1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:04,589
Today Sam Riley
kicked a soccer ball...

2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:07,758
And it hit another kid so hard
his eye popped out.

3
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:09,260
Awesome!

4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,220
Really? Ms 6 ye popped out.

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,782
Never mind. Well, gotta hit
the sack. 19/9 Saturday tomorrow.

6
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:16,350
That's right.
It's somebody's birthday.

7
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,519
Not just that.
The iPad comes out...

8
00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:20,688
On my actual birthday.

9
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:23,900
It's like Steve Jobs and god got
together to say, “we love you, Phil.”

10
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:27,445
What is so great about that doohickey
anyhow? “Doohickey,” Elly may?

11
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:31,157
It's a movie theater,
a library and a music store...

12
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,826
All rolled into one awesome pad.

13
00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:36,370
A //brary is a place
where people get books.

14
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:39,373
A movie theater is a place
where people go on dates.

15
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:42,519
I better load the beach chair into the trunk.
I'm gonna need it for the line in the morning.

16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,922
Wait, honey. Hang on. You
can't spend your birthday in line.

17
00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:49,258
Well, not the whole day. I have to
be there at 6:00, or forget about it.

18
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,510
Then I'm out by 10:00.
Why don't you let me do it?

19
00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,429
Claire, you don't
have to do that.

20
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,473
No, I know, but I want to.

21
00:00:55,556 --> 00:01:00,144
And that way on your birthday you'll
wake up and you'll have your brand-new toy.

22
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,064
Okay.

23
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,441
Well, in spite of you
calling it a toy,

24
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,444
this is shaping up to top
the best birthday I ever had.

25
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:11,489
Oh, thank god we didn't have to
hear that stupid story about that place...

26
00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:13,824
It was called the fun
zone. I was 11.

27
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:16,911
I hit 10 straight fastballs
in the batting cage.

28
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:20,831
Then my best friend Jeff sweeney
stepped in and took one in the groin.

29
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:25,419
I yelled out “ball two!”
everybody laughed.

30
00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:27,838
That was when I knew
I was funny.

31
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,801
Good night.

32
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:35,805
B—e—I—I—e—v—e. Believe.

33
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:38,432
Are you sure there's not
an “e-i” in the middle?

34
00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,268
No. It's “I—e.” good, pap/I

35
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:43,354
if I can't fool you, then your
teachers can't fool you either.

36
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,856
I don't think
they're trying to fool me.

37
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,918
Wait until you see what
I got Phil for his birthday.

38
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,361
I found it on
the skymall catalog.

39
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,364
Ay. It's not one of those
talk/fig alarm clocks?

40
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:56,993
“It's 6:05. It's 6:25.
Wake up. Wake up.”

41
00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:59,912
Even better.
A rosewood chess set.

42
00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:02,996
As matter of fact, before / wrap this
thing, what say we take it for a spin?

43
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,103
Come on, Manny. I'll teach you. — he
knows how to play. His father taught him.

44
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:09,005
I'm gonna teach him real chess,
not the Colombian version.

45
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:12,550
We actually use the pieces to play the
game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.

46
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,511
Uh, I know one Colombian piece
you won't be playing with later.

47
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,597
Manny, come on. Let's see
what you got. You'll be surprised.

48
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:26,772
Li/lanny's an excellent player,
but Jay is a grumpy loser.

49
00:02:26,856 --> 00:02:31,652
He mopes, he makes the face, he slams the
door, then he said he didn't slam the door.

50
00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:34,322
It's better that he wins.

51
00:02:40,286 --> 00:02:42,288
Um, I got this.

52
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:50,713
E verything's
gonna be okay it's okay. It's okay

53
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,634
Cam! Leave me alone.

54
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,512
There's a— there's
arnanhwlhysroonm huh?

55
00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,765
There's a man in Lily's room!

56
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,603
It's go time.

57
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:14,070
Oh, thank god.

58
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,365
It's me, it's
me, it's me, it's me.

59
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:20,576
She's fine. We must have just heard
a neighbor with the same monitor.

60
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,411
Thank god.

61
00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:26,165
Boy, if a spider would have broken in
here, he would have been in trouble.

62
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,879
, /~ hey, hey, r

63
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,966
,/' hey, hey hey, hey, r

64
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:39,261
,/' hey, hey hey.R.R

65
00:03:43,099 --> 00:03:44,725
light—up barbecue tongs.

