1 00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:31,977 I'm late, I know. 2 00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:36,852 Huh. 3 00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,723 Did anyone call? 4 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,203 No. 5 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,639 Kendra didn't call? 6 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,250 No. No one. 7 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,168 That's good. 8 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,696 My son had a game this morning, 9 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,480 and he wanted me to wait for his dad to get there, 10 00:02:56,524 --> 00:03:00,397 and then I got caught in some traffic or an accident... 11 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:01,920 You got in an accident? 12 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:08,231 What? No, I got stuck in the traffic of an accident. 13 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,844 What are you doing? 14 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:13,932 Dishes. 15 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:19,242 Okay. Well, can you come help me set up? 16 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,504 What do we need to set up? 17 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,463 The room, for the meeting. 18 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:26,118 Why are you doing dishes? 19 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,990 No one cleaned up from this morning. 20 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,167 Oh, I'm so sorry. 21 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,213 That's very responsible of you to... 22 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,998 Yeah. We got to tell them to clean up after themselves. 23 00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,696 I... I definitely did tell them that. 24 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,524 What... Who was it? AA? 25 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,614 No, Al-Anon. AA cleans up after themselves. 26 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:48,706 Okay. Well, can you, uh... 27 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,142 How about you do that a little bit later 28 00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:51,405 and what... You wanna come help me set up this room? 29 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,408 I wanna set it up before Kendra gets here. 30 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,772 Okay. 31 00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,556 Here. Help me pull out this table. 32 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:16,343 Okay. 33 00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,345 Oh, careful. Careful, careful. 34 00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:25,787 Oh, sorry. 35 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:32,837 Let's see. Center it a little more. 36 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,058 Okay. 37 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:09,700 Hi. 38 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,093 Hello. Hi. 39 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,355 -Judy? -Yes. 40 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:13,487 Kendra Carter. Pleasure. 41 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,330 Well, this is very nice. 42 00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,942 Thank you so much. We think so too. 43 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,685 Most people just drive north to St. Thomas these days, 44 00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:42,167 but we find plenty to do here. 45 00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,908 So where will they be meeting? 46 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,520 Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry. 47 00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:47,782 I'm taking too long. 48 00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,087 Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, I just... 49 00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,219 No, no, no, you're not being rude. This is... 50 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,133 That's a really wonderful question. 51 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,482 They're in a room downstairs. 52 00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:53,875 Here, follow me. 53 00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:59,359 We usually have meetings down here, 54 00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,621 but the reverend thought 55 00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,927 they might need a little more privacy, 56 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,842 so we're gonna put them in the back. 57 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:06,235 Well, if you think it's best. 58 00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,802 I do. I do. 59 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,631 I think it's lighter, it has better... 60 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,762 You know, it's nicer. 61 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,503 And Linda approved it? 62 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,070 I've never actually met Linda. 63 00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,941 She's not a parishioner here. So... 64 00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,726 But she's seen it? 65 00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:21,772 Um, well, she met with the reverend here privately, 66 00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:22,860 uh, several times. 67 00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:24,514 So I'm assuming that she did. 68 00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,257 -Uh... -Oh. 69 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,433 Will we hear this music back there? 70 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:33,654 Oh, shoot. Yeah, that's a problem. 71 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,786 It might be. Can they stop? 72 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,397 Uh, they have lessons today. 73 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,963 Can't we just close the doors? 74 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,443 I don't want it to be a distraction. 75 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:41,575 You know what? I'm gonna talk to them. 76 00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:42,880 -It'll be fine. -Thank you. 77 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,447 Absolutely. Uh, do you want to see the room? 78 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,883 -Yes, please. -Okay. 79 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,851 What do you think? 80 00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,375 It's better back here. 81 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,595 Oh, right. 82 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:05,425 Sorry. I was told no one would be in the building is all. 83 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,470 Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry. 84 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,472 We usually have them practice down here. 85 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,866 But they're... We moved them to the church. 86 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,608 Okay, so will anyone else be in here? 87 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,174 The choir's rehearsing for tomorrow. 88 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:19,308 Oh, right. I'm so sorry that I moved the chairs. 89 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,788 Oh, no, it's fine. 90 00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,486 But they're rehearsing up in the church though? 91 00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:25,967 Yeah. 92 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,316 That should be fine. 93 00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:31,059 Anthony, can you, um, go downstairs 94 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,061 and get the snacks that I brought and bring them up 95 00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,324 and set them up on the far table over there? 96 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:36,847 Thank you. 97 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:42,810 But the room's okay? 98 00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:44,507 I think so. 99 00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,640 Great. 100 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:50,339 We got some bagels and some water and, um, coffee. 101 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:51,906 I'm gonna make some great coffee. 102 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,211 That's a nice idea. 103 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:57,302 Okay. Um, and the... Sorry about the chairs, 104 00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,870 -but the table is okay? -The table? 105 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:01,916 The placement of the table is good for you? 106 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,091 -It's fine. -For the...? 107 00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:06,355 Okay. Great. 108 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,617 That's great. 109 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,054 Placement of the table's great. 110 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,535 Do you have tissues? Like a tissue box? 111 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,232 Yeah, we have some right over here. 112 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,930 That's a really great idea. Of course. 113 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:19,107 All right. Now we're getting somewhere. Um... 114 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,326 How many people are coming, again? 115 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:24,199 -Why? -There'll be four of them. 116 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,984 You got, like, a lot of food. 117 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,160 I don't think they'll be eating. 118 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,946 -Oh, I'm sorry. I thought... -What's this? 119 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,992 That's my lunch. You can put that away. Um... 120 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:37,255 Sorry. I thought that I should have some food. 121 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,301 Yeah, no, no. It's a really nice thought. 122 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:42,913 I just... I don't think we need to put all of that out. 123 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,263 -It's... We shouldn't. -Right. 124 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:46,917 Right. Okay. 125 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,615 So how long have you worked with the families? 126 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,355 -Anthony. That... -What? 127 00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,096 That's okay. 128 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,837 Just the one family. 129 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,536 But six years now. 130 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:57,841 -Wow. -Oh, wow. 131 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:02,063 Were you working with the family before the...? 132 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,674 No, no, no. It's how we met. 133 00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,894 -Can we move these? -Yes, absolutely. 134 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,853 -Thank you. -Have they done this before? 135 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,160 Anthony, that's none of our business. 136 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,292 Have you printed out for tomorrow? 137 00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:15,380 -I did. -Okay, 138 00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,556 did you fold for tomorrow? 139 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,566 -Sorry about him. -No, he's fine. 140 00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,959 We were gonna give him the day off, 141 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,439 but then his family, they really need to keep him busy. 142 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:31,788 You don't need to explain. 143 00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,573 Okay, that's good of you. 144 00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:36,619 I mean, he's really sweet, most of the time. 145 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:40,231 But he's not your typical, uh, church employee. 146 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:42,886 But then again, we are Episcopalian. 147 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,062 Sorry, that's just a little Christian humor. 148 00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,716 Oh, no, don't put it in the center. 149 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,023 -Oh. -It looks freaky. 150 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,416 Uh, put it to the side or maybe back over there, 151 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,896 so they see it, but you know... 152 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,900 Right. I'm sorry. Of course. 153 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:02,819 So where...? Are you gonna be doing all of this 154 00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,255 in here with them or...? 155 00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:08,346 No, they've, uh, they've agreed to be alone. 156 00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,175 Well, um, you can come hang with us. 157 00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,787 We're, um... We have a lot of room 158 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,746 and we have great Wi-Fi. 159 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,313 Um, I have a few calls I need to make 160 00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,054 so I'll probably just work from the car. 161 00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:23,187 Oh, no, that's sad. You should stay with us. 162 00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,667 You can have the reverend's whole office. 163 00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,930 Oh, okay, we'll figure it out. 164 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,062 -Okay. -Um... 165 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,934 What are these? 166 00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:33,807 Oh, yeah. Aren't those really neat? 167 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,244 That was a school project. It's supposed to be 168 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,028 stained glass. 169 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:43,338 Is there something wrong? 170 00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,212 Oh. 171 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:51,389 Right. 172 00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,827 It's fine. You know what? 173 00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,525 I'm... I'm gonna step out and make a call. Okay? 174 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:57,700 -Sure, yes. -Thanks. 175 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,528 Yes, please. Take your time. 176 00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:24,858 Okay, that's it. Here we are. 177 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,642 I know. Keep driving. 178 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,252 What? 179 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,298 Just... I'm not... Not now. 180 00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,516 I'm not ready yet. Just keep driving. 181 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,604 I don't know where we are. 182 00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:34,911 Anywhere. Just go. Just drive. 183 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:37,348 Pull up around the corner there, over there somewhere. 184 00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,524 -Just go! -Okay. Okay. 185 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:47,707 Hi, Linda. No problem. I'm here. Take your time. 186 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,012 Have you spoken with Richard? 