1
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,215
Happy Valentine's day.

2
00:00:06,299 --> 00:00:08,634
Oh, happy Valentine's day.

3
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:15,057
Aw! Oh!

4
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:18,561
So, fratelli's tonight?
Hello, cannoli canoe.

5
00:00:19,604 --> 00:00:21,856
Hike it. Nice fit.

6
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,900
Swanky material.

7
00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:26,652
Jay, youlook so strong and sexy.

8
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:30,114
Like an olympic wrestler,
but with money.

9
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,909
Your turn. Okay.

10
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:36,704
This is my favorite day in america.
Happy Valentine's day, gorgeous.

11
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:39,415
They're huge!

12
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,251
Oh, my god.
Yeah, those will work.

13
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,837
Beautiful.
You can wear 'em tonight.

14
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,548
I have a surprise.

15
00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:51,886
Don't tell me you're finally
taking me salsa dancing!

16
00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:57,099
And who's David brenner?
Only a Vegas legend.

17
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,769
Is he a magician?
'Cause I love magicians.

18
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:04,065
He's a comedian. A
comedian? It's Valentine's day.

19
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,817
I thought we were going salsa
dancing, not to watch a comedian.

20
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,736
You're gonna love him. Trust me.

21
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:12,281
The guy's hilarious. Okay,
tell me one of his jokes.

22
00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:13,908
He doesn't do jokes.

23
00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,494
No. Does he have a mallet?

24
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,412
So then how does he
get hit in the head?

25
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:20,081
He doesn't get hit in the head.

26
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,999
He— he makes observations.

27
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,418
He tells the truth
in a funny way.

28
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:27,546
Come on. He's been on
Johnny Carson a hundred times.

29
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,924
Who the hell is Johnny
Carson? Oh, for god's sake.

30
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,093
Gloria and / are
from different generations.

31
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,387
And I won't lie—
It isn't always easy.

32
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:38,224
I mean, last week she thought
Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.

33
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,726
No I didn't. It was a joke.

34
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:43,688
I don't get it. Maybe that's
because there's no mallet.

35
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,941
Yeah, I wish
I had a mallet right now.

36
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,943
Was to stay
in northern California.

37
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:52,488
Did you indicate to her how long
that you were gonna take?

38
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,907
Happy Valentine's day.
Happy Valentine's day.

39
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:59,203
Happy Valentine's day, daddy.
Happy Valentine's day, Lily.

40
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:02,415
Notice anything different?

41
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,208
Oh, that is cute. Cute?

42
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,377
We spent a lot of time onthm.

43
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,963
I don't see how.
You just cut up one of your boas.

44
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,424
Uh— actually, no.
We repurposed it.

45
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,135
It was sort of a Bob mackie
meets Martha Stewart project.

46
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,418
Okay. Well, we just thought
it would be a nice surprise.

47
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,682
It's hardly a surprise. I mean,
you dress her up for every holiday.

48
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,267
I was giving her
a bath last night,

49
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,537
and I still saw traces of Martin
Luther king behind her ear.

50
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:26,230
- — All right. Not in the spirit. We get it.
- No, I'm-I'm sorry.

51
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,232
No. It's adorable. I just...

52
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,234
I'm really nervous
about my closing argument.

53
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,546
Oh, you've been rehearsing for
weeks. You're gonna be great.

54
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,697
Let's hope so.
Hey, and I was wondering...

55
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,658
Since you're gonna be in court all
day— you can open the chocolates.

56
00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,870
Score.

57
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:47,168
Hi, Dylan. Happy
Valentine's day, Mrs. Dunphy.

58
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:50,463
Oh. Dylan, thank you.
That is so sweet.

59
00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:54,008
You know, all women should look
as tasty as you when they're old.

60
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,760
Huh. Conflicted.

61
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,303
Hey, baby.

62
00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,473
Hey. Take this sweet gift
as a token of my affection,

63
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,475
my unending love and admiration...

64
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:04,477
Oh, my god. Yay, it's big!

65
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:07,855
Oh, my god.

66
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:11,067
I love it. It's the most
beautiful thing we ever seen.

67
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:15,446
Seriously, you gotta put a black
light on it. It'll blow your mind.

