1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:04,589
Oh, my god! Mom, the
party is around the block.

2
00:00:04,714 --> 00:00:07,675
I'll be gone for two hours. That is
two hours you could spend studying.

3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,677
I have been studying
all weekend.

4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,722
No friends, no phone.
Just me alone with books.

5
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:14,307
I feel like Alex.

6
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:15,909
You're never alone
when you have books.

7
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,060
Really? Is that what
you want me to turn into?

8
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,354
Sweetheart, listen to me.
This is the s.A.T.'S, okay?

9
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:22,607
It is not some
stupid science quiz.

10
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,192
Hey, if science quizzes
are so stupid,

11
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,068
why do you put mine up
on the refrigerator?

12
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,552
Because we feel sorry for you,
'cause books are your friends.

13
00:00:28,613 --> 00:00:32,116
Yeah, she wasn't studying last night—
She was video chatting the whole time.

14
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:34,619
I knew it. I knew it. Shut
up! You are such a tattle...

15
00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:37,121
Girls, take it down a notch,
because I— whoa, whoa, whoa.

16
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:40,208
What's the hot topic on
the view today, ladies?

17
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,876
Dad, can you
just please tell mom...

18
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,503
That I can take a two—hour
break and go to a party?

19
00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:48,341
No, ma'am. I'm not stepping into that
one. We're not playing good cop/mom.

20
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,802
I got it.

21
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,889
Hello. You call for a plumber?

22
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:57,725
- — Uh, no, we did not.
- Oh, yes, we did. We did.

23
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,328
- We did?
- Plumber, hi. Yeah.

24
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,271
Um, it's at the top of
the stairs. Really, Claire?

25
00:01:02,355 --> 00:01:03,940
Didn't I tell you
I'd fix the tub?

26
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,359
Yes, you did. I think I was
pregnant with Luke at the time.

27
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:10,112
That is not fair. I've done everything
you've asked me to do around here.

28
00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:13,115
I fixed the step, didn't I?
Look how solid it is.

29
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,201
I'm like Shirley temple
and that black guy.

30
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:19,247
Bill “bojangles” Robinson. Bill
“bojangles” Robinson! I said it first.

31
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:22,625
So this is the problem.
Uh, faucet just keeps leaking.

32
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,336
Yeah, it's a cracked washer,
if I know my washers.

33
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,129
And it's, uh, been
leaking a little water.

34
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:28,714
Yeah, could be a washer,

35
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:31,425
a cracked valve, a stripped pipe.

36
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,928
Well, I guess I'm not
a professional plumber,

37
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,597
but I have spent a huge
amount of time in that tub.

38
00:01:36,681 --> 00:01:39,642
I can tell you from experience, or
at least what it feels like in there.

39
00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:44,272
,/' hey, heyj

40
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,357
,/' hey, heyj

41
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,442
,/' hey, heyj

42
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:50,444
,/' hey, heyj

43
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:51,696
j“ hey if

44
00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,911
Oh, good. You're back.

45
00:01:58,995 --> 00:02:02,057
I need you to help settle a spat between
our blacksmith and that chimney sweep.

46
00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:04,458
Be nice. It took me 20 minutes
to find my opera cloak.

47
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:06,478
I still can't believe you didn't
have to rent any of that.

48
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,730
Oh, please. Do you know
how many times this has paid for itself?

49
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:09,839
Has it?

50
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:12,174
Our friend pepper loves
to throw theme parties.

51
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:17,013
Yes, he does. And this weekend is his
first annual Oscar wilde and crazy brunch.

52
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:20,725
We're still recovering from his
studio 54th of July barbecue.

53
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,476
Uh— they were fun at first.

54
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,645
But they have become
a lot of work.

55
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,481
You have to dress in costume.
You have to assume a character.

56
00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,817
I— I can't believe
you ever dated him.

57
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:34,196
One date. It was the '903.
We'd just lost Princess di.

58
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,741
I was at sea.

59
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,869
Uh, cam, can wejust— Can we please cancel?

