1
00:00:05,298 --> 00:00:08,176
Okay, your brother's lunch is
packed. You're buying your own lunch.

2
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:10,303
Luke, Alex, come on. Let's go.

3
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:13,389
There he is. Last chance
for the summer handshake.

4
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,686
[ Imitates explosion ] Dad.

5
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,438
Come on.
We're only halfway done.

6
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,190
I need help.

7
00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,109
I was supposed to keep a
journal all summer. It's due today.

8
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:28,070
Wow, first day of school
and you're already behind?

9
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:31,407
I'm dead. All right. Tell
me how far you've gotten.

10
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,159
Okay.

11
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:36,329
- — “June 21. Found a stick.”
- mmm.

12
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:39,123
“June 22.” that's it.

13
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:42,126
That's it? It was
a really cool stick.

14
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,629
He's right.
It looked like a snake.

15
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,548
Getting everybody out of the house
in the morning can be really tough,

16
00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:49,383
especially
the first day of school.

17
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:53,137
From the minute we get up at 7:00 till we
drop 'em off at school, it is go, go, go.

18
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,640
I get up at 6:00. [Laughs]

19
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,642
I get up at 5:00.

20
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,144
Seriously. I get up at 6:00.

21
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,647
That's you?
I thought we had a raccoon.

22
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:06,651
I can't believe my little boy
is going into the fifth grade.

23
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:11,447
He used to hold my finger with his little
hand and look at me with those big eyes.

24
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,574
/I///' nifio pequefio, Jay.

25
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,576
Yup, they grow up.

26
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:18,829
Come on, Manny. Let's get going.

27
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,250
How's my hair?

28
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,752
Hold on.
What are you wearing there?

29
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,921
That looks like
an old Christmas tree skirt.

30
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,090
It's a traditional
Colombian poncho.

31
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:32,426
I want my new classmates to know
I'm proud of my heritage.

32
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:36,055
I think you look very handsome.
Linda.

33
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:39,517
Oh, really? Am I driving him to
school or is he gonna ride his burro?

34
00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:44,105
,/' you are a cutie pie
yes, you are, /'

35
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,815
j' you are a cutie pie 9

36
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,566
are you still baby-proofing?

37
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,485
Everything we own is pointy.

38
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:52,113
Why is our daughter
dressed like Donna summer?

39
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,783
She is not Donna summer. Clearly
she's Diana Ross from the rca. Years.

40
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,785
How is daddy not seeing that?

41
00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:01,414
- — I really thought you were done with this.
- I made no such promises.

42
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:05,042
I guess I'm somewhat
of a shutterbug. Yes.

43
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:08,296
And my new favorite model,
of course, is Lily.

44
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:12,300
I just completed a series of photographs
of her dressed as various pop icons.

45
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:15,177
Let's see. I've done
Olivia Newton-John.

46
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:18,180
I've done Madonna,
the early years,

47
00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:20,516
ste vie wonder...

48
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:24,145
Yeah, there are days when Lily
has more costume changes than Cher.

49
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,564
Cher! How could I forget
Cher? That's embarrassing.

50
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,191
That's embarrassing?

51
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,319
[Ll/lan], /~ hey, hey, I

52
00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:35,489
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, I

53
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:38,868
,/' hey, hey heyw

54
00:02:42,038 --> 00:02:43,914
[grunts]

55
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,624
Honey, you moving out?

56
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,585
Five more years.

57
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,921
A little help here? This is
why we suggested the violin.

58
00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:54,050
A cello is more in demand
in university orchestras.

59
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,801
You know what's not
in demand? Oh, what?

60
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,612
Girls who play in university
orchestras. Ha, ha, ha.

61
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,876
Here, I'll help you carry it
out to the curb. Okay. Here.

62
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,599
Phil, put on some pants.

63
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,352
Come on! This covers up
more than my bathing suit.

64
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,687
And don't remind me.
Haley, honey...

65
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,999
Don't forget, the driving instructor
is picking you up from school.

66
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,941
Can't he pick me up
some place else?

67
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,985
I don't want kids at school
thinking I'm dating...

68
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,963
A 40—year—old driving instructor
who's not even cute.

69
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,906
Haley just got her
learner's permit.

70
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:19,241
We've been taking turns
driving with her.

71
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:23,037
One of the really standard
rules of the road...

