Okay! You're gonna have to say it 45,000 times.
Because I won't.
There's my baby.
- What is this? - Come here and have a look.
Oh, my God. Bailey, what is this?
Look.
Wow.It's--
Look at this view.
No. Bailey, stop.
Last summer,
I learned that the most terrible thing you can imagine can happen at any time.
There were once two sisters
who shared the same room,
the same books,
the same thoughts at the same moment.
The older sister walked ahead of the younger one
so the younger one always knew where to go.
Come on.
The older one took the younger one
to the river.
The older girl would say,
"Dunk your head under a few inches, then open your eyes and look at the sun."
- Okay. Two… - Three, two, one.
And so, the younger girl did it, and her whole world was filled with light.
What do you mean it might not get better this time?
It's always gotten better before, Big.
Gram? Uncle Big?
Hey, hi. Hi.
Lennie. Come here. We were just discussing your black spots.
Listen, we must ask ourselves, "Has the Lennie-plant ever been wrong?"
- No. - No.
Come have some breakfast, Lennie.
I'm not hungry.
Is that the sweater that she was--
Are you sure you wanna wear it?
I'll see you guys.
Which do you like better?
Green or the blue?
The blue.
You didn't even look up, Lennie.
Fine. The green.
Really, Bailey, I don't care what shirt you wear.
It turns out she wore the blue.
Turns out those were the last words I ever spoke to my sister.
At 4:48 p.m. on a Friday in August… At 4:48 p.m. on a Friday in August…
Give me my Romeo.
…my sister was rehearsing the role of Juliet.
- …and he will make the face… - And less than one minute later,
she was dead of a fatal arrhythmia.
Just like our mother.
…can you call someone? Call the cops?
To my astonishment, time didn't stop with her heart.
People went to school, to work, to restaurants.
They crushed crackers in their clam chowder.
They kissed on corners, on benches.
Were lonely on long beaches.
They ate plums in the sun.
And sang in cars with the windows down.
But unlike everyone else, for me, time stopped.
There was no more music in me. Not one note.
There were no more dreams in me. There were no more dreams in me.
And just like Cathy and Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights,
I've lost the one person on Earth who understood me.
I saw that.
I have invited him to dinner, so go-- go keep him company
and make him feel welcome.
He is not interested in talking to me.
Go.
The kid is out of his tree, running loose through the park.
Right along with the rest of us.
I know you never liked him much, but come on.
She was the love of his life.
Make sure he knows not to pick my roses.
All right, it's a concept right here,
but…
- Hey. - Hey, Uncle Big.
You hanging in there, kid?
How about a session in the truth-mobile?
No? Okay.
Uncle Big get you in the-- the truth-mobile?
He tried. But I resisted. He tried. But I resisted.
Done my time in that car.
Yeah, that's-- that's how Bailey would get everything out of me too.
Is this her sweater?
Gram wanted me to pack up all of Bailey's stuff in boxes,
then put them up in the attic.
No way. Nev-- Never.
Of course not.
Do you want some water or something from the house?
Yeah, sure. That'd be great.
My God. Lennie Walker.
Oh, my God. That's Lennie Walker.
Hear about her sister?
She dropped dead out of nowhere.
She's been gone for, like, two months.
- Can't believe she's back already. - She must be so sad.
The weirdest part of grief… The weirdest part of grief…
I heard him play. The guy's a total musical genius.
Catch you later, man.
He was in a band in Paris.
- Yeah, France, dude. - The most inappropriate part is that…
I heard he plays, like, 30 instruments. For real.
…all of a sudden, since Bailey died,
I can't stop thinking about just falling into someone's arms.
Hey. You must be Lennon Walker. Hey. You must be Lennon Walker.
Been keeping it warm for you.
You play clarinet too?
Hopelessly. But now I can get back to where I belong.
Where is it you belong?
Not here. That's for sure.
- He sounds so good. - Yeah, me neither.
Are you ready for your big solo today?
You wanna make a run for it?
Where to?
Paris is nice.
Sorry, I-- I heard about your sister.
Everyone's been talking about it.
Actually, ev-- everyone's been talking about you.
Lennie! You made it!
Did you get my texts, my emails, my Morse code, my skywriting?
Lennie!
You okay?
I missed you so much.
I'm sorry I've been so AWOL.
- I'm sorry. - Free pass. - I'm sorry. - Free pass.
Free pass for life after this.
Very funny, losers.
Lennie. So good to see you.
See me after practice so we can go over your solos
and so we can talk about your conservatory auditions.
All right, everyone.
