1
00:00:02,879 --> 00:00:04,463
Did you see it?

2
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:05,798
Does she know?

3
00:00:05,882 --> 00:00:08,467
This is the last thing
she needs today.

4
00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:10,178
No!

5
00:00:10,303 --> 00:00:13,031
Busy day at the Dunphy compound. We
have a wedding tonight, and this afternoon,

6
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,975
Claire is debating Duane Bailey
in the race for town council.

7
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:20,271
And now the weekly saver says
that some voters find Claire,

8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,649
quote, “angry and unlikable.”

9
00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:26,986
To those voters I say,
wait till she sees this.

10
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:29,822
No one can mention it to her.

11
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:33,492
We can't have some unscientific
poll shaking Claire's confidence.

12
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,369
Phil. What poll?

13
00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:36,954
Too late. She knows.

14
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:39,707
- Who told her?
- What is this, a witch hunt?

15
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,751
Oh, my god.

16
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,544
I have to go.

17
00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:45,880
Well, I just don't think
it's a big deal.

18
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,840
I mean, how many people
read the weekly...

19
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,800
Saver? Sal/er anyway?

20
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,928
22,000—ish.

21
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,347
My company advert...

22
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:57,141
Used to advertise
with that newspaper.

23
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,894
And how am I angry and unlikable?

24
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,145
Can I take this one?

25
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,022
I wouldn't. You seem angry now.

26
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,732
I am angry— at that poll.

27
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,401
I think it's the yelling.
I would tone down the yelling.

28
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,111
Honey, I don't yell
for no reason.

29
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,656
You yelled at my teacher
for calling me special.

30
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,824
Honey, that was not
a compliment.

31
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,993
Sweetheart,
you're not unlikable.

32
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,161
Thank you.

33
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,372
You just seem unlikable.
But if we work on it,

34
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,165
it's totally fixable. How? How?

35
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,917
Phil, how are we gonna
work on it?

36
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:24,919
First of all, lose the
snippy attitude. Mm-hmm.

37
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,939
Then, I don't know, maybe
we could have a mock debate.

38
00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:29,757
Oh, good idea. That way mom can
rehearse her views on the issues.

39
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,653
Yeah, and we can point out all the little
things she does that turn people off.

40
00:01:32,677 --> 00:01:35,304
Like that look.
I would lose that look.

41
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,268
Spooky, but better.

42
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,020
,/' hey, heyj

43
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,106
,/' hey, heyj

44
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,233
,/' hey, heyj

45
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:49,151
,/' hey, heyj

46
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,403
j“ hey if

47
00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,865
All right. Thank you very much.

48
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:57,785
Hey, Lily. Come here, honey.

49
00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,246
Hi. Do you know what this is?

50
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,248
A box. Containing?

51
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:05,811
She doesn't know “containing.” well, that's
how she learns new words— by us using them.

52
00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:09,714
Or that's how we lower her self—esteem— by
bombarding her with confusing vocabulary.

53
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,590
What's the box containing?

54
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:14,385
Told you. Okay. It's your dress.

55
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,679
It's finally here. Ah!

56
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:19,974
It's every little girl's dream
to be a flower girl in a wedding.

57
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,767
It's Lily's chance to shine.

58
00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,894
I was a three—time ring bearer.

59
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:26,480
It's Lily's chance to shine.

60
00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:29,442
Oh!

61
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:30,818
Pretty.

62
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,194
Oh, no. Cam, cam.

63
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,656
She's gonna look like little
Bo peep. Or little Bo cheap.

64
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,575
Look at this fabric.
It's already pilling.

65
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,118
Maybe it'll look better on.

66
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,120
You mean... turned on?

67
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:43,539
No, it does not. Cam! Oh!

68
00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,624
I love it! — No, you don't.

69
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:48,085
Oh, my gosh. Are we really
gonna let her wear this?

70
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,355
You know what? If the bride
wants to have a tacky wedding,

71
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,630
she can have a tacky wedding.

72
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:53,316
Lily will be the
bright spot. Literally.

73
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,051
Heard it as soon as I said it.

74
00:02:55,134 --> 00:02:57,678
Stella!

75
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,098
Where's my good girl?

76
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,602
Gloria, is Stella up there?

77
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,937
No. But I am.

78
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,732
Why don't you say hello
to your wife when you come home?

79
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,651
Well, why don't you greet me
at the door, wagging your tail?

