1
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:06,507
Let's go, buddy. Schooltime.

2
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:09,111
Oh, and Gloria, if you want to
get together with the girls later,

3
00:00:09,135 --> 00:00:12,138
I could just, you know, watch
the football game or something.

4
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,182
That means he wants
to watch a football game.

5
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:16,767
I'm not talking to you.

6
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,769
What are you drinking
coffee for anyway?

7
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,771
It's my culture. I'm Colombian.

8
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:24,692
Oh, yeah? What part of Colombia
are those French toaster sticks from?

9
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:28,487
Babe, I'm not sure about the game. The
whole family's coming over for the barbecue.

10
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,615
Sm thafstoday?

11
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,743
It's the Ohio state game.
So? Everybody can watch.

12
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,494
I don't like watching
the game...

13
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:37,163
With people who don't know
the game.

14
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:39,248
People talk.
You talk at my football games.

15
00:00:39,332 --> 00:00:41,000
For one thing,
it's called soccer.

16
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,793
Your team scored two goals
all season.

17
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,795
I'm not taking a big risk.

18
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,049
How much of this did you drink?

19
00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:51,469
Give me a break. I have
to climb a rope today.

20
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,347
Hey, il/iom. Yeah?

21
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:57,183
Can I have $40 for lunch?

22
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,976
Forty dollars?

23
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,938
- — I also need a book for school.
- What book?

24
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:03,940
I want a dress.

25
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,943
Do you have any idea
what a bad liar you are?

26
00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:10,738
I'd be more worried that she couldn't
come up with a single book title.

27
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,115
Luke, come on. We 're late.

28
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:16,077
Mmm, there's a first—
Inside out and backwards.

29
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,747
At least it isn't zipped
into his— oh. There it is.

30
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:23,000
Well, there is book smart,
and then there is street smart.

31
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,002
Yeah, and then there's Luke.

32
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:27,421
Oh, he's just—
He's just curious. That's all.

33
00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:30,925
He's got this almost
scientific mind...

34
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:34,220
With a thirst for kno w/eo'ge.

35
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,722
He is like this little Einstein.

36
00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,558
Some people ask, “why?”

37
00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:43,646
Luke asks, ”wh y not?”

38
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,690
I ask “why?” a lot.

39
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:50,486
We're at the 10.
We're at the five.

40
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:53,072
We're at the one. Daddy,
we're scoring a touchdown!

41
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:55,783
No, please— please don't
spike our baby.

42
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,785
Why is she dressed
like the hamburglar?

43
00:01:57,910 --> 00:02:01,789
She's a referee. Oh. Do— do we
even have to go to my dad's tonight?

44
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:04,625
Are you kidding me?
We're playing Ohio state.

45
00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,711
I collect antique fountain pens.

46
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:10,256
I'm quite adept at Japanese
flower arrangement— ikebana...

47
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:13,551
And I was a starting offensive lineman
at the university of Illinois.

48
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,303
Surprise.

49
00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:17,346
I don't like football.
You know what?

50
00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:19,348
I thought part of being
in a relationship...

51
00:02:19,432 --> 00:02:21,434
Was pretending to enjoy
your partner's interests.

52
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:24,061
Do you think I really loved
home pickle—making?

53
00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:25,980
Yeah, 'cause you did.

54
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,667
For a week, until we became the
weird guys who gave everybody pickles.

55
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:31,652
Oh, thank you, Marvin, for
inviting us into your lovely home.

56
00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:33,487
Here. Would you care
for a sack of pickles?

57
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:36,240
- It was charming.
- We were picklers, Mitchell.

58
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:39,618
Okay, you know what? Fine. Stay
home with your little jagged scissors.

59
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:43,372
- — Maybe catch up on your scrapbooking.
- Come— you loved scrapbooking.

60
00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:45,583
Did I, Mitchell? Did I?

61
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,978
Stop. Don't do the “double
question to prove a point” thing.

62
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:49,420
I hate it when people do that.

63
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,505
Do you, Mitchell? Do you?

64
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:53,591
Stop, Lily.

65
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,011
, /~ hey, heyj

66
00:02:57,094 --> 00:03:01,015
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

67
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,934
,/' hey, hey heyw

68
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:10,274
no problem.
We'll be right down. Thanks.

