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‎NETFLIX 出品

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‎這個人是我

3
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‎這位是安娜…我的女朋友

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‎我們交往八年，我剛剛向她求婚

5
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‎但郎有情，妹無意

6
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‎對不起，但是

7
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‎我們一直都沒什麼進展
‎就像一灘死水，而且…

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‎結婚只會讓情形惡化

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‎現在…

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‎她要把我甩了

11
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‎所以我覺得最好…

12
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‎讓兩個人…

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‎先暫停一下

14
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‎沒錯，她把我甩了

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‎我也沒聽下去

16
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‎雖然我呆呆的好像有在聽，其實沒有

17
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‎我可能該聽的，這樣就知道分手原因

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‎但是我還記得第三次約會的情形

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‎當時我說我好像早就認識她

20
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‎因為每一首情歌都讓我想起她

21
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‎我知道有點八股

22
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‎但我是真心話
‎安娜也因此第一次吻我

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‎然後我可能想到現實面，例如…

24
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‎帳單

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‎-別以為…
‎-誰付錢？

26
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‎不是你的錯…

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‎她用了所有分手台詞，只剩一句

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‎不過你願意的話…

29
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‎我們還可以當朋友

30
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‎“我們暫停一下”？

31
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‎暫停？

32
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‎暫停多久？

33
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‎我是說…

34
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‎一個禮拜、幾分鐘
‎一輩子？八年當然不短

35
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‎現在我要出去讓她回心轉意

36
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‎讓安娜回心轉意，你一定行

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‎這是什麼？

38
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‎店裡剩下的存貨，我們現在上網賣

39
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‎我們沒想到你會跟安娜分手

40
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‎也沒那麼慘啦

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‎我們在一起八年了，現在要暫停一下

42
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‎“暫停”是什麼意思？多久？

43
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‎一週、一年、一個月？

44
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‎爸，沒人知道時間有多久

45
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‎這是常識，拿著

46
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‎我就知道她很…

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‎她很什麼？

48
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‎我們交往八年，妳都不吭聲

49
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‎如果當初沒搬去跟她住…

50
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‎我說過幾百遍了，這樣可以省房租

51
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‎我知道，但是她不必搬家
‎你都35歲了還搬回來，拜託…

52
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‎-現在的年輕人真他媽蠢
‎-別擔心

53
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‎我只住個幾天

54
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‎而且…先聽我說，我還是有好消息

55
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‎我老闆要我到他辦公室報到

56
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‎我覺得…自己要升官了

57
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‎你兒子…可不是白痴

58
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‎這是我的辦公室

59
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‎我們拍很多電視廣告

60
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‎其實我負責把別人的創意
‎寫成漂亮文案

61
00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:03,083
‎但其實我想當…運動專欄作家

62
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‎在這個時候…

63
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‎你要把我開除？

64
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‎可是，小傑…

65
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‎小傑…小黃

66
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‎我知道我的工作很輕鬆，但我很行

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‎我得裁員

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‎開除路易斯馬，他很菜，算了…

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‎路易斯馬，你說得沒錯

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‎我都忘了他，謝謝

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‎我不是這個意思，別開除他

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‎好，可是你都提起他了
‎我得處理才行

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‎-對，沒事，但是…
‎-不行

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‎荷西…對，請幫我叫路易斯馬進來？

75
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‎我在48小時內一連丟了女朋友和工作

76
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‎根本是整個歐元區最大的魯蛇

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‎-一定的
‎-你知道安娜說什麼嗎？

78
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‎“我們兩人不適合”

79
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‎一點也沒錯

80
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‎我在家都得戴耳塞
‎因為妳放的流行樂超難聽

81
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‎怎麼可以在男朋友求婚時

82
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,875
‎在餐廳跟他分手？

83
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:03,250
‎這樣他永遠都有陰影

84
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‎應該要說：“我考慮一下”

85
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‎先回家，隔天傳訊息說實話
‎這才是一般人的作法

86
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‎現在怎麼辦？

87
00:05:11,541 --> 00:05:15,000
‎笨蛋，她在幫你的忙
‎幹嘛跟同一個馬子這麼久？

88
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‎一夫一妻制度是假的

89
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‎你知道你錯過多少機會嗎？

90
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‎你看

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‎（大學雜交，狂野一下）

92
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‎有這種東西？

93
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‎多得是咧，手機給我

94
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‎-拜託，人生苦短
‎-我不…

95
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‎-閉嘴
‎-那是什麼？

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‎我來推你一把，小馬

97
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‎-你的個人檔案要寫什麼？
‎-從左邊看我鼻子會比較小

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‎你絕對不是年輕人

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‎加點油也許能找到砲友…

100
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‎砲友是啥？

101
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‎只打砲不談戀愛的朋友

102
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‎-我不知道耶
‎-先從性感的表情符號開始

103
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‎-性感的什麼？
‎-茄子…

104
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‎-桃子
‎-都是蔬果？

105
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‎幹，我們得很拼命才行了

106
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‎不要害我中毒喔

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‎這些是什麼？

108
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‎我幫你下載幾個很棒的約會軟體

109
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‎Tinder、Raya
‎Bumble、Happn、Shakn…

110
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‎清酒？

111
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‎這個我知道，不是日本飲料嗎？

112
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‎-天啊
‎-我要回家了

113
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‎媽媽等你回家嗎？

114
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‎我只是沒這個心情，我沒…

115
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‎小馬，你現在要展開新生了

116
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‎-我知道
‎-你環顧四周一下

117
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‎我知道，我會試用一下

118
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‎一定要試喔

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‎-好
‎-聽我的就對了

120
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‎這時我想好自己的個人資料了

121
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‎我35歲，跟父母同住

122
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‎女人把我當空氣
‎安娜跟我分手，我真是夠衰的

123
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‎我不知道自己要什麼

124
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‎但我知道自己不要什麼

125
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‎迪亞哥本意雖好，卻幫不上忙

126
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‎我需要可靠的情報來源

127
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‎（怎麼忘記分手的痛苦）

128
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‎（賽巴斯提文納）

129
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‎感謝各位收看
‎西班牙最大的勵志頻道

130
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‎因為你需要人幫忙時要找誰呢？

131
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‎你的家人？你的朋友？

132
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‎不對

133
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‎你要上網找，我們就在網路上

134
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‎-聽仔細了
‎-好

135
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‎你想離開痛苦深淵嗎？

136
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‎你希望照鏡子時不會覺得慚愧嗎？

137
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:25,458
‎最重要的是…

138
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,833
‎你想忘掉前女友重獲新生嗎？

139
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‎我想

140
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‎很好

141
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:32,875
‎我的第一個建議是

142
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‎站起來大叫

143
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‎釋放所有的怒氣和恨意

144
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‎我沒有生氣，只是難過

145
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‎快點

146
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‎這就對了

147
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‎罵她是個賤女人

148
00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:51,458
‎妳是個賤女人

149
00:07:51,666 --> 00:07:53,083
‎-妳好賤
‎-妳…

150
00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:54,833
‎他媽的破鞋

151
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‎他媽的賤女人，公車

152
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‎妳好賤…幹…賤女人.

153
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‎-賤貨
‎-我辦不到

154
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,666
‎妳是個賤女人

155
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:08,916
‎好一點了嗎？

156
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:10,958
‎好多了

157
00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:14,375
‎那當然，你發洩那股怨氣了

158
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:15,833
‎現在…

159
00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:18,666
‎我要你拿出紙和筆

160
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,750
‎寫下…

161
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,666
‎你心中真正的願望

162
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‎不可以是“前女友回心轉意”，笨蛋

163
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‎幹

164
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:32,582
‎現在，為了達成願望

165
00:08:33,082 --> 00:08:34,875
‎首先，就必須…

166
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‎經濟獨立

167
00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:40,000
‎你需要錢，絕不能依賴父母

168
00:08:40,082 --> 00:08:41,416
‎-對啊，那當然
‎-懂嗎？

169
00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:45,916
‎你都35歲，是個大人了
‎幹嘛還住在爸媽家？

170
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,041
‎-我知道
‎-不能依賴父母

171
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:49,750
‎搬出去，白痴

172
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,166
‎-羞羞臉
‎-我的情況有點複雜

173
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‎大笨蛋

174
00:08:53,541 --> 00:08:55,208
‎快搬出爸媽家

175
00:08:55,291 --> 00:08:56,833
‎-不要罵我
‎-去找工作

176
00:08:56,916 --> 00:09:00,041
‎-去找工作
‎-好啦…我去試試看

177
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,375
‎白痴

178
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,166
‎-大笨蛋，幹嘛？
‎-迪亞哥

179
00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:18,958
‎幫我找工作

180
00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:22,083
‎我需要工作，真的，快給我工作

181
00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:24,041
‎你在講什麼？

182
00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:25,458
‎幫我在這裡找工作

183
00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:28,291
‎“工作”…我又沒辦法生出工作給你

184
00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,083
‎經濟不景氣啊，小馬

185
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:32,750
‎你沒搞清楚，你非給不可

186
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,416
‎我不是在求你，你錯了
‎你不幫忙我就告密

187
00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:36,791
‎告什麼密？

188
00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:39,208
‎告訴你所有的前女友你偷吃

189
00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:41,666
‎告訴我們的朋友你偷幹他們的女友

190
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,000
‎-你怎麼這麼爛？
‎-我不是爛

191
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,958
‎這叫求生本能，我走投無路了

192
00:09:49,125 --> 00:09:51,458
‎我去看看網路部門有沒有缺人

193
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:54,666
‎-看吧
‎-混蛋，你要搞死我啊

194
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,291
‎你是大好人

195
00:10:05,666 --> 00:10:07,000
‎你這個小笨蛋

196
00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:10,375
‎-我是小笨蛋？
‎-馬可斯

197
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:12,125
‎-啥？
‎-是我啦

198
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:14,208
‎拉琪爾

199
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:15,916
‎哪個拉琪爾？

200
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,000
‎高中那個啦，借過

201
00:10:18,541 --> 00:10:20,000
‎妳是高中那個拉琪爾？

202
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:21,500
‎哇

203
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:23,125
‎你還好吧？

204
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,833
‎還好，我的生活現在有很多改變

205
00:10:26,916 --> 00:10:29,083
‎很忙，事情很多…妳呢？

206
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:30,333
‎我要去參加告別式

207
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:32,750
‎那很好啊

208
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:36,833
‎我們多久沒見啦？

209
00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:39,708
‎高中後就沒見過了，謝謝

210
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:41,916
‎超過15年了

211
00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:47,958
‎所以…妳最近在做什麼？

212
00:10:48,541 --> 00:10:49,541
‎想你啊

213
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,333
‎是喔

214
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:53,500
‎開玩笑的啦，白痴

215
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,291
‎-我不知道…
‎-我搬到倫敦了

216
00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:56,250
‎你不記得了？

217
00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:59,708
‎妳想演奏…叫什麼來著？

218
00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,000
‎吉普賽音樂

219
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:04,291
‎對，妳在畢業晚會上演奏手風琴

220
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:05,958
‎-而且還光腳
‎-沒錯

221
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,291
‎我現在記得了
‎妳歌喉不錯，只是瘋瘋癲癲的

222
00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:13,666
‎對了，你說過要用
‎我愛的歌幫我錄一卷帶子

223
00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:15,500
‎普羅克萊門兄弟，記得嗎？

224
00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:17,875
‎我有錄，妳有拿到嗎？

225
00:11:17,958 --> 00:11:18,833
‎沒有

226
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,750
‎-為什麼？
‎-我不知道

227
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:23,500
‎不過你現在唱我就原諒你

228
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:26,000
‎-沒問題
‎-唱吧，我是說真的

229
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:28,541
‎我把箱子拿回家再回來唱給妳聽

230
00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:30,666
‎不好意思

231
00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,875
‎反正再見了

232
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:34,000
‎好

233
00:11:37,041 --> 00:11:38,500
‎迪亞哥，什麼事？

234
00:11:40,208 --> 00:11:42,458
‎你馬上就能學會了，其實不難

235
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:44,583
‎這些是負責手球的女生

236
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:46,458
‎自行車組

237
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,750
‎這些是我們的超級部落客

238
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,083
‎這是你的桌子，好嗎？你先安頓下來

239
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:55,416
‎現在你先負責賽事網路摘要

240
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,750
‎還有我們可能需要的素材，好嗎？

241
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:00,666
‎還有

242
00:12:01,083 --> 00:12:02,125
‎如果需要幫忙

243
00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:04,541
‎別問我，老娘很忙

244
00:12:07,666 --> 00:12:10,041
‎我當上運動專欄作家了

245
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:14,208
‎而且這是真正的報社
‎這是我從小到大的心願

246
00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:16,375
‎就算我報導桌球又怎麼樣？

247
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:19,083
‎我本來就喜歡冷門運動

248
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:22,875
‎當個足球專家很容易
‎但要精通保加利亞獨木舟就難了

249
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:26,541
‎我絕對沒問題

250
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:33,041
‎先想辦法忘了安娜，靠的是朋友

251
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:35,333
‎啤酒

252
00:12:36,666 --> 00:12:38,083
‎把妹上衣

253
00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:42,083
‎重點是迪亞哥靠交友軟體找來的妹子

254
00:12:43,541 --> 00:12:46,916
‎打撞球贏的人就能選馬子

255
00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:49,041
‎我嚇死了

256
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,916
‎你的觀眾在此，小馬

257
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,125
‎三十幾歲的馬子

258
00:12:53,416 --> 00:12:54,750
‎都是性愛機器

259
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,083
‎可是她們吹喇叭起來都會…

260
00:12:59,708 --> 00:13:01,625
‎-都怎樣？
‎-我不知道

261
00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:05,208
‎她們都很努力，也很徹底，看得出來