80
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,279
Stella, honey, where are you?

81
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,364
Stella!

82
00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,909
My baby!

83
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411
Stella, I'm coming. I'm coming.

84
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,919
Okay? You okay?

85
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,755
Why are you
swimming in your clothes?

86
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:36,300
Because I'm self—conscious
about my body. Stella fell in the pool.

87
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:40,137
It's my fault. I let her out, and then
I got caught up in my couponing.

88
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:43,265
Any coupons for swim lessons?
'Cause Stella needs some.

89
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:46,852
Seriously. Manny you teach to
swim by throwing him in the pool,

90
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,313
but the dog
gets swimming lessons?

91
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,982
I gotta say, it was
unpleasant but effective.

92
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,461
We have to teach Stella how to
swim, othennise she could drown.

93
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,737
Why don't you teach her
not to jump in the pool?

94
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,781
She didn'tjump in the pool.
She fell in the pool.

95
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,826
Why suddenly would she jump in the
pool when she doesn't know how to swim?

96
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,953
Why does she bark at the vacuum?

97
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:06,539
It's a thing. It's never
going to play with you.

98
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,707
Are you saying
that Stella is stupid?

99
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:11,877
Are you covering her ears?
Let's have a little compassion.

100
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,797
She's probably still traumatized
from her near-death experience.

101
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,675
Again? What's happening?

102
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,760
[A y, no!

103
00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:23,472
Welcome, candidates. Mrs.
Dunphy. Thank you for having me.

104
00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:26,058
- And councilman Bailey.
- Gosh, thank you so much, Alex.

105
00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:28,769
I'm deeply honored to be here,
and I remain, as ever,

106
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:31,814
a humble servant to the greatest
little town in the greatest darn...

107
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,275
Eye rolling.

108
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,068
Playful eye rolling.

109
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:39,280
Uh, how do we, as voters,
know it's playful? I would avoid it.

110
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:42,074
Okay. No eye rolling.

111
00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:44,428
And don't purse your lips like
that. It makes you look annoyed.

112
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,494
Mm-hmm.

113
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:49,516
And don't touch your face. Yeah,
no face touching. Seems nervous.

114
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,000
Some of this is subjective.

115
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,836
- What? What now?
- Finger.

116
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,046
It looks like you're scolding us.

117
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,798
I will keep my hands
at my sides.

118
00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,050
Not on your hips. You're
not Superman.

119
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:02,056
Can we get
started? We haven't started?

120
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,889
- — I've prepared some questions.
- Oh, goody. Actual questions.

121
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,766
Honk. Sarcasm. Just go.

122
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:11,520
Okay, Mrs. Dunphy, why are
you running for local office?

123
00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:13,439
Okay, that's, um— that's good.

124
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,486
Mom, you really shouldn't stutter
over a basic question like that.

125
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,321
You should at least
know why you're running.

126
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:22,466
I thought the moderator
was supposed to be objective.

127
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,659
Not if she's the only one in the room
who has actual debate experience.

128
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:29,205
- Now, why are you running?
- I saw the need for a stop sign...

129
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,123
Liar! Phil.

130
00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:33,959
I just think you should
be ready for anything.

131
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,794
I saw the need for a...

132
00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:38,255
- What?
- Sorry. Accidental buzz.

133
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,299
I saw the need for a stop
sign in my neighborhood,

134
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,426
and although I collected
the necessary signatures...

135
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:45,390
And did the papennork, I found local
government to be entirely unhelpful.

136
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,890
What? Too long. I'm bored.

137
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,392
Yeah, next question.
I feel like I'm in school.

138
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:54,063
Some say the political system
is bogged down...

139
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:57,608
By ideological hard—liners unwilling
to compromise. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

140
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,986
How would you respond to that,
councilman Bailey?

141
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,323
I would like to use my lifeline.

142
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,825
I'll take this. If elected,

143
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,827
I would consider
all perspectives,

144
00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:11,539
and I would not ignore
opposing viewpoints.

145
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:14,625
Helicopter. Just keep going.

146
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,961
I would consider all
perspectives, and I wouldn't...

147
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,587
- — You suck!
- Luke!

148
00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:21,090
- — You have to be ready for hecklers.
- He's right.

149
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,676
Mmm. Okay, I'm
doing over. No buzzing.

150
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,511
If elected, I...

