1
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:07,300
“Oh, my goodness,
those hands are cold.” mm-hmm.

2
00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:10,428
“At least buy me dinner
first.” Boom.

3
00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:14,140
“Tell my wife and kids
I love them.”

4
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:17,476
Oh, my god. Ooh.
That's kind of dark, mom.

5
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,103
What?

6
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,189
Quick. What's my
favorite hospital food? Um...

7
00:00:21,314 --> 00:00:23,357
Jell—o!

8
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:25,526
Hey, buddy.
No, today's still good.

9
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:26,861
Good for what? Who's “buddy”?

10
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,613
Yeah, just head
on over to the house.

11
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,324
Whose house? Who's “buddy”?
Okay. See you in a couple.

12
00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:32,843
Couple of what? Who's “buddy”?

13
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,368
- Kenneth.
- Kenneth?

14
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:35,995
Kenneth!

15
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,081
If I had a son, I'd want him to be like
Kenneth ploufe. You do have a son.

16
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:41,727
When we first moved in here, he
was the sweet kid who lived next door.

17
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:43,270
Mmm, the weird kid
who lived next door.

18
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,897
But Phil always had
a soft spot for him...

19
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:46,521
Because Kenneth sort of
looked up to him.

20
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,966
I wouldn't say hero.
And yet, you did.

21
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,052
Well, you weren't going to.

22
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:53,221
Claire's always had
some issues with Kenneth.

23
00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,806
He would stare at me
a little too long.

24
00:00:55,932 --> 00:00:57,892
Can you blame him?

25
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,977
You used to dress
sexy back then.

26
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,106
- Hey!
- Yeah!

27
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:06,108
(Th!

28
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,735
Ahh! Oh, wow.

29
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,737
Oh, 10 years.
Can you believe it?

30
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:10,940
Mm—mmm. God.

31
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,282
Ohh! I feel like we ended
that last hug too soon.

32
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,743
Come back here.

33
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,912
Oh, wow!
That's a lot of hugging.

34
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,997
She's right.
Why hug, when you can...

35
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:22,083
- Man shake.
- — Oh, no.

36
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:28,714
I'm gonna get the coffee.

37
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:31,968
Man shake. Are we sure?

38
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:34,470
Mmm! Mmm.

39
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,181
Roll up the curtain!

40
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,266
Bing!

41
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,851
,/' hey, heyj

42
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,020
,/' hey, heyj

43
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,189
,/' hey, heyj

44
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,275
,/' hey, heyj

45
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:48,359
j“ hey if

46
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,280
I don't know what's worse,

47
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,949
that he competes every
Thanksgiving in a pie-eating contest...

48
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,993
Or that he's nine—time runner—up.

49
00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,637
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving
without the contest.

50
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,121
Yes, it would.

51
00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:02,915
I think I have to tell
my punkin chunkin' story.

52
00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:04,458
Oh, no. No, you don't have to.

53
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:06,669
No, I kind of think I have to.

54
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,254
Once, cam and his friends...

55
00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,630
Tried to slingshot a pumpkin...

56
00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:11,507
Across a football field.

57
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,710
Three seconds.
That's all he needs to tell that story.

58
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:17,513
So the fog was rolling in over the
mountains like an ominous blanket...

59
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,141
As we readied
the giant slingshot.

60
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,424
You know, lorna, the pastor's daughter,
she was nervous,

61
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,770
because like I said,
it was after curfew.

62
00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:28,357
She was a goodie—two—shoe.
Only pastor's daughter I ever met that was.

63
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:37,116
So we finally launch the pumpkin, and it
sails through the air, goalpost to goalpost,

64
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:40,119
past the end zone,
into the parking lot,

65
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,580
through the open roof
of lorna's dad's car.

66
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:47,460
I turn to Cody and I say, “now what
are the chances of that landing there?”

67
00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:50,755
He says, “where?”, and I say,

68
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,591
“the sunroof of a preacher man.”

69
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:58,262
Wah-wah.

70
00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:04,810
Okay, come on in!

71
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:08,356
- Voila!
- Okay, what are we looking at?

72
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:10,149
My centerpiece for Thanksgiving.

