1
00:00:46,429 --> 00:00:48,097
Gentlemen! Lock and load!
2
00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:58,842
Connie kaminski, you're under arrest.
Show me your hands. Show 'em!
3
00:00:58,908 --> 00:01:01,110
Yep, that's me. Connie kaminski.
4
00:01:01,177 --> 00:01:02,579
And holy shit, that was scary.
5
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,748
I mean, I almost wet the bed.
I don't know why they didn't just knock.
6
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:09,819
I mean, this is a story about coupons.
Little old coupons. They j...
7
00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:13,189
You know what? I should probably
start from the beginning.
8
00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:16,559
Hiya. Me again.
9
00:01:16,626 --> 00:01:19,229
Okay, yeah. This is
the perfect place to start.
10
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Here's a fun fact:
11
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I'm a three-time gold-medal-winning
olympic racewalker.
12
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And you know what that's worth
out in the real world?
13
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Absolutely nothing.
14
00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:35,745
Did you know most olympic
athletes aren't famous?
15
00:01:35,812 --> 00:01:37,881
And they sure as heck
aren't rich.
16
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Go ahead, look it up.
I mean, not now, but, you know, later.
17
00:01:42,252 --> 00:01:45,555
And, yeah, I may have retired,
but I don't quit.
18
00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:48,825
I figure no matter what you
do, give it all you got.
19
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- Hola.
- Hola, Mrs. Flores.
20
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Do you have my coupons?
21
00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,837
Oh. Super-duper.
22
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:05,942
Hey.
23
00:02:14,517 --> 00:02:16,386
You know what,
24
00:02:16,452 --> 00:02:19,289
you can never have
too much toilet paper, right?
25
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:21,291
Okay, enjoy.
26
00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:28,665
You might wanna pack a jacket.
The weather showed rain in Cleveland.
27
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:33,436
Oh, um, hey, did I just see you giving
the paper lady a bunch of stuff for free?
28
00:02:33,503 --> 00:02:35,538
Rick, she's barely getting by.
29
00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,941
Yeah, but at least
she has a job.
30
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:40,577
And you are spending money
that we don't have.
31
00:02:40,643 --> 00:02:43,780
I am not spending money.
I am saving us money.
32
00:02:43,846 --> 00:02:45,686
- This is my husband Rick.
- You literally are.
33
00:02:45,715 --> 00:02:47,984
He works for the IRS.
34
00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:50,420
And his job is to look
for people's mistakes.
35
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I'll get it.
36
00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:53,389
What's this? Is this new?
37
00:02:54,057 --> 00:02:55,959
There's, like, 50 jugs of tide.
38
00:02:56,025 --> 00:02:57,226
It's couponing 101.
39
00:02:57,293 --> 00:03:02,231
When tide hits a six-month stock-up
price, you stock up, okay?
40
00:03:02,298 --> 00:03:06,336
That's 400 dollars' worth of
detergent that I got for $57.
41
00:03:06,402 --> 00:03:08,338
My mom used coupons...
42
00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:10,607
We didn't always
argue about money.
43
00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:13,343
It was only after we tried
to start a family.
44
00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:16,679
And we tried. And we tried.
45
00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:18,615
And we tried.
46
00:03:19,482 --> 00:03:21,818
And then, it finally happened.
47
00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:25,288
We were going to have a girl.
48
00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:28,858
But I just couldn't get
to the finish line.
49
00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:35,732
After that, for a while we
didn't argue about anything.
50
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:38,968
Then Rick discovered
he could travel more for work.
51
00:03:39,035 --> 00:03:41,904
Now he's gone three weeks
out of every month.
52
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,406
But that's okay.
53
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,974
'Cause if that didn't happen,
54
00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:47,443
I might not have met
my best friend, jojo.
55
00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:51,381
Yo, yo, yo!
It's time to save with jojo.
56
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:54,884
Here is the thing
I love about coupons.
57
00:03:54,951 --> 00:03:58,354
I control my time,
I control my income,
58
00:03:58,421 --> 00:04:00,056
I control my life.
59
00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:02,659
So, jojo's deal of the week
is right here...
60
00:04:02,725 --> 00:04:05,895
You sure as shit doing a good
job controlling your income.
61
00:04:05,962 --> 00:04:08,731
- Mom.
- 'Cause you ain't got no money.
62
00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:10,900
Stop. Mama, no. Stop it!
63
00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:13,936
You know I'm just... I'm over
here busy trying to build my brand
64
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:15,972
as a successful entrepreneur.
65
00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:18,474
I'm my own ceo.
66
00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:22,312
Ceo! What the f are you talking about?
67
00:04:22,378 --> 00:04:24,547
You nothing but a saleswoman
that don't make no sales.
68
00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:27,483
Yeah, mama, that's a business.
Sometimes you don't make sale...
69
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:28,885
You ever heard of Steve Jobs?
70
00:04:28,951 --> 00:04:30,787
What do you know about a job?
71
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:33,489
Okay, mama. You be like that.
I'm going next door.
72
00:04:33,556 --> 00:04:35,892
Why you gotta spend
so much time with that girl?
73
00:04:35,958 --> 00:04:38,561
You and her carting around
all them food stamps.
74
00:04:38,628 --> 00:04:40,697
They're not food stamps.
They're coupons.
75
00:04:40,763 --> 00:04:42,598
White people use them.
Why can't we?
76
00:04:42,665 --> 00:04:44,867
Oh, so if white people
were jumping off a bridge...
77
00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:46,502
Oh, my gosh. Again.
78
00:04:46,569 --> 00:04:48,113
No, if white people
were jumping off a bridge,
79
00:04:48,137 --> 00:04:50,549
- I would not jump off a bridge.
- Why you got such a damn attitude?
80
00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:53,118
You're always talking about white people!
Like, no, of course not!
81
00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:54,911
Get on my nerves.
82
00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:02,085
Oh, hallelujah, praise the lord.
Look who's here.
83
00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:04,754
- The savior of savings.
- What up, Rick dick?
84
00:05:04,821 --> 00:05:06,689
Oh, hey,
I had a question for you.
85
00:05:06,756 --> 00:05:09,358
Um, has anybody
ever been happy to see you?
86
00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:12,128
Like, have you ever walked into
a room and someone's gone like,
87
00:05:12,195 --> 00:05:15,465
"hey, everybody, look!
My cool IRS auditor just walked in"?
88
00:05:15,531 --> 00:05:17,142
- Yeah, they don't have to be happy.
- Oh, okay.
89
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,068
I'm respected. I'm valued.
90
00:05:19,135 --> 00:05:20,536
Mmm.
91
00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:22,105
- I'm leaving.
- There you go.
92
00:05:22,171 --> 00:05:24,073
Those are the two words
we love to hear you say.
93
00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,975
All right, now. Bye, Rick.
94
00:05:26,042 --> 00:05:28,122
- Hey, Rick, I had one more question.
- Don't slam...
95
00:05:29,011 --> 00:05:31,147
- Hey, girl.
- Hiya, jojo.
96
00:05:31,214 --> 00:05:35,418
All right,
I have got some stuff for you.
97
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:36,886
- Look at all these.
- Oh, my gosh.
98
00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:38,821
- Big day.
- Big day.
99
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,896
- Buy one, get one.
- Bogo!
100
00:05:46,963 --> 00:05:48,998
Rick should be happy
I taught you how to stockpile.
101
00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:51,801
Yeah, he doesn't get any of this.
102
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:55,471
Oh, lookee. I only need
one more colgate proof of purchase
103
00:05:55,538 --> 00:05:57,740
- to get a free at&t gift card.
- You see that?
104
00:05:57,807 --> 00:06:01,544
You think Rick knows how to pay
a phone bill with toothpaste? No.
105
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,613
You're winning.
106
00:06:03,679 --> 00:06:06,616
Hey, did you know that winning actually
changes the way your brain works?
107
00:06:06,682 --> 00:06:09,619
Like, every time you win,
you get a teensy bit smarter.
108
00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:11,487
They call it the winner effect.
109
00:06:11,554 --> 00:06:15,124
You know, basically, the more you
win, the more you will win.
110
00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:16,759
Winning becomes habit.
111
00:06:18,761 --> 00:06:19,896
I really need a win.
112
00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:32,542
Yes!
113
00:06:53,196 --> 00:06:55,097
You doing okay today, Greg?
114
00:06:57,767 --> 00:07:00,736
You know,
I read that if you're lucky,
115
00:07:00,803 --> 00:07:04,207
you only get about 30,000 days
on planet earth.
116
00:07:04,273 --> 00:07:05,875
- Right.
- That's not a lot.
117
00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:08,878
Maybe you should try
to make every day count.
118
00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:11,047
Total is $138.55.
119
00:07:12,915 --> 00:07:13,983
Is it?
120
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:16,652
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
121
00:07:18,287 --> 00:07:20,690
It's like
a thousand coupons, man.
122
00:07:42,311 --> 00:07:46,916
Well, good for you, lady.
You saved $122.10.
123
00:07:46,983 --> 00:07:49,986
It is good for me, Greg.
It is good for me.
124
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,855
"Watch the pennies, and the dollars
will take care of themselves."
125
00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:55,258
- All right.
- Sorry about the wait.
126
00:07:55,324 --> 00:07:57,526
Don't be. That was impressive.
127
00:07:58,194 --> 00:07:59,228
Change.
128
00:08:01,697 --> 00:08:02,765
Your trophy.
129
00:08:33,696 --> 00:08:34,830
"Dear general mills,"
130
00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:36,799
I recently purchased
a box of wheaties cereal
131
00:08:36,866 --> 00:08:39,335
from my local a&g family mart
here in Phoenix.
132
00:08:39,402 --> 00:08:43,706
When I opened it, I discovered,
to my chagrin, that the cereal was stale.
133
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,143
As a former olympic athlete,
I was very disappointed.
134
00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,578
'Breakfast of champions'?
135
00:08:49,645 --> 00:08:52,949
"With cereal this stale,
it's more like 'breakfast of chump-ions.'"
136
00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:56,252
no shade, but, um, we both know
the before we were working with.
137
00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:58,321
But why don't you
take a little look
138
00:08:58,387 --> 00:09:01,924
- at the after!
- Oh, my god!
139
00:09:01,991 --> 00:09:04,627
- Wow.
- Yes, girl! Look at you!
140
00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:08,297
Who is that?
Is that Halle Berry from 2002?
141
00:09:09,732 --> 00:09:11,067
So what I've used here
142
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:14,003
is the back-2-black
executive package.
143
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:17,239
I try to tell people, like, that
white-girl makeup does not work for us.
144
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,386
You know what I mean? Okay.
145
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:20,176
- Mm-hmm.
- You need your own stuff.
146
00:09:20,242 --> 00:09:23,346
So, do we have a sale?
147
00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:24,947
Do you take credit cards?
148
00:09:25,014 --> 00:09:27,116
Unfortunately,
I can only accept cash.
149
00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:29,685
I have a history
with identity theft.
150
00:09:29,752 --> 00:09:31,988
- What?
- No. Girl. No, no, no.
151
00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:34,757
No, I did not steal
anybody's identity. No way.
152
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,859
I had my identity stolen.
153
00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:38,894
My credit's trash.
I can't even walk into a bank.
154
00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:40,439
- Mmm.
- It's a whole thing. You don't even need
155
00:09:40,463 --> 00:09:42,398
to worry
about that right now, so...
156
00:09:43,699 --> 00:09:45,034
I need to think about it.
157
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:13,763
Fun trip?
158
00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:16,165
Fun? What's fun about work?
159
00:10:16,232 --> 00:10:20,703
Hey, what do you say we go out for
a nice dinner tonight? Maybe Sushi?
160
00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:22,171
Sushi's expensive.
161
00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:24,173
Didn't you say you had
some kinda coupon thing
162
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,341
from tgi Fridays?
163
00:10:27,109 --> 00:10:29,178
Mm-hmm.
164
00:10:29,245 --> 00:10:32,148
Looks like the
Arizona fans will stay on their feet
165
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,918
as Harris steps to the plate
with a chance to tie it up.
166
00:10:35,985 --> 00:10:40,156
Pitch... oh, inside!
And near his head.
167
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,334
- Earl!
- Hey there, jojo.
168
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,071
You better not have a bunch
of bills in there for me.
169
00:10:55,137 --> 00:10:56,972
Ugh. Oof.
170
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,075
- You got this?
- Oh.
171
00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:02,778
- I don't know nothing about this.
- Okay. Damn.
172
00:11:02,845 --> 00:11:05,381
- Oh, I loved your new YouTube video, jojo.
- Oh, yeah?
173
00:11:05,448 --> 00:11:08,451
Yeah. You know, I keep asking
myself, "how does she do it?"
174
00:11:08,517 --> 00:11:09,985
It's like you can read my mind.
175
00:11:10,052 --> 00:11:11,887
That's 'cause I can. Come here.
176
00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:14,023
I'm gonna tell you what you're thinking.
Look at me.
177
00:11:22,031 --> 00:11:23,432
Oh. Uh...
178
00:11:23,499 --> 00:11:25,501
- Oh, boy.
- I'm just playing with you, Earl.
179
00:11:25,568 --> 00:11:27,808
- I can't tell what you're thinking.
- I should be going.
180
00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:28,938
- Okay.
- Yeah.
181
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:33,309
Bye!
182
00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:44,487
I'm leaving. I'll see you
in a couple of weeks.
183
00:11:44,553 --> 00:11:45,754
Mm-hmm.
184
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:48,824
You had a choice.
185
00:11:48,891 --> 00:11:53,195
We could've been eating out at
expensive and fancy places all the time.
186
00:11:53,262 --> 00:11:58,067
Instead, you chose four
rounds of ivf treatments.
187
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:01,137
You knew I wanted to quit
after one, but...
188
00:12:02,938 --> 00:12:05,508
You're trying to replace
what you lost with coupons.
189
00:12:05,574 --> 00:12:08,878
Are you kidding me right now?
We lost a baby.
190
00:12:09,512 --> 00:12:11,814
Get out of this room.
191
00:12:12,081 --> 00:12:13,182
And get a job.
192
00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:24,126
Mail's here.
193
00:13:00,663 --> 00:13:02,598
Oh, my...
194
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,636
See that, Greg?
195
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:10,015
"Watch the pennies, and the dollars
will take care of themselves."
196
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,907
Why do you always say that?
197
00:13:11,974 --> 00:13:14,376
'Cause it's the little things
that matter.
198
00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:16,512
Mmm. Little things.
199
00:13:16,579 --> 00:13:19,381
Like wasting your time writing
a stupid complaint letter?
200
00:13:19,448 --> 00:13:22,251
- How did you know that?
- You're not special.
201
00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:25,988
They always send you coupons for free
shit when you bitch to the manufacturer.
202
00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:45,407
"Fifty percent less fat?
More like 100% less flavor."
203
00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,409
"How about new and unimproved?"
204
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:50,012
"Your trash bags are garbage."
205
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,057
"Your cookie isn't soft,
and it sure as heck ain't chewy."
206
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,183
"Your rising crust pizza
falls flat."
207
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,418
"If you meant for the cheese
flavor to taste like feet,
208
00:13:56,485 --> 00:13:58,954
then bravo, my friend,
you nailed it."
209
00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:34,189
- Okay, don't... don't peek. Okay.
- Okay.
210
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,292
Okay, open.
211
00:14:37,426 --> 00:14:40,696
What? No, Connie!
212
00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:41,530
You told me
you wrote that letter
213
00:14:41,597 --> 00:14:43,499
- 'cause your cereal was stale.
- Yeah.
214
00:14:43,565 --> 00:14:45,701
So, what, the whole fucking
house has gone stale?
215
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,370
- Not exactly...
- Oh, shit!
216
00:14:48,437 --> 00:14:50,039
- You got cottonelle ultra?
- Yeah.
217
00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:52,408
- You got 36 family rolls for free?
- Yeah.
218
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,476
That coupon's worth,
like, 40 bucks.
219
00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:57,012
Well, you can get one too.
Just write a letter to cottonelle.
220
00:14:57,079 --> 00:14:58,614
And say what? "Dear cottonelle,
221
00:14:58,681 --> 00:15:01,216
your supersoft toilet paper
scratched up my ass"?
222
00:15:01,283 --> 00:15:02,723
Please,
they're not gonna believe me!
223
00:15:02,751 --> 00:15:05,220
Or, better yet,
just pay me for the coupon.
224
00:15:05,287 --> 00:15:07,323
Okay.
225
00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:10,192
Actually, how much would you pay
me for this cottonelle coupon?
226
00:15:10,259 --> 00:15:12,695
Would you pay maybe half
of what it's worth?
227
00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:15,364
Twenty bucks? Yeah, why not?
228
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:18,434
So you'd give me 20 bucks for
this coupon that I got for free?
229
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,170
That's quite a profit,
don't you think?
230
00:15:21,236 --> 00:15:24,273
Imagine if we got more of these,
and we sold them to people for half.
231
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,675
That would...
That'd be a real business.
232
00:15:28,143 --> 00:15:30,279
How is that a real business?
233
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:34,049
Even if you wanted to,
how would you ever get enough to sell?
234
00:15:34,116 --> 00:15:37,086
I think I know where
we can get 'em in bulk.
235
00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:41,023
Advanced solutions works with
the top fortune 500 companies
236
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,325
to handle all of
your coupon printing needs.
237
00:15:43,392 --> 00:15:46,462
Each week, when customers
redeem your coupons,
238
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:50,032
they'll be sent back to our
advanced solutions printing facility
239
00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:53,135
and coupon clearinghouse
in chihuahua, Mexico.
240
00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:57,005
Chihuahua, Mexico.
That's not far from here.
241
00:15:57,072 --> 00:15:58,741
Okay, chihuahua.
What's your point?
242
00:15:58,807 --> 00:16:00,542
That's where
all the coupons are.
243
00:16:00,609 --> 00:16:02,144
So what,
you want to Rob the place?
244
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,579
- No.
- Oh.
245
00:16:03,645 --> 00:16:08,150
No, no. Not Rob. Just remove
or just separate some.
246
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,619
No. No. Uh-uh. Are you crazy?
247
00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:12,755
Jojo, I need you.
248
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:15,090
There's no one better
at selling people stuff.
249
00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:16,358
Then how come I'm so broke?
250
00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:19,461
Yeah. Exactly. It's not fair.
251
00:16:19,528 --> 00:16:22,598
Like, all you wanted
was a successful business.
252
00:16:22,664 --> 00:16:26,735
But because someone ruined your
credit, you can never fix that?
253
00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:28,537
And all I wanted was a baby,
254
00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:31,540
and I... now I gotta pay
for that the rest of my life?
255
00:16:31,607 --> 00:16:33,809
No one is gonna help us.
256
00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:35,744
You know who gets rewarded?
257
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:38,514
People who don't follow
the rules.
258
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,716
It's time we start
bending 'em a little.
259
00:16:44,319 --> 00:16:46,688
I want you to know you don't
have to keep selling me on it,
260
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,590
- 'cause I'm in.
- I'm just saying,
261
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:51,137
you know, you lodge one complaint,
they send you a free coupon.
262
00:16:51,193 --> 00:16:53,395
- They're handing them out like hot cakes.
- Mm-hmm.
263
00:16:53,462 --> 00:16:55,731
And... and we're just
taking a few extra.
264
00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:57,533
Mmm. Well, we're stealing them.
265
00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,210
And all we're doing is
making them more accessible.
266
00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:00,669
- By smuggling them.
- That...
267
00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:03,405
Honestly, these companies
make bazillions of dollars,
268
00:17:03,472 --> 00:17:06,542
so it's not like they're gonna
miss a couple of coupons.
269
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:12,281
I'm just telling you that it is stealing,
smuggling and selling illegally.
270
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:14,550
It sounds bad
when you say it like that.
271
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,085
- It is bad, girl.
- Well, don't say it like that.
272
00:17:17,152 --> 00:17:18,487
It doesn't have to sound bad.
