1
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:06,507
Honey, what is all this? Hey.

2
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:09,927
Hey, mom, I'm trying to write
this stupid college essay question,

3
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,865
- — and I really don't even know where to start.
- What's the question? Tell me.

4
00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:16,017
“What's the biggest obstacle
you've ever had to overcome?”

5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,020
Didn't my third—grade teacher
say I had, like, a.D.D. Or something?

6
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:22,231
Oh, no, honey.
She said you couldn't a-d-d,

7
00:00:22,315 --> 00:00:25,234
and she put it that way because
she also knew you couldn't s-p-e-I-I.

8
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,777
Wait. Slow down.

9
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,154
Ohh!

10
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:32,074
Sweetheart, what's this?
We talked about this last week.

11
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:34,702
I said I'm building Luke a
tree house. You said “fine.”

12
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:37,455
You know, sometimes I think
you just tune me out.

13
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,708
I never told her.
She just would've said no.

14
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:43,211
I don't remember agreeing
to this, Phil.

15
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,379
This is like the time you
backed down the driveway...

16
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,143
With a hang glider
sticking out of the car.

17
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:49,818
If you'd let me keep that, those geese
would've followed me to the wetlands.

18
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,802
You would have died. A hero.

19
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,600
So we spread out a nice
blanket, open up a bottle of vino...

20
00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:00,728
And watch the sun set
over the water.

21
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,313
It was majestic. Mmm.

22
00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:03,522
Majestic. Majestic.

23
00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:06,108
Ay. Why we never
have the picnic?

24
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:09,362
Who wants to sit on a blanket?
There's no back support. It's majestic.

25
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:13,574
Last week, shorty took me
to see the cirque du soleil.

26
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:16,494
It's like a circus, but classy.

27
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,872
So if you like elephants,
don't hold your breath.

28
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,374
She's so cute.

29
00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:25,586
Jay hate the crowds,
the beach, the rainbows.

30
00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,755
Rainbows.
That's just colors in the sky.

31
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,716
Do we have to pull over every time
and take a picture? Shame.

32
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,843
There's an expression
in Italian, Jay:

33
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:38,224
Damm/ la fua mano e
corr/amo un/I/ per z'uz'z'a la vita.

34
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:42,019
“Give me your hand and we will
run together our whole lives.”

35
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,689
Aww. Jay also hates running.

36
00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:48,818
,/' hey, heyj

37
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,945
,/' hey, heyj

38
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,030
,/' hey, heyj

39
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,991
,/' hey, heyj

40
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:56,242
j“ hey if

41
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:00,371
- — here you go.
- Oh, thank you.

42
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:03,165
- — And here you go.
- Ohh. What is this?

43
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,293
You said to knock
your socks off.

44
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:08,296
Oh? Well, look. It's
already working.

45
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:11,215
Two more of those, and you won't
be wearing any undennear either.

46
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,175
Oh, look! Cam, down. Down.

47
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,011
Maybe later. Oh, okay.

48
00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:16,637
Maybe— maybe later.

49
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,973
Did you hear that? The
waitress is flirting with me.

50
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,474
No, no. She's not
flirting with you.

51
00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:23,811
She's trolling for tips, okay?
She totally knows you're gay.

52
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,646
How would she know I'm gay?

53
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,108
Uh, maybe it's the way you ordered
a “drink—a—doodle—doo.”

54
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:31,795
Cam has this crazy theory that if
he were straight...

55
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,530
And Julia Roberts were single,
they'd be dating.

56
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:38,326
It's not crazy. I met her once at an aids
walk, and our chemistry was palpable.

57
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:40,804
No, you handed her a bottle of
water. And her fingers lingered.

58
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,830
Because you wouldn't let go.

59
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,500
I could totally pick up
any woman in here.

60
00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:49,712
If by that you mean lift her off the
ground, then yes, I'll give you that.

61
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,672
I for sure could be a womanizer.

62
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:55,009
Or you could be someone who just
stepped out a machine called the womanizer.

63
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,511
Okay, you know what? That's it.
Pick anyone in here,

64
00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:00,035
and if I can get their number,
you do the laundry for a month.

65
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,891
If I fail, I'll do it.

66
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,101
Okay, I hate doing
laundry, so, um— mm-hmm.

67
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,854
No. Um...

68
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,981
Oh, okay. Right here.

69
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,483
Her.