- I can't do it. - Let's start with Finzi this morning.
What? What do you mean?
First chair. Juilliard. This is the dream, right?
I'm not applying.
Yeah, you are.
- Never gonna happen, Luke. - Excuse me, Lennie.
See you later.
Bated breath, boy wonder. Bated breath, boy wonder.
Don't even think about it.
He's, like, so out of your league.
Anyway.
When's the last time you had a boyfriend again?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Never.
Hey, Big, you want a little more?
- Yeah, please. Thanks, Mom. - Good?
- Toby? - I'm okay.
Three more steps.
- Bailey. - Come on, Lennie.
- Lennie. - I'm too-- I'm scared.
I don't wanna do this.
Bailey, I can't. What if we get in trouble?
- Come on, Lennie! - Bailey.
Let's see.
Not-- Not my bravest moment.
Yeah, she used to joke my name was "Come on, Lennie."
Well, I think you're being really brave now.
You do?
Hey. Look, at the-- the three of us. Hey.
Oh, Toby, these are even worse.
I felt so left out that day.
I was plotting when to drown you.
Yeah, I actually spent a lot of time plotting against you for…
turning Bails into such a zombie.
Yeah, my dad, he-- he didn't let me on a horse for months
'cause of my "Bailey Walker impairment."
As he called it. Yeah.
I felt left out that day too.
Really, I've never known sisters so close.
Wuthering Heights again?
I can't stand this anymore.
Do you want to be as miserable as Cathy and Heathcliff?
This is not okay, Lennie.
And you have to stop sitting in her closet.
Gram, no. Stop! Stop!
It is okay. I want it like this.
It makes me feel like-- like she's still here.
Like she could come back any minute.
From the top, Lennie.
Again.
Use what you're feeling.
We don't play the instrument. We let it play us.
Okay. Let's move on.
I'd like to challenge Lennie's chair.
Really, Rachel. Now's not the time.
It's the last day before fall break.
And under the circumstances, I'm gonna have to say--
I accept the chair challenge.
Lennie, this is about solos, college visibility, Juilliard…
You understand this is a challenge for first chair?
You got this. Mozart is your jam.
Okay.
Mozart clarinet concerto in A.
Player B, when you're ready. Player B, when you're ready.
When you're ready, Player A.
Player A.
Player A?
Rachel? Oh, no.
- What the-- - It's a forfeit.
Rachel, you're first chair.
There were once two sisters who were not afraid of the dark. There were once two sisters who were not afraid of the dark.
Because the dark was always full of the other's voice.
How do you know that I can do the solo?
The toes told me.
The toes always knows.
Perfect spot for a gingerbread house, don't you think?
Sorry.
You--
Wow. Wait. You followed me? From band?
No.
Just, you know, had this sudden urge to go for a run Just, you know, had this sudden urge to go for a run
with my guitar on my back down a long, dark…
…creepy road.
Creepy.
I mean, it's literally called "California's enchanted forest."
These trees are too tall.
Oh, my God. Treason.
They're-- They're-- They're redwoods.
That's the point of them,
being tall and… old.
Like, this one is probably a thousand years old.
I like nature.
I do.
Look. Look.
Mr. James wants us to practice over break for auditions.
I'm guessing that you're also applying to Juilliard.
No, I'm not… applying.
- Jesus, I wish everybody would just stop-- - I've gone through it too.
You've lost a sister?
No. Sorry.
I meant I know what it's like to lose your ability to play.
One song?
Right here? Guitar and clarinet. Untapped duet.
It will make you feel better.
Yes! All right.
I don't wanna play some untapped duet with you.
Okay?
And I don't wanna be first chair, and I am not applying to Juilliard!
- Okay. Fine, dude. - No.
No, nothing is fine, "dude."
I wish my shadow would get up and walk beside me.
Hey.
No one at school gets it.
Don't think it's possible to get it.
Unless you're in it like we are.
All we can do is love the world as she loved the world,
with daring and spirit.
And joy.
It's such a colossal effort
not to be shattered by what was lost,
but to be enchanted by what was.
Bravo, Bailey! Bravo!
Bravo, Bailey!
- Love you, Bailey. - Bravo, Bailey.
Better get back to the horses and the hogs.
You are Saint Francis.
It's been said.
By your sister.
That was me who said that actually.
She told me about how you are with the horses at the ranch,
and I'm super into the saints.
So…
I didn't know that.
Well, I should go.
It was great hanging out. And last night too. It was great hanging out. And last night too.
Made me feel better.
Me too. So much better.
Okay.
Well--
Yeah.
