Prince Harry! Hariya!
Have you seen my cat?
Prince Harry.
Prince Harry, where are you?
PRINCE "HARIYA" HARRY
LEO "LECHEROUS" MATTHEWS
Have you seen Prince Harry? My cat!
My cat!
Huh?
I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming!
Prince Harry.
Fuck off!
YASH "THE JUNKIE" BATRA
Get the dessert ready! Get the dessert ready!
Hurry up! Let's go!
Prince Harry!
Where is Guppie Ram? Why isn't he here working?
Guppie Ram is missing since afternoon. God knows where the hell he is!
Hurry up! The wolves are here, come on!
-New car, sahib? -Always.
At your service, hukum.
This way, sir.
Uh…
Get some sweets for your kids, hm?
RANNVIJAY "THE SHOW-OFF" SINGH
Today, I've decided I'll stay miles away from these two candidates.
Their electioneering is only going to ruin our budget.
That Raja sahib, great style, orders one Scotch after another.
-Bloody fraud. -And that waiter chases us to sign for it.
As for Shehnaz,
she's already offered film roles to more than half the club
just to push her election bid.
See, he doesn't even pick up my call.
I keep trying him endlessly, he just won’t answer.
And he won't turn up today, I'm sure of it.
That Bengali woman, she will not rest until she's made a leftist out of my son.
Come on, Mala, don't be a typical mommy now.
"The girl is always the vamp!"
Did I say anything wrong, Beeji?
Okay, so you live by yourself for three years in Kolkata. That's fine.
But once you're back home, you need to come and stay with us, right?
To live separately here in Delhi, how does that make sense?
And these days, he's even started speaking like that Bengali woman.
He says, "A club is a symbol of privilege and classism."
-What class? -Yeah!
-Look at us. -Exactly.
Knocking around in this eight-year-old piece of junk.
Who offers us an umbrella?
Bloody hell this, since when did it start raining in November?
Global warning.
-"Warming," Beeji. "Warming." -It's still a warning.
Prince Harry!
Prince Harry.
Hello, hello, gather around for the group photo, please.
Please come to the main stage area.
Listen, Tambola will begin only after the group photo.
Hi. Namaste, bhai sahib.
The bar will still be open after the photo.
Let's do glasses later.
Please come this side now.
Hey, cutie. Did you find your cat?
Love kids.
President sahib! Stop playing the class monitor.
Your tenure is almost done.
That's what I am waiting for, Raja sahib.
Once the elections get done this Thursday, I'll withdraw.
Guys, the next round is on me!
Sir, you know the drinks are on the house.
AKASH "THE PITIABLE" DOGRA
Hey, Dogra! Join us, yaar.
Raja sahib!
Sir, what is this, sir? How can two tickets be enough?
Fine, give me two more, but don't ask for money.
And why is your glass empty?
-Staff! -Beta!
-There he is. -What is this?
-Raja sahib's glass should never be empty. -Never. Hukum. Hukum!
-Always hukum. -Hukum.
The staff will always call me hukum, and here's something for the kids.
I am so proud of my Yashu. So proud!
You know that place in UK? The rehab center.
That is just fabulous! Just fab!
Few lacs a month, yaar! Just a few lacs.
Drugs, wugs, all gone, all addiction clean!
ROSHNI "THE BULLSHITTER" BATRA
And you know, it had an indoor heated swimming pool,
scented towels, sushi! I was like, "You know what?"
"Why don't I also fake an addiction and get myself admitted?"
Cheers!
-Hello. -Hello.
-How are you? -All good.
So my "commie" son has come.
Are you sure I'm yours? Sometimes, I wonder…
if I was exchanged at the hospital.
Not at the hospital, beta. Now, you've switched.
It's been a whole week since you came to Delhi,
you haven't bothered to visit me. You haven't even called me once.
I mean, what are we to you? We could die tomorrow
and you wouldn't give a damn about us, isn't it? Isn't it?
-Mommy-- -You have 17 missed calls
from me on your phone! Do you even check your phone?
-I don't even see a damn blue tick… -Mommy--
…so you're not reading my messages, beta.
-Mommy-- -All I asked for
was to simply attend the Tambola, just do this for your mother's sake--
I'm here now. Right in front of you. Look.
Let's get a photo taken.
Maa, I don't belong to this fancy dress competition.
Oh, I see, I see.
If she were here, you'd suddenly belong, isn't it?
Maa, she's nothing to me anymore, okay? I have a steady girlfriend.
I see, I see, she's nothing to you. It's steady, it's unsteady.
-I know everything-- -Okay, everyone, enough chatting!
Come line up for the photos.
-I am starting Tambola in five minutes. -What's with this November rain, yaar?
This is the first and last call!
-The poor farmers. -Yeah.
-Hi. Yeah! Excuse me. -Sure.
Hello.
So she really cares about the farmers?
For someone who has risen from cow dung herself.
SHEHNAZ "THE DIVA" NOORANI
Shehnaz ji, I am so glad you left your shoot to be here tonight.
By the way, magenta really suits you, I must say.
Green? Grey.
-Gold. -That you are.
Stunning, what's up?
How do you do this? Gorgeous.
Where's the silver cake knife?
Arey, how am I supposed to know where the silver cake knife is?
Go ask another waiter.
Oh, yes. Bloody, my dada ji gave me this, you know. Original.
-Dada ji gave you this? -Yes!
-Wow! Looks damn cool. -Yeah.
Okay, everyone, hold your positions.
Come on, come on, everyone. Let's go! Hurry up, take the picture.
This side, this side, Bhatti ji…
What's going on?
-Hello, I am still the president, guys. -Excuse me!
-Your tenure is almost over. -What do you mean by that?
Come on.
-Yes! -One second, one second. Wait for me.
Hello, Mrs. Nayyar, you're looking gorgeous today.
Could you please move up a bit?
-Just a little bit. Arey, come on! -Okay.
Just…
-Come, come, hurry up! -Yes, please.
Please, please, come.
And, everybody, now, just give me your best smiles. Okay?
-Always the best smile! -Yeah, like a happy family.
And, Shehnaz, oh, my God. What an unforgettable smile.
Yes, madam.
Better give your best smile today, because after the election--
After the elections, I am going to be very busy, Mr. Singh.
-Mm-hmm. -Building washrooms
-near the kitchen garden. -Over my dead fucking body!
If that's what it takes.
-Okay. Guys, ready? -Yeah!
And one, two--
Oi!
Fuck.
BAMBI "THE WIDOW" TODI
Ma'am, are you fine?
Guys, wait.
How can you take the picture without the prettiest girl in the club?
-Dadi, how are you? -I am cool!
-Beta, so you belong now? -Mom, let's focus on the photo.
Okay, guys, no one else remaining? Ready?
And one, two…
♪ I endured your deceit… ♪
♪ Sipping tears With a smile bittersweet ♪
♪ Breaking promises, deserting me ♪
♪ You walked away ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Innocent, naive baby ♪
♪ Breaking my heart, deserting me ♪
♪ You walked away ♪
Shalini.
-Sir ji. -Yeah?
May I drive, please?
No, Padam. It's on me.
I made a solemn promise to Shalini,
before I came to Lucknow, I would learn to parallel park my car.
Just ten days left.
I too had made a solemn promise that I would get married this year.
Twenty-three girls I checked out, on average, two per month.
But I haven't even printed invitations.
Because you are checking out the girls.
You need to connect with them.
When connection happens, the knots untangle themselves.
Sir ji, connection is not going to help you with your parallel parking.
You need to move a little bit to the left. Just a little bit.
-Just a little bit? -Just a little bit, sir ji. Come.
Yeah, yeah. Coming.
Back up, sir ji, slowly.
Bloody asshole. Motherfucker!
Okay.
Hey, take it easy. It's not the end of the world.
-What's the problem? -Hey, are you blind?
-You just hit my two-million car, bastard! -You know what two million looks like?
That piece of junk is not worth ten rupees,
forget about two million.
Hey, old fuck, do you have eyes or buttons, huh?
Now, sir, think of it as something between the two.
-Step out. Out of the car! -Coming, coming.
Now, you're screwed. I am lodging a complaint against you.
-Sir, I'll drive you to the cops… -You bloody mother--
Hey, hey, hey!
Just day before yesterday he lost his mother.
-Oh. So sorry. -Sir, do you know, this is Padam Kumar ji.
Do you have any idea what happened to him?
What happened, sir?
He dreamed of joining the police force,
but then his eyesight turned out to be poor.
He failed the examination.
Now, to the elderly and to women, he gives driving lessons.
At night, he practices belly dancing.
His father was martyred while on active police duty.
My father?
Be kind to him.
-Jai Hind, sir. -It's all right.
Absolutely, no problem. Sub-inspector Padam and I are free.
Practicing parallel parking.
Everyone, carry on, carry on. Nothing to see here. Go.
-Which club, sir? -Go, go, go.
-Janab. -Hmm?
How long do you think this will take?
It's Diwali night,
and the movers and packers will be awaiting your arrival.
And criminals, thieves and murderers, my departure.
Anyway, Chief sahib insisted it won't drag on for long. It's an--
Open and shut case, guys.
Your work, my friend, can be so hard.
Now, just see what a useless waste of time. That too during Diwali.