73
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,401
It is wonderful.
You're so talented.

74
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,362
I can't believe that you did this.

75
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:16,822
Yeah, myjuices were really
flowing on this one.

76
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,783
I actually shot a making—of video.

77
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,635
Hey, maybe we can watch it
later at the party.

78
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,495
Oh, yeah. That or football.

79
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:25,664
M/amor, I'm so proud of you.

80
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:30,002
- Is there nothing in the world that you can't do?
- Centerpieces, for starters.

81
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:33,005
Shh! Why do you say everything
of his is great, even if it isn't?

82
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:36,175
Because I'm building him up.
That's what parents do.

83
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,718
Too much, if you ask me.

84
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,738
Kids cross the street nowadays,
they get a ribbon.

85
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,389
Manny's got plenty of confidence.

86
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,891
He just needs a little reality check
every now and then.

87
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,060
And this thing is a horn of ugly.

88
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:49,688
Shh! My mother used to
criticize everything I did.

89
00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:53,359
And look at me now.
I am a jumble of insecurities.

90
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,652
I'm not getting that.

91
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,821
Do not say a word to Manny.

92
00:03:56,904 --> 00:04:01,409
Fine. But trust me, if you told
him the truth, he'd thank you later.

93
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:04,286
Mmm, like Claire and Mitch?
Did they thank you?

94
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,163
Not yet. Mmm.

95
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,666
But it's coming. Hmm.

96
00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:13,421
Oh! So many memories
in this place.

97
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,148
Do you guys still have,
like, every cereal?

98
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:17,383
We have a lot.
Yeah, of course you do.

99
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:20,052
Of course you do. You only have
the greatest dad in the world.

100
00:04:20,136 --> 00:04:23,222
So what have you been up to? I haven't
seen you since you went off to college.

101
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,033
Oh, you know, actually,
that didn't work out so well.

102
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:28,144
I bounced around for a while. Ended
up washing dishes in new Mexico.

103
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:29,520
Mmm. Mmm.

104
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,283
So without the benefit
of a college degree,

105
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,441
I guess your options
were kind of limited, huh?

106
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,109
Ease up. It's a holiday.

107
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,361
Yeah, it was— it was—
Oh, no. No, thank you.

108
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,339
Thank you, though, sweetie.
You're so sweet. Oh, okay.

109
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:42,575
It was tough for a while, but then a
roommate and I started our own business.

110
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:45,369
Oh, was that also in the dish
or cleaning industry?

111
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:48,289
No. No, no, no. It was actually
a small investment company.

112
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:51,625
Well, small at first. You know,
we rode the tech wave for a while,

113
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:55,754
then expanded into video games,
amusement parks, sports arenas.

114
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,506
Anything that seemed
awesome, really.

115
00:04:57,590 --> 00:04:59,133
I'm actually in town
to buy a blimp.

116
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,093
Holy crow.

117
00:05:01,177 --> 00:05:03,804
Wow. So if y—
If you'd gone to college,

118
00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:07,391
you would've done all that,
just four years later— or never.

119
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:10,936
Alex really needs to be picked up,
sweetie. Why don't you go get her?

120
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,689
I want to hear more of what he
has to say about— we're leaving.

121
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:17,902
Kenneth, I am so proud of you.
You really made it.

122
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,862
Well, I did get
one pretty lucky break.

123
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:23,908
Early on, I met
a very special guy...

124
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:27,578
Who taught me that what I
thought and said had value.

125
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:30,748
Oh, you mean— shh.
Luke, let the man talk.

126
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:34,543
He encouraged me to always
find the fun and follow this thing.

127
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,295
Your lung? No, my heart.

128
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:40,799
To this day, at every crossroad,
I ask myself one question:

129
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,343
What would Phil Dunphy do?

130
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:45,387
Record scratch!

131
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:48,474
Oh, that's me buzzing.
Oh, it's Paris.

132
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,142
She's my assistant in Tokyo.

133
00:05:50,226 --> 00:05:54,563
You'd think they'd know how to demo
4-d gaming graphics without my help.

134
00:05:54,647 --> 00:05:57,942
They don't. Hey, Luke, what
instrument does yo-yo ma play?

