I did what I could. I don't think I did so badly.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA
The best football player of all time
THE HAND OF GOD
Hi, Patrizia.
That's me. Who are you?
What do you mean, who am I?
I'm San Gennaro.
-How do you know my name? -I told you, I'm San Gennaro.
You're waiting for the 412 bus, right?
It'll never come, you could be waiting for hours.
You want a lift?
We can take you home if you like, Luigino Serra and I.
A pleasure, Luigino Serra.
No, thanks. I'll catch the bus.
You can't have children, can you?
Get in.
On the way, I'll explain how you can have a child with your husband…
…Franco.
Let's go, Luigino.
Where are we going?
We're stopping by my house, so I can explain it to you better.
Jesus!
The Little Monk!
Yes, that's him all right, the Little Monk.
Come here, Little Monk.
Now, Patrizia, bend over
and kiss the Little Monk's head.
For good luck.
There!
Now you can have all the children you want…
My pretty Patrizia.
It's 10pm. Where've you been?
Wait…
You won't believe it, but the bus was two hours late.
You did it again.
You did it again? Whore!
Come over here!
I'll bash your head in!
-Letch! -Whore!
Come here!
You locked the door? C'mon, I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm not gonna hurt you!
Open up!
Hurry, Marì, Franco wants to kill me.
-Slow down, sweetie. -Don't worry, Mama.
I'm falling off!
What happened?
The whore did it again.
She was selling herself again!
That's not true! I met San Gennaro.
He took me to the Little Monk, he's the one who gave me the money.
He told me that I can get pregnant now.
That's why I was late.
Piece of shit! I did it for you!
Saverio, did you see my sister has a bloody nose?
Go and get a wet cloth.
You can pack it in as well.
Marì, I swear to God, it was the Little Monk.
Patrizia, please, stop.
Whore!
I'll go and talk to him.
Whore, whore and whore!
Franco, you've got to stop.
She's a whore.
She's not a whore, she's sick, even the psychiatrist said so.
Being childless sent her over the edge.
-She's depressed. -She's a whore.
But Uncle…
…what if she really saw the Little Monk?
Keep saying shit like that, you'll be kicked out of school.
The baroness is such a pain in the arse.
Mama, have you ever seen the baroness's house?
Sure, when her husband was alive, I went often.
Since he died, she hasn't let anyone in.
-What's the house like? -Weird.
And her husband?
Signor Attilio, a good man, a famous gynaecologist.
She treated him like a doormat.
She'd only let him go out for 20 minutes on Saturdays.
She'd fill out the gambling slip and he'd go and place the bet.
Fabiè, wake your brother up, he's got university.
Marchino, get up, you've got to go to class.
-Daniela, out. -No.
Come out, I've got to go to work and Fabietto's got to go to school.
-Is your brother up? -No, he was out till four.
-What are you doing? -Cutting my nails.
-Can't you cut them in your room? -No.
-Where did you get your attitude from? -From you!
Papa, you think Maradona will come?
No way, he'd never leave Barcelona for this shithole.
He won't come!
See? Your sister even learns stuff locked in that toilet.
A little bird tells me you're building a chalet in Roccaraso.
A chalet! More like a two-room flat.
With a yard! You're making good money.
My late husband wanted a house in the mountains.
I told him he'd end up in a skip if he did something so foolish.
Humanity is dreadful, didn't they tell you?
No, nobody told me anything.
Have you met your sister-in-law's boyfriend?
-We will on Sunday, in Agerola. -Agerola's such a shithole.
-The air is clean. -All shitholes have clean air.
Is that Baroness Focale?
-She looks just like John Paul II. -You're right.
But the Pope is sexier.
Let me see. You look good, I like it.
Goodbye, sweetie.
Your neighbour went to that wedding on Saturday.
How was it?
The way she tells it, it was like Charles and Diana's.
"Incredible, enchanting, elegant, captivating."
-Nice! -Nice? Vulgar is more like it.
A wedding on Procida Island? Just imagine.
I could understand Capri, but Procida…
I don't believe her, but she says that Franco Zeffirelli was there.
He kissed her hand and said, "What a beautiful lady!"
Why don't you believe her, Baroness?
Zeffirelli bats for the other team.
