1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,630
Kids, breakfast!

2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,050
Kids? Phil, would you get them?

3
00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:10,511
Yeah. Just a sec.

4
00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:12,889
Kids!

5
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,433
That is— okay.

6
00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,895
Kids? Get down here!

7
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:22,064
Why are you guys yelling at us
when we 're way upstairs?

8
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,525
Just text me. All right.
That's not gonna happen.

9
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:26,569
And, wow! You're not
wearing that outfit.

10
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,256
What's wrong with it? Honey, do you
have anything to say to your daughter...

11
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,824
About her skirt? Sorry.

12
00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:34,619
- — Oh, yeah. That looks really cute, sweetheart.
- Thanks.

13
00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:38,414
No. It's way too short. People know you're
a girl. You don't need to prove it to them.

14
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,833
Luke got his head stuck
in the banister again.

15
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:43,044
I got it. Where's the baby oil?

16
00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:46,672
It's on our bedside tab—
I don't know. Find it.

17
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:49,758
Come on!

18
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,803
I was out of control growing up.

19
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,805
There, you know? I said it.

20
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,558
I—I just don't want my kids...

21
00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,352
To make the same bad mistakes
I made.

22
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:03,564
I—if Haley never wakes up on
a beach in Florida, half-naked,

23
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,524
I've done my job.

24
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:08,319
Our job. Right.

25
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,321
I've done ourjob.

26
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,865
/I/amos, ll/lanny!
Kick it! Kick it!

27
00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:14,617
Don't let him— kick it!

28
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,536
Li/lanny, go!
Ia ia derecha! 1A ia derecha!

29
00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:20,039
No! No, no.

30
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,476
He tripped him, Jay. Where's the penalty?

31
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,044
Gloria, they're o and 6.
Let's take it down a notch.

32
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,630
We're very different.

33
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,882
Jay's from the city.

34
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,468
He has a big business.

35
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,762
I come from a small village.

36
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,265
Very poor but very,
very beautiful.

37
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:40,268
It's the number one village
in all Colombia for all the...

38
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,978
What's the word?

39
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:45,606
Murders. Yes. The murders.

40
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,441
Manny, stop him!

41
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:50,361
Stop him! You can do it!

42
00:01:54,073 --> 00:01:55,783
! Boy! Damn it, Manny!

43
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,411
Come on, coach.
You gotta take that kid out.

44
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:01,205
You wanna take him out?
How about I take you out?

45
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:04,542
- Honey, honey. — why don't
you worry about your son?

46
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,545
He spent the first half
with his hand in his pants!

47
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:13,050
I've wanted to tell her off
for the last six weeks.

48
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,220
I'm Josh. Ryan's dad.

49
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:18,889
Hi, I'm Gloria pritchett.
Manny's mother.

50
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:21,183
- — Oh, and this must be your dad.
- Her dad?

51
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:22,560
Yeah. No, no.Thafsfunny.

52
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,186
Actually, no, I'm her husband.

53
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:26,397
Don't be fooled by the, uh...

54
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,399
Give me a second here.

55
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,154
Who is a good girl? Who is that?

56
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,864
Who's that?

57
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,950
- — Oh, she's adorable.
- Oh, thank you.

58
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:40,328
Hi, precious. Hello.

59
00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:42,038
Hi. Hi.

60
00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:44,957
Uh, we just, uh— we just
adopted her from Vietnam.

61
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:47,335
And we're bringing her home
for the first time, huh?

62
00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:50,212
She's an angel. You and
your wife must be thrilled.

63
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:53,049
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Daddy needed snacks.

64
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,343
Hi.

65
00:02:55,426 --> 00:03:00,598
So, what are we talking about?

66
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,933
Uh, we have been together for...

67
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:05,102
Guh, five— five years now?

68
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:08,147
And, uh, wejust— we decided
we really wanted to have a baby.

69
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:12,026
So, we had initially asked one of our
lesbian friends to be a surrogate, but...

70
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,195
Then we figured,
they're already mean enough.

71
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,173
Can you imagine one of
'em pregnant? Pregnant, no.

