I meant to get a haircut.
I got a present for ya', Casey.
Casey, sweetie,
you take your daddy's present now.
Whoa.
I got a picture of you, too.
Maria!
No! No, no! No!
Happy birthday, darlin'.
No!
Whoa!
Thank you.
Obviously, you've seen mankiewicz's house of strangers.
It's one of my all-time favorite movies.
That's exactly what your script reminded me of.
The power struggle,
the fight for relevance. Yeah. Yeah.
And you're gonna think this sounds a little crazy,
but in some ways, it's king lear.
It's king lear. Yeah, exactly.
See, I knew you'd understand
what I'm trying to do with this film.
Right.
David, I don't know what to say exactly,
except this is the role of a lifetime
and I'd really love to be a part of this.
Cool, man. I'll just give you a shout in a couple of days.
Oh. If you're worried about the Boston accent,
I can do the Boston accent.
I've been working on it all week.
I'm not worried, Nick.
Okay, well, if you have any other questions
or you just wanna talk, give me a call.
Or if you'd like me to, uh... to read...
You don't need to read for me.
Of course not.
And obviously, I'm not going to.
Obviously.
But I bet a part of you would love to hear me read, right?
I mean, why wouldn't you?
If I were you, i'd want to hear it.
Seriously, I don't want you to read. Okay.
Anyway, this is me, so I'm gonna...
Well, you know what? I'm gonna read.
"It's a foregone conclusion, Jimmy."
"It takes 13 milliseconds for the human brain"
"to send a message to the body."
"So, by the time your bullets hit me, my cerebral cortex"
"will have transmitted a signal"
"to the 17 healthy muscles"
"that operate my trigger finger."
"And before your asshole has had a chance to pucker up,"
"your medulla oblongata"
"will be splattered on a fucking wall behind ya."
"And if that's the last thing I accomplish"
"on this beautiful green earth,"
"well, then, ha, I say, ha, what a way to fucking go."
Holy shit.
I can do another if you want.
Damn, man!
That was good, right? Felt good.
Mankiewicz? Whoo-hoo! Incredible pull.
I know. It just popped into my head.
Well, good. I'm happy for you.
Because, honestly, man, you really need this.
What? What is that supposed to mean?
You get it. This could be a game changer.
I don't need a game changer. If it happens, it happens.
If it doesn't, I'll just keep working. That's what I do.
I'm just saying, you could be a little more strategic.
Make more movie star choices.
It's like miles Davis told me...
"Sometimes, it's the notes"
"you don't play."
Miles Davis was a heroin addict.
I mean, I love him, he was a maestro,
but I'm happy,
I'm healthy when i'm working. I'm an actor.
No, you're a fucking movie star!
And don't you ever forget that!
Okay, I don't need this. I don't need this.
Get out of my car. Nicky, get out of my car.
I don't need this.
I need this.
This could be a game changer.
So, you're not happy with how your career is going
because you seem to be working all the time.
Well, I never viewed it as a career, only as work.
And what's wrong with that?
I mean, in any other job,
hard work is something to behold,
but with film performance,
"you're making too many movies, Nick."
"You're working too hard, Nick."
"Have the audience miss you more, Nick."
I mean, "hello, it's my job."
"I pay my bills."
"I feed my family. You're annoying."
My gosh!
Yeah.
So, what's the worry here, Nick?
You've lost some of your ability,
your talent as an actor?
No.
Uh...
No, it's just that I really want this.
This is the role of a lifetime.
It's a great part.
Well, how do you think your relationship with your work
affects your relationship with your daughter?
Let's bring addy into this, shall we?
What? Oh, you don't have to do that.
You guys can keep talking.
Well, I'll just finish with,
a role like this doesn't come along every day.
And now, I'm gonna zip it.
- I zipped it good. - Addy.
How do you think your dad's anxiety
over his career has affected you?
Well, his career is pretty much
the only thing we talk about.
That or he makes me watch old movies,
and then discuss them.
Which is really just him lecturing me for two hours.
It's a conversation. It's more of a conversation.
He made me watch this bizarre old movie.
What was it called? The island of Dr. Calamari?
The cabinet of Dr. Caligari. And did you like it, addy?
It's one of my favorite films. Have you seen it?
No, I have not.
It's about this insane old doctor
who has a sleepwalker completely under his spell.
This crazy old loon.
Can you imagine how horrifying that would be?
To be completely under someone's spell?
And you liked it, right?
I mean, you like the painted sets, and the makeup...
No, I did not.
Sounds to me like
maybe she didn't want to see the movie.
Did you think about that, Nick?
About what she wants?
Cheryl, come on. Is that a real question?
What do you think he's gonna say?
She has an amazing visual sensibility. Always has.
We're very close, and within that closeness,
I was able to ascertain...
Hey, honey. Hi, mom.
Bye, addy. I love you.
Oh, no, what happened?
Oh, she's mad at me because we watched.
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari together and she hated it,
which I find odd, given how mature her taste normally is.
Wait, you're surprised your teenage daughter
didn't wanna watch an insane
100-year-old German film with you?
Yes. Oh, my god. Okay.
Well, it's not just that.
You know, she's never read Mary shelley,
or Jane Austen, or even twain.
What a little philistine. Should we disown her?
She thought Humphrey bogart was a porn star.
Yeah...
What, really? Yeah.
That's disappointing.
Unless there is a porn star called Humphrey bogart.
That would work, wouldn't it? Humphrey. Hump.
No?
Look, you're just...
You're at a tricky stage right now
with her, okay?
And if you don't learn to connect,
it's gonna stay broken for...
What the fuck are you smiling at? Huh?
Why are you smiling? I'm not.
You are. Okay.
Olivia, I'm up for a very exciting movie.
And I think it's gonna happen.
Oh, my god. Look, will you do me a favor? Yes.
Turn up for her birthday party.
Of course. Of course.
Gosh!
Hey, fink, let's meet up. I have some questions.
I don't know. I just really want this.
I mean, this is the role of a lifetime, and as my agent...
Nick, I've got a good feeling, okay?
Okay. Now, come on.
I know how tense you get.
This is going to help you relax.
Fuck!
Oh, my! Fuck, I love this so much.
Is this supposed to hurt this much? Fuck!
It is. The more pain the better.
Fuckin'...
Why? It's good for circulation.
So, Nick, we got another offer.
Just came in this morning.
Excellent. What's it about?
It's about a million bucks.
What is it?
A birthday party, fink?
What are you even talking about?
You go, and I don't know,
tell some stories, make 'em laugh.
Make 'em laugh? Like... Like a circus clown?
