1 00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:05,357 What's the most irritating thing my parents say to me? 2 00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:08,217 “That's too much Cologne.” 3 00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,636 “That's how girls and up dead.” 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,638 “Don't talk black to me.” 5 00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:15,808 “It's inappropriate because she's your teacher.” 6 00:00:15,892 --> 00:00:17,810 How do you even talk black? 7 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,772 - End words with “izzle”? - It's '7'a/k back, ”you idiot. 8 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,110 “Act more like an adult.” 9 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,405 What does “act more like an adult” even mean? 10 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:33,242 Look at you, you're soaked! That is so lame. 11 00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:35,286 You're the one who wanted to do it! 12 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,038 What are you two doing? 13 00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:38,801 Oh, I picked up one of those water weasels. 14 00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:41,792 You hook it on the end of the hose and it flies around in the air. 15 00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:45,588 Just like a weasel. Yeah. Look at how awesome. He's so wet. 16 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,381 I put the weasel in my pants. 17 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,425 - He totally did. - Dork! 18 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,552 Is there a reason why my window's wet? 19 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,763 Hmm. Very difficult to say. I don't know. 20 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,474 Up top— ow! Ow! What's wrong? 21 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,059 Little— sweetie, you okay? 22 00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,560 Little twinge. Yeah. 23 00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:02,146 - I'll call 911. - Maybe the firemen will come. 24 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,148 - No, no! No, no! - Give me it! 25 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:08,569 The firemen in our town have a reputation for being not. 26 00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:10,881 Do I resent that? Of course not. These guys are my friends. 27 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:12,823 I play basketball with them. I bake for 'em. 28 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:15,201 My question is: What's hot? 29 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,203 ! Jay! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 30 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:20,706 Coming. Manny, it's inappropriate because it's your teacher. 31 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,710 What's the big deal anyway? 32 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:25,795 It's a surprise. You'll see. Oh, my god! 33 00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:28,130 Ay, Jay, you didn't? Yes, I did. 34 00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:29,882 I got us into that new benihana. 35 00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,885 They got a chef there that can flip a shrimp into his own hat. 36 00:01:32,969 --> 00:01:34,470 What the hell? 37 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,891 Dad! Themflsnu/boy! 38 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,851 Jay. The hell is he doing here? 39 00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:44,355 No. He was supposed to pick up Manny yesterday and disappointed him again, as usual. 40 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,608 Now he just sails in here out of the blue? 41 00:01:47,692 --> 00:01:50,903 I don't like the guy. Do I have reasons? Yeah. 42 00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:53,114 Good reasons? Yeah. 43 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:56,951 How many reasons do I need? None. I don't like the guy. 44 00:01:57,994 --> 00:01:59,954 , /~ hey, hey, r 45 00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:04,125 ,/' hey, hey hey, heyj 46 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:07,211 ,/' hey, hey heyw 47 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:12,133 so I would have called, but while I was buying this boat for a friend, 48 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:16,220 - — I got chased out to sea by another boat y “tiqui tiqui”. - Were they pirates? 49 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,431 I didn't stop to ask. Well, it's not hard to tell. 50 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,559 Did they have curvy swords and sing songs about how fun it is to be a pirate? 51 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,146 Wow. Jay. Such a beautiful house, huh? 52 00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:27,148 So, we were just headed out to dinner. 53 00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:30,860 What, you think I show up empty—handed? I brought dinner— lobsters! 54 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,446 No. Did you catch them with your bare hands? 55 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:37,366 - — But I bought them with my bare hands. - Wow! 56 00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:39,827 And I have some nice wine, a good Cuban cigar for Jay. 57 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:43,205 Hey, why don't you take a picture of him with your new camera phone. 58 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:46,292 - — I don't have a camera phone. - You do now. 59 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:50,421 Awesome! All of this excitement, my heart is just going. 60 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:54,133 Now, listen to me. You bring that with you when you come visit me this summer. 61 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:57,595 We 7! Go in a race car with my friend, and after that, maybe a bu/ifight. 62 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:01,599 I know all these guys. The matadors, they're like artists. 63 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,362 You're quite the bullfight artist yourself. 64 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:06,771 I, uh— Manny, why don't you show your father to the kitchen? 65 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:09,106 Por favor. Dios mio. Someone put on some music. 66 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,359 - — Tonight, we dance! - Oh, we're gonna dance. 67 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:14,403 Oye, mi amor, ¢esta bien que me quede aqui esta noche? 68 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:16,715 A y, Javier; Yo no se. Espe'rate para ver que' puedo hacer. 69 00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:19,492 What did he say? Does he need money for the lobsters? 70 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,494 Jay, be nice. “Be nice.” 71 00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:24,297 I could be sitting grill—side, watching a guy build an onion volcano. 