1
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,592
What are you doing? Shush.Shush.

2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,677
One of the smoke alarms is chirping.

3
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,763
I'm trying to figure out which one it is
so I can change the battery.

4
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:16,809
Well, if anybody can
find it— It's you.

5
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:19,520
You sound horrible.

6
00:00:19,604 --> 00:00:21,856
Why don't, uh—
Why don't you go back to bed?

7
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,566
'Cause I've got too much to do.

8
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,544
I've gotta make the ladyfingers
for the bake sale,

9
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,153
and I've gotta go by the gym.

10
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,447
I left my phone there yesterday.
I'll do all of that.

11
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,073
We're a team.

12
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,992
When one of us is weak,
we lean on the other.

13
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,595
Honey, you don't have
to do that stuff.

14
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,621
Honey, with all you do for me,

15
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:40,458
including going to the gym four
times a week to keep me interested,

16
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,126
I got this.

17
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,045
Don't you have houses
to show today?

18
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:45,671
They... canceled.

19
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:47,215
Oh, pumpkin.

20
00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:49,300
Are you kidding me? It's lucky.

21
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,385
This way I get to stay here
and take care of you.

22
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,971
Okay.

23
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:59,227
Hey. Hey, Mr. and Mrs.
Dunphy. Is Haley ready for school?

24
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:01,854
She's on her way down.
Don't get too close to my wife.

25
00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:04,398
Haley told you about that?
It was just a dream.

26
00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:05,650
Oh, god.

27
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:09,904
Okay, that came from the kitchen.
I thought it was in here.

28
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,573
Really? Okay, you wait in here
and listen for it.

29
00:01:12,657 --> 00:01:14,116
I'm gonna wait in there.

30
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,620
I mean, it's the least I can do after—
Well, you know.

31
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,830
I'm coming with you.

32
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:26,170
Boy, I wish Haley
would date some other boys.

33
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,673
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson?

34
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:30,299
Don't.

35
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:33,144
I just feel like she owes it to herself
to see what else is out there.

36
00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:35,179
The way that Dylan's
always hanging around here,

37
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:38,557
he's probably going to try
to marry her the second she turns 18.

38
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:41,894
Hey, you never know. Maybe
those two are meant to be together...

39
00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:43,396
Like we were.

40
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:46,148
Honey, Haley and Dylan are not us.

41
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:50,611
No, I think that amount will be fine.

42
00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:53,155
I'm just happy you want Lily.

43
00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,950
I think you're going to be
very happy with her.

44
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,286
Okay.

45
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,246
Cam, did you just sell our baby?

46
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:03,499
No, but do you remember that agent
we met that represents child actors,

47
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,544
the one who said Lily might have
what it takes and gave us his card?

48
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,797
- That I threw away.
- That I fished out of the trash.

49
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,800
That was him on the phone.

50
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,678
They're shooting a children's
furniture store commercial today,

51
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,430
and they want Lily.

52
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,157
Look, I threw away that card for a reason.

53
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:22,601
Come on. It'll be fun.
And Lily'll be on TV.

54
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:24,979
And we can put the money
in her college account.

55
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,107
No. Let's just let our daughter
have a normal childhood, huh?

56
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:31,152
I think that gay cruise has sailed.

57
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:32,903
It's just one commercial.

58
00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:36,240
I don't like it. No. No.

59
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,992
Oh, what? So that's it?

60
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,286
You're the parent with final say?
Why is that?

61
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,039
Because you make the money?
It's not about that, and you know it.

62
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:46,125
I wouldn't expect you to understand us.
You're not theater folk.

63
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:48,836
And neither are you.
You did godspe/I one summer in a barn.

64
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,463
You're barn folk.

65
00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,465
Get used to that jealousy, Lily.

66
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,633
Ordinary people
just don't understand us.

67
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,554
Dennis to sh/pping and receiving.

68
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,139
Ho/a, Jack.

69
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,974
Hey, what are you guys
doing here?

70
00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:05,394
Manny had a doctor's appointment
so we're gonna catch lunch with Jay.

71
00:03:05,478 --> 00:03:07,313
- — Is he there?
- Yeah, he's in back.

72
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,690
Good day, Jackson.
Good day, Manuel.

73
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,693
I see you're still forklifting.
More like lifting the fork.

74
00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:14,820
Man. I was gonna say that joke.

75
00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:18,324
I'm sorry, but I gotta have lunch
with my wife today.