72
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,415
Is we want to keep a safe distance
between us and the car in front.

73
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,959
And that is not safe right
there. Not safe. Right.

74
00:03:29,085 --> 00:03:30,961
Okay, merge.

75
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:33,214
Merge. Merge! [Horn hon/ring ]

76
00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,317
Merge! Merge! Merge! Stop
it! You're freaking me out!

77
00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:38,552
This navigation system
is all messed up.

78
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:40,554
It thinks we're in a park.

79
00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,515
Oh, my god! It is a park!

80
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,309
Away from the kids! Aim
for the lake! Oh, my god!

81
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,980
Makes you realize we're
all just hanging by a thread.

82
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,901
The last thing ll/lann y needs
on his first day of school ..

83
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,112
Is you “undermelting”
his confidence.

84
00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,322
- Undermining.
- Now you're doing it to me too.

85
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,700
I'm sorry, but there's only two
places anyone should wear a poncho...

86
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,203
Niagara Falls and log rides.

87
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,205
You think too much
about these things.

88
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,624
I wear all sort of daring
outfits all the time,

89
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,419
and people admire them because
I wear them with the confidence.

90
00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:15,631
Yeah, I'm sure it's the confidence
they're admiring. [ Chuckling ]

91
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,843
I just— I just think
it's a little over-the-top.

92
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,095
You know what? You need
to loosen up and have fun.

93
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,098
I am loose. I'm fun. Remember,
uh, breakfast for dinner last week?

94
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,100
My idea.

95
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,769
Ever since we brought Lily
home, you've been tense.

96
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:31,772
All you do is put child locks
on things, read parenting books.

97
00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:34,233
Would you please stop and—
Here, just hold your daughter.

98
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:37,611
Hold her and relax. All
right, sweetheart, come on.

99
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,697
Just relax. Aw, sweetheart.

100
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,074
Ohh. Did you put
hair spray on this?

101
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:45,202
Just a little bit. I'm gonna put some
music on. Cam, I have to go to work.

102
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,204
Dance with her.
Put a little boogie in it.

103
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,123
J, » [disco] Oh, come on.

104
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:52,042
Just dance.
You know you love this song.

105
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:55,045
This is actually a really
good song. All right. Okay.

106
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:59,133
- — Who's a dancing queen, huh?
- J'j' [continues]

107
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:03,387
Put a little boogie in it.
See? Fun, right?

108
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,097
[ Thud] Oh, m y—
Was that her head?

109
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:08,184
No, I think if it was her
head, she would be— [ Crying ]

110
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:11,020
Yeah, it was her head.
Okay. Okay.

111
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,942
Yes. Yes, I know.

112
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:19,403
I got boo—boo bear
from the freezer.

113
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,406
Why do you have chocolate
on your face? It was under a pie.

114
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,284
So you ate your way to it? I made
a judgment call. You weren't there.

115
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:28,329
Do you think she's all right?
She didn't cry that much.

116
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:31,290
Maybe that's a bad sign. You know,
we should try and make her laugh.

117
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:34,793
Why? That's how we'll know
she's okay. Where's doggy?

118
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:37,087
[ Cameron ] Doggy.
Doggy. Here, doggy.

119
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:40,090
There you go.

120
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,092
Moo!

121
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,720
- — But it's a dog.
- I know. That's why it's funny.

122
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,056
Moo. I don't think it's as
funny as you think it is.

123
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,326
Can we please just call your
sister? No, no. Cam— cam...

124
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,328
Why? So she can be all
judgmental and condescending,

125
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:54,104
like she's the expert and I don't
know how to take care of a baby?

126
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,565
Mitchell, she is your family.

127
00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,110
Of course she's gonna be judgmental
and condescending. [Line ringing]

128
00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:01,654
[Phone rings] Hello?

129
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:04,740
Hey, hi, um— not a big
deal. Just wondering.

130
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,284
When your kids were small,
did you ever...

131
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,286
I don't know—
Smack their heads into a wall?

132
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,247
Usually we just gave time-outs.

133
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:15,251
No, no, accidentally. Um, we
just kind of bonked Lily's head.

134
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:19,255
It wasn't very hard and she's not
acting any differently, but I just worry...

135
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,257
Relax. It happens.

136
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,385
Luke used to bang his head
all the time and he's fine.

137
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:27,388
Okay, all right, thank you.
Thanks. That helps. Okay, okay.