President sahib, was it someone's birthday?
It was our Diwali Tambola night. A raging success.
Thirty lacs my club made.
No. But the accident was sad.
Very sad.Come, please, come.
The Royal Delhi Club is one of the country's top-notch clubs.
-Yes, yes. Of course. -Very exclusive.
Even the presidents of India have played golf at this club.
There.
To become a member, the fee is 19.9 million, plus GST.
And even if you can afford it, the waiting period is minimum 20 years.
Even after independence, for many years,
only Britishers were allowed exclusive membership.
Meaning not even other White people, you see.
Wow!
We should be proud of something like that.
Exactly.
You won't find such a huge campus anywhere else in India.
Isn't this the same club
that Highway Minister Ruhia ji wanted to shut down?
The Highway Minister's loafer son wore loafers and barged in here.
Look, if you want to wear loafers,
there's many cheap dhabbas on the highway, go there.
We, very humbly, requested him, "Kind sir, please wear formal shoes."
Everybody has these kind of shoes, isn't it? I have ten, 12 pairs myself.
-Prada, Gucci, everything. -What? Pucchi?
He wouldn't listen. We have 100-year-old rules.
-A hundred years. -Rules are rules.
Look, even they understand this much.
Those loafers should've been on his head instead of his feet.
-Yeah, you're right! -And that was it.
Within 30 minutes, he had a hashtag trending.
#SlavestotheBritishRDC.
#AntiNationalRDC.
Anti-national?
Yes, these days, being anti-national doesn't require much effort from anyone.
Boy! Boy!
Boy, get my cushion, no!
Come on, fast.
-Hey, you! -Sir.
Who gave you permission to use the member’s washroom?
Sorry, sir.
Don't mind, sir.
Normally, this doesn't happen. Rules are rules.
This is a community bar. Those kinds aren't allowed here either.
-It's done. -Move, move.
Please come. Please come.
There's elections in three days, and he had to die today!
-Please, ACP. -Oh, no, sir…
Myself, SI Padam Kumar. The ACP…
Sir ji? Sir ji?
Hmm?
-Sir ji. -Yeah?
ACP Bhavani Singh.
Never mind, never mind. Come.
Leo Matthews. Zumba trainer. So sad.
It was quick.
The barbell slipped out of the deceased's hands,
fell on his windpipe, and fatally fractured his neck.
Time of death?
Between 5:00 and 7:00 a.m.
The exact time can only be determined by an autopsy,
but in such clear accident cases, an autopsy is unnecessary.
Apparently, he an orphan.
Let me try and find his address. Mithun!
All right, Doctor sahib.
You and President sahib sign these forms, and we'll be done.
We'll have the body picked.
President sahib!
Can we get a glimpse of this CCTV footage?
Why's that necessary?
Just a glimpse.
That's Raja sahib. Ranvijay Singh.
One of our most esteemed members.
From the royal family of Achingad.
And that's gym trainer, Thinsuk.
No, maybe it's Theju.
They both look like they came out of the same mold.
Hmm.
I am sure these camera angles have blind spots.
-What's that, sir? -Nothing.
Pause, pause, pause.
That's the same sky-blue-colored bottle that was found near the body.
Oh, bhai!
When the balloons waltzed in front of the CCTV,
what dance were you dancing, huh?
-Normally, it doesn't happen. -Hmm.
You need to check the color of the balloons?
Oh, pause, pause, pause!
The tail of a cat.
-Prince Harry. -Prince Harry?
Prince Harry.
For the past 100 years, we have named every pet in the club
after members of the British royal family as a tradition.
You see, this club was built to commemorate King George's arrival.
-Hmm. -Now, he couldn't come here. Busy man.
But even so, to this day, that family means everything to us.
Wow, they must be bursting with pride.
-Exactly. -Mmm…
Now, what do we do about this, ACP?
Will your people clear this or should we?
After all, the members also need to use the gym.
President sahib.
What you have witnessed is not an accident…
-but a murder. -No, no, no, no, no.
Murders are strictly not allowed in my club.
Our members are all respected people and--
And they all have my respect.
CCTV covered by balloons,
Hariya ji's condition,
and that fainting feeling in my belly,
they all say Leo ji has been murdered.
So, who was the first one to lay eyes on Leo ji's body?
-Sir… -Um…
I don't think we should speak without our lawyers.
-Yeah. -Whatever you deem fit.
Yes, sir?
-Yes, sir? -My apologies. Thank you.
I…
I am so upset, so upset.
I've been drinking since morning.
Relax, Cooks. We will get a new Zumba trainer.
Dime a dozen. Who cares about Zumba?
Uh… Original. Cookie Katoch Cocktail.
COOKIE "COCKTAIL" KATOCH
-Beetroot juice and little tequila. -I see.
Oh, jeez! Nirmal already uploaded a memorial photo.
-What a phot of her with Leo, shit! -What? Show me. Show me.
Oh, my God! Look at that lip job.
Show!
Bloody bitch. She'll never tell us who she went to, isn't it?
You can ask her. She's your friend.
Go ask.
So, as I was talking about Leo ji's dead body…
-You can't imagine. -Hmm.
Oh, my God! Oh, look, I've got goosebumps.
Hmm.
-Rosh! We need to go for waxing! -Sure.
No, but listen, during Diwali, Cinderella is just too crowded.
-I am not going. I am not going. -Let's go to the club parlor then.
-We will give Ganga a hundred or two. -Babe…
Dead body, madam. Dead body.
Whose?
That's exactly what I was telling you about.
At seven o'clock, the three of us went to the gym.
A three-tier strawberry cake and under it a dead body?
-And that was only the appetizer, Cooks! -Oh!
After that, what happened on Tambola night,
I'm telling you, you're gonna go crazy listening to that.
Cooks Aunty, why didn't you come?
One too many Patiala pegs or what?
No, no, beta. Katoch sahib was all hot and horny.
That was it, you know, right?
He's like a…
horse in bed.
Thanks to him, I always miss out on the action in the club.
Come on, girls. Let's go for it.
Oh! Sorry.
-What are you doing? -What?
-What am I doing, huh? -What are you doing?
-My napkin fell down, that's it. -Your napkin fell down?
-Rosh, don't look at me like that. -Cooks, I know you.
-No you have a wild imagination. -Cooks…
-Guys… -It's just gossip, okay?
Guys!
-What? -What?
Cooks… Cooks, he's dead.
Are you calling the police?
Obvio.
Look at him, my poor Leo.
And, oh, those thighs…
What a waste.
Oh, how I lusted after them.
Is it that easy to just kill someone and get away with it?
Not really, it's extremely nerve-wracking, even for the most seasoned criminals.
So the BMR must be going through the roof, na?
Two, three kilos must be lost just by sweating, right?
What? Then I should definitely consider murdering someone!
I'll lose some of my belly fat, my hips will get into shape as well.
-Excellent idea. -Madam, madam,
you were just saying that under the strawberry cake
-you found somebody's body? Whose body? -That was his.
Who'd murder this guy?
Guys, it's not funny.
Cooks Aunty, stop it!
Sir, he's demented.
Is that blood?
Yuck!
Relax, guys. It's strawberry sauce.
-Oh! -Oh, my God. Come on.
During all this, where was Leo ji?
Leo was hosting the Tambola.
When the lady is flirty at three and zero…
Thirty.
Jaldi five!
Come on.
The scoop is…
Leo was Shehnaz Noorani's latest astronaut.
Congratulations!
Astronaut, madam?
If Shehnaz is the moon, then astronauts will be there, right?
Astronaut… Is she the famous actress, Shehnaz Noorani, by any chance?
-A C-grade heroine of B-grade films. -Hmm!
Two husbands she's divorced already. Pocketed a fat alimony from both,
and has come and plonked herself in our Delhi. Bloody witch!
Since then, a whole bunch of astronauts have landed on the moon.
You know what I mean?
So you were watching through a telescope, Rosh Aunty?
And the fat magnet, always late. Six and eight, 68!
Full house! Full house!
And after that is when the real commotion started.
-Mine as well! -And Leo said…
Two fat magnets?
Arey!
It's all a scam. How can there be two full houses?
-This old bugger is cheating. -Show me your ticket.
-Listen, you get back! -Arey, take it easy, uncle.
What are you doing to him?
Hey, who you calling "uncle"?
Bloody item number, PT teacher. Gigolo!
-Just wait. -Who do you think you are?
Worms crawling out of the bloody gutter.
Rats!
He said rats, I'm sure.
Rats crawling out of the bloody gutter.
Cooks, yaar. You were not even there, right?
Okay, so then you do all the talking. Keep on yakking.
You don't need me for this. I am out of here.
Anyways…
after that, that Dogra boy arrived on the scene…
Cockroaches crawling out of the bloody gutter.
Guys!
-I am Leo Matthews's lawyer, okay? -Pause, pause, pause.
So Leo ji's lawyer was at the Tambola night that day?
Everyone, move aside, move aside. Akash bhaiya, I'll lose my job.
You had to come to court on a holiday.
Just 30 seconds more, 30 seconds.
-Yeah, please hurry. -Okay, listen.
The judge will ask for a blood test. Carry the report with you.
This lab is not expensive.
One second, one second.
Akash, Leo has been murdered.
