1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,006
Beautiful morning, isn 7/1?

2
00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:07,884
It's a shame you
have to work, huh? Yeah.

3
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,219
Anyway, I'd like a large
sausage and pepperoni...

4
00:00:10,303 --> 00:00:12,471
It's my stuff okay?

5
00:00:12,597 --> 00:00:14,265
Hey! Just keep your
hands off my stuff!

6
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,559
I didn't put my hands
on your stuff.

7
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:19,812
Hey! Just a second, Derek.
What is the problem?

8
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,064
Alex read my journal. I did not!

9
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:24,525
Why would I even want to
read your stupid journal?

10
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:28,154
Because it contains the details
of a life, and you don't have one!

11
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:30,615
Oh! Alex, don't
read Haley's journal.

12
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,658
Sorry. My daughters.

13
00:00:32,742 --> 00:00:34,869
You got kids?

14
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:36,662
Oh. What grade are you in? Phi/I

15
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:38,372
oh, that's my wife, Claire.

16
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:42,543
Luke was using my computer for this.

17
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:45,213
I'm gonna have to,
uh, call you back.

18
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:48,507
He told me he needed it to do homework,
and then I find this, a-a picture...

19
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:53,471
Of a topless woman, with the biggest
boobs I have ever seen, driving a tractor.

20
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:59,810
Okay. Um— uh, first of all, that's
a combine, not a tractor. Phil!

21
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,438
Phil! It is smut, and our
10—year—old is looking at smut!

22
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,650
It's disgusting!
Completely unacceptable.

23
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,985
Here's the thing.
That was my picture.

24
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,505
Well, not really mine. There's this
guy at work who sends out these links.

25
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,657
Doesn't matter who. Gil thorpe.

26
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,118
He sent out another one of the
same woman dressed as a battleship.

27
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,120
You know, the— you get— yeah.

28
00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:21,290
And then one of the transformers—
And then it...

29
00:01:21,374 --> 00:01:24,919
Anyway, I had every intention
of telling Claire.

30
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,755
I just wanted her
to calm down first.

31
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,549
Where are you going? I'm going
to pick up Luke from his sleepover.

32
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,760
We need to talk to him
about this now.

33
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,221
Claire, this is a very
delicate situation. Mm-hmm.

34
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,808
If we don't handle it right, Luke might end
up having an unhealthy attitude about sex...

35
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:40,810
Or agribusiness.

36
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,938
We'll talk about it
when he gets home.

37
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,648
Okay, fine.

38
00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:49,986
But I am telling him that every time
he looks at porn, god kills a puppy.

39
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:52,029
Maybe I should be the one
to talk to him.

40
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:54,365
[ Gloria ]
I am a very lucky woman.

41
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,367
I have a wonderful family,

42
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,452
a beautiful home.

43
00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,538
There is nothing
z'hat/ would change.

44
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,252
I hate the dog Butler.

45
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,087
[ Humming, yelps ]

46
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,232
Ikeep forgetting it's there.
And every time it happens,

47
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,091
it scares me all over again.

48
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:16,345
Somet/mes, at night,
I think it's the devil.

49
00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,597
[ Whispers ] El diab/o.

50
00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:20,891
Barkley? He's hilarious.

51
00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:25,229
I was in Vegas last month
ano'i was winning. [Laughs]

52
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:28,625
Ano' / thought, lcou/o' do the usual, be a
chump, give the money back to the casino,

53
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:33,362
or I could do something smart and buy
something for myself at the casino store.

54
00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:34,864
He's already a family favorite.

55
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,033
Rub his chin, a little
under there. He likes that.

56
00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:40,369
There you go. Beautiful.
There you go. [Laughs]

57
00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:44,623
He's a dog and a Butler.
I mean, who couldn't love him?

58
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,961
Ya me canse'.

59
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:51,797
Come.

60
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,722
[ Clattering ] Dog.

61
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,436
[Ll/lan], /~ hey, heyj

62
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:09,523
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

63
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:12,610
,/' hey, hey heyw

64
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,490
- [Cameron] Okay, ready to go.
- Make sure you pee first.

65
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:20,534
What am I, seven years old? — no.
You do not want to go during the show.

66
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:23,722
The marionettes stop what they're doing, march
to the edge of the stage and point at you.

67
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,582
Okay, that sounds terrifying.
No, it's really funny.

