1
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:06,507
And now, please welcome
your valedictorian, Alex Dunphy.

2
00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,970
J'j'

3
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,894
Where are my mom and dad?

4
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,357
And in this corner,
finishing first in her class,

5
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:26,569
delivering the commencement address,
weighing in at...

6
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,362
What do you weigh, honey? Dad!

7
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:31,532
A healthy amount
for a girl her age...

8
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,534
Are you gettin' all this, buddy?
Pure gold.

9
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:36,037
She's the main brain,
the cerebellum of the ball,

10
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,956
Alex Dunphy!

11
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,168
Oh, keep rolling. The news will want
this footage when I eventually snap.

12
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,086
I thought Sanjay patel
was first in the class.

13
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,671
He was until he missed a few weeks...

14
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:47,316
When the robot he was building
attacked him.

15
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:50,468
It's happening, people.
Our hubris will be our undoing.

16
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,304
Sweetie, what do you say you and I
go and get our nails done, huh?

17
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:56,057
- It's okay. I wanna work on my speech.
- Been there.

18
00:00:56,140 --> 00:01:00,186
I remember the speech that won me
treasurer of my high school Spanish club.

19
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:03,397
/I///' nombre es fe/lpe.

20
00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:05,441
Yo v0 y a la escue/a...

21
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,026
Fehpe?

22
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,569
It was kind of a grande deal.

23
00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:10,571
I was up against
an actual puerto rican.

24
00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:12,490
Honey, are you sure?

25
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,367
Because I think
they can do school colors.

26
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:16,202
I'm good, mom. Okay.

27
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:20,248
Family milestones
always throw Claire for a loop.

28
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:22,124
She holds it in,
and then the next day...

29
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:25,253
She has a total meltdown
and I have to pick up the pieces.

30
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,004
The problem is,

31
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:29,340
tomorrow I'm supposed to go
to Vegas with my buds,

32
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:33,094
so I need her
to melt down today.

33
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:37,223
Othennise, what happens in Vegas won't
happen to me, because I won't be there.

34
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,100
Emotional day, huh?

35
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,269
Happy day.

36
00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:44,188
Happy and sad. Hmm.

37
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,566
“Guys, /can't go to Vegas...

38
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,777
Because my wife's freaking out.”

39
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,904
Trust me, that is not
a phone call you wanna make...

40
00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:54,782
To a bunch of ex—college
male cheerleaders.

41
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:58,077
They will mock you
with a hurtful rhythmic taunt.

42
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:04,959
Hello?

43
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,169
- — Gloria, it's me.
- Hi. How was the doctor?

44
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,547
Can you pick up some bread
on the way home, please?

45
00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:12,591
I'm home. My damn gate remote
won't work. Could you press...

46
00:02:12,717 --> 00:02:14,135
Hello .7 ...Nine?

47
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,970
Manny, it's okay. What's okay?

48
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,473
- What's wrong? Where are you calling from?
- /'/77 not calling from.

49
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,851
- — Jay is calling.
- What's wrong with Jay?

50
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,145
My clicker won't work.
Oh, my god.

51
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,981
Your heart's not working? How
could you tell us this over the phone?

52
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,566
Lilly hean' is fine.

53
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,402
Would somebody please press nine
and let me in?

54
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,612
- Okay.
- Got it.

55
00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:35,865
It won't work if you're both on the line.

56
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,241
Okay. Okay

57
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,704
every damn time!

58
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:46,417
Okay, Lily, time to get dressed.

59
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,836
I can't believe Alex
is gonna be in high school.

60
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:51,005
I feel so old. You feel old?

61
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:54,216
I was there when she was born—
In the delivery room.

62
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,344
If I wasn't gay before—
Oh, please.

63
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,155
You wouldn't have lasted
two minutes on a farm.

64
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,449
I've witnessed all kinds of birthing.
Never batted an eye.

65
00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,767
I've seen cattle. I've
seen hogs. I've seen goats.

66
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,894
I've even seen the
three—legged— oh! Whoa!

67
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:07,521
Oh, my god.

68
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:10,358
Oh, my god.

69
00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:12,401
I'm sorry. Really, Mitchell?

70
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:13,903
I could have just died.

71
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,369
,/' hey, neyj

72
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:23,579
,/' hey, neyj

73
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,706
,/' hey, neyj

74
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,583
,/' hey, neyj

75
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,001
.i' hey .u

76
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,924
principal kaizler, faculty,
parents, fellow graduates...

