Okay. The right combination is to say X is one of those
and two of these.
Well, let's take the equation number two.
If I make a picture that satisfies all the X, Y, Z points
that solve this equation,
well, first of all, the origin is not one of them.
X, Y, Z, it being zero, zero, zero, would not solve it.
So, what are some of the points that do solve it?
Now, let's see maybe if X is one and...
Katelyn Ogden was a lot of things,
but she wasn't particularly explosive...
in any sense of the word.
She was a sun dress of a person...
cute, airy, inoffensive.
She was quickly becoming the Dalton twins'
number one marijuana customer at Covington High.
But that's hardly a reason to pop like a zit.
She's all over me!
Spraying all over us.
I wasn't close with Katelyn. She was just, you know, a classmate.
Someone I sat behind or passed in the halls every day
from kindergarten to senior year.
We ran in different circles.
But lots of people liked her. Guys especially.
I was going to ask her to prom.
She was so hot.
I even narrowed down motel room options to two choices.
She was so open-minded.
Jed Hayes was particularly crushed.
- Mara! - Oh, my God, Tess!
- Oh, my God. What happened? - Katelyn exploded.
What? Like a bomb?
No. Like... a balloon?
What?
Oh, my God, your shoes.
Everyone quickly realized Katelyn Ogden was not a suicide bomber,
seeing as the only thing that blew up was Katelyn Ogden.
Her desk remained unscathed by the Ogdenblast.
The only damage her clothes took was cosmetic.
This isn't right. She was just a kid.
It wasn't right. She was just a kid.
This is fucking disgusting.
And it was very fucking disgusting.
After the unprecedented event,
all of our third-period class got taken to the police station.
Which was very exciting.
We got asked a lot of important questions like...
Did Katelyn ever say anything suspicious?
About wanting to blow up? All the time.
I was kidding.
Then they took all our clothes and let us shower.
Will I get these back?
Do you want these back?
I only washed my hair.
Then they gave us a bunch of ugly-as-shit sweat suits and made us wait.
It was like a Cronenberg movie.
What do you think happened?
- Aliens? - It wasn't aliens, bro.
I'm just saying. She was there, then she wasn't.
It's not fair.
She was so nice.
I was gonna ask her to prom.
She was very open-minded.
When the hell are they gonna let us out of here?
When they know it's not gonna happen again.
When what's gonna happen again?
It happened again.
It happened again a lot.
I'm not going to school tomorrow.
No shit, sweetheart.
- Are you hungry? - No, not really.
Do you wanna talk?
I think I just wanna go to bed.
Okay, kiddo.
- You know, we thought it was a shooter. - Dad...
We didn't have any information. They didn't tell us anything.
I'm just trying to say that we're so glad you're okay.
And that your classmates are just regular assholes and not evil.
That is a silver lining.
Good night.
- Is this song... - Yeah, it is definitely sexual.
Right on.
I always wondered what happens to those when someone dies.
Fuck me.
I need drugs.
Shrooms?
- Shrooms? - No.
Yeah. It's like weed, but a fungi.
I've never had shrooms.
I honestly cannot think of a better time to start.
It's a terrible time to start.
I would love to start.
You're going to make yourself sick.
You brew 'em in liquid so that you don't get sick.
That's what Native Americans do.
- In pumpkin spice lattes? - Yeah.
Pumpkins. Thanksgiving.
Here.
Oh, my God. I fucking love it.
Tess McNulty and I have been best friends since elementary school.
Will you be my best friend forever?
Obviously.
When Tess' shitbrain dad walked out on her and her mom
we spent a few days at the beach,
and we saw these baller old chicks in kimonos,
smoking a hookah with their toes in the sand.
Let's do this.
It remains our life plan.
- To Katelyn. - To Katelyn.
No. No.
Stop. Stop!
This is... Put...
Are you done?
I didn't know Katelyn that well beyond social media.
Yeah, I know. Me neither.
- Did she get into college yet? - I don't know.
I know she wanted to be a journalist though.
We have too many excellent journalists as it is.
Did Katelyn at least get laid before everything?
Oh, yeah. She was a total slut.
You know what? Good for her!
I agree! Get it while the getting is good.
The only downside is high school boys.
I know. I cannot wait to be old. I can't wait to be a cougar.
I'm gonna be like, "Come hither, young man, and pleasure me eagerly."
Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Tess, don't look now, but there's a boy staring at us.
I think he's staring at you.
Right you are.
- Hey, Dylan. - Hey, Mara.
- Hey, Tess. - Hi, Dylan.
Thanks.
- How you guys doing? - All right.
