1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,589
[Snoring] Jay.

2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,132
[Snoring continues]

3
00:00:06,257 --> 00:00:08,050
What? What's wrong? Jay.

4
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,761
Me? You're snoring.

5
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,097
Oh, I'm sorry. I— [snoring]

6
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,183
[ Chuckles ] Hey.

7
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:17,560
Look at her.

8
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:20,021
Come on. We said
no Stella in the bed.

9
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:21,689
Oh, but she's just
a little puppy.

10
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941
She probably got scared
and snuck in.

11
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:25,711
Oh, really? How come
when Manny has nightmares,

12
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,361
you don't let him
snuck in the bed?

13
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,923
Gloria, it's 6:00 in the morning.
Can we talk about this later?

14
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,240
[Sighs]

15
00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:33,618
Answer the question, Jay.

16
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,995
[ Refrigerator door opens ]

17
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,265
You know, I'm going to
checkthelease, but I'm pretty sure...

18
00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:39,790
We're not allowed to have
a meth lab.

19
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,334
You are a delight.

20
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:43,794
So what are you doing? I
think you're gonna like this.

21
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,713
I'm going on a juice fast.

22
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:47,340
Mmm. Loveifl

23
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,925
hate it.

24
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:53,262
Let's face it. A well—fed cam is
hardly a model of emotional stability.

25
00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:55,056
Now, deprive him of food,

26
00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:58,559
and stage by stage, it's
a slow descent into madness.

27
00:00:58,643 --> 00:01:00,645
Stage one— the clean sweep.

28
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:05,191
Poison. Poison. Poison.

29
00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:08,486
Do you think this is the best
week to be doing this? Why not?

30
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,655
Well, we have that charity thing
at my boss's house.

31
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,799
So what? I'm supposed to
put off my quest for wellness...

32
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,533
Until we're no longer
socially in demand?

33
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,661
That will never happen.
I'm too charismatic.

34
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,204
No. No, not the cookies!

35
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:20,289
Of course the cookies.

36
00:01:21,374 --> 00:01:23,167
Why do you always
want me to fail?

37
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,169
Stage two— attack Mitchell,

38
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,922
because when his diet
crashes and burns...

39
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,007
Into a giant pile of Nutella,

40
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,592
I'm the one he's going to blame.

41
00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:33,427
Well, no, not this time.

42
00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,388
You know what?
I'm gonna do the fast with you.

43
00:01:35,471 --> 00:01:37,223
I think it's a great idea.

44
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,368
And we should do it together,
so we're on the same team.

45
00:01:39,392 --> 00:01:40,893
You know, us versus food.

46
00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:42,937
I know what you're doing.

47
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,605
And I really appreciate it.

48
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,275
Oh, no. It'll—
It'll be good for me.

49
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:48,918
I've actually
put on a few pounds, so...

50
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,736
Yeah, well— I didn't
want to say anything.

51
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,031
[ Exhales ]

52
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:55,908
J'j' [ Tm piano ]

53
00:01:55,992 --> 00:01:58,828
[ Man, French accent ]
As the stock market plummeted,

54
00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,330
bra ve young men
took to the skies,

55
00:02:01,414 --> 00:02:05,584
ushering in
the golden age of the darede vii.

56
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,628
How awesome are people?

57
00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:10,172
So awesome.

58
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:13,009
[ Doorbell rings ] You want
to get that, buddy? L1lpauseit

59
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,886
hey, Luke. How's it goin'?

60
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,532
Hey, uncle Mitchell. I really can't
talk. I'm tryin' to watch a movie.

61
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,517
Oh, okay. Well, I just wanted
to drop off this bag ofjunk food.

62
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,019
Go on.

63
00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,855
Uh, cam and I
are on a juice fast,

64
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,498
so having the stuff
in the house just...

65
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,734
I connected the dots. See ya.

66
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:30,901
Uh...

67
00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:41,037
Seeing that weird, wonderful little man
pursuing his dream of walking on a tightrope...