70
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:16,030
Okay, great. Great.

71
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,366
Just get rid of my flair.

72
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,785
Whoa. Where— where did cam go?

73
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,330
Where is he?

74
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:27,249
Dinner was absolutely
wonderful. Amazing.

75
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:30,103
You know what? Why don't you guys
come salsa dancing with us tomorrow night?

76
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,962
Oh, yeah. That would be great!

77
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,024
Ay, it sounds like so much
fun. I love salsa dancing.

78
00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:35,758
Jay, let's go
salsa dancing with them.

79
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,927
Look.

80
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:41,472
Why not? I just bought
that pay-per-view fight.

81
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,057
I'll tell you what.
We'll compromise.

82
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,267
We'll watch the fight,
we'll eat salsa.

83
00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:48,229
- Who needs him? Come dancing with us.
- Ay, no. I wouldn't want to...

84
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,523
No, no, you'd be
doing me a favor.

85
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:53,442
Shorty never wants to stop,
and I could use a break.

86
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:55,361
You hear that, Jay?
I never stop.

87
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,947
All I hear is
she could use a break.

88
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,785
Hey. Oh, my god. How are you?

89
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,913
Hey. Hey! Wow.

90
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,791
Look at you. You look fantastic.

91
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,043
Thank you. S—so do you.

92
00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:12,795
How long has it been?

93
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,880
F-Feels like forever. Yeah.

94
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:17,258
What, um— when is the
last time we saw each other?

95
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,343
Oh, let's see. I think
it was at Dave's thing.

96
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,972
You know what? I'm sorry.

97
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,182
I don't know if you've heard.

98
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,143
I was in
a terrible car accident,

99
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:30,229
and ever since the coma,

100
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:34,358
I have a really hard time
placing names and faces.

101
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:37,027
So who are you again?
Oh, my god. I am so sorry.

102
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:40,531
It was just a clever way to try to
approach you. We don't know each other.

103
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,284
I've never been in a coma.

104
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,661
But you so deserved that.

105
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,955
That was the worst pick-up ever.

106
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,000
Ohjnygom

107
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:54,086
That was genius and mean!

108
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,214
Now I know why
we're old fake friends.

109
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,384
Can I buy you a drink? Yeah.

110
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,803
Hnkmb. Camemn.

111
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:06,348
If she were a hot guy, I would
never have been that smooth.

112
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,935
It's ironic.
Like the gift of the vagi.

113
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,690
There we go.

114
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,067
Thank you. Nice to
meet you. You too.

115
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,819
Bye. Bye.

116
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,572
Wham, bam, thank you, cam.

117
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,074
Seriously. You got
her number? Sure did.

118
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:28,454
And all my shirts get ironed, and their seams
should appear straight, just like their owner.

119
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:38,672
Shouldn't you be using
screws instead of nails?

120
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,634
America was built
with nails, son.

121
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:45,304
So was that gazebo you built
for our fourth of July party.

122
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,182
I'm telling you,
you are gonna love this bad boy.

123
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,184
You know what can't climb trees?

124
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,603
Raccoons? Vvornes.

125
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,831
Raccoons can and will get up
here, so don't leave any food,

126
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,024
or they'll get territorial
and attack.

127
00:05:57,149 --> 00:06:00,528
Are you sure this is a good
idea? Are you kidding me?

128
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:03,048
You're gonna have so much fun
hanging out up here with your buddies.

129
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:05,407
Trust me. When you
get older, it all changes.

130
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,035
Why? Well, life gets in the way.

131
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,057
Did I just say “wife gets in the
way”? 'Cause sometimes I do that.

132
00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:13,541
Nope, you're good.

133
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,084
And you have lots of friends.

134
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:18,003
Yeah, I have work friends, and
your mom and I have couples friends,

135
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:22,049
and there are my college friends, but
they're scattered all over the country.

136
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,778
It's not the same as just shouting
out to your neighborhood buddies,

137
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,887
“hey, fellas, I'm up here
in the tree house!”

138
00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:30,432
Oh! I gotta fix that... board.

139
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:37,189
I can't do this. Why
are you so frustrated?

140
00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,900
Because I've never had
any obstacles to overcome.

141
00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:42,361
Oh, honey, that's not true.

142
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,655
Really? Name one. Well...

143
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,242
You're lactose intolerant.