262
00:13:06,541 --> 00:13:10,041
‎我才懶得管，只要她們不笑我就行了

263
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:12,375
‎因為你的前任不幫你吹喇叭吧？

264
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,541
‎她的頸部肌肉無力，太用力會痛…

265
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:18,000
‎拜託，別唬我了

266
00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:20,208
‎吹喇叭是無可取代的

267
00:13:20,291 --> 00:13:22,041
‎其他都只是恐懼感而已

268
00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:24,375
‎-換你上
‎-換我上

269
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:25,625
‎好…

270
00:13:25,791 --> 00:13:28,083
‎如果我進了，妳就讓我“進”

271
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:31,416
‎如果我進了，選的人就是我

272
00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:34,583
‎馬上見分曉

273
00:13:40,291 --> 00:13:41,208
‎幹

274
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:43,458
‎換你了

275
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:46,083
‎妳很厲害，我看得出來

276
00:13:47,083 --> 00:13:48,833
‎老弟，幫她一下

277
00:13:50,791 --> 00:13:52,166
‎不太容易喔

278
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,875
‎如果是我…

279
00:13:54,958 --> 00:13:57,333
‎別碰我好嗎？我還想專心

280
00:13:57,458 --> 00:13:58,333
‎妳行的

281
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:02,666
‎差一點

282
00:14:03,416 --> 00:14:04,333
‎沒進

283
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:09,333
‎我要回家了

284
00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:13,416
‎回家？

285
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:15,833
‎別這樣，喝杯啤酒吧

286
00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:17,791
‎不用了，我明天有課

287
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,750
‎現在還沒12點，別這樣

288
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:22,583
‎翹一天課老師不會罵人的

289
00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:24,708
‎什麼…我是老師

290
00:14:24,916 --> 00:14:26,750
‎我在職能工作坊上課

291
00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:29,041
‎職能…？

292
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:31,125
‎工作坊…挺有意思的

293
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:33,541
‎挺有意思？你連那是啥都不懂

294
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,708
‎規矩都到哪裡去了？
‎以前把馬子都有規矩的

295
00:14:38,791 --> 00:14:41,791
‎你朋友把到一個
‎另一個給你，現在是怎樣？

296
00:14:42,833 --> 00:14:43,666
‎嘿

297
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:49,166
‎幹嘛？因為我長得胖
‎所以得將就一點型也沒有的醜男？

298
00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:54,041
‎妳講話很老實，一點也不客氣
‎我覺得我們水準差不多

299
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:55,458
‎你真是夠沒品的

300
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:58,166
‎我們大概不可能上床了

301
00:14:58,750 --> 00:14:59,625
‎-休想
‎-休想

302
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:02,000
‎我寧願回家拿假老二自慰

303
00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:03,500
‎你太吵了

304
00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:08,333
‎她要回家用假老二

305
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:12,125
‎上個世紀我還有豔遇，雖然不多

306
00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:13,958
‎可是現在我徹底迷失了

307
00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:17,750
‎如果想在21世紀把妹…

308
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:22,208
‎我就得成為21世紀的男人
‎這就是答案

309
00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:28,166
‎（如何成為21世紀的男人）

310
00:15:28,833 --> 00:15:31,333
‎（賽巴斯提文納）

311
00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:44,375
‎各位觀眾

312
00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:48,583
‎歡迎收看西班牙最大的勵志頻道

313
00:15:48,875 --> 00:15:51,208
‎因為你需要人幫忙時要找誰呢？

314
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:53,041
‎你的家人？你的朋友？

315
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:53,958
‎-不對
‎-找你

316
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:56,166
‎你要上網找，我們就在網路上

317
00:15:56,708 --> 00:15:57,583
‎聽仔細了

318
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,375
‎想當21世紀的男人嗎？

319
00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:03,041
‎想追21世紀的女孩子

320
00:16:03,458 --> 00:16:05,625
‎你就必須跟上時代

321
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,291
‎祕訣如下

322
00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:10,625
‎首先要在身心之間取得平衡

323
00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:12,916
‎這絕對是第一步

324
00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:14,250
‎健身

325
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:18,208
‎別被別人的大肌肌嚇到了

326
00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:21,416
‎想練到那種程度只是時間問題

327
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,041
‎要犧牲、要堅持

328
00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:30,916
‎飲食和健康相輔相成

329
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,750
‎避開對身體有害的誘惑

330
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,541
‎把優格、牛奶和熱量高的起司丟掉

331
00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:38,083
‎運動飲料、汽水、啤酒

332
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,583
‎醃製肉品

333
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,166
‎不行，一律禁止

334
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:49,583
‎外表能反映你的自信心

335
00:16:49,666 --> 00:16:51,166
‎看看你的盥洗用品

336
00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:53,916
‎裡面一定要有眼霜

337
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,541
‎洗面乳、化妝水、磨砂膏

338
00:16:56,625 --> 00:16:58,583
‎緊實彈力霜…都非常重要

339
00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:00,916
‎變身時候到了

340
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,333
‎把頭髮弄一下，小子

341
00:17:15,415 --> 00:17:18,083
‎穿著要像21世紀的男人

342
00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:20,790
‎把衣服全都換掉

343
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:24,833
‎別再穿格子襯衫、條紋上衣和球衣了

344
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,208
‎（刺青）

345
00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:44,916
‎小笨蛋

346
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,750
‎幹嘛？不打聲招呼嗎？

347
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,666
‎-不要叫我小笨蛋了
‎-你剛才偷窺我

348
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:54,291
‎要我報警還是叫你小笨蛋？

349
00:17:54,375 --> 00:17:56,041
‎不行，這樣太奇怪了

350
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:58,333
‎15年沒見，現在一天到晚看到

351
00:17:58,416 --> 00:17:59,666
‎妳為什麼在這裡？

352
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:00,958
‎我在這裡上班

353
00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:03,291
‎你呢？住附近嗎？

354
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,041
‎不，我…對啊

355
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,083
‎現在跟爸媽住

356
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:08,333
‎你好廢喔

357
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:11,958
‎妳知道我一求婚
‎女朋友就跟我分手嗎？

358
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,250
‎-可是妳知道嗎？
‎-什麼？

359
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,500
‎我從現在起要忘了她

360
00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:19,125
‎-怎麼做？
‎-不知道

361
00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:23,791
‎我朋友迪亞哥說我必須找女人

362
00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:26,458
‎其實他說的是我應該經常…打砲

363
00:18:27,791 --> 00:18:29,250
‎所以我來買衣服

364
00:18:29,958 --> 00:18:31,750
‎對，穿好看點才有豔遇

365
00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:35,416
‎不，我只是需要…大改造

366
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,000
‎你為什麼要大改造？

367
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,625
‎因為我要跟不認識的人約會

368
00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:41,375
‎現代人又是外貌協會

369
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:43,916
‎我上次買牛仔褲時…

370
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:45,875
‎已經是20世紀的事了

371
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:47,666
‎真心不騙

372
00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:52,083
‎-我出去一下
‎-好

373
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:54,916
‎妳要陪我買衣服？

374
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,333
‎我的胸口好緊

375
00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:04,958
‎我們真是郎才女貌

376
00:20:05,541 --> 00:20:08,583
‎我想先把話講開，以免尷尬，好嗎？

377
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:09,500
‎好

378
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,000
‎還記得妳高中跟我告白過嗎？

379
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,291
‎妳當時喜歡我吧？

380
00:20:14,666 --> 00:20:15,708
‎現在也是啊

381
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,333
‎就算過了15年，我還是忘不了你

382
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:22,583
‎-高中時…
‎-我又胖又長頭蝨

383
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:23,875
‎對，可是現在…

384
00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:25,500
‎-現在我超正的
‎-沒錯

385
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:30,166
‎我真是有夠好騙

386
00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:31,333
‎-對啊
‎-走吧

387
00:20:31,416 --> 00:20:33,333
‎-我們可以當朋友
‎-不要講那句話

388
00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:36,000
‎-這樣講比較好聽
‎-不行，我會瘋掉

389
00:20:37,333 --> 00:20:38,458
‎（諾莉亞也喜歡你）

390
00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:45,500
‎那個接待小姐超爆笑的

391
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,916
‎一天到晚講笑話

392
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:50,541
‎我被她逗得好樂，她超好笑

393
00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:55,083
‎我今天不會跟你上床，懂嗎？

394
00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:56,458
‎好

395
00:21:01,375 --> 00:21:02,333
‎（莎拉也喜歡你）

396
00:21:02,416 --> 00:21:03,500
‎（克勞蒂也喜歡你）

397
00:21:04,166 --> 00:21:05,750
‎（艾達也喜歡你）

398
00:21:16,083 --> 00:21:17,291
‎小聲點

399
00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:19,208
‎我室友還在睡覺

400
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,541
‎走那邊

401
00:21:23,833 --> 00:21:25,375
‎我以為你一個人住

402
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,833
‎我跟朋友住，小聲點

403
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:30,708
‎我真的很想製造噪音

404
00:21:30,791 --> 00:21:31,625
‎好吧

405
00:21:35,833 --> 00:21:37,291
‎-你提早回來了
‎-妳好

406
00:21:39,458 --> 00:21:40,375
‎這是你女友嗎？

407
00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:47,708
‎馬可斯晚安，好好睡

408
00:22:04,958 --> 00:22:06,208
‎你的家…

409
00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:08,500
‎就是愛的堡壘

410
00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:11,875
‎讓你帶美女纏綿的地方

411
00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:14,791
‎你不見得要喜歡堡壘的樣子

412
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,083
‎但美女一定要喜歡你家

413
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:21,625
‎這樣才能達到本頻道的成立宗旨

414
00:22:22,791 --> 00:22:23,708
‎打砲

415
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:25,416
‎啪啪啪

416
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,333
‎你爸媽好可愛喔

417
00:22:28,583 --> 00:22:30,041
‎都這把年紀了還在做

418
00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,791
‎孩子絕對不能看到父母相幹的樣子

419
00:22:32,958 --> 00:22:34,333
‎我爸還戴眼罩耶

420
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,416
‎-天啊
‎-他們在演蒙面俠蘇洛嗎？

421
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,666
‎你帶回家的女孩子…有什麼反應？

422
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:42,541
‎反應超讚的，我們要結婚了

423
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,416
‎至少你還有地方住，對吧？

424
00:22:45,708 --> 00:22:48,583
‎這地方不錯，採光什麼的…

425
00:22:49,208 --> 00:22:50,416
‎我一個都沒上到

426
00:22:52,166 --> 00:22:54,750
‎-你知道“靠北公社”嗎？
‎-我不知道，那是啥？

427
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:57,500
‎那是讓你在上面罵人的手機軟體

428
00:22:57,583 --> 00:23:00,458
‎我討厭超市會員卡

429
00:23:00,541 --> 00:23:03,291
‎真的受不了，我也討厭電動腳踏車

430
00:23:03,375 --> 00:23:05,458
‎觀光客坐電單車隨機殺人

431
00:23:05,541 --> 00:23:06,916
‎-沒錯
‎-我超想…

432
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,875
‎-自拍棒
‎-日式餐廳

433
00:23:08,958 --> 00:23:11,583
‎-香菇
‎-小鬼說：“大叔…”

434
00:23:11,666 --> 00:23:12,791
‎我還年輕耶

435
00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:13,833
‎向日葵

436
00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:15,708
‎為什麼討厭向日葵？

437
00:23:15,791 --> 00:23:17,000
‎讓我神經緊張

438
00:23:17,083 --> 00:23:19,750
‎因為花超大、超黃，搞什麼啊？

439
00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:22,125
‎-這個軟體太棒了
‎-沒錯吧？

440
00:23:22,208 --> 00:23:24,208
‎超讚，但沒辦法讓我打到砲

441
00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:25,125
‎可以啦

442
00:23:25,458 --> 00:23:26,875
‎其實不行

443
00:23:27,916 --> 00:23:30,041
‎我沒辦法打砲，但是我有好音樂

444
00:23:42,958 --> 00:23:44,375
‎她把我的照片刪光了

445
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:47,250
‎我對安娜來說不存在了

446
00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:10,583
‎小馬，我要給你良心的建議

447
00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:13,041
‎絕對能讓你把妹成功

448
00:24:14,125 --> 00:24:15,250
‎把她們當空氣

449
00:24:15,916 --> 00:24:18,083
‎你不能太飢渴，會嚇到她們

450
00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,916
‎最重要的是別再想前女友了

451
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,000
‎也不要再提她，沒人想聽

452
00:24:24,083 --> 00:24:25,833
‎我已經開始多想想自己了

453
00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:27,583
‎我敢發誓

454
00:24:28,208 --> 00:24:30,291
‎但我如果一分心就…碰

455
00:24:30,625 --> 00:24:31,750
‎她又出現了

456
00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:34,541
‎那就不要分心啊，重點放在自己身上

457
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,958
‎你的工作表現很好

458
00:24:41,041 --> 00:24:43,708
‎他們要你負責足球乙組的推特發文

459
00:24:43,791 --> 00:24:44,750
‎-真的？
‎-沒錯

460
00:24:48,291 --> 00:24:49,125
‎看屁啊？

461
00:24:49,416 --> 00:24:50,541
‎你好帥

462
00:24:52,416 --> 00:24:55,375
‎靠，你這個人…比例真的好好

463
00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:57,875
‎-說真的，小馬
‎-幹嘛？

