1
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,515
Okay, I'ii— I'll get that.

2
00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:11,012
Hello?

3
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:14,307
Hey, Manny's getting his outfit
together for the dance tonight...

4
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:16,434
I was just taking
some supplies out to the car.

5
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,269
Isn't this exciting,
the boys' first dance?

6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:22,106
Greatest day of my life. Does Phil
have a green pocket square for him?

7
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,774
Teal. Teal.

8
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,861
I don't know. I don't think Phil's
really a pocket square kind of a guy.

9
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,279
Wow.

10
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:30,113
Wow.

11
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,741
Why don't we
conference in Mitch?

12
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:34,952
Ay, look. This might work.

13
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,371
Well, except that
it's turquoise.

14
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:38,956
Oh, and a bra!

15
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,751
Do you think the kids in my
village have pocket squares?

16
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,336
Here we go with the village.

17
00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:45,838
- — Dad, you still there?
- Unfortunately, yes.

18
00:00:45,922 --> 00:00:49,217
Please ask Claire what time do I
need to be at the school to help setup.

19
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,260
Gloria wants to know—
No, / heard. I heard.

20
00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:55,514
Um, tell her thank you so much, but we
have all the help we could possibly need,

21
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,951
and she doesn't even have to
come tonight if she doesn't want to.

22
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,685
- — Claire said—
- I heard.

23
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,230
Hello?

24
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:05,358
- — Oh, hey, Mitch. Where are you?
- Oh, we he at the park.

25
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,794
You would not believe how some
of these people dress their kids.

26
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,780
Lily's friend just pulled a Britney
Spears getting out of a sandbox car.

27
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,448
So dad's on the line.

28
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:15,284
Do you have a teal
pocket square for Manny?

29
00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:17,286
Cam, Manny needs
a teal pocket square.

30
00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:20,098
- — Oh, I've got teal, I've got aqua, I've got seafoam.
- Yeah, cam's got one.

31
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,083
- — Cam's got one.
- Yes!

32
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:24,043
Oh, you know what?
I lent it to Andre.

33
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,711
Uh, he lent it to Andre.

34
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,922
Flag on the play.
What's that mean?

35
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,590
What's it mean?

36
00:01:30,967 --> 00:01:32,468
Now I got to go to the mall.

37
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,221
Is this okay?

38
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,556
Oh, hey, Luke has to go
to the mall too.

39
00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,600
What? Phil.

40
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:42,270
Let's go, incredible hulk.

41
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,773
,/' hey, heyj

42
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,900
,/' hey, heyj

43
00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:49,860
,/' hey, heyj

44
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,988
,/' hey, heyj

45
00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:53,239
j“ hey if

46
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:57,118
Hey.

47
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,536
Hi. Hi.

48
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,288
Is that your little girl
over there, Lily?

49
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,123
Yes. Look at her. Yes.

50
00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:05,459
Uh, this is a little bit awkward,
but she bit Tyler.

51
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,087
Oh, no. Oh, my goodness.

52
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,131
I— I don't even
know what to say.

53
00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,717
She's never done anything like
that before. How did it happen?

54
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,218
I don't know. I didn't see it.

55
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,429
Uh—huh. Mm-hmm.

56
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,472
It's time to play
everyone's favorite game.

57
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:20,016
“Let's blame the gay dads.”

58
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:23,019
You know who had straight
parents— Adolf Hitler. Charles manson.

59
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,979
Shall we go on? Naomi Campbell.

60
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,981
I know it happened.

61
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,025
He's got bite marks on his arm.

62
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,609
Oh, wow, yeah. Oh, gosh.

63
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,778
Someone really sunk
their teeth into ya, huh?

64
00:02:32,862 --> 00:02:36,324
It's 'cause you're such a
yummy little guy. Yes.

65
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:37,867
Our daughter didn't do that.

66
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:39,577
But he said— right.

67
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,162
He's probably just confused.

68
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:43,331
You know who I bet
did it, though? Billy.

69
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,791
Rhymes with “Lily.”
plus, he is very aggressive.

70
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,501
His babysitter is
right over there.

71
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,837
She's— she's not much
of a disciplinarian.

72
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,422
Because I can assure you,

73
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,007
if our child did something
like this,

74
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,925
we would be on her like
white on rice.

75
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,428
And I know that sounds a little
bit like a racial slur...