68
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,282
Wow! Dylan, I didn't know
you could paint. 0/7, / d/dn 't.

69
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:21,994
I just took a photo and I put it through
this program that turns it into a painting.

70
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:23,079
Oh. Oh.

71
00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,539
So you two actually did...

72
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,625
That. Uh-huh.

73
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:30,044
Yeah. Okay. Let's go
put this over my bed.

74
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,796
Not— no, no. Ll/lm-mmm.

75
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,881
You don't need to be
in the bedroom at all.

76
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,925
I'll take it.

77
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,136
Did he trump me? D-money.

78
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,390
You tell me. He made a painting
out of a photograph one time.

79
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:45,059
I have hand—picked a card,

80
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,395
drawn a heart in the steam
on the medicine cabinet,

81
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:49,480
and taken Claire to fratelli's,

82
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,732
a family—style
Italian restaurant,

83
00:03:51,816 --> 00:03:53,734
for 17 years in a row.

84
00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:56,362
Yeah, he got me. He got me.

85
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,364
, /~ hey, heyj

86
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:02,493
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

87
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,663
,/' hey, hey heyw

88
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,542
bye, honey. See you later.

89
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,336
See you later.
Phil, what is that?

90
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:17,091
You know, we don't have
to go to fratelli's tonight.

91
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,469
Okay, what do you have in mind?

92
00:04:20,553 --> 00:04:25,808
Well, I thought you might
enjoy a night at a hotel.

93
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,394
I would, but would you
and the kids be okay?

94
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,771
I meant together. Yes, I know.

95
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,023
I know. I know. I got it. Oh.

96
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:36,360
So, what do you think?

97
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,989
I think you're not getting
any sleep tonight,

98
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,992
so you might want
to take a nap at work today.

99
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,370
I always do.

100
00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:51,292
Phil? Sweetie.

101
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:55,337
As long as we're talking about
being a little bit naughty,

102
00:04:55,421 --> 00:05:00,468
what would you say
to a little role-playing?

103
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,761
Role-play? Mm-hmm.

104
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:07,349
I'm in. I'll set up
sleepovers for the kids.

105
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:11,270
And I'll swing by after
work to pick you up. No, no.

106
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:16,484
Why don't you meet me in the hotel
bar and see if you can pick me up there.

107
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:20,571
Careful, lady. You're gonna
wake up a sexy sleeping giant.

108
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,242
Perhaps I'll be Reginald appleby,

109
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:28,329
an English gentleman
in town for a Polo match.

110
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:30,164
Phil— or...

111
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:33,792
Honorable
businessman from Hong Kong.

112
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,794
Kinda wrecking it.

113
00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,382
It's not a big deal, Claire.

114
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,384
I just train tigers
for a living.

115
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:45,429
Too— no?

116
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,983
Are these Rose petals?
Yes, to commemorate our love.

117
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,611
I had to settle. Well,
your mom m/ght think so,

118
00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:02,821
but a lot of people think
I'm a catch. No. The case.

119
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:05,241
I— I was this close
to nailing it,

120
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:10,246
and then my client gets
scared and settles. I'm sorry

121
00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:14,250
maybe you'd like a chocolate. Notice that
I have not eaten any of the chocolates.

122
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:18,629
There were two levels.
You know it and I know it.

123
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,881
This is so frustrating.

124
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:24,093
I had one of the greatest
closing arguments of all time...

125
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,428
All about the big government
rolling over the little guy,

126
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:28,472
and I even had
this great moment at the end...

127
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,559
Where I would point to the
state seal and I'd say, “shame!”

128
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,602
Oh, that's what you were doing
in the shower.

129
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,646
I was a little worried.

130
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,983
Um, that's Manny. I said we would
watch him tonight. I hope you don't mind.

131
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,127
I didn't know you were
gonna be going through all this.

132
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,151
No, it's fine. It might be
nice to have him around.

133
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:46,156
He always
make me laugh. Hi, Manny.

134
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,950
The universe is cold
and loveless.

135
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:51,161
- Uh—oh.
- Uh-oh. Bad Valentine's day?

136
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:54,498
I went for the
gold— Fiona gunderson.

137
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,586
I poured my heart and soul
into a poem, left it on her desk.

138
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:01,255
I even burned the edges
to make it look fancy.

