1
00:00:03,254 --> 00:00:06,507
Oh, thank you so much for the
donation. I wish I could do more.

2
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:09,510
It's just a bunch of old, out—of—date
clothes. Oh, I'm sure it's great.

3
00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:12,972
Three weeks ago,
our neighbors, the rands,

4
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:16,142
lost their house and
everything they own mafim.

5
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,227
Fortunately, nobody was hurt.

6
00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:20,855
And fortunately, they're friends
with wonder woman over here.

7
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,440
I'm hardly wonder woman.

8
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:26,652
She mobilized the community to
donate clothes, furniture, appliances.

9
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,739
All to help them start over in their
new rental— which you found them.

10
00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:33,159
I'm no wonder woman.
Rand-aid was her idea.

11
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,786
Wasn't my idea
to call it rand-aid.

12
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,998
Okay, fine. I'm wonder woman.

13
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:42,043
Terrible tragedy.
They're our closest friends.

14
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,629
We know them. Uh, Manny
and their son Reuben are tight.

15
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,380
In fact, I put in one of their closets.

16
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:49,264
Not that it matters, but it was
the only structure to survive the fire.

17
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,344
Por favor,
don't even say that word.

18
00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:53,888
In my country, it is considered
very, very bad luck...

19
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,723
When your house burns down.

20
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,061
Th-they lived
a block away from us.

21
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,564
Smoke was everywhere. I was
so upset, I couldn't sleep for days.

22
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,900
Of course, Mitchell
won't let me take anything.

23
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,110
Well, cam, we both know why.

24
00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:12,198
Some people have been known to sleepwalk
or even sleep—drive on that medication.

25
00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,700
Cam's reaction is much worse.

26
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,164
[Shouting oh! No! ]

27
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:23,834
[ Both shouting ]

28
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:27,588
Oh, god! Oh, god. [Groans]

29
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,548
I sleep—clown.

30
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,218
[Groaning]

31
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:34,136
Dad, youtegonna
khlyoursew. [Jay]Lgotm

32
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:35,554
we're on a schedule here.

33
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:37,098
I still have to pick up the truck.

34
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,933
If you want him to
stop lifting things,

35
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:42,353
put all this in grocery bags
and turn the TV on to a football game.

36
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,855
Oh, take this phone
away from me.

37
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,107
Why?

38
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,359
Two of our best brokers left
to start their own agency,

39
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,236
and the office gossip is flying.

40
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:53,173
But I want today to be about the
rands, and if I have this— [ Phone chirps]

41
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:56,450
Oh, my god. Those guys took two
secretaries and the tube dude with them.

42
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,035
Who's the tube dude?

43
00:01:58,119 --> 00:02:00,719
You know, the blowy guy that
attracts all the attention. This guy.

44
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:02,873
Ah, si: I've seen him.

45
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:05,668
He goes down with the air,
and then he shakes up.

46
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,188
He goes down in the air, and
then up— you almost got it. Yeah.

47
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,798
- — And then goes down.
- Hi, hi. Sorry.

48
00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:13,759
We would've been here sooner,
but this one had a wardrobe crisis.

49
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,595
You know, it's a somber occasion,
and all my tops are too joyful.

50
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,361
You do not want our
problems. [Claire] No.

51
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,057
Here, Jay, let me— no, I got it.

52
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,809
Ah! My back! Dad!

53
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,020
No, Jay, that's not quite it.

54
00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,939
Remember, you got air blowin'
through you. So it's more like...

55
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:29,066
And then out and then out.

56
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,861
,/' hey, heyj

57
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:33,946
,/' hey, heyj

58
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,990
,/' hey, heyj

59
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,700
,/' hey, heyj

60
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:38,951
j“ hey if

61
00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,164
leave me alone. I'm fine.

62
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,082
I've gotta pick up that truck.
[ Groans]

63
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:48,627
- — I'd be happy to get the truck.
- I don't think so. It's a pretty big truck.

