1
00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,333
This is some bullshit, Sergeant.
2
00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:46,708
Shut the fuck up, Macy.
3
00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:50,583
Folen! You're gonna get shot in the dick
if you stand in silhouette like that.
4
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:54,375
Yep. Right in the dick.
5
00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:57,083
I'm just trying
to see how far out I can get it.
6
00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:59,916
I've got the aim of an angel
7
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,625
and the reach of a god.
8
00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:04,875
How much further to the objective, Sarge?
9
00:01:04,958 --> 00:01:07,458
Another 500 meters… up.
10
00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:11,250
Oh, fuck me.
11
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,291
-One-Seven, this is One-One. Over.
12
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,833
-One-Seven, One-One.
13
00:01:16,916 --> 00:01:18,666
We're within 500 meters of the objective.
14
00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:19,708
How copy? Over.
15
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:22,750
Everything all right, Sergeant?
16
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,833
Fine. Fucking peachy.
17
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,500
Fine,
like in no radio contact with anyone
18
00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:30,625
for the last 50 fucking minutes?
19
00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:33,333
Fine,
like our idiotic fucking platoon leader
20
00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,000
decided to split us up?
21
00:01:35,083 --> 00:01:38,291
Fine, like I have to keep
hauling this fucking ammo
22
00:01:38,375 --> 00:01:40,000
up this motherfucking mountain?
23
00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:44,541
Fine, like Team Two's been torn
into greasy shreds of man jerky?
24
00:01:48,083 --> 00:01:50,083
Jesus fuck.
25
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:51,625
Look at this thing here.
26
00:01:51,708 --> 00:01:54,541
Almost as big as my dick.
27
00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:57,333
Well, I guess he won't be needing this.
28
00:01:57,416 --> 00:02:00,583
It's… It's the whole team.
Muj didn't do this, Sergeant.
29
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:03,041
Hey, hey, hey.
It doesn't matter what did it.
30
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:05,041
We're gonna get through this, soldier.
31
00:02:05,541 --> 00:02:06,583
Together.
32
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:09,416
"Together"?
33
00:02:09,916 --> 00:02:12,666
I bet that'll look great
on a poster with some puppies!
34
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,250
What? Uh, what?
35
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:24,416
It's a honey badger.
36
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,125
Honey badgers don't give a shit!
37
00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:29,125
That'sit. We've all gone crazy.
Time to kill each other.
38
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:32,875
Oh, thank God. I'm so tired
of carrying all this fucking ammo around.
39
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:35,291
You assholes don't have
my permission to die.
40
00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:40,750
Uh, should we shoot it?
41
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,500
Fuck yes, Coutts. Let's shoot it.
42
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:43,541
Fire! Fire!
43
00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:50,125
It's not stopping!
44
00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:51,291
-Hold!
45
00:02:56,291 --> 00:02:58,000
What kind of bear is that?
46
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,083
Fuck you, honey badger!
47
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,250
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you!
48
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,250
-Let him go, you son of a bitch!
49
00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:13,791
Holy shit!
50
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,500
Die, fucker!
51
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:21,916
Uh-oh.
52
00:03:23,041 --> 00:03:23,875
Erwin!
53
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,208
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
54
00:03:43,666 --> 00:03:45,041
Hey! Over here!
55
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:49,375
Fuck. Goddamn thing's run out of juice.
56
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,250
-Fuck. Oh, I'm standing on your friend.
57
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,166
Sorry.
58
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:54,958
This really sucks.
59
00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,166
-No shit.
60
00:03:56,250 --> 00:03:57,583
Who the hell's this guy?
61
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:01,541
Sergeant First Class Morris,
attached to Task Force Griffin.
62
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:03,166
Stationed at Camp Eisenhower.
63
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,875
-It's right over that ridge.
-No such place as Camp Eisenhower.
64
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:08,166
Sure there is.
You just didn't know about it.
65
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,583
It's subterranean.
66
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,375
Bullshit that's where you're from.
67
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:13,250
You're stationed at Camp Bullshit,
68
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:16,250
and you drink
from a CamelBak full of lies.
69
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:21,458
CIA built it back in '02,
right after the invasion.
70
00:04:21,541 --> 00:04:23,791
It's just another part
of our hearts and minds strategy.
71
00:04:23,875 --> 00:04:26,791
And let me guess.
It's part of some Secret Squirrel op,
72
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:29,833
and you've got all kinds
of crazy sciencey shit under there,
73
00:04:29,916 --> 00:04:33,000
including fucking nightmares
like that thing.
74
00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:36,875
Well, that thing
is code named Project Barghest.
75
00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:41,416
It was on patrol with us last night
when it started acting unpatriotic,
76
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,791
and treated my team
like an Afghani buffet.
77
00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:48,666
Bar-guest? That's a stupid fucking name
for a honey badger.
78
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:50,708
It's not a honey badger.
79
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,625
It's a genetically-engineered grizzly bear
80
00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:56,208
with a shit-ton
of mechanical augmentation.
81
00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:58,416
-It's like a tank with fur.
82
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,500
Retractable
anti-personnel titanium talons,
83
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:03,250
diamond carbine canines,
84
00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:08,000
all wrapped in a solid inch
of ballistic-resistant gel under its skin.
85
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:11,791
Small arms won't do jack-shit,
and even grenades won't hurt it.
