1
00:00:04,589 --> 00:00:06,632
Whoa. What's all this?

2
00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:09,010
- — Mom heard us say we were bored.
- Suckers.

3
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:11,304
She heard us from outside.

4
00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:13,639
She has super good hearing,
like a seeing eye dog.

5
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:16,934
They have overdeveloped hearing
to make up for the fact...

6
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,686
Wait. The dogs aren't blind.

7
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,271
Wait. Are they?

8
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,733
No, that wouldn't make sense.

9
00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:26,444
You're right. If I wait long enough,
she can get there by herself.

10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,987
[Cell phone rings]

11
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:30,406
Quick, girls. Famous
Danny from moonstruck.

12
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,949
[Beeps] Lheho.

13
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,576
Hey, phm I'm glad I caught ya.

14
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:34,702
What's up 7

15
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:36,537
uh, it's about
Steven and Stefan.

16
00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,414
They want to see that house
on br/ar again.

17
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,017
Really? I showed it to 'em five times.

18
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,922
Last time we were there,
I think they got mail.

19
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,146
Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling.
They hate upsetting people.

20
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,671
Unless, of course, it's me.

21
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:48,192
Then they don't mind waking me
at 7:00 am, asking me to call you.

22
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,176
It's no problem.
I'm just hanging around.

23
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,928
- Kind of bored, really.
- [ Both gasp ]

24
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,513
What? [ Gasps ]

25
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,641
Well, we did
our good deed for the day.

26
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,935
Yeah, for the enemy.
Don't they have enough?

27
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:02,230
It's been about a year since
we decided to adopt a boy.

28
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:05,816
Meanwhile, our friends Steven and
Stefan decided that they wanted a baby too.

29
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,419
[ Muttering ] Wonder
where they got that idea.

30
00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:10,029
Well, we're still waiting,
but they already got their kid,

31
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,781
because they went through
a surrogate.

32
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,491
Which is all they talk about.

33
00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,868
Are you gonna keep doing that?
I might.

34
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:21,707
I have to go show a house. But first, what was
Elton John's sexual orientation in the '70s?

35
00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,000
[ Together] Bi.

36
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,103
- — You've done that one before.
- And it never gets old.

37
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,421
Like the good
captain fantastic himself.

38
00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:31,109
Hey, Claire, guess what? I'm
sorry, honey, I can't talk right now.

39
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:34,238
I told bethenny I would take her to the airport.
I'm late, and she's gonna miss her flight.

40
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,180
Where are my keys?
Why is that chair still here?

41
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,450
I thought you and Luke were
gonna put it out on the sidewalk.

42
00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:41,102
So you can't talk,
unless it's about my chores.

43
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,521
Why don't you just do it now
and you won't be so bored.

44
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:47,233
You heard that?
I hear everything.

45
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,528
[ Items clattering ]
[ Doorbell rings]

46
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,488
That's for me.

47
00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,449
Hey, Leon. Nice buzz cut.

48
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:58,244
Yeah, for some people,
the shampoo doesn't work.

49
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,830
It only makes the lice angry.

50
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,832
Nice to see you.

51
00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:05,251
Oh, no. No. Oh, god.

52
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:08,629
Um, Alex, do not move.
Haley, clean this up, okay?

53
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:10,339
Who fills a vase with marbles?

54
00:02:10,423 --> 00:02:12,925
Who doesn't see a vase
filled with marbles?

55
00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:14,569
Who wants to hear
a bunch of plates crashing?

56
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:17,138
Phil! Honey, the girls
need you in the kitchen.

57
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,932
Thanks for the hat, Leon.
Kind of tickles.

58
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:21,726
Phil!

59
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,312
[ Luke ] How much electricity
do we need to bring this back?

60
00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:27,398
It's not rocket science. We're
only reanimating a squirrel.

61
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,692
Phil! Now!

62
00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:32,278
,/' hey, heyj

63
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,405
,/' hey, heyj

64
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,490
,/' hey, heyj

65
00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,451
,/' hey, heyj

66
00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:39,702
j“ hey if

67
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,707
sounds great. No, hang on.

68
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,292
Gloria, where's Manny?

69
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,615
Some neighborhood kids have
invited him to play football.

70
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,130
He said he was taking
his morning constitutional.