72
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,865
No, thank you. Ick.

73
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,493
You saw that, right?
Everybody fawning over Lily,

74
00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,620
and then you walk on
and suddenly it's all,

75
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,372
“ooh, skymall.

76
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,332
I gotta buy
a motorized tie rack.”

77
00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:29,478
All right, you know, I'm gonna give the
speech. You are not giving the speech.

78
00:03:29,502 --> 00:03:31,938
You're gonna be stuck with
these people for the next five hours.

79
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,714
You're right, you're right.
Okay. I'm sorry.

80
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,634
- — Look at that baby with those cream puffs.
- Okay. Excuse me.

81
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,511
Excuse me.

82
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:41,698
This baby would have grown up in a crowded
orphanage if it wasn't for us “cream puffs.”

83
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,909
And you know what? Note to
all of you who judge— Mitchell!

84
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:46,769
- Hear this. Love knows
no race, creed— - Mitchell.

85
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,187
Orgenden

86
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,582
and shame on you, you
small—minded, ignorant few— Mitchell.

87
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,942
Mitchell! What?

88
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,736
She's got the cream puffs.

89
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:04,120
We would like to pay
for everyone's headsets.

90
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,790
, /~ hey, hey, r

91
00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:11,877
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

92
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,964
,/' hey, hey heyw

93
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:19,885
buddy. Why do you keep
getting stuck like this?

94
00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:21,595
I thought I could
get out this time.

95
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:26,142
I'm just gonna say it. He needs
to be checked by a specialist.

96
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,602
Ow! There. Be free.

97
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,688
Excalibur.

98
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,648
I'm having a friend over today.
Who?

99
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,360
Uh, you don't know him.
Him? Him?

100
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,863
Ooh, a boy. You gonna kiss him?

101
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,198
- — Shut up.
- Easy. Easy.

102
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,325
Yeah, shutup! No, youshutup!

103
00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:45,637
- — Luke, Alex, why don't you take it outside, okay?
- And do what?

104
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:48,414
Fight in the sun. It'll be
a nice change. Haley.

105
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,291
I'm kidding. Who's the boy?

106
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,001
His name is Dylan.

107
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:53,752
I might as well tell him
not to come...

108
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,730
Because you guys are just
going to embarrass me again.

109
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,549
Sweetie, hang on a second.

110
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,968
You're 15, and it's the first time
you've had a boy over.

111
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:04,430
I'm bound to be a little surprised,
but I'm not gonna embarrass you.

112
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,682
I better charge the camcorder.

113
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:10,227
I'm kidding. Come on.
Who are you talking to?

114
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:13,689
I'm the cool dad.
That's— that's my thing.

115
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,524
I'm hip. I— I surfthe web.

116
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:19,487
I text. “Lol”— laugh out
loud. “Omg”— oh, my god.

117
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,655
“Wtf”— why the face?

118
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:25,618
Um, you know, I know all the
dances to high school musical, so...

119
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:28,787
J' we're all in this togethew

120
00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:30,498
,/' yes, we arej

121
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:33,834
,/' we're all stars something,
something you know it, r, r

122
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,504
Mom! Dad! What happened?

123
00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:39,965
Luke just shot me!
I didn't mean to.

124
00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,051
No. Are you okay?

125
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:44,345
The little bitch shot me.

126
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:48,265
- Language!
- They're only plastic 88s. It was an accident.

127
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,893
What did I tell you would happen
if you got him a gun?

128
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,979
Deal with this. Buddy, uncool

129
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,567
that's it? That's—
No, no, no, no.

130
00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:01,779
The agreement was that if he
shoots someone, you shoot him.

131
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,615
We were serious about that?
Yes, we were.

132
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,909
And now you have to
follow through.

133
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,620
- I'm so sorry.
- Liar.

134
00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:12,957
Go. He's got a birthday party.

135
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,352
- — What's more important here, dad?
- You can shoot him aftennards.

136
00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,456
He'll be home at 2:00. I can't shoot
him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.