-That MC? -Yeah.
The police wants to talk to you.
It's Diwali, yaar. I am going back to Kolkata.
I've to catch a flight in two hours.
Your girlfriend lives with you there?
Koohu.
Koohu?
Sounds like a bird's name.
Can't help it.
Maybe I am destined to end up with girls with weird names,
Bambi.
Sir, this Leo, I mean, the deceased, I met him just once.
What's going on? Why are the cops here?
He's been here for the last two hours. Get him out!
About three years ago.
-It was just a minor case. -Hmm. What sort of case was it?
-Cocaine. -Hmm.
A few minors from an orphanage were involved.
The orphanage warden was also arrested.
He had a slight limp.
But didn't you proclaim in the presence of Maharaja Rannvijay Singh
that you are Leo ji's lawyer?
Sir…
-people in this club fear only two things. -I mean, this is too much.
-Don't worry, sir, I'll handle it. -Taxes and lawyers.
So I felt Raja ji should be brought before the court.
I represent Leo Matthews,
and if he wants, he can sue you and this club for slander,
criminal intimidation and workplace harassment.
-Okay. -Let it go, Raja sahib.
We can divide the winnings. It's okay, I don't mind.
That's exactly what I am trying to say. Share and care na, yaar, uncle.
Raja sahib never shares his bounty.
-Why the smirk? -Why are you bullshitting, Hukum?
Come, come! You wanna fight? Come!
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Innocent, naive baby ♪
♪ Breaking my heart, deserting me You walked away ♪
♪ I endured your deceit ♪
♪ Sipping tears With a smile bittersweet ♪
♪ Breaking promises, deserting me You walked away ♪
♪ Baby… ♪
And in the middle of this chaos, Bambi was dancing.
Only Bambi is capable of something like this.
-Upwards? -Yeah, upwards.
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Innocent, naive baby ♪
♪ Breaking my heart, deserting me ♪
♪ You walked away ♪
They have given us this junkyard to conduct our interrogation.
Sir ji, that bloody asshole, Bhatti…
Hm. Mm-hmm.
If you're done with cleaning, then Happy Diwali!
Happy Diwali, sir.
President sahib is of the opinion
that at least one of you was responsible for making a protein shake.
But he is unable to say, for certain, who.
Sir, do you think we both look the same?
Yes, I made the protein shake. Yeah. So?
He's also the one who placed weights on the barbells.
You always complain about me.
Sir, this Leo fellow, he does nothing by himself, sir.
He thinks he is over and above us.
Was.
Only him, sir. He had a problem with Leo.
Sir, he used to make way more money than us.
Plus, all the ladies demanded only him, sir.
Hey, I am not interested in those "aunty.coms."
Sir, my girlfriend is 50 times more beautiful than them.
Wait, I will show you the photo, sir. Wait, sir.
Minu, sir.
Did Leo ji and you know each other?
Just hi, bye type.
MINU "THE CHEAT" DIMRI
Thank you.
-Thank you. -Mm-hmm.
Actually, that aqua aerobics was my idea, sir.
That Leo, he even snatched that from me, sir.
-Aqua… -Aqua aerobics, Padam.
-Water exercises. -Oh.
That was your idea? Then Leo stole it from you?
Bambi!
You're didn't go, huh?
So, there's a small village north of Kolkata, it got hit by a cyclone.
There's a primary school where the, uh, roof caved in.
So, Koohu's gone there with her volunteer friends.
Shush!
You didn't go.
Dream girl.
All the girls at the club's beauty parlor are called dream girls.
Hair tong burns.
All the curly haired members want straight hair,
and the straight haired want curls.
Hmm. Did Leo and you know each other well?
Kitchen, waitering, gardening,
in fact, I even babysit the kids of some of the club members.
I know who was the one who killed Leo.
The cold gets into your bones.
Back in Garhwal, you know, there was once this man,
walking with an axe on his shoulder.
Shivering thur, thur, thur, thur in the bitter cold.
Then suddenly, he sneezed violently, and the axe chopped his head off.
And after that…
He would always say such weird, nonsensical things
that he ended up with the nickname "Guppie Ram."
But after he was diagnosed with dementia,
it's hard to tell whether Guppie ji is chatting with you
or if the voices in his head are chatting with him.
Don't you miss…
this place?
This is the exact spot where 19 years ago…
…I first laid eyes on the Bambi Todi.
And I was four inches taller than you.
When you put on this entire drowning act,
-just to get me to rescue you. -Please!
Even if I were really drowning,
times weren't so bad that I'd have a crush on you!
That's for you. Congratulations!
♪ The more I try to forget you ♪
♪ The more you come to mind ♪
♪ The more I try to forget you… ♪
Akash.
♪ I remember you just as much… ♪
What do you want from me? Why did you call me here?
-I need to talk to you. -What do you wanna talk about?
What do you want to talk about? Tell me.
-Something really important-- -Bambi!
-Can you come here, please? -Where the hell, yaar?
One second, just wait. Please wait for me.
♪ As much as I try to console my heart ♪
Happy anniversary, Bambi and Anshul!
♪ I remember you just as much ♪
♪ As much as I try to console my heart ♪
♪ My life slips away ♪
"Darling, are you okay?"
Mom just needs an excuse to send me this text.
Since I am a widow.
I was planning to come to meet you but…
Mommy said that you and Anshul's mom
had gone to Manali to look for the body.
You could have come after.
Fine, forget that. One call in three years?
You could have at least called once, Dogra.
I still remember that phone call.
The police said only 21 bodies were found.
They said four…
four bodies probably got washed away in the river.
Couldn't believe my luck.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! The rumors were true!
The great Akash Dogra abandoned his bogus fight against the class system
to go to The Royal Delhi pool to take a dip.
Have you heard about the Batra boy?
The one who went to rehab?
And ended up teaching the staff how to take drugs, up the ass?
-Hey, fucker! -Asshole!
-Bloody prick! -Lord of the pricks!
Fucker, I've been clean ten months. Your bro hasn't even touched a cigarette.
What the fuck!
Fuck you, yaar, Bambi!
Sorry, yaar, Batra.
-Yaar, I dropped my phone, yaar! -Oh, shit.
-Fucking assholes! -Call me when you get home.
One of those two trainers must have done it,
-who else? -Hmm.
They keep fighting among themselves.
Theju, Theja, whoever they are.
They both look the same.
No, no. Theju ji is from Karnataka, Thinsuk ji is from Arunachal Pradesh, so…
Exactly! Whatever.
These British-era club members,
do they consider themselves the direct defendants of the British?
God knows these so-called liberals…
what other nefarious activities besides murder they could be involved in
behind those four walls.
If this case doesn't get investigated thoroughly,
then we'll have to take matters into our own hands.
Just shut up! Pig!
If this case isn't closed pronto, our club will be closed down by then.
Ten days.
Would that be pronto enough for you?
I'll adjust.
Thank you!
Let's go!
All my male tenants eventually move out of here and leave,
but the taste of my chai they'll never ever forget!
They don't forget me either.
Until the ginger is ground and the tea simmers for a long time,
you don't feel like slurping it all up.
Now, watch.
Aren't you also from Haryana?
I can tell just by looking at your moustache.
Cool Jutt boys!
♪ Jutt boys ♪
What energy those Haryanvi songs have. Hindi songs don't have that charm.
This is the first time police have come to my house.
We must take a selfie, sir!
Come, sir, come!
Smile, please!
Anything else you need me to get you?
-Sir! -Sir!
You think this is your aunty's home?
Now, watch my tea get stronger and special!
-Let's go upstairs. -What?
-Leo ji's room. -Yeah, sure.
-You know, sir, I've been… -I will deal with you guys later.
Sometimes I've to feed your constables.
Sometimes I've to make tea for everyone.
One thing I tell you, sir, our guests are like family.
Oh, bloody!
Everything was fine this morning.
Your constables must have messed it up.
No one else has come up since morning.
You two be ready for some serious disciplinary action.
Get lost! Go!
-Sir, sorry, sir. -Sorry, sir!
Sir, what are these pictures for?
These aren't just pictures, Padam.
They are crucial evidences for the case.
Madam, in all of this mess,
do you feel like there's something missing?
He used to have this thing with him, um…
You know, that thing which is big?
A computer, a phone, something like that.
Trimmer.
-Tablet. -Yes, that one.
It was a red-colored tablet.
All day long, he'd sit with that tablet and keep watching films he'd made himself.
He was also a filmmaker?
-Padam. -Yes, sir.
Leo ji seems to be a spontaneous and philandering kind of personality.
Wait a minute.
That's mine.
I used to come up here all the time. I must have dropped it.
Uncle, would you please hook me up?
Come on!
But, sir, why don't you wear a uniform?
The uniform creates a barrier between us and the people, Padam.
Once that barrier is broken, I… I just become one of them.
Then they might let out a tiny little detail
which they wouldn't in front of a baton.
What are you saying, sir! That baton has a magic wand!
To each their own.
Kashi, I need to tell you something.
-Leo was blackmailing me. -What?
Bambi, you stole the glasses from the ACP?
-Yes. -You're still doing it?
I had given it up for a bit.
But after Anshul's accident, I was…
-I don't know, it started again. -Started again?
