1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:05,965
$3 [ Accordion: Dirge]

2
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:13,514
[ Cameron ] This week
the world lost a great man,

3
00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:15,975
and / lost a mentor.

4
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:20,188
For nearly 60 years professor
ringmasfer al uz/e/lr'...

5
00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:23,608
Helped young hopefuls like me
find their clown persona.

6
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,360
Professor ringmaster?

7
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,362
It's a very prestigious title
at clown college.

8
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:30,990
One step below
piemaster general.

9
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,911
Where's Lewis? Who knows?

10
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:37,872
Okay, guys, it's just us.
Lift on three.

11
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,124
[ Honks three times]

12
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,294
J'j' [accordion continues ]

13
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:51,427
J'j' [ Slide whistle descends]

14
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:11,113
,/' hey, hey, r

15
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:13,241
,/' hey, hey, r

16
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,243
,/' hey, hey, r

17
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:17,245
,/' hey, hey, r

18
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:18,496
j“ hey if

19
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:23,793
hey, how come you guys haven't
accepted my friend requests?

20
00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,461
I didn't know
you were on Facebook.

21
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,940
Yeah, you said it was only for teenagers
and people looking to have affairs.

22
00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:29,882
Well, I figured
if you can't fight it...

23
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,760
Not having the affair.
That's still bad. No, not that.

24
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:36,514
But there's nothing wrong with
catching up with a few old friends, right?

25
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,850
Or doin' a little social
networking with my b.F.F.'S.

26
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,310
Mnun. Yeah.

27
00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:43,938
Social networking
or social not-working?

28
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:47,441
Oh, you know what we gotta do? We gotta
get a picture of us all together on a boat.

29
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:51,946
I think that's a thing now. So what
do you say? Accept my friend thingy.

30
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:55,074
Sorry, mom, I— I didn't get
a friend thingy from you.

31
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:59,245
Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks
on there to protect kids from weirdos.

32
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:02,290
Mmm, okay. Good, good.
I'll send it again. Great.

33
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:03,874
Please do.

34
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,126
Please don't.

35
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:07,253
We got her request
the first time, but ignored it.

36
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:08,939
I can't have her on there
snooping around,

37
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,464
seeing what I'm doing
at parties.

38
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:12,550
Or posting pictures of us
on family vacations...

39
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,719
Wearing old, dorky clothes.

40
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,054
What?

41
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,681
What's wrong with this?

42
00:02:19,849 --> 00:02:22,727
Dad, check it out.
I made one giant oreo.

43
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,063
Luke, what are you doing?

44
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,983
- — You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn.
- Genius.

45
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,651
Oh. Wow. New suit.

46
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:31,944
New everything.

47
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:35,156
Kids, gather round.
It's time for a life lesson.

48
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,283
Aren't we already gathered?

49
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,285
Let me tell you something.

50
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:44,081
Hard work, determination
and perseverance always win out.

51
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:48,294
I am living proof that
nice guys can finish first.

52
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,837
Today I have a chance to get...

53
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,422
The biggest listing
of my career.

54
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,841
Oh, I have never seen
this man so focused.

55
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,344
I'm like a boxer
before the big fight.

56
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,347
That's why I didn't have sex
with Claire last night. Sorry, honey.

57
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:00,931
Mmm. No, it's— it's okay.

58
00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:04,435
But as soon as I get this
listing— ding! Let's just stop.

59
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,395
Stop.

60
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,358
[ Mouthing ]

61
00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:13,194
I see you. What? I'm scratching.

62
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:17,698
Hey, mom, is it okay if I have
a friend come over tomorrow?

63
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:19,033
Who? Reuben?

64
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:21,410
Or the nervous one
that gets the nosebleed?

65
00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:22,745
It's Griffin Cooper.

66
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,163
Griffin Cooper?

67
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:25,706
Griffin Cooper is by far...

68
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,333
The coolest kid in Manny's grade.

69
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,086
He's a terrific athlete.
He's confident.

70
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:32,922
Manny's a great kid, sure,
but he's not exactly cool.

71
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:35,716
He can't even open a door cool.

72
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,051
Salutations, Wyatt.

73
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,762
I'm so glad you're joining me
for an afternoon of mirth.

74
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,473
Good evening, Reuben-San.

75
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,266
May I ask you
to remove your shoes?

76
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:46,018
Tonight we are going Japanese.