68
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,540
Made me think maybe I
could pursue my dream.

69
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:46,292
There you go, buddy.

70
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,506
Of walking on a tightrope.

71
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,176
,/' hey, heyj

72
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:57,303
,/' hey, hey, r

73
00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,388
,/' hey, hey, r

74
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:01,349
,/' hey, hey, r

75
00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:02,600
j“ hey if

76
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:07,521
come on, dad! You
got this! You can do this!

77
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:09,065
Stay focused, stay hungry!

78
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:10,691
You okay, buddy? What? Yeah!

79
00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:13,027
Yeah, no, just proud
of my dad! [ Chuckles ]

80
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,279
There was a lot of chocolate
in that bag.

81
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:19,450
Phil— honey, you gotta
take Luke to school.

82
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,826
Got it.

83
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,662
Okay, I haven't fallen three
out of the last four times.

84
00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:26,290
This afternoon, we go airborne.
Yeah.

85
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,209
Yeah! Yeah!

86
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,755
Yeah! Mmm! Yeah!

87
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,967
[ Haley] Sitting all by
yourself at the table.

88
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:39,053
Now, where have
I seen that again?

89
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:41,847
Oh, right. Every day
in the school cafeteria.

90
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,974
I do that by choice.
School's choice.

91
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,894
Isn't that your nickname?
Haley! Be nice to your sister.

92
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,813
Alex— good save.

93
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,399
Mom, sign this. What is it?

94
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,418
They finally bumped me up
to the harder math class.

95
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,902
Third period, Mr. Waters.

96
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:57,822
What? No, mom. You cannot
sign this. This is my class.

97
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,133
You're a freshman. What are
you doing in second-year math?

98
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,597
You're a senior. What are you
still doing in second-year math?

99
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:04,453
Not still. Again.

100
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,163
Alex, be nice to your sister.

101
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,124
Haley, not a good save.

102
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,227
[ Groans] I knew it would suck
having you at my school.

103
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,812
Well, hang in there.
A couple more years,

104
00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:13,295
you'll have it all
to yourself again.

105
00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:14,964
Come on, girls.

106
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,090
[ Gasps ]

107
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,259
Jay, look at this.

108
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,679
It's ruined! Stella did this.

109
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,264
She chew on my shoe.

110
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:24,867
You have to discipline
that stupid dog.

111
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,475
I discipline her all the time.

112
00:04:26,559 --> 00:04:28,477
Oh, really? How?
By buying her little cupcakes?

113
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:31,730
They're not real cupcakes. They're
doggie treats in the form of cupcakes.

114
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:34,275
Yeah. You should've told that
to Manny before he ate one.

115
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:37,194
Ah, come on. His coat never
looked better. [ Chuckles ]

116
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:40,406
You wouldn't find this so funny
if she was destroying your shoes.

117
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,658
Well, I don't leave my shoes
laying around, so...

118
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,953
So it's my fault that
she chooses to chew my shoe?

119
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,164
I didn't say that.
You barely said it.

120
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:51,000
- — You have to stop coddling her.
- I don't coddle her.

121
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,210
[Yips, whimpers]

122
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,422
What? [ Gasps ]

123
00:04:56,505 --> 00:05:00,718
She tries to drink
the water. It's funny!

124
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,430
[ Haley] You don't look at
me in class. You don't text me.

125
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,724
Who would text during a class?

126
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:09,101
What are you?

127
00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:12,688
Honey, I realize that this situation
is not ideal for either one of you,

128
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,399
but sometimes we just
rise above things.

129
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,984
Yes?

130
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,070
Excuse me. Did you notice
the curb here is painted yellow?

131
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,655
Uh, no, I did not.

132
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:24,074
Wow. It means
“loading and unloading.”

133
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,452
Okay. Well, I was just
dropping off my kids.

134
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,579
And yet, I see no kids
emerging from the vehicle.

135
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:31,415
Well, we were chatting. Wow.

136
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:35,920
At the risk of surprising you a third time,
officer, I've been dropping off here for years...

