.
There you are.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
That's OK. Don't thank me. Thank Bob.
-(Laughs) -Don't miss a thing, do you, mister?
What a character you are,
sitting there without a care in the world.
-OK, can I... -Yes.
Come on, then, Bob. Let's go. Let's go, Bob. Let's go.
-(Laughs) -OK.
Oh. Hang on. I'm sorry. Erm...
Oh, blast. I never have any cash.
Oh, don't worry. It's fine, honestly. It's OK.
Well, what's your spot? I could pop by
and buy a magazine or listen to you play.
Er, Covent Garden, or Angel, outside the tube.
Angel. Of course.
-OK. Hope you're OK. -Thank you.
(Guitar playing)
♪ That's just life
♪ I hear that said a lot
♪ That's just life
♪ Head down, shot up...
-Thank you. -(Woman) Take care.
♪ That's just life
♪ Whose life?
♪ Not mine
♪ Oh, I'll piece it together I'll make it better
♪ Take what I'm given and make it bigger... ♪
The cat's had no say about whether it's out here or not, has it?
(Animal welfare officer) Well, he doesn't have to do anything.
He's just sat there.
All I'm saying, love, is that that cat does not look happy to me.
Poor little moggy. I mean, it's freezing out here.
And imagine being stuck with a waster like that.
I mean, if you ask me, people like that,
they shouldn't even be allowed to own a hamster.
Look, I don't know who you pissed off to get you transferred to us,
but you stick to the driving and I'll stick to the animals.
And, please, don't call me that.
-All right. Sorry, sweetheart. -Give me strength.
-(Dog barks) -(Man) No! Come here!
Oi, oi. Here we go.
-(James) Get him away from my cat. -(Snarls)
(Man) Come back here you... Oi, Titan!
-Hey, can you control your dog? -You stupid mutt.
That's what I'm talking about. He's endangering that cat.
-Dragging him out here. -Fine.
You're animal welfare, aren't you? Why don't you do something?
Fine. We'll pay him a proper visit later.
But first let's sort out this comedian.
What's the matter with you?
-(Man 1) Light there, yeah? -(Woman) Light here?
(Man 1) It's a bit smudged there, yeah?
(Man 2) That's good, man. Do the side bit here.
Here you go, Bob. Look.
Hey, look. Food.
Hey, Bob, what's the matter? You not hungry?
Hey, what's the matter? Are you OK?
-Hey? Are you hurt? -(Miaows)
Did that dog do this?
OK.
Little bit of cold in there as well.
Gonna get a bit of this in. (Chuckles)
Yeah.
It's gonna be nice, Bob. Yeah. Nice bubbles.
-Nice. Nice bit of water. -(Growls)
(Chuckles) Get you all clean. Look at that. Right.
OK. Let's get this up here.
And then... You gonna come in?
Come on. Come on, Bob.
Sorry, mate. You haven't got a choice. You gotta do this.
Can't let that get infected. Come on, Bob.
Come on, Bob. There you go. Good boy.
See? Not so bad, is it?
There you go. Good boy.
Good boy. There you are. Now you like it. Well done, Bob.
Here, look.
There you go, Bob. Good boy. (Laughs) Good boy.
OK, take you out.
There you go. (Laughs) Good boy.
Let's get you wrapped up in a towel.
(Man) Yeah, just checking me socials.
Oh, I like the jumper.
Wow. Grinchface found a sense of humour. Hello, handsome.
I thought I'd take you up on the offer.
-The vet. It's today, right? -What vet?
-What? -No, I'm just kidding.
It is today. Right over there.
-You setting up for Christmas dinner? -Yeah.
We're expecting about 60. Some telly, board games...
Ah, I love a bit of Monopoly.
Well, you know what they say. "All property is theft."
I'll leave you to it. Come find me later.
OK.
(Whimpers)
(Clucking)
No, leave the chicken alone. Don't look at the chicken.
-OK, who's next? -(Dog barks)
So, this is the famous Bob.
-I've heard a lot about you. -All good, I hope.
Yeah. Yeah, all good.
So, how's he doing?
Actually, he got a bit of a scratch yesterday.
Erm, a dog went for him.
I don't know if it was that or he got caught trying to get away.
Just back here.
Erm, I didn't notice it till I got home.
-Let's have a look. -(Bob whines)
-It's OK, mate. You're OK. -Ooh. Yeah, I see.
Yeah, it's not much, but you're right to come and get it looked at.
