1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:04,505
Can people change?
Well, that's a...

2
00:00:04,589 --> 00:00:07,675
That is a tough one, but I would
say yes. People can change.

3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:11,846
That's what I believe anyway,
and I will fill the day I die.

4
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:15,474
You do realize you're proving
the exact opposite of your point?

5
00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:19,145
See? She's changed. She
used to be very supportive of me.

6
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,147
[Beep] [ Claire] Come on.

7
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,899
[Beeps]

8
00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:26,444
- — [ TV, loud]
- Aah! Phil!

9
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,988
- — Ow! Ow! Why is if so loud?
- My ears are bleeding!

10
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:31,532
Why is it so loud? I
don't know! Make it stop!

11
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:35,411
I just installed a sweet home
theater system in the family room.

12
00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:39,373
The, um— the trouble is
Claire struggles...

13
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,876
With technology of any kind.

14
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:45,254
I mean, remotes,
cell phones, computers.

15
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,550
Haley, have you seen
my que— [ Exhales]

16
00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:52,011
[ On mon/tor] Hey, Mrs.
Dunph y. Oh, hey, Dylan.

17
00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:56,265
You know I can see you, right?

18
00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:58,392
No, I did not know that.

19
00:00:58,476 --> 00:01:00,871
Haley's just in the bathroom.
She'll be back in just a minute.

20
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,730
Thank you.

21
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:05,066
Where were you pointing it?
At the TV.

22
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,068
[Laughs] This...

23
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:10,112
Honey— uh, no. I'm sorry.
It's—it's a home theater.

24
00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:13,616
What, so I can't point it at the
TV when I want to watch the TV?

25
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,869
No. You point it at the
receiver. What's a receiver?

26
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:20,915
Okay, imagine our home theater
system is a human body.

27
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,876
So then the receiver
is the brain. Mm-hmm.

28
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:26,671
The TV is the face. I
know what part you are.

29
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:31,008
I jay} So he says to his wife,
“you don't love me anymore?”

30
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,344
His heart— boom! Quadruple
bypass. [Others laughing ]

31
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,388
Blown a valve.
Hey! Look who it is.

32
00:01:35,471 --> 00:01:37,765
- Hey. There he is.
- What a coinkydink.

33
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:40,285
I was just getting some flowers
for Gloria for babysitting Lily.

34
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,270
You want me to take 'em to her?

35
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,981
I would, but I have the most
hilarious card for her at home.

36
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:48,192
It's— it's a hunky Antonio
banderas type in silk boxers.

37
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,779
And on the inside, it says,
“thank you for last nos/79,

38
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,365
but I can't find
my panz'a/ones. ”

39
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,576
[ Laughing]

40
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,578
I'm not doing itjustice, really.

41
00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:02,873
Hi. I'm Cameron. Oh, geez.
I'm sorry. Guys, this is Cameron.

42
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:06,419
- He's a... friend of my son's.
- [Ll/lanjhey.

43
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:09,714
This is, uh, Scotty, Dale,
Hugo and shorty.

44
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:13,009
It's nice to meet you guys. You guys
look like a scene out of Jersey boys.

45
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:15,928
[ Chuckles ]

46
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,434
- — [Am so handsome!
- Thank you.

47
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:26,647
Manny, are you wearing
aftershave? Yes, for my date.

48
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:29,358
This will be the first time
she will ever smell me.

49
00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:33,195
Her name is Whitney.
I met her in an online book club.

50
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,197
We both like vampire fiction...

51
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:37,241
And the romance of eternal life.

52
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,994
I think it's adorable
that Manny has a date.

53
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,163
He even picked out
the lunch menu...

54
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:44,373
Grilled—cheese sandwich
and tomato soup.

55
00:02:44,457 --> 00:02:47,376
Tomato soup because, you know,
the tomato soup is like the blood.

56
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,712
And the vampires like to
eat the blood. [ Chuckles ]

57
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,173
And then he wants me
to take them out for ice cream,

58
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,467
well, because Manny
likes ice cream.

59
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:57,345
- [Doorbell rings]
- Oh, that must be her.