71
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:53,674
He's workin' on his go—kart,
but he'll be there.

72
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:55,551
Okay, see you then. [Beeps]

73
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,346
No, Manny cannot
go and play with those boys.

74
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:01,223
Margo is trying to get us
theater tickets for this afternoon.

75
00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:02,933
Gloria, you and Manny
do enough together.

76
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,894
Let's let him decide.
Where's he walking?

77
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:07,605
I don't know. But according to
the song he was singing,

78
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,732
he was going to
the sunny side of the street.

79
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,194
I cannot express to you enough
how bad this kid needs football.

80
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,612
Mom, look what I found!

81
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,655
Number 99!

82
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:19,241
When Manny was five,
we didn't have much,

83
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:20,826
we were on oui" owfl,

84
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,953
so we always dreamed
of winning the lottery.

85
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:26,165
We figured if we collected
100 lucky heads-up pennies...

86
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,501
And bought a ticket with them,
we couldn't lose.

87
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:32,505
But now, I have a wonderful
husband, a beautiful home.

88
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,049
I feel like I already
won the lottery.

89
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,301
So I can keep whatever we win?

90
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,012
I think no.
I found most of them.

91
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:42,431
[ Scoffs ]

92
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:44,475
Can you put this in the jar
with the others?

93
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,227
Sl'.

94
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,146
Ay, I forgot. What is the
combination to your safe?

95
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:52,191
Uh— I'll just come with you.

96
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:55,236
Oh, yes, 'cause that's how this
arrangement works. I take money from you.

97
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,446
[ Phone rings]

98
00:03:58,114 --> 00:04:00,074
[ Beeps ] Hello.

99
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,535
Oh, hi, margo. No, no,
she just ran upstairs.

100
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,620
Listen, about these
theater tickets.

101
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:08,207
Don't knock yourself out
tryin' to— oh, you did.

102
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,001
Well, sorry to do this last minute,
but they can't go.

103
00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:13,105
No, Manny has a football
game, so— [ Kettle whistling ]

104
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:16,173
[ Manny]
Jay, could you steep my tea?

105
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:21,220
I cannot express to you enough
how much this kid needs football.

106
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:25,891
And that is the whole
house. Again. [ Chuckles ]

107
00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,310
I love it,
but I just don't love it.

108
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,688
Do you love it? I love
it. I absolutely love it.

109
00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:34,191
I'm just not sure if I'm
in love with it. Oh, yeah.

110
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,695
We have an expression around the office
for when a sale just isn't happening...

111
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,822
Commission impossible.

112
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:42,533
Maybe for some people.

113
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,535
Not sure if I mentioned it
before,

114
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:48,330
but the house does come with a
hookup for a European washing machine.

115
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:49,790
Oh, I love that.

116
00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:53,502
[Cell phone rings] Oh, so sorry.

117
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:55,671
It's the boss.

118
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,341
- Hey.
- Hi. I'm on my way home.

119
00:04:59,425 --> 00:05:02,112
I've been calling Haley, but nobody's
answering. Is everything okay there?

120
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:04,180
Everything here is great.

121
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:06,390
Oh, thank god. Did you
put the chair out front?

122
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,018
Not yet. Honey, you're
gonna miss the trash pickup.

123
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,912
Don't worry. If they don't
take it, someone else will.

124
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,439
Who is gonna pick up
that ratty chair off our lawn?

125
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,191
Are you kidding?
It's in great shape.

126
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,818
Super cozy. People are
always commenting on it.

127
00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:19,987
Trust me, it'll be gone
by the end of the day.

128
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,947
- — Please just do it now.
- Loan't.

129
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,532
[Whispers ] I'm so sorry.

130
00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:25,844
When I'm done with these
clients, I'll call Luke and Leon.

131
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:27,495
I know I can talk them into it.

132
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:29,455
We are not losing this house
to Luke and Leon.

133
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:32,374
What do you mean, “call Luke
and Leon”? Aren't you at home?

134
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:33,876
No, I left right before you did.

135
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:37,421
Phil, the hou— the-the kids.

136
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,006
Oh, god, the squirrel.

137
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,759
Hello?

138
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,302
[ Together] We'll take it.

139
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:48,599
Commission... accomplished.

140
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:54,813
So how great is your life right
now, huh? A new house, new baby.