60
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:43,497
I wish we could, but you know
he's still mad at us for missing passover.

61
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,083
Oh, right.
Seder day night fever.

62
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,668
Just go get dressed
and powdered.

63
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,546
Oh. Pepper has done
the impossible...

64
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,923
He's made two gay men
hate brunch.

65
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:01,140
It might be easierjust to pour
the Espresso right in the sugar.

66
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,643
Every morning.

67
00:03:04,727 --> 00:03:07,104
Jay, what are you wearing?
You can't go to church like that.

68
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,023
Well, that settles it then.
I'm going golfing.

69
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,691
You're gonna miss church again?

70
00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:12,919
Last Sunday, you said that
you had to go to the office.

71
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,112
The week before, you
had breakfast with a friend.

72
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:18,741
And before that, you thought you had
a cold that turned out not to be a cold.

73
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,035
Because I babied it. You
don't have to convince us.

74
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,329
You have to convince him.
Who, god?

75
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,212
- — Me and god are good.
- How would you know?

76
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:28,000
Look, you feel god in church,
which is great.

77
00:03:28,084 --> 00:03:30,127
I feel god out in nature,
amongst his works.

78
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,963
- — Are you gonna go to church next week?
- We'll see.

79
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:36,050
I know what “we'll see” means. If
you're done with church, just say it.

80
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,052
- I'm done with church.
- Don't say that!

81
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:41,222
Look, I'm not going to church
anymore. It's not the end of the world.

82
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,474
Let's not make a big deal out...

83
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,184
- Ah, ah—
- Earthquake!

84
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,229
/un ierremofo/ /I/amos,
vamos, Manny!

85
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:50,106
/I/amos, jay/ come on, Jay!

86
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:51,524
Girls!

87
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,442
Oh, god. Oh, god. Okay.

88
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,861
This is— this is stuck.

89
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:59,407
Oh, we're
gonna die! We're gonna die!

90
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:03,911
We better not. If they find us in these
outfits, it's gonna be very bad for the gays.

91
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,913
Claire? We're okay.

92
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,374
Dad! Luke.

93
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:11,001
Buddy. You okay?

94
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,462
That thing almost fell on me.

95
00:04:13,546 --> 00:04:15,923
I was sitting there, and it
came this close to my head.

96
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,926
It's all right. You're
okay. You didn't get hurt.

97
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,011
Well, I'm not gonna
wait around here until I do.

98
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,930
Okay!

99
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,349
Wow. That is a doozy.

100
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,273
- — Hey, are you guys okay?
- Yeah, we're fine.

101
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,858
Weheflne you?

102
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,443
That was really...

103
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:37,528
Oh, wait. Hold on. Hello?

104
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,072
- — Mitch, are you okay?
- We're okay. We're okay.

105
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:44,201
- And Phil and Claire?
- I'm on the other line with them right now. One second.

106
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,745
Hello? Oh, shoot. We lost Phil.

107
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:49,457
- We lost Phil?
- We lost Phil?

108
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,833
Hello?

109
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,877
Great. Now Gloria's gone.

110
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,547
Gloria's gone too? Oh!

111
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,425
Hey, Gloria. la y,
dias mio/ Phil, you're alive!

112
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,385
Yeah. Of course I'm alive.

113
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:04,722
For now.

114
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:09,310
For months, Claire has been
after me and dogging me...

115
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,353
“Anchor the cabinet to the wall.

116
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,981
What if we have an earthquake?
We've got kids in the house.”

117
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,984
Blah, blah, blah. So—
It finally reached a point...

118
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:21,363
Where I hand no choice but to just
roll up my sleeves and tell her I did it.

119
00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:25,993
Uh, Phil!

120
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,995
Dad, get up here. On my way.

121
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,081
Seriously! I just
fixed that. Really?

122
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,042
What's wrong? Mom's stuck.

123
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,920
You okay in there?

124
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,130
We're fine. The door is jammed.

125
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,008
Oh, okay. Uh...

126
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,178
Well, uh, let's try this
together, okay? Okay.