A trained seal?
Nick, I got a call from your business manager, Kenny.
You've been living at the sunset tower for over a year.
And so? They love having me there.
You owe them $600,000.
They sent the bills to Kenny.
I'll take care of it.
Kenny says you still have substantial debts.
And now, the divorce, and your spending habits
and, and, and... Okay, I'm gonna deal
with all that, fink.
You know I will.
But I'm gonna get this next role
and when I do, all of that changes.
Then, I'm back.
And, by the way, not that I went anywhere.
Not that you went anywhere.
You never shit on yourself.
Come on! Never shit on yourself.
Fink, hold on a second. Let me get somewhere quiet.
Fink, you still there? I can hear you now.
Did you talk to him? I talked to David.
Oh, you're here. Great. Hold on.
Right, we're doing cake.
Uh... oh, my god, you're doing...
I have to finish this call.
Oh, my god! Jesus Christ!
Come on!
Fink, did you talk to him?
Nick, can you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you. What did he say?
He said he loves you,
but he ultimately went in a different direction
for the role.
Sorry, dude.
I hate it.
Thank you, mom.
Thank you.
Blow, blow. Make a wish.
Happy birthday, addy! All right, everybody!
Gather round the piano. It's showtime, folks.
- What's he doing? - What?
Nick? Nick?
Uh, step away from the piano, Nick.
Hi, Lewis.
You're all grown up now.
What, are you... What, are you 15?
Dad, don't talk to Lewis.
Okay.
When she was nine years old,
my daughter and I took our first trip together.
We drove overnight,
across the desert, to the Grand Canyon.
You remember that, sweetheart?
I do remember that.
And when the sun came up,
I pulled over to the side of the road
as she rested her little head on my shoulder
and we just watched...
Watched the sun come up.
That was the happiest moment of my life.
And in that moment,
I composed a little tune for her 16th birthday.
I've been working on it ever since.
And, uh, happy birthday, sweetheart. Here goes.
Oh, fucking Jesus!
I'm so excited to see what you do with your life, honey.
And I'll support whatever you choose.
Only, I wouldn't recommend a life in the arts.
Especially, with how real talent goes unappreciated
in this shithole town.
I don't know, Olivia.
I don't know.
Do you remember when the three of us
used to lie on the living room floor
in the New York apartment,
and you and I would watch her for hours on end?
Remember?
It was so much easier then.
Yeah.
Listen.
I'm gonna say something, and I'm not sure I should.
Say it.
Okay.
I need you.
You need me?
I need you to get your shit together, Nick.
Okay? She's not two years old anymore.
She is a smart girl who needs her dad.
She doesn't need...
She doesn't need this guy.
Yeah.
No, no. Come on.
Nick. fink.
The majorca thing...
What? The birthday party? So depressing.
I am honestly sorry for even bringing it up.
I'll take it.
It's gonna be great.
It better be because
when it's over, I'm done.
Like hot dogs on a grill.
I'm quitting acting.
So, you can call the trades, and tell them I said
it was a tremendous...
Honor...
To be a small part
of one of the oldest of human traditions,
storytelling and mythmaking.
Ah, fuck, man, I'm sorry.
I'm driving through the hills. One more time.
I said I'm quitting...
Back to our main news story
as catalan's presidential candidate.
Charles delgado's daughter
was kidnapped on Monday.
The police have confirmed that they have no information
as to her whereabouts.
They have asked anyone with any...
What do you say
we cut the chitchat, a-hole?
You almost got me killed twice.
Okay.
I'm in position.
All right, as soon as I have eyes
on baldassari, you move in and take him.
Copy that.
Wait, wait, wait. It's not baldassari.
What the fuck is happening right now?
Martin, talk to me. Who's on the plane?
I don't know if I'm losing my goddamn mind,
but I'm pretty sure that's the actor Nick cage.
That motherfucker from moonstruck?
Moonstruck? no. From face/off.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why the fuck is Nick cage on this plane?
You know what? We're pulling out.
I don't like this. Get out of there.
Martin.
No, get out of there. Now.
Vivian, do you copy? I said, do you copy?
You know what?
No.
What do you mean, no? No, no, no.
What are you doing? Vivian, what are you doing?
Thank you.
This is our shot. No, get out.
Vivian, get the fuck out of there right...
Nicolas cage! Oh, my god! You're so fucking awesome!
I love you! Oh, thank you.
Oh, me and my nephew Raymond just watched croods 2.
Dude! Cracked us up.
Can I get a selfie? Sure.
Oh, shit. Oh, my god. No, I like that movie, too.
You did so good in that movie, man.
Thank you. My goodness.
I made that movie with Emma stone.
You did? She's one of my favorites.
But you were the best. Well, thank you.
We look good.
Well, say hi to your nephew for me.
Okay. Yeah. Raymond. Okay.
Thank you. All right, bye.
Dropped that GPS on him.
Are you out of your mind? He's a fucking civilian.
He's an actor.
Do you remember what went down in Lisbon?
Fuck Lisbon, man!
That was kind of loud.
But fuck Lisbon. That wasn't my fault.
And by the way,
have you seen croods 2? No.
I'm 44 years old.
Why the fuck would I see croods 2?
I'm picking you up.
Yeah, fink, can you hold on?
Excuse me, it's Los Angeles calling. I need to take this.
Just two minutes. Of course.
Can you hold one second? I'm getting on a boat.
Thank you. Yeah.
I mean, what do we know about this guy anyway?
Is he a Spanish Dr. No? Is he into something strange?
Allan did some research. Hold on.
Allan, what does this guy do?
He owns olive groves apparently.
Also, he wrote this screenplay,
and he wants Nick to star in it.
Throw that in the fucking trash.
Nick, you're fine.
It's not like he's gonna want you to suck his dick
or fuck his wife,
or watch you watch him fuck his wife.
I wouldn't think so. Relax.
Have fun and give me a call when it's done.
You can tell me all about it.
Nice place.
Maybe I ought to get into the olive business.
Mr. Cage, I... yeah, excuse me. Real quick.
The guy that owns this house, what's his name?
Javi. Yeah, Javi.
Is Javi going to want me to, uh, you know...
I'm not sure I understand.
Look, if Javi wants me to suck his dick, or fuck his wife,
or watch me watch him fuck his wife,
that's a no-go. You understand? It's no bueno.
I think so. Okay, and if Javi...
I am Javi.
Nick cage.
So, how was it?
It was fine, normal. No big deal.
Come on. Tell me the truth. Okay, okay.
He was incredible. Was he?
But also, like, super cool.