187 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,387 What the hell are we doing here? 188 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,957 -Are you gonna be all right? 189 00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,699 Honey? 190 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,874 I don't know. 191 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:30,401 -Okay. -No, I don't know if I can... 192 00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,623 I don't know if I can do it. 193 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,106 Well, we don't have to. 194 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,936 We could just turn around and leave. 195 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,678 If that's what you want. 196 00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,506 No. 197 00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:51,379 I mean, I don't think I can say it. 198 00:12:55,644 --> 00:12:56,688 Okay. 199 00:12:56,732 --> 00:13:00,388 Well, you know, you don't have to. 200 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,476 We could just go there 201 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:04,044 and listen to what they have to say. 202 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,481 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 203 00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,744 -All right? 204 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,572 If I don't, would you? 205 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:15,272 I'm sorry. That's not fair. 206 00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:18,362 No, it's... You know, it's not... 207 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,247 I wouldn't, but... 208 00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,759 Come on. Are you ready to go back? 209 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,851 Okay. 210 00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:14,375 All right. 211 00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,421 Absolutely. We can discuss that 212 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,205 when I get back day after tomorrow. 213 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:21,659 Oh, dear. 214 00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:40,417 Mr. and Mrs. Perry? 215 00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:42,115 Jay, please. Kendra? 216 00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,159 Yes. 217 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,305 Gail? 218 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,839 Hi. 219 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,362 -Hi. Jay Perry. -Oh, hi. 220 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:13,581 -This is my wife, Gail. -My name is Judy. 221 00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,669 -Hello. -Hi, Judy. 222 00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:15,757 -Hi. -I'm Jay. 223 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,932 Hi. Thank you so much for coming. 224 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,890 Thank you for, uh, providing the space. 225 00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,545 Oh, absolutely. We're so happy we could help. 226 00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,025 Well, we have you all set up right back here. 227 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,070 Oh, yeah. We have some food... 228 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,680 Great. 229 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:26,986 ...and some coffee, and some water. Do y'all want anything? 230 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,988 I think we're good for now. Right? 231 00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:31,991 I'm fine. 232 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,340 -Thank you, Judy. -Yeah, thank you. 233 00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,124 Should... Do you want me to show you the space? 234 00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,734 No, I'll show them. Thank you. 235 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,345 Okay, great. It's so lovely to meet both of you, so much. 236 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,086 -Thank you. -You can follow me. 237 00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,003 Right here. 238 00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:51,923 Is the room okay for you? 239 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,625 Uh... 240 00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,584 Table, chairs, 241 00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,195 Jesus watching us. 242 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,848 It's great. 243 00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,676 Okay. Well, I know 244 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,852 we've gotten your signatures on everything, 245 00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,115 and you're all squared away 246 00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,030 as far as our offices are concerned. 247 00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,467 But... while it's just the three of us, 248 00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,208 is there anything you want to ask me? 249 00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:17,949 I think we're okay. 250 00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:19,603 Will they be here soon? 251 00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,691 I just spoke with them. 252 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:21,910 They should be here any minute. 253 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,042 -Oh. -Would you be okay 254 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,130 if I left you alone for just a bit? 255 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,305 Absolutely. Sure. 256 00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:26,654 I'll be right back. 257 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,285 Hi. No, I'm outside. 258 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,593 Oh, I... I see you. 259 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,565 We're right in here. 260 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,396 -Hello. -Hi. 261 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:18,097 Richard, Linda, this is Jay and Gail Perry. 262 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,056 We've met, actually. It was a long time ago. 263 00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:24,494 How are you? 264 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:28,107 Yeah, we're fine. Thanks. 265 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,329 Have you been waiting long? 266 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:36,158 No, we just got here. We haven't even sat down. 267 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,899 How's the room? Okay? 268 00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,988 -It's fine. -I thought so. 269 00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:42,599 Gail? 270 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:44,471 I'm fine. 271 00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:46,690 Okay, good. 272 00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:50,520 I brought these for you. 273 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566 Oh. Oh. 274 00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,307 -I'm sorry. -No, they're... 275 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,395 Small. 276 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,353 No, they're very nice. Thank you. 277 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,142 Should we sit? 278 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,232 Yeah, let's take a seat. 279 00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:16,981 Take your coat? 280 00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:27,949 Well, we've... we've spoken. 281 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,559 Yeah, we're all sorted. 282 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,082 We are. Yes. 283 00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:36,175 Well, I'm grateful to see you all together finally. 284 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,480 May I say that? 285 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:40,004 And I'm hopeful that we all think 286 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:41,223 that this was a good thing to do 287 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,312 by the time we leave here today. 288 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,400 Is that okay? 289 00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:45,880 -Yes. -Thanks, Kendra. 290 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:49,013 All right, well, I'm going to leave you alone. 291 00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:50,363 Let me know if you need anything. 292 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,452 Nice to meet you both. 293 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:53,844 -You too. -Mmm-hmm. 294 00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:13,168 You wanna maybe just... 295 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,740 These are nice. 296 00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:21,132 Thank you. 297 00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:22,917 I wanted to bring something. 298 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,964 Uh, I tried to pick what's available 299 00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:29,532 or seasonal, which isn't much. 300 00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:33,362 -You made this? -Yeah. Sort of a new hobby. 301 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:34,407 Oh. 302 00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:37,888 Thank you. 303 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:38,933 Sure. 304 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,721 I'm sorry. Just... I don't want to be rude. 305 00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,984 But could we just, like, while we're talking, 306 00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:48,986 -just put these somewhere? -Of course. 307 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,074 -No, no, no, I'll take it. -Okay. 308 00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:51,293 -I'm so sorry. -No. 309 00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:05,699 -Thank you. -Oh, sure. 310 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,832 You know that... Okay. 311 00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:11,531 How was your trip down here? 312 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:14,403 Drive. We drove. Yeah. It was fine. 313 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,013 Did you drive or...? 314 00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:20,017 I flew in last night. I'm leaving this afternoon. 315 00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:22,237 Oh, okay. Right. 316 00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,980 Will you be driving back tonight or...? 317 00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:28,765 We have a room, hotel arranged, 318 00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:30,332 but we may not want to stay over. 319 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,378 -Head back? -Right. 320 00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:40,299 So, um, look, thank you for agreeing to meet us 321 00:21:40,951 --> 00:21:42,953 and together. 322 00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,216 Oh, you're welcome. 323 00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:49,351 I appreciate you, all of you, making the journey. 324 00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,048 I know I'm not easy to get to. 325 00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:52,398 We're happy to come to you, Linda. 326 00:21:52,441 --> 00:21:56,184 I mean, yes, and I, uh... 327 00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:01,232 We want to start by saying that 328 00:22:01,276 --> 00:22:05,498 we, uh, regret some of the things that we said. 329 00:22:05,541 --> 00:22:07,804 Oh, don't, don't be regretful. 330 00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:11,068 We wish we didn't have to rely so much on our attorneys. 331 00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:14,202 But, uh, now it's really just to protect our son. 332 00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:17,771 -Steven. -Mmm. 333 00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:20,774 Yeah. How's he doing? 334 00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:22,602 He's doing very well. Thank you for asking. 335 00:22:22,645 --> 00:22:24,995 They're in Baltimore now, not far from me. 336 00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,170 They have a little boy on the way. 337 00:22:26,214 --> 00:22:27,955 That's great. 338 00:22:27,998 --> 00:22:29,870 Thank you. And how is Sophie? 339 00:22:29,913 --> 00:22:32,263 -How's your daughter? -She's, uh... 340 00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:34,527 -She's doing fine. -She's much better. 341 00:22:34,570 --> 00:22:37,747 She's made a lot of progress the last year. 342 00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,488 She's looking at, uh, 343 00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:41,447 applying to schools now, college, for the fall. 344 00:22:41,490 --> 00:22:42,535 Oh, that's wonderful. 345 00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:43,666 -That's great. -Thanks. 346 00:22:43,710 --> 00:22:44,972 That's great. That's great. 347 00:22:45,015 --> 00:22:46,016 -Yeah. -Yeah. 348 00:22:53,328 --> 00:22:54,808 -Um... 349 00:23:01,597 --> 00:23:04,295 Did you guys bring photos or...? 350 00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:06,646 Yes, yes. I... 351 00:23:06,689 --> 00:23:08,256 There was some talk of maybe, uh... 352 00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:12,303 it would be good to share them. I don't know. 353 00:23:12,347 --> 00:23:13,522 Gail, do you wanna...? 354 00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:17,004 And I also brought other things to share. 355 00:23:17,047 --> 00:23:19,136 Yep. Kendra said you might do that. Sure. 356 00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:20,921 Okay, good. 357 00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:23,053 I don't know if this is a good time for... 358 00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:24,141 Do you wanna wait till they go? 359 00:23:24,185 --> 00:23:25,273 No. I'm okay. 360 00:23:25,316 --> 00:23:26,361 No? Okay, so maybe we should just... 361 00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,015 No. We agreed, so... here. 362 00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:36,415 Here. This is Sophie. 363 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,721 -Oh. -Oh. 364 00:23:38,765 --> 00:23:40,462 -Oh, she's beautiful. -Oh, she's a young lady now. 365 00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:42,595 Yeah. She's grown up a lot. 366 00:23:42,638 --> 00:23:43,726 Oh, oh. 367 00:23:43,770 --> 00:23:44,945 Yeah. 368 00:23:44,988 --> 00:23:48,339 -Oh. -And this is, uh... 369 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:55,782 I'd like to see them. 370 00:23:57,610 --> 00:23:58,611 Okay. 371 00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:02,919 This is Evan when he was three. 372 00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:08,185 -Oh, my goodness. -What's he got there? 373 00:24:08,229 --> 00:24:09,709 -He's so sweet. -It's, uh... 374 00:24:09,752 --> 00:24:11,624 It's one of those, uh, roller thing... 375 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,364 Push that thing everywhere 376 00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:14,844 and balls would bounce, would pop. 377 00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:15,976 They'd pop out of it, yeah. Yeah. 378 00:24:16,019 --> 00:24:17,020 Oh, right, I remember those. 379 00:24:17,064 --> 00:24:18,935 Yeah, yeah. 380 00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:21,938 Do you have the... his catcher picture? 381 00:24:21,982 --> 00:24:23,070 Bring the catcher picture? 382 00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:24,158 Yeah, we have it. We brought it. 383 00:24:24,201 --> 00:24:25,464 Okay. You wanna...? 384 00:24:27,248 --> 00:24:29,032 Oh. Here it is. 385 00:24:29,076 --> 00:24:31,948 I think he was about 12. Little League. 386 00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,036 Oh. 387 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,255 He was a good athlete, wasn't he? 388 00:24:34,298 --> 00:24:35,474 Yeah, he was really good at sports. 