1
00:00:03,296 --> 00:00:06,507
So, honey, Ibiza can
only take us at 6:30 tonight.

2
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:08,926
Great. I will meet you at Ibiza.

3
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,179
It's pronounced “ibitha,”
not Ibiza.

4
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:12,930
Oh! Thanks, honey.

5
00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:16,267
That reminds me. This weekend I
want to see that baby panda at the 17700.

6
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,685
[ Both laughing ]

7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,104
Yeah. I'm the idiot.

8
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:23,292
This year, for Valentine's day, we're
gonna have a nice, quiet dinner at Ibiza.

9
00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,818
Last year, we, um...

10
00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:28,029
We overreached a little.

11
00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:30,823
We created sexy alter egos,
clive and Juliana,

12
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:32,366
met in the hotel bar.

13
00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:34,761
This one lost her panties
in the lobby, in front of her dad...

14
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:36,305
Phil. [ Chuckles ]
Which was a little...

15
00:00:36,329 --> 00:00:38,915
It was hard.
It was hard for her.

16
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,542
You know I can't stand it when
you use that word. Panfies?

17
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,836
Ye— that— yes. That word.

18
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,631
Sorry. She lost her underpanties.

19
00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:55,514
Well? Huh? So?

20
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:58,351
- What's happening?
- Flowers.

21
00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,061
Is someone pointing
a gun at you?

22
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,730
For goodness' sake. Did you
get the flowers Lily and I sent you?

23
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:06,025
Aw, that's so sweet. No.
No, I didn't get anything.

24
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,735
Really.

25
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,779
Did you check with that assistant of yours?

26
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,530
Broderick?

27
00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:13,241
[ Phone rings]

28
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:15,993
Uh, did you get any flowers today?

29
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:18,287
No. Sadly, I'm without
a Valentine this year.

30
00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:21,415
No. For Mitchell.
The flowers are for Mitchell!

31
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:24,168
Oh, that's right. Oops.

32
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:27,755
- — Mitchell's assistant has a huge crush on him.
- He does not!

33
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,549
I think the only prudent thing
to do is say, “you're fired.”

34
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,594
Don't be jealous.
He just looks up to me.

35
00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:36,097
The thing about Mitchell
is he can be naive.

36
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:39,767
He is completely unaware of
how absolutely adorable he is.

37
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:43,354
Okay. Well, thank you, but I am aware
when someone has a crush on me,

38
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,691
and he does not have
a crush on me.

39
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,359
[ Mouthing words]

40
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,946
,/' hey, heyj

41
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,990
,/' hey, heyj

42
00:01:54,073 --> 00:01:56,075
,/' hey, heyj

43
00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,994
,/' hey, heyj

44
00:01:58,077 --> 00:01:59,078
j“ hey if

45
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:04,659
I was a little concerned when they said
they could only take us at 6:30, but...

46
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:08,087
I know. This house is
on fire, right? Mm-hmm.

47
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,381
Now, this is how you do v-day.

48
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,926
Except most of these people
could have been here on v-e day.

49
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:17,763
But it's classy, which
we deserve. Yes, we do.

50
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:21,017
What were we thinking last year,
acting like a couple of teenagers?

51
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,019
I know. Oh.

52
00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:26,647
Hey, we've had our crazy
Valentine's days. We tore it up.

53
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:29,650
But you gotta know when
to let that stuff go. Yeah.

54
00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,068
All those kids out there...

55
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:32,921
Are just lookin' for something
that we've already got.

56
00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,071
Yeah.

57
00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:35,823
I love you. I love you too.

58
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,616
[ Crash ] Oh, my gosh!

59
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:39,219
Wow! Okay. I'm
sorry. Are you all right?

60
00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,179
Are you okay? Are you all
right? I'm good. We're good.

61
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:44,582
It's my first day in one of these
things. Hey, let me help you out.

62
00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:47,460
How 'bout I park it over there
for you, okay? Thank you.

63
00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,337
Here's your valet ticket.
[ Chuckling ]

64
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,464
I'm kidding actually.
That's my valet ticket.