Definitely the best memorial service I've ever been to.
Best funeral, too.
Second best for me.
My dad's was better.
Well, holy shit, Dylan.
It's okay. The Ogdens can just try harder next time.
Well, holy shit, Dylan.
- Am I bombing this banter thing? - Like the end of Dr. Strangelove.
Don't you think that movie is kind of ruined now?
Yeah, I kind of do.
What's going on?
Yeah, actually, what is going on?
I thought talking to you at the funeral might be icky.
- Icky? - It's an adjective.
Yeah, I know it's an adj...
Holy shit!
- You're the guy! You have a crush on me! - Hello.
- What's going on? - This is the guy. This is dick pic Dylan.
You sent her a dick pic?
No, that would be gross!
He sent me pictures of Richards.
- That's worse! - How is that worse?
- Why did you text me that? - The Richards?
No. The declarative statement.
Katelyn exploded in the middle of precalc,
and it got me thinking about life, in an ironic way,
and what would happen if I popped, you know.
And then you said, it might happen again,
and I was like, I gotta get shit done, in case she's right.
Do you wanna go to the ladies room with me?
Come on. It'll be fun.
She's gonna go to the bathroom and throw up
because she just drank a shitload of mushrooms
and she wants you to hold her hair back.
In that case...
I'm not usually like this. I can usually really hold my drugs.
Also, I usually never do drugs.
We live in strange and unusual times.
That is so true.
There are a lot of you.
How many?
I'll throw up if I count, but more than one.
That's awesome.
- You should make out. - All right.
How do I do that?
With your tongues.
Oh, shit.
I saw Katelyn's dad scratch her stick figure sticker off the back of his car.
I always wondered what happens to those when someone dies.
What happens is, I get shroomed.
Hey, did you see Katelyn...
Go boom? No.
Did you?
I only heard it.
It's weird being right there and missing it.
Like, I'm sad I missed it and that makes me feel terrible.
Yeah. No, it must be so invigorating.
Invigorating.
Okay.
You okay?
Thanks for saying you like me.
Sure.
Hey, would you want to come with me to the homecoming game?
What?
I'm trying to think of a reason to say no.
- I could give you some. - Shoot.
Well, maybe just homecoming sucks?
Yeah, but it's fun to make fun of.
- Plus, Halloween. - Yeah, okay.
Then maybe I'm just a guy who is interested in grief-induced sex.
Way sluttier girls than me, though.
Probably wouldn't stick around while I hurled either.
True.
Well, maybe you just don't really know me.
But I do know you.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah!
You're in a bunch of my classes.
You're a movie nerd. You're pretty cute.
Your dad died when a bunch of manure fell on him.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I just realized I said that out loud.
- Now you have to come to the game with me. - I really do.
- I'm so sorry. - No, it's okay. It's okay.
I blame the shrooms.
Okay. Yes. Thank you.
My dad was a farmer.
But he died of a heart attack.
The rumor of him being crushed to death by shit is false.
And impossible, if you've seen any Back to the Future movie.
Kids are cruel.
- I'm really sorry. - It's okay.
We're all cruel.
Today was weird.
Tonight was all right.
Yeah. Tonight was all right.
This isn't gonna become a regular thing, right?
The intoxication?
No. No. I just needed...
I don't know what I needed.
Have you cried yet?
Have you?
I cry all the time.
It's just not the same without the blood.
I just look like a stupid prom queen.
I should have just dressed up as a sexy witch too.
I'm just a normal witch.
Not even cleavagey.
Girl, your sexiness is unavoidable.
Shit. They've built her a shrine.
Hey, there's dick pic.
Hello, Quaker Oats.
Are you supposed to be Carrie?
Yes! Oh, my God, thank you!
Yeah. No, it's great. I mean, it would have been really cool...
- Don't say it. - I know. Katelyn fucked it up.
I mean, she didn't intentionally...
You're making it worse.
Your hat.
Hey, will you stop? I don't know you.
So, what gives, Hipster Oats?
Our football team are the Quakers.
No, not your costume. The crush you say you have on me.
I want, like, a timeline.
So...
First day of school.
New town after my dad died.
First time I saw you is right after Spiros introduced me in front of the class.
You must be Dylan. Welcome.
Class, I'd like for you to meet Mr. Dylan Hovemeyer.
He's new here, so please, don't be yourselves. Be nice.
It was a good first impression.
A few weeks later, I saw you at the Moonlight,
and when Jed tried wrapping his arm around you...
And then, on the day after the election...
Mara, why are you wearing that?
Because I'm motherfucking grieving.
You got detention for the profanity.