141
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,774
Stefan's Propecia's
kicking in. [ Phone chirps]

142
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,860
Oh. That's him. He's on his way.

143
00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:03,364
He texted “o.M.W.” we try to keep our texts
short when we're driving with the baby.

144
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,491
Oh, well, what wonderful
parents you are.

145
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,035
[ Chuckles ] You guys
hate us a little bit, don't you?

146
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,120
No. God, no.
Yeah, just a little.

147
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:11,473
Have you thought
about surrogacy?

148
00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,249
At least you'd be making a baby,

149
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:16,418
instead of waiting around for some
pregnant mom to maybe pick you.

150
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,855
Well, we considered it, but how
do you decide which one will...

151
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,172
Where's Lily? Sleeping.

152
00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:21,257
Ice the cupcake?

153
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,133
That you couldn't
say in front of Lily?

154
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:24,969
Vvemthen she'd
want a cupcake. Yeah.

155
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,721
- — But that's the beauty of the swirl.
- The swirl?

156
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:30,641
You both donate.
They mix it up, fertilize the egg,

157
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,768
you never know
who the father is.

158
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,853
- [ Doorbell rings]
- Ooh, that's Stefan.

159
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:36,855
[ Chuckles ]

160
00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,941
You know, maybe we should
think about the swirl.

161
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:41,294
Well, I-I didn't think surrogacy
was for us, but, you know...

162
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,987
'Cause one of us would
feel left out.

163
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,863
Yeah, but if you don't know
whose it is...

164
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:48,826
Sorry we're late.
Guys, meet Rocco.

165
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,370
[ Muttering ] Rocco or cocoa?

166
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,540
[ Kids chattering ]

167
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:58,168
- — Look at him out there.
- Oh, honey, this is so exciting.

168
00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:02,840
[ Jay} Go ahead! Attaboy!

169
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,508
Go! Go ahead! Go, Manny! Run!

170
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,845
I knew Gloria would find out
I lied about those tickets,

171
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,264
but I figured
when she saw Manny out there,

172
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,434
playing with all those
other kids, she'd thank me.

173
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,686
That's what I figured.

174
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,146
Go, go!

175
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,940
What the hell's he doin'?
Run, Manny, run!

176
00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:22,234
Mom, number 100!
Now we have the money...

177
00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:24,111
- — [ Grunts ]
- [Woman groans]

178
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,708
Oh, thank god. Nobody's dead.

179
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,711
Or we're all dead.

180
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,047
- — How many plates did we lose?
- None.

181
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,817
Luke and Haley used cookie sheets to
clear a path through the marbles for me.

182
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:48,177
- — Where are the marbles?
- Right here.

183
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,572
- Oh, Haley! — I put glue on
'em so it doesn't happen again.

184
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:53,974
What about the chair? — Leon and I
rolled it outside on some skateboards.

185
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:56,894
Oh. [ Gasps ] The squirrel.

186
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,896
You think I was going to
let that happen?

187
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:04,693
These kids are going to survive.
They are the best of me and Phil.

188
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:09,406
Luke using the skateboards, Haley
gluing the marbles— that is pure Phil.

189
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:12,993
Alex keeping everyone
in line? Pure me.

190
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:15,371
[ Chuckles ]

191
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,374
Sometimes I worry
no one's gonna like Alex.

192
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,880
There you go, buddy. Thank you.

193
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,174
What? You need
anything? I'll get it. Uh...

194
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,385
Steak sauce. But it's okay.

195
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,068
It's probably good for me
to move around.

196
00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:33,263
[ Motor whirring ]

197
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,560
Oh, Jay, it's so nice to see you
take care of him like that.

198
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,372
Why are you surprised? He's
our kid. [Cell phone chimes]

199
00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:42,356
We take care of each other
in this family.

200
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,317
I want to kill you.

201
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:48,821
Wild guess— margo.
Let me explain.

202
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:51,031
There is no excuse.

203
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:53,283
This is sounding private.
I'm gonna get out of here.

204
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,452
So that's why you were
being so nice.

205
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,329
You lied to my friend.

206
00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,581
You made Manny
play the American football.

207
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,834
It is your fault that
he got stampeded.

208
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,420
Or is it your fault?
[Thumping continues]

209
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,463
He stopped to pick up a penny,
for god's sake.

210
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,173
Be careful what you say, Jay.