76
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:21,619
I know, baby, but I had to marry her
so she could stay in the country.

77
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,204
Oh, no.

78
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:26,457
Where am I gonna find another
husband that wears sweatpants to work?

79
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:30,044
Resort wear.
Mm-hmm. Maybe last resort.

80
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,272
I'm glad you guys stopped by
for lunch, 'cause you know what?

81
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,715
I gotta work a little late tonight.
Oh, not tonight.

82
00:03:34,799 --> 00:03:36,717
Did you forget our date?

83
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:39,178
No. No. I was kidding.

84
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,097
I had no idea
what she was talking about.

85
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,681
Gloria, god love her,

86
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:46,519
likes to celebrate every possible
milestone in our relationship...

87
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,062
The day we met,

88
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:52,400
our first date— which I forgot,
so we got in a big fight.

89
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,568
Now we commemorate the big fight.

90
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,445
I thought we could
recreate the date.

91
00:03:56,529 --> 00:04:00,574
Do everything that we did
the first time. So romantic.

92
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,786
You know, that's exactly
what I was thinking.

93
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:06,372
Ay, Jack is so nice.

94
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:08,082
I think he really likes Manny.

95
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,875
What he likes
is getting out of work.

96
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,629
Wait a minute— is that
Manny driving? Is it?

97
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,635
Yeah, that's him.

98
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,305
,/' hey, neyj

99
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,307
,/' hey, neyj

100
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,351
,/' hey, neyj

101
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,311
,/' hey, neyj

102
00:04:29,395 --> 00:04:30,521
j“ hey if

103
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,234
a y, my poor papi...

104
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:38,154
Two doctors in one day.
Mom, I'm fine.

105
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,072
The hospital said
I could go back to school.

106
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,992
No. You suffered
a traumatic experience.

107
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,743
I barely remember it.

108
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,454
I remember crashing
through the wall...

109
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,057
And the ambulance ride
to the hospital.

110
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,602
That wasn't an ambulance.
I drove you.

111
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,625
Then what was that siren?
That was your mother.

112
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,753
- — I was not that loud.
- Cars pulled over, honey.

113
00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:57,798
Jay, I'm sorry about your
wall. Wasn't your fault.

114
00:04:57,882 --> 00:05:00,009
It was Jack's, and I've
already taken care of him.

115
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:03,262
- You kill him?
- Can't kill people here. I fired him.

116
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,890
But it was just an accident.
He didn't mean it.

117
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,184
Guy's a screw—up.
Should've been gone months ago.

118
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:10,769
- — Can't we just give him another chance?
- What is this “we”?

119
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,480
Let me explain something
to you people.

120
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,357
' Fl here in this family,
its we.” at work, it's “me.”

121
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:18,569
My rules, my decisions. Penod.

122
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,404
That's not fair.

123
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,493
- — You mad at me too?
- No. You're right.

124
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,620
It's your work.

125
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:31,916
Besides, I can't be mad at you,
not on our special day.

126
00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:34,293
Honey, I was thinking.

127
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,878
With what happened to Manny,

128
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:39,673
maybe we'd better postpone
our special day until next weekend.

129
00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:42,259
No, next weekend
is the anniversary...

130
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,220
Of the first time
that I cooked for you.

131
00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:50,017
Jesse, I'm sorry

132
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,894
how you doin', typhoid clairey?

133
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,188
Hey, what are you doing home?

134
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,065
She caught your cold
and had to come home.

135
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:59,294
I thought we should contain you two and
keep it from spreading through the house.

136
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:01,320
Come here. I'm so sorry.

137
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,030
It's okay. Ohh.

138
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,699
- Hey, did you finish my ladyfingers?
- Not yet.

139
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,928
Did you pick up my phone? — not yet.

140
00:06:07,952 --> 00:06:10,013
Is that the smoke detector?
I thought you fixed that.

141
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:13,290
Boy, you're really starting to
sound like your old self. Ugh.

142
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,963
You know what this reminds me of?
Huh?

143
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:22,383
When you were little and we used to
snuggle and watch soap operas together.

144
00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:24,093
Remember that?
Nothing's changed.

145
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,554
Sonya's still married to that
guy with the...

146
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,681
Wait a second. Bad hairline.

147
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,307
Dylan? Okay.

148
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,810
God, I miss you too.

149
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:36,063
Oh, it's just a cold, silly.

150
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,566
You don't have to conceive
of a world without me.