There's always a danger of infection.
All right, well, why don't you leave him with me?
-Erm... I'll be ten minutes. -OK.
You be good. (Chuckles)
(Dr Becky whispers) I'll take care of you, Bob.
-Need a hand? -That'd be good, yeah.
What's that saying?
"Christmas isn't a season. It's a feeling."
I shouldn't fall for it, really, but I do.
Every year.
Go on, then. I can tell you're dying to.
No, it's fine. Whatever you're feeling. It's cool.
I blame Nan. She lived for Christmas.
Started soaking her plum pudding in brandy in August.
Hmm.
Decorations up the day after Bonfire Night.
Felt sorry for me, I think. Being fostered.
Had to give me twice the Christmas normal kids got. (Chuckles)
I don't know.
Maybe it's in my DNA, revering the ancestors and all.
Whatever form your family takes,
that's what Christmas is about, I think.
It's important.
Bit different for you, then?
I woke up one Christmas morning in a psychiatric ward.
(Beeping)
Didn't know where I was.
Doctor standing over me with a needle...
of God knows what. Then...
zoning out again.
How old were you?
Six. Seven.
Tested me for schizophrenia, bipolar.
That's it, then? No other Christmas memories?
I remember hearing my dad's voice on the phone one year.
(Man speaking indistinctly over phone)
(James) From the other side of the world.
Wishing he was in the next room.
But he wasn't.
(Sighs)
Look at that. It's one of the richest places on the planet.
Someone's down there right now
blowing two grand on a bottle of wine.
Yeah, and I'll send home a family of five
with macaroni and tinned fruit to last them a week.
Go figure.
Doesn't add up. It's like some of us are invisible.
No, they know we're here.
-Why else puts spikes on doorways? -Mm.
They just want us out of sight.
Yeah.
-I should, erm... -Yeah.
Right. Well, I have cleaned him up
and I've given him an injection of antibiotic.
He might be sore for a day or two,
but other than that he's in really good nick.
-Hear that, Bob? High five. -Mm-hm.
Five.
-High five. Thanks a lot. -(Laughs)
Come on, then, mister. OK, come on, then. On we go.
-Good boy. Thank you very much. -Pleasure.
It's gonna be a good day today, Bob. I can feel it.
-Aww. -(Laughs) All right.
-Ah, it's Bob! -That is Bob.
Ah.
-Hi! -Ah.
James.
James. (Breathing heavily)
-There you are. -Hi.
Guess what else I found for Bob.
-Oh, Irene, really, you don't have to. -No.
Oh. Irene. That's, erm...
Who'd like to hear some Christmas carols, Bob style?
(Crowd cheering) Yeah!
(Guitar playing)
♪ Bobbing through the snow In a one-cat open sleigh
♪ Down the streets we go Miaowing all the way
♪ Miaow, miaow, miaow
♪ Bells on Bobtails ring Making spirits bright
♪ Oh, what fun it is To sing a Bobsleigh song tonight
♪ Jingle Bob, jingle Bob Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-cat open sleigh, Hey!
(Woman) There you are, Bob.
♪ Jingle Bob, jingle Bob Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-cat open sleigh ♪
-(Crowd cheering) -Thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much.
-Hey, Bob. Thanks a lot. -There you are.
-High five? -I think he's clever.
-Good boy. That's a good boy. -(Crowd) Aww!
Excuse me, mate. Sorry, mate.
Are you gonna be here day after tomorrow?
-I can be, yeah. -Right.
I've got a big party of Asian tourists coming in.
They'd love you lot. Good money.
Pose for a few photos, a few songs. What do you think?
Yeah, that would be amazing. What time?
-Midday? -OK.
-Life saver. Good man. See you then. -All right. No worries.
(Laughs)
I know. I know.
Might have spent a little too much.
-But it was a great day. -(Coins jingling)
Look at that.
We're almost halfway there already.
And...
there's more coming.
(Exhales)
See this, Bob?
That was you and me when we were on our own.
And this...
is us together.
(Grunts and exhales)
♪ Explains a thing or two
♪ Like when I'm here I don't feel like I'm in the room
♪ Maybe it ain't normal
♪ To wanna be anywhere else soon
♪ Maybe I ain't as crazy as I think
♪ And everybody's twisted In different ways
(Woman) All right. Here you are.
♪ Someday I'll learn To love my twists and turns
♪ And everything That makes me who I am
♪ I'll be a better man ♪
(Girl laughs) Look at the cat.