Anything, anywhere, I just nick it.
Honestly, Kashi, I don't even realize!
Frames, gold bangles, toilet paper, dentures!
-Why? -Dentures?
Just once.
Bambi, yaar!
Half my life I've spent in returning the things you've stolen, yaar.
But this time you weren't there, right?
So, what now?
Should we tell the Hindi professor?
Not tell him, we have to return this to him.
Bambi.
I don't trust you. Give it to me.
Give it!
Bambi.
Mmm.
-Mmm. -Stop it!
So, Leo got to know about this?
And you know Mom. She's always been a mess.
-And you know the people at the club. -Of course.
If they were to find out, then…
Anyway…
-Now what? -I'm showing you.
Listen to this.
Whenever Leo started playing this…
…it meant, "Show me the money."
Hmm.
Uh… Forgive me, but…
…Shalini, uh, has taken away all the furniture to Lucknow.
-Shalini? -Shalini…
-Better half. -Much better half, Padam.
Sir, so why are you shifting out of Delhi?
-Is it the cold or the pollution? -The crime in Delhi, Todi.
Shalini ji must be fed up. Murderers, blackmailers, kleptomaniacs.
Hmm?
Sorry, sir.
I missed my reading glasses.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm. Well.
Sir, uh, do you remember those kids,
-the one's I released on bail? -Hmm?
Leo used to donate money to that very same orphanage.
But Leo ji's phone…
…doesn't have any evidence of blackmailing.
Sir, but my chat?
Leo ji has deleted all his previous chats.
-It's still on my phone though. -This rumbling in my belly…
is telling me, Padam…
that Leo ji was not blackmailing only you.
This case keeps getting more complex, sir ji.
How do we solve it in ten days?
In ten days?
Uh… If in ten days, I don't report in Lucknow to Shalini
and to the government, or if my transfer is stayed,
then she'll look for some poet, get married and leave.
Sir.
They say…
a poet and a detective are two sides of the same coin.
Absolutely.
One of them weaves in the mystery, while the other untangles it.
Just like the world's most fascinating mystery…
-Love. -Love.
Whoa!
Hmm.
Looks like you have been on that train?
Hmm.
After all these years,
finally, I am gonna gift you a new car. How about that?
I got a flashback from childhood all of a sudden.
Now, what did I do now?
I remember how you used to get me these imported gifts,
so that your standards could be maintained in your circle.
Noted.
Your standard. I'll look for a car that fits there, okay?
Nice, cute, comfy, middle-class car.
Is that fine?
I am good with this middle-class car.
What?
-He was Lambodhar, actually. -Hmm.
True to his name, God.
Sir, when we were kids, he used to always misbehave.
-Hmm. -Intentionally, deliberately…
-Hmm. -…so that no one would want to adopt him.
Hmm.
'Cause I'd be left alone, and…
there was no demand for kids like me.
Hmm.
-Warden ji, those donations? -That was Leo's hard work, sir.
Through his new job, he had built up a lot of new contracts.
-Hmm. -Big people with big hearts.
Mm-hmm.
He told me, "Raks, bro…
these fancy rich people blow so much money on a bottle of wine,
it's more than my monthly salary."
Hmm.
The donations kept coming nonstop, sir.
Warden bhai, those weren't donations.
Your God-like benefactor brother was actually blackmailing everyone.
This basketball court…
-…I probably donated this one. -So?
You guys are unbelievable.
Leo took such a big risk…
…got the funds together.
Is that a joke? He was a goddamn Robin Hood.
Yeah, right!
Madam, do you see the names of any members here?
-Fuck me! -Hmm?
-Fuck me! -What, ma'am?
And who else is on that list?
Hmm.
What? There was no blackmail shlack-mail!
The boy was a magician!
UK six to UK four in three months, like that!
What?
-Size. My size. -Oh.
Cookie's didn't reduce at all, you know. She gained three kgs.
Anyway, when Leo informed me about his, uh, you know, um, NGO, orphanage,
I made an offer myself, na. I mean, like…
Leo.
Don't do this to me.
Hmm?
-I'll do anything. -Really?
I will.
Sign the fucking check, bitch!
Smart.
Madam, have you seen this before?
-You found this in Leo's things? -Yes.
That bitch! Kanchan!
Jasmeet.
Guppie Ram ji!
Guppie ji, here.
If you're so keen on listening to our conversation, come inside.
Please, don't be shy.
I can't find my Harry anywhere.
You might find him inside.
Hey, Hariya! Beta?
-Aey, bacha! -Guppie Ram ji,
-your cat must be there somewhere. -Aey, beta!
Aww. Our Guppie Ram has become so old now.
When Yashu was a little boy, how much he used to run after him.
-Aey, bacha! -Guppie!
-When Yash baba goes to America na… -Harry!
…I'll give all his polo T-shirts and summer clothes to you.
Handsome you'll become.
He tends to swallow the wool.
And the synthetic one, you know…
…it doesn't dissolve. It stays solid.
-So, if that happens, you know… -Guppie…
is everything okay?
What's wrong?
My Harry is nowhere to be seen.
He must be outside, Guppie.
-Huh? -He must be outside.
Poor people should die young.
Old age is so hard for them.
By the way, I am 48 years old.
Am I allowed to live until retirement, madam?
Everyone is being so all serious and all.
What? Nobody has got a sense of humor?
Rich people can't even crack a joke? Huh?
Is that what you're--
Yes, Krishnan, what's the news?
What's that? Pinko?
Uh… ACP, I'll leave now.
I… I'll call you back. I'll call you. Madam.
-Okay, everyone. I'll see you. Uh… -Madam! Madam!
Come back, come back. Come. Come here. Sit.
Do you know what happened, uh, to Padam one time?
Padam was on night duty. The poor fellow was asleep.
When he woke up, his trousers, uh--
Weren't there?
They were, but they were wet.
So, everyone at the station begin to tease him, make fun of him.
Many days later, Padam discovered that a sniffer dog had come along.
He took a liking to his pants,
so he left his mark on them, and…
Now, tell me, who was the culprit?
And who was taking the blame?
That, uh…
B-grade heroine said something about me? Hmm?
-Raja ji did? -Oh.
That show-off Maharaja, na,
is definitely hiding something under his shiny sherwani.
I'm telling you that! I'm telling you!
But Leo ji,
why would he blackmail Raja ji? Tell me.
Hmm?
Well, rumor has it…
that your Maharaja ji gets a proper "royal salute" every night
from his "dream girl."
Ganga…
Rosh Aunty, that's not fair.
Sir, she's been through a lot.
She used to work at my house,
but her scumbag, piece-of-shit husband, he used to hit her a lot, sir.
He left her and went away,
and then I got her a job at the club too, sir, at the salon.
No idea why all these club members gossip about her so much.
Because she's pretty.
These things I can sniff from a mile away, darling.
And imagine, if this story comes out,
then our Raja ji's honor will not even be worth a scrap.
Enough of a motive, ACP.
Raja ji, we were just try--
We were talk-- Your Highness.
You ruined my game of golf.
-Now, don't fuck up my card party! -He's on the list?
Have a seat, Raja ji.
"Hukum!" "Have a seat, hukum!"
-Hello, sir. Hi, sir. -Hello, hello.
-Raja ji, your flare gun? -Hello. Oh, yes!
Keep this in the club cabinet.
-Yes, sir. -Hmm.
Hmm.
That's for you. Keep it.
Keep it, keep it. Go on. Why are you hesitating, yaar?
Keep it, man. Don't be shy.
-Come on, man, keep it! -Yes, sir.
I love my staff here. Always take care of them.
How many years old is the gun, hukum?
Hundred years, inspector sahib. Hundred years.
-Hmm. -My grandfather,
Raja sahib Rajyavardhan Singh…
…used it to blow off the guptangs of many, many Englishmen.
-Guptang? -Balls, Bambi beta, balls!
There are only two in this club, and both of them belong to me!
Ah!
No-balls land.
-Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you.
Actually, those were the golden days, hukum.
-Of rajas and maharajas. -Yes.
These days, everyone is just stuck in this mess of elections.
You know, this Madam Noorani, you know,
honestly, I don't even know why she is contesting this election.
She keeps on shouting, "Change, change, change!"
Why the fuck change something which is perfect?
Sorry for the language.
Shehnaz Aunty wants to build female staff washrooms.
We don't have any at all, you see.
But where does she want to build them? In place of the kitchen garden?
Rani Vasudha Devi Garden. My beloved wife.
She wants smelly staff toilets there?
It's fucking disgusting!
Nothing will happen to Vasudha Aunty's garden.
In any case, you are going to win this election.
-So, you decide. Okay? -Love you.
Oh, and, sir, if you need anything at all…
-Hmm. -…just give me a call.
-I'll sign for it. -No, this is enough.
-Bye. -We done?
No, no, no, no. Hmm.
-The fun part hasn't even begun yet. -Uh-oh.
Yeah, yeah. Come on, come on.
-You're wasting my time. -So…
did Leo ji ever send you…
…a song to, kind of, try and blackmail you,
or a link to make a donation to an orphanage or something?
Who the fuck do you think will blackmail me? Who?
Bhenchod!
My family has conquered a mountain of corpses to get here!
Bloody gigolo!
