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[military brass music playing]
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ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
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[narrator] The year is 50 B.C.
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Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans.
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Well,
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not entirely.
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One small village of indomitable Gauls
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still holds out against the invaders.
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And life isn't easy
for the Roman legionaries
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who garrison the fortified camps
of Totorum, Aquarium,
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Laudanum and Compendium.
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[man 1] ♪ Favourite thing that I like ♪
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♪ Is to go on a hike in the forest ♪
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♪ I like to go
With my buddy, with my... bro ♪
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Hey, that rhymes. Ha!
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[man 2] You know what, Obélix?
This life isn't healthy.
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- [Obélix] Huh?
- Too much meat.
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- Oof! Too much meat?
- Yeah.
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Wild boars for breakfast, lunch
and dinner, and then midnight snacks.
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And all that barley beer!
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I don't think it's all that good for us.
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- What else would we eat then?
- I don't know.
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We could balance it out a bit,
with, uh... vegetables.
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- Vegetables? Vegetables?
- Uh-huh.
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[Obélix laughs]
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Oh, you're so funny, Astérix!
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- You hear that, Dogmatix?
- [whining]
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Do you picture yourself chewing celery
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instead of a bone?
Like, "Hello, vegetables"?
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[laughs]
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Yeah, go ahead and laugh.
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Honestly, what is the point
of wrecking our health like this?
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And that magic potion...
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Where's the evidence
that it's safe to use?
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We don't have perspective. We just don't.
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And plus, do we even need it, you know?
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- You alright?
- No, I'm not.
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Look, it's not a huge deal,
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maybe a mixed salad now and then,
or mushrooms. Chestnuts?
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- Well, they're out of season...
- Shush.
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[sniffs vigorously]
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- [Astérix sighs]
- [comical music playing]
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You're carrying one already,
can't you leave the poor beasts alone?
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[growling]
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[metal tinkling]
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[quivering]
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Peekaboo, you ickle-wickle Romie-pomies!
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[barking]
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- Hail, Caesar.
- [soldier 1] Sorry, we're lost.
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We didn't know
we were so close to your village.
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Oh please,
I must've told you twenty times.
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- Did not.
- Did too.
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[soldier 2] You kept saying,
"I'm sick to death of these stupid Gauls."
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"They can kiss my scutum."
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- Oh!
- [soldier 1] What's wrong with you?
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- [indistinct arguing]
- [Obélix] Wait here.
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No, no, no.
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Leave it to me.
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Let me demonstrate
just how much I need this.
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True power is here,
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and here.
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So you just sit over there,
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relax, and watch and learn.
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[tense music playing]
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[soldier 1] Hiya.
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[cry of pain]
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[Obélix giggles]
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They got these helmets...
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I'm sorry, are you in or out?
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I've been told to stay out.
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No!
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[Astérix screams in pain]
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- Come and help, don't be silly!
- Go on, pound him hard.
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[grunts]
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- Oh!
- [Obélix] Hey!
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[squeaking and peeping]
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[roars]
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Oh!
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[whistling]
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Come on, be a sport, would--
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- [Astérix sighs]
- Cheater!
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Dunno what you're on about.
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I was doing fine without the potion.
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[tutting]
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We don't have to do this.
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But... we do.
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[screams]
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{\an8}ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
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{\an8}- [light-hearted music playing]
- [distant screaming]
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{\an8}[indistinct chatter]
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{\an8}[indistinct chatter continues]
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{\an8}♪ I love my big belt ♪
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{\an8}♪ To keep my lovely britches up! ♪
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{\an8}Why no customers?
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{\an8}- Product's not that fresh.
- [flies buzzing]
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{\an8}- Are you fresh?
- What?
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{\an8}- Uh, nothing.
- [Obélix] Can you imagine,
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{\an8}Getafix, I can't even
smoke my own boars inside!
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{\an8}Just because mister Astérix
has decided to quit eating them,
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- doesn't mean I have to.
- [laughs]
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[kid] Panacea!
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Panacea!
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- Panacea!
- [Panacea] Hi, girls.
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- Shall we go to the market?
- [girl] Yes!
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- [clears throat] Morning, Panacea.
- Morning, Obélix.
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Um, Panacea...
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[Obélix] I wanted to tell you...
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Mm-hmm?
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When I carved this menhir, I was thinking
of you, so I want you to have it.
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That's really nice of you,
but what would I do with it?
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Goodbye then.
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- She didn't take it.
- Hum?
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- The menhir, she didn't want it.
- What did you expect? It weighs a ton!
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What would she use it for?
An ankle bracelet?
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- Getafix, your sickle's ready.
- Thanks, Fulliautomatix.
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Oh, enough of that.
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And let me tell you... I'll tell you...
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Come here.
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{\an8}♪ I'm on fire ♪
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{\an8}There's no reason for Astérix
not to have a varied diet as long as
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{\an8}he doesn't impose it on others.
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Getafix, what are you doing?
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Huh?
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[comical music playing]
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Sinking, I believe.
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What're you doing that for?
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It's quicksand, obviously.
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Nobody's ever reported
quicksand around here before.
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Perhaps it's because they'd already sunk!
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{\an8}[Cacofonix] Wagon in sight!
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{\an8}♪ Wagon in sight ♪
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{\an8}Excuse me a second.
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{\an8}♪ But I'm never hoarse ♪
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{\an8}♪ Because my heart yearns to sing ♪
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{\an8}- Was it too hard for you to shut up?
- [Cacofonix holds the note]
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{\an8}[grunts]
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{\an8}First customer I'd had in days!
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{\an8}That's how long
your fish's been rotting there.
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{\an8}What? You saying my fish is rotten?
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{\an8}[serious music playing]
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{\an8}Let's go see who it is, huh?
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{\an8}FOR LOUISE AND MARCEL
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- Stay put, horsies.
- Bankruptis, what you doing here?
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- [Bankruptis] Shh!
- It's summertime.
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Were you ambushed?
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- [Astérix] And where's your uncle?
- Will you shut up, I mean it, not a word.
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[whispering] Listen to me! Okay?
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Friends, I just came from China.
I need your help with this.
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- You've got to see this.
- Why are you blonde?
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Now that's what I need to tell you.
I'm a Gaul. I've always been a Gaul.
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- Pff!
- So please, play along.
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Just play along with it,
would you, please?
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I will explain. This way.
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- [mysterious music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
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[crowd gasps]
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They're strange.
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[Bankruptis] Now this magnificent
young woman asleep on the shoulder,
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she's a princess.
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Name of Sa See. The very daughter
of the Empress of China.
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[crowd gasps]
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You do know where China is, right?
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- Absolutely.
- [scattered murmurs]
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Right.
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- Is she a princess too?
- [Bankruptis] No.
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She's her bodyguard, her name's Ka Ra Tay.
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Let me tell you she's a right fury.
She beat up everybody we met.
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She beat the Scythians. And she beat
the Parthians, she beat the Huns.
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She's a beautiful woman.
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A woman bodyguard?
[laughs] That's pretty funny.
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That's it, laugh then, go on.
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Since you're such an alpha male,
we'd all love a demonstration.
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- Huh?
- Alright.
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Yeah, see if you can grab her hand,
alpha male.
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- [Bankruptis] Go ahead. Be my guest.
- Alright.
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[cracking]
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[groans]
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[all laugh]
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Voilà.
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["Say You, Say Me" playing]
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♪ Say you, say me ♪
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♪ Say it for always ♪
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[wings chittering]
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♪ That's the way it should be ♪
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You been drinking potion?
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- No.
- Mm-hmm.
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- What's happening?
- What's happening is quite obvious.
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I'll tell you this, do not go there.
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The princess and I...
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We're a bit more than friends,
know what I'm saying?
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- You are?
- Yeah.
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Princess?
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We have arrived.
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[crowd] Oh!
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[Vitalstatistix]
What's the meaning of this?
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[boy] Oh no, here comes the chief!
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Now this is Vitalstatistix,
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he's the chief of us Gauls, he's the boss.
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[grunts]
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In the name of Toutatis,
you've got some nerve.
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Where's your uncle Ekonomikrisis?
He swindled me on a silk chiffon.
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- How incredible.
- [Impedimenta] Yeah.
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He said, "Relax, it'll stretch."
Do I look relaxed?
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- Clearly not.
- Where's the swindler?
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Ow! No! He sent me, all right?
Can I tell you the story?
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Let me introduce Princess Sa See.
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The daughter of the Empress of China!
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[crowd] Oh!
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Who's the girl?
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- Thank you, Bankruptix.
- Welcome.
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Chief Vitalstatistix. Allow me to explain
why I have come to you.
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- Getafix, how far's China?
- Very far!
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It is where the sun comes up, over yonder.
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Ah.
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[narrator] As the tale of the Princess
is likely to be rather long,
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and fraught with emotion,
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let's have a somewhat condensed
account instead.
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The Princess lives
with her mother, the Empress.
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Ever since the Emperor died,
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the Empress has struggled to keep control
over the Six Kingdoms.
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Even as beloved as she is by her people,
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the Empress must face the ambitions
of some of the princes,
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who secretly covet her throne.
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The troubles began
on Princess Sa See's birthday,
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the girl you saw earlier, in the village.
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This is what we call a flashback.
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[sighs]
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Another vase?
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[grunts]
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[Sa See] Every year is the same.
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Who'd be interested
in a collection of vases?
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I'm twenty now,
and I've never been out of this palace.
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I'm tired of these gardens and guards!
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Your security is at stake.
You know this well--
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Father promised me I would visit Lutetia
all its boutiques, small taverns...
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I yearn to travel to Gaul!
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We have spoken about this.
Such a journey is too dangerous.
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The answer is no.
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Here. Open this one.
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A gold coin stamped with your likeness.
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The first ever minted.
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Will it buy a dress
in the capital of Gaul?
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Sa See...
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[Empress] Prince Deng Tsin Qin!
244
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,081
[mysterious music playing]
245
00:12:19,664 --> 00:12:20,831
I'm told you have levied
246
00:12:20,831 --> 00:12:22,414
a new tax over your kingdom,
247
00:12:22,414 --> 00:12:24,206
whilst your people suffer famine?
248
00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:26,081
If I may be so bold, your Majesty...
249
00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:28,081
Julius Caesar's been taxing the heck out
250
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,164
of his own empire
and nobody's complaining.
251
00:12:30,164 --> 00:12:32,664
Plus, where's the pleasure
without pain, as my countrymen say.
252
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:33,997
Who is this man?
253
00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:37,081
This is Scar Dee Kat.
My new strategic counsellor.
254
00:12:37,081 --> 00:12:40,247
He's from Rome,
where he held very high station.
255
00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:42,081
Put the people of China
256
00:12:42,081 --> 00:12:43,956
before the twisted schemes of a Roman.
257
00:12:44,622 --> 00:12:46,914
Of course, your Imperial Majesty.
258
00:12:47,664 --> 00:12:48,956
Before I withdraw,
259
00:12:48,956 --> 00:12:51,747
have you given any thought
to my proposal of marriage?
260
00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:53,456
Yes. The Princess and I discussed it.
261
00:12:53,456 --> 00:12:54,581
And...?
262
00:12:55,456 --> 00:12:56,539
We had a good laugh.
263
00:12:56,539 --> 00:12:58,581
[laughter]
264
00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:01,622
[Scar Dee Kat] Ah!
"He who makes woman laugh..." [laughs]
265
00:13:02,456 --> 00:13:04,289
Apologies.
266
00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:06,914
If your Majesty
and her daughter find it amusing,
267
00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:09,247
then let it be so.
268
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,664
[mysterious music playing]
269
00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:15,914
[Empress] Ka Ra Tay.
270
00:13:19,622 --> 00:13:20,956
My faithful warrior.
271
00:13:21,622 --> 00:13:23,039
Summon my daughter.
272
00:13:23,789 --> 00:13:25,956
[lively music playing]
273
00:13:46,622 --> 00:13:48,331
[Ekonomikrisis] Look, we are in China.
274
00:13:48,331 --> 00:13:50,581
The Chinese love all things Gaul,
therefore we are Gauls,
275
00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:51,622
I can't be any clearer.
276
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,164
To a native Phoenician,
it's humiliating, Ekonomikrisis.
277
00:13:55,372 --> 00:13:57,247
The name's Ekonomikrisix!
278
00:13:57,247 --> 00:13:58,664
Get it through your thick skulls!
279
00:13:58,664 --> 00:14:01,497
You're Overmix, and you're Premix! Right?
280
00:14:01,497 --> 00:14:03,956
And all three of us are Gauls.
"Comprendix"?
281
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:07,456
- It's always us making the effort.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Always you, huh?
282
00:14:09,789 --> 00:14:11,331
- [both laughing]
- Is that funny to you?
283
00:14:11,331 --> 00:14:13,372
Think that's funny? Think I'm amused?
284
00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:14,622
- Being blonde?
- [Overmix] No.
285
00:14:14,622 --> 00:14:17,789
So grab these papyrus sheets,
and go hand them out in town. Stat!
286
00:14:17,789 --> 00:14:19,914
Go on. Yallah, I mean, get on with it.
287
00:14:19,914 --> 00:14:21,914
Put your helmets on! Go!
288
00:14:21,914 --> 00:14:23,747
On your way now.
289
00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:25,206
China is ours, yeah?
290
00:14:25,706 --> 00:14:27,622
Hey, hey, hey. What you snooping at?
291
00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:31,206
What you think you're doing?
You touch, you pay. That's the rule.
292
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,414
Are these real Louboutix?
293
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,206
"Are those real Louboutix?"
294
00:14:35,206 --> 00:14:37,831
Of course they're real,
have you ever seen soles like this before?
295
00:14:37,831 --> 00:14:40,456
They're red-hot, and so are my prices,
so if it's too much,
296
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:42,664
go check out Cheaptrix next door.
297
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:44,997
Right, get outta my store now.
298
00:14:44,997 --> 00:14:47,247
- Go on, give us some air.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Whoa!
299
00:14:47,247 --> 00:14:49,247
That's a booboo. Mother of all booboos.
300
00:14:49,247 --> 00:14:51,331
Please forgive him, Majesty. Forgive him.
301
00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:55,122
He's my nephew.
He has the same temper as his mama.
302
00:14:55,122 --> 00:14:56,664
- Right.
- That's what everybody says.
303
00:14:56,664 --> 00:14:58,831
And of course, the sandals are yours.
304
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,872
There's no charge, I'll take it...
305
00:15:00,872 --> 00:15:02,039
- Ow!
- ...out of his wages.
306
00:15:02,039 --> 00:15:04,122
- I felt pain.
- You did have it coming.
307
00:15:04,122 --> 00:15:06,164
Ekonomikrisix, I'm at your service.
308
00:15:06,747 --> 00:15:08,622
[whispering] Nobody shakes.
Put the hand away.
309
00:15:08,622 --> 00:15:10,247
- Nobody shakes.
- Nobody shakes.
310
00:15:10,247 --> 00:15:13,247
This is all a terrible mistake, Princess.
311
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:17,289
Whoa. You're sublime. Um. Um... um.
312
00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,997
I'm Bankruptix. I'm the nephew.
313
00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:21,164
With my Mama's temper.
314
00:15:21,164 --> 00:15:24,039
And also... her eyes.
315
00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:26,914
[swooshing]
316
00:15:26,914 --> 00:15:28,622
I would've loved
to have blonde hair like you.
317
00:15:28,622 --> 00:15:32,581
It was never really my choice, Princess.
I was always this way.
318
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:34,289
Nature only is to blame.
319
00:15:34,289 --> 00:15:36,206
[clears throat] If your imperial Majesty,
320
00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:38,331
uh, could put all this behind us,
321
00:15:38,331 --> 00:15:41,914
if you would consent to sample
some of our famous Gallic wines,
322
00:15:41,914 --> 00:15:43,956
it would honour us greatly.
323
00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:45,081
[Ekonomikrisis] Do come in.
324
00:15:46,081 --> 00:15:50,206
Let's start with a superior vintage,
to honour your majestic imperiosity.
325
00:15:51,456 --> 00:15:54,122
[sniffs] Its nose is fruity.
326
00:15:54,122 --> 00:15:56,164
Full of sunshine.
327
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,664
Notes of pine and cool shade.
328
00:15:57,664 --> 00:15:59,997
With a tinge of chestnut. [sniffs]
329
00:15:59,997 --> 00:16:01,081
Banana too.
330
00:16:01,081 --> 00:16:02,872
Dried dates, perhaps.
331
00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:05,872
It's more of a fruit salad
than a... a wine, really.
332
00:16:05,872 --> 00:16:06,872
WINE TASTING
333
00:16:06,872 --> 00:16:09,372
[lively music playing]
334
00:16:10,164 --> 00:16:11,456
I LOVE GAUL
335
00:16:21,289 --> 00:16:22,122
I'll buy it all.
336
00:16:22,122 --> 00:16:24,206
- Ah!
- [ding]
337
00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:28,706
- [Sa See] Are these Gallic perfumes?
- Absolutely, they are indeed.
338
00:16:28,706 --> 00:16:30,789
All our perfumes come from Gaul.
339
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,664
Like myself and my staff.
340
00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,331
This is the latest fragrance
341
00:16:35,331 --> 00:16:38,247
the ladies are crazy for in Gaul. Amphora.
342
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,289
Amphora.
343
00:16:40,289 --> 00:16:41,372
I adore-a.
344
00:16:41,372 --> 00:16:42,706
And I'm all for-a.
345
00:16:42,706 --> 00:16:45,164
- [Deng Tsin Qin] Archers, fire!
- Hey, watch out!
346
00:16:45,164 --> 00:16:47,456
[screaming]
347
00:16:47,456 --> 00:16:49,372
- [tense music playing]
- [screaming]
348
00:16:53,122 --> 00:16:54,539
Sa See, are you hurt?
349
00:16:54,539 --> 00:16:55,956
No, Mother, I'm fine.
350
00:16:55,956 --> 00:16:58,664
- Bankruptis, everything okay?
- Yeah, I'm all good.
351
00:16:58,664 --> 00:17:00,039
I'm asking about the goods!
352
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:01,122
Cheers, mate.
353
00:17:01,122 --> 00:17:02,539
[Deng Tsin Qin] Hey, Empress?
354
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:03,872
Come out with your hands up.
355
00:17:03,872 --> 00:17:06,622
We wouldn't want to hurt anybody.
356
00:17:06,622 --> 00:17:07,706
We got eyes on you!
357
00:17:07,706 --> 00:17:09,122
Yeah, both kinds.
358
00:17:11,372 --> 00:17:14,122
Yeah because...
my eyes are more like, round,
359
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:15,664
and you guys are, like uh...
360
00:17:16,456 --> 00:17:17,289
Forget it.
361
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:20,997
Is there another exit?
362
00:17:20,997 --> 00:17:22,664
Yes. I have a secret passage
363
00:17:22,664 --> 00:17:25,497
in case of customs checks.
I mean in case of check...
364
00:17:25,497 --> 00:17:28,081
checking for fires.
In case of fire. A fire exit.
365
00:17:28,872 --> 00:17:31,289
Ka Ra Tay,
I entrust you my daughter. Save her!
366
00:17:31,289 --> 00:17:32,997
Mother, no! You have to escape too.
367
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:35,122
The Empress does not flee. Save yourself.
368
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,164
The scoundrel is after you.
369
00:17:37,164 --> 00:17:38,081
Let's go.
370
00:17:39,914 --> 00:17:42,456
- [Bankruptis] Bye, Princess.
- Quit that. I'm gonna stay here.
371
00:17:42,456 --> 00:17:44,331
A good merchant never abandons his stock.
372
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,789
Captain of the ship kinda thing, right?
373
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:47,789
Well, yeah.
374
00:17:47,789 --> 00:17:49,247
You get to home-base,
and bring back the guys.
375
00:17:49,247 --> 00:17:50,622
What? Uncle Mahmood?
376
00:17:50,622 --> 00:17:52,456
Not him, not Uncle Mahmood,
this home base.
377
00:17:52,456 --> 00:17:53,706
This home base?
378
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,997
- That's the other end of the planet!
- You should be on your way.
379
00:17:55,997 --> 00:17:57,997
- [inhales, grunts]
- Hey, wait!
380
00:17:58,706 --> 00:18:01,997
Keep your eyes on the Princess.
We won't lose our biggest sale ever.