Imagine him kissing that ghastly Graziella!
-You really dislike her. -She and her whole family put on airs.
Just because they're from the north of Italy.
Those idiots think they're Austro-Hungarian!
We're from the Kingdom of Naples!
Don't make fun of me.
Oh Madonna! Just a second.
What's she doing?
Let's go.
Lovey-dovey nonsense!
My husband liked that too, but I told him in rhyme,
"Attiliuccio, let me be clear, I'm a drill instructor, dear."
-I'm going, I'm bored. -I'll bring your lunch?
Leave it at my door and tap the broom five times.
Bye.
See ya.
Do you need to make a confession?
Antò, can you see them?
Not yet, Uncle.
Fly, Dieghito…
-Piece of shit. -Stop!
Piece of shit!
Would you pass me the peaches in wine?
Look at your mama, she's goading Signora Gentile.
She likes making her say rude words.
Everybody knows Signora Gentile is the meanest woman in Naples.
And who's got her as an in-law? Me.
-Is she cold? -No, she's just showing off her fur coat.
-You're dripping all over yourself. -Fuck off!
Why don't you come and join us?
Because you people are scum!
What pleasantries is Signora Gentile saying?
In a most poetic outburst,
she says she holds us all in the highest regard.
Why didn't Daniela come?
She was in the bathroom. We waited for her for two hours.
-Auntie, can you juggle the oranges? -Of course, sweetheart!
Auntie Maria!
Go, Maria!
She never stops.
How the hell does she do it?
Uncle Alfredo's wife is here.
-Austera! -The scientist has arrived!
Will you stop being an arsehole?
Austera, don't pay any attention to him.
-Everything okay? -My spleen's playing up.
-Did you go for a jog? -I've never jogged in my life.
What are you working on in your mysterious lab?
You won't believe it, but my team and I
are close to finding the cure for cancer.
Nenè, you haven't even tried the peppers.
Of course not, I'm doing "Witch Watch".
What's that?
She means Weight Watchers.
She's already lost almost 8 pounds.
Lose another 130 to match Pavarotti's weight!
Shut the hell up.
Don't listen to her.
Riccardino, can you see them?
Not yet, Uncle.
-Antò, see anything? -Not a thing.
Have any of you seen our sister's boyfriend?
Luisella says he's handsome.
I highly doubt that.
Our sister's always been pig-ugly and a real idiot.
Please, even if you don't like him, don't start with your shit.
Luisella is 42. Who knows how she found this moron?
"Lucean carriere zitellesche innanzi", said the great poet.
It's his classical education, can't you tell?
-You look great, Mammì. -Fuck off!
Here I am. Did you miss me?
Terribly!
Austera, have you found a cure for Geppino?
There's no hope for him.
How's the watermelon? My veterinarian friend gave it to me.
-Be honest, though. -It's good.
-How big an idiot is Geppino? -Huge. You know what he does?
He turns a blind eye when the vet clinics get inspected.
In exchange, he gets watermelons and champagne.
-And even a fur for his mother. -Absolutely!
Sooner or later, he'll end up in prison.
-Riccardino, you see them? -Nothing.
-Antò? -Not yet.
Silvana, what do you know about Luisella's new boyfriend?
Only his name, Aldo.
What does he do for a living?
You're not telling the truth, you know!
-Marchino, she knows. -I dunno.
-How's your acting career going? -Don't go on about that.
He's got an audition with Fellini.
It's not an audition, Fellini's just looking for extras.
-He's seeing 4,000 people. -It's still an audition.
-Antò? -Still The Desert of the Tartars.
Antonio's studying classics too?
-Mammì, want some chilled watermelon? -Piss off, stop fucking with me.
Stop laughing, you idiot.
I think Pelé and Di Stefano are better than Maradona.
When did you all become such disappointments?
Why are you so sure of yourselves?
Stick to eating and drinking, that's all you know how to do.
My friend who owns a bar in Turin
said Agnelli has agreed a deal with Maradona.
-Don't say that in front of Alfredo. -I don't believe it.
Agnelli has coffee there every morning and he confided in him.
Yeah, Agnelli drinks coffee at your friend's bar!
What a load of rubbish!