He was a little taller than I had imagined
because you know they say actors are pretty short.
So, was he short?
No. No?
He was...
Just right.
Okay, but did he say anything about your screenplay?
No. He didn't bring it up, I didn't bring it up.
It wasn't the right time.
Just think about how would it feel
to say in front of everyone at the party
that Nicolas cage is starring in a movie that you wrote.
I don't know, Gabriela,
maybe I am living in a fantasy world.
I mean, look who we're talking about here.
The man is a legend!
Hi.
Hey.
Cheers.
Huh?
What?
Oh, no, I'm sorry, I thought that...
Did you say... no, I did...
Oh, never mind.
Yeah, so along those same lines, I was wondering...
And it's totally okay if you haven't,
but I was just wondering
if you had a chance to read my screenplay?
Javi!
Can I come or it's only for vip?
Uh, Mr. Cage, this is Ms. Gabriela lucchesi. Hi.
She runs all of our agricultural operations.
And this is my cousin.
Lucas Gutierrez.
Mr. Cage, we obviously are very excited to have you here.
What are you working on next?
Well, that's a tough question
for an actor to get, but it's fine.
Oh. 'Cause I'm no longer an actor.
I've retired.
What? What do you mean, retired?
So, what are you going to do now?
Live the life of a house cat.
Because it's just a matter of time
before the great power plant upstairs turns off the juice
and we retreat to the black pit of nothingness
from whence we came.
So, tell us about making the rock.
Bet you wish you were still making movies
like that, huh, Mr. Cage?
Must have been nice to have been a star.
And now...
Mr. Cage? Wake up.
Jesus Christ!
So, Mr. Gutierrez has been
waiting all day for you to get up.
He really wants to show you
one of his favorite places of all Spain.
It's called the cliffs of cap de formentor.
Yeah, see, well, I'm very jet lagged,
so I won't be attending that, okay?
Thank you.
Oh, my god! Mr. Cage.
If Mr. Gutierrez is asking you
to go with him and see the cliffs,
you're gonna go with him and see the cliffs.
And you're gonna love the cliffs.
Even if you hate the cliffs!
Are we clear?
Gabriela said you are really excited about the cliffs.
Yeah, very much so. It's just...
I'm not feeling tip-top right now,
so if you wanna go out there alone,
I could go back to the room... oh, shit!
Shit! What?
We must go now.
Hey!
Javi!
What is going on?
Faster!
What are we running from?
The general!
Javi!
Hey!
You need to tell me right now what the hell is going on,
or I'm getting my shit,
and I'm going back to Los Angeles.
The general!
The general forbade me to see his daughter Matilda.
But we defied his orders!
And now, he wants to end my life.
Can't you see him?
All right, all right, I get it.
You're making this up?
What is this?
Like a little stanislavski improv thing?
Well, you can stop.
Stanislavski? Is he part of the resistance?
Stop! I am your guest!
Gabriela ripped the bedspread off me this morning.
Now you're sending me on, like, a wild goose chase!
I'm sorry, but you can't quit acting! You can't!
That's none of your business.
Whether you like it or not, you have a gift.
And that gift brings light and joy to an increasingly
dark and broken world!
And to turn your back on that gift
is to turn your back on the entire human race.
The human race?
I'm afraid so.
What am I gonna do?
Oh, wow. If we don't go now,
they will fucking kill us!
These people smell blood
and they come running. What am I gonna do?
They're almost to the edge of the forest.
I can hear them.
And Matilda, she is waiting down the coast.
We have to go now! We have to jump!
You're in an untenable situation.
You know that, right?
So tell me one thing.
Do you love her?
I've always loved her.
Then let's get you out of here alive.
Oh, shit!
Fuck!
Oh, god!
I didn't know there was a cliff!
I didn't know it was that high!
We could have died!
You're a wild man.
I prefer bourbon, but thank you.
God, this place is stunning.
I bet my daughter
would like it out here. It'd be good for her.
Are you two close?
Well, it's impossible to be close with a 16-year-old.
But I've tried to be there for her. It's just...
There's no script for parenting.
Thank god for my ex, Olivia.
How did you meet Olivia?
She was a make-up artist on captain corelli's mandolin.
Beautiful film. Thank you.
Underrated for sure.
We just hit it off, you know.
She was funny, smart, beautiful.
So, what happened?
What happened?
What about you? Ever been married? Kids?
No.
There is one woman, but, uh,
sometimes circumstances get in the way of love
and that's just the way it is.
Anyway, Mr. Cage,
what is your favorite movie?
Oh... favorite movie?
Oh, wow! I mean, that... that is, uh...
That's one of those questions that's impossible to answer.
Because, you see, 100-plus years of rich cinema.
You can't just limit it to one.
It depends upon your mood, the seasons.
All right, let's do top three. You start.
Number one, face/off.
Oh, thank you.
Woo is a maestro. Thank you.
Number two, let me think...
The cabinet of Dr. Caligari.
You love caligari? I love caligari.
Wow! I was beginning to think I was the only one.
You gonna run the table here, jav?
It's hard. It's like you said, 100-plus years of rich cinema.
Thank you.
Look, can you just stop stalling
and answer the question?
What is your third favorite movie of all time?
Paddington 2.
What?
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Paddington 2.
Connect those dots.
I mean, I don't wanna be a snob, but...
I cried through the entire thing.
It made me want to be a better man.
Bullshit, man!
Paddington 2 is incredible.
I fucking told you.
Truth or dare, Nick?
Truth.
Did you hate my screenplay? It's okay if you did.
I just need to know.
You wrote a script?
I sent it to your agent.
He was supposed to give it to you.
Well, he didn't.
I guess I can understand why he didn't,
but where is it? I'll read it right now.
Now? Like, right now? Right now.
Send it.
I sent it. Fantastic.
Let's go into town, have a celebratory drink.
You can watch me read it.
See where it drags. It'll be fun.
No.
Honestly, I'm too nervous.
My heart is beating so fast.
I think I need to go to bed.
Listen, Javi, truth.
I wasn't that thrilled about coming out here,
but tonight has been the most fun
I've had in a long, long time.
So, thank you.
Oh. Hey, Nicky.
So, you're unretired then?
That's the idea.
Javi inspired you, did he? You like this guy?
He has good taste in movies.
Plus, it could be good for me to do
some smaller roles with great directors.
Some challenging character work.
Huh. So, like, um... like what?
The gay uncle
in the next duplass brothers movie kind of thing?
Exactly.
What the fuck are you talking about?
We haven't worked since you were 15...
Forty-one years to be number seven
on a call sheet of a goddamn student film.