- Good night. - Good night.
It didn't mean anything, right?
Truth-mobile immediately.
Okay.
Come on. Okay, okay, okay.
- What? What? - We did it.
Did what?
Toby and I had sex last night.
I thought you already had like 10,000 times.
It was incredible.
It was so… intimate and… just--
Congratulations then.
Why can't you ever be happy for me about Toby?
You're just so different now.
I miss how it used to be.
I'm in love, Lennie.
Maybe one day you'll put down Wuthering Heights and live your own life.
Hey, maybe one day I will!
Lennie, are you in her closet again?
- Boner. - Boner, erection,
woody, schlong, stiffy,
- baloney pony, johnson. - Boner.
Ding-dong.
You know, it's possible you've taken
the whole strong, silent type thing a little far.
Was going for the oak tree in the yard.
Excellent. You--
You do a very good oak impression.
I need to tell you something, Lennie. So I asked Bailey to marry me.
What?
She said yes.
Yes?
As in "yes"?
Why did-- Why didn't she tell me?
- We were gonna tell you all that week. - No. "We"--
"We" were going to Juilliard together.
"We" were gonna room together in New York. That was the plan.
And she and I, we are the "we." And she and I, we are the "we."
And she was waiting to apply when I did.
So we-- we could be there together.
Oh, my God. I'm--
Toby, I'm sorry.
Y-You guys…
you were getting married.
And I'm acting jealous.
No, we-- She knew it would surprise you.
I just needed to tell someone, you know.
Just needed to tell you, Lennie.
You know, I don't know how I'm gonna do it.
Day after day
without her…
forever.
Oh, Len.
Me neither.
You miss her as much as I do.
I can feel it.
No, no.
Didn't mean to do that.
Oh, shit.
I'm so sorry.
Once, I decided I wanted a heart like Bailey's instead.
I took her medication for days.
Waited to get prettier, cooler, funnier.
Waited to sing in my sleep.
Follow the road
I waited to eat petals off flowers.
Waited to move through the world like music.
Hi, this is Bailey. You know what to do.
I don't.
I don't know what to do.
Bailey, I'm so sorry.
Nothing like that will ever happen again. I promise.
Never, ever.
Can you send me a sign you forgive me? Can you send me a sign you forgive me?
Please.
Anything. I'll know.
Him? He's the sign, Bails?
Oh, my God. He is.
Joe Fontaine is the sign.
Hey! Hey, get in. I need your help. I'm gonna go dead bug hunting.
- Dead bug what? - Yeah.
- Hey. - Hey. You sound amazing.
I'm on the verge of a scientific breakthrough.
I'm gonna use the sacred geometry of the great pyramids
to bring dead bugs back to life.
Hey.
All right, so I figure
that we're eventually gonna hit, like, a high bug-density area. that we're eventually gonna hit, like, a high bug-density area.
Great.
And we'll-- we'll pick 'em-- pick 'em off the windshield.
How are you doing? 'Cause your gram and I have been a little worried about you.
I knew it. Total ambush.
It is an a-- It is an ambush.
How you doing?
I keep calling her voice mail.
How did you guys get through it when my mom died?
I'm not sure that we did.
Len. I'm sorry, but I'm just not sure that you ever do.
It was you guys who saved me back then,
moving back in with my mom to help raise you two.
All of a sudden I got these wobbly little drunks.
Just banging into everything. Especially you.
You--
You're like my dad, Big.
You're like my dad too.
This guy's a beauty.
We gotta be sure to choose the guys who are still intact
because we do not wanna bring the severely wounded back to life,
I've realized.
You believe in signs?
Like, from the beyond?
I believe in everything.
Big, what if you did something terrible?
Don't do it again.
Yeah. Okay.
What if you want to?
What if--
What if you can't stop thinking about it?
Got it.
Welcome to the human condition, kid.
Try thinking about something else maybe?
Hi. I'm in honor band with Joe.
- He has my clarinet. - So the magic clarinet's yours.
He's convinced it's making him play better.
He's been playing my clarinet?
Constantly.
He's not home right now, but,
you're more than welcome to take a look in his room.
He loves Wuthering Heights too?
He's my Heathcliff.
- Why do you have her clarinet? - It's a long story.
We got time.
He played your clarinet?
Look at this beautiful thumb bump.
No clarey with a callous like this doesn't wanna be first chair.
You work harder than anyone. You want this.
Please-- Just don't.
Look, I'm sorry about…
the texts and the phone calls and emails.
I said free pass. It's fine.
Okay, it isn't fine at all.
Why won't you let me be there for you?
