1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,547
[Siren wailing in distance ]

2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:07,675
Do we know anything? No.
They're in there now with the doctor.

3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:10,320
We're lucky though. The paramedics
said it could have been a lot worse.

4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,263
My god,
how did this even happen?

5
00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:17,518
There he is.
Big day's coming up.

6
00:00:17,602 --> 00:00:20,289
- — What do you want for your birthday, big dog?
- It's okay. I'm good.

7
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:25,109
Come on. Sky's the limit.
Dream big, my boy.

8
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,778
- — Well, I guess I could use a belt.
- A belt?

9
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:30,156
Yeah, you're right.
I don't need it.

10
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,617
Extension cord
works pretty good.

11
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,077
[ Exhales ]

12
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,222
Every year, Luke's birthday falls
right around Thanksgiving,

13
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,749
and so it gets lost
in the holiday shuffle.

14
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:42,752
One year we forgot completely, and
we had to improvise a cake of stuffing.

15
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:45,213
Which, by the way, he was fine with.
He's one of those kids,

16
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:48,174
you get him a gift and all he
wants to do is play with the box.

17
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:51,177
Yeah, one year we actually just
got him a box, a really nice box.

18
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,971
And we made the mistake
of putting it in a gift bag.

19
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,307
So he played with the gift bag.

20
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,351
We can't get it right. No.

21
00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:01,062
- I feel terrible. We gotta do something.
- Oh, yeah.

22
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:04,106
Um, well, you know, the family is
gonna be together for Thanksgiving...

23
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:06,110
For the first time in
I don't even know how long.

24
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,110
I am so with you.
We should blow this out...

25
00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:10,194
And throw Luke
the best birthday party of all time.

26
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,216
Yes. Yes. And we'll order
a whole bunch of pizzas...

27
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,158
And set up
an arts and crafts table.

28
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:16,160
- A what?
- A crafts table.

29
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:19,497
You know, where everybody gathers
around and they make stuff, and then bam!

30
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,380
- They got their own party favor.
- [ Snores ]

31
00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:23,977
Sorry. I fell asleep while you were
describing the most boring party ever.

32
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,002
[ Chuckles ]

33
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,090
[Ll/[an], /~ hey, neyj

34
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:33,219
,/' hey, hey hey, neyj

35
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:36,347
,/' hey, hey heyw

36
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:43,771
see you in a few hours. Yeah.
Thanks again for the karaoke machine.

37
00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:46,250
- — I'll get it back to you right after the party.
- That'd be great.

38
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:49,568
[Whispers ] Please don't. I beg
you. Don't bring it back. Okay.

39
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,988
Hey, Phil. Are, uh, you
gefl/ng a clown for today?

40
00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:56,701
Oh, no. Luke's not
much of a clown fan.

41
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,411
- Really?
- Yeah. He never liked 'em.

42
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:02,373
- — Has he ever seen a good one?
- Has— has anyone? [Chuckles]

43
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,333
Really. So anyway, thanks again.

44
00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,752
Okay. Yep. See you later.

45
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,715
- No clown? No— no clown?
- Let it go.

46
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,925
Who throws a party
without a clown?

47
00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:15,136
Since the late '30s,
I'd say most people.

48
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,722
You know what? We haven't
gotten Luke a present yet.

49
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,182
- — Maybe a clown could be our present.
- Cameron. Cameron.

50
00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:22,893
If Phil and Claire wanted to
get Luke a clown, they would've.

51
00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:25,187
But— this is not our party.

52
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:28,190
This is not our party.
But I just...

53
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:31,610
Fine. What would you suggest
we get him then, hmm?

54
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,779
Get him a gift card.

55
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,324
A gift card? Yeah.

56
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,701
Who hurt you?

57
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,665
Hey, Gloria, you got any idea
how to wrap one of these things?

58
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,627
Is that a crossbow? Yeah. Am I the
greatest grandpa in the world or what?

59
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,629
We can't give Luke a crossbow.

60
00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:52,173
He pokes himself in the eye...

61
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,758
Every time he uses a straw.

62
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,843
Are you kidding?
I had one when I was his age.

63
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,166
My dad used to give me a quarter
for every crow I bagged.

64
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,848
And I used to have a machete.
But times have changed.

65
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:03,642
It'll be fine.
I'll teach him how to use it.

66
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,686
Hey, pal, how's it going?
Am I charming?