65
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,760
All right. Let's see.

66
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,845
Lefiyloosey. Righty tighty.

67
00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,388
Hey. Wow.

68
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:02,099
All right. Hey!

69
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,352
This is fun, Claire.
You gotta try this.

70
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:05,853
Phil.

71
00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:07,521
Hesarmunm. Thank you.

72
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:10,441
[ Motor whirring ]

73
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,194
[ Claire ] I know Phil and / are
gonna grow old together some day.

74
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,904
This thing needs mirrors.

75
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:18,115
But today is not that day.

76
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,953
[Cell phone ringing]

77
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:27,708
[ Beeps ] Hello.

78
00:03:27,792 --> 00:03:29,877
Hello. May I speak to clive?

79
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,755
I'm sorry. I think you have the
wrong number. Bye-bye. No, uh...

80
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,675
I got disconnected.
Would you mind redialing?

81
00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,595
[ Rings]

82
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,847
[Line ringing]

83
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,641
Hello.

84
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,102
Hello, clive. This is Juliana.

85
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,229
Look, lady.
Please stop calling me. This is...

86
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,398
No, no, no, no. No, Phil,
Phil, Phil. Don't hang up.

87
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,858
Claire? No, no, no. Not Claire.

88
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:55,194
Juhana.

89
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,196
And you're clive Bixby.
Remember?

90
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,031
We met at the hotel bar last year.

91
00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:00,616
Oh!

92
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:07,373
Now, make up some lie,
ditch that wife of yours,

93
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,250
and meet me at our hotel
in 30 minutes.

94
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,835
You think you can manage that?

95
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:14,755
Baby doll, I've been lying
to my wife for 16 years.

96
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:16,966
Okay. See ya.

97
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,885
[Beeps]

98
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,471
So, champagne?

99
00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:25,516
Um, actually, Claire,
something's come up,

100
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,601
so... gotta go.

101
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:30,938
You're not ditching me here on
Valentine's day. Screw that. Sit.

102
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,816
But— wh— oh, okay.

103
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:36,318
We'ii— we'll stay.

104
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,320
Phil. Oh, that's part of it?

105
00:04:38,404 --> 00:04:40,281
[ Chuckles ] So hot.

106
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:42,408
Claire. I'm leaving.
Deal with it.

107
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:45,327
[ Woman gasps ] [Clattering ]

108
00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,997
So no one walks anymore!

109
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,044
[ Chattering ]

110
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,754
Should be just
a few more minutes.

111
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,007
When is our reservation?
Here's the thing.

112
00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,301
Ay, no. Not “the thing.”
I hate “the thing.”

113
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:03,095
My secretary screwed up and
didn't get us one. Don't worry.

114
00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:04,513
I'll slip the guy a few bucks.

115
00:05:04,597 --> 00:05:08,184
What kind of idiot messes up
two Valentine's in a row?

116
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,768
Not this idiot.

117
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:13,022
Two months ago I booked a
private chef, musicians, the works...

118
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,316
For a romantic dinner at home.

119
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:20,154
I just had to get the senorita
out of the house while they set up.

120
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:23,032
This is 50 bucks.
Do not give us a table.

121
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,575
What's the money for?

122
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,745
You also must refuse my wife.
She's very persuasive.

123
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,247
Just a couple more minutes.

124
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:33,250
So we don't get the table
at the fancy restaurant,

125
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,002
which drives Gloria crazy.

126
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:38,672
[ Imitating Gloria] Jay, why you
no be no more romantic to me?

127
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,425
[ Normal voice]
We walk in the door and— bam!

128
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,302
She looks like a big idiot.

129
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:47,890
And isn't that what
Valentine's day is all about?

130
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,976
Jay, come here. We're in.

131
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,395
Huh? Your secretary
didn't forget. Look.

132
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:56,232
Pritchett for two.

133
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,032
Just a reminder:
I need the television at 8:00.

134
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,910
Jeremy and I have a phone date
to watch love actually.

135
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:12,248
That's the lamest plan ever,
and I'm jealous.

136
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:15,793
So my boyfriend, David, blows me off
on the most romantic night of the year...

