1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,589
There she is. The old library.

2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,632
Had some late nights in there.

3
00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:08,509
Some of 'em
I even spent studying.

4
00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:10,094
Don't tell your mom.

5
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,054
And maybe don't tell me. Oh.

6
00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:14,891
College!

7
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:17,768
He was shielding his eyes
from the sun. Knew it when I hit it.

8
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:19,687
Phil is taking Haley
to visit his Alma mater.

9
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:22,023
Loved college.

10
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:25,193
Mmm. We are hoping some of
that enthusiasm rubs off on her.

11
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:27,069
Go bullfrogs!

12
00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:29,322
Dogs. Bulldogs.

13
00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:31,449
I feel like you do that
on purpose. Mm-mmm.

14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:35,453
No, it's just I say “bull,” and I
can't remember if it's frogs or dogs.

15
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:39,749
When I talk to my old friends from
college, do we croak or do we bark?

16
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,876
I got it.

17
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,713
Hello.

18
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:52,053
Wow.

19
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:55,473
No way. Haley, no way!
Check it out!

20
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,951
After a few beers, my buds and I
would jump on these lunch trays...

21
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,393
And race down this same hill.

22
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,020
Hop on. I don't want to hop on.

23
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,505
Seriously. You'll get the
giggles. I don't want the giggles.

24
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,442
Hey, honey.

25
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,152
How's the mp going? 80 good.

26
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:11,322
Go bullfrogs!

27
00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:13,574
It's dogs! Oh, sorry.

28
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:17,036
- — How's Haley doing?
- She's...

29
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:20,122
She's
loving it. She's loving it.

30
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:21,975
I showed her the student
union. Ready!

31
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,669
Five, six, seven, eight.
We visited the dorms.

32
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,545
We sat in on a class.

33
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,298
I really think she's starting to
see what college has to offer.

34
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,509
Oh, hang on, Claire.

35
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,388
Go bulldogs!

36
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,015
,/' hey, heyj

37
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,184
,/' hey, heyj

38
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,311
,/' hey, heyj

39
00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:44,105
,/' hey, heyj

40
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,606
j“ hey if

41
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,778
Manny, who is this Bella girl,

42
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:53,239
and why is her name
all over your notebook?

43
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,782
Bella's no girl, mom.

44
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:58,327
She has recently blossomed,
like a purple lilac in April.

45
00:01:58,411 --> 00:02:00,246
What do you mean, she blossom?

46
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,290
Yep. Like the puberty?

47
00:02:02,415 --> 00:02:04,625
I'll get it.

48
00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,877
Hey, Gloria, your
show's about to start.

49
00:02:07,003 --> 00:02:09,297
Record it.
No, the dvr's filling up.

50
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:11,590
Let's just watch
and get it over with.

51
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:14,593
Gloria's always saying we
should do more stuff together.

52
00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:18,139
So I agreed to watch this crazy
Colombian soap opera she loves.

53
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:19,890
Fuego y hie/o.

54
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:23,185
Which apparently is Spanish
for “big hair and yelling.”

55
00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:25,229
Fire and ice.

56
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,106
It's about human suffering.

57
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,400
I relate to it.

58
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,111
I'm just saying, the guy's a
judge. He could put a shirt on.

59
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,489
Ay, what is that? Oh, nothing.

60
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:38,242
That doesn't look like a
nothing. What is inside?

61
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,827
Oh, it's just something ibought

62
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,787
I'm gonna go open it in my room.

63
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:44,165
I don't like this.

64
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:46,500
Manny has never
kept a secret from me.

65
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,378
Don't worry about it. What
do you think it could be?

66
00:02:49,462 --> 00:02:52,631
Well, right now, I'm a little worried
it could be the rest of my evening.

67
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,426
Mwah! Bye—bye. Love you.

68
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,779
Hey, Claire, listen. Uh,
if you want, some of the moms...

69
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,643
Are going to stay and watch gone
with the wind in my new screening room.

70
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,183
I got Pinot.

71
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:05,186
I would love to, but I'm
not feeling that great, so...

72
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,896
Probably just gonna go home
and rest.