127
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,679
Um, I'm gonna push— you pull.

128
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:49,266
Okay. On three. One, two, three...

129
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,687
Nothing. Oh, dang it.

130
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:57,191
Okay, here's the thing. I wasn't
pushing. In fact, I was pulling a little.

131
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,027
It dawned on me that as long as
Claire was stuck in the bathroom,

132
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,112
I'd have time to anchor
the cabinet to the wall.

133
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,782
It's like they say, sometimes
when god closes a door,

134
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,494
he closes it so hard
that your wife can't get out.

135
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:12,122
So, don't panic. I'm gonna get you
out. I'm just gonna go get some tools.

136
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,874
Get a crowbar, if you have one.

137
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:17,628
What is that supposed to mean? Like I'm
some dandy who doesn't have a crowbar?

138
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,630
Well, you did
just use the word “dandy.”

139
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,716
“Dandy” is a term coined by miners
in the 15th century.

140
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,969
Phil? Just get us out of here.

141
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:31,267
Dad, how long is it gonna take
to get her out of there? Long time.

142
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,894
Oh, honey, don't worry.
Mommy is gonna be out soon.

143
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:36,146
Don't panic.

144
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,650
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're
not going to that party, young lady.

145
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,736
No, I'm not going to the party.
I'm just going downstairs.

146
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,780
With your purse? Come on.

147
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:48,075
Just cover for me
this one time and I...

148
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,035
I'll drive you
wherever you want.

149
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,830
I wanna go to the
museum of tolerance. Fine.

150
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,582
How far is tolerance?

151
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:58,127
I can hear the two of you scheming out
there. Don't you dare leave this house.

152
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:01,338
Oh, why do you have to be
such a psycho control freak?

153
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,008
Okay. You know what? Just for
that, you are grounded one week.

154
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,843
Oh, that's good parenting.

155
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,138
Okay. Two weeks. Wanna
double it? Keep talking!

156
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,973
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!

157
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,559
Fine! Four weeks! Foufl

158
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,936
double it again
and make it 10 weeks!

159
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:19,773
Oh, my god! Do you not hear
how much you need to study?

160
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,859
Mitchell, come on.
We're gonna be late.

161
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,777
Oh, I can't believe
we have to do this.

162
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:27,281
Come on. After the earthquake, it might be
nice to be around similarly dressed people.

163
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,742
That makes no—
The— the earthquake.

164
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:33,370
Okay. Okay. Yes. Yes, this—
Okay. This is the perfect excuse.

165
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,654
- Why? We're fine. — yeah,
but pepper doesn't know that.

166
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:38,459
You'll just tell him that we have
some damage we have to deal with.

167
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:41,337
- Why me? — because I'm
the one that always cancels.

168
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,523
- Do not hand me that. I will not talk to him.
- Hello?

169
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,775
- I'm a bad liar. Do not hand me that.
- He's on. Pick up.

170
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:49,595
- — You're doing it. Do it.
- Lz'hink somebody's talk/ng. Hello?

171
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:53,641
Hi, pepper. Listen, hi.
Hey, it's Cameron.

172
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,851
- — How are you doing over there?
- Great

173
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,771
well, the earthquake—
Yeah, it was huge here.

174
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,273
So, obviously, we're not— we're
not gonna be able to make it.

175
00:08:01,357 --> 00:08:03,275
- Whynot?
- Well, some dishes broke.

176
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,903
You can sweep them up later.
And, um— well, yeah, I guess...

177
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,156
I guess we could
sweep those up, um, later.

178
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,116
Our, uh— our— our hat rack...

179
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,040
Our hat rack fell through
the window. Hat rack?

180
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,620
Well— yeah, we do
have a hat rack.

181
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,498
We thought it would force us to
wear our hats more. And it did.

182
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,042
And there's water damage.
There's water everywhere.

183
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,210
A bookshelf fell...

184
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:22,878
On Mitchell's leg.

185
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,506
Mitchell's hurt, pepper.
Mitchell's hurt real bad.