76
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,680
Because we're white and
she presumably likes rice,

77
00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:01,724
but I didn't intend it that way.

78
00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:05,019
Ah, finally. There's a spot.

79
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:07,188
Oh.

80
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,690
Guys, I am just bursting
with pride right now.

81
00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:12,526
Your first dance.
Soon you're gonna be men.

82
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,612
I want you to know there's
more to being a man...

83
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,197
Than just shopping
for fancy outfits.

84
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,091
Yep. Pretty soon you get
some hair on your chest,

85
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,635
you start answering the phone,
people don't think you're ladies.

86
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,996
Come on. Today, miss Daisy.

87
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,625
Actually, miss Daisy was the one
being driven, not the one driving.

88
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:30,419
Never saw it. It's called
driving miss Daisy

89
00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:32,963
you got a real lip on you today,
you know that?

90
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,512
Hey, that was our spot!

91
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:42,556
What are you doing?
You gonna let him snake your spot?

92
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,141
Not worth it.

93
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,620
Boys, here's the only thing you
gotta know about being a man...

94
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,562
Never let someone take
what is yours.

95
00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:51,649
Unless it's just a parking spot
and there's plenty of others.

96
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,734
That's sweet, Phil.
You ought to write that down.

97
00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:56,445
You got any lipstick
in your purse?

98
00:03:56,529 --> 00:03:59,031
I love Jay. Are you
kidding me? He's my boy.

99
00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:02,326
Yeah, he gives me a hard time,
but that's the deal with a father-in-law.

100
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:07,415
The key is, I never let him see
just how much it devastates me.

101
00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,667
It's Dunphy. That's
what I said— dumphy.

102
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,086
No, not “dum.” Dunphy.

103
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:13,212
Dumphy.

104
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:14,296
Say“dunfi dun.

105
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:15,840
Phy. Say“phyfi

106
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,383
Dunphy. Dumphy.

107
00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,012
All right, just bring it
this way. This way.

108
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,098
There it is. Perfect.
Thank you. Perfect.

109
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,559
- Claire!
- What?

110
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,269
Can you ask Gus
to fix that light?

111
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:31,230
I asked him, but he just
growled at me. Oh, gosh. Okay.

112
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,150
Gus, stop scaring bethenny
and fix the light, please.

113
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:35,693
Don't make me come over there.

114
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,903
I'm busy. You fix it.

115
00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:41,449
Is this because I said I wouldn't
come to the dance with you?

116
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,534
Gus, I'm a married woman.
People would talk.

117
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,953
One dance with me,
you'd forget all about it.

118
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,956
Yeah, I already have a husband
who doesn't fix lights.

119
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,666
Please?

120
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,545
Thankyousornuch

121
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,922
This school would literally
fall apart without you.

122
00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:58,733
Oh, well, I don't know
about “literally,” but...

123
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,552
/h0/a./ /h0/a/ I'm here.

124
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,054
Oh, you came anyway. It's great.

125
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,806
I think it's great too.

126
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,970
A few weeks ago, they asked for someone
to be in charge of the school dance...

127
00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,478
And I volunteered.

128
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:14,190
The school asks for volunteers
so that everybody will feel included.

129
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:17,401
But who are they kidding?
They want me to do it.

130
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:20,863
I've put on every school dance
since Haley was 12. It's my thing.

131
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,823
They made us cochairs,

132
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:25,826
which means we're supposed
to do everything together.

133
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:29,079
But Claire won't take
any of my ideas.

134
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:33,000
She suggested
an arabian nights theme.

135
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,835
Isn't that a little soon?

136
00:05:34,919 --> 00:05:36,754
Okay. Hey, everybody,

137
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,298
do you know Gloria, Manny's mom?

138
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:42,051
She's here to help us
out today. I'm the cochair.

139
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:43,677
Oh. All right.

140
00:05:43,761 --> 00:05:47,223
So the kids are gonna be here in
two hours, so everybody back to work.

141
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:48,891
Everybody back to work.

142
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,518
I just said that.

143
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:52,394
And I just co—said it.

144
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,650
I mean the nerve of that lady,
accusing Lily.

145
00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:59,586
Mmm. You know what?
You can't change people, cam.

146
00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,487
I mean, we just
have to rise above.

147
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,697
Omacdhn what happened?

148
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,283
She bit me. Are you serious?

149
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:11,205
0th she did it again.
It's like twi/ighz' back here.