73
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:08,059
Plus, I've seen that movie.

74
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,815
No, I never saw
gone with the wind.

75
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,817
But I have two kids at sleepovers,

76
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,694
and Haley's out of town with Phil.

77
00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:15,571
That means I have
one night to myself,

78
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,490
which happens once every never.

79
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,867
I am not spending it
with some gossipy mom...

80
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,702
Who was mean to me
in high school.

81
00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:24,163
I need a fun night out.

82
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,375
What the hell is this?

83
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:30,252
No, I asked you guys
for a fun night out, not this.

84
00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:33,798
I need music and dancing
and secondhand smoke.

85
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,942
Oh, please give this place
a chance. It's a great value.

86
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:39,553
The room is so cozy, and
the pot pies are to die for.

87
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,615
Are you really comfortable
with what you just said?

88
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,850
Come on. What happened to the
party people who took me to a rave?

89
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:48,437
And I got to wear a tube top, and I
stuffed cash in a caged go-go boy's speedo.

90
00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,231
We're still party people.

91
00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,042
Oh, joanne, before I
forget, can I get a punch?

92
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,318
One away from a free pot pie.

93
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:57,339
- — If that was your gay card, it would be revoked.
- Okay, you know what, Claire?

94
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,923
You're being a little
“high school you.”

95
00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,908
I am sorry, Mitchell,
but I get one free night,

96
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:04,954
and I can't spend it at a place that is a
proud supporter of Wilson elementary.

97
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:07,474
- — We all need to give back, Claire.
- Oh, give me back my night.

98
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:10,584
Okay, well, longines did
invite us to a boutique opening.

99
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,420
You know, cocktails, deejay.

100
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,381
It'll be whole scene though.

101
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,675
A scene? A scene is
perfect. That's great.

102
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,845
I will get in the car before you guys
change your mind. Come on. Let's go.

103
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,471
So does that mean no pot pies?

104
00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:25,349
Uh— hey, joanne,
two number nines to go.

105
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,852
Was I wrong?

106
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,705
Are these not the best wings you've
ever had in your life? Oh, my god!

107
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,606
And you didn't want to get 40.

108
00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:35,568
Oh, and by the way, this is
just the start of your evening.

109
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:39,280
Next up, it's over to the quad for a
musical interlude from tenors, anyone?

110
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:42,199
It's an all—male
singing group. Got it.

111
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,619
Oh, hey! Oh, hey, weren't
you on my tour this morning?

112
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,289
Yeah, I'm Haley, and
this is my— big brother.

113
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,166
You bought it for a second!
How are you?

114
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,918
Oh. That's— okay.

115
00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:55,713
Anyway, you know what? There
is a student mixer going on tonight.

116
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,549
If you want to go, me and a bunch
of girls are gonna head over there.

117
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,468
Oh, uh...

118
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,511
Know what? That's okay.

119
00:05:02,595 --> 00:05:05,473
My dad's got this whole thing
planned, but thank you anyway.

120
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,266
No problem. Well, it
was nice meeting you.

121
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,851
Nice meeting you.

122
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:13,397
How fun is this?
Just me and you.

123
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,126
I was a little nervous you wouldn't
see what's so special about this place.

124
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:20,029
Not that I'm pushing you to come here. You
know, you're gonna make your own decisions.

125
00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:24,325
You want to go with them, don't
you? No, we're doing our thing.

126
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,327
Yeah, quick, before they leave.

127
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,245
Are you sure?
Go. I can handle it.

128
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,390
You're not the first girl
to leave me at this table...

129
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,041
With a plateful
of chicken wings.

130
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:33,792
I'm kidding.

131
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,336
Wish I was kidding.

132
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,781
You weren't supposed
to hear that.

133
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,756
Have fun. Okay.

134
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,091
Love you. Love you.

135
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,598
J, »

136
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,808
Nose job. Ooh.

137
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,230
Butt lift. Last summer, that thing
was four inches off the ground.

138
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:56,690
What do they do with
all the butt they take out?

139
00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:58,359
I have a theory.

140
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,904
Oh, hell! Here comes my ex.

