-All I can see is they're flicking-- -Mom, Mom.
-Hey, honey. -Can we talk in the hall?
Yeah.
Just one sec.
Wait, what? What is it? Is everything okay?
I'm in love, Mom.
Shut up. Who?
-Bella. -Who?
The girl leading the dances.
I know she's old, but I think she's in love with me too.
Okay.
-Are we sure, babe? -Yes.
Okay.
Sure, sure?
-Yes. -Okay.
-I'll be right back. -Where are you going?
-I'll meet you in the car. -Where you going?
Just go to the car, please.
-Andrew! Superstar! -Hi.
You and I worked up a sweat tonight, huh?
Yeah, I guess we did.
Do you think I will ever see you again?
Maybe for a date?
I know I'm young, but maybe we can, like, look--
I mean--
Maybe we can just, like--
I'm sorry, I'm really nervous.
Well, this is the most flattered I've ever felt.
But…
I'm old.
-I actually need that. -I need it.
The hell you doing?
My baby's heartbroken.
What are you gonna do?
Kiss you.
After college.
Answer my question.
I did. I'm going to kiss you after college
because I've decided I'm going to Barcelona with you.
That's not funny.
You're super drunk.
No, I'm not.
Okay.
Just tell me what you're gonna do.
I've told you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go home,
and I'm gonna find a really great nonprofit to work at.
So, you just want, like, chili on the corn dog?
Do you want it, like, as a dipping sauce, or do you really want it on the corn dog?
Hey, Maya. This is Andrew.
Hello, Maya. This is Andrew.
I'm at Meat Sticks right now, bored out of my mind,
and I'm thinking of you, and I hope you're having a nice time in Barcelona.
Did you ask your brother about tonight?
No, I forgot.
Ask me what?
To take me to a bat mitzvah party.
Well, where is it, little punk?
Space Events in Englewood.
Thank you, little punk.
It's Cath's daughter, Pheeb. Macy's sister.
Cath hates me right now, so I'm not gonna go.
But I sent money.
Is Macy in town?
Yeah. I saw her at the service.
I told her you were here. You should go.
She'd be thrilled.
Would that cramp your style?
-No. -No.
Do you have a crush on Phoebe?
No.
If she looks anything like Macy, you're a fucking liar.
-Language, buddy. -It's fine, Greg. I'm 12.
He doesn't have crushes. He has a girlfriend.
Shut the hell up.
You have a girlfriend?
Girlfriend and puberty? Puberty and a girlfriend?
-Yes. -Margaret.
Mar--
-Fuck off. That is like-- -No, uh-uh. No, Andrew.
We're not in a Tulane dormitory right now, okay?
Yes, you're right. Sorry. We're in a 60-year-old's bachelor pad.
No cursing.
I'm just kidding.
Kidding.
My mom did a great job redecorating.
Yeah. She sure did.
Why does Cath hate you?
I had a moment last week.
Your mother had a…
manic episode.
Greg, I feel like your purpose on Earth is to make things weird.
Do you?
Yeah.
All right. Let me take a look at you.
Looking sharp.
Wait. Turn around. Let me see something.
Spank.
I can't believe you're crashing my little sister's bat mitzvah.
I know. I didn't even go to the service.
I'm here 'cause my mom's skipping,
and David needs a family member with him at all times.
-That's not true. -I'm just kidding.
Is your mom okay?
Yes. Yeah. I didn't really hear what happened.
Yeah, neither did I.
I think she's okay.
"Is Cath okay?" is the more important question.
Cath is great.
She loves your mom. She loves every mom, really.
Except this one crazy one that used to sub at Newark.
And apparently, she fucked Mr. Charlebois in the cafeteria bathroom.
Mr. Charlebois our principal?
I forgot you were here. Fuck. I keep forgetting I'm around children.
Pheeb starting off strong with the innocuous games theme.
You know, it was going to be "Under the Sea with Pheeb,"
but she had to call a last-minute audible
'cause her bitch friend, Gigi Rothman, is obsessed with Little Mermaid,
and she forced her to change it.
-What a bitch. -Bitch.
-Yeah.
Do you have a job now or…
We're not allowed to talk about jobs at the bat mitzvah party, actually.
Okay. So you either don't have a job or you have a bad job.
-I have a bad job. Yeah. -Yeah, see?
It's the crazy mom.
That's the mom I was just talking about.
I am looking at a high schooler with her stunning French au pair.
That's a mom and her kid.
So she was, like, a tween mom maybe.
No, that kid's in David and Phoebe's grade.
I think she's autistic or something. So, her mom had her start school late.
That's just terrible for both of them.
Cath thinks she smokes crack.
The autistic girl?
Can I have a vodka cranberry, please?
No, actually, can I get a vodka soda?
Actually, no. Vodka cranberry.
Thirteen! Let's do this!
Let's go.
Come on, everybody. There we go.
Come on, Phoebe. That's it. You'll be great.
Getting it started.
Oh, no.
Uh-oh. Here comes Mom. Take cover.
Go, Mom!
Move that thang. Yeah.
Boys. What's going on over here?
Are we not gonna-- Are we not gonna dance at some point?
What about you, sir? Don't you have a girlfriend you should be dancing with?
I don't really talk to her.
Great.
What about you, Rod? You seem like a real shot of life.
Why are you not on the floor? Do you not dance?
I can dance. This music just sucks.
I agree with you. I really agree with you.
Is there a song that would get you dancing?
"Fooly Cooly" by BoyBand.
If I get DJ Rich to play that song,
do you promise that you will dance your freaking butt off?
Yes. That'd be so freaking hype.
Nice work. You want me to beat you in tic-tac-toe?
Or do you wanna mingle a little bit?
You wanna head home?
You're not going to beat me.
I think I'm gonna beat you.
I think I'm gonna kick your cute ass.
Shit! Come on. Play the song, baby!
Do you wanna be X's or O's?
-O's. -X's.
Hi, honey.
-I haven't seen you in such a long time. -I know.
I wish your mom was here.
-I will tell her you said that. -Please do.
Did you get a job yet?
Your daughter asked me the same question, and I don't have a great answer.
But you don't have a party starter here tonight, so that is my job.
And it'll be free of charge.