Motherfucking worth it.
It's clichéd, but you wrote a poem last spring
that made me feel like you understood me, even though we barely talked.
I friended you on Facebook afterwards.
I looked at your pictures sometimes.
I even gave you my number, but I think you forgot
or never saved it in your phone.
I hoped we'd run into each other during the summer but never did.
And then it was senior year and I thought, why try? We're going to college.
And that made me sad, because you seemed so cool and original.
But then...
When Katelyn died, I didn't see you anywhere.
You had two backpacks. One of them was hers.
Are you okay?
I don't know what to do with this.
I can take care of it for you.
When what happens again?
And when you said it might happen again,
I thought, whoa, maybe I've been wasting my entire life
preparing for a year that may never come for me.
So fuck it.
I'm going to tell you how I feel.
I'm going to spend my savings on a car.
I'm not going to be scared anymore. I'm not...
Wait, are you even listening to me?
Yeah. Sorry. No.
Seriously, that was wonderful.
I don't want you to think I was not paying attention...
'Cause it kind of looks like you're just taking pictures of the game.
No! No. Not of the game. Never of the game.
I'm waiting for the "We Love Cocks" moment.
I would have never guessed that was what was about to be said.
Okay. Look.
Every game, Harper Wie, Perry Love and Steve Cox, for just one brief moment,
line up for the "We Love Cocks" moment.
- That's so immature. - It really is.
I have a moment for you...
where I knew I liked you.
You like me?
Maybe.
It was, like, forever ago.
And I was just chilling and then you looked me in the eye and you said,
"Mara...
we love cocks."
Mara...
we love cocks.
Did something happen?
Perry Love was that guy that just made everything better.
He was like air conditioning. And then he was news.
We all became news.
The popping was given the sexy moniker of "The Covington Curse."
Stupid fucking curse.
By the way, Perry Love was gay.
I didn't even know that until the memorial.
And when my bro came out to us in sixth grade, we loved him.
Come on.
Because he was our best bro.
And we're progressive like that.
Our boy...
Our boy was too much rock for this world, bitch!
It was a nice moment.
Of course, what we didn't know at the time was...
School's canceled.
For how long?
But we're just going to keep applying to colleges.
So you'll be all set once this blows over.
Well, at least now you can't say,
"Things were so much harder back in my day."
You're right.
You have it way worse.
Oh, my God.
Of course, you don't drive a Hyundai or something like that.
It reminded me of this Springsteen song.
- Which one? - The one about the milk truck driver.
There's a Springsteen song about a milk truck driver?
- Guess you'll have to find out. - I swear to God, I'm never gonna find out.
I just bought it today.
Why?
I was saving up for a college car, but then I thought I might die tomorrow.
- So I went to the dealer... - Of milk trucks.
And I saw it and I laughed and I thought other people would laugh too.
It was cheap, so why not?
Just get me through till graduation, baby.
That should be our school slogan.
It really should.
You ready to go?
In your milk truck?
Fuck, yeah.
Fuck, no!
We are never forgetting them!
- I love you, bro. - I love you too, man.
I love you guys too.
I really need this drink. Can I take it? Please?
- Why, why, why? - Please, please. I'm gonna grab it.
- Okay? - Okay.
Have fun.
You wanna go for a walk?
I love walks.
- How's your drink? - It's very tequila-y.
Hey, are you drinking... Yeah, you're drinking straight tequila.
I mean... no?
I'm just drinking beer.
Drink big, bro!
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
What if alcohol is what makes it happen?
No!
What do you think does?
I don't know.
- That's not good enough! - Well, I don't!
The cosmic bullshit of the universe, right?
- Lame. - I'm sorry.
I'm writing this book called All The Feels.
It's about this guy who when he touches people,
he takes all their feelings and then they die.
I just wanted you to know something about me that no one else does.
- Are you drunk? - Dude, yeah.
- Are you? - No.
How many cups have you had?
I don't know.
Oh, shit.
Tell me something, just for me.
Okay, well, after my dad died,
I would go to this old barn with a tape player
and dance by myself.
Like, to Bon Jovi.
Yeah, I'd just cry and dance
and then rewind and cry and dance.
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
And people are literally blowing up.
Actually, they're not just people.
They're seniors.
- Is that true? - Yeah.
Also, we stopped walking.
The shocks keep coming.
I really wanna kiss you, man.
Yeah?
Yeah.
- We should probably go, right? - No.
You taste like tequila.
Fuck me.
Special Agent Rosetti. Thank you, ladies, for coming in.
Let me be the first to say, I'm... I'm truly sorry.
