1 00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:08,509 How come we don't have the same number of containers and lids? 2 00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:10,511 Why would they ever get separated? 3 00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:14,640 Built—up resentment, money issues, met a younger lid. 4 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,142 Huh? Uh-huh. 5 00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:19,562 Mom, where's my science homework? It's over there on the table. 6 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,564 80, Alex, honey, what's going on? 7 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,691 - Anything exciting? - No. 8 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,985 - — Any boys? - No. 9 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:29,488 I'm feeling a little bit disconnected from Alex right now. 10 00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:32,783 Last week I picked up her cell phone, thinking it was mine, 11 00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:35,244 and / accidentally read a few fl/n'y text messages... 12 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:37,955 That were probably from a be y in her class, which is fine. 13 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,124 Or they're from a drifter. 14 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:43,586 Come on. Isn't there something you wanna share with your mommers? 15 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,047 Yeah. Don't call yourself “mommers.” 16 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:53,930 He blew his lid when she tried to contain him. 17 00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:56,015 [Chuckling] 18 00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,018 ,/' hey, heyj 19 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,187 ,/' hey, hey, r 20 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,231 ,/' hey, hey, r 21 00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,316 ,/' hey, hey, r 22 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,442 j“ hey if 23 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,576 - — Okay, what do you think? - I like it. 24 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,745 - — But you don't love it. - No, I do. I love it. 25 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:21,123 - — As much as you love the other one? - Ooh. 26 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,252 Okay. Hmm. 27 00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,419 The house is on fire. 28 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:27,088 I only have time to grab one shirt. 29 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,673 Which one do I take? 30 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,508 The correct answer is: Take Lily. 31 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,927 - After that. - Okay, the blue one. 32 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,637 Because the gray one washes me out. 33 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,222 Cam, you can't go wrong here. 34 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,824 Everything you've tried on looks great. 35 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:40,726 I love you in both of them. Oh, you're so nice to me. 36 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,731 Hey. 37 00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:49,277 Mitchell has a problem with public displays of affection. 38 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,613 I remember once at a new year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, 39 00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,657 he high-fived me. 40 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:58,536 Two problems with that: One, gays don't high—five. 41 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,664 Two, gays don't high—five. 42 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,708 [Jay] I'm home! 43 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,003 Mmm. What smells so good? 44 00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,255 I'm making chunchullo, a traditional Colombian dish, 45 00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:11,924 for dinner with the family tonight. Chunchullo. 46 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:15,511 What is that, like tacos? Yes, like tacos. 47 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,723 No, it isn't. It's the small intestine of a pig. Oh, geez. 48 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,726 Why can't we eat regular food like normal people? 49 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,313 I told you, Jay. My grandmother— who rest in peace... 50 00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,481 Has been coming to me in my dreams, 51 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,942 telling me that I'm losing touch with my roots. 52 00:02:30,026 --> 00:02:33,988 See, this is awkward, because my dead uncle Joe told me to have steak tonight. 53 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,324 No, no, no, Jay. Have some respect. 54 00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,576 My grandmother can hear you. 55 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,536 What do you mean, she can hear us? 56 00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:43,873 Well, in our culture, we believe that the dead are all around us. 57 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,666 She's right, Manny. 58 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:49,337 She could be right here, her bony fingers reaching out from the grave. 59 00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:50,755 [ Gasps ] 60 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,381 Yeah, keep it up, Jay. 61 00:02:52,465 --> 00:02:54,985 There's already one dead person in this room. You wanna make it two? 62 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,094 I'm sorry. I've got a printer to install. 63 00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,890 Oh, Gloria. Have your grandmother run me up an iced tea in about 10 minutes. 64 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:03,392 Yeah, she has a better chance of making that work than you. 65 00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:06,812 Why don't you save us the stomping and the swearing and call Phil? 66 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,939 [ He's good at that stuff. I Jay ] Better than me? 67 00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:11,859 Phil's not better than me at anything, 68 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,004 except maybe making that stupid sound with his mouth. 69 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,529 [ Imitating scratching ] 70 00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:17,490 $3 [ Beatboxing ] 71 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:21,035 3 a what—what 9 72 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,995 you spit on me. 73 00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:26,457 Haley, honey, I need you to do something for me. 74 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,417 [Groans] Mom, my arm hurts. 75 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,897 Why don't you find out what it is before you start making up excuses to get out of it? 76 00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:33,547 [ Sighs ] Okay, what is it? 77 00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:35,716 I need you to talk to your sister. 