389 00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:36,518 Look at him. 390 00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:37,650 I mean, he liked a lot of things. 391 00:24:37,693 --> 00:24:39,347 He was, you know... 392 00:24:39,390 --> 00:24:42,829 Sung in a band, Model UN, a lot of stuff. 393 00:24:42,872 --> 00:24:45,266 But, yeah, he was a very good athlete. 394 00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:46,702 Oh. 395 00:24:46,746 --> 00:24:49,749 The... It's a funny thing, but the catcher outfit... 396 00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:50,837 He didn't want to play catcher. 397 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,621 He just liked the gear. 398 00:24:52,665 --> 00:24:54,754 Oh, he liked the gear. 399 00:24:54,797 --> 00:24:56,146 -Yeah. -Oh. 400 00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:03,806 So, um, do we have one of all of us, or...? 401 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:05,895 Of course. Lots. 402 00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:07,854 We had to print a lot of photos out. 403 00:25:07,897 --> 00:25:08,942 Nobody has photographs anymore. 404 00:25:08,985 --> 00:25:10,378 -Right? -Yeah. 405 00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:11,727 It's nice to hold something. Not just, you know... 406 00:25:11,771 --> 00:25:13,337 -It is. -This is us. 407 00:25:15,209 --> 00:25:16,993 -That's... -That's the last Christmas. 408 00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:27,700 Yeah, we were always... We made them all dress up. 409 00:25:27,743 --> 00:25:30,398 "Cheesy," we're saying there. We're not saying cheese. 410 00:25:30,441 --> 00:25:31,530 Our family never did. 411 00:25:33,314 --> 00:25:37,710 They thought we were so stupid because... Ridiculous. 412 00:25:45,152 --> 00:25:46,283 I'm sorry. 413 00:25:46,327 --> 00:25:48,155 -It's okay. -Yeah. 414 00:25:48,198 --> 00:25:50,374 -No, I'm sorry. -Here. 415 00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:51,550 No, don't be, Linda. 416 00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:53,116 No, no, maybe we should... 417 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,555 -Okay. -I wanted to share too. 418 00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,732 No, I wanted to share ours too, but... 419 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:04,563 It's hard. 420 00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,087 It is. 421 00:26:16,705 --> 00:26:17,706 Honey? 422 00:26:30,023 --> 00:26:31,067 Thank you. 423 00:26:39,772 --> 00:26:40,947 I'm sorry. 424 00:26:41,948 --> 00:26:42,992 I... 425 00:26:45,778 --> 00:26:51,522 If I could just show you something? 426 00:26:51,566 --> 00:26:53,002 No, we don't have to. 427 00:26:53,046 --> 00:26:55,222 -No? -No, no, no, no. 428 00:26:55,265 --> 00:26:56,658 Maybe it wasn't a good idea. 429 00:26:58,268 --> 00:26:59,487 No, I want to. 430 00:27:02,403 --> 00:27:04,535 I brought something. 431 00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:08,017 Uh, it's easier. It's not photos. 432 00:27:08,061 --> 00:27:10,280 But is that okay, Gail? 433 00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:13,153 Sure. 434 00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:15,155 Okay. Right. 435 00:27:16,156 --> 00:27:18,637 So, this is... 436 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,812 Oh, wow. 437 00:27:19,855 --> 00:27:20,900 Yeah. 438 00:27:22,597 --> 00:27:27,036 He used to carry this all the time. 439 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,821 When? Fourth and fifth grade, right? 440 00:27:28,864 --> 00:27:29,952 No, younger than that. 441 00:27:29,996 --> 00:27:31,388 What am I looking at? 442 00:27:31,432 --> 00:27:35,131 Well, he used to love to collect snails. 443 00:27:35,175 --> 00:27:38,047 He was just fascinated by snails. 444 00:27:38,091 --> 00:27:40,528 And he would collect them in this jar. 445 00:27:43,792 --> 00:27:47,796 And he would carry them around with him wherever he went. 446 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,843 But, um, kids... thought it was weird. 447 00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:52,322 It was, a little. 448 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,586 He just loved them. 449 00:27:55,630 --> 00:27:58,807 But there were problems with keeping them this way. 450 00:27:58,851 --> 00:28:01,680 He would just get so upset, you know. 451 00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:06,641 And when snails break, it's... No. 452 00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,905 So one day, he showed up with this. 453 00:28:10,819 --> 00:28:13,126 Paper snails. See? 454 00:28:13,169 --> 00:28:16,172 -Yeah. -There's leaves and a flower. 455 00:28:16,216 --> 00:28:18,000 And I think this is a rock. 456 00:28:18,044 --> 00:28:20,089 Uh-huh. 457 00:28:20,133 --> 00:28:23,092 -It's a garden for the snails. -Right. 458 00:28:23,136 --> 00:28:27,357 And he said, "This way, they won't die." 459 00:28:28,184 --> 00:28:31,710 I think it's so, so clever. 460 00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:32,928 Yeah, that is. 461 00:28:34,103 --> 00:28:37,106 I thought it... I thought it was. 462 00:28:37,150 --> 00:28:41,720 And then when I had my concerns... 463 00:28:41,763 --> 00:28:42,895 You did? 464 00:28:44,070 --> 00:28:45,332 Oh, not... 465 00:28:46,246 --> 00:28:47,900 About his sensitivity. 466 00:28:47,943 --> 00:28:49,466 Yeah. 467 00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:52,731 Although, really, I was happy for him to... 468 00:28:52,774 --> 00:28:53,993 Find a solution. 469 00:28:54,036 --> 00:28:58,171 He was always determined to find a solution. 470 00:29:01,652 --> 00:29:07,136 Yeah. I was happy that he was. 471 00:29:13,969 --> 00:29:15,449 Well, thank you. 472 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:17,843 Thank you 473 00:29:17,886 --> 00:29:20,149 -for sharing that, Linda. -Yeah. 474 00:29:20,193 --> 00:29:23,587 I just wanted to, um, show you something. 475 00:29:23,631 --> 00:29:24,763 -Mmm-hmm. -The... 476 00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:37,079 So, your daughter. She's doing well? 477 00:29:37,123 --> 00:29:38,777 -Yeah. -She's doing well, yes. 478 00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:41,475 Yeah, she's gonna be fine. Yeah. 479 00:29:41,518 --> 00:29:45,044 She's a lot more sociable than she was. 480 00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:46,959 Or she's, um... Actually, we miss her. 481 00:29:47,002 --> 00:29:48,395 Now, she's out too much. 482 00:29:48,438 --> 00:29:49,788 She's dating. 483 00:29:49,831 --> 00:29:51,137 I don't know if she's actually... 484 00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:52,791 She's dating. 485 00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:57,186 Oh. Well, there you go. So she's, uh... 486 00:29:57,230 --> 00:29:58,405 Yeah. 487 00:29:58,448 --> 00:30:00,059 She's starting to be a lot more herself. 488 00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:01,887 Oh. That's wonderful. 489 00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:04,541 Yeah. She's made a lot of progress. 490 00:30:04,585 --> 00:30:06,717 Oh. That's wonderful. 491 00:30:06,761 --> 00:30:08,589 You mentioned to Linda 492 00:30:08,632 --> 00:30:11,766 that you've made some progress yourself, um, 493 00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:13,115 in your letters. 494 00:30:13,159 --> 00:30:14,203 A therapist? 495 00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,771 Oh, I'm sorry, I did share that. 496 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,207 I did share it with him. 497 00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:20,122 She just mentioned. 498 00:30:20,166 --> 00:30:24,300 Um, you mentioned that you found someone who's been... 499 00:30:24,344 --> 00:30:27,086 Yes, she's been very helpful. That's right. 500 00:30:27,129 --> 00:30:28,217 That's good. 501 00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:31,830 Yeah, that's... She's... She was... 502 00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:34,441 Well, she is a big reason why we're here. 503 00:30:35,529 --> 00:30:37,792 Okay, so you both see her. 504 00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:39,098 Well, um... 505 00:30:40,099 --> 00:30:41,883 -We do. -Yeah. 506 00:30:41,927 --> 00:30:43,754 Yeah. Yeah. 507 00:30:43,798 --> 00:30:50,065 And she has encouraged us to express ourselves today, 508 00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:53,982 but not to interrogate, that's important, 509 00:30:54,026 --> 00:30:57,899 to be curious, and not defensive... 510 00:30:57,943 --> 00:30:59,074 Not vindictive. 511 00:31:00,467 --> 00:31:02,948 -She said "vindictive." -Not defensive? 512 00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:04,993 No, if we are vindictive. 513 00:31:05,037 --> 00:31:06,690 All right. Sorry. 514 00:31:08,127 --> 00:31:09,650 It doesn't matter. 515 00:31:09,693 --> 00:31:13,741 The point is that we're not here to attack you, 516 00:31:14,394 --> 00:31:15,699 and we've promised that. 517 00:31:15,743 --> 00:31:19,703 But we've felt everything that we've said. 518 00:31:19,747 --> 00:31:22,054 Right? We're not... 519 00:31:22,097 --> 00:31:25,405 We're not going to apologize for our feelings. 520 00:31:25,448 --> 00:31:26,797 Thank you for your honesty. 521 00:31:26,841 --> 00:31:29,148 We want to listen, 522 00:31:30,323 --> 00:31:31,715 and we want to heal. 523 00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:32,760 Of course. 524 00:31:33,804 --> 00:31:35,632 You know, your letters 525 00:31:36,677 --> 00:31:38,940 meant so much to me. 526 00:31:38,984 --> 00:31:42,161 Even the hard ones, I really... 527 00:31:42,204 --> 00:31:44,511 I really appreciate them. 528 00:31:52,475 --> 00:31:56,871 We can tell that you've done a lot of work, continue to, 529 00:31:56,915 --> 00:32:01,963 and I don't just mean what you've done publicly. 530 00:32:02,007 --> 00:32:05,184 But it is admirable how you put yourselves out there. 531 00:32:05,227 --> 00:32:06,794 Uh, we actually, Linda and I, 532 00:32:06,837 --> 00:32:08,883 have, um, followed your work for years. 533 00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:10,537 -Right. -Well, everyone's... 534 00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:13,105 -Yeah, everyone's, but... -Well, thank you. 535 00:32:13,148 --> 00:32:17,674 But I... I don't get any pleasure from it, you know. 536 00:32:17,718 --> 00:32:20,242 It can be defeating, that kind of activism. 537 00:32:20,286 --> 00:32:22,505 Yes, it can, but I don't like that word. 538 00:32:22,549 --> 00:32:24,420 I'm not... 539 00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:28,250 I wouldn't know what else to do with myself. 540 00:32:28,294 --> 00:32:29,991 Your persistence is admirable. 541 00:32:30,035 --> 00:32:32,515 Well, thank you. 542 00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:36,693 But we're really not here today to talk about that. 543 00:32:36,737 --> 00:32:38,130 Oh, I don't think it's not relevant. 544 00:32:38,173 --> 00:32:40,480 You don't believe, as a country, 545 00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:43,048 we are meeting our obligations. 546 00:32:43,091 --> 00:32:45,746 Well, I didn't... That... I was quoting President Obama. 547 00:32:45,789 --> 00:32:48,009 No, I don't. I think we're killing each other. 548 00:32:48,053 --> 00:32:49,793 -We are. -I don't disagree. 549 00:32:49,837 --> 00:32:51,752 But there are just so many factors that... 550 00:32:51,795 --> 00:32:55,060 You know, it's not about one thing or the other. It... 551 00:32:56,844 --> 00:32:58,063 Yeah. Sorry. 552 00:32:58,106 --> 00:33:00,630 No. Go ahead. 553 00:33:00,674 --> 00:33:03,503 It's just, I promised I wouldn't talk about it today. 554 00:33:03,546 --> 00:33:05,505 -We don't have to. -No. 555 00:33:07,637 --> 00:33:09,509 It's just... Can I just say that 556 00:33:09,552 --> 00:33:12,338 it's not whether it's one thing or the other. 557 00:33:12,381 --> 00:33:13,600 That's the fallacy. 558 00:33:13,643 --> 00:33:17,647 That's their whole distraction, or defense. 559 00:33:17,691 --> 00:33:19,040 You know, "Don't look over here by guns. 560 00:33:19,084 --> 00:33:20,911 "Look over there by mental health," 561 00:33:20,955 --> 00:33:23,349 as if, you know, it's not possible to address both. 562 00:33:23,392 --> 00:33:24,872 It's insulting. 563 00:33:24,915 --> 00:33:27,788 Yes, we can. But if your child wanted to hurt himself, 564 00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:29,659 would you only remove 565 00:33:29,703 --> 00:33:31,009 the dangerous items from the house? 566 00:33:31,052 --> 00:33:34,012 No. You'd want to help him. 567 00:33:34,055 --> 00:33:35,665 You'd want to find out what was wrong 568 00:33:35,709 --> 00:33:36,797 and you'd want to change that. 569 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,712 Hey, why are we talking about this? 570 00:33:39,887 --> 00:33:41,193 What? 571 00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:42,585 Why are we talking about this? 572 00:33:42,629 --> 00:33:45,284 I didn't come here to listen to this. 573 00:33:45,327 --> 00:33:48,417 Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. 574 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,161 -I didn't mean to offend. -Oh. 575 00:33:53,205 --> 00:33:57,035 I just think that we find, 576 00:33:57,078 --> 00:33:59,907 through blame, our means to change, 577 00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:02,475 and I want to question that. 578 00:34:02,518 --> 00:34:05,608 I want to look at everything because I blame myself, 579 00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:08,002 and I can't change that. 580 00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:10,091 What do you mean? 581 00:34:10,135 --> 00:34:11,527 -I can't... -When you say that, 582 00:34:11,571 --> 00:34:14,226 what do you... What do you mean when you say that? 583 00:34:17,316 --> 00:34:19,057 I can't change what I've done. 584 00:34:20,188 --> 00:34:21,842 You... So you blame yourself? 585 00:34:26,499 --> 00:34:27,978 I'm asking... 586 00:34:28,022 --> 00:34:29,589 -Do you blame yourself? -Hey. 587 00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:32,418 No, I want to know. 588 00:34:32,461 --> 00:34:34,855 I didn't come here to talk fucking politics. 589 00:34:34,898 --> 00:34:36,465 I wanna know. 590 00:34:36,509 --> 00:34:38,554 We don't wanna interrogate. 591 00:34:38,598 --> 00:34:41,557 I can imagine how hard it is to live with his actions. 592 00:34:41,601 --> 00:34:43,298 -It is. -But our loss... 593 00:34:46,823 --> 00:34:49,130 Please just tell me what you mean by that. 594 00:34:50,784 --> 00:34:55,484 When you talk about blame on your part, 595 00:34:55,528 --> 00:34:57,486 I want to know what you're referring to. 596 00:34:57,530 --> 00:35:00,228 There is nothing that wasn't covered in the depositions. 597 00:35:00,272 --> 00:35:02,752 But I want to hear it now. 598 00:35:03,884 --> 00:35:05,407 We never filed against you. 599 00:35:05,451 --> 00:35:07,235 We never took part in any of that. 600 00:35:07,279 --> 00:35:09,629 Maybe a better way than interrogating 601 00:35:09,672 --> 00:35:13,023 -is to learn what we remember. -Fine. Fine. 602 00:35:13,067 --> 00:35:16,549 So... tell me what you remember. 603 00:35:18,072 --> 00:35:19,552 Tell me about your son. 604 00:35:23,033 --> 00:35:24,252 What would you like to know? 605 00:35:24,296 --> 00:35:25,166 Everything, I want to know everything. 606 00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:26,559 Why? 607 00:35:26,602 --> 00:35:28,082 Why do I want to know about your son? 608 00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:29,344 Because he killed mine. 609 00:35:55,544 --> 00:35:57,677 How far back would you like to go? 610 00:35:58,547 --> 00:35:59,766 Wherever you need. 611 00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:05,772 Because I can tell you everything. 612 00:36:05,815 --> 00:36:08,209 But there's so much that no one will ever know. 613 00:36:13,345 --> 00:36:18,741 He was shy, always. Even as a baby. 614 00:36:18,785 --> 00:36:22,789 We watched him. But I wasn't concerned. 615 00:36:22,832 --> 00:36:25,183 I saw things that no one else saw. 616 00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:28,098 He didn't play well with others. 617 00:36:28,142 --> 00:36:30,144 Not that he was mean. 618 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:34,235 He just didn't seem to know how to. 619 00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:36,846 And later, when he was older, he only wanted to be outside. 620 00:36:36,890 --> 00:36:38,370 He loved the outdoors. 621 00:36:38,413 --> 00:36:40,546 I know this. No, I know this. 622 00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:43,244 I mean, he was shy, he loved animals. 623 00:36:43,288 --> 00:36:46,247 I've read everything. 624 00:36:46,291 --> 00:36:47,857 I don't know what you want me to say. 625 00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:49,903 What did worry you? 626 00:36:49,946 --> 00:36:53,167 You said you never worried, but what scared you? 627 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:56,126 My son never scared me as a child. 