1
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:06,799
Aloha, Lily. Aloha. Oh, wait.
Let's do it one more time.

2
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,652
The doggy was blocking
her face. Yeah, go back.

3
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,012
No. No! No. We're not
doing it a third time.

4
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:15,183
There she is— the prettiest
white woman on Maui. Milady.

5
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:18,895
Actual/x Claire and/ were supposed
to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon.

6
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,647
Mm-hmm.
But something else came up.

7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,983
I got pregnant with Haley.
My bad!

8
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,985
We didn't even have
a proper wedding.

9
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:28,446
We just went down to
the courthouse on a Tuesday.

10
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,408
The judge sentenced me to life
with no chance of parole.

11
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,411
You begged me to marry you.
It's true. I did.

12
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:38,122
Oh! Hold on, my bride.
Allow me! [Grunts]

13
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,790
What are you doing?

14
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,792
Being romantic.
God, you're solid.

15
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,961
Sweetie, put me down.
Go on. Okay.

16
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:46,881
Honey, come on. Let's turn
this vacation into a honeymoon.

17
00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,966
Sweet pea, I'm a mom
traveling with my kids.

18
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:52,637
For me, this is not a vacation.
It's a business trip. Let's go.

19
00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:56,098
Ah! Wow!

20
00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:58,309
This'ii do. It's beautiful.

21
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,311
Aloha! Hi!

22
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,647
Welcome to
the four seasons Maui.

23
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,690
What do you think, Manny?

24
00:01:06,651 --> 00:01:08,736
I'm home.

25
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,905
[Ll/ian], /~ hey, heyj

26
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:14,992
,/' hey, hey hey, heyj

27
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:18,162
,/' hey, hey heyw

28
00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:23,000
yeah!

29
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,419
I can't believe we have
our own hotel room.

30
00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:28,005
Score! There's an iron in here!

31
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,968
Don 7 you want to keep our room neat?
You know, in case we entertain.

32
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,970
Who would we entertain?

33
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,180
I noticed some lovely tweens
down by the kids' club.

34
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,432
Maybe we can find a nice spot
near them by the pool...

35
00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:40,601
And send over a couple
of virgin mai tais.

36
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:43,312
They may be interested in
two sophisticated men like us.

37
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,900
I am a bathroom martian!

38
00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:50,027
Beep, boop, boop.

39
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:53,030
I am from the nebula
of the great toilet.

40
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,574
Beep, hoop. Beep, hoop, bop.

41
00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:58,452
I want the biggest
cheeseburger you got.

42
00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,454
Instead of salad, I want fries.

43
00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:02,707
Instead of fruit,
I want chili fries.

44
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:06,585
Haley, sweetie, put the phone down
and put on some sunscreen. Please?

45
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:09,430
We have got to stay on these kids
all day, or else they're gonna burn.

46
00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:12,842
Totally. They put on the littlest
bit of sunscreen in the morning,

47
00:02:12,925 --> 00:02:14,927
they think it's
got them covered for the...

48
00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:16,971
Are you watching Gloria
in my sunglasses?

49
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,557
Is she moving in slow motion,
or is my brain doing that?

50
00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:22,059
Phil, this is important.
Go ahead. I'm glistening.

51
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:25,271
Hey, everybody we're on our way
to see the world's largest ban yan tree.

52
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:26,981
Does anybody want to come?

53
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,026
Now, why in the hell would
anyone want to leave paradise,

54
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:32,987
take a hot bus ride
to see a tree?

55
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:37,658
The great thing about Cameron
is that, uh, he's adventurous, like I am.

56
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:41,495
We-we both like to immerse ourselves in the
culture and really get to know the locals.

57
00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,122
We've made friends
all over the world.

58
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,832
We're still in touch with elunga,

59
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,335
a man we met on safari
in Tanzania.

60
00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:48,919
[ Mitchell]
We actually send him...

61
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,504
All of our old clothes.