137
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,211
To study!

138
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,837
This is the worst
Valentine's day...

139
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:21,048
Best Valentine's day ever!

140
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:25,177
David stands up Haley, and old
boyfriend Dylan is out of the picture.

141
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:28,806
I'm not saying I miss Dylan,
but at least he was romantic.

142
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,517
David never sent me
a jar of his own tears.

143
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,394
I'm playing the long game here.

144
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:35,688
Like me today, love me tomorrow.

145
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,732
She's had the romantic.
She's had the intellectual.

146
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:41,360
How 'bout all that
in one fine little brown package?

147
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,196
[Sighs] I've hit a new low.

148
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,906
You can talk to me.

149
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,449
And I'm lower.

150
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:50,536
Just pickin' up some things.
I am not here.

151
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:53,664
Name tags. Name tags. Name tags.

152
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,749
Come on! Bingo.

153
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,253
I know what to do.

154
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,963
Dylan's been texting me again.

155
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,966
I bet if David knew that, he'd
come running right over here.

156
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,510
Wait. Before you start
playing these games,

157
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,221
let me ask you
one simple question.

158
00:07:09,305 --> 00:07:10,806
Who is Haley Dunphy?

159
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,235
Don't do it, Haley!
Stop following me.

160
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,946
Let me just say my piece! No!

161
00:07:28,324 --> 00:07:30,784
[ Sighs ] Look.

162
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:33,954
You can be the Haley who
defines herself as David's girlfriend...

163
00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:35,539
Or Dylan's girlfriend.

164
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,374
Or you can be your own Haley.

165
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,960
Maybe you haven't met her,
but I know her.

166
00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:41,629
She's an amazing person.

167
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,632
So when you're ready,
I'd like to introduce you.

168
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,934
[ Phone rings]

169
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,437
Cameron! Is there
something I can do you for?

170
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,066
No. I just came by to pick up my
man. I'm taking him to Ibiza tonight.

171
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,026
Oh, I've heard good things
about Ibiza.

172
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:07,189
But I'm afraid he may have to meet
you there. He's in the middle of a meeting.

173
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,574
- On Valentine's night? — I didn't
realize when I scheduled it. It's my fault.

174
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,618
Gasp. I'm shocked.

175
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:15,663
I could drop him off at the restaurant
as soon as they wrap it up.

176
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,373
Oh. Aren't you a dear.

177
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:19,816
[ Muttering ] I'd like to mount
your head in my trophy room.

178
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,461
Cam!

179
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,713
Wait.

180
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:28,425
Have I upset you in any way?

181
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,511
Oh, please.
Let's not play this game.

182
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,638
We both know what's going on.

183
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,516
Have I been that obvious?

184
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,393
Uh, the flowers
that don't get delivered.

185
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:39,353
The Valentine's day plans
that get interrupted.

186
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:43,065
Do I really need to spell it out
for you? Me, mitchell— wedge.

187
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,319
Don't hate me.

188
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:51,865
It's just so hard to see someone else
have something you want and can't have.

189
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,075
[ Sniffles ]

190
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,911
Does Broderick
have a crush? Yes.

191
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,997
On someone he frequently
sees at the office? Yes.

192
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,582
Hi.

193
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,836
Does that man
have red hair and a beard?

194
00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:06,130
No. But his boyfriend does.

195
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,508
It's me. The crush is on me.

196
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,093
[ Elevator bell dings]

197
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,804
This is you?

198
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,307
Oh! Did I validate you?

199
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,976
Oh, yes.

200
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,439
J'j' [ Piano: Romantic]

201
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,489
Mmm.

202
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,494
[ Exhales ]

203
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,170
It was. Appletini?

204
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,922
[ Clears throat]

205
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,924
You're looking handsome
as ever, clive.

206
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:55,554
As are you, Juliana. You look
hot enough to cook a pizza on...

207
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,306
In.

208
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,767
I see the speaker business
is treating you well.

209
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:02,186
Oh. I don't like to
talk about money.

210
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,980
But I have exactly
$10 million. Hmm.