Sarah, I have to tell you something.
And if I don't say it right now, I never will.
Something happened with Toby.
S-Something like "something" or something like "something"?
Oh, no. It was Toby's "it"?
When we hugged.
Once.
But it gets worse.
We kissed. We kissed.
Like, we really kissed.
Wow.
Say something. Please.
I don't know what to say.
I can't believe you would do that.
And him. But how could you do that?
God, Lennie, it's like you're someone else, and--
And what?
Nothing.
No. Say it.
Fine.
And I don't know if I like her.
Oh. Len, I'm-- I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean it. You just--
You just-- You just keep blowing me off. And--
Lennie, I love you, and I can't imagine what you're going through right now.
No, you can't. But Toby actually can.
When I'm with Toby, there is someone with me in my grief.
Someone who knows its architecture as I do,
who can walk with me from room to sorrowful room,
making the whole rambling structure
of wind and emptiness
not quite as scary,
as lonely, as it was before.
Look, I-- I know I shouldn't have come.
No, but I-- I'm-- I'm glad you did.
I…
I know I shouldn't say this,
but I-- I can't stop thinking that…
the better one of us was taken.
That it should've been me.
Oh, no.
She'd hate for you to feel that way.
I hate for you to feel that way.
You're the only person I can tell these things.
I'm so guilty that I'm still here.
You know she's in a coffin, Toby.
Oh, Lennie.
You know, we're here.
And she--
And she's in that airless box.
I c--
Oh, my God. I can't-- I can't be here.
Lennie.
I can't--
I can't be-- be here.
- I can't be-- - You're okay.
- No. No.
You're okay. You're okay.
You're okay.
We're gonna be okay.
Okay? I promise.
- Three, two… - Two.
Stop. Can you please get off her?
Bailey.
Bailey, talk to me. Bailey!
Bailey, please!
No. No.
Lennie, please. For me.
- No! - Lennie. She's gone.
She's gone.
My mind is not a safe place.
I can't shove the dark out of my way.
Why does being near him feel like being near you?
I have to throw these thoughts away.
Let's go to the beach. Have a day together.
I'm okay.
Then maybe we could pack up some of her things.
It's time, Lennie.
Hello?
Everybody hide.
Nonsense. Who is it?
It's this guy from honor band! This guy!
I think the front door must be telling him jokes,
because his face is so lively.
- Big. - I'm answering it.
- Gram. - You've gone mute. At least with me.
You could store paper clips in your mouth.
How come you guys don't know how to whisper?
Well, hello, young troubadour.
I got it, Gram.
So do I, hon.
I brought a peace offering. Please don't attack me with it.
So sorry about my woods freak-out.
You were in my bedroom.
Yeah. Yeah, but don't worry.
I wasn't-- I didn't smell anything.
I didn't read anything of yours.
I didn't smell your pillow. You know what I mean?
And also…
Yes, by the way.
So these roses.
Wow.
Aphrodisiacal.
Four marriages behind me to prove it.
Don't get any ideas about my roses. Don't get any ideas about my roses.
This plant, however.
Oh, yeah, that guy. Well, that's Lennie,
and it's dying.
We don't know what the hell to do about him.
'Cause if the plant goes…
- Okay. - Lennie's next.
Joe, how about we just…
- Is this your dad, or… - Big is Lennie's uncle.
Lennie's mom, my daughter, Page, she died a long time ago.
She had a real independent streak. Went to the sperm bank for the girls.
They deliver it right to the house, you know.
Sorry-- Deliver what?
The sperm, dear.
Just like a pizza.
Okay. Joe.
They're so cool.
They are so weird.
Okay.
At the risk of mortal danger, I am not going to ask you to play with me again. At the risk of mortal danger, I am not going to ask you to play with me again.
Good.
Great.
I won't have to
because you're gonna be begging me to play with you momentarily.
Yeah.
I give you three minutes.
Ready? About to disturb the birds in Australia.
I'm not gonna play with you.
Go get your clarinet.
Nope.
Oh, man! Oh, man!
Okay, that's all I got. I'm spent.
Fine.
So, you-- you--
You said in the woods that you lost the ability to-- to play once.
What happened?
This violinist.
At a conservatory in France.
- Oh, a girl. - Yeah.
Thought we were in love.
Found her in my bed with my roommate who I also…
thought was my best friend.
How can they betray me, man?
It was brutal, though. Never spoke to either one again.
And you just s-stopped playing?
For six months.
How did you get it back?
After it all happened, all I really wanted to do…
was listen to Bach. was listen to Bach.