151
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,347
What? Too close to the Mike.

152
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:31,016
Phil, it's a hairbrush. Okay.

153
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:36,230
If elected, I would
consider all opinions...

154
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:38,232
And not ignore those
of the opposition,

155
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,943
as councilman Bailey
has done for six terms.

156
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,028
What? That was a great answer.

157
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:47,491
Well, I couldn't hear it because you were
showing me the bad side of your face, so...

158
00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,702
I have a bad side?
Yeah, the left.

159
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,865
- — No, it's the right.
- Dad, it's totally the left.

160
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,933
I mean, look at it. — sweetheart, why
do you think I chose my side of the bed?

161
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:56,557
Okay, okay. Thank you.
Thank you, family.

162
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,210
This has been
super-duper helpful.

163
00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:00,004
Hands, lips, sarcasm,

164
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,714
eye rolling,
wrong side of the face.

165
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,675
Oh, yeah. Now I see it.

166
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,260
Yeah.

167
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,930
She's ready.

168
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:14,893
And it's this, and it's this.

169
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:18,022
Not this, but this.

170
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,815
Okay. Okay, that's good, cam.

171
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,234
Save— save some
petals for Lily, all right?

172
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,212
Let's do it over here,
sweetheart. Try, honey. Okay.

173
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,697
There you go. Like you're
coming down the aisle! Yeah, yeah.

174
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,324
Okay.

175
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,576
Not too many at once.
You're doing great, lil.

176
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,620
Oh, she is, isn't she?
Forget the bride.

177
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,538
All the eyes
are gonna be on her.

178
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,415
Oh...

179
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,473
Icannotbeheve
youlaughed! Iantsony.

180
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,768
But you know I have two weaknesses:
Children cursing and old people rapping.

181
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:58,604
No. Cam, we have to
tell her it's a bad word.

182
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,398
That just gives it more power.
The less we make of it, the better.

183
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,359
Let's just pretend
like it never happened.

184
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,194
Okay, well, maybe it—
Maybe it didn't.

185
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,321
Maybe we— maybe
we misheard. Yeah.

186
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,281
Maybe she said “truck”...

187
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:10,741
Or— or “duck.”

188
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,535
Or “luck.”
she could've said “yuck.”

189
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,496
Daddy, can I have
some ice cream?

190
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,956
No, honey, if you're hungry,
you can have some fruit.

191
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,542
Fruit...

192
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,503
Oh, god!

193
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,255
I have two children.

194
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,555
Phil. Phil, is this televised?

195
00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,016
I didn't tell you because I
didn't want to make you nervous.

196
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,079
Great plan. Really. Good plan, throwing
me for a curveball at the last minute.

197
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,146
Mom, chill. It's just
public access. Mm-hmm.

198
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:44,525
My debate team's on public access, and
the only people who watch me are you guys.

199
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,778
Yep, all the time.
So maybe nobody'll see this?

200
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,489
No, we want people to see
this. That's how you win elections.

201
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,116
That's the whole point.

202
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,828
Then mom should do something
so crazy and stupid it goes viral.

203
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:59,957
Mom, please don't go viral. — okay, I'll
add that to my list of things not to do.

204
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,167
Don't touch my face,
don't roll my eyes,

205
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:05,087
don't point my fingers,
and definitely don't go viral.

206
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,880
Do any of you
still believe in me?

207
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,882
Of course we do.
We're on your side.

208
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:11,218
The right side, not the left.

209
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,137
Let's grab a seat.

210
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,888
Here we go.

211
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:18,308
- Right. Not left.
- Okay. Mom, just be confident.

212
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:22,438
Based on what? I just lost a debate in my
living room, and people think I'm unlikable.

213
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:25,733
That's just the word men use for powerful
women because they feel threatened.

214
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:29,570
So just forget everything else
and be proud and powerful.

215
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,781
How did you get so smart? — I've
always assumed adoption or baby switch.

216
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:35,159
- Mmm.
- Hey, hey. No kisses.

217
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,744
- — Proud and powerful.
- Sorry.

218
00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:39,913
And no apologizing. Yes.
Shut up and get in there.

219
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,498
That's more like it. Uh-huh.

220
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,751
Yeah.

221
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,419
Oh, god.

222
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,882
- There she is. Go get 'em, Claire.
- Hi. Thanks.

223
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:52,565
Don't worry, we're going to cheer
for you, no matter what you say.