381
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,747
Imagine. If you save
the Princess of China...
382
00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:07,456
[soft music playing]
383
00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:12,122
- Ah.
- Ah, yeah.
384
00:18:12,122 --> 00:18:14,456
- Yeah... I'll understand on the way.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Go!
385
00:18:14,456 --> 00:18:16,039
[Bankruptis] Take care, unkie.
386
00:18:16,706 --> 00:18:17,622
[grunts]
387
00:18:18,122 --> 00:18:19,247
[sighs]
388
00:18:20,622 --> 00:18:22,914
I happen to be an amateur pugilist.
389
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:23,914
Let me deal with this.
390
00:18:23,914 --> 00:18:25,789
- [lively music playing]
- So, fellas?
391
00:18:25,789 --> 00:18:27,872
- Hassling ladies, are we?
- [punch landing]
392
00:18:28,664 --> 00:18:29,914
[groans]
393
00:18:31,122 --> 00:18:32,039
[sighs]
394
00:18:32,706 --> 00:18:34,706
So I left the room, and then...
395
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:36,706
What happened?
396
00:18:36,706 --> 00:18:39,914
- You got kicked in the head.
- Ah, of course!
397
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:41,039
That's what happened.
398
00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:43,122
So, are we having fun yet, Empress?
399
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,289
Excuse me just one second,
400
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,789
but who on earth are you?
Because none of this makes much sense.
401
00:18:46,789 --> 00:18:48,664
I'm totally lost, I'm baffled here.
402
00:18:49,789 --> 00:18:51,789
- So then?
- The princess is still missing.
403
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:54,081
And if she's hiding, she's smart.
404
00:18:54,081 --> 00:18:56,581
Dodging us like a sly little fishy...
405
00:18:57,789 --> 00:19:00,372
Find her, offer a reward!
Tell the whole kingdom!
406
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:03,456
I want her alive!
For our beautiful forced wedding!
407
00:19:03,456 --> 00:19:06,414
[laughs]
408
00:19:06,414 --> 00:19:08,039
I know my daughter.
409
00:19:08,039 --> 00:19:09,372
She will seek her revenge.
410
00:19:09,372 --> 00:19:11,581
Now that's a scary thought.
Spoiled princess,
411
00:19:11,581 --> 00:19:12,664
who's never been outside!
412
00:19:12,664 --> 00:19:14,789
- That's my bride you're talking about.
- Sorry, Master.
413
00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:16,831
Yeah I'm sorry too,
but tell us what's going on,
414
00:19:16,831 --> 00:19:18,789
I'm so puzzled, as in totally perplexed.
415
00:19:18,789 --> 00:19:20,789
I'll have you decapitated, Empress.
416
00:19:20,789 --> 00:19:22,081
You'll decapitate no one.
417
00:19:22,081 --> 00:19:23,789
Where's your manners?
You don't do that.
418
00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:26,581
He's not wrong,
you can't be the one to kill the Empress.
419
00:19:26,581 --> 00:19:27,956
[Deng Tsin Qin] Why not?
420
00:19:27,956 --> 00:19:31,456
It's not that simple, because the Princes
in the other kingdoms hate your guts.
421
00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:33,164
They claim you're not Emperor material,
422
00:19:33,164 --> 00:19:35,456
and also, their words not mine,
you're physically ugly,
423
00:19:35,456 --> 00:19:36,997
and you've got an itty-bitty little--
424
00:19:36,997 --> 00:19:40,206
- Don't you dare.
- I meant army. You have a small army.
425
00:19:40,206 --> 00:19:41,539
It's the smallest one out there.
426
00:19:41,539 --> 00:19:43,456
If you try to beat them,
you've got zero chance.
427
00:19:43,456 --> 00:19:46,206
[Deng Tsin Qin] I'm assuming you wouldn't
say this unless you had a plan?
428
00:19:46,206 --> 00:19:47,622
Well assumed.
429
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:50,122
- And my idea--
- Hush!
430
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:53,414
- Right, haul them in! Let's go!
- No.
431
00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:54,789
- Take it easy.
- [Deng Tsin Qin] Move!
432
00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:57,497
Easy, there's an Empress here,
and the jars are breakable.
433
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,497
[Deng Tsin Qin] China is ours!
434
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:02,622
- [evil laughter]
- [emotional music playing]
435
00:20:22,539 --> 00:20:23,956
[sobbing]
436
00:20:31,456 --> 00:20:32,956
[Bankruptis] It's gonna be fine, Princess.
437
00:20:32,956 --> 00:20:35,747
And you can count on me. Okay? You and me.
438
00:20:35,747 --> 00:20:38,247
- [mutters in pain]
- [bones cracking]
439
00:20:38,247 --> 00:20:39,872
[Bankruptis] Don't worry. We'll help you!
440
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,539
Because it's a known fact,
441
00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:43,581
us Gauls, we just love helping others.
442
00:20:43,581 --> 00:20:45,039
No!
443
00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:46,914
No, no, no and no!
444
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,539
[Vitalstatistix] Out of the question!
445
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:51,539
Dunno about you, but I found
this story extremely long-winded.
446
00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:56,372
And frankly, by Belenus, why does everyone
always have to come to us for support?
447
00:20:56,372 --> 00:20:58,372
Hold on now, Vitalstatistix,
448
00:20:58,372 --> 00:20:59,747
it's a tradition.
449
00:20:59,747 --> 00:21:02,456
We provide assistance
to those who need it.
450
00:21:02,456 --> 00:21:04,539
Including our good friend Bank...
451
00:21:04,539 --> 00:21:06,164
- Ruptis.
- ...Ruptis.
452
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:09,497
- Ruptix.
- Right, well... it's a no, that's it.
453
00:21:09,497 --> 00:21:11,956
It's often been yes.
But this time, it's no.
454
00:21:12,581 --> 00:21:15,539
[Vitalstatistix] I've got a bad feeling.
China's far away, we've never been!
455
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:17,289
Nor our forefathers!
Where it is, we don't know.
456
00:21:17,289 --> 00:21:18,247
Sure we do, come on.
457
00:21:18,247 --> 00:21:19,747
Yeah, even I know where it is.
458
00:21:19,747 --> 00:21:22,497
It's over yonder.
Where the sun rises, huh?
459
00:21:23,247 --> 00:21:24,914
[Obélix] He doesn't even know that?
[laughs]
460
00:21:24,914 --> 00:21:26,706
I'm not sure where it is and I'm the boss.
461
00:21:26,706 --> 00:21:28,831
Oh Chief, I respect your decision.
462
00:21:28,831 --> 00:21:31,289
I will take my leave now
to save my mother and homeland.
463
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,372
- [Bankruptis] No, no, no.
- Please wait, Princess...
464
00:21:35,414 --> 00:21:36,372
Well, I could go.
465
00:21:36,997 --> 00:21:39,831
As it happens, I'm free at the moment.
466
00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:44,081
Well, I'm free too, at the moment.
I wouldn't mind going.
467
00:21:44,081 --> 00:21:46,247
Hey, you two! Who's on the chair here?
468
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:49,414
Are you village chief now?
469
00:21:49,414 --> 00:21:51,372
Alright, I've heard enough of this.
470
00:21:51,372 --> 00:21:53,997
- Still no!
- Have you completely lost your mind?
471
00:21:53,997 --> 00:21:56,164
Fine chief you are!
472
00:21:56,164 --> 00:21:58,039
Ignoring the anguish of an innocent girl.
473
00:21:58,039 --> 00:22:00,039
- Oh no, Mimenta...
- Don't Mimenta me!
474
00:22:00,039 --> 00:22:02,914
- This how you welcome friends from China?
- Seriously.
475
00:22:03,497 --> 00:22:06,997
[Impedimenta] Your Gaul's not pretty!
All because China is too far away?
476
00:22:06,997 --> 00:22:09,247
It's not you making the trip,
so what do you care?
477
00:22:09,247 --> 00:22:10,581
- [sighs]
- Am I wrong?
478
00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:12,456
It's Astérix and Obélix, as usual.
479
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:13,956
[laughter]
480
00:22:13,956 --> 00:22:16,456
Get this, if some idiots ever write
the story of our village,
481
00:22:16,456 --> 00:22:19,914
rest assured no one'll be calling it
Adventures of Vitalstatistix the Gaul.
482
00:22:19,914 --> 00:22:21,622
Even Dogmatix travels more than you!
483
00:22:21,622 --> 00:22:23,581
- [laughter]
- Do you hear that, Dogmatix?
484
00:22:23,581 --> 00:22:25,081
[barking]
485
00:22:25,081 --> 00:22:26,456
[laughter]
486
00:22:26,456 --> 00:22:27,664
Oh man. That's brutal.
487
00:22:27,664 --> 00:22:30,081
Sure, when it's all about
magic potion and moustaches,
488
00:22:30,081 --> 00:22:31,164
then you're on board,
489
00:22:31,164 --> 00:22:33,456
but when things become delicate,
you disappear!
490
00:22:35,414 --> 00:22:36,247
[grunts]
491
00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:39,331
[grunt]
492
00:22:42,664 --> 00:22:43,664
Okay, go ahead, go on.
493
00:22:43,664 --> 00:22:46,081
- Hurray!
- [sigh of relief]
494
00:22:46,081 --> 00:22:48,497
- [joyful babbling]
- Thank you. I can't thank you enough.
495
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:51,372
- [lyre]
-♪ My dear companions as you leave ♪
496
00:22:52,331 --> 00:22:53,581
[sighs]
497
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:55,872
♪ My heart must come to realise ♪
498
00:22:57,414 --> 00:22:59,206
♪ It must be worn upon my sleeve... ♪
499
00:22:59,206 --> 00:23:01,164
[yelps]
500
00:23:01,872 --> 00:23:04,831
[epic music playing]
501
00:23:08,581 --> 00:23:12,122
[narrator] Meanwhile, in the eternal,
and well-irrigated city of Rome,
502
00:23:12,122 --> 00:23:15,456
we join Julius Caesar
in his magnificent palace,
503
00:23:15,456 --> 00:23:18,997
revelling in domestic bliss
with the powerful Queen of Egypt,
504
00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:22,081
the gorgeous, mild-mannered Cleopatra.
505
00:23:22,081 --> 00:23:26,581
[Cleopatra] I have had it!
You hear me? I have had it!
506
00:23:31,956 --> 00:23:33,331
Pray tell what all this is about?
507
00:23:33,331 --> 00:23:36,039
I'm packing all my things
and going back home.
508
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:37,747
I should have listened to Mummy.
509
00:23:39,164 --> 00:23:41,081
Now that we're over, I can say it.
510
00:23:41,081 --> 00:23:43,372
- There is someone else.
- Someone else?
511
00:23:43,372 --> 00:23:44,914
[gasps]
512
00:23:44,914 --> 00:23:46,539
[Caesar] You can't be serious!
513
00:23:47,831 --> 00:23:49,747
What do you mean, there's someone else?
514
00:23:50,622 --> 00:23:53,247
What do you mean?
Is this about Infidelitatis?
515
00:23:53,247 --> 00:23:54,622
That is right.
516
00:23:56,414 --> 00:23:57,497
And...
517
00:23:58,831 --> 00:24:01,664
and for whom
would you leave the Great Caesar?
518
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,247
Tabascos!
519
00:24:04,247 --> 00:24:06,414
- [Greek music playing]
- [Caesar] Tabascos?
520
00:24:06,414 --> 00:24:07,622
The Greek guy?
521
00:24:07,622 --> 00:24:11,081
[laughter]
522
00:24:11,081 --> 00:24:13,247
Tabascos, the Greek.
523
00:24:13,247 --> 00:24:16,206
So you would be prepared
to leave the Great Caesar...
524
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,747
for the pecs of a common gym teacher?
525
00:24:21,497 --> 00:24:24,497
Very well, we'll see about that
after the lions.
526
00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:27,622
Don't you dare whack my Tabascos!
527
00:24:28,247 --> 00:24:29,747
I love him, you understand?
528
00:24:29,747 --> 00:24:31,456
What... What's that, you love him?
529
00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:34,081
What do you mean, you love him?
530
00:24:35,122 --> 00:24:37,414
What could he possibly have
that I don't, huh?
531
00:24:37,414 --> 00:24:39,331
He is a world-famous athlete.
532
00:24:39,331 --> 00:24:41,831
As for you, outside of Rome and Gaul,
nobody knows you.
533
00:24:41,831 --> 00:24:42,831
Oof.
534
00:24:42,831 --> 00:24:43,914
[laughs]
535
00:24:43,914 --> 00:24:46,581
Priceless! Nobody knows Julius Caesar?
536
00:24:46,581 --> 00:24:47,497
Well, go ahead.
537
00:24:48,122 --> 00:24:50,456
Follow your international ambitions
with your athlete.
538
00:24:50,456 --> 00:24:53,122
{\an8}- [in Greek] Let the Greek tsat your ziki!
- [gasps]
539
00:24:53,122 --> 00:24:54,831
- [clears throat]
- [Caesar in English] Yes...
540
00:24:54,831 --> 00:24:56,622
Uh, if I may, oh Caesar?
541
00:24:56,622 --> 00:24:59,581
Minor marital strife, but it's settled.
542
00:25:00,206 --> 00:25:04,206
So speak, Slius Foxxus,
devious, homely advisor of mine.
543
00:25:04,206 --> 00:25:07,789
[Slius Foxxus] Hail, Caesar!
You are quite observant, you've nailed me.
544
00:25:16,206 --> 00:25:21,039
May I introduce Scar Dee Kat
the ambassador of Prince Deng Tsin Qin,
545
00:25:21,039 --> 00:25:22,539
the new master of China.
546
00:25:22,539 --> 00:25:26,206
How is it that an empire so large
has a representative so puny?
547
00:25:26,206 --> 00:25:29,497
Yeah, well, because it's not the size
that counts but the know-how, oh Caesar.
548
00:25:29,497 --> 00:25:31,122
And some men have neither!
549
00:25:31,122 --> 00:25:34,414
[she laughs]
550
00:25:34,414 --> 00:25:36,081
[whispering] She's a beaut!
551
00:25:36,081 --> 00:25:37,539
What brings you, puny?
552
00:25:37,539 --> 00:25:39,747
Oh Caesar, I have come to offer you
the great riches
553
00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:41,164
of my adopted homeland
554
00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:43,581
in exchange for modest military aid.
555
00:25:43,581 --> 00:25:47,206
[scoffs] Even the great Alexander
gave up on conquering China.
556
00:25:47,206 --> 00:25:49,956
It's the perfect chance
to expand my empire...
557
00:25:49,956 --> 00:25:51,789
Your empire, oh Caesar.
558
00:25:51,789 --> 00:25:53,581
But I've had it with conquering,
559
00:25:53,581 --> 00:25:56,872
and my name in history
has already been forever immortalised.
560
00:25:56,872 --> 00:25:59,622
I love it when you talk like that.
I adore it!
561
00:25:59,622 --> 00:26:00,581
So well spoken.
562
00:26:01,289 --> 00:26:04,039
- Well spoken, eh?
- Biopix, my biographer from Galicia.
563
00:26:04,039 --> 00:26:06,581
[Slius Foxxus] The stupendous
accomplishments of mighty Caesar,
564
00:26:06,581 --> 00:26:08,164
what better story to tell?
565
00:26:08,164 --> 00:26:09,622
Enough. Begone, the two of you.
566
00:26:09,622 --> 00:26:13,456
Oh Caesar, since you wish
to go down in history, you must be aware
567
00:26:13,456 --> 00:26:15,664
that in China, you are less than a star.
568
00:26:15,664 --> 00:26:18,539
What did I say? [laughs]
569
00:26:18,539 --> 00:26:20,497
I'm getting good and fed up now!
570
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:24,414
I, Caesar, man of a thousand conquests,
571
00:26:24,414 --> 00:26:25,789
and no one even knows me?
572
00:26:25,789 --> 00:26:28,289
- Alas.
- [laughs]
573
00:26:29,831 --> 00:26:32,164
["Le Diro Parole Blu" playing]
574
00:26:38,747 --> 00:26:40,372
[Scar Dee Kat] He speaks the truth.
575
00:26:40,372 --> 00:26:41,497
In China, at least.
576
00:26:41,497 --> 00:26:44,331
Go to your happy place, okay? Happy.
577
00:26:44,331 --> 00:26:45,956
Very well, Scar Dee Kat,
578
00:26:45,956 --> 00:26:48,331
step forward and describe this alliance
579
00:26:48,331 --> 00:26:49,497
- and this empire...
- [door slams]
580
00:26:49,497 --> 00:26:52,414
...that's about to see how great I am!
581
00:26:52,414 --> 00:26:54,039
[Cleopatra laughs]
582
00:26:54,039 --> 00:26:57,622
Explain your plan to me,
and remember, this Caesar's seasoned.
583
00:26:57,622 --> 00:26:58,706
[laughs]
584
00:26:59,497 --> 00:27:01,081
[light-hearted music playing]
585
00:27:01,081 --> 00:27:04,581
Alright, so I replaced your buggy
'cause you need something sturdy, right?
586
00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:07,747
This here's a ride. The best around,
on loan from Cousin Turbo.
587
00:27:07,747 --> 00:27:10,081
- I pimped it with boar bellies.
- Wow.
588
00:27:10,081 --> 00:27:12,914
That's right.
Shock-absorbing air cushions, like.
589
00:27:12,914 --> 00:27:13,872
And...
590
00:27:14,581 --> 00:27:15,581
the sun roof.
591
00:27:15,581 --> 00:27:16,872
Awesome. [exhales]
592
00:27:16,872 --> 00:27:19,581
Let me tell you. It's the perfect chariot.
593
00:27:20,081 --> 00:27:20,914
It's magnificent.
594
00:27:25,414 --> 00:27:26,247
Right, let's go.
595
00:27:27,497 --> 00:27:30,497
[Astérix] Down you get.
Princess, care to board the chariot?
596
00:27:33,289 --> 00:27:34,997
[sighs] Ah, tough bananas, thank you.
597
00:27:35,831 --> 00:27:38,247
Ah... We're in for a great trip, Princess.
598
00:27:40,081 --> 00:27:43,664
Astérix, I've prepared you
some magic potion.
599
00:27:43,664 --> 00:27:47,414
But since Obélix mentioned
you didn't want it, I wasn't so sure.
600
00:27:47,414 --> 00:27:48,706
No, I'm just... I'm just fine.
601
00:27:49,914 --> 00:27:51,622
I... Well...
602
00:27:51,622 --> 00:27:54,247
No harm having it just in case,
I guess, but...
603
00:27:54,247 --> 00:27:55,664
I'd like to cut down some.
604
00:27:55,664 --> 00:27:57,997
Alright, then be careful
because I beefed it up good.
605
00:27:57,997 --> 00:27:59,872
[sneezes]
606
00:28:00,456 --> 00:28:02,456
[whizzing, sizzling]
607
00:28:02,456 --> 00:28:03,664
[crowd laughing]
608
00:28:04,372 --> 00:28:05,331
You sampled it?
609
00:28:05,331 --> 00:28:09,622
No, I, uh, took a sip, a tiny sip.
Had to taste.
610
00:28:09,622 --> 00:28:11,789
- You know, it's...
- [Astérix] Yeah, right.
611
00:28:12,372 --> 00:28:13,872
Good luck, Princess!
612
00:28:14,372 --> 00:28:15,622
As for you two,
613
00:28:15,622 --> 00:28:17,622
be brave, be reckless,
614
00:28:17,622 --> 00:28:21,289
and completely disingenuous.
In short, just be Gauls.
615
00:28:21,289 --> 00:28:23,664
[cheering]
616
00:28:23,664 --> 00:28:25,164
Hang on tight, you lot!
617
00:28:25,956 --> 00:28:28,081
Oh, we didn't tell you,
it's a much faster return trip.
618
00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:30,747
[Bankruptis mocks him]
"Faster return trip"... [sighs]
619
00:28:30,747 --> 00:28:33,997
Excuse me, but, uh, I wish to point out
620
00:28:33,997 --> 00:28:39,206
that the role of a bard is to celebrate
our heroes and their exploits... Right?
621
00:28:39,206 --> 00:28:41,539
So what is my purpose,
if I don't ever get to travel, eh?
622
00:28:41,539 --> 00:28:43,414
- He's got a point.
- Go on, go on, go on.