60
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,638
If this goes well,
you don't need to stick around.

61
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,432
I/amos.

62
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:08,731
Hi. I'm Whitney.
I'm here for Manny.

63
00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,986
[Ll/ian], /~ hey, heyj

64
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:18,115
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

65
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:21,118
,/' hey, hey heyw

66
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,331
[beeps] See how that works?

67
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:28,542
Sorry, sweetie. Sorry,
daddy. No, it's all right.

68
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,666
We were just— me and lin
were just using the time...

69
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,689
To figure out how to use
the car's voice-command thingy.

70
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,382
Oh. Here. Check it out. Watch.

71
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:38,344
[Beeps] Cd player. Next track.

72
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,346
[Female voice ]
Say a command no.

73
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:44,683
[Beeps] [ Sighs] Cd
player. Next track.

74
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,685
Air conditioner on.
[Air blowing ]

75
00:03:46,811 --> 00:03:49,206
Damn it. You're worse than
your sister with this kind of stuff.

76
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:51,208
It's a good thing Lily doesn't
have an ejector seat.

77
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:54,777
Oh, guess what. I ran into
your dad and some of his friends.

78
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,238
Oh, really? Yeah. And get this.

79
00:03:57,321 --> 00:04:00,616
He, uh— he referred to me
as “a friend of my son.”

80
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,494
Seflousw? Yeah.

81
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,288
That's a little
disrespectful to you.

82
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:09,250
I wasn't offended by
it. Well— [ Exhales] I am.

83
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,670
I mean, would he refer to Phil
as “a friend of Claire's”? No.

84
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,672
I've heard him call Phil
a lot worse.

85
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,799
Just let it pass.
I should have never said anything.

86
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,176
I'm not letting it pass. He
needs to know that's not okay.

87
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,429
And if he doesn't like it,
he knows where he can go.

88
00:04:21,554 --> 00:04:24,014
Enter destination. Hell!

89
00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:27,143
Mexican food. Shut up!

90
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,645
I came out of the closet
in my mid-203.

91
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:32,106
I had to actually come
out to my dad three times...

92
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,442
Before he finally
acknowledged it.

93
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,777
I'm not sure if maybe he
was hoping he heard it wrong,

94
00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:41,240
like I had said, “dad, I'm gray.”
[ Clicks tongue]

95
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,117
And my parents,
they always just knew.

96
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,244
My mother says labor
with me took 36 hours...

97
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,289
Because I came out of
the womb like this— “hello!”

98
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:50,458
[Jayjlgotta lay off these
oanno/is. Hey, dad.

99
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,460
Mitchell. Hey, you guys
know my son, Mitch.

100
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,587
Hey, Mitch, how they
hangin'? Hey, Mitch.

101
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:56,547
Hey, hey, hey.
That's a great coat.

102
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,883
Where'd you get that? I
don't know. It was a gift.

103
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:02,678
Um— really? What is
it— suede, microsuede?

104
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,389
Some kind of lambskin?
It's very soft, you know.

105
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,891
Thank you.

106
00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:09,727
Huh.

107
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,205
- — Uh, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

108
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,899
Thanks. Good seeing
you. Be right back.

109
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,026
What's the matter?

110
00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:19,171
Um, “a friend of my son”?
That's how you introduce cam?

111
00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:22,656
That's why you came here? Dad,
it's just more than a little insulting.

112
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,420
Cam and I have been together for
five years. We— we have a daughter.

113
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,495
Look at these guys.

114
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:29,538
They look like they came
out of the 1800s.

115
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:32,541
You see Hugo over there?
After lunch, he ordered a sanka.

116
00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:35,265
No, they're not the ones that are
uncomfortable with this. You are.

117
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:37,755
You've never been
completely accepting of me.

118
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,508
And now that I have a family,
it's getting a little old.

119
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,510
These guys don't understand
the gay thing.

120
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,804
Why create an awkward situation?
That's all I'm saying.

121
00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:48,974
That's weird, because your friend
shorty there— gay as they come.

122
00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,979
You gotta be kiddin'.
Mm-mmm. No.