-I dare you to talk about this to anyone! -It's empty, chutiya.
Ronnie.
Aren't you getting late for the club?
You still have to pick up your rented car from the mechanic.
What's it gonna be?
Merc or BMW?
Go fuck yourself!
-Hmm? -Fuck yourself!
I'll fucking fuck you!
Gym.
Gym, yeah. After the gym, you…
Was there someone with you?
If you want to talk about Ganga, then do it openly.
Beating around the bush like this is meant for ladies.
Or have they stopped hiring men in the police force?
I haven't given you permission to leave yet.
Remain seated, Raja sahib.
"Remain seated, hukum."
Tell me, when did your dear wife pass away?
-Four years back. -Padam.
-Yes. -Check the orphanage reports to see
if there's a shrimati, uh, Bagula Devi--
-Vasudha Devi! -Yeah, after Vasudha ji's death,
did he start making donations immediately,
-or was it in the recent months? -Sure, sir.
-Inspector, I-- -ACP.
Assistant Commissioner of Police, Bhavani Singh.
Now, you're welcome to leave, hukum.
Men like me, you know…
look straight in the eye when they commit murder.
Not like…
Not like?
Cut! Cut! Cut!
Blood is too fucking fake, man!
My neck's screwed. Dada, get me some lime juice, yaar.
Wow.
Thank you.
Madam, how did it occur to you to run for club president?
Would you ever ask a man this question, ACP sahib?
Perhaps, you didn't get the memo. It's no longer a man's world.
Madam ji, after the Tambola that night, where were you?
Raja ji sound it pretty certain that you killed Leo.
He must have threatened to bring your business, uh…
Affair. Affair. Out into the open.
Am I right?
If I were to murder him…
…you wouldn't even find his body.
I'd chop it into pieces and feed it to the crows.
Crows love human meat. Did you know that?
These are dialogues from this film. It's a delicious character.
Whenever her heart gets broken, she murders someone.
Leo ji was blackmailing a few people.
He'd ask them to make donations to Shepherd's Home Orphanage.
The donors' list has your name too.
Where are the files, Leo?
Shit!
Very nice.
This must be your life's best performance na?
Hey!Should I make a video, huh?
Screw you!
First, in front of everyone…
accept it.
-I just can't. I have two daughters. -Is it?
Don't touch me.
You're welcome to check my bank records, ACP sahib.
I've been donating to Shepherd's for the past 20 years now.
Nothing to do with blackmail.
What do you think?
Who could have murdered Leo ji?
You're the one that gets paid to find that out, ACP sahib.
Ma'am, your shot is ready.
Uh… Excuse me.
My… My…
Hmm. Sir ji, shall we?
Yeah, soon. Water.
Pinko Hathini is the street name.
Very powerful.
Doesn't have any smell. And the taste too is impossible to detect.
His stomach contains a minimum of 280mg of Pinko.
Isn't it possible that this bodybuilder guy
took it to pump his physique up, and he got pumped out of existence?
Pinko has the opposite effect. It's an opiate.
Once you take it, it dissolves and goes to the blood stream directly.
And after that, the entire system slows down.
The muscles start to feel like jelly and the bones like rubber.
Meaning a person can't even lift light objects,
for example, this teacup over here. Forget about lifting a barbell.
Krishnan, tell me something.
How long after ingesting these drugs would they have affected Leo ji?
This takes affect at bullet speed.
As though your central nervous system,
uh, just got a kick from a sexy, pink elephant.
Okay, so those, uh, drugs that were found in that, uh, sky-blue bottle were--
It was a normal protein shake, sir.
But traces of Pinko were found in one more place.
In the cat's vomit.
That bloody Prince Hariya is a junkie?
You should have seen Rosh Aunty.
You just should have seen her fucking face.
She hadn't the slightest clue, and the professor totally took her case.
It was really something else.
You really don't have anything better to do, right?
-Better than a murder investigation? -Hmm.
No.
Better than a murder investigation.
Dude.
-What the fuck! -Didi, didi.
Please, give me something to eat. Please, didi.
Didi, can I have this?
Hmm.
-What? I am really stuffed. -Oh.
Getting away leftovers on your plate doesn't make you great, Todi.
Aey, Kashi mae--
Return this or the professor will catch you and put you behind bars.
That's exactly what I was trying to tell you about.
So, Rosh Aunty was all like,
"Raja sahib," and suddenly, he comes in from the back, her face falls.
That was hysterical.
And just then, ACP got a call about some Pinki, Pinko something.
And then Raja sahib comes in
-with his flare gun-- -Wait, did he say Pinko?
-Can you let me finish? -Did he say Pinko?
-Yes! -Pinko? Pinko Hathini?
Yes.
Once then, Raja sahib…
"Bambi beta, balls…"
Leo ji began his workout. The day was Sunday.
-What did he do on Sundays? -Upper body, sir.
Uh… So what's the first drill in upper body routine?
Bench press, sir.
So, were it not a Sunday, and had he not worked on his upper body,
-the plan wouldn't have succeeded. -Hmm.
What can we learn from this?
Maybe starting with squats, sir.
No.
The killer was familiar
with Leo ji's routine.
Sir, I didn't do anything, sir.
Sir, I am not interested in extra money, and all those Botox barbies.
Sir, I have a girlfriend--
-Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. -She's very beautiful, sir.
-Please-- -No, no. I know. Enough. Enough.
Sir, 200% he's our guy.
He's the one who prepared the shake.
The bottle didn't have any traces of Pinko, Padam.
Meaning between Leo's death and our arriving at this place,
-somebody switched the real bottle. -Hmm.
And by the time we got here, the whole club was present. Hmm.
That poor ACP.
He probably has no clue about this world.
Listen, I know you are doing all of this to spend more time with me.
Hello, please!
If there is anywhere we can find out where the Pinko came from, this is it.
I can get you more potent stuff than Pinko.
This Pinko's just been hyped up for no reason, man.
The rich and their drama.
Check this out.
Ah.
Just two, three pills left, that's all.
If club members want to score this stuff, where do they-- who do they go to?
Aey, they come to me only. Now, don't ask me the members' names, okay?
Just tell us.
Arey, three years ago, I had my men sitting in there. AK.
Then suddenly, he vanished. Into thin air! Whoosh!
He was the biggest dealer around the club. AK bastard!
You knew this AK guy or what?
Yes, Ajay Kumar. Motherfucker!
Ajay…
Ganga's husband, Ajay Kumar?
What?
-Were they married? -Yes!
Fuck-- He used to beat her.
Akash, he used to beat her every fucking day.
And didn't the guy say he just disappeared three years back?
God knows how many children's lives the bastard has ruined.
He was even jailed. But the fucker got out on bail, yaar.
What now?
Todi, no! These guys are really dangerous, okay?
Todi, I fight cases against these drugs now. I am that lawyer.
It's for research.
-It's for research? -Mm-hmm.
Fuck! I don't like this!
Okay. Bambi, I need to tell you something.
Fuck! Oh, fuck! Yash!
I thought the rehab worked.
Either Rosh Aunty doesn't know about all this, or Leo--
Akash, let's see what we find at Yash's place.
Abey yaar, Bambi.
I… I can't even walk straight.
And we're breaking into someone's house.
Oh, God. Bambi.
Bro…
Me here, walk…
Dog. Potty.
Moon-- Moon reflection.
Good windows, man. Good car. Good.
-Can I… Can I come inside? -Potty outside, bro.
Ah!
Epic party, bro.
Too much fun, man.
Epic party, bro.
Epic party.
You… You enjoy.
Who turned off the music…
…bhenchod?
"Epic party, bro!"
Should we tell Professor sahib about this Batra boy?
We've known him since childhood. Batra.
It will destroy his life, man.
Who knows? Maybe his drugs and this murder may not even be connected.
Oof. Akash Dogra.
How does such a big heart fit in your body?
That's why you chop it up into little pieces all the time,
so it fits into my body, right?
-Bye, Dogra. -Bye.
Hey, Harry,
where have you gone, my son?
Here, look. Papa has got some milk for you.
Aey, bacha. Where are you hiding?
Look, I'm walking around with your milk in my hand,
and you keep wandering off to God knows where.
What is my cake doing outside?
What's burning in here?
Ah! Oh, no!
Harry! Harry! Oh, no!
Bambi, can you keep that phone away?
Here.
Akash, remember this from Yash's room last night?
-I have seen it. -No, you haven't. See this.
Shit! Ajay Kumar?
Ganga's husband.
Yash's dealer.
He must have supplied the Pinkos to Yash.
I suspect I'm still on your list of suspects.
Hmm?
Padam won't give me…
permission to take your name off the list.
-And Mr. Singh? -He's helpless.
I was referring to Mr. Rannvijay Singh, actually.
Oh.Raja ji. Raja ji.
Padam is of the opinion that Raja ji would look into the eyes of the enemy
and kill him. Like a real man would do.
-Man? -Man.
The world has had enough manliness from you men for too long, ACP sahib.
And anyway,
all their manliness only comes out at home before their wives and their children,
or as a part of a faceless mob in front of the weak and helpless.
Tell Mr. Singh I'd like to see him give birth to a child
in a burning ghetto after a 14-hour painful labor.
And that too with rioters armed with swords are banging on your door!