I think it's a good idea.
You listen to me.
You're Nick fucking...
Cage!
Addy doesn't need a struggling artist for a father.
She needs you to be a star.
Now you get the next one, baby, and we're back.
Not that we went anywhere.
Come here.
Yeah, Nick cage smooches good.
You tell 'em! Nick cage smooches good!
I'll have another one.
Jesus!
What do you guys want? You want money?
Here, take my watch. It's not a copy, it's real.
Mr. Cage, we're with the U.S. government. We need your help.
The man you're staying with is the head
of a violent international arms cartel.
Wait, wait, wait. Javi?
He's a ruthless motherfucker.
He started small, coastal Spain.
But then, he got greedy.
Trying to expand his operations east, west.
Trail of dead bodies in his wake.
Javi Gutierrez?
Yes, Javi.
I don't think we're talking about the same Javi.
We're definitely talking about the same fucking Javi.
It's the same fucking guy, man.
Okay, okay. So, you're CIA,
some kind of intelligence, right?
And your job is to read people, yeah?
Well, as a thespian, that is also my job.
To understand people's characters,
to feel what they're feeling.
Which is how I know that Javi is not a gun dealer.
You're saying your acting ability
trumps five years of hard data
collected by the world's finest intelligence agency?
My nouveau shamanic acting ability?
You better fucking believe it.
Oh! Hey, guys, this sucks.
Uh, Nicolas cage's nouveau shamanic acting ability
has determined that we got the wrong guy.
So, let's pack up our shit and fucking go home.
Hey, man, don't mind him. He's all messed up inside.
He just found out his wife's been fucking his dad.
That's not all the way true.
Look, do you recognize this girl?
No.
It's Maria delgado.
President of catalonia's daughter.
Javi's men kidnapped her two days ago
to force her father out of the election
and make way for someone more cartel-friendly.
Yeah, the U.S. doesn't like that.
Yeah, look, hey.
We need to access Javi's security cameras.
We can't get anywhere near that compound
because it's too fortified.
And then, you show up.
So, you want me to, what?
Spy on Javi?
Bingo.
Yeah, I'm not doing that.
You have a daughter about her age, right?
This came in yesterday.
How do you think you would feel, huh?
Knowing you could have helped?
But you chose not to.
Be a lot of guilt to carry, wouldn't it?
Because every time you look at your daughter,
believe me,
you are gonna see that little girl
buried in a ditch somewhere.
And that will haunt you
for the rest of your life.
All right, here we go, Nick.
We're going to create a power blip big enough
to reboot all the security cameras.
Once that happens,
you got exactly four minutes and ten seconds
to get in and get out before they come back online.
Don't forget. Set the cameras,
and then grab them when you leave.
Uh-oh. Oh, shit, we got a guy coming.
Nick, guard on the way.
All right, Nick, stay calm.
Just like we talked about.
Take the incapacitating agent out of the pouch.
Put it in your hand.
Remove the outer layer.
The inner layer has the chemical on it.
Now, if you touch that to someone's skin,
they'll be out in seconds.
Now, find a place to hide.
There's nowhere to hide in here.
Hold on.
I think I can hide under the...
I touched my forehead.
You touched your forehead?
I think so. I'm not 100% sure.
Did you or didn't you?
You know what? I don't think I did.
I did. I did.
Nick, listen to me right now.
You have 30 seconds until you're drooling on the floor.
Go back into the pouch and get the antidote asap.
It's locked.
Where's the key that we gave you?
Inside with the antidote.
Oh, fuck this shit! Okay. Oh, shit. Okay.
Okay, Nick, there's a window to your left.
Go out that window, get outside,
go across the ledge, okay?
Scoot across the ledge,
and then climb into the security room window.
What the fuck is wrong with you? He's three stories up.
He's stoned out of his mind.
Hola.
Do it now, Nick! Now! He's getting closer.
He's fucking dead. He's dead.
Martin, I can hear you.
Come on, Nick. You can do this, okay?
Keep moving. Keep moving.
Hola?
I can't feel my legs.
You know, I really enjoyed working for the CIA.
Can't wait to move back home and work at fucking Sonic.
Shit!
Like rubber.
Come on, Nick, you got this. Keep moving, okay?
Hold on. We got a guard in the room.
Wake up, Nick.
Okay, go, go, go, Nick.
I love you.
Stay with me. Stay awake.
Keep moving. You can do this.
Pull your legs in now.
Pull your legs in.
I can't move.
Then you're gonna die. Do you wanna die tonight?
This is not how you die.
I think it is.
Come on.
Come on, you did it. You're in there.
Do it, do it! Stay awake!
Come on! Come on, Nick!
Come on. Come on.
Come on. You got it.
You got it. You got it.
Oh, for fuck's sake, man! Wake up!
Wake up. Wake up.
Get up, Nick. Get up.
Get up.
Come on, Nick.
Come on! Get up!
Get up, Nick.
Action!
Oh, my god!
Yes!
How is he up? Trained actor.
All right, man, we in.
You know, it didn't feel great betraying Javi like that.
Especially, since I'm still not convinced he's your guy.
But the strange thing is...
I can see myself doing more of this stuff.
You know, spycraft.
Subterfuge. What have you.
I think I might have a real gift for it.
Good, 'cause we got another mission for you.
No, no, no! Fuck that!
It was terrifying.
I'm about to leave for the airport after the party, so...
Nick, our intel suggests that Javi is holding Maria delgado
on the compound right now.
On the compound? Yeah.
We need you to help us find her.
Which means we need you
to figure out a way to stay a little longer.
Vivian, I can't do this.
Yes, you can. We just saw you do it.
That little girl, Nick?
She doesn't have anybody else.
Just you.
And if you leave,
I don't know what's gonna happen to her.
I just want to thank you all for coming tonight.
It means more to me than you can know.
And I would like to tell a story.
A few years ago,
my relationship with my father
had deteriorated to the point
where we were no longer speaking.
He could be extremely difficult,
my father.
And to be fair, maybe I am not much better.
But when he got sick,
I realized
I didn't want to lose him
before we could repair our broken relationship.
But I didn't know how.
And then, one day,
about a week before he died, it happened.
A miracle.
I looked up...
And I saw on a tiny little hospital TV...
Guarding Tess.
We disagreed about literally everything, my father and I.
Except for this movie.
We both loved it.
We would quote it back and forth.
In a way, my father was Tess.
The former first lady.
And I was Doug chesnic.
The secret service agent
charged with taking care of him.
That movie brought us together.
So, on behalf of my late father and myself,
I want to thank you.