139
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,591
- And she didn't like it?
- Oh, she loved it.

140
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,801
But this kid durkas
told her he wrote it.

141
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,404
Well, ll/lann y, wh y-wh y didn't you
just tell her the truth?

142
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,097
She was already gone.

143
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:13,225
And she's on a date with him at
my favorite restaurant, great shakes.

144
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,936
How do you know all this?
I invited her in the poem.

145
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:19,898
Right after the line of, “my love
is deeper than the Great Lakes.”

146
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:23,068
- — Okay, well, this is unacceptable.
- Oh, boy. Here we go.

147
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:25,571
No, it's not that mg of a deal.
This is what we're gonna do.

148
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,424
We 're gonna shoot over
to great shakes, get a table.

149
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,283
Manny can reclaim
the love of his life.

150
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,993
You and I can get
a couple mudslides.

151
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,745
I don't know.

152
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:36,624
Durkas is gonna be there.
I've seen the kid do a pull-up.

153
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,626
Hey, Manny,
it's Valentine's day.

154
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,628
It's not the day
you run away from love.

155
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:43,255
It's the day you track it down,
tie it up and take it home.

156
00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:45,775
Now, if we can pull this oh?
You and your little lady friend...

157
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,737
Will be belly up to a ice cream counter
having a milk shake with two straws.

158
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:51,013
What do you say?

159
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,765
I like it.

160
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,933
Thank you. Thank you.

161
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,728
Scientists— the y don't
know why this is true,

162
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,480
but it's true.

163
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:04,526
Women with big rear ends
hvelongen

164
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:06,570
man who tell 'em that don't.

165
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,324
Did you read about this man,

166
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,535
a 91 —year old
bank robber in Texas?

167
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,621
He goes into a bank...

168
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,500
“The hell did I want?”

169
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:23,128
They had over 4, 000 photos of him
escaping from the bank.

170
00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,634
See?

171
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,636
He's funny, huh?

172
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,223
,/', r

173
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:43,065
Mind if I join you?

174
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:46,068
I'm clive. Clive Bixby.

175
00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:50,322
Yes, I can see that.
I'm Juliana.

176
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,950
So, clive, you in town
for a convention,

177
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,744
or do you just
forget your name a lot?

178
00:08:55,828 --> 00:08:58,455
Pretty kitty has nails.

179
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,457
I like that.

180
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,961
I'm in town for a trade show.

181
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:08,257
I design high-end
electroacoustic transducers.

182
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,384
Wow, that is very...

183
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,886
Specmc.

184
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:16,348
It's a fancy way of saying
I get things to make noise.

185
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,392
Hmm. Two.

186
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,477
So, what's your story?

187
00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:24,857
Miss america pageant in town?

188
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:27,776
You're a pretty
smooth talker, clive.

189
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,362
I'm pretty smooth all over.

190
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,824
Sir, there's no smoking in here.

191
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,702
Oh, that's fine.
I'm not actually a smoker.

192
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,041
You're quite the boy scout, clive.

193
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:47,254
Tell me, would you be interested
in earning a merit badge tonight?

194
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,549
Do you know anything
about tying knots?

195
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:55,554
I probably shouldn't be
talking to you.

196
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,639
Ah. I'm a married man.

197
00:09:57,723 --> 00:10:01,727
Well, I just so happen
to like married men.

198
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,980
Tell me about your wife.
Well, she's beautiful, of course.

199
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:08,776
Really? Well, if she's so very
beautiful, why are you here with me?

200
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,778
Because she's always so tired...

201
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:14,239
And she's always making lists
of things for me to do.

202
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:17,242
Maybe if you did them she
wouldn't be so tired. Oh, no.

203
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:20,287
She can make lists for days.

204
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,748
But back to your mouth
and how sexy it is.

205
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:26,168
Mm—mmm. I wanna go back to these
alleged lists and your nagging wife.

206
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,295
I'm not talking about you.

207
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,633
I didn't mean that.
Can we try this again?

208
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,718
Yeah.

209
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:40,891
So if your wife is so beautiful,

210
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,726
why are you here with me?

211
00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:46,063
Because...

212
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,316
I respect her too much...

213
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,068
To do to her...

214
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,946
What I'm going to do to you?