62
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,674
He was a very nice man
when we met him,

63
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:57,053
but based on his recent letters, I
have a small fear he's become a warlord.

64
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,850
Hey. I'm gonna go to the gym to work
out a little bit. You want to come with me?

65
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:06,979
I just ordered an extra—long straw
to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up.

66
00:03:07,063 --> 00:03:10,024
- [ Cell phone rings]
- Ah, look at this.

67
00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,984
My brother. [Beeps]

68
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:15,321
What's up, jackass? Happy
birthday, you dumb son of a bitch.

69
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,947
Birthday's tomorrow, moron!

70
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,741
I never understood
this relationship.

71
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,702
- So, 63, right?
- Hey, you can count!

72
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,538
You know dad was
63 when he died. Huh?

73
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,083
Hello? Thanks for reminding me.

74
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,502
Ah, don't worry.
He never took care of himself.

75
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:32,922
Ate I/ke crap and drank too much.
Anyway, lrene's begging me for...

76
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:35,508
[Beeps] Hey, Gloria,
wait up. Fntconflng.

77
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:38,010
Hey. Hi. Hi.

78
00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:41,972
So, I was thinking
we book a couples' massage.

79
00:03:42,098 --> 00:03:44,225
Mm-hmm. I accidentally
looked in on one.

80
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,352
They seemed really relaxed
until they noticed me.

81
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,772
Haley, that's enough. Get off the
phone. Luke, pull up your trunks!

82
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,857
This bathing suit
looks great on you.

83
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,276
Thanks, sweetie.
Haley, come on. Off the phone.

84
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,363
No way. Keira got her
hair straightened? [Laughs]

85
00:03:57,446 --> 00:04:00,366
Claire, consider this
a grand gesture of my love.

86
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:01,992
[ Laughing ] What are you...

87
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,702
Oh, my god! Oh!

88
00:04:03,828 --> 00:04:06,414
What did you do? [ Gasping
I Phil, what are you thinking?

89
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,541
That is an expensive cell phone.

90
00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:12,461
It's just the beginning. Buckle your
seat belt, lady. You're being wooed.

91
00:04:12,545 --> 00:04:14,630
In nature, fathers are known
to eat their young.

92
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,174
Is it because they're delicious? No.

93
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:20,219
It's because they want
to give their female...

94
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:24,473
Bear, giraffe, what have you—
The honeymoon they never had.

95
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:28,436
Just to be clear,
I'm not condoning eating your kids,

96
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:31,105
but I sure as heck
know why giraffes do it.

97
00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:33,732
What?

98
00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:40,948
[ Door opens ]

99
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,200
- — Come on, sleepy!
- Ay, Jay!

100
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:46,454
Come on, honey! Get out of bed!
I just booked us on an outrigger.

101
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:49,248
But it is your birthday. You
don't want to sleep in? Come here.

102
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,625
No, no, I just came from the gym.
Guess how much / benched

103
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,128
- — I don't know. 500 pounds?
- 500 pounds?

104
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,797
- What am I, a forklift?
- [ Groans]

105
00:04:56,881 --> 00:05:00,092
To tell you the truth, that call from
my brother scared the hell out of me.

106
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:02,219
I decided to get
in better shape quick.

107
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,972
Didn't want to end up
like my old man.

108
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,558
Although he did die
doing what he loved...

109
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,728
Refusing service to hippies
who came into his store.

110
00:05:10,895 --> 00:05:13,230
Manny is the worst
roommate ever. [ Groans ]

111
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,899
Everything he finds, he folds.

112
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,901
Sweetie, it's only
for a few more days.

113
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,903
Last night we had
a fire drill. Mm-hmm.

114
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,988
Not the hotel. Just us.

115
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,740
Hi, guys. Hey.

116
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,450
Hey!

117
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:27,161
So, what's today's
big adventure?

118
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,163
I'll bet the kids
want to go with you.

119
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,707
Well, it is a big one—
The lavender ranch,

120
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,585
where they grow 45 different
varieties of lavender. Forty-five.