623
00:28:43,414 --> 00:28:45,372
- Excellent idea
- No, no, no, go. Fast.
624
00:28:45,372 --> 00:28:46,789
Cacophonix will travel with you...
625
00:28:48,956 --> 00:28:50,539
- [coughing]
- [Cacofonix sighs]
626
00:28:50,539 --> 00:28:52,622
Oh no. They forgot me!
627
00:28:52,622 --> 00:28:53,747
[all] Oh.
628
00:28:53,747 --> 00:28:56,789
-♪ They forgot me! ♪
- [lyre]
629
00:28:56,789 --> 00:28:58,122
[sings high-pitched note]
630
00:28:58,706 --> 00:28:59,831
[moans]
631
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:02,372
ARMORICA
632
00:29:02,372 --> 00:29:05,789
[narrator] And so our friends set off
at high speed toward the South,
633
00:29:05,789 --> 00:29:09,122
favouring the maritime course which,
according to Getafix,
634
00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:11,372
is faster than the Silk Road.
635
00:29:11,997 --> 00:29:15,622
After rowing across the Mediterranean,
thanks to Obélix,
636
00:29:15,622 --> 00:29:17,664
they reach northern Africa.
637
00:29:24,914 --> 00:29:26,414
Friction and wring.
638
00:29:26,414 --> 00:29:28,872
I don't know how.
I was supposed to learn Kung Fu.
639
00:29:31,789 --> 00:29:33,039
Friction.
640
00:29:33,997 --> 00:29:35,372
And wring.
641
00:29:36,289 --> 00:29:37,706
[Astérix sighs]
642
00:29:41,164 --> 00:29:43,372
Oh, uh, It's happening again.
643
00:29:43,372 --> 00:29:44,872
[breathes erratically]
644
00:29:44,872 --> 00:29:46,831
Astérix? Enjoying the view?
645
00:29:46,831 --> 00:29:48,289
Want some barley beer? A chair?
646
00:29:48,289 --> 00:29:50,122
Be right back! Coming right up.
647
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:53,247
Nothing's coming right up!
What are you playing at?
648
00:29:53,247 --> 00:29:54,414
The same thing as you.
649
00:29:54,414 --> 00:29:57,831
Does she know that you spy on her?
Well, maybe I'll tell her.
650
00:30:01,331 --> 00:30:02,164
She's magnificent.
651
00:30:02,872 --> 00:30:04,872
[Astérix] She's learning to launder
'cause she knows
652
00:30:04,872 --> 00:30:06,872
her routine
will be rougher in Gaul with me, hmm?
653
00:30:06,872 --> 00:30:09,414
- She's preparing for her new life.
- [laughs]
654
00:30:09,414 --> 00:30:11,789
The Princess of China, in Gaul?
Living with peasants?
655
00:30:11,789 --> 00:30:13,747
[scoffs] Really?
656
00:30:13,747 --> 00:30:16,831
What part of, "Sa See and I are an item,"
do you not get the meaning of?
657
00:30:16,831 --> 00:30:18,914
- You're not an item.
- We are so an item.
658
00:30:18,914 --> 00:30:20,289
Going on six months.
659
00:30:20,289 --> 00:30:23,164
- You are?
- Oh, gimme a break!
660
00:30:23,164 --> 00:30:25,164
I'll make this really simple for you.
661
00:30:25,164 --> 00:30:27,956
Sa See and I are together.
We're in love, we're getting married.
662
00:30:27,956 --> 00:30:30,581
Oh! Congratulations, Bankruptis.
663
00:30:30,581 --> 00:30:32,372
- Many thanks, Obélix.
- I just love weddings.
664
00:30:32,372 --> 00:30:33,997
I do. With a banquet?
665
00:30:33,997 --> 00:30:37,456
With a banquet, and you know what Obélix?
You'll be best man.
666
00:30:37,456 --> 00:30:40,581
Oh! Gee, thank you!
I've never been a best man before.
667
00:30:40,581 --> 00:30:43,664
Now, Obélix, would you, please,
not swallow any old story,
668
00:30:43,664 --> 00:30:44,872
it's intensely aggravating.
669
00:30:44,872 --> 00:30:46,914
If they're in love,
they're in love, it's not my fault.
670
00:30:46,914 --> 00:30:49,164
- It's so obvious.
- They are not in love.
671
00:30:49,164 --> 00:30:51,581
And until she's with somebody,
she's not with anyone.
672
00:30:51,581 --> 00:30:52,789
[Astérix] May the best man win.
673
00:30:52,789 --> 00:30:56,164
I just can't wait to see her face
when I'm gonna tell her,
674
00:30:56,872 --> 00:30:58,997
you're just posing as a Gaul.
And you're a fake blonde.
675
00:30:58,997 --> 00:31:01,956
Oh yeah? Well, I also can't wait
to see her face,
676
00:31:01,956 --> 00:31:03,414
when I tell her your moustache is all...
677
00:31:03,414 --> 00:31:04,914
Yeah, well, what about my moustache?
678
00:31:04,914 --> 00:31:06,664
- Your moustache.
- Yeah? Yeah?
679
00:31:07,372 --> 00:31:08,372
It's really horrible.
680
00:31:08,372 --> 00:31:09,706
Oh no.
681
00:31:11,622 --> 00:31:13,039
So rude.
682
00:31:13,039 --> 00:31:14,581
Yeah. So there.
683
00:31:15,456 --> 00:31:17,539
- That was uncalled for.
- Not the moustache. Come on.
684
00:31:17,539 --> 00:31:19,206
I shouldn't have,
but he shouldn't have pushed it.
685
00:31:19,206 --> 00:31:20,706
[Obélix] Moustache is off limits.
686
00:31:20,706 --> 00:31:22,914
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Bankruptis] What's he doing?
687
00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:25,914
- Might be.
- Dobbing us in. He's spilling the beans!
688
00:31:25,914 --> 00:31:28,039
And he's supposed to be your friend?
689
00:31:28,039 --> 00:31:29,497
Oh, let's leave. Let's go.
690
00:31:29,497 --> 00:31:32,706
- [both scream]
- What are you doing?
691
00:31:32,706 --> 00:31:37,039
We're doing nothing. Actually, yes,
we were looking for a... a date! Is all.
692
00:31:37,039 --> 00:31:39,956
- For the wedding.
- Yeah. No. We want to eat the fruit.
693
00:31:39,956 --> 00:31:41,164
- To eat the fruit.
- At the wedding.
694
00:31:41,164 --> 00:31:42,539
[Bankruptis] No. To eat it here.
695
00:31:42,539 --> 00:31:44,914
- I'm the best man.
- Ah... This is impossible.
696
00:31:45,622 --> 00:31:47,206
This guy's on a loop.
697
00:31:48,206 --> 00:31:50,581
- Right, we're off. Pardon me.
- [comical music playing]
698
00:31:51,497 --> 00:31:53,914
[whispering] Did you not
get the "shut up" memo?
699
00:31:59,706 --> 00:32:01,206
Goodnight, Mr. Know-It-All!
700
00:32:02,706 --> 00:32:04,331
Goodnight,
Mr. I-Got-A-New-Best-Friend.
701
00:32:05,831 --> 00:32:07,122
Goodnight, Mr. Vegetables!
702
00:32:07,122 --> 00:32:10,372
[mocking]
Oh, love those vegetables! Yummy!
703
00:32:10,372 --> 00:32:12,081
Goodnight, Mr. Wannabe-A-Blonde.
704
00:32:12,081 --> 00:32:13,081
Goodnight, Mr.--
705
00:32:13,081 --> 00:32:14,581
[Ka Ra Tay]
Just say goodnight and be done!
706
00:32:14,581 --> 00:32:15,539
Mm.
707
00:32:15,539 --> 00:32:16,664
He started it. He did.
708
00:32:16,664 --> 00:32:17,997
[Obélix] Good night, Ka Ra Tay.
709
00:32:19,164 --> 00:32:20,497
[sighs]
710
00:32:22,206 --> 00:32:23,414
[whispering] Ka Ra Tay.
711
00:32:24,247 --> 00:32:26,372
Do you believe
that my mother's still alive?
712
00:32:26,372 --> 00:32:29,872
The Empress is heir
to the Heavens, Princess.
713
00:32:30,372 --> 00:32:31,956
Nothing bad can become of her.
714
00:32:35,331 --> 00:32:37,747
Goodnight, Mr. "I'm in love
with someone and I can't even tell her."
715
00:32:37,747 --> 00:32:41,539
Goodnight, Mr. "I make no sense and
I'm so huge no one can see past my belly."
716
00:32:41,539 --> 00:32:45,122
Goodnight, Mr. "I sleep alone like I'm
an itsy-bitsy insect, like this big."
717
00:32:45,122 --> 00:32:46,622
- Oh!
- That's enough!
718
00:32:46,622 --> 00:32:48,497
[Obélix] Yep.
[Astérix] Got it. Sorry.
719
00:32:50,039 --> 00:32:52,039
[mysterious music playing]
720
00:33:08,997 --> 00:33:10,414
Well, hello!
721
00:33:10,414 --> 00:33:12,872
How you feeling? Did you have a good trip?
722
00:33:28,539 --> 00:33:30,372
Your daughter remains missing.
We've searched too long,
723
00:33:30,372 --> 00:33:31,622
and the country is too vast.
724
00:33:31,622 --> 00:33:34,247
And good morning.
There's two of us in the room.
725
00:33:34,247 --> 00:33:36,414
- Who are you again?
- The minute my allies are here,
726
00:33:36,414 --> 00:33:37,706
I'll have you decapitated.
727
00:33:37,706 --> 00:33:40,206
There you go, I'm good.
You had me at decapitated.
728
00:33:40,206 --> 00:33:42,122
You're the guy who enjoys decapitations.
729
00:33:42,122 --> 00:33:43,206
And you too, merchant.
730
00:33:43,831 --> 00:33:45,581
Not me, I've got nothing to do with this.
731
00:33:45,581 --> 00:33:48,164
- I'll give you some advice, though...
- Your balls are on the line.
732
00:33:51,622 --> 00:33:52,789
[dramatic music playing]
733
00:33:52,789 --> 00:33:54,247
Day one.
734
00:33:54,747 --> 00:33:57,706
At the end of the abacus,
if the Princess hasn't been captured,
735
00:33:58,956 --> 00:34:00,206
the two of you...
736
00:34:03,081 --> 00:34:04,206
We have two lives.
737
00:34:04,206 --> 00:34:07,331
The second one begins
when we realise we have only one.
738
00:34:08,997 --> 00:34:09,956
I thank you for that.
739
00:34:11,789 --> 00:34:13,414
Wow!
740
00:34:13,914 --> 00:34:17,164
Ah, now, there is a real Empress.
That's so good.
741
00:34:17,164 --> 00:34:19,831
"We have two lives,
and it's finished when you...
742
00:34:19,831 --> 00:34:23,081
And your second one begins
when the first, uh... the first life...
743
00:34:23,081 --> 00:34:25,081
of which we only have two.
744
00:34:25,081 --> 00:34:28,622
And only when they begin do we...
Thank you for that.
745
00:34:28,622 --> 00:34:30,622
The first life begins...
746
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:38,289
[narrator] Meanwhile, Caesar,
his powerful army, and Scar Dee Kat
747
00:34:38,289 --> 00:34:39,664
have taken the Silk Road,
748
00:34:39,664 --> 00:34:42,872
and are hurtling towards China
at breakneck speed.
749
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:43,831
Well, sort of.
750
00:34:43,831 --> 00:34:45,122
[shouting]
751
00:34:45,122 --> 00:34:46,789
[soldier 1] Silk Road, Schmilk Road!
752
00:34:46,789 --> 00:34:49,206
You got us good and lost!
You just won't admit it.
753
00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:51,914
[soldier 2] Woopsus!
Where are you taking us?
754
00:34:51,914 --> 00:34:54,706
At least nine thousand men
have wandered North!
755
00:34:54,706 --> 00:34:56,372
I'm not gonna take it anymore!
756
00:34:56,372 --> 00:34:58,081
I can't work like this!
757
00:34:58,706 --> 00:35:00,456
[soldier 1] Join the Army, they said.
758
00:35:01,664 --> 00:35:04,581
- [military snare playing]
- [thunder rumbling]
759
00:35:04,581 --> 00:35:06,747
[Caesar] Woopsus,
do we go around left or right?
760
00:35:06,747 --> 00:35:09,039
[Woopsus] That's a no-brainus,
we should go left.
761
00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:10,831
Ergo, we will go right.
762
00:35:10,831 --> 00:35:11,831
Excuse me,
763
00:35:11,831 --> 00:35:13,914
how long's all this left-right-left stuff
gonna last?
764
00:35:13,914 --> 00:35:16,497
'Cause at this rate,
we'll never get to China.
765
00:35:16,497 --> 00:35:17,956
Who does this man think he is?
766
00:35:17,956 --> 00:35:20,497
[Risklus] Hail, Caesar.
Risklus, secret service.
767
00:35:20,497 --> 00:35:24,497
Hail, Caesar. Risklus, secret service.
768
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:27,872
Yes, we know. Everyone knows you.
Why are you here? And where is Antivirus?
769
00:35:27,872 --> 00:35:32,039
Still on the front line in Milan.
I don't think he's opening my pigeons.
770
00:35:32,622 --> 00:35:33,622
[sighs]
771
00:35:33,622 --> 00:35:34,956
But, Caesar, I am here.
772
00:35:35,789 --> 00:35:36,622
Not as impressive.
773
00:35:36,622 --> 00:35:38,706
Not as impressive at all.
774
00:35:38,706 --> 00:35:40,289
[Caesar] Right. What do you want?
775
00:35:40,289 --> 00:35:44,039
Oh mighty Caesar, Carioca,
your chief dancer, requests a hearing.
776
00:35:44,039 --> 00:35:47,039
Uh, she got all sorts of claims
for respect and all that.
777
00:35:47,039 --> 00:35:48,497
Should I just slug her?
778
00:35:48,497 --> 00:35:49,456
What's wrong with you?
779
00:35:50,164 --> 00:35:52,414
- [Caesar] Show her in.
- Huh!
780
00:35:53,497 --> 00:35:55,456
Oy! Uh, Tapioca!
781
00:35:56,372 --> 00:35:58,289
[off-key horn playing]
782
00:36:01,956 --> 00:36:04,081
So, Carioca. What can I do for you?
783
00:36:04,081 --> 00:36:08,039
Oh Caesar, we just received
our new costumes. And guess what?
784
00:36:08,039 --> 00:36:10,206
Shorter than ever. I wonder why.
785
00:36:11,706 --> 00:36:13,206
If what you wanted was go-go taverns,
786
00:36:13,206 --> 00:36:14,956
you should've stayed in Rome,
plenty there.
787
00:36:14,956 --> 00:36:16,997
Ooh, wouldn't know, I do apologise.
788
00:36:16,997 --> 00:36:19,664
Oh, you do!
The Palladium, behind the market.
789
00:36:19,664 --> 00:36:21,539
By the Circus,
between Sternum's and Scrotum's.
790
00:36:21,539 --> 00:36:22,747
Right.
791
00:36:23,706 --> 00:36:26,956
Is that what you want, Carioca?
Knee-length costumes for your dancers?
792
00:36:26,956 --> 00:36:30,164
For a start.
Plus, moving forward, we could discuss
793
00:36:30,164 --> 00:36:33,122
the issue of the place of women
in our society, pretty long overdue.
794
00:36:33,122 --> 00:36:35,497
Look, it's all about the men,
around here. Right?
795
00:36:35,497 --> 00:36:37,289
Gladiators? All men.
796
00:36:37,289 --> 00:36:40,372
Senators? All of them, men.
Your legions, of course, are all male.
797
00:36:40,372 --> 00:36:41,414
And Caesars?
798
00:36:41,414 --> 00:36:43,956
- [Carioca] Nothing but males!
- So a Juliet Caesar'd be better?
799
00:36:43,956 --> 00:36:46,372
[laughter]
800
00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,706
You want Rome
to be ruled over by a female?
801
00:36:49,706 --> 00:36:50,914
[all laughing]
802
00:36:52,164 --> 00:36:53,122
That's right.
803
00:37:01,414 --> 00:37:03,122
[narrator] Back to our friends,
804
00:37:03,122 --> 00:37:05,789
who have crossed
the vast Egyptian deserts,
805
00:37:05,789 --> 00:37:08,081
under the scorching sun,
806
00:37:08,081 --> 00:37:11,914
finally reaching the Red Sea,
and the city of Clysma,
807
00:37:11,914 --> 00:37:15,581
a small Egyptian harbour
later to be known as Suez.
808
00:37:15,581 --> 00:37:17,539
Yeah, as in the Suez Canal.
809
00:37:23,706 --> 00:37:25,622
[Bankruptis]
If it's a captain we're after,
810
00:37:25,622 --> 00:37:27,414
I guarantee we'll find one here.
811
00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:30,831
[Obélix] Oh, look Astérix,
the tavern's named after Lutetia, in Gaul!
812
00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:37,664
[Tipsy in French] ♪ Dare to come
And cast the first stone ♪
813
00:37:40,581 --> 00:37:43,122
♪ To fall for one head over heels ♪
814
00:37:43,122 --> 00:37:45,206
♪ Leaves a wound that never heals ♪
815
00:37:45,206 --> 00:37:49,247
♪ But the love you feel is the real deal ♪
816
00:37:51,747 --> 00:37:55,622
-♪ So don't be harsh or disapprove ♪
- [Astérix and Bankruptis sing]
817
00:37:55,622 --> 00:37:56,789
♪ When a woman ♪
818
00:37:56,789 --> 00:37:58,497
-♪ Falls in love ♪
- No.
819
00:37:59,956 --> 00:38:01,164
Nope. You don't know it.
820
00:38:01,164 --> 00:38:02,831
I do know it, pal.
821
00:38:02,831 --> 00:38:05,372
[Tipsy, Bankruptis, Astérix]
♪ With a man who sweeps her off her feet ♪
822
00:38:05,372 --> 00:38:06,539
Wow!
823
00:38:06,539 --> 00:38:08,539
- [cheering]
- [Bankruptis in English] Wow, bravo!
824
00:38:11,914 --> 00:38:13,622
See that? That's Gaul right there.
825
00:38:13,622 --> 00:38:15,122
I just love it here!
826
00:38:15,122 --> 00:38:17,622
That's exactly my idea
of what Lutetia'd be like!
827
00:38:17,622 --> 00:38:19,497
[man] Tipsy! Tipsy!
828
00:38:19,497 --> 00:38:20,539
Mine too.
829
00:38:21,122 --> 00:38:23,039
[Obélix gasps]
830
00:38:25,456 --> 00:38:27,914
Oh, this is good. So good!
I bet you're a Gaul.
831
00:38:27,914 --> 00:38:30,206
Oh, yeah, big boy. Born and bred.
832
00:38:30,206 --> 00:38:33,081
- Have you been here a long time?
- Been a while, I'd say.
833
00:38:33,081 --> 00:38:36,997
Used to run a small cabaret in Lutetia.
Turned a good profit, packed every night.
834
00:38:36,997 --> 00:38:39,122
But I fell for the wrong sort of guy.
835
00:38:39,122 --> 00:38:41,289
Some little punk
wanted me to hustle for him.
836
00:38:41,289 --> 00:38:43,497
What he really wanted was
to gouge me outta my business.
837
00:38:43,497 --> 00:38:47,081
So who took her loot
and flew the coop all the way out here?
838
00:38:47,081 --> 00:38:49,331
Tipsy, baby! That's right!
839
00:38:49,914 --> 00:38:51,956
What about you blondies?
What brought you here?
840
00:38:51,956 --> 00:38:54,164
We're after the best captain in town.
841
00:38:54,164 --> 00:38:56,581
Oh! That guy over there, that's Titanix.
842
00:38:58,664 --> 00:38:59,956
Is he tough?
843
00:38:59,956 --> 00:39:02,831
Titanix?
The guy's a champ, hook, line and sinker!
844
00:39:03,372 --> 00:39:06,497
- Hmm. Thanks for the tip, Tipsy.
- From one Gaul to another!
845
00:39:07,497 --> 00:39:09,164
Normally we keep mutts outside.
846
00:39:09,164 --> 00:39:10,914
But I like the look of you.
847
00:39:11,747 --> 00:39:13,747
[reggae music playing]
848
00:39:17,247 --> 00:39:19,622
We want to charter a boat to China.