- It's okay. - Yeah. I mean, it could be worse, right?
We could be Republicans.
That was funny.
Thank you.
So, you ladies blow people up?
No, ma'am.
Do you think there's someone killing everyone?
I think we've effectively ruled that out.
I mean, unless there's a mad scientist or a warlock on the loose.
Kids are literally blowing up, so, I mean, that could be a possibility, right?
If you believe in warlocks.
I don't know what I believe anymore.
Do you have any idea why it's happening, though?
At the moment, no.
But we're close to figuring it out.
Or so I'm told.
Wait, so what you're saying is, we're fucked.
No. What I'm saying is that I need help.
Listen. Everyone's scared, and scared people all want the same thing.
Which is?
To survive.
- Right. - Yeah.
- We would actually love to survive. - Yeah.
- That'd be sick. - Good.
So bring me something.
What do you want?
Drugs?
That's what she said.
She thinks drugs is making us pop?
I think it's less accusational and more,
what the holy fuck is going on, let's rule shit out-onal.
So, you're not gonna tell this Scully wannabe they came from us?
Girl, do I look like Benicio Del Toro to you?
I don't know what that means.
Me neither. I need to rewatch Traffic.
We're gonna sidebar.
- Do your thing. - Okay.
What? What do you think?
I think we gotta get rid of them.
- I got her to go for it too. - Okay.
All right, we're down. What do you want?
That's the best part.
America's reimbursing me.
- So you're buying... - Everything.
God bless America!
Okay. I'm gonna get the keys.
Keys?
We don't keep our shit at home.
We hide it.
Never know when the feds are gonna fuck ya.
I have a question.
Suitcase-related?
Suitcase-related.
- Leaving Jersey tomorrow. - Yeah.
Getting the fuck outta Dodge.
Do you guys think it's Covington?
I don't know what it is, but I also don't really want to find out.
So how you been holding up during all this garbage?
Hanging in, yo.
Started making out with a real sweet boy.
No shit! Who?
I'll see you in twenty. Don't do shrooms!
Hovemeyer.
You know, the world is a cra...
Fuck! Go, go, go!
- Fuck! - It's flooded with Joe.
Hurry! Jenna, come on!
Wait. I can't see anything. I can't...
- Put your foot on the brake. - His shoes are there.
I'll move his shoes. Just steer.
Mara!
Mara.
Are you okay? Are you okay?
Are you okay? Where's Joe and Jenna?
- I think they're dead. - They are?
I tried to get them off, but they won't come out of my clothes.
I thought it was you.
No. Dude, the sweat suit?
Sorry, I just didn't have time to think.
I'm not wearing this.
Hey, I called Rosetti.
Smart.
What was it like?
It really fucking sucked.
What the hell is this ET bullshit?
Hey. Hey.
Hey, get your fucking hands off of him!
- Hey, get your fucking hands off of him! - Hey, don't grab her!
- Put her down! Stop! - Get your fucking hands off of me!
- Mara! - Get your hands off of me right now!
- Mara! - I said, get off!
Mara, I'm Dr. Rolanda.
We're here to help you, okay?
Help yourself, lady.
Okay.
This is just going to be monitoring your vitals. That's all it is.
We're just going to do a little bit of blood work.
Just making sure that everything is normalized.
We're gonna get you out of here in no time.
- Okay, okay. - All right. It's okay, it's okay.
ET.
Elliott.
ET.
Elliott.
ET!
Elliott!
ET!
Hey, Mara.
Mara. Hey.
Yo.
Where are we?
I don't know.
But I think they're doing tests on us.
The whole class is here.
They asked me a bunch of questions.
Like what?
Like what I've had to eat and drink in the past couple months,
and the places I've visited.
And my list of sexual partners.
What did you say?
I just told them... your mom.
- Nice. - I knew you'd like that one.
Have you ever done it?
Are you gonna ask me?
I don't actually care.
You don't?
No.
Just don't, like, screw anyone while you're my girlfriend.
Am I your girlfriend?
- Are you? - Am I?
Do you wanna be my girlfriend?
I guess that would be fine.
Cool.
What's gonna happen to us now?
I think we just, you know, date.
No, I meant in this plastic world.
I think this is our life now.
So, our beloved government quarantined us in tents,
trying to make pills that would keep our blood inside our bodies.
It was a blast.
What's your name for the record, please?
Mara Carlyle.
Cox. Steve Cox.
- Cole. - Cole what?
Cole wants a lawyer.
- How old are you, Becky? - Seventeen.
- I'm 17.
Not for long.
What can you tell me about Katelyn Ogden?
She's hot. I'd tap it.