78 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,386 I think that there's something going on with her and a boy. 79 00:03:38,511 --> 00:03:41,222 So? So? I am your mother, 80 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:44,368 and it is my job to make sure that you girls don't get involved with a predator. 81 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:47,853 Okay, mom, stop watching dateline. And why can't you just talk to her? 82 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:50,022 I have tried to talk to her. 83 00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:52,441 She won't talk to me. You know that. 84 00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:55,277 That's because you get so weird every time a boy comes near us. 85 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:57,196 I just don't want you girls to... 86 00:03:57,321 --> 00:04:00,408 To make the same mistakes that you did? No! 87 00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:04,412 Mom, I'm not an idiot. I pick up on things. No. 88 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:07,248 And I don't think that you were the good girl you pretend you were. 89 00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:11,919 Wow. That is so untrue. I was a very good girl. Hmm. 90 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,505 Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them. 91 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,590 They need to know who you wish you were, 92 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:19,218 and they need to try to live up to that person. 93 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,761 They're gonna fall short. 94 00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:23,514 But better they fall short of the fake you than the real you. 95 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,099 Which is why we don't hide anything. 96 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,809 That is the opposite of what I just said. 97 00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,602 I was not listening. 98 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,566 Oh! I'll say it again. I love you in Paisley. 99 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,651 Ooh, let me look the door and draw the curtains. 100 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,529 What does that mean? Doesn't mean anything. 101 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,656 Good. You know exactly what it means. 102 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:43,510 You won't kiss me in front of other people because you're ashamed of who you are. 103 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,786 And yes, I went there. 104 00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,914 Okay, you can't say, “yes, I went there” when you go there all the time. 105 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,184 And by the way, I'm the one who makes speeches on airplanes... 106 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,169 Every time someone looks at us weird. 107 00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:56,672 I'm the one who gives my dad hell when he refers to you as my “friend.” 108 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:58,883 That's different. That's confrontation. 109 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,385 - — But you know what takes real strength? - Whining? 110 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,345 Afiecflon. Cnlths isinsane. 111 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,473 Buying a shirt— it's not a kiss-worthy moment. 112 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,516 I didn't know there was an official list. 113 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,352 Tell us, what is on the list? I'll tell you what's not on the list. 114 00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:12,354 Finding jalapeño-stuffed olives, 115 00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:15,024 making the light on maple, every time we see a vw. 116 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:17,943 - — You don't like kiss—buggy? - It's not a real game. 117 00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,029 It's just another way for you to be needy, 118 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,156 and I don't appreciate you making me feel bad... 119 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,366 Because I can't live up to your impossible standards. 120 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,410 Nobody kisses at a bowling alley. 121 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,871 I almost got a Turkey! 122 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,456 [ No audible dialogue] 123 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,041 [ Exhales ] 124 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:38,339 [ Phone rings] 125 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,133 [Beeps] Yeho? 126 00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:44,404 - — Oh, hey, Jay. Just a sec. I'll go get Claire. - Actually it's you I'm calling. 127 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,472 - — [ Squeals ] - What was that? 128 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,849 The cat. There's a cat. What's up? 129 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,494 Well, Gloria's been missing her grandmother. 130 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,718 I've been trying to get this old picture of her printed. 131 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,438 But I can't get this new printer to... 132 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,023 I'll be right there. [ Phone beeps ] 133 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,566 Luke, grandpa needs us! 134 00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:59,527 Hells yes, I was glad to get the call. 135 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:03,239 Jay's always around here fixing things, cracking jokes about my delicate hands... 136 00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,700 Or my... gag response to the smell of paint. 137 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,537 Look who needs me now. 138 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:13,749 Mr. Hot-dog—fingers—can't-press—“print”- without-hitting-three-extra-keys. 139 00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:17,795 Yeah. In my house now, Jay. 140 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,714 T-— technically, we'll be in his house, 141 00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:24,093 but we'll be in my area of his house. 142 00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:28,305 So I hear you have a boyfriend. No, I don't. 143 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,474 Who is he? I'm not talking to you about this. 144 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:33,352 Oh, come on. You're finally interesting. Just tell me. 145 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,522 He's not my boyfriend. It's Jeremy Reed. 146 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,524 He's— he's just this boy that I... 147 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,317 No. Love? 148 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,486 No! Well, have you guys kissed yet? 149 00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:45,823 Well, what are you waiting for? I'm not waiting. I'm 13. 