1
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:08,176
Honey— honey, look. She's
doing that thing with herjaw again.

2
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:10,678
[ Phil ] Poor kid. She puts
so much pressure on herself.

3
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,763
It's an obsessive—compulsive
thing.

4
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:15,057
I have read like a hundred
articles about it.

5
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:18,644
Where does she get it from?
Yeah, it's— it's a mystery.

6
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,271
I know.

7
00:00:21,314 --> 00:00:23,149
Alex? Honey?

8
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,651
Hi. Hi, hi, hi. Why don't
you take a little break?

9
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:28,571
Mom, the test is tomorrow morning.
I'm not taking any breaks.

10
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,198
Just a little— oh. Okay.

11
00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,825
She does that jaw thing
every six seconds.

12
00:00:32,909 --> 00:00:35,494
It's like the hippopotamus
at the miniature golf place.

13
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:37,747
Oh, I've bounced so many balls
off those big teeth.

14
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,373
It's all about the 17/77/7791

15
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,666
(3h. Luke!

16
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:43,252
- — [ Laughing] So close.
- Stop it, you idiot.

17
00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,630
- — Eh, eh. Luke, go to your room.
- Go on.

18
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,799
She's gotta eat. I
did it out of love. Go.

19
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:52,053
[ Chuckles ]
Look at her with her little harmonica.

20
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:54,472
I know. She's like
a little junior junior Wells.

21
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,265
[ Chuckles ]
Where did you buy it for her?

22
00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:58,017
I thought you got it for her.

23
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,120
Oh, no. Cam, she must have
grabbed it from that store.

24
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,564
Okay. Honey? Listen.
Stealing is wrong.

25
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,608
Now we have to go back
and pay for it.

26
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,819
Cam, it's so far away.
No. I'm not going back there.

27
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,529
Tracy?

28
00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:12,240
Oh, my god. Mitchell.

29
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:14,575
[ Stammering ]
This is Cameron, my partner...

30
00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:16,535
Oh. And our daughter, Lily.

31
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,204
Wow!

32
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:22,291
Cam, this is— this is Tracy.
Oh— “Tracy” Tracy. Oh, hi.

33
00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,669
[ Mitchell narrat/hg ]
Tracy was my high school girlfriend

34
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:28,089
yes. Yes, it's true. I had girlfriends.
Quite a few, actually.

35
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:31,050
I too took my fair share of ladies
to the henhouse. [ Chuckles ]

36
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,773
Literally I did take them
to the henhouse.

37
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,988
That's the only place you
could get some privacy on a farm.

38
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,223
Really? What were these—
What were these girls' names?

39
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:39,600
Oh.
Oh, well, there was Nellie forbush...

40
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:43,104
Betty Rizzo, eliza—
Doolittle. Yeah.

41
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,398
These are characters from musicals.

42
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,775
You're so gay you can't even think
of real girls' names.

43
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,611
Kim mcafee. That's a
real one. Bye bye birdie.

44
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:53,281
What's new?
I got married last year.

45
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:55,783
Oh, that's great.
How long are you in town for?

46
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,761
Just a couple of days.
We're staying at my folks'.

47
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,829
I wanna hear all about Mitchell
from high school.

48
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:02,415
- — Did he have a beard?
- You're looking at her.

49
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:05,209
- — [ Laughs ]
- 'Course, I didn't know it back then.

50
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:08,879
[Swmmem] We should
all hang out. Yeah.

51
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,548
N-No.

52
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,342
Well, take care. Okay.

53
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,386
Bye.

54
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:20,599
Thumpity, thump, thump. Look
at frosty go. That was weird.

55
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,394
Well, don't worry about it.
It's high school, honey.

56
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,855
Well, actually— what?

57
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:28,816
At our 10—year reunion
we got a little drunk,

58
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,943
started reminiscing,
one thing led to another...

59
00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:33,487
[ Gasps ] You went back?

60
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,990
I think I just wanted
to see if I could.

61
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,908
Ohh— turns out I could.

62
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:40,703
Where did this happen?
In the nurse's office.