67
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:08,064
- — Oh, boy.
- Of course you're charming.

68
00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:10,191
- — Who said you were not charming?
- No one.

69
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,735
But there's a girl in my school,
and I want her to like me.

70
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,446
- — I need your advice, Jay.
- Really?

71
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:20,201
- — She's gonna be at Luke's party.
- Well, I'm a little thrown.

72
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,912
I mean, you don't usually
come to me for advice.

73
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:25,456
Well, this is one area in
which you've done pretty well.

74
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,917
He has a point.

75
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,169
I've tried everything
to get her attention...

76
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:33,047
Opening doors, having a milk
sent over in the cafeteria.

77
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:35,091
Nothing's worked.
Here's the deal.

78
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,385
Girls don't go
for all that romantic stuff.

79
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:39,387
They go for power and success.

80
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:43,140
And since you don't have either one of
those things, you're gonna be the funny guy.

81
00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:48,145
No, no, no. I want the most
dangerous reptile you've got.

82
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,398
I have an iguana
that eats crickets.

83
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:53,484
That'd be scary if it was a
birthday party for crickets.

84
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,779
Seriously, jungle Tanya,
I need you step it up a notch.

85
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,948
Is there anything that
scares the cocoa out of you?

86
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:02,159
Uh, not really.
I do have a bearded dragon.

87
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:05,121
Ooh. Does it—
No, it does not breathe fire.

88
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:07,289
Well, then we're back
to square one, aren't we?

89
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:09,583
[Sighs]

90
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,503
I couldn't get Luke
out of my mind.

91
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,880
I know / made
a promise to il/iiz'che/I,

92
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:18,342
but some things
are bigger than promises.

93
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:22,513
Fizbo would be at that party.

94
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,561
[ Inhales ] Hello, old friend.

95
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:35,526
It all happened so fast.

96
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,649
I keep thinking there was
something I could've done.

97
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,489
No, don't blame yourself. Who
could've possibly seen it coming?

98
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,802
[ Claire ] Sweetie, that's a rock wall. Is
that even safe? [ Hydraulics whirring]

99
00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:45,911
Oh, my god. [
Phil ] Honey, relax.

100
00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:48,747
Hey, has anyone ever gotten
hurt on one of these things?

101
00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:50,791
I don't know, man.
It's my first day. See?

102
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,668
They wouldn't let
the new guy do it if it...

103
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,628
That did not make me
feel better. Don't worry.

104
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,714
I signed, like,
a hundred releases.

105
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:00,176
When did we decide all this?
I think it's too much.

106
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,499
See, I knew you'd say that.
That's why I didn't tell you.

107
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,472
So just relax. Grab a snow cone.

108
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,765
- — There's a snow cone machine?
- Yeah.

109
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:09,477
Mom, just so you know,
Dylan cannot have mayonnaise.

110
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,687
That's random. Why
are you telling me that?

111
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,482
'Cause he's coming to the party.
Is that absolutely necessary?

112
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:17,765
Yes, because she can't go 10 minutes
without her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth.

113
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:21,155
It's like he's feeding a baby
bird. Don't be so jealous.

114
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,216
I'm sure you'll meet someone
super hot at computer camp.

115
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,826
Girls. Hey. Hey

116
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:28,638
so, what you got there? — oh.
These are supplies for the crafts table.

117
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,582
I finally figured out
what we're gonna be making.

118
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,626
Kids bored? [ Chuckles ]
I'm teasing. I'm teasing.

119
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:37,004
It looks good. What
is it? Comb sheaths.

120
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,006
I know. I know.

121
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,092
But we made them when I was 11
years old at Donna rigby's birthday party.

122
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:45,016
At first we thought it was really
stupid, and then we had a blast, so...

123
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:48,599
How could you not? You combined
the two things that kids love the most...

124
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,851
Combs and sheaths.

125
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,354
I'm kidding!

126
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,356
Where's my comb? Oh!

127
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:59,026
Here it is in my incredibly
convenient beaded comb sheath...

128
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,654
That I made at Luke's
awesome birthday party.

129
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:03,697
Hole in one, Mrs. Dunphy.

130
00:06:03,781 --> 00:06:05,950
Hole in one.

131
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,993
I'm home.

132
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:10,538
I got Luke a video game,
but it's about math.

133
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,791
So I guess
we're those kind of uncles.

134
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,919
Cam.