150
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:14,291
No. No ice cream for you, Billy,

151
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:17,086
because the lady say you biting.

152
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,671
Okay, go, go! Yeah.

153
00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:20,965
Go, go, go. Drive. Okay.

154
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,222
Are you sure this is teal?

155
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,586
'Cause I'm starting to get
a real strong green thing here.

156
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:32,518
That's the fluorescent lights.

157
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,812
Do you mind if I walk this
over to lamps galore?

158
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,730
I need you to worry
about this less.

159
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:40,234
Guess who fit into the suit on
the mannequin and saved us 20%?

160
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,904
Here's something I didn't know about
mannequins— they don't have a wiener.

161
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:45,531
What the heck is that?

162
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,449
It's a nicer word for “penis.”

163
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,326
No, I mean,
what the heck is this?

164
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,036
Itseafie. Itsteal

165
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,622
I don't care. I just
grabbed the first one I saw.

166
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,541
Well, grab a different one. No!

167
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,543
Now I like it.

168
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,795
Uh, I think we were here first.

169
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:02,214
I just have one thing.
I'm in a big rush.

170
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,425
So are we. That's
fine. Go ahead.

171
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,719
Seriously. Jay,
it's not a big deal.

172
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:09,406
And can you give me the sale prices
for some things I bought last week?

173
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:12,182
Oh, for god's sake! Now this
is what I'm talking about, boys.

174
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,268
You give people an inch,
they'll run all over you.

175
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,186
Or you could just be nice.
Pay it forward.

176
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,896
They don't make movies
outofbadideas.

177
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,940
All I know is you gotta fight
for what you want.

178
00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:23,944
If there's one job available, this guy just
got it and they go hungry at the dumphys.

179
00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:25,946
Dunphys.

180
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,325
Okay, I don't get it.
Why is she biting?

181
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,411
Lily, why are you biting?
She's not biting, she's teething.

182
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:37,207
On people. All right, she starts biting
her playdates, she's gonna be a pariah.

183
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,876
Try piranha. Really, cam?

184
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,085
It was right there.

185
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,755
All right, you should also
know that I, in no way,

186
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,882
in no way blame you.

187
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,176
- Thank you. Why would you blame me?
- I don't.

188
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,596
- — Well, good, because I don't blame you.
- Well, obviously.

189
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:53,641
Uh, okay, well, now I'm
starting to feel the blame. No.

190
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:57,394
No. Don't. It's— it's just
that you're with her all day.

191
00:07:57,478 --> 00:08:00,773
Oh, wow. I have a daughter
who bites and a partner who stings.

192
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:03,525
Okay. Okay, you want to
know the truth?

193
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,403
Sometimes you send her
some mixed signals.

194
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:09,990
I'm gonna bite your feet.
I'm gonna bite 'em right off.

195
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,788
Oh, I'm not the one who
uses my teeth like a multi-tool.

196
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,373
Here we go.

197
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:19,333
Cookies for Lily,

198
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:22,086
wine for us.

199
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,253
Okay.

200
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,922
I can't believe
you would equate that...

201
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,008
Don't bite my head off.
I'm not a pack of batteries.

202
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,015
Whoa!

203
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:39,395
Why is this box here? I am sorry. We
did because we were moving the tables.

204
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,355
Why are you moving the tables?

205
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:46,026
So the kids have more space to dance.
It's better this way. Is it really, Gloria?

206
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:50,948
Because right now it kinda just looks like
a clump of tables and a big open space.

207
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,159
Look, I'm sorry, but we've
always done it this way.

208
00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:57,037
And I think it's gonna throw
people off if you move them around.

209
00:08:57,121 --> 00:09:00,999
Oh, my god. These tables
look great. Who did this?

210
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,085
- — I did.
- I love it.

211
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,795
Hello.

212
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,297
We haven't been properly
introduced. I'm Gloria.

213
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,924
I'm bethenny.

214
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:12,886
I don't know if anybody's ever
told you this, but you're really pretty.

215
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,055
No. No, bethenny,
no one's ever told her that.

216
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:18,684
I am seriously freaking
out about these tables.

217
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,579
You know what? Let's just put a pin
in where we're gonna put the tables.

218
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,021
Yes, we're keeping the tables.

219
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,356
So what else can I do?

220
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:29,069
Um, you can... help
me with the chairs. Okay.