66
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,977
This was the lame gift I got Phil.

67
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:51,565
So, was I bummed to get
up at 5:00 and wait in line?

68
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:56,904
No. No, because / was finally getting my
husband something that he really, really wanted

69
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,323
I was every bit as excited
as he was.

70
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,666
Uh— no.

71
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:22,054
Hey, buddy. I hope you're not upset
about our chess match yesterday.

72
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,682
Hey, what do you say
we play again? I'm good.

73
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,809
That's the spirit.

74
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,146
Downloaded this for you.
It's kind of a kid's guide to chess.

75
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,022
No, Jay. I'm good.

76
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,942
Nah, it's not all dry like that.
They have fun with it.

77
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,736
See, you can color in
the little players with your crayons.

78
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,613
Now you are making me
want to play again.

79
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:42,491
Now we're lighting a fire.
Let me toss this out.

80
00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:47,413
If you beat me, if that day
should ever come, I'll give you...

81
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:52,543
- — I want your watch.
- Wow, you had that loaded up.

82
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,712
Okay. Game on.

83
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,091
Now, / want you to go first.

84
00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:02,386
Now remember, try to open up
the middle of the board.

85
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,805
I'd have moved that guy
two spaces.

86
00:05:04,889 --> 00:05:07,099
More aggressive.

87
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:10,394
And you don't want to bring
your queen out that quickly.

88
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,564
See, now you could've protected that
with that, but now you're vulnerable...

89
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:16,358
Checkmate. Huh? What?

90
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,236
How'd you do that?

91
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,592
You will not believe what's going on
at Jake and Debbie's house.

92
00:05:24,617 --> 00:05:27,453
Who? The people on the
monitor. They must live nearby.

93
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,205
So much drama.

94
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:32,082
Okay, Jake told Debbie
that he had to work late.

95
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,794
So she called his boss and
found out that he didn't. Busted!

96
00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:39,715
So she spent all morning on the phone crying
and crying and crying to her mother...

97
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:44,470
And said if Jake has to work “late”
one more time, she's filing for divorce.

98
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,056
Huh.

99
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,934
That's it? I give you that tasty dish
and all you give me is a “huh”?

100
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,311
I-I'm 3—
Cam, I froze last night.

101
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:55,314
I froze. I thought Lily
was in danger and I froze.

102
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,733
But not you. No, you
sprung right into action.

103
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,444
You even had the cool
“it's go time” line.

104
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,008
That comes to me naturally.
I spent a year as a crossing guard.

105
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:08,494
Cam, I mean, what kind of parent am I if I
can't even protect my own family, you know?

106
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,497
J—just once I would love
to be the guy with no fear...

107
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,833
Who can stand up and, I don't
know, you know, kick some ass.

108
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:18,504
You're so cute when you're angry with your
little fists. Just wanna put you in my pocket.

109
00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:22,174
Think he is coming.

110
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,385
He's coming? [ Gasps
I here he comes.

111
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,971
- Dad! ;1_/ - App y birth day!

112
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,889
You guys! That's awesome.

113
00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:32,059
- Oh, who are these from?
- Cam and Mitchell.

114
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,602
Those guys are a class act.

115
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,479
We're making you breakfast.
Uh-huh.

116
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,314
French waffle cakes.

117
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:42,570
Let me guess: One waffle in between two
pieces of French toast wrapped in a pancake.

118
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:44,363
Nailed it.

119
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,615
Bring it in here, monkeys.

120
00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:48,909
Love you! Get over here!

121
00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:50,494
Good enough.

122
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,079
Where is ll/lom?

123
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,164
You mean the greatest woman
in the world?

124
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,918
She is standing in line at the apple store,
making all my birthday wishes come true.

125
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,962
Let's see how these
bad boys taste. Aww!

126
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,547
Oh, no— son of a— oh!

127
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,048
Itshofl

128
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,653
Are you okay?
Fresh out of the oven? That is...

129
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,428
Do you want some ice? Yes.

130
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:10,097
Oh, man! This...

131
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,808
Oh, that feels better. That
feels better. Sorry, dad

132
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:16,186
no, it actually— that feels weird.
That burns in a different way!

133
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:21,025
Owl oh! Don't wash this until we
see if I can get my skin back okay?

