I did what I could. I don't think I did so badly.
The best soccer player of all time
[helicopter whirring]
NETFLIX PRESENTS
[helicopter whirring continues]
[traffic buzzing over helicopter]
[indistinct chattering]
[seagulls mewing]
[silence]
THE HAND OF GOD
[indistinct chattering]
[car horns honking repeatedly]
[honking continues]
[honking slowly fades out]
[high heels click]
Hi, Patrizia.
That’s me. Who are you?
What do you mean, who am I?
I’m San Gennaro.
-How do you know my name? -I told you, I’m San Gennaro.
You’re waiting for the 412 bus, right?
It’ll never come, you could be waiting for hours.
You want a ride?
We can take you home if you like, Luigino Serra and I.
A pleasure, Luigino Serra.
No, thanks. I’ll take the bus.
Hmm. You can't have children, can you?
Get in.
On the way, I’ll explain how you can have a child with your husband… Franco.
Let’s go, Luigino.
[high heels clicking]
[exhales]
[door opens, creaks]
-[Patrizia] Where are we going? -[San Gennaro sighs]
We’re stopping by my house, so I can explain it better to you.
[switch clicks]
Oh, Jesus! [gasps]
[gasps]
The Little Monk!
Yes, that’s him all right, the Little Monk.
Come here, Little Monk.
Now, Patrizia, bend over
and kiss the Little Monk’s head. For good luck.
[Patrizia kisses]
[San Gennaro] There!
Now you can have all the children you want,
-my pretty Patrizia. -[latch clicks]
It’s 10 p.m. Where’ve you been?
Wait…
You won’t believe it, but the bus was two hours late.
You did it again.
You did it again?
-[yells] Whore! -[screams, grunts]
-[man] Come over here! -[clangs]
[man screaming]
-I’ll bash your head in! -[object shatters]
-Letch! -Whore! Whore!
[man yelling]
-Come here! -[door slams shut]
You locked the door?
-[bangs on door] -C'mon, I’m not gonna hurt you.
I’m not gonna hurt you!
-[yelling] I’m not gonna hurt you! -[furiously banging on door]
-Open up! Open up! -[banging on door]
-[yelling and banging continue] -Hurry, Marì, Franco wants to kill me.
-Slow down, sweetie. -Don’t worry, Mama.
-I’m falling off! -[all laugh]
What happened?
[Franco] The whore did it again.
[sniffles]
She was turning tricks again!
[Patrizia] That’s not true! I met San Gennaro.
He took me to the Little Monk, he’s the one who gave me the money.
He told me that I can get pregnant now.
That’s why I was late.
Piece of shit! I did it for you!
Saverio, did you see my sister has a bloody nose?
Go get a wet cloth.
You can knock it off as well.
Marì, I swear to God. It was the Little Monk.
[Maria] Patrizia, please, stop.
[footsteps approaching]
[Franco softly] Whore!
[louder] Whore!
[yells] Whore!
[Saverio] I’ll go talk to him.
[Franco] Whore, whore and whore!
[Saverio] Franco, you gotta stop.
She’s a whore.
She’s not a whore. She’s sick, even the psychiatrist said so.
Being childless sent her over the edge.
-She’s depressed. -She’s a whore.
But Uncle, um…
what if she really saw the Little Monk?
Keep saying crap like that and you’ll flunk out of school.
[Saverio and boy tittering]
[knocking from upper floor]
[Maria] The baroness is such a drag.
Mama, have you ever seen the baroness’s house?
Sure, when her husband was alive, I went often.
But after he died, she doesn’t let anyone in.
-What’s the house like? -Weird.
And her husband?
Signor Attilio, a good man, a famous gynecologist.
She treated him like a doormat.
She’d only let him go out for 20 minutes on Saturdays.
She’d fill out the gambling slip and he’d go place the bet.
[chuckles]
[Saverio] Fabiè, wake up your brother. He’s got university.
Marchino, get up. You’ve gotta go to class.
[Marchino groans]
-Daniela, out. -[Daniela] No.
Come out, I gotta go to work, and Fabietto’s gotta go to school.
[Daniela] No.
-Is your brother up? -No, he was out till four.
-What are you doing? -[Daniela] Cutting my nails.
-Can’t you cut them in your room? -[Daniela] No.
-Where do you get that cockiness from? -[Daniela] From you!
Papa, you think Maradona will come?
No way, he’d never leave Barcelona for this shithole.
[Daniela] He won’t come!
See? Your sister even learns stuff locked in that bathroom.
-[chuckles] -[doorbell buzzes]
A little bird tells me you’re building a chalet in Roccaraso.
A chalet! More like a two-room condo.
With a yard! You’re making good money.
My late husband wanted a house in the mountains.
I told him he’d end up in a dumpster if he did something so foolish.
[groans, sighs]
Humanity is dreadful, didn’t they tell you?
No, nobody told me anything.
Have you met your sister-in-law’s boyfriend?
-We will on Sunday, in Agerola. -Agerola’s such a shithole.
-The air is clean. -All shitholes have clean air.
Is that Baroness Focale?
-She looks just like John Paul II. -[Fabietto] You’re right.
But the Pope is sexier.
[laugh]
Let me see. You look good. I like it.
Bye.
-Goodbye, sweetie. -Bye.
-[door closes] -[ashtray clatters]
Your neighbor went to that wedding on Saturday.
How was it?
The way she tells it, it was like Charles and Diana’s.
"Incredible, enchanting, elegant, captivating."
-Nice! -Nice? Vulgar is more like it.
A wedding on Procida Island? Just imagine.
I could understand Capri, but Procida…
I don’t believe her, but she says that Franco Zeffirelli was there.
He kissed her hand and said, "What a beautiful lady!"
-Why don’t you believe her, Baroness? -Zeffirelli bats for the other team.
Imagine him kissing that ghastly Graziella!