135
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,591
Don't be mad.

136
00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:25,386
Oh. Cam. Uh...

137
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,304
I've known I wanted
to be a clown...

138
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,449
Since I found out clowns
were just people with makeup.

139
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,184
Um, as a matter of fact,
by the time / was a teenager,

140
00:06:32,268 --> 00:06:35,354
if / wasn't in school or fishin',
I was c/ownin'.

141
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,356
There are four types of clowns...

142
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,401
A tramp, an auguste,
a whiteface and a character.

143
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:43,862
I am a classically trained
auguste clown named fizbo.

144
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:46,031
What? N-Nothing.

145
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,033
Between the clownin'
and the fishin',

146
00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:50,286
I'm surprised you had time
for the schoolin'.

147
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,998
Aw, and there's the fifth type—
The sad clown.

148
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:58,210
Sad clown is a tramp.
So there's still only four types.

149
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:01,922
[ Mouths word ]

150
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,924
Cam, I thought
we discussed this.

151
00:07:04,008 --> 00:07:06,093
We did.
But I— I started thinking.

152
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:10,639
And this isn't about you or me. This is about
a little boy who deserves some happiness.

153
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:13,934
And he's gonna get that from
his weird gay clown uncle?

154
00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:16,520
Fizbo is not gay. He's asexual.

155
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,772
He's an innocent
whose only drive... oh.

156
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:21,001
Is to bring people joy and
laughter and balloon animals.

157
00:07:21,025 --> 00:07:23,777
He's— he's the least
sexual being on earth. Oh.

158
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,947
Oh, okay. Well, at least we
agree on something. Yeah.

159
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:36,248
[ Kids shouting ] If this
tape is found in the future,

160
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:40,628
this is how we humans celebrated
birthdays. [Luke] Hey, dad!

161
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:43,088
Yeah, there's my boy.
Zip-line extreme...

162
00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:44,798
[ Grunting ]

163
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,384
I'm okay. I'm good. I'm good.

164
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,137
Lesson learned.
Don't stand— don't stand there.

165
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:54,016
Let's go ahead and rope this
area off. Excellent. Thank you.

166
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,852
Hey, buddy, you having fun?

167
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,646
Yeah. And I love my new belt.

168
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,397
[ Claire ] Hey, Luke. Look.

169
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,441
Do you wanna make a comb sheath?

170
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,653
- A what? — it's a cool
leather holder for your comb.

171
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:10,616
And you can decorate it. I '|/e got
beads and glitter and all kinds of stuff

172
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:14,328
do you want to? Nah.
I'm gonna do the rock wall.

173
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:17,456
Okay, honey. It's your day.

174
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,458
Honey, let me know
if you get low on supplies.

175
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,252
I'll make a quick run back
to the 19503 for you.

176
00:08:22,378 --> 00:08:24,880
[Yells] Oh! Again?

177
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:29,093
Seriously, zip—line guys,
use some ropes.

178
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,404
[ Cameron ] Did you remember
to switch the whites to the dryer?

179
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,764
Oh, no. I forgot.
They're gonna smell musty.

180
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,058
I know. I'm sorry. I'll pump.

181
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,602
No, no, no. I'll do it.
You stay right here.

182
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,604
Relax. Oh. I get it.

183
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,916
You're worried about people
seeing me. Without question.

184
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:47,277
People are gonna stare. They're
not used to seeing one clown in a car.

185
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,323
That's her— Bianca Douglas.

186
00:08:51,407 --> 00:08:53,325
She's so cute.

187
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:55,536
[ Manny]
She has good handwriting.

188
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:58,038
She's a complete package.
Wish me luck.

189
00:08:58,122 --> 00:09:02,793
You don't need luck. You just
remember those jokes I told you, hmm?

190
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,256
We have to stop
meeting like this.

191
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,633
What? We go to school together.

192
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,844
Oh, yeah. Do you like jokes?

193
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:13,887
Sure. Great.

194
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:17,558
So a grasshopper named Gary
walks into a bar. Aw. No.

195
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:20,203
You're not supposed to know his
name. Let me try another one, okay?

196
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,271
Knock, knock. Who's there?

197
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,398
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow who?

198
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,067
Moo. Oh, crap.

199
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:39,121
- — Um, hey.
- Hey yourself.

200
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:42,166
- Move. — you kind of just
bumped me with your car.

