1
00:00:10,583 --> 00:00:12,041
[opening theme music playing]
2
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:25,541
[electronic warbling]
3
00:00:36,958 --> 00:00:38,500
[man sighing in relief]
4
00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:41,208
[groaning]
5
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,791
[laughs]
6
00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,333
This is some bullshit, Sergeant.
7
00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:46,708
Shut the fuck up, Macy.
8
00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:50,583
Folen! You're gonna get shot in the dick
if you stand in silhouette like that.
9
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:54,375
[spits] Yep. Right in the dick.
10
00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:57,083
I'm just trying
to see how far out I can get it.
11
00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:59,916
I've got the aim of an angel
12
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,625
and the reach of a god. [sighs]
13
00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:04,875
How much further to the objective, Sarge?
14
00:01:04,958 --> 00:01:07,458
Another 500 meters… up.
15
00:01:07,541 --> 00:01:08,875
[eagle screeching]
16
00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:11,250
Oh, fuck me.
17
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,291
-[radio beeps]
-One-Seven, this is One-One. Over.
18
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:14,625
[radio static]
19
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,833
-[radio beeps]
-One-Seven, One-One.
20
00:01:16,916 --> 00:01:18,666
We're within 500 meters of the objective.
21
00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:19,708
How copy? Over.
22
00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:21,083
[radio static]
23
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:22,750
Everything all right, Sergeant?
24
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,833
Fine. Fucking peachy.
25
00:01:24,916 --> 00:01:26,000
[tense music playing]
26
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,500
[Macy] Fine,
like in no radio contact with anyone
27
00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:30,625
for the last 50 fucking minutes?
28
00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:33,333
[Folen] Fine,
like our idiotic fucking platoon leader
29
00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,000
decided to split us up?
30
00:01:35,083 --> 00:01:38,291
[soldier] Fine, like I have to keep
hauling this fucking ammo
31
00:01:38,375 --> 00:01:40,000
up this motherfucking mountain?
32
00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:44,541
Fine, like Team Two's been torn
into greasy shreds of man jerky?
33
00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:45,541
[Folen gasps]
34
00:01:45,625 --> 00:01:47,083
[sinister music playing]
35
00:01:48,083 --> 00:01:50,083
[Folen] Jesus fuck.
36
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:51,625
Look at this thing here.
37
00:01:51,708 --> 00:01:54,541
Almost as big as my dick. [chuckles]
38
00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:57,333
Well, I guess he won't be needing this.
39
00:01:57,416 --> 00:02:00,583
It's… It's the whole team.
Muj didn't do this, Sergeant.
40
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:03,041
Hey, hey, hey.
It doesn't matter what did it.
41
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:05,041
We're gonna get through this, soldier.
42
00:02:05,541 --> 00:02:06,583
Together.
43
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:09,416
"Together"?
44
00:02:09,916 --> 00:02:12,666
I bet that'll look great
on a poster with some puppies!
45
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,500
[creature roaring]
46
00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:15,875
[suspenseful music playing]
47
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:17,458
[snarls]
48
00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:19,083
[guns cocking]
49
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,250
What? Uh, what?
50
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:24,416
It's a honey badger.
51
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,125
Honey badgers don't give a shit!
52
00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:29,125
That's it. We've all gone crazy.
Time to kill each other.
53
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:32,875
Oh, thank God. I'm so tired
of carrying all this fucking ammo around.
54
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:35,291
You assholes don't have
my permission to die.
55
00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:39,000
[growls, roars]
56
00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:40,750
Uh, should we shoot it?
57
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,500
Fuck yes, Coutts. Let's shoot it.
58
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:43,541
Fire! Fire!
59
00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:45,041
[roars]
60
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,000
[snarls]
61
00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:50,125
[Folen] It's not stopping!
62
00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:51,291
-[creature roars]
-Hold!
63
00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:54,500
[snarls]
64
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,208
[soldier grunts, screams]
65
00:02:56,291 --> 00:02:58,000
[Folen] What kind of bear is that?
66
00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:00,083
[grunts, yells]
67
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,083
Fuck you, honey badger!