151
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,445
Oh, nothing.
I'm just in bed with my mom.

152
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:46,490
Stop freaking out.
It is not coming true.

153
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,209
Uh, Mrs. Vaughn, it's Phil
Dunphy. It's about 3:30.

154
00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:59,086
Uh, now, I know you
said you'd moved on,

155
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,922
but, um, there's been
a significant price reduction...

156
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:05,593
In the, uh, house in Sullivan
canyon, which I know you loved.

157
00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:08,429
So, uh, if there's any chance
you might reconsider,

158
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,306
I know you will not be sorry.

159
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,600
I can meet you any time,
so just give me a call.

160
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,227
Any— any time. I can meet you wherever...

161
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,147
That place is
that you feel would be best.

162
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,357
Okay, thank you. Bye.

163
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:23,068
Dad? Hey, buddy.

164
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:24,570
How are you? What are you doing?

165
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,322
Keeping the germs off me.

166
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,491
You care about germs? I've seen
you kiss a pigeon on the mouth.

167
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:31,869
My class is going
to Disneyland in two days.

168
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,495
I can't get mom's cold.

169
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,289
Oh. Good plan.

170
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,709
I remember this. My dad bought
it during the Cuban missile crisis.

171
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,629
I never got a turn in that. You
think later I could— - yeah, maybe.

172
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,339
What are you doing home
in the afternoon?

173
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:47,134
Oh, no big deal. I just had a
couple of showings fall through.

174
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,845
Again?
You know what I always say.

175
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:53,015
Sure do. “Can't get back on
that horse unless you fall off.”

176
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,476
That's right. Ow. That's loud.

177
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:56,685
Sorry.

178
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,772
Where is that coming from?

179
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:03,400
Changing the battery in a smoke
detector is what they teach you in man 101,

180
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:06,236
so, of course, every time I
hear that noise, all I hear is...

181
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,614
“Beep, beep. You're not a
man. Beep, beep. You're not”...

182
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,532
Really?

183
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,994
Hey, dad, can you open this
for me?

184
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:15,746
Oh, sure, buddy.

185
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,333
Ow. Mmm.

186
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,627
What happened? Broke a nail.

187
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,090
Mitchell, what's up?
What do you mean?

188
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,443
You just sent me an urgent text
saying to come right over.

189
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:31,220
That was from me.
I used Jay's phone.

190
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,805
Oh, what happened to your face?

191
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,598
Oh, just a little scrape—up.

192
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,017
Mitchell, I'd like
to engage your legal services...

193
00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:40,354
In representing my friend Jack
in a wrongful termination suit.

194
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,022
Forget it. He's not coming back.

195
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:43,607
Don't take the case, Mitchell.

196
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:46,235
I don't think
I was gonna take the case.

197
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:50,948
Fine. Then under the circumstances,
we have nothing further to talk about.

198
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,117
These will be my last words to you.

199
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,077
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?

200
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,788
Okay, you got me.

201
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:01,083
I hope you feel clever
tricking a kid.

202
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,627
- Hello, Mitch.
- Hi, Gloria.

203
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,421
My god. Congratulations.

204
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,132
Hmm? On what? Lily's commercial.

205
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,384
Oh no, no. We turned
that down. Are you sure?

206
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,178
Because cam sent me a picture
of her in her makeup chair.

207
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,223
Sorry. He what?
It's so exciting.

208
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:19,685
You have to remember this day so
that you can celebrate it every year.

209
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,898
Okay, folks, we're about
10 minutes from shooting.

210
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,359
- — Is talent ready?
- Yes, she sure is.

211
00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:30,237
Did you hear that, Lily?
You're the talent.

212
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,156
Isn't that magical?

213
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,366
Ooh. Grapes.

214
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,077
Mmm. And that is a prop.

215
00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:40,414
Okay, we really gotta hang up
this time. On the count of three.

216
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:44,960
Ready? One, two, three.

217
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:49,256
Hello?
I can't believe he hung up.

218
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,050
I'm calling him back.
Give me that.

219
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,764
How the
he/I did you get through that?

220
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,515
Oh, my god, is that Jesse?

221
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,350
Mm-hmm.
And he's still married to Angie.

222
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:05,022
You know something else
you might find interesting...

223
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:09,777
Sonya is drinking because she
married a buffoon when she was young,

224
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:13,572
and now she realizes
she's wasted her entire life.

225
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,326
Can you imagine
making a mistake like that?

226
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,703
Yeah, that must be horrible.