63
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,080
I can still hear the crinkling
of the paper. [ Groans ]

64
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,499
After that, I didn't return
any of her phone calls,

65
00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,252
and I haven't seen her since.

66
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:51,380
[ Gasps ]
You naughty little girl.

67
00:02:51,464 --> 00:02:54,425
Well, you know, that's what
happens when you give me kahlt'ja.

68
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,220
,/' hey, heyj

69
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,389
,/' hey, heyj

70
00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,350
,/' hey, heyj

71
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,352
,/' hey, heyj

72
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:05,770
j“ hey if

73
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,732
[ phone rings, beeps ] Hello.

74
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,444
- — Jay, guess who called. The Hoffmans.
- Who?

75
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,364
That's right. The ones from the hotel bar
in cabo.

76
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,783
They're in town for the night.
They want to go to dinner.

77
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,077
Oh, hell. The boring guy
and the loudmouth?

78
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,330
- — I know. I was so excited that they called.
- I don't want to see them.

79
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,541
I know. So much fun! [Laughs]

80
00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:29,377
You're with them right now, aren't you?

81
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,711
[Laughs] Yes.

82
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,089
And they can't wait to see
you too. [ Mouths words]

83
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,800
[ Knocking ]

84
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,553
Okay, pencils down.
You're taking a break.

85
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,555
No, I—I can't afford
to take a break.

86
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,307
Sanjay patel's
not taking a break.

87
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,352
Obviously Sanjay's parents
don't care about him.

88
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,354
Or her. What is that— Sanjay?

89
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:51,708
Sanjay's the only one in class who might do
better than me, and I cannot let that happen.

90
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,026
Honey, listen to yourself.
It's just not healthy.

91
00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:56,195
This is my fault.

92
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:59,198
You see me achieve excellence,
and it puts a lot of pressure on you.

93
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,450
- — What about me?
- Sorry. Yeah.

94
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,828
It puts a lot of pressure on both of you.

95
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,913
Thanks, Phil. Okay.

96
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,165
No! Come on. Let's
go have some fun.

97
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,292
- — Let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

98
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,961
[Trampoline bouncing]

99
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,046
[ Phil ]
Doesn't this feel good, sweetheart?

100
00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:15,881
It's fun, right?

101
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,302
Honestly, I think you're
overly worried about Lily.

102
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,763
It's not like she's gonna
grow up to be a thief.

103
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,616
[ Chuckles ] And besides,
at the end of the day,

104
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,101
who does she learn
her behavior from?

105
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,520
Us. We're her role models.

106
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:34,275
[ No audible dialogue]

107
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:38,279
Like mama always said, our children
are just miniature versions of us.

108
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,864
Come on.

109
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,783
Cam.

110
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:52,042
Oh, come on, Jay. Give me
one smile. I know you want to.

111
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,486
[ High-pitched I/oice ]
Oh, come on, Jay. Give me one smile.

112
00:04:54,587 --> 00:04:56,672
I know you want to. [Laughing]

113
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:01,760
Isn't that fun, Jay? Oh,
this has been so much fun.

114
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:04,448
You know, I'm surprised to hear
you say that. You've been pretty quiet.

115
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,474
That's because I'm a listener.

116
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:09,101
Love to listen. It's my hobby.

117
00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:11,729
- — Listening is your hobby?
- Sure.

118
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,481
You guys have gotta come out
and visit us.

119
00:05:13,606 --> 00:05:15,917
Seriously. We're not taking
no for an answer. Yes. Yes, yes.

120
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:18,861
- [Oh, we would love to.
- I Jay] Okay, let's slow down.

121
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,573
You're nice people, we're
nice people, but let's be honest.

122
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,325
We've all tried
to do that thing...

123
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:27,244
Where we force a friendship
that... isn't really there,

124
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,164
so why don't we just
call it a day right now...

125
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:33,584
And say good—bye, shake hands,
wish each other well?

126
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,338
Oh, my god.
This is so uncomfortable.

127
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:40,025
No, no. The beauty of it is, we're
never gonna see each other again,

128
00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:41,675
so there's no reason
to be uncomfortable.

129
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,427
They're staying with us tonight.

130
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,596
Their bags are in our house.