Do you really think Maradona will come and play for Napoli?
It's all shit they make up to sell newspapers.
Ferlaino is a stingy chairman.
I know him well, he comes to the bank a lot.
Fabiè, if Maradona doesn't come and play for Napoli,
I'll kill myself.
You understand?
I'll kill myself.
Look!
-They're here! -He's crippled!
What do you mean?
-He must've hurt himself. -Give me the binoculars.
What is he, a war veteran?
He's got a gammy leg.
He's really ugly.
He's ugly as shit!
Pleased to meet you.
I'm Aldo Cavallo, retired Venetian police officer,
amateur pastry chef,
and official fiancé of your sister-in-law, Luisella Schisa.
My intentions are very serious.
You too?
Why are you all such disappointments?
-I wouldn't know. -Ignore him.
Our uncle's a lawyer.
He's grown a little cynical after losing 18 consecutive lawsuits.
It's a pleasure, I'm Aldo Cavallo,
retired Venetian police officer, amateur pastry chef,
and official fiancé of your sister, Luisella Schisa.
-My intentions are very serious. -What intentions?
I want to marry her and make her happy for all eternity.
Let's aim for Christmas! You're 80 years old.
-Saverio! -He's always joking.
I'm 70, I don't drink, I don't smoke.
I exercise every morning.
-I'm still a vigorous young man. -A handsome young man!
We have to introduce Aldo to Signora Gentile.
No, please!
Instead, to celebrate their engagement,
how about we go swimming off my new boat?
-Coming, Uncle Alfredo? -Geppino, the sea…
-It's a disappointment. -He can't swim.
-Signora Gentile, will you come with us? -Go suck a sausage!
What did she say about sausages?
Mama says to offer you a snack.
Let's go, then.
So…
In honour of our much-loved Eduardo, who resided here,
I'll recite for you, my beloved Maria, Si t'o sapesse dicere.
Then place a very fine mesh sieve
over the mixing bowl,
add the flour and corn flour.
Then sift!
That's the secret the world has forgotten.
"I want to be with you eternally."
You have to sift well, my dear.
Sorry, I'm a bit hot, do you mind if I take a dip?
Of course not, my love.
Down she goes!
The whale has submerged.
Your classical education is ruining you.
So, Signora Patrizia, I was telling Luisella
how to make a sponge cake.
It's not an easy recipe, of course.
As I was saying, sifting is so misunderstood.
Will you show me your little voice gadget?
Certainly.
She's crazy.
Crazy and a whore.
Oh my God!
They're chasing the cigarette smugglers
and won't stop till they've dumped all the goods.
The officers can't touch them then.
He really knows how to drive that boat!
Fabietto, can you bring me a towel?
You've grown so big, Fabiè.
What's he saying?
That they have to go and buy batteries.
Don't look at me.
There's nothing to see.
I talked with Nennella.
There's some hot gossip.
-Now what? -Sizzling hot!
Like what?
Aldo gave Luisella some hot pink stockings.
Don't make me throw up!
Come and look at the house.
-Where's Daniela? -Where do you think? In the bathroom.
The fireplace will go here.
Fireplace?
I've always wanted a house with a fireplace.
Do you think Diego will come?
-No, I don't. -I do.
So…
How hot was Aunt Patrizia today?
Stark naked.
On a scale of one to a hundred?
A billion.
If you had to choose…
between Maradona coming to Napoli and screwing Aunt Patrizia…
…which would you choose?
Maradona.
You're pretty good.
What do you want? Get lost!
So, how did it go?
Awful.
He said I have a conventional face, I asked what that meant,
and he said, "You look like a waiter from Anacapri."
So, Marchino, what did he say?
He said I have a conventional face…
Stefania.
My dear Antonella.
Agnese, Luisa, Giusy.
Elisabetta… Elisabetta's never around.
Not her, the one to the left.
Camille, Celine,
Eleonore, Florence.
Petra… Not her, the voluptuous one!
Geltrude, Inga…
Fanny… what a beauty. Fanny!
Olimpia.
Rosa.
Oh my God!
Sofia, Margot.
Odille.
Dolores.
Esmeralda.
-What else did Fellini say? -Nothing.
At one point, a journalist called.