77
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,926
Hey, superstar.

78
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,345
Oh, you're working
on your speech. Yep.

79
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,971
Do you need any help?

80
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,974
Sometimes it's great to bounce ideas
off someone whose opinion you value.

81
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,810
I'm good. Okay.

82
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,729
That's cool.
I could do your hair.

83
00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:51,023
We could do it like we saw
in that magazine on...

84
00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:53,126
What's that actress? What's
her name? With the teeth?

85
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,361
Mom, mom, please.
I'm trying to concentrate.

86
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,780
Okay. Okay.

87
00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,865
You be ready to go
in a half hour,

88
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,749
'cause we are gonna carpool
with your grandpa.

89
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,412
Haley's driving me.
I wanna get there early.

90
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,956
That's a great idea.

91
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,833
Great. I will see you there,

92
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,459
superstar.

93
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:15,881
Hey, mama bear. You okay?
Not with “mama bear” I'm not.

94
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,508
Don't cry. I'm not crying.

95
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,427
Shh! Don't be brave.

96
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,429
I'm here for you...

97
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:25,516
Until 2:00 pm. Tomorrow,
when my flight leaves for Vegas.

98
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,936
Where were you?
Did you bring the bread?

99
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,814
I was stuck outside that gate
for 10 minutes before it opened.

100
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,358
So no bread? We
gotta get that thing fixed.

101
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,902
Ay, what happened to your eye?
What are you talking about?

102
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,113
It's droopy.
What do you mean, droopy?

103
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:42,616
Uh! I don't like the look of that,
Jay. Here. Let me check something.

104
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,743
Put that thing away.
I saw my dermatologist.

105
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,495
He was checking
for moles or something.

106
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:48,664
He probably got some
numbing cream on it. Ifsfine.

107
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,208
Nothin' to worry about.

108
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,462
I got Botox.

109
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:58,132
Stupid doctor talked me into it,
and now it's drifting.

110
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:00,801
I haven't felt this dumb
since I shelled out 30 bucks...

111
00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,679
For that bracelet, supposed
to give me better balance.

112
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,556
Try to push my arm down. Okay.

113
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:07,391
Go ahead. You can't
do it. Okay. All right.

114
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:10,519
Honey, I'm home!
Hey, why is your dad's car here?

115
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:17,485
It's ironic that I stand up here
representing my classmates...

116
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,320
When, for the past three years,

117
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,864
most of them have treated me
like I'm invisible.

118
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:25,534
It's my own fault. I was obsessed
with good grades instead of looks,

119
00:05:25,618 --> 00:05:27,578
popularity and skinny jeans.

120
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,581
- — What? Is that your speech?
- Get out of here!

121
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,499
You cannot say that!

122
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,335
Yes, I can. And you wanna
know why? 'Cause it's the truth.

123
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:37,588
No one wants to hear the truth.
It's very simple, Alex.

124
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,133
In order to give a good speech, all
you have to do is take a song and say it,

125
00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:44,595
like “don't stop believing,”
or “get this party started.”

126
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,180
That's means nothing.

127
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,849
Who cares?
Nobody wants to think.

128
00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:51,977
It's a graduation— a celebration
of being done with thinking.

129
00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,812
People want to be challenged.

130
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,606
They're gonna respect me for it.

131
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,192
No one's ever
gonna talk to you again.

132
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,777
So what?

133
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:03,113
Mahatma Gandhi went on a
hunger strike for what he believed in.

134
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:06,825
That's 'cause no one would
eat with him in the cafeteria.

135
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:09,828
Hmm.

136
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,377
Hey, guys.

137
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,254
Come on over.
Have some lemonade and cookies.

138
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,464
Jay, that's not looking
very good. Ifsfine.

139
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,882
Quick. Who's the president?

140
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,134
Obama! Phil, please.

141
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,470
- I'm trying to rule out a stroke.
- It's not a stroke.

142
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,931
Why does everybody always assume
I'm having a stroke?

143
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,224
- Age.
- Diet.

144
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,017
You forgot to bring my bread.

145
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,537
- I'm sorry we're late.
- It's okay.

146
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,437
We gotta leave
in about five minutes though.

147
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,399
Luke, stop pushing that ball
around. You're gonna fall in.

148
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,961
Oh, yes, and then your uncle
Mitchell will laugh at your expense.