[chuckles]
-You really dislike her. -She and her whole family put on airs.
Just because they’re from the north of Italy.
Those dimwits think they’re Austro-Hungarian!
We’re from the Kingdom of Naples!
-Don’t make fun of me. -[gasps] Oh Madonna! Just a second.
[motorbike engine whirring]
What’s she doing?
[whistles]
[Saverio] Let’s go.
[Baroness Focale] Lovey-dovey nonsense!
My husband liked that too, but I told him in rhyme,
"Attiliuccio, let me be clear, I’m a drill sergeant, dear."
-I’m going. I’m bored. -I’ll bring your lunch?
Leave it at my door and tap the broom five times.
Bye.
[indistinct chattering]
[chattering stops]
-[Fabietto] See ya. -[bell buzzes in distance]
Do you need to make a confession?
[indistinct chattering resumes]
[Saverio] Antò, can you see them?
-Not yet, Uncle. -[Saverio] Fly, Dieghito…
-Piece of shit. -[softly] Stop!
Piece of shit!
Would you pass me the peaches in wine?
Look at your mama. She's goading Signora Gentile.
She likes making her say bad words.
Everybody knows Signora Gentile is the meanest woman in Naples.
And who’s got her as an in-law? Me.
-Is she cold? -No, she’s just showing off her fur coat.
[Maria] You’re dripping all over yourself.
Fuck off!
[laughing]
Why don’t you come join us?
Because you people are trash!
What pleasantries is Signora Gentile saying?
In a most poetic outburst,
she says she holds us all in the highest regard.
[all laugh]
Why didn’t Daniela come?
She was in the bathroom. We waited for her for two hours.
-Auntie, can you juggle the oranges? -[Maria] Of course, sweetheart!
[kids clapping, chanting] Auntie Maria! Auntie Maria!
-[man] Go, Maria! -[Franco] Oh…
She never stops.
[all] Oh…
[Saverio] How the heck does she do it?
[all applauding]
[Fabietto] Uncle Alfredo’s wife is here.
-Austera! -The scientist has arrived!
Will you stop being an asshole?
Austera, don’t pay any attention to him.
-Everything okay? -My spleen’s acting up.
-Did you go for a jog? -I’ve never jogged in my life.
What are you working on in your mysterious lab?
You won’t believe it, but my team and I
are close to finding the cure for cancer.
Nennè, you didn't even try the bell peppers.
Of course not, I’m doing "Witch Watch."
What’s that?
She means Weight Watchers.
She’s already lost almost 8 pounds.
Lose another 130 to match Pavarotti's weight! [scoffs]
Shut the hell up.
Don’t listen to her.
Riccardino, can you see them?
Not yet, Uncle.
-Antò, see anything? -Not a thing.
Have any of you seen our sister’s boyfriend?
Luisella says he’s handsome.
I highly doubt that.
Our sister’s always been butt-ugly and a real idiot.
Please, even if you don’t like him, don’t start with your crap.
Luisella is 42. Who knows how she found this moron.
"Lucean carriere zitellesche innanzi," said the great poet.
It's his classical education, can't you tell?
-You look great, Mammì. -Fuck off!
-[woman laughs] -Here I am. Did you miss me?
-[man] Ooh… -Terribly!
Austera, have you found a cure for Geppino?
-There’s no hope for him. -[all laugh]
How’s the watermelon? My veterinarian friend gave it to me.
-Be honest, though. -It’s good.
-How big a schmuck is Geppino? -Huge. You know what he does?
He looks the other way when the vet clinics get inspected.
In exchange, he gets watermelons and champagne.
-And even a fur for his mother. -Absolutely!
-Sooner or later, he’ll end up in jail. -[chuckles]
-Riccardino, you see them? -Nothin’.
-[Saverio] Antò? -Not yet.
Silvana, what do you know about Luisella’s new boyfriend?
-Only his name. Aldo. -[Saverio] Hmm.
-What does he do for a living? -Dunno.
You’re not telling the truth, you know!
-Marchino, she knows. -I dunno.
-How’s your acting career going? -Don’t go on about that.
He’s got an audition with Fellini.
It’s not an audition, Fellini’s just looking for extras.
-He’s seeing 4,000 people. -It’s still an audition.
-[Saverio] Antò? -Still The Desert of the Tartars.
Antonio’s studying classics too?
[bird chirping]
[chirping continues]
-[bird chirping] -[chomping]
[fly buzzes]
[bottle explodes]
[laugh]
[Geppino] Mammì, want some chilled watermelon?
-Piss off. Stop fucking with me. -[all laugh]
Stop laughing, you idiot.
[whistles]
I think Pelé and Di Stefano are better than Maradona.
When did you all become such disappointments?
Why are you so sure of yourselves?
Stick with eating and drinking. That’s all you know how to do.
My friend who owns a bar in Turin
said Agnelli has reached a deal with Maradona.
-Don’t say that in front of Alfredo. -I don’t believe it.
Agnelli has coffee there every morning and he confided in him.
Yeah, Agnelli drinks coffee at your friend’s bar!
What crap!
Do you really think Maradona will come play for Napoli?
It’s all shit they make up to sell newspapers.
Ferlaino is a stingy chairman.
I know him well. He comes to the bank a lot.
Fabiè, if Maradona doesn’t come play for Napoli,
I’ll kill myself.
You understand?
I’ll kill myself.
[Antonio yelling] Look!
-They're here! -He’s crippled!
What do you mean?
-[Nennella] He must’ve hurt himself. -[Saverio] Gimme the binoculars.
What is he, a war vet?
He’s got a bum leg.
[indistinct chattering]
-He's ugly -He’s really ugly. [laughs]
He’s ugly as shit!
[all laugh hysterically]
[cicadas chirping]
[footsteps scraping]
-[robotic] Pleased to meet you. -[titter]
I’m Aldo Cavallo,
retired Venetian police officer,
amateur pastry chef,
and official fiancé of your sister-in-law, Luisella Schisa.