134
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,156
Let me see it!

135
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:29,342
No! Your party's not until tonight.
You're just gonna have to wait.

136
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,619
Just let me see the bag.
Did you leave it in the car?

137
00:07:31,744 --> 00:07:33,203
Yeah! Hey, who'd you deal with?

138
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:35,623
Oh— was it a guy named
mehar? They call him “the beast.”

139
00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:38,250
No. He's a tiny guy. He
must move a ton of product.

140
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,894
I kinda love
that you're making me wait.

141
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,129
You are the best wife ever!

142
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,632
You are the best wife ever!

143
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,800
I didn't get you the iPad.

144
00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:50,429
I got to the store and they
were all out. I'm so sorry.

145
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,348
I don't understand.
My online buddies got it.

146
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:55,476
Sat800 and brobot
didn't get there until 8:00.

147
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:58,496
And you definitely got there before
they did, because you got there at 6:30.

148
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,148
No, no, no! You didn't get
there at 6:30? Where were you?

149
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,610
I set the alarm for 5:00. I got up,
I came downstairs, I fell asleep.

150
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:09,031
No! Oh, my goodness. What
have I done? What have I done?

151
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,552
I should've done this myself. Sweetie, you
know what? They're gonna get more in next week.

152
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:15,954
Next week? That's the worst thing
you can say to an early adopter.

153
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,501
Where are you going? To a place
where birthdays still mean something.

154
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,594
I'll get that.

155
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,639
Hi, Manny. Mitchell?

156
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:37,893
What are you doing here at...
4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?

157
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,896
Oh, I'm just returning
my dad's belt of tools, so...

158
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,107
At 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?

159
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,609
Don't you have
something better to do?

160
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,736
Hey.

161
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,114
So, were you a big hit?
What do you mean?

162
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,701
Well, I just assumed there was some
kind of costume party. Was cam the Indian?

163
00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:57,454
No. For your information, dad, we were actually
doing a little construction at the house.

164
00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,541
Ah. What'd you build?
A gift-wrapping station.

165
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:03,544
And we're back.
So, thank you for that.

166
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,713
You're welcome.

167
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,716
Hey, uh, dad, do you remember
when I was, uh, probably 11...

168
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,051
And you were teaching me
how to fight, and then I quit?

169
00:09:11,135 --> 00:09:14,455
Yeah, when you said everything you needed
to learn you'd learn from West Side story.

170
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,181
Yeah. How'd that
work out for you?

171
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:19,643
If I'm ever in a dance fight, I'll
let you know.

172
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:23,272
So, yeah—
Is-is the offer, uh, still good?

173
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,357
Why? What's the matter?
You got problems with cam?

174
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:27,943
No! Wh—why would you say that?

175
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:31,155
Well, come on. I mean, you
know, sharing a room with a guy?

176
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,699
I bunked with my brother.
I know that can get pretty rough.

177
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,451
I don't “bunk” with cam.

178
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:39,121
Dad, I just wanna learn a little self—defense,
you know. Show me what you remember.

179
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,166
Right— right now? Yeah.

180
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:46,170
Okay, uh— gosh, uh— thumbs out.

181
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,838
Thumbs. That a boy. And then...

182
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:56,156
That wasn't— that wasn't
very pretty, was it?

183
00:09:56,180 --> 00:10:00,100
You know what? Maybe it was
a little too pretty. That's the thing.

184
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,436
Here it goes.

185
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:04,146
Oh! Oh, man!

186
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:08,150
Buddy! Think the problem is,
you're notjumping from high enough.

187
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,402
You should get on top
of the garage.

188
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:12,404
Alex, stop trying to
kill your brother.

189
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:15,592
Listen, guys, I need your help. We've gotta
find your dad one of those iPad thingies.

190
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,785
So, Haley,
text everyone you know.

191
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:21,997
Alex? Facebook, chat, tweet, buzz, bling,
I don't know! Just do what you have to do.

192
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,541
We have got to find one of
these iPads. Okay?

193
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:28,253
Luke? Sweetie, that means stay out of
everyone's way and stop inhaling the balloons.

194
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:30,297
I'm not inhaling them.

195
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,508
Stop lying.

196
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,219
How did she know?

197
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:41,850
Didn't your mama teach you
never to take a ride from a stranger?

