1
00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:04,505
Those pancakes smell great.

2
00:00:04,589 --> 00:00:06,090
What are you doing with those?

3
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,694
Luke and I are doing
a recycling drive.

4
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,862
If we collect enough bottles,
they build a school in Africa.

5
00:00:09,886 --> 00:00:13,472
Wouldn't that be so cool to go
to a school made out of bottles?

6
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:16,642
That would ce/ta/n/y be
a special school.

7
00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:19,729
Did you hear what I said, parents?
“Special school”?

8
00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:22,940
Okay, nobody make a big deal
about it, but I just broke up with Dylan.

9
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,651
No! Oh, my gosh.
Are you okay, honey?

10
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,653
Yeah, I'm fine. I just...

11
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:29,697
I need to date someone
who has a clue,

12
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,699
instead of an idiot
who bangs his head...

13
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,869
Every time he rides his bike out
of his garage— every time!

14
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,580
I'm sorry, honey.

15
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:41,375
I'm sorry for both of you.
I'll have to text him later.

16
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:43,520
Li/lmm. I gotta jump in the
shower. I'm gonna be late.

17
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,731
Where are you going? — I'm
going to meet my friend Valerie.

18
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:48,049
I haven't seen her in 15 years.
We used to work together.

19
00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,092
- — You worked?
- Mm-hmm.

20
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,237
Can't imagine you working.
Luke, let me tell you something.

21
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,180
That is very offensive to women.

22
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:57,975
Your mom works very hard.
It's just now she works for us.

23
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,938
I will have you know that I had
quite the little career going.

24
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,482
I was an account manager
at Starcrest hotels.

25
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,735
I had a little cubicle, and—and
I wore my tennis shoes to work...

26
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,237
And changed into my work pumps.

27
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,780
It was very working girl.

28
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:12,823
That movie's so clutch. Mm-hmm.

29
00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:15,326
I don't mind saying
I was making quite a splash.

30
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:18,454
- — Well, then, why'd you quit?
- Well, Haley, call me old-fashioned,

31
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,414
but I wanted to focus
on raising a family.

32
00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:22,541
So I married your dad.

33
00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:25,127
Five months later, we... were...

34
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:28,506
Four months away from having
this little bundle of joy.

35
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,883
Mm-hmm.

36
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,637
There's my lawyer.

37
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,639
Gloria got into
a little car accident,

38
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:38,641
so my dad asked me
to help her out.

39
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:42,436
And, uh, this is the first time that
my dad's asked me for legal advice,

40
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,438
and it's— it's nice.

41
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,691
It's nice to know
that he respects me in that way.

42
00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:49,026
Oh. Well, Mitchell is
an amazing lawyer.

43
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,988
My dream for him is that one
day he'll be on the supreme court.

44
00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:54,282
Why, cam?

45
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:58,035
So at parties I can tell everyone
my partner is one of the supremes.

46
00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:02,832
There he is— the steely,
grizzled veteran...

47
00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:05,001
Ready to do battle
with the plucky upstart.

48
00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:07,503
Speed versus grace.
Brute force versus...

49
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:10,339
Let's just do this. —
Jay and I are both gym rats.

50
00:02:10,423 --> 00:02:12,341
I love the sauna.
That's the dry heat.

51
00:02:12,425 --> 00:02:13,968
And the steam, wet.

52
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,887
And, of course, I am
just a kook for racquetball.

53
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:21,142
Club champ two years in a row,
tonganoxie, Missouri rec center.

54
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:24,979
So, naturally, Jay and I
have been trying for months...

55
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,316
To get together to bang the
old hollow rubber ball around.

56
00:02:30,026 --> 00:02:32,361
I have been avoiding this day
like the plague.

57
00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:35,823
I mean, part of going to the gym
is the locker-room atmosphere.

58
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:38,909
And if I'm there with a gay guy,
it's—it's just not gonna be the same.

59
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,037
I mean, for me,
it's a locker room.