273
00:17:18,554 --> 00:17:20,556
I think it's gonna be good.
274
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,124
No, it's gonna be good.
275
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:25,093
It's gonna be good.
I can feel it.
276
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,733
Hey, congratulations, sunil.
277
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,302
Congrats on being a grandfather.
278
00:17:33,368 --> 00:17:35,471
- Thank you.
- Not everybody's got a...
279
00:17:36,438 --> 00:17:38,607
Not everybody's got a family.
280
00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:40,542
Attention, shoppers.
If you have our club card,
281
00:17:40,609 --> 00:17:43,846
you can save 10% today
in our deli department.
282
00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:46,381
Get 10% off today
in the deli department...
283
00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:49,618
- No, just...
- It's still not working.
284
00:17:49,685 --> 00:17:52,387
Yeah, I see that.
Just punch it in manually
285
00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:55,858
- and give her the coupon price.
- Dave. Dave. Hold on. Wait.
286
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:59,361
Can I... can I take a look at that
before you make the transaction?
287
00:17:59,428 --> 00:18:01,330
- Before you punch it in.
- Sorry, folks.
288
00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:04,466
We're just gonna be a minute.
Alice will help you on one.
289
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:07,202
Yeah. No. This is,
uh, this is not a real coupon.
290
00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:08,837
I-I don't understand.
291
00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,305
It's a fake, ma'am.
292
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:12,608
How is it fake?
Look, uh, who are you?
293
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:14,910
I am, uh, Ken Miller.
294
00:18:14,977 --> 00:18:16,645
I'm the loss prevention officer
295
00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:19,515
for all the a&g family marts
across the southwest.
296
00:18:19,581 --> 00:18:22,217
You're lucky I was here today
to spot this little guy.
297
00:18:22,284 --> 00:18:25,354
Take a look here.
See that expiration date?
298
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,890
Does that look familiar
to you? November 31st?
299
00:18:27,956 --> 00:18:31,426
It shouldn't. There's only 30
days in the month of November.
300
00:18:31,493 --> 00:18:33,629
So whoever tried to replicate
this little guy,
301
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,497
clearly, they didn't look
at a calendar.
302
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:36,932
Probably out of China.
303
00:18:36,999 --> 00:18:39,544
You know, they screw up the dates
all the time. There's always a flaw.
304
00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:41,937
You know, if you know what to look
for, it's easy to spot.
305
00:18:42,004 --> 00:18:44,373
Well, can you just make
an exception?
306
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:46,842
I mean, we could just honor
it, Ken, this one time.
307
00:18:46,909 --> 00:18:49,711
She's been coming here
for, like, 150 years.
308
00:18:49,778 --> 00:18:52,748
Yeah, I don't care if she's
dame judi dench, Dave.
309
00:18:52,814 --> 00:18:54,883
You leave the food out,
the critters will get it.
310
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,885
This is how this starts.
I'm just saying.
311
00:18:56,952 --> 00:18:59,288
Sorry to compare you to rodents, ma'am.
I didn't mean that.
312
00:18:59,354 --> 00:19:02,524
I just mean to say that rules are rules.
But if it helps, I...
313
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:05,427
If it helps? I have hemorrhoids.
314
00:19:05,494 --> 00:19:08,430
You know what helps, honey?
Preparation h.
315
00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:10,666
Well, we're happy to sell
it to ya at full price.
316
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,401
Well, then why don't you buy it?
317
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,369
Because you're a giant asshole!
318
00:19:17,506 --> 00:19:19,408
That's a good one, ma'am.
319
00:19:19,474 --> 00:19:22,578
But as Dave will attest,
I've been told that before.
320
00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:27,219
You should put that in the burn pile.
See you, Dave. I'll be back next month.
321
00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:34,256
Hey, sorry. Um, would you mind if we
switched seats, just for this last part?
322
00:19:34,323 --> 00:19:36,925
She really likes to watch
out the window as we land.
323
00:19:36,992 --> 00:19:39,628
- And it helps calm her down.
- Mmm. Yeah.
324
00:19:39,695 --> 00:19:41,930
No, even if I wanted to switch,
325
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:46,768
I think it's more important that your
daughter learn a valuable lesson.
326
00:19:46,835 --> 00:19:50,906
That's not how the world works, you know.
You don't always get your way.
327
00:19:50,973 --> 00:19:54,910
- Are you for real, dude?
- Okay.
328
00:20:33,448 --> 00:20:37,052
Fuck!
329
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,455
Fuck.
330
00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:53,502
So, what, we're just gonna
eeny, meeny, miny, mo,
331
00:20:53,568 --> 00:20:57,406
pick some random dude and be
like, "could you steal for us?"
332
00:20:58,373 --> 00:21:00,942
Yeah.
We need someone on the inside.
333
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,045
We need an inside man.
334
00:21:03,111 --> 00:21:06,415
Ooh, what about that guy? He
looks like that badass dude from machete.
335
00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:08,917
- Too sketchy.
- We want sketchy.
336
00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:11,920
We want him to help us,
not chop us up into tiny pieces.
337
00:21:11,987 --> 00:21:14,790
What about this Cesar
millan-looking motherfucker?
338
00:21:15,457 --> 00:21:16,525
Too square.
339
00:21:19,928 --> 00:21:21,863
We need that guy.
340
00:21:21,930 --> 00:21:24,332
That guy? Why that guy?
341
00:21:24,399 --> 00:21:26,601
'Cause he's already
bending the rules.
342
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:32,641
Look at that. We got two
for the price of one.
343
00:21:33,475 --> 00:21:35,343
- Bogo.
- Bogo.
344
00:21:35,410 --> 00:21:37,879
Are you interested in a way
to make some more money?
345
00:21:37,946 --> 00:21:40,415
No, that sounds creepy.
Just be like, "oh, hey, we have a"...
346
00:21:40,482 --> 00:21:42,026
- We have a business opportunity for you.
- Yes, yes.
347
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,850
- Okay. That's better.
- That's it, that's it.
348
00:21:47,956 --> 00:21:50,759
- Okay. Here goes nothing.
- All right.
349
00:21:56,098 --> 00:21:57,399
Why is she running?
350
00:21:57,466 --> 00:21:59,134
- Shit! Shit, shit.
- Oh, my god. Wait!
351
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,490
We have money. Money.
Dinero. Dinero. We have it!
352
00:22:05,841 --> 00:22:08,043
No! Dinero. We have dinero for you.
We have it.
353
00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:09,911
For you, yeah.
354
00:22:09,978 --> 00:22:11,880
- For me? Oh.
- Yeah, man. Yeah.
355
00:22:19,454 --> 00:22:21,389
What is she doing?
356
00:22:21,456 --> 00:22:23,391
- Hey, wait, wait, wait!
- Oh, no, no, no!
357
00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:25,927
Stop! What...
358
00:22:25,994 --> 00:22:27,429
Alejandro!
359
00:22:27,496 --> 00:22:29,397
These women
are trying to help us.
360
00:22:32,033 --> 00:22:33,668
- Uh.
- It's okay. It's okay.
361
00:22:33,735 --> 00:22:35,403
Oh!
362
00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:40,542
Okay, here we go.
363
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:43,478
- Hi.
- Mmm.
364
00:22:44,646 --> 00:22:47,816
Okay, here we go.
You good? Okay, here we go.
365
00:22:50,485 --> 00:22:54,890
You never trail someone
in Mexico. Ever.
366
00:22:54,956 --> 00:22:56,158
You estúpida.
367
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,832
My... my wife is angry.
But she's right.
368
00:23:03,899 --> 00:23:05,700
She is angry.
369
00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:08,436
And also... pregnant?
370
00:23:08,503 --> 00:23:11,873
- It is very early. But yes.
- Oh, wow.
371
00:23:11,940 --> 00:23:13,942
Minimum wage
is only two dollars an hour.
372
00:23:14,009 --> 00:23:16,077
Do you really have a way
for us to make some money?
373
00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:19,915
Wait, your wage is two dollars an hour?
374
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:22,150
That's a crime.
You gotta talk to somebody about that.
375
00:23:22,217 --> 00:23:24,052
I should talk to my boss
and ask for a raise?
376
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:25,587
- Yes.
- Yes.
377
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:27,889
Yes, you should definitely
talk to your boss.
378
00:23:27,956 --> 00:23:30,659
Are you crazy?
This company's American.
379
00:23:30,725 --> 00:23:33,728
They only moved here so they
could take advantage of us.
380
00:23:33,795 --> 00:23:36,164
That's all the more reason
you should hear us out.
381
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:42,504
These coupons. They all come
from your factory, yes?
382
00:23:42,571 --> 00:23:44,806
Sí, sí,
we make all kinds of coupons.
383
00:23:44,873 --> 00:23:48,476
We don't need all kinds.
Just the ones for free stuff.
384
00:23:48,543 --> 00:23:49,778
Can you get more of these?
385
00:23:50,712 --> 00:23:52,814
Are you asking me to steal?
386
00:23:52,881 --> 00:23:59,688
Again, everyone is making it sound so
bad, but it's...
387
00:23:59,754 --> 00:24:01,223
- Technically, yes.
- Yeah.
388
00:24:01,289 --> 00:24:03,258
- Uh.
- Okay, okay.
389
00:24:03,325 --> 00:24:05,126
It's like Robin hood, okay?
390
00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:07,996
You are gonna take these
coupons from this company
391
00:24:08,063 --> 00:24:09,998
that pays you chump change,
392
00:24:10,065 --> 00:24:12,601
and then we're gonna get them to
families who really need them.
393
00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:15,670
She's right. Do you have any idea
how expensive diapers are?
394
00:24:15,737 --> 00:24:18,240
And, obviously,
you would be sharing in the profits.
395
00:24:18,306 --> 00:24:20,609
- Yeah.
- La puta's right.
396
00:24:20,675 --> 00:24:25,013
But we don't need your Robin hood.
We have jesús malverde.
397
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,816
He took from the rich
and gave to the poor families.
398
00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:30,151
We will follow in his footsteps.
399
00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:33,722
Okay, yeah. Go with him. I mean,
this dude is dope as hell. I love it.
400
00:24:33,788 --> 00:24:34,990
Rosa, no.
401
00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:51,039
A wise man once said,
402
00:24:51,106 --> 00:24:55,777
"family is not an important thing.
It is everything."
403
00:24:55,844 --> 00:24:58,013
Was that jesús malverde as well?
404
00:24:58,079 --> 00:25:01,683
It is the words
of Michael j. Fox.
405
00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:03,084
Michael j. Fox?
406
00:25:04,085 --> 00:25:06,054
The damn actor?
407
00:25:06,121 --> 00:25:08,790
- Like, Marty mcfly?
- Doesn't matter who said it, jojo.
408
00:25:08,857 --> 00:25:09,858
He's right.
409
00:25:10,725 --> 00:25:12,294
Michael j. Fox is right.
410
00:25:20,201 --> 00:25:22,837
Okay.
411
00:25:22,904 --> 00:25:24,339
- Yes.
- Yes?
412
00:25:24,406 --> 00:25:25,974
- I will do it.
- You will?
413
00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:29,077
For real?
Like for... oh. Oh, wow.
414
00:25:29,144 --> 00:25:31,947
I mean, 'cause it took me a while
to get on board, and I know her.
415
00:25:32,013 --> 00:25:34,082
You are ready, huh?
416
00:25:34,149 --> 00:25:36,017
And here is how we will do it.
417
00:25:36,084 --> 00:25:39,721
The factory is split in two.
Printing and redemption.
418
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:43,792
And the right hand does not
know what the left hand does.
419
00:25:43,858 --> 00:25:46,728
Rosa works on
the coupon redemption side.
420
00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:50,999
All day counting used coupons,
very tedious.
421
00:25:51,066 --> 00:25:53,268
And I work on the print side.
422
00:25:53,335 --> 00:25:57,005
It is man's work.
Heavy lifting, dangerous.
423
00:25:57,072 --> 00:26:00,675
- Just get to the point.
- Don't boss me.
424
00:26:01,443 --> 00:26:03,244
Anyway.
425
00:26:03,311 --> 00:26:07,015
With each coupon we print,
there is always extra.
426
00:26:07,082 --> 00:26:10,018
Even with the free coupons.
427
00:26:10,085 --> 00:26:14,055
It is normal for us to destroy
these extra coupons.
428
00:26:15,390 --> 00:26:17,058
But no more.
429
00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:19,728
Oh, Alejandro,
you very sexy right now.
430
00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:23,398
Instead,
I will send them to you.
431
00:26:23,465 --> 00:26:26,368
Our trucks ship coupons
all across the us.
432
00:26:26,434 --> 00:26:29,270
And as for the border,
this is no problem.
433
00:26:29,337 --> 00:26:32,774
They stop drugs because
there is a war on drugs.
434
00:26:33,375 --> 00:26:35,343
But who cares about coupons?
435
00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:42,017
Gracias.
436
00:26:48,123 --> 00:26:50,425
Okay, mama,
just please be quiet, okay?
437
00:26:50,492 --> 00:26:53,294
I ain't saying a word.
438
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:56,931
Yo, yo, yo.
It's time to save with jojo.
439
00:26:56,998 --> 00:27:00,068
Is it hot in here,
or is it just me?
440
00:27:00,135 --> 00:27:01,770
It's you.
441
00:27:02,404 --> 00:27:04,005
I have to start again now!
442
00:27:04,072 --> 00:27:06,741
I'm getting my cheetos fix
443
00:27:06,808 --> 00:27:10,879
thanks to my flamin' hot site
for coupons,
444
00:27:10,945 --> 00:27:13,281
savvysupersaver.com.
445
00:27:13,348 --> 00:27:16,951
You get a bunch of coupons.
All of them are gonna be half off, okay?
446
00:27:17,018 --> 00:27:20,955
So, go there, get your coupons,
make your savings, okay?
447
00:27:30,331 --> 00:27:31,866
$47.99.
448
00:27:32,467 --> 00:27:34,135
Whoa, look at that. Free!
449
00:27:41,142 --> 00:27:42,143
Okay.
450
00:27:48,316 --> 00:27:51,019
- Hey, I got it.
- Thank you, Earl.
451
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,388
Savvy super saver, huh?
452
00:27:54,456 --> 00:27:57,792
Now, did I say save,
or did I say save?
453
00:27:57,859 --> 00:28:00,161
You get a free coupon!
You get a free coupon!
454
00:28:00,228 --> 00:28:01,463
You get a free coupon!
455
00:28:16,344 --> 00:28:17,979
Keep an eye on that for me,
okay?
456
00:28:34,229 --> 00:28:37,031
Okay.
457
00:28:37,098 --> 00:28:41,002
You have 74 new
voice messages. First voice message.
458
00:28:41,069 --> 00:28:42,837
I'm calling from general mills
459
00:28:42,904 --> 00:28:46,107
about a fraudulent, um, uh,
coupon for cocoa puffs.
460
00:28:46,174 --> 00:28:47,442
Coupon for cocoa puffs.
461
00:28:47,509 --> 00:28:49,511
That sounds funny, I guess.
Anyway...
462
00:28:49,577 --> 00:28:51,212
There's
been a run on schick razors.
463
00:28:51,279 --> 00:28:53,781
In the past month,
this one counterfeit coupon
464
00:28:53,848 --> 00:28:56,217
has cost us hundreds of
thousands of dollars.
465
00:28:56,284 --> 00:28:59,521
Uh, we've
had, uh, several of your a&g stores
466
00:28:59,587 --> 00:29:02,423
attempting to redeem this counterfeit
coupon for huggies diapers.
467
00:29:02,490 --> 00:29:04,125
- There's no flaw.
- If you're looking at
468
00:29:04,192 --> 00:29:05,860
these redemption numbers,
469
00:29:05,927 --> 00:29:07,896
this is quickly becoming
a serious issue.
470
00:29:07,962 --> 00:29:10,064
Which is why we're
calling on all lpos
471
00:29:10,131 --> 00:29:12,867
to look into
these fraudulent tide coupons.
472
00:29:12,934 --> 00:29:14,335
This is code red.
473
00:29:14,402 --> 00:29:16,004
- I've mailed you...
- There's no flaw.
474
00:29:16,070 --> 00:29:17,882
Of the fraudulent coupon.
If gerber didn't...
475
00:29:17,906 --> 00:29:21,843
Eleven days. No sleep.
Just me and the receipts.
476
00:29:21,910 --> 00:29:25,413
On a diet of coffee
and heartburn.
477
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,517
The key was finding discounts that
matched the coupons in question.
478
00:29:30,285 --> 00:29:32,053
It was no small task.
479
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,356
Aha! Yes!
480
00:29:35,423 --> 00:29:37,559
Then, accessing
our financial database,
481
00:29:37,625 --> 00:29:41,362
I was able to trace the credit
card number back to you, back here.
482
00:29:41,429 --> 00:29:42,830
And here we are today.
483
00:29:42,897 --> 00:29:44,599
But you're not a detective.
484
00:29:44,666 --> 00:29:47,368
'Cause you sort of look
like a detective.
485
00:29:47,435 --> 00:29:50,104
Detective...
Do I look like a detective?
486
00:29:50,171 --> 00:29:53,341
Huh. I'll pocket that
compliment for a rainy day.
487
00:29:53,408 --> 00:29:57,111
I, uh, no,
I work for a&g family mart.
488
00:29:57,178 --> 00:30:00,048
Anyways, let's cut to
the Chevy chase here.
489
00:30:00,114 --> 00:30:02,584
If I ask a question,
just assume I know the answer.
490
00:30:02,650 --> 00:30:04,953
So, stick to the facts,
would you, ma'am?
491
00:30:05,019 --> 00:30:07,121
Spill it.
Where'd you get the coupons?
492
00:30:07,188 --> 00:30:09,123
Uh, okay.
493
00:30:09,190 --> 00:30:13,127
Well, a friend sent me this video
of this black woman going on and on
494
00:30:13,194 --> 00:30:15,129
about all this stuff
she got for half off
495
00:30:15,196 --> 00:30:18,533
with these coupons
from some website.
496
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,101
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna stop you there.
497
00:30:20,168 --> 00:30:23,037
You purchased these coupons
off a website?
498
00:30:23,104 --> 00:30:26,241
Do you have any idea how many
cheerios a one-year-old goes through?
499
00:30:26,307 --> 00:30:27,976
Well, what's the name
of this website?
500
00:30:28,042 --> 00:30:32,280
Uh, super snappy saver?
501
00:30:32,347 --> 00:30:35,149
Super snazzy something.
502
00:30:35,216 --> 00:30:37,418
- Snazzy super saver.
- Uh...
503
00:30:37,485 --> 00:30:39,921
I remember thinking,
"what a dumb name."
504
00:30:39,988 --> 00:30:42,457
Yeah. Sp-speedy shopper?
Could that be it?
505
00:30:42,523 --> 00:30:44,225
Speedy shopper?
No. That's not even close.
506
00:30:44,292 --> 00:30:46,027
Well, I'm trying to be helpful.
507
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:47,614
You said you already knew the answers.
508
00:30:47,662 --> 00:30:49,964
- I-I know a lot of 'em, but the point...
- One minute.
509
00:30:58,539 --> 00:31:00,541
Savvy!
510
00:31:00,608 --> 00:31:03,244
S... are you talking to me,
ma'am?
511
00:31:03,311 --> 00:31:04,612
Savvy super saver.
512
00:31:04,679 --> 00:31:06,914
Savvy, is that one v or two?
513
00:31:06,981 --> 00:31:10,018
Oh, no, I guess one would be
"savy." So it's two. Two v's.
514
00:31:14,255 --> 00:31:17,058
"Watch the pennies, and the dollars
will take care of themselves."
515
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:20,662
Savvy super saver.
516
00:31:24,565 --> 00:31:26,067
My hands hurt.
517
00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:28,236
We're filling
hundreds of orders a day.
518
00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,705
Don't you feel like this is
all happening way too fast?