137
00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:21,423
What about 3:00? — no,
he's got a soccer game at 3:00.

138
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:24,885
And then— oh, we gotta leave
for that dinner thing at 5:00.

139
00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:26,720
4:15. You could
shoot him at 4:15.

140
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,973
Yeah, I guess that works for me.
Oh!

141
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:32,101
“Shoot Luke.” sorry,
dude. It's on the calendar.

142
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,645
Oh, come on!

143
00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:38,357
I'm quitting soccer.
It is a game for children.

144
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,067
No, you're not quitting.

145
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,004
You would have stopped that goal
if you weren't staring at that little girl.

146
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:46,532
She is not a girl.
She's a woman.

147
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,845
You know, Gloria, that little
blowup with that other mom...

148
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,580
Why do you have to
do things like that?

149
00:06:52,705 --> 00:06:55,559
If somebody says something about
my family, I'm going to— I'm just saying.

150
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,561
You could take it down
here a little bit. That's all.

151
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,437
Oh, yeah. 'Cause that's
where you live, down here.

152
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,501
But I live up here! Yeah, but you don't
have to be so emotional all the time.

153
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,217
That's all I'm saying. Manny,
you're with me on this, right?

154
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,886
I wanna tell Brenda feldman
I love her. Oh, for god sakes.

155
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:11,390
Manny, she's 16. Oh. It's okay
for you to take an older lover?

156
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:14,810
Hey, watch it. I wanna go
to the mall where she works.

157
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,063
But first I need to get
my white shirt, the silk one.

158
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,608
Okay. If that's what you
really want to do. Seriously.

159
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,777
Not to be the evil stepdad, but
if you put on a puffy white shirt...

160
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,779
And declare your love
for a 16-year-old,

161
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:29,158
you're gonna be swinging from the
flagpole in your puffy white underpants.

162
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,411
Stop the car.
Oh, where are you going?

163
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:40,294
See? You hurt his feelings. Ah— well,
if it toughens him up a little bit then...

164
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:43,005
Oh, geez. He's picking flowers.

165
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,133
Manny's very passionate,
just like his father.

166
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:50,262
My first husband— he's very
handsome, but too crazy.

167
00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:55,684
It seemed like all we did was fight and make
love, fight and make love, fight and make love.

168
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:59,438
One time, I'm not kidding you,
we fell out the window together.

169
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,398
Which— which one were you doing?

170
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,903
I'm hearing this
for the first time.

171
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,364
This doesn't worry you?

172
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,687
She barely slept on the plane
and she's still wide awake.

173
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:13,702
- — Oh, stop worrying.
- /can't.

174
00:08:13,786 --> 00:08:15,663
That— that orphanage
was all women.

175
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,546
Maybe she just— she can't fall asleep
unless she feels a woman's shape.

176
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:22,086
I guess that's possible.
So here.

177
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,296
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?

178
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:27,549
Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds
while we were expecting the baby,

179
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,094
which has been very difficult.

180
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:34,306
But apparently your body does a
nesting, very maternal, primal thing...

181
00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:38,811
Where it retains nutrients— some
sort of molecular physiology thing.

182
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:40,771
But that's science.

183
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:44,441
You can't—
You can't fight it, so...

184
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:50,364
- I'm not saying anything.
- You're saying everything.

185
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,200
Count to three. One, two...

186
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,577
Three. Okay.

187
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:58,080
Oh, cam. This is beautiful.
Oh, my god. Do you love it?

188
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,915
Yes, I...

189
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,625
What the hell is that?

190
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:06,171
I had Andre do it while we
were gone. Is that us, with wings?

191
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,632
We're floating above her,
always there to protect her.

192
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,260
Okay. Well, that's
reassuring, right, Lily?

193
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,572
Yes, we tore you away from everything you
know, but don't worry, things are normal here.

194
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,783
Your fathers are floating
fairies. No, can you call Andre,

195
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,059
have him paint something
a little less gay?

196
00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:22,813
By the way, we need to stop
having friends with names like Andre.

197
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,940
Redheaded dad is
angry daddy. No, I'm not.