77
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Ah! [ Babbling ]

78
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,441
I invented a new language
this morning.

79
00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:54,193
When did you guys
become buddies?

80
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,779
Was it a football game in the
yard? You made a great catch?

81
00:03:56,862 --> 00:04:01,242
No, that didn't happen. But the librarian
told me one day I'll be a great catch.

82
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:06,038
Well, I'm really not
getting that relationship.

83
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,666
Why can't you just be happy
that Manny's making new friends?

84
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,292
'Cause it doesn't add up.

85
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:13,712
Cool kids like Griffin Cooper, they
don't hang out with kids like Manny.

86
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,214
Manny's very cool.

87
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,967
Maybe those kids
are finally catching up to him.

88
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,594
Wait a minute. I get it.

89
00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:24,598
Couple of days last week, I took
Manny to school on my motorcycle.

90
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:27,059
Griffin must think
I'm pretty boss.

91
00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:30,146
Yes, Jay.
It's all because of you.

92
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,106
Kids are lookin' for role models.

93
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,316
Why do you think fonzie
was so popular?

94
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,737
He told people that they were rich, but
really took their money with his scheme?

95
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,364
No, that's a...

96
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,116
Yes.

97
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,660
Those people were victims
of a fonzie scheme.

98
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,203
Mmm.

99
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,918
Whew.

100
00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,462
[Car engine revs] It's showtime.

101
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,797
[ Honking]

102
00:04:56,881 --> 00:05:01,010
Hey, Dunphy. You gettin'
ready for your one-woman show?

103
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,261
Mitzi.

104
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,971
Mitzi roth.

105
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:07,725
A notorious poacher in the world
of high—end residential real estate.

106
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,436
We call her
the nightmare on elm street...

107
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,439
Because she sold a lot
of houses on elm street.

108
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:16,817
What are you doing here, mitzi? I
have an appointment. This is my listing.

109
00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:19,403
Oh, I didn't think that was
dotted-line yet, jazz hands.

110
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:22,323
No worries.
I may have an interested buyer.

111
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,158
I'll bring him to you. Really?

112
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,012
Okay, but could you come back later? I
really need to have 'em to myself right now.

113
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,830
Oh, yeah, okay. I completely
understand. Okay. Thanks.

114
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:31,373
You're welcome.

115
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,792
Wait. What?

116
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,395
What are you doing?
[ Intercom beeps ]

117
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,795
Watch this. [ Ll/lan ] Hello?

118
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,756
It's mitzi roth.
And Phil Dunphy.

119
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,133
I may have a prospective buyer
for your beautiful house.

120
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,528
I was wondering if maybe I could
come in— hey, Stan. Hey, Patti.

121
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,179
And just have a look
for a little while.

122
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,014
We got a lot to talk
about. Come on in.

123
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,641
[ Look buzzes ]

124
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:52,770
Hey, guys, yeah, I'm wondering if
maybe we shouldn't be alone for this.

125
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,980
I'm in.

126
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,900
Go back to condos, Dunphy.

127
00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:01,820
Oh, my god, this place
is absolutely gorgeous.

128
00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:03,364
Stunning. Stunning. [Thud]

129
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,325
You are in such
good hands with Phil.

130
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,369
Hey. How are you guys?

131
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,954
I mean, fingers crossed though.

132
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,915
You know, so many new
companies go belly—up. Terrible.

133
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,917
Well, good to—
Good to see you, mitzi.

134
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,878
Guys, how are you? Oh, no, no.
It's fine. It's fine. Come take a look.

135
00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:19,797
Oh, thank you.

136
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,507
[Whispers ] Mitzi,
please. Thank you.

137
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,509
Mitzi, please. Please.

138
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:26,053
What are you doing? Oh,
my god! He shoved me!

139
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,513
What? He shoved me!

140
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,682
For god's sake! Phil!
[Mitzi] Oh, my god!

141
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,226
I thought you had your
anger problem under control.

142
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,412
[ Shouting ] I don't have
an anger— - [ Mitzi groaning]

143
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:38,023
[ Calmly] I don't— anger problem—
I don't have an anger problem.

144
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,694
Oh, hey. It's over?
What the hell?

145
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:44,238
You're an hour late. — good
to see you too, chuckleberry.

146
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,824
Look at that. Your oversized
pants are startin' to fit.

147
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,327
Hello, Lewis.

148
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,871
Hello, fizbo.