464
00:24:57,958 --> 00:25:00,666
‎-你真的很怪
‎-我有說錯話嗎？

465
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,083
‎我只是說出個人觀察啊

466
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:15,625
‎（維洛妮卡也喜歡你）

467
00:25:30,875 --> 00:25:32,875
‎我到她家了

468
00:25:33,625 --> 00:25:36,875
‎我聽從阿根廷神經大師的建議

469
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:41,458
‎計算跟她上床的機率

470
00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:44,875
‎到目前為止…得了八分，滿分十分

471
00:25:46,916 --> 00:25:49,541
‎如果她在酒吧露出乳溝，兩分

472
00:25:49,625 --> 00:25:50,791
‎-妳好
‎-你好

473
00:25:50,875 --> 00:25:54,041
‎如果她點葡萄酒，得一分

474
00:25:54,125 --> 00:25:56,500
‎威士忌三分，如果點咖啡，我走人

475
00:25:56,583 --> 00:25:58,416
‎-妳要喝什麼？
‎-大杯啤酒

476
00:25:58,500 --> 00:25:59,375
‎“大杯啤酒”

477
00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:02,125
‎老闆，給她大杯啤酒，給我苦艾酒

478
00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:04,208
‎1.5分

479
00:26:04,791 --> 00:26:06,541
‎晚餐更複雜

480
00:26:06,625 --> 00:26:10,375
‎如果聊太多，到最後只能當朋友

481
00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:12,333
‎這可不行

482
00:26:12,416 --> 00:26:14,875
‎這就像負的100或200分

483
00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:18,083
‎對啊，妳餓了嗎？

484
00:26:18,166 --> 00:26:20,500
‎不餓，薯條很好吃，還要再叫嗎？

485
00:26:20,583 --> 00:26:22,000
‎好，一定要的

486
00:26:22,583 --> 00:26:23,833
‎1.5分

487
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,125
‎總算到了雞尾酒時間

488
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:31,291
‎如果到現在還不太瞭解對方

489
00:26:31,875 --> 00:26:34,416
‎可是她卻對我深情款款，面帶微笑

490
00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:36,291
‎就可以吻她了

491
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,416
‎接吻一次得一分

492
00:26:39,458 --> 00:26:41,666
‎如果是熱吻，得四分

493
00:26:41,875 --> 00:26:44,083
‎如果她摸我老二，一百萬分

494
00:26:45,291 --> 00:26:46,458
‎我得了一分

495
00:26:52,750 --> 00:26:54,166
‎後來又得了兩分

496
00:26:54,250 --> 00:26:57,500
‎因為她主動提起：“要不要到我家？”

497
00:27:01,500 --> 00:27:02,791
‎今晚一定革命成功

498
00:27:06,541 --> 00:27:08,458
‎很多人跟我說

499
00:27:08,541 --> 00:27:11,541
‎“別跟網友見面，因為
‎你不知道對方是什麼人”

500
00:27:11,625 --> 00:27:14,833
‎可是我們兩個人都知道自己想要什麼

501
00:27:14,916 --> 00:27:18,166
‎沒有意外，一切公開透明…

502
00:27:26,833 --> 00:27:27,875
‎我用錯軟體了

503
00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:30,666
‎別難過

504
00:27:31,333 --> 00:27:33,500
‎至少你終於忘掉…

505
00:27:33,583 --> 00:27:34,958
‎-安娜
‎-對，安娜

506
00:27:35,458 --> 00:27:36,625
‎你忘了她了吧？

507
00:27:36,708 --> 00:27:41,083
‎很奇怪，我通常都記得她的缺點

508
00:27:41,166 --> 00:27:43,291
‎可是我起床時、睡覺時

509
00:27:43,375 --> 00:27:46,041
‎煮蘆筍時，都會想起她…

510
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:47,875
‎一定要來看這個人嗎？

511
00:27:47,958 --> 00:27:49,375
‎你一定會喜歡他

512
00:27:49,708 --> 00:27:50,791
‎他不是阿根廷人吧？

513
00:27:51,375 --> 00:27:52,250
‎不是

514
00:27:52,541 --> 00:27:55,625
‎我不想再聽別人抱怨
‎我自己就夠會抱怨了

515
00:27:55,708 --> 00:27:57,458
‎他不是那種藝術家啦

516
00:27:57,958 --> 00:28:00,041
‎你看了就知道，他又帥人又好

517
00:28:00,833 --> 00:28:01,875
‎妳想跟他上床

518
00:28:02,166 --> 00:28:03,458
‎我才沒有

519
00:28:03,791 --> 00:28:04,791
‎我們做過了

520
00:28:04,875 --> 00:28:06,041
‎現在只是朋友

521
00:28:06,333 --> 00:28:07,166
‎才怪

522
00:28:08,125 --> 00:28:09,500
‎-什麼？
‎-不可能

523
00:28:09,916 --> 00:28:12,291
‎所以男人跟女人不能當朋友？

524
00:28:12,375 --> 00:28:13,250
‎做過就不行了

525
00:28:14,291 --> 00:28:17,958
‎對喔，我們還沒上過床
‎所以可以當純粹朋友

526
00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:19,583
‎但我們的友誼結束了

527
00:28:19,666 --> 00:28:21,916
‎-為什麼？
‎-因為我想著妳打手槍幾百次

528
00:28:24,875 --> 00:28:25,958
‎友誼只剩一半了

529
00:28:26,166 --> 00:28:28,500
‎-我們的友誼只剩一半
‎-真可悲

530
00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:30,916
‎來了

531
00:28:33,458 --> 00:28:34,458
‎謝謝各位

532
00:28:35,250 --> 00:28:37,125
‎看到各位捧場的感覺真好

533
00:28:37,208 --> 00:28:38,916
‎等一下，他是阿根廷人

534
00:28:39,083 --> 00:28:40,625
‎我是音樂家

535
00:28:40,708 --> 00:28:43,083
‎我媽常說這個故事

536
00:28:43,166 --> 00:28:46,333
‎我四歲時有一天坐在馬桶上…

537
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,666
‎我說：“媽”，她說：“什麼？”

538
00:28:49,750 --> 00:28:52,666
‎“我要用音樂表達自己，我要掌聲

539
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:54,625
‎我要讓人家知道我的想法”

540
00:28:54,708 --> 00:28:58,375
‎所以我表演時都會帶這個籠子

541
00:28:58,458 --> 00:29:03,083
‎我覺得這代表我們永遠表現出心聲

542
00:29:03,916 --> 00:29:05,583
‎有一天，我請人看手相

543
00:29:06,458 --> 00:29:08,958
‎算命仙看了我的手相，跟我說

544
00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:10,750
‎“你的生命線斷斷續續的”

545
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:15,083
‎我問他說：“這是什麼意思？告訴我”

546
00:29:15,958 --> 00:29:17,083
‎他說…

547
00:29:17,791 --> 00:29:19,208
‎人生充滿痛苦

548
00:29:21,208 --> 00:29:22,750
‎人生充滿痛苦

549
00:29:24,333 --> 00:29:26,541
‎我只有這句話

550
00:29:27,708 --> 00:29:30,250
‎我只有這句話…

551
00:30:19,083 --> 00:30:20,875
‎-嗨
‎-妳好

552
00:30:21,416 --> 00:30:22,541
‎真好聽

553
00:30:23,333 --> 00:30:25,291
‎-謝謝誇獎，你好
‎-你好

554
00:30:26,666 --> 00:30:28,666
‎-你喜歡嗎？
‎-非常喜歡

555
00:30:28,750 --> 00:30:30,541
‎謝謝誇獎

556
00:30:30,916 --> 00:30:33,041
‎妳好漂亮，真是美呆了

557
00:30:33,125 --> 00:30:34,000
‎-閃閃動人
‎-謝謝

558
00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:36,500
‎-你要喝啤酒嗎？
‎-我不喝

559
00:30:36,916 --> 00:30:39,625
‎酒精會讓身體浮腫，變得跟氣球一樣

560
00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:42,000
‎-這樣不就完了？
‎-那當然

561
00:30:42,083 --> 00:30:44,083
‎現代人也需要注重健康

562
00:30:44,916 --> 00:30:46,958
‎-對…沒錯
‎-對啊，沒錯

563
00:30:47,041 --> 00:30:49,000
‎我每天跑25公里

564
00:30:49,333 --> 00:30:50,375
‎剔胸毛

565
00:30:50,458 --> 00:30:52,041
‎敷小黃瓜面膜

566
00:30:52,333 --> 00:30:53,708
‎-感覺很健康
‎-服務生

567
00:30:53,791 --> 00:30:54,875
‎可以收了嗎？

568
00:30:55,416 --> 00:30:56,291
‎可以，請收

569
00:30:56,375 --> 00:30:57,708
‎-還要什麼？
‎-好…

570
00:30:57,791 --> 00:30:59,541
‎氣泡水，檸檬，不加冰塊

571
00:31:00,958 --> 00:31:01,833
‎我還要一瓶啤酒

572
00:31:02,750 --> 00:31:04,250
‎我什麼都不用

573
00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:07,750
‎他是個爛人

574
00:31:07,833 --> 00:31:08,750
‎妳好美

575
00:31:09,583 --> 00:31:12,791
‎可是他很帥，21世紀的模範男人

576
00:31:13,958 --> 00:31:16,000
‎你看，他身上沒一點贅肉

577
00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:18,583
‎拉琪爾被他逗得捧腹大笑

578
00:31:19,125 --> 00:31:20,250
‎如果我有這麼帥

579
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,208
‎就算講同樣的屁話，女人也不會覺得

580
00:31:23,625 --> 00:31:25,875
‎“這個原始人他媽的在講什麼屁？”

581
00:31:25,958 --> 00:31:27,500
‎-對啊
‎-沒錯

582
00:31:29,250 --> 00:31:30,083
‎我要走了

583
00:31:32,583 --> 00:31:33,583
‎你要走了？

584
00:31:33,666 --> 00:31:36,583
‎對，我忘了明天有參加滑板車比賽

585
00:31:36,666 --> 00:31:38,791
‎有個菲律賓人超強的

586
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,666
‎-妳會留下來吧？
‎-好啦，留下來

587
00:31:41,750 --> 00:31:42,583
‎留下來

588
00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:44,208
‎-你確定？
‎-沒關係的

589
00:31:44,916 --> 00:31:47,791
‎-對，幸會
‎-好…謝謝

590
00:31:48,458 --> 00:31:49,291
‎再見

591
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:50,541
‎-明天見
‎-好

592
00:31:54,666 --> 00:31:57,041
‎我覺得自己方向正確，但是…

593
00:31:58,583 --> 00:31:59,666
‎還不夠

594
00:32:43,375 --> 00:32:44,208
‎卡洛斯

595
00:32:45,208 --> 00:32:46,583
‎-我是馬可斯
‎-對，馬可斯

596
00:32:46,666 --> 00:32:47,791
‎所以…

597
00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:49,958
‎我們一直找不到機會聊

598
00:32:50,041 --> 00:32:52,500
‎可是我下禮拜要幫籃球組

599
00:32:52,583 --> 00:32:54,333
‎辦一場活動

600
00:32:55,833 --> 00:32:56,833
‎你也來吧

601
00:32:57,541 --> 00:32:58,375
‎好啊

602
00:33:00,625 --> 00:33:01,583
‎馬可斯.

603
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,666
‎（納嘉刺青店）

604
00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:23,833
‎我要採取行動了

605
00:33:24,458 --> 00:33:26,541
‎我以為自己沒這個膽子

606
00:33:27,333 --> 00:33:30,458
‎我知道這不能反悔，但現在超流行的

607
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:33,708
‎妳們最小的圖案是什麼？

608
00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:35,083
‎你信得過我嗎？

609
00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:38,208
‎我自己好像茉莉公主，我相信妳

610
00:33:39,208 --> 00:33:41,416
‎你不該相信我的，我可能報仇

611
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:43,000
‎報仇‎？‎為什麼？

612
00:33:43,083 --> 00:33:45,916
‎你那天幹嘛跑掉
‎讓我跟那個混蛋在一起？

613
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,708
‎他很混蛋
‎但他是妳朋友，不關我的事

614
00:33:49,333 --> 00:33:50,958
‎而且是妳自己要留下的

615
00:33:51,041 --> 00:33:53,666
‎對，但也不太算，是你把我丟下來的

616
00:33:53,750 --> 00:33:55,333
‎害我得跟他睡覺

617
00:33:55,416 --> 00:33:57,500
‎可憐的拉琪爾，沒老二活不下去

618
00:33:58,041 --> 00:34:00,666
‎可是聽他講話更痛苦，我能怎麼辦？

619
00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:02,458
‎這件衣服脫掉，坐下

620
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,083
‎我用手繪

621
00:34:04,416 --> 00:34:05,250
‎手繪？

622
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,208
‎聽起來好A喔

623
00:34:10,541 --> 00:34:13,125
‎-感覺好像看牙醫
‎-刺青更痛

624
00:34:14,291 --> 00:34:18,375
‎反正為了懲罰你
‎我禮拜五要帶你再去聽一場表演

625
00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:19,833
‎保證你會喜歡

626
00:34:19,916 --> 00:34:21,375
‎我禮拜五不行

627
00:34:21,458 --> 00:34:22,291
‎為什麼？

628
00:34:22,708 --> 00:34:24,291
‎我老闆邀我出席活動

629
00:34:24,375 --> 00:34:25,958
‎你竟然沒跟我說？

630
00:34:26,041 --> 00:34:28,208
‎我也想，但是妳跟的話

631
00:34:28,291 --> 00:34:30,708
‎我就沒辦法物色打砲對象了

632
00:34:31,208 --> 00:34:34,250
‎你確定禮拜五真的能打砲成功？

633
00:34:35,083 --> 00:34:38,166
‎-我的愛情生活沒什麼能確定的
‎-你要帶誰去？

634
00:34:44,208 --> 00:34:45,708
‎-你早
‎-你好

635
00:34:45,791 --> 00:34:47,791
‎他是我朋友，但他太帥，不行

636
00:34:48,625 --> 00:34:51,041
‎我得找能讓我看起來比較帥的人

637
00:34:54,291 --> 00:34:55,291
‎托米

638
00:34:59,875 --> 00:35:00,708
‎我犯了什麼錯？

639
00:35:07,208 --> 00:35:08,666
‎謝謝，馬可斯

640
00:35:12,333 --> 00:35:13,916
‎我好興奮

641
00:35:14,083 --> 00:35:16,208
‎你看那個超大螢幕…

642
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,875
‎馬可斯？

643
00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:27,125
‎我追蹤的意見領袖說，參加活動時