72 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:29,168 Instead, I got rico suave in my kitchen, and I got a stolen boat in my driveway. 73 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,337 If it was for me, he'd be out of my life. 74 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,714 But it's good for Manny to be with his father. 75 00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,759 I just can't believe you ever fell for that act. 76 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:40,012 Colombians can be very persuasive. 77 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:44,392 They can make you agree to things before you even know it. You must have been pretty naive. 78 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:47,978 Yeah. But now I'm with the right man, okay? Right. 79 00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:51,565 Javier is only going to stay one night. Good. 80 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,150 Wait, what? 81 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,534 Don't be mad. I just got up to change her. 82 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,870 Well, Mitchell really wanted to ferberize the baby. 83 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:08,749 Ferberize. It is a method of getting the baby to sleep through the night... 84 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:12,128 By, yes, basically letting her cry herself to sleep. 85 00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:15,256 Torture. It's not torture, cam. 86 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:19,635 It's just hard if you happen to be a person who hates to hear another person suffer. 87 00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:24,140 Or two people suffer. 88 00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:31,373 No, no. You got up to comfort her, which only teaches her that every time she cries, 89 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,834 her daddy will come in and cuddle her and put on her favorite... 90 00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:36,277 What are we watching? 91 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,905 Brian de palma's controversial masterpiece scarface. 92 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,283 For the baby? 93 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:45,619 She happens to like it. I don't know if it's the colors or the sounds... 94 00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:47,431 Oh, here comes the nightclub massacre. She loves it. 95 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,832 Watch her little eyelids. It's so cute. They get so heavy. 96 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:53,294 Oh, that's bad. 97 00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:55,796 Oh, honey. I'm fine. No, I'm fine. 98 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,965 I'm just— okay, that's cancer. 99 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,801 Maybe it's just a kidney stone. “Just,” Claire? 100 00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,512 - — What's going on, guys? - It's nothing. Go back to bed. 101 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,514 No, but dad— don't touch me. 102 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,933 I bet it's just a kidney stone. “Just” again. 103 00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,685 Someone get your mom a glass of water... 104 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:12,730 And a piece of gravel from the driveway and see how she likes it. 105 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:15,691 Why is everybody yelling? Something's wrong with dad. 106 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,443 Don't frighten him. Come here. 107 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,154 Oh, that's gotta be death! Death is coming! 108 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,031 Okay, you need to go to the hospital. Yeah. 109 00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:24,992 No, no, no. I just need a pill. Give me the biggest one you can find. 110 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,328 Honey, breathe. Just—just breathe. 111 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:31,582 That's what I told you when you were in labor and you threw my smoothie at me. Pill! 112 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,709 - — Okay, I'm calling. - No, no, it's fine! 113 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,378 It's actually— it's fine. It's passing. It's passing. 114 00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:38,899 I am sorry to alarm everyone. I think I was probably just overreacting, 115 00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:40,403 because there's an alien inside of me! 116 00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:41,926 Oh, my god. 117 00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,945 Oh, close it down. I am definitely gonna call. 118 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,889 All systems down. All systems down. 119 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:55,856 Son of a bitch. What's the matter? 120 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,067 He's playing on my pool table, that's what. 121 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,819 Probably got himself a nice drink too. Where you going, Jay? 122 00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:03,155 Just to check things out, okay? Come on. 123 00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,991 You hear that? Now he's messing around with my remote control. 124 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:09,787 You can't hear that from here! 125 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,667 Hey, there. Hey, Jay. Listen, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up? 126 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,211 No. No, I'm a light sleeper. 127 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,256 That's what happens when you get older. Oh, you're not old. 128 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,300 I didn't say I was old. I never sleep much anyway. 129 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:26,804 Life is just more interesting after 2:00 am. 130 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,432 You know, the liquor tastes better, the, uh, women are more beautiful. 131 00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:34,562 What is it they say? That the night belongs to the poets and the madmen. 132 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,899 Which are you? Perhaps both. 133 00:06:38,983 --> 00:06:40,985 And I think maybe you too, huh? 134 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,696 I see a picture over here of you on a motorcycle. 135 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,864 Yourwe? Iusedto. 136 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,534 Used to? Used to? 137 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:52,871 Jay, the saddest words in any language, my friend. Yeah. 138 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:56,792 Hey, help me out here. Everybody sees you as this great guy. 139 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,003 You know, you live this life of adventure. 