We thought DJ Rich would be enough, so…
You were super wrong, 'cause he's really bad at his job.
But it's okay because, table four, I have a question.
Do we like the song called "Funky Town"?
We shouldn't go dance, should we?
-We definitely should not do that. Yeah. -Are you sure?
You can put your headphones on, and we can just go in the corner.
Nobody's dancing with their mother with headphones on.
Hey. Do you two dance?
Sometimes.
But we're not feeling it right now.
So maybe in a bit.
Amazing. Well, yeah, no rush at all.
But, tonight is the night, so…
What night?
Did you say "what night"?
No, I did not. My mother did.
What's your mother's name?
Her name is Domino.
Domino. I'm Andrew.
Hi, Andrew.
Can I ask your name?
Lola.
Your name is Lola?
That's literally my favorite name of all time.
My mother, Domino, named me.
Well, Domino, to answer your question--
What was your question?
You said, "Tonight's the night." And I said, "What night?"
Tonight is the night that you and Lola dance your booties off.
There is no rush at all. No hurry.
Just know that nobody on the dance floor is gonna have nearly as much fun
if you guys aren't there, so…
I don't know how to moonwalk.
Yeah!
Go, Pheeb!
Hey.
Hi.
What are you gonna get?
I am gonna try to find something
that will give me some courage to ask Lola to slow dance.
That is very sweet, but she won't dance.
It's okay.
Lola's autistic.
That's why she's working on her cube at the bat mitzvah party.
Not because the party's…
-game-themed. Yes. -Game-themed.
Is that hard?
Yeah, the cu-- It's really hard.
I can't do it for the life of me, but she's really good at it.
-I meant the-- -I know what you meant.
Nope. I mean, sometimes.
But not because of her.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I think I'm autistic.
You do?
Well… no.
-That wasn't real. -It happened.
-I'm really sorry. -I'm gonna remember it.
I think I could get her on the dance floor.
I will give you $1,000.
Like you'd bet me $1,000?
-No, I'd just give it to you. -No.
Okay, well, that's no fun. How about I bet you--
I'll bet you $300 I can get her on the dance floor.
This kid rocks.
He's adorable.
He's even making me not hate Hoochie Slut.
Cathy, that is not even close to appropriate.
She fucked my husband.
-She did not fuck Todd. Why would she? -I can say whatever I want.
It wouldn't have been as much fun if you weren't there.
I mean, that's entirely true.
But when I'm not there, just don't be shy. Dance.
You're a really good dancer.
Margaret was so smitten with you.
Girls love good dancers, and the boys do too.
Why do you think I'm gay?
I just think you shouldn't say for certain who you are
until, like, junior year of college.
What happens junior year?
-Lots of things. -Andrew.
-Hi. -Hey. I thought you guys left.
We wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.
Lola, do you know David?
-Yes. -Hi, Lola.
Hi, David.
We had science class together last year.
God, you guys are cute.
Andrew, Lola and I wanted to say thank you for dancing with us.
And, David, I know I'll probably see a lot of you at these parties.
But, Andrew, I need your Venmo
-because I might never see you again. -Right.
Well, I think we have to see Andrew again.
Ladies, what is happening here?
I'm staying in New Jersey for a while,
so I will definitely bring David to another bar mitzvah.
Well, I am happy to hear that,
because what's happening right now is you're being swarmed by Jewish mothers
who are recruiting you to be their motivational dancer.
You mean like the party starters?
-Yes. -Nuh-uh.
They said he made sure everyone had a perfect night.
And they need a designated party orchestrator.
Andrew, this is so fun.
-You think? -Yes!
I don't know. I wanna hear what Greg thinks about it first.
Don't be mean. Stop.
This is so good. You can start a company.
Yeah. I mean, I hate working at Meat Sticks,
and I really enjoyed my night. So…
Well, you wouldn't quit Meat Sticks altogether.
You'd just cut down on your hours.
Did they mention how much you'd make?
How much does a party starter get paid, I wonder.
I think they said just under what an unhappy pharmaceutical exec makes.
What the hell does that mean?
Honey, that's not funny.
Are you thinking about Andrew?
No.
I'm thinking about feeding Jerry cauliflower and cucumber tomorrow.
Well, big day for you tomorrow, Jerry.
What did Andrew say to get you dancing?
Andrew said he would buy me a MoYu 13-by-13 Magic Cube
with the $300 you were going to give him.
Do you think he would be a good sitter for you?
Well, I do not do well with sitters,
but I think it might be a bit different with Andrew.
Why?
I like him. And I think he would like Jerry.
Also, I do not think he would treat me like a baby.
You have to just brush him off.
-I really can't live here. -Can you not talk like that, please?
Greg's a dick. He is.
-Can you not use that language? -That's why I'm out of here
as soon as I have some money.
Stop. What I was gonna say is, Greg's a dick,
but I put up with it because he and Mom are good for each other.
Thanks, honey.
Literally how?
Are you happy? Does he make you happy?
I'm happy here, okay?
I don't have to worry about so many things because of Greg.
And I don't expect you to understand that yet.
Okay, I'm done talking about Greg.
What's your business going to be called?
Hey.
Tell me.
You're really gonna love it. David came up with it.
What?
Jig Conductor.
If anybody knows how to start a party, it's my brother, Andrew.
Or should I say, the Jig Conductor?
It stopped.
It broke 'cause it stopped.
That's all there is.
When-- You have to finish it.
Fuck no, Mom. If anybody sees that I'm gonna get put on a watch list.
It's cute. David is so cute.
What are you talking about? Did you just watch what I watched?
The camera hates him. He's stiff as a board.
So what he's a little stiff?
It's fine. It's so cute. It's so good.
Mom, I don't need to do a video. This thing isn't-- It's not like that.
Like what? Like a job?
Yeah, I get paid, but I don't have to think of it as a job.
Okay. Well, you do have to think of it as a job if you want a job.
I don't want to think of it as a job.
I just want to get enough money to go to Barcelona.
Because that's where Maya is doing her Fulbright?
No. A little, yes.
But also 'cause that's where I want to go.
Okay, sweetie. You just--
You didn't tell me that that's what you wanted to do.
'Cause I didn't wanna make you sad.
As long as you're doing what you want to do, then I'm perfectly happy.