I bet you didn't know Doug chesnic could have
such an impact on someone.
Well, Doug was a complicated guy.
He had, um,
competing allegiances
and sometimes,
being in the skin of a character like that
can take its toll.
Well, thank you for your sacrifice.
It was extraordinary.
Thank you for having me.
And i'm...
I'm...
Excited to announce that
Javi has finally allowed me to read his screenplay
which is fantastic.
It's truly a masterclass.
It's easily one of the best things I've read in years.
So, does that mean that you want to be in it?
I don't.
But what I would like is to
spend a little more time here
on the compound with you.
Coming up with our own...
Movie.
What do you say?
I say yes.
Yes.
I fired Earl.
- This has happened twice now. - No.
He is a driver
in the employ of the secret service.
I can't do anything about the cook or the nurse.
No, they work for you.
But this guy works for us and he's gone!
Nick.
The security cameras gave us a probable location for Maria.
I'm sending it to you now.
Find a way to get into that room, Nick.
Mr. Cage.
Oh, hey, Javi. Nick.
I realized
that if we are going to create a work of art,
we can't just sit and stare at a screen.
We have to open our minds
to the infinite possibilities
of what the cosmos has to offer.
What have you got there?
Divine inspiration.
Fuck it!
So, I was thinking that maybe our movie
would be character-driven.
Yeah.
Something that doesn't rely on corny special effects.
Right. Or like big explosions.
It has to be nuanced.
And work on multiple levels.
It should be completely about performance.
And maybe it's just the drugs talking,
but what if we had like a big drug scene?
Oh, wow!
It's gonna be so fucking good.
But, like,
what's it about?
In terms of genre, I like comedies.
But not when it's just two people sitting around talking.
Oh, man, I can't stand talkie comedies.
You gotta have some plot to drive it forward.
It's my daughter.
Oh.
Nick, listen.
You know what I was thinking?
Maybe we could have, like, a paranoid thriller-y angle.
Ooh. Paranoid angle. Excellent.
Like, see those two guys over there?
They've been watching us.
Right. Right.
Wait, have they been watching us?
I don't know. Have they?
Fuck!
Did you see that? They just looked over at us.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! What's going on?
No, no, no. Maybe it was just a coincidence.
I will look again. Are you ready?
No! Don't make eye contact.
That's how you spook them.
No, that's how you spook a bear.
That's right. That is how you spook a bear.
I apologize.
But if you are gonna look, maybe do like a fake laugh.
A fake laugh? Okay, good. Yeah.
Oh, no.
Okay, okay. Let's...
Let's just get up slowly
on the count of three
and run.
Okay?
One...
Oh, fuck!
Go, go, go!
Faster!
This is fucking crazy.
Oh, shit!
It's too high.
Here.
Use me as a human stool.
Do it!
Grab my hand.
Grab it.
You're heavier than you look.
I have a very big head.
Enormous. An enormous head.
I'm not gonna make it, am I?
Will you tell Gabriela I will miss her?
You can tell her yourself. No.
It's okay. You go live a good life.
I'm not going anywhere without you!
Now, grab my hand, soldier!
But then, we will both die
and I could never live with myself after that.
So you let go.
You let go!
Goodbye, Nicolas cage.
I'll never forget you, javs.
I'll never forget you.
Now, you get the hell out of here.
You go!
Mr. Cage?
Javi?
Buddy! Hey.
Where'd you come from?
Oh.
Yeah...
Turns out we could have just walked around.
Yeah, I guess so, huh? Whatever.
There they are.
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!
Do you see 'em?
Oh, fuck! Oh!
Shit!
Ow, ow.
No, no. I can't drive on acid. I can't drive on acid.
You have to drive on acid.
You are a better driver than me.
How do you know that?
Because I read that you did all of your own driving stunts
in gone in 60 seconds.
Well, that's true. I popped some good wheelies, right?
The wheelies are amazing. Now drive the car!
They're coming! Let's go!
Oh. Holy shit! What?
Holy shit!
What? Do you see 'em?
No, Nick, I have an idea.
Maybe this movie, maybe it's about this.
About us.
Our relationship.
That's good.
Is anyone in there?
Hola?
Hello?
You want me to let you in there, huh?
I do.
I wanna know what's inside.
Regardless of what the consequences are?
Because once you go in there,
it could change the way you feel about me.
Our entire relationship could change, Nick cage.
I need to go in, jav.
Open the door.
Is it too much?
Trippy.
I know. I am sorry if it is weird.
Well, it's a good collection.
It's very thorough.
"A really elegant string of pearls configuration."
The rock.
"Put the bunny back in the box."
Con air.
Well, that's just really creepy.
No, it's not creepy.
Oh.
Is that the chainsaw from Mandy?
Mandy is a masterpiece.
You know those are real guns, right?
Of course they are real.
Custom Springfield armory.
Made specifically for the film.
Is this supposed to be me?
It's...
Grotesque.
Just look at the guns.
If you don't mind me asking,
how much did you pay for this
disturbing statue?
Hmm. About $6,000.
I'll give you $20,000 for it.
I'm sorry, Mr. Cage,
but this is not for sale.
Bad news. Girl's not there.
Good news. Script's cooking.
Feels like cassavetes meets inarritu
with a dash of Von trier.
Nick, but... I know what you're gonna say.
Javi has his issues but, my god,
he has an unbelievably intuitive sense for story.
He kidnapped a young girl.
And every day that passes, the likelihood goes up
that she's gonna be murdered by Javi or one of his men.
What do you want me to do now?
I don't know.
I'm still figuring that out.
But for now, why don't you add a plotline to your movie
where someone gets kidnapped?
That way you can see
where he might, theoretically, hide a hostage.
I'm working two jobs here.
Okay.
Vivian,
this is a grounded, adult drama
about two tough, sensitive men
and their unlikely friendship.
They're kind of like dueling Christ figures.
Which is obviously a pretty revolutionary idea in itself.
But what is not
a revolutionary idea is a kidnapping.
And if I bring that into the mix,
Javi's gonna know something's up.
He's a hardliner for tone,
and this mission will be blown. Okay?
Jesus fucking Christ!
You know, Nick,
I think a kidnapping
could give this movie a wider appeal.
I mean, it's pretty hard
to find an audience these days, right?
Unless you're a marvel movie, star wars, whatever, yeah.
Yeah, doesn't sound like this is that.
No, Vivian, it isn't.
This is an intelligent film for grown-ups.
Now, personally,
I want a smart, character-driven, adult drama
about real life, real people.