140 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:02,006 How come I don't buy a word of it? 141 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,383 All I see is a dad who doesn't show up. 142 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,385 Hey, Manny knows me. I live in the now. 143 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,763 Well, I was living in the yesterday when Manny was crying outside that door... 144 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:12,099 'Cause you didn't show up for the 10th time. 145 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:17,146 And when I don't come, you think, uh— what, I'm just off chasing a good time, hmm? 146 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,608 You ever think it might be hard for me, coming here? 147 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,818 Why? Because of Gloria? 148 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,196 Because of you. 149 00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:36,373 Cam! 150 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,628 Okay, they're on their way. 151 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:46,342 Okay, kids, gather around. Like you're hugging me, but don't touch me, okay? 152 00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,261 Now look, I'm gonna be fine. 153 00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:52,723 - We know, dad. — we don't know that. It's a miracle I'm standing up. 154 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:57,353 But look, in case anything happens... 155 00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,898 I want you to know that if I'd had time, I would have fixed that step. 156 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,524 Thanks, dad. I love you. 157 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:06,612 Don't cry, Luke. I'm okay. 158 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,614 I broke the coffee table! 159 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,407 That's okay. What? 160 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:14,078 I broke the glass coffee table. The one you swore you didn't break, 161 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,497 and then we blamed Esperanza and fired her... 162 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,125 And she stole a Turkey at Thanksgiving for her family and got deported? 163 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,585 Yeah. Damn it! 164 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,004 I'm sorry. [ Groaning I you will be sorry! 165 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,173 They're here! 166 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:27,841 Really? Okay... 167 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,469 Did you hear that? 168 00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,763 Hmm. Luke broke the... 169 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,058 - — Hey, you changed your clothes. - Well, I had—I had to get dressed. 170 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:39,853 Into that sexy, clingy— Oh, my god. It's the firemen. 171 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,897 No, sweetie. And lipstick! 172 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,942 I'm out here convulsing in agony and you're looking for cute tops to wear? 173 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,985 I just threw on the first thing I could find. 174 00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:50,406 We got a minute, if you wanna try on some tighter jeans... 175 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,282 Oh, Phil, sweetie. Oh, no. 176 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,427 By all means, Claire, we want you looking your sexiest... 177 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,495 When the hunky, gay firemen get here! 178 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,122 How we doing? We're great. 179 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,708 - — He meant me! Ohh! - All right. 180 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,586 Cameron! 181 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:10,592 No, listen, Jay. You're a tough guy to compete with. Look at all you have. 182 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,804 So Manny has to suffer? No. You're right. 183 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,014 Look, I'm going to try harder. 184 00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,559 But maybe it's a good thing that he has the two of us. 185 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,269 From you, he learns stabil/ty 186 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:24,523 from me, he learns how to be spontaneous, grab life by the throat. 187 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:27,526 Well, we do a little throat grabbing ourselves around here, you know. 188 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,987 We were on our way to benihana when you showed up. 189 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,989 Hey, as long as my boy follows his passion. 190 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:37,202 The worst career decision I ever made was playing baseball, but I loved every minute of it. 191 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,246 You played baseball? 192 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,248 I lived baseball. 193 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:45,878 I only made it to triple-a, but I played with all those guys— sosa, mcgwire. 194 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,213 You look like you played some. I played in high school 195 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:52,342 I was all right. Never hit a curve ball. 196 00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:55,179 So that's a dream of yours? To— to hit a curve? Used to be. 197 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,433 “Used to be.” ugh. Por favor. I said that again, right? 198 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:01,369 Hey, please. Come on. You're right, I shouldn't say that. 199 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:04,646 What are you guys doing? — Manny, did we wake you up? I'm sorry. 200 00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,149 No. I was doing my science extra credit. 201 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:10,027 - — Of course you were. - So, can I play? 202 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,446 That's up to your dad. 203 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,782 Actually, I think we're done with pool for right now. 204 00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:18,535 I have a better idea for the three of us. I/amos. 205 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,916 So, how do you know this guy? He owes me a little favor. 