215
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,699
Oh, jackpot.

216
00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,993
I'll be right back, clive.

217
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,005
Do you have eyes on her?
Is she here?

218
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,299
Two o'clock—
Blonde at the back table.

219
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,927
Yep. I have a visual.

220
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,596
Let's not talk
I/ke that anymore. Over.

221
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,599
Okay, this is it. I'm off to win
the heart of my beloved.

222
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,146
Well, this is nice. I mean, if we
can't have our own Valentine's day,

223
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,232
it's nice that we can
give somebody else one.

224
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,817
All right, cam. I'm sorry.

225
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,819
I'm sor— I'm sorry
I have not been attentive.

226
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,542
I've been spending
the last five months...

227
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,532
Pouring my core beliefs into the
greatest speech that I will ever write,

228
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,534
and then that moment
gets taken away.

229
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:45,581
- — Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
- I can't do it, not while durkas is there.

230
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,375
He has the natural confidence.
I admire it and fear it.

231
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:52,254
We will deal with him directly.
We need a plan.

232
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:56,341
Could you be more dramatic?

233
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,512
We need a plan.

234
00:12:00,596 --> 00:12:02,931
In Oregon,

235
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:07,019
the state legislature
ratified a, uh, bill...

236
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:10,105
That from now on
it is a crime...

237
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,524
To have sex in Oregon
with a farm animal.

238
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:17,446
How ugly are the women
in Oregon?

239
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,993
He's funny, Jay. I know. See?

240
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,203
- I can tell you're not— you're not from Oregon.
- No.

241
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:28,332
Youewegflwgeous thank you.

242
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,834
Thank you for bringing
your father to the show.

243
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,378
Oh, no. I'm her husband, Dave.

244
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,255
- No kidding.
- Yeah.

245
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,842
What's it like to be married to someone
who was there when the Bible was written?

246
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,722
What was it called then?
Just “the testament”?

247
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:47,476
That's, uh— that's—
That's good stuff.

248
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,978
Oh, now he's trying
to turn out the light.

249
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,987
Phone call. Over there.

250
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,033
Hello? Uh, yes. Hello.

251
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,785
Mr. Durkas? Yeah.

252
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,495
This is Don jolly...

253
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,932
With the great shakes corporate office,
and I have good news for you.

254
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:12,501
You have been selected
to take part in a random survey...

255
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,836
That you could win
cash and prizes.

256
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,023
Does that sound like something
you'd be interested in?

257
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:20,509
Yeah, sure. Okay, just a
few simple questions for you.

258
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:24,513
Would you please rank your
favorite ice creams at great shakes...

259
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,556
From least favorite to favorite?

260
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,435
I don't know 'em by heart. — there
should be a menu right there to your right.

261
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:33,397
To your right.
Mm-hmm. There you go.

262
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:39,027
- Oh. Hi, Manny.
- Hi, Fiona. Can ijoin you?

263
00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:41,571
Iguessso. Thanks.

264
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,344
And you don't have to worry
about him cheating. That's for sure.

265
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,870
Because if he does,
you'll catch him...

266
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,456
When he comes home
with two sets of teeth in his mouth.

267
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,500
Yeah.

268
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,836
So tell me, on the wedding
night, what-what did he do?

269
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,959
Did he say he wanted to change into
something comfortable and go into a coma?

270
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,633
Listen, I gotta
use the men's room.

271
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,903
Nuh-uh. I gotta use the
men's room. I'll be right back.

272
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,930
Where you going? Wait a minute.
I'm only joking. That's what I do.

273
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,849
You know, you're
way younger than I am.

274
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,767
You just don't look it.

275
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,403
Clive, I have a little
something for you.

276
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,822
What is it?

277
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,368
My dress. Oh, th...

278
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,955
My bra. Oh, my g...

279
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,041
My undennear.

280
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,753
Mygod yeah.

281
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,547
What do you say
we take this upstairs?

282
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,550
This is so much better
than cheesy garlic bread.

283
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:46,178
Mmm.

284
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,638
Chocolate. Uh-huh. Go on.

285
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,640
Vanilla.
I'm taking copious notes.

286
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,559
Keep goin', Mr. Durkas.

287
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,395
So, why would Ted say
he wrote the poem if he didn't?