198
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,985
Yes, you are. Even pepper pointed it
out on the way home from the airport.

199
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,070
Okay, that's another one— peppen

200
00:09:30,154 --> 00:09:32,072
okay, what's up?

201
00:09:32,156 --> 00:09:35,284
All right, look. I...

202
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:39,204
I— I never told my family
we were adopting a baby.

203
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,582
And— I know.

204
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:45,294
You do? Yeah, and I don't
blame you. I know your family.

205
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,546
You'd tell 'em. They'd say
something judgmental.

206
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,339
Exactly. You'd get mad.

207
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,901
I know. And then something that's
supposed to be nothing but joyful...

208
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,552
Suddenly turns into this huge fight.

209
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,805
And who wants a big, emotional
scene like that? Thank you. Thank you.

210
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,099
I'm so—
I'm so relieved you understand.

211
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,435
I invited them over
for dinner tonight.

212
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,605
What? I had to.

213
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,982
This would have gone on forever.
You're an avoider.

214
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,651
No.no.no. Cam, I'm calling
them right now and canceling.

215
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:13,405
No, you're not. You're telling your
family you adopted a baby, tonight.

216
00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:16,658
And you do have avoidance
issues. Even longinus said so.

217
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:19,453
Are— are you really
not hearing these names?

218
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,500
Don't answer it! I 7! Get it!

219
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,259
Hi. Hey, you must be Dylan.

220
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,970
Hey. Dylan. Yeah.
I'm Haley's mother.

221
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:38,138
Mm-hmm. Hey.

222
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,474
Come on. Let's go. Okay. Um...

223
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,935
Hang on one second. Um— whoa.

224
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:46,438
Dylan, you're still
in high school?

225
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,941
Yeah, I'm a senior.
A senior. Okay. Cool.

226
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:53,946
Hey, Phil. Sweetie. Honey.
He is Dylan, and he is a senior.

227
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,782
You have to scare him.

228
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,618
Let me meet this “playa.”

229
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,703
Phil Dunphy, yo.

230
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,252
It's like that. You just—
You just stare down at 'em,

231
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,504
let the eyes do the work.

232
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,506
Your mouth might be saying,
“hey, we cool,”

233
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,550
but your eyes are like,
“no, we not.”

234
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:17,427
“Nice to meet you.”
“no, it's not.”

235
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,180
“It's all good.”

236
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,600
Yo. Yo.

237
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,604
Okay, I see you two guys—
Wait, wait, wait.

238
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:30,315
You two...

239
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,862
You two keep it real,
know what I mean, son?

240
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:36,655
Not really.

241
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,740
Please, stop. That's cool.

242
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,493
Ow. Oh, god! That's my
back. Oh, honey. Sweetheart.

243
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:43,871
Ow! Oh!
I slipped in the baby oil.

244
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,165
“Oh, where you from originally?”

245
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:50,752
“I could defeat you if it came to
a physical confrontation.”

246
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,589
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I don't know
about this. Should I call a doctor?

247
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:56,425
No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

248
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,719
You're very strong, homes.
Thanks.

249
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:01,597
Okay. Nice— nice soft
landing. There you go.

250
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:04,141
Okay. I am on my side
though. Okay, let's go. Come on.

251
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,894
So just flip me right back,
and we're good.

252
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,729
We'll be good.

253
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:12,441
I just need to get flipped right on
my back, and we should be fine. 80...

254
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,697
Brenda feldman.

255
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,910
What is that? A poem I have
written for Brenda feldman.

256
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:27,748
Of course it is. — I put my thoughts
into words and now my words into action.

257
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:30,292
Hey, I'll give you 50 bucks
not to do this.

258
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,003
I'm 11 years old. What
am I gonna do with money?

259
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,213
What are you gonna do
with a 16-year-old?

260
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:39,927
He's like a bullfighter. Mmm.
You ever see a bullfight?

261
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,888
- — I can't watch this.
- You're in such a bad mood.

262
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,433
And I know why. It's because that
man thought you were my father.

263
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,893
No. Yes.