I just want to make sure that you're doing what you want to do.
You can't just go with everything.
I'm not just going with Maya to Barcelona.
I really want to go. It'd be a huge deal. I--
Barcelona is, like, the place that I've always wanted to go.
Okay. Well, I think it's really weird that you never mentioned it--
-I-- Stop. Mom, stop! -You never told me anything about Barcel--
-Just stop. I don't want-- -I want to help. I'm just trying to help.
-I don't want your help. Stop! -Okay.
Oh, my gosh. Hold on. Two seconds, everybody.
Who knocked this over?
Here we go. We need to plug in.
You dance as well.
Go dance. You got to go dance.
Let's do the Motzi and toasts after this song.
-God, you scared me so bad. -What's that bottle?
My water bottle?
The one with "vodka" written on it?
Uh-huh. No… it's a joke.
I was just, like, joking with my friends one time, and I put it on there.
And it's, like, so people won't drink it.
Okay, but I don't want you drinking tonight.
I won't. S-- I'm sorry.
Everybody, you did an amazing job dancing.
And now it is time for the Motzi and the Kiddush and the toasts.
Now I will pass it off to you.
Amen
Mazel tov.
Okay. Go, Jakey!
All right, everybody. Next song is a request from Rabbi Steinberg.
It's called "WAP."
I'm just kidding, Rabbi Steinberg. That was a joke.
Macaroni in a pot That's some wet-ass pussy
That song. He can't play that.
Hey, buddy. Why'd that girl just leave?
Probably 'cause she's too old.
You feeling a little bit insecure about her being taller than you?
She's only taller than me 'cause she's autistic
and got held back, like, three years.
She's, like, three years older than us.
Were you being mean to her?
You trying to trick her into thinking she can't beat you up?
She can't beat me up.
You know who can beat you up for sure?
What's going on here?
Nothing. This kid's just kind of being a bully.
Sorry, my son is being what?
Your son's being a prick.
Do I smell alcohol, kid?
What?
Fuck off, adult.
Wow. Nice.
You're Lisa's kid?
You guys call me kid one more time.
-What did you say? -What's going on here?
Your DJ is being extremely inappropriate with my family.
What?
Andrew, explain to me what's going on.
I just wanted to make sure no one was being bullied at the party.
I think you should go home. I'm very disturbed.
I think you should go home and take your kid with you.
-Do not speak to her like that, Andrew. -You tell her not to--
-Okay, you're gonna leave. Let's go. -You embarrassed Rabbi Steinberg.
And you told people to dance their wet-ass pussies off.
Hey, where's your mom? Her bag was in there ready to get stolen.
I do not know where my mother is.
Can I sit down with you?
Yes.
Found your cube.
Thanks.
Do you want to tell me what that mean little bitch kid said to you?
That I do not belong in his grade.
Are you okay? Did that make you mad?
I just wanted to walk away.
Well, that's really awesome of you
because I almost kicked his ass and got thrown in jail.
Okay, while you work on that,
I'm gonna go try to find your mother because I think she's probably worried.
Okay.
Hi, women's bathroom. I'm looking for someone.
Is anybody in here?
Does anybody's name in here start with a D?
Andrew.
Yeah. Domino?
Is Lola okay? Have you seen her?
Yes. Yeah, She's cubing it up. Are you okay?
I'm kind of stuck in here.
What do you mean? Do you need toilet paper?
I just-- I got some blood on my dress.
It's not-- I'm fine. It's not a cut.
Word, okay.
But I need-- Can you get me some paper towels?
Yes. Yeah.
Like, ten.
Yep.
And can you wet some?
Will you wet some of them?
Yes.
Okay.
Can you reach that?
Fuck.
-What? -I can't reach that.
I just got blood on my dre-- More blood on my dress.
-I can go a little further. -Yeah, toss them. Just throw them.
I can but I feel like it's gonna fall on the floor, and it's gonna be, like,
not sanitary for your--
Go under, then. Go--
Close the door.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Do you want me to see if someone has a tampon or something?
No, I'm good.
Andrew, I need you to help me get to my car
because I don't want the parents to think I Kill Billed somebody in the bathroom.
Yeah, it does look like that. Do you--
That's a period? Do you want my--
Do you wanna wear my coat? I have a coat.
I don't think your coat is gonna cover my ass.
I feel like it is. I'm pretty tall.
I don't want the parents to see me wearing some guy's jacket.
Okay. I think I have an idea.
-Hey. -I finished. Did you find my mother?
Great job. Yes, I did find your mother.
And she's got a bit of a visual situation going on
because she spilled something on her dress, but I have a plan.
What did she spill?
Steak.
She-- But I-- So, I have a plan.
My mother was not eating steak.
Someone else spilled steak onto her.
But it doesn't matter 'cause I have a plan,
and you're going to play a super important role in that plan
because I can't go back into the party.
Okay.
Excuse me, David.
Your brother, Andrew, has asked me to ask you to help me with a plan.
Okay.
Hello, sir.
Domino, I'd really like to drive you and Lola home if that's okay.
And I think we should maybe stop at the hospital.
I don't need to go to the hospital.
I'm fine.
Okay. Well, you look totally fine, so…
Do you want a hug or something?
No.
Okay. I love you.
I love you too.
What do you wanna do?
You want to hang out down here while Andrew waits for a ride?
I want to get in my pajamas.
Okay, cutie. Do your thing.
I'll be up in a bit to say good night.
Sorry I'm close to you. You looked like you were gonna fall over.
I need to sit down.
I need to take a shower.
I feel like we should just sit here.
I wanna get out of this fucking T-shirt.
I like your shirt.
Then why don't you marry it?
Domino.
Are you all right?
Yes.
Thank you.
Hey.
Sorry I scared you.
It's okay. Where's my mother?
She's-- I think she's brushing her teeth too, actually.
Do you want to meet my hamster?
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Here you go, Jerry.
Man, I love Jerry. He is very cute.
Good Lord.
So, school is starting soon. Are you excited?
I'm excited for parts.
You bummed summer is over?
A little bit, yes.
Do you collect potato mashers?
Yes, I do.
That's really awesome.
So, what do you usually do before bed besides feed Jer,
and get in pj's and brush your teeth?
My mom sometimes will scratch my back, but I do not want you to do that.