Fellini says to him, "Cinema's not good for anything."
"But it's a distraction."
The journalist must've asked him,
"A distraction from what?"
And Fellini says, "From reality."
"Reality is lousy."
That's all he said?
Isn't that enough?
It's him!
Papa, listen to me, I swear.
Do you like it? It's a lithograph by Guttuso, one of us.
I swear it was Maradona, ask Marchino.
Bullshit! Read this. "No Napoli for Maradona."
-How did the audition go? -Don't ask.
The audition! I forgot about that.
-Tell him it was Maradona. -It did look like him.
-What did you rent? -Once Upon a Time in America.
The one with De Niro? We'll watch it later.
Signora Pichler? Oh, good evening.
This is Maestro Zeffirelli's assistant.
The maestro tells me that you crossed paths at a wedding.
He was very taken with your radiant and lively face.
That's how he described it.
The maestro is working on a new film, about Callas.
He is looking for a leading lady and he would like to see you.
Could you possibly come to Rome?
Why don't we buy a TV with a remote like everyone else?
Don't talk nonsense, I'm a communist.
-Did you go to the toilet? -Daniela's in there.
Friends!
Fabulous news!
Zeffirelli's assistant called Graziella.
He wants her to star in his next film.
Hooray, Graziella!
Well done!
Congratulations!
-What's going on? -Fabulous news!
Graziella is going to star in Zeffirelli's next film.
-She's going to play Callas! -How did you know it's Callas?
I read it in Gente.
Graziella, get ready for an Oscar!
Don't forget about us when you get to Hollywood.
I'll never forget about you.
You delivered that line so well.
Let's get home now! What if Zeffirelli calls back?
I heard the phone ringing! Hurry!
We'll celebrate on Saturday!
Saturday it is!
I won't go to the premiere, it'll be tacky.
I'm going, I'm bored.
Goodbye, Baroness!
What an incredible story.
Incredible, is it?
Will you ever stop playing practical jokes?
You're gonna kill her.
She'll never know it was me.
Yes, she will. Because you're gonna tell her.
We're communists.
We're honest to the core.
I'm not going by myself.
You Neapolitans!
It's not true what people say, that you're all nice.
You're mean.
That's what you are!
I never want to see you again.
Don't you dare eat any of those canederli.
Don't move.
Hello?
Did your husband talk to you?
What do you want, bitch?
He hasn't talked to you yet? Then tell him he should.
You leave that whore now!
You promised me you wouldn't see her any more!
Who's she talking about?
Signora Villa, Papa's colleague. They've been together for years.
I can't, you know the situation's complicated!
Daniela! Get out of there!
No, you get out!
Let's go back to bed.
Fabietto!
Don't think about it.
Think about Aunt Patrizia.
Think about Maradona.
What the fuck…
I can't stop.
Hello?
Pass me that whore.
Okay, bye.
It was Filippo Anzalone.
My colleague from the bank.
He was working late, dealing with the paperwork.
He wanted to tell me right away.
Tell you what?
13 billion in bank guarantees.
Napoli bought Maradona.
We've got to tell Uncle Alfredo right away.
Mother of God!
Happy birthday, Fabiè!
-Have you been here before? -When I was little.
What are you doing for your birthday? Going out with friends?
I'm not coming home tonight.
We can't celebrate together. Mama's pissed off.
-The situation's… -I don't have friends.
-How about a girlfriend? -Yeah, right…
Look, you'll have a girlfriend soon
and this misery will be a thing of the past.
But follow my advice.
For your first time, take whatever comes.
Even a total dog is okay.
Just get your first time out of the fucking way.
Here, your birthday present.
Stand B seats, of course.
-Thank you, God! -Don't thank God.
I'm the one who bought you a season ticket!
Signora Maria! I'll help you with those.
Thanks, Mario.
-How's your papa? -My papa loves me.
Today I had some tests done. Dad's got high cholesterol.
Mario, what did you just do?
I wanted to make you laugh.
See that column?
I spent the entire war leaning against it. I was younger than you.
Then one day Luigino, the son of the doorman,
came over to get me.
-And he took you far away? -No, he brought me here.
To Piazzetta Serao.
What was here?
A 50-year-old woman.