64
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:52,965
Oh. Is it— is it bigger than the combine
I've been driving since I was 12 years old?

65
00:02:53,049 --> 00:02:54,842
Or the windrow tractor
with macdon header...

66
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,887
That I drove to and parallel parked
at my high school prom?

67
00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,263
Hmm?

68
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,057
At least something
got plowed that night.

69
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,350
[ Cameron ] Heard that.

70
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:05,144
- — Son of a bitch!
- Your low back is in spasm, Jay.

71
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,896
I can massage that out for you.

72
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,582
I'm fine. Dad, you don't
know what you're missing.

73
00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:11,734
Phil is a magician.
And a licensed masseur.

74
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:16,197
Before I heard the siren song of residential
real estate, I was bitten by the rub bug.

75
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,407
No, he's-he's amazing.
I had this knot in my leg.

76
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:20,159
Two minutes with Phil,
and it was gone.

77
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,304
I'm sorry, but I think you might
have a higher tolerance...

78
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,330
For a man's hands
on your body than I do.

79
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:25,623
Charming.

80
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,376
Ay, don't be an idiot.
Let Phil help you.

81
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:31,295
- Fine.
- Great! I'll just go get the room ready.

82
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:33,714
You'll be surprised
with what these hands can do.

83
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,438
Really? Can they drive a bobcat
skid—steer with a bucket grapple...

84
00:03:36,509 --> 00:03:38,010
Through a school hallway
on a dare?

85
00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:40,721
Because these can, and have.

86
00:03:40,805 --> 00:03:42,973
[ Jay groans ]

87
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:44,683
Poor Reuben, huh?

88
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,727
Having to rebuild
his whole life at age 12.

89
00:03:46,811 --> 00:03:49,063
Yeah. That blows.

90
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,816
I know we're both shaken up,
but let's watch the language.

91
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,610
Okay, put this in a safe place.
It's for Reuben.

92
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:58,197
It's one of those, um, how do you
say again? [ Imitating helicopter]

93
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,450
Is that the helicopter with the camera
in it that you control with your phone?

94
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,452
The one I asked for?

95
00:04:03,536 --> 00:04:05,996
Okay, when your house burn down,
you get one of these.

96
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,374
No, don't burn your house down.

97
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,295
[Scofis] How lucky
is Reuben? So lucky.

98
00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:16,298
You know what? I say we take
this thing out and see how she flies.

99
00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,134
I don't know.
My mom got it for Reuben.

100
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:21,762
Oh, so now he won't even
share his toys? He never does.

101
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,014
Screw that guy! Yeah!

102
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,476
You're a terrible influence.
You need me.

103
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,648
Claire, in case
you want to add something,

104
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:36,569
I put the box of dresses outside,
and this is the box of snicker-snackers.

105
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,238
Mmrn. Thanks.

106
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,825
Mitchell, we did have something
to add to this box of, um,

107
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,910
[ imitating Gloria]
Snicker-snackers.

108
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:47,746
- — What? [ Chuckles ]
- English is not her first language.

109
00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:51,041
- — She's just trying to help.
- Mitchell, come on. You can't do that.

110
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:54,170
You can't just change the rules.
It's what we do.

111
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:57,756
When Gloria says something silly,
we innocently laugh behind her back.

112
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,359
Come on. She's had
a rough week, all right?

113
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,823
She's really worried about Tia
Maria Cecilia and that surgery.

114
00:05:01,886 --> 00:05:03,846
Oh, and then she lost
her cell phone at pilates.

115
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:06,307
- — How do you know this?
- We have coffee.

116
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,143
Oh, “have.” so when did
this become, like, a thing?

117
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:12,229
What's the big deal?
We're friends. I like Gloria.

118
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:15,941
Uh, it's no big deal. It's—
I have nothing against her.