628 00:36:56,170 --> 00:36:57,606 The photographs I have, 629 00:36:57,650 --> 00:36:59,304 the ones we don't want to look at... 630 00:36:59,347 --> 00:37:00,740 I don't need to see them. Okay? 631 00:37:00,783 --> 00:37:03,046 -That's not why we... -I don't need to see him. 632 00:37:03,090 --> 00:37:06,528 -Sure. Okay. -I want to know what changed. 633 00:37:07,834 --> 00:37:11,838 When he was 13, he started going online. 634 00:37:11,881 --> 00:37:14,362 He started that gaming profile, that account. 635 00:37:14,406 --> 00:37:15,711 They weren't violent games then. 636 00:37:15,755 --> 00:37:17,017 I know that, but... 637 00:37:17,060 --> 00:37:18,975 They were fantasy games, like role-play. 638 00:37:19,019 --> 00:37:20,107 Yeah, I know that. But it was still 639 00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:21,804 the same account that he used later on. 640 00:37:21,848 --> 00:37:25,895 So I'm just asking, what changed? 641 00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:27,245 That's very hard to answer. 642 00:37:27,288 --> 00:37:29,421 -Well, please try. -It's not just one thing. 643 00:37:29,464 --> 00:37:31,031 Then tell me more than one thing. 644 00:37:31,074 --> 00:37:33,686 Okay, Gail. Let's not do it like this. 645 00:37:33,729 --> 00:37:35,470 -Okay? -Okay. 646 00:37:35,514 --> 00:37:37,255 All right. 647 00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:39,257 You're right. 648 00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,868 -I'm sorry. -Yeah, yeah. Just... 649 00:37:41,911 --> 00:37:43,913 We're not interrogating. 650 00:37:43,957 --> 00:37:45,263 Then what are you doing? 651 00:37:47,308 --> 00:37:50,572 I say that as compassionately as I can. 652 00:37:50,616 --> 00:37:52,835 What are we doing? 653 00:37:52,879 --> 00:37:55,882 You say you want to heal. We all do. 654 00:37:56,535 --> 00:37:57,927 Is this how? 655 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:11,811 I think, uh, we wanna know why... 656 00:38:12,942 --> 00:38:15,118 How this happened. 657 00:38:15,162 --> 00:38:16,250 -Right? -Mmm. 658 00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:20,298 I mean, we... We need to hear that. 659 00:38:21,516 --> 00:38:23,823 We need your help with that. 660 00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:28,741 I'm willing to help. 661 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,353 We moved. 662 00:38:32,397 --> 00:38:33,963 You asked what changed. We moved. 663 00:38:34,007 --> 00:38:35,530 We did, but we can't be certain 664 00:38:35,574 --> 00:38:38,272 which changes affected him most. 665 00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,840 The new school with a new environment. 666 00:38:40,883 --> 00:38:41,928 It's very, very hard. 667 00:38:41,971 --> 00:38:44,670 Hayden didn't have close friends, 668 00:38:44,713 --> 00:38:46,846 growing up, as you probably know. 669 00:38:46,889 --> 00:38:48,935 But by middle school, that mattered more, 670 00:38:48,978 --> 00:38:51,024 and it affected him. 671 00:38:51,067 --> 00:38:53,766 A lot of things changed at that age. 672 00:38:53,809 --> 00:38:55,158 I had a new job. 673 00:38:55,202 --> 00:38:56,682 Steven was applying for colleges. 674 00:38:56,725 --> 00:39:00,990 So we were looking at tuition costs, private schools. 675 00:39:04,472 --> 00:39:05,517 We moved. 676 00:39:07,606 --> 00:39:09,303 Our older house had more space. 677 00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:11,392 Outdoors, but where we moved to actually 678 00:39:11,436 --> 00:39:13,786 was a much bigger home. 679 00:39:14,482 --> 00:39:16,223 That's true. 680 00:39:16,266 --> 00:39:18,530 But where we were had a great backyard. 681 00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:19,922 The new neighborhood was very nice. 682 00:39:19,966 --> 00:39:21,359 It was just more suburban. 683 00:39:22,925 --> 00:39:24,057 Plots. 684 00:39:26,494 --> 00:39:28,714 There wasn't the freedom he was used to. 685 00:39:28,757 --> 00:39:30,019 But it was nice. 686 00:39:33,414 --> 00:39:34,676 It was, Richard. 687 00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:36,286 The new school was very hard for him, 688 00:39:36,330 --> 00:39:39,072 seventh grade in particular. Bullying. 689 00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:40,465 Yes, it was... it was very bad. 690 00:39:40,508 --> 00:39:45,339 Yes. And the boys were a few years apart. 691 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:48,864 So Steven, who was really thriving in high school, 692 00:39:48,908 --> 00:39:50,866 he didn't have a lot to give Hayden 693 00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:53,173 at that time, unfortunately. 694 00:39:55,131 --> 00:39:59,222 Sometimes I wish that the boys had been closer, 695 00:39:59,266 --> 00:40:02,356 closer in age so that they could've shared friends. 696 00:40:14,368 --> 00:40:20,983 We never planned or expected to have another. 697 00:40:24,509 --> 00:40:26,598 I think he was lonely, uh, 698 00:40:26,641 --> 00:40:31,080 and I think he missed how things were. 699 00:40:31,124 --> 00:40:32,299 And that's when he began to spend 700 00:40:32,342 --> 00:40:34,083 more time on the computer. 701 00:40:35,781 --> 00:40:38,914 The games, you know, we thought they were creative. 702 00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:43,484 We... We encouraged them at first. 703 00:40:43,528 --> 00:40:45,530 He could make choices. 704 00:40:45,573 --> 00:40:48,358 He could be whatever he wanted to be. 705 00:40:48,402 --> 00:40:54,277 And we could hear him playing with others, 706 00:40:54,321 --> 00:40:57,803 and he would laugh, which made me... 707 00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,547 I'm very sorry. 708 00:41:02,590 --> 00:41:05,114 Uh, and he was doing well in school. 709 00:41:05,158 --> 00:41:08,857 I mean, yeah, which was confusing and misleading. 710 00:41:08,901 --> 00:41:10,206 He always had very good grades. 711 00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:12,644 -He was first... -Yeah, I know. 712 00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:15,429 -I'm sorry. I... I just... -That's fine. 713 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,257 We had nothing to do with publishing his grades 714 00:41:17,300 --> 00:41:18,606 or scores, any of that. 715 00:41:18,650 --> 00:41:20,303 Yeah, well, you didn't speak out about anything. 716 00:41:20,347 --> 00:41:21,740 I was only saying that... 717 00:41:21,783 --> 00:41:25,918 Well, we mistakenly thought his grades were a sign 718 00:41:25,961 --> 00:41:27,397 that things were okay. 719 00:41:27,441 --> 00:41:29,399 -That's not all. -It is, Richard. 720 00:41:29,443 --> 00:41:30,923 We thought that's what mattered. 721 00:41:30,966 --> 00:41:33,055 He wasn't fitting in. It hurt. 722 00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:35,057 The good grades made us 723 00:41:35,101 --> 00:41:36,276 -look past some of it. -Okay. 724 00:41:36,319 --> 00:41:37,712 Why didn't the school say anything? 725 00:41:37,756 --> 00:41:38,800 RICHARD: This was middle school. 726 00:41:38,844 --> 00:41:40,498 I know. But why? 727 00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:42,717 The school couldn't be bothered. 728 00:41:42,761 --> 00:41:46,852 He was quiet, and he was doing well. 729 00:41:46,895 --> 00:41:49,115 He didn't require attention. 730 00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:52,510 But there was a teacher, 731 00:41:52,553 --> 00:41:54,163 a math teacher in the eighth grade... 732 00:41:54,207 --> 00:41:55,208 Linda. 733 00:41:57,210 --> 00:41:58,211 No. 734 00:42:00,474 --> 00:42:01,867 Hayden loved him. 735 00:42:02,998 --> 00:42:05,479 I don't know what the connection was, 736 00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,699 or why it was so great. 737 00:42:07,742 --> 00:42:11,746 But he made him feel confident when he didn't. 738 00:42:14,009 --> 00:42:15,445 I wish I had... 739 00:42:17,709 --> 00:42:20,494 When he was really struggling later on, 740 00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:22,627 I tried to see if he could talk to him. 741 00:42:22,670 --> 00:42:25,543 But he had left for another school. And I didn't... 742 00:42:29,764 --> 00:42:31,853 I gave up looking for him. I... 743 00:42:35,204 --> 00:42:36,684 -I'm sorry. -That's... That's okay. 744 00:42:36,728 --> 00:42:40,427 He was teased because he had other interests. 745 00:42:40,470 --> 00:42:42,298 I think it made him embarrassed 746 00:42:42,342 --> 00:42:43,473 to have those other interests. 747 00:42:43,517 --> 00:42:46,476 He saw being different as a deficit, 748 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,436 and we didn't know it or realize it 749 00:42:49,479 --> 00:42:51,394 until he showed signs of depression. 750 00:42:53,005 --> 00:42:56,051 He didn't strike you as being sad before? 751 00:42:56,095 --> 00:42:58,358 Quiet, but no. 752 00:42:58,401 --> 00:43:00,186 -Violent? -No, not then. 753 00:43:00,229 --> 00:43:03,058 When we grew concerned, we got help. 754 00:43:03,102 --> 00:43:04,625 When was that? 755 00:43:04,669 --> 00:43:06,496 His medical records were made public. 756 00:43:06,540 --> 00:43:08,194 We know the timeline. We read everything. 757 00:43:08,237 --> 00:43:10,283 -We want... -But what specifically? 758 00:43:10,326 --> 00:43:12,546 It was his unwillingness to do things. 759 00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:15,767 When Steven left for college, 760 00:43:15,810 --> 00:43:18,073 he became angry at our attention for him. 761 00:43:18,117 --> 00:43:19,771 What would be wrong with that? 762 00:43:19,814 --> 00:43:22,121 I think he resented our concern. 763 00:43:23,209 --> 00:43:25,080 He wouldn't even let us touch him. 764 00:43:25,124 --> 00:43:27,213 So that's when you got him help? 765 00:43:27,256 --> 00:43:28,780 Eventually. 766 00:43:28,823 --> 00:43:30,912 -He didn't want to... -He never did. 767 00:43:30,956 --> 00:43:32,827 We finally forced him to see someone. 768 00:43:32,871 --> 00:43:34,350 And we didn't feel we had a choice. 769 00:43:34,394 --> 00:43:35,656 But he begged us to stop. 770 00:43:35,700 --> 00:43:38,833 He pleaded with us to let him be normal, 771 00:43:38,877 --> 00:43:41,270 or that he didn't need it anymore. 772 00:43:43,055 --> 00:43:46,711 He said the sessions made him feel not... 773 00:43:47,581 --> 00:43:48,582 What? 774 00:43:52,151 --> 00:43:53,718 Not human. 775 00:43:55,720 --> 00:43:56,721 He said that? 776 00:43:59,419 --> 00:44:01,639 The therapist said he needs to stop isolating. 777 00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:04,642 It's only reinforcing his negative expectations. 778 00:44:04,685 --> 00:44:08,428 All this time online is not enhancing his relationships. 779 00:44:08,471 --> 00:44:09,516 It's making him lonelier. 780 00:44:09,559 --> 00:44:11,605 So, you just let him stop going? 781 00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:13,172 For a while. 782 00:44:13,215 --> 00:44:16,218 And then things would change or something would happen... 783 00:44:16,262 --> 00:44:18,220 -Like the pipe bomb. -...and we'd go through it 784 00:44:18,264 --> 00:44:19,482 again. Yes. Yes. 785 00:44:19,526 --> 00:44:21,093 That certainly had consequences. 786 00:44:21,136 --> 00:44:22,398 Consequences. 787 00:44:22,442 --> 00:44:25,271 At the time, it did. He was arrested. 788 00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:26,838 There was no consequence. 789 00:44:26,881 --> 00:44:30,668 I know how that sounds, but we were devastated. 790 00:44:31,494 --> 00:44:33,235 And we tried everything. 791 00:44:33,279 --> 00:44:34,715 Was the doctor good enough? 792 00:44:34,759 --> 00:44:36,412 Would they get the prescription right? 793 00:44:36,456 --> 00:44:38,240 Did they take insurance? 794 00:44:38,284 --> 00:44:39,851 I mean, of course we would have paid anything, 795 00:44:39,894 --> 00:44:42,288 but it was expensive. 796 00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:46,248 I'm just saying, this was the reality of how it was, 797 00:44:46,292 --> 00:44:48,163 how defeating, 798 00:44:48,207 --> 00:44:51,776 and even with all the professional advice, 799 00:44:51,819 --> 00:44:54,779 it came down to the two of us alone, 800 00:44:54,822 --> 00:44:56,345 making the choices. 801 00:44:56,389 --> 00:44:59,958 And we tried, over and over again. 802 00:45:00,001 --> 00:45:01,960 -You can see. -It's true. 803 00:45:02,003 --> 00:45:03,613 There is no new information 804 00:45:03,657 --> 00:45:05,746 regarding his criminal or medical records. 805 00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:07,356 You have access to everything. 806 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:08,444 Why didn't you tell the school? 807 00:45:08,488 --> 00:45:10,098 This was high school. 808 00:45:13,319 --> 00:45:14,581 We didn't have to. 809 00:45:15,843 --> 00:45:16,975 He had just started there... 810 00:45:17,018 --> 00:45:18,367 -What? -...and... 811 00:45:19,978 --> 00:45:23,546 I didn't want it to reflect badly on him. 812 00:45:23,590 --> 00:45:25,026 If we thought he was dangerous... 813 00:45:25,070 --> 00:45:26,549 Oh, God. 814 00:45:27,942 --> 00:45:30,031 -I'm sorry. -As long as he completed 815 00:45:30,075 --> 00:45:31,250 -his program, his reports... -Jesus Christ. 816 00:45:31,293 --> 00:45:33,165 The program was a joke. 817 00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:35,384 They made mistakes. They missed things. 818 00:45:35,428 --> 00:45:36,559 We all did. 819 00:45:38,431 --> 00:45:39,649 But he was lying. 820 00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:41,651 What? 821 00:45:41,695 --> 00:45:43,479 Did you know that? 822 00:45:43,523 --> 00:45:47,005 I suspected that he was holding things back, 823 00:45:47,048 --> 00:45:49,529 but I never, never could have believed... 824 00:45:49,572 --> 00:45:51,487 I understand not speaking publicly 825 00:45:51,531 --> 00:45:52,793 made it look like we had secrets. 826 00:45:52,837 --> 00:45:54,752 I don't... I'm... It's not secrets 827 00:45:54,795 --> 00:45:57,667 that I have doubts about, though. 828 00:45:57,711 --> 00:46:01,933 Or facts. It's... Knowing. 829 00:46:03,108 --> 00:46:06,807 It's parents' intuition, hmm? 830 00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:09,157 You feel it. It should hurt you. 831 00:46:10,202 --> 00:46:11,290 It did. 832 00:46:11,333 --> 00:46:12,944 And we got him help. 833 00:46:12,987 --> 00:46:15,033 We didn't know. 834 00:46:15,076 --> 00:46:16,774 And everything that happened afterwards, 835 00:46:16,817 --> 00:46:18,514 the lawsuits, the media, 836 00:46:18,558 --> 00:46:21,517 the hate that flooded into our lives, 837 00:46:21,561 --> 00:46:25,130 never once did we feel ready or prepared for any of it. 838 00:46:25,173 --> 00:46:27,306 We just did the best to survive. 839 00:46:27,349 --> 00:46:28,742 So why not speak? 840 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,570 Because I didn't have an answer. 841 00:46:30,613 --> 00:46:33,399 Why not help prevent this from happening again? 842 00:46:33,442 --> 00:46:34,704 Because I don't know how. 843 00:46:34,748 --> 00:46:36,924 That's why you didn't speak. 844 00:46:36,968 --> 00:46:39,666 You had no answers. No idea. 845 00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:44,453 Just understand that until the civil statutes ran out, 846 00:46:44,497 --> 00:46:46,412 we were rarely given permission to speak. 847 00:46:46,455 --> 00:46:50,155 Even our apologies had to be worded. 848 00:46:50,198 --> 00:46:51,852 Linda couldn't join a mothers' support group 849 00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:52,897 because they worried that 850 00:46:52,940 --> 00:46:54,463 she'd put the other women at risk. 851 00:46:54,507 --> 00:46:56,770 -At risk? -Of being deposed. 852 00:46:57,945 --> 00:46:59,077 I didn't know that. 853 00:47:11,872 --> 00:47:13,178 Well, look... 854 00:47:14,919 --> 00:47:17,269 A lot of what happened in the aftermath was wrong. 855 00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:22,491 We know now a lot of mistakes were made, 856 00:47:22,535 --> 00:47:23,884 even from the beginning, 857 00:47:23,928 --> 00:47:26,278 just institutionally, legally, everything. 858 00:47:27,322 --> 00:47:29,411 But we didn't sue 859 00:47:29,455 --> 00:47:31,022 and we're not gonna. 860 00:47:31,065 --> 00:47:34,199 We signed all those waivers for today. 861 00:47:36,157 --> 00:47:37,942 We didn't want anything. 862 00:47:37,985 --> 00:47:40,727 We wanted Evan back. 863 00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:43,991 Yeah, and that was impossible. 864 00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:47,168 In hindsight, we would have done things differently. 865 00:47:47,212 --> 00:47:50,215 The authorities would have, too. There was negligence. 866 00:47:50,258 --> 00:47:52,782 That was the basis of all the settlements, but... 867 00:47:55,829 --> 00:47:58,571 Where's your regret? 868 00:47:58,614 --> 00:48:00,965 That's what we want to see. Right? 869 00:48:01,008 --> 00:48:02,749 Where is your regret? 