211
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:11,301
You're skating on thin
eggshells right now.

212
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:13,429
I tried to get him out there
with kids his own age,

213
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,198
which is what he should
be doin'— [ Clattering ]

214
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,033
And not spending another
afternoon with his mommy.

215
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,644
If you have a problem with the way
Manny's being raised, you talk to me!

216
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,271
I am. I don't want to hear it!

217
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,523
[Crunch]

218
00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:31,113
Phil, you really
didn't have to do this.

219
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:34,575
I sold a house today because of you
two. The least I can do is buy you dinner.

220
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,368
I saw that house.
It is gorgeous.

221
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:38,036
I know. Yes. We're
real happy for them.

222
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,914
They showed me a picture of the
baby. How adorable is that little guy?

223
00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:43,125
Yes, we're real happy for them.

224
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,377
Okay, you might want to
slow down there.

225
00:09:45,461 --> 00:09:46,962
I'm playing a new drinking game.

226
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,649
It's called “every time I'm
depressed, I take a drink.” [ Chuckles ]

227
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,884
That game exists.
It's called alcoholism.

228
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:54,303
Oh, I'm sorry. You're right.

229
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,722
I'm-I'm wallowing,
and it's not cute.

230
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,241
- To happier things.
- — [ Mitchell ] Yes.

231
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,284
To happier things.
Happier things.

232
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,642
[ Mitchell ] There you go. Yes.

233
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:03,395
I remember the first few drinks,

234
00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:06,899
and, um, after that, the
night's just bits and pieces.

235
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:11,320
I want to do something
ineverdo— brag about my kids.

236
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:15,616
Today, they were resourceful.
They were responsible. They...

237
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,451
Put 40% down.

238
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,078
It was worth showing the house
five times and waiting...

239
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:23,957
Almost a year. Seriously!
Who do you have to...

240
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:27,252
Blow. That's really hot. Why don't
you let it cool down and try some of the...

241
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:30,088
Mexican! The baby
is clearly Mexican.

242
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,132
So, you know, the swirl is out.

243
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:34,510
Oh, it's enough
to make you lose...

244
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:38,847
Track. Is this my fourth
drink, or is it my fourth?

245
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,267
I just said fourth twice, didn't
I? I did, didn't I? [ Laughing ]

246
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:46,146
I think we're gonna
need four cabs. Two! Two!

247
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,773
[ Laughing] You made me!

248
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:52,402
I—I vaguely remember
someone crying.

249
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,988
If we ever did surrogacy, I
would want you to be the donor.

250
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,157
Mm-mmm. You're so
smart. You're so handsome.

251
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:59,660
Oh, stop it. It should
be you. You're so fun.

252
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:02,287
- — You're so talented.
- Okay.

253
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:05,833
It's not fair.
I love you both so much.

254
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:09,837
If you could have a baby that was a mix of the
two of you, I would love that baby so much.

255
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,089
- — Stop it.
- Oh, that is so sweet.

256
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:15,551
I meant it. That is so sweet.

257
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:18,011
Oh, my god, you guys,
we could do this.

258
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:23,225
We could do this. We could make a baby
that is half Tucker and half pritchett.

259
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:26,103
Are you saying what I think
you're saying?

260
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,272
Yeah. Cloning?

261
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:32,651
No, no. I'm saying...
I give the egg.

262
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,236
Oh!

263
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:36,446
Yeah, I give the egg.
That's the pritchett side.

264
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,783
And then cam,
you're the father, right?

265
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:44,538
And then we just, like, mix it and
put it in a— like, a surrogate lady thing,

266
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,498
and then, bang, we have a baby.

267
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,710
Oh! Are—are you serious?
You would do that?

268
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,588
I would be honored. You guys.

269
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:55,674
You guys, if there's one
thing I have learned today,

270
00:11:55,757 --> 00:12:00,012
it's the pleasure of looking at
your children and seeing both...

271
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,597
Both of you in there,

272
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,557
and I want you to have
that experience.

273
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,517
We need that. We
want that. [Claire] Yeah.

274
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,144
And something else.

275
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,939
- — Guys, I make really good babies.
- Yes.

276
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,750
I have magic eggs or
something. [Mitchell ] Yes.

277
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,027
- They're, like, golden.
- Oh, gosh.