121
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,213
Hear that, kids?
Forty-five different varieties.

122
00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:38,964
Yeah, I can't sell that.
Go with god.

123
00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:41,342
Oh. Well, more lavender for us.

124
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,944
[ Cameron ]
When Mitchell and / first met,

125
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:46,013
I may have exaggerated my
interest in adventurous travel...

126
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,015
By implying that I had any.

127
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:52,269
But it's one of the things he loves most
about me, and I can't tell him the truth now.

128
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:56,190
It would be like Lewis telling
Clark that he didn't like to walk.

129
00:05:56,273 --> 00:06:00,486
Side note: We're very good friends
with a couple named Lewis and Clark.

130
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:04,698
Clark bought a big, sparkly belt in new
Orleans that he calls his Louisiana purchase.

131
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,160
Mom, Haley keeps
stealing my iPod.

132
00:06:08,244 --> 00:06:11,539
All my music is on my phone.
What else am I supposed to do?

133
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:15,251
Manny watches the news.
You guys don't even watch the news.

134
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:18,671
Aloha. Hi. Sorry, folks.
This pool is for adults only.

135
00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:20,673
[ Haley groans]
Don't turn around.

136
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,716
What? Trust me.
Just keep walking.

137
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,344
Wait! Where are you guys going?

138
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,388
Guys?

139
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:29,640
What just happened?

140
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:35,104
Ooh, so we can drink lavender tea
while eating lavender scones.

141
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:38,816
Oh, neat!
So, is this an all-day thing or...

142
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,818
Oh, no. I know what
you're thinking, cam.

143
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,821
Don't worry. We'll still have time
for the whaling village.

144
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,407
Oh. Good. So...

145
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,492
Okay.

146
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,246
- — I can't.
- What?

147
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:55,749
I don't want to go. I know I said I'm
not a stay-by-the-pool type of guy,

148
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,002
but I really am, Mitchell.
What are you saying?

149
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,765
I'm saying that I like adventure,
but not every minute of every day.

150
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:04,216
Can you just go by yourself?
But... the lavender ranch...

151
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:07,553
It's— it's something two men
are meant to do together.

152
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,472
- (— On or of)? Folks?
- Well, I'm on.

153
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,057
I'm off.

154
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,394
[ Door closes ]

155
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,396
Think about what you're
missing, cam.

156
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,398
It's an entire ranch
full of lavender.

157
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:22,443
You're not making the
compelling case you think you are!

158
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,907
Hey, you little monkey!

159
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:31,910
[ Screams ] No standing
around! There you go!

160
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,246
Here goes another one!
There you go!

161
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:37,041
Here comes another one!
There you go!

162
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,292
[Alex screaming ]

163
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,419
I thought you were one of ours!

164
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,421
Hey, Jay! Be careful!

165
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,673
You're gonna hurt somebody—
Like you!

166
00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:47,926
- Don't get too comfortable. I reserved us a tennis court.
- Yay.

167
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:51,221
I thought that one of the
advantages of marrying an older guy...

168
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,599
Was that I was going to be
able to relax.

169
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,477
But all this swimming
and running and rowing...

170
00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:00,314
It's just like how some of my
relatives got into this country.

171
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,982
[Pnh you know— [0mm]Mmm.

172
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,693
You look prettier now than the
day we got married. Oh, honey.

173
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:07,029
And you are even more handsome.
[ Chuckles]

174
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,157
I did push—ups in the
bathroom. [Laughs ] You're funny.

175
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,993
You're nice.
I have always been nice.

176
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:14,995
I've always been funny.

177
00:08:15,079 --> 00:08:17,748
Well— [laughs]

178
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,209
[ Haley] Mom! Dad!

179
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,754
Ignore her. That
could be anyone. Mmm.

180
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,091
Phil and Claire Dunphy?

181
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,968
Yes, Haley, honey? What is it?

182
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:33,681
I'm gonna go get some shaved ice
at the hotel next door with some kids.

183
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,684
- What kids?
- Just some kids I met at the pool.