519
00:31:30,772 --> 00:31:33,374
No, fast is good. Fast is...
520
00:31:34,375 --> 00:31:36,177
- Oh, crap.
- What?
521
00:31:36,244 --> 00:31:39,347
Frozen? No. No.
522
00:31:39,414 --> 00:31:42,583
Connie, I told you this
is all happening too fast!
523
00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:44,552
I'm like, "whoop, whoop, whoop!"
524
00:31:44,619 --> 00:31:46,521
Alarm bells
are just going off in my mind.
525
00:31:46,587 --> 00:31:47,955
- Let me refresh it.
- So just...
526
00:31:48,022 --> 00:31:49,390
Okay, close the page.
Start again.
527
00:31:49,457 --> 00:31:50,658
Did we lose all that money?
528
00:31:50,725 --> 00:31:52,660
- I don't know.
- Fuck!
529
00:31:52,727 --> 00:31:54,962
Uh-huh.
530
00:31:55,029 --> 00:31:57,632
Uh-huh, yep. So...
531
00:31:57,699 --> 00:32:02,403
Abnormally large amounts of money
in the account. Right.
532
00:32:02,470 --> 00:32:05,640
Okay, and... and how do we unfreeze it?
533
00:32:07,675 --> 00:32:09,577
Uh-huh.
534
00:32:09,644 --> 00:32:12,747
Oh, so we just have to prove
that it's a legitimate business.
535
00:32:12,814 --> 00:32:15,983
Okay. Got it.
536
00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:17,752
Yes.
537
00:32:17,819 --> 00:32:21,022
All good. Okay. Okey dokey.
Thanks so much. Bye.
538
00:32:21,723 --> 00:32:23,991
I knew this was
too good to be true.
539
00:32:24,058 --> 00:32:25,526
Is it though?
540
00:32:25,593 --> 00:32:28,496
The PayPal rep
made it seem simple enough.
541
00:32:28,563 --> 00:32:31,199
We just need someone who's had
experience with this sort of thing.
542
00:32:31,265 --> 00:32:34,635
Like selling stolen shit for
abnormally large amounts of money.
543
00:32:34,702 --> 00:32:36,337
- Like that sort of thing?
- Exactly.
544
00:32:36,404 --> 00:32:39,540
Oh, okay.
545
00:32:39,607 --> 00:32:41,776
What about that girl
who stole your identity?
546
00:32:41,843 --> 00:32:44,345
Tempe Tina? Really?
547
00:32:44,412 --> 00:32:48,182
You wanna go to the little
brat who ruined my entire life?
548
00:32:49,684 --> 00:32:51,319
Jojo...
549
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:53,554
- Girl, this is unnecessary.
- I know, but we need her.
550
00:32:53,621 --> 00:32:54,455
What the fuck is this about?
551
00:32:54,522 --> 00:32:56,290
Just to clear the air,
552
00:32:56,357 --> 00:32:59,026
the shit I did to you as a
kid, that was a side gig, okay.
553
00:32:59,093 --> 00:33:00,795
I dabble in the dark web.
554
00:33:00,862 --> 00:33:04,565
Okay, well, just to clear the
air on my side, just so you know,
555
00:33:04,632 --> 00:33:07,668
after that little stunt you
pulled, I went to the police.
556
00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:09,470
- They didn't help me.
- That's true.
557
00:33:09,537 --> 00:33:11,606
I went to social security.
They didn't believe me.
558
00:33:11,672 --> 00:33:13,608
And I went to my bank.
And guess what?
559
00:33:13,674 --> 00:33:15,610
Those motherfuckers
didn't trust me.
560
00:33:15,676 --> 00:33:18,579
Girl, you know,
I had so much debt because of you.
561
00:33:18,646 --> 00:33:20,481
I had to move back home
with my mama.
562
00:33:20,548 --> 00:33:24,085
You know how embarrassing that shit is?
I'm a grown-ass woman.
563
00:33:24,152 --> 00:33:25,653
I'm really sorry about that.
564
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,655
I-I really... I had no idea.
565
00:33:27,722 --> 00:33:29,157
Yeah, well, okay.
566
00:33:29,690 --> 00:33:32,059
- Electric car?
- What?
567
00:33:32,126 --> 00:33:35,329
Is this an electric car?
It's just so quiet, isn't it?
568
00:33:35,396 --> 00:33:37,198
I mean, I've never been
blindfolded before,
569
00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:39,066
and it's true what they say.
570
00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:41,436
All your other senses
are so heightened.
571
00:33:42,403 --> 00:33:44,338
Ooh...
572
00:33:44,405 --> 00:33:46,250
- Did we just go over train tracks?
- I felt that.
573
00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:47,742
- Did you feel that?
- Yeah.
574
00:33:47,809 --> 00:33:50,111
- They are heightened, I...
- That's so weird.
575
00:33:50,178 --> 00:33:52,647
Are you eating juicy fruit?
The gum. Is that what you eatin'?
576
00:33:52,713 --> 00:33:54,615
You smell that?
Oh, I love juicy fruit.
577
00:33:54,682 --> 00:33:57,318
- Oh, I haven't had it in forever.
- Me either. Me either.
578
00:33:57,385 --> 00:33:58,786
Can you guys
just shut the fuck up?
579
00:33:58,853 --> 00:34:00,154
Okay, rude.
580
00:34:00,221 --> 00:34:02,123
My specialty is cybersecurity.
581
00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:04,559
You guys have any idea
what that means?
582
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:05,860
- No. Not a clue.
- No.
583
00:34:05,927 --> 00:34:08,463
Okay. Governments
and global corporations
584
00:34:08,529 --> 00:34:11,332
deal with security attacks
every single day.
585
00:34:11,399 --> 00:34:14,302
My job is to identify 'em,
prevent 'em,
586
00:34:14,368 --> 00:34:18,139
or, if they pay me enough,
to create 'em.
587
00:34:19,774 --> 00:34:21,342
Humblebrag.
588
00:34:25,813 --> 00:34:28,649
How the fuck did you
make this kind of coin from coupons?
589
00:34:28,716 --> 00:34:29,750
Take 'em off.
590
00:34:30,551 --> 00:34:32,320
Whew.
591
00:34:32,386 --> 00:34:34,264
You can't have this much money
flowing in a single account.
592
00:34:34,288 --> 00:34:36,700
I can unfreeze this for you,
but we gotta spread this shit out.
593
00:34:36,724 --> 00:34:39,694
I'm talking moneypak, PayPal,
venmo, Google pay.
594
00:34:42,430 --> 00:34:44,432
Okay, wow.
595
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,567
You're cashing in
with this craptacular site,
596
00:34:46,634 --> 00:34:48,169
savvy super saver?
597
00:34:48,236 --> 00:34:50,471
- It was a template.
- Right.
598
00:34:50,538 --> 00:34:53,241
And the site isn't savvy,
the shoppers are.
599
00:34:53,307 --> 00:34:54,408
There we go. That part.
600
00:34:54,475 --> 00:34:55,610
The site is registered
601
00:34:55,676 --> 00:34:57,712
to a Charles barkin
from hackensack.
602
00:34:57,778 --> 00:35:01,148
Charlie barkin. It's from
all dogs go to heaven.
603
00:35:01,215 --> 00:35:04,485
- And the address is a petco in New Jersey.
- Boom.
604
00:35:04,552 --> 00:35:08,556
Well, look at you. We got ourselves
a couple of queenpins in the making.
605
00:35:08,623 --> 00:35:11,425
- Damn, you hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
606
00:35:11,492 --> 00:35:13,661
We queenpins, bitch.
607
00:35:13,728 --> 00:35:16,397
Relax, 'cause it's still
way too easy to trace back to you.
608
00:35:16,464 --> 00:35:19,667
Is there anything else
I should know about?
609
00:35:19,734 --> 00:35:22,436
Yo, yo, yo.
It's time to save with jojo.
610
00:35:22,503 --> 00:35:24,839
You know what makes your Booty
so fine?
611
00:35:24,906 --> 00:35:28,910
Half-off Booty
from savvysupersaver.Com.
612
00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:32,580
Seriously?
613
00:35:32,647 --> 00:35:34,458
You see, my YouTube's
a part of my brand, so...
614
00:35:34,482 --> 00:35:36,684
That's 48 real rolls,
okay, y'all?
615
00:35:36,751 --> 00:35:38,953
Head over to savvy super sa...
616
00:35:39,020 --> 00:35:44,458
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
Where you go, girl?
617
00:35:44,525 --> 00:35:47,295
Trust me, nobody gives a bag
of dicks about your brand.
618
00:35:47,361 --> 00:35:49,764
What you guys need
is a front for your business.
619
00:35:49,830 --> 00:35:50,965
All of this money is dirty,
620
00:35:51,032 --> 00:35:53,467
so don't go spending dough
on shit you can't write off.
621
00:35:53,534 --> 00:35:54,902
Give it six months,
622
00:35:54,969 --> 00:35:57,538
and make sure it ain't
alarm-ageddon out there.
623
00:35:57,605 --> 00:36:01,309
You got that? And to start,
we need aliases, and lots of 'em.
624
00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:04,412
From there, we open up bank
accounts, apply for credit cards,
625
00:36:04,478 --> 00:36:07,381
and don't be doing this shit
at home.
626
00:36:07,448 --> 00:36:09,383
Rent a stash house, okay?
627
00:36:09,450 --> 00:36:12,253
And from now on, use this.
It's an ironkey.
628
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,655
It's military-grade encryption.
Just stick it in your USB.
629
00:36:14,722 --> 00:36:18,326
Uh, for my help, I take 10%
of everything you make.
630
00:36:18,392 --> 00:36:19,827
Girl, what?
631
00:36:19,894 --> 00:36:21,262
Well, I'm worth it.
632
00:36:21,329 --> 00:36:23,297
The good news is, ladies,
633
00:36:23,364 --> 00:36:25,399
is you are entering
a real growth industry, okay.
634
00:36:25,466 --> 00:36:28,402
Pink-collar crime,
it's fly as fuck right now.
635
00:36:28,469 --> 00:36:31,405
We get you square,
and this coupon hustle,
636
00:36:31,472 --> 00:36:33,674
it's gonna pay off
in a big, big way.
637
00:36:35,009 --> 00:36:37,678
Could you say it all again
and, like, much slower?
638
00:36:37,745 --> 00:36:39,847
I don't know what half
those things you said were.
639
00:36:39,914 --> 00:36:42,316
- And do you have a pad and pen maybe?
- Pen and paper, yeah.
640
00:36:42,383 --> 00:36:44,418
Or give me my phone back.
I'll take notes.
641
00:36:44,485 --> 00:36:46,887
- Just to write it down.
- No. No.
642
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,994
- We don't got it, but we got it.
- We will wing it.
643
00:36:58,032 --> 00:36:59,734
Yeah, I mean, you and me are...
644
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,969
We're standing on the tip
of the iceberg here.
645
00:37:02,036 --> 00:37:04,772
Ah, it's probably just... China.
646
00:37:04,839 --> 00:37:07,808
Oh. Can't be China.
647
00:37:07,875 --> 00:37:09,610
Why not China?
648
00:37:09,677 --> 00:37:12,380
Ah, no, China's just...
You gotta trust me on this one.
649
00:37:12,446 --> 00:37:14,682
I mean these...
These are gall-damn perfect.
650
00:37:14,749 --> 00:37:17,718
You know this...
China couldn't pull this one off. No.
651
00:37:17,785 --> 00:37:19,687
These... it's all
in the file folder.
652
00:37:19,754 --> 00:37:21,632
- I mean, the, uh, coupon warning sheets...
- Yeah. Okay.
653
00:37:21,656 --> 00:37:23,557
The website,
the interview with the mother.
654
00:37:23,624 --> 00:37:25,793
- It's... it's... it's a real bombshell.
- Yeah.
655
00:37:25,860 --> 00:37:29,597
Don't say bombshell
in an FBI building.
656
00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:32,933
- I thought maybe don't say bomb.
- Don't say bomb anything.
657
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,835
- Sorry.
- What's wrong with you?
658
00:37:34,902 --> 00:37:38,606
No, I just... I'm trying to
relay the severity of the case.
659
00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:39,807
I just, uh...
660
00:37:39,874 --> 00:37:41,709
This is a crisis
at a national level.
661
00:37:41,776 --> 00:37:44,311
- This is my pelican brief.
- Okay. Okay.
662
00:37:44,378 --> 00:37:46,380
- Okay. Ken? Ken, okay.
- Yes, sir.
663
00:37:46,447 --> 00:37:49,850
Ken, you have my attention.
You have her attention.
664
00:37:49,917 --> 00:37:51,452
Oh. Hey.
665
00:37:51,519 --> 00:37:55,056
I think we should run this
up the chain to hq.
666
00:37:56,424 --> 00:37:59,427
- That's, uh, it's good to hear that.
- Yeah.
667
00:37:59,493 --> 00:38:01,362
'Cause, I mean, that's great.
668
00:38:01,429 --> 00:38:03,006
Uh, we're gonna need a whole
team working on this thing.
669
00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:04,498
Yep, yep. Mm-hmm.
670
00:38:04,565 --> 00:38:07,635
- Is... do you do tours?
- Uh, we d... we don't.
671
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:09,646
Well, you got my card.
I gave you my card and that.
672
00:38:09,670 --> 00:38:10,670
Yeah, we got your card.
673
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,039
- We got your email.
- Email.
674
00:38:12,106 --> 00:38:14,375
We got your... your snail mail.
We got everything.
675
00:38:14,442 --> 00:38:15,876
- Trust me, trust me.
- That's good.
676
00:38:15,943 --> 00:38:17,921
You're going to be hearing
from DC real soon. Yeah.
677
00:38:17,945 --> 00:38:20,514
- Okay. Thanks so much, guys. This is fun.
- Thank you.
678
00:38:20,581 --> 00:38:22,450
- Appreciate it, uh...
- We'll do it again.
679
00:38:22,516 --> 00:38:24,118
Ken. See you, Ken.
680
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:31,692
Who the fuck let that kook in here?
I mean, come on. Coupons? Coupons?
681
00:38:31,759 --> 00:38:33,928
Dealing with
national security, terrorism,
682
00:38:33,994 --> 00:38:36,363
and this nutbag
is babbling on about coupons.
683
00:38:36,430 --> 00:38:37,698
I can't... just... here.
684
00:38:37,765 --> 00:38:41,602
Why don't we let that shit
get lost in DC?
685
00:38:43,637 --> 00:38:45,072
This is Ken Miller.
686
00:38:45,139 --> 00:38:48,442
Salt lake city referred
my coupon case to hq.
687
00:38:48,509 --> 00:38:52,680
Uh, whether I gotta fax or email or
what have you, uh, you let me know,
688
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:56,050
'cause I would love to get in touch
with, uh, you guys and gals,
689
00:38:56,117 --> 00:38:57,952
whoever's working the beat.
690
00:38:58,018 --> 00:39:00,087
All right. Ken Miller.
691
00:39:05,793 --> 00:39:07,595
- Looking for someone?
- I was told to find
692
00:39:07,661 --> 00:39:10,064
the lowest rung on the ladder.
Is that you?
693
00:39:16,036 --> 00:39:17,705
- This is for you.
- Thank you.
694
00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:18,773
Mm-hmm.
695
00:39:44,598 --> 00:39:46,834
- Nice truck!
- Nice new house!
696
00:39:46,901 --> 00:39:49,937
- So big!
- Thank you.
697
00:39:50,004 --> 00:39:51,806
Had to rent it for the business.
698
00:39:51,872 --> 00:39:55,442
Uh, just leaving
message number umpteenth.
699
00:39:55,509 --> 00:39:57,745
Uh, hoping y'all are gonna
give me a call back.
700
00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,748
I am sitting here waiting.
I think you know my number by now.
701
00:40:00,815 --> 00:40:02,917
Okay, what's with all
the free fucking coupons?
702
00:40:11,525 --> 00:40:12,660
Hey, this is Ken Miller.
703
00:40:12,726 --> 00:40:14,562
I... shit.
704
00:40:14,628 --> 00:40:17,498
I just spilled some coffee.
I'm gonna call you guys back.
705
00:40:20,935 --> 00:40:24,205
This is Ken.
Just checking in again.
706
00:40:24,271 --> 00:40:26,740
Um, Miller, it's Ken Miller.
707
00:40:26,807 --> 00:40:29,777
The "i" still stands for
investigation, right?
708
00:40:39,687 --> 00:40:42,656
- It's been six months!
- I know.
709
00:40:42,723 --> 00:40:47,761
Today's the day we finally
get to spend our money!
710
00:40:47,828 --> 00:40:50,831
I know. Hey, I added up
everything in all of our accounts.
711
00:40:50,898 --> 00:40:52,666
- Mm-hmm.
- You wanna know what we've got?
712
00:40:54,568 --> 00:40:57,104
- 5,230,000...
- What?
713
00:40:57,171 --> 00:40:58,772
And 55 cents.
714
00:40:58,839 --> 00:41:00,241
- We're millionaires!
- I know!
715
00:41:00,307 --> 00:41:03,077
We're filthy fucking rich!
716
00:41:03,143 --> 00:41:05,512
- ♪ Hey, dirty ♪
- what?
717
00:41:05,579 --> 00:41:08,515
♪ Baby, I got your money
don't you worry ♪
718
00:41:08,582 --> 00:41:09,984
- ♪ I said hey ♪
- sing it!
719
00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:14,622
♪ Baby, I got your money
hey dirty ♪
720
00:41:14,688 --> 00:41:17,591
♪ baby, I got your money
don't you worry ♪
721
00:41:17,658 --> 00:41:19,093
- Hey.
- Wait. Dirty.
722
00:41:19,159 --> 00:41:22,162
Didn't tempe Tina say
that all the money is dirty?
723
00:41:22,229 --> 00:41:25,099
- What?
- We still have to clean it.
724
00:41:26,300 --> 00:41:27,735
Fuck!
725
00:41:27,801 --> 00:41:30,938
Did she? Wha... call her ass up.
726
00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:36,744
We're sorry.
You have reached a number
727
00:41:36,810 --> 00:41:39,613
that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
728
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:40,848
If you feel you have re...
729
00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:42,983
Think she's using
a burner phone?
730
00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:45,319
What do we do now?
I'm a multimillionaire
731
00:41:45,386 --> 00:41:46,987
and I can't spend
any of my money?
732
00:41:47,054 --> 00:41:48,255
That's fucking bullshit.
733
00:41:48,322 --> 00:41:50,257
Wait a minute.
734
00:41:50,324 --> 00:41:52,326
- Rick.
- What about him?
735
00:41:53,394 --> 00:41:55,296
Rick is always griping to me
736
00:41:55,362 --> 00:41:57,765
about how these different
companies hide their money.
737
00:41:57,831 --> 00:42:00,868
They funnel money through, like,
offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands.
738
00:42:00,935 --> 00:42:03,304
Honestly, I try to tune out
all of the audit talk,
739
00:42:03,370 --> 00:42:08,142
but there was this one story about this
comptroller guy in Tacoma, Washington,
740
00:42:08,208 --> 00:42:10,077
who embezzled $25 million.
741
00:42:10,144 --> 00:42:14,281
And the only reason I remember
is because his name was guy rich.
742
00:42:14,348 --> 00:42:16,150
- Guy rich?
- That's what I said.
743
00:42:16,216 --> 00:42:18,052
Rick was like, "yeah."
744
00:42:18,118 --> 00:42:22,356
Anyway, he said that guy's
stupidity actually helped him.
745
00:42:22,423 --> 00:42:24,834
'Cause he didn't know anything
about the Cayman Islands account.
746
00:42:24,858 --> 00:42:27,895
So what he did instead
was bought a bunch of stuff.
747
00:42:27,962 --> 00:42:29,863
And then he went out
and sold it,
748
00:42:29,930 --> 00:42:33,600
and whatever he made
from selling it was clean.