I do not let anybody but my mother touch my back.
Yeah. No, that makes total sense.
Why are you here?
Ouch. You're trying to hurt my feelings?
-No. -Well, Lola, that was kind of brutal.
I did not mean to be brutal.
I'm just teasing.
Your mom just had a tough night
and I wanted to make sure you guys were all good.
But I am going to leave right now.
And I'm going to see you at Lexi Ray's bat mitzvah party, if you're going.
I think I will be in attendance.
Excellent.
Okay. Well, good night.
-Good night to you too, Andrew. -And good night to you too, Jerry.
That's a really cute freaking hamster.
Hello.
Hey.
Hi.
Lola just introduced me to Jerry.
Oh, yeah. She's really proud of him.
Are you hiding something in there?
Yes.
-I'm gonna go and say good night. -Okay.
But if you wanna wait downstairs in the living room, we can talk.
Okay.
I'm glad you're here.
I thought you left.
-Do you have a husband? -I have a fiancé.
Joseph.
He's in Chicago.
He's not Lola's dad, right?
No.
This is his parents' house.
His parents are here?
He inherited it.
I feel very comfortable with you. I don't know why.
But I do.
Why wouldn't you feel comfortable?
Lola said you asked about her potato mashers.
Your kid is super dope.
And I was thinking, I used to help out families in my neighborhood,
like, if parents wanted a night out, I would stay with their kids.
Or, like, even watch their house.
And I was wondering if, like, you and Lola have a situation like that with someone.
-Who I need to kill. -No.
No, I wish.
I'd usually just bring her to my parents' house, but…
they live very far away, and it's a pain.
Well, if you don't want to do that ever,
call me because I really like to sit on my ass and hang out with people.
But I understand if you don't want to, because we don't really know each other.
We know each other.
Yeah. Right?
Do you have a piece of paper somewhere in here?
Okay. My number is on this slip of paper,
and I'm gonna call a ride so you can get some rest.
But I'd really like for you to call or text me if you ever want a night out
or, like, want some help.
Okay.
You wanna sit while you wait for your ride?
Yes. On the floor again?
We've upgraded.
I really like your couch.
I hate it.
Me too. That's what I meant to say.
Are you gonna be okay tonight?
Yeah.
It wasn't a period.
I'm so sorry.
That's what I was thinking.
Did Joseph know that you were pregnant?
Let's not tell anybody about this.
Okay.
Well, if you ever want anyone to talk to, I've got massive ears.
Where's your ride?
Oh, my God.
Probably very close. It's about three minutes.
I don't feel like…
Okay.
I mean, I want to. But I feel like you don't want to.
It's okay.
Hello, Macy. What are you doing tonight?
-Are you sure nobody's here right now? -Yeah.
Yeah. My parents are at a bridge tournament.
-My sister's at a sleepover. -Okay.
So, yeah, we can be loud.
Yeah. Go harder. Yeah.
-Why are you staring at me? -I'm not.
-Close your eyes. Why are your eyes open? -My eyes are closed.
They were open.
You can toss that in the bathroom.
Who are you, Mr. Fucker?
The hell are you doing with my lover, fucker?
I can't believe college is over.
I can't believe we just had sex.
-Why? -I don't know. I just feel old.
Like, I had algebra with you.
And bio. With Dr. Mindle.
Did you have a crush on me?
Everybody had a crush on you.
Yeah, but did you?
I mean, I was attracted to you.
But I feel like-- I think I felt like you had so many people.
A lot of suitors.
I wasn't attracted to you.
So I actually didn't ask that.
But I appreciate the honesty.
I was attracted to you at my sister's bat mitzvah.
And now you're not?
-Now I'm thinking about algebra. -And bio with Dr. Mindle.
Do you think I peaked already?
No.
Of course not.
I just really hate my job.
If only I could quit my job and be a party starter.
And a Meat Sticks worker.
But I actually just applied for this job.
It was a-- It's a Newark chief officer zone
opportunity analyst intern.
-Cool. -I didn't get it. I got rejected.
Do you think I should quit party starting?
Well, on one hand, it is silly.
It's really silly.
But on the other hand, so is every job.
Like, selling your time is insane.
That's really depressing.
I do think you're a sexy dancer.
No.
Come on.
-Do you wanna have sex again? -Not at all.
No, man. We don't have alcohol. I wish we did.
But no, we don't have our liquor license here in the mall.
Hey. How's Margaret?
Are you guys talking yet?
Not really. We just text and dance at bar mitzvahs.
Yeah, you do.
Your chemistry with her on the dance floor is pretty insane.
Are you just saying that?
I'm saying that 'cause I have two eyes. You guys are electric together.
When did you have your first kiss?
Why do you ask?
Margaret's friend told me that she wants to kiss.
Uh-oh.
And how do we feel about that?
Answer with your badass shades off.
I don't know how to make it happen.
All right. Lesson one.
Forty percent of it is instinct.
Like, if it feels right, it probably is right.
Go with your gut.
And then 10% is your brain and all that stuff.
Like game plan, strategy.
And then 50% is Margaret.
You don't know anything about her.
You don't know what she wants or what she likes,
so you have to talk to her.
Try super hard to know.
Are there any more lessons?
Yes, there are.
There are five-- four lessons on how to have the best first smooch.
Hey, do you see a lot of Lola at school?
Yeah. I have English with her this year. Why?
I don't know. I just think you guys should be really nice to her. Bullies suck.
And I feel like it'd do a lot if cute boys were really nice to her.
That guy is a dick to us too. He and his two friends bully everybody.
Who? Gavin?
-Yeah. -Well, maybe you guys should beat him up.
I'm definitely gonna beat Gavin's ass one day.
That's bacon and eggs.
You're dating him.
Trying to ease me into it?
Honestly, thank you.
You, like, training for a big bicep contest?
I don't want to do that anymore.
You can do more.
Oh, no, I can't. I can't do more. I'm not that guy.
You're not that guy, pal.
Fuck!
Oh, God.
I'm not a push-up guy.
I'm not a sit-up guy either.
Why do you want this job?
Well, hope loves a friend.
Hope Loves a Friend is the name of our nonprofit, yeah.
But why do you wanna join the team as a communications associate?
Yeah, sorry.