141
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,197
Who, Randolph? Marcus?

142
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,823
- Lamichael?
- No, Matt.

143
00:06:04,949 --> 00:06:06,283
I gotta go! Oh.

144
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,661
Drama! Love it!

145
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,746
This is what I wanted.

146
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,082
Who needs a drink? I could
use a little seltzer water.

147
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,543
More bubbly, Claire? I
will be after I get a drink.

148
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:19,213
See, that's
what gay is supposed to be like.

149
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,317
Okay, I don't know about you, but I got
about five minutes of fabulous left in me.

150
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,069
Yeah. In my mind,
I'm already in our kitchen...

151
00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:26,554
And I'm watching my pot pie
rotate in the microwave.

152
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,722
Okay, okay.
When did hats come back?

153
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:32,017
That one's come back about eight
times. Pick a side of the room, lady!

154
00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:35,271
All right, there's, like, a
thousand people waiting for wine.

155
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,022
I want to try on
a couple of dresses,

156
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:39,608
and then Julian here is going
to take us to a club across town.

157
00:06:39,692 --> 00:06:41,527
I think we're gonna go home.

158
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,279
What? Why? It's 9:30.

159
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,947
It's 9:30?

160
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,032
When did you two
become such old women?

161
00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:49,410
First you take me to that
senior center for porridge,

162
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,537
and now you can't even stay up
past Luke's bedtime?

163
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,956
It's Friday. We get tired on
Fridays. We get very tired.

164
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,917
I have three children.
I have been tired since 2005.

165
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:58,502
Let's rally.

166
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,672
You're my ride. If you want to
stay out, I can take you home.

167
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,757
Really? Of course.

168
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,259
Okay.

169
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:08,053
All right, girls, go home, roll
up your hair, clap out the lights,

170
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,806
'cause this guy, who I just met,

171
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,850
is gonna show me a good time.

172
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,978
Okay, well, if he was straight,
this would be just like high school.

173
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,315
This is ridiculous.

174
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:22,276
She's obviously got a pistol
under that poncho.

175
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,819
How do you watch this stuff?

176
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:27,281
He's been up there for more
than one hour. I can't stand it.

177
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,884
Who's been up there? Reinaldo's
doin' the dishes right in front of her.

178
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,327
Manny, in his bedroom.

179
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:32,995
Gloria, are you
even watching this?

180
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,580
I'm doin' this for you.

181
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:38,751
What does he has in that box
that he cannot show to me?

182
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,021
Little boys are supposed to
keep secrets from their mothers.

183
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:44,048
Wait. The judge
just peeked through the window.

184
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,259
Is he interested in Celia now?
She could be his daughter.

185
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:51,263
I bet it's a birthday gift for
me. Yeah, that sounds right.

186
00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:52,848
What's he saying?

187
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,892
I've never seen him this mad.

188
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,769
Wait a minute.

189
00:07:56,852 --> 00:08:00,189
I already found my birthday
gift underneath his bed.

190
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,982
It's a giant hat.

191
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:03,901
When did hats came back, anyway?

192
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,653
Now she's reaching
under the poncho.

193
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,404
Like she's gonna shoot reinaldo.

194
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,198
He's the main character, right?

195
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,491
That's it. I'm going up there.

196
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:11,992
Wait, Gloria, no, don't go.

197
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,453
Why not? Think about
it. Thirteen-year-old boy.

198
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,121
Talks about girls all day long.

199
00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:19,083
We have more security on these
computers than the Pentagon.

200
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,210
What do you think
he's doin' up there, alone?

201
00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:25,589
Do you think
he ordered some movies?

202
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,257
Movies, magazines.
Whatever the hell.

203
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:30,094
How dare do you say that, Jay?

204
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,513
He's a little boy!
He's just a boy.

205
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,640
I don't want to talk to you.
I'm gonna take a walk.

206
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,350
Gloria, come on. Come back.

207
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,227
I know you're not mad at me.

208
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,310
You just...

209
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:42,523
Oh! What'd she do?

210
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,108
Reinaldo!

211
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,611
Oh! Wang chung!