849
00:39:19,622 --> 00:39:22,456
To China, on a boat?
I can't be bothered with that.
850
00:39:23,414 --> 00:39:24,789
[Titanix] What I can offer is this.
851
00:39:24,789 --> 00:39:28,831
Day tour of the Creeks of Clysma.
All the kebabs you can eat, beaches,
852
00:39:28,831 --> 00:39:30,539
- great sunsets...
- [ding]
853
00:39:30,539 --> 00:39:32,164
Super package.
854
00:39:32,747 --> 00:39:34,956
Well, I mean not for now. For later.
855
00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:37,206
This gem is worth more than your boat.
856
00:39:38,206 --> 00:39:39,747
Perfect, why didn't you start with that?
857
00:39:40,331 --> 00:39:42,456
- Hey, what's--
- [Tipsy] You out of your minds?
858
00:39:42,456 --> 00:39:44,539
Think I came this far
for you to shake me down ?
859
00:39:44,539 --> 00:39:47,372
Now take a hike before I get my whip!
860
00:39:47,372 --> 00:39:49,581
Looks like Tipsy's coming up
to her tipping point.
861
00:39:49,581 --> 00:39:53,539
- What's the trouble, Tipsy?
- These gentlemen wanna raid my pockets.
862
00:39:53,539 --> 00:39:55,539
I'm gonna give them
a taste of their own medicine!
863
00:39:55,539 --> 00:39:58,206
- Nobody messes with Tipsy!
- [tutting]
864
00:39:58,747 --> 00:40:01,039
Might you be a bit light-weight
for all this?
865
00:40:01,039 --> 00:40:02,914
What do you want with the lady?
866
00:40:04,331 --> 00:40:05,206
Who's the lightweight?
867
00:40:05,789 --> 00:40:08,247
[laughing]
868
00:40:09,872 --> 00:40:11,039
[laughs] He's funny.
869
00:40:11,039 --> 00:40:12,914
You know, Princess, in Gaul,
870
00:40:12,914 --> 00:40:15,872
when three-hundred pound guys
say certain things,
871
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:18,997
the feather weights don't buy it!
872
00:40:18,997 --> 00:40:21,456
- [tense music playing]
- [groans]
873
00:40:23,206 --> 00:40:25,289
[clears throat] Hmm...
874
00:40:25,289 --> 00:40:26,789
[tutting]
875
00:40:26,789 --> 00:40:27,789
Mm-hmm. Mm.
876
00:40:28,914 --> 00:40:30,664
- Mm.
- [sighs]
877
00:40:34,456 --> 00:40:35,831
[gulping]
878
00:40:36,622 --> 00:40:37,581
[grunts]
879
00:40:37,581 --> 00:40:38,872
[lively music playing]
880
00:40:40,331 --> 00:40:44,706
[grunts, makes animal sounds]
881
00:40:44,706 --> 00:40:46,497
[shouts]
882
00:40:46,497 --> 00:40:47,581
Whoa, it's a lizard!
883
00:40:49,664 --> 00:40:51,122
[trumpeting]
884
00:40:52,956 --> 00:40:53,789
Whoa.
885
00:40:55,831 --> 00:40:57,164
What's happening here?
886
00:40:57,956 --> 00:40:59,956
[music intensifies]
887
00:41:03,497 --> 00:41:04,664
[shouts]
888
00:41:05,456 --> 00:41:06,706
[crowd gasps]
889
00:41:07,872 --> 00:41:10,747
This is potent stuff.
He went overboard on this one.
890
00:41:10,747 --> 00:41:12,789
Hey, hey! Come on, give me a taste.
891
00:41:12,789 --> 00:41:14,747
- [Obélix] We won't tell anyone.
- This one even less.
892
00:41:14,747 --> 00:41:17,914
[panting, coughing]
893
00:41:18,664 --> 00:41:20,331
[Astérix] You get one. Take your pick.
894
00:41:20,914 --> 00:41:22,372
I'll take the big one, then.
895
00:41:22,956 --> 00:41:25,414
- [comical music playing]
- [sighs]
896
00:41:25,414 --> 00:41:26,456
Gentlemen.
897
00:41:27,456 --> 00:41:28,789
[laughs]
898
00:41:28,789 --> 00:41:32,372
[scattered gasps]
899
00:41:35,872 --> 00:41:39,747
I'm not allowed to drink any 'cause
I fell in the cauldron when I was a kid.
900
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:41,456
So this won't hurt as much.
901
00:41:42,289 --> 00:41:44,039
[screams]
902
00:41:44,039 --> 00:41:46,622
[epic music playing]
903
00:42:00,289 --> 00:42:03,664
[Bankruptis] So imagine this. A mini
amphora with two little wings painted on.
904
00:42:03,664 --> 00:42:05,831
Inside, we put a tiny drop
of magic potion,
905
00:42:05,831 --> 00:42:07,497
just enough to give you a good boost.
906
00:42:07,497 --> 00:42:10,039
We sell the beverage as a power drink...
907
00:42:10,039 --> 00:42:13,081
I'm still working on the concept
but I will come up with a name.
908
00:42:13,081 --> 00:42:15,789
In Rome, with all the orgies,
909
00:42:15,789 --> 00:42:17,956
youngsters dancing till the break of dawn,
910
00:42:17,956 --> 00:42:19,081
we'd make a killing.
911
00:42:19,081 --> 00:42:22,247
[Titanix] Well, I'm your man
for all things transport.
912
00:42:22,997 --> 00:42:25,914
- What's that you're doing?
- It is Tai Chi.
913
00:42:25,914 --> 00:42:28,789
An ancient Chinese technique
to recharge the body's energy.
914
00:42:29,789 --> 00:42:31,747
It's wild that we should meet now.
915
00:42:31,747 --> 00:42:35,122
My life's just taken a new direction
that's totally in step with your culture.
916
00:42:35,747 --> 00:42:38,914
Balance, nutrition, energy,
all that good stuff, you know.
917
00:42:39,747 --> 00:42:41,164
I can tell we're really connected.
918
00:42:41,164 --> 00:42:42,247
Hmm...
919
00:42:45,456 --> 00:42:46,872
[heavy breathing]
920
00:42:46,872 --> 00:42:48,831
- You finished?
- Now we meditate.
921
00:42:48,831 --> 00:42:50,622
- Yeah!
- No speaking.
922
00:42:56,872 --> 00:42:58,789
[whispering] That coin is something else.
923
00:43:00,872 --> 00:43:02,456
That's you?
924
00:43:02,456 --> 00:43:05,081
Yeah. A gift from my mother.
925
00:43:06,289 --> 00:43:07,914
She must love you so much.
926
00:43:07,914 --> 00:43:09,997
[sad music playing]
927
00:43:10,664 --> 00:43:13,789
When she gave it to me,
I didn't even smile.
928
00:43:14,956 --> 00:43:16,831
You need not worry, Princess.
929
00:43:16,831 --> 00:43:18,664
I will free your mother, trust me.
930
00:43:19,789 --> 00:43:21,372
I am here for you.
931
00:43:21,872 --> 00:43:23,331
Excuse me, if I may,
932
00:43:23,331 --> 00:43:27,581
for starters, we are here for you!
And some of us showed up, for you
933
00:43:27,581 --> 00:43:29,456
right at the beginning of the adventure.
934
00:43:29,456 --> 00:43:30,872
Sorry, excuse me.
935
00:43:30,872 --> 00:43:32,414
Princess...
936
00:43:33,289 --> 00:43:34,414
[vamping music playing]
937
00:43:38,206 --> 00:43:40,956
[Ekonomikrisis] What are you doing?
No, you moved two balls.
938
00:43:40,956 --> 00:43:42,789
- No.
- Put one back. Yeah, you did.
939
00:43:42,789 --> 00:43:45,539
You moved two balls, put one back.
Don't you go pushing my balls.
940
00:43:45,539 --> 00:43:47,122
Not that I'm not loving this place.
941
00:43:47,122 --> 00:43:50,997
[laughs] I mean... Speaking of which,
did you put any thought towards
942
00:43:52,122 --> 00:43:53,789
my proposition?
943
00:43:56,039 --> 00:43:57,914
This one is gonna be a toughie.
944
00:43:58,497 --> 00:44:00,914
Having said that,
I'm used to tough negotiations!
945
00:44:00,914 --> 00:44:02,789
- Ekonomikrisis?
- Yeah?
946
00:44:02,789 --> 00:44:04,456
If one day we get out,
947
00:44:04,956 --> 00:44:07,622
would you like to continue
doing business in China?
948
00:44:07,622 --> 00:44:09,872
- Oh yes! Very much!
- Then talk no more.
949
00:44:11,664 --> 00:44:13,914
You've been placed
in my cell to torture me.
950
00:44:14,539 --> 00:44:15,831
Well that's putting it strongly.
951
00:44:16,956 --> 00:44:18,581
Maybe it's just...
952
00:44:19,081 --> 00:44:20,664
destiny that chose us.
953
00:44:21,164 --> 00:44:22,914
The "Maktub" as we say at home.
954
00:44:24,164 --> 00:44:26,581
You are beautiful
when you're angry, you know.
955
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:29,706
- [dramatic music playing]
- [sighs]
956
00:44:32,581 --> 00:44:33,581
[panting]
957
00:44:36,622 --> 00:44:37,664
[captain] Ah!
958
00:44:38,289 --> 00:44:39,581
[grunts]
959
00:44:40,539 --> 00:44:42,581
Oh boy!
960
00:44:43,372 --> 00:44:44,581
[sighs]
961
00:44:45,622 --> 00:44:49,122
Gentlemen, here on the Red Sea,
we're done with bad encounters.
962
00:44:49,122 --> 00:44:51,622
Who's the predator out here? Eh?
963
00:44:51,622 --> 00:44:53,372
- [all] We are!
- [captain] That's right!
964
00:44:53,372 --> 00:44:54,831
- [laughs]
- [crew member whistling]
965
00:44:54,831 --> 00:44:57,164
Ship ahoy!
966
00:44:58,456 --> 00:44:59,372
Many thanks, lookout!
967
00:44:59,372 --> 00:45:00,997
- Doing my job!
- Lads,
968
00:45:00,997 --> 00:45:03,664
this lavish ship will not escape us.
969
00:45:03,664 --> 00:45:04,789
Tonight we sleep in silk.
970
00:45:04,789 --> 00:45:06,789
[cheering]
971
00:45:06,789 --> 00:45:08,081
[captain laughing]
972
00:45:15,581 --> 00:45:17,706
[stutters] It's the Gau... It's the Gau...
973
00:45:20,164 --> 00:45:24,497
- The Gauls are here?
- It's the Gauls!
974
00:45:24,497 --> 00:45:25,956
[lively music playing]
975
00:45:25,956 --> 00:45:27,581
Yoo-hoo!
976
00:45:27,581 --> 00:45:29,664
Hello, little pirates!
977
00:45:30,372 --> 00:45:33,247
No, no, no, no...
978
00:45:33,247 --> 00:45:34,539
Not the Gauls!
979
00:45:34,539 --> 00:45:36,414
- [captain] Why's it always land on us?
- [cries]
980
00:45:36,414 --> 00:45:38,289
We're not the only ones on the water!
981
00:45:38,914 --> 00:45:39,789
[captain] Morning.
982
00:45:39,789 --> 00:45:41,622
Would you consider pretending
you never saw us?
983
00:45:41,622 --> 00:45:43,206
But we did see you, though.
984
00:45:43,206 --> 00:45:44,581
Can't argue with that.
985
00:45:44,581 --> 00:45:47,997
[sighs] Prepare our defences! Go, go, go!
986
00:45:52,206 --> 00:45:54,706
[captain] To think I just had
the paint redone.
987
00:45:54,706 --> 00:45:56,956
Go easy, will you?
988
00:45:56,956 --> 00:45:58,956
[both chuckle]
989
00:46:00,872 --> 00:46:03,789
- It's not like I'm happy about it.
- Pff, whatever.
990
00:46:03,789 --> 00:46:04,956
No, no, you wait!
991
00:46:05,914 --> 00:46:08,164
I'll show you how we rumble in my country.
992
00:46:08,164 --> 00:46:10,247
Hmm?
993
00:46:11,164 --> 00:46:12,789
[lively music playing]
994
00:46:25,789 --> 00:46:27,039
Uh, what should we do, Captain?
995
00:46:27,789 --> 00:46:29,664
- Well, uh...
- Got a bad feeling personally.
996
00:46:29,664 --> 00:46:31,622
We're still doing this. Prepare to attack.
997
00:46:34,206 --> 00:46:36,664
No, stop that! No, back you go!
998
00:46:36,664 --> 00:46:39,997
Michael, get back there.
Michael, no. Michael?
999
00:46:39,997 --> 00:46:42,039
[grunting]
1000
00:46:50,914 --> 00:46:52,539
Ow, ow, ow!
1001
00:46:52,539 --> 00:46:54,081
Oh, that one's gotta really hurt.
1002
00:46:54,081 --> 00:46:56,497
[shouts]
1003
00:47:02,372 --> 00:47:03,664
She got how many feet?
1004
00:47:05,039 --> 00:47:07,206
Lads, let me through, please?
1005
00:47:10,164 --> 00:47:11,331
I'm really sorry, Captain.
1006
00:47:11,331 --> 00:47:14,331
- Where you goin'?
- My heart will go on!
1007
00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:15,581
- [captain] No!
- [screams]
1008
00:47:15,581 --> 00:47:17,164
Look out behind you!
1009
00:47:18,247 --> 00:47:19,331
[captain] Oh no!
1010
00:47:21,581 --> 00:47:23,372
Hey, calm yourself down, you psycho!
1011
00:47:28,831 --> 00:47:30,747
[water gurgling]
1012
00:47:36,081 --> 00:47:40,414
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1013
00:47:41,581 --> 00:47:43,872
♪ Say it for always ♪
1014
00:47:45,914 --> 00:47:48,497
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
1015
00:47:51,039 --> 00:47:54,747
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1016
00:47:56,622 --> 00:47:58,164
♪ Say it together ♪
1017
00:48:00,539 --> 00:48:02,872
♪ Naturally ♪
1018
00:48:03,997 --> 00:48:07,456
[captain] Comrades,
the official version of the shipwreck is,
1019
00:48:07,456 --> 00:48:10,289
we ran into a Chinese tornado. [sighs]
1020
00:48:10,289 --> 00:48:13,581
[melancholy music playing]
1021
00:48:19,581 --> 00:48:20,497
Uh, may I?
1022
00:48:21,164 --> 00:48:22,664
Yes.
1023
00:48:25,081 --> 00:48:27,414
[Obélix] Beautiful, isn't it?
1024
00:48:28,497 --> 00:48:29,956
I wanted to say,
1025
00:48:30,456 --> 00:48:32,206
you fight really well.
1026
00:48:32,914 --> 00:48:34,081
Thank you.
1027
00:48:35,081 --> 00:48:37,414
And why is it that you never drink
any potion?
1028
00:48:37,414 --> 00:48:38,747
Well, I'm not allowed.
1029
00:48:40,539 --> 00:48:43,414
It might be dangerous. One does too many.
1030
00:48:45,956 --> 00:48:49,539
Must admit I would've loved
to feel that rush just one more time.
1031
00:48:49,539 --> 00:48:51,706
- [sighs]
- [soft music playing]
1032
00:49:08,706 --> 00:49:10,456
[mysterious music playing]
1033
00:49:10,456 --> 00:49:12,372
[fizzing, sizzling]
1034
00:49:12,372 --> 00:49:14,289
[wolf howling]
1035
00:49:15,914 --> 00:49:17,706
[soft music playing]
1036
00:49:21,372 --> 00:49:23,747
[laughs]
1037
00:49:24,497 --> 00:49:25,581
[Obélix] Wow!
1038
00:49:30,247 --> 00:49:32,372
[sighs]
1039
00:49:33,372 --> 00:49:35,872
- [yells]
- [fizzing, sizzling]
1040
00:49:38,497 --> 00:49:39,331
Obélix?
1041
00:49:39,331 --> 00:49:40,831
[explosion booming]
1042
00:49:41,997 --> 00:49:43,372
Mama!
1043
00:49:48,414 --> 00:49:50,247
The feeling's extraordinary.
1044
00:49:50,247 --> 00:49:51,914
Like you're fizzy in the head,
1045
00:49:51,914 --> 00:49:54,997
then in your whole body. It's a bit like
when you fall in love, or so they say.
1046
00:49:54,997 --> 00:49:56,456
[clears throat]
1047
00:50:02,206 --> 00:50:03,289
[soft music playing]
1048
00:50:05,789 --> 00:50:07,039
[laughs]
1049
00:50:15,539 --> 00:50:17,956
[military snare playing]
1050
00:50:21,122 --> 00:50:23,289
[narrator] Having at last found their way,
1051
00:50:24,122 --> 00:50:27,997
Caesar and his mighty legions
have crossed Persia,
1052
00:50:28,497 --> 00:50:31,747
the mountains of India,
the Mongolian steppes,
1053
00:50:31,747 --> 00:50:34,539
and have finally reached
the gates of China,
1054
00:50:34,539 --> 00:50:38,664
where the despicable Deng Tsin Qin
is honing his evil plan
1055
00:50:38,664 --> 00:50:41,039
to control the Six Kingdoms.
1056
00:50:44,997 --> 00:50:47,081
[off-key horn playing]
1057
00:50:47,747 --> 00:50:48,622
Hail, hail.
1058
00:50:49,206 --> 00:50:51,414
- So this here is the war?
- Prince Deng Tsin Qin,
1059
00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:53,414
allow me to introduce...
1060
00:50:53,414 --> 00:50:55,122
Julius Caesar. Himself.
1061
00:50:55,122 --> 00:50:57,122
I know you're impressed,
keep calm and breathe deeply.
1062
00:50:57,122 --> 00:51:00,122
Everything's gonna be fine.
So where are these rebels?
1063
00:51:00,122 --> 00:51:02,247
I'm told you're having a tough time
keeping them in line?
1064
00:51:02,247 --> 00:51:03,414
War isn't a hobby, you know.
1065
00:51:03,414 --> 00:51:06,039
You're well advised to bring in the pros.
1066
00:51:07,497 --> 00:51:09,206
Bit of a mess, this is, don't you think?
1067
00:51:09,206 --> 00:51:13,581
Oh no. We follow the precepts of Sun Tzu,
the great Chinese strategist.
1068
00:51:13,581 --> 00:51:15,247
He wrote the Art of War, you know.
1069
00:51:15,997 --> 00:51:17,164
Fart of war, more like.
1070
00:51:17,164 --> 00:51:18,789
[Caesar and Biopix laugh]
1071
00:51:18,789 --> 00:51:20,372
All right, kiddos, keep your eyes open,
1072
00:51:20,372 --> 00:51:22,789
'cause this is gonna be over
in a heartbeat. Huh?
1073
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:24,247
Here goes.
1074
00:51:24,247 --> 00:51:26,164
{\an8}- [in Latin] If you want peace...
- Prepare for war.
1075
00:51:26,164 --> 00:51:28,497
{\an8}- [Caesar in English] Exactly.
- [scribe tapping]
1076
00:51:28,497 --> 00:51:30,872
- He's insufferable.
- He's deeply ill.
1077
00:51:30,872 --> 00:51:33,539
And pretentious, first decan cancers,
heads are up their butts.
1078
00:51:33,539 --> 00:51:34,664
Huh?
1079
00:51:34,664 --> 00:51:37,206
I'm disappointed.
I'm going to bed, I'm jet lagged.
1080
00:51:37,831 --> 00:51:38,664
[sighs]
1081
00:51:38,664 --> 00:51:41,581
[dramatic music playing]
1082
00:51:41,581 --> 00:51:42,789
- [Caesar] Biopix!
- Mm?
1083
00:51:42,789 --> 00:51:46,581
New chapter. After "Caesar The Seducer,"
1084
00:51:46,581 --> 00:51:47,997
"Caesar The Strategist."
1085
00:51:47,997 --> 00:51:51,122
Hold on, I change the scrolls
and I'm right with you.
1086
00:51:51,122 --> 00:51:52,372
- [Caesar] Helmet.
- Gallopus!
1087
00:51:52,372 --> 00:51:55,997
[hooves sounds]
1088
00:51:55,997 --> 00:51:57,706
[music builds]
1089
00:52:04,081 --> 00:52:04,997
Gladius.