135
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,068
Um— cello!

136
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,154
He's me.

137
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:04,240
And he's spectacular.

138
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,909
Oh, my god.

139
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,870
Kenneth ploufe is part owner
of a resort in The Bahamas,

140
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:11,872
some cruise line...

141
00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:14,625
And Lacy fair,
that lingerie company.

142
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,044
Oh, ew! I'm wearing
one of his bras.

143
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,837
Look, he's got a model in his lap.

144
00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:20,005
No way. Look at her.

145
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,471
This is your fault!

146
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:36,188
Are you seriously
gonna stay in here all day?

147
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:39,441
I can't face mom.
If I see her, I'm gonna have to confess.

148
00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:42,194
Take a breather.
It's just a dent.

149
00:06:42,278 --> 00:06:44,905
And saying nothing
is not lying, okay?

150
00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:47,616
It's just letting the truth
speak for itself.

151
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,743
This is not the time
for moral equivocation.

152
00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:53,038
Okay, I don't know what that means,
and also, don't tell me.

153
00:06:53,122 --> 00:06:56,351
You're the one who's going to lose her driving
privileges. I don't know why you're so calm.

154
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:59,878
All we have to do is keep it from
mom until she goes to the store.

155
00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:04,216
Then, when she sees it, she'll assume
that it happened there, which it did.

156
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,884
So it's not really lying.

157
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,678
Listen to you.

158
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,722
Are you gonna be
a career criminal?

159
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,265
You sound like mom.

160
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,684
I don't know what I'm gonna
do after high school.

161
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,646
It was a supportive wah—wah.
I was trying to save the moment.

162
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:19,690
There's no such thing
as a supportive wah-wah.

163
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,835
A wah—wah, by its very nature,
is vicious and undercutting.

164
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,944
Well, I was just trying to
salvage that story, okay?

165
00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:26,614
I told you not to tell it,
you told it, and it died.

166
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,240
It did not die. It's a thinker.

167
00:07:28,324 --> 00:07:30,969
The only thing people were thinking was,
“thank god this story's over.”

168
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,453
Okay, I get it.

169
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,514
So how long have I been
embarrassing you with my stories?

170
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,058
No, no, no, no.
You don't embarrass me.

171
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,875
I love your stories, okay?

172
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,752
The tractor in the swimming hole?

173
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:41,378
Aunt Betty's wiglet on the piglet?

174
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,715
See? Uncle Carl said
you couldn't tell 'em apart.

175
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,759
Those are funny.
You have so many great ones.

176
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:49,696
Well, that's farm life. Rain or shine,
there's always a bumper crop of stories.

177
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,057
Yeah, I'm just saying maybe you
take punkin chunkin' out of the rotation.

178
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,492
I guess you're right.
Maybe I could...

179
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,478
Stick to the ones that really
happened. People love those.

180
00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,313
Excuse me, what?

181
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,625
I'm—I'm just saying people
laugh more at stories that are true.

182
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,233
Punkin chunkin' is a true story.

183
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,652
Truish?

184
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,528
No, true.

185
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,657
Really?
The length of a football field,

186
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:14,161
through the sunroof of a car that
was open in late November in Missouri?

187
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,496
It was unseasonably warm.

188
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,790
That explains the fog
rolling over the hill.

189
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:20,417
And who's Cody, who you're
close enough to chunk with,

190
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,836
but mysteriously only
appears in this story?

191
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,464
Cody was k.I.A. In desert storm.
He's a hero.

192
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:32,638
You know, all this from someone
who's never even chunked a punkin.

193
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,116
Well, I've never
iunked a tunkin either.

194
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,934
These aren't real things.

195
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,229
This'll work, right?
Totally, dad.

196
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:44,525
Why have one long table when you
can use four little ones, bistro style?

197
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,777
I bet this is how the French
do Thanksgiving.

198
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,822
You don't mind sittin' with your
uncle Mitch and, uh, grandpa, do you?

199
00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,199
Anything's better
than watching Lily chew.

200
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:56,286
By the way, this is the side of your
old man that Kenneth was talking about.

201
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,913
Original.