86
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:13,875
Unless you get lucky, which you won't.
87
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:16,166
-Can you kill it with that?
-This piece of shit?
88
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,916
No. It's supposed to be a remote control,
89
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,625
but the only thing that works is
this setting that says "fuck off."
90
00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:25,083
Come on, guys. Let's go
to that base you don't think exists.
91
00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:26,875
Well, Sarge?
92
00:05:27,416 --> 00:05:30,416
Why not?
I doubt this shit could get any weirder.
93
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,250
Dang it. It was right here.
94
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,291
It was right there. It was there.
95
00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:37,291
There was a fucking rock. Fucking there.
96
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:41,708
It appears the secret back entrance
to your secret CIA base
97
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:44,708
is so extra fucking secret
even you can't find it.
98
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,208
Sarge, we got permission to die now?
99
00:05:47,291 --> 00:05:49,125
Getting there, Folen. Getting there.
100
00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:51,041
Oh, here it is.
101
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:54,708
-Yet…
-Amazing.
102
00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:09,708
Guessing it wasn't like this
when you left.
103
00:06:09,791 --> 00:06:11,458
No. It fucking wasn't.
104
00:06:11,541 --> 00:06:14,541
Well, personally,
I love what they've done with the place.
105
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:17,916
All right.
106
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:21,125
Let's get some proper fucking ordnance
107
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:23,916
and kill the shit
out of this fucking thing!
108
00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:25,500
Sorry for all the cursing.
109
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:33,916
This is where I come to jerk off.
110
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,125
Macy! Folen! Christmas come early, boys.
111
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,208
Now we're talking!
112
00:06:41,291 --> 00:06:42,750
You drool on it, you buy it.
113
00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:45,875
Fuck yeah. This will do some damage.
114
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,166
-Hmm?
115
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Friendly.
116
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:51,833
Friendly.
117
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,708
This is MAARS-Bot.
118
00:06:57,791 --> 00:06:59,250
-Hi. Hi.
119
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:01,833
Oh, who's your buddy, MAARS-Bot?
Who's your buddy?
120
00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:04,708
Oh, sweet. More science shit.
121
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,916
He gonna go rogue and try and eat us too?
122
00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:11,458
You didn't think the CIA would make
just one Jihad-Joe killing weapon,
123
00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:12,375
did you?
124
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:14,166
Redundancy, son, saves lives.
125
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:16,416
Well, it is kinda cute.
126
00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:20,750
Oh, don't you look at me like that
with them little puppy dog eyes.
127
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,125
Jesus fucking Christ, Macy.
128
00:07:25,208 --> 00:07:26,750
Here we go, guys. Come on!
129
00:07:30,791 --> 00:07:33,458
You better put me in for a Bronze Star
after this shit, Morris.
130
00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:35,416
You've got a bad attitude, Private Macy,
131
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,916
and I will deny any award
he puts you in for.
132
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:43,708
Okay. Maybe a certificate
of achievement. Maybe.
133
00:07:43,791 --> 00:07:46,500
All right, ladies.
I'm gonna call the Barghest to us.
134
00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,416
Clench up!
135
00:07:48,416 --> 00:07:50,166
Let's just get this shit over with.
136
00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:55,500
In three, two, one.
137
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,166
Um,
138
00:08:12,875 --> 00:08:14,375
you sure that recall button's--
139
00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:29,416
-Fuck!
-Go, go, go!
140
00:08:33,416 --> 00:08:34,750
Holy fucking shit!
141
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:43,666
Goddammit! Go, go, go!
142
00:08:56,041 --> 00:08:57,708
MAARS-Bot, no!
143
00:08:57,791 --> 00:09:00,083
Save yourself, robot friend!
144
00:09:02,958 --> 00:09:04,000
No!
145
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:09,291
Fuck this.
146
00:09:10,958 --> 00:09:11,791
Go!
147
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,125
Special delivery!
148
00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:17,000
I need some range!
149
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:21,666
Get some!
150
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:44,458
That's all you got?
Stupid fucking honey badger!
151
00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:46,583
Folen, get the fuck back, you idiot!
152
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:54,458
Fuck you, honey badger!
153
00:09:56,791 --> 00:09:58,750
-Macy! Move!
154
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,083
-Fuck, Macy.
-Mama…
155
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:35,583
M-Mama…
156
00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:37,958
It's gonna be okay, Folen. Just…
157
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,250
Nielsen…
158
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:43,916
Nielsen, please… please tell my wife…
159
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,833
-I will, Folen. Anything.
-Nielsen…
160
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:47,791
-Please… Please…
-I promise.
161
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:49,208
…tell my wife
162
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,291
I… I…
163
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,416
I fucked her sister.
164
00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:03,875
Fuck me.
165
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:06,041
Well…
166
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,833
…that sure was some bullshit, Sergeant.
167
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:17,666
Oh fuck.
168
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,458
Fuck you, honey badger!
169
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,291
Fu… Fu… Fu… Fuck you, honey badger!
170
00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:48,208
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck you!
171
00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:53,541
Stupid fucking honey badger!
172
00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:56,333
Die, fucker!
173
00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,875
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
174
00:12:00,583 --> 00:12:02,583
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
175
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,375
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
176
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,000
Stupid fucking honey badger!
177
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,916
Fuck you, honey badger!
178
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:22,750
Fuck you, honey badger!
179
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,083
Right in the dick.