And I mean, like, every minute.
Like, I was dreaming in Bach.
And it started feeling like everything was in it.
All the awesome. All the BS.
And in this one perfect moment, I mean God perfect,
Bach turned everything into this killer beauty.
My God, I wanna feel that.
Can we do it?
C-Can we try-- Can we try it? Like--
Try what?
Brandenburg One?
Yeah?
- Or-- no. - Cool.
- Air on G, actually. - Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, better.
Perfect.
Holy shit.
I've never heard it like that before.
Me either.
I felt like I was listening to it through you.
Did we just have sex?
You wanna do it again?
French Suites?
We have so got to play Bach together. We have so got to play Bach together.
There's no way around it now-- now… Sorry.
Hello.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
Yeah, meet at the river. Okay.
Me too.
Sorry.
- I've got to go meet with-- - Yeah.
You know, I had a dream about you.
No. No, no. Like-- Like a-- Like a--
Not that kind of dream. G-rated.
It's a flying dream.
One minute we were playing on the ground, and then the next we're…
In a fit of ecstasy?
Like Saint Joseph, your namesake?
No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
How could you do that?
- How could you, Gram? - I had to, Lennie.
They… They don't come back.
Hi, this is Bailey. You know what to do.
Clarey number two.
Did you hear my big news?
Now that I'm first chair, Marguerite St. Denis,
yes, the Marguerite St. Denis,
is taking me on for the year.
Guess how many students she got into Juilliard last year.
Five.
Later, band-kill.
- Where do you want this? - Anywhere is perfect.
Lennie! Time for a deep cleaning.
You just stopped by?
What's up, brother? Hey, Lennie.
Lennie, aren't they handsome?
Wouldn't you just kill for those eyelashes?
- What you working on? - Okay. I mean--
It's my cleft chin, Ms. West.
I thought it was your navel. Your nuts are so high.
Cheers, milady.
- Brother. - Brother.
It tastes good.
Tastes really good.
It's too soon for it not to taste like ashes.
Grief is a house that blows into the air at the slightest gust.
Grief is a house where the chairs have forgotten how to hold us,
the mirrors how to reflect us.
Grief is a house that disappears each time someone knocks at the door,
that buries itself into the ground while everyone is sleeping.
Grief is a house
where the younger sister grows older than the older one.
You okay?
You didn't even know her.
No.
And you have a brother.
I-I do.
And I d-- I don't understand why you're here.
You don't? It's 'cause I like you.
Duh. That's one.
And two, I'm obsessed with playing with you
because I think Mr. James thinks you're better than me
and that's driving me crazy.
And, well, three…
I think you're really pretty and I'm incredibly shallow.
I'm not the pretty one.
You just say that because you never met--
I'm saying that because it's true.
What about Rachel?
What about her?
We're friends.
And I just totally freaked out on you again, didn't I?
It's okay.
Can I?
Yeah.
Been wanting to do that.
Joe, stop.
Who's that guy?
It's--
He's--
Your hair. It's down.
Let me introduce you boys.
Joe Fontaine, Toby Shaw.
Bailey's boyfriend.
- So sorry, man. - Thanks.
- Brother bean! - Nah, you've earned it.
- Shut up, man. - I'm off.
Your hair looks amazing like that, by the way.
Sounds good, bro.
- Nice. - Smooth. There you go.
I want you to meet him.
Is it okay I came back? I can't stop thinking about you.
- No, we can't. We can't. - Wait.
No, not this. I don't know what this is now. We can't.
This is not making anything better.
- It's just making things worse. - No.
I'm not her, Toby.
I know that. I'm--
Please.
John Lennon?
- No. - Not sure which room is yours.
Nothing happened to me for 17 years. Nothing happened to me for 17 years.
Seriously, nothing. And now everything at once.
We were just going th-through Bailey's things.
Just leaving.
Lennie, is something going on between you guys--
That's hilarious. That's hilarious.
Meet me in the rose garden.
This is the truth-mobile.
While in this car, do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, so help you God?
I swear.
Why do you like me?
The grief girl who can barely function in the world.
Because after that day with Bach on your porch,
I couldn't listen to music without thinking
how much more incredible it would sound with you there listening to it with me.
Even the water faucet.
I wanted you to listen to the water faucet with me. I wanted you to listen to the water faucet with me.
That is the best thing anybody has ever said to me.
- Wanna say it again? Maybe? - Nah, I'm at my corny quota, thanks.
Okay. It's worth asking.
My turn.
Why'd you forfeit your chair?
I was scared.
- I am scared. - Of what?