206 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:31,924 This is the coolest night ever! 207 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:36,011 Now, let's see about that curve ball. 208 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,600 Out. I thought you were... 209 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,645 Those were pillows. Come on. Come on. 210 00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:48,690 Cameron, do you realize how infuriating this is? 211 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,442 The whole point of ferberizing... 212 00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,362 Is to teach her to put herself to sleep, and you keep ruining it. 213 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,823 I can't help it. I'm like a mother bear. 214 00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:58,784 When I hear my cub crying, I have to run to her. 215 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,829 Except you're not a bear. Get in our room. 216 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,581 Get— cam, get in there. Get in there. 217 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,416 Cut it out. All the way— our room. 218 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,293 Get! Get in there. 219 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,254 Come on. Come on. Get in there. Get! 220 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,424 That's so unfair. Why not? 221 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,176 Because that's how girls end up dead. 222 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,637 - Hey, honey. - Hey, guys. 223 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,265 We just wanted to see how you're doing. Is this a bad time? 224 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,785 No, we're just giving him something to relax before the procedure. 225 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:25,394 Which is gonna go just fine. 226 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,396 - Oh, we know. - We don't know. 227 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:31,149 In case it doesn't, promise me you'll be nice to your new fireman daddy. 228 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:34,319 Unbelievable. — my wife got dressed up for the firemen last night. 229 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:38,323 I didn't get dressed up for the firemen. Those heels were really hot. 230 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,534 - — You put on heels? - Let's drop it. 231 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,536 What are they doing to you, dad? 232 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:47,499 I have a little scratchy rock inside of me and they're sliding in a tube and sucking it out. 233 00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,209 You're not scared, are you? 234 00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:52,129 When was the last time you saw your old man scared? 235 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,131 When you walked through the spidenneb. 236 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,068 When we were playing with the ouija board and the wind blew the door shut. 237 00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,971 There was no wind, buddy. We brought something fon'h. 238 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,308 Oh. This stuff's really hitting me. 239 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,476 My insides feel like velvet. 240 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,729 Why don't you guys wait out in the hallway, okay? 241 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,731 Feel better, dad. I will. 242 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,649 - — Love you, dad. - Love you. 243 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:16,570 - — [Ha/eijove you. - Luke, buddy, hold back a sec. 244 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,281 This is not gonna happen, okay, 245 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,843 but there is a scenario where you could be the man of the house... 246 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,970 And you need to know all the pin numbers and passwords. 247 00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:26,246 747— I don't wanna be the man of the house. 248 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:29,458 Now, don't talk black to me. Honey, your dad's gonna be fine. 249 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,336 Why don't you wait out in the hall. He'll be fine, okay? 250 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,881 Honey, I'm just gonna run them to school. I'll be back right after. 251 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,884 Okay. Claire? Yeah. 252 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,011 You did get dressed up, didn't you? 253 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:46,475 I pulled on the first thing I saw, okay? Okay, I'll drop it, 254 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:49,853 'cause this stuff is making me fall asleep. 255 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:54,775 And if I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie. 256 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:10,415 I might have gotten dressed up just a tiny bit. 257 00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,967 - I knew it. - Oh, damn it! 258 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,949 Ll/lann y, we 're gonna be late for school. 259 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,517 Why are you so tired today? 260 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,230 Any reason I can't take him? 261 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:36,483 I'm surprised you're up. I know what time you went back to bed. 262 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,444 Oh, it was nothing. We just went out, we hit a few balls. 263 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:42,906 And you'll never guess where. I guess Javier knew a guy. And you know what? 264 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:46,910 Now that he knows you, the next time he needs something, you are the guy. 265 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,164 Ay, dios mio. Did you took him with you? 266 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:53,333 You couldn't wait to get to school to do that? 267 00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:57,087 Manny, vamonos para El co/egio. Let's go. We're gonna be so late. I/a'monos. 268 00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:01,174 Vamos a I/egar tardis/mo, ll/lann y, gqué te pasa? Get in the car. 269 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:04,136 I thought you said you wanted me to bond with Javier. 270 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:09,349 I said be nice, Jay. I didn't say take Manny up all night and play games. 271 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:12,185 Then we got hot dogs. Ay, go to sleep! 272 00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:15,605 If / wanted to be married to a wild man, / would have stayed with Javier. 273 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,317 Aha! G oue' pasa? 274 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,902 - Dad! - Por dios, no. 275 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,487 ! Jay! What the hell? 276 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,368 Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. You're not leaving, are you? I've got school. 