227
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:24,917
Yeah, now she's just a bitter ghost
of a woman filled with resentment.

228
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:29,379
But that's what happens when you commit to
someone before you see what else is out there.

229
00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:32,966
Seriously?

230
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,843
She couldn't have
laid it on thicker.

231
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,804
“Ghost of a woman”?
“Total buffoon”?

232
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,514
I'm not an idiot.

233
00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:40,766
She was talking
about her and my dad.

234
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:46,230
Yeah, well, maybe Sonya and her
husband just need to work a little harder.

235
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,983
Can he give her those years back?

236
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:52,444
She could have been something.

237
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:56,740
She could have traveled the world,
been with fascinating men.

238
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:59,117
She could have accomplished things.

239
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:01,662
That's all she thinks about now...

240
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,081
Every time she looks at him.

241
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,757
Ah! Ow.

242
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,260
Is that mom's apron?

243
00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:20,222
It's an apron. It's unisex.

244
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,985
Some of the world's
greatest chefs are men.

245
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,642
But it's bumped out
where the boobs go.

246
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,562
That's happening more and more.

247
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:28,772
Hadn't noticed.

248
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,861
Mrs. Vaughn.
Thanks for calling back.

249
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,946
Yeah, I was just about to, uh...

250
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:43,287
I see. Is there anything
I can say that will...

251
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,414
All right.
Thank you very much, and if...

252
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,624
Oh. Okay. Good—bye.

253
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,460
Did you lose another one?

254
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,589
Hey. Can't lose something
you never had, right, pal?

255
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,092
That was the doorbell, dad.
Yeah. I know.

256
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,346
So what happens
if people stop buying houses?

257
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,223
Are we all
gonna have to getjobs?

258
00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,726
It's just a little slump, buddy.
Nothing I can't handle.

259
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,397
Hi. I'm Ron.
I work out with Claire at the gym.

260
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,982
Oh, yeah. Come on in.

261
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:14,460
I brought her phone back. She
forgot it yesterday. Great. Thanks.

262
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,153
I'm Phil, Claire's husband. Oh.

263
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,996
Uh, Claire never mentioned
she had a husband.

264
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:22,367
Nice to meet you. You too.

265
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,077
Oh, sorry!
I burnt my ladyfingers.

266
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,755
So quiet.

267
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,132
It's like Christian silence
reading room.

268
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,843
- I'm fine.
- So am I.

269
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,596
Okay, my two stubborn burros,
I'm going out.

270
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,431
Manny, be a good boy.

271
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:47,184
Jay, I'll see you later.

272
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,353
I think you know where.

273
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,104
Honey?

274
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,649
You know what
I was just thinking?

275
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,359
You know how
when people are in love,

276
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,402
sometimes they finish
each other's sentences?

277
00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,655
Like, um,

278
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:02,616
tonight we're going to...

279
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,410
Have fun. Yes.

280
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,454
When we get to...

281
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,456
Gether later.

282
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:17,130
You have no idea
where you're going, do you?

283
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,966
- Tell me.
- Hire Jack back.

284
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,717
- Forget it.
- Your funeral.

285
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,555
Okay, Lily, daddy's going
to be right over here. Okay.

286
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,724
Oh, and, um, by the way,
if it helps,

287
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,559
I have a list of things
Lily can do.

288
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,688
She can blow a kiss,
flap her arms like a bird...

289
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,940
- Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.
- Okay.

290
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,193
- — Cam. Cam.
- How did you get on the set?

291
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,446
I walked on. It's not mgm. It's a
warehouse behind a mattress store.

292
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,408
I can't believe you went
behind my back. We agreed...

293
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,868
We didn't agree on anything.
You agreed.

294
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,453
We don't have to agree
on everything.

295
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,390
I didn't like the book
you bought her last week,

296
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:53,059
but I didn't stop you from reading
it to her. What was wrong with it?

297
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:56,211
How was it a big day
for biscuit, Mitchell? How?

298
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,963
Okay, this isn't about biscuit.

299
00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,526
I know. It's about
our daughter, Lily.

300
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,567
No, you want the truth?
I think it's about you, cam.

301
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:05,095
I think you're using our daughter
to fulfill some childhood dream of yours.

302
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,557
Okay, parents, we're
ready to start rolling.

303
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,559
Now, while we're
doing the shoot,

304
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,912
Jim and Deb here will do the
kids' voice—overs into the mic.

305
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,479
Kinda like look who's talking.