144
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,912
Oh. “Dear college, cheese makes
me gassy. See you in September.”

145
00:06:51,996 --> 00:06:55,291
Sweetie, you're not really starting
your essays “dear college,” are you?

146
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:59,587
What difference does it make? I've
lived a boring, sheltered, pathetic life.

147
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:02,881
I am sorry we have made things
too easy and comfortable for you.

148
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:06,260
Oh, you should be.
It is all your fault.

149
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:10,097
You have shielded me from
everything interesting and dangerous.

150
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:13,809
You are blaming me because
I kept you from getting hurt?

151
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,436
Gabby's mom's a hoarder.

152
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,563
That essay
practically writes itself.

153
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,107
Maybe it is our fault.

154
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,694
But did you ever consider
there's a reason?

155
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,362
What are you talking about?

156
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,659
There's a reason
why we were so easy on you.

157
00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:34,204
- — I don't understand.
- Oh, honey, you're old enough now.

158
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,498
- — Old enough for what?
- The truth.

159
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:39,627
Okay, come on.
Gotta show you something.

160
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,963
- — We're gonna go for a ride.
- Mom, just tell me.

161
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,008
You are my mom, right?

162
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,510
Oh, hey.

163
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:51,347
- — I'm a bad man.
- Oh, no. What did you eat?

164
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:54,433
Mitchell, remember the girl
I met last night?

165
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,811
How can I forget her? She's super
famous for having the world's worst gaydar.

166
00:07:57,895 --> 00:08:00,689
How could I be so cavalier
with her emotions?

167
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:03,734
You know, we had a real
connection. She gave me her number.

168
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,987
And right now, she's probably sitting
by the phone, waiting for me to call.

169
00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:09,114
Uh—huh.

170
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:12,201
I don't think you understand
how charmed she was by me.

171
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:15,162
Oh, my god. Where did you
get all this self-confidence?

172
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:18,707
I won cutest baby
at the 1974 Jasper county fair.

173
00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:20,793
People at the time
said I could go gerber.

174
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,837
You know what?
I'm calling her. What?

175
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,131
No, I can't carry this around.

176
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,592
I have to come clean so
she can move on with her life.

177
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:31,303
This is crazy.
She is not waiting by the...

178
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:33,722
Hi. Katie, it's cam.

179
00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,265
First ring.

180
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:39,770
- — I was hoping I would call too.
- Oh, smooth.

181
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,356
So listen, I forgot
to mention something last night,

182
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:46,694
and I'm— I'm actually not
really quite sure how to say this.

183
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:49,363
“I'm a gay guy.”

184
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,782
Um, it's actually
somewhat delicate.

185
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,867
“As am I,
on account of the gay.”

186
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:56,120
No, no. I had a great
time with you too, Katie.

187
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,580
It's— well, it's just that—
“I don't dig the ladies.”

188
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:02,835
No, no, and I want you to sit. I want
you to have a seat on a chaise lounge.

189
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,838
Hey, you wanna go out and grab
some dinner before the fight tonight?

190
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,589
No, thank you.

191
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,133
Wanna eat at home?

192
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,593
I'll grill some steaks,
open a bottle of wine.

193
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:14,388
Whatever you want, because
I'm not going to be here.

194
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,391
She's going salsa dancing—
Without me.

195
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:21,186
Ay, Manny, I told you.
It's a 21-and—over club.

196
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,689
A forbidden dance floor.
Only makes me want it more.

197
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:27,443
Wait a second. You're going
dancing with shorty and Darlene?

198
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:31,613
Yes. Because even though he's
old like you, he still likes to have fun.

199
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:35,075
We like to have fun.
Last week, I took you to dinner.

200
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,911
Went to the boat show.
Got some sherbet.

201
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,539
And were home by 8:30
with no boat.

202
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,750
What do you want from me?
I don't like dancing.

203
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:44,543
I don't like sherbet.
Yeah, right.

204
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,044
How about coconut?

205
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:48,839
Who doesn't like the
coconut? Hmm? Who?

206
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,922
And anyways, I'm going
dancing with or without you.

207
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,926
Fine. I hope you have
a good time with shorty.

208
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,636
I don't need shorty.

209
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,307
I won't have any problem
finding a partner on my own.

210
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,143
Wow. Way to rub it in, mom.

211
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,774
How'd it go, heartbreaker?