137
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,505
Move it. Okay. You betcha.

138
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,590
What was her problem?

139
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,234
You know what you
should have said to her?

140
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,403
Nothing. I should have said
nothing. What would be the point?

141
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,930
I have to see her every day.
I mean, why make it worse?

142
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,598
That's exactly
what I'm talking about.

143
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,935
Awkward, unpleasant
situation? Rise above.

144
00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,312
Have a nice day.

145
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,689
Yeah. Love you.

146
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,608
Bye—bye.

147
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,240
[ Mocking voice ] “And yet I see no
children emerging from the vehicle.”

148
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,968
[ Normal voice] How would you like
to see my fist emerging into your face?

149
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,078
Oh! Now I think of it!

150
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,041
Day four of the juice fast,

151
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,211
and I'm hungry,
but I'm feelin' pretty good.

152
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:21,715
Cam, on the other hand,
has gone all girl, interrupted

153
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:25,094
after one, throwing out all of
our food, and two, blaming me,

154
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:28,764
he entered stage three—
Soap actress.

155
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,725
[ Crying ] I just wish my sister
would put herself out there more.

156
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,353
She has so much to offer!

157
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,064
Why are men so superficial?

158
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:41,527
That was followed by stage
four— a rush of epiphanies.

159
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,238
[ Speaking deliberately]
I don't need food.

160
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,614
[ Gasps ]

161
00:06:45,698 --> 00:06:47,801
[ Normal voice] Look at this.
Architecture's everywhere.

162
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,744
Oh, Spaniards make
amazing athletes.

163
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,163
Into stage five— despair.

164
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:59,128
Daddy, we hided,
but you didn't seek.

165
00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:00,962
Cam?

166
00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:02,214
Then came rage.

167
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,801
[Grunts] Ow! Ah.

168
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,052
[ Roars ]

169
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:09,388
[ Hardware clattering ]

170
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,056
Hey. Whatcha got there?

171
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:16,145
The good news is, cam's never
made it this far into a diet before, so...

172
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:20,107
Downside? I have no idea what
the next stage is gonna be.

173
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,776
But I'm pretty sure
it's not charming party guest.

174
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:26,196
Cam, h was thinking, I'll take the
bullet tomorrow night at my boss's house.

175
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,906
You don't have to go
to the party.

176
00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:30,951
Th-they're boring.

177
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,120
Some... silly cause.

178
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,747
You know, lots of people.

179
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,333
Parking.

180
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,419
- — Cam, say something.
- Why do you hate me?

181
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,382
I don't hate you. — then why are
you trying to push me out of your life?

182
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,549
Because you seem a little...

183
00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:48,510
Unhinged.

184
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:49,928
Okay. You know what I think?

185
00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,698
You should worry
a little bit less about me...

186
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:54,284
And a little bit more about yourself and
what you're gonna wear tomorrow night,

187
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,976
because I saw
what you have laid out,

188
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,771
and I don't think you're gonna
like the way you look in photos.

189
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,274
I hadn't landed on that.

190
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,944
Her hand's in the air,
like, every five seconds,

191
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:08,822
and she actually reminded
Mr. Waters to assign homework.

192
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,408
The class loved that. Do you
know how embarrassed I was?

193
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:14,662
Not as embarrassed as I was when
she said eight was a prime number.

194
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,788
Eight, mom.

195
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,331
Okay, fine. You know what?

196
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,934
I'm gonna call the school today
and have your schedules changed.

197
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,587
But I want you to know, a little
part of me died today, okay?

198
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:27,925
I thought the two of you could understand how
being in the same class would benefit you both.

199
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,094
Alex, you—you could've
tutored Haley.

200
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,013
Haley, you could've helped Alex
with her social skills.

201
00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:36,725
Come on. The two of you
could've been two super-dunphys.

202
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,352
And instead, what are you?

203
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:41,772
Two bickering half-dunphys,
and I'm the fool that expected more.