But the reality is,
most people need a bit of a hook
to get 'em into the theater.
Okay, now you're talking about marketing.
And if you're talking about marketing,
then, yes, you do need a hook to get them into the theater.
Well, get 'em into the theater. Come on.
All you need is a trailer moment.
Pull!
Hold on, hold on. Your daughter gets kidnapped?
Yeah, it's a big trailer moment.
Hey, am I doing this right?
'Cause I had that thing in my sights.
But who kidnaps her?
Uh, maybe the barrel's warped.
The barrel is definitely not warped.
Who kidnaps her?
Bad guys.
We both put our lives
on the line to save the daughter
and become better men for it.
It's classic.
It feels like a completely different movie.
Javi, please.
Just walk down the road with me on this.
And then what?
The finale is about two men saving the girl?
That's terrible.
Give me the gun.
You know the key to shooting well?
Controlling your breath.
And you know how to control your breath, Nick?
Your heart.
Your heart must be still.
At peace.
My heart
is not still.
My heart
is not at peace.
Do you know why?
Hey, Javi.
If you're not gonna shoot, maybe hand me the gun?
Because you're lying to me.
What?
Don't fucking lie to me.
I'm not!
Don't fucking lie to me!
Oh, my god, I'm not! I swear!
I know why you keep on talking about this kidnapped girl.
You feel guilty about your relationship
to your own daughter.
Oh, my god, yes.
A thousand times, yes. You are blocked.
Creatively.
Because you feel guilty
about what kind of father you have been.
You're right. Yep.
You're 100% right.
Pull!
Vivian, what's going on?
Nick, you need to get out of that house immediately.
The agency caught a wiretap on our phones.
Then I picked up a guy tailing me.
If they've made me, they've likely made you.
All right. Shit.
Nick, we can no longer guarantee your safety.
Jesus Christ!
You scared the hell out of me.
Nick,
I need you to come with me.
Right now?
I'm sorry to have to take this step, Nick.
You don't, though. You really don't.
No, it is the only option.
Can I just call my family quickly?
Tell them I love them.
What?
There's no need to call them.
They are here.
Dad. Nick.
Are you okay? What...
What the hell is going on?
Your friend called to say
you were so sick you couldn't talk.
We're worried about you. Yeah.
You wanna deal with me, Javi? You deal with me.
But I'm begging you, please,
please leave my family out of this.
Unfortunately, I can't do that.
You've left me no choice.
Are you dying, dad? Yes.
Oh, my god. What?
Creatively. Oh, come on.
No, physically, he is tremendous.
I mean, he will probably outlive us all.
So, you're not even sick?
I'm okay, honey.
I'm fine. I'm okay. Fuck you.
Look, I have grown to care very deeply about your father.
And ex-husband.
We are working on a movie together.
A beautiful character-driven, adult drama.
But he has so many unresolved issues with you
that it is beginning to bleed into the work
in a negative way.
Isn't that right, Nick?
Are you both out of your fucking minds?
Well, you see, he has so many regrets.
Yeah. Well, here is another one to add to the list.
We've been on a plane.
All day!
I had to cancel clients.
We were panicking
because we couldn't find anyone to feed the cats.
You know, they could be dead
by the time we get home after this bullshit.
House smelling like a dead cat. That's great.
That's fun.
Well, I had a cat die in the kitchen once.
And my grandmother was never able
to get rid of the smell.
I am very sorry for the inconvenience,
but this is an emergency.
Have lunch with us.
And let him say what he has to say.
Don't you think that's a good idea, Nick?
Lunch is a wonderful idea, Javi.
And then, afterwards, they can go home, right?
Great.
Let's have some fucking tapas.
This is so weird.
Yeah, well... that's...
What'd you expect?
I wanna apologize to both of you.
I think I should have been more present
while I was at home.
I didn't always need to be focused on my work.
My face in a script.
But here's what I keep coming back to.
Would either of you have wanted to prevent me
from living my artistic dreams?
Because I sure know I wouldn't have wanted that
for either of you.
We flew to majorca for that?
Wow.
That was fucking pathetic.
God, it really was, wasn't it?
No, no, no. I am honestly speechless.
Really? Because this shit, you get used to it.
Yeah, that's pretty much par for the course.
Mmm-hmm.
Can't we just focus
on the good times we did have together?
Addy, that trip we took across the desert.
I never showed you this before,
but I keep this little photo in my wallet
to remind me of all the fun we had.
And, uh,
I know it wasn't great,
but that song...
I meant that moment that I wrote in that song.
I meant it.
You didn't write it.
You got drunk and you made it up,
because you couldn't stand
not being the center of attention
for two fucking seconds.
Addy.
Because everything always has to be about you.
What you like.
What books you've read.
What movies you're into.
It's fucked up, you know?
Like, I'm your daughter
and I get nervous.
Like, debilitating fucking anxiety
that if I don't like what you like,
you won't like me.
Addy, I was sharing the things that were meaningful to me.
That were important to me.
No, you weren't. You weren't.
You were trying to mold me
into this little version of you.
Mold you?
Guide you. Addy, I love you.
I love you more than anything in the world.
And I want you to know I was trying.
I know. I know you were trying.
You're always trying.
Fuck, that's actually the saddest part.
Shit.
I think we have more work than I realized, but this is good.
This is very good.
This is a good first step.
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Gutierrez,
but you have a visitor.
Gracias.
Oh! Hollywood Javi. There he is.
I have some news for you.
Javi Ford coppola.
Sit.
Eat with me.
Froot Loops?
Delicious.
Taste it.
I love Froot Loops.
Sergio baldassari? Huh?
Hmm.
Yeah.
But I can't do a deal with the Italians
if I am being betrayed.
He flew my wife and daughter
all the way out to majorca.
My family!
Shit!
No, don't say "shit"!
You got us into this. You get us out of this.
There's no way
we can mobilize an extraction in time.
Then, what am I supposed to do?
If you can get Javi alone, and then take him out,
it'll buy the agency time to get you all out of there.
Do you have access to a firearm?
I might.
Nick, I'm sorry,
but this is the best way to safeguard your family.
Listen, I need you to be honest with me.
What the fuck is happening?
Okay.
I'm going to tell you something,
but please don't freak out.
I'm working for the CIA.
Are you having a nervous breakdown?
Probably. But i'm telling you the truth.
They wanted some information on Javi's business dealings
so I've been helping them.
And the strange thing is, it does kind of make sense
given that so much of acting is like spying.
Do you have any idea how this sounds?
'Cause I mean, it's not... it's not good.