68
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,916
[screaming]
69
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,250
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you!
70
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,250
-Let him go, you son of a bitch!
-[squelching]
71
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:10,833
[creature roars]
72
00:03:10,916 --> 00:03:12,333
-[Coutts grunts]
-[creature snarls]
73
00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:13,791
[Sarge] Holy shit!
74
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,500
[soldier 2] Die, fucker!
75
00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,500
[soldier 2 yelling]
76
00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:19,375
[roars]
77
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:21,000
[gun clicks]
78
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:21,916
Uh-oh.
79
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:22,958
[squelching]
80
00:03:23,041 --> 00:03:23,875
Erwin!
81
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:25,833
[creature snarls]
82
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,208
[yells] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
83
00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:31,000
-[blades clanking]
-[creature roars]
84
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,291
[high-pitched whining]
85
00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:36,375
[creature yelps, moans]
86
00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,041
[creature whimpering]
87
00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,583
[high-pitched whining stops]
88
00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:43,583
[breathing heavily]
89
00:03:43,666 --> 00:03:45,041
[man] Hey! Over here!
90
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:49,375
Fuck. Goddamn thing's run out of juice.
91
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,250
-[squelching]
-Fuck. Oh, I'm standing on your friend.
92
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,166
Sorry.
93
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:54,958
This really sucks.
94
00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,166
-No shit.
-[metal clanking]
95
00:03:56,250 --> 00:03:57,583
Who the hell's this guy?
96
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:01,541
Sergeant First Class Morris,
attached to Task Force Griffin.
97
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:03,166
Stationed at Camp Eisenhower.
98
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,875
-It's right over that ridge.
-No such place as Camp Eisenhower.
99
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:08,166
Sure there is.
You just didn't know about it.
100
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,583
It's subterranean.
101
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,375
Bullshit that's where you're from.
102
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:13,250
You're stationed at Camp Bullshit,
103
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:16,250
and you drink
from a CamelBak full of lies.
104
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:21,458
CIA built it back in '02,
right after the invasion.
105
00:04:21,541 --> 00:04:23,791
It's just another part
of our hearts and minds strategy.
106
00:04:23,875 --> 00:04:26,791
And let me guess.
It's part of some Secret Squirrel op,
107
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:29,833
and you've got all kinds
of crazy sciencey shit under there,
108
00:04:29,916 --> 00:04:33,000
including fucking nightmares
like that thing.
109
00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:36,875
Well, that thing
is code named Project Barghest.
110
00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:41,416
It was on patrol with us last night
when it started acting unpatriotic,
111
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,791
and treated my team
like an Afghani buffet.
112
00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:48,666
Bar-guest? That's a stupid fucking name
for a honey badger.
113
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:50,708
It's not a honey badger.
114
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,625
It's a genetically-engineered grizzly bear
115
00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:56,208
with a shit-ton
of mechanical augmentation.
116
00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:58,416
-It's like a tank with fur.
-[electronic warbling]
117
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,500
Retractable
anti-personnel titanium talons,
118
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:03,250
diamond carbine canines,
119
00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:08,000
all wrapped in a solid inch
of ballistic-resistant gel under its skin.
120
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:11,791
Small arms won't do jack-shit,
and even grenades won't hurt it.
121
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:13,875
Unless you get lucky, which you won't.
122
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:16,166
-Can you kill it with that?
-[Morris] This piece of shit?
123
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,916
No. It's supposed to be a remote control,
124
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,625
but the only thing that works is
this setting that says "fuck off."
125
00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:25,083
Come on, guys. Let's go
to that base you don't think exists.
126
00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:26,875
Well, Sarge?
127
00:05:27,416 --> 00:05:30,416
Why not?
I doubt this shit could get any weirder.
128
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,250
[Morris] Dang it. It was right here.
129
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,291
It was right there. It was there.
130
00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:37,291
There was a fucking rock. Fucking there.
131
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:41,708
It appears the secret back entrance
to your secret CIA base
132
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:44,708
is so extra fucking secret
even you can't find it.
133
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,208
Sarge, we got permission to die now?
134
00:05:47,291 --> 00:05:49,125
Getting there, Folen. Getting there.