278
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,654
Oh, Phil, I don't— what do
you— what do you say about this?

279
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,323
I think we're all having a baby!

280
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,742
[All screaming, laughing]
Table hug!

281
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,622
Sweet potato fries!

282
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,669
What have I done? I know.

283
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,383
What was I thinking?

284
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,761
I just get drunk, and I
bring a baby into the world?

285
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,304
That would be four for four.

286
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,348
I can't go through with it.

287
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,600
Don't panic. You haven't
donated anything yet.

288
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,561
Besides, what are the
chances your eggs even work?

289
00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:51,813
What are the chances we
can pretend I never said that?

290
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:54,232
It's weird. It's my brother.

291
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,636
And then there would be this baby over there
that's my baby, but it's not my baby...

292
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,529
That actually sounds good.
Just say that.

293
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,883
We're gonna see 'em for brunch
in two hours over at your dad's.

294
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:06,453
Ooh, that seems soon...
And-and hard.

295
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,537
[Sighs]

296
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,457
What if— what if
I blame it on you?

297
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,918
What if we say that
you're not okay with it?

298
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,419
_ no! _ why?

299
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:17,063
Are you really okay with another
man fertilizing your wife's egg?

300
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,174
- Of course not. That's creepy.
- Yes.

301
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,760
Plus, what if you and cam make
a better baby than we did?

302
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:25,305
It's settled. Phil says no.

303
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:27,724
Like they're really gonna
believe that I overruled you.

304
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,351
Oh, nght comeon.

305
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,895
Mmm. They're gonna be crushed.

306
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,730
They've waited so long
for this baby.

307
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,358
Maybe they're having
second thoughts too.

308
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,859
[ Footsteps ]

309
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,570
Look. This is what my baby
with Claire would look like.

310
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,072
What is this? What?

311
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,867
Okay, well, I found a web site
where couples can upload pictures,

312
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:49,579
and then it shows 'em what their
baby would look like. [ Chuckles ]

313
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,623
This is Gloria and I.

314
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:54,084
Couldn't resist. Wow.

315
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,877
That—that looks
exactly like Manny.

316
00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:58,088
Like-like weirdly so.

317
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,631
Wait, what's this other picture?

318
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,508
Don't be jealous.

319
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:05,053
But this is me
and Justin Timberlake.

320
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,223
[ Exhales ]
Cam, we have a problem.

321
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,619
Oh, what, you can talk about Ryan gosling
all day, but the moment I say something...

322
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,311
No, no, no. About this baby.

323
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,856
|_ I don't think I can do it.

324
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,734
What? Why? Why? It's perfect.

325
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:21,028
It's our chance to have a baby
that's part me, part you.

326
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,238
No, no, it's part you
and part Claire.

327
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,824
I'm nowhere in there. And
it's not like I can pretend.

328
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,910
It's— she's not some egg donor
that we don't know. It's Claire.

329
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:30,871
You know, we see her
all the time.

330
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:34,207
And what are we supposed to tell the
baby? “Say hi to your aunt mommy.”

331
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,877
- — Adorable.
- No, not adorable.

332
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,961
Appalachian.

333
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,256
Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, cam.

334
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:48,680
Jay says that I'm smothering
Manny, but I'm just enjoying him.

335
00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,932
I mean, they're only gonna
be boys for a short time.

336
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:54,394
Best time ever in this house!

337
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,188
I'm uncomfortable
with this, Phil.

338
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,356
The manual specifically
says “no towing.”

339
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,484
There are two types
of people in this world...

340
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,487
People who follow the manual
and people who stick it to the manu...

341
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,654
That hurt!

342
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,032
[ Door opens,
closes] - [ Mitchell ] Hi.

343
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,367
- — Manny, what happened?
- Football injury.

344
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,620
My mom will “yell” you
all about it.

345
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:16,458
Ho/a, Lily. Does my little
Princess want a cookie?

346
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,001
Oh, well, you know,
maybe just one.

347
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,587
She's already had her sugar
limit for today. How can you tell?

348
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:23,799
[ Screams ] Fay/ okay, Lily.

349
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:27,594
Hey, you two. Hey.

350
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,096
So, where—
Oh, where are the kids?

351
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:31,014
Oh, Haley's driving them
over separately.

352
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,599
Ohh. Big girl now.