1090
00:52:06,997 --> 00:52:08,122
[music stops]
1091
00:52:08,622 --> 00:52:09,456
The heck is this?
1092
00:52:09,456 --> 00:52:12,831
- Last time, you did hurt yourself with--
- Right, I get it, I get it!
1093
00:52:13,331 --> 00:52:14,997
Has anyone heard from Antivirus?
1094
00:52:14,997 --> 00:52:17,247
He's here, and ready, mighty Caesar.
1095
00:52:17,247 --> 00:52:18,414
[Caesar] Let's do this.
1096
00:52:18,414 --> 00:52:22,289
[to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You"]
1097
00:52:23,497 --> 00:52:24,372
Everyone!
1098
00:52:24,372 --> 00:52:27,914
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1099
00:52:27,914 --> 00:52:29,164
Ooh, goosebumps.
1100
00:52:29,164 --> 00:52:30,456
And me.
1101
00:52:30,456 --> 00:52:33,706
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1102
00:52:33,706 --> 00:52:35,539
[battle cries]
1103
00:52:35,539 --> 00:52:38,581
["Anti, Antivirus"
to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You"]
1104
00:52:56,789 --> 00:52:58,372
[grunts]
1105
00:53:03,872 --> 00:53:05,497
[clanging]
1106
00:53:14,039 --> 00:53:15,372
[battle cries]
1107
00:53:22,372 --> 00:53:24,039
{\an8}CHINA SEA
1108
00:53:36,289 --> 00:53:37,372
[groans]
1109
00:53:37,372 --> 00:53:39,747
[shouts]
1110
00:53:40,247 --> 00:53:43,956
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1111
00:53:45,997 --> 00:53:49,914
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1112
00:53:49,914 --> 00:53:51,289
Antivirus, I love you!
1113
00:53:51,914 --> 00:53:55,872
♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1114
00:53:56,414 --> 00:53:57,289
[screams]
1115
00:53:57,872 --> 00:54:02,456
♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1116
00:54:03,081 --> 00:54:04,372
[moans]
1117
00:54:04,372 --> 00:54:07,539
Antivirus, you wanna go viral,
1118
00:54:07,539 --> 00:54:09,414
but don't push it,
that was hard on my back.
1119
00:54:09,414 --> 00:54:11,497
You wanted Antivirus,
1120
00:54:11,497 --> 00:54:13,372
I gave you Antivirus.
1121
00:54:13,372 --> 00:54:17,039
And now, go back to your circus games.
1122
00:54:17,039 --> 00:54:18,789
[cheering]
1123
00:54:18,789 --> 00:54:21,289
Why speak words, when you can fly?
1124
00:54:21,914 --> 00:54:24,081
[mystical music playing]
1125
00:54:24,081 --> 00:54:26,122
[cheering]
1126
00:54:45,747 --> 00:54:47,414
[Caesar] A walk in the park!
1127
00:54:49,914 --> 00:54:53,331
In a matter of days,
I shall be the master of China.
1128
00:54:54,164 --> 00:54:57,289
I'm almost envious of you guys,
experiencing for the first time
1129
00:54:57,289 --> 00:54:58,831
the power of Rome.
1130
00:54:58,831 --> 00:55:01,122
Veni, vidi, vici.
1131
00:55:01,122 --> 00:55:04,414
- [Caesar laughs]
- This is such great stuff, Caesar!
1132
00:55:04,414 --> 00:55:06,414
I write it down as is, no changes.
1133
00:55:06,414 --> 00:55:09,081
- Seating sucks. We gonna eat like this?
- Yeah.
1134
00:55:09,081 --> 00:55:10,664
- Terrible hosts.
- Right.
1135
00:55:10,664 --> 00:55:11,956
[grunts]
1136
00:55:11,956 --> 00:55:13,747
And Antivirus? He's not coming?
1137
00:55:13,747 --> 00:55:15,122
He's asleep.
1138
00:55:15,122 --> 00:55:17,289
- What do you mean, he's asleep?
- I'm here, oh Caesar.
1139
00:55:17,289 --> 00:55:19,664
- Not as impressive.
- Nowhere as impressive.
1140
00:55:19,664 --> 00:55:24,206
Oh Caesar,
you have one last kingdom to conquer.
1141
00:55:24,206 --> 00:55:26,581
Likely more complicated.
1142
00:55:26,581 --> 00:55:28,331
Our victories have had an impact.
1143
00:55:28,331 --> 00:55:30,122
The Ku Koos are tough negotiators.
1144
00:55:30,122 --> 00:55:31,539
Very well.
1145
00:55:31,539 --> 00:55:33,372
We'll see who is the Ku Kooest.
1146
00:55:33,372 --> 00:55:34,997
[laughter]
1147
00:55:34,997 --> 00:55:38,081
Yeah, well, sorry not to join the fun,
but old man So Ku Koo died last winter.
1148
00:55:38,706 --> 00:55:41,622
Leaving his only son and heir,
Prince Ku Koo, twenty years old
1149
00:55:41,622 --> 00:55:44,539
concealed under a bamboo mask
due to a horrible birth defect.
1150
00:55:44,539 --> 00:55:46,789
- The Ku Koo Behind the Bamboo.
- [dramatic music playing]
1151
00:55:46,789 --> 00:55:47,706
So he gets orphaned,
1152
00:55:47,706 --> 00:55:51,039
gets his butt handed to him by Caesar,
not a good year for the Ku Koos.
1153
00:55:51,039 --> 00:55:52,914
- [laughter]
- [Caesar] Come to think of it...
1154
00:55:54,956 --> 00:55:56,539
you seem Ku Koo yourself, don't you?
1155
00:55:57,206 --> 00:55:59,539
No, I'm a Deng. Of the Deng-Bhat clan.
1156
00:55:59,539 --> 00:56:00,831
Yes, but...
1157
00:56:03,372 --> 00:56:05,039
you could be Deng' erous, couldn't you?
1158
00:56:05,622 --> 00:56:07,289
- Huh?
- [hand clatters]
1159
00:56:09,622 --> 00:56:11,331
[tense music playing]
1160
00:56:11,331 --> 00:56:14,331
I never really picked up on
why you would ask me to help
1161
00:56:14,331 --> 00:56:16,164
evict you from your own kingdom,
1162
00:56:16,164 --> 00:56:18,331
so what's in it for you...
1163
00:56:18,331 --> 00:56:20,456
Deng Tsin Qin?
1164
00:56:21,622 --> 00:56:23,872
You wouldn't be thinking
about a Caesarian section,
1165
00:56:23,872 --> 00:56:25,914
to cut me out of my end of the spoils?
1166
00:56:25,914 --> 00:56:29,039
Not at all. Never even crossed my mind.
1167
00:56:29,664 --> 00:56:30,622
Really?
1168
00:56:31,956 --> 00:56:35,122
It would've crossed mine. [laughs]
Wouldn't bother me in the least!
1169
00:56:35,122 --> 00:56:37,581
- [laughter]
- He's on a roll.
1170
00:56:37,581 --> 00:56:39,622
[Caesar sighs]
1171
00:56:39,622 --> 00:56:41,997
- Tell me, oh Caesar.
- Mm-hmm.
1172
00:56:41,997 --> 00:56:42,956
Are you aware that
1173
00:56:42,956 --> 00:56:45,747
the great Cleopatra
is highly respected here in China?
1174
00:56:46,539 --> 00:56:47,456
[Scar Dee Kat] True.
1175
00:56:47,456 --> 00:56:50,831
She's done so much for the defence
and preservation of pandas that now...
1176
00:56:51,456 --> 00:56:53,581
So how is she in real life?
Fun to be with?
1177
00:56:59,831 --> 00:57:01,456
[soft music playing]
1178
00:57:08,706 --> 00:57:10,456
At last, I'm back home.
1179
00:57:11,664 --> 00:57:14,414
Do you smell the fragrance of bamboo,
ginger and eucalypt?
1180
00:57:15,956 --> 00:57:17,997
Don't bother with these guys,
they wouldn't know.
1181
00:57:17,997 --> 00:57:21,914
But I can smell it just fine,
and... so aromatic!
1182
00:57:22,497 --> 00:57:23,456
[Bankruptis] Titanix!
1183
00:57:23,456 --> 00:57:25,622
Will you be going straight back to Egypt?
1184
00:57:25,622 --> 00:57:28,456
Nope. I'll keep sailing
till I return to my starting point,
1185
00:57:28,456 --> 00:57:30,081
so I can prove the Earth is round.
1186
00:57:30,081 --> 00:57:32,539
[laughter]
1187
00:57:39,956 --> 00:57:42,331
- [mysterious music playing]
- [chattering]
1188
00:57:59,247 --> 00:58:00,622
[Bankruptis] So?
1189
00:58:00,622 --> 00:58:03,247
- Told you we'd make it back, didn't I?
- Shh.
1190
00:58:04,247 --> 00:58:06,622
WANTED
1191
00:58:08,164 --> 00:58:10,997
Ka Ra Tay,
how will we hope to find your master here?
1192
00:58:10,997 --> 00:58:12,872
He'll be the one to find us.
1193
00:58:30,539 --> 00:58:32,539
- What was the message?
- Nothing.
1194
00:58:33,872 --> 00:58:35,164
Friend of yours? The bald guy?
1195
00:58:36,539 --> 00:58:38,664
Well, if it's nothing
why can't you tell me what it is?
1196
00:58:40,497 --> 00:58:44,289
My master, Sill Lee, awaits us tonight
in an inn where we will spend the night.
1197
00:58:44,289 --> 00:58:47,747
There you go. Just say it,
instead of acting all mysterious.
1198
00:58:47,747 --> 00:58:49,122
I'm not even hungry anymore!
1199
00:58:49,747 --> 00:58:50,914
[whines]
1200
00:58:50,914 --> 00:58:52,081
[Astérix] What the...
1201
00:58:52,081 --> 00:58:54,039
Never seen him like that.
1202
00:58:55,081 --> 00:58:56,997
He's probably just tired, that's all.
1203
00:58:56,997 --> 00:58:59,122
There's a culture shock,
it's a lot to take in.
1204
00:58:59,122 --> 00:59:01,539
- Do you mind if I speak candidly?
- Mm.
1205
00:59:01,539 --> 00:59:05,206
You and me, we're not the best of friends.
I hate you, I believe you hate me too.
1206
00:59:05,206 --> 00:59:06,414
Mm-hmm.
1207
00:59:06,414 --> 00:59:08,956
But the two of you,
things are getting very tense.
1208
00:59:08,956 --> 00:59:11,247
The tension's spreading
through the whole group.
1209
00:59:11,247 --> 00:59:12,789
- That bad?
- Yeah.
1210
00:59:13,581 --> 00:59:14,956
But I got something for both of you
1211
00:59:14,956 --> 00:59:19,456
and I'm sure it can bring some changes,
for the better.
1212
00:59:21,747 --> 00:59:23,789
[Astérix] Obélix. We need to talk.
1213
00:59:24,289 --> 00:59:25,331
[Obélix] I'm listening.
1214
00:59:25,331 --> 00:59:29,247
There's a beautiful story
starting between the Princess and me.
1215
00:59:29,247 --> 00:59:30,456
Oh?
1216
00:59:31,247 --> 00:59:32,164
Well, yeah.
1217
00:59:33,789 --> 00:59:36,372
And I believe it'd be simpler if, like...
1218
00:59:36,956 --> 00:59:38,956
if she were to live with us,
in the village.
1219
00:59:38,956 --> 00:59:40,081
Okay.
1220
00:59:40,956 --> 00:59:44,372
Of course, you and I have been housemates
for a long time.
1221
00:59:44,872 --> 00:59:47,581
Uh, but we never said it'd be forever.
1222
00:59:48,581 --> 00:59:50,164
And as it happens,
1223
00:59:50,164 --> 00:59:52,247
the hut belonged to my parents.
1224
00:59:52,747 --> 00:59:53,831
So, uh...
1225
00:59:56,206 --> 00:59:57,997
You want me to move out then?
1226
00:59:59,039 --> 01:00:00,497
- Yes.
- [sighs]
1227
01:00:02,706 --> 01:00:05,539
Oh, Astérix!
I can't tell you how relieved I am.
1228
01:00:05,539 --> 01:00:09,456
I wanted to leave too, but I didn't know
how to tell you, I just couldn't tell you.
1229
01:00:09,456 --> 01:00:10,372
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
1230
01:00:12,914 --> 01:00:14,414
I've fallen in love too.
1231
01:00:15,997 --> 01:00:17,331
You're in love?
1232
01:00:17,331 --> 01:00:19,539
[whispering] With the beautiful Ka Ra Tay.
1233
01:00:19,539 --> 01:00:20,997
[laughs]
1234
01:00:22,747 --> 01:00:23,581
With Ka Ra Tay?
1235
01:00:24,497 --> 01:00:27,122
Our Ka Ra Tay? You gotta be joking?
1236
01:00:27,872 --> 01:00:29,122
Obélix? Ka Ra Tay?
1237
01:00:29,122 --> 01:00:31,247
- [laughing]
- Why are you laughing?
1238
01:00:32,122 --> 01:00:34,664
- Because I'm surprised.
- You're surprised 'cause I'm in love?
1239
01:00:35,414 --> 01:00:36,539
Come on, Oby...
1240
01:00:36,539 --> 01:00:39,164
Don't Oby me. There's no more Oby!
1241
01:00:40,789 --> 01:00:41,622
What's so funny?
1242
01:00:41,622 --> 01:00:45,081
I'm not allowed to fall in love?
I'm not allowed anything!
1243
01:00:45,081 --> 01:00:46,997
What a joke! It's all about you anyway!
1244
01:00:46,997 --> 01:00:48,956
- It is not all about me!
- It is about you!
1245
01:00:48,956 --> 01:00:50,497
- No!
- [barking]
1246
01:00:50,497 --> 01:00:53,456
Obélix can't have any magic potion.
Obélix better not fall in love...
1247
01:00:53,456 --> 01:00:56,747
Oh, poor Obélix,
who's been deprived of magic potion.
1248
01:00:56,747 --> 01:00:58,289
Oh, poor Obélix!
1249
01:00:58,289 --> 01:01:03,081
I don't even get the privilege of roasting
my wild boars in my own fireplace!
1250
01:01:03,081 --> 01:01:06,456
Except it's not my own fireplace
'cause Astérix's parents built it!
1251
01:01:06,456 --> 01:01:09,456
- Which they did.
- Astérix wants me to eat fruit and veg!
1252
01:01:09,456 --> 01:01:12,081
And why do I want us to eat fruits
and vegetables?
1253
01:01:12,081 --> 01:01:14,414
For you! For you to eat better.
1254
01:01:14,414 --> 01:01:16,581
Do not say the word. Don't say that word!
1255
01:01:16,581 --> 01:01:18,831
- Because you are so fat!
- No!
1256
01:01:19,497 --> 01:01:22,914
I am simply voluptuous!
1257
01:01:23,539 --> 01:01:26,289
But there is more. I'm strong.
1258
01:01:26,289 --> 01:01:28,497
There we are! You said it!
1259
01:01:28,497 --> 01:01:31,622
You think it's easy for me
to be so feeble?
1260
01:01:31,622 --> 01:01:33,039
To rely on a flask all the time?
1261
01:01:33,039 --> 01:01:34,706
Serves you right! There!
1262
01:01:34,706 --> 01:01:36,081
I've said it. Done.
1263
01:01:36,081 --> 01:01:37,414
[clinking]
1264
01:01:38,081 --> 01:01:41,997
Needles performing so well,
releasing tension!
1265
01:01:41,997 --> 01:01:44,706
They make words come out, good!
1266
01:01:44,706 --> 01:01:45,831
[laughs]
1267
01:01:47,872 --> 01:01:49,914
[indistinct chatter]
1268
01:01:56,456 --> 01:01:58,289
- Oh, Romans!
- No, Obélix.
1269
01:01:58,289 --> 01:01:59,581
[sighs] What now?
1270
01:01:59,581 --> 01:02:02,081
We cannot compromise the Princess.
1271
01:02:02,997 --> 01:02:04,414
[Astérix] What's Caesar doing in China?
1272
01:02:04,414 --> 01:02:07,539
Deng Tsin Qin the treacherous
sold us to the Romans.
1273
01:02:09,872 --> 01:02:11,747
[mercenary] Informative news break!
1274
01:02:12,331 --> 01:02:13,706
People of China!
1275
01:02:13,706 --> 01:02:16,331
Prince Deng Tsin Qin and Julius Caesar
1276
01:02:16,331 --> 01:02:18,872
are delighted to announce
that the former Empress
1277
01:02:18,872 --> 01:02:20,164
will be publicly executed.
1278
01:02:20,164 --> 01:02:21,247
[ominous music playing]
1279
01:02:21,247 --> 01:02:24,997
The decapitation is scheduled
seven days from now at dusk.
1280
01:02:25,872 --> 01:02:27,539
An all-you-can-eat wok will follow.
1281
01:02:27,539 --> 01:02:29,831
Due to limited seating,
advance booking is advised.
1282
01:02:29,831 --> 01:02:30,872
I wasn't briefed, were you?
1283
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:32,081
- You missed the memo?
- Must've.
1284
01:02:32,081 --> 01:02:34,789
- You're not on the forum?
- I'm never included, Carlitus.
1285
01:02:34,789 --> 01:02:39,164
I am Princess Sa See!
No one touches the heir to the Heavens,
1286
01:02:39,164 --> 01:02:41,581
Her Majesty the Empress, my mother!
1287
01:02:41,581 --> 01:02:43,706
- After them!
- [panicked cries]
1288
01:02:49,747 --> 01:02:50,872
Good doggie.
1289
01:02:51,497 --> 01:02:52,331
Let's get to it.
1290
01:02:52,331 --> 01:02:55,914
Whoever touches
a hair of my beloved fiancée,
1291
01:02:55,914 --> 01:02:58,164
I will treat very badly.
1292
01:02:59,539 --> 01:03:00,747
Did I really just say that?
1293
01:03:01,622 --> 01:03:02,956
[swords being drawn]
1294
01:03:07,622 --> 01:03:09,872
Ah, hold on. Time out. Just a second.
1295
01:03:09,872 --> 01:03:12,664
I'll be right back. Just give me a second.
1296
01:03:13,456 --> 01:03:15,289
[sighs] Getting painful.
1297
01:03:15,289 --> 01:03:18,039
- [mysterious music playing]
- [animal sounds]
1298
01:03:21,747 --> 01:03:22,581
Sorry.
1299
01:03:22,581 --> 01:03:24,914
- Can we get on with it now?
- Yeah, just went to the toilet.
1300
01:03:24,914 --> 01:03:27,122
- Yeah, right.
- We know what you were doing. Yeah.
1301
01:03:27,122 --> 01:03:28,914
[tense music playing]
1302
01:03:34,664 --> 01:03:36,289
[battle cries]
1303
01:03:38,747 --> 01:03:39,622
[Obélix] Romie!
1304
01:03:41,289 --> 01:03:42,206
[crashing]
1305
01:03:42,206 --> 01:03:43,789
[battle cries]
1306
01:03:57,331 --> 01:03:58,372
And wring!
1307
01:04:02,456 --> 01:04:04,247
[epic music playing]
1308
01:04:10,497 --> 01:04:12,581
[tense music playing]
1309
01:04:12,581 --> 01:04:14,081
[grunts]
1310
01:04:21,539 --> 01:04:22,747
Now that's strange.
1311
01:04:23,997 --> 01:04:25,872
- [battle cries]
- ["Kung Fu Fighting" playing]
1312
01:04:25,872 --> 01:04:27,372
[screams]
1313
01:04:28,456 --> 01:04:31,122
And my acupuncturist told me
to take it easy for two days.
1314
01:04:31,122 --> 01:04:32,581
Considering what they pay us...
1315
01:04:34,414 --> 01:04:36,831
- Can we pretend we didn't see each other?
- Mum's the word.