204
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:43,166
You know what— how do you ever...

205
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:47,152
I don't even want to hear it.
Just go upstairs. Go.

206
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,240
[ Groans ] Wow. What was that?

207
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,702
That was a master class
in parenting.

208
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:59,039
Right now, our daughters are upstairs,
making a decision they think is their own,

209
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:01,875
but really it was an idea that
was skillfully implanted by me.

210
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,128
Inception Claire.

211
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,797
Dangerous game,
but I like it. Mmm.

212
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,135
What are those?

213
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,470
Wire walkers. [ Clears throat]

214
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,724
You want to go to the dance,
you gotta wear the shoes.

215
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,308
Luke, grab your camera.

216
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,353
Luke!

217
00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:23,063
[ Gasps ] I wasn't sleeping!

218
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:28,610
Honey, I—I think
those are jazz shoes.

219
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,195
Nope. Tightrope shoes.

220
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,740
Got 'em at an estate sale.
Only worn once.

221
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:34,241
That is not
a ringing endorsement...

222
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,492
[Crash] Oh!

223
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:40,706
Phh, honey— please
be... careful, all right?

224
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:43,083
Watch the door. [ Crash ]

225
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,754
Hey, what'd you get
for number three?

226
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,131
You're not going to learn
if I just give you answers.

227
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,717
Well, what if I gave you
something in return?

228
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,843
Like what?

229
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,928
You can talk to me in class.

230
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,722
[ Scoffs ]

231
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,934
I want lunch at the cool table.

232
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,771
- — Then I want all the answers.
- Then I want a week at the table.

233
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,665
- — That'll cost you two pop quizzes.
- A month.

234
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,191
- The midterm.
- Deal.

235
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,068
[ Luke ] Lookin' great, dad.

236
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:14,865
With these steps,
I break the surly bonds...

237
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,575
Chicken in a basket!

238
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,288
Don't look at me.
[ Breathing heavily]

239
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,415
Mom? Mom!
What? What, what, what?

240
00:10:23,499 --> 00:10:25,292
Mom, did you
call the school yet?

241
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,294
Uh, not yet,
but I was just about to.

242
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,189
[ Phil ] Ah, bartles and
jaymes! [ Pole clattering ]

243
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:31,649
Good. Because we were thinking
we might want to stay in that class.

244
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,717
Really? Oh, girls,
I don't know about that.

245
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,345
- — Oh, please let us try it.
- Super-Dunphy.

246
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,264
[ Phil ] I can't hold
her. I can't hold her!

247
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,351
[Thud]
Well, maybe one more week.

248
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:44,853
Thanks, mom.

249
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,106
[Typing ]

250
00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:51,735
I don't know.
A cup of soup, a Cobb salad.

251
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,612
Yeah, it had bacon.

252
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,448
Hey, cam, I don't have all day
to describe all my meals to you.

253
00:10:56,573 --> 00:11:01,203
[Stella growling] Stop eating
all my things, you stupid animal.

254
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,955
No, cam, not you.
I'll call you back!

255
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,290
Bad doggie!

256
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:09,127
You want to chew on something?
Okay, okay, okay.

257
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:13,131
Look at this. Look at
this delicious man shoe.

258
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:16,885
Eat it. Come on. Eat it. Eat it!

259
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:18,804
Mmm. Yummy.

260
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,765
Eat the shoe!

261
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,767
Eat his shoe.
Come on. Eat his shoe.

262
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,978
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.

263
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,188
Yeah. Like this, look.
[ Growling ]

264
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,731
[Vvhknpers] Dehdous!

265
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,401
[Growling] [ Manny] Mom?

266
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,237
Drop it.

267
00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:41,743
- _ I w— - please. I'm
sorry you had to see this.

268
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,502
[Car phone rings]
[ Claire ] Hello.

269
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,897
Hi, Mrs. Dunph y. This is
Rose from the principal's office.

270
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,799
Could you hold for
princioa/ weller? Yes.