60
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,122
For him, it's a showroom.

61
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,334
She doesn't get it.

62
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,419
, /~ hey, hey, r

63
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:52,506
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

64
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:55,468
,/' hey, hey heyw

65
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:04,977
3 I'll let you see my scar $3

66
00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,772
what the hell?

67
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:15,154
Some people call me a salesman.
I call myself a sales friend.

68
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,239
So ob vious/y,
I need strangers to trust me.

69
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:20,076
I don't take kindly to it when
someone Tom sel/ecks my bus bench.

70
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:22,078
Phil Dunphy.

71
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:24,306
Phil, it's Barbara. The pattersons
wanna back out of the deal.

72
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,083
Why? What happened?
The wife's getting cold feet.

73
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,835
I told her to call you.
Okay, fine.

74
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,838
I'll handle it.
I'm not losing this sale.

75
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,882
By the way— I've spent
way too much time on it.

76
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:37,885
Phil, do you take elm when you
come to work? I saw it, Barbara.

77
00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,686
It's a terrific gym, Jay.

78
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,688
Very liberal with the towels.
I love that.

79
00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,857
Showers are private,
in case you wondered.

80
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,652
I wasn't, but
thanks for the heads-up.

81
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:58,114
Now, that's a surprise.
Boxers. Is that necessary?

82
00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,908
Well, I just always pictured you
as a tighty—whitey guy.

83
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:04,328
Well, do me a favor. The next time you
picture me, leave the underwear out of it.

84
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,348
Well, don't you worry.
The only thing I'm picturing...

85
00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:09,583
Is how clean the floor's gonna be
when I'm done mopping it with you.

86
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,419
Is that the best you can do?

87
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:14,815
'Cause it's gonna take a little more than
some lame trash talk to get me out of my...

88
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:16,715
Gaah! What the hell was that?

89
00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:18,259
Our butts pressed
against each other.

90
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,761
They didn't press. It was glancing.
Stop talking about it!

91
00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:24,085
All the time you've spent in a locker room,
this can't be your first moon landing.

92
00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:26,016
- — You got a name for it?
- It's very common.

93
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,203
You got off easy. At least it
didn't happen after a shower.

94
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:30,229
Enough.
We call that a splashdown.

95
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:33,190
That's it. I'm changing in the stall.
Excuse me!

96
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,195
I saw the picture, Dylan.

97
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,490
You had your arm around her
with that humpy look you get.

98
00:04:41,574 --> 00:04:44,285
No, that's not always
how you look. We're over!

99
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,847
So, I'd really
like to talk to you, Mrs. Patterson,

100
00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,581
see if we can't
turn this thing around.

101
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:50,225
Uh, you've got my number.

102
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:53,085
Thank you. I said we are over.

103
00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,004
Why don't you go out
for a nice bike ride?

104
00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,006
Dylan again, huh?

105
00:04:57,089 --> 00:05:00,509
Some guys just do
not know how to play it.

106
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,636
- — Dad, what are you doing?
- Oh, right.

107
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,847
Just, uh, test—driving
my new soup strainer.

108
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:07,516
I dug it out of the Halloween
stuff to see what people think.

109
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,940
Do people want
their real estate advice...

110
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,943
From someone who leads
or from someone who follows?

111
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,237
I'm betting these babies
are coming back in a big way.

112
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,989
Buy low, sell high.

113
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,950
People are gonna see this
and say, “that guy's high.”

114
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:30,140
Sorry to bother you, sir. We're doing
work next door and nicked a main,

115
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,808
so we're gonna have
to shut down your water.

116
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,459
Oh. Okay. No problem.

117
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:36,462
It shouldn't be too long. If you
need it, there's a porta-potty out front.

118
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,088
Thanks. Hey. Yeah.

119
00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:40,132
Nice mustache.

120
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:43,219
Yeah, man. You too, brother.

121
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,722
“You too, brother.”

122
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:53,145
Haley— she's the oldest.
Fifteen.