150 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,742 - — And you've never kissed a boy? - How old were you? 151 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,662 Like, 11. And it was beautiful. 152 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:55,207 I was in Jackson kaner's carpeted garage. 153 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,792 Eleven? Yeah. 154 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,437 So you better get on it or else he's gonna think you're a lesbian. 155 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,941 He's not going to think I'm a lesbian. 156 00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:02,506 I thought you were. 157 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,133 You totally have the sandals for it. 158 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,928 Let's see this bad boy. 159 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:11,599 Oh! P-750. Nice unit. [Beeps] 160 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,642 I would have sprung for the 840, but I get it. 161 00:07:13,726 --> 00:07:15,606 Not everyone can handle that kind of horsepower. 162 00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:18,647 I thought maybe the cordless phone was interfering, so I unplugged it. 163 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:22,234 Good idea. Maybe we should run downstairs and unplug the toaster while we're at it. 164 00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:23,861 [ Laughing] Oh, snap, dad. 165 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,446 A toaster. [ Fingers snap] 166 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:28,240 We're kidding. Your cordless phone is 5.8 gigahertz. 167 00:07:28,324 --> 00:07:30,993 This is Wi-Fi. It's a totally different spectrum. 168 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,287 Walk with me. 169 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,540 Here's a little trick that I've found pretty useful with Claire. 170 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,962 J“ the computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk, r 171 00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:46,216 j“ command—p makes the picture walk, walk, walk j' 172 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,430 how come it's not working? It should be. 173 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,973 [Typing ] Okay. 174 00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:56,268 Uh, that should be printing, so... 175 00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,812 Hey, Phil. I'm gonna get a beer, beer, beer... 176 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,898 Before I hit you in the head, head, head. 177 00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:04,735 [ Breathing heavily] 178 00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,780 [ Whispers ] Okay. [ Door opens ] 179 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:10,783 Hey. What are you doing here? Hi, Jeremy. 180 00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,785 - — I wanna ask you something. - Sure. Ask me... 181 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,912 Wait. Don't talk yet. Here's the thing. 182 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,164 We've been texting for a while, and it's been nice. 183 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,208 But I feel like it's leading to something else. 184 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,293 And I don't know if you do or not, but... 185 00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:23,337 I guess what I'm trying to say is... 186 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:28,550 I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking for him to like her. 187 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:31,679 Oh, god. That's from netting h/ll. So dorky. 188 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,723 - — But a really underrated movie. - What's happening? 189 00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:38,102 I'm not a lesbian. I would like for you to kiss me. 190 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:44,608 [ Breathing heavily] 191 00:08:56,787 --> 00:09:00,290 Oh, I love watching you stir. Then I will stop. 192 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,459 What? Are you still mad at me? 193 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:05,462 Yes. You have to apologize for making fun of my culture, 194 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,382 my beliefs, my chunchullo, my abue/a. 195 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,842 I'm sorry. 196 00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,636 If you think your grandmother's here with us, I respect that. 197 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,096 Now, come here. 198 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,890 Oh! Grandma, where'd you come from? 199 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,935 We're gonna have to get you a little bell. [ Laughing ] 200 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:23,147 Enough, Jay! My culture is very important to me. 201 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,316 I've been working all day to share it with your family tonight. 202 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,694 And all you do is mock me. Just go. 203 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,697 Honey, I'm sorry. I'm just teasing you. 204 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,907 Instead of being the comedian, why don't you help me? 205 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,367 What do you need? 206 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,288 Slap the chicken. Do what? 207 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:42,750 In Colombia, when you cook in honor of the departed, 208 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,794 you have to scare death away from the food... 209 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:47,921 To protect the people that are gonna eat it. 210 00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:49,590 Slap it and yell. 211 00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:51,175 Jay. That's the nuttiest... 212 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,303 Calm down. Give me the chicken. 213 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:57,014 There we go. Mm-hmm. 214 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,851 That's not scaring anything away. 215 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:05,189 When my grandfather used to cook, the whole house would shake. 216 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,609 [Yelling] 217 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,528 Louden [yemnglouder] 218 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,531 [Fighen [shnemng] 219 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:15,991 Louden 220 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,660 ffigherllouderlkfighefl [confinues] 221 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:22,080 I made all that up. That's not a real custom in Colombia. 222 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,624 We're not lunatics. 223 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,585 But you mess with us and we mess with you. 224 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,420 That's the custom. 225 00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:30,672 [ Shrieking continues] 226 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:31,882 Louden 227 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,885 [ door opens ] 228 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,805 - — Hey, honey. Where'd you go? - Nowhere. Just for a bike ride. 229 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:40,140 Oh, my god. Please tell me this text is wrong. 