271
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,384
[ Quietly] No, no, no, no.

272
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,136
Ffitsgwe. Hljohn.

273
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:00,929
[ Knocks ]
What'd she do this time?

274
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:03,223
Actually,
we got both of them in here.

275
00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,350
Both of them? Really?

276
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,644
Alex was letting Haley
copy her home work.

277
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,564
Li/lr. Waters caught them.
I-I don't believe it.

278
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:14,151
I'm about to have a little talk with
them, so they'll be out a few minutes late.

279
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,986
Uh, I'm so sorry, John.

280
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,489
And honestly, I-I really am a
better mother than this, I promise.

281
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,117
So you've said mm-hmm.

282
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,744
[Lmecmms] [Beeps]

283
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:24,828
Seriously?

284
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,374
Seriously? Oh!

285
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:33,420
Excuse me.
Hey, um, what the hell is this?

286
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:36,590
This zone is for loading and
unloading, not for talking on the phone.

287
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,513
Yeah, I know, but
I was talking on the phone...

288
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,873
To the school that my kids
are about to come out of, so...

289
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,388
Are you aware this zone
has a time limit?

290
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,806
N-No, I'm not.

291
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,350
[ Chuckles ] Wow.

292
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,985
You know what?
I do want to do some unloading.

293
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,439
I know your type.

294
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:56,276
Life has been bad to you.
It has made you feel small.

295
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,738
And then one day, somebody
gives you a fake cop outfit,

296
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,949
a toy badge
and a little spongebob tie.

297
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:03,992
Suddenly it's payback time,
right?

298
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:08,372
Well, I got news for you, law
and order: Special parking unit.

299
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:11,208
It's not my fault.

300
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:21,718
I'm really sorry, dad. Oh, it's all
right. Everybody throws up at school.

301
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:25,114
If I had a nickel for every time I puked at
school, you know how much money I'd have?

302
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,640
Thirty—five cents?

303
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,935
Exactly. Now, go get cleaned
up, and I'll call the doctor.

304
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,105
Wait, dad. I don't need
a doctor. What's up?

305
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:36,483
The other day, uncle Mitchell
brought over a bag ofjunk food...

306
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,485
So he and cam could do
a Jew fast.

307
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,820
Juice fast?

308
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,488
I'm pretty sure he said Jew.

309
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,200
But anyway, I took the bag,
and I hid it, and I ate it all.

310
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,911
Oh, buddy.
I couldn't help myself.

311
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,330
I'm weak. Don't look at me.

312
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,833
It's all right. It's okay.

313
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:57,587
Hey, you learned a lesson. [
Clears throat] A painful lesson.

314
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:03,051
I guess we both have.
What do you mean?

315
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:06,471
I always saw myself as a guy who could
soar through the sky, dancing on a wire.

316
00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:09,766
I can't even get across one
six inches off the ground.

317
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:12,686
Well, maybe that's the problem.

318
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:17,190
Maybe you keep falling because
part of you knows that you can fall.

319
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:20,610
Maybe if the wire was much,
much higher, you wouldn't fall.

320
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,364
Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke. [Chuckles]

321
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,993
You are a genius.
Come on. We got work to do!

322
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:31,496
Yes! Can I have a
doughnut first? Yes, you can!

323
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,499
Ah, there they are.

324
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,918
My super—dunphys.
We're sorry, but we just...

325
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:39,963
Ah, ah, ah.
You don't get to talk!

326
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,924
You had a chance
to be better people today.

327
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:46,762
You, to be more well—rounded,
and you, to be a better student.

328
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:50,891
You could have elevated the Dunphy
name, but instead you chose to tarnish it.

329
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,934
So congratulations, ladies.

330
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,644
You brought this family
to a new low.

331
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:57,938
Mom, are you...

332
00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,566
Yeah. Yeah, I am.

333
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,086
And I would actually like to get
these loosened up, if! Might.

334
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,779
Are we gonna have
any more trouble?

335
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:04,905
No, ma'am.