184
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:39,853
Okay. Um— I should go
with her and— Claire, no.

185
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,106
You have to learn to let go.

186
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,859
Turning a family vacation into a
honeymoon takes commitment.

187
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:50,406
You can do it. Eye of the tiger.

188
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,949
Hello!

189
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,992
I should at least meet them. I—
No.

190
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:58,789
That is not eye of the tiger.

191
00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:02,960
[ Mouths words, inhales]

192
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,212
All right, Haley, honey,
go and have fun,

193
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,047
but don't get
in anybody's car...

194
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:10,259
And be back in time for your
grandfather's birthday dinner, okay?

195
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,593
Thank you! Okay!

196
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,637
Bye, honey! All right!

197
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:16,557
Oh, god.

198
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,977
That feels weird
and good all at once.

199
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,980
I know. I was leaning up
against that nozzle a minute ago.

200
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,278
- Hey.
- Hey, you're back. How was it?

201
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:32,781
Ah! Cameron, it was the most incredible
thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

202
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,533
You know who else
was there? Really? Who?

203
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,076
- Elton John. _ no...

204
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,912
Yes, and he was so blown away
by the beauty of it, he sat down...

205
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:40,998
At their lavender piano
and played “tiny dancer.”

206
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,126
- — And we bonded, because he too likes adventure.
- Did that really happen?

207
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,211
No, that didn't really
happen. I'm just...

208
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,714
Trying to get back at you
for bailing on me.

209
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,759
I'm sorry. If it means anything, we've
been relaxing here doing nothing.

210
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,303
Maybe you can join us
tomorrow. No, I can't— I just don't...

211
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,305
I don't find relaxing
that relaxing.

212
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:57,931
I understand.
You are who you are.

213
00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,600
Leilani. Yes.

214
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,643
You know what? I think
it's because of my parents.

215
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:04,480
It always is. Kipu!

216
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,900
I mean, vacation with my mom and
dad was them sitting around like statues...

217
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,129
When, you know, the only thing that me
and Claire could do for excitement was...

218
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:14,615
Oh. Was sit around and listen
to my skin sizzle.

219
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,326
You poor thing. Sue? Yes.

220
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,453
So, that's, like—
That's why, when I'm on vacation,

221
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,455
I want to go out and meet
the locals.

222
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,749
I want to immerse myself
in the culture, you know?

223
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,084
I don't want to sloth
around— ah!

224
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,212
Sweet lady gaga,
that is good. [ Chuckles ]

225
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:31,465
[Sighing]

226
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,884
Oh, thank you.

227
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,471
Mmm. What's this called?

228
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,722
Happiness.

229
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,141
[Sighs]

230
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,393
[ Beeping, musical tones]

231
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,979
I'm curious. Is there
any sand left on the beach,

232
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,065
or did you bring it all up
to our bathroom?

233
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,150
[ Groans ] Sorry, mom.

234
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,194
And now you're sitting
on my linen jacket.

235
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,154
I guess I can't have
nice things.

236
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:57,449
Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't
know it was there. It's okay.

237
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,535
Oh! No! Stop!

238
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,746
I'm wearing that tonight! I'm wrinkling
your linen! I'm wrinkling your linen!

239
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,332
Ooh! You know what? Out!

240
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,709
I want you out!
This isn't working!

241
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:11,755
I don't care where you go, as long as
you don't stay here! What are you saying?

242
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,966
What don't you understand
about “out”?

243
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,718
Fine. I'll just move in
with my sisters.

244
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:19,137
Ooh, hoo!

245
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,849
Oh, no! Who will pee
all over the bathroom floor?

246
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,892
I was brushing my teeth
at the same time.

247
00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,895
You try to do that.
[Door opens, closes]

248
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,480
What'd you do today?

249
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,941
[Yawnmg] Inapped. Ybucfld?

250
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,386
I haven't napped in years.
Yeah. It feels good, doesn't it?