306
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,481
Oh. That's right.

307
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:19,165
There are a lot of important people
here so I'm not gonna get mad,

308
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,737
but I resent the implication
that I would do anything...

309
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,281
That's not in the best interest
of our daughter.

310
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,367
Okay, let's try a take.
And... action.

311
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:32,330
Oh, no! We are
lost in a city of high furniture prices.

312
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:36,043
Oh! Can no
one protect us from these high prices?

313
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:37,169
Cut

314
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,379
Lighting problem. One sec.

315
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:41,339
You can apologize to me
any time you're ready.

316
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,216
Are you kidding me? What?

317
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,260
This commercial—
It's—it's a big stereotype.

318
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,054
It's called “ironic.” no, it...

319
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,777
This is why Lily was
perfect. She's Asian.

320
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,557
She's a prop.
It's called “niche casting.”

321
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,225
Stop telling me
what stuff is called.

322
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:55,437
You're so blinded by the spotlight,
you can't see what's really going on here.

323
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,873
Let's go again.

324
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,399
All right, here
we go. Let's roll, please.

325
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:01,401
- Action.
- Oh, no!

326
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:04,988
We are trapped in a city
of high furniture prices.

327
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:09,242
Oh! Can no one protect us
from these high prices?

328
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:13,580
- Look. Over there.
- Oh!

329
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,874
It's save-zilla.

330
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:20,420
He's knocking down
prices on everything from bibs to cribs.

331
00:15:20,504 --> 00:15:23,381
- Half off on playpens.
- Ah!

332
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,300
High chairs are low chairs.

333
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,010
Excuse me. Excuse me.

334
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,846
- — Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Cut. What's the problem?

335
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:33,266
Don't you think this commercial
just might be the teeniest bit racist?

336
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,352
I mean, “save-zilla”?

337
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,312
It's not racist. It's satire.

338
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,981
No, I know, but maybe we
could just tone it down a bit.

339
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,608
Maybe not hit the accent
so hard?

340
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,443
This is the commercial
you agreed to.

341
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:45,529
Yeah, well, I know. I just...

342
00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:48,198
I can't let my daughter do
this. We had an agreement.

343
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,827
Well, I also have the best
attorney in town, so do your worst.

344
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:54,788
And by the way, Lily is
Vietnamese, notjapanese.

345
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,891
There's a big difference,
but you wouldn't know that...

346
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,060
Because you're only interested
in seeing these children...

347
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:02,379
As interchangeable stereotypes,
not human beings.

348
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,923
Come on, Lily. Let's go.

349
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,134
Cam?

350
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,718
Cam. That's not...

351
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,554
Hi, buddy.

352
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,600
There we go.

353
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,686
Goin' to meet your mother.

354
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,063
Figured it out all by myself.

355
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,065
Two years ago,
we got our marriage license.

356
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,733
We went to
a little hot dog stand.

357
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,903
She said it was the most romantic
meal she ever had in her life.

358
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,032
That's it, isn't it?

359
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,617
Yeah, that's it.

360
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:38,057
Get this through your head: You can give me
the cold shoulder the rest of your life...

361
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,541
Jack's not coming back.

362
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,585
See, I could overlook
the goofing off,

363
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,428
but you could have been
seriously hurt today.

364
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:47,048
Anybody puts my kid in danger
doesn't get a second chance.

365
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,925
Even

366
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,886
I'll see you later.

367
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,221
Did you just call me your kid?

368
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,140
Oh, geez.

369
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,309
- — You've never said that before.
- Sure, I have.

370
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,186
Uh-uh.

371
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:01,771
Well, of course you're my kid.
I mean, what do you think?

372
00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:06,193
- — You're going to the wrong place.
- What?

373
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,861
It's not your wedding license.

374
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,487
- What is it?
- First kiss.

375
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,072
No. Just tell me.

376
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:14,075
I mean your
first kiss with my mom.

377
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,287
My god, you're right. Thanks.

378
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,543
- The pier.
- Thanks.

379
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,462
But maybe Sonya
didn't make a mistake.

380
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,839
Maybe she just met her soul mate
when she was young.

381
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:30,967
No. No, no, no.
That never happens.

382
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,637
See, she threw her life away,
and now she wants out.

383
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,222
Okay, let's cut the crap.

384
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:38,683
We're not talking about some
character on a soap opera here, are we?

385
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,895
No. No, we're not.

386
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,480
Honey, I'm sorry.