68
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:32,046
Oh, one of my favorite childhood memories
was attending the Moscow marionette theater.

69
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,132
I grew up one mile away from
Missouri's largest waterslide.

70
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:37,134
And third largest
in the country.

71
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,345
Oh, really, cam. You never
mentioned that before.

72
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,972
You feel like—
Feel like a torpedo.

73
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,969
Hey, cam, does the gardener
usually work on Saturdays?

74
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,686
I don't know. He comes
when we need him.

75
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,355
He's like Batman but straight.

76
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,400
[ Sobbing ] [
Cameron] Is he crying?

77
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:56,529
Oh, yeah. We should probably
go out the back, huh?

78
00:03:56,612 --> 00:04:00,783
He's clearly in pain. How can you
just turn your back on a friend like that?

79
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,993
A friend? Really?
Yeah? What's his name?

80
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,621
Caesar Salazar.

81
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:09,083
You made that up. You were
gonna say “Caesar salad.”

82
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,420
Was not. Cam. Come on. Really?

83
00:04:12,545 --> 00:04:14,463
Oh. [ Door closes ]

84
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:17,341
All right, don't worry, Lily. I'm
sure we'll get to the show on time.

85
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:21,429
I'm sure dad is just gonna go out and
give an encouraging word to the gardener,

86
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:23,639
hopefully mention
the snail problem,

87
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,600
and then we are gonna be on— no.

88
00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:29,478
No, no. Cam, no...

89
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,357
- Hello.
- I don't think he speaks English.

90
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,377
Okay, this m/ght be a good t/me
to mention to you...

91
00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:37,281
That the marionettes
are not kind to latecomers.

92
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,238
They bend over
and show their bloomers.

93
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,032
Okay, I speak
a little Spanish. Sefior...

94
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:51,834
Gracias. [ Sobbing ]

95
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,129
What was that? I just asked him if
he wanted to have a glass of water...

96
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,591
And sit down for a minute,
like any kind person would.

97
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,384
[ Sobbing ]

98
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:11,020
[ Wailing ]

99
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:20,046
Okay, / checked the rest of the computers
in the house. I didn't find any more porn.

100
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,573
That was hardly porn. It was
a topless woman on a tractor.

101
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,076
You know what they call that
in Europe? A cereal commercial.

102
00:05:26,202 --> 00:05:29,830
I should go talk to him. Honey,
honey, honey. I got this. I got this.

103
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,666
No, no, no, no. I got this. I
got this. I was his age once.

104
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:36,921
Breasts are like these
scary, mystical things...

105
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:40,508
That he's drawn to
like Frodo to mordor.

106
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,360
Okay, I'm definitely going—
No, no, no, no, no.

107
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,553
Boys don't want their moms
talking to 'em about sex...

108
00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:48,474
Any more than girls want their
dads talking to 'em about periods,

109
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,559
bras and girdles
and all that stuff.

110
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,771
You do know that women stopped
wearing girdles, like, 30 years ago?

111
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:58,192
Honey, I know, I know. That—that—that
is exactly the kind of sexual revolution...

112
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,277
That our son is going
through right now.

113
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:04,031
So, just—
Let's just— just trust it.

114
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,534
Fix that step. Just know,

115
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:09,495
I will handle this, okay?

116
00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:16,252
[ Gasps ] El diab/o.

117
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:19,672
Hey, Gloria, do you have any idea
why barkley was in the guest room?

118
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:22,591
I was just doing
a little redecorating.

119
00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:25,844
Sometimes it's good to move things
around just to see how they look.

120
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,846
Yeah, but the guest room?
That's crazy.

121
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,182
He's not a guest.
He works for us.

122
00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:32,059
Hey, give me a hand here,
will you?

123
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,746
- I think his jacket shifted while I was moving him.
- Ay, co'mo no.

124
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:38,983
We can't have you untuckeo', our little Butler.
That doesn't make any sense, does it, boy?

125
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:40,192
[ Fabric r/ps ]

126
00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:41,986
'I4 y”? What was that?
Is he all right?

127
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,548
- — Ay, no. My bracelet got caught a little bit here.
- Well, don't panic.

128
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,157
I'm not panicking.
All right, try to relax.

129
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,994
We can fix him. Let me take
a better look. Come here, boy.

130
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,080
Luke? Hey, dad.

131
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:56,792
Hey, buddy um, look.