119
00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:17,526
I just think— om

120
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,949
all right. So before you get
all judgey, I gave her that vase.

121
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:26,243
[ Scoffs ]
After I gave it to you.

122
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,374
You couldn't part
with that t-shirt?

123
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:33,959
[Sighs] I love this shirt.

124
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,003
You know, you don't have
to look the way you look.

125
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:40,716
Amber rand lost all her clothes in a fire,
but she gets to build herself a new wardrobe.

126
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,927
[ Inhales ]
Let me burn your clothes.

127
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,405
[ Claire ] Girls, get down
here! There's a lot of work to do!

128
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:48,182
[Groans ] She's in a mood. You
know what we have to do, right?

129
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,559
There's no way you're
my real sister! I hate you!

130
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,704
I can't believe— you're
the most selfish, shallow...

131
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,981
That's it! I cannot take the
fighting! Just get out of the house.

132
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,442
Works every time.

133
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:02,112
You know, I don't even want to drive the truck
anymore, even though on the farm I was...

134
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,697
I can't take another farm story.

135
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,824
You might want to take
someone with you. Yay!

136
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,701
The thing's been parked there
six months.

137
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,204
You're gonna want to
hose it down, sweep for spiders.

138
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,581
Good news, girls.
You're goin' with uncle cam.

139
00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:14,959
Yay. Huh?

140
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,646
[ Jay] The pain musf've
been pretty bad...

141
00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,213
If / was asking Phil for help.

142
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,132
His need for my approval
is exhausting.

143
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:26,762
In 10 years, I've asked him for one
thing— to hook up my wireless printer.

144
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,722
He still won't shut up about it.

145
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,976
[ Tia male announcer] How's
that printer workin' out for you?

146
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,771
Still iovin' that printer, huh?

147
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,166
If your printer breaks from
here, I can fix it on my phone.

148
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:42,695
Can you? I can, but I don't
need to, because I fixed it forever.

149
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:46,448
Just once, I wish he wouldn't make
such a big deal about everything.

150
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,742
,/', r [ Speakers: New age ]

151
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:54,456
Okay. Now just disrobe and
place the towel over your buttocks.

152
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:05,301
[Affected voice ] Ridin' the
open road in a big rig like this...

153
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,012
Sure can work up
a man's powerful appetite.

154
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,555
We've gone five blocks.

155
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,700
[ Normal voice] Do you want
a burger or not? I could eat.

156
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:15,519
Hey, Alex, maybe uncle cam will
let you borrow his hat later.

157
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:18,981
You know, since you dress
like a dude. I like the way I dress.

158
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:23,611
Uncle cam, as her future prom date, will
you please talk to her? You know fashion.

159
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,988
First of all, you're each
beautiful in your own way.

160
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:28,717
But you're both playing for second,
because I'm too sexy for this truck.

161
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:32,703
I have to say, you do drive it surprisingly
well. Yeah, who'd have thought?

162
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,456
Surprising?

163
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,666
What, that—that a gay man
can drive a truck?

164
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:41,295
You know, I expect that kind of
thinking from Jay's generation.

165
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:44,048
But from our future
generation? No.

166
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,176
Wow. This place got crowded.

167
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,345
[Alex] Oh. You're
really wedged in there.

168
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,221
You want us to help
guide you out?

169
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:55,434
That question?
It was like a hate crime.

170
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,311
[ Engine starts]

171
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,772
[Alarm beeping ]

172
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,398
[ Horn honks] [ Brakes screech ]

173
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,983
Sorry!

174
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:05,427
- — Hey, you're really close on this side.
- Yeah, I see it.

175
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:07,905
- — Careful!
- I'm being careful.

176
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,409
- — [ Both gasp ]
- Gasping? Really?

177
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,538
[ Both gasp ]

178
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,749
Holding hands.
We're not in a nosedive.

179
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,104
[ Gasping ] Look, if it would make
you feel better, get out and guide me.