201
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,169
I don't think so. No. No,
you did, because, um...

202
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:49,339
- — Yeah, I got grease on my pants and then also I felt it.
- Call an ambulance.

203
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,258
Okay. I just thought
you might wanna know...

204
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,011
In case you wanted to be a decent
human being and apologize, but...

205
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,597
No? Okay

206
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,348
ass.

207
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:04,688
- — What did you say?
- Just forget about it, all right?

208
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,275
Um, I— listen, carrottop.
I didn't touch you.

209
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:12,029
So do the smart thing. Shut your
hole, get in your car and drive away.

210
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,781
Is there a problem here?

211
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:16,617
- — What the hell are you?
- I'm the ass-kicking clown...

212
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,702
That'll twist you
like a balloon animal.

213
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,997
I will beat your head against this
bumper until the air bags deploy.

214
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,542
So apologize
to my boyfriend right now!

215
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,003
Apologize? Boyfriend? Apologize!

216
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,214
Okay. I'm sorry.

217
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,257
I'm sorry.

218
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:37,387
Let's go. We're gonna be late.

219
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,895
[ Car door closes ]

220
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,025
Mind if I come in?

221
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,777
Sure. [ Chuckling ]

222
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,822
Come here.

223
00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:59,159
Why you bounce so sad?
I told all my jokes.

224
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,453
It turns out
I'm not the funny guy.

225
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:05,332
The right girl will find you
when it's time,

226
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,001
even though I'm gonna hate
losing you to another woman.

227
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:11,713
You'll never lose me, mom.
I'll always love you, no matter what.

228
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:15,175
A y, chiquiti'n. [Laughs]

229
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:18,011
You see? Right there.
You need no tricks.

230
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:21,181
Just be the sweet, wonderful
little boy that you are.

231
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,934
Sweet little boy. Got it.

232
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,436
She won't know what hit her.
/va ya para al/a!

233
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,899
Hey, Manny, wanna make
a sweet comb sheath?

234
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:33,610
Could not be
a worse time, Claire.

235
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:38,574
Oh. It's so peaceful
and quiet over here.

236
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:41,910
Ha—ha. If you came over here
to gloat, I already know it's a dud.

237
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:44,496
Actually, I came
to give you this.

238
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:47,499
It's your favorite flavor— blue.

239
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,459
Thanks, honey.

240
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,879
And your hair looks
really nice. Hmm. Thanks.

241
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:54,548
I've been combing it all day.

242
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:59,261
All right, let's all give Luke a
big hand for being so brave.

243
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,389
This feels so weird.
What does it eat?

244
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,808
Oh, just little boy brains.
[ Children groaning ]

245
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:07,144
Well, at least Luke's
got nothing to worry about.

246
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:10,272
Is there Mayo in this?
No. You're good.

247
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,192
So I was thinking that
maybe we could go slip away...

248
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:18,864
- — So, does anyone wanna pet the iguana?
- Hells, yeah. Oh, man.

249
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,491
[ Kids] Over here! Me!
Me! [ Dylan ] I love lizards.

250
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:24,369
What's his name?
Her name is lizzy.

251
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:28,040

ow. Hddemflwt [chuches]

252
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,000
You don't deserve this.

253
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,586
What? Hot reptile chick.

254
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,838
You know, probably has
her own apartment,

255
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,549
obviously okay
touching gross stuff.

256
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,760
[Laughs] They're just
talking. You're right.

257
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:42,220
Dylan is far too sophisticated
to get sucked in...

258
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,181
By a single lady
with tons of cool tattoos.

259
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,934
[ Chuckles ]
Hey. I think it peed on me.

260
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,603
- Oh, no.
- No way, mother nature.

261
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,313
I can't believe he does that.

262
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,107
[ No audible dialogue]

263
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:56,401
Hey, what am I missing, guys?

264
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,403
Aw, geez, Gloria.

265
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:01,531
Jay, look! I go high!
Look! Look!

266
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:05,911
Guys, hit the road. Come on.
You're family men. Come on. Scat.

267
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,621
Great job, buddy.

268
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,916
Now comes the fun part.
Rappel down.

269
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,960
It's really high.

270
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:17,589
You have nothing to fear but
fear itself .. And the concrete.

271
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:20,258
- — But I'm right here, buddy.
- Okay, just catch me.

272
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:23,929
I am brave.
Roller coasters? Love 'em.