186
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:28,217
- I'n7 coming right over. — no,
you don't need to come over.

187
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,010
- /'n7 coming.
- Pepper, no!

188
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:34,181
- — He's coming over.
- See? Kind of panicked.

189
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,642
You did panic,
cam. You panicked real bad.

190
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,524
You're still going golfing?

191
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,401
God sent you a sign, Jay.

192
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,361
What, the earthquake?
You gotta be kidding me.

193
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:51,365
You say that you're never going to church
again, and the ground shakes with a vengeance.

194
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:54,088
I'll prove it to you. God, if you
have a problem with me golfing...

195
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,703
Shh. Send me a sign.

196
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,913
I mean, throw in a little
lightning. Put on a show.

197
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,124
Don't talk to god like that!
Now, trust me,

198
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:03,961
if god had a problem with me, he would
let me know without shaking the whole city.

199
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,713
He would be
a little more specific.

200
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,382
I'm not gonna argue with you.
I don't wanna get upset.

201
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,967
I/amonos, Manny

202
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,469
- I think I'm gonna skip it today.
- What?

203
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:16,056
I like what Jay said about god
being in nature. No, no, no, no, no, no.

204
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:19,184
Don't listen to him.
His days are numbered!

205
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,478
Think about it, mom.
It makes sense.

206
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,732
God made the trees and the
grass. He didn't make that church.

207
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:28,068
But he made the people that makes
the church, and you're making me angry!

208
00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:29,695
- — I/a'monos.
- Just one week.

209
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,947
Can I go golfing with you?

210
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,826
I'm probably gonna have a latino kid carry
my clubs anyway. Might as well be you.

211
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,620
Fine. See what I care. Go.

212
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,706
Manny, go change.

213
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,666
Sorry, mom. Hope you understand.

214
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:46,128
-Mmm. — probably good for
us to spend a little time together.

215
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,922
You're gonna spend
eternity together!

216
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,179
Damn it!

217
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:58,056
I suppose that was god too.

218
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,768
I don't know who did it,
but it makes me happy.

219
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,394
Ah!

220
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,276
- — What are you doing?
- Hey, buddy.

221
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:12,070
Oh, just double—checking
these straps. This is an extra.

222
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,758
These babies saved your life.
That's why this cabinet barely moved.

223
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,784
It fell all the way to
the couch. Mm-mmm.

224
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,494
- It almost killed me.
- No, it didn't.

225
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:21,747
This cabinet barely moved. That's just
perspective playing tricks on your mind.

226
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,416
Like, if! Hold up my thumb,
it looks bigger than your head.

227
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:27,228
No, it doesn't. It looks tiny. —
You have to look at it from over here.

228
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,379
How can I look at my head
from over there?

229
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:32,174
Phil? Why
don't you just lie down.

230
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,551
I gotta make sure
your mom's still stuck.

231
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,262
So she— I can get her out.

232
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:39,640
Don't fall asleep.

233
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,225
Sorry I took...

234
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,893
You filthy...

235
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,686
Sorry I took so long.

236
00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,439
I'm gonna go ahead and just
take off the doorknob, okay?

237
00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:49,316
- Okay.
- Here we go.

238
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,610
Oh, it's— oh, damn.

239
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:54,988
What? What happened?
I, uh, brought the wrong screwdriver.

240
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:58,242
- — So I'll be right back.
- All right. But hurry up, Phil.

241
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,910
Doing my best, Claire.

242
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,579
Oh, don't talk back, dad.
She'll just ground you!

243
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:05,999
That's 32 weeks, younglady!

244
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,126
I was at 16 before, right?

245
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:11,547
What? Nothin'.

246
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,174
Don't judge me until
you've had a teenage girl.

247
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,218
I've had four of 'em. God.

248
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,262
How did you survive that?

249
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:21,723
Girls were a piece of cake.
It was the boy.

250
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,809
Every look on his face,

251
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,395
every stupid decision
he made— mmm.