-Thank you very much. -That's all right.
Good afternoon.
I'm Animal Welfare Officer Davies. This is my colleague, Mr Booth.
We wanted to chat to you about a couple of concerns.
-What sort of concerns? -Ooh, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Just wanna make sure he's happy, healthy.
Yeah, course he is. Look at him.
-What's his name? -Er, Bob.
-Bob. Nice to meet you. -Bob.
If it's OK, I'd like to take a look at him,
-maybe take a couple of photos? -Yep.
Shall I take him to the van, yeah?
-(Bob growls) -Leave it, Leon.
(Bob snarls)
-Bob. Bob, no. -It's OK, Bob.
-Just gotta be slow. -Hey, that's OK.
(Purrs)
(Miaows)
Ah, he had an injection there the other day.
-He might be a bit sore. -Injection?
Yeah, he had a little scratch. I don't know what from.
But the vet just wanted to give him some antibiotics
just to make sure it didn't get infected.
-You got the paperwork for that? -Yeah, at home.
I can send it on to you.
Yeah. Here are my details.
-Can I get yours as well? -Er, yeah.
Is Bob microchipped?
Er, yeah, under my name. James Bowen.
Sorry, I've just gotta turn this on.
You need to keep that on in case we need you.
Is there anyone else we could talk to, someone that knows you and Bob?
Er, my friend Bea. She works at a charity on Upper Street.
I can give you her number. Hang on.
(Camera shutter clicking)
-Is there anything else I can do or... -You could get a haircut.
(Ruth) Ah.
Maybe write a statement. Er, how long you've had Bob.
What his life is like. That sort of thing.
-Just in case. -In case of what?
Well, might get referred up to the authorities, see.
Might need a court to decide
whether you're fit enough to keep him or not.
In case I'm good enough to keep?
Of course I can keep... You can't take him away from me.
No, no. That's where you're wrong, sunshine. See, we can.
-Hey. Let's... let's... Hey! -If it's in the cat's best interest...
-Don't touch me. -...we can.
-Calm down. Calm down. -I didn't touch you.
-Both of you calm down, please. -He's completely fine.
Listen, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Both of you.
(All arguing indistinctly)
Bea, you gotta help me.
Someone's gonna call you about Bob. Animal welfare.
I think her name's Ruth. Bloke she's with is a total prick.
And, er, I don't know, I gave them your number.
I said you could vouch for us.
I don't know if someone targeted us or if they reported me or...
I don't know. Who'd...
-What's the matter? -Why is it always about you, James?
What's happened?
Look around you.
Break-in last night. They took everything.
All of our food, telly, computers, bedding.
Everything they could.
I mean, who the hell steals from a project
for people who've got nothing?
Can you get more stuff?
With what, James? Shirt buttons?
We haven't got any money.
Christmas Day's not happening.
Bea. Bea.
(Sighs)
(James) Is there anything else I can do?
(Ruth) Maybe write a statement. How long you've had Bob.
What his life is like. That sort of thing.
(Indistinct chatter on TV)
Lovely. Now, like every chef, I need to have a little bit of refreshment.
The chocolate chips will sort of just evenly distribute themselves.
(Bob miaows)
Right, Bob. Come on, then, Bob.
Now, let's go.
Good boy. OK.
OK, come on, then. Out we go. This way.
Let's go. This way. Good boy.
(Beeps)
All right, mate. What do you need?
-No, I'm good. -Come on, I know you.
-You like the good stuff. -I said no.
-When did you turn into such a prick? -Are you gonna piss off?
Or what?
-(Bob miaows) -Bob.
-Hey, get off! -Give me the bag.
-Get off!
-(Grunts)
(Pants)
(Groans)
(Groaning)
Are you OK?
You all right?
(Exhales)
Oh. (Sighs)
Come on, mate.
Maybe we can still do some pics. Come on.
(Sighs)
Come in, guys. Sit down.
I've just got an email asking me to comment on this.
Apparently someone sent it to the local news station.
-Calm down. -I'm working here with my cat, OK?
(Indistinct chattering)
(Ruth) Can we not, can we not do this?
(Sighs) Look, this isn't what it looks like.
It is exactly what it looks like.
It's exactly the sort of brainless behaviour
that got you transferred here in the first place.
So, I'm gonna tell you exactly what happens now.
Ruth, talk to the TV company.