211
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:07,065
Minus the cost
of your next drink.

212
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:10,194
T— two.
Just two appletinis, please.

213
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,196
Thank you so much.

214
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,448
Yeah.

215
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,743
Why do I get the feeling
you're not really a salesman?

216
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,120
Oh. Pretty and
smart. [Chuckling]

217
00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:22,247
Or should I say “pretty smart”?

218
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,457
Mmm.

219
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,084
I might do some high-risk
work for uncle Sam...

220
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,462
That takes me clear
around the country.

221
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:32,716
Hmm. So you could say you're
a national man of mystery.

222
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,468
Shh.

223
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,137
Never did catch what
you do. Didn't you?

224
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:38,680
Surprising, I know.

225
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:42,810
I'm usually pretty good at
catching things from women in bars.

226
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:47,523
Well, clive, I am just a bored
housewife with a dark side...

227
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,107
And an hour to kill.

228
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,902
Is that what I think it is?

229
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,487
It's not a gift card.

230
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,031
Or maybe it is.

231
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,326
I'll be upstairs, clive.

232
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,537
Don't take too long.

233
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:05,541
Ineverdo.

234
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:14,967
Mercy.

235
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,807
Jay, relax. I'm sorry.
The place is a dump.

236
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,934
It's beautiful.
Nothing good on the menu.

237
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,663
You see the hands on our waiter?
Looks like he's been birthing hogs.

238
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,457
Let's just get out of here. I don't
know what's wrong with you tonight.

239
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,984
But I'm hungry. I look fantastic.
We're staying.

240
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:36,864
Five—course dinner waiting at home, and
she's strapping on the feed bag at Ibiza.

241
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,199
But then an angel from heaven
saved the night.

242
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:42,828
You took our reservation.
“Pritchett for two” is us.

243
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,122
Come on. Let's go. Move
your bottom. Come on, come on!

244
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,332
A big gay angel.

245
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,461
[ Lock beeps ]

246
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,175
[ Door closes ]

247
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:03,557
[Beeps]

248
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,394
[Cell phone ringing]

249
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,896
[Beeps]

250
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,565
Hello. Hello, clive.

251
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,150
How close are you?

252
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,736
I am right outside your door.

253
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,821
Oh! Are you ready?

254
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,406
Oh, I'm ready.

255
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,451
I don't think you are, 'cause
I can still hear your pants.

256
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,162
Well, maybe I should
just shut them up.

257
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,957
[Chuckling ]
I'll be out in a minute.

258
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:32,544
So will I.

259
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:01,365
[ Rings]

260
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,283
[Beeps]

261
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:04,826
Juhana.

262
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,329
Clive. Where are you?

263
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,623
You have to come find me.

264
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,209
Oh. [ Laughing]

265
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,127
Hello.

266
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,712
Um...

267
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,800
I give up. Where are you?

268
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,718
I'm right here on the bed.

269
00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,430
- Phil, what room are you in?
- Who's this “Phil”?

270
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:26,974
Seriously, what room are you in?

271
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:29,017
I'm in 702.

272
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,311
I'm in 226. What?

273
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,855
Well, whose room is this then?
[ Lock beeps ]

274
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:38,401
[ Gasps ]

275
00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,862
There's been a tiny mistake.

276
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:41,989
[ Cork pops ]

277
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,287
By the way, I need
to apologize to you.

278
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:51,849
I'm sorry I got so silly with
all that Broderick stuff earlier.

279
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,710
No. Please do not
worry about it.

280
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:58,130
Cam. I like it when you
get a little jealous. Cut it out.

281
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:01,008
As long as we can agree
he does not have a crush on me.

282
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,384
Absolutely.

283
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,803
Satous tous.

284
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,931
No. He does not
have a crush on you.

285
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,350
Nope.

286
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,686
Why do I feel like
you're hinting at something?

287
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:16,398
Mitchell, we have talked long
enough about Broderick's crush.

288
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,984
Which he does not have. On you.

289
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,153
Oh, my god. What? Okay, fine.

290
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:24,364
Since you won't let it go,
your assistant is hot for me.