69
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,157
Hey, honey. What's up?

70
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,202
The school just called.
Luke got in a fight.

71
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:23,037
Oh, geez. Is he okay?

72
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,998
Yeah, he's fine, but they
want us to come down there.

73
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,833
Where are you?
I'm showing a house.

74
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:30,127
What house?

75
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,547
I'm golfing.

76
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,054
I bet it was that durkas
kid. I hate that kid.

77
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,681
He probablyjumped on Luke
and Luke just fought back.

78
00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:45,351
Kid's a menace. He
made fun of my hair once.

79
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,103
Shh. The parents
are probably in there.

80
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:50,689
If ieptonflfunny
lmethatneverhappenedtoimn? Comeon.

81
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:55,942
What are you doing here? — these
two knuckleheads were fighting each other.

82
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,197
- What?
- Could've been worse.

83
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,825
I was not ready
to face durkas today.

84
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,827
So what happened?

85
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,247
Well, apparently there was some
name-calling and shoving on the playground.

86
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,249
By the time a teacher
separated them,

87
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,418
Luke was sitting
on Manny's chest.

88
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,670
- — Luke, that's not like you.
- Wait a minute.

89
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,463
- — You're Luke's father?
- Grandfather.

90
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:17,883
- — So Manny's father is—
- Javier.

91
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,970
Crazy guy. That's where
he gets his fire.

92
00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:22,972
- — Okay, you're—
- He's our son.

93
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,307
- And my grandson.
- I'm his daughter.

94
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,226
- — So you're—
- His uncle.

95
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,937
Stop saying that or I'll
sit on your chest again.

96
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,314
Ho! Wait a second. Is that
what this was all about?

97
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,859
He keeps calling me his
nephew. You are my nephew.

98
00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:36,902
Shut up! Okay, okay.

99
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,114
I'm getting the sense that
you're all related, uh, somehow.

100
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,450
So it's probably best if you
work this out at home...

101
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:44,201
So the boys can
go back to class, okay?

102
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,495
But we're not happy
about this, boys.

103
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:49,290
This is not how
mature young men behave.

104
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,083
Here's your note
for miss passwater.

105
00:04:56,172 --> 00:04:58,466
Look, I wouldn't worry.
They're good kids.

106
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,360
It's just tough when one kid's
a little different.

107
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,386
Yes. Yes.

108
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,848
You heard how
she said that, right?

109
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,600
“Yes."

110
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,870
She thought
Luke was the weird one. Luke.

111
00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:12,313
Her kid gets his head
stuck in the furniture,

112
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,273
and Manny is the different one.

113
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,334
I will tell you what's weird.
Our son is not weird.

114
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,158
What's weird is that her kid wears
aftershave and dresses like a count.

115
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,530
I think we should cancel
with them for the barbecue.

116
00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:24,492
If we cancel, it'll just make
this a bigger deal than it is.

117
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:28,329
It'll be good for Luke and
Manny to spend some time.

118
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:30,915
Might be good for you
and Gloria too. Why?

119
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,834
She's always had
a problem with me.

120
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,836
I think I'm gonna find out
what it is.

121
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,298
That's the worst thing you could
do. Just sweep it under the rug.

122
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,425
I'm not a sweeper.
Trust me on this.

123
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,427
I think you two
need to talk it out.

124
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,346
I don't have anything
to say to her.

125
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:47,181
She's the one
with the problem, not me.

126
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:51,101
Whose side are you on? She's
my daughter. You're my wife.

127
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,437
Let's remember
what's important here.

128
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,439
There's a football game on.

129
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:59,109
I just hate it when my two
girls aren't getting along.

130
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,612
How exactly is she your girl?

131
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,619
I got a few things for the party.

132
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,621
Is Lily ready to go?

133
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,706
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's ready.

134
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,708
What's wrong?

135
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:17,545
I'm just really
worried about c.J. Hightower.

136
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,548
With the bad ankle, I don't know
how he's gonna run his corner routes.

137
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,967
What did my boyfriend justsay?

138
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,178
Listen, I heard what you said,
and I thought, yes,

139
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,889
I should try to learn
more about football.