644
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:31,500
‎如果想帶出場，就必須避免三件事

645
00:35:31,583 --> 00:35:34,541
‎不要到廚房拿啤酒

646
00:35:34,875 --> 00:35:37,833
‎然後在那裡跟一堆男的聊足球

647
00:35:39,583 --> 00:35:40,416
‎千萬不可以

648
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,500
‎我是實習生，幫馬可斯和…

649
00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:48,458
‎喝酒要節制

650
00:35:49,041 --> 00:35:51,291
‎等一下，我真的要尿尿了

651
00:35:52,083 --> 00:35:53,208
‎最重要的是

652
00:35:53,458 --> 00:35:56,000
‎不要在冰塊用完，而且全場

653
00:35:56,166 --> 00:35:57,416
‎最辣的美眉

654
00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:00,375
‎想喝酒時，待在冰桶旁邊

655
00:36:00,666 --> 00:36:02,875
‎等我一下？我去買冰塊

656
00:36:03,875 --> 00:36:04,791
‎千萬不可以

657
00:36:07,083 --> 00:36:09,833
‎各位，我買冰塊回來了

658
00:36:09,916 --> 00:36:12,083
‎如果能成功避開這三個陷阱

659
00:36:12,666 --> 00:36:14,666
‎你就能專心在重要的事情上面

660
00:36:15,041 --> 00:36:15,958
‎物色對象

661
00:36:20,291 --> 00:36:23,333
‎你在選歌，還是想知道我的品味？

662
00:36:23,416 --> 00:36:24,541
‎對，沒錯

663
00:36:24,875 --> 00:36:27,375
‎這種放鬆音樂有點殺風景

664
00:36:27,458 --> 00:36:29,500
‎但是妳有個歌單很棒

665
00:36:29,583 --> 00:36:31,666
‎有強烈衝擊、電台司令…

666
00:36:31,750 --> 00:36:33,625
‎-對啊
‎-早期的傻瓜龐克…

667
00:36:33,708 --> 00:36:35,250
‎對，有幾首歌聽了就爽

668
00:36:36,791 --> 00:36:37,666
‎馬可斯

669
00:36:39,541 --> 00:36:40,375
‎待會兒見

670
00:36:41,083 --> 00:36:41,916
‎安娜

671
00:36:42,916 --> 00:36:44,125
‎幹，她怎麼在這裡？

672
00:36:45,125 --> 00:36:47,333
‎別緊張，撐下去

673
00:36:47,958 --> 00:36:50,208
‎我的心在怦怦跳，快心臟病發了

674
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:51,250
‎妳怎麼在這裡？

675
00:36:52,333 --> 00:36:53,666
‎我跟朋友來的

676
00:36:55,291 --> 00:36:57,208
‎怎麼回事？你變了

677
00:36:57,291 --> 00:36:59,333
‎把她當空氣，一定要把她當空氣

678
00:36:59,416 --> 00:37:01,916
‎妳看起來還是老樣子

679
00:37:03,166 --> 00:37:04,791
‎你這幾個月過得挺不錯的

680
00:37:05,291 --> 00:37:07,666
‎穿衣服的品味不再像小屁孩了

681
00:37:08,291 --> 00:37:09,500
‎我脫胎換骨了

682
00:37:09,916 --> 00:37:12,208
‎我的內在也變了很多，我…

683
00:37:12,458 --> 00:37:14,125
‎那隻手…我要暈過去了

684
00:37:14,208 --> 00:37:15,750
‎馬上把手拿開

685
00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:18,791
‎她想把我拐上床

686
00:37:18,875 --> 00:37:20,166
‎馬上把她當空氣

687
00:37:21,625 --> 00:37:22,458
‎所以…

688
00:37:22,625 --> 00:37:24,916
‎剛剛跟你講話的那個美女是誰？

689
00:37:25,333 --> 00:37:26,875
‎她嫉妒了嗎？為什麼…

690
00:37:26,958 --> 00:37:28,333
‎天啊，快把她當空氣

691
00:37:28,875 --> 00:37:31,208
‎她只是朋友，是…

692
00:37:32,625 --> 00:37:34,000
‎這下沒辦法當空氣了

693
00:37:36,208 --> 00:37:37,416
‎對，我剛剛說了…

694
00:37:37,500 --> 00:37:39,708
‎你要講話還是操我？

695
00:37:41,291 --> 00:37:43,791
‎師父沒教這一招

696
00:37:45,458 --> 00:37:48,333
‎我在倫敦寫了這首歌

697
00:37:49,083 --> 00:37:51,458
‎我把這首歌獻給愛情

698
00:37:58,916 --> 00:38:00,666
‎今晚別再來一次

699
00:38:01,083 --> 00:38:03,875
‎慢一點，為我下廚，別跟別人在一起

700
00:38:03,958 --> 00:38:06,416
‎我只要你和一杯冰啤酒

701
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,500
‎快過來，讓我在你耳邊說句西班牙語

702
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:17,166
‎快過來，讓我在你耳邊說句西班牙語

703
00:38:17,916 --> 00:38:19,458
‎親愛的寶貝

704
00:38:19,625 --> 00:38:21,541
‎再吻我一次

705
00:38:22,958 --> 00:38:26,250
‎親愛的寶貝，再吻我一次

706
00:38:26,333 --> 00:38:27,458
‎慢慢來

707
00:38:27,916 --> 00:38:31,333
‎親愛的寶貝，再吻我一次

708
00:38:32,750 --> 00:38:36,125
‎親愛的寶貝，再吻我一次

709
00:38:36,208 --> 00:38:37,708
‎慢慢來

710
00:38:37,791 --> 00:38:39,208
‎他指向那裡

711
00:38:39,291 --> 00:38:41,916
‎問我敢不敢？加碼問我
‎敢不敢？但我哪裡都敢去

712
00:38:42,583 --> 00:38:44,041
‎他指向那裡

713
00:38:44,125 --> 00:38:46,833
‎問我敢不敢？加碼問我
‎敢不敢？但我哪裡都敢去

714
00:38:47,666 --> 00:38:48,916
‎他指向那裡

715
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,708
‎問我敢不敢？加碼問我敢不敢？

716
00:38:52,416 --> 00:38:53,708
‎他指向那裡

717
00:38:53,791 --> 00:38:56,166
‎問我敢不敢？加碼問我
‎敢不敢？但我哪裡都敢去

718
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:59,458
‎但我哪裡都敢跟你去

719
00:39:15,083 --> 00:39:17,166
‎非常好

720
00:39:17,250 --> 00:39:19,916
‎只要按部就班照著我的話做

721
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,250
‎你的過去就會隨風而逝

722
00:39:22,333 --> 00:39:24,416
‎完全成為21世紀的男人

723
00:39:24,666 --> 00:39:26,500
‎而且…還可以打上一砲

724
00:39:26,875 --> 00:39:28,125
‎爽歪歪

725
00:39:29,458 --> 00:39:32,000
‎-妳清理蓋子，我清理機器
‎-好

726
00:39:33,250 --> 00:39:34,750
‎早安，我打砲成功了

727
00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:36,833
‎-瑪麗亞
‎-你好

728
00:39:36,916 --> 00:39:38,375
‎雖然一開始好像沒望…

729
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,666
‎不過小弟弟總算達陣了，成功

730
00:39:40,791 --> 00:39:43,708
‎這點努力、那點努力，總算沒白費

731
00:39:44,291 --> 00:39:46,916
‎你早上9點跑來就為了說這個？

732
00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:48,333
‎對啊

733
00:39:48,458 --> 00:39:50,208
‎-不是，她把我踢出來了
‎-沒錯

734
00:39:50,291 --> 00:39:51,666
‎可是我真的想告訴妳

735
00:39:52,125 --> 00:39:53,041
‎所以呢？說吧

736
00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:55,625
‎妳說幹砲嗎？我還記得…

737
00:39:55,708 --> 00:39:57,083
‎我說那個女生，白痴

738
00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:02,166
‎就很普通的女生

739
00:40:02,250 --> 00:40:04,625
‎重點是我達到目標了

740
00:40:04,708 --> 00:40:05,791
‎就是打砲

741
00:40:05,875 --> 00:40:07,125
‎而且一夜兩次

742
00:40:07,208 --> 00:40:08,916
‎而且忘掉前女友了吧？

743
00:40:10,875 --> 00:40:12,416
‎-那太好了
‎-超好的

744
00:40:12,750 --> 00:40:16,416
‎你要跟這個新女友求婚
‎還是再等八年？

745
00:40:16,500 --> 00:40:17,541
‎什麼？

746
00:40:17,875 --> 00:40:20,500
‎不，我們只是砲友而已

747
00:40:21,083 --> 00:40:25,375
‎我沒有要吃回頭草…
‎我沒有要再跟她…那個

748
00:40:26,166 --> 00:40:27,000
‎絕對不會

749
00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:28,125
‎不會

750
00:40:28,416 --> 00:40:30,625
‎-我走了，瑪麗亞再見
‎-再見

751
00:40:32,708 --> 00:40:34,416
‎妳怎麼認識這傢伙的？

752
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:38,291
‎高中同學，我當年15歲，超哈他的

753
00:40:38,875 --> 00:40:40,958
‎-拜託，他完全不是妳的那一型
‎-對啊

754
00:40:57,500 --> 00:40:59,750
‎對，我要打給安娜，好嗎？

755
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:03,125
‎那不代表我們要復合

756
00:41:03,666 --> 00:41:05,333
‎我只是要打電話關心一下

757
00:41:05,541 --> 00:41:06,791
‎-如此而已
‎-我是安娜

758
00:41:06,875 --> 00:41:08,666
‎我只是要有禮貌

759
00:41:09,458 --> 00:41:11,625
‎跟馬子睡過後總要打給人家

760
00:41:12,166 --> 00:41:13,916
‎為什麼…因為…

761
00:41:15,041 --> 00:41:15,916
‎大家都知道嘛

762
00:41:16,416 --> 00:41:19,208
‎跟前女友拍拖的手冊裡都有寫

763
00:41:19,416 --> 00:41:21,583
‎安娜…妳好…

764
00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:22,875
‎是這樣的

765
00:41:23,458 --> 00:41:24,500
‎我在想…

766
00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:26,791
‎妳想跟我共進午餐嗎？

767
00:41:27,958 --> 00:41:28,791
‎不要？

768
00:41:29,083 --> 00:41:32,041
‎妳不要，好，沒關係

769
00:41:32,166 --> 00:41:33,333
‎我不是說今天

770
00:41:33,750 --> 00:41:36,916
‎如果妳今天有空…
‎讓我想想，對，我有空

771
00:41:37,333 --> 00:41:41,666
‎妳是說今天不行，其他時間可以嗎？

772
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,541
‎還是妳今天有空，只是不想？

773
00:41:45,708 --> 00:41:46,666
‎喔，妳不想

774
00:41:46,916 --> 00:41:49,583
‎好吧…完全沒關係

775
00:41:49,666 --> 00:41:51,375
‎那我改天再問，好

776
00:41:51,583 --> 00:41:52,708
‎對，再見

777
00:41:57,041 --> 00:41:59,125
‎她現在可能只是太忙了

778
00:42:00,666 --> 00:42:02,416
‎你想剔老二毛嗎？

779
00:42:04,375 --> 00:42:07,583
‎最近沒有，我的老二…

780
00:42:07,833 --> 00:42:09,250
‎你到底想說什麼？

781
00:42:09,625 --> 00:42:12,541
‎你敷那東西我實在看不懂你的表情

782
00:42:14,208 --> 00:42:15,333
‎你的陰毛啦

783
00:42:15,916 --> 00:42:16,916
‎你的捲毛

784
00:42:17,541 --> 00:42:19,375
‎又短又捲的黑森林

785
00:42:20,875 --> 00:42:22,958
‎幹，你會剔蛋蛋毛嗎？

786
00:42:23,750 --> 00:42:24,833
‎我懂了

787
00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:27,375
‎我沒剔

788
00:42:27,458 --> 00:42:28,541
‎女人喜歡沒毛喔

789
00:42:29,333 --> 00:42:31,416
‎我做了克羅埃西亞除毛

790
00:42:31,875 --> 00:42:33,250
‎現在超流行的

791
00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:34,375
‎想看嗎？

792
00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:51,500
‎馬可斯，你告訴我

793
00:42:52,375 --> 00:42:56,333
‎“競技隊雖然屈居乙組
‎但該隊球員的長腿可是甲組天菜”