149
00:06:40,985 --> 00:06:43,612
I'm just saying.
It's a character flaw.

150
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,197
Okay, quick poll here.

151
00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:47,700
This morning, cam—
Fully dressed...

152
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,368
Thank god
it's one of those stories.

153
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:52,011
While in the
middle of a very serious thought...

154
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,914
Fell into a ducky pool.

155
00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:56,417
Oh, my goodness.
Are you all right?

156
00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,546
Yes, I am. Thank you. That is a
normal reaction— love and concern.

157
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,089
Okay, wait, wait.

158
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,550
The pool popped.

159
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:07,261
Ay, poor thing.

160
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,722
There's nothing worse than
a tailbone injury. Seriously?

161
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:12,182
No, no, no. You're so full
of it. You know this is funny.

162
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,727
Picture this...

163
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,187
Falling into a tiny pool.

164
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,232
He'll be here all week, folks...

165
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:22,002
Literally, because you're not
coming home with me.

166
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:24,445
There she
is. There's my little Stella.

167
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,447
That's my girl. Hi, sweetie.

168
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,449
You're so cute I just want
to eat your face!

169
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:29,992
Aww. Mmm.

170
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,369
You remember when
you used to hold Alex like that,

171
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,288
and you wanted to
eat her face? Yeah.

172
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,206
Now she's off to
high school. Mmm.

173
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:38,292
Yep. Time marches on, huh?

174
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,169
You know what's
really sad? What?

175
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,463
The end of Titanic.

176
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,048
Hey, Luke.

177
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,301
Do you realize in two years
you and I will be graduating?

178
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,886
Not now.

179
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,305
I think I'm moving the ball
with my mind.

180
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,557
Well, I'll be graduating.

181
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,870
Hey, you know, you guys,
stop congratulating yourselves...

182
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:58,729
For being so compassionate.

183
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,492
If you had been there, you would
have laughed just as hard as I did.

184
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,360
He's coming. Stop talking. He's
been embarrassed enough today.

185
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:11,617
Stop.

186
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,955
Wow. Now it makes sense.

187
00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,707
It's a pritchett thing.

188
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,836
Cruelty's genetic.
Suddenly it's all very clear.

189
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,422
Be careful. You might run into it.

190
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,677
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, cam. I'm sorry.

191
00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:31,762
Oh, my god. Dad,
your face. What?

192
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,722
Oh, that's nothing.
Nothing. It's boring.

193
00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,659
I went to the dermatologist.
It's a boring story.

194
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,601
No, no, no.
We gotta get you to a hospital.

195
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,520
I'm fine. Yes. I'm
taking you. Come.

196
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,605
I I/amos! Wait. Wait right here.

197
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,607
Gloria. Gloria!

198
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,069
Gloria.

199
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,570
Gloria. Gloria, hold on.

200
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:51,365
The reason my face looks
like this is because I had...

201
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,117
Botox.

202
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,370
Like the ladies use
for their wrinkles?

203
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,099
Actually, nearly 10% of their sales
are men, but that's not important.

204
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:01,667
I had a bad reaction—
Hit a nerve or something.

205
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,293
It's gonna go away soon.

206
00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:06,088
Hmm. What? What's
that supposed to mean?

207
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,716
Nothing. Would you stop?

208
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,135
This is very embarrassing for me.

209
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,887
For both of us.

210
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,728
He's fine. It was a false alarm.

211
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,997
What do you mean, a false alarm?
His face looks like a candle.

212
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,690
You heard her. I'm okay.

213
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,984
- — She's not a doctor.
- Neither are you.

214
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,569
Technically. Okay, look.

215
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,797
I don't know what's going on here,
but there is no way...

216
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,406
That this is normal.

217
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,367
You look like a Botox job
gone horribly wrong.

218
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:38,495
No, my god— you didn't.

219
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:41,165
Of course he didn't. Did you?

220
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:44,418
No.

221
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:47,421
You did! What were you
thinking? You're a veteran.

222
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,423
Enough! This conversation is ended.

223
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,800
Let's go.

224
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,970
Do you think he got his butt
done too? It looks fantastic.

225
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,767
Alex, wait. I'm sorry.

226
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,935
If you wanna give your speech,
go ahead.

227
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,812
I was never valedictorian.
What do I know?

228
00:10:03,896 --> 00:10:05,189
Thank you!

229
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,940
I am doing this for a reason.

230
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,609
It's not just like I'm— aha!