198
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,644
Got a little vacation time coming up?

199
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,687
Have fun on the moon!

200
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,856
Not feeling too well lately?

201
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:50,400
Maybe you should
come see the doctor...

202
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,402
And I'll get rid of it!

203
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,240
What's that supposed to mean?

204
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,328
[ Woman on P.A. I attention. If
you're here for Phil's birthday party,

205
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,372
they're gathering
in the picnic area.

206
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,374
Phil's bi/thda y party.

207
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:09,002
My wife knew I'd be here. She
put together a whole party for me.

208
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,505
Does that really make up
for not getting an iPad?

209
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,758
Don't make me sorry I
shared that with you. Okay?

210
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,844
See you, fellas.

211
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,349
Howdy—do!

212
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:25,352
I just heard the announcement
for Phil's birthday party.

213
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,312
Oh, yeah.
It's right around the corner.

214
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:28,981
Awesome. Have fun!

215
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,400
Thank you. Thanks, milady.

216
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:39,533
Ice cream cake?
Ice cream cake's good.

217
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,493
Happy birthday, Phil!

218
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:45,455
This is awesome! Whoa...

219
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,750
Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

220
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,213
Happy birthday, sweetie.

221
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,941
Happy birthday
ha ve a really good birthday

222
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,443
Did you see the
cake? Oh, yeah. It's great.

223
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:01,263
Hello?

224
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,432
No, that's fine,
I'm just putting the baby down.

225
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:06,059
Okay, that's Jake. He's the
one that's having an affair.

226
00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:09,229
I know. Yeah, I
can do it tomorrow night.

227
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,064
I'll just give my wife
some excuse.

228
00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:13,525
Men are pigs.

229
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:15,903
- — Idon 7 really have a choice, do /?
- Yeah.

230
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:17,666
You could not cheat on her!
How about that?

231
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,239
Because it has to be a surprise.

232
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:22,242
When she hears me speaking
Italian to her grandmother,

233
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:24,244
it'll be worth
all this sneaking around.

234
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:26,246
Lily, I had it backwards.
He's wonderful.

235
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,309
- Don't worry / 7! Just tell her I'm working late.
- No, Jake, don't do that.

236
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,876
That's the worst thing
you could do.

237
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,419
Buona notte.

238
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:36,006
Oh, no, Lily, what are we
gonna do? We have to fix this.

239
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:42,220
Okay, Mitchell, I'm gonna teach you a
couple of basic Brazilian jiu-jitsu moves.

240
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,264
Now, just— just attack me.

241
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:45,974
I'm sorry— what?

242
00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:49,436
Take any deep—seated anger you may
have, get a running start and come at me.

243
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,104
Dad, I don't have
any deep-seated anger.

244
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:54,068
Remember that Halloween when I
wouldn't let you go as Olivia Newton-John?

245
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,946
You see what I did? I used
your momentum against you.

246
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:00,590
I learned this choke
from the Gracie brothers.

247
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:04,034
It's called the lion killer—
Mata Lea"o.

248
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:07,079
Okay. Now try to get
out. Try to get out. See?

249
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,081
I can't. Yeah, all right. Now...

250
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,791
Passing out—
See, the beauty of this is,

251
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,709
you don't have to
make the first move.

252
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:15,462
You know, chances are
youropponenfs gonna be overconfident.

253
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,464
He's gonna think
you don't know anything.

254
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,841
Basically, he's being suckered
into thinking...

255
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:23,637
Manny. Manny, that
little bastard, he hustled me.

256
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,057
Oh, crap.

257
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,559
Ah, crap. Mitchell!

258
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:34,106
Oh, crap.
All right. Come on. Breathe.

259
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,817
Attaboy. You all right?
Coming around.

260
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,944
Why am I on the floor?
Come on, Mitchell.

261
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:45,492
Haley, I just struck out again. Please
tell me you have some good news.

262
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:48,554
Okay, so the grove just got a new shipment.
I'm texting you the directions now.

263
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:52,416
Oh! Okay, that's good.
That's good. That's good.

264
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,585
I'm there. I'm on that.

265
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,174
That kid stole my watch.

266
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,759
Huh? Mdkfi?

267
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,553
He hustled me at chess.

268
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,031
I thought you promised
you were gonna let him win.

269
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,975
- I did the first time.
- Wait a minute. You're in on it too?