Okay, I need an hour to do one final thing for them
and when I get back,
the three of us will fly to Los Angeles together, okay?
I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything. Just take addy back to my room.
Don't talk to anyone. Don't go anywhere.
I'll be back to get you. I promise.
I love you.
Your friend, Nicolas cage,
the fucking star of Hollywood
is working for the U.S. government.
Oh, bullshit!
Bullshit!
Listen.
I see myself doing more
of this stuff. You know, spycraft.
Subterfuge. What have you.
I think I might have a real gift for it.
Good, 'cause we got another mission for you.
No.
Lucas, no.
Lucas.
No! No, no, no!
I would love to believe you, primo.
But either I kill you,
or you kill Nicolas cage.
Your choice.
Hi.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I should have asked you before bringing them down.
Yeah.
And I was thinking
maybe a kidnapping would work.
Our movie would start out as a beautiful character piece
and then, slowly change into a more thrilling...
Hollywood blockbuster.
Then there's something for everyone.
Would you like to drive out to the cliffs?
Clear our heads, and think through the third act?
Perfect.
So...
We should go.
Yeah.
Are those new shoes?
These?
No, I've had these.
Oh.
I haven't seen them before.
I don't wear them very much.
I don't think they're really me.
What?
They're great. They look incredible on you.
They're totally you. Love 'em.
Do you wanna try them on?
I think they would look amazing on you.
Oh, wow!
Those look incredible on you.
I like how those look on you. Yeah.
You wanna trade?
Like, permanently?
Okay.
Cool.
I'm really glad I got to meet you.
You're the kind of friend I could
not see for years, and not even really talk to
and just pick up right where we left off.
I totally agree.
It's just...
Easy.
Well...
I guess it's time to figure out
how this thing ends.
Nick...
I meant what I said back there.
Me, too.
Which is why this really hurts.
Javi.
You brought me out here to kill me, man?
I'm sorry, Nick.
So am I.
'Cause you pull that trigger and we're both dead.
Wait. You were gonna kill me?
And are those my golden guns?
They're my golden guns.
And it looks like we both had a little secret, doesn't it?
Why the fuck would you kill me?
You're the head of a criminal organization.
My cousin Lucas is the head of the organization.
CIA said you ran it.
The whole world thinks I run it.
When my father died, Lucas took over.
He forced me to be the figurehead.
You take his money.
You don't just leave this world, Nick.
You and everyone you care about is in constant danger.
Why do you think I cannot be with Gabriela?
You... you're into Gabriela?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I can't be with Gabriella,
because that would put a target on her back.
Wait, you seriously didn't realize
that we liked each other?
You're in the CIA!
I'm not in the CIA.
I'm a goddamn actor. You know that.
The only organization I'm a part of
is the screen actors guild of america.
And aftra. But I don't even know what that is.
I think it's a radio thing. Just put down the gun.
No way. You go first.
I'm not going first. You brought my family out here.
This is so fucked! I don't wanna kill you.
You're the last person I wanna kill.
I fucking love you! I love you!
It's my cousin.
He must have known I wouldn't kill you.
I thought so.
Which is why I should always trust
my shamanic instincts as a thespian.
Fuck!
Faster! I'm trying.
Your shoes don't offer any ankle support.
Ah, fuck!
Okay. You just run out there. You get the truck.
You come back and get me. I will keep a lookout.
Uh-huh. Love it. Love the plan.
But given that you've saddled me
with what basically amounts to fucking penny loafers
maybe you should go, and I'll stay here.
I love that plan, I do.
But you are a faster runner than me,
even with subpar footwear.
I saw how fast you were in national treasure.
No, that'd be the stunt department.
Not according to the making of featurette.
Fine, I'll go. Wait!
So, you're gonna go? I'm going with you.
There they are!
Ah, shit!
He's coming up on us.
On your left! On your left!
Holy shit!
Hit the brakes! What?
Hit the brakes. He will hit the back of the truck.
That won't work. Yes, it will. Yes, it will.
Just do it. Do it! Do it! Do it!
Don't worry, he's totally passed out.
Fuck!
I'm okay. Are you okay?
Liv.
They took addy, Nick. They took addy?
She went outside to find you and they just grabbed her.
There are more soldiers coming. We have to go.
Fuck!
Vivian? Hello.
Nick, I've sent you the address.
You on the way?
What? They have my daughter.
What do they want with her?
Unfortunately, she's being used
to put pressure on the U.S. government
so they'll back off their support of delgado.
And unless delgado drops out of the election...
Nick, I'm sorry,
but they said they're gonna kill both girls.
What? What? What?
You're gonna get him to drop out, right?
You're gonna get him to drop out!
Just come directly here.
Oh, fucking...
His people could still be in the area.
We have to go. Where?
I have a place. Let's go.
Come, come. Come now.
So, what's the plan here?
You gonna be a big hero? Save addy yourself?
You'll end up dead like her.
Leave it to the professionals.
Local police. Whomever.
There is no one else.
I love you.
And I have always looked out for you.
Get off of me!
I have to go in there.
Because addy has to know I fought for her.
I'm trying to help you, and you won't listen!
How are you helping me, huh?
How are you ever helping me?
You need to know who you are, Nick.
This isn't a role.
You're not a hero.
You're just some guy who's about to get us killed.
You fucking idiot!
I bought this house 20 years ago
for a situation just like this.
It has everything we need. Food, passports,
materials for disguise.
We'll be safe for the night.
Olivia,
I promise you will get your daughter back.
The girls are likely being held
in my cousin's compound.
It is a monastery that they use as a cover,
but it is a fortress.
It is impenetrable. There are walls on every side.
Any escape routes?
Tunnels. But with metal doors
that only open from the inside.
Even if it weren't for all of the armed guards,
it is impossible to get in.
I mean, this psychopath is gonna kill our daughter
in 12 hours.
So, what the fuck are we gonna do?
We are going to walk straight in through the front gate.
Okay, cool. Very dramatic answer.
How's that supposed to work?
Lucas is trying to form an alliance
with Sergio baldassari,
the head of the calabero crime family.
Baldassari, I mean, no one has seen him for 15 years.
Exactly. And since no one has seen him
no one knows exactly what he looks like.
Olivia.
Nick says that you were an incredible
makeup artist when you met.
So, with some prosthetics and a little makeup...
Then I could play Sergio.
Lucas Gutierrez!
I'd like to introduce my wife Barbara.
Why for? She was born in Santa Barbara, California.
You think I'm fucking stupid, Sergio, hmm?
You think you're just gonna walk in here after 15 years
and kill me,
you motherfucker, hmm?
He's cutting my fucking ear off!