202
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,207
Imaginative.

203
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,461
Fearless.

204
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:09,299
So Kenneth became a gajillionaire by
asking himself, “what would Phil do?”

205
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,010
He sure did.

206
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:14,680
Where did that come from, right?

207
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:18,058
But you're you.
Why aren't we gajillionaires?

208
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,228
Why don't you do what
Phil would do? Um...

209
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,857
Phil, why didn't you just put
the extra leaves in the table?

210
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:27,526
Tryin' to have some fun.
Be creative.

211
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,361
One long table, honey.

212
00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:32,085
If it was good enough for the last
supper, it's good enough for us.

213
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,495
I'm having second thoughts
about this centerpiece.

214
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,289
Ay, no. Hear him out.

215
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,268
I just think if we bring it to Phil and
Claire's, we'll never see it again, right?

216
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,334
That's the plan.

217
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,462
Well, that'll be sad.

218
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:50,257
Except maybe my sadness will inspire
me to create something even greater.

219
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,819
Remember that collage I made
that helped us get through Katrina?

220
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:54,720
Mm-hmm. You did
this, you know that.

221
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:58,390
So, is this the legendary rice pilaf
we've been hearing about?

222
00:09:58,474 --> 00:10:00,017
Try for yourself.

223
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,270
I used to make it every year, but
it, uh, started to upstage the Turkey.

224
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:04,646
Hmm.

225
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:08,066
Something wrong? Not so
much wrong as... missing.

226
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,068
It just tastes a little flat.

227
00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:13,113
That a fact? I just think with
the earthiness of the rice,

228
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:15,491
you might want something
zesty to set it off.

229
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,242
I think this might be a job for cumin.

230
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,345
You know, since we're sharing
helpful criticisms— no, no, no.

231
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:22,206
Nobody's sharing anything.
Manny, go change for the party.

232
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,208
No, no, no, but I appreciate
helpful criticisms.

233
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,377
It's, uh— it's important for me
that I hear the truth.

234
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,506
Makes me stronger,
less of a mama's boy.

235
00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:32,257
Yeah, mom, he can take it.

236
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:36,887
That's what he says, but you don't
really know what he feels underneath.

237
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:40,557
Some people are so sensitive
that they hear one criticism...

238
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:44,728
And it kills the spark
that made them special.

239
00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:47,105
I think I know what's
going on here. Good.

240
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,858
- — This is about you and your mom, isn't it?
- Yes, it is.

241
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,236
No, it isn't. Yes, it is!

242
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,072
Manny, don't upset me anymore.
Go. Go change.

243
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,407
What should I wear?

244
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,451
Ay, you look good in everything.

245
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,416
Where you goin', mom?

246
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:10,337
I gotta run to the store.
Someone ate all the marshmallows.

247
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,256
Hey, can I tell you something?

248
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:16,218
I was thinking that maybe after new year's
break, we could visit a couple more colleges.

249
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,678
Seriously?

250
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,680
I was so hard on you before.
I'm sorry.

251
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:22,850
I know I'm no Kenneth. I'm gonna
need all the help that I can get.

252
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:26,687
Honey, I am so proud of you. Oh.

253
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,272
Oh, thank you. Mm-hmm.

254
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,024
What's this? Oh, okay.

255
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,211
What are you doing? — oh, uncle
Mitchell's picking up the marshmallows.

256
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:36,089
Then again, backpacking through
Europe could be educational in its own way.

257
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,656
No! No, no. No, no, no.

258
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,449
Do you know what's
illegal in Europe?

259
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,077
Nothing.
You're going to college.

260
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,287
Okay, fine.

261
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,330
Darn right, it's fine.

262
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,125
Piece of cake.

263
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,962
My hair's coming out!

264
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,966
Wow, honey. I think you
could make these simpler.

265
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,468
Just, you know, sort of do 'em
flat and on the side.

266
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,762
Hmm. Yeah, seems like
that's how you like me.

267
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,347
Flat and on the side.

268
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:05,142
You know what? Sometimes I
need to be puffed up and frilly.

269
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,495
Is this one of those moments
I'm gonna have to remember later...

270
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,313
When they ask me
if there were any signs?