230 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:42,392 Did you really just go over to that kid's house... 231 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,978 And try and kiss him in front of a million people? 232 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,782 - — Alex, did you do that? - You got a text? 233 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,899 Oh, yeah. Everybody knows. 234 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,110 - — Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? - This is all your fault. 235 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,905 You're the one who said I had to kiss him or I was a lesbian. 236 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,074 Haley, did you say that to her? 237 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,885 Oh, don't turn this on me. Look at her shoes. 238 00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,678 [ Groans ] I'm never going back to school now. 239 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,162 No, sweetheart. Yes, you are. 240 00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,164 You are going back to school. But listen to me. 241 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:06,392 Just because a boy sends you flirty texts doesn't mean you... 242 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,585 What? You read my texts? 243 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:12,089 You read her texts? That's why you made me talk to her? 244 00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:16,218 You made her talk to me? I kind of feel like we're spinning out here a little bit. 245 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,220 Look, Alex, the important thing here is... 246 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:21,265 That you have to be very careful how you behave around boys, 247 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,600 because it is so easy to get a reputation. 248 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:26,244 Well, I'm sorry I'm not a perfect little good girl like you were. 249 00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,605 [ Groans ] 250 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,649 Were you? Oh! 251 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,401 Were you? [ Exhales ] 252 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,486 | highly doubt it! 253 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:39,157 Don't be such a chicken. There's no ghost in here. 254 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:42,703 I'm telling you, my mom said her dead grandmother was in the house. 255 00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:46,039 She said she felt her here this morning, in this room. 256 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,417 Maybe your mom's mentally ill. 257 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,752 [ Loud thud ] 258 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,213 [ Scraping ] 259 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:59,386 Who puts a router— [ Grunts] In the attic? 260 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,138 [Thudding continues] 261 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,349 Did she have a limp... And a cane? 262 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:05,433 Uh—huh. 263 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,977 [Beeps] 264 00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,939 [ Objects clatter] [ Groans ] 265 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:17,404 Ghost of Manny's great-grandma, 266 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,032 if that's really you, 267 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783 show yourself! 268 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,368 [Whirring] 269 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,373 That's her! 270 00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,375 [ Screams ] 271 00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,169 [ Both screaming ] 272 00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:36,965 Come on! 273 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,009 Why? 274 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,386 [ Shouting, echoing ] Why? 275 00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:42,679 [ Doorbell rings] 276 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,351 Hi, grandpa. How we doing, girls? 277 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,686 Mom ruined my life today. I didn't ruin your life. 278 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,272 Don't even talk to me. I didn't even wanna come here. 279 00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:54,274 [ Exhales ] Well, okay. 280 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,443 Snacks and sodas are in the living room. 281 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:59,363 But don't fill up. We've got intestines coming. 282 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:03,075 Uh, dad, if you're looking for your shoes, I think I know where they are. 283 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,677 This happens to be a Colombian custom... 284 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,120 Walking in the footsteps of the ancestors, blah, blah, blah. 285 00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:08,705 Beats slapping the chicken. 286 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,207 [Snickering ] 287 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:15,379 Here. I brought you a drink. Ah, wait a minute. 288 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,799 Sip it first. I'm not mad at you. 289 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,801 I thought about it, and maybe you're right. 290 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,011 I can be a little needy sometimes. 291 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,305 Oh, well, I appreciate that. 292 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:27,474 And you're probably not entirely off base. 293 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,977 I mean, lord knows I—I've got my quirks. [ Snickers ] 294 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,188 And I'm not the most demonstrative guy around. 295 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,024 But... i'm-I'm working on it. 296 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,776 And I'm gonna help you with it. Good. 297 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,862 Just_ don't give up on me. Never. 298 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,490 [Tapping glass] Okay, everybody, let's gather around. 299 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,075 Jay, come here. 300 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,829 Tonight we dine on the traditional Colombian recipes... 301 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,289 Of my abue/a, my grandmother. 302 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,875 And even though she's no longer with me, 303 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,628 I am very happy because I have all of you. 304 00:13:56,753 --> 00:14:01,091 - Oh! — to Ana Maria Rosa de la inmaculada jimenez morales. 305 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:05,303 [All ] To Ana Maria Rosa inmaculada... 