212
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,571
Pay up, gentlemen!

213
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:52,616
Oh, yes!

214
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,201
Thank you!

215
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,828
Really? That's so nice.

216
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,746
Another pitcher, my good woman.

217
00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,557
Claire would have killed me
if she'd known...

218
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,581
That I let Haley go off alone while I
chilled in a bar with some undergrads,

219
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,712
butlhappen to trust my daughter.

220
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,133
Also, I was tracking her location
with the g.P.S. On her phone.

221
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,803
Fellas, cedar and los Alamos.
That's, uh...

222
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,431
- — Pi chi house?
- Pi chi?

223
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,984
Come on.
Why is my Bluetooth not working?

224
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,362
Oh, god, it's longines.
He's gonna be so mad at us.

225
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,823
Hey, longe,
dontbernad at us for leaving.

226
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,884
I went back to our
spot and everybody was gone.

227
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,410
Who does that to a sister?

228
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,328
We're sorry,
but the sitter called,

229
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,622
and Lily
was running a fever, so...

230
00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:44,293
We feel even worse about dumping
Claire on you and your hot date.

231
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,420
Who is gorgeous, by the way.

232
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,338
Seems super funny too.
Perfect for you.

233
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,215
Please. I wish that was a date.

234
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:53,051
He is my trainer, and he is
straight. What? Julian's straight?

235
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:56,555
Oh, I love it when a straight person
and a gay person go out together.

236
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,432
/'d lo ve it a lot more
if he was gay.

237
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,100
Oh, my god. This isn't our car.

238
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,602
What? This isn't our prius.

239
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,937
They must've given us
the wrong one at the valet.

240
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,689
That's why the Bluetooth
isn't working.

241
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,775
We stole a car. Are you
serious? What's happening?

242
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,485
Oh, we stole a car.
Uh, we gotta go.

243
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,279
We did not steal a car, cam.
It was given to us.

244
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,882
Why are you giving me attitude?
You're the one that stole a car!

245
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,785
How is this a stolen car? How?

246
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,287
I don't know! I'm confused!
Do you have an aspirin?

247
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,289
This isn't my car!

248
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,833
Mmm. Mm-mmm.

249
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,503
Mmm. Hey, lukey.

250
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,630
Hi. What's goin' on?

251
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,299
Oh, I don't have— if ilcheck.

252
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,510
Ihaveit

253
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,930
well, I could bring it by and
meet you outside in 20 minutes.

254
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,765
No, sweet— out-outside, sweetie.

255
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,183
Okay. Bye—bye.

256
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:44,144
Do you mind swinging by
my kid's sleepover?

257
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,772
I gotta give him his retainer.
It's on the way to the club.

258
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:49,983
Sure. No problem.
Oh, you are so sweet.

259
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:53,278
Holy pythons, Batman!
Do you ever leave the gym?

260
00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,447
Uh, no. Actually, I'm a
trainer and a masseur.

261
00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:57,324
Oh, my god.

262
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,117
I'm gonna have to try out
that second one.

263
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,161
Zip, please.

264
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:03,956
I gotta say, this night
is turning out to be...

265
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:05,541
A lot more fun than I expected.

266
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:09,044
I've got two kids at sleepovers
and one upstate with daddy.

267
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,588
The fun is just beginning.

268
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,514
Unbelievable.

269
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,392
The valet gave our car away to
someone, like, an hour and a half ago.

270
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,935
You know what that means.

271
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:29,356
Our pot pies could be anywhere
by now. They probably went home.

272
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:32,359
If we knew their address, maybe
we could see if our car was there.

273
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,319
Oh, yeah, and how do you propose
we do that?

274
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:37,239
Calculating route home.

275
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,534
Oh, you're good. Oh, and
look. Only .6 miles away.

276
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,954
Prepare to turn right
in 500 feet

277
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,665
notice how she didn't wait until
after the turn to tell me, cam?

278
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,042
Really? This? Now? I'm just...

279
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:52,006
Oh, look, they went to see jay—z.
We almost went to see Jay-Z, didn't we?

280
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:54,007
No, no, no. 'Cause,
remember? It started at 8:30.