271
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,064
This is what Phil would do.

272
00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:14,735
Make fantastic napkin origami
that startles and delights his guests.

273
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:17,779
I know. But, sweetie, they're just
looking a little...

274
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,866
Claire, you always do this.
You squelch me.

275
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,118
You squelch me right
when I'm about to soar.

276
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,745
Honey, you're folding napkins.

277
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,538
You're folding my dreams.

278
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:28,749
You know what Kenneth told me?

279
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,834
The secret to his success?

280
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,045
His whole career,
he's tried to emulate me.

281
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:37,341
The only difference is, he hasn't had someone
constantly telling him what not to do.

282
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:41,178
So the only reason we don't have
a blimp tethered to our mailbox...

283
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,972
Is because I'm always
shooting down your great ideas?

284
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,182
Yeah.

285
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,267
Let's review
the squelch pile, Phil.

286
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,686
Let's see.
The rice pudding franchise.

287
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,039
Works for all chewing abilities.

288
00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:52,397
Adult tricycles.

289
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:53,565
Just try to fall off.

290
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:54,733
The aspirin gun.

291
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,235
Some people have
a hard time swallowing.

292
00:12:57,319 --> 00:13:02,532
And you left one out. And that, my dear,
Claire, is a real head-scratcher, t.M.

293
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,036
Action.

294
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,790
Hey, friend.

295
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,959
You look like you had
a rough day at the office.

296
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:15,295
The stress from my job
at the robot assassin factory...

297
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:17,798
Is too much to take.

298
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:20,258
Aw, shoot me an aspirin, pal.

299
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:24,972
Maybe some day.
But until then, try this on for size.

300
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:28,350
The real head—scratcher features
32 patent-pending nogginizers...

301
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:32,396
That gently massage your scalp
in a soothing purr of motorized delight.

302
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,274
Ah. And it feels great.

303
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,568
And it looks good too.

304
00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,153
It's a real life—saver.

305
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,947
You mean a real head—scratcher?

306
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,202
T.m.

307
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,663
I love you, Phil, but you...

308
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,957
Stop. I love your “I love you.”

309
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,959
I'm gettin' awful tired of your “but.”

310
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,712
I heard it.

311
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:57,838
Tsk.

312
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,187
Welcome, welcome, welcome!

313
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,689
Happy Turkey day.

314
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,149
Hey, is that a new car? Yep.

315
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,776
- — It's the best, isn't it?
- I can't take my eyes off it.

316
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,278
You shouldn't either.

317
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,904
Are you okay, mam/1?

318
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:25,741
- I'm— I'm—
- Hey, guys!

319
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:28,160
Now the party's started.
Come on.

320
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,536
How are you? Good.

321
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,913
You disgust me. Are you hungry?

322
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,665
Oh, good,
it's still in one piece.

323
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,208
You hit those potholes
pretty hard.

324
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,045
It's like you didn't see 'em.
No, I saw 'em.

325
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,588
Can I be honest with you, Jay?

326
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,466
I'm getting the sense that you're
not the biggest fan of a/egr/a.

327
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,427
You got a name for it now.
Great. All right, cards on the table?

328
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,012
This is not your best work.

329
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:50,307
Now look, don't get me wrong.
You're a talented kid.

330
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,951
You're gonna be
a big success in the world.

331
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,144
But this—
It's a swing and a miss.

332
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,979
Well, but my mom said it was—
“it's great.”

333
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,315
Yeah, I know.
But how did she say it?

334
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,200
What do you mean?
There's a big difference...

335
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,487
Between “it's great” and
“it's great”— you hear that?

336
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,364
“It's great” and “it's great. ”

337
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:08,509
All I hear is a bunch of people
telling me I'm great.

338
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,888
And that's a problem, because a lot of times
people will lie to you to protect your feelings,

339
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,538
and that's not doin' you
any favors.

340
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,082
You get a lot farther in life...

341
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,834
If you know what you're good at
and what you're not.

342
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:20,462
Now, you can handle that, right?

343
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,881
Yeah. Of course you can.

344
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,424
How you doin', honey?

345
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:26,009
I'm great.