180
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,214
Okay, come on. Let's go.

181
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,359
Please don't yell at me,
but there's not enough room.

182
00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:29,134
Okay, climb over.

183
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,431
[ Screams ] [Thud]

184
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,016
You're fine.

185
00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:46,235
You know, the native Americans believed
that burning sage kept bad energy away.

186
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,988
How'd that work out
for 'em? Get to the back.

187
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:52,199
That's the spirit.

188
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,326
[Whispers ] Thank you.

189
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:58,664
Now I just need to make sure
that the oil is a perfect 98.6.

190
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,085
And it is perfect.

191
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,881
Now, I want you to take
a deep breath,

192
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:13,595
and let me transport you
to a land I call relaxistan.

193
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,014
Oh, what the hell? Get off me!

194
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,641
I knew this was a terrible...

195
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,061
Oh, mama Lucian, that's good.

196
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:23,063
Shh.

197
00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:25,190
[Moans]

198
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,900
Shh.

199
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,819
[Moans]

200
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,404
So you want to try it?

201
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,197
Uh, I don't know.
I'm still feeling guilty.

202
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,032
It's Reuben's helicopter.

203
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:36,910
Reuben is the whole reason
we should be doing this.

204
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:40,831
He's barely-living proof that
life can change in a second.

205
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,500
You gotta grab what you can
when you can.

206
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:46,003
What is this hold
you have on me?

207
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:48,922
Wow.

208
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,966
- — Okay, now ease up.
- Okay, I'm easing up.

209
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,970
Okay, it's not working. — get a hold
of yourself, Manny! She's getting away!

210
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:58,515
- — I can't hold her!
- Give it to me! Mayday! Mayday!

211
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:04,229
Oh, well. What do you mean,
“oh, well”? My mom's gonna kill us.

212
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,023
Us? You were flying it.

213
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,941
I was in the attic,
packing boxes.

214
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,694
You're gonna help me find it,
or the next search will be for you.

215
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:14,323
I like this guy.
Where's he been?

216
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,160
Just relax.

217
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,745
Let me know if I'm hurting you.

218
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,039
Are you kidding me?
It's fantastic.

219
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,375
I love you.

220
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,045
This. I love this.

221
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,632
It just slipped out. Those are the
worst three words I could say to Phil.

222
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:34,843
I was just praying he would let it
go and not make a big deal about it.

223
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:38,889
[ Phil] Oh, my
god. This is huge.

224
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,975
Jay, I'm sorry. I need a minute.

225
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,077
[ Footsteps ] [ Door opens ]

226
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,562
Son of a bitch!

227
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,067
Son of a bitch.

228
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,070
Oh, these are fantastic. Why
is Manny getting rid of 'em?

229
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,780
He said that
they were last season.

230
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,217
I used to have a pair like these.
I can never find 'em anymore.

231
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:59,159
Oh, there's an outlet store.

232
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:03,580
They don't have men's size, but I'm sure the
biggest size for boys will fit you perfectly.

233
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,666
- — I'll take you.
- All right, it's a date.

234
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,835
Oh. Another date.

235
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,962
Claire, I heard what
happened with the vase,

236
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,589
but I don't want you
to worry about it.

237
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:15,300
I'm so sorry. I should've
told you about that sooner.

238
00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:19,388
I just— I have really been
shaken by this whole fire thing.

239
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,932
You know, life is... so fragile.

240
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,476
I know. Like a vase.

241
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,857
You tattled on me?

242
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,484
She asked me about it.
What was I supposed to do?

243
00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:34,319
[ Scoffs, snorts ]

244
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,488
[ Cackling ]

245
00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:38,692
Why are you making those
cruel sounds with your mouth?

246
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,619
You don't see it? You're
turning Gloria into mom.

247
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:43,703
What? Mm-hmm.

248
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,414
First, you got
all defensive of her,

249
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,165
and then
you tattled on me to her.