Of the solos.
I throw up before every concert where I have one.
Yeah.
And that's all you're scared of?
It's like I'm scared of…
I guess of being alive without my sister.
Yeah! Yeah!
I learned this really terrible thing recently.
That the absolute worst thing you can imagine in life
can happen at any time.
But… today…
I also realized
that the absolute best thing you can imagine
can happen at any time too.
Joe, no. God.
Your damn roses take another one down.
You go on like that,
every lovelorn in town will be here snipping away.
He's a musical genius.
Wish I was a musical genius.
I'm so sorry, Len.
I've read about it since. I guess grief sex is a thing.
I didn't mean to be so judgmental.
No, you were right to be judgmental.
It was wrong. It was so wrong.
And I am so sorry that I kept blowing you off.
I just-- I didn't think you could understand me anymore, bu--
I-I couldn't. But I want to.
And I miss her too, Len. So much.
I miss you so much.
Hello. Toby stopped by to see if I needed any help in the garden.
Isn't that nice of him? He's gonna stay for supper.
Not hungry.
What's going on with you two?
Nothing. My gram keeps inviting him for dinner.
Just being paranoid?
Some Genevieve PTSD.
Genevieve? Is--
The one you stopped talking to.
Yeah, don't cross a horn player. Yeah, don't cross a horn player.
You'd tell me, right?
Nothing's going on.
Shit. Okay.
You're better than me.
Okay, I'm gonna try to be big about this.
Yep.
Why is he always here?
- What? - Why is he always here?
I cannot hear you.
Why is he always here?
What is wrong with you, Lennie?
I mean, have a heart. The guy is devastated.
I am so sick of Toby.
Of you.
Of death.
I just wanna be in love. And I just wanna be in life. I just wanna be in love. And I just wanna be in life.
God, how does everyone else do it?
Tell me!
I mean, people die all the time, right?
God. H-How do they do it?
How do people all over the world,
staring at beds that are no longer slept in--
They no longer have to buy a certain kind of cereal.
How do they stand in line at the movies?
How do they make music…
when inside, their hearts are ripping to shreds?
Tell me how, Bailey!
She told me…
that she would never leave me like Mom did.
Why didn't you take her to a better doctor?
Or to more doctors?
I blame you, Gram.
I blame you for everything.
And you, nothing comes back to life.
Get a grip and stop smoking so much pot, for Christ's sake.
You're not in eleventh grade!
Toby, you have to leave me alone.
I mean it.
You can't keep coming over here.
I know. I know.
And I'm sorry.
That's all I wanted to tell you. I just--
I wanted-- I needed to apologize in person. I wanted-- I needed to apologize in person.
I got so messed up in the head.
We both did. It was both of us.
No, it was more me.
Trust me, it's…
I don't know what to do.
I just…
I just miss her so much.
Me too.
Yeah.
What?
Hey, what is it? Toby? What?
I can--
It's something in your face. What?
Toby.
Hey, hey. Toby, what is it?
I thought maybe you knew.
She was pregnant when she died.
And-- And we were gonna have a baby.
A baby.
No.
Oh, no, Toby. I am…
I'm so sorry.
I just want this pain to end.
Wait. Wait, wait, please.
Wait, Joe. P-- Please stop. Please.
It's not-- I-- I don't-- It's not like us, it's-- I--
My sister-- It's not what you think.
It's exactly what I thought.
No. No.
No, no, no. You don't understand.
Here, I wrote you some music.
I'm so sorry.
Where does all the love for someone go when that someone is gone?
How would Bailey ever forgive me?
Does she understand
that it's just me and Toby in this house of grief?
That we're stranded here without her? That we're stranded here without her?
That it feels like the only way to bring her back?
They all smell like me now.
Every single one.
We're sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
There you go, Bailey.
- Can you listen to me for one second? - No, I won't.
Because you always cancel plans on me for Toby! It's not fair! Because you always cancel plans on me for Toby! It's not fair!
How does he know me like this?
How can anyone but you know me like this?
Please, Joe. I need you to understand.
Like I promised, subtle.
Oh, man.
I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Aren't we feminists?
Totally.
The French kind that celebrates the bod.
It's langage.
As a means, of course, of subverting
the dominant patriarchal paradigm and the white male literary canon. the dominant patriarchal paradigm and the white male literary canon.
So, go forth and subvert, sister.
Before you lose your nerve.
When have I ever had any nerve?
What?
Remember that time we watched the Kentucky Derby together?
Yeah. Why?
Did you notice that the racehorses had
those little companion ponies that never really left their sides?