Who are you working for? Three seconds.
It's just me! Two!
I promise!
You think she can help you, Sergio, hmm?
Go ahead.
You kill him, I'll still make the deal.
But I don't think you're gonna kill him.
You don't think I'll kill him?
No, I think if you were gonna kill him,
you would have done it by now.
So, no, I don't think you'll do it.
Although, I am wondering
why the fuck you think you can intimidate me?
Okay, Barbara from Santa Barbara.
Okay, Barbara.
It is good to see you, Sergio.
Been far too long.
You okay?
My people will show you to a room.
Freshen up, and then, we'll talk.
God, how does my ear look? He almost cut off my ear.
Shit! We've only got about 15 minutes, Nick.
We've gotta go find addy.
I know. I know. According to Javi's map,
they're probably holding her
in the basement of the building right here.
You ready?
What do we do?
Oh, good one.
Get his gun.
Drop the gun, Sergio.
Neither of you are supposed to be here.
Come with me.
Lucas.
A gun?
Okay, Sergio.
What's the deal, my man?
You got a fucking problem
you'd like to tell me about or...
I was beginning to think you don't have the girl
and since our deal was based on delgado dropping out...
- He'll drop out. - Fuck.
But he hasn't done it yet.
Lucas.
- Lucas! - Now!
Okay.
You know,
if you and I are gonna be in business together, Sergio,
you're gonna need to trust me.
Hmm?
What the fuck?
What the fuck, what?
Oh, shit.
Your face...
Oh, shit! I'll blow his fucking head off, man!
Don't fucking move!
Olivia, take the girls and go.
What's the plan here, Nick?
You get the girls out of here alive!
No, we can't just leave him here.
Addy, go with your mom!
Hey! Just go. Go!
Come on.
Just run, addy.
You like that? Huh?
Oh, my god. Nick fucking cage.
Nick motherfucking cage!
Don't even think about it!
Okay, this way. Come on.
Come on.
Now, go!
Wait!
Where's Nick?
He's got a gun on Lucas.
He bought us some time, but there's others.
He will never make it out of there alive.
Here's what I know, Nick cage.
I've got four guys with guns pointed directly at your head.
Yeah, that's true. But here's what I know.
My family's safe.
And that's all that matters.
Hey!
There he is.
There he fucking is!
The American hero.
Oh!
The fucking star of Hollywood, eh?
Ooh, whoa. Come on. What is this?
And this nose, yeah?
Don't fucking move!
Jesus Christ! This fucking guy again.
Carlos.
Carlos, please. You don't wanna do this to me.
You don't wanna do this to Javi.
He's been nothing but good to you.
Javi is about to die.
As are you.
Shit!
Anything you'd like to say before you die?
"It takes 13 milliseconds for the human brain"
"to send a message to the body."
"So, by the time your bullets hit me,"
"my cerebral cortex will be transmittin' a signal"
"to the 17 healthy muscles"
"that operate my trigger finger."
"And before your asshole has a chance to pucker up,"
"your medulla oblongata will be splattered"
"all over the fucking wall behind ya!"
"And if that's the last thing I accomplish"
"on this beautiful green earth,"
"well, then, ha, I say, ha..."
"What a way to fucking go."
Hey!
Shit, come on! Nick, go! Go!
Did we kill him?
Shit!
You're dead.
All of you!
Nicolas cage?
That's fucking cool.
Addy... addy, did he... did he hurt you?
Better not have. No.
Are you hungry? No.
Javi has apples. You want a McIntosh? Honeycrisp?
No apples, Nick.
Dad, just please, watch the road. Please!
Oh, shit!
Oh.
Olivia, hand me the guns. They're right in there.
What are you doing?
No.
Okay, stop the truck. I will slow them down.
No way! Yes.
You are two kilometers from the embassy.
If I slow them down, then you will all make it.
- Javi, I can get us there. - No!
Just stay in the truck! Javs!
No!
Just get in the car, Javi!
I'm never gonna have any kind of a life
unless I stand up to my cousin!
I need this.
Now, go.
Go!
You stayed.
Of course.
Don't worry, addy. Everyone's gonna be okay.
How's Maria doing? She's okay.
Dad, please go faster.
Yeah. Take this left here.
Shit!
Oh!
Did we lose 'em? I think we lost 'em.
Dad, watch out! Olivia: Oh!
- Oh! - Oh, my god.
I'm gonna kill you, Nick fucking cage!
Get down! Everybody get down!
Hold on!
What just happened?
Addy?
Come out! Gun!
Come on!
Don't you move!
Get back! Get back!
Come near me and I'm gonna kill him.
Addy?
Dad!
We made it, Nick.
We made it.
All of us.
I love you, daddy.
"I love you, daddy"?
Javi wrote that. Okay.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Olivia.
We're back.
Not that we went anywhere.
Thanks. Oh, thanks.
Nick.
Javi, I've been looking for you.
I was wondering where you went.
Oh, no, I couldn't watch. I was, uh...
I was too nervous.
How did it play?
They loved it. Congratulations.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, wow!
This is...
Nick...
Thank you.
Javi, we did this together. Thank you.
Do you wanna ride to the party with me?
They want to interview us. Uh, vanity fair.
Yeah, no, I can't tonight. But you go.
Have fun. Enjoy this.
And give Gabriela my love.
Addy wants to borrow your belt.
Oh, yeah, I do.
It looks like it's got some weight.
Well, yeah, it's a big, fat tarantula.
You know my dresser, Jeff.
Mr. Neiman Marcus? Yes.
He wanted me to wear a bee.
And I said, "Jeff, not the bees. Not the bees".
So, he said, "well, how about a scorpion?" I said,
"I think a scorpion is a little aggressive, Jeff."
"What about a tarantula?"
He goes, "well, I don't think"
"that's any less aggressive, Nick."
And I say, "well, it is to me."
They're cute and fuzzy, right?
Well, addy wants to borrow it.
Not at all.
You can have it. It's yours.
Are you sure you didn't need to stay at the premiere?
Hundred percent. Yeah?
Who chose Demi Moore to play mom?
Studio.
But it doesn't really do your mother justice, does it?
Oh, come on.
She's gorgeous.
So are you, Olivia.
Ew, dad, stop hitting on mom.
I'm not hitting on her.
Oh, gross. I don't wanna listen to this anymore.
You know what? What do you say we watch a movie?
Yeah, whatever you want, dad.
No, really. You choose.
Really?
Yeah, show us something you like.
This is...
Have you ever seen Paddington 2?
You're Nick
fucking...
Whoa! Cage!