250
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:49,936
That's exactly what you did with old
mom. It's what you're doing with new mom.

251
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,463
Okay, okay. Only you could make my
friendship with Gloria into something ugly.

252
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,067
Don't get me wrong.
I think it's sweet.

253
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:58,051
We've all got our thing.
You have mommy issues.

254
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,137
I do not have mommy issues.

255
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,598
Okay, so I pick you up tomorrow.

256
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:04,266
We go get you
your big boy pants,

257
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,602
and then we go and get
a little ice cream, okay?

258
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,479
Perfect.

259
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,190
I don't want to hear it.

260
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:16,028
Ay. You still
don't feel very good?

261
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,529
I told Phil I loved him.

262
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,240
Oh— it was an accident, but you
know how he gets with that stuff.

263
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:21,491
Ay, I know.

264
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,411
Jay, can I talk to you later
about what just happened?

265
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,704
Yeah. Thanks.

266
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,289
Geez, I just worked that out.

267
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,960
You're screwed.

268
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:34,922
Today is the biggest day
of my life.

269
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,050
Just relax.

270
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,885
Let me know if I'm hurting you.

271
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,137
[ Phone vibrates] Are you
kidding me? It's fantastic.

272
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,056
I love you.

273
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,600
This. I love this.

274
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,437
Oh, my god. This is huge.

275
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,607
Jay, I'm sorry. I need a minute.

276
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,192
The two guys
who left the firm...

277
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,670
Asked me to quit my job and
partner with them at the new agency.

278
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:01,239
Big opportunity, big risk.

279
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:04,117
And they need an answer
by the end of the day.

280
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,703
I don't always make great
decisions under pressure.

281
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,956
What the hell is that?

282
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,249
An alpaca. I got the last one!

283
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,106
[ Man] Come on, man!
Move that truck! [ Horn honks]

284
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,882
[ Screeches ] I hate you!

285
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:22,803
Okay, so I flirted with a table of
truckers who have offered to help us.

286
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:25,389
No! No help! I've come too far.

287
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,140
Have you?

288
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:30,119
Hey, they don't sell pizzas at this
restaurant! You parked here illegally.

289
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,938
Congratulations, sir.
You're destroying america.

290
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:35,399
Hey, there are no cars
behind us. Go. Gun it!

291
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,900
[Alarm beeping ]

292
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,196
- [ Haley] Oh! Oh!
- All right! Okay!

293
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,615
All right, everybody, relax!
We're fine! We're fine!

294
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,575
We are not fine!
And we're all smushed!

295
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:48,036
And we're scared! And we're
tilted at a 30 degree angle!

296
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,539
Nerd! And we're
dirty and tired and late!

297
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,475
[ Horn honks] Okay, can
you please just be quiet?

298
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,167
Why couldn't we have just
asked for help?

299
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,895
'Cause I'm teaching you girls
a very valuable lesson...

300
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,255
That gay men can do anything
straight men can do.

301
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,675
Yeah, we know that. Do you think
you're the only gay guy that we know?

302
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,094
Yeah. My soccer coach
is gay. Our pediatrician.

303
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,555
My Latin tutor.
Nerd! Our electrician.

304
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,158
Then why were you so surprised
when I said I could drive a truck?

305
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,227
Not because you're gay, because
you're you. And by the way, you can't.

306
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,187
Okay, wow. I guess I
owe you an apology.

307
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,898
I made a leap there. I'm just
used to dealing with stereotypes.

308
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,483
I'm a little sensitive about it.

309
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,610
Oh. Hey, there's that trucker
that I talked to. Hey!

310
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,572
Excuse me. Hi! Could
you give us a hand, please?

311
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:24,865
Sure thing, sweetie.

312
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,492
[Sighs] Oh, like she'll
be able to help us.

313
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,496
[ Tia football game ]

314
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,207
Oh, boy, do you have
the right idea.