123
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:57,316
My gaydar is never wrong, and it
is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

124
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,586
What are you talking about—
Gay? The guy used to be married.

125
00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:03,155
Okay, that makes— so did Elton
John, merv Griffin, Cole Porter.

126
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:06,742
You know what? Listen. You
couldn't be more wrong about this.

127
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,245
No, dad. You could not be
more wrong— about a lot of things.

128
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,622
- — Good seeing you guys.
- [ Hugo] You take care, man.

129
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,387
That's a great coat.
[ Dale ] Yeah, later.

130
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,293
Ping!

131
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,050
[Line ringing] [Remote beeps]

132
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:26,428
Phil Dunphy. Hey, it's me.

133
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:28,681
Hey. Listen, I've got a
bunch of moms over here...

134
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,724
Who wanna watch
the talent show DVD,

135
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:33,185
and I can't get
the sound to work.

136
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,312
Is there a picture? Yes.

137
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:38,065
Be honest. Did you do that
thing where you get frustrated...

138
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,067
And you start pressing
all the buttons?

139
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,150
No.

140
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:43,153
I have a theory
that Phil installs...

141
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,905
Overly complicated
things in the house...

142
00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:48,242
Just so he has an excuse
to talk to me like a child.

143
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,036
Last month,
it was the thermostat.

144
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,582
3 the snowflake button
makes it cold, cold, cold j'

145
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:58,419
j“ “set temperature”
makes it hold, hold, hold j'

146
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:01,171
j' the little flame makes it hot— j'j

147
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,050
[ crying ]
This is so humiliating.

148
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,928
I am sorry. It's okay.

149
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:10,889
He just seemed so mature online.

150
00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:14,435
How could I be so stupid?
[ Manny] You're not stupid.

151
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:17,646
“Stupid” is not following your heart
and taking a chance on love.

152
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:21,150
I mean, what kind of 11—year—old
talks like that?

153
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:24,069
[ Crying ] Manny's an old soul.

154
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:26,655
Here. Use my handkerchief.

155
00:07:26,739 --> 00:07:28,657
You see what I mean?

156
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:30,826
I'll just be alone
for the rest of my life.

157
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,829
Andthatsokay no, dontsaythat

158
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,749
in my country, there's
a saying that means...

159
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,501
“Love is just
around the corner.”

160
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:43,047
I come from a neighborhood
with a lot of prostitutes.

161
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,884
Maybe for you. I mean, men must
throw themselves at you every day.

162
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,386
They'll do the same for you
if you just...

163
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:53,140
Just what? Put out? No. Just...

164
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,769
Like, the lipstick, the hair,
push—up bra. You know.

165
00:07:56,852 --> 00:08:00,064
[ Sniffles ] What's it matter? I'm
never gonna be as pretty as you.

166
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:03,275
Ay, believe me,
this takes a lot of work.

167
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:05,361
You just need to find
your inner beauty.

168
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:08,781
It's hiding beneath
a mask of insecurity.

169
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,824
Okay, he's starting
to freak me out.

170
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:12,743
Manny, go play.

171
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,874
Mitchell, how do these
look to you?

172
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,085
Like they're dying.
I know. Right?

173
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:24,356
I said something to the florist. He said,
“don't worry about it. They're gonna come back.”

174
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,524
They're not coming back.
They've crossed to the other side.

175
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,509
You are a funny man. Why?

176
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,511
You're completely bothered
by the flowers.

177
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:33,347
But when my father introduces you
as “a friend of my son,”

178
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,474
doesn't faze you in the least.

179
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,267
Because the florist
played me for a fool.

180
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,537
Your dad didn't mean any harm.
He's just being who he is.

181
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:42,022
When / was back east
in law school,

182
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:46,026
my dad used to call me every Saturday
at 6:00 pm, before people would go out,

183
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:48,195
just to, you know,
check in, catch up.

184
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:52,658
And then, I think,
the Christmas of my second year,

185
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,619
I finally got up
the courage to tell him.

186
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:02,042
After that, h... pretty much
just talked to my mom.

187
00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,044
[ Quietly] Don't cry.

188
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,171
I'm not crying.