231
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,945
Sorry, Alex,
but you will thank me one day.

232
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:15,657
Please. You really think
I don't have duplicates?

233
00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:17,868
If you do this
you'll be a social piranha.

234
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:21,997
Yes. I'll be an amazonian
carnivorous fish.

235
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:24,875
Carniv— what?

236
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,136
Dad, open the gate.
Aw, geez. Not now!

237
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,554
What? What's happening?

238
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,223
It's stuck again.

239
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,475
What do you mean it's stuck?
Can't you get it open?

240
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,352
What do you think
“stuck” means, Claire?

241
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,897
We have to do something, dad.
Can't you push it open or something?

242
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:50,317
I don't know. We are
trapped in your driveway,

243
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,110
and you don't know?

244
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,780
As a gate owner, dad,
you have a certain responsibility.

245
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:58,951
See, my daughter is gonna get up
on that stage and give a speech...

246
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,971
And graduate from middle school, and
if I am not there I am going to freak out.

247
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,765
I am going to freak out!
I Jay I let me push it.

248
00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:05,916
Do you have any
idea how important it is...

249
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,335
Why are you smiling?
I'm not. I'm not smiling.

250
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,254
Do you not understand me?

251
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:15,592
Chu—chunk. Hysterical wife,
hysterical wife, hysterical wife...

252
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:18,136
Jackpot

253
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,768
Oh, god. Come on!

254
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,520
All right. Okay.
We have tried this way.

255
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,605
I say we ram the gate.
Kids, get out of the way.

256
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,774
Hold on. I think I can fix this.

257
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:34,820
- — I just need a paper clip, some olive oil and a ribbon.
- What's the plan, “macgayver”?

258
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,698
Actually, the paper clip is to
connect these two circuits...

259
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,741
And the olive oil is
to lubricate the mechanism.

260
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:42,745
And the hair ribbon is for Lily.
Her hair's been driving me crazy all day.

261
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,454
Why don't we
just call some cabs?

262
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,058
Because, Mitchell, this is not
Times Square and they'll take forever.

263
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,626
We'll just climb over the fence
and start running. No, we won't,

264
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,170
becauseifs five miles away,
Phil, and I'm in big shoes.

265
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,714
So no.

266
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,675
Wait, wait, wait!
I save the day.

267
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,094
Let's take this crazy bicycle.

268
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,721
We throw it over the gate,

269
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,639
then we take Phil
and we take Claire,

270
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,225
and then we throw them
over the gate too.

271
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,352
- — What the hell is that?
- Jay bought it.

272
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,196
He thought we were gonna
use it all the time,

273
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:12,232
but I keep hitting my boobs with my
knees. Champagne problems, right?

274
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,419
Honey,
they're not gonna ride the bike.

275
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:17,154
Yeah, but I still think that we
should throw it over the gate.

276
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,906
Okay. You know what?
Thank you. Thank you.

277
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,908
Nobody else has come up
with an idea.

278
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:22,743
I think I've got a good idea.

279
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,953
We don't have time
to build a rocket, buddy.

280
00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:26,747
Never mind.

281
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,791
Okay. So Phil and I
will go over first,

282
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,597
and then you guys will throw
over the bike. Step up. I'll boost you.

283
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,296
Couldn't we get a ladder?
Please.

284
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,317
On cheer squad I boosted girls bigger
than you to the top of a human pyramid.

285
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:38,884
Now, arms at your side.

286
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,928
Straight like a pencil.

287
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,512
One, two...

288
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:45,182
3 we are bulldogs j' aaah!

289
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,436
She's fine. Okay.

290
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,313
Jay, now you do me.

291
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,233
Just grab a handful.
Don't be shy.

292
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,944
I'm not giving you
as much to work with.

293
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,904
I used to have a lot more there.
I lost it.

294
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,864
They used to call me
the grand can.

295
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:11,333
It's ironic that I stand up here representing
my classmates when, for the past...

296
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,044
I read the rest ofyourspeech.
Congratulations.

297
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,422
Do you hate me? What?

298
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,967
You talk about how all the
popular kids are shallow and lame.

299
00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:22,803
I didn't mean you. You think
you have everyone figured out,

300
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,846
but everybody has their stuff.

301
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,807
What stuff do you have?

302
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,726
Too many boys chasing
after you? Too many parties?

303
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:33,313
You really wanna know
what stuff I have? Yeah.