252
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:30,440
The way he sat there
chewing his food like an idiot.

253
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,235
Then it hit me why
this kid drove me so crazy...

254
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,864
He's me.

255
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,241
Well, all the more reason
she should listen to me.

256
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,743
I can stop her from
making the same mistakes.

257
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,496
Did you listen to your
mother? No. God, no.

258
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:50,043
But, you know, I had a reason. That
woman was a psycho control... freak.

259
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,588
Hey, mom, I
brought you some soda.

260
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:55,465
I couldn't find any straws, so
you'll have to drink it like cats.

261
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,427
Oh, thank you, Luke.

262
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,095
That's my sweetie.

263
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:03,098
I was going to bring you wine, but
you finished the big bottle last night.

264
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,850
Okay. Off you go.

265
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,021
Hold this, will you, kid?

266
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,732
You know, Mitchell
used to caddie for me.

267
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:15,027
Of course, he spent most of
his time chasing butterflies.

268
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:16,872
You won't catch me
doing that. Good for you.

269
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:19,907
I'm terrified of them. Huh.

270
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,491
Look at that.
That's a perfect shot.

271
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,368
And I hit that with a bent club.

272
00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:26,747
So you're not worried about getting
in trouble? You know, with god?

273
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,541
Oh, I think he's got
bigger things on his plate.

274
00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:33,337
So you're not
worried about hell?

275
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,840
Let me let you in on a little
secret, kid. There is no hell.

276
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,301
Seriously? No hell?

277
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,345
That's fantastic.

278
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,974
- — So everyone just goes to heaven?
- Yep. End of story.

279
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,938
Even bad people? Yeah, they're—
They're— they're in another section.

280
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,731
See, they got
this thing figured out.

281
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,316
Can I hit this?

282
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,282
Damn it. You distracted me.

283
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,952
- I didn't say anything.
- I could hear you thinking.

284
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:07,635
I'm thinking about this heaven
of yours that's full of bad people.

285
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,207
Not full. The tiniest fraction.

286
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,960
- They're walled in.
- What if they break out?

287
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,963
They're surrounded
by a lake of fire.

288
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,839
There are fiery lakes in heaven?

289
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,758
This is turning into hell.

290
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,887
Tell me about it.

291
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:29,977
What are you doing?

292
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:34,022
Well, you promised pepper broken
dishes, so... I'm breaking dishes.

293
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:36,233
No, not my frog.
I know you think it's tacky,

294
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,903
but I happen to have won this at my first
4-h summer camp in a hollerin' contest.

295
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,739
Well, we wouldn't have to break
anything if you were a better liar.

296
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,951
If you're trying to make me feel bad
about not being as good a liar as you...

297
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,121
- — What are you doing?
- A hat rack fell through the window. Remember?

298
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,665
One, two, three...

299
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,585
Mitchell, wait.

300
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,506
I—I— I can't do this. I quit.

301
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,693
You might be comfortable
with all this lying, but I'm not.

302
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,511
Oh, please.
Where was all this conscience...

303
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,014
When I got us into the
first—class lounge at the airport...

304
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:08,697
And you chewed
Angela lansbury's ear off?

305
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,809
You know what you are?
You're like a mob wife.

306
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,519
You look down at me and my ways,

307
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,540
but you're happy to wear the mink
coat that fell off the back of the truck.

308
00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:17,899
How dare you.

309
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,401
Okay.

310
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,949
I know. I know.

311
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,868
It really hit us bad.

312
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:31,455
No. I'm just always surprised
how small this place is.

313
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,891
Pepper, you didn't have to leave
your party to come check on us.

314
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:36,084
Great costume, by the way.

315
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:39,087
This isn't my costume. I just
threw this on to help you clean up.

316
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:41,048
Well, about your party...

317
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,591
Oh, don't worry about canceling.

318
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:46,428
At least you have an excuse,
unlike Steven and Stefan.

319
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,221
They said they had the flu.

320
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:50,932
Meantime, I just saw them out
riding their bicycle.

321
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,851
Oh, pepper, that is horrible.