264
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:51,229
No. When you say “no”
like that, it's always “yes.”

265
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,566
Come on. We're in the mall. Let's
get you, like, some younger clothes.

266
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,694
There's a store there. I don't
need any younger clothes.

267
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:01,198
And I don't care what some jackass in
a pair of ripped jeans thinks about me.

268
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,950
Good. You shouldn't.

269
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,160
You should only care
what I think.

270
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,913
I love you, and I don't
care how old you are.

271
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:11,291
So stop being a gloomy goose
and stop being so hard on Manny.

272
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:13,293
The only reason
I'm hard on Manny...

273
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,963
Is just because I don't wanna
see him make a fool of himself.

274
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:19,049
And / can smell that
hair goo of his from here.

275
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,094
Look, I don't know what's gonna
happen to him over there.

276
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:25,889
But you're his family now,
and that means only one thing...

277
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:30,477
You be the wind in his back,
not the spit in his face.

278
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:33,438
What? It's something
my mom always says.

279
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:36,775
It's gorgeous in Spanish.
Look, he's there.

280
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:45,617
She has a boyfriend.
Oh, I'm sorry, mi nifio.

281
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:47,619
I gave her my heart,

282
00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,956
she gave me a picture of me
as an old-time sheriff.

283
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,794
That was pretty stupid of
me, wasn't it? No, mi amor.

284
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:58,213
It was brave. Right, Jay? Brave.

285
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,383
W—well, you'll know better
next time.

286
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,427
Come on. Let's get a pretzel.

287
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,973
Li/lentira. A mi si me gusta.

288
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,730
Uh, excuse me, sir. We ask that
all mall—walkers stay to the right.

289
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:31,413
Alex, get out! Ll/lom!

290
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,415
Alex, leave your sister alone.

291
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,208
I was just getting my book.
Gosh.

292
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,879
I know, sweetie. But you
need to respect their privacy.

293
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,256
What are they doing
up there? Nothing.

294
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,718
Lying on her bed,
watching a movie.

295
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,304
Okay. Okay.

296
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:51,641
Um, I'm making a cake for tonight.
You wanna help me with the frosting?

297
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,477
Sure.

298
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,605
So, you know,
if Haley got pregnant,

299
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:58,899
would you ever pretend
she has mono for a few months,

300
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,693
and then, like, tell everyone
the baby's yours?

301
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,946
What? This senior at school
was “out sick” for four months,

302
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:08,867
but Jenna resnick swears she saw
her breast—feeding at a coin-op car wash.

303
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,833
Buddy, what are you wearing?

304
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,836
- Nothing.
- Uh-uh. No jacket.

305
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,632
One hat. How many pairs of
undennear do you have on?

306
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:27,469
One. Six.

307
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:30,430
First of all, it would be really
cool to see Haley that fat.

308
00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:34,101
And how awesome would it be to have a
fake little brother who's really my nephew.

309
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,853
Haley is not getting pregnant.

310
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,897
I know. Just saying “if.”

311
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:42,692
And I know you like to make trouble for your
sister, but it's not gonna work this time.

312
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,654
You know why?
'Cause your sister's a good girl.

313
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:49,741
I know. I was just
like her when I was...

314
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:52,494
I want you to know,
I'm not enjoying this.

315
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:54,996
But this is an important lesson
that you're learning.

316
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,624
So, soak it. Keep it.

317
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,295
You're too close.
It's gonna hurt.

318
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,089
It's supposed to hurt.

319
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:07,592
- And why are you smiling?
- I'm— what?

320
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,982
Oh, forget it. I can't do this.

321
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:24,335
The point is you're scared. I
think you've learned your lesson.

322
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:25,359
Wow.

323
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,115
Mom! What are you doing?

324
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,868
Oh, hey! I was just, um,
dropping off some laundry.

325
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,911
- — Is this a bad time?
- Yeah.

326
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:38,248
Oh. Okay.

327
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,916
Uh, can you
shut the door, please?

328
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,003
Actually, we're just gonna
go ahead and leave that open.

329
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,296
Why?