Make a "no comment" comment.
We don't discuss ongoing inquiries, blah, blah, blah.
-Right. -And find witnesses.
Anyone who can tell us what the RSPCA will need to know,
if we pass it up to them.
-Is... -Bob.
Is Bob in a safe home?
Separated from other animals? You know the drill.
Oh, I've had some joy already there, boss.
Spoke to housing. Mr Bowen's in assisted accommodation.
Keeps it tidy, no other animals.
Is the animal healthy?
I need to check out his story on taking it to the vet,
but he seemed OK.
OK. Well, keep talking to people. And remember the law.
Is Bob free to display, and I quote, "normal behaviour patterns"?
And as for you, stay out of it.
(Sighs) You might be right on this one,
but I can't afford to be wrong.
I'm not gonna be plastered all over the papers.
Cruella de Muswell Hill. It's not happening.
(Phone rings)
If a guy who works on the street
is being separated from his cat at Christmas,
it's got to be done by the book. Got it?
(Ruth and Leon) Yes, boss.
Yes.
(Tour guide) Hello.
-Here we are. Is that you, yeah? -(Tourist) Hello.
Excellent. On you pop. Nice one. Hello.
(Tourist) Thank you. Hello. Thank you for a good trip.
There we go. That's you. In you go. Did you have fun?
-See the sights, yeah? (Laughs) -So stupid.
See ya.
-Yes, mate, that's the one over there. -That's the one over there.
-Yeah. -(Man) Yeah.
-Yeah, all right. Righto. -(Engine starting)
(James) There you go.
(Beeping)
(Exhaling)
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Idiot.
Stupid.
(Sighs)
That's gone as well.
(Sighs)
I'll be right back.
-(Bell over door chimes) -Don't let the elephants out.
Hi, Moody. Twenty on the electric, please.
Big freeze coming in from Greenland.
Ah, great. When?
End of the week, I think. Best tune in to the radio.
Thanks.
Er... There you are.
Do you have any tape? My guitar's bust.
Hmm.
Here. Use mine.
Oh. Thank you.
(Beeps)
-Bob, no! Ah! -(Bob miaows)
Bob! What have you...
Stinks.
Thank you.
Excuse me, ma'am. Five-minute warning.
-Calm down. -I'm working here with my cat.
(Ruth) We are conducting a routine investigation,
but we're also appealing to the public for help.
Anyone who knows the man and the cat in the video or the photograph,
please get in touch...
-Ma'am, five minutes. -Yes. Sorry, darling. Thank you.
...so that we can resolve where the cat should be.
(Mobile dialling)
(Man on radio) And they say there's a cold front coming in this weekend
just in time for Christmas.
-Might even get a bit of snow. -Brilliant.
Could be a white Christmas this year. How do we feel about that?
Hey, it's what we're dreaming about, right?
You're listening to the sounds of the season.
Traffic and weather, together on drive time.
-(Radio stops) -Are you coming, mate?
No?
I'd stay there too if I could.
See you later, monster.
(Spray cans rattling and hissing)
(Indistinct chatter)
(Man) Next batch!
Where shall I put this, Sarah? Over there?
Just back there.
Sorry. Excuse me. I'm looking for a Miss Chan. Bea Chan.
-She's just over there. -Thank you.
It looks pretty full-on.
Yeah, it was hard enough, but we just got burgled as well.
That's awful. I'm so sorry.
It's gonna be a long winter.
Then I'll be as quick as I can.
So, Bea, how long have you known Mr Bowen and Bob?
Nine months, maybe ten.
I go round to James's flat fairly regularly.
I see. Is it true that Bob was recently seen by a vet here?
-Yeah. Dr Becky. -Bob was injured somehow?
It was just a scratch.
James brought Bob in first thing. Becky fixed him right up.
-Do you want her number? -Yes, please.
Erm, so you've known them almost a year.
Is there anything in Bob's behaviour that struck you during that time?
In what way?
Well, it's not normal for a cat to be out on the streets most days.
Bob was a stray. That's where he lived till he teamed up with James.
Uh, I didn't know that.
But some might say spending his days with James,
it's not exactly a suitable environment, not normal behaviour.
You know cats. Obviously.
-Lost mine in the summer. -Hm.
Dexter. He was a real star.
But, so, yes, I'd say so.
Pretty independent creatures.
Not gonna do anything they don't wanna do.