306 00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:08,765 Morales. It's beautiful, Gloria, just like my Mitchell. 307 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,560 [Claire] Oh! Oh! Whoa! 308 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,229 [ Mitchell ] Justshpped right off there. 309 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:19,401 [ Gloria ] Ay, Cameron, what happened? 310 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,946 One moment you were there, the next, only shoes. I'll tell you what happened. 311 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,490 Mitchell is embarrassed to kiss me in front of other people. 312 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:28,869 No, you ambushed me. — oh, cam, come on. Don't take it personally. 313 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:31,514 When Mitchell was in high school, he was dating this girl, Robin Schiller. 314 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:35,792 - He would never kiss her either. - That's because I was gay. 315 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,544 What's your excuse now? 316 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:41,548 Ay, Cameron, it's not Mitch's fault. He gets it from his father. 317 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,885 Jay doesn't like the lovey-dovey in public either. 318 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,887 I can't believe you're coming at me right now. 319 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,930 I'm standing here with shoes around my neck. 320 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,974 And for the better part of a half hour, 321 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,934 I screamed the death out of your meat. 322 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,121 Now, what do you want from me? [ Gloria] Don't you see? 323 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:59,316 It's because of you that your son cannot kiss his own lover. 324 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,943 Don't say “lover.” we don't like “lover.” 325 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,945 Can we just eat? 326 00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:07,866 No. Tell Mitch that it's okay to kiss cam in front of you. 327 00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,868 Why is that something we have to do? 328 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,912 We don't. Of course we don't. 329 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:15,373 Oh, I'm sorry that I don't wanna make out with you in front of my whole family. 330 00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,959 No need to apologize. Oh! Gloria is right. 331 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,837 Dad, you being so emotionally closed off... 332 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:24,049 Makes it very difficult for your children to show affection. 333 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,717 - Really? - Yes. 334 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,929 You had trouble showing affection in public places? Yes. 335 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,764 Yes you? 336 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,576 Was that before or after you were delivered to my door in a squad car, 337 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,369 wearing nothing but your undennear and a police blanket? 338 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,437 Oh, my god. What? 339 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,272 You were arrested? [ Luke ] Awesome! 340 00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,608 Not awesome. And I wasn't arrested. 341 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,527 Your grandfather is just telling a joke. 342 00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:45,070 It was just a joke. Mm-hmm. 343 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,696 I got a million of 'em. Dad. 344 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,281 [ Phil] I did it! It's printing. 345 00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,617 I had to download new firmware, install new drivers, 346 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:55,122 change your encryption and replace an ethernet cable in a hundred-degree attic... 347 00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,874 While dodging particularly aggressive spiders. 348 00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:01,002 Butldwit thanks. 349 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,755 Oh. Okay. I guess that's it. 350 00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:06,758 - — What? What's it? - Wake up, dummy. 351 00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,802 This is what we're talking about. 352 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:12,222 This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you. 353 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,600 People need something else— Kisses, hugs. 354 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:19,146 What? For fixing a printer? Well, I was fine. It was only four hours. 355 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,231 I tipped over a paint can and threw up a little. 356 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,900 But I think— I think “thanks” about covers it. 357 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,784 - What's wrong with “thanks”? - It's pretty much the bare minimum, dad. 358 00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:30,407 Jay, for god sakes, just say something. 359 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,910 You want me to say something? How about “you're welcome”? 360 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,371 How about “I'm so happy to be here for you all... 361 00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,957 So I can take the blame for all your crap”? 362 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,959 I can't do this. I never did that. 363 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:44,713 Trust me. I gave you twice as much as my father ever gave me. 364 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:47,215 The man kissed me one time in my entire life. 365 00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:50,153 Came up behind me, kissed me in the back of the head, said, “good night, Becky.” 366 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,928 He thought I was my sister. 367 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:55,015 Wait a minute. When was the last time you kissed Mitch? 368 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,184 _ uh— — what does that have to do with anything? 369 00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,519 Mitch, when was the last time he kissed you? 370 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,730 - I— I don't remember. - It wasn't that long ago. 371 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,023 I was 12. 372 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,108 Twelve? This is the problem. 373 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:09,529 Jay's dad doesn't kiss Jay, so Jay doesn't kiss Mitch. 374 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,114 And Mitch is uptight. 375 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,384 [ Mitchell ] Okay, okay. Uptight was really not on the table. 376 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,868 This is more about kissing. 