870 00:48:04,142 --> 00:48:05,273 I regret everything. 871 00:48:06,448 --> 00:48:09,669 The worst outcome imaginable happened. 872 00:48:09,712 --> 00:48:10,975 Any change I might have made 873 00:48:11,018 --> 00:48:12,454 could have resulted in a different outcome. 874 00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:14,369 I regret everything. 875 00:48:14,413 --> 00:48:15,936 How can you be so matter-of-fact? 876 00:48:15,980 --> 00:48:17,503 How else can I be? 877 00:48:17,546 --> 00:48:20,245 I don't know. The way you can just talk about it so... 878 00:48:21,420 --> 00:48:24,989 Look, we decided against litigation. 879 00:48:25,032 --> 00:48:28,122 But that doesn't mean that we don't 880 00:48:28,166 --> 00:48:31,038 want to see you in pain. 881 00:48:31,082 --> 00:48:33,823 We want to see you punished. 882 00:48:33,867 --> 00:48:35,651 We want to see that you hurt. 883 00:48:35,695 --> 00:48:37,436 -Like everyone else. -Like everyone else. 884 00:48:37,479 --> 00:48:39,917 -Like you. -Yeah, like me, like us. 885 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,832 Like our daughter, who doesn't sleep. 886 00:48:42,876 --> 00:48:43,921 Jay... 887 00:48:49,187 --> 00:48:50,188 Fine. 888 00:48:51,972 --> 00:48:56,498 Okay, he has this boy who makes a pipe bomb, 889 00:48:56,542 --> 00:48:58,761 a pipe bomb. 890 00:48:58,805 --> 00:49:01,199 And he's arrested. He was put in this program. 891 00:49:01,242 --> 00:49:02,461 I was scared. 892 00:49:04,463 --> 00:49:05,768 What? 893 00:49:08,554 --> 00:49:09,947 We were, Richard. 894 00:49:12,036 --> 00:49:13,080 We were scared. 895 00:49:15,256 --> 00:49:16,562 I was scared. 896 00:49:17,345 --> 00:49:18,868 You were? 897 00:49:18,912 --> 00:49:20,392 I was. 898 00:49:20,435 --> 00:49:22,655 He told us before he had contemplated suicide. 899 00:49:22,698 --> 00:49:23,917 But it was only on that test 900 00:49:23,961 --> 00:49:25,875 that he mentioned thoughts of homicide. 901 00:49:25,919 --> 00:49:28,052 We were scared. 902 00:49:28,095 --> 00:49:30,706 But I was trying to see the best possible outcome. 903 00:49:30,750 --> 00:49:32,012 We should have done something then. 904 00:49:32,056 --> 00:49:33,100 -Now... -We should have, 905 00:49:33,144 --> 00:49:34,232 we should have... 906 00:49:34,275 --> 00:49:36,974 Of course now, but what? 907 00:49:37,017 --> 00:49:39,541 And I couldn't accept that he would throw away his future 908 00:49:39,585 --> 00:49:41,891 because of a homemade bomb, Linda. Please. 909 00:49:41,935 --> 00:49:44,720 Where did this interest in bombs come from? 910 00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:46,157 Didn't it surprise you at all? 911 00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:47,506 -Yes. -We didn't know, 912 00:49:47,549 --> 00:49:49,247 anywhere. Yes. It surprised us. It shocked us. 913 00:49:49,290 --> 00:49:50,378 He said he read it online. 914 00:49:50,422 --> 00:49:51,727 He said he was bored. 915 00:49:51,771 --> 00:49:52,990 He said it was just something to do. 916 00:49:53,033 --> 00:49:54,165 "I'm not the only one." 917 00:49:54,208 --> 00:49:56,558 -What? -Yes, that's what he said. 918 00:49:56,602 --> 00:49:59,605 And once he'd made it, he figured he'd set it off. 919 00:49:59,648 --> 00:50:01,955 He went back to the woods. 920 00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:03,304 Where we used to live. 921 00:50:03,348 --> 00:50:04,784 No one was around. 922 00:50:04,827 --> 00:50:06,742 He wasn't trying to... 923 00:50:06,786 --> 00:50:07,961 He didn't... 924 00:50:10,094 --> 00:50:13,488 We hoped it was what he said it was. 925 00:50:13,532 --> 00:50:16,361 Later on, when we found more plans in his room, 926 00:50:16,404 --> 00:50:20,147 he said there was good money in artillery engineering, 927 00:50:20,191 --> 00:50:21,453 working in the Defense Department. 928 00:50:21,496 --> 00:50:22,671 That was his excuse. 929 00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,195 You couldn't have believed that. 930 00:50:24,238 --> 00:50:25,457 We knew nothing about it. 931 00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:27,067 After everything, no. 932 00:50:27,111 --> 00:50:29,330 How could you have believed that? 933 00:50:29,374 --> 00:50:30,984 Because I wanted to. 934 00:50:32,899 --> 00:50:34,814 He told me things. 935 00:50:35,423 --> 00:50:36,424 He did. 936 00:50:38,339 --> 00:50:40,080 I thought he confided in me. 937 00:50:43,083 --> 00:50:47,305 But now I know that some of the things he told me were 938 00:50:47,348 --> 00:50:49,524 purposefully deceitful, 939 00:50:51,309 --> 00:50:52,571 to keep me away. 940 00:50:55,574 --> 00:50:58,403 We really did think he was turning things around. 941 00:50:59,404 --> 00:51:01,188 We had plans for the summer. 942 00:51:02,102 --> 00:51:03,277 For college. 943 00:51:06,976 --> 00:51:11,503 We were told that once... 944 00:51:15,594 --> 00:51:17,639 I'm sorry. 945 00:51:17,683 --> 00:51:20,599 ...once someone decides their fate, 946 00:51:20,642 --> 00:51:22,731 they do find some happiness. 947 00:51:23,906 --> 00:51:25,778 They can even appear euphoric. 948 00:51:28,259 --> 00:51:31,914 Those last few months, we were happy. 949 00:51:37,006 --> 00:51:39,139 He checked off homicidal thoughts. 950 00:51:39,183 --> 00:51:40,836 His therapist said that was normal. 951 00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:41,924 Normal? 952 00:51:41,968 --> 00:51:43,317 For a young man to be angry. 953 00:51:43,361 --> 00:51:46,277 Why ask the question if you choose to ignore it? 954 00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:48,366 Your neighbor called the police. 955 00:51:48,409 --> 00:51:49,932 He called us, not the police. 956 00:51:49,976 --> 00:51:51,108 About a year before. 957 00:51:51,847 --> 00:51:53,327 That was a bad night. 958 00:51:53,371 --> 00:51:54,676 We would try to calm him down, 959 00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:58,289 minimize whatever it was that was bothering him. 960 00:51:58,332 --> 00:51:59,725 I think that, in the end, 961 00:51:59,768 --> 00:52:02,075 it may have only intensified his feelings. 962 00:52:04,208 --> 00:52:05,557 He could be frightening. 963 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,299 He would get frustrated, easily. 964 00:52:08,342 --> 00:52:10,736 Frustrated with things he couldn't figure out. 965 00:52:10,779 --> 00:52:12,694 And that would... 966 00:52:12,738 --> 00:52:14,000 -Embarrass him. -Yes. 967 00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:17,699 And it was always hard for him to ask for help. 968 00:52:19,223 --> 00:52:22,051 But eventually, he just... 969 00:52:22,095 --> 00:52:24,489 ...stopped asking entirely. 970 00:52:29,058 --> 00:52:32,671 Maybe my expectations for him were too high. 971 00:52:32,714 --> 00:52:37,719 I'd let it go, thinking not to bother him. 972 00:52:37,763 --> 00:52:39,156 But then, I... 973 00:52:42,246 --> 00:52:44,161 I'd just be letting him go. 974 00:52:52,473 --> 00:52:54,301 Look, I've done my accounting. 975 00:52:54,345 --> 00:52:56,042 There isn't a criticism I haven't heard 976 00:52:56,085 --> 00:52:58,305 or placed upon myself. 977 00:52:58,349 --> 00:53:00,481 We were not impassive, as you've said. 978 00:53:00,525 --> 00:53:01,700 -What...? -Indifferent. 979 00:53:01,743 --> 00:53:03,354 You didn't speak out. You said nothing. 980 00:53:03,397 --> 00:53:06,226 -We released a statement. -That's bullshit. 981 00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:07,749 "Thoughts and prayers." That's it? 982 00:53:07,793 --> 00:53:09,316 When we asked for privacy, 983 00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:10,839 we were accused of hiding something. 984 00:53:10,883 --> 00:53:13,233 You didn't deserve privacy. You don't deserve privacy. 985 00:53:13,277 --> 00:53:15,104 You should have said something. 986 00:53:15,148 --> 00:53:16,497 What should we say? 987 00:53:16,541 --> 00:53:17,716 -I'm asking you. -You... 988 00:53:17,759 --> 00:53:18,978 No, I'm asking you. No. 989 00:53:19,021 --> 00:53:20,284 -No, no. What would we say? -I don't know. 990 00:53:20,327 --> 00:53:21,415 You said that when it happened, you weren't... 991 00:53:21,459 --> 00:53:22,460 I'm asking you. What should we say? 992 00:53:22,503 --> 00:53:23,765 That when it happened, 993 00:53:23,809 --> 00:53:25,593 -that some part of you knew. -No. 994 00:53:25,637 --> 00:53:27,856 What should we say? 995 00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:29,118 That when it happened, 996 00:53:29,162 --> 00:53:31,860 that some part of you wasn't surprised. 997 00:53:31,904 --> 00:53:33,427 We were surprised. 998 00:53:35,429 --> 00:53:37,388 We didn't know what happened. 999 00:53:37,431 --> 00:53:38,911 I still don't know. 1000 00:53:38,954 --> 00:53:42,131 I came home from work and the phone rang. 1001 00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:47,441 His friend called the house to see if he was there. 1002 00:53:47,485 --> 00:53:49,878 I said, "Aren't you both in school?" 1003 00:53:49,922 --> 00:53:51,663 I didn't... 1004 00:53:51,706 --> 00:53:54,274 He said he hadn't seen Hayden all day, 1005 00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:55,710 that something happened. 1006 00:53:55,754 --> 00:53:57,451 Something was happening. 1007 00:53:57,495 --> 00:53:59,497 I had no idea... 1008 00:53:59,540 --> 00:54:01,586 Even when I turned on the television. 1009 00:54:01,629 --> 00:54:04,937 I saw the school from above. 1010 00:54:04,980 --> 00:54:06,808 I... I... 1011 00:54:06,852 --> 00:54:09,594 ...what he could have been talking about. 1012 00:54:09,637 --> 00:54:11,117 We didn't know. 1013 00:54:13,989 --> 00:54:16,557 His friend. This was Alex. Right? 1014 00:54:16,601 --> 00:54:18,298 -Yes. -Yeah. Who knew. 1015 00:54:18,342 --> 00:54:20,039 No. He suspected. 1016 00:54:20,082 --> 00:54:21,519 They were his father's guns. 1017 00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:23,695 He didn't know Hayden had taken them. 1018 00:54:23,738 --> 00:54:26,524 He thought... He thought to ask you to go look. 1019 00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:27,699 So he must have thought about it... 1020 00:54:27,742 --> 00:54:29,788 He asked because it had happened. 1021 00:54:29,831 --> 00:54:32,138 He was there. None of us knew yet. 1022 00:54:32,181 --> 00:54:33,444 "Go and look in his bedroom." 1023 00:54:33,487 --> 00:54:35,010 -He said... The closet. -Yes. Yes. 1024 00:54:35,054 --> 00:54:36,229 It was Alex. 1025 00:54:36,273 --> 00:54:38,144 He said he wasn't answering his phone 1026 00:54:38,187 --> 00:54:39,276 and that no one had seen him, 1027 00:54:39,319 --> 00:54:40,712 could I check? 1028 00:54:40,755 --> 00:54:43,584 Yes. I didn't understand what I was even looking for. 1029 00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:45,543 I thought he would tell me. 1030 00:54:45,586 --> 00:54:49,634 He just kept crying and saying, "I'm sorry." 1031 00:54:49,677 --> 00:54:51,723 I thought he did something. 1032 00:54:51,766 --> 00:54:52,767 We all did. 1033 00:54:56,118 --> 00:54:59,339 None of us knew that Alex's family had guns 1034 00:54:59,383 --> 00:55:01,167 or that Hayden had used them. 1035 00:55:01,210 --> 00:55:03,778 We learned all of that after. 1036 00:55:03,822 --> 00:55:06,303 Where were you when...? 1037 00:55:11,177 --> 00:55:12,526 I was working. 1038 00:55:14,963 --> 00:55:16,835 I have events out of order, 1039 00:55:17,923 --> 00:55:18,967 apparently. 1040 00:55:20,534 --> 00:55:22,057 Um... 1041 00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:26,671 A friend, a colleague, called me out of my office, 1042 00:55:26,714 --> 00:55:29,326 -and the television was on... -Wait, wait. Stop. Stop. 1043 00:55:29,369 --> 00:55:32,024 We don't wanna hear... We don't need to hear this. 1044 00:55:32,067 --> 00:55:33,547 We just want to know why you didn't do something, 1045 00:55:33,591 --> 00:55:34,809 why you couldn't say something. 1046 00:55:34,853 --> 00:55:36,028 I want to. 1047 00:55:36,071 --> 00:55:38,160 -What? -I want to hear. 1048 00:55:38,204 --> 00:55:39,553 What's the point? Why? 1049 00:55:39,597 --> 00:55:42,077 I know. I want to hear. 1050 00:55:52,479 --> 00:55:53,654 I called you. 1051 00:55:53,698 --> 00:55:55,003 Yes. But it was... 1052 00:55:56,004 --> 00:55:57,528 hard for us to speak. 1053 00:55:57,571 --> 00:55:59,443 I tried, but I couldn't. 1054 00:55:59,486 --> 00:56:03,360 I could tell. So I feared the worst. 1055 00:56:04,448 --> 00:56:05,840 But I hadn't... 1056 00:56:07,494 --> 00:56:10,845 You said, "He was never here." 1057 00:56:10,889 --> 00:56:13,065 His room. It was... 1058 00:56:13,979 --> 00:56:15,502 His bed was made, 1059 00:56:15,546 --> 00:56:19,724 and there was this notebook on his pillow. 1060 00:56:19,767 --> 00:56:22,161 I'd never seen it before. 1061 00:56:22,204 --> 00:56:25,817 It was worn and marked. 1062 00:56:26,687 --> 00:56:29,386 Oh, I was so scared. 1063 00:56:29,429 --> 00:56:32,867 It must have been there all day, all night. 1064 00:56:32,911 --> 00:56:36,654 I didn't know what she had seen yet. 1065 00:56:36,697 --> 00:56:38,003 I was just trying to get home. 1066 00:56:38,046 --> 00:56:40,614 And at one point, I thought, 1067 00:56:40,658 --> 00:56:44,618 "Why am I going home? I need to get to the school." 1068 00:56:45,837 --> 00:56:49,710 And then I got a call from my sister. 1069 00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:52,844 She kept telling me to pull over, 1070 00:56:52,887 --> 00:56:53,975 and I said I will not. 1071 00:56:54,019 --> 00:56:57,762 I would not stop driving, and then 1072 00:56:57,805 --> 00:56:59,894 we were both crying. 1073 00:57:01,113 --> 00:57:02,201 So I just... 1074 00:57:05,857 --> 00:57:07,336 I don't remember. 1075 00:57:09,164 --> 00:57:10,688 I pulled on to our street, 1076 00:57:10,731 --> 00:57:14,822 and I guess that's where I wanted to go, and... 1077 00:57:14,866 --> 00:57:16,694 -But I was too late. -Hmm. 1078 00:57:16,737 --> 00:57:18,870 Hundreds of them, all in black. 1079 00:57:18,913 --> 00:57:21,655 So sudden, and helicopters... 1080 00:57:21,699 --> 00:57:22,874 Couldn't get near our driveway, 1081 00:57:22,917 --> 00:57:24,528 so I just left the car. 1082 00:57:24,571 --> 00:57:26,268 I still don't know who moved it back. 1083 00:57:26,312 --> 00:57:27,313 Yeah. 1084 00:57:29,184 --> 00:57:30,664 They kept us apart. 1085 00:57:30,708 --> 00:57:34,668 They made me wait outside while they searched the house. 1086 00:57:36,104 --> 00:57:38,585 They kept me in the backyard. 1087 00:57:38,629 --> 00:57:42,720 I kept saying it was a mistake. It was... 1088 00:57:42,763 --> 00:57:46,941 There was a young policeman watching me 1089 00:57:46,985 --> 00:57:48,465 to make sure I didn't, 1090 00:57:48,508 --> 00:57:51,772 I learned this after, hurt myself. 1091 00:57:52,773 --> 00:57:56,255 Finally, I said, "Is my son dead?" 1092 00:58:00,912 --> 00:58:03,567 And he said, 1093 00:58:03,610 --> 00:58:05,960 not unkindly, 1094 00:58:06,004 --> 00:58:07,092 "Yes. 1095 00:58:08,223 --> 00:58:10,182 "But that's all I can tell you." 1096 00:58:11,183 --> 00:58:12,489 As if... 1097 00:58:17,058 --> 00:58:19,583 It was wrong what they did, keeping us apart. 1098 00:58:19,626 --> 00:58:21,236 It was wrong. 1099 00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:23,064 It was, Richard. 1100 00:58:23,108 --> 00:58:25,719 Yeah, they didn't have to. 1101 00:58:25,763 --> 00:58:29,680 I kept asking, demanding, to see my wife. 1102 00:58:32,552 --> 00:58:34,119 I begged, Linda. 1103 00:58:35,250 --> 00:58:37,165 It's not our fault, Richard. 1104 00:58:38,123 --> 00:58:39,385 It was wrong. 1105 00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:41,387 It was. 1106 00:58:49,003 --> 00:58:51,571 There were many times I wished he had killed me too. 1107 00:58:51,615 --> 00:58:54,052 But he loved us. 1108 00:58:55,706 --> 00:58:57,925 He told us. 1109 00:58:57,969 --> 00:59:01,538 He said he was sorry for what he would put us through. 1110 00:59:02,495 --> 00:59:04,018 In his notebook. 1111 00:59:04,062 --> 00:59:05,063 Yeah. 1112 00:59:06,630 --> 00:59:08,545 He destroyed your lives. 1113 00:59:09,415 --> 00:59:10,764 All of our lives. 1114 00:59:15,508 --> 00:59:18,555 He did. But the love we had, 1115 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,689 it was real! 1116 00:59:22,733 --> 00:59:26,911 And the truth is, we believed we were good parents. 1117 00:59:26,954 --> 00:59:32,612 And in some awful, confusing way, we still do. 1118 00:59:32,656 --> 00:59:36,311 Isn't it worse that I thought I was a good mother? 1119 00:59:37,008 --> 00:59:39,314 I love my children. 1120 00:59:39,358 --> 00:59:41,186 Other parents... I wasn't so different. 1121 00:59:41,229 --> 00:59:43,405 How did I do things so differently? 1122 00:59:45,233 --> 00:59:47,540 That makes it... 1123 00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:51,805 It's very hard to trust anything anymore. 1124 00:59:52,676 --> 00:59:54,416 I raised a murderer. 1125 00:59:56,854 --> 00:59:59,247 And sometimes I... 1126 01:00:01,380 --> 01:00:03,121 I don't know if I'm still grieving 1127 01:00:03,164 --> 01:00:05,950 or if I ever really have. 1128 01:00:08,126 --> 01:00:10,302 The service was in secret. 