140
00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:30,975
That is very mature of you.

141
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:34,061
I figure, if football fans can learn it,
how hard can it be?

142
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,813
That's very elitist of you.

143
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,065
I'm taking baby steps
here, all right?

144
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,442
I'm actually— I'm really
looking foward to it.

145
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,444
'Cause it's not just the game.

146
00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:45,698
It's—it's the bands and the drama,
the pageantry.

147
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,534
Don't forget about the team
mascots. They wear ascots?

148
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,953
No. Mascots. With an m ”

149
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,955
that could have been
very embarrassing.

150
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,957
Okay.

151
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,042
Am I straight?

152
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:01,422
Fntnotsure what you
are right now. Hmm?

153
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,465
Hi, hi, hi, hi! How ya doin'?

154
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,301
Hey, gramps. Hi, beautiful.

155
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,052
Hi, Phil. Good to see ya.

156
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,555
Let me guess. Game's
on? Just started.

157
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,057
Hey. for you.

158
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:15,311
It's nice to see you,
Gloria. Ah! Two times today.

159
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,605
Okay, well— Uh, Phil?

160
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,773
She means we've seen
them two times today.

161
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:22,252
Okay, everybody, the food's
in there. The drinks are in there.

162
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,820
- I'll be in here.
- Hold on, Jay.

163
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,323
I think we should address
the elephant in the room.

164
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:31,201
Uh, Luke, Manny. Bring it in.

165
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,581
Come on. Huddle up. Football.

166
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:38,500
Now in light of what
happened at school today,

167
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,586
do you have any feelings
you'd like to express?

168
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,379
I think this is
the proper forum...

169
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,215
For god's sakes.
All right, both of you.

170
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,760
Now, in this family, do we
kick and punch each other,

171
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:49,511
or do we love each other?

172
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,847
Love each other. That's right.

173
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,891
I'll be in the den.

174
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:59,313
So, I brought dessert.

175
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,315
Okay. Thank you.

176
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,817
I make pie too.

177
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:07,071
You can never have
too many pies, right?

178
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,073
Okay, whoa. Whoa.

179
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,117
Everybody take a deep breath.
Let's think about getting real.

180
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,828
- Phil, no.
- Why “Phil, no”?

181
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,955
- What is Phil doing?
- I'm just gonna say it.

182
00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,916
There's tension between you two.

183
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,251
Bam. It's out there.
I'm gonna kill you.

184
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:24,922
I think he's right, and I
think we should talk about it.

185
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,675
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout...

186
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,844
You two talking...

187
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,930
'Bout it.

188
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,744
First and goal to
go for the illini. I like football.

189
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,854
Haley hates it, which is weird
because it's all boys...

190
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,940
And there's no reading required.

191
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,652
Do you know that she spends at least
45 minutes every morning doing her hair?

192
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,654
And then sometimes...

193
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,658
Let's go! Right now!

194
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,119
Looks like I gotta watch
the game with dick butkus.

195
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,204
Dad! Dad, come on.
That's offensive.

196
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,808
Mitchell, he's one of the greatest
linebackers to ever play at Illinois...

197
00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:01,917
And one of my personal heroes.

198
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,794
And his name is “butt—kiss”?

199
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:07,214
We're just choosing to—
Okay. All right.

200
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,317
Dad, I thought you were
being homophobic. I'm sorry.

201
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,343
We got all night. Yes, we do.

202
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:15,013
- Are you joining us here? — yeah. Jay,
you know what? He's been studying up.

203
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:17,725
I gotta tell ya, I'm a little
worried about c.J. Hightower.

204
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:21,145
Right? With the bad ankle? I'm wondering
how he's gonna run his corner routes.

205
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,939
- — Hightower's out.
- What?

206
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,941
Oh. Then who is gonna
run the corner routes?

207
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,735
I'll tell you who it won't be—
Billings.

208
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:30,195
That's low. He's in jail.

209
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,573
Oh, wow. Yeah. Then no.

210
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,296
Double tight end, it's gonna be
a quarterback roll-out to the left.

211
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:39,580
They're gonna run it. Trust me. He's
got the slot. In the end zone! Touchdown!