291
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,616
That's why he's been
playing the saboteur.

292
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:30,287
- — And you're sure it's not because he wants me?
- You just said he didn't.

293
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,432
- — I was protecting your feelings.
- He hugged me in the elevator.

294
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:35,042
Well, pick out China and move to Vermont.

295
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,753
He said it kills him to see someone
else have something he wants.

296
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,005
Yes, yes. You're the someone,
and I'm the something.

297
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,882
Okay. All right. Call him.

298
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:44,092
Call him? Call him.

299
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,677
Why don't we go to his house,

300
00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:48,197
stand on opposite sides of the room
and see which one he runs to?

301
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,723
You get the check.
I'll get the car.

302
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,517
We are not going over there.
And we're not calling him.

303
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,312
Cam. Who cares which one of us
he has a crush on?

304
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,566
The important thing is,
I have a crush on you.

305
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,486
And I wouldn't blame Broderick
if he did too.

306
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,571
Oh. [ Chuckles ]

307
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,615
That's so sweet. I...

308
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,867
I wouldn't blame him if he
had a crush on you either.

309
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,286
Aw. Good.

310
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,415
“Good” what? Just “good.”

311
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,501
“Good,” meaning
we're done with this,

312
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,920
or “good,” meaning you still think
he has a crush on you?

313
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,797
Oh, cam!

314
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,550
The second one.
I'm getting the car.

315
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,308
Would you please
just come in the house?

316
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,478
You had the whole year to plan,
but you don't make an effort.

317
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:40,190
I am the second wife, Jay. Why
do you treat me like I'm the first?

318
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,400
Talk about it inside.
Where you going?

319
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,444
I'm gonna take a ride.
I need to cool down.

320
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:48,031
Just come in the house. I promise you'll
feel better. I don't want to go in there.

321
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,492
You're gonna like it better
inside. Don't hold me back!

322
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,911
I'm sorry about this, honey.
I'm sorry.

323
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,038
Jay, what are you doing?
Are you crazy?

324
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,833
Jay/ I'se me va a romper
la media, aye!

325
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,335
What are you doing?
Have you lost your mind?

326
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,587
No. But you're about to.

327
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:05,173
Happy Valentine's day!

328
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,012
What the hell?

329
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:13,932
Gloria!

330
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,352
- Honey.
- I'm going for a drive.

331
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,147
I had a whole private dinner planned.
I don't know what happened.

332
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,815
Butldo. [ Garage door opens]

333
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,733
I know exactly what happened!

334
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,318
No, you don't. I...

335
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,237
U [violin]

336
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:31,867
What the hell?

337
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,160
I win!

338
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,329
I see you sneaking around,
trying to trick me.

339
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:40,959
So when I figure it out, I move
the party over here and I trick you!

340
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,170
What do you mean,
you win? I win!

341
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,463
I know you think I think
you're not romantic,

342
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:48,300
but I think you think
I'm not smarter than you.

343
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:52,304
So now we know. You are
romantic, and I'm smarter than you.

344
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:55,182
And I bought you a motorcycle.

345
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,975
[ I Jay ] My god. It's fantastic!

346
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,518
I win again!

347
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:02,397
Honey, I love all this, but
you can't win Valentine's day.

348
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,860
I mean, you defeat the whole idea
if you make it into some silly competition.

349
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,029
Shut up. I win.

350
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,947
J'j' [violin continues]

351
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,658
[ Keys rattling ] Let's go.

352
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,493
So we're doing this?
Oh, we're doing this.

353
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,871
Oh, it's gonna be me. I'm
already embarrassed for you.

354
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,206
All right. [ Phone beeps ]

355
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:21,333
Oh, wait. What?

356
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,793
Oh, it's a text from Broderick.
Read it.

357
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,380
“Mitchell, by now
I'm sure Cameron has told you...

358
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,382
What happened in the elevator.”
mm-hmm.

359
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:34,054
“While I meant every word I said,
I realize how unprofessional I was.

360
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,139
Please accept my resignation.

361
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,350
What you have with cam
is very special,

362
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:41,728
and I would never forgive myself
if I came between you.