I guess?
Well, that was me with Bails. I'm a companion pony.
I mean, even with you, Sarah, I'm second chair.
It's who I've always been.
And now?
Lennie?
Lennie.
- One hot tamale, John Lennon. - Shut up, Marcus.
What's going on with you two? We're finished, okay?
Joe, I'm-- I'm s-sorry.
I don't care.
Your feet.
Um, I've never seen them before.
Your toes are so awesome.
Leave me alone.
Emotional guy.
He attacked me with his guitar yesterday. Think we're making progress.
What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?
Len, let me take you home.
No. I am done with you.
You are just gonna say something so heartbreaking that I wanna die.
- No way. - Nothing's gonna happen, I promise.
It's just a ride.
Okay, only if we can drive in complete silence.
Fine.
No, total freaking silence, Toby. I mean it.
Nice outfit, by the way. Subtle.
Okay, I-- I give up.
Tell me what you're doing.
The three words I got in yesterday and the ten today
add up to pretty much telling him he should give you a second chance.
That there's nothing going on between us.
That we were just wrecked.
Wha-- Really?
That was really nice of you.
You know, I watched you guys that night…
by the roses.
I saw it. How you feel.
I really love her, you know?
More than anything.
Len, you'll make him see the light.
Okay.
Len? I made us some tea.
I'm so-- I don't-- I don't want any tea, Grams. I'm fine.
I just need some alone time. It's okay.
- Hey. - Hey.
Fiona's? I thought you weren't supposed to pick these?
They're for Joe. Is he home?
Wow, Lennie, the aroma.
My God, and the colors. The size of them all. Dude!
Marcus, is Joe home?
No, sorry. He is not, but I will take these inside.
I have the perfect spot.
Wait. Marcus-- Marcus, I-- I wanted t--
Lennie?
Joe.
You think it's that easy?
I don't want tiny dresses or stupid freaking magic flowers, okay?
I can't be with you,
because every time I close my eyes, I see you with him.
- I can explain everything, but-- - I just--
No, there's nothing to explain. I saw you two, and you lied to me.
No, it's-- Toby and I We were talking about-- No--
Toby and I what? No, I don't wanna hear it, okay?
Hey, look, I told you about what happened to me in France,
then you did this anyway.
I can't be with somebody that could do that to me.
I can't be with somebody…
that could do that to her sister.
You have no idea how close I came to chopping your precious book to bits.
But I-- I have some self-control and respect for other people's things.
You come like the Grim Reaper and decimate my roses. How could you?
They'll grow back.
You have become very selfish, Lennie Walker.
Did it ever occur to you
that I have been asking you to go on walks or have tea or go to the beach
because I need you?
I'm sorry.
Yes, you act like you're the only one in this house who has lost somebody.
She was like my daughter. Do you know what that's like?
No, you don't.
Because you haven't once asked.
You're right. You're right.
Who I'm becoming is this…
totally selfish screw-up who--
who hurts everyone.
Could we go to the beach together?
Maybe spend the whole day together?
Please?
And just so you know, I don't know who I am without her either.
Really?
You were right that night.
Ever since your mom died, I-I had promised her
that I will protect you girls,
and-- and I didn't. I couldn't.
I couldn't take care of her either. I couldn't take care of her either.
Gram, no, no.
I've been blaming you. And that's so u-unfair of me.
Like it's all your fault.
Like-- like you're in charge
- of everything. - I wish I were in charge.
Yeah. Yeah, me too.
Do it.
What? Do what?
Just do it.
Chop it into bits.
They wasted their lives!
They wasted their amazing love!
I hate Cathy and Heathcliff!
They were so committed to their misery. Fools! They were so committed to their misery. Fools!
I am not gonna be afraid to live my life like you two Victorian idiots!
Here, give me.
We're gonna live our lives!
You Victorian imbeciles.
And while we're at it-- Oh, my God.
I hate this pathetic plant!
- I hate it. - Oh, yes. Yes!
Good riddance!
And you know what? I hate that painting.
Goodbye. Not my finest work.
Oh, my G--
Oh, I have missed you so.
Grief is… forever. Isn't it?
It's not gonna go away.
She's gonna die again and again
every day for the rest of my life, isn't she?
Oh, honey.
I think so.
Heads up.
First day back after break, I'm challenging you for first chair.
- You're just doing this because you s-- - I want the solos, Rachel.
- How about we split 'em? - No.
We both know that most of the conservatories only consider first chairs.
May the best clarinetist win.
You're applying to Juilliard?
That's the plan.
About time you got a clue.