I studied marketing at Tulane.
And I have a lot of experience with social media design.
And a lot of experience with CRM tools like Buffer and MailChimp.
A lot of experience there.
And…
I don't know. I just wanna help make a difference
with kids and young adults whose parents are affected with ASL.
You mean ALS.
Pretty sure it's ASL.
No, I'm kidding. Obviously, you're right.
My dad has ALS.
That's not true. I don't know why I just said that.
-Hey. -Hey.
How'd the interview go?
I'm going to lean back into the Meat-Sticks, party-starting grind.
Can you tell me the second lesson?
The second lesson is…
give her all of your attention because that's all people want.
That's pretty easy.
Does that look good? Yes? That--
-King. You're a king. -For the kids' side?
That's for the kids' side, then I'll lead the adults.
Maybe we do a call and response type of thing. So it's--
What if I was like…
Your turn. Or something like that?
Yes. Clap, clap. Yes! And then maybe you can invite, like--
Like, invite one of your friends up to do a dance or something like that.
Like Carter.
I'm gonna be right back. You guys keep practicing.
Nerves make you forget. Keep practicing.
King. Big Baller Brand.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm sorry. I lost the slip of paper that had your number on it.
I did. And I was thinking of calling Lisa, your mom.
I was, like, looking at the class list. And then I was like,
"I'm not gonna be like, 'Hey, can you tell your son I lost his number?'"
-So… -Where's Lola?
She's actually about to walk in with Joseph.
They are parking, and I said I had to pee really bad.
But you wanted to warn me?
No, I didn't wanna warn you.
But, yeah, I did. I wanted to warn you.
He doesn't know anything that would upset him.
Well, yeah, the theme is "Sam goes viral. TikTok."
-Yeah. Hi, guys. -Hi, Andrew.
Hey, Lola. It is so nice to see you.
-This is my fiancé, Jo-- -Joseph.
-Glad to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
Domino said you helped out the other night.
-I really appreciate that. -Oh, yeah.
And you're our new sitter.
Yes, I am. Uh-huh.
And you're working tonight? I hear you're a great party starter.
Yeah, well, um, I hear you're a great professional lawyer.
-A busy one. I don't know about great. -Yeah. You out of town a lot?
Yeah. Just a case in Chicago keeping me busy.
Is your next case in Livingston?
-I wish. -That would be great.
All of his cases are in Chicago.
I think we should move there. We're thinking about it.
She wants to. I'd rather not.
Well, where is the wedding?
Here. Soon.
-Should we-- -Yeah, totally. Likewise.
Yeah!
-Hi. Hey. -Hey.
I got the sitter job?
Yes.
I'm so sorry. I just had to--
Well, no. I'd love to, though. I haven't changed my mind.
Okay. Well, I just thought that maybe…
What?
Nothing. I have a birthday party next week,
that I would like to go to, but Joseph will be out of town.
-I'm there. I'm absolutely there. -So…
If Lola wants.
Yeah. Of course, she does. She really likes you.
I really like her.
-I cannot see. -That's the point.
How are you so fast at this game?
A lot of practice.
Yes.
What is happening? What are you doing?
No, we are not done.
No! No!
What is "farctate"? What is "farctate"? That is not a word. "Farctate"?
It is a word.
Well, use it in a sentence.
It's a farctate board now that I've put those letters down.
What, a fucked-up board? Like farctate-- Like you farted on it?
No. It is filled. Farctate means to fill or stuff.
It means full, as opposed to hollow.
I don't believe you at all.
And I'm going to prove that you are telling the truth.
That is a word.
I don't understand how you're so good at this game.
I'm not that good. I am just a lot better than you.
Wow.
Did you feed Jerry and brush your teeth?
-Yes, of course. -Duh.
Well, I'm sorry Mom isn't here to scratch your back.
Is there-- Can I, like, read you a story or something?
Or, like, I can fall asleep on the floor while you fall asleep.
I used to need my mom to read me a story.
Then after that, she had to, like, sleep next to me in order for me to fall asleep.
I do not like that sort of thing. I do not mean to be brutal.
No. No, no. It's not.
I just wanna make sure you're okay to fall asleep.
I'm okay to fall asleep.
Okay.
Well, good night.
Good night to you too, Andrew.
And good night to you too, Jerry.
Is mine blue?
Yeah, it's super blue.
How did that happen?
Just normal.
Do you want to know something?
Yes.
I'm having more fun now than I did the whole night.
Did you have a bad night?
No, it wasn't bad.
Yeah, it was bad.
I'm a bad person.
I don't think you're a bad person.
Let's trade.
What?
Okay.
I have a question.
-Have you ever been depressed? -Wow.
Downer alert.
You don't have to sound the downer alert.
I'm just curious.
I've always been depressed.
Downer alert.
Before Lola was born?
Especially before Lola was born.
Raising her made me better.
What's it like being depressed?
I don't know.
It feels like…
like you don't remember what better feels like.
And then you do things that you think will make you feel better, but they don't.
They make it worse.
And the things that I'm really scared of doing
are probably the things that will help me the most,
but I just can't do them.
My mom is bipolar…
so she was really depressed a lot when I was a kid.
And, I one time asked her the same question
and she said, "Sometimes it's just easier for people to be sad."
She tries though. Like, really tries.
Everybody tries.
I understand that depression makes your brain think things aren't true,
but sometimes I just wish people like my mom would listen to, like,
people instead of her brain.
And, like, good people, not shitty people.
Do you know what you look like right now?
No.
You look like the sweetest person ever.
-Do you know what you look like right now? -I don't want to know-- I don't care.
I don't want to know.
Everything feels so good right now. I don't want it to change.
The only thing I would change is that my elbows hurt.
Your elbows hurt?
Yeah, from leaning on them like that.
Wow.
Holy crap.
I thought you were gonna be Greg.
What?
Hey, David doesn't like this cereal, does--
Nope, just you.
-Thank you. -You're welcome. What'd you do tonight?
I was out with some high school friends.
Are you planning for your Spanish adventure?
Because I am ready to help.
I think Maya is dating someone in Barcelona.
I didn't want to say this before,
and I'm not just saying this because I'm your mother,
but you're way too good for her and everybody knows that.
Literally everyone I know thinks that.