212
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:43,125
Lucky call. Maybe they, uh,
should've considered blitzing.

213
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,210
Blitzing wouldn't have helped them.
Get outta here.

214
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,756
Oh, gosh. Bl/tz/ng.

215
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:52,134
So, my interest in football ended
as suddenly and dramatically...

216
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,678
As the climax
of west sio'e story.

217
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,680
I'm a musical theater fan.

218
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:59,850
Surprise.

219
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:03,896
Okay. The truth? I sometimes
feel like you don't like me.

220
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,898
Wow.

221
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,442
Powerful, powerful stuff.

222
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,402
Claire? Tell us
how that makes you feel.

223
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,947
Right now, I'm feeling a lot of
anger. No, don't tell me. Tell her.

224
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:16,033
Gloria, right now, I'm
really angry at Phil.

225
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,868
Let's respect the process.

226
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:23,248
Gloria, I don't know why
you think I don't like you.

227
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,293
Sometimes when you see me,
you make that face. What face?

228
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,837
- Like this.
- I do not make a face like that.

229
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,839
Oh, my god. That
is so Claire. Mitchell!

230
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:35,135
See? She does that with
everyone. It's just her face.

231
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:37,471
No, it's not just the face.

232
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,849
From the beginning, I feel like Manny
and I are not welcome in this family.

233
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:45,312
That is so crazy. No, it's
not so crazy. It's how I feel.

234
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,443
I am sorry if you feel that way.

235
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:54,696
I really am, because
from the moment I met you,

236
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:58,116
I have tried to make you
feel comfortable with us.

237
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,536
You think it's all in my head?

238
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,621
No. Kind—! Don't know.

239
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:06,667
I mean, we really love having
you and Manny in our family.

240
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:07,876
Really? Really.

241
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,546
So, you don't have
to be so defensive.

242
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,881
I do that, don't I?

243
00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,509
Well, a bit.

244
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,012
I'm feeling a hug.

245
00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:21,974
I was thinking group hug,
but this is nice.

246
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:24,226
I'd be there if! Could.
Oh, my god. There's hugging.

247
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,270
Haley, get off
the phone already.

248
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:29,690
Where did you go? You
heard him. He said, “get outta here.”

249
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,525
Oh, my god. You're such a girl.

250
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:34,069
Dad— I was coming
to get a beer anyways.

251
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,905
Nice apology. Nice beer.

252
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:40,367
Hey, there are the little roustabouts.

253
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,829
You look like you patched things up
pretty good, huh? Yeah.

254
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,373
Oh, we can learn so much
from the children.

255
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:49,877
Bet it seems kind of silly now what
you were even fighting about, huh?

256
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,130
- — I made fun of his accent.
- What accent?

257
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,650
I made fun of him for having
the same thing for lunch every day.

258
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:59,761
Eegh! — I made fun of him
because his mom used to dig coal.

259
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:01,763
What?

260
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,599
He said you were a coal digger.

261
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,726
Okay. I think we can move on.

262
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,603
Who said I was a coal digger?

263
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:10,731
That's what my mom told
me. What's a coal digger?

264
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,774
Sweetheart, he heard it
wrong. It's “gold digger.”

265
00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:14,776
I'm gonna have to call you back.

266
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,696
I really do not think that
I remember ever saying that.

267
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,073
Well, you said in the car.

268
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,677
You said it at Christmas.
You said it in the Mexican restaurant...

269
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,704
Okay, Mr. “leaves his sweatshirts
at school every day...

270
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,789
Suddenly remembers
everything,” thank you.

271
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,876
And it was all in my head, huh?

272
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:35,839
Oh, listen. Gloria, it was... like,
a year ago, before lknew you.

273
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:39,176
Nice going. Now my mom
and my sister are fighting.

274
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,557
If I say something that
everybody else is thinking,

275
00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:47,559
does that make me a mean person?

276
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:51,271
Or does it make me
a brave person?

277
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:55,776
One who is courageous enough
to stand up and-and say something...

278
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,779
Behind someone's back to...
A 10-year-old.

279
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,200
Well, she's pissed.

280
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,078
Yeah. She wouldn't even
come out of her room. Oh.

281
00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:09,081
Did you really have to
call her that— a gold digger?