322
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,561
I—I'm gonna make you a cocktail.

323
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:58,273
Oh, honey, don't go to any
trouble. I'll just have a kir royale.

324
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:01,777
I mean, my god. If they didn't
want to come to my party, just say it.

325
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,528
I'm a big boy. I can take it.

326
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:07,491
Well, since you
brought it up, pepper,

327
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,951
we didn't want to come
to your party either.

328
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,954
- What?
- Oh, you know we love you.

329
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:16,458
But they've just gotten to be
so much work over the years, and...

330
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,043
We're all out of cassis.

331
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,670
- — I can't bear it.
- I will make you a bellini.

332
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:23,381
Everybody canceled on me.

333
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,842
And now you two.

334
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:29,930
For 15 years, I have killed myself
setting a community standard...

335
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,307
With my fanciful
themed brunches,

336
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,102
mounted at great
personal expense.

337
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,187
Well, clearly I've been a fool.

338
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,189
No one likes
your brunches, pepper.

339
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,608
No one likes you.

340
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,027
You're gonna die alone...

341
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:48,156
In a quaint Spanish revival
outside of palm Springs.

342
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,242
Or la quinta.

343
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,078
Itowlflnm yeah.

344
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,621
Yeah, I puzzled that out.

345
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,251
I just don't understand
this bad section of heaven.

346
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,128
What if they send you
to the wrong place?

347
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:02,963
They make mistakes
with paperwork sometimes.

348
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:05,632
I was put in a girl's
health class last year...

349
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:08,385
And had to watch a very
disturbing movie. Calm down.

350
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,346
Instead of thinking all morning
about what heaven's gonnalookae,

351
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,974
what it's not
gonnalookae, who's where,

352
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,976
if there even is a heaven,

353
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:21,189
why don't we just concentrate on this
beautiful, carefree day that's in front of us?

354
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,775
I'd rather concentrate
on something you just said.

355
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,444
There might not even
be a heaven? I don't know.

356
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,114
You seemed pretty sure
of yourself this morning.

357
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,408
So what happens after you die?
There's just nothing?

358
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,162
Look. You're focusing too much
on one little thing that I said.

359
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,955
It was just a hunch, okay?

360
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:39,958
A hunch? I'm skipping
church based on a hunch?

361
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,436
All right, all
right. Don't freak out on me, kid.

362
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:45,380
You're playing
pretty fast and loose with my soul.

363
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,608
Listen. I want you to forget
everything that I said, okay?

364
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,759
Some things
can't be forgotten, Jay.

365
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:53,221
Do you know what
menstruation is? Because I do.

366
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,145
Perfect.

367
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,063
- _ hey—
- What-what are you doing?

368
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:05,567
Aren't you supposed to be getting mom out
of the bathroom? That is what I was doing.

369
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:09,487
That is what I was doing. This
ca— this cabinet was the problem.

370
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,907
- How?
- Yeah, it's very heavy.

371
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:15,535
And because it was properly anchored to
the wall, it was sort of a ripple effect.

372
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:19,164
It was pulling
part of the floor down...

373
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:23,043
And then pushing part of the floor
up, causing the bathroom door...

374
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,045
Please don't tell on me.

375
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,922
I don't know who I am anymore.

376
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,175
Who am I?

377
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,510
I'm a joke, that's who.

378
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:33,594
No. No.

379
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,138
You're not a joke.

380
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,349
You're pepper Saltzman.

381
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,267
I think I'd betterjust go.

382
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,395
If anything terrible
should happen,

383
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:45,565
don't feel an obligation
to attend my memorial,

384
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,692
New York or L.A.

385
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,820
Pepper. Pepper, you—
You didn't let me finish.

386
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,657
The reason we didn't want
to come to your party is...

387
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,659
Mitchell...

388
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,910
Seriously?

389
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,620
Who's a mob wife?
I'm a mob wife.

390
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,580
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.

391
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,999
I'm a mob wife.