For a little sugar or anything to eat,
she'd kiss us on the mouth.
And since we were all different ages,
she set out some bricks for the different heights.
Ingenious.
Women are always ingenious.
So, Luigino did take me far away.
I saw your mother for the first time there on Via Roma.
She was running to the bomb shelter.
She was late, she was worried.
She was young.
And she was beautiful.
She still is.
Yes.
She still is.
You sure you only want a bowl of zuppa di latte for your birthday?
Want me to cook you something special?
Zuppa di latte is special.
It reminds me of when I was little.
Papa would be in Milan for work and you wouldn't feel like cooking.
We'd have zuppa di latte and you'd let me sleep in your bed.
Maybe he wasn't really in Milan.
What do you want to do when you leave school?
Philosophy.
What's that about?
I don't really know.
I kicked him out because I had to. I'll let him come home in a few days.
Where would he go anyway, to her? She can't even make zuppa di latte.
Where else does he have it so good?
I'll let him back in on Thursday so we can take the furniture to Roccaraso.
The house is finally finished.
I made you tiramisu, want some?
-What about Marchino? -We've lost him.
I saw him with a girl today, she's beautiful.
Want to play hide and seek? You used to hide in my wardrobe.
Mama! I don't fit in the wardrobe any more.
You're right, you've grown too big.
Fabiè, I wanted to buy you a present.
But I forgot.
That's okay, Mario, it's the thought that counts.
Good.
Bye, Fabietto!
What film is it? Is it Fellini?
No, some director named Antonio Capuano.
Everyone wants to work with him.
Come on, move it!
-Hey, Julia. -Hi, Gennaro.
Will you remind Capuano? I'm at Galleria Toledo Theatre.
Don't worry, he said he'll come.
The show's great, it's going well.
Let me know.
Hello?
Who is it?
I've seen you before, driving a smuggler's boat.
Could be. The sea's my life.
Diego scored! With a corner kick.
Armà, are we going?
-Your girlfriend? -She's my sister.
If you like, we can go to a game together.
287170, call me.
-Bye. -Have a good afternoon.
Easy.
What was that?
There's something behind that bush.
-Probably a cat. -Or a wolf.
A wolf?
Nonsense!
It's just a cat or a dog.
-That's a bear. -Yeah, right, a bear in Roccaraso!
-I'm scared, I'm going inside. -Me too.
Sir, you'd better come as well.
What a load of rubbish.
Kitty?
Good God!
Saverio, it's behind you!
Saverio!
The bear of Roccaraso is coming to gobble you up!
Are you an idiot? You gave me a heart attack.
You've got to stop these damn practical jokes!
You were so good!
Terrific!
You, in the bear suit, I loved you!
"Kitty!"
You're an idiot.
-Did you hurt yourself? -A lot.
Pass to Diego!
Damn!
Go!
He's shorter than the deli guy…
Good evening, are you Geppino Lettieri?
That's me, what's going on?
We're watching the game.
The game's over.
Maradona again, he tries to dribble…
He scored!
He's the best!
Are you stupid?
Mother of God!
What a player!
Maradona touched the ball with his hand.
I think it's a handball. Here's the action replay.
Here's Valdano, who seems to have ruined everything…
And he scores with his fist.
With his hand!
A god! He scored with his hand.
He has avenged the great Argentine people,
oppressed by the ignoble imperialists in the Malvinas.
He's a genius!
It's a political act.
A revolution.
He humiliated them, you understand?
He humiliated them.
The goal was scored with his hand.
Where the fuck is Silvana?
She went to buy tartufi ice cream.
Yummy!
What a shitty world this is.
You go and buy dessert and when you get back,
your husband's in prison.
It's your fault!
It's your fault they arrested my son.
You knew he was cheating and you didn't stop him.
Cos you only care about one thing.
Money!
Ludovica, can you get off the bike for a sec?
Signora Gentile,
you’re a real pain in the arse!
Filthy bitch!
Luisella, sweetheart.
It's a criminal offence.
Stop.
Maradona has the ball.
The Argentine team strikes again.
Maradona runs past two opponents,
he has the ball… Maradona scores!
Magnificent goal by Maradona! This one scored completely with his feet.