353
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,682
[ All chuckle]

354
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:34,911
That's right. [ Cameron ] Yeah.

355
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,521
So, that was so fun last night.

356
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:40,065
So fun. Yeah. We
had a great night.

357
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,900
Yes.

358
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,252
[ Phil, Mitchell]
We should get that...

359
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,278
Jinx. [ Chuckles ]

360
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,964
We're goin' this way, so—
[ Cameron ] 350 for 30.

361
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,824
See you in a bit.
That looks delicious.

362
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,828
[Whispering ]
I cannot tell them.

363
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,514
I cannot break their hearts.
[ Door opens ]

364
00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:56,974
So you're gonna have cam's baby
just to keep things from being weird?

365
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,000
[ Door closes ] Um, what?

366
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,128
You and uncle cam
are having a baby?

367
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:05,132
Kids, shh. There was a discussion about the
possibility of your mom donating an egg...

368
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:06,758
So that the guys
could have a baby.

369
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,760
But we decided
it was not a good idea.

370
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:10,637
Why? Because Lily's such a mess?

371
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,722
For a lot of reasons.
They have to...

372
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,267
But we can agree that she's
a disaster as a human being.

373
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,478
- — I think it's a great idea.
- Yeah.

374
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:21,648
It's a really beautiful
offer, mom. I'm impressed.

375
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,733
Oh, my god. Cam!

376
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,695
They told the kids already,
and they seem to be totally into it.

377
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:29,197
Is it just me? Am I the only
one that thinks this is weird?

378
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:33,702
Maybe it's not weird. Maybe we're
pioneers. No, we're hardly pioneers.

379
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,930
You have three different hair
dryers for different types of weather.

380
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,224
Maybe it's just gonna take
some time to get used to the idea.

381
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,666
What idea? Oh.

382
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,126
Um, well, Jay...

383
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:42,878
Cam. Claire has...

384
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:46,089
No. I— I just don't think my dad's
really ready for this conversation, so...

385
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,300
Stop acting like
I'm some stodgy old coot.

386
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,177
I've grown. [ Cameron ] Okay.

387
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:55,265
Um, Jay, Claire has offered
to give us one of her eggs,

388
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,435
so we can have a baby
that's half pritchett, half Tucker.

389
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,188
That's unnatural.
I'm against it.

390
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:04,858
Oh, surprise, surprise.
Jay's against something.

391
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,902
Cam and Claire want to
have a baby together.

392
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,654
Eww! You're not gonna do that.

393
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,156
It's not your decision, dad.

394
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,217
You're not thinking straight.
And you're not in charge.

395
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:14,743
Okay, Claire and I are adults.

396
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,204
If we want this to happen,
it's-it's gonna happen.

397
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,122
[ Under breath ]
So much for second thoughts.

398
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,957
Young lady, I need
to have a talk with you.

399
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,835
I don't— now? [ Gloria ] No!

400
00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:27,005
You don't get to tell
everyone how to live their lives,

401
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,883
that boys cannot spend time
with their mommies...

402
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,469
Or that brothers and sister
can't make babies.

403
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:36,765
So you're all for this? No, it's a
freak show, but it's their freak show.

404
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,101
So this is happening again.

405
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,979
Well, I'm not gonna not do it
'cause my dad thinks I shouldn't.

406
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,107
I'm not following. We're not
doing it 'cause I don't want to do it.

407
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:49,152
What we're not doing is not doing
it 'cause he doesn't want us to do it!

408
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,904
Just say baby or no baby.
[ Sighs ]

409
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,490
Isn't it enough this family
spends a lot of time together?

410
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,033
Now we have to inbreed.

411
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:58,036
Okay, dad. It's not
technically inbreeding. It's, um...

412
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,539
For the record, I think what
my mom is doing is very brave.

413
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,876
I like it. I've always kind of
wanted a half-brother, half-cousin.

414
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,854
- Really? Always? — I
mean, if you think about it...

415
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:09,774
[ Overlapping dialogue] [ Jay] I disagree
with you about inbreeding, young lady.

416
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:12,676
I would like to make a small
presentation. If everyone could...

417
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,345
Once the neighbors find out,
and they will...

418
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,390
[Overlapping dialogue
continues ]

419
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:22,352
Oh, wow. When was the last
time we talked under a table?