My intentions are very serious.
You too? You too?
Why are you all such disappointments?
I wouldn’t know.
Ignore him. Our uncle’s a lawyer.
He’s grown a little cynical after losing 18 consecutive lawsuits.
It’s a pleasure. I’m Aldo Cavallo,
retired Venetian police officer, amateur pastry chef,
and official fiancé of your sister, Luisella Schisa.
-My intentions are very serious. -What intentions?
-[tittering] -I want to marry her
and make her happy for all eternity.
Let’s aim for Christmas! You’re 80 years old.
-Saverio! -[Nennella] He’s always joking.
I’m 70, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke.
I exercise every morning.
-I’m still a vigorous young man. -A handsome young man!
[Maria] We have to introduce Aldo to Signora Gentile.
No, please!
Instead, to celebrate their engagement,
how about we go swimming off my new boat?
-Coming, Uncle Alfredo? -Geppino, the sea…
-It's a disappointment. -He can’t swim.
Signora Gentile, will you come with us?
-Go suck a sausage! -[all laugh]
What did she say about sausages?
-Mama says to offer you a snack. -[laughing]
-[Geppino] Let’s go, then. -[indistinct chattering]
[kids chattering]
[Saverio] So,
in honor of our much-loved Eduardo, who resided here,
I’ll recite for you, my beloved Maria, Si t'o sapesse dicere.
-"Ah…" -[Aldo] …then place a very fine mesh sieve
over the mixing bowl,
add the flour and cornstarch.
Then sift!
That’s the secret the world has forgotten.
"I want to be with you eternally."
[all cheer]
[Aldo] You have to sift well, my dear.
Sorry, I’m a bit hot.
Do you mind if I take a dip?
Of course not, my love.
Down she goes!
[Saverio] The whale has submerged.
Your classical education is ruining you.
[all laugh]
[Aldo] So, Signora Patrizia, I was telling Luisella
how to make a sponge cake.
It’s not an easy recipe, of course.
As I was saying, sifting is so misunderstood.
Will you show me your little voice gadget?
Certainly.
[plops in water]
[indistinct chattering in distance]
-[silence] -[boat creaking softly]
[inhales sharply]
[exhales]
[seagulls mewing]
[Franco] She’s crazy.
[inhales]
Crazy and a whore.
Oh my God!
[speaking indistinctly]
They're chasing the cigarette smugglers
and won’t stop till they’ve dumped all the goods.
The officers can’t touch them then.
He really knows how to drive that boat!
[laughs hysterically]
[growls]
Fabietto, can you bring me a towel?
[sighs deeply]
[breathes heavily]
You’ve gotten so big, Fabiè.
[indistinct chattering]
[breathing heavily]
[birds chirping]
[snoring]
[metal top clatters]
-[bottle explodes] -[gasp]
-[women laugh] -[chuckles]
[indistinct chattering]
[cicadas chirping]
[kisses]
[Aldo whispering indistinctly]
What’s he saying?
That they have to go buy batteries.
[laughs heartily]
[chirping stops abruptly]
[dramatic music playing]
[music continues]
Don’t look at me.
There’s nothing to see.
[music continues]
[Maria] I talked with Nennella.
There’s some hot gossip.
-Now what? -Sizzling hot!
Like what?
Aldo gave Luisella some hot pink stockings.
-Don’t make me throw up! -[laughs]
Come look at the house.
-Where’s Daniela? -Where do you think? In the bathroom.
The fireplace will go here.
-[gasps] Fireplace? -Hmm.
I’ve always wanted a house with a fireplace.
Do you think Diego will come?
-[Marchino] No, I don’t. -I do.
[chuckles] So…
how hot was Aunt Patrizia today?
Buck naked. On a scale of one to a hundred?
-A billion. -[chuckles]
If you had to choose
between Maradona coming to Napoli and screwing Aunt Patrizia…
[both laugh]
…which would you choose?
Maradona.
[castanets rattling]
[man] You're pretty good.
[siren buzzes]
[silence]
[high heels clicking]
-[siren buzzes] -[woman screams]
-[chuckles] -[women giggle]
[high heels clicking]
[siren buzzes]
[sighs]
What do you want? Get lost!
[cigarette sizzles]
[high heels clicking]
[indistinct chattering in distance]
[siren buzzes]
-[Fabietto] Hey. -[Fellini calling out names]
So, how did it go?
Awful.
He said I have a conventional face, I asked what that meant,
and he said, "You look like a waiter from Anacapri."
So, Marchino, what did he say?
He said I have a conventional face…
[Fellini] Stefania.
My dear Antonella.
Agnese, Luisa, Giusy.
Elisabetta… Elisabetta’s never around.
Not her, the one to the left.
Camille, Celine,
Eleonore, Florence.
Petra… Not her, the voluptuous one!
Geltrude, Inga…
Fanny… what a beauty. Fanny!
Olimpia.
Rosa.
Oh my God!
[Fellini] Sofia, Margot.
Odille.
Dolores.
Esmeralda.
-What else did Fellini say? -Nothing.
At one point, a journalist called.
Fellini says to him, "Cinema’s not good for anything."
"But it's a distraction."
The journalist must’ve asked him,
"A distraction from what?"
And Fellini says, "From reality."
"Reality is lousy."
That’s all he said?
Isn’t that enough?
It’s him!
[indistinct chattering in distance]
[stadium crowd cheering crescendos]
-[stadium crowd chanting] -[horns blaring]
Papa, listen to me. I swear.
Do you like it? It’s a lithograph by Guttuso, one of us.
I swear it was Maradona. Ask Marchino.
Bullshit! Read this. "No Napoli for Maradona."
-How did the audition go? -[Marchino] Don't ask.
[gasps] The audition! I forgot about that.
-Tell him it was Maradona. -It did look like him.