132
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,503
- — [Door closes]
- You and I need to have a little talk.

133
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:04,258
- — About what?
- Well, it's about computer stuff.

134
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,343
Um— [ Clears throat]

135
00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:13,183
How do you make sure you've
deleted something after you read it?

136
00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:17,646
Sorry, Jay. It was an accident.

137
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:20,292
You know, I'm beginning to think
you don't like barkley that much.

138
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:22,985
I mean, first you hide him in
the guest room, and now this.

139
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,613
It's ridiculous.
I didn't mean to hurt it.

140
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:28,115
First of all, let's cut
the “it”s. He is a he.

141
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:32,077
And you can pretend to be innocent all you
want, but action speaks louder than words.

142
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:35,122
Yeah. They can be
very revealing.

143
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,875
What are you trying to say?

144
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:42,755
Nothing. But you have to admit
that the dog Butler is a little ridiculous.

145
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,859
You know what else I think is ridiculous?
That mountain of pillows you have on our bed.

146
00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:48,963
I feel like I'm working on a loading
dock just trying to get under the covers.

147
00:07:49,053 --> 00:07:51,847
[ Gloria ] They're pretty.
They're a damn nuisance.

148
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:54,391
Okay, forgive me for trying
to make our home beautiful.

149
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:57,645
You know, if! Can put up with those,
you can put up with a piece of art.

150
00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:02,274
This is not art. This is an unholy
mix between man and beast.

151
00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:07,446
But, fine, if you love it so much,
put it where ver you want.

152
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,865
Thank you. Where you going?
To get some more pillows?

153
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:15,204
No, don't worry. It'll be a long time
before I bother you again with my pillows.

154
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:20,626
Why is dad in Luke's room
with the door closed?

155
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,587
They are having a little
talk. Is Luke being punished?

156
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:26,691
Is that just your favorite thing, when
your brother or sister gets into trouble?

157
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,301
My favorite is when
they're both in trouble.

158
00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:32,012
So, what'd he do? Did he
cheat on a test? He's a cheater.

159
00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:33,764
He did not cheat on a test.

160
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,933
Did he lie? He lies
all the time. Alex.

161
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:40,020
Alex. Sorry. I'm just
worried about Luke.

162
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,399
A lot of parents are hitting again.
I appreciate your concern,

163
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,275
but your father
has it under control.

164
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:48,529
[ Chuckles ] Twenty-four.

165
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,739
Twenty—five.

166
00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:54,993
Flincher! Free slap.
Bring it up.

167
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:57,371
[ 5/8/9] [Luke] Owl

168
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:01,834
ow! Twenty-nine.

169
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,752
Can I be on the bottom now? Yep.

170
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:06,088
[ Taps spoon on ll/lug ]

171
00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:10,259
- [ Sighs]
- Mmm. How'd it go?

172
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:14,054
Well, he was really embarrassed,
but everything 's— everything's fine now.

173
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,890
What'd you say? Well, you know,

174
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:20,227
- I kinda promised him we'd keep everything between us.
- Mm-hmm.

175
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,939
Matter of fact, he'd be mortified if
you brought it up with him... ever.

176
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,442
- Oh, god, really?
- Yeah.

177
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:29,027
That actually makes me
feel kinda bad.

178
00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:34,950
Well, you're probably just
feeling a little tense from all this.

179
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,911
I know I am.

180
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,330
You know what might
help the situation?

181
00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:44,460
Really? Right now?

182
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:50,424
I meant going out
for a few pizzas.

183
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,844
Where's your mind?

184
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,430
I guess I live in a house
full of sex maniacs.

185
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,640
[ Clears throat]

186
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,642
[ Cameron] Amigo?

187
00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:03,270
We can't help you
if you won't come out.

188
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,899
[Ll/lan] Gracias por invitarme a su
casa y apiadarse de mis iagrimas.

189
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,693
What'd he say? Something
“house” something.

190
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:12,777
Come on. The show starts in a half
hour, and we still have to pick up Manny.

191
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,507
Can we just—
Come on. Move this thing along!

192
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,408
Okay, this man is in crisis.

193
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:20,996
He could have a family health issue or a
personal health issue or a financial matter.

194
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,475
Stop. You're getting all this from
“something house something”?

195
00:10:23,499 --> 00:10:26,919
Let's just call Gloria and
have her deal with it, okay?