420
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:26,022
Dad and Gloria's wedding
reception. Oh, yeah. [Chuckles]

421
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,565
Um, mmm...

422
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:30,193
I love you. You know
that. But I can't do this.

423
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,153
No, no, neither can I. Really?

424
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,572
Yeah. Are you
serious? You can't...

425
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,116
Oh, god, I'm so
relieved. I'm sorry.

426
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:39,744
I—I— oh, I am so sorry
I led us down this road.

427
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,329
No, no, Claire.
Don't be. Don't be.

428
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:44,916
It was generous and thoughtful,
just like you.

429
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,294
How could I not want
those qualities in my child?

430
00:18:47,419 --> 00:18:49,713
Ohh. Oh, come here.

431
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,881
Good brother. So this
is really happening?

432
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:55,152
What if it is, dad? Yeah, what if we love
each other and this is a beautiful thing?

433
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,053
Okay, it's our decision.
It's not yours. Yeah.

434
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,180
So— baby, no baby?

435
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,434
No. Mm-mmm.

436
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,939
You okay? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

437
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:10,275
Oh, I know
it's been hard on you.

438
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,336
Hey, what if we went out
for a nice dinner tonight?

439
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,088
Oh, that'd be fun. Should
I call the sitter? Yeah.

440
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,881
You know what I was thinking
today? What about Luke?

441
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,199
Oh, he's so good with her,
the way he looks at her.

442
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,744
Oh. [Whispers] Oh, my god, cam.

443
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,079
She's organizing her things.

444
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,804
Look at how she's
dressed. [Chuckles] Oh.

445
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,377
We didn't make her,
but she sure is us.

446
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:32,297
Hey, Lily. It might make
more sense with the shoes...

447
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,882
Mitchell.

448
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,261
I like what she did with the
dolls though. Play as you will.

449
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,055
It's nice. Play as you will.

450
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:45,101
The bent one, remember?
One of the first ones we found.

451
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,105
It was at the bottom
of the gutter in the street.

452
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:51,399
Ay, yes. We put the gum at
the bottom of your walking stick.

453
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,068
Ay, look at this one,
the green one.

454
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:56,363
- — The one we found at the floor of my taxi.
- Your taxi?

455
00:19:56,446 --> 00:20:02,118
Yes. Before I had somebody running my life
for me, I used to drive a taxi at night.

456
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,621
Manny would sleep
in the seat next to me.

457
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,706
One time, I had to hit
the brakes so hard...

458
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,626
That he fell into the floor,
and he found the penny.

459
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,503
[ Chuckles ] Pretty lucky, huh?

460
00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,922
Eight years. I can't
believe we're finally done.

461
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,467
[ Sighs ] Me, either.

462
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,428
Come. Let's go
get your lottery ticket.

463
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:29,521
Gloria, I think you
made a mistake here.

464
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,106
What did I do now?

465
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:33,942
I've counted these, and
you've only got 96 pennies.

466
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:35,777
Are you sure?

467
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,529
[Jay] 'Fraid so.

468
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:40,073
I guess you're gonna
have to keep iookin'.

469
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,409
Dang it! I counted those.

470
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,786
See for yourself.

471
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,879
And now we upload your picture.

472
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,589
This is fun. This is fun.

473
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:59,553
Yeah. And in just a few short moments,
thanks to the magic of technology,

474
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,362
we'll know what our
baby actually looks like.

475
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,012
No, no.
What happened? What is that?

476
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,848
Did you put one of us in
upside down?

477
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:08,435
No, that's actually— okay, I don't
want to see this anymore. Turn it off.

478
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,396
Oh, it's not turning off. Throw
something over it, then. Oh, god!

479
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,541
Yeah, well, we played god,
and look what we brought forth.

480
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,066
Daddies,
what are you looking at?

481
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:16,234
[ Screams ]

482
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,027
[ Cameron exhales ]

483
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,864
- — Maybe it wasn't that bad.
- No, no.

484
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,407
It's possible that
we overreacted.

485
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,730
Yeah. Maybe our expectations
were just a little too high.

486
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,429
The little guy had some
cute features, huh?

487
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,079
Of course he did. It's us.

488
00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:29,803
It can't be that bad.
Let's just take a...

489
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,499
[ All scream ]

490
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:37,380
English - us - psdh