-What did you rent? -Once Upon a Time in America.
The one with De Niro?
-We’ll watch it later. -[phone dialing]
[in altered voice] Signora Pichler?
Oh, good evening. Good evening.
This is Maestro Zeffirelli’s assistant.
The maestro tells me that you crossed paths at a wedding.
He was very taken with your radiant and lively face.
That’s how he described it.
The maestro is working on a new film, about Callas.
He is looking for a leading lady and he would like to see you.
Could you possibly come to Rome?
[TV zapping]
[TV continues in background]
Why don’t we buy a TV with a remote like everyone else?
-Don’t talk nonsense. I’m a communist. -[doorbell buzzes]
[footsteps approaching]
-Did you go to the bathroom? -[Maria] Daniela’s in there.
-[woman exclaims] -[indistinct chattering]
-Maria! -Friends!
Fabulous news!
Hey, buddy.
-Zeffirelli’s assistant called Graziella. -[exclaims]
[man sighs]
-Go on! -[clicks tongue]
[shakily] He wants her to star in his next film.
-No way! -[screams excitedly]
Hooray, Graziella!
Well done!
Congratulations!
-What’s going on? -[Maria] Fabulous news!
Graziella is going to star in Zeffirelli’s next film.
-She's going to play Callas! -How did you know it’s Callas?
I read it in Gente.
Graziella, get ready for an Oscar!
Don’t forget about us when you get to Hollywood. [chuckles]
[in German accent] I’ll never forget about you.
-You delivered that line so well. -[gasps]
[Fabietto chuckles]
Let’s get home now! What if Zeffirelli calls back?
-I heard the phone ringing! Hurry! -[indistinct chattering]
We’ll celebrate on Saturday!
Saturday it is!
I won’t go to the premiere.
It’ll be tacky.
I’m going.
-I’m bored. -Goodbye, Baroness!
-[door closes] -What an incredible story.
-Incredible, is it? -[laugh]
[Saverio] Will you ever stop playing pranks?
-[laughs] -You’re gonna kill her.
She’ll never know it was me.
Yes, she will, because you’re gonna tell her.
We’re communists.
We’re honest to the core.
[TV in background]
I’m not going by myself.
-[woman sighs] -[high heels clicking]
-[dishes shatter] -[objects clatter]
[Graziella] You Neapolitans!
You Neapolitans!
It’s not true what people say, that you’re all nice.
You’re mean.
That’s what you are!
Maria.
I never want to see you again.
Don’t you dare eat any of those canederli. Ha!
[whispers] Don’t move.
[titter]
[phone ringing]
-Hello? -[woman] Did your husband talk to you?
-What do you want, bitch? -[woman] He hasn’t talked to you yet?
Then tell him he should.
[Maria yelling] You leave that whore now!
You promised me you wouldn’t see her anymore!
-[footsteps tapping rapidly] -[whispering] Who’s she talking about?
[whispering] Signora Villa, Papa’s colleague.
-They’ve been together for years. -[Saverio yelling] I can’t.
You know the situation’s complicated!
-Daniela! Get out of there! -[rattles door]
[Daniela yelling] No, you get out!
[door opens]
[door slams shut]
[soft rhythmic tapping]
[Maria sniffling]
-[rhythmic tapping continues] -[Maria breathing heavily]
[sniffles]
[Maria screams]
[muffled crying]
Let’s go back to bed.
[Maria screaming hysterically]
-[Maria crying desperately] -[hyperventilating]
Fabietto!
Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
Think about Aunt Patrizia.
Think about Maradona.
[Maria continues screaming, crying]
What the fuck…
I can’t stop.
[phone ringing]
[yells] Hello?
-Pass me that whore. -Shh!
Okay, bye.
It was Filippo Anzalone.
My colleague from the bank.
He was working late, dealing with the paperwork.
He wanted to tell me right away.
Tell you what?
Thirteen billion in bank guarantees.
Napoli bought Maradona.
[exhales]
[Fabietto chuckles]
We’ve gotta tell Uncle Alfredo right away.
[exclaims]
Mother of God! [laughs]
-[traffic buzzing] -[siren wailing]
[door closes]
[soft indistinct chattering]
[phones ringing in distance]
[printer whirring in distance]
[phone rings]
[Saverio] Happy birthday, Fabiè!
-Have you been here before? -[Fabietto] When I was little.
What are you doing for your birthday? Going out with friends?
I’m not coming home tonight.
We can’t celebrate together. Mama’s pissed off.
-The situation’s-- -I don’t have friends.
-How about a girlfriend? -Yeah, right…
Look, you’ll have a girlfriend soon
and this misery will be a thing of the past.
But follow my advice.
For your first time…
For your first time, take whatever comes.
Even a total dog is okay.
Just get your first time out of the fuckin' way.
Here, your birthday present.
Stand B seats, of course.
[chuckles]
-Thank you, God! -Don’t thank God.
I’m the one who bought you a season ticket!
Signora Maria! I’ll help you with those.
Thanks, Mario.
-How’s your papa? -My papa loves me.
Today I got some tests done. Dad's got high cholesterol.
[Maria sighs deeply]
[inhales, cries softly]
[chuckles]
Mario, what did you just do?
-I wanted to make you laugh. -[both laugh]
See that column?
I spent the entire war leaning against it.
I was younger than you.
Then one day Luigino, the son of the doorman,
came over to get me.
-And he took you far away? -No, he brought me here.
To Piazzetta Serao.
[Fabietto] What was here?
[Saverio] A 50-year-old woman.
For a little sugar or anything to eat,
she’d kiss us on the mouth.
And since we were all different ages,
she set out some bricks for the different heights. [chuckles]
Ingenious.
Women are always ingenious.
So, Luigino did take me far away.
I saw your mother for the first time there on Via Roma.
She was running to the bomb shelter.
She was late. She was worried.