149
00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:55,541
For several years,
I was one half of...

150
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,143
The renowned clown duo
fizbo and Lewis.

151
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,502
We were huge.

152
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,087
In children's parties.

153
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,965
Anyway, I disbanded the
group shortly after I met Mitchell.

154
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:06,218
It's hard to have a
relationship and a clown career.

155
00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:08,470
That's the reason there
are so many single clowns.

156
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:09,972
It's just one of the reasons.

157
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,224
Anyway, um, Lewis
hasn't spoken to me since.

158
00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:14,602
He's still bitter,
and I don't blame him.

159
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,812
It's kind of like
I broke up the Beatles.

160
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,523
Of children's parties.

161
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:22,234
What do you say we hit a bar?
Tip a few back to ai, huh?

162
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,028
I heard you were injaw yeah?

163
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,191
I heard you're still doin' that lame
giant—scissors bit, you blue-haired hack.

164
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,950
Who's in? I'll go.
Just give me a minute.

165
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:32,578
I gotta redo my lips.
All right. Cerveza.

166
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,456
What about you, fizzy?

167
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,833
You gonna come, or are you
gonna break up this party too?

168
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,544
[ Laughing, groans]

169
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,463
Hey, shotgun, bitches!

170
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,717
I should, you know, probably
go. You know, for— for al.

171
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,803
Oh, yeah. No, of course. But listen,
don't let him get to you, all right?

172
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,431
No, it's fine. It's all
seltzer under the bridge.

173
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,391
Just one drink
and then I'll be home.

174
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,436
Okay. Just drive me home
first? No, you— you take the car.

175
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,438
I, uh— I'll go with the guys.

176
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:03,192
In that tiny car? How are
you all possibly gonna...

177
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,985
Forget I asked.

178
00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:08,030
[ Engine starts, revving ]

179
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:15,037
- —J'j [Cameron humming “entrance
of the gladiators” ] - [ Lily giggling]

180
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,998
It's 5:00 in the morning.

181
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,809
Ju' [ Continues ]
[Giggling] Daddy's juggling.

182
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,127
M [ Stops] Lily, honey,
what— what are you doing up?

183
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,564
Are you just getting home?
Yeah, things got a little out of hand.

184
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,149
Somebody had a flower
that squirted Tequila.

185
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,051
What do you mean,
“somebody”? I want full credit.

186
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,470
What up, red? [
Snickering ] Really?

187
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,931
Teach me to juggle! [
Lewis ] It's very simple.

188
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:37,851
The key is to be aware of
where everything is at all times.

189
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,561
[ Guffaws, groans]

190
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,355
[Giggling]

191
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:44,483
And don't forget the
importance of balance— whoa!

192
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,486
- — Okay, okay. Come on.
- I think I cracked my eggs.

193
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,115
We're out of eggs?
Are you yolking?

194
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,118
I haven't eaten in five days!

195
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,994
[ Lewis laughing ]
[Lily giggling]

196
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:58,247
Five days? Are you cereal?

197
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,957
Whoa!

198
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,543
Lily, don't ever do that.

199
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,630
J'j' [ Tm rook j

200
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,592
okay. You two are deliberately
not confirming me. [ Tl/off]

201
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,886
Everybody else has
accepted my friend requests.

202
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,806
Your father. Uncle Mitchell.

203
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,224
Adele.

204
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,726
That's right.

205
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:21,037
Adele has agreed to be my friend,
and my own daughters haven't.

206
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,939
Yeah, you may just be
a fan of Adele and not...

207
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,108
What is so private
that I can't possibly see it?

208
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,609
Nothing.

209
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:30,320
Nothing. So you just...
Don't want to be my friend.

210
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,198
That's great. I can see
my next status update.

211
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,825
“My daughters are monsters.”

212
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,785
[ Door closes ] You're
not gonna believe this.

213
00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:38,412
Mitzi got the listing.

214
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,539
Oh, no, honey. That's awful!

215
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,541
She cheated, she lied,
and she won.

216
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,461
Kids, gather round.
Again, we are gathered.

217
00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:48,213
You want to get ahead?
Don't play by the rules.

218
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:52,468
Turns out nice guys finish last
in this cold, dog-eat-dog world.

219
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:56,430
It's not fair. Why don't you play
dirty too? You could take her down.

220
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,183
Honey, 'cause your dad
is a better man than that.

221
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:02,019
He has values and morals
and— shh. You. Keep talking.