315
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,711
I could use a little break from the mother
and child reunion going on down there.

316
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,421
Don't ask.

317
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,594
Mitchell's turning Gloria
into mom. Bam! It's out. Hmm.

318
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,097
You remember the way mom
and Mitchell used to be...

319
00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:51,433
In their private little club?

320
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:54,311
Just the two of them,
no one else allowed in.

321
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,814
Well— [ Chuckles ]
It's happening again.

322
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,442
But this time around,

323
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,361
it's happening with your wife.

324
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,685
You should see them down there.

325
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:09,576
It'd actually be adorable
if it weren't so sick.

326
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,369
I just...

327
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:15,582
You know, I feel like Mitchell
is a grown man, he has a child,

328
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:20,212
and he's still working out some
psychodrama from 20 years ago.

329
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,882
Daddy, can I have a
sip of your beer? Thanks.

330
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,847
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

331
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:35,435
Mitchell cozies up to mom.
I go running to daddy.

332
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,938
I'm the one
who's turning Gloria into mom,

333
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,273
which is really disturbing,
since we're the same age.

334
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:41,441
[Sighs]

335
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,693
Oh. You're older.

336
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,862
Oh, that's where
we're gonna chime in.

337
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,616
Will you hurry up?
I'm saving my strength,

338
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,285
'cause if we don't find this
helicopter, I'm walking to Canada.

339
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,871
[ Scoffs ] Hope you like taxes.

340
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,957
Hey, that's our helicopter!

341
00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,252
Is it, now? I'm sure you have
the proper documentation for that.

342
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,212
Just give it back. It's ours.

343
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,423
You guys are bullies. They
can't be bullies. They're nerds.

344
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:06,925
Don't pigeonhole us.
We can be both.

345
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:09,510
Oh. [ Chuckles ]

346
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:12,681
[ Horn honks]
Is there an issue here?

347
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,058
Uncle cam, I got this.

348
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,606
Oh, my god, it's Alex
Dunphy. So awesome.

349
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,567
What's the problem here, boys?

350
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,862
These geeks won't give us back our
helicopter that we took from Reuben.

351
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,446
Is that right, Abraham?

352
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,990
Oh, my god, she knows your name.

353
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,241
Helicopter, please.

354
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,748
I love you.

355
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,917
What just happened?

356
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,837
You have your fans, I have mine.

357
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,507
Someday, your fans are
going to work for my fans.

358
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:54,472
Oh. Um, Gloria, do you mind if I
talk to Mitchell alone for a minute?

359
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:58,268
It's okay. I already know what
you said, and I think it's crazy.

360
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,270
Mitchell is not making me
his mommy.

361
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,773
No, I know, he's not.
But I think that I might be.

362
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:08,111
Okay, now you're going really, really
crazy, because I am younger than you.

363
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,947
Mmm, by 14 months,
so let's settle down.

364
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,491
[Sighs] What is going
on with you today?

365
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,077
I— all right,
I'm working this out as I go.

366
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:22,083
I think maybe seeing you get all
buddy—buddy today with Gloria...

367
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:25,837
Made me feel like it did
when you were with mom.

368
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:29,966
And—and— I don't know,
I-I felt like the odd man out.

369
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,594
Okay. Well, that's how I
used to feel with you and dad.

370
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:34,638
I know.

371
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:38,808
I know. We—we chose teams,
even during the divorce, and...

372
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:46,691
Okay, the last couple of years, you
and I have been our own team, you know?

373
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:49,194
And I don't want that
to go away.

374
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:53,990
So, I guess I just felt a
little left out today. Shut up.

375
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,992
[ Sniffles ]

376
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,536
Okay, can you two
try hugging a box...

377
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,748
So that your poor mother doesn't
have to do all the hard work?

378
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,376
I am sorry, Gloria,
about all the mom stuff today.

379
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:08,421
I just— I got this crazy idea that
you like Mitchell better than me.