-Oh, definitely not. -(Chuckles)
So every day before he leaves home, James gives Bob the choice,
to stay at home in the warm alone or go out with him.
And every day, well, almost every day,
Bob goes with him.
And what about James?
Is he... Is his home life stable?
James is no saint, but he's taken big steps.
And Bob's given him responsibility, not something he's had before.
Two musketeers. All for one, one for all.
When James went cold turkey, Bob never left him for a minute.
Was he using when he had Bob?
He was on the programme. Methadone.
Bob gave him the strength to get clean.
(Writing)
If you were to split them up, it doesn't bear thinking about.
I don't wanna keep you. You've been a great help.
Thanks.
You're not really thinking about taking Bob away from him, are you?
We need to do what's best for Bob.
It's not only up to me. Sorry.
♪ Cold side of the bed
♪ When I wake
♪ Forgot I was alone
♪ Whose eyes see the words
♪ I don't say ♪
-(Coin clinking) -Happy Christmas.
(Strums notes)
Hi. How you doing?
♪ You're coming back to me
♪ You're coming... ♪
This is ridiculous.
(Sighs)
(Guitar playing)
♪ Cold side of the bed
♪ When I wake
♪ Forgot I was alone
♪ Whose eyes see the words
♪ I don't say... ♪
(Man) Oh, come on. I'm thirsty.
(Laughs) My God. I just don't.
I just don't. Hey, mate.
We're off for a wee Christmas pint. Want to join us?
(Exhales) Come on, you two.
Peace on earth, goodwill to men and all that.
-Hmph. -(Sighs)
Hey, first pint's on me. Come on, before he defrosts.
-OK. -Good man.
-Er, not great. -Tell us all about it.
Thanks, Dave.
(Man) See you later. Cheers. Merry Christmas.
Do you think I'd sell more papers if I had a cat?
-Erm, I don't think so. -Sorry.
-(Woman) All right. -Sorry.
Listen, suits are your thing. Look at you.
-Look at the effort that you put in. -Sorry.
I mean, you could get a bunny outfit for Easter.
-Sorry. -Love heart for Valentine's.
Er, Pete, watch you don't melt, sitting by that fire there.
Cos he's a snowman.
Here, I've got a good one for you.
What do you call a snowman who works at a bakery?
-A baker. (Laughs) -It's funny.
-Hm. -Wow. Tough crowd.
(Mumbles) It's funny. It's funny. (Exhales)
All right, let's hear it. You got a problem with me?
I don't know. Do I?
You will have if you don't spit it out.
I know it was you who shopped me to the animal welfare people.
What?
I saw you the other day near Covent Garden tube.
Yeah, you and your mate in the council van, pointing at us.
Why are you helping them spy on me and Bob?
Spying?
On your cat?
Why would I be spying on your cat?
I don't know. You tell me.
(Scoffs) White van?
James Street?
That was Danny.
He had some work for me. School had frozen pipes.
Wanted me to thaw 'em out. Picked me up from there.
Look.
I didn't know you were there.
Hardly worth it, is it?
-(Laughing) -(Exhales)
Fifteen quid.
So, tell me, how did you get the cat?
(James chuckles)
I found him in my flat.
He was a stray. He wouldn't leave me alone.
(Both chuckle)
Jammy sod.
Won't deny he pulls in the punters.
I didn't mean that.
I couldn't care what you make. You're lucky to have him.
Mm-hmm.
When you look after someone, it gives you purpose, it gives you meaning.
It makes you a better person.
I've got a little girl.
Maisie.
Not so little any more. (Laughs)
And a junked-up teenager in a Ford Fiesta...
(Exhales)
Took me nine months to walk again, so...
I don't miss much.
-Don't miss her mother. (Laughs) -(Chuckles)
I miss Maisie, though.
So... So where is she now?
Maisie?
West London. She's got a kid.
Never met him.
I wonder if he might look like me, you know.
-If he's lucky. -(Laughs)
Nah.
She don't need me in her life.
You're inside there... somewhere.
(Exclaims) That's me done.
See you around.
(Mick) Lucky to have him.
When you look after someone, it gives you purpose, it gives you meaning.
It makes you a better person.
(Ruth sighs)
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
Hey, Bob. Guess who I've just been out with?
Mick. Yeah. Of all people.
Nasty Mick. Mick the spy.
Except he's not a spy after all.
Bob. Come on, mate.
Must be hungry. Come and get your dinner.
Bob? Bob.
Bob.