123
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:55,105
And then Alex is 13.

124
00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:59,109
And that's my baby, Luke. He's 11. Can you
believe it? Oh, my god, they're gorgeous.

125
00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:01,987
Yeah. And things are still
good with Phil the thrill?

126
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:04,240
Yes. Things are great.
Great with him.

127
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:08,202
I'm so happy for you. Really. I'm
so— I'm so happy that you're happy.

128
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,663
Thank you. Well, and you too.

129
00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:13,666
I mean, your life is— no,
no, no— let's talk about you.

130
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:16,585
Okay. Because, you know, you're...

131
00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:19,380
You chose the mother.
You're the mommy.

132
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:20,965
The yummy mommy, mama...

133
00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,090
Uh-huh? Person.

134
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:26,971
You're kinda squeezing the
ring right into my finger. Was I?

135
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,014
A little. I'm so sorry.

136
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:32,560
And just then, it hit me.
She was jealous of me.

137
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:35,243
Yes, there'd always been a little bit
of a competition between us.

138
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,690
This was more serious.

139
00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:40,401
She was looking at my life
as something...

140
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:43,571
That she'd always wanted,
but never had.

141
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,072
So how's life in the trenches?

142
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,074
You still got the bastards
on the 23rd floor...

143
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,717
Making life miserable for all the people
actually doing the work.

144
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:53,205
Same as ever, right?
One— one difference.

145
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,207
I'm one of them bastards now.
Mm—hmm?

146
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,960
Wait. You're on the 23rd
floor? I'm on the 24th floor.

147
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,963
Wow. That's insane.
It's— it's no big deal.

148
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,633
I mean, if you hadn't left,
it probably would have been you.

149
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,975
I was driving along this street.
The cars were parked just like this.

150
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,894
And boom—
Out of nowhere, he hits me.

151
00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:18,022
Okay, so, he—he
cut you off? Yes.

152
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,024
Right. A crazy driver.

153
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,109
You know, I used to be
a little bit like that.

154
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,422
I don't know, maybe it's because of Lily,
but I've definitely become more considerate.

155
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:29,033
Like, I used to never
let people in, and now I do.

156
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,536
Just now getting
that metaphor. Okay.

157
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,705
So, what do you think?
Were there any witnesses?

158
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,915
No, just Manny.
He was in the back seat.

159
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:39,793
Okay. It all happened
so fast— just like they say.

160
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,855
Yeah. All right.
Well, this is what we're gonna do.

161
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,566
I'll take a few pictures, and then
we'll sit down and write a statement.

162
00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,425
Perfect.
I'll go and get us a table.

163
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,385
All right. Manny, come.

164
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,180
Uh, just a minute, mom. I
need to tie my shoe. Okay.

165
00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:53,015
- Mitchell.
- Yeah?

166
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,351
Don't talk. Listen.
It was her fault.

167
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,896
- I'm sorry. What? — don't look at
me. Do something. Take pictures.

168
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,650
Manny! What kind
of cupcake do you want?

169
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,527
Um, that's okay. I'm not hungry.

170
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:08,405
That was a mistake. Now
she'll know something's up.

171
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:11,533
- — Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

172
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,786
She cut that guy off.
She's a terrible driver.

173
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,705
She's a danger to us all.
Okay, wait. Now stop.

174
00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:19,541
I thought she said he was parked
and then he cut her off.

175
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:22,020
Everybody looks parked when
you're going a hundred miles an hour.

176
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,380
Manny, why didn't you speak up?

177
00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:26,840
She can't take criticism
about her driving.

178
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,926
Once an old lady yelled
at her at a crosswalk.

179
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,928
She honked so long,
the horn ran out.

180
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,847
Li/lanny!

181
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,641
I've said too much already.

182
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,646
Are you hearing this?

183
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,235
Aw, that's— point.

184
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:48,779
Hinder!

185
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,364
[J or?!”