749
00:42:33,667 --> 00:42:36,870
Jojo, we need to get all of our money
out of these different bank accounts,
750
00:42:36,937 --> 00:42:40,607
buy a bunch of expensive stuff
and then sell it.
751
00:42:40,674 --> 00:42:42,743
And all the money
we make from selling it
752
00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:44,244
- will be clean.
- Will be clean.
753
00:42:45,346 --> 00:42:47,348
Okay. All right.
754
00:42:47,414 --> 00:42:50,851
But you can't just walk into a bank
and take out a shitload of money.
755
00:42:51,819 --> 00:42:53,020
Can you?
756
00:42:53,087 --> 00:42:55,856
Ooh. Girl,
we are gonna get you together.
757
00:42:55,923 --> 00:42:57,324
Really?
This dress with that blazer?
758
00:42:57,391 --> 00:43:00,661
Yes! A hundred percent!
Just trust me, okay?
759
00:43:00,728 --> 00:43:02,363
Just let jojo work her magic.
760
00:43:02,429 --> 00:43:03,897
Yes!
761
00:43:25,886 --> 00:43:27,354
Hi. Joseph Johnson, please.
762
00:43:27,421 --> 00:43:29,356
Straight ahead
through that door.
763
00:43:35,763 --> 00:43:37,431
And you must be Melissa.
764
00:43:37,498 --> 00:43:39,666
- Very nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
765
00:43:39,733 --> 00:43:40,877
I'll be honest with you,
Melissa.
766
00:43:40,901 --> 00:43:42,336
I was pretty suspicious
at first.
767
00:43:42,403 --> 00:43:44,438
You moving around
this kind of money.
768
00:43:44,505 --> 00:43:47,207
With this being a border state,
we're extra vigilant, Nancy,
769
00:43:47,274 --> 00:43:49,943
because we're dealing with
some pretty dangerous people.
770
00:43:50,010 --> 00:43:51,311
Lucky for us, Stephanie,
771
00:43:51,378 --> 00:43:53,380
the financial crimes
enforcement network
772
00:43:53,447 --> 00:43:55,382
has established
dollar amount thresholds
773
00:43:55,449 --> 00:43:56,984
to guard against
money laundering.
774
00:43:57,051 --> 00:43:59,386
But obviously
you're not the cartel.
775
00:43:59,453 --> 00:44:03,991
You're not hiring mules,
smuggling what have you across the border.
776
00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:08,729
No, no. You're just a hardworking,
successful, female entrepreneur.
777
00:44:08,796 --> 00:44:13,267
Now, your business.
What is back-2-black exactly?
778
00:44:13,333 --> 00:44:16,403
It's a cosmetics line
779
00:44:16,470 --> 00:44:18,972
for... people of color.
780
00:44:20,174 --> 00:44:22,042
People of color?
781
00:44:22,476 --> 00:44:23,477
Huh.
782
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:30,751
Well, if there's a demand,
why not you?
783
00:44:30,818 --> 00:44:33,978
Hey, Barbara, we're gonna need some help
carrying Ms. Russell's money over here.
784
00:44:35,956 --> 00:44:38,158
Let's go get you your money.
785
00:44:38,225 --> 00:44:40,127
Will hundreds be a problem?
786
00:44:41,962 --> 00:44:43,230
Super-duper.
787
00:44:48,168 --> 00:44:49,436
Oh, my god.
788
00:44:49,503 --> 00:44:51,371
- Look at all this money.
- I know.
789
00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:53,440
How are we gonna clean it all?
790
00:44:53,507 --> 00:44:57,311
You know we gotta go shopping.
What would a guy buy with all this cash?
791
00:44:57,377 --> 00:44:59,813
Yeah. Like, what would Rick buy?
792
00:45:05,352 --> 00:45:07,321
What's up? I'm kind of
in the middle of something.
793
00:45:07,387 --> 00:45:09,256
Hey, quick question.
794
00:45:10,290 --> 00:45:14,361
What would I buy
if money was no object?
795
00:45:14,428 --> 00:45:17,030
Why are you asking me?
You know what, doesn't matter.
796
00:45:17,097 --> 00:45:20,767
I guess I would buy
a lamborghini.
797
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,562
And finally,
the lamborghini urus
798
00:45:48,629 --> 00:45:51,165
merges the soul of a sports car
799
00:45:51,231 --> 00:45:53,433
with the functionality
of an SUV.
800
00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:56,270
You truly can't call yourself
a real American
801
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:59,139
till you've been behind the
wheel of a marathon coach
802
00:45:59,206 --> 00:46:01,942
- built on a prevost chassis.
- How much for this one?
803
00:46:02,009 --> 00:46:05,846
This beauty
is priced at $265,000.
804
00:46:05,913 --> 00:46:07,581
Oh, uh, don't forget the boat.
805
00:46:07,648 --> 00:46:09,283
Oh, yeah. How much for the boat?
806
00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:11,451
What do you say, ladies?
Which one do you want?
807
00:46:12,653 --> 00:46:13,921
We'll take them all.
808
00:46:25,065 --> 00:46:28,135
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
809
00:46:35,475 --> 00:46:40,280
You know, every a&g store in america
is affected as well, so I hear ya.
810
00:46:40,347 --> 00:46:41,982
- I hear ya.
- Do you, Ken?
811
00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:43,483
Do you understand
the trickle-down
812
00:46:43,550 --> 00:46:46,019
if corporations like us
don't make money?
813
00:46:46,086 --> 00:46:49,289
We can't pay taxes. Then suddenly
the roads aren't getting fixed.
814
00:46:49,356 --> 00:46:51,425
Teachers are losing their jobs.
815
00:46:51,491 --> 00:46:54,261
Before you know it, John q.
Public is getting mugged at gunpoint,
816
00:46:54,328 --> 00:46:55,996
- maybe gang-raped.
- Uh...
817
00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:58,165
And where are the cops?
There are no more cops.
818
00:46:58,232 --> 00:46:59,499
Okay, Craig, I...
819
00:47:00,100 --> 00:47:01,568
Oh, 7:00 A.M.
820
00:47:01,635 --> 00:47:03,937
Yeah, one sec, Craig.
I gotta call you back.
821
00:47:04,004 --> 00:47:05,606
We're
supposed to be the good guys here,
822
00:47:05,672 --> 00:47:07,608
giving everybody
a great deal. Shit...
823
00:47:07,674 --> 00:47:11,411
Yeah. Hey, you know, bill, I...
I actually got another call coming in.
824
00:47:11,478 --> 00:47:13,080
I'm going to switch over, okay?
825
00:47:13,146 --> 00:47:15,115
It's a goddamn priority
we find out who...
826
00:47:16,250 --> 00:47:17,951
Hello?
827
00:47:18,018 --> 00:47:19,620
Oh, hi. Yes,
I'm calling for Ken Miller.
828
00:47:19,686 --> 00:47:21,154
Speaking.
829
00:47:21,221 --> 00:47:23,390
Ken, hi.
My name is Albert Anderson.
830
00:47:23,457 --> 00:47:25,537
I'm calling from the federal
bureau of investigations
831
00:47:25,592 --> 00:47:27,894
about your counterfeit
coupon case.
832
00:47:27,961 --> 00:47:30,330
Thank god you're calling me.
Hey, wait a sec.
833
00:47:30,397 --> 00:47:34,935
I have been calling you guys,
leaving messages ad nauseam,
834
00:47:35,002 --> 00:47:36,713
and here you are,
finally getting back to me.
835
00:47:36,737 --> 00:47:38,572
This is "real soon"?
Let me tell you what.
836
00:47:38,639 --> 00:47:41,341
We need boots on the ground
asap right now. Okay, bud?
837
00:47:41,408 --> 00:47:42,943
Uh,
838
00:47:43,010 --> 00:47:45,212
I'm an intelligence analyst
839
00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:49,049
working out of
a sub-subbasement.
840
00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:52,252
My field experience
is literally zero.
841
00:47:52,319 --> 00:47:55,322
Yeah, that sounds about right.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
842
00:47:55,389 --> 00:47:59,226
Unfortunately, no. But I am calling
you because I think I can help.
843
00:47:59,293 --> 00:48:02,029
Yeah, don't...
Don't let me stop ya.
844
00:48:02,095 --> 00:48:03,964
Give me
the master plan here, bub.
845
00:48:04,031 --> 00:48:07,401
Okay, uh, well, this savvy
super saver website.
846
00:48:07,467 --> 00:48:10,337
Now, the interface
is complete amateur hour,
847
00:48:10,404 --> 00:48:13,073
but the problem
is with the site's back end.
848
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,575
I've used every possible tool
at my disposal
849
00:48:15,642 --> 00:48:17,644
and I am meeting
nothing but dead ends.
850
00:48:17,711 --> 00:48:19,579
The ip address is untraceable,
851
00:48:19,646 --> 00:48:22,349
there's no analytics,
no cookie trails.
852
00:48:23,350 --> 00:48:25,218
Guess what I'm trying
to say is...
853
00:48:26,219 --> 00:48:29,156
None of it really adds up.
854
00:48:29,222 --> 00:48:32,359
Okay, so how's that
supposed to help me, Albert?
855
00:48:32,426 --> 00:48:36,163
Oh, well, I guess it doesn't.
But, um...
856
00:48:36,229 --> 00:48:39,199
The fuck, Albert?
Talking about cookie trails.
857
00:48:39,266 --> 00:48:40,701
I don't know this shit.
858
00:48:40,767 --> 00:48:43,170
Do you realize that
these counterfeit coupons,
859
00:48:43,236 --> 00:48:45,348
tens of thousands of 'em,
have been mailed out all over the country?
860
00:48:45,372 --> 00:48:47,717
- And I'm the one who's supposed to...
- Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
861
00:48:47,741 --> 00:48:49,276
Did you say mail?
862
00:48:49,343 --> 00:48:53,413
Like, postal, snail mail,
not by email?
863
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:57,617
Mail. Like...
Like through the post office.
864
00:48:57,684 --> 00:49:00,754
Okay. Help is on the way.
865
00:49:00,821 --> 00:49:03,490
Yeah, you're gonna have those boots
on the ground within 48 hours.
866
00:49:03,557 --> 00:49:07,627
Okay, so now we're talking.
Now what are we...
867
00:49:07,694 --> 00:49:09,429
And he hung up. Goddamn.
868
00:49:25,445 --> 00:49:26,513
Ken Miller?
869
00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:28,715
Oh, yeah. And you are?
870
00:49:28,782 --> 00:49:31,752
- Simon kilmurry, us postal inspector.
- Oh, with the federal bureau...
871
00:49:31,818 --> 00:49:33,720
Us... sorry, say that again?
872
00:49:33,787 --> 00:49:36,590
I'm with the us postal service.
873
00:49:36,656 --> 00:49:40,460
The postal service? No. No, no.
They said that they were sending the FBI.
874
00:49:40,527 --> 00:49:44,064
This is unacceptable.
They... I...
875
00:49:44,131 --> 00:49:47,067
So what do you do?
You, like, carry mail around or something?
876
00:49:47,134 --> 00:49:51,071
That would be a mailman.
They carry the mail. I carry a gun.
877
00:49:51,138 --> 00:49:54,040
This company, Kimberly-Clark,
878
00:49:54,107 --> 00:49:56,510
issues just under
a thousand of these coupons.
879
00:49:56,576 --> 00:50:01,314
As of this week,
over 15,000 of them have been redeemed.
880
00:50:01,381 --> 00:50:04,117
As if that wasn't bad enough,
we can't tell the difference
881
00:50:04,184 --> 00:50:06,753
between the real,
legitimate coupons and the counterfeits.
882
00:50:06,820 --> 00:50:10,357
Well, I do appreciate you
contacting the FBI,
883
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:13,427
but the postal inspectors
will take it from here.
884
00:50:14,294 --> 00:50:16,129
I appreciate your initiative,
885
00:50:16,196 --> 00:50:18,298
but this is my case. All right?
886
00:50:18,365 --> 00:50:20,233
You're gonna need me
on this one.
887
00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:22,769
You can't just waltz in here
and take the food off my plate.
888
00:50:22,836 --> 00:50:26,406
This is my thing. This is my deal.
Unless you wanna be partners.
889
00:50:26,473 --> 00:50:28,684
- We could be partners on this.
- No. No, we can't be partners.
890
00:50:28,708 --> 00:50:30,710
And you wanna know why
we can't be partners?
891
00:50:30,777 --> 00:50:32,779
'Cause I'm a federal
law enforcement officer.
892
00:50:32,846 --> 00:50:36,383
I carry a firearm, I solve
crimes, and I arrest people.
893
00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:39,619
You're a private citizen who
chases around 15-year-old girls
894
00:50:39,686 --> 00:50:42,656
for lifting packs
of juicy fruit.
895
00:50:42,722 --> 00:50:45,492
That's one thing I do of many.
896
00:50:45,559 --> 00:50:49,463
I-I know coupons.
I live coupons.
897
00:50:49,529 --> 00:50:52,532
So what happened when you tried
to order some off the website?
898
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:54,835
What are you... I didn't.
899
00:50:54,901 --> 00:50:56,203
So you've done nothing?
900
00:50:56,269 --> 00:50:57,471
I did someth...
901
00:50:57,537 --> 00:50:59,673
- I did a lot of things.
- I did...
902
00:50:59,739 --> 00:51:02,209
You know what I did?
Here's what the fuck I did.
903
00:51:02,275 --> 00:51:04,611
I called the FBI, and I said,
"can you help me out?"
904
00:51:04,678 --> 00:51:07,814
They said, "sure, boots on the ground."
And then they brought me a postman.
905
00:51:07,881 --> 00:51:12,319
All right, Ken, I tell you what.
You seem to know a lot about coupons.
906
00:51:12,385 --> 00:51:17,190
So, why don't you order some off the
website, and they'll come in the mail.
907
00:51:17,257 --> 00:51:19,226
And then we can all see
where they're from.
908
00:51:19,292 --> 00:51:23,296
But, uh, just to be clear so
there's good boundaries in place,
909
00:51:23,363 --> 00:51:24,798
we're not partners.
910
00:51:24,865 --> 00:51:28,802
But what
about you making me, uh,
911
00:51:28,869 --> 00:51:31,671
some sort of a deputized
citizen or something?
912
00:51:31,738 --> 00:51:33,573
Just from a placard standpoint.
913
00:51:34,975 --> 00:51:37,577
- A deputized citizen?
- Yeah.
914
00:51:37,644 --> 00:51:39,880
So what am I doing?
Am I forming a posse here?
915
00:51:39,946 --> 00:51:41,915
No, I'm sorry. It's...
916
00:51:42,649 --> 00:51:44,784
What's your action item?
917
00:51:44,851 --> 00:51:48,255
- My... my actionable item?
- What is your action item?
918
00:51:48,321 --> 00:51:51,258
Action item is to order
the coupons off the website.
919
00:51:53,326 --> 00:51:55,929
That's a good I...
That was a good idea too.
920
00:51:59,866 --> 00:52:01,635
Oh, yes.
921
00:52:04,271 --> 00:52:06,373
Guns? No. No way.
922
00:52:06,439 --> 00:52:08,875
Not happening. Never.
923
00:52:08,942 --> 00:52:11,478
We can go to shake baby after
and get a milkshake.
924
00:52:14,314 --> 00:52:16,283
What has the best resale value?
925
00:52:16,349 --> 00:52:18,818
We're looking for
a good investment.
926
00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:21,555
All right, well,
that'd probably be this here.
927
00:52:21,621 --> 00:52:24,858
This is a keltec
ksg tactical shotgun.
928
00:52:24,925 --> 00:52:27,460
It's pump-action. Right?
929
00:52:27,527 --> 00:52:29,829
Now y'all seen John wick, right?
John wick movies?
930
00:52:29,896 --> 00:52:31,765
- Yes. Absolutely.
- Yeah, yeah.
931
00:52:31,831 --> 00:52:33,376
There ain't
no better commercial for a gun
932
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:34,834
than a John wick movie.
933
00:52:34,901 --> 00:52:38,838
The moment Keanu
used this sexy bad boy,
934
00:52:38,905 --> 00:52:40,874
the price just went
straight through the roof.
935
00:52:40,941 --> 00:52:43,343
Is it cheaper
if we buy them in bulk?
936
00:52:47,514 --> 00:52:49,583
- Ah.
- Mmm.
937
00:52:50,383 --> 00:52:51,718
Mmm.
938
00:52:51,785 --> 00:52:53,520
That probably shouldn't
have been that easy.
939
00:53:02,662 --> 00:53:04,531
Champagne?
940
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:18,545
Oh. Ah!
941
00:53:19,012 --> 00:53:20,347
Oh, yeah!
942
00:53:20,413 --> 00:53:22,682
- Coupons! Coupons!
- Coupons! Coupons!
943
00:53:29,889 --> 00:53:31,491
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
944
00:53:31,558 --> 00:53:33,638
What are you going to do
with your half of the money?
945
00:53:33,693 --> 00:53:35,362
Oh, okay.
946
00:53:35,428 --> 00:53:37,430
Um, I'm gonna pay off
mama Josie's mortgage...
947
00:53:37,497 --> 00:53:39,666
- Mmm, mm-hmm.
- Hire her a live-in housekeeper,
948
00:53:39,733 --> 00:53:41,935
and then, I don't know.
949
00:53:42,002 --> 00:53:45,271
I wanna go somewhere exotic.
Like somewhere with a beach.
950
00:53:45,338 --> 00:53:46,840
- You know?
- Mmm.
951
00:53:46,906 --> 00:53:48,718
What about you?
What are you gonna do with your share?
952
00:53:48,742 --> 00:53:50,777
Well...
953
00:53:52,479 --> 00:53:54,814
- Okay. You want to hear something crazy?
- Always.
954
00:53:54,881 --> 00:53:58,952
I made an appointment
at the fertility clinic.
955
00:54:00,453 --> 00:54:02,288
And I know it's a long shot,
956
00:54:02,355 --> 00:54:04,691
but I just figured, why not?
You know?
957
00:54:04,758 --> 00:54:07,994
Yeah, okay.
Uh... what did Rick say?
958
00:54:08,695 --> 00:54:10,330
I didn't tell Rick.
959
00:54:11,064 --> 00:54:12,932
I was kinda hoping
you'd go with me.
960
00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:17,671
Connie. Of course!
You know I gotta go.
961
00:54:17,737 --> 00:54:19,806
- You will?
- Yes!
962
00:54:19,873 --> 00:54:22,518
'Cause when this little girl asks her
auntie jojo the story of her life,
963
00:54:22,542 --> 00:54:25,845
I'm gonna say, "girl,
this all started with a coupon."
964
00:54:27,647 --> 00:54:32,752
Okay, so what we got here
is a address for a pet store,
965
00:54:32,819 --> 00:54:34,054
a petco in Kansas.
966
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:35,622
I Google mapped it.
967
00:54:35,689 --> 00:54:38,091
The nearest airport
is Kansas City, Missouri.
968
00:54:38,158 --> 00:54:41,695
So I took the Liberty of booking us
a little red-eye flight over there.
969
00:54:41,761 --> 00:54:43,663
Booked us? Okay.
970
00:54:43,730 --> 00:54:46,633
Ken, we are not doing this.
We are not...
971
00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:49,669
Kansas, huh?
Did you check the postage?
972
00:54:49,736 --> 00:54:52,839
- What, like the stamp?
- Well, there is no stamp.
973
00:54:52,906 --> 00:54:55,108
They're using
an online postage service,
974
00:54:55,175 --> 00:54:57,444
which also means
there's no postmark.
975
00:54:57,510 --> 00:55:00,613
- Okay, so...
- Okay, so the zip code on the postmark
976
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:03,349
and the zip code on the return
address, well, they don't match.
977
00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:06,720
So, the return address, well,
that's Kansas, anything starting with 6-6.
978
00:55:06,786 --> 00:55:09,456
And the postage, 8-5-0-1-3,
979
00:55:09,522 --> 00:55:11,691
anything starting with 8-5,
that's Arizona.