And then…
-Shit. -Put your phone on silent!
Where is that warden, Rakesh?
Leo used to speak very highly of him.
Rakesh ji's missing since yesterday.
He's missing.
Thank you so much for coming, bro.
I won't be there to save you every time, Raks.
Why get drunk and create a ruckus at the police station?
So, what wrong did I do, bro?
I only went there to tell those people that I know who it was.
Who killed Leo Matthews.
-What? You okay? -Ugh.
You want some water?
-Do you have a smoke, bro? -Smoke…
I don't smoke.
Leo ji had a dark-red-colored tablet.
Have you seen it with him?
Those rich bastards did it together.
They all killed him together, Bhavani ji!
Ah!
Oh, no!
-Oh, damn. -Bloody fucking murderers!
Looks like you're deeply attached to this vehicle.
-Rakesh ji! -Hello, hello.
-Hi. -Hi, hi, how are you?
-All the best for elections. -Yes, thank you. Vote for me.
Hey! How are you?
Oh!
Sir, let me get a flowerpot here for you.
No need to go to Lucknow,
you can settle down here.
There's a Queen Victoria for company as well.
Do you know, Padam…
among the staff members who…
wasn't there at the church?
Who?
Guppie Ram ji.
You didn't come to bid farewell to your friend?
He was a potful of sin! Stealing secrets from everyone!
Just couldn't keep things to himself.
Here to there. There to here. Gossiping all the time.
Guppie Ram ji, are you sure beetroot can handle so much water?
But it's done now! The pot has burst open.
-Just like the other time. -Other time?
Which other time, Guppie ji?
Guppie ji?
Another party's here!
What can I do for you, sir? Tell me, what can I do for you?
The other time…
Ah-ha-ha!
Come on! Come on!
Hey, bro. Raja sahib is the killer!
-Yes! -Idiot!
Say, "Hukum." "Hukum."
He's Bhatti, man, Bhatti.
Here's the 50, bhenchod!
I'm betting 100 rupees on Shehnaz Noorani.
Looks like you have met my daughters, Shahana and Ira.
Shahana ji, Ira ji, Bhavani ji.
-For you. -Arey.
-But I can't even vote for you here. -It's fine.
Your better half…
I'm a single mother,
and that's more than enough.
Hi.
-ACP sahib. -Hmm?
You're completely different from the detective in my film.
How's that?
Detective Bose always remains undercover.
-Hmm. -And those cliché dialogues.
"Terrifying blood-thirsty savages!"
But what I love about you, you're real.
The reality is most murderers aren't the blood-thirsty savage types.
We know them, we're familiar with them.
Very often, we even love them.
Ordinary men, women.
People like me. People like you.
That's great.
Yet another field where we're in competition with men.
See you later.
Sir.
Yaar, these artifacts are quite popular.
Sir, this is all Cookie Aunty's talent.
And also, Cooks Aunty's so generous
that she keeps gifting all these kalakriti…
-to literally everybody all the time. -Oh, baby.
We quietly dump them into the club's storeroom.
Oh.
But by the way, whose statues are these anyway?
Our two candidates.
Oh, really? Which one is Shehnaz ji?
Oh.
Obviously, this one is Shehnaz!
I've seen her movie.
Isn't she beautiful?
Whatever food is leftover, pack it and keep it in my car.
Just keep it. You see that shiny blue Mercedes?
That one. Got it?
I'm taking it for the poor.
-I hate wastage. -You, please pack this.
Have you lost your fucking mind?
Just because your bloody cat is dead, I should fuck up my stomach?
I ordered sausages, and you cooked them the same microwave?
Get lost, yaar, Guppie!
I should water the plants.
But I need to look for Prince Harry.
Are you all right?
Come, sit here.
Did Yash baba say anything?
Are you missing Harry?
I killed Harry.
I must have lost my mind. How could I have done this?
I burned him in the oven.
You must have left the oven door open by mistake.
It's not your fault.
If she wins, things will get difficult! It will get very difficult!
-I-- -Nothing's going to happen,
Guppie.
Everything will be all right.
Don't--
Akash, I am very worried about Guppie.
But seriously--
♪ Born to one ♪
♪ Now, taken away by another ♪
♪ Oh, Lord ♪
♪ My Almighty! ♪
♪ Oh, Lord ♪
♪ My Almighty! ♪
Cheers! Cheers to everyone!
Listen, I'll leave first. You come out two minutes later. Okay?
Yash!
Who could ever tell that a murder was committed here
just three days ago?
-Yash! -And the murderer
is one of these people.
Who's congratulating himself right now…
"Murder Mubarak!"
I know everything about you, bastard!
You were here much before me, bhenchod!
Really?
-Hey, what's going on? -Stop it!
-Calm down. -Fuck!
How dare you touch me, motherfucker?
I will sue them!
Don't talk to them, Yash! Don't talk to them!
Asshole, you became a lawyer with just a correspondence course,
-bhenchod! -Hey, shut up!
-Asshole! -You back off!
Hey! I will sue you! I will sue your family.
Hey, step back! Step back! Move! Move!
Move! Stop!
I'm the president.
Move back. Move back. Raja sahib, move back, please. Back, back.
Come on. Come on.
Yes, yes. Madam, that's it. That's it. Stop, stop.
-Bambi, come, let's go. -Bambi beta.
Madam? Madam, please take care of Bambi.
-Please, come this way. -Okay, that's it. That's it.
-Ma'am? -Come, come, come.
Come on. Keep moving. This way, please.
The murderer blew Guppie Ram's ji head off,
and place the gun in his hand to make it look like a suicide.
Guppie Ram ji appears to have fine taste in coffee.
So many bags of coffee.
-Don't.Stop it. -Beta!
Just… Don't do that, man!
Yashu, I've spoken to dad already. There's nothing to worry about.
I will talk to them, na? What is--
Can you just shut the fuck up?
This matter's way above your station. Dad will handle this.
Look pleasant…
and keep your mouth shut.
This much you can do for me, Rosh-- Mom?
Where were you when you heard
the sound of the gunshot?
-Uh… -Yash baba.
Yash baba?
He's a complete psycho, sir.
Do you know he's taking drugs even now? Your favorite Pinko Hathini.
And that's why Leo was blackmailing Rosh Aunty.
That Uttarakhand rehab… …was a torture cell.
It was freezing, but they used to tie up Yashu
and leave him on the floor. They fed him watery daal and thick rotis.
Six months he had to spend in that hell.
Stinking junkies. Low-class people all around.
With great difficulty, he's got an internship in a Boston University.
But Leo found out that he…
And he threatened to share that information with his employers.
Guppie ji said that Leo ji's pot of sin burst open.
Just like the other time.
What could that other time be?
Ganga's husband, sir.
Ajay Kumar. It's been three years since he's been missing.
And, sir, he was the one supplying Yash drugs.
I told him that I don't want to live my life with his dirty money.
Sweeping, mopping. Took up any work I could.
But he was suspicious that the people I work for and I were…
You didn't file a police complaint?
Does the police listen to people like us, sir?
-I only told Raja sahib. -Yes, it is mine.
It was stolen from the club cabinet last night.
You and, uh, Raja ji, what was the nature of your relationship?
Can the rich and the poor have only one kind of dealing between them?
Nothing more than that?
Till date, Raja ji has never been inappropriate with me.
One second! Are you suggesting that I'm responsible
for Ajay Kumar's disappearance?
-And I also killed Guppie? -It certainly entangles everything.
Next time, don't make the mistake of calling me
without evidence, inspector.
Raja ji…
those are the government's balls.
We're aware that there's Pinko in your house.
As we speak, our team is already conducting a search.
Search.
My son cannot murder anyone!
And you, madam?
Rosh Aunty was involved as well. I bet the son had a Pinko pill at night,
and in the morning, the mother switched the bottles.
We had sent a team to conduct a search in Yash ji's room.
-And? -And we found nothing there.
Not a thing.
Let's say those photos are from same room, okay?
Apart from that, we have--
Hey!
Had a brain wave? Huh?
What happened?
You know the earrings that I had given you on your 20th birthday, remember?
I just saw them in Leo's evidence box.
That's what happened.
Akash, it was just physical.
After Anshul's accident, I just had no idea what was going on.
I was so disoriented. I would… l would just stay up just crying.
-I just needed someone-- -I hear there are plenty of flights
between Delhi and Kolkata.
Do you know how many times I called you?
Picked up even once?
My husband had just died, Kashi.
So, I am really sorry if this was about me.
And he was there for me. You weren't.
You know what?
Fuck you, Todi!
I wasn't there? I was always there for you!
Like a fucking fool, always standing next to you.
Like a fool, I used to keep standing there for you.
Bambi, I have no idea what it is you want from me.
This much is clear.
Three years ago, you were messing around with me.
Today, you're doing the same thing. I'm done with you!
You… You know what? You consume my entire life, man!
And you didn't even realize it!
Why? Huh? What did I ever do to you?
What was the reason for your husband's death?
-Sir, I'm trying to-- -Bambi Madam!
I want nothing but the truth!
What's the real reason for your blackmailing?
Was it your klepto-escapades or your current affair? Hmm?
Speak up, speak up, speak up! Hmm?
I didn't give a shit if he told anybody about the affair.