Mate, are you OK?
Bob.
(Exhales) Come on.
Erm.
Come on, pull yourself together. Think.
-(Dialling) -(Line ringing)
This is Dr Becky at the Green Veterinary Centre.
Please leave a message after the tone.
-(Beeps) -Dr Becky, it's Bea's friend, James.
Erm, it's Bob, my cat. He's sick.
Really sick.
Call me, please.
(Bell over door chimes)
-Don't let the elephants... -You gotta help me.
(Moody) Is he eating? Drinking?
Nothing.
Let's put a bowl of water by his head.
And we should keep him warm.
(Water pouring)
-Did you write these? -Some.
My friend Bea's idea.
Hmm. (Chuckles)
Should never have let him come out in this weather.
Wouldn't have animal welfare on my case.
Animal welfare?
Erm...
They're threatening to take Bob away.
(Sighs)
Maybe they should.
(Exhales)
I don't know how you did it with Mo.
Just sitting there, waiting.
Well, from the outside it looks very different.
You just deal with it. It becomes your reality.
How do you go on?
(Exhales)
There were three pilgrims on a journey to a holy place.
Each had suffered great sadness.
Each was looking for peace, a way ahead.
Each had two sacks,
one on his back, the other round the neck at his front.
The first man filled the sack on his back
with all the good things in his life.
Like your tree. Happy thoughts, memories.
OK.
At the front, he kept all the bad things.
His sadness, guilt. Bad memories.
Because he, he wanted to think about them. Make sense of them.
Even though there was none to be made.
Because of this, he didn't make much progress.
He soon gave up the journey.
I had a feeling he would.
Now, the second man.
(Clears throat) He carried the good things at the front.
He liked to show them off.
He kept the bad things on his back, even though they weighed heavily.
His journey was slow as well. He too gave up.
The third one got it right, I'm betting.
No.
He also carried the good things at the front,
but to him they were an inspiration.
Like... (Exclaims)
sails on a ship, moving him faster.
And he didn't carry anything on his back?
Yes, he did.
But he cut a hole in that sack,
so all the bad things slowly dropped onto the road.
Hmm.
-And he reached the holy place? -And found a new way forward.
So which one was you?
(Laughs)
I have been all three.
But now I just carry my good memories of Mo and let them inspire me.
And the bad?
Mm. That took a while.
But now I understand...
the greatest act of love I showed Mo was in letting him go.
To a better place.
So, the memories...
the beeping of that machine, the tubes, the wires,
(Sighs) the signing of those forms,
I was free to let them go too.
You must not let your future be weighed down by your past.
You will get to where you need to go.
But what about him?
(Moody) Maybe he will be a part of that journey.
But if not,
you have already proved your love a hundred times over.
(Sighs) I had better go. It's already Christmas Eve.
(Exhales) Busy day ahead. Let me know if there's anything I can do. Hmm?
(Indistinct whispering)
(James) Bob.
Bob.
Bob!
(Mick) He'll be in here... somewhere.
Always.
The greatest act of love
I showed Mo...
(Echoing) was in letting him go.
(Bob miaows)
Now, who's a good boy?
Good boy, Bob.
(Breathes heavily)
(Objects clattering)
Bob.
(Purrs)
It's a stomach thing, probably. It's not unusual for cats.
Has he eaten anything he shouldn't in the past 48 hours?
Yeah. Erm...
Some chicken. Some old food from the fridge.
-It had all gone off. -Did he vomit?
Yeah, lots.
That's good. That's nature taking its course.
And the rest will have just worked its way through his system.
He'll be all right now.
(James sighs)
He doesn't deserve to live like this.
Freezing all the time. Getting sick.
-It's not good enough. -What are you talking about, James?
What happens when a cat gets taken in by animal welfare?
Do they have those smart cat kennels, like, they're well looked after?
I suppose.
What are you babbling on about?
You've had a shock, but Bob's fine.
Yeah, she's right.
Take time together at Christmas and Bob will be his old self again.
You'll soon be back into the old routine.
Yeah, well, that's the problem, isn't it?
(Typing)
(Slurps)
(Line ringing)
Hi. This is James. Well, James' phone.
Please leave a message after the beep.
(Recording tone beeping)
(Dialling)
(Phone rings)
(Supervisor) I don't want to hear any more.
I think the cat should be separated.
You've reached the voicemail for Ruth Davies, animal welfare.
Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.