1129 01:00:10,345 --> 01:00:13,566 No local church would memorialize him. 1130 01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:17,657 Richard had to beg to bury his son. 1131 01:00:17,701 --> 01:00:22,619 And when we finally found a place, I was so ashamed. 1132 01:00:23,271 --> 01:00:25,622 Their kindness... 1133 01:00:25,665 --> 01:00:29,364 You're supposed to tell stories. We hid. 1134 01:00:29,408 --> 01:00:32,063 Many friends, our friends, didn't know what to say. 1135 01:00:32,106 --> 01:00:33,891 -They didn't come. -No. 1136 01:00:33,934 --> 01:00:36,894 We had our closest relatives with us, good friends. 1137 01:00:36,937 --> 01:00:38,983 I remember looking at the clock. 1138 01:00:41,202 --> 01:00:44,292 We were so overwhelmed with blame. 1139 01:00:44,336 --> 01:00:47,078 Our financial situation was impossible. 1140 01:00:48,296 --> 01:00:53,737 Grief felt like something out of reach. 1141 01:00:55,390 --> 01:00:58,089 I didn't stop him because I didn't know. 1142 01:00:58,829 --> 01:00:59,873 And I didn't say anything 1143 01:00:59,917 --> 01:01:02,310 because I didn't know what to say. 1144 01:01:03,964 --> 01:01:05,313 And I'm sorry. 1145 01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:10,536 I never thought I had enough good to say. 1146 01:01:13,757 --> 01:01:15,672 I want answers. I do. 1147 01:01:16,803 --> 01:01:20,241 I have to reconcile his actions 1148 01:01:20,285 --> 01:01:23,375 with the child I loved and raised. 1149 01:01:27,422 --> 01:01:28,946 But maybe there are none. 1150 01:01:30,904 --> 01:01:33,385 And maybe we're the last people to ask. 1151 01:01:37,781 --> 01:01:40,218 "We know the hate." 1152 01:01:43,743 --> 01:01:45,484 Joy Murphy's parents used to say that. 1153 01:01:45,527 --> 01:01:47,704 Remember their church? 1154 01:01:47,747 --> 01:01:50,619 "We need not know why the hate for we know the hate," 1155 01:01:50,663 --> 01:01:52,709 or some stupid thing. 1156 01:01:52,752 --> 01:01:54,449 Are these for us? 1157 01:01:54,493 --> 01:01:55,799 I'm sure it's all right. 1158 01:01:55,842 --> 01:01:57,626 Does anybody want one? 1159 01:01:57,670 --> 01:02:00,020 -No, thank you. -I can't breathe in this room. 1160 01:02:03,676 --> 01:02:04,851 Ah. 1161 01:02:04,895 --> 01:02:06,853 That whole church movement thing afterwards 1162 01:02:06,897 --> 01:02:08,159 made me so angry. 1163 01:02:09,073 --> 01:02:10,988 What? The devil? 1164 01:02:11,031 --> 01:02:12,076 Really? 1165 01:02:12,685 --> 01:02:14,469 Meaningless. 1166 01:02:14,513 --> 01:02:15,906 Trust the Catholic Church to come up 1167 01:02:15,949 --> 01:02:17,603 with the most bankrupt response. 1168 01:02:18,256 --> 01:02:19,823 Sorry. 1169 01:02:19,866 --> 01:02:21,738 This is an Episcopal Church. 1170 01:02:23,914 --> 01:02:26,481 Okay, I don't know. I'm... 1171 01:02:26,525 --> 01:02:30,050 I'm Christian. I'm not religious. 1172 01:02:33,445 --> 01:02:35,316 Ah. 1173 01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:37,231 They recycle here or...? 1174 01:02:37,275 --> 01:02:38,885 Just leave it. 1175 01:02:42,454 --> 01:02:44,151 Huh! 1176 01:02:44,195 --> 01:02:46,806 At least they found acceptance first. 1177 01:02:46,850 --> 01:02:50,244 Yeah. At least they understood it for... 1178 01:02:51,724 --> 01:02:52,943 I don't know. 1179 01:02:54,814 --> 01:02:57,774 But for the rest of us who need reason, 1180 01:02:58,949 --> 01:03:00,820 we need to look at what he was. 1181 01:03:00,864 --> 01:03:03,823 We knew he was troubled, just not how capable. 1182 01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:05,433 I believe you. You didn't... 1183 01:03:06,478 --> 01:03:08,828 I'm asking because 1184 01:03:08,872 --> 01:03:11,048 a psychiatrist told us afterwards 1185 01:03:11,091 --> 01:03:13,354 that he wouldn't have shared his problems. 1186 01:03:13,398 --> 01:03:15,356 That he probably couldn't. That... 1187 01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:17,184 We thought he might with his friends. 1188 01:03:17,228 --> 01:03:18,707 We asked him to. 1189 01:03:18,751 --> 01:03:21,536 He finally started making friends again, in high school. 1190 01:03:21,580 --> 01:03:22,581 He found a good group. 1191 01:03:24,322 --> 01:03:25,976 A good group? 1192 01:03:26,019 --> 01:03:27,804 Alex, who showed him where his family's guns were? 1193 01:03:27,847 --> 01:03:29,022 Hayden stole those guns. 1194 01:03:29,066 --> 01:03:30,328 His friends had nothing to do with it. 1195 01:03:30,371 --> 01:03:32,460 That group that went to the gun ranges, 1196 01:03:32,504 --> 01:03:36,595 that sat up all day and night playing Call of Duty. 1197 01:03:36,638 --> 01:03:39,859 It's a video game. They're simulations. 1198 01:03:39,903 --> 01:03:41,252 And how many visits to the gun range? 1199 01:03:41,295 --> 01:03:43,645 -Only two. -No, that we know of. 1200 01:03:43,689 --> 01:03:45,256 And any... You don't need to go anymore 1201 01:03:45,299 --> 01:03:46,692 with these games now. 1202 01:03:46,735 --> 01:03:50,174 If you'd allow me to finish addressing your point, 1203 01:03:50,217 --> 01:03:53,873 I'm just saying that by the end of his life, 1204 01:03:53,917 --> 01:03:57,877 whatever was going on inside, he seemed popular, 1205 01:03:57,921 --> 01:03:59,313 -for him, in his circle. -Fine. Sure. 1206 01:03:59,357 --> 01:04:01,838 Okay, but I'm talking about something different. 1207 01:04:01,881 --> 01:04:03,317 And I'm just saying 1208 01:04:03,361 --> 01:04:05,667 that we couldn't know how isolated he was 1209 01:04:05,711 --> 01:04:07,844 because he was popular. 1210 01:04:07,887 --> 01:04:09,889 Or not... That's not the right word, I know. 1211 01:04:09,933 --> 01:04:13,153 But we couldn't know the level of intimacy in his social life 1212 01:04:13,197 --> 01:04:14,546 from where he had been. 1213 01:04:14,589 --> 01:04:16,983 We were just happy for him to have a social life. 1214 01:04:17,027 --> 01:04:19,116 Okay. That isolation... 1215 01:04:19,159 --> 01:04:21,553 But he was bullied in high school. 1216 01:04:21,596 --> 01:04:22,815 Not by his friends. 1217 01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,251 But still. 1218 01:04:24,295 --> 01:04:25,644 They all told the police 1219 01:04:25,687 --> 01:04:27,733 how often he talked about killing certain students. 1220 01:04:27,776 --> 01:04:29,909 They said they all talked like that. 1221 01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:32,694 His group of friends experienced a lot of bullying. 1222 01:04:32,738 --> 01:04:34,479 Well, that's fine. I don't care. 1223 01:04:34,522 --> 01:04:37,786 Sorry. If I could just get this out. 1224 01:04:37,830 --> 01:04:40,050 That isolation, that... 1225 01:04:40,093 --> 01:04:42,748 Even with friends, that detachment, 1226 01:04:42,791 --> 01:04:46,926 sometimes indicative of a lack of feeling, of empathy. 1227 01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:49,668 Now add to that thousands of hours online 1228 01:04:49,711 --> 01:04:51,235 and no real human contact. 1229 01:04:51,278 --> 01:04:53,498 I'm just... This is how the psychiatrist explained it. 1230 01:04:53,541 --> 01:04:55,543 We understand the psychology. 1231 01:04:55,587 --> 01:04:58,024 Okay, then, maybe you know about the studies 1232 01:04:58,068 --> 01:05:00,722 using fMRI, brain scans, 1233 01:05:00,766 --> 01:05:02,594 where they say they can see a response, 1234 01:05:02,637 --> 01:05:05,423 or lack of response, in the brain. 1235 01:05:05,466 --> 01:05:06,946 There's actually less connections, 1236 01:05:06,990 --> 01:05:10,515 less matter in the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. 1237 01:05:10,558 --> 01:05:12,473 -Jay, Jay... -No, please, wait. 1238 01:05:12,517 --> 01:05:13,518 I'm just... 1239 01:05:15,433 --> 01:05:16,477 Have you heard of mirror neurons? 1240 01:05:16,521 --> 01:05:18,262 Jesus, Jay, we're not qualified. 1241 01:05:18,305 --> 01:05:21,787 I'm not an expert, okay, but I'm trying... I think... 1242 01:05:23,136 --> 01:05:24,485 This could be helpful. 1243 01:05:24,529 --> 01:05:26,313 I don't know, the basic idea. 1244 01:05:26,357 --> 01:05:27,662 If we could have seen, 1245 01:05:27,706 --> 01:05:30,230 we could have been able to predict something. 1246 01:05:30,274 --> 01:05:31,405 You know, the doctors, 1247 01:05:31,449 --> 01:05:33,146 with these tests, what they can show... 1248 01:05:33,190 --> 01:05:34,234 I know. 1249 01:05:34,278 --> 01:05:35,714 They show certain pictures or words 1250 01:05:35,757 --> 01:05:36,976 that should generate a response, 1251 01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:38,108 an emotion or a feeling, 1252 01:05:38,151 --> 01:05:39,544 but they don't. 1253 01:05:39,587 --> 01:05:42,895 Exactly. And people diagnosed with psychopathy... 1254 01:05:42,939 --> 01:05:44,984 -My son was empathetic. 1255 01:05:45,028 --> 01:05:46,943 He felt a great deal. 1256 01:05:46,986 --> 01:05:48,205 Well, maybe he was. 1257 01:05:48,248 --> 01:05:49,119 Maybe you didn't know what he was feeling. 1258 01:05:49,162 --> 01:05:50,381 Maybe he was hiding things. 1259 01:05:50,424 --> 01:05:52,557 My son was not a psychopath. 1260 01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:54,211 He was in terrible pain. 1261 01:05:54,254 --> 01:05:56,343 Maybe not treatable, right? 1262 01:05:56,387 --> 01:05:58,998 Because did anything ever work? 1263 01:05:59,042 --> 01:06:00,652 I mean, how many medication? Drugs? 1264 01:06:00,695 --> 01:06:03,307 I mean, if it's in the structure of the brain, 1265 01:06:03,350 --> 01:06:05,831 you know, then it's not just pathological, it's physical. 1266 01:06:05,874 --> 01:06:07,224 I understand what you want to say. 1267 01:06:07,267 --> 01:06:09,443 So that it's not high school, 1268 01:06:09,487 --> 01:06:11,619 middle school, moving, whatever. 1269 01:06:12,838 --> 01:06:13,970 It's him. 1270 01:06:17,669 --> 01:06:20,063 Do you remember Evan as a baby? 1271 01:06:23,718 --> 01:06:27,461 I feel Hayden as my baby every day. 1272 01:06:27,505 --> 01:06:29,159 His helplessness. 1273 01:06:29,202 --> 01:06:32,858 His crying, then his smile. 1274 01:06:34,077 --> 01:06:35,948 I don't believe in what you're saying. 1275 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:38,820 Linda, something must have happened. 1276 01:06:38,864 --> 01:06:41,084 -There was no abuse. -Not just abuse. 1277 01:06:41,127 --> 01:06:43,738 Neglect? We were there whenever we could be. 1278 01:06:43,782 --> 01:06:46,089 And sometimes, you can't be. I know that. 1279 01:06:46,132 --> 01:06:49,918 But we have to correct their course 1280 01:06:49,962 --> 01:06:51,007 when we do have them. 1281 01:06:51,050 --> 01:06:52,269 So we failed. 1282 01:06:52,312 --> 01:06:54,401 I know that. 1283 01:06:54,445 --> 01:06:57,361 And I did everything to try to correct it. 1284 01:06:57,404 --> 01:07:00,146 And I'd give anything if I could be there with him. 1285 01:07:00,190 --> 01:07:01,234 You were there. 1286 01:07:01,278 --> 01:07:02,496 RICHARD: If I could have known. 1287 01:07:04,411 --> 01:07:05,673 But maybe nobody could have broken through. 1288 01:07:05,717 --> 01:07:06,805 Maybe he wasn't capable... 1289 01:07:06,848 --> 01:07:08,111 No! 1290 01:07:10,069 --> 01:07:13,986 Bipolar disorder, depression, mania, ADHD, 1291 01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:16,075 possible schizoaffective disorder. 1292 01:07:16,119 --> 01:07:17,424 None of that is psychopathy. 1293 01:07:17,468 --> 01:07:18,991 You don't know what you're talking about. 1294 01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:20,384 If you take the medical records 1295 01:07:20,427 --> 01:07:21,602 with the criminal report, 1296 01:07:21,646 --> 01:07:23,648 which, now finally we have the full report, 1297 01:07:23,691 --> 01:07:25,389 don't you have to weigh the evidence, 1298 01:07:25,432 --> 01:07:26,912 the facts of what he did, 1299 01:07:26,955 --> 01:07:29,001 against your personal relationship history with him? 1300 01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:30,959 He became those things. 1301 01:07:31,003 --> 01:07:32,787 He wasn't always those things. 1302 01:07:32,831 --> 01:07:34,615 Well, you can trace how far back 1303 01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:35,964 to when he started planning it. 1304 01:07:36,008 --> 01:07:37,618 We can trace his footsteps, for Christ's sake. 1305 01:07:37,662 --> 01:07:38,967 I don't think the timeline 1306 01:07:39,011 --> 01:07:40,099 definitively proves anything 1307 01:07:40,143 --> 01:07:41,231 about his mental state. 1308 01:07:41,274 --> 01:07:42,580 How can you say that? 1309 01:07:42,623 --> 01:07:45,452 We're not denying what he did or who he became. 1310 01:07:45,496 --> 01:07:47,933 Well, I can't help but hear you blame 1311 01:07:47,976 --> 01:07:49,848 a not abnormal child. 1312 01:07:49,891 --> 01:07:51,415 He was my son. 1313 01:07:51,458 --> 01:07:53,286 I can't remove my feelings 1314 01:07:53,330 --> 01:07:54,722 from our history or his records. 1315 01:07:54,766 --> 01:07:56,159 I'm not asking you to. 1316 01:07:56,202 --> 01:07:58,726 I'm saying that what he did, his capacity for murder, 1317 01:07:58,770 --> 01:08:01,947 was probably potentially there a long time 1318 01:08:01,990 --> 01:08:03,253 before anyone could have known. 1319 01:08:03,296 --> 01:08:05,124 You think you can attach one word to something 1320 01:08:05,168 --> 01:08:06,952 in order to understand it? 1321 01:08:06,995 --> 01:08:08,388 To make you feel safe? 1322 01:08:09,259 --> 01:08:10,999 Well, I won't say it. 1323 01:08:11,043 --> 01:08:12,088 I don't believe it. 1324 01:08:12,131 --> 01:08:13,350 It's not simple. 1325 01:08:13,393 --> 01:08:16,135 It's everything you cannot see. 1326 01:08:16,179 --> 01:08:18,485 And it left him helpless. He was helpless. 1327 01:08:18,529 --> 01:08:20,661 But it's our job to help. 1328 01:08:20,705 --> 01:08:22,837 That's our job. And at some point, 1329 01:08:22,881 --> 01:08:24,796 it doesn't matter whether or not you see the signs. 1330 01:08:24,839 --> 01:08:27,103 We still... It's still our obligation. 1331 01:08:27,146 --> 01:08:28,669 I said I failed. 1332 01:08:28,713 --> 01:08:31,759 Maybe you didn't know who you were dealing with. 1333 01:08:31,803 --> 01:08:34,022 Look, the report speaks for itself. 1334 01:08:34,066 --> 01:08:36,024 He was gone by then. He was. 1335 01:08:36,068 --> 01:08:37,896 I mean, the deliberate choices. 1336 01:08:37,939 --> 01:08:39,680 -He did not target. -What? 1337 01:08:39,724 --> 01:08:41,160 -What...? -What are you ta... What? 1338 01:08:41,204 --> 01:08:42,205 What difference does that make? 1339 01:08:42,248 --> 01:08:43,510 He would have said so. 1340 01:08:43,554 --> 01:08:45,425 What? Well, how is that better? 1341 01:08:45,469 --> 01:08:47,123 What? What do you mean, he did not target? 1342 01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:48,254 He never met any of them. 1343 01:08:48,298 --> 01:08:51,039 Jesus Christ. Oh, it was his school. 1344 01:08:51,083 --> 01:08:52,258 His students. 1345 01:08:52,302 --> 01:08:53,172 He'd never been in that classroom. 1346 01:08:53,216 --> 01:08:54,434 He wanted to kill them. 1347 01:08:54,478 --> 01:08:56,480 Those students, they weren't in his grade. 1348 01:08:56,523 --> 01:08:58,003 -Evan... -Don't. No, no, don't. 1349 01:08:58,046 --> 01:08:59,178 -I'm just saying... -Just don't. 1350 01:08:59,222 --> 01:09:00,788 -I'm just saying. -Well, don't. 1351 01:09:00,832 --> 01:09:02,312 -Okay. -He didn't know them. 1352 01:09:02,355 --> 01:09:04,923 -He wanted them to suffer. -Oh, Jay. 1353 01:09:04,966 --> 01:09:07,404 -But not... -What? 1354 01:09:07,447 --> 01:09:10,537 Intentionally? Is that what you were gonna say? 1355 01:09:10,581 --> 01:09:14,498 He didn't seek to make any one individual suffer. 1356 01:09:14,541 --> 01:09:18,023 Well, my son suffered. 1357 01:09:19,111 --> 01:09:21,809 Evan suffered so much, and he let him. 1358 01:09:21,853 --> 01:09:23,289 I'm sorry. Both of you. 1359 01:09:23,333 --> 01:09:25,030 -No... -I know what happened. 1360 01:09:25,073 --> 01:09:26,292 -Wait. -No, you don't. 1361 01:09:26,336 --> 01:09:28,425 He did the most awful thing I've ever known, 1362 01:09:28,468 --> 01:09:29,861 but I know the report. 1363 01:09:29,904 --> 01:09:33,212 No! You do not know how my son died! 1364 01:09:46,269 --> 01:09:47,487 God. 1365 01:09:52,884 --> 01:09:55,626 He entered Evan's classroom at 1:29 p.m. 1366 01:09:55,669 --> 01:09:58,368 He threw a bomb into the center of the desks. 1367 01:09:58,411 --> 01:09:59,717 He started shooting. 1368 01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:01,240 He stayed there for half a minute. 1369 01:10:01,284 --> 01:10:03,547 He could have killed them all. 1370 01:10:03,590 --> 01:10:07,159 He chose not to. He watched them. 1371 01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:09,422 They saw his face. They saw him looking. 1372 01:10:10,902 --> 01:10:12,512 He knew Evan was alive. 1373 01:10:12,556 --> 01:10:15,602 He knew exactly who was alive and who was dead when he left. 1374 01:10:15,646 --> 01:10:17,387 We could never see into that classroom. 1375 01:10:17,430 --> 01:10:19,650 No, he suffered. 1376 01:10:20,433 --> 01:10:23,131 Six minutes. 1377 01:10:23,175 --> 01:10:26,570 Six minutes later, he comes back, 1378 01:10:26,613 --> 01:10:28,441 your son, he retraces his steps. 1379 01:10:28,485 --> 01:10:29,703 He's in the hallway again. 