277 00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:31,079 - — What? School? - Yes, school. 278 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,975 That's where people go to learn things, like not to keep children up all night. 279 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,668 - — He told her? - He's weak. 280 00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:40,231 Well, listen, you said you used to like riding motorcycles, right? So I brought you one. 281 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,258 - I know. But I kind of got work— - Work. 282 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,968 - — Go, Jay. - Yeah, go. 283 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:48,055 Yes, go, Jay, and take ll/lann y with you too! 284 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,057 Okay. No, Manuel Alberto! 285 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,726 In the car or I put you in the trunk! 286 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,770 Jay, I'm not gonna argue anymore. 287 00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:57,647 I'm not gonna say anything else. Do whatever you want. 288 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:01,359 But I don't wanna hear you any more saying that Colombians are crazy, 289 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,487 'cause you're the one that is acting crazy, 290 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,073 even though he's the one that is making you act crazy. 291 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,492 So I don't know what the hell I'm talking about! Manny! 292 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,084 You didn't need to come home during nap time. 293 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:20,087 Mmm. Think we proved last night that I did. 294 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:23,423 Well, she's back there now, so why don't you go, so you don't get in trouble. 295 00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:26,051 That's okay. I told everyone that I have an unreliable partner, 296 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,762 and, uh, they understood. 297 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,389 You know what? I don't need to sit here and be condescended to. 298 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:35,102 I'm gonna make myself an ice tea. I will bring you down. 299 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:38,438 - — You can't bring me down. - I'll sweep your legs. 300 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,817 There's something wrong with you... 301 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,620 That the sound of our child in such distress doesn't bother you more. 302 00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:48,698 She's not in distress, and this just proves that you need this more than she does. 303 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,700 I'm ferberizing two babies. 304 00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:53,384 Raccoons slipped into the lawsons' home and stole a loaf of bread. 305 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:57,100 - — Your point? - That we left Lily's window open a crack, 306 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,185 and those raccoons need something to put between that bread, 307 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:00,728 and that is Lily's “help me” cry. 308 00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,754 I'm coming for you, Lily. No, you're not. 309 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:06,133 You are not coming, Cameron. Let me go! Hey, stop it! 310 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,468 Let go! Get off me! What are you doing? 311 00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:10,470 Stop! I will not stop. 312 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:13,265 Stop being such a baby. I'm coming for you! 313 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,184 Ow! Ow! Oh. Ow! 314 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,228 What? Oh, my ankle. 315 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,355 My ankle. 316 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:29,906 My! I guess you didn't kill yourself in the motorcycle today. 317 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,884 Well, I figured you were looking foward to killing me, 318 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,535 so I'm not gonna take that away from you. 319 00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:37,747 Hey, did Javier call you? No, why? 320 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,143 He's dragging me to this bar with some of his old baseball pals. 321 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,169 He was supposed to be here at 5:00. 322 00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:44,171 Ah, he's dragging you, huh? Yeah. 323 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,590 I figured it would be okay. I've seen half these guys play. 324 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,259 Javier says it's cool. 325 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,220 What? What's the joke? Nothing. 326 00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,972 It's just funny to me... 327 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:57,392 That you make fun of me because I was seduced by him, but here you are... 328 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,436 No one is getting seduced. 329 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,479 I'm doing this for Manny. 330 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:06,443 Yeah, it's very important for Manny that you two go and have a nice picnic in the mountains. 331 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,546 First of all, it wasn't a picnic. We stopped for coffee. 332 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,114 They just happened to be selling crepes. 333 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,742 Listen. Let me know when he calls, all right? 334 00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:16,036 Geez, it's almost 6:00. 335 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,683 The kids are so excited for you to come home. 336 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,376 Oh, me too. Yeah, Luke made you a sign. 337 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:27,964 Oh, he's a sweetie. Yeah. You seem great. 338 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,175 I am great. Good. 339 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,843 Except for that fireman thing. 340 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,845 You remember it? Mm-hmm. 341 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:37,474 Yeah, okay. Look, I am sorry. I'm so sorry. Ah, no. 342 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,476 There's no excuse for it. 343 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:43,188 I think I just spend so much time in dowdy mom clothes, 344 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,815 and I'm covered in paste and peanut butter, 345 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:50,737 and I just— I wanted to feel attractive for a second, you know? 346 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,739 I'm sorry. I really... 