980
00:55:11,758 --> 00:55:15,028
And the last three digits,
0-1-3, that's Phoenix.
981
00:55:15,095 --> 00:55:17,097
So screw
what the return address says.
982
00:55:17,163 --> 00:55:18,765
These things were mailed...
983
00:55:18,832 --> 00:55:21,134
Mailed from Phoenix.
That's impressive. Holy shit.
984
00:55:21,201 --> 00:55:22,569
I'm sorry.
985
00:55:22,635 --> 00:55:24,704
Did you actually memorize
the zip code
986
00:55:24,771 --> 00:55:25,915
for every city in the country?
987
00:55:25,939 --> 00:55:28,007
I'm a postal inspector, Ken.
988
00:55:28,074 --> 00:55:30,477
And all things being equal,
989
00:55:30,543 --> 00:55:32,746
the simplest explanation
tends to be the right one.
990
00:55:32,812 --> 00:55:34,447
Oh, my god.
991
00:55:34,514 --> 00:55:35,791
So if those things
were mailed out of Phoenix,
992
00:55:35,815 --> 00:55:37,526
then the criminal outfit
behind these are...
993
00:55:37,550 --> 00:55:38,990
- From Phoenix.
- Also in Phoenix.
994
00:55:39,018 --> 00:55:40,978
Yeah, that's... you gotta
let me in on this thing.
995
00:55:41,020 --> 00:55:43,490
I'm Mr. Phoenix.
I'm there every month.
996
00:55:43,556 --> 00:55:45,925
There's nine a&g stores
in the area. I can help.
997
00:55:45,992 --> 00:55:48,461
- Ken, we've been through it.
- Please, come on.
998
00:55:52,699 --> 00:55:55,168
All right.
I shouldn't be doing this.
999
00:55:55,969 --> 00:55:57,637
- What are you...
- Okay.
1000
00:55:57,704 --> 00:55:59,682
Put your left hand on my badge
and raise your right hand.
1001
00:55:59,706 --> 00:56:02,575
- Oh, holy shit. Yes, yes, yes. Okay.
- Repeat after me.
1002
00:56:02,642 --> 00:56:04,644
I, Ken Miller,
do solemnly swear...
1003
00:56:04,711 --> 00:56:06,713
I, Ken Miller,
do solemnly swear...
1004
00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:08,181
That I'm being fucked with.
1005
00:56:08,248 --> 00:56:10,917
That I'm being...
Oh, fuck you, man. Come on!
1006
00:56:10,984 --> 00:56:12,595
- What did you think was gonna happen?
- I don't know.
1007
00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:15,097
I don't have the power to make you a
deputy on anything. We've talked about it.
1008
00:56:15,121 --> 00:56:17,957
Thought you might give me a chance.
I thought maybe you would...
1009
00:56:18,024 --> 00:56:20,460
Okay, listen. Y-You're right.
1010
00:56:20,527 --> 00:56:24,831
Fifteen years I've spent tracking lowlifes
shoving shit in their pockets. I get it.
1011
00:56:24,898 --> 00:56:28,468
But it's a real case. I... I...
1012
00:56:28,535 --> 00:56:31,604
I thought you'd give me a chance at
doing something that actually mattered.
1013
00:56:33,873 --> 00:56:36,676
I... oh, shit.
1014
00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:38,912
Maybe you can help.
1015
00:56:38,978 --> 00:56:40,556
You do know Phoenix,
and you already gave me
1016
00:56:40,580 --> 00:56:42,057
a really good lead
with those coupons.
1017
00:56:42,081 --> 00:56:43,983
And I don't want you
to feel bad.
1018
00:56:44,050 --> 00:56:46,186
Atf, DEA, FBI,
1019
00:56:46,252 --> 00:56:48,955
most of those assholes would already
be on a plane to Kansas by now.
1020
00:56:50,123 --> 00:56:51,858
But you can't cheat the mail.
1021
00:56:51,925 --> 00:56:53,760
And you can't cheat father time.
1022
00:56:53,827 --> 00:56:57,130
There is a price to pay for all
your training over the years.
1023
00:56:57,197 --> 00:57:01,801
- I hate to say it.
- This is... your last shot.
1024
00:57:03,770 --> 00:57:05,171
Well...
1025
00:57:05,238 --> 00:57:07,640
I'm egg-cited to give it a go.
1026
00:57:07,707 --> 00:57:11,044
Egg humor.
Well, here's one for you.
1027
00:57:11,110 --> 00:57:12,612
Uh, last time we tried this,
1028
00:57:12,679 --> 00:57:16,082
your average yield
was only four or five eggs.
1029
00:57:16,149 --> 00:57:18,251
Whew. Damn, girl.
1030
00:57:18,318 --> 00:57:20,620
But the good news
is that we still have
1031
00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:22,755
some of Rick's sperm
from last time. So...
1032
00:57:22,822 --> 00:57:26,092
Uh, do we have to use his sperm?
1033
00:57:27,660 --> 00:57:30,263
Well, no, but...
1034
00:57:30,330 --> 00:57:33,166
I mean, he is your husband.
1035
00:57:34,567 --> 00:57:36,903
Yeah, I think
we'd like to shop around.
1036
00:57:36,970 --> 00:57:39,973
- Okay, so there's no photos?
- No photos.
1037
00:57:40,039 --> 00:57:41,919
- It feels like a huge flaw in the system.
- Aw.
1038
00:57:41,975 --> 00:57:45,178
- What about that one?
- Oh. Well, let's take a closer look.
1039
00:57:50,016 --> 00:57:51,651
Geez.
1040
00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:54,888
This donor was very active.
We have over 400 vials.
1041
00:57:55,855 --> 00:57:57,523
- 400?
- Yeah.
1042
00:57:57,590 --> 00:57:59,225
6'2", high IQ,
1043
00:57:59,292 --> 00:58:01,561
- extremely high motility levels.
- Ooh.
1044
00:58:01,628 --> 00:58:03,630
His little guys
are like olympic swimmers.
1045
00:58:03,696 --> 00:58:05,832
- Olympic?
- Uh-huh.
1046
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,967
Hello, Mr. Baby batter.
1047
00:58:08,034 --> 00:58:10,837
You know what?
1048
00:58:10,904 --> 00:58:13,640
I bet a lot of women can't
afford high-quality sperm.
1049
00:58:13,706 --> 00:58:16,075
We could get it to
them at a discount price.
1050
00:58:16,142 --> 00:58:17,977
Do you take cash?
1051
00:58:24,284 --> 00:58:27,887
Did we just spend $330,000
on one man's sperm?
1052
00:58:30,156 --> 00:58:33,036
You know, I bet we'll be the first
people to launder money selling semen.
1053
00:58:33,092 --> 00:58:34,594
Right?
1054
00:58:34,661 --> 00:58:36,562
I don't know.
1055
00:58:36,629 --> 00:58:38,731
Getting a call from Switzerland.
1056
00:58:38,798 --> 00:58:39,832
Weird.
1057
00:58:40,633 --> 00:58:41,834
Hello?
1058
00:58:43,169 --> 00:58:44,837
Oh, hey, Tina.
1059
00:58:44,904 --> 00:58:46,306
Are... are you in Switzerland?
1060
00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:49,776
Oh, no, right. You're here.
1061
00:58:49,842 --> 00:58:51,277
Oh, you're here, here.
1062
00:58:51,344 --> 00:58:54,080
Yeah, okay.
Uh, we'll be out in a jiff.
1063
00:58:56,049 --> 00:58:57,050
- She's here.
- Oh.
1064
00:59:05,391 --> 00:59:07,860
Tempe, juicy fruit?
1065
00:59:18,004 --> 00:59:20,807
Any idea
why I brought you guys here?
1066
00:59:20,873 --> 00:59:21,941
- No.
- No.
1067
00:59:22,008 --> 00:59:23,910
Where the fuck
is all your money?
1068
00:59:24,744 --> 00:59:26,879
- Oh, that. We...
- Oh.
1069
00:59:26,946 --> 00:59:29,649
- Um, relax.
- Girl, we got it.
1070
00:59:29,716 --> 00:59:31,918
We took care of everything.
I mean, we're self-starters.
1071
00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:34,721
- We're queenpins. Remember you said?
- That's who you're looking at.
1072
00:59:34,787 --> 00:59:36,222
- You said it.
- "Queenpins."
1073
00:59:36,289 --> 00:59:37,657
We're cleaning it!
1074
00:59:37,724 --> 00:59:41,060
Okay. And, uh,
why are you cleaning it?
1075
00:59:41,127 --> 00:59:45,198
- Because it's... dirty.
- It's dirty, Tina.
1076
00:59:45,264 --> 00:59:48,768
You don't have any dirty money.
Do you know why?
1077
00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:52,705
'Cause your front company
back-2-black's sole purpose
1078
00:59:52,772 --> 00:59:54,240
is to clean your money.
1079
00:59:54,307 --> 00:59:57,210
So, you're...
You're telling us that w...
1080
00:59:58,478 --> 00:59:59,512
- Wait.
- That we don't...
1081
00:59:59,579 --> 01:00:01,914
- All the fucking money is already clean?
- Oh, my god.
1082
01:00:01,981 --> 01:00:03,783
I'm just, like, over you guys.
1083
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:05,852
- Can I be honest?
- Yeah.
1084
01:00:05,918 --> 01:00:07,796
- I wish you would've let me write...
- That's what I'm saying.
1085
01:00:07,820 --> 01:00:09,832
You didn't let her write it
down, so we didn't know.
1086
01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:12,325
I asked for a pad. You said it was dirty.
I got home. I...
1087
01:00:12,392 --> 01:00:14,927
All right. You're gonna go to
the bank every couple of days.
1088
01:00:14,994 --> 01:00:17,063
Just take the money
in small increments. Okay?
1089
01:00:17,130 --> 01:00:18,774
And put it in the bank
in small increments.
1090
01:00:18,798 --> 01:00:20,666
Can you do that?
And not fuck that up?
1091
01:00:20,733 --> 01:00:23,036
We can...
That's something we can totally do.
1092
01:00:23,102 --> 01:00:25,171
- We St...
- We, um...
1093
01:00:25,238 --> 01:00:28,141
We still have
some of it left, but...
1094
01:00:29,142 --> 01:00:30,877
We bought a few things.
1095
01:00:31,411 --> 01:00:33,413
A few things?
1096
01:00:33,479 --> 01:00:37,683
You guys said a few things.
This is not a few things.
1097
01:00:37,750 --> 01:00:41,220
This is a big red flag.
You need to sell this shit now.
1098
01:00:41,287 --> 01:00:42,922
Okay. Yeah.
1099
01:00:42,989 --> 01:00:44,457
We also bought a bunch of guns.
1100
01:00:44,524 --> 01:00:47,393
Guns?
Where are you gonna sell guns?
1101
01:00:48,428 --> 01:00:50,029
We're gonna figure that out.
1102
01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:52,165
Or eBay.
1103
01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,134
- Or eBay.
- Was my first thought.
1104
01:00:56,436 --> 01:00:58,805
There's nothing more
important than the mail, Ken.
1105
01:00:58,871 --> 01:01:02,175
People put pen to paper
with their innermost thoughts.
1106
01:01:02,241 --> 01:01:05,111
And then they seal it in an
envelope, and they put a stamp on it.
1107
01:01:05,178 --> 01:01:07,413
They trust us with their
secrets, and we deliver.
1108
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:09,015
Yeah, no, I guess...
1109
01:01:09,082 --> 01:01:11,417
I have a hard time
believing anybody gives a hoot
1110
01:01:11,484 --> 01:01:13,719
when they get a letter
in the mail.
1111
01:01:13,786 --> 01:01:16,089
Yeah.
1112
01:01:22,261 --> 01:01:26,299
I have a feeling
that Leo f. Sullivan
1113
01:01:26,365 --> 01:01:28,734
gave a hoot about getting
a letter in the mail.
1114
01:01:32,839 --> 01:01:35,942
Marked October 16th, 1918.
1115
01:01:39,378 --> 01:01:41,280
"Dear Mary,
1116
01:01:41,347 --> 01:01:44,217
I received two of your
letters a couple weeks ago,
1117
01:01:44,283 --> 01:01:47,019
and they brought the usual
amount of good cheer.
1118
01:01:47,086 --> 01:01:50,223
Those letters made the trip
with me to the front,
1119
01:01:50,289 --> 01:01:54,127
and now all I have to do
is put my hand in my pocket,
1120
01:01:54,193 --> 01:01:55,761
and there you are.
1121
01:01:55,828 --> 01:01:57,830
I spoke to father Tom holbrook
1122
01:01:57,897 --> 01:02:00,766
about my big desire within
to return to you
1123
01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:05,338
and the ache in my heart to meet our
little Irene and hold her in my arms.
1124
01:02:06,172 --> 01:02:07,874
I took my last confession
1125
01:02:07,940 --> 01:02:10,977
and now head out to battle
with a clear conscience
1126
01:02:11,043 --> 01:02:15,448
and a heart full of thoughts
of you, my dear, sweet Mary.
1127
01:02:15,515 --> 01:02:19,485
"As ever I remain,
Leo f. Sullivan."
1128
01:02:26,592 --> 01:02:29,262
I think some people do care
about getting a letter, Ken.
1129
01:02:31,998 --> 01:02:35,134
- Wait, what? What happened?
- What do you mean what happened?
1130
01:02:35,201 --> 01:02:36,536
Did he make it?
1131
01:02:36,602 --> 01:02:39,805
You know, did he, um...
Did he survive the battle?
1132
01:02:39,872 --> 01:02:42,108
Doesn't matter if Leo made
it or Leo didn't make it.
1133
01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:45,878
What matters is that the letter survived.
The letter made it.
1134
01:02:45,945 --> 01:02:47,980
And it's something
that we take very seriously.
1135
01:02:48,047 --> 01:02:50,950
Yeah, I get that. I just...
1136
01:02:51,017 --> 01:02:53,819
It's hard not to think
about the Sullivan family.
1137
01:02:53,886 --> 01:02:56,956
What... whatever happened to Mary?
Did she become a widow?
1138
01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:59,058
Ken. Ken, it was
a hundred years ago.
1139
01:02:59,125 --> 01:03:00,960
All the sullivans
are probably dead.
1140
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:04,063
I wonder.
Did he ever get to hold Irene?
1141
01:03:04,130 --> 01:03:06,299
Are these relatives
of yours? Are they...
1142
01:03:06,365 --> 01:03:08,968
I think we're all related
in some ways. Don't you, Ken?
1143
01:03:09,969 --> 01:03:10,970
Hmm?
1144
01:03:12,104 --> 01:03:13,839
Welcome to Phoenix.
1145
01:03:13,906 --> 01:03:17,610
5,000 square miles of hot-as-shit
desert, suburban sprawl.
1146
01:03:17,677 --> 01:03:20,613
Yeah, well, some haystacks
are bigger than others,
1147
01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:22,982
but the bad guys are out there.
1148
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,383
Trouble for them,
1149
01:03:24,450 --> 01:03:27,286
they decided to do bad things
through the mail.
1150
01:03:27,353 --> 01:03:29,855
Now we're gonna handle this
the post office way.
1151
01:03:29,922 --> 01:03:32,124
Yeah, I kinda wish you
hadn't read me that letter.
1152
01:03:32,191 --> 01:03:34,994
I can't stop thinking
if that guy survived or not.
1153
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:37,230
Oh, Ken, you're missing
the point of it.
1154
01:03:37,296 --> 01:03:41,167
Where the temperature is
currently 89 degrees, southwest winds...
1155
01:04:10,429 --> 01:04:13,399
Hey. What's going on
around here?
1156
01:04:15,968 --> 01:04:18,037
Did we get a new TV?
1157
01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,374
I can't get anything past you.
1158
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,175
It was supposed to be
a surprise.
1159
01:04:23,242 --> 01:04:26,312
You know,
you telling me to get a job
1160
01:04:26,379 --> 01:04:29,115
was exactly the push I needed
to realize I could do better.
1161
01:04:29,181 --> 01:04:31,584
So I marched out there,
and I got a job.
1162
01:04:31,651 --> 01:04:33,586
A job doing what?
1163
01:04:33,653 --> 01:04:36,555
Sales.
Just a boring old sales job.
1164
01:04:36,622 --> 01:04:39,425
You know, filling orders
and stuffing envelopes mostly.
1165
01:04:39,492 --> 01:04:42,261
And the couponing?
What's going on with that?
1166
01:04:42,328 --> 01:04:44,463
Oh, I don't use coupons anymore.
1167
01:04:44,530 --> 01:04:45,464
You're shitting me.
1168
01:04:45,531 --> 01:04:47,166
I hope you don't mind.
1169
01:04:47,233 --> 01:04:49,969
I used my first paycheck
to buy you your 4k TV.
1170
01:04:50,036 --> 01:04:52,371
Why would I mind? I mean...
1171
01:04:52,438 --> 01:04:56,175
Got a brand-new TV
and a brand-new wife.
1172
01:04:58,377 --> 01:05:01,047
Yep. Connie 2.0.
1173
01:05:01,113 --> 01:05:02,281
Enjoy.
1174
01:05:05,017 --> 01:05:07,337
Are you sure you don't wanna
discuss this with your husband
1175
01:05:07,386 --> 01:05:09,322
before I implant the embryos?
1176
01:05:09,388 --> 01:05:11,557
Remember,
I can't UN-bake the cake.
1177
01:05:11,624 --> 01:05:14,193
Dude. It's her body.
It's her choice.
1178
01:05:15,728 --> 01:05:17,163
No.
1179
01:05:17,229 --> 01:05:19,365
We didn't use
any of his ingredients.
1180
01:05:19,432 --> 01:05:21,701
He doesn't deserve
a piece of my cake.
1181
01:05:21,767 --> 01:05:25,304
You all know Ken
Miller, the store's lpo.
1182
01:05:25,371 --> 01:05:28,507
And with him is Simon kilmurry.
1183
01:05:28,574 --> 01:05:30,743
He's an FBI agent
who wants to ask you...
1184
01:05:30,810 --> 01:05:33,179
- A postal inspector.
- What's that?
1185
01:05:33,245 --> 01:05:35,348
I'm a us postal inspector.
1186
01:05:35,414 --> 01:05:39,251
Oh. He's a postal inspector,
whatever that means.
1187
01:05:39,318 --> 01:05:42,388
We're just looking for any customers
with strange coupon habits,
1188
01:05:42,455 --> 01:05:46,992
any irregular coupon activity,
uh, frequency of use,
1189
01:05:47,059 --> 01:05:50,363
any customers who have
unusually high savings.
1190
01:05:50,429 --> 01:05:53,999
First of all, people literally
forget you're even a human being.
1191
01:05:54,066 --> 01:05:57,136
Then she's gonna lecture me on how
plastic bags are killing our planet
1192
01:05:57,203 --> 01:05:59,238
like I'm the asshole
who invented plastic.
1193
01:05:59,305 --> 01:06:02,174
We call her the "oh, wait.
I have a coupon" lady
1194
01:06:02,241 --> 01:06:06,145
'cause she only remembers she has a
coupon in her hand after she's paid.
1195
01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:09,215
We call him "Mr. Bullshit" 'cause he
makes you check in the back for stuff.
1196
01:06:09,281 --> 01:06:14,153
And every time we tell him we're out,
he always screams out, "bullshit!" Yeah.
1197
01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:17,123
Well, I guess that's it.
Hope it helps.
1198
01:06:17,189 --> 01:06:19,692
Oh, wait.
We do have one other cashier.
1199
01:06:19,759 --> 01:06:22,695
I call her
the "crazy coupon lady."
1200
01:06:22,762 --> 01:06:25,197
Got this smile
plastered across her face,
1201
01:06:25,264 --> 01:06:28,300
ridiculous amount of coupons
in her hand every time.