If I could play like you… If I could play like you…
Did-- Did you just say something nice?
Yeah.
It happens.
- Hey. - Hey.
Thanks for waking up this early to let me in.
What are you doing here? How did you even get in?
I want you to come with me.
No.
No, I'm not going anywhere with you. Are you crazy?
Look, I just -- I made a huge mistake with Toby that day.
And when I'm with you, I-I feel like I'm turning into brightness. And when I'm with you, I-I feel like I'm turning into brightness.
Total effing brightness.
You don't know this, but I've read Wuthering Heights…
23 times.
And I know that I love you more than Cathy loves Heathcliff.
Knowing this feeling, I never would've married Edgar Linton. Ever.
I wanna live like Bailey did,
with daring and spirit and so much joy.
And I want you to live like that with me.
Please give me another chance.
Please, please, please.
I can't, I c-- I can't.
Yes, you can.
And you have to because we're supposed to be together.
And we're supposed to be somewhere by 7:00 a.m.
And it's an hour drive to get there.
So, please… just come with me.
Lennie, go.
Just leave me alone.
Maybe we should just skip the ride, right?
I mean, I wanted to do this with him.
And we ha-have this thing about floating.
We had… this thing.
I hate the past tense.
I'm such an idiot.
Marcus. Marcus!
Marcus! Is Dad's car still in the shop?
Do you know where she was going? I need a car!
Can't you make it go any faster?
No. It's called Ennui for a reason.
- Your car's called Ennui? - Oui, monsieur.
I have two cats at school named Nothing and Dread.
Your cats are named Nothing and Dread?
- His cats are Nothing and Dread! - The little train that couldn't.
Did you just bat your eyes at me?
- Hey! Only one love story at a time. - You did.
Eyes on the road. Pedal to the metal.
Please!
I know I messed up.
- But I just really like him. - Yeah.
You're going up.
Me and you, okay?
You took a big risk. That's what love is. Just get the hell in.
I'm sorry about that stuff I said to you the other night. I'm sorry about that stuff I said to you the other night.
Yeah, I'm mad as hell about it.
No, listen, you got me thinking. I haven't gotten high in…
Get in the balloon, would you?
You're gonna make your sister proud today.
That was cheap.
Yeah, it worked though.
You're in for the ride of your life.
- Is that Sarah? - John Lennon!
- Wait. Big, it is. - Hey!
And it's him! It's-- It's him. It's Joe. He's here.
- He came. - Lennie! He passed the test!
- Oh, my God, life is happening. - John Lennon!
- This is-- - Hey!
Oh, my God, this is it. This is what--
Big. Come on. Make it stop. Ma-- Make it go down.
I can't, the rip line's all tangled.
Okay, then I'm getting out.
No. No, no.
Big!
Yes. Come on, Joe. Come on, come on, come on.
Joe.
Big, you got me?
- You got me? - Very Wizard of Oz all of a sudden.
God, you are crazy!
- Ready? Ready? - I got you.
Pull, pull, pull, pull!
You're crazy.
I'm sorry.
I'm a dick.
I get what happened. I do.
I do…
because…
of…
these, Lennie.
- How… How can you have these? - There's more.
Okay, I know what you're thinking. That I'm a creepy stalker dude, right?
Yeah, that's kind of exactly w-what I'm thinking. Yeah, that's kind of exactly w-what I'm thinking.
Yeah, but I'm not.
It just kept happening.
I just kept finding these. And even before we met, I found one…
…and then I started looking for them, like, everywhere.
And it was like they were looking for me. I can't explain it, I--
What? That sad melody. That's--
- That's how you knew me like that? - Yeah, I-I-I should've told you, I know.
I-I almost did when you asked me if I believed in signs
because I was seeing all these signs.
Bailey did this.
What?
And I don't wanna miss out on my life either just because I'm afraid.
I get it.
I just ca-- I can't believe it. I can't believe you-- I just ca-- I can't believe it. I can't believe you--
There was once a girl who found herself dead.
She spent her days peering over the ledge of heaven.
This dead girl thought her sister might be writing her notes, poems maybe,
but it was such a long trip to make for a few scattered words here and there.
So, instead the dead girl made sure the notes got into the right hands.
She made absolutely, positively sure of it.
There was once a girl who found herself so very alive.
She spends her days in a house by a river.
There are weirdos
and roses that for sure make you fall in love.
There's music.
There's the whole, sad, beautiful world and no stupid effing plant. There's the whole, sad, beautiful world and no stupid effing plant.
There are days that turn her into brightness.
There are so many days.