If you didn't give a shit,
then why have you been hiding this shit from us all these days?
Huh?
Kashi would've found out.
From now on, you'll stay away from this case.
-Please leave. Go. -Uh, I…
Leave.
Now, even Bambi Todi is a murder suspect.
For the world, the members of this club are full hi-fi,
always prancing around.
But come nighttime, they are worse than the criminal from the ghettos.
I say the minister should definitely shut down this club.
I support him fully.
Never punish the stomach
for the afflictions of the heart, vakil sahib.
You know, an octopus has three hearts.
-Bhai sahib. -Hmm?
You must be wondering why I'm serving sautéed beetroot for dinner.
Oh, no, no. The… beetroots have turned out delicious, madam.
Really?
The sight of Guppie Ram's beetroots was very painful!
-Yes. -They were weird to look at.
Day and night, he'd keep watering the kitchen gardens.
Yes! This is exactly where they go wrong.
So, the thing is, beetroot is a root vegetable.
Now, beetroot and root vegetables should not be watered too much.
But people keep on overwatering.
What it does is, it makes them soggy. Kind of mushy.
Are you sure beetroot can handle so much water?
Guppie Ram ji appears to have fine taste in coffee.
Who has his pot of sin burst open?
Forgive me, I have a slight, uh, emergency.
-Bhai sahib, dinner? -No, no, some other time.
Some other time.
Who the hell allowed this? The results are out there, Bhatti!
Bhenchod, I'll bury you right here!
Kings and queens are things of the past, hukum.
Don't fuck with me today, Shehnaz!
ACP, gold! You found gold--
Madam, please don't get overexcited.
Careful with the mud. Keep them back. Move back, everyone.
Move back.
Hmm. Padam.
Guppie Ram ji wasn't watering the vegetables.
He was pouring acid into the ground.
And in the linings, coffee and vinegar.
So, anything underneath would dissolve quickly.
That's why those… those beetroots…
Madam! Back! Get back.
-Oh, God! -Get back.
-I've been eating beets from here. -Madam, come back.
This is not beetroot. Oh, my God! Cannibals…
Who are here to arrest? Can it wait an hour?
No, sir, it's urgent.
-Huh? -Yes.
You can't just look at a pile of bones and say whether it's my husband or not.
Madam, can you tell me when was the last time you saw your mister?
I mean, your husband, when did you see him?
That would be at didi's anniversary party.
Hmm. Three years ago?
The same night Raja sahib made tandoori chicken out of him?
Are you in touch with your in-laws?
It's a male, 25 to 30 years.
Buried for three to four years.
The death was due to blunt force trauma with some heavy object.
Right on the face.
We're trying to locate Ajay Kumar's dental records
to do a DNA match.
There's something important I wanted to show you.
In his left eye socket, I found these tiny, little shards.
This could be from your murder weapon.
Tell me, why was Leo ji blackmailing you?
Do you see anything?
There are no bone china cups…
no Mercedes…
no elephants either.
Rannvijay Singh is just a ground-floor tenant of an old mansion.
That's it.
All I do is wait for the clock to strike 4:00, ACP,
when I can go to The Royal Delhi Club…
and become Raja sahib again.
And if that scumbag Leo had revealed the truth about me
in front of everyone,
then never mind the members, even the staff would have ridiculed me.
They would've laughed at my 20-rupee tip…
…and thrown 50 rupees at my face instead.
You are telling the truth, Raja sahib…
but not the whole truth.
At Leo ji's house, we found several photos like this.
If anyone would've discovered that a man from the royal family…
I truly loved my wife very much.
She was the only one who really knew me.
Understood me. Please don't tell anyone.
So, Raja sahib, you were with Thinsuk that night?
Uh… If you want my advice, then you should…
fearlessly accept this relationship. This case would--
I won't be able to live with it.
I can't do this to someone like Thinsuk.
His life will be ruined.
I request you, please give the other photos back to me.
I'll consider myself in your debt for life.
Raja ji, I promise you,
as soon as we recover more photographs and pictures, I'll give them all to you.
Meaning?
Please forgive me, but I have to place you under arrest.
Come on.
Just give me a minute.
Mm-hmm.
Tanzanite.
It's very expensive. Pricey, you know.
That's why I made just two of them.
-And you sold both of them. -No, no.
I always gift the special ones.
Poor Raja sahib.
After his wife passed away…
he became very, very lonely. That's when I gifted it to him.
-The second one? -Not the second. His first wife.
The second Mother Teresa.
Sir, please tell us something.
There's no criminal that can escape the Delhi Police.
Not even the Maharaja of a dilapidated mansion.
A dilapidated mansion,
perverted Maharaja turned out to be the murderer.
Was Raja ji romancing Ganga, who's young enough to be his daughter?
-I gifted that one as well. -Whom did you gift it to, madam?
Raja ji buried Ganga's husband, Ajay Kumar,
in the club ground.
In the memory of his wife, Vasudha Devi…
I'll kill that bastard!
To whom did you gift the second gift?
God! My blood pressure is going through the roof.
-Whom did you give the second-- -Don't shout, SP ji! Please leave.
Delhi Police has found key evidence against Raja ji.
After the argument, it's been three years.
Ganga's husband, Ajay Kumar, is missing.
Sir, why are you not sharing all the details with us?
Sir, can you give us some more details?
When the time's right, rest assured,
we'll share every detail with you.
Cookie ji, the second Mother Teresa, whom did you give it to?
His ancestral mansion…
Dogras.
Maharaja Rannvijay Singh…
Thank you, Cookie ji. Thank…
No, no, SP.
-Hell… Nothing. -What… What are you doing, SP?
What are you-- Katoch sahib is inside. He'll get upset.
Yeah, Padam, you are ready?
Yes, yes! We have got today's biggest breaking news!
-Ajay Kumar is alive! -Sir, Ajay Kumar is still alive!
What's happening, sir?
Ajay Kumar in flesh and blood
stands alive and well right before our eyes!
So, the question that rises
is the the skeleton that was found at the RDC belongs to who?
What could I do here?
My Mrs. was coochie-cooing with her bosses here.
Mmm.
And that bastard lawyer, Dogra, bloody dog! He was hot on my trail.
So, I disappeared. I could've escaped the police very soon.
God knows what his deal was.
Asshole would make my entire stock disappear.
Pinko.
Thank you for meeting me.
You're leaving?
♪ I remember you just as much ♪
Yes, I was pretending.
Nineteen years back…
I did pretend to drown.
So that you could come and save me.
You always landed up to save me, didn't you?
Kashi, if I pretend…
…once more that I'm drowning…
would you come and save…
I really have to take this. Sorry.
-Yes, sir. -It's a DNA match, sir.
I found Leo's iPad, bro.
There are more than 100 photos and videos of those club members.
You haven't told anyone else, have you?
Hello, Bambi ji.
A few minutes ago, we received the DNA report on the skeleton.
It's a match with your husband, Anshul.
Is vakil sahib with you?
I need to ask him something.
Hello, Bambi ji, can you hear me?
Do one thing.
Wait right there. I am coming. Don't go anywhere.
Bambi ji, I'm asking, is vakil sahib with you right now?
No.
Okay, it's not nice to keep reminding all the time…
Where is vakil sahib?
He's gone back to Kolkata.
-This Koohu Madam, can we get her number? -Number…
Koohu? But we've never even spoken to her till today.
Cookie ji had gifted you something. A bust of Mother Teresa.
-Uh… -Can you tell me where it is?
That's, uh, been missing for quite some time.
-Padam. -Yes, sir.
Vakil sahib hasn't gone to Kolkata.
-Track his phone. -Yes, sir.
What are you saying?
Raks!
Shepherd's Orphanage. Send someone immediately!
What did he want with the Mother Teresa bust, huh?
Hello? You didn't like my joke or what?
Where's Warden Raks's room, huh?
Do all of you know what happened once with Padam?
A case was brought before him.
A poor rickshaw driver was crushed under a fancy Mercedes.
Everyone said, "Drop it." "He was a poor man, he was a nobody."
Padam said, "No!"
The value of a car can be high or low.
But the value of the lives inside either is always equal.
In your world,
there may be a distinction between higher, lower, rich, poor.
But today, in this assembly, you are all equal.
So, please be seated. Those standing, please sit.
Hmm.
Now, it looks democratic.
Arey, stop it! He's called me here!
SP!
I don't remember inviting you here.
I know.
-I'm here for you, Rosh. -I'm okay. Okay. I'm okay.
Shehnaz ji, I caught onto your lie
the moment you spoke to me about the riots.
I'd like to see him give birth to a child
in a burning ghetto after a 14-hour painful labor.
And that too when rioters armed with swords are banging on your door!
And then…
So, the riots that fit your story are the Mumbai riots of 1992.
That year, your age was…
Forgive me, uh, I am about to mention a lady's age.
Sixteen years,
which does not match the present ages of your daughters.
Ammi didn't even let me see my baby's face.
But I found out that he was placed in Shepherd's Home Orphanage.
As I progressed forward in my career…
I always tried…
never to turn and look back.
But I kept making donations to Shepherd's.
Then, one day, Leo showed up.
And he knew about who my son was.
He had some photos with him. And he began to blackmail me.