135
00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:51,041
Oh, here it is. [chuckles]
136
00:05:51,125 --> 00:05:52,625
[Morris sighs]
137
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:54,708
-Yet…
-Amazing.
138
00:05:54,791 --> 00:05:55,875
[hatch opens]
139
00:05:58,041 --> 00:05:59,166
[lights clicking on]
140
00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:01,458
[unsettling music playing]
141
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,500
[flies buzzing]
142
00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:09,708
Guessing it wasn't like this
when you left.
143
00:06:09,791 --> 00:06:11,458
No. It fucking wasn't.
144
00:06:11,541 --> 00:06:14,541
Well, personally,
I love what they've done with the place.
145
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,958
[Barghest roars]
146
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:17,916
[Morris] All right.
147
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:21,125
Let's get some proper fucking ordnance
148
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:23,916
and kill the shit
out of this fucking thing!
149
00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:25,500
Sorry for all the cursing.
150
00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,000
[electronic warbling]
151
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,958
[funky electro music playing]
152
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:33,916
This is where I come to jerk off.
153
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,125
Macy! Folen! Christmas come early, boys.
154
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:39,416
[chortles]
155
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,208
[chuckles] Now we're talking!
156
00:06:41,291 --> 00:06:42,750
[Morris] You drool on it, you buy it.
157
00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:45,875
Fuck yeah. This will do some damage.
158
00:06:45,958 --> 00:06:46,916
[banging]
159
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,166
-[guns cocking]
-[Macy] Hmm?
160
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Friendly.
161
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:51,833
Friendly.
162
00:06:52,416 --> 00:06:54,666
[electronic trilling]
163
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,708
This is MAARS-Bot.
164
00:06:57,791 --> 00:06:59,250
-[trilling happily]
-Hi. Hi.
165
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:01,833
Oh, who's your buddy, MAARS-Bot?
Who's your buddy?
166
00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:04,708
Oh, sweet. More science shit.
167
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,916
He gonna go rogue and try and eat us too?
168
00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:11,458
You didn't think the CIA would make
just one Jihad-Joe killing weapon,
169
00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:12,375
did you?
170
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:14,166
Redundancy, son, saves lives.
171
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:16,416
Well, it is kinda cute.
172
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:17,333
[electronic trilling]
173
00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:20,750
Oh, don't you look at me like that
with them little puppy dog eyes.
174
00:07:20,833 --> 00:07:21,916
[electronic trilling]
175
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,125
[sighs] Jesus fucking Christ, Macy.
176
00:07:24,208 --> 00:07:25,125
[Barghest roars]
177
00:07:25,208 --> 00:07:26,750
Here we go, guys. Come on!
178
00:07:27,458 --> 00:07:28,875
[suspenseful music playing]
179
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:30,708
[computer beeping]
180
00:07:30,791 --> 00:07:33,458
You better put me in for a Bronze Star
after this shit, Morris.
181
00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:35,416
You've got a bad attitude, Private Macy,
182
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,916
and I will deny any award
he puts you in for.
183
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,208
[electronic trilling]
184
00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:41,041
[keyboard clacking]
185
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:43,708
Okay. Maybe a certificate
of achievement. Maybe.
186
00:07:43,791 --> 00:07:46,500
All right, ladies.
I'm gonna call the Barghest to us.
187
00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,416
Clench up!
188
00:07:48,416 --> 00:07:50,166
Let's just get this shit over with.
189
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,083
[launchers cocking]
190
00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,000
[suspenseful music swells]
191
00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:55,500
[Morris] In three, two, one.
192
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:56,416
[computer beeps]
193
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:57,416
[music stops]
194
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:01,458
[electronic trilling]
195
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,166
[Sarge] Um,
196
00:08:12,875 --> 00:08:14,375
you sure that recall button's--
197
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,500
[yelling]
198
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,666
[Barghest growling]
199
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,166
[yelling]
200
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,916
[Morris screaming]
201
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,791
[electro hip-hop music playing]
202
00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:26,166
[Barghest snarls]
203
00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:29,416
-[Macy] Fuck!
-[Sarge grunts] Go, go, go!