336
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,698
Claire, do you
need me to drive the girls?

337
00:15:06,782 --> 00:15:08,784
All good, Janet. Real good.

338
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,412
Goat cheese Risotto ball?

339
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,955
No, thank you.

340
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:16,166
Are you sure? They're so good.

341
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,751
Walk away.

342
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,146
It's tough enough to deal with
cam when I'm at full strength.

343
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,506
But I have been fasting
just as long as he has,

344
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,091
and I do not have the energy...

345
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,218
To deal with
a big, needy brisket case...

346
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:29,096
Bras— basket case.

347
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:33,600
Cam! Don't be mad at me, but I think
that you really need to eat something.

348
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,561
What? You're supposed to
be my support.

349
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:37,938
Oh, away from me, temptress.

350
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,398
And I never thought I would
call you that in a negative way.

351
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,151
I've seen her do
a lot of crazy stuff,

352
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:45,362
but this is a whole new level.

353
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,323
- — Is this a people cookie?
- You're good.

354
00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,242
A definitive yes or no
would be appreciated.

355
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,827
Those cupcakes
did a number on me.

356
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,332
Are you happy?

357
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,793
You have reduced me
to a person who eats a shoe.

358
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:00,877
Gloria, sit.

359
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,295
Do you think this is funny,

360
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,922
to talk to me like I am a dog?

361
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,566
I'm not talking to you
like you're a dog.

362
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,176
I'm just asking you to sit, so
we can get to the bottom of this.

363
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,137
Okay, fine.

364
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,513
Good girl.

365
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,306
Come on. You set me up.

366
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,016
Gloria, why are you
acting so crazy?

367
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,601
It's just a little dog.

368
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,538
It's not the little dog
that is making me crazy.

369
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:19,855
It's you that
is making me crazy!

370
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,481
Yeah. Me?

371
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:24,234
You used to put me first! You
used to want me in that shower!

372
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,735
Should I be here for this?

373
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,404
No, Manny, it's okay. I go.

374
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,782
But I want you to know this. Where
I come from, man Cherish woman.

375
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:34,744
It goes wife, mistress, dog.
Dog always at the bottom!

376
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,332
As you can imagine,
I get asked to help, uh,

377
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:41,209
with a lot of these
environmental causes.

378
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:45,714
Usually, I buy a ticket, bid on
Shaquille O'Neal's big shoe...

379
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:49,009
[ Giggles ] And, uh, come home.

380
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:52,345
But then, something happened.

381
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,265
Um, I love paddle surfing.

382
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,102
And each time I'd go out,
I'd see this one sea lion.

383
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,770
He'd pop his head up,
he'd check me out.

384
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:04,149
I got so used to seein' him, I
even named him— snorkels.

385
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,860
God, I do not like where this
is going. [ Mouthing words]

386
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:10,238
So one day, I, uh, I go
out, and I see snorkels.

387
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:13,200
But he's doin' this weird
twisting thing in the water.

388
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,203
- Oh, god. Oh, god, oh, god.
- Shh. Shh.

389
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:20,582
So I paddle over, and I see
he's got a plastic grocery bag...

390
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,627
Wrapped around his neck
and one of his fins.

391
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:27,297
And I freaked. Tried to
get it off with my paddle.

392
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,674
Didn't work, so I jumped in,

393
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,095
but he disappeared
under the water, and, uh...

394
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,514
Don't say it.
Don't you dare say it.

395
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:38,642
And I never saw him again.

396
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,229
Oh. This is the
saddest thing I've ever...

397
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,480
[Whimpers ]

398
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,734
[ Sobbing ]
Mitchell, are you okay?

399
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:51,238
No, of course I'm not okay.
None of this is okay.

400
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,716
Okay. You need to pull yourself together,
'cause we're at your boss's house.

401
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,409
[ Sobbing ] He drowned, cam!

402
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,036
Okay.

403
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,081
- Is he all right? — yeah, yeah.
- I think he just needs a little air.

404
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:04,668
You know who else needed air?
Snorkels!