281
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,192
Oh, yeah, which meant he
wouldn't have gone on till 10:00.

282
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,927
- And that's a parking nightmare.
- Oh, and those stairs.

283
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,305
Okay, I'm hearing it now.

284
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,140
Is Claire right?
Are we in a rut?

285
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,309
Oh, we might be, especially
compared to these people.

286
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,519
Look at this.
Cancun luggage tickets.

287
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:09,563
A parking pass to yosemite.

288
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:12,190
A triathlon bib. This is living.

289
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:14,568
No, but, you know,
we have Lily, okay?

290
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:17,487
You can't do that with a
child. They have a car seat.

291
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,073
Okay, fine, we're in a rut.

292
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,284
Destination ahead in 900 feet

293
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,203
you know, maybe we just need to
be around more stimulating people.

294
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,080
Well, we're gonna be
in about 900 feet.

295
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,458
It's not the craziest idea.
They seem like fun people.

296
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,978
Yeah, and maybe we can be new
couples friends with them, you know?

297
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:35,964
We can go out to concerts, try exciting
new food, maybe do some luxury camping.

298
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:40,052
Hitch our wagon to their star and
see how fast they spice up our life.

299
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:42,054
You have arrived.
I believe we have.

300
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,849
You dumb son of a bitch!

301
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,493
Oh, my god, what's happening?

302
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,078
Oh, my god. Oh, my
god. What's happening?

303
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,979
I can't believe
you came back here,

304
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,814
youfmhy, cheafingjfig!
No, no, backup.

305
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:56,151
- — Back up, I said!
- I'm trying! We are in a rut.

306
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,004
Really? You want to talk
about that right now?

307
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,348
No, we are
stuck. We're in an actual rut.

308
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,075
We're stuck.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god!

309
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,036
We are victim of a hate crime
right now. Go! Go! Oh, my god.

310
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,164
,/', r

311
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:14,336
Oh, no, you don't. Dad!
What are you doing here?

312
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,004
What's this, buddy? Ginger ale.

313
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,589
Oh, really? Cause it smells...

314
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:19,609
Okay, it smells like ginger ale,
but that doesn't prove anything.

315
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,259
What the hell? We are leaving.

316
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:23,303
I'm having a nice time!
With this clown?

317
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:27,057
And by the way, it's a little cliche to pick
someone who looks exactly like your dad.

318
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,976
I got your number, pi chi.

319
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,186
I know you. Yeah, you do.

320
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,981
This is Ben Ford. He's in
my class. He's visiting too.

321
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:35,691
You were my t-ball coach.

322
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:38,735
My dad's your doctor.
He's right over there.

323
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,488
What is wrong with you?

324
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,074
Are you trying to ruin college
for me before I even get here?

325
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,867
No, I'm not. I am so sorry.

326
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,870
You are not a clown. You are
an excellent backup shortstop.

327
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,916
Alecia, Bruce.
Go bullfrogs— dogs!

328
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,585
Go bulldogs. Claire!

329
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,796
Wow. Really.

330
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,882
Jay.
No, it's just a shock, is all.

331
00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:03,468
So Celia is carrying
the judge's baby.

332
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,762
No wonder she shot him.
She's hormonal.

333
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,532
- — Who are you talking to?
- The housekeeper.

334
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,307
Maria, I've gotta go.

335
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:10,851
Thanksalot

336
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,854
- — Jay, I need you to talk to Manny.
- What?

337
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:17,232
If he's doing what you think he's
doing, then he needs to talk to a man.

338
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,151
I don't want him
to be ashamed of anything.

339
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:22,279
Then you don't want to send me in
there. But what if he has questions?

340
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:23,947
What if he doesn't know how—
Gloria...

341
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:27,451
Gloria, whatever he's going
through, he can work it out himself.

342
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,202
Help! I'm stuck!

343
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,289
Ay, no. Jay, go! I beg of
you, go, go, go! Gloria...

344
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,750
I'm extremely reluctant
to do this.

345
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,376
Please hurry!

346
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,336
Ay, no. I cannot look at this.