222
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,646
Well, just off
the top of my head,

223
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,775
you could take my spy pen and
record her admitting what she did.

224
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:11,361
And then you could play it for those people
so they'd realize what a jerk she is.

225
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,030
Your dad is never gonna do that.

226
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,158
You're a regular chatterbox
today. Get me that pen.

227
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,703
[ Doorbell rings]

228
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,539
I got it. [Jay] Remember,
pal, keep it simple.

229
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,542
Hey, Manny.

230
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,086
Griffin, the legendary
creature of Greek mythology...

231
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,756
With the head of a lion
and wings of an eagle.

232
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:33,133
What'd you say, Jay? Never mind.

233
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:36,428
[Snaps fingers]

234
00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:38,430
Jay pritchett. Nice to meet you.

235
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,432
Nice to meet you too.

236
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:42,184
You know, I, uh— [chuckles]

237
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,229
I saw a little of that basketball
game of yours last week.

238
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,356
You were thfinfltup. Thanks.

239
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:49,358
I was lighting it up too, Jay.

240
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,193
Who's hot? We're hot!

241
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,153
Mustangs are hot!

242
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,739
Brrrr! Whoo! Brrrr! Hey!

243
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:58,742
Hola, Griffin. How are you?

244
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,871
Uh— oh! Thirteen.

245
00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:04,790
I'm fine.

246
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,042
So what do you boys
have planned for today?

247
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,838
Well, it's kind of a surprise for Griffin,
but let's just say it involves decoupage.

248
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,589
Oh, geez. Come on. Let's go.

249
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,259
Good—bye.

250
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,097
Oh, no.

251
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974
What? You were right.

252
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:24,351
This boy is not here
to see Manny.

253
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,562
I told you. You see
the way he looks at me?

254
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:29,565
No, fonzie,
the way he looks at me.

255
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:32,192
He couldn't talk.
He kept staring.

256
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:34,736
He was just like my teachers
back in school.

257
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:38,532
Gloria, you're very pretty,
but the kid idolizes me.

258
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,284
Really?

259
00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:42,828
Griffin! Manny!

260
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,330
Do you want to go with Jay
to ride his motorcycle,

261
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:49,126
or you want to go with me to the
supermarket and buy a couple of onions?

262
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:52,004
Motorcycle rides!
Onions sound good.

263
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,380
Huh.

264
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,173
[ Door closes ]

265
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,426
Guess he has
a thing for you too.

266
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,178
Hey. We're back.

267
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:02,222
Hey, I— I just finished
cleaning the kitchen,

268
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:05,183
so if anyone has to do a spit
take, please do it over the sink.

269
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,145
We felt really bad about that,
so we got you a present.

270
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:12,024
Wh—what's the deal with this? I open
it up, and snakes fly out, or a fire, or...

271
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,985
No. We just know that you
like to read. So open it. Yeah.

272
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,779
- — Ah! Got him!
- No. No.

273
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,741
That's exactly what I expected.
Remember when I told you?

274
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,744
Okay, look, it's almost go time. So
we should have a shot and go white up.

275
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,704
Excuse me. White up?

276
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,016
Oh, yeah, Lewis got a call to
do a birthday party this afternoon,

277
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,958
so we're gonna put
the old act back together.

278
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:33,337
Yeah, fizbo and Lewis, together again.
And they said it would never happen.

279
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,340
Said. Hoped. Could I
talk to you for a second?

280
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,091
Uh—oh. Trouble in queeradise.

281
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,886
Okay, look, gonna go out
to the car for smokes.

282
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,222
Please tell me “smokes”
is not another clown.

283
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:47,327
'Cause I don't think I could handle
another one of him. Lewis is not that bad.

284
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,895
- — What do you see in that guy, cam?
- I don't know.

285
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:53,041
Maybe the fact that he doesn't roll his eyes
every time I talk about the art of clowning.

286
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,358
Like that.

287
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,985
He may have had his faults,
but we were great together.

288
00:12:57,069 --> 00:13:01,657
We had an unspoken language. We
finished each other's balloon animals.

289
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:06,411
But you would never know, because you
have never been to one of our performances.

290
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:07,788
Birthday parties.

291
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:10,415
No. You hate my clown side.

292
00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:12,334
No, no. I don't hate it.

293
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,170
Just admit it.
I basically already know you do.

294
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,340
Okay, okay. Cards on the table.