189
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:09,216
I'm home! [ Gloria] We 're here.

190
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:12,010
[ Door closes ] This is Whitney.
We're giving her a makeover.

191
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:14,680
Hi. You have such
a nice family...

192
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,307
And a really beautiful house.

193
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:20,060
- — Thanks. You two know each other how?
- She's my date.

194
00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:22,730
Of course she is.
I'll be in here.

195
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,815
[Whispers ] I'll be right back.

196
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,026
I'm sorry this didn't
turn out like you wanted.

197
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,028
That's okay.

198
00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:32,364
Probably didn't turn out
how you wanted it either.

199
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:36,076
I'll tell you what. If neither of
us is with anybody in 10 years,

200
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,620
how about you and me
give it a shot?

201
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,457
That's disturbing.

202
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,208
But maybe.

203
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,085
How was your lunch
with the boys? Good.

204
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,379
Ran into Mitchell
and cam. Ay, nice.

205
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:51,550
You're not gonna believe this.
Mitchell says shorty's gay. Shorty?

206
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,261
Yeah, I believe it. Oh, come on!

207
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:58,599
Well, he's a great dresser, a great
dancer. That doesn't prove anything.

208
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,844
He's the only one of your friends that
never hits on me. My friends hit on you?

209
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,604
Yes, all the time,
but don't worry.

210
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,606
They're a bunch
of harmless old men.

211
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,566
They're my age.

212
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:10,402
I'm sure it's very hard on shorty
to keep a secret like that.

213
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,738
Jay, I think you should
talk to him. What?

214
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:16,450
You're the only one with a gay son. I'm
sure he'll appreciate opening up to you.

215
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,452
We're guys. We don't open up.

216
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:23,207
We talk about sports and cars, getting
up in the middle of the night to pee.

217
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:27,586
I'm sure you made it very easy
for Mitch to come out of the closet.

218
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,547
Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna
finish my makeover.

219
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,967
Because I care about people.

220
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:37,554
Because I want to help them
change their lives.

221
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,557
Jay, I'm hinting that you
should call your friend, okay?

222
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,684
Yes. I'm getting that.
Okay, okay.

223
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,064
Hey, hey! Daddy in the hizzouse!

224
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,816
[ Crunches ]

225
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:59,159
Why would you do that to a
brand-new, very expensive remote?

226
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:02,746
Because I lost my temper, and it
didn't work. Therefore, it's useless.

227
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,790
Well, honey, when it comes
to anything electronic,

228
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,667
you're not exactly
the best student.

229
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,669
I am very smart.

230
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:11,171
I had a 4.0 in college.
How about you?

231
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:14,176
I was almost that despite my substantial
time commitment to cheerleading.

232
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,927
I thought we agreed not
to bring up the cheerleading.

233
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,596
Cheerleading in my college
was cool.

234
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,325
The football players were so jealous,
they wouldn't even let me and my buddies...

235
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,602
Trevor, Scotty and ling—
Go to their parties.

236
00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:28,856
Seriously, Claire,

237
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,858
you owe me an apology
for breaking that.

238
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:35,279
Okay. Phil, I apologize for breaking
the world's worst remote...

239
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,947
That you bought... stupidly.

240
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:42,202
Excuse me, but the experts at
cnet. Com rated it the best remote.

241
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,413
They gave it
three and a half mice.

242
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:47,249
Wow. I have an idea. Let's
invite the gang from cnet over...

243
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,335
And your old buddies from cheerleading,
and we can have a nerd party.

244
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:53,422
Ling is not a nerd.
He built his own helicopter.

245
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,067
And if he was alive today—
Sweet pea, let's not talk about ling.

246
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,926
It upsets you too much.

247
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,889
Hmm? You know what I'm gonna do?

248
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,224
I'm gonna buy a new remote—
The same remote.

249
00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:05,976
And just to prove
how wrong you are,

250
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,854
I'm gonna teach our dumbest kid
how to use it in 20 minutes or less.

251
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,398
Who's our dumbest kid? Luke.

252
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:14,568
Luke? No, Luke
understands electronics.

253
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,651
Haley.