1316
01:04:38,956 --> 01:04:42,622
♪ There were funky China men
From funky Chinatown ♪
1317
01:04:42,622 --> 01:04:44,164
[shouts]
1318
01:04:44,164 --> 01:04:47,747
♪ They were chopping them up
They were chopping them down ♪
1319
01:04:48,747 --> 01:04:51,122
♪ It's an ancient Chinese art ♪
1320
01:04:51,122 --> 01:04:52,956
♪ And everybody knew their part ♪
1321
01:04:52,956 --> 01:04:55,206
♪ From a feint into a slip ♪
1322
01:04:55,747 --> 01:04:57,789
♪ And a kicking from the hip ♪
1323
01:04:57,789 --> 01:05:00,539
♪ Everybody was kung fu fighting ♪
1324
01:05:02,497 --> 01:05:04,956
♪ Those cats were fast as lightning ♪
1325
01:05:07,081 --> 01:05:09,914
♪ In fact
It was a little bit frightening ♪
1326
01:05:12,122 --> 01:05:14,789
♪ But they fought with expert timing ♪
1327
01:05:16,706 --> 01:05:21,122
♪ There was funky Billy Chin
And little Sammy Chung ♪
1328
01:05:21,122 --> 01:05:23,081
[music stops]
1329
01:05:23,081 --> 01:05:25,039
[whistling]
1330
01:05:28,247 --> 01:05:31,331
[shouting]
1331
01:05:31,956 --> 01:05:34,372
Hey, see how far I flung that one?
1332
01:05:34,372 --> 01:05:37,581
That was so cool! What can I say?
You're the best, Obélix.
1333
01:05:37,581 --> 01:05:39,706
- Oh!
- [Bankruptis] What's that?
1334
01:05:39,706 --> 01:05:43,039
[both] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
1335
01:05:43,039 --> 01:05:45,789
- We're so tight, aren't we!
- Let's go, it's not safe to stick around.
1336
01:05:45,789 --> 01:05:49,247
[mocking] Let's go Princess,
it's not safe to stick around. Pff.
1337
01:05:49,831 --> 01:05:50,872
- Something wrong?
- Mm.
1338
01:05:50,872 --> 01:05:53,997
You tell me. You still feeling the potion?
1339
01:05:53,997 --> 01:05:56,122
Dunno, wanna find out, do you?
1340
01:05:57,539 --> 01:06:00,372
- We'll see about that later.
- Sure, anytime.
1341
01:06:00,956 --> 01:06:03,581
- Boo!
- Eh!
1342
01:06:03,581 --> 01:06:05,789
[military music playing]
1343
01:06:19,372 --> 01:06:20,456
Halt!
1344
01:06:20,456 --> 01:06:23,164
[repetitive grunting]
1345
01:06:25,247 --> 01:06:27,081
THE ORIGINAL 2CV HORSEPOWER
1346
01:06:31,122 --> 01:06:34,081
SOAPS BY CLEO
1347
01:06:34,081 --> 01:06:36,456
[cat calling]
1348
01:06:36,456 --> 01:06:38,331
Who dares to whistle?
1349
01:06:38,331 --> 01:06:40,247
[tense music playing]
1350
01:06:40,247 --> 01:06:41,831
[whispering] Hard to swallow.
1351
01:06:45,164 --> 01:06:47,622
[military music playing]
1352
01:06:49,414 --> 01:06:50,414
[Caesar] I go off to war,
1353
01:06:51,247 --> 01:06:53,331
risk my life, nothing from her.
1354
01:06:53,914 --> 01:06:57,331
No messenger, no news,
no papyrus-card, not even a pigeon.
1355
01:06:57,331 --> 01:06:59,414
Ah, you need to get a hold of yourself.
1356
01:06:59,414 --> 01:07:02,331
You were being so strong,
bristling with rage,
1357
01:07:02,331 --> 01:07:03,664
but now I see nothing.
1358
01:07:03,664 --> 01:07:04,706
[Risklus] He's right.
1359
01:07:04,706 --> 01:07:06,331
Did you send her a message?
1360
01:07:06,331 --> 01:07:08,289
No! We said, enough of the messages.
1361
01:07:08,289 --> 01:07:10,331
We're stone-wall marble,
we give her nothing.
1362
01:07:10,331 --> 01:07:12,247
We let her soak in her marinade,
like octopus.
1363
01:07:12,247 --> 01:07:14,372
Hey, Dainty, better tone it down.
1364
01:07:14,372 --> 01:07:16,331
What's that you say, Señor Grunt?
1365
01:07:16,331 --> 01:07:19,747
Infamous Risklus, how about
"Witless," with a head like an aqueduct?
1366
01:07:19,747 --> 01:07:22,872
You think you're Antivirus, don't you?
You couldn't even shine his sandals.
1367
01:07:22,872 --> 01:07:24,622
Así que callate la boca!
1368
01:07:27,122 --> 01:07:28,247
[Biopix] Caesar.
1369
01:07:28,247 --> 01:07:31,289
Tell me who wears the toga in the palace.
Eh? Who's the boss?
1370
01:07:31,914 --> 01:07:33,872
- I am.
- Anyone hear that?
1371
01:07:35,039 --> 01:07:36,622
Who's the boss at home?
1372
01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:38,497
[sighs] I'm the boss.
1373
01:07:38,497 --> 01:07:39,456
There you are.
1374
01:07:39,456 --> 01:07:43,039
Now you're talking. That is our Caesar.
That's our champion. Numero uno!
1375
01:07:43,956 --> 01:07:45,664
So if there's a message you gotta send,
1376
01:07:45,664 --> 01:07:47,747
just tell her to pack
her bags and all that,
1377
01:07:47,747 --> 01:07:51,664
and take herself right back to Egypt,
show her profile or whatever, she is out.
1378
01:07:55,622 --> 01:07:56,914
Fair enough. Write.
1379
01:07:56,914 --> 01:07:58,997
- Ah!
- [soft music playing]
1380
01:08:01,456 --> 01:08:02,581
[sighs]
1381
01:08:05,747 --> 01:08:08,247
"Cleo..." No. "Cleopatra."
1382
01:08:08,247 --> 01:08:09,706
I like that.
1383
01:08:09,706 --> 01:08:10,872
"When I get to Rome,
1384
01:08:10,872 --> 01:08:14,164
I want to find my palace free
of your sarcophago-whatchamacallit."
1385
01:08:14,164 --> 01:08:17,331
"Starting from today,
you'll know who wears the toga at home."
1386
01:08:17,331 --> 01:08:18,331
[Biopix] There you go.
1387
01:08:18,331 --> 01:08:19,664
"You've been told. Hail me."
1388
01:08:19,664 --> 01:08:21,081
[Biopix] That's better.
1389
01:08:21,081 --> 01:08:23,956
That's my sizzling Caesar,
that was masterly.
1390
01:08:23,956 --> 01:08:25,706
Ah! Queen of Egypt.
1391
01:08:25,706 --> 01:08:28,456
- Queen of Doofus-land.
- [lively music playing]
1392
01:08:28,456 --> 01:08:30,581
[laughs] ♪ And where did they go... ♪
1393
01:08:30,581 --> 01:08:33,456
♪ Where did they go, down to Egypt land ♪
1394
01:08:33,456 --> 01:08:35,289
- Hit Send.
- Sí.
1395
01:08:37,039 --> 01:08:39,122
[cooing]
1396
01:08:39,122 --> 01:08:40,497
Pigeon... Pidgie-widgie...
1397
01:08:42,081 --> 01:08:44,247
Oh! [laughs]
1398
01:08:44,247 --> 01:08:47,497
[in Galician] A bunny!
1399
01:08:47,497 --> 01:08:48,956
[in English] Oh, there's a big one.
1400
01:08:48,956 --> 01:08:50,581
[in Galician] A raccoon.
1401
01:08:51,206 --> 01:08:52,664
- [comical music playing]
- [bleating]
1402
01:08:52,664 --> 01:08:54,206
[laughs]
1403
01:08:54,206 --> 01:08:57,247
A goat! [cooing]
1404
01:08:57,247 --> 01:08:59,872
[cooing]
1405
01:09:03,372 --> 01:09:05,414
Come on, sweetie.
1406
01:09:05,414 --> 01:09:06,664
[swooshing]
1407
01:09:09,122 --> 01:09:10,914
[notification chimes]
1408
01:09:11,622 --> 01:09:13,789
[cooing, vibrating]
1409
01:09:13,789 --> 01:09:15,289
[in English] Huh, it's Cleopatra.
1410
01:09:15,289 --> 01:09:17,497
- Already?
- [pigeon coos and vibrates]
1411
01:09:17,997 --> 01:09:19,539
- Well, get to it!
- Huh?
1412
01:09:27,122 --> 01:09:29,039
[mumbles]
1413
01:09:30,414 --> 01:09:31,664
[Caesar] I don't understand.
1414
01:09:31,664 --> 01:09:32,956
- Eh?
- What did she say?
1415
01:09:32,956 --> 01:09:33,997
Uh...
1416
01:09:35,247 --> 01:09:39,039
"I would like to apologise
for the attitude I had."
1417
01:09:39,039 --> 01:09:40,414
"I went too far."
1418
01:09:40,414 --> 01:09:42,539
You can say that again. Uh...
1419
01:09:42,539 --> 01:09:47,289
"Four long months have passed,
and all I dream of is to see your face."
1420
01:09:47,289 --> 01:09:49,872
"I'm waiting in Rome.
Come back as soon as you can."
1421
01:09:50,789 --> 01:09:51,997
"Your loving Cleo-babe."
1422
01:09:53,372 --> 01:09:55,081
Hey. You gotta stop that pigeon.
The pigeon!
1423
01:09:55,081 --> 01:09:58,414
- [Caesar] Cancel the pigeon. Quick!
- There's no cancelling a homing pigeon.
1424
01:09:58,414 --> 01:10:01,456
Once you sent it, it's sent.
Should I slug him?
1425
01:10:01,456 --> 01:10:02,914
Everybody out!
1426
01:10:07,664 --> 01:10:09,206
I said everybody.
1427
01:10:10,331 --> 01:10:13,122
- ["Le Diro Parole Blu" playing]
- [gasps]
1428
01:10:19,289 --> 01:10:22,747
[cooing]
1429
01:10:51,164 --> 01:10:53,414
[Cleopatra laughs]
1430
01:11:09,039 --> 01:11:10,581
[pigeon farts]
1431
01:11:11,331 --> 01:11:12,706
[grunts]
1432
01:11:13,956 --> 01:11:15,247
[sobs]
1433
01:11:15,247 --> 01:11:16,497
Cleo...
1434
01:11:22,081 --> 01:11:23,331
[door creaking]
1435
01:11:26,289 --> 01:11:28,706
Hey! Anyone peckish? They left some fruit.
1436
01:11:28,706 --> 01:11:29,956
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
1437
01:11:29,956 --> 01:11:31,497
Those are offerings.
1438
01:11:31,997 --> 01:11:33,664
- Oh, pardon me. Wasn't aware.
- [knock on door]
1439
01:11:35,289 --> 01:11:37,372
- Shh.
- [tense music playing]
1440
01:11:41,372 --> 01:11:44,372
I got this. Sir, you shouldn't stay here.
Here you go, good night,
1441
01:11:44,372 --> 01:11:46,247
and good luck.
1442
01:11:46,831 --> 01:11:48,497
Never mind, just a beggar.
1443
01:11:49,914 --> 01:11:52,706
[mystical music playing]
1444
01:11:52,706 --> 01:11:53,831
Master Sill Lee.
1445
01:11:55,289 --> 01:11:56,372
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1446
01:11:56,872 --> 01:11:58,247
Whoa, I am so terribly sorry,
1447
01:11:58,247 --> 01:11:59,997
Mr. Master, I thought...
1448
01:11:59,997 --> 01:12:03,789
Master Sill Lee is a hermit
who devoted his life to meditation.
1449
01:12:03,789 --> 01:12:05,581
He took a vow of absolute poverty.
1450
01:12:06,289 --> 01:12:08,914
Oh wow, bravo for your sacrifice,
it's mind-blowing.
1451
01:12:08,914 --> 01:12:11,956
If it was me, I would cave on day one.
So, could you...
1452
01:12:11,956 --> 01:12:13,872
If you'd be so kind,
I'll just get my coin.
1453
01:12:13,872 --> 01:12:16,872
Try to take the coin back out of my hand,
1454
01:12:16,872 --> 01:12:18,372
my little grasshopper.
1455
01:12:20,872 --> 01:12:22,664
[Bankruptis] Well, um...
1456
01:12:22,664 --> 01:12:24,622
That's far too easy,
seeing as you can't see.
1457
01:12:24,622 --> 01:12:28,831
Never assume that a man
is blind because of his lack of--
1458
01:12:29,747 --> 01:12:31,456
- [gasps]
- Didn't see that one coming, did you?
1459
01:12:31,456 --> 01:12:32,872
[laughs]
1460
01:12:33,497 --> 01:12:34,706
Voilà!
1461
01:12:35,331 --> 01:12:37,331
- It's him, he made me do it.
- Let him be!
1462
01:12:37,872 --> 01:12:39,664
Little grasshopper.
1463
01:12:39,664 --> 01:12:41,206
No, sir, I'm right here, just...
1464
01:12:41,747 --> 01:12:44,164
You are swift as the cobra.
1465
01:12:44,164 --> 01:12:45,247
Yeah, that's me.
1466
01:12:45,247 --> 01:12:47,831
Could we please move on
to more important things?
1467
01:12:48,497 --> 01:12:50,747
[mysterious music playing]
1468
01:12:53,831 --> 01:12:55,664
- [laughter]
- Oh, by Toutatis.
1469
01:12:55,664 --> 01:12:59,456
[Sill Lee] Deng Tsin Qin is spreading
terror throughout the country.
1470
01:12:59,456 --> 01:13:01,414
- [sizzling]
- [Sill Lee] Do not touch.
1471
01:13:01,414 --> 01:13:03,414
Ah. Hard to resist.
1472
01:13:04,039 --> 01:13:07,206
I spy an abandoned temple in the forest.
1473
01:13:07,914 --> 01:13:09,539
[Sill Lee] The Xuan temple.
1474
01:13:09,539 --> 01:13:14,331
Her Majesty the Empress
is held prisoner there.
1475
01:13:15,039 --> 01:13:19,581
After she is released, you will have
to hightail it as fast as you can
1476
01:13:19,581 --> 01:13:21,456
to the Ku Koo palace
1477
01:13:21,456 --> 01:13:25,664
before Caesar is able
to take possession of the last kingdom.
1478
01:13:26,206 --> 01:13:28,581
You are going to encounter
1479
01:13:29,081 --> 01:13:32,039
the hideous, the unsightly,
1480
01:13:32,039 --> 01:13:36,164
the monstrous crown Prince Ku Koo.
1481
01:13:36,164 --> 01:13:40,872
You will meet him, he's masked in bamboo.
1482
01:13:40,872 --> 01:13:41,789
[barks]
1483
01:13:41,789 --> 01:13:42,747
[mumbles]
1484
01:13:42,747 --> 01:13:44,622
Hey, buddy, it's not for real.
1485
01:13:45,206 --> 01:13:46,706
Good luck.
1486
01:13:47,206 --> 01:13:49,539
This is where our paths must part.
1487
01:13:50,164 --> 01:13:53,622
Grand Master,
uh, are you finished with the magic ball?
1488
01:13:55,414 --> 01:13:56,539
Yes.
1489
01:13:56,539 --> 01:13:58,372
[sizzling]
1490
01:13:58,372 --> 01:13:59,372
No!
1491
01:13:59,372 --> 01:14:00,331
[explosion booming]
1492
01:14:00,331 --> 01:14:01,914
[Bankruptis] Holy cow!
1493
01:14:04,581 --> 01:14:06,539
Are you happy now? You broke it.
1494
01:14:06,539 --> 01:14:08,289
[Astérix] He told you not to touch.
1495
01:14:08,289 --> 01:14:09,456
[door opens]
1496
01:14:10,331 --> 01:14:11,372
That is true.
1497
01:14:11,372 --> 01:14:14,831
- Hey!
- I told you keep your hands to yourselves!
1498
01:14:16,581 --> 01:14:18,289
[explosion booming]
1499
01:14:20,081 --> 01:14:22,122
- Why'd you touch the magic ball?
- Hmm.
1500
01:14:22,122 --> 01:14:24,622
[mysterious music playing]
1501
01:14:26,997 --> 01:14:29,622
[soldier] Have you seen Princess Sa See?
She's with two warriors and...
1502
01:14:29,622 --> 01:14:33,164
- [armour clattering]
- [laughter]
1503
01:14:33,872 --> 01:14:35,247
Princess Sa See.
1504
01:14:35,247 --> 01:14:38,581
Seen her? With two foreign warriors
with superhuman strength.
1505
01:14:39,247 --> 01:14:40,081
And a little pooch.
1506
01:14:40,081 --> 01:14:41,206
[barking]
1507
01:14:53,372 --> 01:14:55,372
I don't know what's going on. [yelps]
1508
01:14:55,372 --> 01:14:58,664
[centurion] What are you waiting for?
Room service? Get them!
1509
01:14:58,664 --> 01:15:00,914
- [Obélix] Astérix!
- What? Just run!
1510
01:15:00,914 --> 01:15:02,247
- Astérix!
- What?
1511
01:15:02,247 --> 01:15:04,206
- Why are we running?
- Why are we running?
1512
01:15:04,206 --> 01:15:06,039
- Because I don't wanna fight.
- But, why not?
1513
01:15:06,039 --> 01:15:08,164
I don't want to take the potion
in front of the Princess.
1514
01:15:08,164 --> 01:15:09,706
I'm sick of using a crutch!
1515
01:15:09,706 --> 01:15:10,706
Pfff!
1516
01:15:10,706 --> 01:15:12,747
Let's go, boys!
Move it, I borrowed a rickshaw.
1517
01:15:12,747 --> 01:15:13,914
Come on!
1518
01:15:15,622 --> 01:15:16,622
Speed it up!
1519
01:15:17,289 --> 01:15:19,664
- [Astérix] Will you hurry!
- Alright! I know!
1520
01:15:19,664 --> 01:15:21,331
- [Dogmatix whines]
- [sighs]
1521
01:15:21,872 --> 01:15:22,997
Princess...
1522
01:15:22,997 --> 01:15:24,331
Dawdling on purpose.
1523
01:15:24,331 --> 01:15:25,872
[inhales deeply]
1524
01:15:51,581 --> 01:15:54,622
[Dogmatix whines]
1525
01:15:54,622 --> 01:15:56,581
[mysterious music playing]
1526
01:16:05,539 --> 01:16:06,581
Ka Ra Tay.
1527
01:16:08,622 --> 01:16:09,497
Oh...
1528
01:16:16,539 --> 01:16:18,914
- Yeah.
- Can't argue with that.
1529
01:16:22,622 --> 01:16:23,539
[Ekonomikrisis] So...
1530
01:16:23,539 --> 01:16:27,039
In one more ball,
I officially consider us to be dead meat.
1531
01:16:27,997 --> 01:16:29,872
Which means that it's our last night...
1532
01:16:29,872 --> 01:16:31,789
and I was thinking that, uh,
1533
01:16:31,789 --> 01:16:33,997
perhaps... maybe as a memento...
1534
01:16:33,997 --> 01:16:36,081
- Your Majesty!
- Ah! Oh! Whoa!
1535
01:16:36,831 --> 01:16:37,747
She freaked me out.
1536
01:16:37,747 --> 01:16:39,914
Your Majesty,
we're going to get you out of here.
1537
01:16:39,914 --> 01:16:41,164
Who is she?
1538
01:16:42,539 --> 01:16:43,956
- Stand back!
- Okay, stand back.
1539
01:16:46,122 --> 01:16:46,997
[Obélix] Ka Ra Tay!
1540
01:16:54,747 --> 01:16:56,372
[Astérix] Are you done?
1541
01:17:03,997 --> 01:17:04,831
Forgive me.
1542
01:17:06,747 --> 01:17:08,247
[rumbling]
1543
01:17:11,331 --> 01:17:13,664
[dramatic music playing]
1544
01:17:17,664 --> 01:17:18,539
You may rise.
1545
01:17:20,247 --> 01:17:21,122
We must go.
1546
01:17:21,122 --> 01:17:22,622
Jump. They'll catch you at the bottom.
1547
01:17:22,622 --> 01:17:25,706
What? Jump? Are you bonkers?
No way am I leaving now.
1548
01:17:25,706 --> 01:17:28,414
You want me to quit a negotiation?
I've never done that in my life.
1549
01:17:29,039 --> 01:17:31,039
I'm about two balls away
from breaking the guy.