131
00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:48,599
Then you were right.

132
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,309
This is uncomfortable.

133
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,112
[ High—pitched voice]
This is uncomfon'ab/e.

134
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,858
Do you like it? Mmm.

135
00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,610
The recipe called for a cup of water,

136
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,530
but I used milk instead
to make the sauce creamier.

137
00:06:02,655 --> 00:06:04,657
Cam, I need to tell you
something. You hate it.

138
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:07,368
Cameron— no, you're right. I
shouldn't try anything new ever.

139
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,245
Stop it.
I'm trying to talk to you.

140
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,580
Okay, today, when we
were leaving the mall,

141
00:06:11,664 --> 00:06:13,582
I saw Tracy by the fountain.

142
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:15,668
Please don't tell me
you slept with her again.

143
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,796
Did you? You didn't, right?

144
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,548
Youtejohng. Yeah.

145
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,466
Okay. Um...

146
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,635
I don't know how to say this,
or if I'm even right.

147
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,220
I'm probably not.

148
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:29,265
But, um, she was
with a redheaded boy,

149
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,142
about eight years old,

150
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:35,771
which is the same
number of years since we...

151
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,356
No.

152
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,125
And she said she'd only
been married a year,

153
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,694
and it would explain why she
was so awkward with me, and...

154
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,195
Mmm. Mmm!

155
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,780
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm—hmm. No...

156
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,074
Mm-hmm.
I know, I know. It's crazy,

157
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,076
but, cam, I need
to find out if he's mine.

158
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,120
Mmm. Are you okay?

159
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:53,497
Yeah. Yeah, well,
you don't just tell your partner...

160
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,142
You may have a baby with someone else
and expect them to go back...

161
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,420
To eating a delicious and inventive meal
like it's nothing.

162
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,130
Okay, cam,
but even if he is mine,

163
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:02,881
it doesn't change anything
between us.

164
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,175
Mitchell, I need to have
my reaction.

165
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,845
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

166
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,930
Mm-hmm.

167
00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:11,640
[Whimpers ]

168
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:15,019
Jay.

169
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,895
They order a cab.
Are you happy now?

170
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:20,149
Hlbehappy when I hear
a trunk close. [ Scoffs ]

171
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,984
Hey, mom, you want a drink
of water?

172
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:25,070
- — No, papi not right now.
- You sure? You look thirsty.

173
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,781
What's with you and the
water today? It's a dribble cup.

174
00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,950
You can't drink from it
without spilling.

175
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:31,910
I think it's going
to make me very popular.

176
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,788
Ay, pap/I why do you need
these things to make you popular?

177
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:37,291
First the walking stick,
then the business cards...

178
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:40,461
- — Are they gone yet?
- Why did you talk to them like that?

179
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,522
What? I was just being honest.
They're boring as hell.

180
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:45,215
Quiet. They can hear you.
He probably already heard me.

181
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,051
His hobby is listening.

182
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,094
Jay, you don't treat people
like that.

183
00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,738
What, I should do what you do?
Pretend to like someone you don't?

184
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,515
I'm doing it right now.

185
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:55,100
Can I tell you something, Gloria?

186
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,478
When you reach a certain age,
you wanna spend...

187
00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,772
What precious little time
you have left...

188
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:01,523
With people you actually like,

189
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,567
not some bozos
who glommed onto you.

190
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,654
Tell me about it. I've got a
clingy fifth-grader I can't shake.

191
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:09,281
- See? Even Manny knows.
- I got your back, Jay.

192
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:10,783
Thirsty?

193
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:13,661
Manny, go to sleep. Can we
just please forget about this now?

194
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:16,622
And the worst thing is that you
sold me out without warning...

195
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,332
And made me look like a fool.

196
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,335
Husband and wife are supposed
to help each other,

197
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,461
not throw each other
under the bus!

198
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,338
I would never do that to you.

199
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,215
Gloria. Gloria, wait.

200
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:31,053
- Could you get my book for me? I left it downstairs.
- [ Huffs]

201
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,307
[ Horn honks] There you are.

202
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,935
Our cab is here. I am so sorry.