377 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,162 Jay, kiss your son. He's a mess. 378 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:20,290 - — Oh, come on now. - We don't have to do that. 379 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,584 No. Yes, you do. 380 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,787 Come on. Do it. You're in front of your grandchildren. 381 00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,939 What kind of example are you setting, dad? Jbesol jbesol jbesol 382 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,965 all right, all right. Shut up! 383 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,967 [Shouting stops] 384 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:34,137 Mitch, get over here. What? Now? Well, I feel weird now. 385 00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:36,581 Don't be coy. What are you waiting for, a box of chocolates? 386 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,225 Let's do this. 387 00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:51,279 - [ Gloria] Aw. — [ Cameron ] That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. 388 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:55,325 All right, and now, because I never wanna hear this again, 389 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,701 aw. You. 390 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,704 Not you. Oh, daddy, I love you. 391 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,166 - — [ Exhales ] - Let's go eat chunchullo! 392 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,501 That's okay. 393 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,629 [ Manny] You know it's made of pig intestines, right? 394 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,011 Alex, wait. What? 395 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,597 I wanna talk to you. Mom, I don't want another lecture. 396 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:20,183 It's not a lecture. I want to tell you something. 397 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,478 Honey, I know exactly how you're feeling. 398 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:26,481 No, you don't. Okay. 399 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,985 The— the joke that grandpa told tonight... 400 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,487 That— that happened. 401 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,447 That— that was true. 402 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:37,200 So you were arrested naked? I wasn't naked. 403 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,911 And I was not arrested, perse. 404 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:43,623 I was driven home one night by the police... 405 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:48,253 Because my boyfriend and I had gone swimming in somebody's pool, 406 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,256 and we didn't have bathing suits, and blah, blah, blah. 407 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,008 The details aren't important. 408 00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:56,636 What matters is that everybody at school was talking about it. 409 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,473 And I thought I would die. But it passed. 410 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,309 I swear. 411 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,520 And now, honey, I'm— I'm glad it happened. 412 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,064 I've got a funny story to tell at dinner parties. 413 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:12,944 So, how long did it take before you thought it was funny? 414 00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:15,071 Oh, god. 415 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,741 Ten, 15 years. 416 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:20,327 Great. What do I do about tomorrow? 417 00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,412 I don't think you have to worry about that. 418 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,039 Look. 419 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,503 [Sighs] 420 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,922 [ Gloria ] In Colombia, we kiss for everything, 421 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:36,051 because a kiss can mean so many different things. 422 00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,596 There's no ghost in here, is there? Not a chance. 423 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,848 Sleep easy, kid. 424 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,270 It can be the start of something new. 425 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,231 [ Kisses ] 426 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:57,072 It can be how we say, “this is the person that / love. ” 427 00:19:57,197 --> 00:20:00,742 So, who's a better kisser, me or your dad? Ew! 428 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,827 It can be romantic. 429 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:07,332 Just so you know, if my friends weren't there, I would have said yes. 430 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,794 So if you still want to... 431 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:17,384 If it's okay, maybe we should hang out more first. 432 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,428 This is only the second conversation we've had that wasn't by text. 433 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:21,721 Whoo! 434 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:24,182 It can also be worth waiting for. 435 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:27,936 Jay, what is this? 436 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,272 Just another nice thing I did for you while you made a fool of me. 437 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,316 Manny let me in on your little tricks. 438 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:36,653 You feel bad now? No, I feel good. 439 00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:41,616 Mmm! 440 00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:43,952 [ Both laughing ] 441 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,163 That one is definitely my favorite. 442 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,378 Phh, youreahydont havetodoths. Noj—icandon. 443 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:54,921 I wanna do it. 444 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:58,383 It's silly to pay someone else just to do something... 445 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:01,261 Oh! Oh, no. Oh! 446 00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,638 Oh, god! Oh, wait. No, no. Sweetie, don't spill that. 447 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,390 Oh, it's on me. Careful. Oh, gosh. 448 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,600 Oh! Okay. Get up. You're fine. 449 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,270 Get it off! Okay, I got it. I got it off. 450 00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:12,063 Ah, the face! Not the face. 451 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,357 Oh, all right, I'll pull it down. [Stammering ] 452 00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,943 It's on me. I'm gonna have to— I'll cut it off. 453 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,279 Good idea. [ Gagging I 454 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:20,864 get a bucket, please. 455 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:26,703 English - us - psdh