1202
01:06:28,367 --> 01:06:32,405
And, of course, everybody's backed
up, waiting, waiting, waiting.
1203
01:06:32,471 --> 01:06:36,575
And they're getting pissed
at me. At me!
1204
01:06:36,642 --> 01:06:38,210
- And the worst part...
- Okay.
1205
01:06:38,277 --> 01:06:40,713
She had this fucking
catchphrase, okay,
1206
01:06:40,780 --> 01:06:44,750
this little saying she would spew
at me every time before she left.
1207
01:06:44,817 --> 01:06:46,519
"Watch the pennies,
1208
01:06:46,585 --> 01:06:48,397
"blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah." And I'm like...
1209
01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:50,456
I'm sorry, I gotta
back you up there.
1210
01:06:50,523 --> 01:06:52,458
Did you say... was the phrase,
1211
01:06:52,525 --> 01:06:56,162
"watch the pennies, and then the
dollars will take care of themselves"?
1212
01:06:56,796 --> 01:06:59,098
Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it.
1213
01:06:59,165 --> 01:07:01,467
Okay, we're connecting then now.
We're connecting here.
1214
01:07:01,534 --> 01:07:04,214
So let me ask you this. What is her name?
What is this woman's name?
1215
01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:05,847
I don't know her name, man.
I fucking hate her.
1216
01:07:05,871 --> 01:07:08,207
But you've done the transactions.
You see the card.
1217
01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:10,743
- I'm sure you got her name, right?
- Crazy coupon lady.
1218
01:07:10,810 --> 01:07:13,646
- Description. What does she look like?
- She's, like, three feet tall.
1219
01:07:13,712 --> 01:07:15,281
- Call a sketch artist!
- Okay.
1220
01:07:15,347 --> 01:07:17,216
We gotta have somebody
down here.
1221
01:07:17,283 --> 01:07:19,185
Can you stay there for a second?
1222
01:07:19,251 --> 01:07:21,554
Ken, Ken. I'd like to talk
to you for just a minute.
1223
01:07:21,620 --> 01:07:23,656
This is good.
Don't forget the...
1224
01:07:23,722 --> 01:07:25,467
- Remember where we were at.
- Come on. Let's go.
1225
01:07:25,491 --> 01:07:27,226
You can't be screaming at him.
1226
01:07:27,293 --> 01:07:29,495
What did you scream at the
guy, "call a sketch artist"?
1227
01:07:29,562 --> 01:07:32,465
- Yeah, I...
- Who do you think she is, keyser söze?
1228
01:07:32,531 --> 01:07:34,467
Ken, just take it down a notch.
1229
01:07:34,533 --> 01:07:38,571
- Slow it all down. Okay?
- I'm slowing it down,
1230
01:07:38,637 --> 01:07:42,475
and I'm going to slowly tell
you exactly what happened there.
1231
01:07:42,541 --> 01:07:46,712
He gave us the seed that's gonna
become the fucking branches, okay?
1232
01:07:46,779 --> 01:07:48,523
- That lady, that's the gal.
- What does it...
1233
01:07:48,547 --> 01:07:50,749
That's the gal! That phrase.
Did you not hear it?
1234
01:07:50,816 --> 01:07:53,853
"Watch the pennies. Dollars take
care of themselves." That's...
1235
01:07:53,919 --> 01:07:58,624
I mean, that is literally plastered
on the savvy super saver website.
1236
01:08:00,326 --> 01:08:03,496
Okay. Well, that is interesting.
That's helpful.
1237
01:08:04,630 --> 01:08:08,767
And did you know that
your average shopper
1238
01:08:08,834 --> 01:08:13,506
travels 2.27 miles to their
nearest local grocery store?
1239
01:08:13,572 --> 01:08:16,609
- Is that true? Are you right about that?
- Yeah. That's a fact.
1240
01:08:16,675 --> 01:08:19,612
If you are, that means our haystack
just went from 5,000 square miles
1241
01:08:19,678 --> 01:08:21,814
- down to a two-mile radius...
- We're shrinking it.
1242
01:08:21,881 --> 01:08:24,283
And we should get boots
on the ground. Look at me.
1243
01:08:25,451 --> 01:08:28,587
- That's good, Ken. That's great.
- Thanks.
1244
01:08:28,654 --> 01:08:30,556
Now do it without
the screaming, okay?
1245
01:08:30,623 --> 01:08:32,825
It's just passion.
I'm a passionate man.
1246
01:08:32,892 --> 01:08:34,793
You can be passionate
without being an idiot.
1247
01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:41,200
Whew.
1248
01:08:41,267 --> 01:08:43,536
- Hey.
- Hi.
1249
01:08:43,602 --> 01:08:45,271
Ugh, girl, eBay is a bust.
1250
01:08:45,337 --> 01:08:47,540
It's just too much.
I can't sell it fast enough.
1251
01:08:47,606 --> 01:08:51,277
What are we gonna do? It's not like we
can have a yard sale for all this shit.
1252
01:08:56,916 --> 01:08:59,585
We are investigating
a counterfeit coupon ring
1253
01:08:59,652 --> 01:09:03,222
that we believe is operating
somewhere within your postal routes.
1254
01:09:03,289 --> 01:09:05,758
Now, the mail that's being
picked up is primarily envelopes
1255
01:09:05,824 --> 01:09:09,628
with a Kansas return address
and marked "savvy super saver."
1256
01:09:09,695 --> 01:09:14,266
Suspect is a Caucasian female,
late 30s, approximately 5'1".
1257
01:09:14,333 --> 01:09:18,637
One witness described her as overly
cheerful with a superiority complex.
1258
01:09:18,704 --> 01:09:21,907
She may or may not
have accomplices.
1259
01:09:21,974 --> 01:09:25,878
Hey, Earl, what about that gal
you won't stop blabbing about?
1260
01:09:25,945 --> 01:09:28,781
Um, not sure I know
what he's talking about.
1261
01:09:28,847 --> 01:09:31,584
You know, the girl.
She makes all these coupon videos.
1262
01:09:31,650 --> 01:09:33,419
I'm sorry.
Did you say "coupon videos"?
1263
01:09:33,485 --> 01:09:36,822
I don't know
nothing about nobody, uh...
1264
01:09:36,889 --> 01:09:39,592
The girl. Yeah, she lives over
on, uh, Clayton Avenue.
1265
01:09:39,658 --> 01:09:43,395
What's her name? Uh, coco? Jojo?
It's jojo, right? Or is it coco?
1266
01:09:43,462 --> 01:09:46,665
Hold on. You said she's Caucasian?
Whoopsie-Daisy. Never mind.
1267
01:09:46,732 --> 01:09:50,269
She's a black gal.
A black woman. Lady. So...
1268
01:09:51,470 --> 01:09:53,539
Oh, shit. Look.
These open carry dudes.
1269
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:54,807
Hi. Do you have oat milk?
1270
01:09:54,873 --> 01:09:56,442
Oat milk is over there.
1271
01:09:56,508 --> 01:09:58,711
Oh. Maybe they want to buy our guns?
1272
01:09:58,777 --> 01:10:01,847
- Morning. What can I get for you two?
- Hey, what's up, baby?
1273
01:10:01,914 --> 01:10:05,651
- Let me grab a skinny caramel macchiato.
- Connie.
1274
01:10:05,718 --> 01:10:08,954
- Large coffee. Black.
- What are you doing?
1275
01:10:09,021 --> 01:10:10,789
Mmm.
1276
01:10:10,856 --> 01:10:12,324
Nice.
1277
01:10:12,391 --> 01:10:16,996
Couldn't help but notice. Are you
fellas part of some sort of gun club?
1278
01:10:17,062 --> 01:10:19,498
Just practicing
our right to bear arms...
1279
01:10:19,565 --> 01:10:21,500
- Oh, okay.
- While we pick up coffee.
1280
01:10:21,567 --> 01:10:25,738
- I got two macchiatos for Stephanie.
- Oh, that's me.
1281
01:10:25,804 --> 01:10:27,940
- Stephanie. Hiya. And you are?
- Hey.
1282
01:10:28,007 --> 01:10:29,408
I'm rattlesnake.
1283
01:10:30,109 --> 01:10:31,677
That's catchy. Rattlesnake.
1284
01:10:31,744 --> 01:10:33,712
- Sandman.
- That's a good one too.
1285
01:10:35,347 --> 01:10:37,750
Hey, I was wondering...
1286
01:10:37,816 --> 01:10:39,094
We don't know where we're going.
We don't know who these people are.
1287
01:10:39,118 --> 01:10:41,654
Yes, we do. He dropped me a pin.
1288
01:10:41,720 --> 01:10:43,555
- Oh, he dropped you a pin.
- Yeah.
1289
01:10:43,622 --> 01:10:46,058
- So we know... we're good now. That's it.
- Jojo.
1290
01:10:46,125 --> 01:10:49,028
What do you want me to say? It's not
like we can have a yard sale, okay?
1291
01:10:49,094 --> 01:10:52,031
And you just do what you do on your
sales calls, like you taught me.
1292
01:10:52,097 --> 01:10:53,732
You make the customer the hero.
1293
01:10:53,799 --> 01:10:55,401
- The hero?
- Yeah.
1294
01:10:55,467 --> 01:10:57,936
These guys could be kkk,
Aryan brotherhood, anything.
1295
01:10:58,003 --> 01:11:00,039
And you want me
to make them the heroes?
1296
01:11:00,105 --> 01:11:04,076
I highly doubt that, okay?
Did you see what rattlesnake ordered?
1297
01:11:04,143 --> 01:11:06,779
A caramel macchiato
doesn't sound very kkk to me.
1298
01:11:06,845 --> 01:11:10,315
Am I in any kind
of trouble here, or...
1299
01:11:11,116 --> 01:11:14,053
Well, it's kind of
up to you, Earl.
1300
01:11:14,119 --> 01:11:16,088
You gonna dance with the tiger?
1301
01:11:17,056 --> 01:11:19,525
- You gonna play some ball?
- I'm sorry...
1302
01:11:19,591 --> 01:11:22,661
I'm not quite sure who the tiger is that
someone would be dancing with, Earl.
1303
01:11:22,728 --> 01:11:24,530
- Are you?
- No, sir.
1304
01:11:24,596 --> 01:11:26,441
- It's about cooperation.
- Do you mind if I call you Earl?
1305
01:11:26,465 --> 01:11:27,866
Oh, no. No problem.
1306
01:11:27,933 --> 01:11:30,402
Earl, how long have you been
with the post office?
1307
01:11:30,469 --> 01:11:33,539
- Oh, well, it's going on eleven years now.
- Eleven years.
1308
01:11:33,605 --> 01:11:35,116
And have you had
the same route for most of it?
1309
01:11:35,140 --> 01:11:36,942
Oh, yes, sir.
That's how I like it.
1310
01:11:37,009 --> 01:11:40,045
Okay. And probably getting pretty
close to your pension here?
1311
01:11:40,112 --> 01:11:41,680
Oh, you bet. Yes.
1312
01:11:41,747 --> 01:11:43,849
Who's the Earl, girl?
1313
01:11:46,885 --> 01:11:49,655
- Who's the girl, Earl?
- Whoa, am I under arrest here?
1314
01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:52,825
No, you're not under arrest.
God, that was loud. It scared me too.
1315
01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,426
But we need some answers.
1316
01:11:54,493 --> 01:11:57,396
The guy out there is
talking about coupon videos.
1317
01:11:57,463 --> 01:11:59,665
You seem to not know
a darn thing about it.
1318
01:11:59,732 --> 01:12:02,468
That had nothing to...
I don't know what he was talking about.
1319
01:12:02,534 --> 01:12:05,704
You might want to talk to Adam,
'cause I have no idea about any girl...
1320
01:12:05,771 --> 01:12:07,840
- Adam. What's his last name?
- Phillips.
1321
01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:09,842
Adam Phil... two l's?
1322
01:12:09,908 --> 01:12:11,744
You're not giving me
enough here!
1323
01:12:11,810 --> 01:12:13,922
I think it's pretty clear that
Earl doesn't know anything.
1324
01:12:13,946 --> 01:12:16,582
I think your coworker must have
got his signals crossed somehow.
1325
01:12:16,648 --> 01:12:19,985
- Yes, sir.
- Unfortunately, there is one kind
1326
01:12:20,052 --> 01:12:22,154
of uncomfortable question
pertaining to this.
1327
01:12:22,221 --> 01:12:23,522
Yes, sir.
1328
01:12:25,057 --> 01:12:26,725
Have you ever danced
with a tiger?
1329
01:12:28,827 --> 01:12:30,162
It was his joke. It wasn't...
1330
01:12:30,229 --> 01:12:32,898
- Tiger dance.
- What are you... don't dance.
1331
01:12:32,965 --> 01:12:34,933
Anyway, thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
1332
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:37,045
- Sure thing. No problem.
- Sorry about the confusion.
1333
01:12:37,069 --> 01:12:39,338
- Oh, no. It's cool.
- Have a good time out there.
1334
01:12:43,175 --> 01:12:46,879
The hell was that?
I had him on the ropes.
1335
01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:48,990
Screaming at somebody doesn't
make 'em tell you the truth.
1336
01:12:49,014 --> 01:12:51,450
He could've been sweating bullets.
I had him bent, man.
1337
01:12:51,517 --> 01:12:53,786
Let's agree to disagree.
We're gonna go for a ride.
1338
01:13:04,496 --> 01:13:05,664
Hey, Earl!
1339
01:13:05,731 --> 01:13:08,634
Oh, hey!
1340
01:13:08,700 --> 01:13:10,736
There you go. Yeah.
1341
01:13:10,803 --> 01:13:13,515
Uh, that top one right there for jojo
is real, real important, Ms. Johnson.
1342
01:13:13,539 --> 01:13:16,108
Oh, that girl
been up to something.
1343
01:13:16,175 --> 01:13:18,777
You just gotta promise that she
get that letter, Ms. Johnson.
1344
01:13:18,844 --> 01:13:21,847
Oh, yeah, yeah, you the mailman.
Now, I get how this shit works.
1345
01:13:26,919 --> 01:13:28,887
Yeah,
I don't know about that interaction.
1346
01:13:28,954 --> 01:13:31,156
And now
he's just standing there.
1347
01:13:31,223 --> 01:13:35,127
The dmv database lists
two names at 1579 Clayton.
1348
01:13:35,194 --> 01:13:37,830
Josephine Johnson,
60 years of age,
1349
01:13:37,896 --> 01:13:40,566
and Joanna Johnson,
33 years of age.
1350
01:13:40,632 --> 01:13:42,134
Joanna Johnson.
1351
01:13:43,268 --> 01:13:44,970
The fuck's that sound?
1352
01:13:46,238 --> 01:13:49,241
It's 120 degrees.
Car's overheating, and the fan's dying.
1353
01:13:49,308 --> 01:13:53,679
Go ahead. Roll down your windows,
and, uh, I gotta kill the engine here.
1354
01:13:53,745 --> 01:13:56,081
That's no good.
1355
01:13:57,616 --> 01:13:59,751
Ooh. Okay.
1356
01:14:00,786 --> 01:14:06,191
Joanna Johnson.
Joanna John... jj. Jo...
1357
01:14:06,258 --> 01:14:08,894
Oh! Jojo?
1358
01:14:08,961 --> 01:14:12,664
We must be crazy. Oh, my god.
I don't have any cell service. Do you?
1359
01:14:12,731 --> 01:14:16,902
Will you relax? I promise I will
not let anything happen to you.
1360
01:14:16,969 --> 01:14:19,104
You can't promise that.
1361
01:14:19,171 --> 01:14:21,573
You have no idea what
you're asking me to do here.
1362
01:14:21,640 --> 01:14:22,841
I understand.
1363
01:14:22,908 --> 01:14:24,877
No, you do not understand.
1364
01:14:26,144 --> 01:14:30,115
- All right.
- What the fuck is this?
1365
01:14:30,182 --> 01:14:32,117
Okay.
1366
01:14:32,184 --> 01:14:34,720
Wait.
Is that a helicopter? What?
1367
01:14:34,786 --> 01:14:36,755
Talk about a stockpile. Yikes.
1368
01:14:36,822 --> 01:14:38,523
Oh, my god. Is that a missile?
1369
01:14:39,157 --> 01:14:41,560
Okay.
1370
01:14:41,627 --> 01:14:43,271
- We got it.
- All right. Oh, you're gonna get...
1371
01:14:43,295 --> 01:14:45,097
Gentlemen. Thank you. Whoop.
1372
01:14:45,764 --> 01:14:46,932
Oh, sure.
1373
01:14:49,167 --> 01:14:51,236
This is captain pain.
1374
01:14:51,303 --> 01:14:53,739
These are the guns
I was telling you about.
1375
01:14:53,805 --> 01:14:56,174
Captain pain. Connie.
1376
01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:59,144
Stephanie kaminski.
Nice to m... meet you.
1377
01:14:59,211 --> 01:15:01,546
This is a cool place
you guys have.
1378
01:15:05,150 --> 01:15:08,020
- What the fuck is this?
- All right, boys.
1379
01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:10,689
I think you guys love guns as
much as I love guns, right?
1380
01:15:10,756 --> 01:15:14,293
So, uh, like we told
your friend rattlesnake,
1381
01:15:14,359 --> 01:15:16,762
we just happen to have
a surplus in our stockpile.
1382
01:15:16,828 --> 01:15:18,330
- One too many.
- Personal favorite.
1383
01:15:18,397 --> 01:15:20,632
This here is the keltec
pump-action shotgun.
1384
01:15:20,699 --> 01:15:22,334
- Easy, easy.
- It's cool.
1385
01:15:22,401 --> 01:15:24,903
It's not loaded. You can ch...
Connie, just show 'em.
1386
01:15:24,970 --> 01:15:27,906
Easy to handle, quickest reload
on the market. You know, even...
1387
01:15:27,973 --> 01:15:30,309
Do you wanna take
a look at that, sandman?
1388
01:15:30,375 --> 01:15:35,047
- So hot. I'm gonna faint.
- I just found it. It's, uh...
1389
01:15:35,113 --> 01:15:37,082
She says, and I quote,
1390
01:15:37,149 --> 01:15:42,187
"a friend sent a video of an
African-American woman going on and on."
1391
01:15:42,254 --> 01:15:46,258
That woman
was in a coupon video.
1392
01:15:46,325 --> 01:15:49,695
- And all things being equal...
- Uh, the... don't say it.
1393
01:15:49,761 --> 01:15:53,065
"The simplest explanation tends
to be the right one." Yeah.
1394
01:15:53,131 --> 01:15:55,734
- So, where are you, jojo?
- Where are you, jojo?
1395
01:16:06,111 --> 01:16:08,113
No deal.
1396
01:16:08,180 --> 01:16:10,349
- All right. Let's wrap it up. Let's go.
- Wait, wait.
1397
01:16:10,415 --> 01:16:13,018
No. It's just... we thought
the money was dirty, so w...
1398
01:16:13,085 --> 01:16:14,753
What did you say?
1399
01:16:14,820 --> 01:16:16,331
- Whose money's dirty? Our money's dirty?
- Wait!
1400
01:16:16,355 --> 01:16:18,790
- We thought our money...
- What did you just say?
1401
01:16:18,857 --> 01:16:21,893
Don't even... what she meant was,
we came into a bunch of fucking money.
1402
01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:24,096
It doesn't matter how.
1403
01:16:24,162 --> 01:16:26,131
We thought it was dirty.
It was not.
1404
01:16:26,198 --> 01:16:28,518
We bought all these guns,
and now we have to off-load them.
1405
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,068
That's it.
1406
01:16:32,004 --> 01:16:34,006
And we'll give you
a really good discount.
1407
01:16:34,072 --> 01:16:35,707
What kind of discount?
1408
01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:40,879
- Eleven hundred each? Seventy thousand?
- That's retail.
1409
01:16:40,946 --> 01:16:42,423
- That is not retail!
- Get outta here, dude.