203
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,437
Not your fault. Well, good-bye.

204
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:44,024
Ay, wait. You left this.

205
00:08:44,108 --> 00:08:46,026
Oh, no. That's for you. Oh.

206
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:49,113
In cabo you mentioned you were a fan
of Gabriel Garcia Marquez,

207
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,573
so we tracked him down
and got him to sign a copy...

208
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:53,701
Of one hundred years of solitude
for you.

209
00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,452
[ Sighs ] That's amazing.

210
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,454
Well...

211
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,581
[ Door opens ] No, no. Don't go.

212
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,667
I really want you
to spend the night here.

213
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,421
- — Jay clearly doesn't.
- Jay doesn't know what he wants.

214
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,381
I don't like to tell this to people,

215
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:11,844
but, uh, Jay's mind is...
Going away.

216
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:13,470
Oh, my god. No.

217
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,472
He's so old.

218
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:19,059
Some nights
it's like he's not even here.

219
00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:21,228
Oh, Gloria.

220
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,813
Honey.

221
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,107
That's it.
We're not going anywhere.

222
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,734
Come on. Mmm.

223
00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,152
Mmm.

224
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,449
Hey.

225
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:37,578
You never came to bed.
I fell asleep in the den.

226
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,913
Cam, we need to talk about...

227
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,249
Mitchell, wait.

228
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:45,002
Listen, I was up all night
thinking about it,

229
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,670
and here's the thing.

230
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,464
If you would have told me
10 years ago...

231
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:50,215
That I would be living
with someone...

232
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,134
And raising a beautiful baby girl,

233
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,094
I would have said you were crazy.
[ Chuckles ]

234
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:55,637
But here we are,

235
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:59,266
and you and Lily are the best things
that have ever happened to me.

236
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,685
So if you're telling me
there's another kid,

237
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,021
how can that be anything but good?

238
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,315
[Voice cracking ]
Oh, cam, that's— that means...

239
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,484
No, it's okay.
No. I need to have my reaction.

240
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,068
[ Both laugh ]

241
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,738
We're gonna be
okay. [ Kisses ] Yeah.

242
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,364
So what do we do now? Oh.

243
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,241
I don't know.
I guess I'm gonna have to...

244
00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,805
I'm gonna have to call Tracy
and tell her that we need to talk.

245
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:22,873
Okay. Uh, are you nervous?
I'm terrified. Yes.

246
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,209
I mean, what's this kid
gonna think of me?

247
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,452
I've been absent
for the first eight years of his life.

248
00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:29,379
How do you make up
for time like that?

249
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,173
Okay, slow down.
You're spinning out.

250
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,925
It's probably just a false alarm.

251
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:36,136
No, you're right. This could be
my going—bald scare all over again.

252
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,305
Yeah, and we know
how that turned out.

253
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,182
[ Chuckles ]

254
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,767
[ Chuckles ]

255
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,812
[Claire] Honey?
[Phil] Mm-hmm?

256
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,856
What would happen
if the greatest scientists on earth...

257
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:51,735
Got together to mate nature's
two most violent predators?

258
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:57,658
- — Are we talking about croctopus in 3—d?
- At 2:10.

259
00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,409
Book it! Mmm.

260
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,663
Claire and I share
a true love of cheesy cinema.

261
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:07,167
Our favorite categories include genetically
engineered animals gone wrong...

262
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,211
Old and young people
switching bodies. Mm-hmm.

263
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,713
Uh, tough guys taking care of babies.

264
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,882
Any sequel three and higher.
Oh, yeah.

265
00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,634
Usually get a new cast around five.

266
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,428
That's where the magic
really happens. Yeah. Yeah.

267
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:21,557
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Hey,
honey, how'd your test go?

268
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:23,392
Second highest in
the class. [ Phil] Hey.

269
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:26,687
- — [Claire] That's great.
- Sanjay patel edged me out by 12 points.

270
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,438
Oh, honey,
who cares what she did?

271
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:31,191
It's a he. “Sanjay” is a very
common Indian boy's name.

272
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:32,985
There are like millions of them.