221
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:33,407
We need a lot of them. They're
under the stage right here, so...

222
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,410
It's like dirty
and dark there, no?

223
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,245
Yeah, I know. Bummer, right?

224
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,371
Ew!

225
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,666
Off you go.
It smells funny, Claire!

226
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,294
So sorry. Keep going.

227
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,966
What? We needed chairs.

228
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,397
What are you guys talking about?

229
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:10,068
No, nothing. He was just saying how
much he loves the tables.

230
00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:15,449
If I had the receipt, I
wouldn't need you to look it up.

231
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:19,953
At this rate, I'm gonna miss
the first dance... at my wedding.

232
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,872
I thought he only had one item?

233
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,475
Tell your dad if it were up to me, we'd have
been in and out of here in about 10 minutes.

234
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,353
You mentioned that. And
I'll probably mention it again.

235
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,064
Because thanks to someone, we're
gonna be here a while. Yeah, I get it.

236
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,925
Luke, you should order that
suit in a larger size— I get it.

237
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344
Because by the time we get
out of here— pay for the suit.

238
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:38,263
Where the hell are you
going? Luke needs socks.

239
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,265
Make 'em teal.

240
00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:42,643
You're playing
a very dangerous game.

241
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:43,852
Hey, boys.

242
00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:47,147
Look who it is, the guy
that stole our parking spot.

243
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,149
Are you going to hit him?
I'd totally hit him.

244
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:52,236
I'm not gonna hit him, but I'm
gonna give him a piece of my mind.

245
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,781
Now, boys, pay attention. You wanna be men?
This is how you handle a jerk like this.

246
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,116
Hey, chief.

247
00:10:58,242 --> 00:11:01,495
You know, you stole our
parking space today. What?

248
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,265
That's right. I was waiting for the
parking space, you sneaked right in there.

249
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,749
That make you feel
like a big man?

250
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:08,919
Did I? I didn't even
notice. That's no excuse.

251
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,921
I'm really sorry.

252
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,550
My dog died today.
I had to put him to sleep.

253
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,301
Fourteen years.

254
00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:18,846
He was all I had.

255
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:22,224
Now I can't stand the thought of
going back to my empty apartment.

256
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,935
So I just keep wandering
around the mall. You know what?

257
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,646
Forget about the... spot.

258
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:31,483
God! That was his name!

259
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:35,946
Do not hit him.

260
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,037
Oasis for men?

261
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,207
That's funny.

262
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,769
You made that sound like a question,
then you didn't wait for me to answer.

263
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,378
What? Here, let me show you.

264
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,131
You go— you go,
“oasis for... men?”

265
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,067
You see what I mean?
You went “oasis for... men?”

266
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,444
You should have said, “oasis for
men.” then I go, “yeah. Give me two.”

267
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,262
But instead, you went,
“oasis for... men.”

268
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,847
Okay, I get it.
You see what I mean?

269
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,892
I get it! No, I'm not sure you
do! You sprayed before “men.”

270
00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:06,435
You went “oasis for... men.”

271
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,936
Okay. Okay. Men. Men.

272
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,061
Okay, stop it. Men! Men!

273
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,772
Men! Men! Men! Stop it!

274
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:14,026
Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!
Stop it! Stop it!

275
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:17,654
Men! Men! Men! Men!

276
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,963
Hey hey, phw

277
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,549
I don't know what happened.

278
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:41,553
I just— I—
I don't know what happened.

279
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:46,183
Look, I might have come down on
you a little bit hard today. I'm sorry.

280
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,435
I remember pretending
to go look for some socks.

281
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:52,022
I mean, it's, uh, my fault.
I pushed your buttons.

282
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,375
My father-in-law was the same
way with me. It was horrible.

283
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,234
Grandpa lucus?
He was a sweetheart.

284
00:12:56,318 --> 00:13:00,447
Yeah, after the stroke mellowed
him out good. Before, an animal.

285
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,115
We named Luke after him.

286
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,742
Everything I did was wrong.

287
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,203
If I said it was white,
he'd say it was black.

288
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,873
Although he never said anything was
black, 'cause he was a pretty big racist.

289
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,167
I wear his watch. I hated him.

290
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,585
Hated him!

291
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:17,589
And I was thinking,
I don't know,

292
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:21,176
I don't want you to think
the same way about me.

293
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:25,180
You ever think about maybe
not being a jerk to me so much?