186
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,408
Boom. Lucky shot!

187
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,160
That is game and,
I believe, match.

188
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:58,414
Yeah, fine, you won.
But, you know, what do you expect?

189
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:01,810
For the first half of the game, I was
distracted by what happened in the locker room.

190
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,753
And you're sure it's not because
I'm a fabulous racquetball player?

191
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:07,423
You're average. But I was a
little thrown by you touching me.

192
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,717
Which is unnatural—
Not to you, of course.

193
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,885
- — No, to you it's like rocket fuel.
- Oh, sure.

194
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,847
When you're gay you just walk
around giving butt bumps to everybody.

195
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,849
It's like a high five.
It's a low two.

196
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:20,227
You know what? I'm gonna prove that
you won only because I was distracted.

197
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,604
We're gonna have a rematch
right here, right now.

198
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,648
So you want to go up
against me again? Yes.

199
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,483
No! Damn it.

200
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,485
Hello!

201
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,405
Hey, dad. Uh, did you know that
the accident was Gloria's fault?

202
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,074
Yes. I mean, I wasn't there,
but she's a horrible driver.

203
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:35,844
If she hit 10 cars,
I wouldn't be surprised.

204
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:38,012
If you knew it was her fault,
why did you get me involved?

205
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,996
Because someone has to tell her she's
in the wrong, and better you than me.

206
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,209
That's great. Here I am thinking that
my dad actually respects me as a lawyer,

207
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:46,213
and really you're just
throwing me to the wolves.

208
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:49,423
Can't it be both? — okay. Dad,
it doesn't bother you in the least...

209
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,346
That your gay son is the only one
tough enough to stand up to your wife?

210
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,303
Go get 'em, rocky.
See you later.

211
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,741
Your father and I had a moon landing in the
locker room. What's the matter with you?

212
00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:01,518
What about you? Do you ever
get serious with anyone? Thank you.

213
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,395
Sure. Oh, no. Not yet.

214
00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:05,647
Oh, honey, you will.

215
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:08,400
Oh, no, I hope not.
It's— it's fun.

216
00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:10,360
I'm sorry. I'm just—
I'm waiting for some news.

217
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:13,781
What news?
I'm— I'm up for the Paris job.

218
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:16,450
The—the head of
the international division?

219
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,452
That's— that's— that's crazy.

220
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,722
Yeah, no. I mean,
I'll never get it, but it'd be great...

221
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,664
'Cause one of my lovers
lives in Paris.

222
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:26,418
Wow. I-I don't know what
jumps out of that sentence more...

223
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,462
You know, “lovers” or “one of.”

224
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,298
Well, I'm single.
I mean, it's kinda what you do.

225
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:33,675
Uh—huh. I have one in Paris.

226
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:37,805
Um, I have Paris,
New York, Miami. Oh.

227
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,556
I have a fourth one.

228
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:42,476
I'm forgetting one lover. I'm
forgetting one lover. Mmm.

229
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,395
Last night I vacuumed the
radiator thingy under the fridge.

230
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:49,149
You know, it collects the dust.
'Cause you should, and I don't. So...

231
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:52,236
Oh, hey,
hold on. Cross your fingers.

232
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,321
I'm not gonna lie.

233
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:57,550
The thought of Valerie getting the one job
in the whole company that everyone coveted...

234
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,785
Well, I wasn't a “lover” of that.

235
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,954
Okay. Okay, thank you.

236
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,082
Well?

237
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,084
Oh, they haven't
made a decision.

238
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,545
They're— they're gonna
tell me later on.

239
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:12,256
That's not what they
said, is it? Uh, yeah, it is.

240
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,341
Oh, Valerie, come on. It's me.

241
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:17,511
What are friends for, if not to be
there for you when you get bad news?

242
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:20,180
I got it. Oh, my god. Aaah!

243
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:23,433
I'm the head of Europe.
Well, you know, for the hotel...

244
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:26,979
Not the continent.
Kind of though. Kind of.