Who?
Everyone. Greg--
-It's true though. -Greg told you that Maya was too good--
It's true. We all know it's true.
Fulbright scholar is--
-Big dummies. -Dummies.
Yes, I'm way too good for her.
Your memories aren't going anywhere, by the way.
I'm sorry. Growing up is hard.
It's very overwhelming. I don't know how much I have left.
I have so much, right?
Not-- You know, not necessarily.
You…
You did a lot when you were young.
Sorry.
But I feel like you're way ahead of the game.
Hi, Andrew.
Hey.
Guys, was it extra beautiful today?
We were just talking about that.
Yeah, sometimes I really envy Judaism.
Same.
And Nicky and his family were so sweet. Don't you think?
Yes. The parents. Oh, my God. They were literally to die for.
Hey, will you sit for Lola this week so I can take Domino out?
Yes. Lo and I get to fricking party again?
Well, I have four fours which puts me at, like, 195.
I tried so hard to beat you. What is your secret?
-I do not have any secrets. -Do you promise?
-Yes. -Okay.
Well, Lola kicks Andrew's ass one more time.
What do you want to do now, party animal?
I am not exactly sure.
-Do you want some more food? -No, thank you.
Do you like spending time with me like this?
I feel like it's taking a lot out of you,
but I want you to know that I can just sit here and, like, not talk.
I can chill. I can be a chiller. I feel like I'm talking a lot.
Sometimes it drains me a bit mentally and physically
when I spend a lot of time mingling.
Okay, yeah.
I'm sorry that I'm draining.
How can I not be? How can I help that?
You're probably not going to be able to.
Sometimes I just need to recover in solitude.
I actually enjoy being in an empty room.
Well, I'm very jealous of that.
Why are you jealous?
Because I wish I enjoyed the company of an empty room.
Have you ever tried to enjoy it?
"Have you ever tried to enjoy it?" No.
I'm ready for bed and I do not mind you scratching my back.
I'm going to do my best Domino impression.
Go like this.
And go like that.
-Like this? -Yeah.
Okay.
And go across.
Like, across your back?
Okay.
-More pressure, please. -Okay.
You're trash, kid.
Hey.
Fun night?
Yep.
Dinner and a movie and a… long ride home.
We were just talking about you.
Was saying to Domino that you, remind me of myself.
That's interesting.
-How? -How was Lola tonight?
She's great. She was great. We played 500 Rummy.
I love that game.
Where are your socks, man?
I… took them off.
They're in my shoes because it was getting hot in here.
It is really hot in here.
Yeah, it was really hot at, like, 20 minutes ago, especially.
Is that your shirt?
-It is, actually, yeah. -Class of 2018?
How old are you?
I'm 22.
I don't even remember being 22.
I didn't realize you were that old.
Lots to figure out after college.
Yeah, lots to figure out, always.
Want to help us figure out our stuff?
I'm sorry?
We've both had too much to drink. Andrew, I'm sorry.
We're going to go to bed.
Yeah, no worries at all. I'll leave you.
-I still got to pay you for sitting. -No, it's fine. You can Venmo me.
No, I got cash.
Thank you.
Good night, Domino.
What's the third lesson?
Be somewhere alone with her.
Quiet. Other people around is bad news.
So, say "Let's go somewhere quiet"?
Where the fuck is my Meat Stick vest?
-Don't you have multiple? -Yes. But one's in the hamper.
I don't want to go to work with a smelly-ass vest on.
Can you help me for a second?
It's somewhere in this room. Check my drawers or something.
You should just, like, ask her to go to the water fountain with you.
That's where I had my first kiss. You can, like--
Or you could just not say anything, grab her hand
and start walking with her and she'll be like,
"Oh, my God. Are we about to have our first kiss right now?"
-Won't that be creepy? -Yes. No, not if you pull it off.
I don't think I can.
Well, you won't with that attitude, David. Where is my Meat Stick vest?
Hi, this is Andrew.
Hey, this is Mr. Ron.
I'm calling to offer you a job at Hope Loves a Friend.
Wow.
I think today's my last day working at Meat Sticks.
Thank you so much. I'm so excited. Is this a prank?
I'm done working at Meat Sticks
Macy, what are you doing tonight?
Excuse me, miss.
Hello.
Mist--
Mister bar--
What are you trying to get?
Who is the discount Bradley Cooper?
He's getting vodka sodas for me and Lizzie.
How was your play?
It ended. And then we came here.
Naturally.
I'm not lying.
I don't think you are.
-Mister bartender. -Good. Great.
What?
I really want a cigarette.
Have one.
No, I quit.
Who's with Lola tonight?
My parents.
-Where is your fiancé? -Chicago.
Why is he your fiancé?
Why is he my fiancé?
Yeah. What's going on there in terms of, like, why he's your fiancé?
You're drunk.
You walked in a tilde out here.
A tilde?
Yeah, like the Spanish accent over the "n".
I know what a tilde is.
I know how to soft step.
I just don't want to right now. I want to hear why you're getting married.
Because I want commitment.
It doesn't seem like that.
I know.
But I want to be firmly planted in adult world.
And I want to-- I want everything else to be shut down.
And I want to build something.
Is he your soul mate?
-Do you believe in soul mates? -Yeah, I do.
I think, on the Earth, we all have, like, a ton of soul mates.
I think for you, maybe it's like a special case where you only have a few…
who, like, could be and really are your soul mates.
But most of the people in the world aren't your soul mate.
How many soul mates?
For you, like, four.
Four?
-Yeah. Four soul mates. -I probably haven't met any of them.
No, you have. God puts them, like, on your path so you'll cross.
How many do you have?
Like, 1,200.
Have you met any?
Yes.
Domino.
Oh, my God. That's a ton of blood.
Why do you want to go to Chicago?
Because I want change and…
I think I want to go to college and there are a lot more options in Chicago.
And I just feel like my whole life is happening there.
-You should definitely go to college. -I knew you would say that.
But you should go here so Lola and I can hang out
when you're busy studying and doing your essays.
I had this dream the other night that I was working on the common app.
And Lola was there, and I couldn't focus.
And then you came in and you were like,
"Are you ready to turn it in?" And I just…
freaked out.
I was freaking out because I hadn't even started it.