282
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,291
Well, you know what, dad?
It was a year ago.

283
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:13,961
And it was a natural
question to ask.

284
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,380
She's a beautiful, hot woman,

285
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,132
and you're not exactly,
you know...

286
00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,385
Not exactly what?

287
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,513
Um— Mitchell, little help?

288
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,515
No. You are doing great.

289
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:29,559
See, this is exactly why we
sweep things under the rug...

290
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,478
So people don't get hurt.

291
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,773
Yeah, until you sweep too much
under the rug. Then you got a lumpy rug.

292
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:39,027
Creates a tr/pping hazard
you open yourself up to lawsuits.

293
00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:41,446
Boy, you can go a really
long time without blinking.

294
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,914
Gloria? It's Phil.

295
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:54,042
Hi. Can I talk to you
for a second?

296
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:56,962
Claire likes to say
you can be part of the problem...

297
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,047
Or part of the solution.

298
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,633
But I happen to believe
that you can be both.

299
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:06,430
Listen, Claire feels terrible.

300
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,515
Why don't you talk to her?

301
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:12,352
Why? I know what she thinks—
A coal digger.

302
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:15,022
- — You know she's saying “gold digger”?
- Yes, Phil!

303
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,773
Well, I-I know she said that.

304
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,568
But that was a long time
ago, before she knew you.

305
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,778
Does Jay buy me nice things?

306
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,031
Yes! Of course!
All beautiful things.

307
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:27,159
Look at this— yellow, red, blue.

308
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,161
All the colors.

309
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:32,581
Do you think I can't live without
this? Take them away, Phil.

310
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,919
Gloria, we all know you'd
be fine without underwear.

311
00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,547
I mean, we know
it's not about that.

312
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:44,593
No. It's about me not being
accepted by my new family.

313
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:48,764
That is not true. Gloria,
look, you're a beautiful woman.

314
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:52,059
In fact, you're probably one of those
beautiful women who doesn't even know it.

315
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,436
No, I know it.

316
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:58,106
So it's natural for Claire to
wonder about you and her dad.

317
00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:01,485
This family's very protective
of each other.

318
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,529
I remember the first time
Claire brought me home.

319
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:07,449
Do you think Jay thought I was
good enough for his little girl?

320
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,827
No way. But over time,

321
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,164
he realized that I loved Claire
as much as he did.

322
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,792
And by then, Mitch had brought
cam home, so I was golden.

323
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:21,004
Claire just needs a little time.

324
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:24,633
And then, trust me, she'll be the
most loyal friend you've ever had.

325
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,846
You're not leaving, are you?

326
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,973
You know, there's kind of
a lot of drama.

327
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,226
So we're torn. Let
me ask you something.

328
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:39,272
Your sister said that Gloria would
never go for anybody who looked like me.

329
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,235
Now, you guys basically
are like women.

330
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,779
You know, you look at guys.

331
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,697
So what do you think?

332
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,075
You're seriously asking us
if you're attractive?

333
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,160
Well, I know I'm no
Erik estrada or anything.

334
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,871
I'm just curious is all. Dad.

335
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:58,375
So if I was in one of your
bars and...

336
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,418
Righteous brothers
were on, you know.

337
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:02,337
Would you, uh,

338
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,965
I don't know, check me out?

339
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:07,843
Dad, you're really close
to ruining gay for me.

340
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,970
All right, fine. Whatever.
Jay. Jay, now listen.

341
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:14,808
I think it's— I just think it's a little
weird for a son to say this to his father.

342
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:18,562
But for the record, I think
you're smokin' hot. Really?

343
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,022
Yeah, 700%.
You're totally my type.

344
00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:23,191
You're dangerous,
you're getab/e,

345
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,027
you have a little “cashola”
in your pocket.

346
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:31,491
Face, body, the whole— the whole
kit and caboodle, I think. Really.

347
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,910
What about a seven?
Nine. For sure, nine.

348
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,621
But you knew that. I might
have iowballed a little bit.

349
00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:38,707
Okay, isn't there a game on?

350
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,170
I know. Touchy.

351
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,717
Gloria? Come on, let's—
Let's talk about this.