294
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,183
You see, you got to stop
taking that stuff personally.

295
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,602
I'm like that with everybody.
I'm tough.

296
00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:31,770
And mean.

297
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,772
I don't like to take guff.

298
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:37,651
Or people's feelings into
consideration. Okay, okay.

299
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:41,196
I can't swear my way
is the right way.

300
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,156
I see you smiling,
skipping around,

301
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,160
and I think sometimes, I don't know,
maybe the boys would be better off...

302
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,870
If they were a little bit
more like you.

303
00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:54,084
You know skipping burns
more calories than running, that's...

304
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,503
We're done here.

305
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:02,193
Oh, hey, listen. They didn't tell me, but
what did you do to that guy? Did you get him?

306
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,469
Yeah. I sprayed him with
Cologne. I'm sorry I asked.

307
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,889
No, but like a lot of Cologne.
I just like got way up in there.

308
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,810
Good boy.

309
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:18,817
Did you find anything yet? Yes. There's a
whole section on biting on this mommy forum.

310
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,360
Oh, good. What does it say?

311
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:23,697
“My son was biting, so I
got a stranger to yell at him.

312
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,908
Being disciplined by someone else outside
the family scared him into stopping.”

313
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,660
Idiots! Cam.

314
00:14:28,744 --> 00:14:32,956
I am not hiring some hobo to come
over here and traumatize my child.

315
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,309
She's already prone to flashbacks,
if you know what I mean.

316
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,270
Okay, you know she didn't
fight in Vietnam, right?

317
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,379
I don't know anything anymore.
What else does it say?

318
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:42,007
Okay, well, this one says,
“when my daughter bit her brother,

319
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,217
I put a pinch of pepper
in her mouth.

320
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:48,638
She cried and cried, but she
never bit again.” smiley face.

321
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,640
Oh, well, the smiley face
makes it okay.

322
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:53,268
I waterboarded our toddler. Lol.

323
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,936
All right,
what do you suggest we do?

324
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:59,524
That we log off the Spanish inquisition
web site and handle this with love.

325
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,735
Okay, Lily.

326
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,905
J' take a bite of an apple, I'

327
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:13,914
J“ take a bite of the cookie
that you left over there j“

328
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,917
j“ here's one thing
you should never do, I'

329
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,253
j' don't bite Taylor
or Brandon or sue 3

330
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,673
j“ because people aren't food
people aren't food, I'

331
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,885
j' your friends will run away
if they're scared of being chewed, I'

332
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:31,056
j' and as a side note,
private parts are private j'j'

333
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,725
well, problem solved.

334
00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:37,187
I know you're being sarcastic,
but you don't know that it's not. Ow!

335
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,396
Honey.

336
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,065
No. Did she just bite you again?

337
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:43,110
That is it. I am getting the
pepper. No. No, you are not.

338
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:46,488
Cam, you're not doing her
any favors by being soft.

339
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:50,033
Why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get
some pliers and we'll pull her teeth now!

340
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,537
Relax. It's a seasoning. Okay,
well, then, why don't you try some?

341
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,764
- — Stop it.
- No, try a little.

342
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:55,997
Stop it. No, try a little bit.

343
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,582
Stop it. Don't you hit me.

344
00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:00,252
Stop it. Here, put some
in there. Ow! You bit me.

345
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,879
Well, why don't you
sing me a song about it.

346
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,675
Jv

347
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:17,394
Oh, look at you
two in your matching ties.

348
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,396
Don't get me started.
Oh, come here.

349
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,859
No. Luke, sweetie, are
you wearing Cologne?

350
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,278
Dad attacked the perfume guy
and then hugged me.

351
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,821
Okay.

352
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,490
I saw the boys in those
adorable little suits...

353
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,160
And it made me realize
this dance is about them.

354
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,204
If's not about me and my
pehfy lift/e compeh'z'ion with...

355
00:16:36,288 --> 00:16:38,081
With Gloria.

356
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,875
Ar

357
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,800
Who wears that to a kids' dance?

358
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:52,220
I know. She looks amazing.

359
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:57,475
Okay, I'm gonna slow things down with
a blast from the past for our chaperones.

360
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,978
- Give them a hand.
- J'j

361
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,611
Oh, my god.

362
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,573
Oh, it's not a problem.