273
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,157
Scary movies? I've seen
ghostbusters, like, seven times.

274
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:28,141
I regularly drive
through neighborhoods...

275
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,227
That have only recently
been gentrified.

276
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,604
So yeah, I'm pretty much
not afraid of anything.

277
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,606
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, everybody!

278
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,567
Quit your clownin' around.
That's my job. [ Chuckles ]

279
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,405
Except clowns.

280
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,949
Never shared that
with the fam, so... shh.

281
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,993
Do have an image to maintain.

282
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,078
I am not really sure
where the fear comes from.

283
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,163
My mother says it's
because when I was a kid,

284
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:53,917
I found a dead clown
in the woods, but who knows?

285
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:57,462
Hey. Oh. Well, you must
be the birthday boy. Wow.

286
00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:01,425
Is that you, uncle cam? —
[Chuckles] No. I'm fizbo the clown.

287
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:05,137
I don't know who this uncle cam is, but
he sure sounds handsome, doesn't he?

288
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:08,473
Hey, who likes balloon
animals? I do! I do!

289
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:12,102
It's just cam. It's just
cam. You all right?

290
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:17,899
What? Yeah. Just have kind of a
complicated relationship with clowns.

291
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,318
Well, join the club.

292
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:28,035
Look, I came on strong
with that whole funny guy bit.

293
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,996
This is me just being myself.

294
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,957
Okay. Hey, do you know
who that boy is over there?

295
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:38,086
Oh. That's Dylan.
He's Haley's boyfriend

296
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,422
he's so cute and tall.

297
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:43,675
I'm still growing.
Give me a break.

298
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,263
Pardon me, miss, but this
little doggy needs a new home.

299
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:50,348
Oh, thank you. [ Chuckles ]

300
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,269
That's quite an impressive
getup you got there.

301
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:57,898
Thank you, Jay. Oh, by the way,
you have something on your shoulder.

302
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,151
[ Laughing ] That's good.

303
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,403
Never mind. It was nothing.

304
00:15:03,487 --> 00:15:05,489
We're done here.

305
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:11,870
[Woman ] Oh, that's nice.

306
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,456
[Balloon pops ]

307
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,375
So, do you keep these
at a zoo or something?

308
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:19,836
[ Tanya] No. I just keep 'em
at my place. That's awesome.

309
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:24,591
I only have a cat. Yeah?
I used to have a cat.

310
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,426
I was just messing
with you before,

311
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:29,513
but seriously,
he's still talking to her.

312
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,307
- Wow. Cool.
- On it.

313
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,078
- ' [ Tanya ] You know, this is one of—
- I feel like Britney spears_

314
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,104
[Laughs] You're so funny.

315
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,773
You kind of do look
like Britney Spears.

316
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,150
[ Dylan ] Really?
I'm just kidding.

317
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:45,487
- — Anyway, this is probably my favorite.
- Hey, jungle lady?

318
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:49,616
- I think— I think one of your bugs got out.
- What? This one?

319
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,785
This box thing here—
It's on its side.

320
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,121
- — Oh, my god. Where did it go?
- Is everything okay?

321
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:57,165
No. I lost a poisonous scorpion,
and I need to find it.

322
00:15:57,249 --> 00:16:00,961
Okay, kids, let's all tuck
our pants into our socks.

323
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,215
A void shady, moist places, and let's
make a game of looking where we step.

324
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,349
Is he okay? Can we see him?

325
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:17,519
He's in with the doctor
right now.

326
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,647
These things happen, right?
No matter how careful you are.

327
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,733
Hey, look what grandpa
gave me— a crossbow.

328
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:25,777
Sweetie, that does not
look safe. Don't worry.

329
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:29,197
He's gonna show me how to
use it. That's what... I'm afraid of.

330
00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:31,283
[ I Jay ] Come on. Ready?

331
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,495
Oh, my god. You are
not making comb sheaths.

332
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,165
I am, and I know. It's really
lame. Everybody hates it.

333
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,292
No. It's just like, uh,
Donna rigby's party.

334
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:43,503
Exactly! Yes! And I have
the beads and everything.

335
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:46,006
Amazing. This is awesome.

336
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,675
So... cam's a clown.

337
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,760
[Phil] I got you. Yeah.

338
00:16:50,886 --> 00:16:54,055
I totally got you. [
Claire ] And there's mine.

339
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,409
You think it's weird that we
both chose people who were so...