304
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:36,900
I'm flunking out of biology, and
now I have to go to summer school.

305
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:40,779
My friends, all they can ever talk
about nowadays is going off to college,

306
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,990
and I don't even know
if I can get into college.

307
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,658
Is that enough stuff for you?

308
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,327
Whatever. You know what?

309
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:50,122
Fine. Give your stupid speech.
Be an outcast.

310
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:53,333
But you're only doing it to yourself,
because you're smart and pretty,

311
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:55,627
and sort of funny in a way
that I don't really get...

312
00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:57,337
But other people seem to enjoy.

313
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,506
So you can either start fresh
next year,

314
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:02,467
or be the freak
who flipped off her class.

315
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:03,844
You really think I'm pretty?

316
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,470
Shut up!

317
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,853
Phil, go straight!
This way's faster.

318
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,396
No, straight. Stop leaning!

319
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,023
Do you wanna drive? I do.

320
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,191
Tough. I called it.

321
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,502
What was that?

322
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,570
Oh, crap. The chain broke.

323
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,196
Just keep pedaling.
It doesn't matter.

324
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,032
It matters a little.

325
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,117
Cam, please be careful.

326
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,202
Why? If I get electrocuted
my hat might blow off...

327
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,996
And that would be funny
as hell, right?

328
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,789
No. No.

329
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:36,168
Hey, Jay!

330
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,731
I know you're feeling self—conscious,

331
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:41,131
so I dug up something I thought
might help. Put that thing away.

332
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,175
I knew you'd say that,
but hear me out.

333
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,803
This was designed to make a
hideously disfigured man look super cool.

334
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,306
It's perfect for you.
Ooh, yikes.

335
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,434
Okay, I'll go upstairs
and see if I have a lefty.

336
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,606
Don't look at me like that.

337
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:01,735
I have to say that I am a little
disappointed in you doing this thing.

338
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,987
Not me.
I feel real good about it.

339
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,655
How many times
do I have to tell you...

340
00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:08,617
That you don't have to look
young for me? I didn't do it for you.

341
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,786
What is her name? Stop.

342
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:14,581
Most of the time I walk around,
in my head, I'm 40.

343
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,249
And I look in the mirror,

344
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:19,252
I say, “who's that old man?
What's he doing in my bathroom?”

345
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:23,465
Well, it's my bathroom too,
and I like when the old guy is there.

346
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:27,094
This is the face
that I fell in love with.

347
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,887
Not this face,

348
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,555
flflsone. Oh.Ooh!

349
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,575
The gate's opening. The gate's
opening! How did you do that?

350
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,267
I didn't do anything. I did it.

351
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,561
I opened it with my mind.

352
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:38,081
Come on, guys. Let's
go, guys. Saddle up!

353
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,624
I I/amos! I'll get the car seat.

354
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:42,442
Get Manny. Get Manny.
Everyone in the car. Let's go!

355
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,402
Yep, that's what I thought.

356
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,154
Chain's broken.

357
00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:48,281
What do you think?

358
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,617
I think we gotta go.

359
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,703
Sweetie, we can't make it
on foot.

360
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,205
We have to try.

361
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,833
Honey.

362
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,793
Honey! It's okay.

363
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,295
It's not okay, Phil.
It's not okay.

364
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,089
We're losing her.

365
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,507
Alex? Yes.

366
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,218
You're not losing her. Oh, we
are. She's going to high school.

367
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,178
This is just when I lost Haley.

368
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:12,931
This is when Haley went
from being my sweet little angel...

369
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:18,687
To being a moody, texting,
snotty little Princess who hates me.

370
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,522
Haley doesn't hate you.

371
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,315
And we're not losing her.

372
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,568
Do you remember when
you used to come home from work...

373
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,487
And Haley would meet you at the
door in her little Aladdin pajamas?

374
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:29,990
You know, and she'd stick
her arms up in the air and say,

375
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:32,659
“daddy, daddy, take me
on a magic carpet ride.”

376
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,369
Remember that?

377
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,581
When was the last time
Haley was that excited to see you?

378
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:42,252
I don't remember. It's
been so long.

379
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,588
We're losing another one.

380
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,757
That's what kids do. They leave.
They leave and they...

381
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,759
And they don't come back.

382
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:53,096
Oh, well, ours will come
back. Right? What if they don't,

383
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:56,224
and pretty soon
it's just the two of us?

384
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,769
I know. I don't wanna
go to Vegas anymore.