245
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:29,606
Why didn't you tell me
when you first heard?

246
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,360
Oh, 'cause, you know...

247
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,779
And that's when
it really hit me.

248
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,532
Valerie wasn'tjealous of me.
She pitied me.

249
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,618
And part of me wanted
to take her back to the house...

250
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,871
And show her everything
she was missing...

251
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,291
In her sad, childless,
husbandless life.

252
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:52,129
But there's a little thing
called “taking the high road.”

253
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:55,549
Why don't you come by and meet
everybody? Oh, sure. That'd be great.

254
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,718
Yeah, I mean,
Alex is just a genius,

255
00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:00,762
and Haley is turning into
this beautiful young woman,

256
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,724
and it makes me realize that
motherhood is— San Francisco.

257
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,226
The most important— that was
my fourth lover. San Francisco.

258
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,478
It would have kept me up all night.
Yeah.

259
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,190
Dad, look.

260
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:14,401
Just a sec, buddy.
I'm on my way out to the bathroom.

261
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,629
Check it out. The Aubreys
had this huge party last night,

262
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,322
and we got all these bottles
to recycle.

263
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,908
Great. What's Jagermeister?

264
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,619
Um...

265
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,829
Well, you know how
in a fairy tale...

266
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,182
There's always a potion that
makes the Princess fall asleep,

267
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:30,042
and then the guys
start kissing her?

268
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:33,170
Well, this is like that, except
you don't wake up in a castle,

269
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,173
you wake up in a frat house
with a bad reputation.

270
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,067
Haley!

271
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,991
- — Luke, you're spilling it!
- Aw, crud.

272
00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:04,117
God...

273
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,119
Gross! A rat!

274
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,455
Cool.

275
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,540
Hang on. I'm coming.

276
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:16,755
I believe you have something
that belongs to me.

277
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,716
My heart. I thought I
I.M.'Ed you to stay away.

278
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,095
Ow! Haley.

279
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:31,228
Hello? Dylan? D-money?

280
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,563
Hey, buddy! Hey, buddy!

281
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,400
Hello, friendly neighbors!

282
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,652
Little help?

283
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,172
But I love you. — well, you
should have thought about that...

284
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:44,825
Before you took that skank Sharon
nicolini to an Anne hathaway movie.

285
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,451
I didn't take her.
She was just there.

286
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:50,247
So you were just there by yourself
at an Anne hathaway movie?

287
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,167
I don't think so! Yeah.
Yeah. I like her mo vies.

288
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,129
She's every woman.
Come on. Let's not fight.

289
00:13:57,212 --> 00:14:01,883
- — Let's just discuss this like two UN-immature adults.
- Oh!

290
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,555
(Dhjoh.

291
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,140
Hello? Mrs. Patterson.

292
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,225
Hi. I've been waiting
for your call.

293
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:13,437
Yeah. Uh, is there any chance
that maybe we could talk a little bit...

294
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,981
No, no, no, no. Now's perfect.
That's fine.

295
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:19,568
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.
Let me just close my office door.

296
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:22,070
There we go.
Ll/luch, much better.

297
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:28,160
Okay. Maybe, uh, we should go
over the accident one more time.

298
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:31,788
Put the dogs on a row.
You're such a good lawyer.

299
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:35,375
Uh, I just wanna make sure we're
100% clear on exactly what happened.

300
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:37,627
Oh, we're clear. I told you.

301
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:41,173
What? You don't believe me?

302
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,175
No, no. I just...

303
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,385
You know, sometimes
you can forget tiny details.

304
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:49,514
Like, is it possible, maybe,
uh, you were driving too fast?

305
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:52,017
Who said I was driving fast?
Yeah, who?

306
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,895
I just—
I'm looking at the street,

307
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,230
and I'm thinking if you were
driving a little fast,

308
00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:01,443
- — it's possible that maybe you didn't see
the car— - you're like everyone else, huh?