I was gonna take her to prom.
Tell me about Perry Love.
He was hot.
I'd tap that too.
- What did you dream about last night? - Doughnuts.
You can ask my lawyer.
- Do you get angry, Becky? - Yeah, I'm angry all the time.
- Are you angry right now? - Fuck, yeah.
What is it you want to do in college?
Stay alive.
At least we were comfortable.
So uncomfortable.
Always smells weird in here.
Like feet and cinnamon buns.
Yeah, more feet.
You okay?
What if it happens to you?
- It won't. - How do you know that?
Promise.
I can't promise you.
No, why? Just promise me.
Promise or I'll scream.
- Stop it. - Promise. Please.
It'll be fine.
That's not very convincing. But if you go, like, I'm coming.
And if I go, I'm taking you too.
I'm serious. We're being roomies down there.
'Cause we both know we're not going up there.
I'm fucking down. I love you. Oh, my God.
- I love you too. - Down to that.
I am so bored!
I'm so bored!
How long do we have to stay in this condom?
For a while, I think.
At least we know we're super healthy.
- We should try to break out. - I already tried that.
Why would we try and break out?
I got here as soon as I heard about this place.
This is where they're going to cure us.
Those conservative weirdos with the signs, they said that we were cursed.
Everyone's online trying to figure out why it's happening and who's next.
Whose fault do they think it is?
Bro, it's no one's fault.
But if it's a curse, it's someone's fault.
But, bro, there's no curse.
I don't care why it's happening.
I just want to figure out how to stop it.
Maybe we just have to graduate.
I'm looking at you right now and really feel like we should make out.
Stop.
- Stop making that face. - What face?
Hey. How are you doing?
Right now?
No. I mean, like, with the Daltons and everything.
Can we talk about it later?
I just want you to know you can talk to me.
I'd rather just make out with you.
- But later, I mean. - There is no later.
That was fucking deep, son.
That's what your mom said.
That was great!
We know these are scary times.
But with your help, we are sure a cure is right around the corner.
Now, we know this hasn't been ideal,
but we're doing everything we can to help solve this problem as quickly as possible.
We in Washington will continue to push forward to find a cure,
so that you good kids can go back to the lives that you so richly deserve.
Now, does anybody have any questions?
- Yeah. - Yes.
Firstly, thank you for talking to us.
- Super cool. - You're very welcome.
Secondly, how come whenever someone from Washington
says that they're doing everything to help us,
it usually means that nothing is getting done and we're all screwed?
Perhaps my PowerPoint wasn't clear...
No, it was clear. It just sucked.
Unless this is a magical slide show that can cure us,
I don't get what you're doing that can actually help us.
Hey, I get it. I do.
You have every reason to be angry.
But I just want all of you to know that you have all of our thoughts and prayers.
I don't want that shit unless it works.
If you can't fix us, then just tell us.
We have too many assclowns lying to us as it is.
Mara is right.
You politicians don't care about us.
The only people who care about us is us.
Quakers! Yeah, baby!
Quakers! Quakers!
Quakers! Quakers! Quakers!
Go fuck yourself.
Mom.
Yes!
Wait. Where are all the Christmas decorations?
I don't think people felt very festive this year, you know.
- Yeah. - Bummer.
Oh, my God! You got a tree!
We got a tree!
Oh, my God! This is so cool!
A real one too. Not one of those fake ones.
We gotta put some more ornaments on this thing.
I'm gonna go get changed. I'm gonna go get changed. Wait right here.
I'm home!
Room!
Are they really gonna call the pill the Snooze Button?
That's what that Dr. Rolanda lady said on the news.
Yeah. I know her.
She's pretty professional.
For a bitch.
She can call it whatever she wants as long as it works.
True that.
That is a sweet tree.
Hey.
This feels like a trap.
We know you smoke pot. You're terrible at hiding it.
- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.
Just let him be the cool dad.
You're busted. I'm just joking.
Come on.
Is this what adulthood is like?
Yeah, it's like this, except with more anxiety and complete terror.
We just gotta get you through graduation.
Everyone keeps saying that. You really think that's the winner?
I gotta think something.
Sick tree!
I don't think I've ever been in a girl's room before.
I mean, one that I've dated.
Well, I guess you can tick that off your bucket list.
Also, I got you a present.
No! I haven't had time to get you one.
What?
What is it?
It's my body...
in a sexual situation.
Never gotten that before.
You okay?
Can I tell you something?
Yeah.
I'm just so glad I didn't explode all over you.
I just kept thinking, please don't explode.
Please don't explode.
- You guys have it so tough. - So tough.