288
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,397
Maybe because you're
the cutest girl in school,

289
00:14:57,481 --> 00:15:00,484
and you have a laugh that makes
science lab seem like recess.

290
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:07,991
Would you be more or less inclined
to visit a great shakes establishment...

291
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,452
If you knew your satisfaction
was guaranteed?

292
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,246
That's a dumb question. Excuse
me. It is not a dumb question, Mr...

293
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,166
Tarnation! He hung up.
Then you can drop the accent.

294
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,378
Delgado. What are you
doing here?

295
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:23,840
Discussing poetry. Maybe
you'll like to recite some of yours.

296
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,759
I'm not gonna recite anything.

297
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,844
Just admit you didn't
write the poem.

298
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,429
I don't know
what he's talking about.

299
00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,324
Get out of here before
you get your butt kicked.

300
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,433
I'm going over there.
No, I got this.

301
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:39,856
Whoa! Whoa, sir! Sir?
Turn around.

302
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,985
Sir, you have no right to claim
ownership of another person's work.

303
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,488
- — Who are you?
- I'm a lawyer.

304
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,406
You have a lawyer?

305
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,784
It is one thing to lie,

306
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,453
but then to bully this young man—
It's unforgivable.

307
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,556
And this is
what's wrong with the world today.

308
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,666
The big guy...

309
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,727
Thinks that he can roll
right over the little guy...

310
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:03,004
Until the little guy says,
“enough?

311
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,090
And that's what
this little guy's doing...

312
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,342
Right here, right now.

313
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,862
Can we stop calling me “little
guy”? I'm in the 40th percentile.

314
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,930
Shh. I got this.

315
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:15,600
Ted durkas clearly
did not write that poem.

316
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:18,812
I know it. He knows it.

317
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,981
Deep down in your heart, Fiona...

318
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,400
You know it too.

319
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,907
Shame!

320
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,993
Fine! Whatever.
I stole his stupid poem.

321
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,953
- — You did?
- I told you.

322
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,496
There you go.

323
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,416
I only did it
because lhad the feelings,

324
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,293
I just didn't know
how to show 'em.

325
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:46,423
Really? That's the sweetest
thing anyone's ever done for me.

326
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,258
You've gotta be kidding me.

327
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,344
- Let's get out of here. This chick's crazy.
- Seriously.

328
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,346
I've never seen you like that.

329
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,098
You have no idea
how good that felt.

330
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:58,101
Well, happy Valentine's day,
counselor.

331
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,854
This is all happening
so fast, Juliana.

332
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,899
I know, and I have to be home
to my husband by midnight.

333
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:06,234
Ooh, a twist.

334
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,031
Phil! Phil, my coat is stuck.

335
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,782
Who's Phil? No,
not now! Seriously.

336
00:17:12,908 --> 00:17:15,076
My coat is stuck. Oh, oh.
Honey, take off your coat!

337
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,495
Are you kidding me?
Pull it. Oh, my goodness.

338
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,873
Pull it. Come on. Come on.

339
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,042
Oh, boy. Not good. Not good.

340
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,546
Okay. Okay. Okay.

341
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,590
Come on up. Treat 'em like
they're regular stairs.

342
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,342
It's okay. Come on through.

343
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,886
Happy Valentine's day.
You look lovely.

344
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,013
So do you. Not in
a weird way. Yeah.

345
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,723
How are you? Hi. Hi.

346
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,202
Happy Valentine's— let me just
get in here. Let me get in here.

347
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,268
Okay? Phil?

348
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,978
Hey, Tom. Hi.

349
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,855
How are you? Honey...

350
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,739
Claire, you remember Tom mickleson
from the office and his wife, Susan.

351
00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:49,444
I do. Hey. Is your coat stuck?

352
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:53,073
It is. It really is.
It's in there pretty darn good.

353
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:57,452
Why don't you take it
off? Um, I'm freezing cold.

354
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:58,995
At least let me give it a shot.

355
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,706
Oh, ldontthmk— no, no, no.Lgotn.

356
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,375
Mr. and Mrs. Dunph y? Hey.

357
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,044
Principal balaban.
Hey, how are you?

358
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,672
Hi. Who's clive Bixby?