794
00:42:57,375 --> 00:42:58,583
‎等一下，還沒完

795
00:42:58,791 --> 00:43:02,208
‎“艾爾切隊勝利的精彩畫面
‎就是前鋒的驚人六塊肌

796
00:43:02,291 --> 00:43:04,708
‎因為他脫下球衣慶祝進門”

797
00:43:05,125 --> 00:43:07,291
‎你他媽講腹肌幹嘛？

798
00:43:07,375 --> 00:43:09,541
‎你想被開除嗎？你瘋了嗎？

799
00:43:10,333 --> 00:43:11,875
‎-你
‎-蘿瑞娜，等一下

800
00:43:12,541 --> 00:43:13,875
‎推特留言是你負責的？

801
00:43:13,958 --> 00:43:16,916
‎對，是他，但他最近過得不太好

802
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,333
‎-下不為…
‎-我不管

803
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,375
‎也許你搞錯了
‎也許足球隊員讓你硬了

804
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:25,291
‎但是現在你的推文爆紅

805
00:43:25,375 --> 00:43:27,208
‎-什麼？
‎-對，帥哥

806
00:43:27,791 --> 00:43:31,875
‎所以你從明天起晉級
‎負責甲組聯賽的推文

807
00:43:32,958 --> 00:43:36,041
‎對了…我幫你加薪一成

808
00:43:36,708 --> 00:43:37,541
‎不夠嗎？

809
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:38,833
‎可憐哪

810
00:43:44,666 --> 00:43:46,000
‎我不知道耶…

811
00:43:46,708 --> 00:43:48,291
‎對…你什麼都不知道

812
00:43:48,916 --> 00:43:49,916
‎幹你媽

813
00:44:11,500 --> 00:44:13,208
‎妳在街頭表演過嗎？

814
00:44:13,541 --> 00:44:14,458
‎幾百次了

815
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,500
‎這樣才能習慣被人當空氣

816
00:44:17,583 --> 00:44:18,833
‎妳不可能被人當空氣

817
00:44:18,916 --> 00:44:21,916
‎他們會笑妳、罵妳、拿食物丟妳…

818
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:23,833
‎可是等你站上舞台時

819
00:44:24,583 --> 00:44:26,333
‎只要觀眾為你鼓掌…

820
00:44:26,791 --> 00:44:27,750
‎就值得了

821
00:44:28,625 --> 00:44:30,958
‎我真不懂，妳怎麼能在觀眾前唱歌

822
00:44:31,250 --> 00:44:32,541
‎還樂在其中

823
00:44:33,083 --> 00:44:34,625
‎我太佩服妳了

824
00:44:39,416 --> 00:44:40,333
‎送我的？

825
00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:43,583
‎-不是
‎-可能跟我的火龍不搭

826
00:44:43,666 --> 00:44:44,500
‎對啊

827
00:44:44,791 --> 00:44:45,625
‎走吧

828
00:44:49,291 --> 00:44:50,583
‎是送那個女生的

829
00:44:52,666 --> 00:44:55,000
‎你不是說只是砲友？

830
00:44:55,250 --> 00:44:57,250
‎對啊，但是她明天生日

831
00:44:57,333 --> 00:44:59,208
‎所以送禮也是正常的

832
00:45:00,083 --> 00:45:02,083
‎你怎麼知道她明天生日？

833
00:45:02,583 --> 00:45:03,541
‎她說的

834
00:45:04,625 --> 00:45:06,541
‎你不是說幾乎沒時間講話？

835
00:45:07,541 --> 00:45:10,041
‎-她幾乎就像餓虎撲羊
‎-對，但是…

836
00:45:10,125 --> 00:45:11,250
‎她什麼時候說的？

837
00:45:11,791 --> 00:45:12,791
‎你們做的時候？

838
00:45:14,708 --> 00:45:15,541
‎怎麼了？

839
00:45:17,333 --> 00:45:18,541
‎-怎麼回事？
‎-好爽

840
00:45:20,458 --> 00:45:21,875
‎小馬，你好厲害

841
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:24,875
‎對了…

842
00:45:25,416 --> 00:45:27,750
‎我有說我的生日是11月15日嗎？

843
00:45:29,916 --> 00:45:31,875
‎-我是射手座
‎-天蠍座啦

844
00:45:32,291 --> 00:45:34,291
‎我的上升星座是…

845
00:45:37,083 --> 00:45:37,958
‎金牛座

846
00:45:40,541 --> 00:45:41,375
‎像這樣嗎？

847
00:45:41,458 --> 00:45:43,458
‎對，沒那麼大聲，但差不多了

848
00:45:43,875 --> 00:45:44,708
‎不錯

849
00:45:44,791 --> 00:45:45,625
‎對不起

850
00:45:45,708 --> 00:45:48,166
‎可以請妳再表演一次
‎但是改說天秤座嗎？

851
00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:50,375
‎-拜託啦
‎-我們要在4點前到動物園

852
00:45:50,458 --> 00:45:51,625
‎我給妳20歐元

853
00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:53,333
‎30

854
00:45:54,500 --> 00:45:56,958
‎你害我損失30歐元

855
00:45:57,500 --> 00:45:58,500
‎快點，他跟來了

856
00:46:11,708 --> 00:46:14,958
‎我是安娜，請留言，我會回電，謝謝

857
00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:28,833
‎迪亞哥，我的植物

858
00:46:29,208 --> 00:46:30,208
‎被你壓到了

859
00:46:36,625 --> 00:46:38,041
‎幹嘛？直說吧

860
00:46:40,166 --> 00:46:42,375
‎我這幾天一直在想一件事

861
00:46:44,250 --> 00:46:45,416
‎你有女朋友了

862
00:46:45,500 --> 00:46:46,333
‎什麼？

863
00:46:46,958 --> 00:46:49,958
‎我怎麼可能…有女朋友…跟誰？

864
00:46:50,041 --> 00:46:53,916
‎拜託，你快一個月沒抱怨前女友了

865
00:46:54,125 --> 00:46:56,208
‎這就代表你已經忘了她了

866
00:46:56,291 --> 00:46:59,916
‎只有一個可能
‎就是你交女朋友了，超好猜的

867
00:47:00,458 --> 00:47:02,291
‎沒這回事

868
00:47:04,416 --> 00:47:06,125
‎我就知道

869
00:47:06,208 --> 00:47:07,750
‎你這個兔崽子

870
00:47:07,833 --> 00:47:10,000
‎-我認識她嗎？
‎-不認識，為什麼會認識？

871
00:47:10,083 --> 00:47:11,916
‎好吧，冷靜下來

872
00:47:12,375 --> 00:47:14,125
‎你總算不是行屍走肉了

873
00:47:14,208 --> 00:47:15,208
‎她吸老二嗎？

874
00:47:15,291 --> 00:47:16,916
‎迪亞哥…

875
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,458
‎我有很多記事本…要整理

876
00:47:19,541 --> 00:47:21,000
‎好，我放心了

877
00:47:21,083 --> 00:47:25,041
‎重點是你總算把
‎愛抱怨的前女友一腳踢開了

878
00:47:25,666 --> 00:47:28,083
‎這才是重點，好樣的

879
00:47:28,458 --> 00:47:29,375
‎叫你第一名

880
00:47:32,625 --> 00:47:34,000
‎你有幫我買乳液嗎？

881
00:47:35,500 --> 00:47:36,375
‎有

882
00:47:37,458 --> 00:47:38,500
‎還有別的

883
00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:41,541
‎韓國面膜

884
00:47:42,041 --> 00:47:43,541
‎你看過韓國人的皮膚嗎？

885
00:47:43,750 --> 00:47:46,583
‎他們的桌球選手皮膚超讚
‎你摸摸我的臉

886
00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:49,375
‎-很光滑吧？
‎-對啊

887
00:47:49,458 --> 00:47:50,291
‎你拿去

888
00:47:56,166 --> 00:47:58,833
‎所以你有幫她買東西嗎？

889
00:47:58,916 --> 00:48:00,583
‎我最近很少見到她

890
00:48:00,916 --> 00:48:02,458
‎所以她在躲你

891
00:48:02,541 --> 00:48:04,375
‎我不在乎這種事

892
00:48:04,458 --> 00:48:06,375
‎不想跟我在一起也無所謂

893
00:48:06,666 --> 00:48:07,500
‎-她倒楣
‎-這裡

894
00:48:07,583 --> 00:48:08,416
‎好

895
00:48:08,500 --> 00:48:10,166
‎我們都是大人了

896
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:14,333
‎怎麼了？

897
00:48:14,541 --> 00:48:16,541
‎沒事，只是不懂當初幹嘛跟我

898
00:48:16,625 --> 00:48:17,833
‎因為她明明很喜歡

899
00:48:18,250 --> 00:48:20,541
‎喜歡的話就會還想要

900
00:48:21,125 --> 00:48:22,083
‎她為什麼不來電？

901
00:48:23,083 --> 00:48:24,375
‎那隻火龍可以給我嗎？

902
00:48:26,500 --> 00:48:28,583
‎上次她說：“我再打給你”

903
00:48:29,291 --> 00:48:30,583
‎這到底什麼意思？

904
00:48:30,666 --> 00:48:32,833
‎上次？你到底打幾次？

905
00:48:33,333 --> 00:48:35,083
‎大概五次、十次

906
00:48:35,291 --> 00:48:36,500
‎上禮拜15次

907
00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:39,666
‎你要我自己去搬火龍嗎？

908
00:48:40,208 --> 00:48:42,125
‎我深蹲時順便搬

909
00:48:42,583 --> 00:48:43,416
‎你什麼？

910
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:46,833
‎妳有練身體就知道深蹲是什麼了

911
00:48:47,041 --> 00:48:47,875
‎看好

912
00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:51,083
‎兩條腿要這樣彎

913
00:48:52,208 --> 00:48:53,625
‎挖咧幹

914
00:48:53,708 --> 00:48:54,833
‎-你還好吧？
‎-幹

915
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,708
‎我去拿出院同意書

916
00:49:01,208 --> 00:49:02,125
‎好

917
00:49:11,041 --> 00:49:14,208
‎-醫生怎麼說？
‎-我椎間盤突出…

918
00:49:14,666 --> 00:49:15,541
‎什麼？

919
00:49:16,541 --> 00:49:19,916
‎“非必要長期用力導致椎間盤突出”

920
00:49:22,583 --> 00:49:24,708
‎真不知道你拼命練舉重是幹嘛

921
00:49:25,500 --> 00:49:26,916
‎等等，我知道了

922
00:49:27,416 --> 00:49:30,750
‎因為那個老是閃你的神秘女友

923
00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:33,291
‎不是我女友，她不神秘，不是這原因

924
00:49:33,375 --> 00:49:34,666
‎妳幹嘛坐輪椅？

925
00:49:35,166 --> 00:49:36,541
‎送你回家用的

926
00:49:37,291 --> 00:49:38,791
‎我努力一下就能走了

927
00:49:39,750 --> 00:49:41,208
‎對，但這樣比較好玩

928
00:49:41,291 --> 00:49:42,500
‎可以還我嗎？

929
00:49:42,583 --> 00:49:45,250
‎我已經說過不行了，這是病人的

930
00:49:49,166 --> 00:49:50,791
‎我下禮拜就會歸還了

931
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:55,833
‎喂

932
00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:57,083
‎今天？

933
00:49:59,791 --> 00:50:02,625
‎我工作有點忙，可以等一下回電嗎？

934
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:04,541
‎好，再見

935
00:50:07,625 --> 00:50:08,458
‎是她嗎？

936
00:50:11,125 --> 00:50:12,000
‎你要去嗎？

937
00:50:12,416 --> 00:50:14,208
‎妳要我怎麼幹？妳看我

938
00:50:14,291 --> 00:50:17,041
‎你一定會去她家，然後我會去接你

939
00:50:17,125 --> 00:50:19,666
‎把光溜溜的你拖下床
‎然後送回急診室

940
00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:21,875
‎我才不去咧，不管她怎麼說

941
00:50:21,958 --> 00:50:23,500
‎-你一定會去
‎-我不會

942
00:50:23,583 --> 00:50:25,375
‎你一定會

943
00:50:25,458 --> 00:50:26,333
‎不要就是不要

944
00:50:28,291 --> 00:50:29,666
‎抱緊我

945
00:50:31,291 --> 00:50:32,541
‎抱緊，就這樣

946
00:50:33,166 --> 00:50:34,583
‎可以暫停一下嗎？

947
00:50:34,666 --> 00:50:36,375
‎-不行？
‎-你還好吧？

948
00:50:36,458 --> 00:50:37,833
‎我很好，沒事

949
00:50:38,375 --> 00:50:39,625
‎我要在上面

950
00:50:40,666 --> 00:50:41,500
‎在上面？

951
00:50:41,583 --> 00:50:43,500
‎-懂了，可以轉側邊嗎？
‎-不行

952
00:50:43,833 --> 00:50:45,458
‎-在上面
‎-好

953
00:50:54,250 --> 00:50:55,666
‎-我來囉
‎-上吧

954
00:51:05,125 --> 00:51:06,000
‎快點，用力

955
00:51:06,083 --> 00:51:07,541
‎好，我在蓄勢待發

956
00:51:07,875 --> 00:51:08,833
‎來吧

957
00:51:09,333 --> 00:51:10,166
‎來吧

958
00:51:12,583 --> 00:51:14,166
‎什麼？你射了？

959
00:51:15,041 --> 00:51:15,916
‎可能吧

960
00:51:16,583 --> 00:51:19,916
‎-你不會這樣丟下我吧？
‎-不，我不會…

961
00:51:20,750 --> 00:51:23,250
‎妳就…等著瞧吧

962
00:51:36,375 --> 00:51:37,666
‎我靠

963
00:51:42,166 --> 00:51:43,000
‎嗨

964
00:51:43,750 --> 00:51:44,583
‎嗨

965
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:47,333
‎你去了對不對？

966
00:51:47,416 --> 00:51:48,250
‎沒錯

967
00:51:50,125 --> 00:51:50,958
‎然後呢？

968
00:51:53,583 --> 00:51:54,583
‎痛死我了

969
00:51:58,666 --> 00:51:59,708
‎我差點死掉

970
00:52:00,250 --> 00:52:01,125
‎送你樣東西

971
00:52:04,083 --> 00:52:07,166
‎我幹嘛問啊？這不是超市買的吧？

972
00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:09,916
‎不，這是尊榮病房的，但我保證…