270
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,270
- — Manny, go and get dressed for the party.
- Do I have time for a steam?

271
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,230
- — Yeah, but a quick one.
- Okay.

272
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,692
Why tell him to lose to me? Because
you're like a baby when you don't win.

273
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,777
With the kicking
and the eyebrows...

274
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,989
And the angry eating of the
sunflower seeds.

275
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,657
Actually, that's not true.

276
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:29,077
I don't mind losing to a chess
genius, which Manny obviously is.

277
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:31,455
Chess genius?
He's not even as good as I am.

278
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:35,042
You're not that good in chess. I beat you
on our honeymoon. Or did I let you win?

279
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,544
You didn't let me win.

280
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:41,131
Why would I sacrifice my queen
for your pawn, Jay?

281
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,216
Huh? Huh?

282
00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:49,848
Huh? Sfixjsawwgthat

283
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:57,814
Luke, honey, hi what's going on?

284
00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:01,651
They guy came with dad's cake, but
just so you know, it's missing a piece.

285
00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:04,821
Luke, did you take a bite
out of your father's cake? No.

286
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:07,407
Stop lying, Luke. I'm not lying.

287
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:10,702
By the way, I used your credit
card to pay him. Is that all right?

288
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:13,330
Oh, no, that's fine. Whatever.

289
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,290
That's why I left the wallet there.

290
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,876
Oh, my god.

291
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,921
Oh, my god!

292
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:24,549
I left the wallet there!
I left the wa— your poor father.

293
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:28,053
All this running around, and he's gonna
think nobody cares about him on his birthday.

294
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,930
More cake?

295
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,890
Why not, little Phil?

296
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,934
I got no place else to go.

297
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,947
Sir! Sir! Sir, hi. Excuse me.

298
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,950
Um, yes. I know
this is highly unusual,

299
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,786
but I need your help
to save a marriage.

300
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,579
There is a couple
in this neighborhood...

301
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:57,063
That is about to get a divorce
for a simple misunderstanding.

302
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,708
Their name is Jake and Debbie.

303
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,710
And I know
you've taken an oath...

304
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,463
To not tell people where other
people live, and I respect that,

305
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:06,591
but maybe we could work out some
sort of super secretive spy signal,

306
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:09,487
where if you scratch your left ear,
you know, maybe they live on the left,

307
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,471
and if you scratch
your right ear, they live on...

308
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,515
They live right here.

309
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,895
This conversation neverhappened.

310
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:23,775
Sorry. Oh, thank god!

311
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:25,735
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

312
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:28,780
Dad just put me to sleep.
Oh, the hunting story.

313
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:30,490
No. Hmm.

314
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,243
Oh, my gosh, no. You
can't cut the line. Sorry.

315
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,953
I was here. Uh-uh.

316
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:39,249
I—I've been here for an hour and a half
and you haven't been, so you cut the line.

317
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:41,293
Whatever. Whoa. Excuse me, sir.

318
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,296
I don't think you understand.
You're not getting in front of us.

319
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,881
Calm down, gingerbread.

320
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,759
- Are you gonna move or not?
- No.

321
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,761
Oh, no.

322
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,139
Then you leave me no choice.

323
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:57,684
Oh, my god. Go to sleep.

324
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,604
Go to sleep. Go to sleep. No.

325
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,356
Mitchell, what are you
doing? Getofiofhmm shut up.

326
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,400
He's about to go
to sleep. No, I'm not.

327
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,545
Okay, folks. Let's break
this up. You three— out of line.

328
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,922
Oh, no. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't
have anything to do with this.

329
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:13,158
I'm just waiting in line to get an
iPad. I don't even know this guy.

330
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:14,659
Oh, my god.
I need your credit card.

331
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,637
He's the problem. Shut up!
You're supposed to be asleep.

332
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,163
It's okay. I have it. Get off!

333
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,706
I've got it. What?

334
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,875
I've got your card.
I'm good. No, I'm good.

335
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,877
I'm good. I'm here. I'm here!

336
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,296
I've gotta get my husband
anipad!

337
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:30,008
Key to a good birthday?
Low expectations.

338
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:33,261
Thought I was getting an iPad.
I was wrong about that.

339
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:36,723
Thought I was getting a surprise party
at the batting cages. Sorry, big Phil.