I really like you.
I really like you too.
Do you think we're safe now?
I don't know. I hope so.
I say we just stick to the plan, go back to school
and take it one day at a time.
What?
- What to what? - The school part.
You didn't hear?
No!
Come on. Go!
Move! Come on!
Move!
All the other classes are meeting at the community center
so they don't catch our disease.
Why?
It could be worse.
How?
We could be like Katelyn.
Katelyn wasn't the first person I saw blow up.
When I was stationed...
I saw a buddy of mine, Mark Jensen, step on a land mine.
No goodbyes, no last words.
Just... that's it.
That was it.
I'm not about to sit here and tell you that everything is gonna be okay,
because that's bullshit.
I mean, I don't know.
But I do know that I will help you graduate.
- That sound good? - Yeah.
Yeah?
Cole.
Can I get a bathroom pass?
Just go, man.
You're not gonna abduct us again, are you?
Firstly, I never did that.
Secondly, no.
We're really confident that the Snooze...
Don't say it.
Snooze Button.
Fuck.
What do you have against it?
- Literally just the name. - Okay. What would you call it?
I don't know. Something sciencey.
It has a sciencey name that nobody remembers.
Why? 'Cause it's a dozen syllables long. Hence, the nickname.
Thank you so much for FBI-splaining the concept of nicknames to me.
You're welcome. Now get out of here. You're healthy.
Why are you still here?
In my office? 'Cause I work here.
No, like, if you think it's all done and cured,
why are you still here?
There are a dozen grunts that can take my blood pressure.
You have a badge.
Everyone here has a badge.
You don't think it's done, do you?
You know what they say. Hope for the best.
Prepare for the worst!
- Is that a sex thing? - No.
But maybe. Ready?
- Yeah. - You're good. Just go forward.
Am I gonna hurt myself?
You probably will, but it won't be my fault.
- What are you doing? - I don't know. I'm just scared.
- Why are you scared? - I don't know.
- I'm so trustworthy. - I'm so nervous.
It's okay.
But you need to be careful 'cause this is a dangerous place.
Okay. Wait, what does that mean? What does that mean?
What am I getting myself into?
Stand right here. Ready? And now you're gonna twirl.
- One, two, three. - This is fun. I like this.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Are you ready? - No.
Okay, I'm ready.
Were you prepared?
No.
I was like, what should I get my boy toy for Valentine's/his birthday.
And I thought, he had it so tough when he was a kid,
he would dance by himself in a barn to '80s music.
So maybe he'd like to know he wasn't by himself anymore.
- This is cool. - Yeah?
Yeah.
Thanks, Mara.
Can we talk about something?
You're pregnant.
I am. It's triplets.
- My seed is mighty! - It is.
- Okay. Go on. - Okay.
What happens after we graduate?
You mean, like, with us?
Yeah.
I actually haven't thought that far ahead.
- I know, it's silly, but... - I know I want to be with you.
Yeah?
Yeah. I mean...
You're, like, the best thing to come out of spontaneous combustions for me.
- The very best? - The very best.
- I love you. - Fuck!
- You can't say that! - I'm so sorry!
You can't say that!
- Are you kidding me? - I'm sorry. I screwed that up.
- Yeah, you did! - Oh, my God!
- Say it to me later on, okay? - No.
Okay. Yeah, I'll say it.
Hey.
Maybe this summer, we can just drive around for a while.
I'd like that.
If we're not fleshy dead bits.
Have you heard of the infinite monkey theorem?
No, but I'm way into how that sounds.
It's the idea of, like, if you have infinite monkeys
and you give them all infinite typewriters
and an infinite amount of time, they'll write Shakespeare.
The word "Shakespeare"?
No, like a full play of his.
Sound like pretentious fucking monkeys.
- Stop. - Can't they write something else?
They'll literally write every book ever written, because they can't not.
They can't... not.
- I think about this a lot. - Okay.
I think it helps explain what's happening.
You think monkeys are writing books that make us explode?
No, the idea that because you can't say with certainty
that something won't happen,
then eventually it has to happen, like the Big Bang.
I like my idea about evil monkeys writing plays better.
This is taking forever, isn't it?
I don't think she's coming.
No one's ever been scared of me before.
Let's go somewhere else.
No. This is where we go.
This is our spot. This is our thing.
I know. But maybe it's not our thing anymore.
Whatever.
The last thing I want is for you to feel like science fair projects.
Because of your help, the CDC and the FDA
have been working around the clock with Washington
to make the Snooze Button available over the counter to all Americans.
So, what is the Snooze Button?
For starters, it's not, sadly, a cure, but it is...
a treatment.