309
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:05,572
You blame the latino driver. Where I come
from, they always blame the latino driver.

310
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,908
Where you come from,
isn't everybody a latino driver?

311
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:11,411
Manny, tell him. I can't 'cause
I have a cupcake in my mouth.

312
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,580
Oh, come on.
Don't blame your cupcake.

313
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,624
What? You think I'm guilty too?

314
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,626
Fine. No.

315
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:20,170
I don't need you
as a lawyer anymore.

316
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,923
And if you two
think I'm such a bad driver,

317
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,925
you're safer walking home.

318
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:28,637
Chao.

319
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,431
Here it is. It's really cute.

320
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,517
Yeah. We're pretty proud of it.

321
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,769
Here's your stupid cds...

322
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,063
And your clothes and your poems!

323
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,649
Don't you do it!
0/7, I'm doing it.

324
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:44,194
- Haley, stop it. What are you doing?
- Tearing out my heart.

325
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,364
Oh, why don't you go get a
hicke y from Sharon nicolini?

326
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,950
It's from my guitar strap,
Haley.

327
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,786
Oh, thanks for reminding
me. That's my daughter Haley...

328
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,249
And her boyfriend, Dylan, um...

329
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,334
This is a nice color. Yeah.

330
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,503
Um, listen. This is not normal,

331
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,297
with all that, nor—
Nor is that liquor smell.

332
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:07,801
Phil, honey? Oh, my god.
Luke, what is that?

333
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,012
Jagermeister. Dad says it
makes girls easier to kiss.

334
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,515
- — What happened to the rug?
- I had an accident.

335
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,768
- — Okay. Alex, what are you doing?
- I'm trying to kill a rat.

336
00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:18,812
Okay...

337
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,040
Sharon was helping
me buy you a birthday present.

338
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,066
Don't you get it?
//o ve your ass.

339
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,570
I— you know, I—
I-I'm late and I should go.

340
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,321
I know. I know. Yeah.

341
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,991
And it seems like things have
gotten a little wonky around here.

342
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,577
I don't know where Phil is.
He's definitely...

343
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,581
Oh, my god. Alex...

344
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,792
Where's your father? He went
outside to go to the bathroom.

345
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,836
Uh—huh. Ooh!

346
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,089
It's... not usually like this.
Oh, gross.

347
00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:50,343
Let's just get married. Okay.

348
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:53,388
You will not regret
this decision, Mrs. Patterson.

349
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,534
And /'ll tell you what. We 're gonna have
you over to our little house to celebrate.

350
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,327
Okay? Okay, b ye-b ye.
You should come back again...

351
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,438
Sometime, when you
get a break— c/aire/ Claire!

352
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,899
- Hey. — Phil, what are
you— what are you doing?

353
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:07,611
Just concluding a little business.
Very successfully, I might add.

354
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,279
Honey— hey!

355
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,572
- Hi.
- Is that Valerie?

356
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,490
- Yeah.
- Wow!

357
00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:14,159
You look fantastic. Thank you.

358
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,369
Come here. Get over here.

359
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,413
Okay.

360
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,457
How long has it been?
A long time.

361
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,518
- — Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, I can't touch you. Okay.

362
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,086
A little bit difi'icu/t
Gulf divides us, eh?

363
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,148
So nice to see you. It's
great to see you though...

364
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,340
Okay. All right.

365
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,175
Okay, then.
Thanks for coming by.

366
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,593
It's such a pleasure. Bye-bye.

367
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,529
Thanks for stopping by.
You have a beautiful family.

368
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,681
She looks great, doesn't
she? What is on your face?

369
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,189
One time! Once!

370
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,233
One time I bring
somebody home...

371
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,610
Who I want to impress,
and what do I find?

372
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,571
A bunch of booze-drenched
hill people...

373
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,282
Just sitting around in their undennear
and-and chasing rats...

374
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,451
And fornicating in the stainnell.

375
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,537
Can I say something?
No. No, you can't, Mario.