973
00:52:11,250 --> 00:52:12,583
‎護士沒看到我

974
00:52:12,666 --> 00:52:13,708
‎我放心了

975
00:52:14,166 --> 00:52:15,375
‎我可以退回去

976
00:52:15,708 --> 00:52:18,000
‎但這是一個老頭的，他牙齒都掉光了

977
00:52:18,083 --> 00:52:20,708
‎掉光…那他就無福消受了
‎幹嘛拿高跟鞋？

978
00:52:20,791 --> 00:52:22,083
‎這是開瓶器

979
00:52:22,166 --> 00:52:23,083
‎這樣用？

980
00:52:23,750 --> 00:52:24,666
‎理論上

981
00:52:29,666 --> 00:52:30,500
‎天啊

982
00:52:30,583 --> 00:52:31,541
‎讚…

983
00:52:32,166 --> 00:52:33,000
‎真的可以

984
00:52:49,833 --> 00:52:55,333
‎（九號小隊）

985
00:53:12,416 --> 00:53:13,875
‎你在拔眉毛嗎？

986
00:53:14,458 --> 00:53:16,583
‎我只是不想讓眉毛連在一起

987
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,083
‎馬可斯，我想了很久

988
00:53:27,416 --> 00:53:28,333
‎想什麼？

989
00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:32,416
‎我想你需要來個哥兒們之夜

990
00:53:33,041 --> 00:53:34,833
‎就像以前一樣

991
00:53:35,083 --> 00:53:36,416
‎啤酒、哥兒們和足球

992
00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:38,125
‎靠，好久沒這樣了

993
00:53:38,666 --> 00:53:39,500
‎沒錯

994
00:53:40,125 --> 00:53:42,166
‎那就這麼說定了

995
00:53:42,916 --> 00:53:44,666
‎今晚一起到我家

996
00:53:45,166 --> 00:53:46,958
‎-好
‎-晚點見，老大

997
00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:52,625
‎好

998
00:53:54,833 --> 00:53:57,000
‎混蛋，過來啦，下半場了

999
00:53:57,083 --> 00:53:57,916
‎來了

1000
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,583
‎以前只要請喝酒就搞定了

1001
00:54:01,125 --> 00:54:04,500
‎現在是她們請你喝酒
‎所以把妹的優勢就沒了

1002
00:54:04,583 --> 00:54:06,250
‎如果幫女人開門…

1003
00:54:06,333 --> 00:54:07,166
‎代表你沙豬

1004
00:54:07,250 --> 00:54:08,583
‎沒開代表不紳士

1005
00:54:08,666 --> 00:54:10,125
‎-都不知道怎麼互動
‎-沒錯

1006
00:54:10,208 --> 00:54:11,958
‎我們的男人守則都毀了

1007
00:54:12,041 --> 00:54:13,708
‎-還有不能有體臭
‎-對啊

1008
00:54:13,791 --> 00:54:15,000
‎-還要幽默
‎-對啊

1009
00:54:15,083 --> 00:54:16,000
‎衣服要有品味

1010
00:54:16,083 --> 00:54:17,583
‎-還要懂做菜
‎-我知道

1011
00:54:17,666 --> 00:54:20,125
‎我修了三堂烹飪課才有點搞頭

1012
00:54:20,208 --> 00:54:23,833
‎-真的？
‎-對啊，亞洲料理、日式料理、甜點

1013
00:54:24,166 --> 00:54:26,500
‎我很喜歡吃，但是肚子就…

1014
00:54:26,833 --> 00:54:29,291
‎你們不覺得這樣還不夠嗎？

1015
00:54:29,375 --> 00:54:31,625
‎等你上過自動料理機的課程就知道

1016
00:54:32,041 --> 00:54:34,083
‎迪亞哥，電視可以關小聲嗎？

1017
00:54:34,458 --> 00:54:37,291
‎幹，想都別想，全都給我滾，出去

1018
00:54:37,958 --> 00:54:39,291
‎-回家
‎-怎麼了？

1019
00:54:39,375 --> 00:54:41,125
‎要聊去別的地方聊

1020
00:54:41,208 --> 00:54:42,583
‎我他媽受夠你們了

1021
00:54:42,666 --> 00:54:43,541
‎幹嘛？

1022
00:54:43,625 --> 00:54:45,666
‎-好，快走
‎-別這樣啦

1023
00:54:45,750 --> 00:54:47,208
‎慢走不送

1024
00:54:47,291 --> 00:54:48,708
‎快走，媽的滾蛋

1025
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,250
‎你不准走

1026
00:54:50,583 --> 00:54:51,666
‎好，掰掰

1027
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,125
‎好，再見

1028
00:54:54,333 --> 00:54:56,000
‎-你是怎麼了？
‎-你又怎麼了？

1029
00:54:56,458 --> 00:54:58,333
‎我沒事，你在氣什麼？

1030
00:54:58,416 --> 00:55:02,166
‎我已經不認識你了，馬可斯
‎我左看又看都認不出你

1031
00:55:02,583 --> 00:55:04,708
‎你最好不是在講報導的事

1032
00:55:04,791 --> 00:55:05,916
‎喔，報導啊

1033
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,041
‎分享食譜啊…拔眉毛啊

1034
00:55:09,125 --> 00:55:10,875
‎-到底有完沒完？
‎-什麼？

1035
00:55:10,958 --> 00:55:12,875
‎你都忘了我們是來看足球的

1036
00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:15,208
‎-我沒有啊
‎-沒有…現在比賽怎麼樣？

1037
00:55:16,958 --> 00:55:18,000
‎很順利啊

1038
00:55:18,416 --> 00:55:19,583
‎你變成娘兒們了

1039
00:55:28,916 --> 00:55:31,875
‎為什麼男人把女人當罵人的話？

1040
00:55:32,250 --> 00:55:34,250
‎-這是不對的
‎-不知道，我不會

1041
00:55:34,500 --> 00:55:37,916
‎我只知道我想嘗試
‎以前覺得很無聊的新事物

1042
00:55:38,166 --> 00:55:42,291
‎刮體毛、烹飪、運動
‎這不只是為了男人還是女人

1043
00:55:42,375 --> 00:55:45,083
‎從你講話的方式就知道你是男人

1044
00:55:45,333 --> 00:55:46,750
‎還有男人的其他毛病

1045
00:55:47,041 --> 00:55:48,041
‎什麼其他毛病？

1046
00:55:48,708 --> 00:55:50,916
‎比方說你很愛抱怨

1047
00:55:51,166 --> 00:55:52,916
‎-我很愛抱怨？
‎-沒錯

1048
00:55:53,291 --> 00:55:54,125
‎男人都一樣

1049
00:55:54,958 --> 00:55:57,291
‎至少你還能自我解嘲，挺不錯的

1050
00:55:57,375 --> 00:55:58,625
‎我有很多理由

1051
00:55:59,083 --> 00:56:00,291
‎所以你才打給我？

1052
00:56:00,750 --> 00:56:01,583
‎不是

1053
00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:05,083
‎跟妳重新當朋友
‎讓我想起好多高中往事

1054
00:56:05,166 --> 00:56:06,500
‎我以前就坐在那裡

1055
00:56:06,583 --> 00:56:08,916
‎穿著連帽外套，帶著CD隨身聽

1056
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:10,000
‎CD隨身聽

1057
00:56:10,208 --> 00:56:13,708
‎聽著情緒搖滾音樂
‎覺得自己是海灘上最猛的人

1058
00:56:14,875 --> 00:56:17,750
‎滿腦子人生有多不公平
‎一直到夕陽西下

1059
00:56:19,958 --> 00:56:21,166
‎這個地方很美吧？

1060
00:56:53,250 --> 00:56:55,625
‎我跟我第一個女朋友第一次做時

1061
00:56:56,083 --> 00:56:58,000
‎她在高潮的那一刻笑了出來

1062
00:57:00,208 --> 00:57:02,291
‎當然我以前沒性經驗

1063
00:57:02,375 --> 00:57:04,583
‎所以以為：“也許這是正常的”