295
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,652
- — It's not my favorite thing that you—
- Oh, how dare you!

296
00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:22,970
I am a clown. It's who I am.

297
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,930
If you squeeze me,
do I not honk?

298
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:28,725
Eye roll. Oh, like
I had a choice.

299
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:31,061
[ Phone rings ] [ Knocking ]

300
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,647
Knock-knock.

301
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,190
What are you doing here?

302
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,401
Hey, um, I—
I brought you some soup.

303
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,487
You know, I thought about it,
and maybe I did push you.

304
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,823
So, how's the ankle?

305
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:45,826
Oh, come on, Dunphy.
You know I flopped.

306
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,828
Haven't you ever seen
an NBA game?

307
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:51,373
Oh, I'm sorry.
In your case, wnba.

308
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,500
So that was all a ruse?

309
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,586
The oldest trick in the book. You
need to step up your game, son.

310
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,589
You know what?
I almost feel sorry for you.

311
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,300
Come here. Give me a big hug.

312
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:04,636
Oh, yeah, yeah.

313
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,638
No hard feelings,
huh? None at all.

314
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,725
Good. Because I just
recorded your entire confession.

315
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,309
Right here on my...

316
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,603
Spy pen?

317
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,689
Second—oldest trick in the book.

318
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,357
[Sighs] Oh, god.

319
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:20,235
A real man would have
just poisoned the soup.

320
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,113
Are we done here?

321
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,954
Ah, thank you.

322
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,706
Hey, mom! Guess what!

323
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:36,293
Griffin invited us all over to his house
for a pool party and barbecue tonight.

324
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,087
Pool party, huh? — yeah,
and he said bring your swimsuits.

325
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,714
He was pretty adamant about it.

326
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,215
It's 50 degrees outside.

327
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,468
Sounds fun.
Great. I'll call him.

328
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:49,514
You know, you're basically agreeing
to a date with a 13-year-old boy.

329
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:52,059
Jay, we use this to get us
tables at restaurants.

330
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,269
Why can't we use this
to get Manny a friend?

331
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,605
Because he's not really
getting a friend. Oh.

332
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,584
But when you thought that he was trying
to ride your motorcycle, it was okay.

333
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,777
Maybe now I don't like
what he's trying to ride.

334
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,445
Manny likes Griffin.

335
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:06,823
Maybe someday, if they spend enough
time together, Griffin will like Manny.

336
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,950
What? Griffin doesn't like me?

337
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,287
No, no, no, papl he loves you.

338
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:16,124
But you just said someday Griffin will
like me. That means he doesn't like me now.

339
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,001
You know what, kid?

340
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,587
We think that Griffin...

341
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,589
Might be hanging out with you...

342
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,425
Because he's got a little
crush on your mother and me.

343
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:28,053
On you? Wow. I can't believe it.

344
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:30,555
Listen, it's fine. You're
gonna be fine. I'm sorry.

345
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,017
Are you kidding? It's
fantastic! How is it fantastic?

346
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:37,145
I'm only hanging out with him because
I have the hots for his sister Chloe.

347
00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,147
You've met Griffin.
The kid's a doorknob.

348
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:41,942
So you're just using him?

349
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,861
Yeah, and I felt
really guilty about it until now.

350
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,030
Now it's a win—win. Not for me.

351
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,532
Just suck it up, mom.

352
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,368
I've done a lot for you
over the years. Jay, you too.

353
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,788
This girl could be the one.
Then I'm out of your hair forever.

354
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,873
Pool party, mom.
Dress accordingly.

355
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,087
[Grunting]

356
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:05,382
Can you help me reach
that box of cereal? [Sighs]

357
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,716
Hey.

358
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,219
You're mitzi roth. I
recognized you from your ads.

359
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,013
Smokin', right? I'm Luke Dunphy.

360
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:15,058
My dad's Phil Dunphy. I'm sorry.

361
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,643
Why do you hate him so much?

362
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:19,312
It's just business, kid.
It's not personal.

363
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:22,149
Well, it's personal to us.

364
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:25,277
I've never seen my dad
so worried before.

365
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,613
I have this spy pen, and I
heard him talking to my mom,

366
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:32,325
and he's scared about paying
for my sister's college next year.

367
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,287
And I guess he's nervous
about some kind of party,

368
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,331
because he said there's
a big balloon payment.