387
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,190
I don't want to hurt your feelings,

388
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:49,986
but I've been feeling this way
for a really long time, and...

389
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,656
Can we be honest
with each other?

390
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:56,034
He's kind of a doofus.

391
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,911
I guess, but_

392
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,163
I thought you liked that about him.

393
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:03,291
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. No, I never did.

394
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:07,963
Believe me, honey,
there are many better options out there.

395
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,173
- Like who?
- I don't know.

396
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,758
Off the top of my head,

397
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,010
how about that cute guy
who delivers the pizzas?

398
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,595
He's, like, 18!

399
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,180
So?

400
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:20,183
Don't mind me, ladies.
This is the last one.

401
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:24,062
I've changed the batteries in every
last smoke detector in the house.

402
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:29,693
Hey, dad, I think I found a place
online where I can sell this organ.

403
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,403
Can you drive me
to the black market?

404
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,613
I think they mean
a different kind of organ, buddy.

405
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,258
Sweetie, why are you trying
to sell that?

406
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,617
In case things with dad's job
get even worse.

407
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:41,454
Honestly, I don't know why
everybody's making such a big deal.

408
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,747
Everything's fine.

409
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:46,793
It makes no
sense! I changed every one.

410
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,379
I'm gonna call my dad. No.
We're not calling anyone.

411
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,964
I can handle this.

412
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,842
Just need the ol' burglar basher.

413
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,261
Is that your college
cheerleading Baton?

414
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:59,222
Not when
you're on the business end of it.

415
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,349
But Phil...

416
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,810
Oh! Oh, my god.

417
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,853
Guess that one won't be chirping
anymore, will it?

418
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,355
Honey...

419
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,734
Go after him. Oh, no. He just
needs to blow off some steam.

420
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,944
How's that for battery?

421
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,988
Mom, like it or not,
you made a commitment.

422
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,407
And maybe that doesn't mean
anything to you anymore,

423
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,868
but you owe it to this family
to save your marriage...

424
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,829
And give it one more try. What?

425
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:25,665
End 0' the line, smoky Joe.

426
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:30,670
Look, dad may be a doofus, but he is 10
times better than any pizza delivery boy.

427
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,422
Go to him.

428
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:36,217
Did you— I just detected
your ass getting kicked!

429
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:39,220
Okay. Honey...

430
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,972
Thought I forgot about you,
didn't ya?

431
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:43,141
Nope. Phil, no. Stop.

432
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,144
I gotta stop the damn chirping.
This isn't about the noise.

433
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,272
Sweetie, you're having
a bad day.

434
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:54,569
At the end of a bad month.
I know.

435
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,279
You know how scary that is,
Claire?

436
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,573
No. No, I don't...

437
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,533
Because you never
tell me the bad stuff.

438
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,410
You only share all the good stuff.

439
00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:04,329
Honey, what happened
to us being a team?

440
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,498
Right? We're supposed
to lean on each other.

441
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,208
Honey...

442
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,418
I have faith in you.

443
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:13,838
Mmm.

444
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,803
I must be catching your cold.
Mm-hmm.

445
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,680
Okay. You know what?

446
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,308
Let's just get
new smoke detectors.

447
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,102
We already changed 'em out
last year.

448
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:29,646
- — Remember, buddy? You helped me.
- Sure did.

449
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,708
Wait a minute.
What'd you do with the old ones?

450
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,526
You told me to throw them
in the garbage,

451
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,653
so I put them in the attic
to make a robot.

452
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,321
It's the old ones.

453
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:41,199
The batteries are dying and we
can hear 'em through the vents.

454
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,493
You did it, buddy. I'm sorry.

455
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,206
I love you. I love you.

456
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,586
I did that.

457
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:04,097
Oh. Must be the pizza I ordered.

458
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,141
Pizza? You ordered pizza?

459
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,852
Yeah. I was just sort of
in the mood, you know?

460
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,937
But we had pizza
a couple nights ago.

461
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,982
I know, but I had an urge,
and when I get an urge, I get an urge.

462
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,359
Okay. Here, I'll get it.
No, sweetie. I've got it.

463
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,045
No, mom. You're always
asking me to do things.

464
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,709
I'll get it. Here.
Just sit back, relax...

465
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,701
I'll get the pizza. Don't
worry. Get the change.

466
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,120
Here...

467
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,664
And I think it's best
you don't come around here anymore.

468
00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:36,671
English - us - psdh