196
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,004
“It” is a human being, Mitchell.

197
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,006
Named Caesar salad. Okay.

198
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,259
What's going on with you?
Cam, you— you always do this.

199
00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:37,095
It's like you're incapable of
hearing anyone's sad story...

200
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,056
Without making it
your job to fix it.

201
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:43,101
And then, my needs— my needs
come second. Your needs right now...

202
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:45,103
Are a puppet show.

203
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:47,587
This man could have lost his brother
in a cable car accident.

204
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,900
You understood “casa'

205
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,902
okay, fine.
If it'll prove to you...

206
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,545
That I'm not the obsessive helpaholic
that you make me out to be,

207
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,573
let's go to the puppet show.

208
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:59,493
- — Cam.
- Let's go.

209
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,996
A y. G do'nde esta' mi no vio?
Su camio'n esta parqueado afuera.

210
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,124
- I think this has something to do with the gardener.
- You think?

211
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:10,128
- — Just down the hall to the right.
- A y. Gracias, gracias.

212
00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:12,923
Perdo'n. In there. Okay.

213
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,175
- — Okay, let's go.
- No, please.

214
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:17,939
I know it's killing you not to get
back there in the middle of that.

215
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,557
Oh, no, no, no, no. We are going.
These folks can find their own way out.

216
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,936
And now you'll know that I'm not a manic
Mother Teresa out there collecting lost souls.

217
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,021
Oh, come on.

218
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,987
[Mitchell] Dad? [Jay] Back here.

219
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,948
Is Manny ready? — didn't you
get the message? He's not going.

220
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:42,035
- What? — ah, some
mandatory cleanup at school.

221
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:45,372
- — What's the real reason?
- It's a puppet show, Mitch.

222
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,750
Perfect. All right, it's just
you and me then, Lily.

223
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:52,212
How's the little fortune cookie?
Ah, she-she's good. She's good.

224
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,716
Where's cam?
We got into a fight.

225
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,135
Because of him, I have
a house full of latinos.

226
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,638
Welcome to my world.
So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?

227
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:04,349
He just can't say no
to anybody who needs help.

228
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:07,245
And why do you have to always add
the word “gay” where it doesn't belong?

229
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:10,272
Hey, hey, you're not mad at me.
You're mad at the old balls and chain.

230
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,274
Okay, dad, good talk.
See you later.

231
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:15,611
Come on, I didn't mean it. Hey, I
didn't mean it. I'm a little cranky.

232
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,405
I got into it with Gloria a little
bit. Oh, no. What happened?

233
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:22,910
Ah, she hates barkley. It's the same stuff
I went over with your mom all the time.

234
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:27,080
“Get rid of the boat.” “get rid of the
motorcycle.” you know, I liked those things.

235
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,458
Why do you have to
get rid of it then?

236
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,253
You know, actually, I don't.

237
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:36,757
Anyway, I'm gluing his hand
on over here. His hand came off.

238
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,052
Rough day, dad. Your hot,
young wife doesn't like your doll.

239
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:43,764
Yeah, unlike your big problem,
“my boyfriend's too nice to people.”

240
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,224
No, see— mmm—
That's not all it is.

241
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:50,437
He helps animals. He's always
volunteering for things. Trust me.

242
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,439
It-it's worse than it sounds.

243
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,108
Who are we kidding?
We both got it pretty good.

244
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,755
Hell, I'm probably fighting with your mom more
than I'm fighting with Gloria on this thing.

245
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:01,657
A bird fell out of a tree and
he fed it with an eyedropper.

246
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,701
Just drop it, kid we 're both
with people different from us,

247
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,621
and that's gonna create stuff,
but you want different.

248
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:11,541
Your mom and/ were perfect on paper
and you know how that ended.

249
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:15,462
What I got now is a lot better.

250
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,132
Sure, people look at us sometimes. And
sometimes even I can't believe we're together.

251
00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,969
- But we're happy. At the end of
the day— - [footsteps approaching]

252
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:25,138
There's no one I'd rather
come home to.

253
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,561
[Footsteps receding]
You mean Gloria.

254
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,065
Who else?

255
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,819
No one. I'll see you later.

256
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,405
See you, kid.

257
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,325
Did you draw on my poster?

258
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:49,454
Yeah, I did. Maybe you'll think about
that the next time you read my journal.

259
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:54,001
I didn't read your stupid journal, and I
waited in line to get this signed, Haley.