138
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:30,641
[Whispering ] We gotta take
her to the doctor. Load up the car.

139
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:35,479
- — Gloria?
- I'm here.

140
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:40,401
I, uh, just dropped Manny off
at school, and I realized...

141
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,653
I just dropped Manny off
at school.

142
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,488
Oh, boy.

143
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:49,034
And I was hoping we'd still have a few more
good years before the mind started to go.

144
00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:52,788
No, what I'm saying, we have the day
to ourselves, the first time in months.

145
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,999
We should take advantage of it.

146
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:59,295
Go to the club, nice lunch,
some massages.

147
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,047
What about work? I'm the boss.

148
00:07:02,131 --> 00:07:05,884
Since I married you, people
are surprised I come in at all.

149
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,388
[ Chuckles ]
Jay's very spontaneous.

150
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:13,392
He's always surprising me
with little presents, fun getaways.

151
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:17,688
I wasn't the greatest husband the first time
around, but I'm trying to do better this time.

152
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,774
And maybe by my third
marriage, I'll have it down pat.

153
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:23,027
[ Chuckles ]

154
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,529
Yeah, that one's gonna cost me.

155
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,620
What ya reading there? A book?

156
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,788
Yeah. I've been meaning
to get to it for a while.

157
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:37,512
Ooh, it's got a map at the
beginning. I like it when books do that.

158
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:40,169
Mm-hmm.

159
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,297
Don't you have an open house
this morning? I rescheduled.

160
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,382
Thought you might
like some company.

161
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,593
[Grunts]

162
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,846
Well, the first day of school
can be tough for stay-at-home moms.

163
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:54,058
Now, you have to understand,
the kids are gone, the nest is empty.

164
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,644
They are rudderless.

165
00:07:56,727 --> 00:08:01,982
And a lot of guys wouldn't even
notice, but I'm not a lot ofguys.

166
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:03,984
I listen with my mind,

167
00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:06,987
and if you pay attention, women
will tell you what they want...

168
00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:09,990
By telling you
the opposite of what they want.

169
00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:12,993
The other day, Claire was, like,
“you have to move your car.

170
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:15,996
There's no space in the garage
for both of our cars.”

171
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,917
And what she's really saying is that, you
know, I should probably get a sports car.

172
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,046
I was sort of looking fonnard
to a quiet day.

173
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,758
Thought I'd just read, maybe
go for a run later, that's it.

174
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,551
Great. We'll run together.

175
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,304
You don't have to do that.

176
00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,723
I know.

177
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,521
Listening.

178
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:43,232
The thing is,
I like to run alone.

179
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,317
And I run kinda fast, so...

180
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,654
So? So I'm not sure you're
gonna be able to keep up with me.

181
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,906
[ Laughing]

182
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,950
You're kid—
You're kidding, right?

183
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,160
You really think I can't
keep up with you? No.

184
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:57,454
I'm not sure you can keep up
with this conversation.

185
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,516
I think you're forgetting that
I power-walk every morning...

186
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,667
And that / wear my special shoes
with the b/g soles,

187
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,669
which were des/gned by a doctor.

188
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:08,215
Yes, I know.
But I run every day.

189
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,843
You really think
you can run as fast as me?

190
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:16,765
No, Phil, I think I can run
much, much faster... than you.

191
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:29,570
Boom. Just like that,
the whole day changed.

192
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:33,449
It was game on. She knew
it. I knew it. We both knew it.

193
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,660
[Sighs] I just wanna read.

194
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:39,621
I think I'll order what I had the
last time. What was that called?

195
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:42,708
You want me to say it because
you want me to roll my r's. Come on!

196
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,169
Reuben. [ Giggles ] [Chuckling ]

197
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,632
- — Jay, what is this?
- Oh, looks like my old car cover.

198
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:53,677
Don't give me that. This is Manny's
poncho. What is it doing here?

199
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:57,556
- — Maybe he decided to take it off on the way to school.
- What did you say to him?

200
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,308
Nothing. I... told some jokes.

201
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:01,685
You say plenty with yourjokes.

202
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,980
Jay, he looks up to you.
He respects your opinion.

203
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:08,108
We dodged a bullet on this. Trust
me. I've been down this road before.

204
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:12,404
I remember one time Mitchell
decided to wear a jaunty scarf to school.