359
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,967
Oh, uh, he makes speakers.

360
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,427
He's actually in town
for a trade show. Phil.

361
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:17,722
My, are you stuck?
Yeah, / am. A little bit

362
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,100
why don't you take off
that coat? Um, I'm chilly.

363
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,060
It's really jammed in here.

364
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,771
Let me in there. If ilgetyou.
No, I think we're okay.

365
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,898
Mrs. Dunph y?

366
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:29,109
Are you kidding me?

367
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,195
Hi! Luke's math teacher,
Ms. Passwater.

368
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,947
“Passwater.”

369
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,410
Ah, Jay, pap/I don't pay
attention to what he's saying.

370
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,954
He's just being funny.
Because he points out the truth.

371
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:44,040
Those people were laughing
because they saw it too.

372
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,501
What do you care
what they think? I don't.

373
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,628
I care what you think.

374
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,256
I love you. You're my
Valentine. Yeah, for now.

375
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:54,342
But what about when I'm 80 and
I'm in a wheelchair, on oxygen?

376
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:55,927
You still gonna want me?

377
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:59,347
Do you think I'm so shallow that
I'm gonna leave you when you're old?

378
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,183
What if I gain a hundred
pounds? You gonna leave me then?

379
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:06,187
What's with the pause? No.

380
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:09,024
Well, it's not exactly fair.
I mean, I have to get old.

381
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,985
You don't have to get fat.
If I want to get fat, I get fat.

382
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,148
Okay, fine. And if you do,
I'll be there. You'll see.

383
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,823
Yeah, watch me.
Watch me, how I get fat.

384
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:20,243
I can get fat.
And I'll be there.

385
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,747
Good.

386
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,790
You wanna go back in? No.

387
00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,834
I got a better idea.

388
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,503
Let's go salsa dancing.
This guy's not that funny.

389
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,797
Perfect.

390
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,843
We 're good! We 're good!
I talked to maintenance.

391
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,054
They're— they're—
They're coming, so go on ahead.

392
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,556
See you guys. See you later.

393
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,683
See you in school.
Good to see you guys.

394
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,393
Maintenance is gonna
take care of it.

395
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,605
So we're fine. Okay. Okay,
how long till they get here?

396
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,690
I was faking it.
No one's coming for us.

397
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:52,776
Well, then, go and get them!
Hurry!

398
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,570
That was the most
embarrassing moment of my life.

399
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,614
Claire! Phil!

400
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,450
Stand by.

401
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,285
Hey.

402
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,954
- — What, did you get your belt stuck?
- I did. Yeah.

403
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,640
Take your coat off.
Here, let me help you.

404
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,500
No, no, dad. Dad,
I'm fine. Come on!

405
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:10,251
What are you, naked under there?

406
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,589
Aw, geez. It's okay.

407
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:17,050
I got this. Okay.

408
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,094
Claire, follow my lead, okay?

409
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,971
Okay.

410
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,146
Wow. Okay.

411
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:34,526
Thank you. It has
happened to me before.

412
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:37,028
That was impressive.

413
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:39,447
Take it down a notch, clive.

414
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,700
You okay? Yeah. I'm good

415
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,077
all right. I'm good.

416
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,971
Happy Valentine's day.
Happy Valentine's day.

417
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,330
Chao. Okay. See ya.

418
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,623
Good night. Bye.

419
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,458
Oh. That's...

420
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:53,503
Sorry. See you, guys.

421
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,258
H/, honey.

422
00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:01,278
Hey, I just wanted
to tell you how great you were last n/ght.

423
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:05,223
Uh, phil— sorry / got the, uh—
The oil everywhere, but, he y...

424
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,435
Uh, sweetie—
They're not our sheets, right?

425
00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:10,603
Honey— honey, remember
when the salesman told us...

426
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,897
That the Sienna was built with
the whole family in mind?

427
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,233
Yeah. Well, the whole
family just heard that.

428
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:17,861
Uh— uh— guess...

429
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,904
I guess the Bluetooth works.

430
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:23,116
Mmm. Why did you have oil?

431
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:26,453
Because, buddy,
we were making French fries.

432
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,037
In your room?

433
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,707
Why don't you
guys just pop in a d VD?

434
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:36,588
English - us — psdh