363
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,147
Treasure each other.
Sincerely, Broderick.”

364
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,568
Wow. Oh, cam. What
are we doing here?

365
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:50,445
I don't know.

366
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:53,073
Maybe if some assistant's crush
is so important to us,

367
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:57,410
it means we should appreciate
each other a little bit more.

368
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:00,330
Well, I can't think of a better
time to start. Come here.

369
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,123
Mmm. Ahhh.

370
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:06,044
The great thing about that text is we don't
have to know which one of us he wanted.

371
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,003
I know.

372
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,129
I know.

373
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,339
I know.

374
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,972
What are you doing?

375
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:20,600
Valentine's day
isn't over yet, Juliana.

376
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:23,353
Sweetie, let's not push it.
You almost got arrested tonight.

377
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,189
That's how it's gonna be?
You'rejust givin' up on us?

378
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,941
I am not giving up on us.

379
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:31,111
I'm giving up
on clive and Juliana.

380
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,196
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

381
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,657
I know a couple people who
could possibly save this night.

382
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,409
Hmm. Maybe you've heard of 'em.

383
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:41,454
Two American kids doing
the best that they can.

384
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,373
Phil and Claire Dunphy.

385
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,876
I am not going back to that hotel tonight,
and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to.

386
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,962
Don't need to. Phil and
Claire have a bedroom,

387
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:52,299
which they can turn into a
hotel whenever they want.

388
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:55,802
But the kids. They're not
expecting us home this early.

389
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,598
You up for a little adventure,

390
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,893
Claire?

391
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,146
Do you think you can handle it,

392
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,106
Phil?

393
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,067
[ Phil chuckles]

394
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,736
[Chawe] Shh shh.Sony.

395
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,071
“I can't be the girl
you want me to be, David.

396
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,532
I can only be me. Good-bye.

397
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,950
Haley.”

398
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,702
Send it.

399
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,330
I don't know.
Here. I'll help you.

400
00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:25,373
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

401
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:26,958
[ Whooshing sound ]

402
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,794
Wow.

403
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:33,131
That feels really good.
Because you're free.

404
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:36,593
And really scary. I haven't
been single since I was nine.

405
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,678
That's why you need
to take your time now.

406
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,598
Really get to know yourself
before you make any decisions.

407
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,308
Five, six years maybe.

408
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,685
Years? I have to call David.

409
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:48,396
The boy who tossed you aside
on Valentine's day?

410
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,522
No.

411
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,191
You deserve better, Haley.

412
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,360
A dreamer, a poet.

413
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:57,530
Wait for him.
He may be closer than you think.

414
00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:59,175
[ Faint]
3 I'm the bread without your butter 3

415
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,326
do you hear music? Yes.

416
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,994
And the fact
that you hear it too...

417
00:20:03,078 --> 00:20:04,078
Is that Dylan?

418
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,705
3 who could make me
feel this fine 3

419
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,290
oh, my god!

420
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:13,671
3 so here's my broken Valentine 3

421
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:17,384
3 imagine me naked 3

422
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,470
3 I imagine you nude3

423
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,431
am I a bad enough parent
to ignore that?

424
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,392
You are.

425
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:27,227
You're really bad.

426
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:34,442
3 without my best friend 3

427
00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:36,027
you know, the old Haley
would have...

428
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:37,237
I love you, baby!

429
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,155
Haley! Oh!

430
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:42,075
33 [continues]

431
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,285
/sa/uo', Jay!

432
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,416
Mmm. Oh-oh! Ow!

433
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:50,875
Phil? There's my back.

434
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,423
Oh. No. Keep the change. Oh.

435
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:57,924
Oh, thanks.

436
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,093
Did you put an extra tiramisu
in here?

437
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:02,095
Maybe. Ryan! Again?

438
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,972
I just like coming here.

439
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,558
I tell you, if you were
single— [ Both ] Om

440
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,019
[ chuckles ]

441
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:19,154
[Chuckling]

442
00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:21,739
[ Both ] Ryan!

443
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:29,789
English - us - psdh