205
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:16,241
I kept my mouth shut.
He got his jaunty butt kicked.

206
00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:20,621
My dad has this perception that I was very
flamboyant as a kid, which is just— it's nonsense,

207
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,748
because I kept the whole
gay thing very under wraps.

208
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,501
You know,
I was just a guy's guy.

209
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:27,461
I was basically a jock.

210
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,338
You know?

211
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,299
So we should crush
Manny's spirit...

212
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,843
And destroy everything
that makes him who he is.

213
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:38,347
I'm just saying, it's no fun to see
your kid get picked on every day,

214
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,849
getting tormented
just because he's different.

215
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:43,018
I'm telling you,
it rips your heart out.

216
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,688
Well, Batman doesn't get
picked on and he wears a cape.

217
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,691
A poncho is just a cape
that goes all the way around.

218
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,486
Batman doesn't get picked on
because he's a muscular genius.

219
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,863
Manny can't make it
to the top bunk.

220
00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:59,284
We're taking this poncho to Manny at school.
It's important that he knows we support him.

221
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,872
And then we go get those
massages, because that sounds good.

222
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:05,666
[ Engine starts]

223
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,293
[Footsteps clamping ]

224
00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:13,507
I always take the stairs two at a time.
I don't even think about it anymore.

225
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,384
The regular way
would seem weird.

226
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,594
Phil, let it go.
I'm faster than you.

227
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,764
If only there was some way we
could settle this once and for all.

228
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,850
But how?

229
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,601
Huh.

230
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,603
You seriously wanna race me?

231
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,605
I ran a half-marathon last year.

232
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,607
Wow. I'm half-scared.

233
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:33,151
Okay, we do need to
do this. I'll go change.

234
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:36,029
Not now. I got a conference
call. But how about after that?

235
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,574
- — Great. This afternoon.
- Sweet.

236
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:42,160
Two at a time, two at a ti—
[ Stumbles ]

237
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:46,290
Son ofa— gotta fix that step! Two
at a time! Already at the top, so...

238
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:51,461
H/, I'm Dr. Ll/liura.
I'm on call today.

239
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,006
Looks like we have
a little head bump.

240
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,383
Yeah, it happened a couple
hours ago on a— on a doorjamb.

241
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,677
Uh, ouch.

242
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,387
We used to do
this thing in school...

243
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,098
Where they would give you an egg
and you couldn't break it.

244
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:07,227
And it was supposed to teach
you how hard it was to be a parent.

245
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:11,523
But the real thing, I—it's
so much harder. You know?

246
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:14,902
We did that in my school too.
Didn't turn out so well.

247
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,862
I went through a dozen eggs.

248
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,530
Yeah, well,
he's a nervous eater.

249
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,991
Oh. No, I broke a dozen eggs.

250
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,661
I'm sorry. I just assumed that...

251
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,413
I know.

252
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,041
I know what you assumed.

253
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,543
There doesn't seem
to be any Mark.

254
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,755
Well, her head was
somewhat protected. Protected?

255
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,925
- — Was she wearing a hat?
- Yes, yes, like a hat.

256
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:42,095
It was a wig, actually. Sort of
a ghetto-fabulous afro thing.

257
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:44,097
I thought it might be
medically relevant.

258
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:48,060
Really? You thought “ghetto—fabulous”
might be medically relevant?

259
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:51,647
Maybe I should just finish
with the exam. Yes, thanks.

260
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:55,108
You'll be pleased to know that
Mitchell and I intend on raising Lily...

261
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,195
With influences
from her Asian heritage.

262
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,197
That is fantastic.

263
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,950
Have you noticed any vomiting
since the head bump?

264
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,952
Uh, no. No, no, no.

265
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:07,454
We've hung some art in
her room. Some Asian art.

266
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,456
And then when she's
ready for solid food,

267
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,458
there's a fantastic pho place...

268
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,460
Right around the corner
from our house.

269
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:18,256
Am I pronouncing that right?
Is it pho? It's a soup.

270
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,259
I don't know. I'm from Denver.

271
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,680
We don't have
a lot of pho there.

272
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:30,352
Uh, just to be sure, could you
show me how hard Lily got hit?

273
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,437
And use your head.

274
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:36,775
Um, yeah. Really, it was—
It was just sorta, like, uh...

275
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,821
You know? Could
I see that again?