330
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,382
Because I have, uh,
seen this little show before...

331
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:50,051
Lying on the bed
with a tall senior.

332
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,113
One minute you're just friends,
watching falcon crest,

333
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:55,032
and the next you're lying underneath the air
hockey table with your bra in your pocket.

334
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,474
Morn! Whoa.

335
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:59,394
- You hit my bone!
- It was an accident!

336
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:02,981
- — I thought you were my friend!
- I am your friend.

337
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,192
Dad! Dad, dad
you have got to talk to mom.

338
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:08,069
She is, like, completely freaking
out and embarrassing me!

339
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,047
Honey, your mom isn't always
as cool about things as...

340
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,071
Ow!

341
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,616
What is with this thing?

342
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,284
Ow!

343
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:21,833
My dad. Uh, my dad still isn't
completely comfortable with this.

344
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:24,628
Um— he—he still does this thing.
It's been five years now.

345
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,172
And he still does this thing
where he announces himself...

346
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,216
Before walking into
any room we're in...

347
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,886
Just to make sure he doesn't
have to ever see us kiss.

348
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,096
Wish my mother had that system.

349
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,474
Remember? Not now.

350
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,726
I still can't believe
you did this to me.

351
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:43,688
Would you get in the spirit
of things? It's a celebration.

352
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,861
- — Oh, god.
- Okay, I'm gonna go get Lily ready.

353
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:52,948
Okay. And I want you to
just come straight out with it.

354
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,699
All right.
Okay. You can do this.

355
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,034
Yeah. Sports guy chest bump.

356
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,285
Sports guy chest bump. No.

357
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,746
Cam. Oh! All
right. Go. Do it. Go.

358
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,790
Oh. Sorry.

359
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,880
Hey. Hi. Hey.

360
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,424
How are you? Hi, guys. Hey.

361
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,551
That looks good.
Oh, thank you. Thanks.

362
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,675
Don't thank us. Open it.
Dad is coming right behind.

363
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:19,849
I Jay! Knock, knock!
We're here. Coming in!

364
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,769
Don't worry, dad.
Nothing gay going on here.

365
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,438
May I take your multicolored
coat and bejeweled cap?

366
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,899
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Jay.

367
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,860
Gloria, hi. Hi.

368
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,571
How are you? Hi, dad.
Hi, Gloria. How are you?

369
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:36,616
Oh, what a beautiful dress.
Ay, thank you, Phil.

370
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:40,078
Okay. Oh, hey— Phil.

371
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,747
That's how she says
“Phil.” not “feel.” Phil. Oh.

372
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,375
So how was your trip? — it
was good. It was good actually.

373
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,629
But, um, about that, I— I have
something that I need to tell you guys.

374
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:52,007
Um— uh, we didn't just
go to Vietnam for pleasure.

375
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,467
We, uh, kind of have
some big news.

376
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:57,345
Oh, god. If cam comes out
here with boobs, I'm leaving.

377
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:59,973
Dad. — I hope he
didn't embarrass you, mom.

378
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:03,351
Oh, don't mind her. Haley
had her first boy over today...

379
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:05,395
And Phil shot him.

380
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,316
Anyway, um, so, about—
About a year ago,

381
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,484
cam and I started feeling
this longing, you know,

382
00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:14,362
for something more,
like, uh, maybe a baby?

383
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,906
- — Ooh, that's a bad idea.
- What do you mean, “bad idea”?

384
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:20,618
Well, kids need a mother. I mean if
you two guys are bored, get a dog.

385
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,871
Okay, we're not bored, dad.

386
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:25,248
I support you, Mitchell,
even though you're not my son.

387
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,667
I—i-i-i think what dad
is trying to say...

388
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,837
Is that, Mitchell,
you're a little uptight.

389
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,233
- Kids bring chaos, and— and you don't handle it well.
- That's not what dad's saying.

390
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:37,344
That's what you're saying. And
it's insulting in a whole different way.

391
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,971
Okay, people.
Let's all “chillax.”

392
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,849
Hey, where's uncle Cameron?
Thank you. Thank you.