260
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:57,462
Oh, don't be such a baby. It's
just some dude with weird hair.

261
00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:01,508
That's Maya angelou, you idiot.

262
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,844
Oh, sorry.
I don't follow the wnba.

263
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:09,349
You know what? This is the worst thing
you've ever done, and I'll never forgive you!

264
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:11,560
You started it!

265
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:15,439
What are you looking at?
Well, I just heard...

266
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,941
I was the one
who read Haley's diary.

267
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,569
I was playing on her computer
and it just opened.

268
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:26,742
Okay, I opened it. But I
didn't mean for anyone to fight.

269
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,912
Oh, home already.
Mitchell, hi. Hi.

270
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,957
Hi, cam. Hi.
Did you forget the tickets?

271
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,601
No. You know, I was never gonna
enjoy the show without you, so...

272
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,755
Oh. But you were so excited to take
Lily to see the Russian marionettes.

273
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,506
Oh, she's probably
a little young anyway.

274
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:44,092
We can just prop her in front
of the dryer for a half hour.

275
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:47,471
Listen, cam, I—I love that
you try and help the world,

276
00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:51,725
and I'm very lucky to have
you in my life. Oh, Mitchell.

277
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,311
How'd everything work out with
the gardener? Uh, great. Great.

278
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,706
Turned out it was his wedding day,
and he was a little nervous.

279
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,024
But you know what? There's
no need to apologize. Oh...

280
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,734
No, I need to.
I've been very selfish.

281
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,070
No, no. Sometimes
I take things too far.

282
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:06,948
Okay. If that ever happens,
I will let you know. Okay.

283
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:14,289
Is there a reason
icantgoinfide? No.No, no.No.

284
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:18,794
[Ll/lan] Y ahora te
pronuncio hombre y esposa.

285
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,713
La puedes besar.
[All cheering, applauding]

286
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:32,099
- — Li/lom, can lta/k to you?
- Sure, honey. What's going on?

287
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,893
I feel bad
about something I did.

288
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:38,480
Oh, sweetie.
Is this about the computer?

289
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,941
Yeah. Something you
shouldn't have been looking at?

290
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:44,152
Yeah. It was just so freaky.

291
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,613
I couldn't stop looking.
I know, sweet pea.

292
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:50,158
But the important thing is
you did stop looking. Yeah.

293
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:52,285
After about an hour.

294
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:57,040
Okay. Well, it's perfectly normal
to be curious about these things.

295
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,084
Some parts were funny. Mm-hmm.

296
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,628
And some parts
just seemed crazy.

297
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:05,090
Well, I hope you realize that
some of those parts weren't real.

298
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,842
Obviously. [ Chuckles ]

299
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,427
But they can be
totally real, right? Hmm.

300
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:12,055
Like Anne frank's? What?

301
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,117
All I know is it really
made me wonder about Haley.

302
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,811
That's disturbing, sweetie. Why
Haley? [Footsteps approaching]

303
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,563
It was herjournal.

304
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,439
You read my journal?
You little creep!

305
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,233
I'm sorry! I couldn't help it.

306
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,943
Wait. Haley's journal too?

307
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,362
Luke, you are now banned
from the computer. What?

308
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,072
What happened? Who's in trouble?

309
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,783
- — Luke read my journal!
- I told you it wasn't me!

310
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:34,077
- You know, I'm gonna kill you.
- Haley, calm down.

311
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,496
Wait, you're not even gonna
yell at him? That was private.

312
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,933
Oh, please. The most shocking
thing in there was your spelling.

313
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:40,458
You read it too?

314
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,294
Am I the only one
who hasn't read it?

315
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,297
I was looking through the computers
in the house for pornography.

316
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:49,009
- Sick. — not for me. I wanted to
see what you guys are looking at.

317
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,844
So you're violating our privacy.

318
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,596
When / find out that my children...

319
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,932
Are looking at a naked picture
online, they don't have any privacy.

320
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,768
- Who was looking at naked pictures?
- That doesn't matter.

321
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,562
I wasn't.

322
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:03,481
Wasn't me. That's gross. I'm 10!

323
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,327
Wait a minute. What's
wrong with you people?

324
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,152
If it wasn't you, who
was it? [Door opens]

325
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,821
Il/langia!

326
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,659
Rosa, thank you
for coming. Gracias.