392
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:08,630
- — Okay, um, pepper, this is a little embarrassing.
- I don't even want to hear it.

393
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,299
Cameron still
has feelings for you.

394
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,179
Go on. — yeah, and it's
just— it's very hard for him...

395
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:17,764
To be around you,

396
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,976
especially at
your magical brunches,

397
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,937
where you're just—
You're— you're so magnetic.

398
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,606
And then I see the way
that he looks at you, and...

399
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:30,360
Damn it, pep— it just makes
me so mad that I could just...

400
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,905
- — Oh!
- Really?

401
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:36,908
Oh, you don't know
the pain, cam.

402
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:42,330
Oh, boys— boys, I can't stand
that I'm coming between you.

403
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,583
Not that I'm surprised.

404
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:49,421
I admit I have noticed the stolen
glances and the yearning in your eyes.

405
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,300
Okay. Well, you'll—
You'll forgive us, pepper,

406
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,135
if we sit out
your next few brunches?

407
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,012
Absolutely.

408
00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,974
I would hate to lose you two.

409
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,643
I've always thought of you as
being like my...

410
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,437
Sons? Sons?

411
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:06,688
Sons?

412
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,607
I was gonna say brothers.

413
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,361
It's like a house of pain.

414
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,795
All right, Claire. You
ready? Okay, ready?

415
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,546
I'm ready. Okay, go.
All right, I'm going.

416
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,493
All right. Go! Okay, go. Go! Go!

417
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,370
Oh, got it! Got it! Oh!

418
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,581
It's moving! It did! All
right. All right. We got it.

419
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,500
Go. Thank god. Oh, thank
god. Thank god. Thank god.

420
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,377
Phil? Phil?

421
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,463
Honey—
Phil, where are you? Phil...

422
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,841
Are you kidding me? Not the...

423
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:35,925
Phil!

424
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,053
Hey. Phil!

425
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:40,197
What happened to you? You
disappeared for 20 minutes.

426
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,682
We just had to break ourselves
out of that bathroom.

427
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:46,269
Iantsohappytoseeyou. Get in
here. Oh, no. No, no. Seriously.

428
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,063
What happened?

429
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,647
Dad was incredible.

430
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,484
He was running around here,
turning off the gas line,

431
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:56,279
cleaning up broken glass and taking
care of Luke after he ran into a wall.

432
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:59,949
I got scared because
the cabinet didn't fall down.

433
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,118
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

434
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,372
Um— I'm sorry.

435
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:07,207
Well, don't worry about it.
Um, I'm sorry.

436
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:10,043
Don't. I was
so nervous. I freaked out.

437
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,379
It's all right. It's all right.

438
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:14,631
I think it was a little bit
of a rough morning. Yes.

439
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,508
Wasn't it? Yes, it was.

440
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:19,511
I don't know about you guys, but I
just wanna relax and put my feet up.

441
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:22,055
At the
museum of tolerance. Who's in?

442
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,891
I am! You are.
Okay. Let's do it.

443
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:29,479
There's nothing
mystical about an earthquake.

444
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,399
Pressure builds,
and it's released.

445
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,903
And you just hope
there is not too much damage.

446
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,784
But it makes you realize what
matters. And for me, that's my family.

447
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:46,204
- — I'll put in a good word for you.
- You're the best, kid.

448
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,789
My family and golf.

449
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,713
Well, if heaven's in the sky,
what do you walk on?

450
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,174
Manny, don't be ridiculous.
The clouds.

451
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:01,636
That makes no sense. Clouds
are air. You'd fall right through them.

452
00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,556
The clouds in heaven—
They're like trampolines.

453
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:07,392
I don't like trampolines.
They make me seasick.

454
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,186
Manny, stop worrying.
Heaven is a beautiful place...

455
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:14,983
With sunshine and rainbows
and butterflies.

456
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:16,335
- — Butterflies?
- Ay. No, no, no, no, no.

457
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,278
Ah! I didn't say butterflies.

458
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,029
Manny, there's no butterflies!

459
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:25,869
English - us - psdh