385
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,689
I just wanna hug 'em and
embarrass 'em in front of their friends.

386
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,441
I know.

387
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,401
And alex— my god.

388
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,195
If we miss this speech...

389
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:12,824
Honey, she's a middle child.
She will never forgive us.

390
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,410
I'm not missing that speech!

391
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,746
Hello! Hello!
What's the plan, Phil?

392
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,165
Li/li nombre es felioe.

393
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,500
Yo vo y a la esoue/a.

394
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:24,461
You need a ride to the
school? Yes, please.

395
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,046
“Felipe”?

396
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:34,054
Okay. /vamonos, mucnachos/

397
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:37,432
,/', I

398
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,728
I am so proud
to be standing in front...

399
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,730
Of this extraordinary group
of youngsters...

400
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,108
I'm sorry.
Or should I say “oldsters”?

401
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,694
But seriously,
the word “commencement”...

402
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,446
Means “beginning.”

403
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,074
I'm sorry I laughed.
I don't need an apology,

404
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:57,077
but I will say your behavior
today has been very eye-opening.

405
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,912
No offense, Jay. None taken.

406
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,289
You look like an iceberg.

407
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:06,503
Okay. Senor,
this is it, right here. Yeah.

408
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,758
Okay. Muchas gracias, muchachos.

409
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,760
You're quite welcome.

410
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:19,391
And now please welcome
your valedictorian, Alex Dunphy.

411
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,274
Where's my mom
and dad? Thank you.

412
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,359
Hmm— there they are.

413
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,948
Principal kaizler,

414
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,741
faculty— Phil!

415
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,785
School board administrators...

416
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,203
Fellow graduates...

417
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,205
I got you. Parents,

418
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,433
everyone who helped us through
this challenging...

419
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,668
Cam, you have lost
all credibility.

420
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,461
It's completely different. How?

421
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,439
It's the juxtaposition
of absurdist comedy...

422
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,799
Against the backdrop
of a formal setting.

423
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:54,592
Not a big—boned man
falling into a pool.

424
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:57,137
Really? Shh! This is about Alex.

425
00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:01,641
It's ironic that I stand up here
representing my classmates...

426
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,226
When...

427
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,857
They're so awesome.

428
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,985
They should be up here
themselves.

429
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,570
But I'm up here,

430
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:18,158
and... I'm sayin'... stuff...

431
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,494
'Cause... everybody's got their...

432
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,538
Stuff,

433
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,540
whether you're popular,

434
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,542
or a drama geek...

435
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,169
Oh. Or a cheerleader,

436
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,004
of...

437
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,547
Even a nerd like me.

438
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,550
We all have our insecurities.

439
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,885
Yes, we do. Shh.

440
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,808
We're all just trying
to figure out who we are.

441
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,223
I guess what I'm trying to say is,

442
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:48,104
don't stop believin'.

443
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,358
Get this party started.

444
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,533
Nice! Nice job, Alex!

445
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,663
Good job, Alex!

446
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,248
Seriously?

447
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,046
There she is. — There's our girl!

448
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,090
Good job. Mmm!

449
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:20,095
Your speech moved me. — I loved
how you played with the song titles.

450
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,389
Fantastic. My idea.

451
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,849
- — You did good, kid.
- Thanks, grandpa. Aaah!

452
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,434
Don't ask. He'll be fine.

453
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:28,019
We are so proud of you.

454
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:30,188
Come here. Hello!

455
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,190
I opened the gate with my mind.

456
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,818
What do you say we all go
get something to eat? Yeah!

457
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,446
Actually, I was kind of
just invited to a party.

458
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,115
Ooh! Would it be okay if I go?

459
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,867
Yeah, of course. Yeah.

460
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,328
Thanks for comin', you
guys. See ya, kid.

461
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,539
Bye, sweetie. [ Mitchell
I congratulations.

462
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:49,791
Hmm. I'm kinda hungry, mom.

463
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,211
Oh, my god. She's back.

464
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:54,796
Oh, my baby. What?

465
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:55,879
Oh, my god.

466
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,324
My little baby.
What are you doing?

467
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,591
Let's go. Let's go eat.

468
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,219
I'm not hungry anymore.
You're not gonna regret this.

469
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,721
You are not gonna regret
this. I'm not— I'm not hungry.

470
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,515
Sure, you are. Sure,
you are. No, I'm not!

471
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,357
English - us - psdh