There were no hands. Magnificent goal by Maradona,
which counts for this one and the one before!
You sure you don't want to come to Roccaraso?
We play Empoli tomorrow. I can't miss it.
Diego's expecting me.
There's some gnocchi in the fridge.
"Then hunger proved a greater power than grief."
Sometimes I don't understand you.
Watch out for the bear.
Fabiè!
-We've got to go to Roccaraso. -What happened?
Mama and Papa are in hospital.
Name's Schisa. We're their sons.
What happened?
Wait just a moment.
Just a minute, boys. Just a minute.
I knew it…
There was…
…a carbon monoxide leak at your parents' house.
Your mother died there and your father here at the hospital.
That's it?
That's all?
Your father, before he died, said something.
What?
"Marì, no practical jokes."
You have to let me see them.
It's better if you don't.
You have to let me see them.
You have to let me see them!
They're unrecognisable. You'd be alarmed.
You have to let me see them!
You have to let me see them.
Let me see them!
Matteo, I forgot something. Wait here for me.
Fuck face.
Why aren't you crying? It'll do you good.
"If you don't weep now, when will you weep?"
-Daniela didn't come? -Course she did.
-Where is she? -She went to the toilet for a minute.
And Aunt Patrizia?
She's not well.
She's in hospital, in the psychiatric ward.
Go and visit her sometime.
It'll make her happy. You always were her favourite.
"Through me the way into the suffering city."
"Through me the way into eternal pain."
"Through me the way that runs among the lost."
Why weren't you at Roccaraso?
You like to ski.
Napoli played at home.
I had to see Maradona.
It was him!
He's the one who saved you!
Who?
It was him!
It was the hand of God!
Don't you want to be an actor any more?
Filmmaking is too hard.
I'd have to go to Rome.
What do you call what Maradona just did?
A free kick?
No.
It's called perseverance.
And I'll never have it.
So you'd better have it, Fabiè.
Fabietto?
Have you cried?
I can't.
What are you gonna do now?
Maybe I'll watch…
Once Upon a Time in America.
Wait for me to come out and we can watch it together.
Okay.
When are you coming out of the bathroom?
I don't know.
You know why Papa never left Signora Villa?
No, I don't.
They had a son eight years ago.
When were you gonna tell me?
When you were bigger.
Which is when?
Now.
You're bigger now.
Thanks.
Come on, let's go.
It's time.
How are you?
I can't cry.
Don't worry.
It means it's not the right time.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm embarrassed to tell you.
Anyway, it'll never happen.
It's a crazy idea.
If it's crazy, you're talking to the right person.
A film director.
That's what I want to be.
What a great idea!
If you make it, will you come and get me?
That way… I'll be your muse.
You already are my muse.
Do you remember when you came to my house?
You, your papa and your mama.
That time Uncle Franco hit me.
Yes.
I remember every single time I've ever seen you.
Yeah, I know.
That night, Uncle Franco and I made up.
We made love.
And you know what?
I got pregnant.
A week later, Uncle Franco and I fought again.
I had a miscarriage.
I got by on pills.
But then I couldn't take it any more.
So I said, "Bring me here
or I'll kill myself."
Remember when you said you saw the Little Monk?
I believed you.
What is it, Baroness?
Fabietto,
a bat flew into the living room.
Can you get rid of it?
I can try.
Thank you, Fabietto.
Is that your husband?
The famous gynaecologist?
The bat's in here.
I'm in my room, Fabietto.
Now sit down.
How are you?
Do you miss your parents?
What a shitty question!
You're right, it's a shitty question.
Mama said you treated your husband like a doormat.
It's not enough to overhear a few quarrels.
Truth is,
you never know what's going on in other people's homes.
-Do you still think about your husband? -Attiliuccio?
No, I've forgotten him.
You'll forget your mother and father too.
No.
I'll never forget them.
It's time to look to the future.
I'm going.
Fabietto?
If you don't mind,
could you bring me the brush from my dresser?
One last favour,
would you brush my hair?
Are you looking at me?
Yes.
Okay, Fabietto, that's enough.
Why did you put it down?
-I've finished. -Not quite yet.
You still have to brush my slit.
What do you mean, your slit?
This is my slit.