352
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,095
I've seen her
kick in a door before.

353
00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:00,562
I don't know what my
husband is saying to you or...

354
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,647
Why he's covered
in your undennear.

355
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:07,485
Obviously I'm trying to
seduce him for his money.

356
00:17:07,611 --> 00:17:09,714
That's—
'cause that's what / do, right?

357
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,448
What do I have to give back...

358
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:15,285
So that everyone trusts me? Huh?

359
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,995
These earrings? No.

360
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,789
- What? This bracelet?
- No.

361
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,334
No. My new dress?

362
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,715
I didn't respond because...

363
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:33,053
This shouldn't be about me.

364
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,888
It should be about you...

365
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,975
Talking to you... about it.

366
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,480
Phil? Honey?

367
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,440
No, no, no. No.

368
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,360
You're welcome.

369
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:54,199
I don't know what to say except
for that I am really, really sorry.

370
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:59,788
Just tell me one thing. How do you
really feel that I'm with your father?

371
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:02,040
Uh, well...

372
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,042
Honestly, at first, it was hard.

373
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,169
I mean, you don't expect
to wake up one morning...

374
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:09,464
With a new mom who looks like
she fell off a mud flap.

375
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,259
But... I'm getting used to it.

376
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:16,513
And the important thing
is you make him happy,

377
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,100
which you do in—
In so many ways,

378
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,560
so many colors.

379
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,773
Are we okay?

380
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,736
You embarrassed me in
front of everyone downstairs.

381
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,114
What, I'm supposed
just to forget about it?

382
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,742
What do you want me to do— just
embarrass myself so we're even?

383
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:41,371
Go jump in the pool. Oh, you
mean go jump in a lake. Right.

384
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,791
Go jump in the pool with your
clothes on. Then I know you're sorry.

385
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,002
I'm not gonna do that, Gloria.

386
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:49,838
Okay. Then I won't forgive you.

387
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,883
Now a field goal beats us.

388
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,885
Hey, you guys work that out?

389
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,889
Almost. Gloria just wants me
to jump in the pool.

390
00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,931
Okay then. What?

391
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,893
If they could get a pass rush
on 'em, something, a break.

392
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,275
This is so awesome.

393
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,360
I know. Mom does not
look good wet.

394
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,654
Gloria, is this
really necessary?

395
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:17,407
Dad, it's fine. It's fine. If!
Need to jump in this water...

396
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,743
To prove to Gloria how
sorry I am, I will do it.

397
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,370
I'm fine.

398
00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:25,665
- You're serious? You're not gonna stop me?
- Why would I do that?

399
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:29,961
Because I am standing here. I
am showing you my willingness to...

400
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,630
No?

401
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,806
- — Are you happy?
- Yes! I forgive you!

402
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:44,684
- Then give me your hand. — oh,
that's the oldest trick in the book.

403
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,853
She's gonna pull you
in there. No!

404
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:50,315
And that's my job.

405
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,193
This is funny, but this is
also a teaching moment.

406
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,737
Yeah! Think about— no!

407
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:02,452
Whoa!

408
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,747
Cannonball!

409
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:12,128
The snap! Fumble!
How could he fumble that?

410
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,255
Center blew the snap.
I hate that.

411
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,592
I played center, and I always got
blamed for a quarterback's clumsy hands.

412
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,945
Well, I was a quarterback,
and it was probably your fault.

413
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,888
It's impossible
to fumble the ball...

414
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,224
When the quarterback has
the proper hand placement.

415
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:27,102
It's weird to think of a woman
being sexually attracted to dad.

416
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:30,939
No, you wanna hear weird? Cam
said he'd pick up dad at a gay bar.

417
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,234
Ooh. How did that come up?
Mmm, I'm really trying to block it out.

418
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,462
As far as I'm concerned,
mom and dad had sex two times.

419
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,405
Agreed.

420
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:41,324
Okay, get your hands up there
I/ke you're lifting me off the ground

421
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,785
be one with me, Jay.
There you go.

422
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,372
Do you wanna get something
to eat? I am never eating again.

423
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:49,207
Just snap the damn thing.

424
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:52,377
Perfect. That one kinda hurt.

425
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,258
English - us — psdh