276
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:43,532
Um, it wasjust— just a
head bump, you know.

277
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,993
How are you feeling? Uh, fine.

278
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,995
So is Lily.

279
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,998
Babies are designed to survive
new parents, so stop worrying.

280
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,749
You guys are doing great.

281
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,169
Thank you.

282
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,255
Denver.

283
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,140
[ Bell ringing ]

284
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,727
I don't see any ponchos,

285
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:15,081
which means either the kids don't wear them
or the ones who do wear them disappear.

286
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,773
We're doing the right thing.

287
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,234
I support Manny no matter what.

288
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:23,071
Children need to know that you believe
in them. It's the most important thing.

289
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:26,867
If you tell them they have wings,
they will believe they can fly.

290
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,618
Oh, really?

291
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,580
I had a buddy, went to
Woodstock, believed he could fly.

292
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:35,667
Didn't end great. It's why hotel
windows don't open anymore.

293
00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:39,296
Is something wrong? Who's died?

294
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,049
No one, Manny. Why
would you even think that?

295
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:45,427
In Colombia, ll/lann y went to
Pablo Escobar elementary school.

296
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,764
If you were pulled out of class,
it was definitely to identify a body.

297
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,515
Well, we got your poncho here.

298
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:53,279
I thought you said it made me look
like my neck was wearing a dress.

299
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,479
That was a joke. Oh,
good! It's still in the pocket!

300
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,731
What do you got there,
buddy? My pan flute.

301
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,692
I'm going to play some Colombian
folk music for my new classmates.

302
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,736
Huh. Great. [Door closes ]

303
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,238
I have never been
more proud of you.

304
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,824
I'm sure your friends
are gonna love it.

305
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,576
Break the flute. What?

306
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,912
The poncho by itself is fine.

307
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:17,834
The poncho, plus the flute, plus the
stupid dance— my son will die a virgin.

308
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,669
That's right.

309
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,756
Hey, sport, can I take
a look at that whistle?

310
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,509
Oh, geez. Look at that.

311
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,761
And now you stepped on it! What?

312
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,471
Oh, darn! [ Crunch]

313
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:32,224
What's wrong with me?

314
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,310
Here, let me get it. Thank you.

315
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,230
You know— actually, maybe
you should do this. Why?

316
00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:41,584
I don't want to bump her head against the
door, you know, pinch her with the seat belt.

317
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:44,045
Mitchell, how long are you gonna
beat yourself up over one mistake?

318
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,339
Is this going to be like the
blond highlights all over again?

319
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,282
I just— I think
I suck at being a father.

320
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,035
What are you talking about?
We're new at this.

321
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,955
Yeah, but you're such a natural.
I mean, look at you.

322
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,124
You walk into the room
and she lights up.

323
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,417
Y—you change her diaper
with one hand. I...

324
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,628
Nice.
I-I'm actually jealous of you.

325
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,548
There are so many things
that you do that I can't.

326
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,550
Y—you baby—proofed
the entire house.

327
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,802
You took care of all
the adoption paperwork.

328
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:11,805
Without you, we wouldn't
even have a baby to injure.

329
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,328
Just a couple of forms. Actually,
that was a lot of paperwork.

330
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,471
And you got her on all
those preschool waiting lists.

331
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,020
Can't believe you were gonna
wait until she was “old enough.”

332
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,314
You see, that's what
makes us a great team.

333
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:23,567
We each have our own strengths.

334
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,486
Now, who are amazing parents?

335
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,280
We are. I can't hear you.

336
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,490
We are! Don't you forget it.

337
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:32,576
Okay.

338
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:38,123
Did we just lock our baby in the
car? Did you put the keys in the bag?

339
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:41,668
I put the keys in the bag. Oh, Mitchell,
I told you not to put the keys in the bag!

340
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,962
Come on! Don't freak
out! Lily, it's okay!

341
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:48,550
Jkecoerj what, are you singing
to her? People get arrested for this.

342
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,386
J“ h—I—j—k—I—m—n—o—p j“

343
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,097
do all four doors lock?
Do you have a phone?

344
00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:56,474
What?

345
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,240
$3 [ Headset: Pop ]
I didn't say anything.

346
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,204
Couldn't hear ya. I'm
cranking one of my mash-ups.

347
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,856
Ah. Hey, hey!

348
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:06,234
There they are. How was
the first day back in prison?