Give you an example.
Sometimes you're typing on your computer
and, out of nowhere, it turns off, crashes.
When that happens to us, we're not so lucky.
Can I get a volunteer?
Yeah.
Steve, great. Come on up.
Okay. Yes.
- This is for our bros. - Yeah!
Okay. Steve, can I get you to pat your head, please?
That's it?
Can you rub your belly?
Yeah, come on.
Okay, stand on one foot.
Jump up and down.
This is bullshit.
Run!
Mara!
Come on, get up. Come on.
- Mara! - Tess!
Come on.
Open the door!
Mara! Mara!
Come on. This way is faster.
- What the fuck is happening? - They were wrong. They were...
When you do...
Mara!
- Are you okay? - No.
- Are you? - I'm just glad you're still here.
A fragment of his jawbone hit my forehead.
I never felt it.
Mara! Mara!
I never felt anything.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Hey.
All I remember is wanting to die.
Honey?
Dylan's mom called for you.
She just wanted to see how you were doing.
Mara, can you open the door?
Please.
Mara, I just want to make sure that you're okay.
Oh, my God.
All right, you're gonna need vodka...
dry vermouth,
grenadine and ice.
Mix three parts vodka...
with one part vermouth.
Fill with ice...
and stir...
before pouring into a martini glass.
Okay.
And then, with the grenadine,
you're gonna basically pour the entire fucking bottle into the martini.
And now you have my brand-new cocktail which I've called,
"All of My Friends and Boyfriend Are Dead."
Well, I have a couple of questions.
Okay, but hold on.
No, please don't.
- You can have the next one. - Okay.
- I'm not equipped to deal with this. - I know, right?
But I've literally found one thing that makes that feeling go away.
What is it?
Alcohol.
- Why are you whispering? - 'Cause it's a secret.
'Cause I'm underage.
Don't tell anyone, though.
Tessy!
Mara.
Tessy! Let's go fuck shit up.
- How did you get here? - I walked, yo.
- That's, like, ten miles. - I know.
I'm fucking Wonder Woman.
Come on. Let's go do something.
Let's go throw water balloons full of red paint at kids.
Mara.
No. We have to go to school.
Fuck school!
No! I can't fuck school!
I need to get the fuck out of here!
And what happened to Dylan, it sucks. It really fucking sucks. And I'm sorry.
But people have been dying for seven fucking months.
I'm losing my mind. I don't want to die.
Well...
then don't die.
- Easy. - No.
- Stop being a bitch. Help me out. - I can't help you the way you want me to.
How do I want you to?
You want to stop existing until you actually stop existing.
- What's with the van? - They don't want us driving anymore.
Just come hang with me instead.
If you don't, I'll never get a beach house with you, ever. Ever.
As if we're going to live that long anyway.
I fucking hate you!
Fuck.
What's up?
Hey, it's like a metaphor.
- Mara. - What?
Are you gonna arrest me?
No, I just came by to see if you needed help.
Here. Have a drink.
What the fuck?
An agent's car?
It was funny at the time.
It was funny? What time was it funny?
- Like, 4:00. - That's not what I fucking meant.
No shit, Dad.
- Are you still drunk? - One thousand percent.
Where do you even get alcohol?
Besides here? I steal it.
Why would you tell me that?
'Cause you asked and I'm drunk, so why would I lie?
To make us feel better.
That's all you care about.
I've heard you call people about "helping" me.
We've called them in front of you. We only care about you.
Why do you think we're applying to all these colleges?
I don't want to go to any fucking colleges.
I don't give a fuck what you do as long as you're alive.
That is what's gonna make us feel better.
Yeah? Well, I'm going to die in a violent explosion full of blood.
Probably all over you. Feel better?
Fuck off.
Tequila?
What kind of tequila? No. It's okay. I'm okay.
Did you just send me a beach house listing?
Maybe.
But we're never gonna be old.
But we're already really... really old.
I'm leaving tonight.
I need my life to start.
Even if it's just a few minutes long.
I hope you live forever.
Like an elf.
Elves live forever?
Unless they're murdered or die from grief.
That's what Dylan said.
He was a nerd.
Yeah, he was all right.
I'll see you inside?
You'll always be my best friend.
What the fuck is this?
It's... It's grad.
No. It's prom.
It's both.
That's fucking stupid.
Becky Burke.
I just wanna say I'm sorry for killing everyone.
- Okay. Mara, just... - No. It's cool, man.
I'm sorry I'm the curse.
I always have been. I did the math.
From Katelyn to Perry and the Daltons...
and Dylan...