She was young.
And she was beautiful.
She still is.
Yes.
She still is.
[chuckles]
You sure you only want a bowl of zuppa di latte for your birthday?
Want me to cook you something special?
Zuppa di latte is special.
It reminds me of when I was little.
Papa would be in Milan for work and you wouldn’t feel like cooking.
We'd have zuppa di latte and you’d let me sleep in your bed.
Maybe he wasn’t really in Milan.
-What do you want to do after high school? -Philosophy.
Hmm.
What’s that about?
I don't know.
I don’t really know.
I kicked him out because I had to. I’ll let him come home in a few days.
Where would he go anyway, to her? She can’t even make zuppa di latte.
Where else does he have it so good?
I’ll let him back in on Thursday so we can take the furniture to Roccaraso.
The house is finally finished.
I made you tiramisu. Want some?
-What about Marchino? -We’ve lost him.
I saw him with a girl today.
[softly] She’s beautiful.
Hey, want to play hide and seek? You used to hide in my wardrobe.
Mama! I don’t fit in the wardrobe anymore.
You’re right.
You’ve gotten too big.
Fabiè, I wanted to buy you a gift,
but I forgot. [titters]
That’s okay, Mario, it’s the thought that counts.
Good.
[engine starts]
Bye, Fabietto!
[engine splutters, stops]
[man shouts]
[indistinct chattering]
[man shouts]
[cable creaking]
What film is it? Is it Fellini?
No, some director named Antonio Capuano.
Everyone wants to work with him.
[man] Come on, move it!
-Hey, Julia. -[in French accent] Hi, Gennaro.
Will you remind Capuano? I’m at Galleria Toledo Theater.
[Gennaro] Don’t worry. He said he’ll come.
The show’s great. It’s going well.
Let me know.
[footsteps receding]
[phone rings]
[inhales] Hello?
Who is it?
[voice over phone whistles]
[Maria breathing shakily]
[dramatic music playing]
-[urinating] -[stadium crowd chanting]
I’ve seen you before, driving a smuggler's boat.
Could be. The sea’s my life.
Diego scored! With a corner kick.
-Armà, are we goin’? -Yes.
-Your girlfriend? -[Armando] She’s my sister.
[Fabietto] If you like, we can go to a game together.
287170, call me.
-Bye. -Have a good afternoon.
[crowd chanting in distance]
[mover grunting] Easy.
[rustling]
What was that?
-There’s something behind that bush. -[bush rustles]
-Probably a cat. -[mover 2] Or a wolf.
-A wolf? -[mover 2] Yes.
Nonsense!
It’s just a cat or a dog.
-That’s a bear. -Yeah, right, a bear in Roccaraso!
-I’m scared. I’m going inside. -[mover] Me too.
Sir, you better come as well.
What a load of crap.
Meow!
[bush rustles]
[mimics kissing]
[bush rustles]
Kitty?
-[bush rustles] -[roaring]
Good God!
-[Maria yelling] Saverio, it’s behind you! -[yells] Good God!
[man in bear suit] Saverio!
The bear of Roccaraso is coming to gobble you up!
[laughing heartily]
Are you an idiot? You gave me a heart attack.
You’ve gotta stop with these damn pranks!
You were so good!
Terrific!
You, in the bear suit, I loved you!
[imitating Saverio] "Kitty!"
You’re an idiot.
-[Maria] Did you hurt yourself? -A lot.
[loud indistinct chattering]
[all shouting]
Pass to Diego!
Damn it!
[doorbell buzzes]
[Aldo] Go!
He’s shorter than the deli guy…
[man] Good evening, are you Geppino Lettieri?
That’s me. What’s going on?
We’re watching the game.
The game’s over.
[TV continues in background]
[TV commentator] Maradona again. He tries to dribble…
[cheering]
He scored!
He's the best!
[cheering]
Are you stupid?
Mother of God!
What a player! What a player!
[kissing]
[TV commentator] Maradona touched the ball with his hand.
I think it's a handball. Here’s the action replay.
Here’s Valdano, who seems to have ruined everything…
And he scores with his fist…
[Alfredo] With his hand!
A god! He scored with his hand.
He has avenged the great Argentine people,
oppressed by the ignoble imperialists in the Malvinas.
He’s a genius! He’s a genius!
It’s a political act.
A revolution.
He humiliated them, you understand?
He humiliated them!
[TV commentator] The goal was scored with his hand…
[TV commentator indistinctly]
[Nennella] Where the fuck is Silvana?
She went to buy tartufi ice cream.
Yummy!
What a shitty world this is.
You go buy dessert and when you get back your husband’s in jail.
[car engine revs]
[TV commentator continues in background]
[exhales]
[Signora Gentile] It’s your fault! It’s your fault they arrested my son.
You knew he was cheating, and you didn’t stop him.
‘Cause you only care about one thing.
-Money! -[TV continues in background]
Ludovica, can you get off the bike for a sec?
Signora Gentile,
you’re a real pain in the ass!
Filthy bitch! [screams]
[all yelling indistinctly]
[Aldo speaking indistinctly]
-Luisella, sweetheart. -[laughing heartily]
[Aldo] It’s a criminal offense.
-Stop. -[TV continues in background]
[TV commentator] Maradona has the ball.
The Argentine team strikes again.
Maradona passes two opponents.
He has the ball… Maradona scores!
Magnificent goal by Maradona! This one done completely with his feet.
There were no hands. Magnificent goal by Maradona,
which counts for this one and the one before!
You sure you don’t wanna come to Roccaraso?
We play Empoli tomorrow. I can’t miss it.
-Diego’s expecting me. -There’s some gnocchi in the fridge.
"Then hunger proved a greater power than grief."
Sometimes I don’t understand you.