340
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,644
Uninhibited? I was gonna
say “embarrassing,” but yeah.

341
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,148
Look at them now.
They're the life of the party.

342
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:06,151
Uh, you know, I gotta say,
for all his craziness,

343
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,111
I love my clown.

344
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,697
Me too. They're good for us.

345
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,866
I would've totally
tanked this party.

346
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,619
And/ would've gotten
my butt kicked at a gas station.

347
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:19,539
Sorry? Turns out
fizbo is a real bad-ass.

348
00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:22,709
- [Screaming ] Scorpion! Scorpion! Scorpion!
- [Children screaming]

349
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,712
Scorpion! [ Screaming continues]

350
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,884
No, no. Too close.
Too close. Too close.

351
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,647
- — What the hell? Oh!
- [ Crossbow fires ]

352
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,638
[Air hissing ] Oh, crap!

353
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,182
[ Claire ] Calm down. What
happened? We fired the crossbow.

354
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:40,977
No, I know. Oh, my god. It's
right there. [ Kids screaming ]

355
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,942
Bianca, I'm coming.

356
00:17:48,944 --> 00:17:50,987
[ Claire ] Who else
is in there? Get out!

357
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,865
[Yelling]

358
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:57,661
It turns out I'm not the
sweet guy or the funny guy.

359
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,121
No, Manny, don't go in!
Jporfavor/

360
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,165
I must!

361
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:07,754
I'm coming!

362
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,465
Manny delgado
is a man of action.

363
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,347
Wait. My dog is still in there.

364
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,518
I'll be right back. [Grunts]

365
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,612
[Luke] Ow! Ll/ly arm!

366
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:34,572
Sweetie? Luke?

367
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,842
Vvhathappened, buddy?
Vvhathappened? Vvhathappened, honey?

368
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,535
Hey, hey. What happened?

369
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,913
- — I slipped on these stupid beads.
- Oops.

370
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,540
Ow! Come on. Here we go.

371
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,710
How is he?

372
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,545
Oh, he's gonna be fine.
Ay, dios mio.

373
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,463
[Jay] Hi, honey.
How are you, kid?

374
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:53,967
[ Claire] Oh, there he
is. [Gloria] Pobrecito.

375
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,469
[ Haley] You poor thing.

376
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,263
Wow. Everybody's here.

377
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,348
Of course we are.
How's that busted flipper?

378
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,852
Okay. Sorry about today, buddy.
We'll try again next year, huh?

379
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,396
Are you kidding? This was
the best birthday ever.

380
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:09,107
What? I got a cast.

381
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,860
You like a cast?
I've always wanted one.

382
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,779
After a few weeks, they
start to smell. [ Gloria ] E w!

383
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,781
You are so weird, you know that?

384
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,408
Can I sign it? Sure.

385
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,577
Hey. Me first. Here.

386
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,305
[ Phil] If you'd asked
me before the party...

387
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:25,165
If / wanted there to be
a chain reaction of disasters...

388
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:28,585
That led to Luke breaking his arm,
I probably would've said no.

389
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:33,381
Probably? Prob— definite—
Definitely not. Would not want that.

390
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,551
But, one way or another;

391
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,889
Luke was the center of attention on his
birthday, and the whole family was together...

392
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,434
Just the way it should be.

393
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,687
Fizbo delivery!
I brought the cake!

394
00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:49,647
[ Gloria ] Bravo!

395
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,609
[Hfikfiefl] Mbwc icantdoths.

396
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,652
[Inhales] Oh, god. I'm out.

397
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:58,740
[ Breathing heavily]

398
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:03,161
Cake. [All chattering ]

399
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,748
[ Gloria ] Blow the
candles. Blow the candles.

400
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,671
Bianca Douglas called me
three times tonight.

401
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:17,008
I'm not gonna lie to you.
I'm starting to feel smothered.

402
00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:21,262
I really like my cast,
but it's starting to itch.

403
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:24,599
Good thing my mom made me
this personal scratcher.

404
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,519
Oh, that's good stuff.

405
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:30,230
If another woman
is messing with your man,

406
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,315
you have to get proactive.

407
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:36,569
I don't care how pretty she is
or how many stupid reptiles she has.

408
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:39,322
She tries to take what's mine,

409
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,574
girlfriend's gonna get stung.

410
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,371
[Screams]

411
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,208
English - us — psdh