Go on, brush it.
Attiliuccio, who knew his way around, called it "the super pussy".
Now put down the brush
and get on top of me.
Don't look at me, bury your face in my shoulder
and think about a girl you like.
Okay.
Now tell me, what's her name?
-Patrizia. -Good.
Now you have to do two things.
Move this way inside me…
…and call me Patrizia.
You have to imagine the programme,
because you can't change the channel now.
Patrizia!
Smoke this.
It's the best part of sex.
Now go.
I really liked it. Next time…
Next time will be with a girl your own age.
I accomplished my mission.
What was your mission?
To help you look to the future.
We're thinking of going to Stromboli this summer.
Want to come?
We'll see.
You shagged someone.
You did!
Spartans!
When death comes for me,
I shall not be found.
-You were great. -Well done, Julia.
I'm sorry, Capuano wanted to come, but he couldn't make it.
-Did I do something wrong? -No, not at all!
He's just busy editing his film.
So, he's not coming any more.
-Mate! What ya doing here? -I was at the theatre.
I've not seen you at the stadium again.
I had some problems.
-Hop on. -Where?
On the scooter! We'll grab a beer.
No, tomorrow I…
You don't have shit to do. Hop on.
Hold on, or you're gonna go splat.
-Nice place. -It's a shithole.
But the birds are hot. I've got a soft spot for hot birds.
-Where did that hottie come from? -She's taken.
What the fuck do I care?
You get it, beautiful lady.
What?
He said, "Your mother's a whore."
No, he asked what you want.
I've got ears, he said, "Your mother's a whore."
You said, "Your mother's a whore."
You called my mum a whore!
Armà, stop!
Wasn't expecting that. Let's scarper!
-Yeah, but with dignity. -Fuck dignity!
I was so scared!
Naples is so beautiful from here.
What's your name again?
Fabietto Schisa. You're a smuggler, right?
Yeah, but just for now. I want to pilot offshore boats.
-And you? -Maybe cinema.
You want to open a cinema?
Awesome, I've got this guy who can get you some fast cash.
-I'm afraid of falling off. -Nobody falls with me.
And…
I've never seen anyone kick someone with flip-flops.
That's because you don't know me!
Get off.
Come with me.
Where are we going?
We are going to Capri, to dance. 20 minutes and we're there.
To Capri?
Yeah, to Capri! Just shut up and have fun!
I have some stuff to do tomorrow.
Tomorrow you've got to sleep.
Tonight we're going dancing. Hold on.
I'm gonna show you something cool.
Awesome!
You know what sound an offshore boat makes going 200 km an hour?
No, what?
You're crazy.
I'm not crazy, I'm young.
Aren't you?
We messed up, should've gone to Ischia.
Capri's totally dead, I thought some places'd still be open.
Just as well. I don't even know how to dance.
Khashoggi!
Who the fuck's that?
The richest man in the world.
Wait for me.
And she's… Wait, what's her name?
What are you looking at?
I was just trying to remember your name.
Eat shit.
Let's go for a dip.
You know what we've become tonight?
No, what?
Friends.
When we're back in Naples, you can meet my sis.
You can't meet my ma, cos I don't even know her.
My dad's in prison, but I could meet your parents.
We can only do the first thing.
Why?
I'm an orphan.
-Armà, want to come to Stromboli? -No, I can't. I've got stuff to do.
Rinse off.
Feola's waiting for you.
Which animals, still living today, have been around the longest?
Crocodiles.
No, what a shame!
Why don't you stay another week?
No. It was hard enough getting this ferry ticket.
Be careful.
Of what?
Of everything.
Listen, Marchino…
Mama and Papa aren't around any more.
And we're not rich.
We've got to figure out what we want to do next.
No, Fabiè…
I don't want to think about it.
It's summer, it's 9th August.
I want to think about Gigliola, about getting stoned, friends.
I want to think about happiness.
Don't you?
I…
After what happened to Mama and Papa…
I don't know if I can be happy.
Come here.
Have a safe trip.
How are you getting on in here?
Can't complain. I even get to see my dad in the yard.
How many years did you get?
I've got to wait for the trial.
Fifteen maybe, or ten.
I don't want to talk about sad stuff.