393
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,602
Someone who's not insulting me
notices he's not here.

394
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:49,522
Oh, so that's the big announcement,
huh? You two broke up.

395
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,608
Well— well, a baby
wasn't gonna help that anyway.

396
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,445
And let me tell you. You're better off,
because he was a bit of a drama queen.

397
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,030
No, no, no. Stop. Stop. No.

398
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,824
You come into my house
and you insult me and my boyfriend,

399
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:02,118
who, by the way,
is not that dramatic...

400
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:05,914
J, » Oh, god.

401
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:11,503
,/', r

402
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:18,802
,/' it's the circle of life, r

403
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:21,012
we adopted a baby.
,/' and it moves us all, I

404
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,555
her name is Lily. Oh.

405
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,517
Exciting! Just turn it off.

406
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,852
I can't turn it off.
It's who I am.

407
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,979
The music. Oh, yes, the music.

408
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,731
A”! Sfops! Come say hi to Lily.

409
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:35,652
A y, miren a la princes/ta. The
little Princess. She's so cute!

410
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,654
So cute. Thank you.

411
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,740
Let me see her. Let
me see her. Let me see her.

412
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,700
Hi there, Lily.

413
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:45,620
“Lily.” isn't that gonna be hard
for her to say? So cute.

414
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,248
Phil. Excuse me.

415
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:51,543
Okay, I—I—I know that I said
I thought this was a bad idea.

416
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:56,172
But, uh, what do / know?

417
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,758
I mean, it's not like
I wrote the book on fatherhood.

418
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:02,429
Been trying all my life to get
it right. I'm still screwing up.

419
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:05,473
- Right, Manny?
- I wrote a song about it in the car.

420
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:08,726
Of course you did. Uh...

421
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:12,814
Anyway, I'm happy for you.
And, uh, you should know that, uh,

422
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,650
I'm not here
to spit in your face,

423
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,528
I'm here to...
Blow at your back.

424
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:20,738
I don't understand
what that means. I don't...

425
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:24,117
Well, it's— it's supposed to
sound better in Spanish.

426
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:28,496
I/o y a ser la Brisa en tu espa/da,
no quien te escupa en la frente.

427
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,874
Oh, that's beautiful.
That's really nice.

428
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,751
And thank you too.

429
00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:35,795
Anyhow, Mitch, uh...

430
00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:38,465
No, dad, it's— it's...

431
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:40,467
I got her. I got her.
Oh, she's crying.

432
00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:42,153
She wants her grandpa!
She wants her daddy!

433
00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:44,262
Do you wanna meet grandpa?
What? Are you kidding?

434
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:48,308
She's one of us now. Let me see
the little pot sticker.

435
00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,811
Hey, you're a cutie, aren't you?

436
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:55,398
Ah. Look at this.

437
00:21:55,482 --> 00:22:00,153
! Jay! We 're from different
worlds, yet we somehow fit together.

438
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,655
Love is what binds us,

439
00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:05,700
through fair or stormy weather.

440
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:08,328
I stand before you now
with only one agenda...

441
00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:11,080
“To let you know
my heart is yours,

442
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,541
feldman comma Brenda.”

443
00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:17,462
I mean, seriously.

444
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,133
Luke, so far, hasn't
beaten me in basketball.

445
00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:24,427
It's 2-0.2—0. Okay. Okay.

446
00:22:26,804 --> 00:22:29,933
Get that weak stuff out
of my kitchen! Dad, stop it!

447
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:32,060
Can you do me a favor?
Just grab...

448
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:34,604
Ooh! How's the weather
down there?

449
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,106
But when the day comes
that he does win...

450
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:39,108
If— you know— if/when...

451
00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:41,361
He beats me,
I'm just gonna be like,

452
00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,404
“well done. Well done.”

453
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:45,782
Just, like, let him—
Just support him...

454
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,784
In— in— in that kind of stuff

455
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:51,955
I mean, I'd probably want to go, like, two out
of three and just see what happens there, but...

456
00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:57,835
English - us — psdh