212
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:10,527
That is one classy lady.
Which is why I couldn't tell her.

213
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,113
- What? — well, I just
couldn't do it on the phone.

214
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:15,324
She seemed so excited
to hear from me,

215
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,743
and I'm very bad at
disappointing people, Mitchell.

216
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,745
Not all people.

217
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:23,081
Mama was right when she said
my charm was like a wild stallion.

218
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:25,542
If not properly bridled,
it'll bust down a barn.

219
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,545
Okay, you wanna get rid of
your girlfriend, tell her that story.

220
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,256
Maybe I will when she
comes over. She's coming over.

221
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,591
Are you serious?

222
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:34,593
She said she was in
the area, running errands.

223
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,636
What was I was supposed
to say? “Don't come over”?

224
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,948
Well, I guess I could've
said that, but it's too late now.

225
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,366
Plus, I wanna break it
to her gently.

226
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,059
So come on.
Help me UN-gay the place.

227
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:45,437
You know what? I'll make it less gay
by half. Oh, these flowers should go too.

228
00:10:45,521 --> 00:10:47,999
You mean the ones underneath the
portrait of you cuddling another man?

229
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,608
Oh, good catch.

230
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,735
Ohh!

231
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,323
Manny. What's up, big guy?

232
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:59,910
How hard is it to learn this salsa
dancing stuff? Not hard at all.

233
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:04,540
It's about tapping into your emotion,
your passion and your inner fire.

234
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:07,209
Crap!

235
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,961
I stink at dancing.

236
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:12,130
First dance at our wedding, Gloria
was all graceful and gorgeous,

237
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:16,301
and I was all big and clunky, like
that scene from beauty and the beast

238
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,053
actually, that was the song.

239
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,763
Manny picked it.

240
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,765
He didn't like me back then.

241
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,684
J.”

242
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,936
Back straight. Okay, do as I do.

243
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,689
Other leg.

244
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,733
Okay, stop marching. You're
dancing, not invading Poland.

245
00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:42,369
Hello. Hi.
Looking for Jay pritchett.

246
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,539
He's about 6'2”, tough guy,
wrestles with homophobia.

247
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:47,225
The hell are you doing here? A”

248
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:48,834
I had to get out of the house.

249
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:52,421
Cam needed a little alone time
with his new girlfriend. Don't ask.

250
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,839
Don't tell.

251
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,924
- What's going on here?
- He's learning to dance.

252
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,093
But he's just so tense.
It's not working out.

253
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,818
'Cause you're not letting go.
I'm trying.

254
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,931
Don't you think I wanna be all smooth
and make your mom happy out there?

255
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,933
But I just can't do it,
that's all.

256
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:06,602
Jay, I'm not giving up on you.

257
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,605
Okay. Hey, Manny, would
you give us a second?

258
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:10,898
(3h. Thanks.

259
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,608
Dad, look.

260
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:16,028
I— I know this is weird,
but you and I are a lot alike.

261
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,863
You're self-conscious, okay?

262
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:21,658
So, um— here. Just—
The hell is this?

263
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:25,120
It's just something that some people
take at clubs to, you know, loosen up.

264
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,705
You take this?

265
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:29,875
A gay man who hates dancing
lives in a sad and lonely little world.

266
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:33,629
This just melts your inhibitions,
and— and you can dance all night.

267
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,881
- — Plus, it gives you a raging—
- I don't wanna...

268
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:39,009
I don't like this at all. Just
hold on to it, just in case.

269
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,594
Keep it. It's fine.

270
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,346
Jay, I'm gonna
show you something.

271
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,015
A farmer in New Zealand
taught a pig to dance.

272
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,601
J, » Whoa.

273
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,895
See how he keeps his snout up?

274
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:57,527
Oh, yeah. This is it.

275
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:00,197
This is what?

276
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,158
This.

277
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,162
I— I can't do this.
I can't get out of the car.

278
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,122
I'm sorry. I'm too embarrassed.

279
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,166
Would you just tell me
what's going on? Okay.

280
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:15,671
I— I— I want you to go read
what's carved on that tree.

281
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,299
Mom, you're freaking
me out. Just do it.

282
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:20,884
Do it, Haley.

283
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:41,655
Have fun getting home!

284
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,824
There's your obstacle!

285
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,033
What?

286
00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:47,160
Are you kidding me?

287
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:57,337
Oh! Son of a... biscuit!