347
00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:41,673
What the hell?
I can't get down, Jay!

348
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,569
What? What happened to Manny?

349
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,428
Ay, somebody
say something to me!

350
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:47,888
Gloria, it's okay.

351
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,473
Come in. Okay.

352
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,727
- He was hanging from that bar up there.
- What? Why?

353
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,479
What do you have on your head?

354
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,231
It's a weighted helmet to
stretch me so I can get taller.

355
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:02,069
Whoa! Manny, why do
you have to get tall now?

356
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,904
Love, mom. Why else?

357
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:07,949
I lost Bella to durkas because,
in her words, “he's tall.”

358
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,701
Everybody else
is getting taller but me.

359
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,287
You think it's the coffee? No.

360
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:16,166
Maybe, but— but hanging
downside up is not gonna help you.

361
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,251
The web site said it would.

362
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:23,340
Listen, Manny, you're already
intelligent and beautiful and funny.

363
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,760
If you get tall, you're
going to have everything,

364
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,597
and those poor boys are not gonna
have anything to compete with you.

365
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,432
Look at this.

366
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,726
You have a Mark
in your head now.

367
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,520
I'm gonna go get you
some ice, okay?

368
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,416
That's a lot of pretty words,
but they don't help me tomorrow.

369
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,109
Sorry, kid.
Just one of those things.

370
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,778
You get taller
when you get taller.

371
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,780
Why don't you get ready for bed?

372
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,205
Ah, geez.

373
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,834
You know, when I was your age, I
started workin' out to get the girls.

374
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,961
- You think that would help?
- Yeah.

375
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,255
So tomorrow,
we start workin' out.

376
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,840
Okay?

377
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:08,927
Maybe I'll even show you a few
pull—ups on, uh, this bad boy here, huh?

378
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,143
You see that?

379
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:19,604
Pretty soon, that's how strong
you're gonna be.

380
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:23,483
Thanks, mom. Shh! I don't
want them to know I was here.

381
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,235
Okay. Oh, Claire, I
thought that was you.

382
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,736
Thank god. Come in.

383
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,197
I can't, 'cause I'm
sick, remember? Sorry.

384
00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:32,051
My DVD playerjust broke, and none of
us know how gone with the wind ends.

385
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:33,719
- But you saw it, right?
- Is that Claire?

386
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,495
- Yeah. — can you
tell us what happened?

387
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:37,789
Uh, I could, but I don't want
to ruin it for you.

388
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,708
Claire, just tell us.
Just tell us.

389
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,043
Um— comeon.

390
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:47,507
Scarlett is really mad
at Clark gable because, um,

391
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,467
he's done just so—
So many bad things.

392
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:52,929
And didn't he, um, burn down
a farm or something?

393
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,182
Claire, have you been drinking?

394
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:57,809
Um, I had a hot toddy.

395
00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,352
Made one for my throat, so...

396
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,105
Pretty dressed up
for a night in bed, right?

397
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,876
Yeah, I—I just threw on the first
thing I could find when Luke called.

398
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:07,420
- — It was just right there on the chair.
- She has a stamp on her hand.

399
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:10,989
Okay. All right. Before we bust
out the pitchforks and the torches,

400
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,992
may I remind you that I've driven
every one of your children home,

401
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,660
and heimliched
at least one, bethenny.

402
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,370
Hi. Hello.

403
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:19,849
This is totally inappropriate,
but could I use your bathroom?

404
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,333
Sorry.
You kept pushing the drinks.

405
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,002
It's— friend. Gay friend. Gay.

406
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,129
I'm not gay. Yes, you are.

407
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,381
I'm not gay. I'm-I'm French.
You thought I was gay?

408
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,133
Are you serious right now?

409
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,236
Are you? You've been
throwing yourself at me all night.

410
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,262
N-No. No. I have not.

411
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,806
- Bethenny, grab the Pinot.
- Bethenny, do not grab the Pinot.

412
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:40,352
You undressed in front of me.
You squeezed my arm.

413
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,235
You asked me for a massage.
What was all that?

414
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:46,274
That was— that was me
safely objectifying a gay person.