346
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,097
Okay, everybody, come on.
Two minutes till dinner. Get ready.

347
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,348
Sounds good. All righty!

348
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,367
Oh, wow, Manny.
What have you got there?

349
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,768
He made a centerpiece.

350
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,978
Oh. That's fantastic. Stunning.

351
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:38,480
It's garbage.

352
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,608
No, no, no! What are
you doing? It's so beautiful!

353
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,777
Stop the lies.
Jay told me the truth.

354
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,070
What did you say?

355
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,547
I mentioned it wasn't
his best effort.

356
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,073
He said it was
a swing and a miss.

357
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:51,576
Why? Why do you say these things,
Jay? It's like I married my mother!

358
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,930
- — Yeah, Jay, why would you do that?
- Because he's a pritchett.

359
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,373
But don't let these negative
nellies drag you down, Manny.

360
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,875
Because one day, you could
have a trillion-dollar idea...

361
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,877
That the people who supposedly
love you most...

362
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,131
Okay, Phil. That's it.
Go get the head-scratcher.

363
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,924
The real head—scratcher, t.M.?

364
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:09,761
Go get it, and let everybody else
decide how many trillions I've cost you.

365
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,388
Way ahead of you.

366
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,764
So what's goin' on here?

367
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:15,225
We are about to make hat history.

368
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,270
Or as I like to call it,
“hat-story.”

369
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:22,149
Early man had hours and hours
to scratch his weary head.

370
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:26,027
But what about
today's busy times?

371
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,197
Thank you, squire.
Great thing about this,

372
00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:31,658
you can wear it anywhere.

373
00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:34,870
Ifitn, buddy.

374
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,371
Ohh.

375
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:39,833
It's like a thousand tiny angels
are line dancing on my sca...

376
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,835
Aah.

377
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,589
Looks like we got a slight
malfunction in a rear nogginizer.

378
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,341
Ohh! Shut her down!
Shut her down, buddy!

379
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,677
It's not working, dad!
Myhmfl it's got my hair!

380
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,095
Okay!

381
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,014
Fine. I'm fine.

382
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,933
Forgot about that feature.
It's an exfoliating scrub.

383
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,685
Buddy, can you grab
the safety shears?

384
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,437
You know what, Phil? Keep it up.

385
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,189
And I admire you and Manny.

386
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:05,108
I know what it's like to stare
down skepticism from a loved one.

387
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,818
- — Cam, not now.
- Why not now?

388
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:09,362
It's Thanksgiving.
Families gather. Issues come up.

389
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,655
Only if you bring them up.

390
00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:12,866
It's healthy to get
things out in the open.

391
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,344
Y'all know my punkin chunkin' story
or do you need a refresher?

392
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,828
We've heard it.
Oh, several times.

393
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,706
I love it,
with Cody and the friends.

394
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,291
Yes. So you know how it ends.

395
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,336
But the question is,
who here thinks I made that up?

396
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,171
Oh.

397
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:29,591
Oh, well. Doesn't that tell
the whole story right there?

398
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,509
Here we have the skeptics.

399
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:34,387
The dream squashers.
The pritchetts.

400
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:38,225
And here we have the dreamers,
the artists, the visionaries.

401
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,060
Sweet Caroline!

402
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:44,981
So we're supposed to believe that you
make a pumpkin fly across a football field?

403
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,126
I can prove it right now.
Let's go to the football field.

404
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,420
Yes, let's do it. I'd love to
end this. Let's settle this.

405
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,404
Dreamers versus pritchetts.
Yeah!

406
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,406
Let's go! Oh, no, no, no, no!

407
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,659
No, no, no!

408
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,745
I did not just cook
for eight hours...

409
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,998
So you people could run off
to prove some asinine point...

410
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,917
That's only gonna make
half of us feel bad.

411
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,962
Come on! Show a little respect.

412
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,425
Turkey smells great, sweetheart.

413
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:15,595
Is that Turkey? Because
something smells like chicken.

414
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,889
Okayjefsseflbthb. Yeah.

415
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:21,017
/I/amos/ / I/amos! Jay, ldnve!

416
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,770
This is the coolest thing ever.