340
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,227
Guess when it comes
right down to it,

341
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,230
we're all just Jeff sweeney
taking a fastball to the plums.

342
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,861
Hey, um, dad, your cake
fell off the counter,

343
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:52,030
but uncle cam's trying to fix it.

344
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,032
He won't.

345
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,034
And the pizzas never showed up.

346
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,036
And they won't!

347
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,996
Hey, balloons.

348
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,874
Fine. I guess we'll never know.
Or we can find out right now.

349
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:04,876
Yeah, Manny,
give me the chess set.

350
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,147
Oh, it's a chess set. — yeah. You'll get
it later. We got something to settle now.

351
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,298
Go in there.
Happy birthday, Phil.

352
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,716
Happy happy-

353
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,469
is that Claire's baked
brie I smell?

354
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,054
No.

355
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:20,308
Oh, cam, cam, you 7! Ne
ver belie ve what happened.

356
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,602
Happy birthday, Phil! Sure!

357
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,830
You'll never believe what happened.
I got in trouble for fighting.

358
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,648
And we saved a marriage.

359
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,067
Well, this is the best
day ever. It really is.

360
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,194
Ain't it though?

361
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,658
Look at this, papr, huh?

362
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,035
Easy.

363
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,913
You can't sing
“we are the champions”...

364
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:43,665
Without your queen.

365
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:47,877
Damn it! Listen, I lose
and I burn this house down!

366
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,840
Ah, but look at this—
Honey, honey.

367
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,634
What are we doing?
This is ridiculous.

368
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:59,014
One of us is gonna win the game, the
other's gonna feel lousy, and we both lose.

369
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,394
Yeah, just leave my
birthday present on the floor.

370
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,438
That's my girl.!
Jay! She had me.

371
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:10,984
There was no way / could win. /knew
it. I'm just glad she didn't know it yet.

372
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,486
Two moves, and then...

373
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,322
I'm a very good chess player.

374
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,407
But I'm a better wife.

375
00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:21,619
Hey, did you get it? No.

376
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:25,123
How's your dad?
Acting weird... er.

377
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,167
Fkycmwe. Honey, hl

378
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,169
um, listen— mom.

379
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,171
Yeah, Luke, hang on one second.

380
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:34,132
Honey, it's okay.
I don't feel things anymore.

381
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:35,884
But, sweetie, I want
you to feel— mom!

382
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,636
Luke, I'll be with you in just a
second. Where are you going?

383
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,681
Just heading out to the yard to
get a shovel for my cake. Mom.

384
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:44,893
- — Luke, what do you want?
- I went on dad's computer,

385
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,062
contacted some
of his geek friends,

386
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:50,940
told them that he was dying
and his last wish was an iPad.

387
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,984
Luke, what have I
told you about...

388
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:55,987
One of them felt so bad,
they brought over an extra.

389
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:59,949
Oh, my god. You got it.
You beautiful little liar!

390
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:02,327
Here comes dad.

391
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,170
Who wants some cake?

392
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:15,090
I used to, but I don't
desire food any...

393
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,674
Oh, my god. You got it!

394
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:19,886
All this time I said I didn't care,
but I do care. I care so much!

395
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:22,263
Do you want to blow
out the candles? Yes.

396
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,349
Go on. Go.

397
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,684
It did not just do that!

398
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,479
Yesjtdw! Honey!

399
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:33,316
Oh, who's ready for the first day
of the rest of their lives?

400
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,568
Phil, happy birthday!
Look at this!

401
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:39,072
Can I touch it? Yeah,
not so hard, but touch it.

402
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:42,158
Touch it, but don't touch it.
Touch it, but don't touch it.

403
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,497
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.

404
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,916
I love you. Thank
god that guy came over.

405
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:54,003
What did he say his name
was? He didn't. Must be an angel

406
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,588
did you hear that? I'm an angel.

407
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,924
Or some creepy perv. Yeah.

408
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:02,429
Wow. How did he know? E wvv.

409
00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:05,223
Maybe / should call the
police. You should call the police.

410
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,393
I'm gonna call the police.
And they lived happily ever after.

411
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,687
No, cam. Where are you going?
It was just getting good

412
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,356
I want— that's my program.

413
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,900
I love you.

414
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:19,070
I love you too, honey. Oh. Okay.

415
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:35,670
English - us — psdh