254
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:16,945
Yeah, Haley. No.

255
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:19,907
Teach Haley to use the remote,
and then I'll apologize.

256
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,658
Mm-hmm. Haley?

257
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,243
Come on!

258
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,287
Hey, shorty, it's me.

259
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:28,099
I was thinking of heading over to the
driving range and hitting a few balls.

260
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:31,126
You want to join me? That's
great, Jay. What should I wear?

261
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,712
I don't know. Wear—
Wear whatever you want.

262
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,340
Oh, my god! Oh, god!

263
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,342
What? The flowers.

264
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,719
They look so much better!
This is a disaster.

265
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,322
You do know what
“disaster” means, right?

266
00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:45,891
You don't understand I demanded
that they come exchange them.

267
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,893
I got all medieval on the florist.

268
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,270
- [ Beeping, whirring]
- Cam, I heard you on the phone.

269
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:52,834
You said you were displeased,
but that's hardly going medieval.

270
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:56,568
Excuse me. I said “very displeased.”
and I used my cowboy voice, so...

271
00:12:56,652 --> 00:13:00,197
- — What are you doing?
- I'm microwaving them so they look bad again.

272
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,324
Well, that seems
a little crazy, doesn't it?

273
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,451
[Doorbell rings]

274
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,954
Oh, no! That's the florist

275
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,682
relax. Just take them out. I'll get the
door. He'll never know the difference.

276
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,583
[ Flowers crackling ]

277
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,627
[ Chuckles ] Florist. Hi.

278
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,588
- — Yes. Come on in. He's over there with the flowers.
- Hello.

279
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:19,841
I don't know what happened. The
y just, uh, somehow lost their vigor.

280
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:22,177
- They were like this when we came home.
- Cam. Cam.

281
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,221
[Screaming] Oh,
my god! Oh, my god!

282
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,598
Oh, my god! Oh! Oh! Oh, my god!

283
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:29,142
God, god! [Faucet running]

284
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:31,687
Look at that.
Two things flaming at once.

285
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,528
Damn it!

286
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,321
You know what the
problem is. What?

287
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,406
You're not moving your
hips. They're frozen. Hips?

288
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,701
Yeah, your hips. They're frozen.
Here, let me show you.

289
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,578
No, it's okay. All right,
shorty. No, no. Don't fight me.

290
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,497
Just bring the club back.
Go ahead. All right?

291
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,333
Now turn those hips. That's it.
You just gotta relax.

292
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:55,895
You gotta open up the stance
a little bit. Spread 'em. Spread 'em.

293
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:59,464
That's it. If you don't relax, you're never
gonna get that shaft where it belongs.

294
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:01,466
Hey, you know what?
How about a coffee?

295
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,468
Let's get a coffee. Sure.

296
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,263
Now press the button
labeled '54 ctiv/t/es. ”

297
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,366
Where is that? It's just
to the right. To the right.

298
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,976
And now choose
“watch DVD.” what?

299
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,020
Honey, you gotta focus.
We've only got 20 minutes.

300
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:15,022
Pretend—
Pretend the mall's closing.

301
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:18,608
Dad, this is stupid. I watch TV on my
computer. Why do I have to learn this?

302
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,652
Because your mom
doesn't think you can.

303
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,904
Nobody can. Haley, listen to me.

304
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:25,198
Listen to me.

305
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:27,451
I know this seems impossible.

306
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:31,163
But this is for all those times
that mom told you she was right...

307
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,165
And you knew she was wrong.

308
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:39,671
I'll do it. That's my girl.

309
00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:42,090
You know, that guy's
got a beautiful stroke.

310
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:45,010
Look at his pants— no
pleats. I like pants like that.

311
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,695
You think I can get away with
something like that? Sure. Why not?

312
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:52,059
Listen, shorty, uh, we know
each other a long time, right?

313
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:54,227
What, 30 years? Yeah.

314
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:58,398
And, um, I sense
that you got a secret...

315
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:00,484
That's maybe causing you
a lot of anguish.

316
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:04,404
You heard something, right?

317
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,657
Well, I had the same situation
with my son, Mitchell.