251
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:36,989
Mm-hmm. Good and weird. Kinda
like that one nozzle in the infinity pool

252
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:40,742
I wouldn't know. Phil was
hogging it. [ Both laugh ]

253
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,036
Is it me, or is Lily more
relaxed here? Oh, yes.

254
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,248
She is. I think it's because she's really
picking up on our energy, you know?

255
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,417
It's like, if we're tense,
she's gonna be tense.

256
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,502
And I think we need to bring
this new energy home.

257
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,004
It's gonna make us
better parents...

258
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,756
[ Shrieking ] You blocked
the— what? What happened?

259
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,593
You didn't bring her out!
I thought you had her!

260
00:11:57,676 --> 00:12:00,470
[Sighs]

261
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,472
Come on. Let me paint you.

262
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,183
Oh, sweetie. That is so creepy.

263
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,604
Where is everyone?

264
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:12,441
Okay. Let me just say
what everyone's thinking.

265
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,818
My jacket's a mess.
It wouldn't be,

266
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,905
but someone used the iron
to make grilled cheese.

267
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:22,367
I had bread, I had cheese and I had
an iron. What was I supposed to do?

268
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,786
Kids, kids. We don't care.

269
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,788
/ho/a, ho/a! Hi.

270
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:30,250
So sorry I'm late.
Where is Jay? Hey.

271
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,128
- — He's not with you?
- No, he came down long time ago.

272
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,130
Oh, don't worry.
I'll go have a look around.

273
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:38,675
Yeah, he is probably in the ocean
trying to pull a tugboat with his teeth.

274
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:42,137
Well, look who decided
to join us.

275
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,265
- — And where is your sister?
- She is in our bathroom throwing up.

276
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:48,602
Well, what happened? — you're
not going to like this as much as I do,

277
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,354
but she's drunk.

278
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:51,939
[ Gasps ] [Luke laughing]

279
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:54,608
I—I knew I never should
have let her...

280
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,610
[Luke] That's awesome.

281
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:59,196
Guarantee our bathroom
is still messier.

282
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,953
Oh, my god! Lily! [ Panting
I where is the elevator?

283
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:08,372
Where— I don't know!
I'm taking the stairs!

284
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,791
Lily, we're coming for you!
[Shrieking ]

285
00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:18,006
Hey, you. Where you headed?

286
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,467
Well, remember earlier in the pool
when you convinced me...

287
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,636
To let Haley go next door
with complete strangers?

288
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,739
And you were totally on board.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, well,

289
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,658
she got drunk, and now
she's upstairs throwing up.

290
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:29,559
But she's just a kid. Who
would serve her? We did, honey.

291
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:34,815
On a silver platter. You convinced me
to relax and let go, and now this happens.

292
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,442
I'm sorry, but we shouldn't
feel bad... [ elevator bell dings]

293
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,444
About wanting a little
time for ourselves.

294
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:42,948
Sweetie, this isn't a honeymoon. We
have kids. You have got to let this go.

295
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,826
From now on, I am not losing
sight of them for two seconds.

296
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,411
Nothing gets past me.

297
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,373
Did you find Jay? I'm
getting worried. Hey.

298
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,333
I'm sorry. I have to deal
with Haley.

299
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,812
No. You know what, sweetie? I will
deal with Haley. [ Elevator bell dings]

300
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,964
You go see if you can find
dad. I'll look for him out there.

301
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,633
[ E/e vator bell dings ]

302
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,136
Lily, where you going, huh?

303
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,392
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry.

304
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,061
Oh, my god. Wow.
What were you thinking?

305
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,940
One of the kids had an ID, and
she bought some drinks. Mm-hmm.

306
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:21,319
I tried one, and then another one.
It was stupid.

307
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,739
Yes. Yes, it was stupid,

308
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:27,284
but you are really lucky that this
did not end as badly as it could have.

309
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,037
This is why we always
say to you...

310
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,372
When you drink,
you make bad decisions.

311
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:35,417
I know, I know. I just...