And then you were like…
"It's okay. You have plenty of time.''
And I had side-swept bangs.
Did the side-swept bangs suck? Is that why you're tearing up right now?
Do you know I was married to Lola's dad?
No.
He left.
I want to thank you for being so kind to Lola.
Easiest thing in the world.
I want you to be in Lola's life.
But I don't want you to babysit for us anymore.
Why?
Because I want you to do your 20s.
I feel like there are things that you just, like, don't say to me.
And I can't tell whether you're, like, holding back a desire to be close
or a desire to be distant.
For me, it's holding back a desire to be close.
Oh, my God.
You have to go. And you have to go out that door.
Oh, fuck, he said tomorrow.
-Domino, look at me for a second. -No.
It's just me.
Hey.
How are your friends?
I'm kissing Margs tomorrow.
-Andrew? -That's great. That's awesome.
Can you tell me the other lessons?
No. Not right now.
What?
Why?
Because I don't have any lessons.
Every time you asked me for a lesson, I just pulled something out of my ass.
And I don't want to do that right now.
Wait. So you've been messing with me?
David, can you please fuck off right now? I don't want to talk.
I don't have any lessons. I don't know shit.
I guess I don't know why I thought you know shit.
You don't even have a girlfriend.
You want to get your ass kicked right now? Is that why you said that?
-That's not funny. -I'm not trying to be funny.
You're not the only one who can be mean.
You're not mean, David. You're just really fucking annoying.
Hi, Andrew.
What's up, chiller? Hey, Joseph.
Hey.
Hey, can you hold another thing right now?
It depends on what that thing is.
All right. Wait right there. Hold on.
What is it?
It is…
You know, just a MoYu 13-by-13.
It's for you, it's yours.
Thank you very much for this.
You sure you can hold it? Yes, you can.
That's really kind of you, Andrew.
Hey, Lola, why don't you go sit at that table over there
and claim our territory before everybody gets here.
Listen, we haven't told Lola yet,
but we're not gonna need you to babysit anymore.
Why?
Lots of reasons.
One of them being I finished my trial.
We settled.
Congratulations.
Yeah. So, I'm actually gonna be taking some time off.
We won't need a sitter anymore.
Where's Domino right now?
She's at home.
Is she okay?
Yeah, she just didn't feel like coming to a party tonight.
Why are you so fucking vague, man?
-What? -Is she, like, sick or what?
Look, Mr. Schindler's looking over here like he wants you to get back to your job.
I'm going to let you do that. I'm gonna go sit with Lola.
Could you do me a solid? Could you pour me, like, a straight water?
And by water I mean vodka.
Stepdad Greg.
Hey. I just showed up with your mom and brother.
Well, I didn't think you were showing up alone
to Benjamin Schindler's bar mitzvah party.
I hear we're driving you home because you Ubered. Is that right?
That's right. Yes.
Although I feel like all that Uber money might be worth it
to not smell that fish in your car.
-What fish? -I have no idea.
I assumed you had many fish in your car.
-Did you put fish in my car? -No, man, your car just reeks.
All right, Andrew.
Have a nice night making certain people feel happy.
Have a nice night hating your life.
Are you drunk right now, son?
I am. Yes. Sir, yes, sir.
Hey, hey, hey.
Mr. Schindler wanted you to start a while ago. Where have you been?
Doping. Tell him his kid's party's gonna be lit.
Yeah, I'm going to tell him his kid's party starter was doping.
What? You stink.
Nah, you stink.
You stink. You have a job to do right now.
Well, Mr. Schindler's wearing a clown costume, so.
You start now and I'll tell him you were just pooping. Okay?
Okay, great. Tell him whatever you want, Mom.
Job.
Okay, got it.
Jesus Christ.
-Hey. -What?
I'm really sorry about last night. I need advice. I'm really nervous.
Everybody's nervous. You got it. I got to go.
Hello, everybody. Are you guys ready for a circus?
You ready for some music? All right.
I know how hard it is for some of you to get on the dance floor,
but the way we're going to start tonight
is everybody is gonna do the Cha Cha Slide.
Every single person. No exceptions.
I'm literally not going to start the song
until every single person is on the dance floor.
Hey. Do you want to walk with me to the water fountain
while everybody's dancing to the Cha Cha Slide?
Yeah.
Are we just getting water, or should we hang out back here?
We can hang out back here.
How was your soccer game?
Good. We won.
Congratulations.
I scored a goal for you.
That's nice.
-That's a really nice necklace. -Whose cube is that?
Do you want to…
Kiss?
I just got it as a gift.
-Come on. Give it. -No.
What are you looking at?
Hey.
-I'll be right back. -All right.
To the left Take it back now, y'all
One hop this time Right foot, let's stomp
Left foot, let's stomp Cha cha real smooth
Cha cha now, y'all Now it's time to get funky…
-Give my cube back. Give it. -You're tall enough.
-Give her her stuff back. -Get off.
Oh, shit, Rodrigo.
Fuck head.
Guys, guys, guys.
-Are you okay? -Hey!
Relax, relax. Relax.
-Hey! -Goddamn it.
Hey, don't push my mom.
Yo, what the hell?
Hey.
Damn.
Andrew, there are boundaries that come with a professional gig.
Every profession has those boundaries.
Okay, but the way you put that man to sleep, stepdad Greg.
Andrew, this isn't funny.
Mom, I'm sorry that you got slugged,
but those kids that Rodrigo and David were fighting are pricks.
Every kid in their grade is going to sleep very well tonight,
knowing they got their asses kicked. Along with that prick dad.
-Now they won't fuck with people. -The language.
Yeah. It was worth it, Mom and Greg.
Yeah, I've been waiting to kick their asses for three years now.
Unbelievable.
And, Greg, that was the meanest right hook I've ever seen, my boy.
Yeah, Greg. I did not know you could move like that.
What are you, Jake Paul?
I knew you would like that one, dog. He literally fell asleep.
Well, no one hits your mother.
Mom, it's not on the table.
-Did you look in my bag? -Yes, it's not there.
I don't know. Maybe it's on my bedside table.
Okay.
Look, I really don't want you to drive right now.
-Greg, I had one drink. -Where are you going?
I'm going to my friend's house because she's sick
-and I want to go check on her. -Why are you in such a hurry?