Then there's nothing to talk about.
You pissed off?
Orphans are always pissed off.
Okay, fine, I've got a ma and a pa,
but I'm kind of an orphan too.
You feel alone, that's the problem.
But don't forget that you're free.
Free!
Don't ever forget it.
You know what sound an offshore boat makes?
No.
You never wanted me to kiss your mouth, Giovanni!
Well, fine. I'll kiss it now.
I'll bite it with my teeth like one bites a ripe fruit!
Giovanni, why won't you look at me?
Your terrible eyes,
so full of anger and contempt, are closed now!
Lift up your eyelids, Giovanni!
Julia, cut!
-Who said that? -Me, Capuano.
Cut, Julia.
You've entered into the ornamental, zero nuance.
You're self-referential, you're unravelling.
One final note, we're tired of your shit.
Bravo!
You got the fuck off the stage!
Now you deserve a round of applause.
It's what they all wanted, but they didn't have the courage.
Capuano! I'm Fabietto Schisa.
What the fuck do I care?
-I'm a huge fan of yours. -I fucking hate fans.
I like conflict, without conflict you don't progress.
Without conflict, it's just sex and sex is useless.
Wait!
You still here?
-What are you looking at? -Looking is all I know how to do.
What d'ya want from me?
What do I want? Everything!
That really shocked me, I didn't know you could protest at the theatre.
You can't, but I do whatever the fuck I want. I'm free.
-Are you free? -I'd prefer to answer later.
-Do you have courage? -A less difficult question?
Remember, those without courage don't sleep with beautiful women.
Listen, Capuano…
Now that my family has disintegrated, I don't like life any more.
I don't like it any more, I want an imaginary life,
just like the one I had before.
I don't like reality any more.
Reality is lousy.
That's why I want to make films,
even though I've only seen three or four.
Not enough, Schisa. It's not enough.
Films… Everyone wants to make fucking films!
To make films, you've got to have balls, do you have balls?
I rather doubt it.
So you need pain. You got that?
Yes, I told you, on that front I'm fine.
What did you tell me? What pain?
No, you don't have pain, you have hope.
With hope you make comforting films, it's a trap.
They left me alone, that's pain.
It's not enough, Schisa! We're all alone.
You're alone? I don't give a fuck, because you're not original.
Forget pain and think about fun, that's how you'll make films.
But you've got to have something to say. You got something?
Imagination, creativity are myths that aren't worth shit.
I dunno if I have something to say. How do I know?
How the fuck do I know!
I've only got four things to say, and you?
I want to go to Rome to see if I'm cut out for making films.
Rome? The great escape…
Fucking distractions, in the end you come back to yourself,
you come back to failure, everything's a failure, a pile of shit.
No one can escape his own failure and no one gets out of this city.
Rome… What the fuck you gonna do in Rome?
Only arseholes go to Rome.
Do you know how many stories there are in this city?
Look!
Is it possible this city doesn't inspire you at all?
So, you've got something to say?
Or are you an arsehole like everyone else?
Got a story to tell?
Have some guts!
Got a story to tell or not?
C'mon, you fool! Got a story to tell?
Find the guts to tell it! C'mon!
-Got a story to tell? -Yes!
Then spit it out!
When my parents died they didn't let me see them!
Don't come undone, Fabio.
-Everyone calls me Fabietto. -It's time they started calling you Fabio.
Don't come undone.
What does that mean?
You've got to figure it out yourself.
You've got to figure it out yourself, you piece of shit!
Don't come undone, Schisa.
Don't ever come undone! You can't allow that.
What does that mean? Why?
Because they didn't leave you alone.
No?
No!
They abandoned you.
Listen to me, don't go to Rome.
Come and see me, I'm always here.
We'll make films together!
You wanted to greet these marvellous fans personally.
What did it feel like, Diego?
The greatest thing in my life.
The match is over! Napoli wins the Italian championship!
An incredibly exciting moment, Napoli wins the Italian championship!
It's a thrilling moment…
-Shall we go to Trastevere? -I want to go out to eat.
-A nice carbonara. -Cacio e pepe.
-Excuse me, how much longer to Rome? -One hour.
Subtitle translation by: Carrie Curtis and Andre Smith