224
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,387
Oh, good. More support
from my loving family.

225
00:09:55,471 --> 00:09:58,682
Honk. Sarcasm.
Why'd you bring Stella?

226
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,934
She keeps getting out
and jumping in the pool.

227
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,246
We don't want to take any
chances, because she can't swim.

228
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,272
Then why does she keep
jumping in the pool?

229
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:08,484
I've been thinking about it. I got
a theory. She might be suicidal.

230
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,486
What? That's crazy.

231
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:13,822
There's “not” such thing
as doggy suicide.

232
00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:17,868
Hi. Duane Bailey. Uh, sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.

233
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,661
In addition to being
a public servant,

234
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,498
I'm also an award-winning
breeder of puggles.

235
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,750
I won the puggly— twice.

236
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,961
And I'm afraid that doggy
suicide is all too real.

237
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,714
It's just the mainstream
media doesn't report on it...

238
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:33,300
'Cause it's not as sexy
as feline aids.

239
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,136
Stella is not suicidal.
She's just stupid.

240
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,180
Well, that might be
part of your problem.

241
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,766
She senses you don't
like her. You have no idea.

242
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,769
This one's been against this
little angel from the very beginning.

243
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:47,147
Yeah, well, dogs pick up on that.
You know, they're very sensitive.

244
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:51,068
I like to call them, um—
Bottomless pits of need.

245
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,463
But not to their face though.
That would just destroy them.

246
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:56,073
- — Not you.
- So now this is my fault?

247
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,636
I think he knows what he's talking
about. The man won a puggly.

248
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,327
Two. I won two— we're done here.

249
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,663
In two thousand— yeah.

250
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,457
Do you have any idea
what station this is on?

251
00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,167
Oh, here, I'll look online.

252
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:10,012
It's a Webcast? That would have
been helpful to know 900 channels ago.

253
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,839
No, it's on public access
or something.

254
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,715
I want to watch aunt Claire.

255
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:16,069
Okay. Well, first, honey, we
need to talk about something.

256
00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:17,928
It's about that word
you said this morning.

257
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,098
- What word? — you know,
the one that starts with 'f

258
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,976
flower? No.

259
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,602
Fruit? No.

260
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,664
If she doesn't remember it,
we shouldn't remind her.

261
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,565
Oh, well, she said it
three times.

262
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,191
Oh, you mean...

263
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,944
Cam, leave the room.

264
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,823
No. I can do this.

265
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,367
Lily, that is a bad word.
— Bad word.

266
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,744
And you are not allowed
to say it ever.

267
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,831
But it makes you laugh. — okay,
well, daddy shouldn't be laughing,

268
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,166
and you should never
say that word.

269
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:51,336
- — Do you understand?
- Maybe.

270
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:53,755
Okay, this is not a game,
all right?

271
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:57,175
If you say that word one more time, I'm
gonna take away all your toys. I'm serious.

272
00:11:57,301 --> 00:12:00,178
She knows I'm not serious.
What about the wedding?

273
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:02,848
What if she says it there?
She's like a ticking time bomb.

274
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,767
- — What are we gonna do? Cancel?
- Yes. Maybe we just call and say...

275
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:08,288
We're not going to any more
weddings until the gays can get married.

276
00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:09,897
Oh, so now we're political.

277
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:13,317
We leave town on gay pride weekend
because we don't like the traffic.

278
00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:22,492
But there's no substitute
for experience.

279
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,203
For example, I doubt
my opponent is familiar with...

280
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,706
Town ordinance 26-12b.

281
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:30,334
26-12b has to do
with noise pollution,

282
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,878
something, sir, that
you are guilty of right now.

283
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,882
Oh, no, she didn't! Go, mom!

284
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,776
Ladies and
gentlemen— - look at her eyes.

285
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,304
I know. They're a little too close
together. It's been bugging me for years.

286
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,681
No. She's in the zone.
She's ready for anything.

287
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:47,351
I do like to talk—
About the issues.

288
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:51,855
Uh, speaking of issues, your
husband seems to have some. Hmm.

289
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,273
I'm sorry?

290
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,275
Am not sorry.

291
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:56,860
- What?
- Oh.

292
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,988
Well, I wouldn't want to bring
it up, but since you ask, um,

293
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,949
in February of last year,
your husband,

294
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,201
one, uh, Phillip Dunphy,

295
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,411
was questioned
at a local hotel...