349
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:08,945
Fine. Yep.

350
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,615
What are you guys doing?

351
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,285
Your mom and I are racing to
the mailbox on sequoia and back.

352
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,205
- Why?
- I don't know.

353
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,790
Oh, she knows. [ Chuckles ]
Hey, buddy. Soon as I'm done...

354
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,561
Kicking a little mom butt here, how
about I school you in some Mario kart?

355
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,545
Can't. Gotta work on my journal.

356
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:27,505
Lame!

357
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,550
Hey, uh, Alex. You?
Uh, I have a history paper.

358
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:33,303
Well, if you wanna see a little
history being made right here...

359
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:34,888
[Alex] Not really. Okay.

360
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,473
[ Door closes ]

361
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,559
Ready? Are you?

362
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:42,979
I was born ready. I came outta the
womb wearing tiny little golden wings...

363
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,773
Go!

364
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,859
[ Shrieking ]
I'm breaking the window!

365
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:49,629
[Woman ] Emergency
assistance. This is trina.

366
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:52,333
Help! We I— we locked our baby
in the car and people are judging us!

367
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,241
I swear to god,
I'm gonna break it!

368
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,135
Do not break the window!
You'll get glass on her!

369
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:59,621
Please tell your wife to relax. Everything
is going to be okay. That's a man.

370
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,041
Really? Don't worry, Lily!
Daddy's coming for you!

371
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:06,520
Sir, we just sent the signal. The door should
be unlocked now. Check— check the door.

372
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:09,339
Check the door. Check
the door. It's not unlocked!

373
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,341
Oh. Oh. Okay.

374
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,302
That is amazing.
How did they do that?

375
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,889
I don't know. It's just— we got it.
Thank you. Did that come from space?

376
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:22,102
[ Claire ] Lrun five miles a day.
Lha ve a resting heart rate of 48.

377
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:26,398
There is no way I'm going to lose
a two—mile race to Johnny ski pole.

378
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,567
[ Gasping ]

379
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:33,196
Saving my energy,
drafting off of you.

380
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:37,450
You feeling cocky? Yeah, I am.

381
00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:40,620
[Laughs] Loveit

382
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:44,249
but after seeing that t—shirt,
I realized something.

383
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:50,297
The first day of school
is tough on all my kids,

384
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,382
especially the one I married.

385
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:57,804
Boop—boop—boop!
Afterburners engaged!

386
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:01,224
Whoo! Don't choke on my smoke!

387
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,476
And down the stretch he goes.

388
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,979
I don't believe it!

389
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:09,524
Daddy wins!
Do you believe in miracles?

390
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,818
U.s.a., U.S...

391
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,528
Oh, no! [ Haley] Oh, Jesus!

392
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,864
[ Gasps ]

393
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:17,824
Oh, my— what was that?
Was that a person?

394
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,951
Fntgood! Fntgood. Dad?

395
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,829
Honey, are you
okay? I'm good. Whoo!

396
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,914
You're getting better,
sweetheart.

397
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,046
Did I lose the race
to make him feel better?

398
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,881
Maybe.

399
00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,801
But it just seemed //ke
he could use a win today.

400
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:45,060
We do strange things
for the people we lo ve.

401
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:48,271
We lie to them, we lie for them.

402
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:57,113
There may be some bumps along the way, but
we never stop wanting the best for them.

403
00:19:57,197 --> 00:20:00,617
That's what makes it
such a tough job.

404
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:05,121
Kind of the best job
in the world.

405
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,125
What are you doing?
Turn your eyes on the road!

406
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,294
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

407
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,174
[Siren blaring]

408
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,176
Okay. Okay. Uh-oh.

409
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,178
All right, sweetie,
this happens.

410
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,138
Remain calm.
That's the first thing.

411
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:25,242
Pull over right here. I'll get out the
registration. Mom, I don't like cops.

412
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,769
Pull over right there. I don't
like cops. I can't pull over.

413
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,605
You need to pull over!
No can do. No can do!

414
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,607
Phil! I got priors.

415
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:36,736
Parking ticket from the mall. I never paid
the parking ticket. Keep moving, sweetheart.

416
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,488
Dad agrees with me.
I can speed up.

417
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,324
- This is not a movie! Haley, pull over!
- [Siren blaring ]

418
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,455
English - us — psdh