415
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:48,026
Wow, Claire.

416
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:51,363
When I wrote “don't ever change” in
your yearbook, I didn't mean it like this.

417
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,240
Oh, ease up, Holly.

418
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:56,201
Okay, I lied. I lied.

419
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,703
But I get one night to myself,

420
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:02,624
and I just wanted to spend it
with some fun gay people.

421
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:04,644
It's not my fault this one
decided to be straight.

422
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:07,170
I've always been straight.
Oh, you don't get to talk!

423
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,589
I took fashion advice from you.

424
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:11,883
Oh, my god, do I even
look good in this dress?

425
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,261
No, not you.

426
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:16,805
- — It's really short, isn't it?
- It's short.

427
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:18,390
Yeah.

428
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,936
Please! Please just listen
to me for one second.

429
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,813
Go away! Stop following me.

430
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,999
Hey, you want to tell me why
you're bothering this younglady?

431
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,401
Oh, no, no, no, no, officer.
This is my daughter. Tell him.

432
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,946
Tonight, I don't know who
you are. She's-she's joking.

433
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,364
I'm not dangerous.

434
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,527
In fact, I helped to put
all the lights on this path.

435
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:39,786
Twenty years ago, some friends
and I took back the night, so...

436
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:43,290
I think I just—
! Embarrassed her a little.

437
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,710
A little? That sweatshirt
embarrasses me a little.

438
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,879
Yep, that's a daughter.

439
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,882
Tonight was insane. Why
did you have to act like that?

440
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,760
You were at that party. I see
you talking to frat boys, and...

441
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,972
Isn't that why we're here?
So I can experience college?

442
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,391
I mean, what are you
gonna do when I actually go?

443
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,602
I don't know.
Freak out, I think.

444
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,107
Look.

445
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:14,154
Your whole life,
my job's been to protect you.

446
00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:17,032
Ajob I kind of love.

447
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,284
And I feel like I'm being forced
into early retirement.

448
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:24,247
I just needed to find you
and make sure you were okay...

449
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:28,376
For as long
as I still get to do that.

450
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,590
It's just like you...

451
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,134
Piss me off,
then say something sweet.

452
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,263
I'm not leaving until the fall.

453
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:44,100
Maybe by then I can figure out
how to put a force field around you.

454
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,205
I've been working on that one
since the first time...

455
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,024
I tried to fasten you
into your car seat.

456
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,652
I pinched
your chunky little thigh.

457
00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:56,738
Aw.

458
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,992
Even though you basically
just called me fat.

459
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:08,208
So, is it really fun?

460
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:09,793
What?

461
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:20,011
We all struggle
with limitations.

462
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,055
Some we 're willing to accept...

463
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:26,393
You know, I just want to be home,
reading on opposite ends of the sofa.

464
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:29,854
And some we're not. I'm
so embarrassed I did that.

465
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,148
I'm just so happy
that that was all it was.

466
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,275
Why? What'd you think
I was doing?

467
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:36,986
It's never too late
to grow in life.

468
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:40,532
Ohjnygom

469
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:43,159
“Thanks to our patented
lengthenator,

470
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:46,204
you can increase your height
by up to four inches.”

471
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:49,749
I cannot believe he spent
$50 in this thing. I know.

472
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:52,627
He could've got a two—year
subscription to playboy for that.

473
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,797
He's not getting the
playboy ever! Ow!

474
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,382
He's a little boy!

475
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:03,430
Wouldn't it be great
if we woke up tomorrow,

476
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:05,098
and our car had
found its way home?

477
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,826
I feel that's not the way
it's gonna happen.

478
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,351
Happened on the farm one time.

479
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,104
A tornado scooped up one of our
calves, dropped it who knows where.

480
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:14,732
Six months later, a full—grown
cow comes walking up the driveway.

481
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,067
Same markings, same moo.

482
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,027
That night, we— we
ate like kings. Yeah.

483
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,113
Okay, I've told it before.

484
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:21,865
Oh, my gosh, it's our car!

485
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,869
I see you've met my wife.

486
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:33,460
English - us - psdh