347 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:56,201 Honey, I just need a little bit of time. 348 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,745 Gonna be fine. Okay. 349 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,789 Yeah. Okay. 350 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,749 I was already fine with it. 351 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,126 Here's the deal: Claire messed up. She owed me. 352 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,963 This never happens. 353 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,382 Old Phil has a golden ticket. 354 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,551 Now, / could ha ve cashed that in right away for something small... 355 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,221 Get out of cleaning the garage, a week at circus camp. 356 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,390 Still fresh. Yeah. 357 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:23,144 But the longer you hold on to it, the more the guilt builds, 358 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:25,063 the more you get. 359 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:28,608 Five years: Trip to Paris with my buddies. 360 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:32,737 Ten years: Sweet little convertible. 361 00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,739 Twenty years: 362 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:38,952 Hello, fully articulating, five-function robot... 363 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:43,290 That can read my mind and has feelings. 364 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:47,085 Phil, you're not leaving without saying good-bye, are you? 365 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,586 Hey, Elaine. 366 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,130 Is this your husband? Uh-huh. 367 00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,757 - — Good—bye, Paris. - I'm visiting my sister... 368 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,969 And he was entertaining us all afternoon with his card tricks. Oh. 369 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:59,723 - — Is that Phil? - Hey. 370 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,601 Hey, mom, Phil's leaving. 371 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:07,230 - — Without a hug? - Wow. 372 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,733 Good-b ye, fully articulating, 373 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,278 five—function robot with the ability to— good-bye. 374 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,030 Brittany, hurry, honey. Phil's leaving. 375 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,156 Ow. 376 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,741 You're fine. 377 00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,371 - — How's your ankle? - It's cold. 378 00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:27,334 - — I'm sorry I hurt you. - No. No, don't be. I... 379 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:30,003 I could have just as easily hurt you. 380 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,339 Well, it's cute that you think that. 381 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:37,010 Listen, cam, I— I can't always be the bad cop here. 382 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:42,140 I—I know it's my issue, but she can't grow up with one huggy, happy, cuddly dad.. 383 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:45,810 And one frowny, lesson-teachy dad. 384 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:49,981 Because guess which one she is gonna ask to walk her down the aisle. 385 00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,487 Uh— y— okay, you know what? 386 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,697 I can be the bad cop sometimes. 387 00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,742 I'll always make her eat her vegetables. 388 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,203 - — Okay. Dentist. - Deal. 389 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:06,164 Good. — as long as you make her practice her violin. 390 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,750 Oh, yeah. The violin. I like that. 391 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,212 And we're both walking her down the aisle. 392 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,172 Assuming you can walk by then. 393 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,549 Ow! Do you need to go to the hospital for that? 394 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:19,427 No, god. No, no. It's not that bad. 395 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:21,888 Oh, you meant call 911, didn't you? 396 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,014 Firemen. 397 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:25,475 Yeah, you call, and I'm gonna change my shirt. 398 00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,312 So, if / 'm supposed to act like an adult, 399 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,440 is that act //ke adults lsee in the world... 400 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:36,528 Or the adults in my family? 401 00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:43,410 'Cause if it's the ones in my family... 402 00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:46,871 Come on. Let's go. All right. 403 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,374 Then... 404 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,835 How hard could that be? 405 00:20:57,340 --> 00:21:01,177 Doing the card tricks at the hospital really got me fired up about my magic again. 406 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:04,681 Is this your card? 407 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,434 Yes. Oh, my gosh. 408 00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:09,144 It's— it's not, is it? 409 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,312 No, uh, no. It's not. 410 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:15,316 The hardest part is when people forget their card, because then I look like the idiot. 411 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,485 All right. Let's do it again. We really have to go. 412 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:21,239 You think I like this? I'm sorry. Here. I'm gonna teach you one, okay? 413 00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:23,242 On the count of three, just grab this. You ready? 414 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,243 Put your hand out. Okay. 415 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,787 One, two, three. There it is. 416 00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,539 No. What was that? Wow. 417 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,499 [ Li/I/tche/lj thank you. 418 00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,585 Are you kidding me? 419 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:37,380 English - us — psdh