296
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:09,414
For lewd and lascivious conduct.

297
00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,832
Oh, geez.

298
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,835
That's not true. Ma'am,
according to this police report,

299
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,713
he, uh, broke into
a stranger's room,

300
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:21,134
stripped naked and then
posed provocatively on the bed.

301
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,306
That is technically true.

302
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:29,393
But in all fairness,
it was Valentine's day.

303
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,020
Oh, oh. I'm— I'm so
sorry. It was Valentine's day.

304
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:36,858
I'm not sure if your husband was born in this
country— perhaps he snuck in illegally...

305
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,612
But here in america, we celebrate
Valentine's day with chocolates,

306
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,864
not our private par/1's. Mmm.

307
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,703
This is my new
favorite show. Shh!

308
00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:50,455
No, sir. He was looking
for me, his wife,

309
00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:52,416
and he walked into
the wrong room.

310
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,293
If you believe that, I have some
talking puggles I'd like to sell you.

311
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:57,838
Do you believe this?

312
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,798
Talking dogs? I'm skeptical.

313
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:02,121
I won the puggly—
Twice. Be strong.

314
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,762
I am glad that my opponent
brought this up,

315
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:10,642
as I feel that it speaks to
his character more than mine.

316
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,562
I think that we should
raise the level of discourse...

317
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,148
And get back to the issues
that the voters really care about.

318
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:18,775
When he was naked,
what were you wearing?

319
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,861
I don't think that's relevant.

320
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:26,491
- — Are you sex freaks?
- My personal life has nothing to do with this.

321
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:28,160
Uh...

322
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,245
My opponent
has brought this up...

323
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,664
To distract from his own record,

324
00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:34,916
which shows that
in— in six years,

325
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,669
he has achieved nothing more
than writing one ordinance...

326
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:41,006
That allows private parties
to have more than eight dogs.

327
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:44,134
- Hmm. Hmm.
- It's like watching the h/ndenburg.

328
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,362
It's the most horrible thing
I've ever seen in my life.

329
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,472
Excuse me. Stand by.

330
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,349
I am Phil Dunphy,
and I am not a pervert.

331
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:56,063
I, like a lot of men
in this town,

332
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,106
enjoy making love to my wife.

333
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,277
I mean, uh—
I mean with their wives.

334
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,529
Not me. Them.

335
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:08,742
Look. I should probably just sit
down and say nothing, but it's too late.

336
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,369
I am standing,
and I'm obviously talking,

337
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:14,539
and now you're looking at me,
and I feel the need to keep going.

338
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:19,753
First
of all, no charges were filed.

339
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,964
Everyone had a good laugh—
About the situation.

340
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:26,093
Not— not about me.
Everything's fine down there.

341
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:27,803
Anyhoo.

342
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,222
Where were we?

343
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,390
All over YouTube.

344
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:36,311
We went viral.
Some sick bastard auto-tuned me.

345
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:39,606
, /' /, like a
ioz' of men in this town, /'

346
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,776
j“ / enjoy making io ve
to my wife— wife, /'

347
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,219
,/', r [ Breathing rh ythmica/iy j

348
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,946
,/' Andi don't know
how to stop, /'

349
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,948
,/', r [ Breathing rh ythmica/iy j

350
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,033
,/' / am a pervert
pervert per—, /', /'

351
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:55,413
Jay, Manny, we should have
been there already.

352
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,916
I jay} Gloria, I'm tying my tie!

353
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,001
I'm accessorizing.

354
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,462
And I thought I was the woman.

355
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,760
The door!

356
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:11,221
Ray/ Stella, no, no!

357
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,682
Lay, no, no!
Stella, don't do it.

358
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:18,145
Don't kill yourself. You are a
perfectly fine dog. I don't hate you.

359
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:22,107
Stella, okay, I was a little mean to
you, but that's no reason to kill yourself.

360
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:26,069
You are young. You still
have so much left to smell.

361
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,157
I-I go! I'm coming!

362
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,284
I'm— Manny!

363
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,744
Lay./ come on, Stella!

364
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,664
What happened? Are you okay?

365
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,499
She did it again.

366
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,459
And you jumped in to save her.

367
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:44,796
No, Jay. I wanted to take a little
swim before going to the wedding.

368
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,965
Get her a towel.
She's shaking like a leaf.