312
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,754
[ Sighs] One minute you're
having wine coolers at homecoming,

313
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:43,425
and the next... the game of truth
or Claire sweeps your high school.

314
00:14:45,177 --> 00:14:47,137
Thanks for not yelling at me.

315
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,474
Oh, honey.
That would just be cruel.

316
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,476
I'll wait till you feel better to yell.

317
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:56,521
[ Exhales ] I don't
think I'll ever feel better.

318
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,275
Does this happen
every time you drink?

319
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,071
Yes.

320
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,156
Yes, it does.

321
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,035
Jay?

322
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,704
Over here.

323
00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:16,917
Hey. Hey! What are you doing?

324
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,836
I'm stuck. I laid down,
my back went out.

325
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,131
Oh. Well, don't you worry.
We're gonna get you out of here.

326
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,009
Grab on. Yeah, you know,
Phil, this might not be the best...

327
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,845
No, no, no, no, no. I'm just
gonna rock you— like a hurricane.

328
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,014
I'm kidding. You're too
old to get that. Here we go.

329
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,993
Wait. Why don't you just get someone
who works here? No, this is gonna work.

330
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,894
And now— oh, wow! [Grunts]

331
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:39,106
There's spasming. Don't move.
Don't move. No. I don't wanna get...

332
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,444
[Sighing]

333
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,446
Um...

334
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:52,285
[ Exhales ] By the way, I just
want to thank you for this trip.

335
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,538
It's really been a vacation
of a lifetime.

336
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,166
- [Woman ] Oh.
- Nothing weird!

337
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,460
Aloha.

338
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,298
I keep my wallet
in my front pocket, so that's...

339
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,801
That's what that is.

340
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,014
[ Jay groans ]

341
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:16,810
Neck... going. I'm sorry.

342
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,571
Anyone! Anyone, help!
Alert secur/ty/

343
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,198
[ panting ] Seal off the island!

344
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,576
[ Shrieks ] This—
This way! This way!

345
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,827
[Shrieking]

346
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:36,163
Lily! [ Shrieks, sighs ]

347
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,456
Aha. You looking for someone?

348
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,168
Lily. We were so worried.
We just got distracted.

349
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,211
Oh, we're idiots. I/4j/f
don't beat yourself up.

350
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,463
I used to lose Manny
all the time.

351
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:48,758
Now I lost your father.
These things happen.

352
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,595
She's right, you know.

353
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,098
Did she say my father's missing?

354
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,100
Hmm?

355
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:01,605
We say we'll make time,
but life gets in the way.

356
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:05,525
I mean, I know we're parents,
but can't we be lovers too?

357
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,861
This may be my worst
birthday ever.

358
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,404
There you are!

359
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,906
[ Jay! Oh, hi honey. Hey, hey

360
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:13,009
he was stuck in a hammock.
It was actually really funny.

361
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,785
I was on top of him for, like,
20 minutes. You need to go now.

362
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,496
Goodiflght honey.

363
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:20,999
My back seized up.

364
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:24,044
Yeah, because you overdid it after
that phone call about your father.

365
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,588
I can't believe I'm as old
as he was.

366
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:31,927
Wait. Sit down here.
[ Groaning ]

367
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,347
You'd have liked him—
My old man. I'm sure.

368
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:38,516
And he'd have loved you.

369
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,061
My god, that guy—
He was a charmer.

370
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,563
Mmm, I know the type.

371
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:46,358
And we had a lot of fun.

372
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,693
But I'll tell you something.

373
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:52,405
Our family vacations
were nothing like this here.

374
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:55,742
One week a year in a rented cottage
on lake erie, spiders this big.

375
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,827
[ Chuckles ]

376
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:01,081
I just wish he could have seen
how things turned out.

377
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:04,209
Well, if you keep going like this,
maybe you can tell him yourself.

378
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,462
Or I can tell him, because
you're about to kill me, Jay.

379
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:11,091
My legs, my arms, my back—
Everything is sore.