1410
01:16:42,447 --> 01:16:43,782
Fifty.
1411
01:16:44,316 --> 01:16:46,818
- Sixty-five.
- Sixty.
1412
01:16:46,885 --> 01:16:49,321
Sixty-five. It's a good deal.
1413
01:16:55,060 --> 01:16:57,796
Okay. You got a deal.
1414
01:16:58,930 --> 01:17:00,198
We'll take 'em all.
1415
01:17:11,777 --> 01:17:13,278
Don't do that. Ken.
1416
01:17:13,345 --> 01:17:14,980
- I'm sorry.
- Don't do that.
1417
01:17:15,947 --> 01:17:17,115
Don't do that.
1418
01:17:20,519 --> 01:17:22,921
Yo, heads up. Heads up.
1419
01:17:23,455 --> 01:17:25,057
Okay.
1420
01:17:25,123 --> 01:17:27,325
Is that her? Is that j...
That's jojo?
1421
01:17:27,392 --> 01:17:29,428
Yeah. Well,
she pulled in the right driveway.
1422
01:17:29,494 --> 01:17:31,963
Well, we'll see
in a minute here.
1423
01:17:35,133 --> 01:17:38,170
Jojo! Jojo! Jojo!
1424
01:17:38,236 --> 01:17:42,207
Jojo! Jojo! Jojo!
1425
01:17:42,274 --> 01:17:44,042
Jojo! Jo...
1426
01:17:44,109 --> 01:17:46,912
Okay. You got a deal.
1427
01:18:01,126 --> 01:18:03,762
What the hell is she doing?
1428
01:18:15,006 --> 01:18:18,143
Happiness is
when what you think, say and do...
1429
01:18:19,478 --> 01:18:21,213
Think that's Joanna Johnson?
1430
01:18:25,183 --> 01:18:27,018
That's jojo.
1431
01:18:27,085 --> 01:18:28,987
Now we just gotta see
who she's working with.
1432
01:18:36,228 --> 01:18:39,865
Wow. That was quite a show.
1433
01:18:42,033 --> 01:18:45,871
Yeah. The hell?
So, okay, now what?
1434
01:18:45,937 --> 01:18:49,274
Now. Now we wait.
1435
01:18:49,841 --> 01:18:50,742
Wait?
1436
01:18:50,809 --> 01:18:52,253
Isn't that what we been doing
all damn day?
1437
01:18:52,277 --> 01:18:56,314
Why don't we just go on her front
lawn, knock on the door and arrest her?
1438
01:18:56,381 --> 01:18:59,251
Arrest her? Arrest her for what?
1439
01:18:59,317 --> 01:19:02,787
For putting on a damn show
in her driveway?
1440
01:19:02,854 --> 01:19:05,257
You know, Ken, you actually
do have to collect evidence.
1441
01:19:05,323 --> 01:19:07,926
Okay, well, if we're gonna
be here all dang night,
1442
01:19:07,993 --> 01:19:11,163
then I'm just gonna pull
my trousers up.
1443
01:19:16,501 --> 01:19:17,869
What's that noise?
1444
01:19:18,270 --> 01:19:19,404
That noise.
1445
01:19:19,471 --> 01:19:22,841
That's the... oh, god.
1446
01:19:22,908 --> 01:19:24,943
Geez. Are you regular?
1447
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,411
Huh?
1448
01:19:26,478 --> 01:19:29,581
Every morning, I shit like clockwork.
1449
01:19:29,648 --> 01:19:32,150
So what is that,
some kind of a shit alarm?
1450
01:19:32,217 --> 01:19:34,052
- No...
- What's with the chimes?
1451
01:19:34,119 --> 01:19:37,088
Yeah, well, the chimes are soothing.
They set things in motion.
1452
01:19:37,155 --> 01:19:39,157
I'm just trying to find
out what's going on.
1453
01:19:39,224 --> 01:19:41,459
- Ma, it's none of your business.
- No, hey, hey!
1454
01:19:41,526 --> 01:19:44,829
I'm not one of
your little friends... ow.
1455
01:19:44,896 --> 01:19:48,099
Oh. Every time
I yell at you, it hurts.
1456
01:19:48,166 --> 01:19:51,836
I call it my jojo pain.
1457
01:19:51,903 --> 01:19:53,171
Ma.
1458
01:19:53,238 --> 01:19:54,606
I'm sorry. Okay, mama?
Come here.
1459
01:19:54,673 --> 01:19:57,108
- Oh!
- My mama.
1460
01:19:57,175 --> 01:19:59,244
- I'm sorry. I'm just working hard, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
1461
01:19:59,311 --> 01:20:02,847
How you think I'm able to buy all this
new stuff and pay all these bills?
1462
01:20:02,914 --> 01:20:04,954
Another stack of them bills
shown up here yesterday.
1463
01:20:05,016 --> 01:20:06,618
Okay. I'm gonna
take care of it later.
1464
01:20:06,685 --> 01:20:08,520
- Love you, ma. See you later, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
1465
01:20:09,588 --> 01:20:11,590
Don't come in here late!
1466
01:20:14,593 --> 01:20:16,561
Hold up. Target's on the move.
1467
01:20:16,628 --> 01:20:20,165
- Eyes open. Just stay alert here.
- All right.
1468
01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:22,033
Okay.
1469
01:20:22,100 --> 01:20:25,570
Hold it together, Ken.
This is your white whale.
1470
01:20:43,521 --> 01:20:45,023
You ever hear of Mr. Zip?
1471
01:20:45,090 --> 01:20:46,424
No, I haven't heard of that guy.
1472
01:20:46,491 --> 01:20:47,926
- Robert a. Moon.
- Mmm.
1473
01:20:50,395 --> 01:20:53,231
You don't get to the
top of mount Everest by following...
1474
01:20:55,267 --> 01:20:57,402
He's the genius
behind the zip code.
1475
01:20:58,436 --> 01:21:00,305
The journey is the destina...
1476
01:21:08,179 --> 01:21:10,248
We'll turn around
up here and circle back.
1477
01:21:10,315 --> 01:21:12,617
Yeah, I'm just saying
it's not good to hold it in.
1478
01:21:29,301 --> 01:21:31,002
- Oh, god.
- Hang on.
1479
01:21:31,069 --> 01:21:33,104
Where'd the minivan come from?
1480
01:21:34,105 --> 01:21:36,941
I don't wanna
startle you, Simon,
1481
01:21:37,008 --> 01:21:38,677
but, uh, you should know
1482
01:21:38,743 --> 01:21:43,248
that I'm prepared to take
this thing the whole way.
1483
01:21:45,083 --> 01:21:46,117
What?
1484
01:21:47,118 --> 01:21:49,254
What are you saying?
1485
01:21:49,321 --> 01:21:52,490
I'm gonna shit my pants,
but that's okay.
1486
01:21:52,557 --> 01:21:55,493
No. Actually, Ken,
that's not okay.
1487
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:59,097
Okay? There's not a world that
exists where that would be okay.
1488
01:21:59,164 --> 01:22:02,734
Well, in this world
it does exist. This is real.
1489
01:22:02,801 --> 01:22:05,313
You gotta embrace it 'cause i'm
not getting out of this vehicle.
1490
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:06,571
Ken.
1491
01:22:06,638 --> 01:22:08,273
Ken.
1492
01:22:08,340 --> 01:22:11,076
You don't shit...
You don't shit in the car.
1493
01:22:11,142 --> 01:22:14,346
Okay, I'm gonna do a bank run.
I'll be back in a jiff.
1494
01:22:14,412 --> 01:22:16,247
Perfect.
1495
01:22:16,314 --> 01:22:19,718
All men are forced to make
difficult decisions. This is mine.
1496
01:22:19,784 --> 01:22:22,454
We're too close,
and I have come too far.
1497
01:22:22,520 --> 01:22:24,189
I hear everything you're saying.
1498
01:22:25,056 --> 01:22:26,658
You don't shit in the car, Ken.
1499
01:22:26,725 --> 01:22:28,593
You don't shit in the car.
1500
01:22:28,660 --> 01:22:31,262
It's a rental. You pay a cleaning fee.
Everybody moves on.
1501
01:22:31,329 --> 01:22:33,131
Yeah, it's a rental
that I rented.
1502
01:22:33,198 --> 01:22:35,467
Most people wouldn't even
tell me that they had to shit.
1503
01:22:35,533 --> 01:22:38,045
They just would make up an excuse
and they'd get out of the car, okay?
1504
01:22:38,069 --> 01:22:39,204
You're a grown man, Ken.
1505
01:22:39,270 --> 01:22:41,005
Go walk to the restroom.
1506
01:22:41,072 --> 01:22:42,774
Go shit in the fucking brush.
1507
01:22:42,841 --> 01:22:45,310
I really don't care.
Just figure it out and go and take a...
1508
01:22:46,211 --> 01:22:47,445
Holy shit.
1509
01:22:48,146 --> 01:22:49,447
Late 30s.
1510
01:22:49,514 --> 01:22:54,085
Slim build, 5'1".
Seems cheerful enough.
1511
01:22:54,619 --> 01:22:56,588
My white whale.
1512
01:22:57,789 --> 01:22:59,257
Ah. There she blows.
1513
01:22:59,324 --> 01:23:03,328
Jesus Christ!
1514
01:23:03,395 --> 01:23:05,463
Fucking animal.
1515
01:23:06,097 --> 01:23:07,465
Are you serious?
1516
01:23:07,532 --> 01:23:10,268
Are you fucking crazy?
1517
01:23:10,335 --> 01:23:14,038
Jesus Christ! You can't
just take a shit in a car.
1518
01:23:14,105 --> 01:23:16,541
I know. I'm sorry.
1519
01:23:16,608 --> 01:23:19,043
To be fair, this is like
my beach in normandy...
1520
01:23:19,110 --> 01:23:21,713
No, it's not. This isn't heroic.
This is bad stomach management.
1521
01:23:21,780 --> 01:23:24,315
Your ass smells like a fucking
outhouse at a carnival.
1522
01:23:24,382 --> 01:23:26,084
Go wipe your ass
like a puppy on the grass.
1523
01:23:26,151 --> 01:23:27,519
Get that fucking ass
out of here.
1524
01:23:28,520 --> 01:23:30,054
I don't wanna get it
on the seat,
1525
01:23:30,121 --> 01:23:32,690
so I'm gonna sit up like this,
or something.
1526
01:23:34,726 --> 01:23:36,261
Well, we got her.
1527
01:23:39,697 --> 01:23:42,200
A silver 2010 dodge caravan.
1528
01:23:42,267 --> 01:23:46,404
Now, that is registered
to Connie kaminski,
1529
01:23:46,471 --> 01:23:48,640
born Connie Stevens
of olathe, Kansas,
1530
01:23:48,706 --> 01:23:53,344
uh, both parents deceased,
and get this, former olympian.
1531
01:23:53,411 --> 01:23:56,247
- Olympian? What event?
- Racewalking.
1532
01:23:56,314 --> 01:24:00,151
That's not real. Did you
say racewalking? That's a real thing?
1533
01:24:00,218 --> 01:24:03,755
It's a largely ignored
but often ridiculed event,
1534
01:24:03,822 --> 01:24:05,557
kinda like couponing.
1535
01:24:06,791 --> 01:24:08,593
Why are you wearing
pajama pants?
1536
01:24:09,794 --> 01:24:12,730
- I took one for the team. Yeah.
- He had an accident.
1537
01:24:12,797 --> 01:24:15,467
Nothing wrong
with a little elasticity.
1538
01:24:15,533 --> 01:24:17,735
Except in
a professional environment.
1539
01:24:17,802 --> 01:24:20,405
- I wish I was dressed different.
- Moving on.
1540
01:24:20,472 --> 01:24:23,541
Now, cashier Greg Garcia
corroborated.
1541
01:24:23,608 --> 01:24:28,313
Ooh! That's her.
That giant fucking smile.
1542
01:24:30,181 --> 01:24:32,150
I think I got something here.
1543
01:24:32,217 --> 01:24:36,354
It's an invoice.
A lease on an airplane hangar.
1544
01:24:36,421 --> 01:24:38,556
An airplane hangar?
1545
01:24:38,623 --> 01:24:41,259
What the hell are they doing
with an airplane hangar?
1546
01:24:42,861 --> 01:24:44,629
Let's go, boys! Gear up.
1547
01:24:44,696 --> 01:24:46,831
I think I owe you an apology.
1548
01:24:46,898 --> 01:24:49,701
You guys are like the FBI.
1549
01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:52,837
Negative. FBI's like us.
1550
01:24:52,904 --> 01:24:55,707
Don't fuck with the post office.
1551
01:24:55,773 --> 01:24:58,476
Uh, you know, careful out there.
1552
01:24:58,543 --> 01:25:00,879
Good luck, you know.
Do your thing.
1553
01:25:04,349 --> 01:25:05,817
Wanna do a ride-along?
1554
01:25:08,486 --> 01:25:10,355
You messing with me?
1555
01:25:10,822 --> 01:25:12,490
That's a 10-4.
1556
01:25:14,859 --> 01:25:17,228
Just stay out of the way
and listen.
1557
01:25:42,820 --> 01:25:44,622
So what are we dealing with?
1558
01:25:44,689 --> 01:25:47,659
Drug runners? Arms dealers?
1559
01:25:48,393 --> 01:25:49,928
It's coupons.
1560
01:25:52,297 --> 01:25:54,299
Come again?
1561
01:25:54,365 --> 01:25:59,270
It's coupons.
It's two women counterfeiting coupons.
1562
01:26:02,674 --> 01:26:04,842
I mean, this feels like a lot.
1563
01:26:04,909 --> 01:26:07,879
You don't think we're coming
in a little hot here, boss?
1564
01:26:07,946 --> 01:26:10,615
- Boss.
- All right, gentlemen. Lock and load!
1565
01:26:17,555 --> 01:26:20,792
Good lord have mercy, Jesus.
1566
01:26:20,858 --> 01:26:23,394
My own child
fixing to suffocate me.
1567
01:26:23,461 --> 01:26:25,430
Ma. Oh, my gosh.
1568
01:26:25,496 --> 01:26:27,932
- Help me with this thing.
- Okay, okay.
1569
01:26:27,999 --> 01:26:30,668
Ma, I'm not trying to suffocate you.
1570
01:26:30,735 --> 01:26:32,637
I thought you stopped
breathing or something.
1571
01:26:32,704 --> 01:26:34,906
- I was trying to save your ass.
- Mm-hmm.
1572
01:26:34,973 --> 01:26:39,377
Ma, I can't sleep. I don't know.
I'm just anxious. I...
1573
01:26:39,444 --> 01:26:41,279
I fear something bad
must have happened.
1574
01:26:41,346 --> 01:26:42,880
- Ken.
- Yes, sir.
1575
01:26:42,947 --> 01:26:44,983
- Do not go near that house.
- No, sir.
1576
01:26:45,049 --> 01:26:46,718
I want you
staying by the vehicles.
1577
01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:48,319
I will fall back, sir.
1578
01:26:48,386 --> 01:26:50,555
- You are not in the military, Ken.
- Yes, sir.
1579
01:26:50,622 --> 01:26:52,957
Do not get
caught up in this moment.
1580
01:27:02,600 --> 01:27:03,601
Mmm.
1581
01:27:04,936 --> 01:27:06,871
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
1582
01:27:11,809 --> 01:27:12,877
Hmm.
1583
01:27:18,683 --> 01:27:21,352
Dear jojo,
you in some serious shit, girl.
1584
01:27:21,419 --> 01:27:23,964
You need to shake your Booty out of
town 'cause the feds are on to you.
1585
01:27:23,988 --> 01:27:25,623
From your number one fan.
1586
01:27:25,690 --> 01:27:26,891
- Hugs and kisses.
- Feds?
1587
01:27:29,794 --> 01:27:31,562
How was your trip?
1588
01:27:31,629 --> 01:27:33,831
Connie kaminski. You're under arrest.
1589
01:27:33,898 --> 01:27:36,034
Show me your hands! Show 'em!
1590
01:27:37,735 --> 01:27:39,437
Keep 'em up. Don't move.
1591
01:27:41,005 --> 01:27:43,408
Freeze! Freeze!
1592
01:27:43,474 --> 01:27:44,842
What the hell is going on here?
1593
01:27:44,909 --> 01:27:46,611
Okay. Oh, my god. Okay.
1594
01:27:46,678 --> 01:27:49,380
Okay. This is Joanna Johnson.
The po-po got in my house...
1595
01:27:49,447 --> 01:27:51,449
- Stop!
- Joanna Johnson! We have a warrant!
1596
01:27:51,516 --> 01:27:55,086
- Girl, I knew you was up to something.
- Ma, don't say anything. Ma!
1597
01:27:55,153 --> 01:27:58,856
In all my life I never had no
police up in my house like this.
1598
01:28:46,671 --> 01:28:49,040
Move! Go, go, go!
1599
01:28:49,107 --> 01:28:51,609
- With me! Move, move, move!
- Stairs clear!
1600
01:28:57,715 --> 01:29:00,151
This is a fuck ton
of coupons, sir.
1601
01:29:00,218 --> 01:29:02,987
Look, baby diapers.
1602
01:29:03,054 --> 01:29:04,856
Could use these. Just had one.
1603
01:29:14,165 --> 01:29:16,868
- I got the computer.
- Sir, what about this room full of food?
1604
01:29:16,934 --> 01:29:19,170
What about it?
It's food. Leave it.
1605
01:29:22,940 --> 01:29:26,010
Coming up, an anonymous tip helps
police seize a stockpile of guns
1606
01:29:26,077 --> 01:29:27,845
from a Phoenix militia.
1607
01:29:27,912 --> 01:29:30,782
But first, two local coupon
queens behind bars tonight
1608
01:29:30,848 --> 01:29:32,183
in what authorities are calling
1609
01:29:32,250 --> 01:29:35,620
the largest counterfeit
coupon scam in history.
1610
01:29:35,686 --> 01:29:37,622
Us postal inspectors
raided the women's...
1611
01:29:45,163 --> 01:29:46,731
How are you?
1612
01:29:46,798 --> 01:29:49,433
Look, let's get down
to brass tacks.
1613
01:29:50,268 --> 01:29:53,871
What do I get
if I turn state's evidence?
1614
01:29:53,938 --> 01:29:56,841
You really want me to believe you
don't have anything to do with this?
1615
01:29:56,908 --> 01:30:01,112
All you've told me is my wife's been
arrested for something involving coupons.
1616
01:30:01,179 --> 01:30:03,014
What, she used
an expired coupon?
1617
01:30:03,080 --> 01:30:06,751
Well, your wife ran
an intricate financial scam
1618
01:30:06,818 --> 01:30:09,453
involving over 240 companies,
1619
01:30:09,520 --> 01:30:12,089
costing them tens of millions of
dollars, right under your nose.
1620
01:30:12,156 --> 01:30:15,726
And you're an auditor for
the internal revenue service.
1621
01:30:17,862 --> 01:30:19,664
We have separate bank accounts.
1622
01:30:19,730 --> 01:30:21,532
I'm sorry,
what did you say the site was?
1623
01:30:21,599 --> 01:30:25,102
It's savvy shopper or some...
1624
01:30:25,169 --> 01:30:28,739
No, it doesn't...
It does not ring a bell. I'm sorry.
1625
01:30:28,806 --> 01:30:31,576
We recovered
your YouTube videos.
1626
01:30:31,642 --> 01:30:36,747
So shake your little Booty on
down to savvysupersaver.Com, okay?
1627
01:30:36,814 --> 01:30:41,586
Savvy. Super. Savvy. Super.
Savvysupersaver.Com.
1628
01:30:41,652 --> 01:30:44,622
I'ma get a jingle for that so
y'all remember it forever. Okay?
1629
01:30:44,689 --> 01:30:47,625
Savvysupersaver.com. We got...
1630
01:30:47,692 --> 01:30:49,560
I thought we deleted that shit.