376
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,123
There is nothing left
to say but thank you.

377
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:04,167
Thank you all.

378
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,097
I told you I'd win.

379
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,266
Not talking so much now,
are you, hotshot?

380
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:22,185
Hope you
enjoy that nice, hot shower,

381
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:26,815
but it's not gonna wash away
the shame of that 15-7 beatdown.

382
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:29,859
You should have seen
the look on your face...

383
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,861
When that drop shot
just kissed the wall.

384
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:34,197
Ah. Okay, splashdown.

385
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,741
Got me again. Yep.

386
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,827
Make the uptight straight guy
all embarrassed.

387
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,121
Except for one thing—
Doesn't even bother me anymore.

388
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,291
I could do this all day.
Here, another one for you.

389
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,501
Maybe a couple of 'em.

390
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,128
Jay, I just noticed
a sauna back here.

391
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,964
How big of a hurry are we
in? Biggest hurry of your life.

392
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,592
'Scuse me. 'Scuse me.

393
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,594
Well, if you're
going to be stranded,

394
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,638
might as well be
in a place full of cupcakes.

395
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,557
I don't think you need any more.

396
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,436
Ay. I'm sorry, guys.

397
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:07,856
It's true—
I am a defensive driver.

398
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,151
You mean you're defensive
about— I know what I am.

399
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,153
Let's go.

400
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:18,325
It's just that I don't like when people
just assume that I'm a bad driver.

401
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,910
Maybe it was just, like,
a little bit my fault.

402
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,954
Well, I'm glad
you can admit that, Gloria.

403
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:26,249
But I'm still gonna
need you as my lawyer, Mitch.

404
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:27,751
Why? Because this one...

405
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,588
It was not my fault,
I promise you.

406
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:36,593
That's what that sound
was. It was the big cupcake.

407
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,637
That was unreal. Mom was crazy.

408
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,639
I'm scared.

409
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:45,560
Look. I know your mom
pretty well. She's fine.

410
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:48,438
I'd be willing to bet
she's just composing herself,

411
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,607
taking a nice, long,
peaceful walk in the park.

412
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,244
Perfect.

413
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:07,123
At that moment all /
wanted was to be with my family.

414
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,709
But of course, that meant
finding a way to apologize...

415
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,796
To the people that
I had belittled and rejected.

416
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,882
Okay, you are
so crazy. That song totally rules.

417
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,343
Daddy, you're
crazy. Crazy right.

418
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:19,719
Hl hey, honey.

419
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,323
Hey, ll/lom. Come on. Sit down.

420
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,557
No, seriously, dad it's
lame. Seriously, Luke. It's not.

421
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,601
You got some mustard
or something on your face.

422
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,396
I think I know a little bit about
music. I was a deejay in college.

423
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,981
I had my own show—
In the coveted time slot.

424
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,526
Daybreak with dunph y. Are you kidding me?

425
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:37,195
No, I'm not kidding you.
And I played Rick astley.

426
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,948
Dad, that's embarrassing.
Never gonna give— sing it, Luke.

427
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,950
They could have been petty.

428
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:44,994
They really could he ve
made me pay, but they dio'n 't.

429
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,996
Never loved 'em more.

430
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,333
Why the hell couldn't Valerie
have seen them like that?

431
00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:59,342
3 stars are falling from the skyj

432
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,804
,/' and you're the reason, /'
hey, Dylan.

433
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:05,890
- Hey, Mr. Dunphy.
- What's happening?

434
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:08,017
Well, Haley and I
got into another fight.

435
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:12,188
Oh— sayanything.

436
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,566
Um, good morning?

437
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:18,194
No. Say anything. Newspaper.

438
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,738
No, Dylan. Sayanything.
Clutch movie.

439
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:23,032
Clutch movie.

440
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:26,369
She probably won't be up
for a couple hours still.

441
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:29,205
It's okay. It's not that heavy.

442
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:37,547
English - us — psdh