380
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:14,928
So I wore you out, huh? Oh, no,
no, no. Don't get cocky, old man.

381
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,973
When I sit down,
I can still get up. Eh.

382
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,850
Okay, come on. Hey, uh...

383
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:24,813
[Chuckling]
Come here. Come here.

384
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,607
The rest of the trip went better.
Haley's room stopped spinning.

385
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,401
[ Phil] Yes, it is.
And a monkey...

386
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:30,902
[Silvennare clinking]
There she is!

387
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,404
Oh, honey! Hey!

388
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,864
Do you want some eggs
Benedict? So creamy! No.

389
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:37,409
No? Ah. [ Phil, Alex laughing]

390
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,787
[Phil] Jay got back to the
vacation he always wanted.

391
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,254
And Mitch and cam managed
to do some sightseeing...

392
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,006
At a working banana plantation...

393
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,466
[ Cameron ] Lily! Where
they promptly lost Lily again.

394
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,468
Why did you dress her
in jungle prints?

395
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,053
Because I thought
it would be cute!

396
00:18:57,178 --> 00:19:01,057
She's gonna think she's back
in Vietnam! Lily! Lily, honey!

397
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:04,185
Me and Claire, we...

398
00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,187
We had a great time.

399
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,481
But we never did get
that honeymoon.

400
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:11,776
I think I just expected a little
too much from this vacation.

401
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,529
You were so sweet to try.
It was dumb.

402
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,282
[ Chuckles ] Like you
said, the thrill is gone.

403
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,368
I never said that.
No, it's over.

404
00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:24,039
But wait. Put a few seconds
back on the clock.

405
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,334
U [ Ukulele] the kid
still has a few moves.

406
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,044
Oh, my god.

407
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,421
I figured out why we
couldn't have a honeymoon.

408
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,049
Because we never had a wedding.

409
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,426
Oh, my god.

410
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:40,013
I still can't tell if you
think this is lame or cool.

411
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,265
Honey, it's incredibly cool.

412
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,728
Looks like I finally get to walk
you down the aisle. Daddy!

413
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,771
[ Gloria laughs ] [Laughs]
Ow! You better walk me.

414
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,232
Okay. I'll do that.

415
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:54,402
We 're here today to celebrate
the renewing of the marriage vows...

416
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:55,987
Of Phil and Claire.

417
00:19:56,071 --> 00:20:00,367
On this day they've chosen to
reaffirm their love for each other.

418
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:03,411
You may kiss your
bride. [Both] Oh!

419
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:06,081
I present to you,
still as husband and wife,

420
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,083
ahzandflwszlhnufluc [cheenng]

421
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,586
[Man]
,/' it's the eye of the tiger, r

422
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:14,130
,/' it's the thrill of the fightj

423
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:20,178
,/' bile/77g up to the challenge
of our rivals, / ♪

424
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,390
,/' and the last known survivorj

425
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:26,184
,/' stalks his prey in the n/ghtj

426
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:32,232
,/' and he is watching us
all in the eye, r

427
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:36,611
(j' of the tiger 3)

428
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:43,034
[Man over P.A. I welcome to the
nonstop flight from Maui to Los Angeles.

429
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,286
Thank for you choosing
continental airlines.

430
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,038
Thank you.

431
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:49,040
You know, honey,

432
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:52,004
if anything were ever to happen to
me, I would want you to get remarried.

433
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,920
Okay. Mmm.

434
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:57,632
That was a little fast. Oh, no.
I just want to make you happy.

435
00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:00,093
Okay.

436
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,220
Any idea of who
you would remarry?

437
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,556
Vicky Conroy probably.
She works in my office.

438
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,808
She's very organized.
The kids love her.

439
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:09,144
.Aneyougflna;kmth
aboutvkwy? Yeah.

440
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,688
Mom, she's awesome. [ Giggles ]

441
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,985
Just so you know, if something
were to happen to me, I...

442
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:20,029
Something's gonna
happen to you, all right.

443
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:28,997
English - us — psdh