[both kiss]
[footsteps receding]
[fire crackling]
[Saverio sighs]
[fire iron clatters]
[Saverio groans]
[coughs]
[fire crackles intensely]
[exhales]
[book thuds]
[whistles softly]
-[softly] Watch out for the bear. -Mm-hmm.
[Saverio breathing heavily]
[fire crackling softly]
[car engine revving]
Fabiè!
-We gotta go to Roccaraso. -What happened?
Mama and Papa are in the hospital.
[engine starts]
[engine revs]
[tires screech]
[car engine revving]
[car horn honks]
[car horn honks repeatedly]
[tires screech]
[car horn honks]
[car brakes abruptly]
[car doors slam shut]
Name's Schisa. We’re their sons.
[exhales] What happened?
Wait just a moment.
[footsteps receding]
[breathing heavily]
[exhales, inhales sharply]
Just a minute, boys.
[hesitating] Just a minute.
[Marchino sobbing]
[Marchino] I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. [coughs]
[footsteps approaching slowly]
[sighs]
[Marchino continues sobbing]
There was…
a carbon monoxide leak at your parents’ house.
[inhales]
Your mother died there, and your father here at the hospital.
[Marchino sniffles]
That’s it?
That’s all?
Your father, before he died, said something.
[Marchino] What?
"Marì, no pranks."
[softly] You have to let me see them.
It’s better if you don’t.
You have to let me see them.
[yelling] You have to let me see them!
You have to let me see them!
They’re unrecognizable. You'd be alarmed.
You have to let me see them!
-You have to let me see them! -[banging on door]
[Fabietto yelling] You have to let me see them!
-[Marchino sobbing] -You have to let me see them.
Let me see them!
[woman] Matteo, I forgot something. Wait here for me.
[huffs softly]
[continues huffing softly]
[softly] Fuck face.
[tittering]
[kisses]
Why aren’t you crying? It'll do you good.
"If you don't weep now, when will you weep?"
[footsteps approaching]
-Daniela didn’t come? -Sure she did.
-Where is she? -She went to the bathroom for a minute.
And Aunt Patrizia?
She’s not well.
She’s in the hospital, in the psychiatric ward.
Go visit her sometime.
It’ll make her happy.
You always were her favorite.
[clattering]
"Through me the way into the suffering city."
"Through me the way into eternal pain."
"Through me the way that runs among the lost."
[woman sobbing softly]
[sighs]
Why weren’t you at Roccaraso?
You like to ski.
Napoli played at home.
I had to see Maradona.
It was him!
He’s the one who saved you!
Who?
It was him!
It was the hand of God!
[inhales sharply, kisses]
[Alfredo breathing heavily]
[Fabietto] Don’t you wanna be an actor anymore?
[Marchino] Filmmaking is too hard.
-[ball thuds] -I’d have to go to Rome.
[ball thuds]
What do you call what Maradona just did?
A free kick?
No.
It’s called perseverance.
And I’ll never have it.
So you better have it, Fabiè.
[Daniela] Fabietto?
Have you cried?
I can’t.
[Daniela] What are you gonna do now?
Maybe I'll watch
Once Upon a Time in America.
[Daniela] Wait for me to come out. We can watch it together.
Okay.
When are you coming out of the bathroom?
[Daniela] I don’t know.
You know why Papa never left Signora Villa?
No, I don’t.
[Daniela] They had a son eight years ago.
When were you gonna tell me?
[Daniela] When you were bigger.
Which is when?
[Daniela] Now.
You’re bigger now.
[doorbell buzzes]
[sighs]
Thanks.
[knocking from upper floor]
[clattering]
[doctor] Come on, let’s go.
It’s time.
[Patrizia] How are you?
I can’t cry.
Don’t worry.
It means it’s not the right time.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I’m embarrassed to tell you.
Anyway, it’ll never happen.
It’s a crazy idea.
If it’s crazy, you’re talking to the right person.
[both chuckle]
A film director.
That’s what I want to be.
What a great idea!
If you make it, will you come get me?
That way… I’ll be your muse.
[Fabietto] You already are my muse.
Do you remember when you came to my house?
You, your papa and your mama.
That time Uncle Franco hit me.
Yes.
I remember every single time I’ve ever seen you.
[chuckles]
Yeah, I know.
That night, Uncle Franco and I made up. [chuckles]
We made love.
And you know what?
I got pregnant.
A week later, Uncle Franco and I fought again.
I had a miscarriage.
I got by on pills,
but then I couldn’t take it anymore.
So I said, "Bring me here
or I’ll kill myself."
Remember when you said you saw the Little Monk?
[Patrizia] Hmm.
I believed you.
[knocking from upper floor]
[sighs]
What is it, Baroness?
Fabietto,
a bat flew into the living room.
Can you get rid of it?
I can try.
Thank you, Fabietto.
Is that your husband?
The famous gynecologist?
The bat’s in here.
[clock ticking]
[squeaking]
-[screams] -[bat thuds]
[Fabietto panting]
[door opens]
[door slams shut]
[sighs]
[Baroness Focale] I’m in my room, Fabietto.
[sighs]
Now sit down.
How are you? Do you miss your parents?
What a shitty question!
You’re right. It’s a shitty question.
Mama said you treated your husband like a doormat.
It’s not enough to overhear a few quarrels.
Truth is,
you never know what's going on in other people’s homes.
-Do you still think about your husband? -Attiliuccio?
No, I’ve forgotten him.
You’ll forget your mother and father too.
No.
I’ll never forget them.
It’s time to look to the future.
I’m going.
[Baroness Focale] Fabietto? If you don’t mind,
could you bring me the brush from my dresser?
One last favor,
would you brush my hair?
[inhales sharply]
Are you looking at me?
[breathing shakily] Yes.
Okay, Fabietto, that’s enough.
Why did you put it down?
-I’m done. -Not quite yet.
You still have to brush my slit.
What do you mean, your slit?
This is my slit.
Go on, brush it.
Attiliuccio, who knew his way around, called it "the super pussy."