I'm not in a hurry. You need to put ice on that. It looks horrible.
David, can you come upstairs with me?
And, you guys, ice your fists.
'Cause of your punches.
-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir.
David, come up here.
I'm really sorry. I was having a bad 24 hours.
-It's okay. -It's not okay, but I'm really sorry.
-Did you have your first kiss tonight? -No.
You didn't? That's good.
That's actually really, really good because I realized something.
My lessons sucked.
They were, like, super misleading.
I kept telling you that it was all about Margaret
and about, like, giving her all your attention,
but I forgot to say that you have to pay attention to yourself too.
It's not easy, like we were saying. It's actually really hard.
Because you've got to go for what you want, too.
Kissing is for two people to enjoy.
I got to go.
Really awesome shit tonight.
I'm so proud to be your big brother.
Love you.
-Andrew? -Yes. What?
Good luck.
Thank you.
Hey.
-Hi. -Hi.
Are you sick?
No, I just didn't want to go to the party.
What are you-- It's not over.
It's not.
I just wanted to come and tell you something
'cause I feel like I'm not going to get another chance to tell you…
that I feel like you don't want to get married.
So, I don't think that you should.
And I love you.
-You don't love me. -Yeah, I do.
And more than anything, I just want you to be happy.
I am happy.
When I'm with you, I feel so… alive,
and I feel so special.
But that's because it's all…
possibility.
We're not in a relationship.
-But what if we were in a relationship? -I don't know.
And I don't want to know because you are 22,
and you deserve so much more than this.
You can't just decide that you love somebody,
and then that's that, and everything's great.
-Yes, you can. -No, you can't.
Yes, you can. You can.
You don't even know who you are yet.
Giving your heart to somebody is…
the scariest,
most dangerous,
most perplexing thing.
What if we just kiss? Maybe you'll change your mind.
No.
I want to marry him.
I do. I really want to marry him,
and I know that it doesn't seem like that because of what I do, but I want that.
It's just that I'm so scared…
because the first one left.
He left me.
Marrying Joseph is the thing that will help you the most.
What?
The other night you said that the things that really scare you are the things
that are gonna help you the most.
I had thought that you were--
I thought that you were talking about me.
Because I'm an idiot.
I'm really sorry.
Roll the window down.
I'm really sorry, man. I'm a dumb kid.
I know. It's okay.
Thanks for looking out for Lola tonight.
Andrew, look at me for a second.
Thanks for looking out for my family.
-You good to drive? -Yeah.
I'm drunk, now.
Mom, can you pick me up in Greg's car right now?
Yeah, I'm safe. Everything is just, like, a mess.
-Hi. -Andrew, this is Ashlin.
I've heard so many things about you. I hear you're a…
-Hello? -Hey, it's me.
I got off early. Can I get David?
Yeah.
-Are your keys in here? -Yeah.
Mother.
Can I tell you something?
I'm really sorry I gave you that black eye,
is the first thing I wanted to say. It looks really cool, though.
And I also want to tell you
that I have decided I'm not going to Barcelona.
But I do think I'm gonna move out soon.
I realize I have enough money.
But I don't think I'm going to move very far.
That sounds great, babe.
I've been passing our old house on the way to work.
Like, I walk by it every day.
-You have? -Yes.
And I feel really happy every time I pass it.
And I just want you to know that.
Like, I have this urge to tell you that I had a really great childhood.
And I think you're a really great mother.
I hope you know that. I think that.
And I also really love your new house.
And I'm really happy that you're happy.
Are you trying to kill me?
Yes.
Yeah. Come here.
-Hey. -Hi.
For some reason, I was afraid I was never going to see you again.
Well, I usually don't pick up David. But today I got off work early, so…
You really caught me off guard the other night.
I just didn't have a chance to think about what I wanted to say to you.
It's not just that I'm afraid of commitment
because I've been left before.
It's because you're deeply in love with me?
Yeah.
But what I was gonna say is that…
it is really hard for me
to accept the fact that until I leave Earth,
I'm gonna have always been so tangled.
She came when I was so young.
And…
then everything from there was defined by her stages.
And then Joseph came along, and I'm so thankful, but…
for the rest of my life, everything is going to be defined by them.
But you,
you only have you.
And how scary but how amazing.
You can just figure things out,
and you don't have to worry about bringing another person into it.
Yeah, I think you're so great.
I'm really sorry that--
It's okay.
-Well, dang, this sucks. -What does?
You just gave me, like, your farewell speech.
So this means we're saying goodbye.
I should go.
David doesn't think that I'm parking,
so I should get in the carpool line.
And I don't want to see Lola.
I realized the other day I probably won't see her much anymore,
and that makes a lot of sense to me.
Yeah, but that makes me really sad.
Yeah, it makes me--
makes me really sad too.
Gosh, you're really sweet.
No, I'm not. I just really love you guys.
But my memories aren't going anywhere.
Neither will mine.
Neither will hers.
Okay, well.
Bye.
-Wait. Hold on. -Yes?
I was gonna try and get you this card.
I was going to mail it and then…
-I don't have-- -You don't have my address.
No, I don't really know anything about you.
But you can have it.
Thank you.
By the way, I do think I'm a soul mate.
But I know that Joseph is too.
Do you want to talk about it?
No, not right now. Maybe later. Thank you for asking.
Well, I'm-- I'll probably end up doing homework
at the dining room table, so whenever you're ready.
David, I want to be friends forever, okay?
Okay.
Can I tell you something sad, though?
I think I'm not going to be living in your room much longer.
I think it's probably time I find my own place, right?
Yeah. I mean, that's probably right. It's a pretty tight space.
Yes, it is a very tight space.
Did you talk to Margaret today?
Yeah. We did some talking.
What? Shut your ass up right now! Did you have your first kiss today?
You had your first kiss today. What are you talking about right now?
At school? Oh, my God.
Okay, so we're-- You're-- We're getting home right now.
You're going to do your homework so freaking fast,
and then you're going to tell me every single solitary detail.
And then we're going to break into Greg's secret fridge
and pop some bottles before he gets home.
Why do you look upset?
What's going on?
I think I'm a little heartbroken too.
What? Margaret?
No, no. It's…
I'm going to miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too, man.