1550
01:17:31,039 --> 01:17:33,497
So you go on without me,
I'll just, uh, join you later.
1551
01:17:34,081 --> 01:17:35,372
Are you sure?
1552
01:17:35,956 --> 01:17:37,372
- Yeah.
- Very well.
1553
01:17:37,372 --> 01:17:38,914
As you wish.
1554
01:17:42,414 --> 01:17:43,747
Take care of yourself.
1555
01:17:44,331 --> 01:17:45,497
And don't lose your head.
1556
01:17:45,497 --> 01:17:49,206
Ah! Look who's worried about me now!
1557
01:17:50,539 --> 01:17:51,622
You know what?
1558
01:17:52,247 --> 01:17:54,414
You're even more beautiful
when you smile than when you're upset.
1559
01:18:01,581 --> 01:18:03,956
Whoa, she's impressive, yeah.
1560
01:18:04,747 --> 01:18:05,747
- [grunts]
- Thank you.
1561
01:18:08,039 --> 01:18:09,414
Mother.
1562
01:18:09,414 --> 01:18:11,539
What joy to see you.
1563
01:18:15,581 --> 01:18:17,039
- Wow.
- I'm right...
1564
01:18:17,581 --> 01:18:18,581
here.
1565
01:18:21,581 --> 01:18:24,122
- [guard] Alert! Prisoners have escaped!
- Quick, let's go!
1566
01:18:24,122 --> 01:18:26,206
[arrows whistling]
1567
01:18:28,206 --> 01:18:30,164
[heavy breathing]
1568
01:18:35,081 --> 01:18:36,539
[Bankruptis] Where do I go?
1569
01:18:36,539 --> 01:18:38,039
[Astérix] Shh!
1570
01:18:38,039 --> 01:18:39,164
Wait a sec.
1571
01:18:40,081 --> 01:18:44,497
- We lost them. I think we're safe.
- Gaulish friends, thank you for your help.
1572
01:18:44,497 --> 01:18:47,164
- It's our pleasure, Your Majesty.
- Majesty. [clears throat]
1573
01:18:47,164 --> 01:18:49,539
Okay, I guess I'll just do this myself.
1574
01:18:51,039 --> 01:18:52,497
Bankruptis.
1575
01:18:52,497 --> 01:18:55,622
You may remember
that we met at the market.
1576
01:18:55,622 --> 01:18:57,372
That's right. [laughs]
1577
01:18:57,372 --> 01:18:59,206
Life is just a barrel of surprises.
1578
01:19:01,539 --> 01:19:03,331
Not the best attention span in the world.
1579
01:19:03,331 --> 01:19:07,622
Sa See, you must leave with our friends,
join the Ku Koos and secure their support.
1580
01:19:08,206 --> 01:19:11,456
I will attempt to rally our own army
and our followers.
1581
01:19:11,997 --> 01:19:13,247
Ka Ra Tay, come with me.
1582
01:19:13,247 --> 01:19:16,831
I will strive to be worthy, Mother.
I'll make you proud of me.
1583
01:19:18,622 --> 01:19:20,372
You've already made me proud.
1584
01:19:21,956 --> 01:19:23,247
[Empress] Let us go, Ka Ra Tay.
1585
01:19:36,914 --> 01:19:40,622
[both giggling]
1586
01:19:40,622 --> 01:19:42,206
That won't end well.
1587
01:19:42,206 --> 01:19:43,914
- [laughs]
- [grunts]
1588
01:19:47,539 --> 01:19:49,747
[soft music playing]
1589
01:19:49,747 --> 01:19:50,872
Ka Ra Tay.
1590
01:20:04,956 --> 01:20:06,997
Ka Ra Tay has fallen for Obélix.
1591
01:20:08,872 --> 01:20:09,831
And Obélix for her.
1592
01:20:12,664 --> 01:20:15,664
There's a bit too much falling,
don't you think, in this adventure.
1593
01:20:16,789 --> 01:20:17,789
Right, let's get moving.
1594
01:20:19,331 --> 01:20:20,914
Obélix, are you coming?
1595
01:20:24,414 --> 01:20:26,622
[soft music playing]
1596
01:20:29,331 --> 01:20:32,956
- [Caesar] What kind of booze is this?
- [Deng Tsin Qin] It's rice wine.
1597
01:20:32,956 --> 01:20:35,372
You're not the most refined people
in the world, hmm?
1598
01:20:39,872 --> 01:20:42,581
It's not for the weak,
but it does grow on you.
1599
01:20:42,581 --> 01:20:43,831
It's relaxing.
1600
01:20:43,831 --> 01:20:44,914
Rice is nice.
1601
01:20:45,539 --> 01:20:46,581
I should bring some home,
1602
01:20:46,581 --> 01:20:48,664
it'd make arguing
with the missus more fun.
1603
01:20:51,372 --> 01:20:52,331
You know,
1604
01:20:52,331 --> 01:20:54,497
it's in moments like this one...
1605
01:20:56,289 --> 01:20:57,414
[sighs]
1606
01:20:57,414 --> 01:20:58,872
...that I most miss her.
1607
01:20:58,872 --> 01:21:00,747
What's that music?
1608
01:21:00,747 --> 01:21:01,747
Is that a band?
1609
01:21:01,747 --> 01:21:03,581
Four guys and a singer.
1610
01:21:03,581 --> 01:21:05,539
- You take musicians wherever you go?
- Yeah.
1611
01:21:05,539 --> 01:21:06,914
It's convenient.
1612
01:21:07,706 --> 01:21:10,372
I play all my favourite tunes on the move.
1613
01:21:11,664 --> 01:21:14,081
- Do you know this one?
- Everyone knows this one.
1614
01:21:14,831 --> 01:21:17,456
That... That's music, right there.
1615
01:21:18,414 --> 01:21:21,581
A step up from your,
"Ting-tong-tong, tipiting-Tong-Tong."
1616
01:21:25,789 --> 01:21:27,539
[sighs]
1617
01:21:34,039 --> 01:21:35,247
Amore.
1618
01:21:35,247 --> 01:21:37,622
Whoa! Hey, what's that for?
1619
01:21:39,164 --> 01:21:41,581
- I thought you were my wife.
- No, I'm nobody's wife.
1620
01:21:43,372 --> 01:21:44,289
[Caesar] You know what?
1621
01:21:44,289 --> 01:21:47,206
That booze of yours
made me feel alive again.
1622
01:21:49,706 --> 01:21:52,581
I'm feeling like...
the new emperor of China.
1623
01:21:53,164 --> 01:21:56,831
When she sees that, your friend Cleo,
it's gonna blow her little mind.
1624
01:21:57,747 --> 01:22:00,456
Tomorrow at dawn,
the Ku Koos' clocks will be wound!
1625
01:22:00,456 --> 01:22:01,706
[sighs]
1626
01:22:07,956 --> 01:22:09,039
Wow...
1627
01:22:12,372 --> 01:22:14,497
[epic music playing]
1628
01:22:17,914 --> 01:22:20,289
[Astérix] Obélix, slow down,
we're getting off soon.
1629
01:22:20,289 --> 01:22:23,497
- [Sa See] Yes, it's the next exit.
- [tyres screeching]
1630
01:22:23,497 --> 01:22:25,247
[narrator] Once again, thanks to Obélix,
1631
01:22:25,247 --> 01:22:29,456
our friends beat Caesar's legions
to the Palace of Prince Ku Koo,
1632
01:22:29,456 --> 01:22:31,247
the Man in the Bamboo Mask,
1633
01:22:31,247 --> 01:22:32,706
if you've been following.
1634
01:22:36,747 --> 01:22:38,331
I am To Fu,
1635
01:22:38,914 --> 01:22:41,956
advisor to the prince-regent Ku Koo.
1636
01:22:42,539 --> 01:22:43,706
Can you now prove
1637
01:22:44,664 --> 01:22:47,789
you are not trying to impersonate
the princess of China?
1638
01:22:47,789 --> 01:22:50,581
You have my word.
I'm the daughter of the Empress.
1639
01:22:50,581 --> 01:22:54,289
I'm sorry, but just your word
means nothing to me.
1640
01:22:54,872 --> 01:22:57,789
- [heavy breathing]
- You could be a spy,
1641
01:22:57,789 --> 01:23:00,581
bought and paid for by Deng Tsin Qin!
1642
01:23:01,414 --> 01:23:02,289
[both] Uh? No.
1643
01:23:03,247 --> 01:23:05,206
Show him the coin.
1644
01:23:05,206 --> 01:23:07,289
[dramatic music playing]
1645
01:23:09,956 --> 01:23:13,372
Will this coin finally make you kneel
before your Empress's daughter?
1646
01:23:13,372 --> 01:23:14,497
Oh.
1647
01:23:15,497 --> 01:23:17,497
[To Fu] My grovelling apologies,
Princess Sa See.
1648
01:23:17,497 --> 01:23:19,039
We had to be cautious.
1649
01:23:19,872 --> 01:23:23,414
His Highness, the Prince Ku Koo!
1650
01:23:23,914 --> 01:23:25,247
[groaning]
1651
01:23:25,247 --> 01:23:27,539
[tense music playing]
1652
01:23:30,581 --> 01:23:31,789
[Obélix mumbles]
1653
01:23:35,914 --> 01:23:37,331
[Bankruptis] What you doing? Obélix!
1654
01:23:37,331 --> 01:23:38,956
Turn around and look at him.
1655
01:23:38,956 --> 01:23:40,914
You're being rude, this is his place.
1656
01:23:40,914 --> 01:23:42,039
[Obélix trembles]
1657
01:23:48,622 --> 01:23:52,206
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1658
01:23:54,164 --> 01:23:56,456
♪ Say it for always ♪
1659
01:23:58,581 --> 01:24:00,664
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
1660
01:24:03,331 --> 01:24:04,289
Princess Sa See,
1661
01:24:04,289 --> 01:24:07,039
I am Prince Ku Koo,
my army is at your service.
1662
01:24:07,039 --> 01:24:09,331
We rally behind your mother, our Empress.
1663
01:24:09,331 --> 01:24:11,206
Uh... I, um...
1664
01:24:11,206 --> 01:24:14,081
Thank you, um,
I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words.
1665
01:24:14,706 --> 01:24:16,956
[Ku Koo] That's my fault.
My cursed hair must frighten you.
1666
01:24:17,789 --> 01:24:19,539
Oh no, not at all.
It suits you beautifully.
1667
01:24:21,122 --> 01:24:22,581
You're the first person
who's ever said that.
1668
01:24:22,581 --> 01:24:24,539
You're the first person
I've wanted to say it to.
1669
01:24:24,539 --> 01:24:27,831
♪ When you feel you lost your way ♪
1670
01:24:28,372 --> 01:24:30,789
♪ You got someone there to say ♪
1671
01:24:32,289 --> 01:24:34,456
♪ I'll show you ♪
1672
01:24:37,372 --> 01:24:40,039
♪ Say you, say me... ♪
1673
01:24:40,039 --> 01:24:42,247
Somebody's wigging out.
1674
01:24:42,247 --> 01:24:44,581
All those months of effort, for nothing.
1675
01:24:47,247 --> 01:24:49,331
And just like that.
Dumped into the friend zone.
1676
01:24:49,914 --> 01:24:51,664
Princess, can we go now?
1677
01:24:53,081 --> 01:24:54,789
Is there a Kingdom to save or not?
1678
01:24:57,914 --> 01:25:00,122
♪ Say it together ♪
1679
01:25:01,872 --> 01:25:03,789
♪ Naturally ♪
1680
01:25:03,789 --> 01:25:06,581
[dramatic music playing]
1681
01:25:08,122 --> 01:25:11,164
Typically Ku Koo
to build your palace in a basin.
1682
01:25:11,164 --> 01:25:12,497
Oh, cornered!
1683
01:25:13,081 --> 01:25:15,122
Surrounded by Caesar. Shouldn't take long.
1684
01:25:18,914 --> 01:25:21,956
Surrender unto Caesar.
Here goes nothing then.
1685
01:25:33,539 --> 01:25:35,414
I am Princess Sa See.
1686
01:25:35,414 --> 01:25:37,664
Submit to the power
of the One Empress of China.
1687
01:25:38,289 --> 01:25:39,331
[laughter]
1688
01:25:39,956 --> 01:25:42,497
Sa See, my darling,
now we can get married!
1689
01:25:42,497 --> 01:25:45,997
Over my dead body.
You'll regret your actions, Deng Tsin Qin.
1690
01:25:46,914 --> 01:25:48,289
Seems a difficult sell.
1691
01:25:48,289 --> 01:25:49,706
Pretty unlikely, I won't lie.
1692
01:25:49,706 --> 01:25:52,914
- I have a question for you, Princess.
- There you go.
1693
01:25:53,539 --> 01:25:54,956
How many troops you got?
1694
01:25:54,956 --> 01:25:56,206
Ten thousand.
1695
01:25:56,206 --> 01:25:59,831
No, I'm just saying, 'cause...
I've come with eighty thousand men here!
1696
01:25:59,831 --> 01:26:01,539
[cheering]
1697
01:26:05,997 --> 01:26:08,997
The power of experience, simply put.
Can't help it. I've never lost.
1698
01:26:08,997 --> 01:26:10,289
Ha, you're marvellous.
1699
01:26:10,289 --> 01:26:13,622
It would seem you've miscounted.
It's ten thousand, plus two.
1700
01:26:13,622 --> 01:26:14,956
If you still need me, obviously.
1701
01:26:14,956 --> 01:26:16,206
Hello, Julius!
1702
01:26:16,206 --> 01:26:18,331
- [Obélix] It's us!
- The weirdos.
1703
01:26:18,331 --> 01:26:19,622
[Ku Koo] Not plus two,
1704
01:26:19,622 --> 01:26:21,331
plus three!
1705
01:26:21,914 --> 01:26:23,122
The Man Behind the Bamboo!
1706
01:26:25,122 --> 01:26:26,622
[Deng Tsin Qin] How awful. Poor boy.
1707
01:26:27,206 --> 01:26:28,872
- He's a blonde.
- It's not such a bad look.
1708
01:26:28,872 --> 01:26:30,497
[Bankruptis] Not plus three, plus four!
1709
01:26:31,372 --> 01:26:34,247
I am the Man in the Blue Plumage.
1710
01:26:34,247 --> 01:26:35,539
What is that?
1711
01:26:38,789 --> 01:26:40,622
That's enough talk.
1712
01:26:42,206 --> 01:26:44,789
Why be talking, when you can be running?
1713
01:26:44,789 --> 01:26:45,789
Ah!
1714
01:26:45,789 --> 01:26:47,456
- [rock music playing]
- [cheering]
1715
01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:52,497
[grunts]
1716
01:26:52,497 --> 01:26:54,497
[Antivirus] Mamma mia.
1717
01:26:54,497 --> 01:26:55,747
[crowd sighs]
1718
01:26:56,831 --> 01:26:59,081
The man starts off cold! Silly boy.
1719
01:26:59,081 --> 01:27:00,872
- Did I give the order?
- No, you didn't.
1720
01:27:02,872 --> 01:27:03,789
[sighs]
1721
01:27:03,789 --> 01:27:04,872
All right. Rotate.
1722
01:27:04,872 --> 01:27:07,706
- Rotatio!
- [off-key horn playing]
1723
01:27:09,081 --> 01:27:10,456
[soldiers chanting] Antivirus!
1724
01:27:10,456 --> 01:27:11,872
Antivirus!
1725
01:27:11,872 --> 01:27:16,622
- Antivirus! Antivirus!
- [horn hooting]
1726
01:27:16,622 --> 01:27:18,664
[chanting continues]
1727
01:27:25,081 --> 01:27:26,997
[shouting]
1728
01:27:26,997 --> 01:27:28,247
[cork popping]
1729
01:27:28,247 --> 01:27:30,164
[bagpipes playing]
1730
01:27:34,956 --> 01:27:36,914
- [sighs]
- Ah!
1731
01:27:42,664 --> 01:27:43,497
[exhales]
1732
01:27:47,289 --> 01:27:49,206
Hey, Astérix. Gimme some, will you?
1733
01:27:49,206 --> 01:27:52,081
- Nah. Not enough to go around.
- [mocking] Not enough to go around.
1734
01:27:55,789 --> 01:27:57,164
What a bunch of cheaters!
1735
01:27:57,164 --> 01:27:58,331
Won't save 'em, though.
1736
01:27:59,872 --> 01:28:01,747
Attack!
1737
01:28:01,747 --> 01:28:03,706
[soldiers cheer]
1738
01:28:04,997 --> 01:28:05,997
Wah!
1739
01:28:05,997 --> 01:28:08,206
- [battle cries]
- [barking]
1740
01:28:18,289 --> 01:28:19,747
- Yo!
- What?
1741
01:28:20,664 --> 01:28:21,539
Yessir.
1742
01:28:43,164 --> 01:28:44,122
[barking]
1743
01:28:44,122 --> 01:28:45,581
[shouts]
1744
01:29:00,872 --> 01:29:01,872
[groans]
1745
01:29:03,247 --> 01:29:04,706
[screaming]
1746
01:29:11,206 --> 01:29:12,164
Help me.
1747
01:29:12,164 --> 01:29:13,872
Shh! Shut up, by golly.
1748
01:29:13,872 --> 01:29:15,497
You'll get us caught.
1749
01:29:15,497 --> 01:29:17,914
Golly. As in Gauls.
1750
01:29:30,289 --> 01:29:31,622
So, is it my turn?
1751
01:29:31,622 --> 01:29:32,956
Yeah, sure, if you want.
1752
01:29:32,956 --> 01:29:34,039
Archers!
1753
01:29:35,039 --> 01:29:36,372
Aim!
1754
01:29:36,372 --> 01:29:37,914
Draw!
1755
01:29:37,914 --> 01:29:39,414
Fire!
1756
01:29:40,456 --> 01:29:44,122
Deng Tsin Qin, Emperor of China!
[laughs]
1757
01:29:44,122 --> 01:29:45,706
[mysterious music playing]
1758
01:29:45,706 --> 01:29:46,997
Arrows!
1759
01:29:54,747 --> 01:29:56,747
[screams]
1760
01:30:01,247 --> 01:30:02,706
Come on. Seriously?
1761
01:30:02,706 --> 01:30:05,372
Don't judge. Ah!
1762
01:30:06,747 --> 01:30:07,789
I can feel it.
1763
01:30:08,997 --> 01:30:11,289
The kick is a monster. Ah!
1764
01:30:11,289 --> 01:30:13,539
[yelling]
1765
01:30:13,539 --> 01:30:14,664
Crazy force!
1766
01:30:14,664 --> 01:30:16,039
Oh...
1767
01:30:16,039 --> 01:30:19,372
Is that all? Is this all? Argh!
1768
01:30:19,372 --> 01:30:22,331
No! I can't believe it. This is pathetic!
1769
01:30:24,206 --> 01:30:26,164
[soldier yelling]
1770
01:30:32,247 --> 01:30:34,664
- I smell victory.
- Ah, smells of victory.
1771
01:30:34,664 --> 01:30:36,414
A specific smell, would you say?
1772
01:30:37,664 --> 01:30:39,747
Readers care about that sort of detail?
1773
01:30:39,747 --> 01:30:41,164
It flavours the experience.
1774
01:30:42,914 --> 01:30:44,622
It reeks of laurel then.
1775
01:30:44,622 --> 01:30:47,831
Excellent. Excellent!
1776
01:30:47,831 --> 01:30:49,747
[dramatic music playing]
1777
01:30:53,206 --> 01:30:54,331
[grunts]
1778
01:30:54,331 --> 01:30:55,831
[laughs]
1779
01:30:59,206 --> 01:31:01,039
[laughs]
1780
01:31:01,956 --> 01:31:04,747
[screams]
1781
01:31:04,747 --> 01:31:07,914
[emotional music playing]
1782
01:31:09,581 --> 01:31:10,539
Thank you.
1783
01:31:10,539 --> 01:31:11,789
You're welcome.
1784
01:31:11,789 --> 01:31:13,039
[screams]
1785
01:31:15,122 --> 01:31:17,039
I won't not help you
just 'cause we've argued.
1786
01:31:17,622 --> 01:31:18,456
I know.
1787
01:31:18,456 --> 01:31:20,539
- I've always said I'd defend you.