204
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,041
[snarls]
205
00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:33,333
-[squelching]
-[angry trilling]
206
00:08:33,416 --> 00:08:34,750
[Folen] Holy fucking shit!
207
00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:36,250
[Barghest roars in pain]
208
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,666
[roars]
209
00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:40,583
[snarls]
210
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:43,666
Goddammit! Go, go, go!
211
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,333
[growls]
212
00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:53,708
[electronic trilling]
213
00:08:54,625 --> 00:08:55,958
[weak trilling]
214
00:08:56,041 --> 00:08:57,708
MAARS-Bot, no!
215
00:08:57,791 --> 00:09:00,083
Save yourself, robot friend!
216
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,250
[electronic trilling]
217
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:02,875
[snarls]
218
00:09:02,958 --> 00:09:04,000
No!
219
00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:05,750
[roars]
220
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:09,291
Fuck this.
221
00:09:10,958 --> 00:09:11,791
Go!
222
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,125
Special delivery!
223
00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:17,000
I need some range!
224
00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:19,041
[whimpers, roars]
225
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:21,666
Get some!
226
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:24,083
[roars]
227
00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:26,916
[all yelling]
228
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:30,666
[music stops]
229
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:33,791
[powers down]
230
00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:41,541
[chuckles]
231
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:44,458
That's all you got?
Stupid fucking honey badger!
232
00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:46,583
Folen, get the fuck back, you idiot!
233
00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:48,041
[screaming]
234
00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:49,083
[Barghest roaring]
235
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:54,458
Fuck you, honey badger!
236
00:09:54,541 --> 00:09:56,708
-[intense music playing]
-[Macy grunting]
237
00:09:56,791 --> 00:09:58,750
-[screams]
-Macy! Move!
238
00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:00,750
[roars]
239
00:10:01,916 --> 00:10:03,291
[Barghest screams]
240
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,375
[powers down]
241
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:06,291
[roars]
242
00:10:07,333 --> 00:10:08,500
[Macy yelling]
243
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:11,208
[screams]
244
00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:15,416
[yelling]
245
00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:21,375
[yelling continues]
246
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:25,250
[Sarge breathing heavily]
247
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:31,666
-[bubble gum pops]
-[yelps, clears throat]
248
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,083
-Fuck, Macy.
-[Folen] Mama…
249
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:35,583
[straining] M-Mama…
250
00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:37,958
It's gonna be okay, Folen. Just…
251
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,083
[coughs]
252
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,250
Nielsen…
253
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:43,916
Nielsen, please… please tell my wife…
254
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,833
-I will, Folen. Anything.
-Nielsen…
255
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:47,791
-Please… Please…
-[Nielsen] I promise.
256
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:49,208
…tell my wife
257
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,291
I… I…
258
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,416
I fucked her sister.
259
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:55,083
[chuckles]
260
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:56,083
[groans]
261
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:01,000
[melancholy music playing]
262
00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:03,875
Fuck me.
263
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:06,041
Well…
264
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,416
[sniffles]
265
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,833
…that sure was some bullshit, Sergeant.
266
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:12,250
[eye plinks]
267
00:11:13,041 --> 00:11:15,541
[beeping]
268
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:16,541
[eye beeps faster]
269
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:17,666
Oh fuck.
270
00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,750
[intense music playing]
271
00:11:20,875 --> 00:11:22,000
[roars]
272
00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,250
[music stops]
273
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,583
[electronic warbling]
274
00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:32,875
[closing theme music playing]
275
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,458
[Coutts] Fuck you, honey badger!
276
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,291
Fu… Fu… Fu… Fuck you, honey badger!
277
00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:48,208
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck you!
278
00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:53,541
[Folen] Stupid fucking honey badger!
279
00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:56,333
[Erwin] Die, fucker!
280
00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,875
[Nielsen] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
281
00:12:00,583 --> 00:12:02,583
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
282
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,375
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
283
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,000
[Folen] Stupid fucking honey badger!
284
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,916
[Coutts] Fuck you, honey badger!
285
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:22,750
Fuck you, honey badger!
286
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,083
Right in the dick.