318
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,244
Really? Yeah, and I didn't
handle it too well either.

319
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:16,374
And, uh, I just want you to know
that you can open up to me,

320
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,627
that I'm gonna do all I can
to help you.

321
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:24,091
[ Exhales] Well, I mean I...

322
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:27,010
I never said this out loud
before to anyone.

323
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,805
But I guess, if! Did, it
would be you. [Chuckling]

324
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:32,307
It's just that, Jay,
you see, I'm, uh...

325
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,019
I'm...

326
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,980
Go ahead. Yeah. Go ahead.

327
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,358
Hnindebt huh?

328
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,569
I owe a bookie 20 g's,
and he's a serious guy.

329
00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:47,989
And you offering to give me
the dough— this is beautiful.

330
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,700
Wait a minute.
You're not gay? Gay?

331
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,869
What are you talkin' about— gay?

332
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,038
I'm not gay.
Where'd you get gay?

333
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,767
Come on. I mean, you're always talking
about clothes and everything, right?

334
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:01,044
My father was a tailor.
I like clothes. So what?

335
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,088
No! Are you calling
my father gay?

336
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,049
My father landed on normandy
to save your ass.

337
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,051
You know, if you weren't
lending me 20 g's,

338
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,554
I'd knock you out right now.

339
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,892
Take a check?

340
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,894
Cash would be better.

341
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,190
Haley. You ready?

342
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,276
Let's do this.

343
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,362
Turn on the TV.

344
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,948
[Announcer] Angela says,
after he colored her hair— nice.

345
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,950
It turned gray and
then green. Mute it.

346
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:33,618
[Remote beeps ] [ Sound off]

347
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,453
Unjmfleh. [Beeps]

348
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,622
S/xzy—five dollars.

349
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:41,751
- — Put on a DVD.
- Hairdresser Frederick longmire denies he's responsible.

350
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,212
- — Skip forward.
- Wait.

351
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:46,506
Um. [Remote beeps]

352
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:50,177
- [ Man on P.A., indistinct]
- Okay. Back to TV.

353
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:53,555
- — [ Beeps ]
- Better than that.

354
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,808
Don't get all cocky, Phil face!

355
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:58,560
Let's see what happens
to little Haley...

356
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:01,730
When I do... this.

357
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,482
Ho, ho, ho. Ho! Face.

358
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,860
Dad, wh— what do I do?

359
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,613
Don't panic. We went
through this. Just— just think.

360
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,698
Give up. Give up. Admit defeat.

361
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:14,784
[ Calmly] Haley.
Okay. Uh, let's see.

362
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:18,538
You put the remote
on to TV mode...

363
00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:20,790
And then press "input”...

364
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:25,212
T/I/ you get hdm/ 7 and...

365
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,006
- — [Crowd cheering ]
- [Haley laughing, whooping]

366
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,967
- I did it!
- She did it!

367
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,637
[ Both laughing ]

368
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,640
Fine. You pro ved your point.

369
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,725
Everybody in this house
is smarter than me.

370
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,727
No, honey, you're
missing the point.

371
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,271
I taught Haley how to use
the remote in 20 minutes.

372
00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:45,315
So think how fast
you can learn it.

373
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,108
What's that supposed to mean?

374
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,902
See what I'm saying?

375
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,529
[ Pounding ] [ Jay]
Mitchell, it's me!

376
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,741
Hl hey, dad.

377
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:57,744
I'm here to let you know
your gaydar is broken.

378
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:01,539
Shorty is not gay.
No. I, uh— I knew that.

379
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,376
I made that up to mess
with you for dissing cam.

380
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:07,254
What? That cost me 20,000 bucks.

381
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:11,383
What do you mean? — I reached out
to him to let him know it's okay to be gay.

382
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,344
You did? Yeah.

383
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,888
Right after one of the stranger
golf lessons of my life.

384
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:19,557
Turns out what he is
is a lousy gambler,

385
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,352
and now I'm the one
on the hook for it.

386
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,813
[ Chuckles ] Oh, I'm so sorry.

387
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,649
Then why are you smiling?
I'm— I'm proud of you, dad.