- [screams]
1788
01:31:21,206 --> 01:31:22,206
I know.
1789
01:31:23,497 --> 01:31:25,622
Because you'll always be my best mate.
1790
01:31:28,331 --> 01:31:29,289
I know.
1791
01:31:30,372 --> 01:31:31,706
Sorry, Obélix.
1792
01:31:34,581 --> 01:31:36,706
[Sa See] Astérix! Obélix!
1793
01:31:44,164 --> 01:31:46,706
[Obélix grunts]
1794
01:31:55,456 --> 01:31:57,622
Obélix! Don't!
1795
01:31:58,206 --> 01:31:59,372
Don't.
1796
01:32:09,664 --> 01:32:11,956
[laughs]
1797
01:32:11,956 --> 01:32:16,622
Before we die,
I need to tell you something, Princess.
1798
01:32:16,622 --> 01:32:18,539
- [soft music playing]
- [hoof steps approaching]
1799
01:32:22,581 --> 01:32:25,622
[epic music playing]
1800
01:32:42,664 --> 01:32:43,497
Look there!
1801
01:32:45,331 --> 01:32:47,039
[narrator] And just when all seemed lost,
1802
01:32:47,872 --> 01:32:49,247
the Empress appeared,
1803
01:32:49,247 --> 01:32:52,289
followed by her army
and all of her people.
1804
01:32:52,289 --> 01:32:53,747
Everyone came.
1805
01:32:53,747 --> 01:32:55,706
They followed her
across the Middle Kingdom,
1806
01:32:55,706 --> 01:32:59,831
marching all the way
to the ultimate battle scene.
1807
01:33:12,372 --> 01:33:13,206
Oh?
1808
01:33:13,206 --> 01:33:14,956
[soft music playing]
1809
01:33:16,872 --> 01:33:18,789
- What the heck is that?
- I'm not sure.
1810
01:33:18,789 --> 01:33:21,497
But I don't smell
a lot of laurel right now.
1811
01:33:21,997 --> 01:33:24,539
More like pine caskets.
1812
01:33:24,539 --> 01:33:25,789
[sighs]
1813
01:33:27,206 --> 01:33:28,414
[horn hoots]
1814
01:33:30,039 --> 01:33:31,539
Caesar!
1815
01:33:31,539 --> 01:33:33,747
I am the Empress of China.
1816
01:33:33,747 --> 01:33:36,372
You will leave my empire forthwith.
I order you.
1817
01:33:36,372 --> 01:33:38,914
- [laughs]
- Never!
1818
01:33:38,914 --> 01:33:41,164
Woman of character. Reminds me of someone.
1819
01:33:41,164 --> 01:33:42,289
Ooh...
1820
01:33:43,164 --> 01:33:44,581
Your Majesty,
1821
01:33:45,247 --> 01:33:47,456
rather than lose our temper
and ruin everything,
1822
01:33:47,456 --> 01:33:50,164
perhaps we could consider
some sort of alliance?
1823
01:33:50,164 --> 01:33:53,081
When the clouds pass in front of the sun,
1824
01:33:53,081 --> 01:33:55,497
my army will trample you to dust.
1825
01:33:56,372 --> 01:33:58,997
What's that now, another proverb of yours?
1826
01:33:58,997 --> 01:34:01,789
Oh no, it's literal.
And it's happening now.
1827
01:34:03,081 --> 01:34:04,747
[dramatic music playing]
1828
01:34:07,497 --> 01:34:09,997
- How many of you are there?
- [gasps] Watch him do his thing!
1829
01:34:10,622 --> 01:34:12,831
One million.
1830
01:34:12,831 --> 01:34:15,081
[music distorts and fades out]
1831
01:34:15,081 --> 01:34:17,706
Ah. The maths don't work as well.
1832
01:34:17,706 --> 01:34:18,664
[sighs]
1833
01:34:18,664 --> 01:34:21,122
Boys, I'm gonna hit the road.
It's not like I'm from here.
1834
01:34:21,122 --> 01:34:22,914
I'm returning to Rome, so keep in touch.
1835
01:34:22,914 --> 01:34:26,747
But Caesar, you can't just bail on us!
There's a million of them!
1836
01:34:27,539 --> 01:34:28,956
It's not my war.
1837
01:34:29,622 --> 01:34:30,956
[off-key horn playing]
1838
01:34:34,289 --> 01:34:36,039
I can't just trot off.
1839
01:34:38,081 --> 01:34:39,664
[whistles] Hi-ho, Equus!
1840
01:34:40,997 --> 01:34:42,414
Hi-ho. Now. [snaps fingers]
1841
01:34:45,581 --> 01:34:46,956
[coos and vibrates]
1842
01:34:51,247 --> 01:34:52,372
GOT YOUR MESSAGE!
1843
01:34:52,372 --> 01:34:56,456
SAY GOODBYE TO MY LITTLE PYRAMID!
CLEOPATRA
1844
01:34:56,456 --> 01:34:58,456
[sighs] That's one rough day.
1845
01:34:59,081 --> 01:34:59,914
A rough one.
1846
01:35:00,831 --> 01:35:01,872
Right.
1847
01:35:05,706 --> 01:35:07,372
Hurray!
1848
01:35:07,372 --> 01:35:09,206
- [majestic music playing]
- [cries of victory]
1849
01:35:11,622 --> 01:35:16,039
[scattered cheering]
1850
01:35:19,539 --> 01:35:22,539
[Sa See yells indistinctly]
1851
01:35:31,289 --> 01:35:32,122
[laughs]
1852
01:35:37,122 --> 01:35:39,622
Hurray!
1853
01:35:39,622 --> 01:35:41,122
[narrator] Now that's more like it.
1854
01:35:41,122 --> 01:35:44,206
- [light-hearted music playing]
-And here we are, back in Gaul.
1855
01:35:44,206 --> 01:35:47,372
Not only for our friends' usual banquet,
1856
01:35:47,372 --> 01:35:53,414
but also to hold a celebration
in honour of Gaul and China.
1857
01:35:55,289 --> 01:35:58,747
Your attention,
the Empress will be speaking now.
1858
01:35:59,997 --> 01:36:01,039
Valiant warriors,
1859
01:36:02,122 --> 01:36:03,997
my gratitude is eternal.
1860
01:36:04,664 --> 01:36:06,372
[Vitalstatistix]
Our honour, Your Majesty.
1861
01:36:06,372 --> 01:36:09,206
In fact, I'm the one who insisted
we rush to your aid.
1862
01:36:10,622 --> 01:36:12,456
We have come all this way today
1863
01:36:12,456 --> 01:36:14,497
to celebrate a beautiful union.
1864
01:36:14,497 --> 01:36:16,706
[soft music playing]
1865
01:36:23,206 --> 01:36:25,956
That's my cousin. Remix's the name.
1866
01:36:25,956 --> 01:36:27,831
He's a specialist of world music!
1867
01:36:27,831 --> 01:36:31,456
He's my cousin, he's mine, all mine.
He is not, at all, your cousin, he's my--
1868
01:36:31,456 --> 01:36:32,622
- Shush!
- [scoffs]
1869
01:37:05,206 --> 01:37:06,872
[muffled protest]
1870
01:37:18,081 --> 01:37:20,581
[Vitalstatistix] You know,
we're a bit alike, me and you.
1871
01:37:20,581 --> 01:37:21,789
We're chiefs.
1872
01:37:21,789 --> 01:37:24,497
I believe wielding power
gets pretty lonely.
1873
01:37:24,497 --> 01:37:25,831
Wouldn't you say so?
1874
01:37:28,122 --> 01:37:30,122
And... I'm not done.
1875
01:37:30,122 --> 01:37:33,539
And what's more, behind every great man,
there's a great woman.
1876
01:37:33,539 --> 01:37:36,622
Without Impedimenta, I'm lost.
At home, she's wearing the moustache.
1877
01:37:36,622 --> 01:37:39,372
Not interrupting, am I? Having a nice day?
1878
01:37:39,372 --> 01:37:41,706
[Impedimenta] Huh?
We'll settle this at home.
1879
01:37:41,706 --> 01:37:44,289
- [tutting]
- Hey, Mimenta!
1880
01:37:44,956 --> 01:37:47,497
Excuse me.
Just some minor marital strife to settle.
1881
01:37:48,081 --> 01:37:50,122
Mimenta! Mimenta!
1882
01:37:50,122 --> 01:37:52,289
[sighs] I thought he would never leave.
1883
01:37:54,497 --> 01:37:57,581
You know what? When you left the cell,
I recovered my head.
1884
01:37:58,164 --> 01:37:59,039
Mm.
1885
01:37:59,039 --> 01:38:01,997
What I lost, though,
was my poor little heart.
1886
01:38:02,581 --> 01:38:04,247
- Oh, don't be silly.
- [both giggle]
1887
01:38:04,247 --> 01:38:06,997
And so, what have you done with it?
1888
01:38:09,372 --> 01:38:10,664
See that, Bankruptis?
1889
01:38:10,664 --> 01:38:12,997
Huh? Prison didn't stop
your unkie's oo-la-la!
1890
01:38:12,997 --> 01:38:14,997
[laughs] High class.
1891
01:38:15,997 --> 01:38:17,164
[barking]
1892
01:38:21,289 --> 01:38:22,789
Hey. Bring another plate.
1893
01:38:22,789 --> 01:38:24,914
Or even better, a big dish, okay?
Wanna share?
1894
01:38:24,914 --> 01:38:27,706
- No. I'm not gonna give in now.
- Right, sorry.
1895
01:38:29,081 --> 01:38:31,081
So you still don't miss it?
1896
01:38:31,081 --> 01:38:32,747
Why would I miss it?
1897
01:38:32,747 --> 01:38:35,456
I tell you,
I can't even stand the smell now.
1898
01:38:36,789 --> 01:38:39,372
What I might miss sometimes
is the midnight snack, you know?
1899
01:38:39,997 --> 01:38:41,872
After a barley beer or two,
it gets complicated.
1900
01:38:43,331 --> 01:38:44,331
Obélix?
1901
01:38:45,206 --> 01:38:46,456
Panacea.
1902
01:38:46,997 --> 01:38:47,831
Am I in the way?
1903
01:38:47,831 --> 01:38:49,289
- No.
- [Panacea] I am.
1904
01:38:49,289 --> 01:38:51,956
I can tell.
Since you're back, I'm invisible.
1905
01:38:53,372 --> 01:38:56,039
Are the rumours true, about you and her?
1906
01:38:56,831 --> 01:38:57,956
This is ridiculous.
1907
01:38:57,956 --> 01:39:00,122
Long distance relationships don't work.
1908
01:39:00,122 --> 01:39:03,039
Think about the situation.
'Cause I'm here.
1909
01:39:03,956 --> 01:39:06,331
Been waiting for months, worried to death,
1910
01:39:06,331 --> 01:39:08,081
while you were chasing another woman?
1911
01:39:08,872 --> 01:39:09,914
Do you not love me?
1912
01:39:09,914 --> 01:39:12,206
- Huh?
- [Panacea] Well do you or don't you?
1913
01:39:12,206 --> 01:39:15,289
You used to love me.
So is it a yes or a no?
1914
01:39:15,289 --> 01:39:17,331
- [Panacea] Do I have to forget you?
- Tell her yes.
1915
01:39:17,331 --> 01:39:18,664
Listen, Panacea... Pff...
1916
01:39:19,747 --> 01:39:20,581
it's not happening.
1917
01:39:21,206 --> 01:39:23,831
This village goes
from one adventure to another.
1918
01:39:25,081 --> 01:39:28,414
And it's time I did as well.
That's all. Nothing personal.
1919
01:39:29,497 --> 01:39:31,331
Now if you'll excuse me...
1920
01:39:31,331 --> 01:39:32,331
You're a fool.
1921
01:39:34,122 --> 01:39:36,497
But, uh, I'm still...
1922
01:39:40,456 --> 01:39:42,372
[soft konghou playing]
1923
01:39:42,372 --> 01:39:46,289
[singing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
in Chinese]
1924
01:41:03,414 --> 01:41:05,581
[mouthing]
1925
01:41:09,872 --> 01:41:13,414
[mysterious music playing]
1926
01:41:14,122 --> 01:41:16,997
["(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
continues]
1927
01:41:22,622 --> 01:41:24,206
[cheering]
1928
01:41:27,706 --> 01:41:29,247
[muffled protest]
1929
01:41:59,122 --> 01:42:00,581
Nice party, huh?
1930
01:42:00,581 --> 01:42:02,706
I thought everyone had a good time.
1931
01:42:04,081 --> 01:42:05,706
It was a good party.
1932
01:42:08,456 --> 01:42:10,581
So Ka Ra Tay, she... she left, didn't she?
1933
01:42:10,581 --> 01:42:12,581
Well, yeah, long ride home.
1934
01:42:14,539 --> 01:42:16,164
She called me her sweetheart.
1935
01:42:16,164 --> 01:42:17,372
[soft music playing]
1936
01:42:17,372 --> 01:42:18,664
She did?
1937
01:42:19,206 --> 01:42:20,997
That's amazing, Oby.
1938
01:42:20,997 --> 01:42:23,664
And so, she didn't...
she didn't feel like staying?
1939
01:42:23,664 --> 01:42:25,497
Well, she wanted to, of course, but...
1940
01:42:26,122 --> 01:42:29,247
she's got work in China,
big responsibilities in the palace.
1941
01:42:30,206 --> 01:42:33,081
No big deal, it'll happen.
When we grow up.
1942
01:42:34,206 --> 01:42:35,039
When you grow up?
1943
01:42:35,039 --> 01:42:36,872
Well... yeah.
1944
01:42:37,581 --> 01:42:38,414
Well...
1945
01:42:39,081 --> 01:42:41,247
I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed.
1946
01:42:41,831 --> 01:42:42,872
[Obélix yawns]
1947
01:42:43,997 --> 01:42:45,539
- Hey, Oby?
- Hmm?
1948
01:42:46,122 --> 01:42:47,456
One more for the road, then?
1949
01:42:47,456 --> 01:42:49,622
- Oh, don't mind if I do!
- [chuckles]
1950
01:42:51,206 --> 01:42:52,914
[Obélix laughs]
1951
01:42:56,831 --> 01:42:58,539
Oh, Oby...
1952
01:42:58,539 --> 01:42:59,747
Aw, mate.
1953
01:42:59,747 --> 01:43:01,872
[both laugh]
1954
01:43:02,497 --> 01:43:03,456
Oby!
1955
01:43:03,456 --> 01:43:04,581
Oh, Astérix!
1956
01:43:04,581 --> 01:43:05,997
Obélix!
1957
01:43:06,831 --> 01:43:08,539
[muffled laughter]
1958
01:43:08,539 --> 01:43:10,622
[Astérix!] I can't breathe.
1959
01:43:15,747 --> 01:43:16,872
{\an8}THE END
1960
01:43:16,872 --> 01:43:19,289
{\an8}TO RENÉ GOSCINNY & ALBERT UDERZO
1961
01:43:19,289 --> 01:43:21,372
[upbeat adventure music playing]
1962
01:44:14,747 --> 01:44:15,956
[music stops]
1963
01:44:15,956 --> 01:44:17,872
- [rock music playing]
- [Cacofonix] Cou cou!
1964
01:44:18,622 --> 01:44:21,997
[in French]
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪ [laughs]
1965
01:44:25,247 --> 01:44:26,497
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1966
01:44:28,581 --> 01:44:31,706
♪ You don't want me to sing? Hmm? ♪
1967
01:44:32,622 --> 01:44:34,081
-♪ You don't want me to sing ♪
- Oh !
1968
01:44:34,081 --> 01:44:36,497
- I forgot the surprise.
- What surprise?
1969
01:44:36,497 --> 01:44:37,706
Wait here.
1970
01:44:39,789 --> 01:44:42,664
{\an8}♪ So what is it, my voice or just me? ♪
1971
01:44:42,664 --> 01:44:45,289
{\an8}♪ So is it me or my voice? ♪
1972
01:44:46,289 --> 01:44:49,206
{\an8}♪ So is my voice not right?
It's what you don't like? ♪
1973
01:44:49,206 --> 01:44:50,956
♪ Or is it just me? ♪
1974
01:44:51,706 --> 01:44:54,414
♪ Tell me what's wrong
Always something wrong ♪
1975
01:44:54,414 --> 01:44:57,456
♪ Don't do this, don't do that ♪
1976
01:44:57,456 --> 01:45:00,289
♪ Is it my lyrics or my voice
I don't get it ♪
1977
01:45:00,289 --> 01:45:03,206
♪ Don't call me paranoid
You're all against me ♪
1978
01:45:05,122 --> 01:45:06,831
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪
1979
01:45:07,664 --> 01:45:10,539
- ♪ Hmm? ♪
- [Obélix laughs]
1980
01:45:10,539 --> 01:45:12,581
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1981
01:45:12,581 --> 01:45:15,372
[Astérix, Obélix] Oh!
1982
01:45:16,247 --> 01:45:18,372
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪
1983
01:45:21,914 --> 01:45:24,539
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1984
01:45:26,789 --> 01:45:27,956
[Cacofonix sings]
1985
01:45:27,956 --> 01:45:29,831
[Biopix] What did Caesar
say about his palace?
1986
01:45:29,831 --> 01:45:32,164
"When I get back, I want it shiny."
1987
01:45:32,789 --> 01:45:34,081
So get it shiny!
1988
01:45:34,706 --> 01:45:35,956
Shine, shine, shine...
1989
01:45:35,956 --> 01:45:39,914
- Shine, you fools.
- There you go, that's the spirit.
1990
01:45:42,956 --> 01:45:44,456
You get the whole Gaulish market.
1991
01:45:44,456 --> 01:45:46,581
All I want is China,
and the rest of the world.
1992
01:45:46,581 --> 01:45:48,831
It's a mega deal! Take it or leave it.
1993
01:45:48,831 --> 01:45:50,539
I demand you give me an answer.
1994
01:45:50,539 --> 01:45:52,164
What's this mega deal you're making?
1995
01:45:52,164 --> 01:45:54,039
- I never said mega deal--
- Yes, you did,
1996
01:45:54,039 --> 01:45:55,872
you miserable Kh'mar.
An accomplished merchant
1997
01:45:55,872 --> 01:45:58,581
such as myself
can read lips three miles away?
1998
01:45:58,581 --> 01:46:01,122
- So why'd you say that?
- I didn't!
1999
01:46:01,122 --> 01:46:02,831
[both argue]
2000
01:46:04,997 --> 01:46:07,872
I'm telling you, honey,
you'll get your Julius back for sure.
2001
01:46:07,872 --> 01:46:10,372
All you gotta do
is send him a message saying,
2002
01:46:10,372 --> 01:46:13,539
"I'll cross oceans and ponds,
even dye my hair blonde..."
2003
01:46:13,539 --> 01:46:16,122
And voilà, he'll be at your doorstep
before you know it.
2004
01:46:16,122 --> 01:46:17,956
[sighs] I guess so.
2005
01:46:17,956 --> 01:46:20,122
Don't know why I get so embalmed about it.
2006
01:46:21,956 --> 01:46:25,872
Aw. Oh no, it's flat.
You wouldn't have a poultry charger?
2007
01:46:25,872 --> 01:46:28,539
Ah! Don't move. I'll get you one.
2008
01:46:29,622 --> 01:46:31,539
With an Egyptian plug?
2009
01:46:32,372 --> 01:46:33,622
[Caesar] Why not a Roman one?
2010
01:46:34,789 --> 01:46:36,206
[Cleo laughs]
2011
01:46:38,539 --> 01:46:40,664
[Cacofonix] ♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
2012
01:46:40,664 --> 01:46:42,789
- [laughter]
- He just sang anyway.
2013
01:46:44,706 --> 01:46:47,831
[man 1]
Hey, you about done with the noise?
2014
01:46:47,831 --> 01:46:49,997
[man 2]
We wanna get some sleep around here!
2015
01:46:51,664 --> 01:46:53,372
[both laughing]
2016
01:46:55,081 --> 01:46:55,914
I'm sorry!
2017
01:47:00,497 --> 01:47:01,706
[Astérix] Good night!
2018
01:47:01,706 --> 01:47:04,081
[Obélix] Good night you goody-goody-Gauls!
2019
01:47:05,747 --> 01:47:08,414
{\an8}["Ils Sont Fous, Ces Humains" playing]