I'm the reason why it happened.
And I don't know why.
I'm not a great person.
And I hate myself so much for hurting everyone.
I'm so sorry.
I wish they were all here to celebrate this dumb bullshit.
- Okay. Thank you, Mara. - Hey.
Also...
Springsteen is really good.
I found that out the hard way.
Thank you, Mara.
Claire Hacklon.
It's all my fault.
I'm the curse.
I wasn't a good enough Christian and now Jesus is punishing me.
Boo! Sit down, whore!
No, no! It's my fault!
I wanted to be top of the class
and I think I, like, willed all my competition to die.
- I'm sorry. - No. It's okay.
- I'm sorry. - No. No, no, no.
It was me! It was definitely me!
I used to steal food from the cafeteria!
I love you too, you know.
Hi, Dylan's mom.
Hi, Mara.
Can I join you?
I'm sorry I didn't come to the funeral.
I understand.
It's a cool headstone, though.
He designed it.
Really?
The first time Dylan and I ever really hung out...
I was super sick on shrooms...
and I saw so many of him.
And it was beautiful.
And now I can't even see one of him.
He told me he held your hair.
He told you that?
Did you think I was bad news bears?
No.
No, I just... I thought you were in a lot of pain...
and didn't know how to deal with it.
I don't know what to do with my body.
It feels like I'm dying.
I'm so scared all the time.
Sometimes I wish I would just die so it was over.
That's just what life feels like sometimes.
Life fucking sucks.
It does.
It really does.
Why is this happening?
Did you hear about the man in Florida with the sinkhole?
He was asleep in his bed and a sinkhole opened.
His bed fell right down into it.
His brother heard him shouting from the next room.
He ran over and found this giant pit where the room used to be.
He could hear his brother screaming for help,
but it was impossible to help him.
They never even got his body out.
Great.
Now I have to be afraid of sinkholes too.
It's just life.
I'm sure he didn't deserve it.
None of you deserve this.
But deserve's got nothing to do with it.
That's a good line.
I stole it from Clint Eastwood.
I think Dylan got it.
The answer, I mean.
God.
What am I supposed to do now?
Do you want to come over for dinner next week?
Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
After a few months, there were no more explosions.
Everyone left and we were free to leave.
It was super anticlimactic.
The man was like, "Hey, the Snooze Button works.
We just got that last batch wrong. But we swear this new batch is legit."
I think they just want to sell me pills for the rest of my life.
Are you sure this thing is safe?
I mean, compared to what?
Call us every hour. Or even more often.
Yeah. Call us a lot.
You know, I actually think I will.
They're going to tear down the school, which makes sense.
They're also going to make a memorial for the departed, which makes less sense,
because, let's be honest...
that sappy shit's gonna suck.
By the end of the school year, 31 students in the senior class died.
I didn't die.
I guess I'll never know why.
So, what did we learn?
What did we learn?
At the end of the day, it's all a...
Fuck this shit, man.
The world is a fucking cruel piece of shit and nothing makes sense,
and the only thing you can do is put your middle fingers up
and be all, like, fuck you, life!
Suck my dick!
I'm gonna be amazing in spite of all life's shit.
I'm gonna travel the world, I'm gonna get my bachelors of bullshit,
I'm gonna write some books
and make a low-to-minimum wage, but do really well online.
I'll probably date some nice boys.
I'll probably marry a few of them.
And sometimes, late at night when the world is quiet...
I'll tell them about Dylan
and what he meant to me,
and how I think about him every day.
I'll probably have a bunch of kids and be a dope mom, and then...
No, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna be president.
I, Mara Carlyle...
Trump's gonna look up at me from his gold-crusted coffin and go,
"Who the fuck is this bitch?" And I'll tell him...
That's President Bitch to you, motherfucker.
The Big Bang happened out of nowhere, for no reason.
Or maybe God set it all into motion. Who knows?
But then, like, the dinosaurs died
because a meteor hit the Earth at the exact worst spot imaginable.
Fuck, man.
And volcanoes erupt, and drunk drivers drive,
and sinkholes collapse, and sometimes people explode.
And I guess that just means bad shit is gonna happen.
It's inevitable.
And so, here we are.
I'm gonna live the life I want to have right now.
I'm not gonna waste time waiting for a day that may never come for me.
So fuck it.
I'm gonna stay at the beach house
and smoke a hookah with my toes in the sand.
I don't know what's gonna happen next. I hope it's cool.
All I know is I could die any second now.
Hell, so could you.
Nothing's fair, but it's a beautiful world,
and I'm happy I get to be here.
If only for a little while.
The fuck else can you do?