273
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,421
Sweetheart, it's still a great score.
I hope you're not beating yourself up.

274
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,030
I'm not. That's our girl.

275
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:40,117
Sanjay's dad's a surgeon. His mom's
a professor. I can't compete with that.

276
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,703
I'll just have to do the best I can
with what I was given.

277
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,330
- — Good for you.
- We're proud of you, honey.

278
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,959
She's such a good kid.
Yeah, she is.

279
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,753
Did she just say she was gonna
do the best with what she was given?

280
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:54,339
I don't know. I'm still
thinking about all the sanjays.

281
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:56,383
I don't know any,
but I know three Miltons.

282
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,011
She's saying we're stupid.

283
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,763
Well, she's wrong. Is she?

284
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:05,559
Honey, look at how long it just took
us to figure out that she's insulting us.

285
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,352
Are we holding our kids back?

286
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,771
No! We're both bright people.
Yeah.

287
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,065
We're college graduates.
We read. [Cell phone rings]

288
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:15,569
I'd go so far as to say we're as
intellectual and sophisticated as...

289
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:19,281
Sweet! Croctopus tickets
confirmed.

290
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:29,017
[ Mrs. Hoffman] I just think that
we should offer to take Manny.

291
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,768
[ Mr. Hoffman] Maybe
for a weekend. Something.

292
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,337
Hey, guys. [ Both ] Hey, Manny.

293
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,798
Where you going?

294
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:40,010
Got a golf lesson. My swing's a
mess. Manny's coming with me.

295
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,530
No, you can't go downstairs now.
You'll run into the Hoffmans.

296
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:45,325
Actually, I wanna talk to them, because I've
been thinkin' about what you said last night,

297
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,935
and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.

298
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,020
You're right.
You never would have done that to me.

299
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,772
I forgive you.
So I'll say good-bye.

300
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,191
No, Jay. Don't do that.

301
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,776
First they think you like them,

302
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,402
then they think you don't like them.

303
00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:00,489
Don't confuse them.
I wanna do this for you.

304
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,241
Jay, wait! It's okay.

305
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,826
Ay, Jay, wait!

306
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:10,290
So, hey, how are you handling
things, you know, with Jay?

307
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,959
What do you mean?

308
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,503
Honey, your mom told us
that Jay's, you know,

309
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,254
a little off his game.

310
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,090
A little? It's hard to watch.

311
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:21,093
Oh. It must be so frustrating
for him.

312
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:23,303
Well, he does swear a lot.

313
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,806
Oh. The worst is when
he goes off into the woods.

314
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,141
Oh, and when he drives...

315
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:31,395
Oh, my god. Look out.
I'm surprised he hasn't killed anybody yet.

316
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,983
Hey! I'm so glad
you guys are still here.

317
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,443
I just wanna say...

318
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,362
Sorry for last night.

319
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,447
It's okay. We understand.

320
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,783
A y, you see? Problem is solved.

321
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,410
Now go. You're going to be late.

322
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,346
There's nothin' wrong with you guys.
You know, it's me.

323
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:51,373
We know. We went through the
same thing with Steph's father.

324
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,543
- — Now I'm confused.
- I'm Steph.

325
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:57,087
Here, Jay. I poured you
a glass of orange juice.

326
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,672
Thanks, kid.

327
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:05,512
What the hell? What's wrong with me?
It's always funny.

328
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,390
Jay, go change.
I'll be there in one second.

329
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:11,244
Maybe we should get going. — at
least let me drive you to the airport.

330
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,437
No, no. No, no. We'll
calla cab. Oh, no, no, no.

331
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,939
Honey, do you want popcorn
or anything?

332
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,524
No, I'm good...

333
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,568
And plenty

334
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:22,029
so hold your water,

335
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:25,073
'cause I'm got some Twix
up my sleeve.

336
00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:29,536
You may be cool,
but I'm wine cooler.

337
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,371
I love us. [ Chuckles ]

338
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,665
[Phil] Thank you.

339
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,208
Well, hello, dunphys.

340
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,668
Hey. Hey.

341
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,813
[Whispering ] Who is that?
It's the patels, Sanjay's parents.