1064
00:57:04,666 --> 00:57:06,250
‎後來我也開始笑

1065
00:57:06,708 --> 00:57:08,583
‎-就跟笨蛋一樣
‎-配合對方

1066
00:57:08,666 --> 00:57:10,458
‎我不希望氣氛尷尬

1067
00:57:11,083 --> 00:57:14,250
‎最後我就習慣了，可是她甩了我後…

1068
00:57:14,875 --> 00:57:17,041
‎我跟不會笑的馬子交往時

1069
00:57:17,125 --> 00:57:18,833
‎心裡總覺得，也許…

1070
00:57:19,250 --> 00:57:21,125
‎我的床上功夫不夠好

1071
00:57:21,625 --> 00:57:23,916
‎-你交過幾個女朋友？
‎-三個

1072
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:25,583
‎也縱欲了三次，妳呢？

1073
00:57:26,208 --> 00:57:27,333
‎縱欲了超多次

1074
00:57:27,416 --> 00:57:31,083
‎不過如果是一起看電影
‎度假時拍照的那種男朋友…

1075
00:57:31,333 --> 00:57:32,250
‎就不多了

1076
00:57:33,166 --> 00:57:35,125
‎-我的第一次是16歲
‎-16？

1077
00:57:35,583 --> 00:57:37,708
‎16歲的女生根本不讓男生摸胸部

1078
00:57:37,791 --> 00:57:39,375
‎我願意啊，我很喜歡

1079
00:57:40,625 --> 00:57:41,750
‎我那時在幹嘛？

1080
00:57:42,250 --> 00:57:43,291
‎看漫畫

1081
00:57:43,708 --> 00:57:44,625
‎（安娜）

1082
00:57:48,541 --> 00:57:52,083
‎我不知道，我不太適合跟人…

1083
00:57:53,125 --> 00:57:54,791
‎談戀愛太久

1084
00:57:55,333 --> 00:57:56,916
‎就不適合，我不知道

1085
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:58,083
‎-為什麼？
‎-我不知道

1086
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,750
‎我談戀愛最久的對象

1087
00:58:00,833 --> 00:58:02,041
‎就是音樂

1088
00:58:03,208 --> 00:58:05,416
‎沒一個人能讓我有同樣的感覺

1089
00:58:06,083 --> 00:58:07,958
‎真的，我連陰道都有感覺

1090
00:58:09,416 --> 00:58:10,541
‎那個地方挺不錯的

1091
00:58:14,083 --> 00:58:14,916
‎幹嘛？

1092
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:16,916
‎-幹爆我
‎-什麼？

1093
00:58:17,333 --> 00:58:18,166
‎還記得嗎？

1094
00:58:19,541 --> 00:58:20,666
‎幹爆我

1095
00:58:30,750 --> 00:58:33,666
‎我好久沒這樣了

1096
00:58:34,208 --> 00:58:35,083
‎我也是

1097
00:59:10,291 --> 00:59:12,125
‎-普羅克萊門兄弟
‎-不會吧

1098
00:59:12,916 --> 00:59:15,000
‎-我的混音帶裡有這首
‎-天啊…

1099
00:59:15,083 --> 00:59:16,500
‎跟我來

1100
00:59:18,125 --> 00:59:18,958
‎上來啦

1101
00:59:19,625 --> 00:59:21,625
‎-我不行
‎-來啦

1102
00:59:21,708 --> 00:59:22,750
‎為什麼？

1103
00:59:22,833 --> 00:59:25,250
‎大家又不認識你，誰鳥你啊？

1104
00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:28,166
‎我真的不行

1105
00:59:28,250 --> 00:59:29,083
‎來啦

1106
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:30,541
‎我知道我會成為

1107
00:59:30,708 --> 00:59:33,916
‎我會成為在妳身邊醒來的男人

1108
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:40,916
‎上來啦，不要把我晾在這裡

1109
00:59:41,541 --> 00:59:43,416
‎我真的受不了，不行

1110
00:59:43,500 --> 00:59:44,791
‎太丟臉了

1111
00:59:46,791 --> 00:59:47,708
‎我會怕

1112
00:59:47,791 --> 00:59:49,875
‎我不會跳舞，不行

1113
01:00:00,541 --> 01:00:01,375
‎馬可斯

1114
01:00:04,208 --> 01:00:05,541
‎你為什麼不接？

1115
01:00:06,083 --> 01:00:07,958
‎-我真的很忙
‎-嗨

1116
01:00:08,500 --> 01:00:09,500
‎我是安娜

1117
01:00:11,166 --> 01:00:12,083
‎安娜？

1118
01:00:13,375 --> 01:00:16,000
‎我是他朋友拉琪爾，不過我要走了

1119
01:00:16,083 --> 01:00:18,375
‎-不要…
‎-沒關係，再見

1120
01:00:20,083 --> 01:00:21,375
‎我們去喝一杯吧

1121
01:00:35,291 --> 01:00:36,708
‎-等等
‎-幹嘛？

1122
01:00:36,791 --> 01:00:38,666
‎不要，拜託別脫衣服

1123
01:00:39,208 --> 01:00:40,125
‎怎麼了？

1124
01:00:42,125 --> 01:00:44,583
‎我已經有點厭倦了

1125
01:00:45,916 --> 01:00:49,875
‎跟妳上床，好像復合了，我不行…

1126
01:00:49,958 --> 01:00:52,375
‎馬可斯，你還是不懂

1127
01:00:53,875 --> 01:00:55,208
‎我們沒有復合

1128
01:00:55,291 --> 01:00:57,291
‎那當然，我們又不算在一起

1129
01:00:57,375 --> 01:00:59,000
‎可是再這樣下去，我知道…

1130
01:00:59,083 --> 01:01:00,875
‎-我要結婚了
‎-什麼？

1131
01:01:00,958 --> 01:01:01,958
‎我要結婚了

1132
01:01:02,625 --> 01:01:03,500
‎其實，我…

1133
01:01:03,916 --> 01:01:06,041
‎我一直想說，但不知如何開口

1134
01:01:07,458 --> 01:01:11,125
‎我的男朋友在柏林
‎但是…他後天會回來

1135
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:15,625
‎妳這個婊子

1136
01:01:15,708 --> 01:01:18,041
‎我早就該跟她說妳是個…

1137
01:01:18,750 --> 01:01:20,625
‎中文怎麼罵那句話？

1138
01:01:22,750 --> 01:01:24,041
‎我早就該…罵她這句

1139
01:01:24,500 --> 01:01:26,958
‎但是我卻說…

1140
01:01:27,541 --> 01:01:28,833
‎我很高興…

1141
01:01:29,333 --> 01:01:31,375
‎只要妳…快樂就好

1142
01:01:32,125 --> 01:01:33,083
‎對啊，我知道

1143
01:01:37,208 --> 01:01:38,458
‎你要來喝喜酒嗎？

1144
01:01:44,166 --> 01:01:45,166
‎我大概…

1145
01:01:45,875 --> 01:01:46,750
‎好啊，沒問題

1146
01:01:47,708 --> 01:01:48,541
‎謝謝

1147
01:01:53,875 --> 01:01:56,375
‎我真是個混蛋，“混蛋”中文怎麼說？

1148
01:01:58,500 --> 01:01:59,791
‎我真是最大的混蛋

1149
01:02:00,500 --> 01:02:01,416
‎你知道嗎？

1150
01:02:03,708 --> 01:02:04,583
‎我受夠了

1151
01:02:05,125 --> 01:02:06,041
‎真的

1152
01:02:07,541 --> 01:02:08,500
‎我受夠了‎，‎幹

1153
01:02:08,916 --> 01:02:10,500
‎我什麼都不要了，謝謝

1154
01:03:45,916 --> 01:03:49,750
‎（小笨蛋）

1155
01:03:55,083 --> 01:03:56,958
‎-你要我找什麼？
‎-那裡

1156
01:03:57,041 --> 01:03:58,125
‎哪一個？

1157
01:03:58,208 --> 01:04:00,916
‎是一個鞋盒，有…看那邊

1158
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:03,375
‎-這裡？
‎-對，裡面有錄音帶

1159
01:04:03,458 --> 01:04:06,083
‎-還有音樂的東西
‎-沒有，這是我的針線盒

1160
01:04:06,166 --> 01:04:08,916
‎-說真的，你為什麼不找？
‎-下來

1161
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,708
‎-你來找
‎-我來找，妳下來

1162
01:04:10,958 --> 01:04:11,791
‎你上去

1163
01:04:12,375 --> 01:04:13,250
‎你看

1164
01:04:14,750 --> 01:04:17,208
‎我說過不在那裡…

1165
01:04:17,583 --> 01:04:19,916
‎一定在哪個地方啊…

1166
01:04:20,291 --> 01:04:21,958
‎-小心
‎-被我弄掉了

1167
01:04:34,166 --> 01:04:38,708
‎（推特給我）

1168
01:04:44,541 --> 01:04:47,583
‎（馬可斯加里多）

1169
01:04:48,791 --> 01:04:50,791
‎（安娜與路易斯米格爾）

1170
01:05:09,833 --> 01:05:14,666
‎（安娜與路易斯米格爾
‎2019年12月28日）

1171
01:05:18,791 --> 01:05:21,416
‎所以你這段時間都在搞前女友

1172
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:25,166
‎她只是把你當砲友
‎結果還要跟別人結婚？

1173
01:05:25,458 --> 01:05:26,625
‎她實在有點賤

1174
01:05:26,708 --> 01:05:29,541
‎天啊，也許她很賤，但你真的很笨

1175
01:05:29,625 --> 01:05:30,958
‎你知道最慘的是什麼嗎？

1176
01:05:31,750 --> 01:05:34,500
‎雖然安娜在騙我，但我也騙了拉琪爾

1177
01:05:35,666 --> 01:05:36,500
‎拉琪爾是誰？

1178
01:05:36,916 --> 01:05:37,875
‎朋友

1179
01:05:37,958 --> 01:05:39,166
‎身材辣嗎？

1180
01:05:39,250 --> 01:05:41,208
‎辣翻了，但那不是重點

1181
01:05:42,833 --> 01:05:45,750
‎我們最近偶遇，但一開始是高中同學

1182
01:05:46,291 --> 01:05:48,166
‎她是我朋友的妹妹

1183
01:05:49,250 --> 01:05:51,541
‎以前老是跟我要混音帶

1184
01:05:51,625 --> 01:05:54,416
‎-我們喜歡同樣的樂團…
‎-天啊

1185
01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,166
‎你們戀愛了

1186
01:05:56,250 --> 01:05:57,291
‎這樣就對了

1187
01:05:59,041 --> 01:06:00,208
‎你知道該怎麼做了

1188
01:06:00,291 --> 01:06:04,000
‎對啊，我透過手機軟體
‎認識一堆馬子，可是你知道嗎？

1189
01:06:04,875 --> 01:06:06,125
‎這招對我沒用

1190
01:06:08,791 --> 01:06:09,625
‎我要回家了

1191
01:06:10,291 --> 01:06:13,666
‎回家吧，冷靜點

1192
01:06:15,625 --> 01:06:18,458
‎（如何不要再當個）

1193
01:06:18,541 --> 01:06:22,333
‎（他媽的白痴）

1194
01:06:25,166 --> 01:06:27,000
‎（賽巴斯提文納）

1195
01:06:33,625 --> 01:06:37,333
‎感謝各位收看西班牙最大的勵志頻道

1196
01:06:37,875 --> 01:06:40,291
‎因為你需要人幫忙時要找誰呢？

1197
01:06:40,375 --> 01:06:41,708
‎你的家人？你的朋…

1198
01:06:58,333 --> 01:07:00,041
‎-嗨
‎-嗨，拉琪爾

1199
01:07:00,125 --> 01:07:02,458
‎有人送花和卡片給妳

1200
01:07:03,625 --> 01:07:05,041
‎我覺得這款設計…

1201
01:07:05,875 --> 01:07:08,500
‎把花剪掉就可以了

1202
01:07:08,583 --> 01:07:10,000
‎-能蓋住嗎？
‎-可以

1203
01:07:10,083 --> 01:07:11,625
‎這樣放很好

1204
01:07:12,291 --> 01:07:13,375
‎我們甚至可以…

1205
01:07:14,083 --> 01:07:16,541
‎-留下這個…丟掉那個
‎-我不喜歡

1206
01:07:16,791 --> 01:07:19,541
‎我知道自己在妳的討厭名單裡面

1207
01:07:19,625 --> 01:07:22,416
‎我們辦公室明天辦派對，希望妳能來

1208
01:07:22,750 --> 01:07:24,833
‎附註：妳不來的話我能諒解

1209
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:26,583
‎再附註：還是拜託妳來

1210
01:07:50,125 --> 01:07:51,708
‎-我喜歡那則納達爾推文
‎-真的？

1211
01:07:51,791 --> 01:07:52,625
‎你超強的

1212
01:07:52,708 --> 01:07:53,875
‎-這個…
‎-怎麼想到的？

1213
01:07:54,500 --> 01:07:56,416
‎-大家好
‎-嗨

1214
01:07:56,500 --> 01:07:59,083
‎-妳好
‎-可以跟你講幾句話嗎？

1215
01:07:59,166 --> 01:08:00,000
‎-好
‎-私下談

1216
01:08:02,375 --> 01:08:04,000
‎我有兩個問題

1217
01:08:04,625 --> 01:08:06,333
‎第一，你會講英文嗎？

1218
01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:07,666
‎我會啊

1219
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:09,583
‎好，那你要去倫敦了

1220
01:08:09,666 --> 01:08:10,666
‎-真的？
‎-真的

1221
01:08:11,041 --> 01:08:13,833
‎上級要你負責英國足球賽事的推文

1222
01:08:13,958 --> 01:08:16,291
‎-太棒了
‎-第二，你想吃我嗎？

1223
01:08:16,666 --> 01:08:19,457
‎吃？我已經吃零食了…

1224
01:08:19,541 --> 01:08:21,582
‎-妳是說吃東西嗎？
‎-不是

1225
01:08:22,457 --> 01:08:24,250
‎我是說“吃我”