His only condition was…
that I accept my son in front of everyone,
or else he'd reveal everything to my daughters.
So, today, I did that myself.
Perhaps not Shehnaz ji…
but Leo ji was blackmailing Raja ji.
Only for money and nothing else.
I can't do this to someone like Thinsuk.
His life will be ruined.
That's got nothing to do with this murder.
It's his personal matter.
Whatever his personal matter may be, who cares?
But Guppie Ram was killed by his gun, I'm sure.
I regret to inform you… that was a suicide.
The forensic evidence
and the blood splatter reports suitably prove it.
Forensics also revealed an astonishing fact to us.
The identity of the corpse buried in the kitchen garden.
I've already informed Bambi ji.
It was her husband Anshul ji's body.
The DNA has been matched with both his parents.
Anshul ji's skeleton also provided another detail.
Cause of death, a powerful blow to the head.
He was attacked. By whom?
-Padam. -Yes, sir.
"I am sorry for everything, Bambi."
"I love you." "I always have."
Yesterday, Yash attempted to kill himself.
By overdosing on drugs. Right now, he's in a coma.
Since childhood, Yash ji had a soft corner for Bambi.
We also discovered that he would stalk her and secretly spy on her.
Yash baba could not stand it when Bambi chose another,
and that is why he decided to remove Anshul ji from the picture.
It was impossible to accomplish this task alone.
His accomplice turned out to be Guppie Ram ji.
-Druggie bastard! -Shut up!
Just shut up!
I knew this is what you people would say! I knew it!
This is why today, I left Yashu half dead in the hospital and came here!
You're a bunch of scumbags! Bloody scumbags!
Nobody cares for anyone here! Everyone is--
Don't, don't. I know. I know exactly what you guys
are saying about me behind my back.
Cow dung. Gold-digger!
Cheap leach!
-Rosh-- -Arey, stop it!
My favorite. Blood-sucker pussy.
Fine! Today I'll show you what a wild cat I am!
Anyone dare bad-mouth my Yash,
I'll claw them to pieces. Won't spare anyone!
Roshni ji, please calm down.
Fine, let us assume Yash ji is not the killer.
This is, uh, Leo ji's tab.
Leo ji kept the camera on at all times
so that he could capture the weaknesses of his next victim
and then use it to blackmail them.
Observe the date and time stamp on this video.
It's from the night of Bambi ji's and Anshul ji's anniversary, 2:30 a.m.
This video revealed to us a very highly intriguing detail.
That perhaps… …escaped even Leo's notice.
Look here. Far behind at the parking lot,
there's a car standing here that has a prominent dent in the rear.
Even from here, we can clearly tell whose car this is.
Vakil sahib's.
Vakil sahib may have left that anniversary party early.
-That's possible. -Bastard, wait!
But he was back again later that night.
Not thinking straight, heady from alcohol and anger.
It was impossible for him to bury the body alone.
That's how drunk he was.
Then he found an accomplice in Guppie Ram ji.
And coincidentally,
the bus taking Anshul ji and his friends to the mountains fell into a gorge.
And no one even realized anything. Anshul ji never boarded that bus.
Yes, I did go that night, back to the club, to meet Bambi.
I knocked on the door, nobody answered, so I went back home, okay?
This bullshit yarn you're spinning…
might work here, but it won't hold in court.
That's what you think. It'll hold fine.
The CCTV footage from that night, that is October 12th, has been deleted.
Your murder weapon, the Mother Teresa bust,
has been missing from your home for three years.
While conducting your raids on Ajay Kumar,
you also came across several sources of Pinko.
Sir, but Yash's letter.
He has confessed, hasn't he?
Whether he wrote it himself or vakil sahib forced him to write it,
we may never know, Bambi ji.
But Kashi wasn't even at the club, sir.
How could he have switched the protein bottles?
So, he didn't do it. Guppie Ram ji switched them.
And that's how that bottle came in contact with Prince Harry, the cat.
My apologies, vakil sahib.
Let's go.
Come on, come on. Get up.
♪ Oh Lord, my Almighty! ♪
♪ Born to one, now taken away by another ♪
-You pulled a miracle today, sir ji. -Hmm.
You nabbed the killer, saved the fake Raja ji,
and to top it all, compelled everyone to revealing everything.
Sir.
All the knots are not yet untangled, Padam.
-Ji? -ACP sir!
Hmm.
Now, the knots unravel.
I need to tell you something, ACP sir.
I loved the club.
I know a person like you will never understand…
I love each and every thing about RDC.
It's a privileged world I was born into.
And it's the only world I have known.
♪ Oh Lord, my Almighty! ♪
♪ Born to one, now taken away by another ♪
So many of us have nowhere else to go.
We're all so terrified of the real world…
that we make the club our whole world.
It's my home. My prison. And what a beautiful fucking prison.
Anshul was the perfect husband material.
Sweet, dependable, rich, et cetera, et cetera.
There was just one problem.
He was not Kashi.
I just needed one thing from him.
We needed to look like the perfect couple. That's all.
You know, for the club.
But he couldn't even manage that.
You're leaving me? Huh? You're leaving me for a maid?
For a fucking maid, Anshul?
I left you a long time ago, Bambi.
-And like I said, I fucking love her. -I don't care if you love her!
Love her, fuck her, do whatever the fuck you want!
But do it in your room!
The world… Fuck the world!
The club cannot find out about this! Do you understand…
Is that the only thing that you give a fuck about?
Look at your mom and dad's situation.
Even after that, you haven't figured it out?
You're so fucking selfish, Anshul! You're so fucking selfish!
Have you even thought about Ganga? You think people will accept her?
She won't even get membership at the club, Anshul.
You're so stupid!
Do you really think I give a fuck if she gets a membership?
-You should give a fuck! -I don't!
"I love her."
Marriage is about love, not status.
Love and marriage have nothing to do with each other, Anshul!
How could that fool know what love feels like?
Look at me, sir.
I madly loved Kashi, but I didn't marry him.
You need to understand what I'm saying. No one is going to accept her.
Listen to me.
-We have a perfect marriage. -We don't, Bambi.
Are you fucking hearing yourself?
We have a perfect marriage, Anshul.
We don't.
It doesn't matter, Anshul. It doesn't fucking matter!
How are love and marriage connected?
Kashi is a chutiya too. He just never understood this.
-Anshul, please listen to me. -You listen to me.
The divorce papers are almost ready. Once I come back from my--
Getting Guppie to help was easy.
I just told him Anshul had raped Ganga.
I loved Guppie a lot. I promise.
But in the end, these folks can never be us.
They don't have it in them to know what's good and what's bad for them.
But Leo did, though. Bastard.
Once you've taken one life,
murder becomes a part of your list of solutions.
-Arey, do you hear that song? -What song?
Where is it playing from?
It's not your fault, Guppie.
You're not well, you know?
That's why.
I'm like a daughter to you, aren't I?
Would you like it…
if you're the reason I'm sentenced to death?
I know if you had the means, you'd save me for sure.
If only that stupid Yash had not cleaned out the Pinko
I had planted,
he'd be in jail, not in the ICU.
Everything would've been sorted out.
But then you came along with your middle-class interference.
Now, it's my turn, Bambi ji.
The knots will unravel only when we talk.
-Yes, dadi. -Return gift.
I returned the gift.
All night, that bust used to stare at me like an owl.
So, to whom did you give that bust as a return gift?
To that Todi’s daughter.
Looks like you've been on that train.
Kashi would've found out.
That tingling in my belly,
and the way you were buzzing like a bee around this case,
both seemed to clearly tell me that you were the murderer.
If you need anything at all, just give me a call. I'll sign for it.
But I didn't have any strong evidence against you.
And suddenly, it occurred to me. I had an ace up my sleeve.
Vakil sahib.
No matter how low a person stoops,
when it comes to matters of the heart,
the benevolence inside him instinctively takes charge.
Didn't I tell you…
the world's greatest mystery…
is love?
♪ The more I try to forget you ♪
♪ I remember you just as much ♪
♪ The more I try to forget you ♪
♪ I remember you just as much ♪
♪ My life slips away ♪
But professor sahib.
All is not lost.
And that's why I know…
I'll find a good lawyer, one who'll come to meet me every day.
For years to come.
-Do one thing. -Yes.
-You know, you get these large plants… -Yes.
The rats will come and eat them up.
If we grow carrots, we'll get great results.
And you'll make delicious halwa.
No, I'll make the halwa.
Vakil sahib, do not take up Bambi ji's case.
Why did you rush to the orphanage that night?
To see whether or not Bambi left any evidence?
If she had, what then?
Vakil sahib, you seem to have a big heart.
Shrink it a little.
Go back to that Bengali maid in Kolkata.
Bye.
Vakil sahib!
This Koohu ji does exist, right?
This matter was more complicated than our previous cases, Padam.
We were not just solving only a murder case,
but also untangling the knots of a love story.
A peculiar love story.
-Sir. -Hmm?
-Should I park it? -No, no, no, no. I will park it.
You, please locate to the chat protocol.
Hmm.
Yeah, a little more spice.
Do you all know what happened to Padam once upon a time?
♪ Milk churn! ♪
♪ Oh Lord, my Almighty! ♪
♪ Born to one, now taken away by another ♪ n a time?