388
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:31,069
And you're growing.
Just-just stop it. Please.

389
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,113
Don't you see how hard
this is for me?

390
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,907
See, I used to be just like one
of those guys. Now look at me.

391
00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:37,993
I got a house
looks like little Colombia.

392
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,036
I got a gay son
and a Chinese granddaughter.

393
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,872
Vietnamese. — only you
would know the difference.

394
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,625
Don't worry, dad.
Not growing too much.

395
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,252
[ Whitney] I'm a little nervous.

396
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,297
Don't be.
I'm sure you look beautiful.

397
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:53,425
[ Gloria gasps ] [Manny] Whoa!

398
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:57,178
What do you think?
Look at you! [ Laughing ]

399
00:18:57,262 --> 00:19:00,307
Really? [Doorbell rings ]

400
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,684
You're gonna be fighting men off
with a stick.

401
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,644
I don't know about that.

402
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:08,481
Cameron! Hi. Sorry
for the pop over,

403
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,567
but I just wanted
to bring you these...

404
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,628
To thank you for babysitting
Lily again last night.

405
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,571
Oh! [ Both kiss loudly]

406
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,573
Jgrac/as/ you didn't
need to do that.

407
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,616
You know I love Lily. I know.

408
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,618
Come in. Say hello.

409
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,203
Hey, cam. Hi Manny.

410
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,706
Manny, how are you? Cameron,
this is my new friend, Whitney.

411
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,584
Whitney, this is Cameron.
Hello. It's nice to meet you.

412
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,586
That is a spectacular dress.

413
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,921
This old thing? [ Chuckles ]

414
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:33,840
What about her hair?
Oh, my gosh.

415
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,723
It's like Barbra Streisand
in the way we were.

416
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,219
One of my favorites. Me too.

417
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:42,182
Okay, who is reading
the fore vers?

418
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:43,767
I am.

419
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,644
I am so obsessed with this
whole vampire thing right now.

420
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,646
Me too.

421
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,691
I just met the sweetest guy
named Cameron.

422
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,152
I think he might be the one.

423
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,696
[Mitchell]
Can people change? I don't know.

424
00:19:56,780 --> 00:20:01,826
People are who they are—
Give or take, yeah, 15%.

425
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:05,205
That's how much people can
change if they really want to.

426
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:08,083
Well, I'll see you when I
see you. Yeah, thanks for...

427
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,760
[Whispering ]
Haley, sweetie, wake up.

428
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,931
What? I need you to
teach me to use the TV.

429
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:26,267
Now? Why can't dad teach you?

430
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,520
Because we're married.

431
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,733
Whether it's for themselves
or for the people they love...

432
00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:35,485
That way. Yeah.

433
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,529
And then press— mmm! I got it.

434
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:41,116
Yeah. Yeah, 75 %.
[ Remote beeps ]

435
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,034
[ Both cheering ]

436
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,619
But you know what? I did it!

437
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:48,331
Sometimes that's just enough.
I did it!

438
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,336
All right, I'll see you guys
next week, huh?

439
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,046
[All chattering ] Jay.Jay.

440
00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,552
Listen, I wanna thank you for, you
know, helping me out with that jam.

441
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,471
It was nothin'. No, no, no.
And I got you a little present.

442
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,265
You didn't have to do that.
No, I did.

443
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,643
Two tickets to see
the great Michael bublé.

444
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,979
The guy sings like an angel.

445
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:13,022
He's gonna be outside
at one of the amphitheaters.

446
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,732
Gloria's gonna love it.

447
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:16,860
No. I'm talkin' about you
and me. Oh, you and me.

448
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,611
Yeah. Well, that's a little...

449
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,281
I thought maybe we could have
a little picnic since it's outside.

450
00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:24,325
You know? I'll get some nice
bottle of wine, a little cheese.

451
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:27,120
Lay on a nice blanket.
All right? Yeah, fine.

452
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:30,748
Yo, hey. I like your hair.
Who does your hair? Huh?

453
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:33,209
Yo, handsome.
Who does your hair?

454
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,090
English - us — psdh