327
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:18,014
Carlos, let me know how it works out with
that dentist. Victor, you owe me a dance.

328
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,956
[ Cameron ]
Yes, I'm a caring person.

329
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,210
And without Mitchell, I would just
keep giving and giving and giving.

330
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:28,757
I'm like a big runaway charity truck and
Mitchell is my off-ramp full of safety gravel.

331
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,719
He knows how to say no.
He always can put himself first.

332
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:37,015
He certainly can turn his back
on someone suffering. Um...

333
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,478
No, really. Keep going.

334
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,774
- _ he—
- Don't keep going!

335
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,610
Muchas gracias. Hey, good-bye.

336
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,488
- — That was nice.
- [ Knocking ]

337
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:56,284
Oh, god. Dad. — looks
like I missed the party, huh?

338
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:57,994
What is—
What is that doing here?

339
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,331
.Heisagyfi for you
and cam. Thank you.

340
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,668
He lost his monocle on the drive.
Head was out the window.

341
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,963
Well, they love that.
Let's put him here for now.

342
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,899
- [Mitchell] I Don 7 want that.
- I think he's cute.

343
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,509
Let's give him a chance. I came
as soon as I heard your message.

344
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,511
You said that somebody
was getting married?

345
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,014
Gloria, there you are.
I've got good news.

346
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,688
What's the matter?

347
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:30,485
Honey? Hey.

348
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,696
I'm really sorry.

349
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,282
That picture was just
something that someone sent me.

350
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,785
Doesn't matter who. Gil thorpe.

351
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:42,414
Anyway, I don't do that stuff.

352
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,624
Uh— you're all the
porn I need. That's...

353
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,626
Honey, it's fine.

354
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,337
It's fine. Mmm.

355
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,757
Now, it's fine.

356
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:56,094
[ Claire ] I couldn't care
less about the picture.

357
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:59,472
I was just upset
when I thought it was Luke.

358
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:02,684
Haley, honey, I really wish you would
give me a hand with all this laundry.

359
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,686
You never, ever...

360
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,147
[ Claire ]
Haley's off in her own world

361
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,816
Alex has never really been a kid

362
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,569
but Luke is my baby.

363
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:17,824
Is it really too much to ask that
he stay a sweet, innocent k/d...

364
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,909
Forever?

365
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,871
[Door opens, closes ]

366
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:27,959
Hey, buddy. Um— here. Sorry.

367
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:29,961
We'll dribble later.

368
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:33,840
Um, I just, uh—
I just want to say I'm sorry.

369
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,302
I never meant to blame you
for that whole picture thing.

370
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:42,265
Your mom sort of thought it was yours
and I should have stopped it, but I didn't.

371
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,225
So what was the picture of?

372
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:50,231
Well, it was a woman on a
tractor and she had her shirt off.

373
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:53,276
Was it hot?

374
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,403
Okay, we're being honest here.

375
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:59,157
Um, this particular woman...

376
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,701
Well, my tastes
do run to the curvy,

377
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,245
and the cowboy hat
did not hurt one bit.

378
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,767
Couple that with the cutoff jeans— and you
were asking about the weather, weren't you?

379
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:10,126
Yeah.

380
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:14,589
Well, this is good.
This is good.

381
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:17,050
You're gonna be going
through some changes soon.

382
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,512
And I think now you can feel
safe talking to me about whatever.

383
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,149
[ Cameron ] And so it ends.

384
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:38,905
Sadly, I've been summar/ly dismissed from
the employ of masters Cameron and Mitchell

385
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,074
the former being
an utter delight,

386
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:43,284
and the latter
being a humor/ass snoot.

387
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:45,596
Just come on. Get him in the
car. The thrift shop's closing.

388
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,997
What is this exciting thrift
shop you speak of?

389
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,834
Many of my relatives were
taken out of their homes...

390
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,545
To be released into the green
pastures in their maturity...

391
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,464
Did you just say “matoority?”
unhand me, you brute!

392
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,466
I regret nothing!

393
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,677
I'll pay you.
I'm a comfortable man.

394
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,887
I've been stealing from
your father for days.

395
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:07,642
Oh, is there any better feeling in the world
than having your ears flap in the wind?

396
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,145
You know what? Get out.
You mean it? Sweet freedom?

397
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:12,647
No, not you, barkley.
Cameron, out. Oh.

398
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,403
English - us — psdh