342
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:41,882
I heard Sanjay did so well on
his test today. How are you?

343
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,425
Indeed. Yes, we're
very proud ofhnn.

344
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,635
Yeah. Yeah.

345
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,929
Are you here to see
deux jour de la vie?

346
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:50,098
Well, we're not here to see croctopus.

347
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:53,310
[All laughing]

348
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,437
Forgive vish
if you hear him groan.

349
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,856
He gets annoyed if the
subtitles are mistranslated.

350
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,359
Well, that makes deux of us.
[ Chuckles ]

351
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,403
I guess we'll see you in there.

352
00:15:03,487 --> 00:15:04,505
[ Phil] All right. You bet.

353
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,406
See you in there.

354
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,618
[Sighs]

355
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,329
Phil, where are you going?

356
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,207
Croctopus.

357
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:18,752
Honey— honey, I think
we should go see this movie.

358
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,587
Why do I have to watch
a French movie?

359
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,506
I didn't do anything wrong.

360
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,341
Maybe Alex has a point.

361
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,653
How can we encourage our kids to have
intellectual curiosity when we don't have any?

362
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,763
I don't know.

363
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,848
It's two hours of our life.

364
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,102
Fine.

365
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,104
For our kids.

366
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,439
Sometimes I hate the kids.
Oh, yeah.

367
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:45,362
[ Man, woman speaking French ]

368
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,114
[Whispering ] I'm so confused.

369
00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,074
[Whispering ]
I'm not. I love this.

370
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,909
You do not.

371
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:53,495
Name one thing
you've liked about this.

372
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,706
I like the scene
with the old man on the beach.

373
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,750
That was a trailer
for a different movie.

374
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,021
So he's not coming back? No, he's not
coming back, and I'm not coming back either.

375
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:05,382
[Patron ] Shh! Some of us
are trying to enjoy this film.

376
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:12,639
[Phil] While Claire watched one of the
most highly acclaimed films of the year,

377
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,975
I sat through
a badly made schlock fest...

378
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,978
With absolutely no
redeeming value,

379
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:19,771
and it was awesome.

380
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,398
[Roaring] [ Laughing ]

381
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,567
[ Glass shatters ] [Explosion ]

382
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,694
[ Clapp/ng hooves ]

383
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,283
[ Rumbling ] [Roaring]

384
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,285
Sorry. Sorry.

385
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,954
[ Woman speaking French ]

386
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,708
[ Splattering ] Oh!

387
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:43,170
Oh, my goodness.
Feels like I have ink on me.

388
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:46,047
[ Patrons chattering ]

389
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,552
Sweetheart.

390
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,513
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hi.
What? Oh, my god.

391
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,348
I fell asleep and missed it.

392
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,309
Yeah. Let's go home. [Sighs]

393
00:16:57,392 --> 00:17:00,687
I can't believe I fell asleep
and you left.

394
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,689
Alex is right. We're idiots.

395
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:05,192
Claire, stop it.

396
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,652
Look.

397
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:09,576
Our kid got the second—best
grade in the class.

398
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,157
I know. Dumb parents
don't make kids that smart.

399
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,577
She got the best
of both of us. Mmm.

400
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:19,164
Kind of like if you combined
the jaw strength of a crocodile...

401
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:22,375
And the ink-spraying
capabilities of an octopus,

402
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:26,338
you'd end up
with something unstoppable.

403
00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:28,465
But they did stop him
in the end, didn't they?

404
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,718
“Her.” and she laid
6993-[ Gasps I croctopi.

405
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,428
Yeah. Oh.

406
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:36,598
Hey. Hey.

407
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,850
Check out Einstein over there.

408
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,479
[ Claire ] That's just sad.

409
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,400
Hey, vish.

410
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,611
You just do this.

411
00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:52,405
[ Clicks, beeps ] [Laughs]

412
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:55,450
Thank you.
So, did you enjoy the film?

413
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,202
Not in the least.

414
00:17:57,285 --> 00:18:00,455
I actually found it
quite two-dimensional.

415
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,040
Hmm. Mmm.

416
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,709
Hmm. Well, lovely to see you.