[bed creaks]
[sighs]
[sighs] Now put down the brush
and get on top of me.
Don’t look at me, bury your face in my shoulder
and think about a girl you like.
Okay.
Now tell me, what’s her name?
-Patrizia. -Good.
Now you have to do two things.
Move this way inside me…
and call me Patrizia.
You have to imagine the show,
because you can’t change the channel now.
-[Fabietto breathing heavily] -[bed creaking]
Patrizia!
[sighs]
[inhales shakily]
[exhales]
Smoke this.
It’s the best part of sex.
[chuckles]
[sighs] Now go.
I really liked it. Next time--
Next time will be with a girl your own age.
I accomplished my mission.
What was your mission?
[inhales]
[exhales]
To help you look to the future.
[Walkman clicks]
[upbeat classical music playing]
We’re thinking of going to Stromboli this summer.
Wanna come?
We'll see.
[sighs deeply]
-You got laid. -Huh?
You did!
[chuckles]
[indistinct chattering]
-[music stops] -[Fabietto sobs]
Spartans!
When death comes for me,
I shall not be found.
[crowd applauding, whooping]
[indistinct chattering]
[footsteps approaching]
-Hey! -You were great.
[Julia] Hi.
-You were great. -Well done, Julia.
Hi.
I’m sorry. Capuano wanted to come, but he couldn’t make it.
-Did I do something wrong? -No, not at all!
He’s just busy editing his film.
So, he’s not coming anymore.
[indistinct chattering]
[motorbike engine revs]
-Dude! What ya doin’ here? -I was at the theater.
-I ain’t seen you at the stadium again. -I… I had some problems.
-Hop on. -Where?
On the scooter! We’ll grab a beer.
No, tomorrow I--
You don’t got shit to do. Hop on. Hop on.
Hold on, or you're gonna go splat.
-[Fabietto] Nice place. -[Armando] It’s a shithole.
But the babes are hot. I gotta a soft spot for hot babes.
-Where did that hottie come from? -She’s taken.
The fuck do I care?
[in English] You are beautiful.
You get it, beautiful lady.
-[in English] What you want? -What?
What you want?
He said "your mother’s a whore."
No, he asked, "what you want?"
I got ears, he said "Your mother’s a whore."
You said "Your mother’s a whore."
You called my mom a whore!
[woman screams]
[crowd murmuring]
[man groaning, grunting]
Armà, stop!
[man screams]
Wasn’t expectin’ that. Let’s scram!
-Yeah, but with dignity. -[Armando] Fuck dignity!
[motorbike engine starts, revs]
[yells in English] Fuck you!
-[Fabietto] I was so scared! -[Armando chuckles]
[Fabietto] Naples is so beautiful from here.
[dramatic music playing]
[Armando] What’s your name again?
Fabietto Schisa. You’re a smuggler, right?
Yeah, but just for now. I wanna pilot offshore boats.
-And you? -Maybe cinema.
You wanna open a cinema?
Awesome, I got this guy who can get you some fast cash.
-I’m afraid of falling off. -Nobody falls with me.
And…
I’ve never seen anyone kick someone with flip-flops.
[laughing] That’s because you don’t know me!
Get off.
Come with me.
[Fabietto] Where are we going?
[Armando] We're goin’ to Capri, to dance. Twenty minutes and we’re there.
[Fabietto] To Capri?
[Armando] Yeah, to Capri! Just shut up and have fun!
I have some stuff to do tomorrow.
Tomorrow you gotta sleep.
Tonight we’re goin’ dancing. Hold on.
[dramatic music continues]
[Armando] I’m gonna show you somethin’ cool.
Awesome!
[chuckles]
You know what sound an offshore boat makes goin’ 200 km an hour?
No, what?
"Toof."
-"Toof." -You’re nuts.
[chuckles] I ain’t nuts, I’m young.
Ain’t you?
We screwed up, shoulda gone to Ischia.
Capri’s totally dead. I thought some places’d still be open.
Just as well. I don’t even know how to dance.
[high heels clicking]
Khashoggi!
Who the fuck’s that?
-[Fabietto] The richest man in the world. -[in Spanish] Wait for me.
[Fabietto] And she’s… Wait, what’s her name?
-[in Spanish] What are you looking at? -I was just trying to remember your name.
[in Spanish] Eat shit.
Let’s go for a dip.
You know what we've become tonight?
[Fabietto] No, what?
Friends.
When we’re back in Naples, you can meet my sis.
You can’t meet my ma, ‘cause I don’t even know her.
My pa’s in the slammer, but I could meet your parents.
We can only do the first thing.
[Armando] Hmm. Why?
I’m an orphan.
-[Fabietto] Armà, wanna come to Stromboli? -No, I can’t. I got stuff to do.
[phone rings]
[kisses]
[phone rings]
[sighs deeply]
-Rinse off. -[phone rings]
Feola’s waiting for you.
[phone rings]
[phone line rings]
[TV show presenter] Which animals, still living today,
have been around the longest?
[TV show contestant] Crocodiles.
-[TV show presenter] No, what a shame! -[TV show jingle plays]
[ship horn blares]
[indistinct chattering]
[seagulls mewing]
[waves splashing]
[rumbling]
[bird screaming]
[rumbling]
[Walkman clicks]
-[silence] -[soft rumbling]
Why don’t you stay another week?
No. It was hard enough getting this ferry ticket.
Be careful.
Of what?
Of everything.
Listen, Marchino…
Mama and Papa aren’t around anymore.
And we're not rich.
We’ve got to figure out what we want to do next.
No, Fabiè…
I don’t wanna think about it.
It’s summer. It’s August 9th.
I wanna think about Gigliola, about getting high, friends.
I wanna think about happiness.
Don’t you?
I…
After what happened to Mama and Papa…
I don’t know if I can be happy.
Come here.
[kissing]
Have a safe trip.