417
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,355
Okay, I want to film.

418
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,940
Ay, no, wait.
I want to be in it.

419
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,751
Hey, cam, are you sure
this is going to work?

420
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,027
Oh, god, you sound
just like Cody.

421
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,821
Do you think this
could launch a human?

422
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,489
Oh, Luke.

423
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,449
Let's do the pumpkin first.
Okay.

424
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,744
They're havin' fun over there,
but you know it's gonna end in tears.

425
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,706
Yeah, always does. Knock,
knock. Who's there? Physics.

426
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,291
Thank you. Mm-hmm.

427
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:46,852
Who's gonna be able to
launch it? I think it should be cam.

428
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,379
No, I think it should be
all of us! All of us! All of us!

429
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:50,839
Yeah! Yeah!

430
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:54,259
For the record, I don't
squash all of Phil's dreams.

431
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,382
Just the ones that are,
you know, potentially fatal.

432
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,305
I'm just trying to get
the kid ready for life.

433
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:01,224
Yeah, if we didn't do this
to them, the world would.

434
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,560
Okay, everybody
in final launching positions?

435
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,603
Get ready to eat some crow!

436
00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,605
It is not as delicious
as it sounds.

437
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,735
Okay. /un0, dos, fres!

438
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,737
Three! Yeah!

439
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,200
What happened, cam? I-I
don't know. I-I don't know.

440
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,869
Can we do it again?

441
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:23,788
No. We only had one punkin
and we just chunk it.

442
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,083
Well, we were right.
Oh, my. Yeah.

443
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,337
I'm sorry, guys.

444
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,672
This usually feels
a little better, doesn't it?

445
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,341
Yeah. Uh-huh.

446
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,884
All right, I hate to admit it,

447
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,687
but when they put the pumpkin in,
I was kind of hoping it would work.

448
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:40,597
Yeah. Me too.

449
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,015
Huh ahhgm.

450
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,683
Let the gloating begin.

451
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,477
You know,
it was a pretty good try.

452
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,270
We don't need your pity.

453
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,064
Let's just get this stuff cleaned up.

454
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,190
Yeah.

455
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:53,693
Oh— well, or if maybe we, um...

456
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,779
We launch it
from a steeper angle.

457
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,549
Maybe if you had somebody
else, you know, helping you pull the thing.

458
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:01,242
We don't have any more
pumpkins. That's the easy part.

459
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:03,995
They're on every porch
up and down the block.

460
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,455
We can handle that.
Come on, kid.

461
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:06,873
Come on. Let's try one. Okay.

462
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,166
All right. All right!

463
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,502
I say “punkin,”
gang says “chunkin'!”

464
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:14,339
There are dreamers
and there are real/sis in this world.

465
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,466
You'd think the dreamers
would find the dreamers...

466
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,149
And the realists
would find the realists,

467
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:21,554
but more often than not,
the opposite is true.

468
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,919
Maybe if this works, we should
launch my centerpiece next.

469
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,183
It wasn't that bad.

470
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:26,976
Your rice pilaf was.

471
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,561
Ready. Straight back.

472
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:30,438
Be careful.

473
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,857
All right. Okay.

474
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,859
Come on, keep going! Keep going!

475
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,298
You see, the dreamers
need the realists...

476
00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,408
To keep them from soaring
too close to the sun.

477
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,868
And the realists?

478
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,121
Well, without the dreamers,

479
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,206
they m/ght not ever
get off the ground.

480
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:56,047
Next one's going through
the— the goal thingy. I can feel it.

481
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,761
Now, when lorna,
Cody and I did this...

482
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:03,263
Less talkin', more chunkin'.

483
00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,157
Mom, I need to tell you
something. What is it?

484
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,182
Ready?

485
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,946
I distracted Haley
while she was driving...

486
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,145
- — And we dented your car.
- Fire!

487
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,316
Ohh!

488
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,901
Yeah!

489
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:19,195
Well, girls,

490
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,906
three more seconds, and you
would've gotten away with it.

491
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,408
Mmm. Mmm.

492
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,201
Now a human?

493
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,370
Comehem, uw. Luke, no.

494
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,293
English - us - psdh