405
00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:07,170
[ Cameron ] Excuse me.

406
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:11,258
Snorkels!
Where are you, snorkels?

407
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:12,884
Mitchell, get back here!

408
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:14,678
Oh, snorkels.

409
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,304
Mitchell,
what is wrong with you?

410
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:18,765
What do you think is
wrong with me? I'm starving!

411
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,768
Well, if you're starving,
then just eat something!

412
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,980
I can't eat something, because
then you'll get mad at me,

413
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,731
and we're at my boss's house.

414
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,650
I'm not gonna get mad at you!

415
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:32,570
I appreciate what you're
doing for me. I'm doing it for you.

416
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:35,508
Oh, you don't have to do anything
for me. I love you just the way you are.

417
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,617
I love you just the way you are.

418
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:38,785
[Sighs]

419
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,289
Whoa!

420
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,308
[ Mitchell] Okay. [ Cameron
I I got you! I got you!

421
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,042
Thank you. Igotyoullgotyou!

422
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,379
I got you! I can
walk. I can walk.

423
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,717
I think Mitchell may just be
a work friend.

424
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,557
I let down my mom and dad today...

425
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:03,310
Worse than that,

426
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,145
I let down my teacher.

427
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:08,523
It's all my fault. Everything
I touch turns to detention.

428
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:11,318
I'm sorry, mom. Me too.

429
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,819
[Sighs]

430
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:15,697
I don't really have a whole lot
of moral high ground to stand on.

431
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,117
I wasn't exactly my
best self today either.

432
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,203
All in all, not a great
day for the dunphys.

433
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,623
[ Luke ] Come on,
dad! Believe in yourself!

434
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:29,169
You're making the impossible
unimpossible. [Alex gasps ]

435
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,338
Phil. Oh, my god.

436
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,883
Don't even bother. He's in
the zone. He can't hear you.

437
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,344
Go, dad! You got this!

438
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,074
[ Claire ] All week long, I've
been telling my girls how to act...

439
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,600
Instead of showing them.

440
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,810
But not Phil

441
00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:50,023
Phil could have said, '54/ex, relax.
Don 7 take everything so seriously.

442
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:53,610
Or "hale y, challenge yourself.
Don't give up so easily. ”

443
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,322
But instead of talking the talk,
Phil walked the walk.

444
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,093
And isn't that what we're supposed
to do for the people we love?

445
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,619
[ No audible dialogue]

446
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,792
It's definitely a challenge.

447
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,712
[ Woman on TV] Right,
two, three. And left, two...

448
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:16,716
[ Claire ] But Phil made it look
easy seven feet off the ground

449
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:17,884
oh!

450
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,844
[ Screaming, cheering ]

451
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,138
- — You're awesome!
- Oh, my goodness.

452
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,934
Turns out I've had
my super Dunphy all along.

453
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,560
[All] Yeah!

454
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:30,021
Ohh!

455
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:33,733
What was on my mind as I was
walking across that wire?

456
00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:36,736
I kept thinking,
“if I can do this,

457
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,116
then I've got two ways
of getting across my yard.”

458
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,037
Did you have fun? Yes.

459
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:48,706
She's the cutest doggie
in the whole world.

460
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,250
Yeah, I heard you
the first time.

461
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,835
Let's go find your daddies.

462
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,420
[ Mitchell, muffled ]
We're in here.

463
00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,923
Oh, my god. These
cupcakes are so good.

464
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,235
[Cameron ] I'm so sorry we helped
ourselves. We were so hungry.

465
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,343
They are delicious.

466
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,429
I love that they're not
too sweet, you know?

467
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:06,391
Mmm. They taste almost
like pate. I mean...

468
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,143
But why are you eating?

469
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,727
Well— been on a juice cleanse.

470
00:21:09,853 --> 00:21:12,355
You need to mind your own
business, sweetie, for now. Yeah.

471
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,858
[Sighs] Mmm.

472
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,448
English - us - psdh