369
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,098
Oh, no, no. I meant— I meant...

370
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:58,518
Thank you, Jay.
The dog towel for me.

371
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:01,062
For the wife.

372
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,649
J'j'

373
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,110
- Hi.
- Hey, guys. Hi.

374
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,795
Hi. Hey, what's
shakin'? What's cookin'?

375
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,780
You saw the debate, didn't you?

376
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,282
The de—what? No, that wasn't...

377
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,784
Was that on today? That was
today. Oh, I didn't remember.

378
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,620
You are the worst liars.

379
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,246
It was phenomenal television.

380
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:19,748
Oh, Lily.

381
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,500
What a... dress.

382
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,629
Oh, well.
You ain't seen nothin' yet.

383
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,465
How 'bout there?

384
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,675
- Wow.
- Yikes.

385
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,261
- — She looks like a lite-brite.
- Luke, honey.

386
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,345
Lily, sweetie, are you
excited to be a flower girl?

387
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,308
Yeah? You a little bit nervous?

388
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,976
Yeah?

389
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,479
Why isn't she talking to me?
Did she see the debate too?

390
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,689
Nope, she's on verbal lockdown.
Oh.

391
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,067
She's been dropping
a certain curse word all day.

392
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:50,310
Yeah. Yeah, so we're just hoping the
next one doesn't happen during the wedding.

393
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:53,762
If it does, it'll be the second most
embarrassing thing to happen to our family today.

394
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,700
Phil, you said
it wasn't that bad.

395
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,412
That was in the car. We're
in a church now. Honey.

396
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,998
Somebody turn her off.
I think I'm having a seizure.

397
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,833
Oh, buddy. Oh. Yeah.

398
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,338
Oh, good. I thought that
we were going to miss Lily.

399
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,174
Ships at sea wouldn't miss
Lily. Where have you guys been?

400
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:14,219
I had to jump in the pool
to save that stupid dog.

401
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,845
Who she loves.

402
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,765
That I didn't let her drown
doesn't mean that I love her.

403
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:22,727
I barely got Manny back in the
pool after that possum incident.

404
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:26,147
I thought it drowned, but turns
out it was just playing possum.

405
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,941
Yes, pap/I

406
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,584
J'j'

407
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:40,704
Good job.

408
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,673
You know what
the worst part of today was?

409
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,425
I imagine it's hard to choose.

410
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:55,093
When everything
was melting down,

411
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:58,847
I realized I had an answer to
your question— why I was running.

412
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:02,809
I wanted to make my family
proud, and I did the exact opposite.

413
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,979
No. No, I did. I totally
embarrassed you.

414
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,565
No.no, dad embarrassed me.

415
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,608
I was proud of you.

416
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,652
I think it's cool you're
running for local office.

417
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:16,281
I mean, it's totally nerdy,
and that's kind of my thing.

418
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,616
Mmm. Maybe
it's kind of our thing.

419
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,245
J'j'

420
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:30,754
Someday I'll
walk you down the aisle.

421
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,922
If you're not in pervjail.

422
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,010
Please be seated.

423
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,055
W

424
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,932
Friends, family, thank you for...

425
00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:46,436
Really? Well, you
know I cry at weddings.

426
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,229
Oh, no. What?

427
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,733
Stop. Stop crying. Just because you have
ice water in your veins doesn't mean...

428
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,485
No, no, Lily.

429
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,236
No, Lily. He's fine.

430
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:58,073
Daddy's not sad. Daddy, daddy.

431
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,046
See? I told you it was funny.

432
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,648
There, that oughta do it.

433
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,484
Go on, you little motorboat.

434
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,903
Ah, look at her go.

435
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,572
Where's she goin'? Ah, geez.

436
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,967
I think she's tryin' to get
herself sucked into the filter.

437
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,493
What'd you say to her?

438
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,203
I didn't say anything.

439
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,871
Wait a second.

440
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,373
Jay, look!

441
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,041
See?

442
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,377
She was not trying
to kill herself.

443
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,296
She was just trying to get
to the squeaky wiener.

444
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,816
That must be why
she's been jumping in.

445
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,217
It must have been there
all the time. That's hilarious.

446
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,802
La y, si.

447
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,346
No, it's not! Not now.

448
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,223
I'm saying it will be.

449
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:06,891
Later.

450
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,358
English - us - psdh