1226
01:08:25,500 --> 01:08:27,207
‎故事就是這麼結束的

1227
01:08:27,291 --> 01:08:29,125
‎-聖誕快樂
‎-聖誕大餐

1228
01:08:33,125 --> 01:08:34,457
‎-妳好
‎-你好

1229
01:08:34,832 --> 01:08:35,666
‎有什麼事嗎？

1230
01:08:35,957 --> 01:08:37,791
‎謝謝，我要找馬可斯

1231
01:08:38,291 --> 01:08:39,291
‎妳一定是拉琪爾

1232
01:08:39,791 --> 01:08:40,625
‎對

1233
01:08:41,125 --> 01:08:41,957
‎我是迪亞哥

1234
01:08:42,625 --> 01:08:45,166
‎-對了，那個天菜
‎-我是說…

1235
01:08:45,250 --> 01:08:48,166
‎馬可斯加里多？走廊到底右轉…

1236
01:08:48,250 --> 01:08:50,750
‎-不行，托米
‎-在掃除用具間

1237
01:08:50,832 --> 01:08:51,916
‎-那邊？
‎-沒錯

1238
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:52,916
‎-不行，托米
‎-謝謝

1239
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:54,000
‎他還沒過去

1240
01:08:54,082 --> 01:08:55,291
‎不行，拉琪爾，等等

1241
01:08:56,957 --> 01:08:58,000
‎不行，蘿瑞娜

1242
01:08:58,125 --> 01:09:00,125
‎-妳誤會了
‎-一點也沒有

1243
01:09:00,207 --> 01:09:02,041
‎托米，你真是大嘴巴

1244
01:09:02,125 --> 01:09:03,082
‎我又犯了什麼錯？

1245
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:04,832
‎住手

1246
01:09:21,541 --> 01:09:22,416
‎拉琪爾

1247
01:09:24,207 --> 01:09:25,125
‎拉琪爾

1248
01:09:27,541 --> 01:09:28,375
‎幹嘛？

1249
01:09:29,707 --> 01:09:30,707
‎我們是清白的

1250
01:09:32,500 --> 01:09:34,041
‎幹，這下慘了

1251
01:09:35,332 --> 01:09:36,375
‎蘿瑞娜是我老闆

1252
01:09:36,457 --> 01:09:37,541
‎我根本就不喜歡她

1253
01:09:37,625 --> 01:09:39,750
‎你愛搞誰是你的自由

1254
01:09:41,707 --> 01:09:44,207
‎我只是不知道你幹嘛邀我

1255
01:09:46,082 --> 01:09:47,457
‎因為…

1256
01:09:48,916 --> 01:09:49,750
‎好吧

1257
01:09:50,457 --> 01:09:52,207
‎今天我要…

1258
01:09:54,916 --> 01:09:57,166
‎我是說…我要…

1259
01:09:57,916 --> 01:09:58,750
‎什麼？

1260
01:09:59,458 --> 01:10:01,083
‎馬可斯，你到底要什麼？

1261
01:10:33,041 --> 01:10:34,250
‎結局真慘

1262
01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:35,583
‎怎麼“慘”？

1263
01:10:36,041 --> 01:10:39,166
‎你冷靜點，誰叫你在掃除用具間幹砲

1264
01:10:39,250 --> 01:10:42,416
‎又在講性的事情
‎你為什麼滿腦子都是性？

1265
01:10:42,625 --> 01:10:43,583
‎講話別這麼衝

1266
01:10:43,666 --> 01:10:46,333
‎就算你換了髮型、買了幾件襯衫

1267
01:10:46,416 --> 01:10:48,166
‎還是一樣的窩囊廢

1268
01:10:48,250 --> 01:10:50,125
‎兩位別吵了，我知道怎麼辦

1269
01:10:50,208 --> 01:10:52,083
‎如果你們要修補感情

1270
01:10:52,166 --> 01:10:54,083
‎明天有自動料理機的展示會

1271
01:10:54,166 --> 01:10:56,666
‎-就像女人的法拉利
‎-幹，我才不要

1272
01:10:56,750 --> 01:10:58,666
‎而且你懂什麼女人？

1273
01:10:59,291 --> 01:11:02,291
‎-別瞧不起人，我們感情很好
‎-對啊，超好的

1274
01:11:02,375 --> 01:11:04,333
‎你追蘇珊娜多久了？

1275
01:11:05,083 --> 01:11:05,916
‎一個月

1276
01:11:06,250 --> 01:11:08,333
‎狗屁，至少一年，而且純聊天

1277
01:11:08,791 --> 01:11:09,958
‎這樣有屁用？

1278
01:11:10,041 --> 01:11:13,500
‎我們在為將來打好基礎，而且…

1279
01:11:13,583 --> 01:11:16,250
‎你知道她在這段期間
‎都跟誰啪啪啪嗎？他

1280
01:11:16,333 --> 01:11:18,250
‎-什麼？
‎-你在說什麼？

1281
01:11:18,333 --> 01:11:19,916
‎馬力安諾，艾蓮娜還好嗎？

1282
01:11:21,583 --> 01:11:24,750
‎我們前幾天在晚會時聊了三小時

1283
01:11:24,833 --> 01:11:27,333
‎後來她在哪裡跟人幹了三小時？他家

1284
01:11:27,791 --> 01:11:29,708
‎什麼？我絕對沒跟她搞

1285
01:11:29,791 --> 01:11:30,916
‎你是怎麼回事？

1286
01:11:31,333 --> 01:11:35,583
‎馬可斯，你有看到朋友嗎？
‎我跟她說你在掃除用具間

1287
01:12:48,666 --> 01:12:51,583
‎（送給托米）

1288
01:13:20,458 --> 01:13:21,833
‎（夏娃，26歲，500公尺）

1289
01:13:23,291 --> 01:13:24,958
‎（露絲，33歲，810公尺）

1290
01:13:34,750 --> 01:13:37,250
‎希薇亞，28歲，棕眼
‎距離不到1公里

1291
01:13:37,333 --> 01:13:38,625
‎她喜歡棕色的貓

1292
01:13:40,416 --> 01:13:41,958
‎你這個混蛋

1293
01:13:46,666 --> 01:13:49,125
‎我那天太過份了，對不起

1294
01:13:51,333 --> 01:13:53,416
‎真可惜，你不是希薇亞

1295
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,833
‎對啊…可是我眼珠
‎是棕色的，你可以嗎？

1296
01:14:04,500 --> 01:14:06,583
‎所以都決定了？你要去倫敦？

1297
01:14:07,375 --> 01:14:09,291
‎對啊，這是往上爬的好機會

1298
01:14:09,875 --> 01:14:11,208
‎拉琪爾怎麼樣了？

1299
01:14:11,833 --> 01:14:13,500
‎不怎麼樣，我沒種

1300
01:14:15,791 --> 01:14:19,458
‎反正我也受不了別人拒絕
‎我寧願忘了她，離開這裡

1301
01:14:20,958 --> 01:14:24,291
‎你雖然缺點很多，包括有點呆

1302
01:14:24,375 --> 01:14:26,166
‎但你絕對不是沒種的人

1303
01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:31,708
‎我最近講話很不饒人，我知道

1304
01:14:32,041 --> 01:14:33,208
‎但是等我回來

1305
01:14:34,208 --> 01:14:36,333
‎你可以告訴我你在怕什麼嗎？

1306
01:14:42,125 --> 01:14:45,791
‎聽說英國女人很喜歡盛裝打扮
‎我可能會去找你

1307
01:14:46,500 --> 01:14:48,083
‎我也喜歡盛裝打扮

1308
01:14:48,375 --> 01:14:49,208
‎來看我吧

1309
01:14:56,041 --> 01:14:56,875
‎又來了？

1310
01:14:57,416 --> 01:14:59,125
‎爸，讓我進去，這東西很重

1311
01:15:08,583 --> 01:15:10,541
‎兒子，我知道你不笨

1312
01:15:10,625 --> 01:15:12,291
‎學校的心理醫生說你不笨

1313
01:15:12,375 --> 01:15:16,083
‎但是拜託你振作一點
‎你老大不小，別再浪費時間了

1314
01:15:16,166 --> 01:15:18,041
‎我要去倫敦，我升官了

1315
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,875
‎這次是真的，靠，他們說的

1316
01:15:21,083 --> 01:15:22,583
‎這些幫我保留起來

1317
01:15:22,666 --> 01:15:24,583
‎不要上網賣掉，這些是我的

1318
01:15:24,958 --> 01:15:26,750
‎-馬可斯
‎-媽

1319
01:15:27,208 --> 01:15:30,041
‎我大概找到你要的盒子了

1320
01:15:34,708 --> 01:15:37,458
‎我要看一下裡面是什麼，你們可以…

1321
01:16:05,333 --> 01:16:06,333
‎早安

1322
01:16:15,416 --> 01:16:17,291
‎我一直都很白痴又混蛋

1323
01:16:17,375 --> 01:16:19,458
‎但我不是沒種的傢伙

1324
01:16:19,958 --> 01:16:21,125
‎我不是沒種的傢伙

1325
01:16:21,791 --> 01:16:22,875
‎我不是沒種的傢伙

1326
01:16:23,458 --> 01:16:24,500
‎絕對不是

1327
01:16:26,375 --> 01:16:27,916
‎我知道妳為什麼甩我了

1328
01:16:28,541 --> 01:16:30,416
‎馬可斯，現在時間不對

1329
01:16:30,500 --> 01:16:32,333
‎請稍候，我是她前男友馬可斯

1330
01:16:32,416 --> 01:16:34,291
‎法蘭西斯柯、瑪莉博，兩位好

1331
01:16:35,250 --> 01:16:38,625
‎妳甩我是因為妳不愛我
‎沒關係，我也不愛妳

1332
01:16:38,708 --> 01:16:40,750
‎-馬可斯
‎-但是我要感謝妳

1333
01:16:41,791 --> 01:16:45,250
‎妳那天說的話我本來還不懂

1334
01:16:45,333 --> 01:16:47,666
‎妳說這種安排最好，的確沒錯

1335
01:16:48,083 --> 01:16:49,291
‎妳要幸福就得和…

1336
01:16:49,625 --> 01:16:51,208
‎-你什麼名字？
‎-路易斯米格爾

1337
01:16:51,750 --> 01:16:53,041
‎和路易斯米格爾在一起

1338
01:16:53,458 --> 01:16:54,958
‎-而我…
‎-馬可斯，夠了

1339
01:16:55,208 --> 01:16:57,583
‎我是她的前男友，我只是要說…

1340
01:16:58,250 --> 01:17:00,375
‎恭喜你們，真的

1341
01:17:06,125 --> 01:17:06,958
‎路易斯米格爾

1342
01:17:07,583 --> 01:17:08,416
‎對不起

1343
01:17:10,000 --> 01:17:12,250
‎我們趁你去柏林時瘋狂幹砲

1344
01:17:12,333 --> 01:17:13,958
‎她真的有點賤

1345
01:17:48,375 --> 01:17:49,625
‎當我醒來

1346
01:17:50,208 --> 01:17:51,750
‎我知道我會成為

1347
01:17:51,833 --> 01:17:55,083
‎我會成為在妳身邊醒來的男人

1348
01:17:55,666 --> 01:17:56,916
‎當我出門

1349
01:17:57,500 --> 01:17:58,833
‎我知道我會成為

1350
01:17:58,916 --> 01:18:02,041
‎我會成為走在妳身邊的男人

1351
01:18:02,958 --> 01:18:03,958
‎當我喝醉

1352
01:18:04,833 --> 01:18:06,333
‎我知道我會成為

1353
01:18:06,416 --> 01:18:09,416
‎我會成為在妳身邊喝醉的男人

1354
01:18:10,291 --> 01:18:11,583
‎當我鬼扯

1355
01:18:12,083 --> 01:18:13,750
‎我知道我會成為

1356
01:18:13,833 --> 01:18:16,708
‎我會成為對妳鬼扯的男人

1357
01:18:18,041 --> 01:18:21,125
‎但我願意走上800公里

1358
01:18:21,208 --> 01:18:24,666
‎還願意多走800公里

1359
01:18:24,750 --> 01:18:28,333
‎只要我能走過1600公里

1360
01:18:28,416 --> 01:18:31,833
‎最後在妳的門前倒下

1361
01:18:31,916 --> 01:18:33,125
‎當我工作

1362
01:18:33,958 --> 01:18:35,666
‎我知道我會成為

1363
01:18:35,750 --> 01:18:38,583
‎我會成為為妳拼命工作的男人

1364
01:18:39,416 --> 01:18:40,458
‎等到薪水

1365
01:18:41,291 --> 01:18:42,833
‎總算進了我的戶頭

1366
01:18:42,916 --> 01:18:45,833
‎我願意把大部分全都交給妳

1367
01:18:46,250 --> 01:18:48,333
‎當我回家

1368
01:18:48,416 --> 01:18:50,250
‎我知道我會成為

1369
01:18:50,333 --> 01:18:53,166
‎我會成為回家找妳的男人

1370
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:55,083
‎當我變老

1371
01:18:55,833 --> 01:18:57,500
‎我知道我會成為

1372
01:18:57,583 --> 01:19:00,416
‎我會成為跟妳一起變老的男人

1373
01:19:01,500 --> 01:19:04,625
‎但我願意走上800公里

1374
01:19:04,708 --> 01:19:08,291
‎還願意多走800公里

1375
01:19:08,375 --> 01:19:10,541
‎只要我能

1376
01:19:10,625 --> 01:19:12,958
‎走過1600公里

1377
01:19:13,041 --> 01:19:15,750
‎最後在妳的門前倒下…

1378
01:19:49,416 --> 01:19:50,250
‎好吧

1379
01:19:51,416 --> 01:19:54,583
‎妳碰到我的時候
‎我正好陷入很尷尬的時期

1380
01:19:55,208 --> 01:19:57,416
‎我想成為21世紀的男人

1381
01:19:57,500 --> 01:19:59,458
‎根本鬼扯，21世紀男人是什麼？

1382
01:20:01,000 --> 01:20:03,583
‎現在我喜歡運動、吃得好

1383
01:20:03,666 --> 01:20:06,708
‎可是交友軟體
‎和性感表情符號不適合我

1384
01:20:07,125 --> 01:20:09,125
‎我想用茄子表情符號達到目的

1385
01:20:09,500 --> 01:20:12,166
‎我不喜歡害血液無法循環的褲子

1386
01:20:12,541 --> 01:20:13,875
‎或者小號毛衣

1387
01:20:13,958 --> 01:20:15,958
‎但我還是喜歡黑膠唱片

1388
01:20:17,083 --> 01:20:18,250
‎還有我的毛毛腿

1389
01:20:18,583 --> 01:20:22,000
‎還有我的樂團T恤
‎我不會放棄自己喜歡的東西

1390
01:20:24,833 --> 01:20:26,666
‎可是最重要的是我愛妳

1391
01:20:28,791 --> 01:20:31,208
‎因為妳不管穿什麼都還是妳

1392
01:20:31,500 --> 01:20:33,083
‎我覺得這樣超好的

1393
01:20:33,875 --> 01:20:35,250
‎而且妳知道自己要什麼

1394
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:40,166
‎妳興致一來就把頭髮
‎染成粉紅色，光腳跳舞

1395
01:21:01,875 --> 01:21:02,708
‎這就是我

1396
01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:04,833
‎我現在知道我要什麼了

1397
01:21:04,916 --> 01:21:06,458
‎我要妳，拉琪爾

1398
01:21:39,958 --> 01:21:41,541
‎我叫賽巴斯提文納

1399
01:21:42,625 --> 01:21:43,916
‎文章的文

1400
01:21:45,708 --> 01:21:46,958
‎我是整體治療師

1401
01:21:48,125 --> 01:21:53,166
‎在治療領域開發了完整療法

1402
01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:59,000
‎用“愛夫死”療法治療世界各地的病患

1403
01:21:59,708 --> 01:22:01,791
‎也就是優系統增能療法

1404
01:22:02,458 --> 01:22:04,791
‎我也負責訓練未來的“愛夫死”大師

1405
01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:09,666
‎我平常做超意識瑜珈、身心靈

1406
01:22:10,375 --> 01:22:12,333
‎超激比克蘭煉獄

1407
01:22:13,500 --> 01:22:17,958
‎還有夫妻電擊療法，以及防身術

1408
01:22:20,125 --> 01:22:23,083
‎我也在“馬的怕丈夫學院”

1409
01:22:23,166 --> 01:22:25,541
‎當上反向催眠大師

1410
01:22:26,333 --> 01:22:30,083
‎我的工作基本上就是…

1411
01:22:31,333 --> 01:22:32,541
‎幫助民眾

1412
01:22:33,750 --> 01:22:34,916
‎所以…

1413
01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:38,250
‎我能幫所有人

1414
01:22:38,791 --> 01:22:40,208
‎賽巴斯提，午餐準備好了

1415
01:22:43,416 --> 01:22:44,250
‎好…

1416
01:22:45,125 --> 01:22:46,375
‎媽，我馬上來

1417
01:22:50,250 --> 01:22:51,083
‎反正…

1418
01:22:51,875 --> 01:22:53,125
‎我等一下剪掉這段

1419
01:26:42,541 --> 01:26:45,666
‎字幕翻譯：溫鳳祺