288
00:13:57,421 --> 00:14:00,507
Why does that keep happening?
Maybe I need a nail gun.

289
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,884
Okay, that's it. I'm out.

290
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,345
What do you mean, you're out?
Where are you going?

291
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:08,557
Dad, no offense, but I've
seen you with a glue gun.

292
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,393
I think a nail is gonna be
harder to get out of my hair.

293
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,354
No, don't go.
I'm doing this for you.

294
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:17,858
Are you, dad? Are you?

295
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,444
[ Phi/j the kid made
me think with that one.

296
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:23,280
Who was I really doing this for?

297
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,408
Sometimes I just say,
“are you, dad? Are you?”

298
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:30,454
Because he gets real quiet and
doesn't notice when I walk away.

299
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:37,044
It's weird, because I feel so
comfortable around you already.

300
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,628
You know, last night,
when I got home,

301
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,338
I just started thinking...

302
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:43,091
About all of the fun things
that we could do together.

303
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,218
You know? Yeah.

304
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:48,555
I don't wanna scare you off, but my sister's
getting married in a couple of weeks,

305
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:51,433
and I so don't wanna go
to that thing alone.

306
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,018
Maybe you could be my date.

307
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:56,521
Katie, you're an amazing woman.

308
00:14:56,605 --> 00:15:00,734
You're smart, you're beautiful,
and how fun is that handbag?

309
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:05,739
This is gonna come
as a little bit of a shock.

310
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,325
I'm fairly gay.

311
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:12,913
Don't know why I said that.
I'm— I'm totally gay.

312
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,664
Just gay.

313
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:19,586
You're telling me
you're gay? Yeah.

314
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:22,214
Why? I was born that
way. You know, it's just...

315
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,007
No, why are you telling me?

316
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:27,010
I mean, I know you're gay.
It's obvious.

317
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:30,347
Well, it's not that— it's not
that obvious. It's— oh, yeah.

318
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:34,101
The way you talk and walk and
dress and your theatrical hand gestures.

319
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,811
I do not have
theatrical hand gestures.

320
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:39,648
Okay, maybe I am
moderately expressive.

321
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,275
But why would you
give me your number?

322
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:44,319
Oh, because I want a gay friend.

323
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:49,032
Someone I can dish with, give
me guy advice and I can shop with.

324
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,409
Those are totally
offensive stereotypes.

325
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,578
We could go see Julia
Roberts movies together.

326
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,831
I know her, and she's as nice
as she seems on screen.

327
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,124
Shut up. Really? Sheis, yeah.

328
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,458
Is she?

329
00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:02,671
So you were pretending to
be straight and hitting on me?

330
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,756
It's just a stupid bar bet.
What...

331
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,634
My boyfriend— oh, he's here.

332
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,470
Bet me that I couldn't get
a beautiful woman's number.

333
00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:12,973
And as a proud gay man,
I know it shouldn't matter,

334
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:18,145
but I— I just wish everyone
could find me attractive. Ohh.

335
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,355
Now he's going to get to
gloat. I guess I deserve it.

336
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,484
Hi. Hi.

337
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:26,403
How's— how's it going?

338
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,071
Hello. This is Katie.

339
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,490
And it turns out, uh, well...

340
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:34,369
No, actually,
it doesn't turn out well.

341
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:38,832
Because I thought I finally
met a nice, funny guy...

342
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,876
Who is also hot!

343
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,503
And now he's
telling me he's gay?

344
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,755
He's like
the least gay person...

345
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,258
I have ever met
in my entire life!

346
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,344
And I thought he was the one!

347
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:54,723
And I even told
my mom about him!

348
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,766
You better Cherish him!

349
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,776
Hello. Wow.

350
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:13,325
No. Are you sure you're gay?

351
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,910
- — Cam.
- Yes.

352
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,204
Yes.

353
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,123
Look, you're gonna
find somebody...

354
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,750
Because you're
an amazing girl, Katie.

355
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,919
You're the whole package.

356
00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:27,422
I just prefer somebody
who has one.

357
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:29,799
Okay.

358
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,475
Oh, my god.

359
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,436
That was a lot of girl tongue.

360
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,772
I think I need
a drink-a-doodle-doo.

361
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,819
What was that?

362
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,988
Hello, Haley. How was your day?

363
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,616
I had no money, no cell phone...

364
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,951
You're welcome.