(Beeps)
(James) Hi, Ruth. This is James Bowen.
(Sighs) I've come to a decision about Bob
and I need to talk to you.
-Hey. -(Purrs)
Hey, hey.
What about him?
(Moody) You must not let your future be weighed down by your past.
You have already proved your love a hundred times over.
(Purrs)
-Come on, then, mate. Good boy, Bob. -(Miaows)
Come on, then, mate.
That's the guy.
(Telephone ringing)
Platform one, down the stairs to the right.
-Great. Thank you. -No worries.
James, I haven't seen you in days.
I just came to wish you a happy Christmas.
Aww, thank you so much.
Oh. Hold on there, now. I have some stuff for you too.
People came by, dropping these off.
-It's all for us? -Mm-hm.
Wow. Thank you.
-Come on, Bob. -Happy Christmas.
(Irene) James!
James.
Where have you two been hiding?
I've been looking all over.
-I got you a card. -Ah.
How sweet of you.
Not surprised you've been lying low,
with all that council nonsense as well.
Council nonsense?
Here.
-Oh! Thank you. -(Laughs)
-Aren't you going to open it? -Yeah.
(Laughs)
Oh, Irene, that's too kind.
Look, Bob. Bob, look. Your own bed.
I don't know what to say. I feel awful. This is, erm...
You really have no idea, do you?
-See? -There he is.
-Merry Christmas, James. -Thank you.
-It's all right. -It's really kind of you.
(Woman) Merry Christmas, James.
-Here you are. -Thank you.
(Man 1) Merry Christmas, James.
(Man 2) Merry Christmas, Bob and James.
Merry Christmas, my love.
-Merry Christmas. -(James) Where have you all come from?
-(Crowd laughs) -Thank you.
Wow. Thank you.
-Happy Christmas. -Thank you so much.
-I don't know what to say. -Happy Christmas, James.
All right, mate. Got a little surprise for you.
-This is for Bob. -(Crowd exclaiming)
And that is panda from China.
Thank you so much.
-Look, Bob. Look. -(Woman) Doesn't he look lovely?
(James) What you do think? You like it?
-It's very kind of you. -Right, follow me.
Thank you.
James.
Mick.
This is my daughter, Maisie, and this is my grandson, Michael.
Wow. Michael, look at you.
That thing you said to me in the pub, you know, made me think, and, er...
Here we are.
Thanks.
(Car doors close)
(Crowd chattering)
Over my dead body.
-Let me handle this. -Fine.
If you could all just give me a moment, just to speak to James.
Yeah.
-Can you keep hold of Bob? -Yes. Yes, of course.
You'll be all right, Bob.
You really should switch your phone on.
Might have avoided all this.
It's been a difficult few days.
For all of us.
Anyhow, we've been speaking to people, evaluating your case.
So have I, and, erm...
-I think I've decided that... -Wait.
Do you know what these are?
Letters, notes, cards, emails...
"I'd just lost my husband of 40 years.
"The curtains were still drawn from the funeral.
"But when James let me spend a few minutes with Bob,
"it gave me a reason to draw back the curtains.
"You could say they've let the light back into my life."
There's an online petition too. 800 signatures in less than 24 hours.
What? Who...
Er, under the name MoodyMo12?
(Laughs)
That's, that's all amazing, but, erm...
I know you'll look after him,
and, erm, I know it's for the best.
James. No.
You don't understand.
You belong together.
We're not looking after him. You are.
I... I don't know what to say.
(Ruth) There's something else.
A charity, Inspirational Animals.
Uh, they work with therapy animals.
They visit people in hospitals.
They want you and Bob to be paid ambassadors.
What?
-Really? -(Laughs)
What?
-Really? -Yeah.
Might come in handy when Bob visits the hospitals.
Thank you.
Think you're so bloody clever, don't you?
Oh. I've got...
For all you've done.
James. Did I miss anything?
I get to keep him.
You get to keep him.
(Crowd cheering)
(♪ Choir singing)
♪ Mother and child
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
(Cheering and applause)
See? I told you.
The butter maker. You reap what you sow.
-Except you left out a bit. -Did I?
Sometimes you don't even know you've got seeds to sow.
Well, we all have those.
Like the miserly king, who...
-Moody. -(Chuckles)
Thank you, Charles.
Look. Look, look.
Oh, my Lord. It's Arabella.
It's the cook from the television.
She's only second cousin to the flipping queen.
Well, quite the fan club.