1380 01:10:29,747 --> 01:10:34,360 1:35, he's come back to finish. 1381 01:10:34,404 --> 01:10:35,883 And Evan is there. 1382 01:10:36,667 --> 01:10:39,757 The last gunshot, 1:36, 1383 01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:41,541 goes into my son's... 1384 01:10:43,413 --> 01:10:44,544 neck. 1385 01:10:44,588 --> 01:10:45,806 Into his artery. 1386 01:10:45,850 --> 01:10:49,375 -Jay... -No. Six minutes. 1387 01:10:49,419 --> 01:10:52,030 He was alive. He was trying to get out. 1388 01:10:52,073 --> 01:10:55,251 The blood trails show where he was trying to... 1389 01:10:55,294 --> 01:10:56,469 -Jay, please stop. -No! 1390 01:10:56,513 --> 01:10:58,906 He came back. He was methodical. 1391 01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:01,561 He was looking. 1392 01:11:01,605 --> 01:11:02,736 And Evan... 1393 01:11:04,825 --> 01:11:06,349 ...was still alive. 1394 01:11:06,392 --> 01:11:07,393 I know. 1395 01:11:08,829 --> 01:11:11,441 You do not know. 1396 01:11:11,484 --> 01:11:12,877 I know! 1397 01:11:14,531 --> 01:11:16,446 I know. 1398 01:11:16,489 --> 01:11:20,711 The streaks on the floor. 1399 01:11:22,365 --> 01:11:25,629 The way he was crawling. 1400 01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,500 I know the wounds, 1401 01:11:28,806 --> 01:11:30,242 in what order. 1402 01:11:33,027 --> 01:11:34,638 How he fought. 1403 01:11:41,427 --> 01:11:42,950 And how he died. 1404 01:11:44,256 --> 01:11:45,257 Nah. 1405 01:11:54,701 --> 01:11:56,007 He died. 1406 01:12:18,682 --> 01:12:20,423 Now, please stop. 1407 01:12:22,729 --> 01:12:24,252 Please stop. 1408 01:12:54,805 --> 01:12:57,590 Caroline, Jonathan, and Tory were killed instantly 1409 01:12:57,634 --> 01:12:59,026 in the blast. 1410 01:12:59,897 --> 01:13:02,769 Daniel, shot three times, 1411 01:13:02,813 --> 01:13:05,381 twice in the lungs, once in the heart. 1412 01:13:05,424 --> 01:13:07,818 He died seated at his desk. 1413 01:13:09,776 --> 01:13:13,432 Juliana, shot twice in the leg, once in the knee, 1414 01:13:13,476 --> 01:13:15,434 once in the thigh, 1415 01:13:15,478 --> 01:13:16,914 the femoral artery. 1416 01:13:16,957 --> 01:13:18,916 What are you doing? 1417 01:13:18,959 --> 01:13:22,702 She lost her vision from the glass in her eyes. 1418 01:13:22,746 --> 01:13:26,010 She tried to crawl out of the classroom. 1419 01:13:26,053 --> 01:13:27,141 But she died before finding the way. 1420 01:13:27,185 --> 01:13:28,229 Okay. 1421 01:13:28,273 --> 01:13:31,232 Vanessa, shot four times, 1422 01:13:31,276 --> 01:13:33,104 twice in the abdomen, twice in the head. 1423 01:13:33,147 --> 01:13:35,149 We understand you know. 1424 01:13:35,193 --> 01:13:37,543 The victims, and the wounded. 1425 01:13:38,239 --> 01:13:39,632 I'm sorry. 1426 01:13:41,373 --> 01:13:43,070 But I do know. 1427 01:13:43,114 --> 01:13:44,942 All of them. 1428 01:13:46,030 --> 01:13:49,860 I know Evan, his story that day. 1429 01:13:51,514 --> 01:13:53,298 And I know Hayden's. 1430 01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:56,954 He did go back. 1431 01:13:56,997 --> 01:14:01,001 He was going to the library, where he wanted to die. 1432 01:14:01,045 --> 01:14:03,439 He told us, wrote to us in his notebook. 1433 01:14:04,875 --> 01:14:09,357 "That's where you'll find me. Where it's quiet for me." 1434 01:14:09,401 --> 01:14:13,971 Where, respectfully, 1435 01:14:14,014 --> 01:14:18,671 the last shot was at 1:41. 1436 01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:21,021 In the library. 1437 01:14:22,980 --> 01:14:25,199 People saw. Kids saw. 1438 01:14:26,984 --> 01:14:28,986 -Christopher... -Shot in the head. 1439 01:14:29,029 --> 01:14:30,683 I know. 1440 01:14:30,727 --> 01:14:32,032 My son. 1441 01:14:32,076 --> 01:14:34,731 Shot in the face, 1442 01:14:34,774 --> 01:14:39,126 hiding underneath the table, begging for his life. 1443 01:14:40,127 --> 01:14:42,129 That is what they said. 1444 01:14:43,261 --> 01:14:46,351 That's... That's not feeling. 1445 01:14:47,265 --> 01:14:49,136 -That is hate. -That's... 1446 01:14:50,311 --> 01:14:54,098 Disturbed? Hate? Rage? 1447 01:14:54,141 --> 01:14:56,753 -Hopelessness? -No, no, no. 1448 01:14:56,796 --> 01:15:00,365 Apathy, indifference. 1449 01:15:00,408 --> 01:15:04,500 -Cold, callous. -Evil? 1450 01:15:08,591 --> 01:15:10,201 Do you want to say? 1451 01:15:10,244 --> 01:15:11,942 Because I... 1452 01:15:13,378 --> 01:15:14,727 I won't. 1453 01:15:17,251 --> 01:15:18,470 I won't. 1454 01:15:18,514 --> 01:15:19,819 It doesn't matter. 1455 01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:29,568 We went to the school. Did you know that? 1456 01:15:33,398 --> 01:15:35,574 It was supposed to be for the victims' families, 1457 01:15:35,618 --> 01:15:40,144 and Hayden wouldn't be counted as a victim. 1458 01:15:41,188 --> 01:15:43,321 So we fought for that. 1459 01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:48,065 And we saw, we saw the damage. 1460 01:15:48,108 --> 01:15:50,850 The windows, the black stains. 1461 01:15:52,025 --> 01:15:53,853 We saw his hate. 1462 01:15:55,072 --> 01:15:57,727 -The lines. -What he did. What? 1463 01:15:58,379 --> 01:16:01,557 The lines or tape. 1464 01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,863 The outlines of the children. 1465 01:16:03,907 --> 01:16:06,562 -Mr. Moore. -Hmm. 1466 01:16:06,605 --> 01:16:08,433 The bodies. Yeah. 1467 01:16:12,002 --> 01:16:13,090 I was... 1468 01:16:16,223 --> 01:16:17,573 I didn't know you were allowed in. 1469 01:16:19,009 --> 01:16:21,794 Well, they kept that secret. They didn't want... 1470 01:16:21,838 --> 01:16:22,839 More outrage. 1471 01:16:25,058 --> 01:16:27,452 The world mourned 10. 1472 01:16:29,062 --> 01:16:30,847 We mourned 11. 1473 01:16:31,935 --> 01:16:34,241 There would be no memorials for 11. 1474 01:16:34,285 --> 01:16:38,855 No concerts reading 11 names, and I understood that, 1475 01:16:38,898 --> 01:16:43,076 but I would not be excluded from that too. 1476 01:16:46,036 --> 01:16:47,341 The damage, though... 1477 01:16:50,214 --> 01:16:51,476 How much... 1478 01:16:55,523 --> 01:16:56,829 He was in pain. 1479 01:16:58,483 --> 01:17:01,704 It was the pain that brought him there. 1480 01:17:07,753 --> 01:17:09,625 I didn't want another child. 1481 01:17:11,452 --> 01:17:12,453 But... 1482 01:17:15,195 --> 01:17:17,458 once he was born... 1483 01:17:22,115 --> 01:17:24,335 I loved Hayden so much. 1484 01:17:26,729 --> 01:17:30,471 But maybe... 1485 01:17:35,738 --> 01:17:38,001 Maybe he should never have been born. 1486 01:17:38,044 --> 01:17:39,045 No. 1487 01:17:40,699 --> 01:17:43,920 We should never have gone to the school. 1488 01:17:43,963 --> 01:17:49,577 I just remember this terrible feeling of awe, 1489 01:17:49,621 --> 01:17:53,625 just awe at what my boy had done. 1490 01:17:55,496 --> 01:18:00,763 And then a long, skinny frame outlined in the carpet. 1491 01:18:00,806 --> 01:18:02,155 All alone. 1492 01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:05,202 I knew it was him. 1493 01:18:05,245 --> 01:18:09,249 Not because of where it was or... 1494 01:18:09,293 --> 01:18:10,860 I just knew it was him. 1495 01:18:12,078 --> 01:18:13,906 I recognized Evan too. 1496 01:18:15,168 --> 01:18:16,692 Not because of the lines. 1497 01:18:17,910 --> 01:18:19,738 The number. 1498 01:18:19,782 --> 01:18:22,088 The number markers for the report. 1499 01:18:22,132 --> 01:18:23,220 Yeah. 1500 01:18:23,263 --> 01:18:24,656 He was number one. 1501 01:18:25,831 --> 01:18:27,615 I guess he was the first they found. 1502 01:18:30,227 --> 01:18:31,228 He was... 1503 01:18:35,275 --> 01:18:36,363 He was my... 1504 01:18:41,064 --> 01:18:42,282 That was hard. 1505 01:18:43,370 --> 01:18:44,720 It was. 1506 01:18:45,808 --> 01:18:50,813 But you know, and please forgive me, 1507 01:18:50,856 --> 01:18:53,206 it made me feel like the rest of you. 1508 01:18:59,952 --> 01:19:01,693 Some parent said, 1509 01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:03,782 I can't remember who, 1510 01:19:03,826 --> 01:19:08,526 said early on in a mean way, meant to be mean, 1511 01:19:10,354 --> 01:19:12,878 that you were the loneliest people in the world. 1512 01:19:15,968 --> 01:19:19,842 As if that was justice. As if... 1513 01:19:19,885 --> 01:19:21,844 Well, we were. 1514 01:19:21,887 --> 01:19:23,802 I still get mail. 1515 01:19:23,846 --> 01:19:27,675 Some hateful, some sympathetic. 1516 01:19:27,719 --> 01:19:30,330 Mostly just strange. 1517 01:19:30,374 --> 01:19:33,464 I can't say I understand the purpose of it, 1518 01:19:33,507 --> 01:19:37,076 but it only reminded me of what he had done. 1519 01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:43,256 And I was trying to restore my memory of... of who he was. 1520 01:19:44,867 --> 01:19:47,217 And that's what I have to do. 1521 01:19:47,870 --> 01:19:50,263 Do you understand? 1522 01:19:50,307 --> 01:19:52,918 You said he destroyed our lives. 1523 01:19:52,962 --> 01:19:54,441 Yes, he did. 1524 01:19:55,616 --> 01:19:57,227 And while I know the world 1525 01:19:57,270 --> 01:20:01,405 would have been better without him, 1526 01:20:03,363 --> 01:20:05,017 I can't say I would have been. 1527 01:20:05,061 --> 01:20:06,802 Oh, God. 1528 01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:09,108 I'm sorry. I know that's... 1529 01:20:09,152 --> 01:20:11,197 -No. -I shouldn't have said that. 1530 01:20:11,241 --> 01:20:13,373 It's just... It's just... 1531 01:20:14,287 --> 01:20:16,724 I thought I had to believe 1532 01:20:16,768 --> 01:20:19,292 that my son's life had no value 1533 01:20:19,336 --> 01:20:22,730 because of what he did before he died, 1534 01:20:22,774 --> 01:20:29,346 but I don't have to believe that, do I? 1535 01:20:31,087 --> 01:20:32,784 Or is that hard for you to hear? 1536 01:20:38,311 --> 01:20:39,399 I guess. 1537 01:20:40,661 --> 01:20:41,662 Yes, it is. 1538 01:20:45,492 --> 01:20:47,407 But I won't tell you how to keep your son. 1539 01:20:48,713 --> 01:20:49,932 No. I... 1540 01:20:53,936 --> 01:20:55,502 No, I don't know. I... 1541 01:20:56,721 --> 01:20:57,809 Yes, it is hard. 1542 01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:01,291 But, no, I think... 1543 01:21:02,379 --> 01:21:03,554 I think that's right. I... 1544 01:21:03,597 --> 01:21:05,643 God, I don't... I don't know. 1545 01:21:06,470 --> 01:21:07,775 That's okay. 1546 01:21:07,819 --> 01:21:10,126 I wouldn't ever expect you to feel that way. 1547 01:21:10,169 --> 01:21:12,824 No, no, that's not it. That's not it. 1548 01:21:12,868 --> 01:21:15,044 Not... Not your son. 1549 01:21:15,087 --> 01:21:16,175 Not 1550 01:21:17,394 --> 01:21:18,656 him. 1551 01:21:18,699 --> 01:21:19,744 It's... 1552 01:21:21,572 --> 01:21:22,921 value. 1553 01:21:24,183 --> 01:21:26,011 It's all of their values. 1554 01:21:28,753 --> 01:21:30,233 See, I... 1555 01:21:33,453 --> 01:21:36,892 I made a promise. I made a promise to him. 1556 01:21:37,893 --> 01:21:39,285 That I can't keep... 1557 01:21:39,329 --> 01:21:41,897 -Hey, honey. -No, it... Please. 1558 01:21:41,940 --> 01:21:44,377 What did you promise him? 1559 01:21:44,421 --> 01:21:50,340 I promised him that his life would mean something, 1560 01:21:51,689 --> 01:21:54,213 that it wouldn't be in vain. 1561 01:21:54,257 --> 01:21:56,433 That because of him, all of them, 1562 01:21:57,869 --> 01:22:01,177 things would change, you know? 1563 01:22:02,395 --> 01:22:04,397 But nothing's changed. Nothing. 1564 01:22:05,659 --> 01:22:08,488 The only difference is that they're gone. 1565 01:22:08,532 --> 01:22:12,144 And that's all I hear. Still. All those parents. 1566 01:22:12,188 --> 01:22:15,539 The last of us in that firehouse, 1567 01:22:15,582 --> 01:22:19,673 the loneliest people in the world, asking, 1568 01:22:19,717 --> 01:22:22,241 "What do you mean, they're gone? 1569 01:22:22,285 --> 01:22:23,590 "Gone where? 1570 01:22:24,722 --> 01:22:26,419 "Where have they gone?" 1571 01:22:28,117 --> 01:22:34,123 So... you talk about value, their lives having value, 1572 01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,995 and that's all I want. 1573 01:22:37,039 --> 01:22:39,476 I just want it to mean something. I just... 1574 01:22:41,304 --> 01:22:43,088 I just... I want it to change. 1575 01:22:45,264 --> 01:22:46,396 Why does it have to change? 1576 01:22:46,439 --> 01:22:47,658 What? 1577 01:22:50,182 --> 01:22:52,315 Can you tell me a story about Evan? 1578 01:22:53,577 --> 01:22:55,579 What? 1579 01:22:55,622 --> 01:22:58,930 Please? Can you tell me a story about him? 1580 01:23:00,192 --> 01:23:01,280 Now? 1581 01:23:01,324 --> 01:23:03,195 Yeah. 1582 01:23:03,239 --> 01:23:07,243 Jay... I don't know. There's so many. 1583 01:23:07,286 --> 01:23:09,636 Doesn't matter. Just don't think about it. 1584 01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:12,030 -Just tell me one. -Jay... 1585 01:23:14,685 --> 01:23:17,166 -No, come, come... -It's okay. It's okay, honey. 1586 01:23:17,209 --> 01:23:18,863 -Go on. -No, come here. 1587 01:23:18,906 --> 01:23:20,865 -Come, come here. -Okay. 1588 01:23:20,908 --> 01:23:22,606 -Come. -Okay, okay. 1589 01:23:24,086 --> 01:23:26,001 -Oh, Jesus. -I got you. 1590 01:23:28,046 --> 01:23:31,310 Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I see, um... 1591 01:23:32,137 --> 01:23:34,966 Oh... let me think. 1592 01:23:35,749 --> 01:23:36,750 Oh. 1593 01:23:39,666 --> 01:23:42,017 He's 12 years old, I think. 1594 01:23:43,192 --> 01:23:44,671 He's 12 years old. 1595 01:23:44,715 --> 01:23:45,846 Um... 1596 01:23:45,890 --> 01:23:47,326 Sixth grade? 1597 01:23:47,370 --> 01:23:50,982 I don't know. He's young, and... 1598 01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:54,333 It's fall. He's... 1599 01:23:54,377 --> 01:23:59,556 He's playing football with his friends in the park, 1600 01:24:00,557 --> 01:24:02,646 near our house. It's... 1601 01:24:02,689 --> 01:24:05,866 He used to play in the park near our house. It's, um... 1602 01:24:05,910 --> 01:24:07,651 On Sundays, you know. 1603 01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:12,395 Just a few blocks from our home. 1604 01:24:12,438 --> 01:24:14,484 But we had a dinner to go to. 1605 01:24:15,354 --> 01:24:17,139 Jay's parents were visiting. 1606 01:24:18,618 --> 01:24:22,709 So I said to him, "Do not get too dirty, 1607 01:24:22,753 --> 01:24:25,582 "because we've got to leave the house by 5:00." 1608 01:24:25,625 --> 01:24:27,497 -And he said, "Mom, 1609 01:24:27,540 --> 01:24:30,065 "the dirtier you are, the better you are. 1610 01:24:30,108 --> 01:24:31,849 "That's how you spot 1611 01:24:31,892 --> 01:24:33,677 "the best players on the team. 1612 01:24:33,720 --> 01:24:35,113 "They're the ones with the grass 1613 01:24:35,157 --> 01:24:37,289 "and the stains on their jerseys." 1614 01:24:38,029 --> 01:24:40,118 And I said... 1615 01:24:40,162 --> 01:24:41,467 I... 1616 01:24:41,511 --> 01:24:43,426 He was so funny. 1617 01:24:43,469 --> 01:24:49,693 I said, "But shouldn't the good players not be tackled 1618 01:24:49,736 --> 01:24:52,087 "and fall on the ground so much?" 1619 01:24:52,130 --> 01:24:58,441 "No, Mom, the dirtier you are, the better you are." 1620 01:25:01,792 --> 01:25:03,098 "Okay." 1621 01:25:04,882 --> 01:25:07,798 You know, he was like that about everything, 1622 01:25:07,841 --> 01:25:10,105 such strong opinions, 1623 01:25:10,148 --> 01:25:11,889 even if he didn't know anything 1624 01:25:11,932 --> 01:25:13,847 about what he was talking about. 1625 01:25:13,891 --> 01:25:15,414 Thank you. 1626 01:25:15,458 --> 01:25:16,459 So... 1627 01:25:17,721 --> 01:25:20,419 So it's 5:00, or it's about to be. 1628 01:25:20,463 --> 01:25:23,814 It's almost 5:00, and he's still not back, 1629 01:25:23,857 --> 01:25:27,339 and I'm about to just go down there and grab him, 1630 01:25:27,383 --> 01:25:29,254 and drag him back, 1631 01:25:29,298 --> 01:25:32,214 when Sophie comes in the door. 1632 01:25:32,257 --> 01:25:34,477 She followed Evan everywhere back then. 1633 01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:38,611 She loved watching the boys playing, goof around. 1634 01:25:38,655 --> 01:25:41,179 So she burst in and she says, 1635 01:25:41,223 --> 01:25:46,619 "Mom, oh, my gosh. Mom. Look at Evan." 1636 01:25:46,663 --> 01:25:49,405 So I come around the corner, and I see him, 1637 01:25:49,448 --> 01:25:55,498 and he is covered, head to toe, in mud. 1638 01:25:55,541 --> 01:25:57,804 -It was absurd. -It was. 1639 01:25:57,848 --> 01:26:01,939 It was like he covered himself, like a mud bath. 1640 01:26:01,982 --> 01:26:04,376 It just didn't really even make sense even, 1641 01:26:04,420 --> 01:26:06,683 and I was... I lost it. 1642 01:26:06,726 --> 01:26:09,990 "Evan. What have you done?" 1643 01:26:10,034 --> 01:26:11,557 He was completely unfazed. 1644 01:26:11,601 --> 01:26:13,907 Yeah. Right? 1645 01:26:13,951 --> 01:26:15,170 He played it cool. 1646 01:26:16,649 --> 01:26:20,827 "Mom, I told you, the best players are the dirtiest." 1647 01:26:22,089 --> 01:26:23,178 He was... 1648 01:26:24,048 --> 01:26:25,441 You know? 1649 01:26:26,616 --> 01:26:28,270 I was so mad. 1650 01:26:30,228 --> 01:26:31,969 But then I was laughing. 1651 01:26:35,102 --> 01:26:36,365 And holding him, 1652 01:26:38,976 --> 01:26:41,196 and the dirt, 1653 01:26:41,239 --> 01:26:42,588 the grass. 