365
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,994
What? I listened to you.

366
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:01,539
I stopped coddling you.
And look. You overcame an obstacle.

367
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,416
Oh, yeah, I did.

368
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,794
I grew up normal
despite my crazy mom!

369
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,897
Well, that sounds like the
beginning of a great essay.

370
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,422
“Dear college”...

371
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,716
Oh, honey, if you get stuck,
let me know,

372
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,360
and I'll make you
sleep out in the yard.

373
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,720
- — You're psychotic!
- Use spell check.

374
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,556
,/', t

375
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,519
Whoo!

376
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:25,438
Aaah!

377
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,941
Don't just sit there!
Get out here!

378
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:31,319
- — I'm good. I'm good.
- Okay.

379
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:34,114
/ho/a/ you're looking so
good. How long has it been?

380
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:35,991
We don't know each other.
Go away.

381
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:37,909
Fair enough.

382
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:41,538
/ho/a/ you're looking so
good. How long has it been?

383
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,582
What was wrong with that guy?

384
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,435
I would've danced with him.
He's got nice shoulders.

385
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,795
Oh, you know, salsa is
so intimate and sensual...

386
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:52,215
That it feels wrong to do it with
somebody else that is not Jay.

387
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,780
Aw. Yeah, Darlene
feels the same way.

388
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,760
If I wasn't here, she'd
be holding up the wall.

389
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,221
Yeah. A wall of men.

390
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:01,474
You know, I think I should go
home to my loving husband...

391
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:04,978
And pull him close and tell him
that I danced with 20 men.

392
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,731
He's not home.

393
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,025
He's in a dicey neighborhood,
worried about his car.

394
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,569
[A y, no!

395
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,029
Jay, you...

396
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,114
Mwah! What, are we
gonna kiss or dance?

397
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,491
Let's dance. Come, come.

398
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,661
I'm dead set against drugs.
Just say no and all that stuff.

399
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:25,915
But I thought—
Just this once, for Gloria.

400
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,921
And if I was gonna make a complete
ass of myself, I didn't wanna remember it.

401
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,927
The big drug I gave him—
Baby aspirin.

402
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,597
Orange flavored.
He could have chewed it.

403
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:46,102
How come you never
surprise me like that?

404
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,522
I do surprise you. No, you
don't. You never surprise me.

405
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,033
That's gonna be
a hell of a tree house.

406
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:03,203
Oh. Thanks. I'm trying.

407
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,538
It's for my son,
but he's kind of lost interest.

408
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,374
It's kind of like my daughter
with the dog,

409
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:08,541
which is why I'm the one...

410
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,626
Out here doing this.

411
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,212
Did you just move in?

412
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,631
Lived here eight years. You?

413
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,299
Twelve.

414
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,385
- — Huh.
- Huh.

415
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:21,513
Me and my friends, we built
a tree house when I was a kid.

416
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,932
We spent hours in
that thing. Lovedit

417
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,725
me too.

418
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:27,811
You need any help?

419
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:30,021
Yes. A lot.

420
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:32,190
But I— I don't wanna bother you.

421
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:35,110
Only thing bothering me is that
drunken amish roof you got up there.

422
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,736
- — Do you even have a level?
- I did.

423
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:40,198
But I might've gotten frustrated
and thrown it into your yard.

424
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:43,159
Let me find it.
Hibermhtoven thanks.

425
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,994
I'm Phil, by the way.

426
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,372
I'm Andre.
Nice to meet you, Phil.

427
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:49,416
Nice to meet you, Andre.

428
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:54,087
So / guess / was wrong when / said once you
get older, it's harder to make new friends.

429
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,005
Honey, the
dude in the tree is cool!

430
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:59,300
Andre, it turns out,
is an orthopedic surgeon,

431
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:02,804
handy with tools
and a great guy to hang out with.

432
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:06,683
Plus, he's a bad—ass black man
that gives me extra street cred.

433
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,227
That's his joke.

434
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,729
He's my brotha
from a different motha.

435
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,315
What was that? Different...

436
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,775
That's not it. What is it?

437
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,003
It's brotha from anotha motha.
Brotha from anotha motha.

438
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,612
Slow down. Slow it down.

439
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,239
Brotha from anotha motha.

440
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:23,533
Forget it. Don't— just
don't say it. Forget it.

441
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:30,373
English - us - psdh