Mr Bowen, I couldn't let Christmas pass without repaying your kindness.
And if there's anything I can ever do for you and Bob, any time...
-(Chuckles) -Thank you.
(Laughs)
(Exclaims, laughs)
Hey.
(Bea laughs)
(Sighs)
-Merry Christmas. (Laughs) -Happy Christmas.
-(Church bell ringing) -(Man) Merry Christmas.
Look, Bob. Snow.
(Woman) Happy Christmas.
(Beeping)
Bob. Try a bit of this.
-Good boy. -See you soon. Yeah, bye.
He's almost back.
Yeah? Hey.
(Door closes)
-Something smells good. -Ben.
-How did it go? Yeah? -Amazing.
Could have sold 'em all, but I kept one back for you.
-Wow. Look at that. -Best-selling issue of the year.
I've gotta show him. There he is.
-Look at this, mate. -Hi, Ben.
-How you doing? -Look. Cover star.
Hey, look. What do you think?
Look, Bob? Do you like it?
I'm gonna put it up here, OK? Pride of place on the mantelpiece.
-Right, drinks. Drinks. -(Bea) Drinks.
-Cheers, guys. -Cheers.
-To Christmas. -Oh! Quick. It's starting.
Oh.
This year once again we are spending Christmas Day
at the splendid Upper Street Project.
A charity which strives to spread some seasonal cheer
to those who may be struggling to make ends meet.
Hm. She's an angel.
So, what do we have for you today?
After the savoury, always some sweet.
Now, let's see if these are ready.
Ah. Perfect. Golden brown.
Now, these treats would grace any Christmas table.
Especially these,
which I've made in honour of a very special friend of mine,
without whom I may never have known of this quite remarkable place.
Bob, look. You're on TV.
Happy Christmas, Bob.
Now, turkey...
(James) He's been eating all morning.
He's had a couple of pigs in blankets, hasn't he?
(Bea) He doesn't seem to be too interested.
Thank you.
Mm.
Me and Bob were thinking we might play charades later.
-What do you think? -Yeah.
We should start thinking of some.
I don't know how I can ever thank you.
You don't need to thank me.
I've started work on the new book.
If I hadn't met you, I'd never have thought of it.
-Thought of what? -What to write.
Actually, I've got a little gift for you.
-(Sighs) -Happy Christmas.
(Exclaims)
Ah, mate. Ah, this is so cool.
It's from me and Bob.
-Thank you. -It's all right.
(Both exhale)
(Strums notes)
I didn't know what to get you, and then I remembered your nan's tree
and the messages about Christmas
and the feeling it gave you and...
(Chuckles) The Little Book of Bob.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Yeah, it is.
(Both chuckle)
What have you got in here?
(Plucking strings)
(Purrs)
-(James) Yeah. -(Laughs)
(Indistinct chatter)
(Inaudible conversation)
(Song playing)
♪ A crowd can be quite lonely
♪ And the cold, it ain't great
♪ Lights can be misleading
♪ They ain't showing me the way
♪ London town, it shuts right down
♪ When the snowflakes hit the floor
♪ Christmas maybe ain't for me
♪ I'll show it to the door
♪ Whiteboard in the station
♪ Is giving sound advice
♪ Patience is rewarded
♪ You don't have to tell me twice
♪ I'll patiently be waiting
♪ For you to take that tinsel down
♪ Christmas maybe ain't for me
♪ I'll see you when it's out
♪ See you when it's out
♪ But this year
♪ I got you
♪ Yeah, this year
♪ To see me through
♪ It ain't a season, it is a feeling
♪ A kind of glow
♪ Oh, it ain't a season
♪ It is a feeling
♪ Now I know
♪ The colours all remind me
♪ Of being pushed out in the rain
♪ When nothing's really open
♪ And the bus don't run the same
♪ I guess I'll be walking
♪ As you eat your five-a-day
♪ Christmas maybe ain't for me
♪ I'll just be on my way
♪ Be on my way
♪ And this year
♪ I got you
♪ Yeah, this year
♪ To see me through
♪ It ain't a season, it is a feeling
♪ A kind of glow
♪ It ain't a season, it is a feeling
♪ Now I know
♪ That this year
♪ I got you
♪ Yeah, this year
♪ To see me through
♪ It ain't a season, it is a feeling
♪ A kind of glow
♪ Yeah, it ain't a season It is a feeling
♪ Now I know
♪ Now I know ♪