417
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,211
Good to see you too. All right.

418
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:07,837
Bye. Bye.

419
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,424
After you, doctor.
After you, professor.

420
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:12,509
[ Chuckles ]

421
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,095
[ Handle rattling ]

422
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,061
[ Doorbell rings]

423
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,105
[Sighs] [ Door opens ]

424
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:26,690
Mitchell, Cameron, come on in.

425
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:27,941
Hi.

426
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:32,404
Um, so, we need to talk.

427
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,906
About what?
Do you mind if we sit down?

428
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,491
Please.

429
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,286
Um, Tracy, I...

430
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,121
I have something to say,
and I'm afraid...

431
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,748
That if I don't say it all at once,
I'm never gonna say it.

432
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,084
[ Groans ]
This takes me back to prom night.

433
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,129
Again, sorry about that.

434
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:54,509
Anyway, I saw you yesterday
across the mall, after we spoke,

435
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:58,555
and I couldn't help but notice
that you weren't alone.

436
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,181
You were with, um...

437
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,475
I don't even know how
to put this. Um...

438
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,769
His name is Bobby.

439
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,980
Bobby.

440
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,690
Such a lovely name.

441
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:11,735
Tracy, is he...

442
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,945
Yes, Mitchell, he is.

443
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,989
Oh, my god. Okay.

444
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,325
Um, why didn't you tell me?

445
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,785
Mitchell, you and I don't have
a relationship anymore.

446
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:26,207
I called you after our little visit
to the nurse's room.

447
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,959
You never returned any of my calls.

448
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:30,003
I was freaked out, Tracy, and I...

449
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:34,299
Let's not rehash the past,
but rather focus on the future.

450
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,675
Yes. Yes.

451
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:38,386
Cam and I wanna know
if you're open...

452
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,931
To us... getting to know Bobby.

453
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,517
I don't think that's a very good idea.

454
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:47,041
Okay. I understand. No.
It might be a little awkward at first,

455
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,897
but I think after some time...

456
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,482
We brought him a present.

457
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:54,194
For Bobby? [ Cameron ] Mm-hmm.

458
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,946
Please, we just—
We really just want to meet him.

459
00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,949
Fine.

460
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,577
Okay.

461
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,871
Bobby? Could you come out here?

462
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,915
[ Footsteps ]

463
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,085
Hey, honey. Vvhatsup? Honey,

464
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:14,005
I wanted to introduce you
to Mitchell and Cameron.

465
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,965
This is my husband.
Hey. How you doin'?

466
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:17,550
Hey, what's up, dude?
How you doin'?

467
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,219
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, hi. Cameron.

468
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:20,345
Ifiithere. Padnen

469
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,722
so, uh, how do you know Tracy?

470
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:25,350
[ Stammers ] How— we...

471
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,643
Mitchell took me to the prom.

472
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:27,936
The prom. To the prom.

473
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,981
Oh, a redhead.
You really have a type, don't you?

474
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,568
Um, they got you a present.

475
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,254
It's not— it's just a little—
[ Stammering ]

476
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,780
You don't need to—
I wouldn't even...

477
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,118
“Little slugger”?

478
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:48,331
I'm just gonna go
and let you two catch up, so...

479
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,583
[ Clatters ]

480
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,836
[ Door opens ] Um...

481
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,172
S'up? [ Chuckles
I [ Door closes ]

482
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,970
I never realized
you ever had sex with a girl.

483
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,721
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

484
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,765
I kinda got around
back then, actually.

485
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:07,600
More than one? Please.

486
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:08,852
There was Tracy. Who else?

487
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,687
Uh, Betty Rizzo.

488
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,272
Don't remember her.

489
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:14,858
Eliza Doolittle? Nellie forbush?

490
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:15,941
These were classmates?

491
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,444
Well, some were older.

492
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:18,987
Some were younger.

493
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:22,240
Lies! And gretl Von trapp.

494
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,660
Sisters, obviously. Too far?

495
00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:28,496
I'm not an idiot. You played that record
night and day.

496
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,290
Why would you tell me
a thing like that?

497
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,000
I just...

498
00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:37,839
English - us - psdh