380
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,507
I do like Mitchell
better than you.

381
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,591
Why?

382
00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:13,009
Ay, please.

383
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,678
Are you going to
honestly tell me...

384
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,013
That I'm your favorite
person in this family?

385
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,975
I'm not even your favorite
Colombian in this family.

386
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:23,228
I would love to get closer to
you. You have my number.

387
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,940
But call me quickly,
because I book up.

388
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,110
You never saw me!

389
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:36,324
There you are. I really
need to talk to you.

390
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,743
You really don't. Jay,
please. It's about work.

391
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:40,453
I got a text
during your massage.

392
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,497
I've been offered a
partnership in a new agency.

393
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,461
Good for you.
Well, I'm not so sure.

394
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:52,507
I mean, there's—there's a big upside,
but I have a stable job right now.

395
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,135
I have three kids, and at least
one of 'em's going to college.

396
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,429
Worst—case scenario,
they all go.

397
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:59,097
Well, what does Claire think?

398
00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:03,226
I haven't told her yet. I
wanted to talk to you first.

399
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,811
You've done this.

400
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:08,356
Well, I think that there's
only really one question.

401
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,108
Whether I'm ready
to run my own company?

402
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:13,320
Nah, you're great with people.
We know you're a good salesman.

403
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:16,281
You've managed to provide
a good living in tough times.

404
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,824
Then what?
Is this the right time?

405
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:20,035
Never a perfect time.
House could burn down tomorrow.

406
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:23,621
Question is, do you want this?

407
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:27,542
Yeah. Yeah, I really want it.

408
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,878
Then gamble on yourself.

409
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,214
I'd gamble on you.

410
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,300
I'm gonna do it.

411
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,053
There you go. [ Chuckles ]

412
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,888
Thanks, Jay.

413
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,211
Hey, look, I know you were
reluctant to get that massage,

414
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,768
but I think we can both agree
it had a happy ending.

415
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,063
Please don't say that.

416
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:51,483
If I could only save
one possession in a fire...

417
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,903
Probably my first set of golf
clubs. My old man gave 'em to me.

418
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,905
Here, I got it. No, no, no.

419
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:01,618
[ Glon'a ] The engagement r/ng
that Jay gave me that changed my life.

420
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,329
[Mitchell]
Lily's adoption papers.

421
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,331
[ Cameron ] I was gonna
say adoption papers.

422
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,876
So / guess then / would say
my mama's recipe book.

423
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,546
[Phil] All our family photos...

424
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,091
Which lkeep on my iPad,
so my iPad.

425
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:19,978
[ Claire ] As long as / had my
family, I wouldn't need anything else.

426
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,389
[All groan] What?

427
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,266
You say somethin' like that,
it makes us all seem petty.

428
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,894
Yeah. I know. I know.

429
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,605
[Ah] Boo! [Chuches]

430
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:32,816
Hiss!

431
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,196
[ Laughing]

432
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,323
Shh. Cam's sleeping.
I don't want to wake him.

433
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:41,449
He's had a rough day.

434
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,034
Not as rough as grandpa's truck.

435
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,662
[Laughing] Shh.

436
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,972
Thank you so much for driving
me.

437
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,756
I really didn't want to ride
in that big rig.

438
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,208
It was amazing.

439
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:53,002
Everybody was honking, and I
learned, like, five new curse words.

440
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,504
Mostly from cam. Shh!

441
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,797
[ Laughing]

442
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,733
[Cameron ] I'm glad
I could give you a laugh today.

443
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,051
I didn't know that's what I
was to you people, a big joke.

444
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,345
No, honey, it wasn't like that.
No, we didn't mean...

445
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,681
- — Uncle cam, we love you.
- Save it.

446
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,182
I'm going back to bed.

447
00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,102
So he's still doing that?

448
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,187
Yeah, yeah. But we're workin'
on it.

449
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:19,946
English - us - psdh