[dramatic music playing]
[music continues]
[ship horn blaring]
-[dramatic music intensifies] -[cable creaking]
-[dramatic music softens] -[chuckles]
-[Fabietto] How are you doing in here? -Can’t complain.
I even get to see my pop in the yard.
How many years did you get?
I gotta wait for the trial.
Fifteen maybe, or ten.
I don’t wanna talk about sad stuff.
[door closes]
Then there’s nothing to talk about.
You pissed off?
Orphans are always pissed off.
Okay, fine, I got a ma and a pa,
but I’m kinda an orphan too.
You feel alone, that’s the problem.
But don’t forget that you’re free.
Free!
Don’t ever forget it.
[sighs softly]
You know what sound an offshore boat makes?
No.
"Toof."
[chuckles]
[screams]
You never wanted me to kiss your mouth, Giovanni!
Well, fine. I’ll kiss it now.
I’ll bite it with my teeth like one bites a ripe fruit!
Giovanni, why won’t you look at me?
Your terrible eyes,
so full of anger and contempt, are closed now!
Lift up your eyelids, Giovanni!
[man shouts] Julia, cut!
-Who said that? -Me, Capuano.
Cut, Julia.
You’ve entered into the ornamental, zero nuance.
You’re self-referential. You’re unraveling.
One final note, we're tired of your shit.
[audience murmuring]
[crying]
Bravo! Bravo!
You got the fuck off the stage!
Now you deserve a round of applause.
It's what they all wanted, but they didn’t have the courage.
Capuano! Capuano! I’m Fabietto Schisa.
What the fuck do I care?
-I’m a huge fan of yours. -I fucking hate fans.
I like conflict. Without conflict you don’t progress.
Without conflict it’s just sex and sex is useless.
-Wait! -Ooh, you still here?
-What are you looking at? -Looking is all I know how to do.
What d'ya want from me?
What do I want? Everything! Everything!
That really shocked me. I didn’t know you could protest at the theater.
You can’t, but I do whatever the fuck I want. I’m free.
-Are you free? -I’d prefer to answer later.
-[chuckles] Do you have courage? -A less difficult question?
Remember, those without courage don’t sleep with beautiful women.
Listen, Capuano…
Now that my family has disintegrated, I don’t like life anymore.
I don’t like it anymore. I want an imaginary life,
just like the one I had before.
I don’t like reality anymore.
Reality is lousy.
That’s why I want to make films,
even though I’ve only seen three or four. [chuckles]
Not enough, Schisa.
It’s not enough.
Films…
Everyone wants to make fucking films!
To make films you gotta have balls. Do you have balls?
[Fabietto] I rather doubt it.
-[Capuano] So you need pain. You got that? -Yes, I told you. On that front, I’m good.
[Capuano] Hmm. What did you tell me? What pain?
No, you don’t have pain.
You have hope.
With hope, you make comforting films.
It's a trap.
-They left me alone. That’s pain. -It’s not enough, Schisa!
We’re all alone.
You’re alone? I don’t give a fuck, because you’re not original.
Forget pain and think about fun. That’s how you’ll make films.
But you gotta have something to say. You got somethin'?
Imagination, creativity are myths that aren’t good for shit.
I dunno if I have something to say. How do I know?
Oh, how the fuck do I know!
I only got four things to say, and you?
I want to go to Rome to see if I’m cut out for making films.
Rome? The great escape…
Fucking distractions. In the end you come back to yourself.
You come back to failure. Everything’s a failure, a pile of shit.
No one can escape his own failure, and no one gets outta this city.
Rome…
[yelling] What the fuck you gonna do in Rome?
Only assholes go to Rome.
Do you know how many stories there are in this city?
Look!
[bird screaming]
[dramatic music playing]
[Capuano] Is it possible this city doesn’t inspire you at all?
So, you got somethin’ to say?
Or are you an asshole like everyone else?
Got a story to tell?
Have some guts!
Got a story to tell or not?
C’mon, you fool! Got a story to tell?
Find the guts to tell it! C’mon!
-Got a story to tell? -Yes!
Then spit it out!
When my parents died they didn’t let me see them!
[music stops abruptly]
[breathes shakily]
Don’t come undone, Fabio.
[dramatic music resumes]
-Everyone calls me Fabietto. -Time they start callin’ you Fabio.
Don’t come undone.
What does that mean?
You gotta figure it out yourself.
You gotta figure it out yourself, you piece of shit!
Don’t come undone, Schisa.
Don’t ever come undone! You can’t allow that.
What does that mean? Why?
Because they didn’t leave you alone.
-No? -No!
They abandoned you.
Listen to me, don’t go to Rome.
Come see me. I’m always here.
We’ll make films together!
[music stops]
-[indistinct chattering in distance]
[TV commentator] You wanted to greet these marvelous fans personally.
What did it feel like, Diego?
[Maradona] The greatest thing in my life.
[stadium crowd cheering]
[TV commentator]The match is over! Napoli wins the Italian championship!
[stadium horn blares]
[knocking from upper floor]
[chuckles]
[door opens]
[radio announcer] An incredibly exciting moment,
Napoli wins the Italian championship!
It's a thrilling moment…
[radio announcer in background]
[car horns honking]
[TV commentator in background]
[chuckles]
[clatters]
[chuckles]
-[loud cheering] -[stadium horns blaring]
[cheering, chanting in distance]
[key clicks]
-[crying softly] -[cheering, chanting crescendos]
-[girl] Shall we go to Trastevere? -[girl 2] I wanna go out to eat.
-[girl] A nice carbonara. -[girl 3] Cacio e pepe.
-Excuse me, how much longer to Rome? -One hour.
[girls chattering indistinctly]
[brakes screeching]
[brakes screeching loudly]
[man whistles]
[scoffs]
-[Walkman clicks] -[silence]
["Napule È" by Pino Daniele playing]