1654 01:26:44,895 --> 01:26:46,766 That smell of him. 1655 01:26:48,507 --> 01:26:50,205 Wet leaves. 1656 01:26:52,337 --> 01:26:54,209 The child on him. 1657 01:26:56,863 --> 01:26:59,431 I could feel so much life. 1658 01:27:02,956 --> 01:27:04,871 We let him go to dinner that way. 1659 01:27:04,915 --> 01:27:07,178 -He washed his face. -Well, yeah. But... 1660 01:27:10,050 --> 01:27:12,227 -He was so proud. 1661 01:27:18,755 --> 01:27:20,757 That's what his life meant. 1662 01:27:22,933 --> 01:27:24,195 Let him rest. 1663 01:27:25,762 --> 01:27:28,765 Evan doesn't have to change the world. 1664 01:27:28,808 --> 01:27:31,898 But I still miss him. 1665 01:27:39,341 --> 01:27:42,996 Do you remember what you wrote to me? 1666 01:27:43,040 --> 01:27:44,998 Oh, God. 1667 01:27:45,042 --> 01:27:47,262 -I wrote you way too much. 1668 01:27:48,785 --> 01:27:50,265 You wrote to me, 1669 01:27:52,310 --> 01:27:54,486 "I want you to know my son. 1670 01:27:56,532 --> 01:27:58,273 "I want you to know his name." 1671 01:27:59,883 --> 01:28:00,884 Yeah. 1672 01:28:05,105 --> 01:28:06,498 Do you have a story? 1673 01:28:08,805 --> 01:28:09,849 Oh, God. 1674 01:28:09,893 --> 01:28:11,198 I, uh... 1675 01:28:12,199 --> 01:28:13,462 All of them. 1676 01:28:14,985 --> 01:28:16,421 I... 1677 01:28:16,465 --> 01:28:19,511 Let's just preserve them. Okay? 1678 01:28:21,339 --> 01:28:22,949 Jay. 1679 01:28:22,993 --> 01:28:24,647 Yeah? 1680 01:28:24,690 --> 01:28:26,910 I think I need to... 1681 01:28:26,953 --> 01:28:27,954 What? 1682 01:28:28,564 --> 01:28:30,174 I think I'm ready. 1683 01:28:33,351 --> 01:28:34,526 Okay. 1684 01:28:38,400 --> 01:28:40,184 I need to tell you... 1685 01:28:43,405 --> 01:28:47,322 I wanted so, so badly 1686 01:28:47,365 --> 01:28:51,630 for you to be an example or punished. 1687 01:28:51,674 --> 01:28:54,329 I came here wanting that. 1688 01:28:54,372 --> 01:28:59,508 But something's died in all of us, all of us. 1689 01:28:59,551 --> 01:29:03,076 And I'm so scared that what I wanted, 1690 01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:06,471 what I need, isn't what I thought. 1691 01:29:07,211 --> 01:29:09,648 What did you think? 1692 01:29:09,692 --> 01:29:14,000 That if I forgave you, I'd lose him. 1693 01:29:14,392 --> 01:29:16,394 Oh. No. 1694 01:29:16,438 --> 01:29:17,961 Yes. 1695 01:29:18,004 --> 01:29:20,529 But maybe I just needed to be with you. 1696 01:29:21,312 --> 01:29:23,488 Because I know now. I... 1697 01:29:25,055 --> 01:29:26,926 I forgive you. 1698 01:29:29,233 --> 01:29:30,582 I do. 1699 01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:34,369 I have. I forgive you. 1700 01:29:35,195 --> 01:29:39,025 And I have to tell you... 1701 01:29:40,026 --> 01:29:41,854 I have to tell you... 1702 01:29:44,422 --> 01:29:46,293 I also forgive Hayden 1703 01:29:47,904 --> 01:29:52,778 for what he did, for taking my baby's life. 1704 01:29:52,822 --> 01:29:57,261 Because I know, in my heart, he was lost. 1705 01:29:58,436 --> 01:30:00,612 So I do... I forgive him. 1706 01:30:02,571 --> 01:30:04,703 Because I can't live this way anymore. 1707 01:30:04,747 --> 01:30:07,880 -Sweetheart. -No, I can't. We can't. 1708 01:30:07,924 --> 01:30:09,665 -Okay. -We don't sleep. 1709 01:30:09,708 --> 01:30:11,318 We don't breathe. 1710 01:30:11,362 --> 01:30:13,103 We don't see each other anymore, 1711 01:30:13,146 --> 01:30:15,410 and I want to. I want to. 1712 01:30:16,062 --> 01:30:17,324 -Okay? -Yeah. 1713 01:30:17,368 --> 01:30:19,414 Because I can't hold on to this any longer. 1714 01:30:19,457 --> 01:30:22,852 I can't. It's not him. It's not. 1715 01:30:22,895 --> 01:30:26,072 It's just this terrible pain 1716 01:30:26,116 --> 01:30:28,814 for wishing for a different past, 1717 01:30:28,858 --> 01:30:32,818 and I can't let it control my life anymore, 1718 01:30:32,862 --> 01:30:35,691 because if I do, I'm afraid I'll never see him again. 1719 01:30:36,474 --> 01:30:38,476 And I need to. 1720 01:30:38,520 --> 01:30:40,913 I know that I will. I know I'll see him. 1721 01:30:40,957 --> 01:30:44,613 I know I'll hold him against me, if I could just forgive. 1722 01:30:44,656 --> 01:30:46,789 If I can love again. 1723 01:30:46,832 --> 01:30:48,007 So I do. 1724 01:30:49,400 --> 01:30:50,488 I do. 1725 01:31:26,698 --> 01:31:28,308 Maybe this is right. 1726 01:31:30,093 --> 01:31:31,877 This moment of silence. 1727 01:31:34,706 --> 01:31:37,143 Maybe this is the right way to say goodbye. 1728 01:31:42,714 --> 01:31:43,846 Yeah. 1729 01:31:45,369 --> 01:31:46,805 I like that. 1730 01:31:54,291 --> 01:31:55,771 Do you want to...? 1731 01:31:55,814 --> 01:31:57,381 Maybe we could do a little, uh...? 1732 01:31:59,122 --> 01:32:00,297 Yeah. 1733 01:32:17,140 --> 01:32:18,533 Mmm. 1734 01:33:26,296 --> 01:33:27,297 Well... 1735 01:33:29,647 --> 01:33:31,388 I hope we were able to help. 1736 01:33:33,651 --> 01:33:35,174 Thanks. 1737 01:33:37,916 --> 01:33:40,919 I mean, is... Is that it? 1738 01:33:40,963 --> 01:33:44,488 I think so. I'm exhausted. 1739 01:33:45,924 --> 01:33:49,232 Well, I guess, uh... You know... 1740 01:33:49,275 --> 01:33:51,713 We can always speak again. 1741 01:33:51,756 --> 01:33:53,192 -Sure. -Right? 1742 01:33:53,236 --> 01:33:55,064 Of course. 1743 01:33:55,107 --> 01:33:57,109 Thank you so much for bringing your pictures. 1744 01:33:57,153 --> 01:34:00,156 Oh, no, of course. Thank you. 1745 01:34:00,983 --> 01:34:02,767 Thank you for the flowers. 1746 01:34:02,811 --> 01:34:03,986 You're welcome. 1747 01:34:04,029 --> 01:34:05,204 Will they be able to travel? The flowers? 1748 01:34:05,248 --> 01:34:06,466 I don't want you to have to... 1749 01:34:06,510 --> 01:34:07,642 Oh, no. We'll manage. 1750 01:34:07,685 --> 01:34:08,773 Yeah, sure. 1751 01:34:08,817 --> 01:34:10,383 Well... 1752 01:34:10,427 --> 01:34:12,647 Uh, maybe Kendra can get you a box or something. 1753 01:34:12,690 --> 01:34:13,952 I don't want you to have to... 1754 01:34:13,996 --> 01:34:15,301 I'm so sorry. I should have thought of that. 1755 01:34:15,345 --> 01:34:16,825 No, no. It's... We could just carry them, right? 1756 01:34:16,868 --> 01:34:18,783 Yeah. Or just the woman that works here, 1757 01:34:18,827 --> 01:34:20,524 she may be able to find something. 1758 01:34:20,567 --> 01:34:22,047 Oh. I don't think I've met her. 1759 01:34:22,091 --> 01:34:23,570 -Let me go see. -Ah. 1760 01:34:23,614 --> 01:34:26,573 I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry. 1761 01:34:26,617 --> 01:34:27,879 -Silly of me. -It's fine. 1762 01:34:34,103 --> 01:34:35,234 Does anybody want... 1763 01:34:35,278 --> 01:34:36,714 You want a water bottle for the road? 1764 01:34:36,758 --> 01:34:38,498 Oh, thank you. I'm all set. 1765 01:34:39,195 --> 01:34:40,979 They have coffee. 1766 01:34:41,023 --> 01:34:42,677 You want a coffee? 1767 01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:46,158 -Nah. -All right. Okay. 1768 01:34:46,202 --> 01:34:48,987 I think I'll just see if I can give him a hand. 1769 01:34:49,031 --> 01:34:50,510 Sure. 1770 01:34:53,600 --> 01:34:54,601 Okay. 1771 01:34:55,907 --> 01:34:57,387 I will see you out front then. 1772 01:34:57,430 --> 01:34:58,693 -Yeah. -Okay. 1773 01:35:03,785 --> 01:35:05,177 Hi, Linda. 1774 01:35:05,221 --> 01:35:06,918 Hello. 1775 01:35:06,962 --> 01:35:08,615 -Hmm. 1776 01:35:08,659 --> 01:35:11,444 I'll be right back. I've got the flowers. 1777 01:35:11,488 --> 01:35:13,577 -And then... -Mmm-hmm. 1778 01:35:16,798 --> 01:35:18,756 -Should we, uh...? -Yeah. 1779 01:35:19,931 --> 01:35:20,976 I'll be right there. 1780 01:36:30,175 --> 01:36:31,786 Do you have newspaper? 1781 01:36:31,829 --> 01:36:34,049 Yeah, please don't go to any trouble. 1782 01:36:34,092 --> 01:36:36,399 I'm so sorry. I should have thought of that. 1783 01:36:36,442 --> 01:36:38,140 They brought the new hymnal books in a box. 1784 01:36:38,183 --> 01:36:39,881 Oh, yes, that's a great idea. 1785 01:36:39,924 --> 01:36:41,447 -Thank you. -Oh, of course. 1786 01:36:41,491 --> 01:36:43,014 I'm going to go check downstairs 1787 01:36:43,058 --> 01:36:44,494 to see if there's something else. 1788 01:36:44,537 --> 01:36:46,626 -Thank you, guys. -Okay. 1789 01:36:53,024 --> 01:36:55,026 -Well... -I guess we're waiting for, 1790 01:36:55,070 --> 01:36:56,898 -uh... -Yeah. 1791 01:37:00,902 --> 01:37:03,861 Um, well, thank you both for today, 1792 01:37:03,905 --> 01:37:05,210 and Kendra, of course. 1793 01:37:05,254 --> 01:37:06,995 Oh, it was my pleasure. 1794 01:37:11,477 --> 01:37:13,392 If you don't mind, I should go. 1795 01:37:15,090 --> 01:37:17,005 Oh, sure, you know... 1796 01:37:17,048 --> 01:37:18,876 Linda, I should really get back. 1797 01:37:18,920 --> 01:37:20,835 Okay. 1798 01:37:20,878 --> 01:37:22,532 I can walk back without you if you... 1799 01:37:22,575 --> 01:37:23,925 No, no, no, I can... 1800 01:37:23,968 --> 01:37:25,230 -I can go with you. -All right. Okay. 1801 01:37:25,274 --> 01:37:27,798 We walked here together earlier. 1802 01:37:30,714 --> 01:37:31,976 It was, um... 1803 01:37:41,899 --> 01:37:43,074 Please take good care of yourselves. 1804 01:37:43,118 --> 01:37:44,859 -Thank you. -And you, Richard. 1805 01:37:49,515 --> 01:37:51,866 -We're gonna stay, right? -Yeah. 1806 01:37:51,909 --> 01:37:54,216 We're always here. I mean... 1807 01:37:55,304 --> 01:37:56,914 Just stay in touch. 1808 01:37:59,134 --> 01:38:00,222 Good. 1809 01:38:05,270 --> 01:38:06,881 It's nice to see you again. 1810 01:38:12,974 --> 01:38:14,323 Take care. 1811 01:38:23,636 --> 01:38:25,464 Uh, it's easier if you guys 1812 01:38:25,508 --> 01:38:27,466 would come down here, maybe, with the flowers? 1813 01:38:27,510 --> 01:38:29,686 Yeah, sure. Good idea. 1814 01:38:54,450 --> 01:38:56,800 I think that this might be the right one. 1815 01:38:56,843 --> 01:38:58,497 If we just put a little bit of newspaper in it. 1816 01:38:58,541 --> 01:38:59,585 Fine. Sure. Don't trouble yourself. 1817 01:38:59,629 --> 01:39:00,717 Okay. 1818 01:39:00,760 --> 01:39:02,458 Um. Hi. 1819 01:39:02,501 --> 01:39:04,460 Oh, did they... Did they leave? 1820 01:39:04,503 --> 01:39:05,940 Yeah, they left, but thank you. 1821 01:39:05,983 --> 01:39:07,071 Oh. 1822 01:39:07,115 --> 01:39:08,638 They're a gift, they're ours, so... 1823 01:39:08,681 --> 01:39:10,945 I was just hoping to say goodbye, is all. 1824 01:39:10,988 --> 01:39:12,685 I didn't even introduce myself to them. 1825 01:39:12,729 --> 01:39:14,078 -It's okay. -Don't worry about it. 1826 01:39:14,122 --> 01:39:16,037 -I'm sure it's fine. -Yeah... No, I should have. 1827 01:39:16,080 --> 01:39:17,603 That's... That's fine. 1828 01:39:17,647 --> 01:39:21,520 Thanks so much for giving us the space and for having us. 1829 01:39:21,564 --> 01:39:23,348 -It's really very... -It's healing here. 1830 01:39:23,392 --> 01:39:26,656 It really is. It's safe here. 1831 01:39:26,699 --> 01:39:27,962 Wherever you come from. 1832 01:39:29,702 --> 01:39:31,530 So, I think we can put it in here 1833 01:39:31,574 --> 01:39:32,705 if we just put a little bit of newspaper. 1834 01:39:32,749 --> 01:39:34,359 -Judy? -Yeah? 1835 01:39:37,058 --> 01:39:38,494 Pardon me. Uh, 1836 01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,278 they're bringing the rest of the books to St. Thomas. 1837 01:39:40,322 --> 01:39:43,890 -So they need the boxes. -Oh, okay. Okay. 1838 01:39:43,934 --> 01:39:45,109 Honestly... 1839 01:39:45,153 --> 01:39:46,110 But can't we just use newspaper in here? 1840 01:39:46,154 --> 01:39:47,242 I would use bubble wrap. 1841 01:39:47,285 --> 01:39:48,373 -I don't think... -I really... 1842 01:39:48,417 --> 01:39:49,722 I don't want you to bother. 1843 01:39:49,766 --> 01:39:51,202 No, I can pack it. It's easy. 1844 01:39:51,246 --> 01:39:52,856 Just use a little bit of newspaper in it. 1845 01:39:52,899 --> 01:39:54,205 Well, how much newspaper do you have? 1846 01:39:54,249 --> 01:39:56,642 You know what? I'm just gonna hold on to them. 1847 01:39:56,686 --> 01:39:59,036 -I want to. Yeah. -Are you sure? 1848 01:39:59,080 --> 01:40:00,690 I am. I think it'll be nice. 1849 01:40:00,733 --> 01:40:03,084 -Okay. I'm sorry. -Well... 1850 01:40:03,127 --> 01:40:04,955 So, it was very nice to meet you both. 1851 01:40:04,999 --> 01:40:06,130 -Oh. -Um, 1852 01:40:06,174 --> 01:40:07,871 thank you for everything and... 1853 01:40:16,967 --> 01:40:19,752 I have a story I want to tell you. 1854 01:40:19,796 --> 01:40:21,058 Oh, okay. 1855 01:40:23,060 --> 01:40:24,801 I want to hear it. 1856 01:40:28,152 --> 01:40:29,458 He was 16. 1857 01:40:30,981 --> 01:40:32,548 He'd had such a bad week. 1858 01:40:33,723 --> 01:40:35,464 I felt so badly for him. 1859 01:40:37,248 --> 01:40:39,033 How cruel kids could be. 1860 01:40:40,643 --> 01:40:43,037 But I couldn't just let him fall apart. 1861 01:40:43,080 --> 01:40:44,038 No. 1862 01:40:45,474 --> 01:40:47,519 We were alone. 1863 01:40:47,563 --> 01:40:50,000 Richard was working late. 1864 01:40:50,044 --> 01:40:52,698 I made dinner, but he wouldn't eat. 1865 01:40:54,874 --> 01:40:57,703 I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk. 1866 01:40:59,009 --> 01:41:04,188 I went to his room. He was on the computer. 1867 01:41:04,232 --> 01:41:09,324 I yelled at him, "You have to start working. 1868 01:41:09,367 --> 01:41:13,284 "If you can't be happy, at least you can do well." 1869 01:41:14,851 --> 01:41:19,464 He screamed at me, "I don't want to be happy. 1870 01:41:20,422 --> 01:41:22,076 "I don't want to do well." 1871 01:41:23,512 --> 01:41:25,601 "Why?" I yelled. 1872 01:41:25,644 --> 01:41:27,559 "Why?" 1873 01:41:27,603 --> 01:41:29,779 Then we were screaming at each other. 1874 01:41:30,867 --> 01:41:34,784 We were both... so hurt. 1875 01:41:40,529 --> 01:41:42,139 And we were afraid. 1876 01:41:42,183 --> 01:41:43,271 I know that. 1877 01:41:45,708 --> 01:41:47,797 It happened very quickly. 1878 01:41:47,840 --> 01:41:51,105 But then he said, "Get out before I hit you. 1879 01:41:51,148 --> 01:41:53,759 "Get out before I beat the shit out of you." 1880 01:41:53,803 --> 01:41:55,631 I swear to God... 1881 01:41:56,501 --> 01:42:00,157 He was... terrifying. 1882 01:42:02,812 --> 01:42:04,161 I went to my room... 1883 01:42:06,598 --> 01:42:07,947 and I locked the door. 1884 01:42:11,212 --> 01:42:12,169 Gail... 1885 01:42:19,568 --> 01:42:21,004 I wish I had let him. 1886 01:42:23,224 --> 01:42:28,011 I wish I had said, "Okay, hit me. 1887 01:42:28,054 --> 01:42:29,665 "You hit me, sweetheart. 1888 01:42:31,493 --> 01:42:35,149 "Hit me for as long as you'll ever need." 1889 01:42:37,890 --> 01:42:41,155 Because then I would have known him. 1890 01:42:41,198 --> 01:42:44,636 I would have known who he really was. 1891 01:42:47,596 --> 01:42:48,858 It's okay. 1892 01:43:06,876 --> 01:43:08,225 Mine's a... 1893 01:43:11,402 --> 01:43:14,231 Mine's a... 1894 01:43:14,275 --> 01:43:15,798 different kind of story but... 1895 01:43:15,841 --> 01:43:17,016 No. 1896 01:43:17,060 --> 01:43:18,627 We miss them. 1897 01:43:20,846 --> 01:43:24,850 -I wanted to tell a story too. -I know. 1898 01:43:25,547 --> 01:43:27,201 I'm sorry I didn't ask. 1899 01:43:29,072 --> 01:43:30,204 Thank you. 1900 01:43:36,993 --> 01:43:38,212 Thank you. 1901 01:44:04,194 --> 01:44:05,369 We should... 1902 01:44:06,327 --> 01:44:07,676 Should we, uh...? 1903 01:44:09,112 --> 01:44:11,941 I thought we'd let them go. 1904 01:44:11,984 --> 01:44:13,421 That's a good idea. 1905 01:44:29,045 --> 01:44:30,133 What is that? 1906 01:44:31,395 --> 01:44:32,701 Sorry. 1907 01:44:34,050 --> 01:44:35,312 Is that coming from...? 1908 01:44:35,356 --> 01:44:37,532 Yeah, they're, um, practicing 1909 01:44:37,575 --> 01:44:39,316 for the choir tomorrow. 1910 01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,883 I... I forgot. 1911 01:44:43,712 --> 01:44:45,801 Did we tell them? 1912 01:44:45,844 --> 01:44:49,152 I told you this morning they were rehearsing today. 1913 01:44:49,195 --> 01:44:50,284 Did you? 1914 01:44:51,720 --> 01:44:53,243 I'm sorry. 1915 01:44:53,287 --> 01:44:56,290 Don't be. It's... It's nice. 1916 01:44:56,333 --> 01:44:59,554 Yeah, they're, um, rehearsing for tomorrow. 1917 01:45:01,251 --> 01:45:02,383 Hear that? 1918 01:45:03,732 --> 01:45:05,037 They're singing. 1919 01:45:21,750 --> 01:45:23,665 Do you want to go up and see? 1920 01:45:25,971 --> 01:45:31,934 Blessed be the tie that binds 1921 01:45:31,977 --> 01:45:37,809 Our hearts in Christian love 1922 01:45:37,853 --> 01:45:41,683 The fellowship 1923 01:45:41,726 --> 01:45:45,861 Of kindred minds 1924 01:45:45,904 --> 01:45:48,777 No. That's all right. 1925 01:45:48,820 --> 01:45:52,258 Is like that to that above 1926 01:45:55,044 --> 01:46:02,051 Before our Father's throne 1927 01:46:02,094 --> 01:46:09,580 We pour our ardent prayers 1928 01:46:09,624 --> 01:46:14,019 Our fears, our hopes 1929 01:46:14,063 --> 01:46:18,589 Our aims are one 1930 01:46:18,633 --> 01:46:21,897 Our comforts 1931 01:46:21,940 --> 01:46:27,511 And our cares 1932 01:46:27,555 --> 01:46:34,997 When we asunder part 1933 01:46:35,040 --> 01:46:42,613 It gives us inward pain 1934 01:46:42,657 --> 01:46:49,315 But we shall still be joined 1935 01:46:49,359 --> 01:46:51,622 In heart 1936 01:46:51,666 --> 01:46:58,629 And hope to meet again