363
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:15,285
,/' now / look into your eyes, r

364
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,747
,/' / can see fore ver, r

365
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:21,208
j the search is over, r

366
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:27,130
,/♪ you were with
me all the while, r oh.

367
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:30,842
Ar

368
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,888
I'm— I'm fine. I'm fine.

369
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,015
I'm fine.

370
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,726
I don't need a paper towel.
I'm sorry. I didn't even see you.

371
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,145
No, of course you didn't.
Of course you didn't.

372
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,730
'Cause it's Gloria's night.

373
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:48,318
That's right. It's all about
Gloria, Gloria, Gloria.

374
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,863
When you're done
getting married,

375
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,366
you need to mop
this up a little.

376
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,826
What was that?

377
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,703
It's this damn uniform.

378
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:00,330
J'j' [ends j

379
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:07,128
okay, we need to talk. No, I
am fine. I do not need to talk.

380
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:11,424
Well, you've been pushing me away the whole
week. You've been fighting all my ideas.

381
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,094
That's because this
is my thing, Gloria.

382
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:17,138
Why can't it be
my thing too, Claire?

383
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,974
Because everything
is your thing.

384
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:21,977
This— this is the one thing
that was my thing.

385
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:25,438
This is my only thing. Oh,
my god. This is my only thing.

386
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:28,149
And then you come along
and you steal my thunder...

387
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,152
With your tight dresses
and your great ideas.

388
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:35,282
I was the one that all the moms looked
up to. I was the only one Gus liked.

389
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,867
Please, if you like him
so much, you can keep him.

390
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,704
It's not the same now
that I know he likes you.

391
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,999
That sounds really insane,
but this isn't actually about Gus.

392
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,793
Really? Because you've been
talking a lot about him.

393
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,211
Gloria, Gus is a symbol.

394
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,172
A sex symbol?

395
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,466
Oh, stop it, Gloria.
I'm already crying.

396
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,927
Claire, I didn't come here
to steal your thunder.

397
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:58,239
Your thunder is your thunder
and my thunder is my thunder.

398
00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:01,891
I know. It's just that god
gave you so much thunder.

399
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,893
Yeah, maybe too much.

400
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,146
I hate how those woman
look at me.

401
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:10,066
You think I don't know what they're
thinking? “Ah, here comes the hot one...

402
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,610
With the big boobies
that is gonna steal my husband.”

403
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:15,488
And maybe they don't let
their kids play with Manny.

404
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:19,993
I volunteer because I want them to see
that there is so much more to me.

405
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,870
Why didn't you tell me that?

406
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:26,666
Maybe for the same reason you didn't
tell me you had a weird thing for Gus.

407
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,960
It's embarrassing. Okay.

408
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:33,923
I am sorry. I made this whole thing
into some ridiculous competition,

409
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,134
and I'm pathetic.

410
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,927
You're not pathetic.

411
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,932
Okay, that's a little bit sad.

412
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,187
We hire to
think we're so smart...

413
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,230
And we have all the answers.

414
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,650
And we want to pass all that
on to our children.

415
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:55,445
But if you scratch
beneath the surface,

416
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,156
you don't have to dig very deep
to find the kid you were.

417
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:01,368
Which is why it's kinda crazy that
now we 're raising kids of our own.

418
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,161
You know what?
This is a milestone.

419
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,789
We're accepting that
our little angel isn't perfect.

420
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,291
That's right, and it's okay.

421
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,003
I— I take it back.

422
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,755
She is perfect.

423
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,638
I guess that's the real circle of life.

424
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,134
Your parents faked
their way through it,

425
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,553
you fake your way through it,

426
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:23,932
and hopefully you don't
raise a serial killer.

427
00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,940
That's not funny.

428
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,237
I am so sorry.

429
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,907
No, just come over. We'll watch a
movie, put the whole thing behind you.

430
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,492
Okay, see you in a bit.

431
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:45,870
That was longines. He's in a very
bad place. Oh, no. What happened?

432
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,248
Well, apparently some maniac
went crazy at the mall...

433
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:50,125
And attacked him
with oasis for men.

434
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,044
Oh, well, I think we all
knew that day was coming.

435
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:55,463
All right, wish me luck.

436
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,257
Good luck.

437
00:20:57,340 --> 00:21:01,302
Okay, honey,
please don't hurt daddy.

438
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,973
All right, ahh.

439
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:10,812
English - us - psdh