1631
01:30:49,627 --> 01:30:52,163
Have you ever heard the term,
"savvy super saver"?
1632
01:30:52,230 --> 01:30:55,066
- Well, quite obviously, yes.
- Okay.
1633
01:30:57,101 --> 01:30:59,103
I want you
to go in there with me.
1634
01:30:59,704 --> 01:31:01,906
What? Really?
1635
01:31:01,973 --> 01:31:05,276
I think you understand this
woman more than I do, so yeah.
1636
01:31:08,045 --> 01:31:09,780
Okay.
1637
01:31:25,329 --> 01:31:26,864
Connie, this is Ken Miller.
1638
01:31:26,931 --> 01:31:28,866
This is the, uh,
loss prevention officer
1639
01:31:28,933 --> 01:31:32,003
that was pivotal
in tracking you down.
1640
01:31:32,069 --> 01:31:35,873
- For starters, let's talk coupons.
- Okay.
1641
01:31:37,208 --> 01:31:39,277
What do you wanna know?
1642
01:31:39,343 --> 01:31:42,280
I mean, most people
undervalue coupons.
1643
01:31:42,346 --> 01:31:45,082
I don't undervalue coupons.
1644
01:31:45,816 --> 01:31:48,886
No. I guess you don't.
1645
01:31:48,953 --> 01:31:51,155
I suppose that's why I'm here.
1646
01:31:51,222 --> 01:31:53,024
But, you know, most people do.
1647
01:31:53,090 --> 01:31:57,295
Well, here's what I think.
I think you preyed on people.
1648
01:31:57,361 --> 01:32:02,667
I think nobody understands better than
you that people use coupons to save money
1649
01:32:02,733 --> 01:32:05,803
or to buy things that they need,
and I think you took advantage of that.
1650
01:32:05,870 --> 01:32:08,039
No. No, you're wrong.
1651
01:32:08,105 --> 01:32:09,774
Tell me how I'm wrong.
1652
01:32:09,840 --> 01:32:11,680
- That's not really why...
- That's not what...
1653
01:32:11,709 --> 01:32:14,211
That's not really why people
use coupons.
1654
01:32:14,278 --> 01:32:18,916
It's not about what you buy.
It's about the, uh... the feeling you get.
1655
01:32:19,650 --> 01:32:20,952
They've done studies.
1656
01:32:21,018 --> 01:32:23,788
When folks use coupons,
their oxytocin levels,
1657
01:32:23,854 --> 01:32:27,325
they kinda spike and they get
that little tingly sensation.
1658
01:32:27,391 --> 01:32:29,894
They call it the "coupon high."
1659
01:32:29,961 --> 01:32:34,832
Supposedly, it's better than intimacy
with another person, or so I've been told.
1660
01:32:36,834 --> 01:32:39,370
Sorry, I... I'm unclear.
Did you...
1661
01:32:39,437 --> 01:32:42,139
Have you not used a coupon
or have you not had sex?
1662
01:32:42,840 --> 01:32:45,109
T... what happened?
1663
01:32:45,176 --> 01:32:49,613
No, that's... oh, no.
This is not about me. This is about you.
1664
01:32:49,680 --> 01:32:53,050
You... you had...
You had a good life, Connie.
1665
01:32:53,117 --> 01:32:56,087
You had the nice house
and loving husband.
1666
01:32:56,153 --> 01:32:58,389
Wha... why... why would you risk
losing all of that?
1667
01:33:02,760 --> 01:33:05,396
I knew I was worth more.
1668
01:33:05,463 --> 01:33:07,131
And what do you know
about my life?
1669
01:33:07,198 --> 01:33:09,400
Just 'cause you've watched me
from a distance
1670
01:33:09,467 --> 01:33:11,702
does not mean
you really know me.
1671
01:33:12,737 --> 01:33:15,706
You happy with the life
that you're living?
1672
01:33:15,773 --> 01:33:18,809
Haven't you ever wanted just
a little bit more out of life?
1673
01:33:21,312 --> 01:33:23,848
Maybe we just value
different things.
1674
01:33:25,449 --> 01:33:28,052
Well, I'll tell you what I value, Connie.
I value the law.
1675
01:33:28,119 --> 01:33:30,654
Just because you want
a little more out of life
1676
01:33:30,721 --> 01:33:33,124
does not give you an excuse
to break those laws.
1677
01:33:33,190 --> 01:33:35,960
Now, it is not my job
to judge you.
1678
01:33:36,027 --> 01:33:38,062
And you seem
like a nice enough lady.
1679
01:33:38,129 --> 01:33:40,231
But I want to make sure
that you are grasping
1680
01:33:40,297 --> 01:33:43,000
the gravity of the situation
that you're in.
1681
01:33:43,067 --> 01:33:47,104
It is one year
for every $100,000 of fraud.
1682
01:33:47,171 --> 01:33:50,674
So, with what you've stolen,
your sentencing is off the charts.
1683
01:33:50,741 --> 01:33:53,811
You are facing 40 years to life.
1684
01:33:54,779 --> 01:33:55,813
What?
1685
01:33:58,349 --> 01:34:00,217
- Uh...
- Thank you.
1686
01:34:05,990 --> 01:34:09,460
You should, uh, probably get
yourself a really good lawyer.
1687
01:34:09,527 --> 01:34:13,230
And if I were you, I would
pay full price for this one.
1688
01:34:24,075 --> 01:34:25,709
They said 40 years to life.
1689
01:34:26,844 --> 01:34:28,813
Forty years to life?
1690
01:34:28,879 --> 01:34:32,917
But they said that if I took full
responsibility for starting all of it,
1691
01:34:32,983 --> 01:34:34,218
they would go easy on you.
1692
01:34:34,285 --> 01:34:36,120
No, Connie. What about you?
1693
01:34:36,187 --> 01:34:38,856
I'm up a creek either way.
It doesn't...
1694
01:34:40,124 --> 01:34:41,926
I did rope you into it,
1695
01:34:41,992 --> 01:34:45,262
and if I can make it easier
on you, then...
1696
01:34:45,329 --> 01:34:47,798
Can you believe they are
calling what we did fraud?
1697
01:34:47,865 --> 01:34:49,500
I know, that's so stup...
1698
01:34:49,567 --> 01:34:51,735
- It's like, we didn't defraud anybody.
- No.
1699
01:34:52,903 --> 01:34:55,473
- Now, theft... maybe. A little.
- Maybe theft. Maybe.
1700
01:34:55,539 --> 01:34:57,141
Joanna Johnson?
1701
01:34:57,208 --> 01:34:58,476
That's me. Hi.
1702
01:34:58,542 --> 01:35:00,277
You made bail. Let's go.
1703
01:35:02,980 --> 01:35:04,348
Mama Josie.
1704
01:35:09,587 --> 01:35:11,722
- Connie kaminski?
- Ooh! That's me!
1705
01:35:13,891 --> 01:35:16,160
- I made bail too?
- No. You got a visitor.
1706
01:35:20,331 --> 01:35:21,832
What the fuck, Connie?
1707
01:35:23,434 --> 01:35:25,503
I told you
that I stopped using coupons.
1708
01:35:25,569 --> 01:35:28,539
I just didn't tell you
that I started selling them.
1709
01:35:28,606 --> 01:35:30,274
Look, it's a good job.
1710
01:35:30,341 --> 01:35:31,976
It's not a job!
1711
01:35:32,042 --> 01:35:34,411
Would you...
Would you just bail me out?
1712
01:35:34,478 --> 01:35:36,514
Oh, you don't have
a coupon for that?
1713
01:35:40,017 --> 01:35:42,086
Rick, next time
you walk into a room
1714
01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:44,321
and you think everyone there
is sorry to see you,
1715
01:35:44,388 --> 01:35:46,257
just know it's not 'cause
you're an auditor.
1716
01:35:46,323 --> 01:35:48,392
It's 'cause you're an asshole.
1717
01:35:49,426 --> 01:35:51,328
I'd like a divorce.
1718
01:36:12,316 --> 01:36:13,517
Earl?
1719
01:36:14,618 --> 01:36:16,187
- Hey!
- Hey.
1720
01:36:16,253 --> 01:36:18,455
- These are for you.
- I... oh, thank you.
1721
01:36:18,522 --> 01:36:20,524
I thought you
were my mama, so...
1722
01:36:20,591 --> 01:36:23,928
Yeah, well, I think your mama's
cooperating with the authorities.
1723
01:36:24,595 --> 01:36:26,997
- That makes sense.
- Yeah.
1724
01:36:27,064 --> 01:36:30,067
- Well, thank you. This is nice.
- You're welcome.
1725
01:36:30,634 --> 01:36:32,536
How you doing?
1726
01:36:32,603 --> 01:36:36,407
- Um... I'm doing. Yeah.
- Yeah.
1727
01:36:36,473 --> 01:36:38,042
Better days.
1728
01:36:38,108 --> 01:36:39,610
Just got the official tally.
1729
01:36:39,677 --> 01:36:43,180
Over 40 million dollars' worth
of counterfeit coupons.
1730
01:36:43,247 --> 01:36:45,216
We traced it back
to a facility in Mexico,
1731
01:36:45,282 --> 01:36:47,618
a us company
called advanced solutions.
1732
01:36:47,685 --> 01:36:50,087
It's the same place that makes
the real coupons, yeah.
1733
01:36:50,154 --> 01:36:52,189
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Used to be up in Michigan.
1734
01:36:52,256 --> 01:36:55,960
Moved down to Mexico to save some money.
They got a factory overseas too.
1735
01:36:56,026 --> 01:36:57,671
We know who their
Mexican counterparts were?
1736
01:36:57,695 --> 01:37:00,431
Uh, yeah.
Advanced solutions employees
1737
01:37:00,497 --> 01:37:03,200
Alejandro and Rosa Diaz,
husband and wife.
1738
01:37:03,267 --> 01:37:06,637
One of kaminski's
aliases would wire money orders
1739
01:37:06,704 --> 01:37:10,541
totaling well over a million
dollars, and that's a lot of pesos.
1740
01:37:10,608 --> 01:37:12,376
Mexican government
gonna pursue 'em?
1741
01:37:12,443 --> 01:37:14,245
Nope. Trail's gone cold.
1742
01:37:14,311 --> 01:37:16,981
Uh, when news of the arrests
broke, these two disappeared.
1743
01:37:17,047 --> 01:37:19,883
They're probably sitting on a
beach somewhere drinking mai tais.
1744
01:37:19,950 --> 01:37:22,987
My lawyer,
this super expensive fella,
1745
01:37:23,053 --> 01:37:25,155
sure had an interesting way
of looking at things.
1746
01:37:25,222 --> 01:37:27,992
All you did was take
advantage of a loophole.
1747
01:37:28,058 --> 01:37:31,428
These corporations you're accused of
exploiting use loopholes all the time
1748
01:37:31,495 --> 01:37:33,197
and take advantage
of a broken system.
1749
01:37:33,264 --> 01:37:35,132
He always liked to say...
1750
01:37:35,199 --> 01:37:38,002
Just because someone says
something, doesn't make it true.
1751
01:37:38,068 --> 01:37:40,170
The funny thing is,
whenever he said it,
1752
01:37:40,237 --> 01:37:42,406
most everyone
took it to be fact.
1753
01:37:42,473 --> 01:37:47,911
My client is just following the
lead of a successful corporation.
1754
01:37:47,978 --> 01:37:50,247
Will the defendants please rise?
1755
01:37:53,617 --> 01:37:56,053
Through all this,
I've learned more about coupons
1756
01:37:56,120 --> 01:37:59,256
and america's shopping habits
than I ever cared to know.
1757
01:37:59,323 --> 01:38:04,628
The court has considered the nature
and circumstances of the offense
1758
01:38:04,695 --> 01:38:09,500
in arriving at a sentence for Ms.
Johnson and Mrs. Kaminski.
1759
01:38:11,235 --> 01:38:14,071
The court sentences
the defendant Joanna Johnson
1760
01:38:14,138 --> 01:38:19,043
to ten days in jail suspended
and one-year probation.
1761
01:38:20,444 --> 01:38:23,347
As for the defendant,
Connie kaminski,
1762
01:38:23,414 --> 01:38:27,418
she will be incarcerated in the
Arizona department of corrections
1763
01:38:27,484 --> 01:38:32,690
for a term of 11 months,
with the possibility of parole.
1764
01:38:32,756 --> 01:38:34,725
That's all.
1765
01:38:34,792 --> 01:38:36,026
Oh, my g...
1766
01:38:36,627 --> 01:38:38,128
Well, lookee there.
1767
01:38:38,195 --> 01:38:40,964
First time in history
a black woman gets off
1768
01:38:41,031 --> 01:38:43,734
and a white woman gets to do
some time.
1769
01:38:43,801 --> 01:38:46,036
That loss
prevention guy was right.
1770
01:38:46,103 --> 01:38:47,738
You get what you pay for.
1771
01:38:47,805 --> 01:38:49,573
Not 40 years to life. Just...
1772
01:38:49,640 --> 01:38:52,142
Eleven fucking months!
1773
01:38:52,209 --> 01:38:55,245
All right. Look,
you didn't hear this from me,
1774
01:38:55,312 --> 01:38:59,416
but we may have received multiple
phone calls from numerous corporations,
1775
01:38:59,483 --> 01:39:02,086
saying, you know, uh,
"we don't want our logo on the news.
1776
01:39:02,152 --> 01:39:04,064
- "Our shareholders... keep it quiet."
- Oh, god.
1777
01:39:04,088 --> 01:39:06,323
Bottom line, they just
want this to go away.
1778
01:39:06,390 --> 01:39:08,601
The damage she's done, we're gonna
throw the rules out the window?
1779
01:39:08,625 --> 01:39:12,329
They don't matter?
She cost p&g alone $80 million.
1780
01:39:12,396 --> 01:39:15,466
For p&g and for every other
company, this was just a write-off.
1781
01:39:15,532 --> 01:39:18,068
And, uh, it'll probably be
eight with good behavior.
1782
01:39:18,135 --> 01:39:19,770
Oh, god.
1783
01:39:19,837 --> 01:39:22,740
Oh, my god.
I-I just... I don't get it.
1784
01:39:22,806 --> 01:39:26,310
So, uh, you're telling me that's it?
Move on, it's over?
1785
01:39:26,377 --> 01:39:28,379
Well, that's all there is.
That's law enforcement.
1786
01:39:28,445 --> 01:39:31,782
You just do the best that you can, Ken.
You try to be fair.
1787
01:39:31,849 --> 01:39:35,652
You follow the law and if everything
goes well, you get to go home safe,
1788
01:39:35,719 --> 01:39:39,256
and hopefully to someone
that you love.
1789
01:39:39,323 --> 01:39:41,358
Which reminds me,
I need to call my wife.
1790
01:39:42,192 --> 01:39:43,594
See you later.
1791
01:39:47,598 --> 01:39:50,634
- Oh, one more thing.
- Wow.
1792
01:39:51,735 --> 01:39:53,704
I almost forgot.
1793
01:39:59,643 --> 01:40:04,615
Dated December 3rd, 1918.
1794
01:40:04,681 --> 01:40:09,453
"My dearest Leo,
when word arrived from pastor holbrook
1795
01:40:09,520 --> 01:40:11,588
that your injuries
were not life-threatening,
1796
01:40:11,655 --> 01:40:14,491
and that you were on your way
back home to us,
1797
01:40:14,558 --> 01:40:16,693
my heart leapt from my chest.
1798
01:40:16,760 --> 01:40:22,433
Our little Irene could not decipher
my tears as those of pure joy.
1799
01:40:22,499 --> 01:40:26,603
My only hope now is that you receive
this letter before you depart,
1800
01:40:26,670 --> 01:40:29,840
and that my words
will accompany you
1801
01:40:29,907 --> 01:40:31,809
on your arduous journey
back home.
1802
01:40:31,875 --> 01:40:35,479
"With grace,
faith and love. Mary."
1803
01:40:37,748 --> 01:40:39,082
This one's for you.
1804
01:40:39,516 --> 01:40:43,086
What? Really?
1805
01:40:43,153 --> 01:40:47,391
- Oh... not the letter.
- You can't separate the letters.
1806
01:40:47,458 --> 01:40:49,827
What good would the letters be
if they weren't together?
1807
01:40:49,893 --> 01:40:51,728
- Right.
- The letters are kind of archival.
1808
01:40:51,795 --> 01:40:54,198
What I mean is that
this lesson is for you.
1809
01:40:55,265 --> 01:40:57,301
The lesson's for you, Ken.
1810
01:40:57,935 --> 01:40:59,636
You're a good man.
1811
01:40:59,703 --> 01:41:01,538
I enjoyed working alongside you.
1812
01:41:03,707 --> 01:41:06,643
Don't go searching for too much.
You're pretty great the way you are.
1813
01:41:28,699 --> 01:41:31,335
Could you just make
an exception?
1814
01:41:34,304 --> 01:41:37,374
Uh, honor it.
Yeah. Give her a discount.
1815
01:41:38,442 --> 01:41:40,177
You may be asking yourself,
1816
01:41:40,244 --> 01:41:42,779
"who won and who lost
through all of this?"
1817
01:41:44,448 --> 01:41:47,718
And I guess that's
really for you to decide.
1818
01:41:48,752 --> 01:41:50,420
Yes!
1819
01:41:52,222 --> 01:41:53,690
Rick and I got a divorce.
1820
01:41:53,757 --> 01:41:56,860
So, yeah.
I guess I lost my husband.
1821
01:41:56,927 --> 01:41:59,663
But not in the way
you lose something important,
1822
01:41:59,730 --> 01:42:02,399
like your car keys or your cell
phone or something like that.
1823
01:42:03,734 --> 01:42:06,436
- Please, take it all.
- I just wanna get rid of it.
1824
01:42:06,503 --> 01:42:08,438
Definitely don't need those.
1825
01:42:08,505 --> 01:42:10,905
Ah, careful now. You don't know
what you need till it's gone.
1826
01:42:10,941 --> 01:42:13,410
Sage advice. You get that
from your parole officer?
1827
01:42:15,012 --> 01:42:17,447
And after paying
the fancy lawyer,
1828
01:42:17,514 --> 01:42:21,385
we still have
a little money left over.
1829
01:42:21,451 --> 01:42:25,722
As for jojo, she finally figured
out exactly what Earl was thinking.
1830
01:42:29,660 --> 01:42:31,662
Have you ever been
to Montenegro?
1831
01:42:32,462 --> 01:42:33,497
We need that guy.
1832
01:42:33,564 --> 01:42:35,265
Why that guy?
1833
01:42:35,332 --> 01:42:37,200
'Cause he's
already bending the rules.
1834
01:42:37,267 --> 01:42:40,671
Jojo says I'm gonna love it
when I get there.
1835
01:42:40,737 --> 01:42:43,640
In fact, she's already found
the perfect spot
1836
01:42:43,707 --> 01:42:46,710
for our new
and improved business.
1837
01:42:50,480 --> 01:42:55,485
Oh, and did you know Montenegro
has no extradition to the us?
1838
01:42:58,922 --> 01:43:02,292
If you ever find yourself
doing a stretch in the slammer,
1839
01:43:02,359 --> 01:43:04,728
you should still try to make
every day count.
1840
01:43:09,600 --> 01:43:11,935
Especially your last day.
1841
01:43:20,344 --> 01:43:22,613
Sometimes you look back
and you think,
1842
01:43:22,679 --> 01:43:26,683
"well, if that didn't happen and that
didn't happen and that didn't happen,
1843
01:43:26,750 --> 01:43:28,885
I wouldn't be who I am today."
1844
01:43:33,457 --> 01:43:35,926
Betcha I can walk a mile
faster than you can run one.
1845
01:43:44,568 --> 01:43:46,770
And it turns out,
1846
01:43:46,837 --> 01:43:48,915
it really doesn't matter how
you get to the finish line.
1847
01:43:48,939 --> 01:43:51,508
Just as long as you get there.