369
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:41,835
Anyways, he's, like,
the best dad ever,

370
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,088
so maybe you could be
a little nicer to him.

371
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,673
There you are, buddy.

372
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,384
Check it out. They're
giving away free jelly beans.

373
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,262
Iewfizi Dunphy.

374
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,681
You have a very nice kid there.

375
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,308
He's mine.

376
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,936
[ Shouting, chattering ]

377
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,355
Hey. So I was thinking...

378
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,482
After little fizbo,
we could do the ladder bit.

379
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,484
Ah, crap, I forgot the ladder.

380
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,486
You know what? I'll
remember it next weekend.

381
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,614
What's next weekend?

382
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,699
We got a town fair
in thousand oaks...

383
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,701
And a birthday party
in Pasadena.

384
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,912
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I— I can't do that.

385
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:19,307
What do you mean? I'm the one
with outstanding warrants in Pasadena.

386
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:21,875
No, we're taking Lily to
the aquarium next weekend.

387
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:25,128
You know, Lewis, this was
just a one-time thing, right?

388
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,756
Well, what happened to we're
puttin' the act back together?

389
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:30,091
Well, that was just for today.

390
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,511
Oh, sure. [Sighs]

391
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:36,014
Fntsony ifyouthought—
No, no, no.Lgetn.

392
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,099
You're a family man now.

393
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:40,685
Hey.

394
00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:46,149
Let's go out there and make this the
best show fizbo and Lewis have ever done.

395
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,986
You got it, partner.

396
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,365
Ladies and germs,
boys and girls,

397
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:58,954
say hello to my good friend,
little fizbo!

398
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,206
[ Cheering ]

399
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:05,210
Hello, big people.

400
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,295
[Ai hill]

401
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,674
- [ Laughing ]
- Let's get this party started!

402
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:15,178
Ar [ Upbeat pop ]

403
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:19,057
Wow, all this dancing
sure has made me hungry.

404
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,976
Wish I had something to eat.

405
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,937
- — [ Groaning]
- [Children laughing]

406
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,939
Oh, forgot I had
that fish over there.

407
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,984
Don't know why he's so mad at me.
He was fine just a minute ago.

408
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,570
Oh! Okay. Somebody's
a little punchy today.

409
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,948
Hey, what's the frying pan
doing here?

410
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:38,368
When did we add a frying pan to the act?
Nope, don't need the frying pan.

411
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,413
[ Groaning ] Why are you
doing that? Stop doing that.

412
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,291
Screw you, you traitor. —
Ow! That hurts! Seriously. Stop it.

413
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,668
You know what hurts?
Abandonment.

414
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,170
[Children laughing]

415
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,967
Listen to 'em laughing.
We could've been something.

416
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,803
We could've been—
I can't do this bit by myself!

417
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:59,222
[Grunting]

418
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,059
- — [ Groaning ]
- Somebody— somebody...

419
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,812
This isn't pretend!
Someone grab an adult, please!

420
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,356
[ Knocking ]

421
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,361
Mitzi. Your kid
forgot his cereal.

422
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,780
There's a surprise in every box.

423
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,074
Spoiler alert: It's diabetes.

424
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,660
You drove all the way
over here for this?

425
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:23,830
Okay, look, here's the deal. You
can have that listing if you want it.

426
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:26,249
What? Yeah. The
couple are a real pain.

427
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,959
I'm too old for
that kind of headache.

428
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,587
Just keep your mouth shut
about it. Thank you so much.

429
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,172
I just said zip it!

430
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,590
Oh. You did— unbelievable.

431
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,633
I'm so sorry. But
thank you. [ Groans ]

432
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,177
Bye.

433
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,804
Kids, gather round!

434
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,890
We are right here! Oh.

435
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,017
Let me tell you something.

436
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,353
People are fundamentally good.

437
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,147
The key is, you find that
goodness deep within them,

438
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:52,859
twist it and turn it
to your advantage.

439
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,194
Hello. Pshh!

440
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:57,238
And there she is.

441
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:58,782
What are you gonna hit?

442
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,742
College, balloon
payment, greatest dad ever.

443
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,120
Nice. You want me to squirt some
tears in your eyes? [ Scoffs ] Dad, please.

444
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,539
I was fake crying
before I could walk.

445
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,626
How do you think I got out
of eating all those salads?

446
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,964
[Grunting]

447
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:18,635
Can you help me reach
that box of cereal? [Sighs]

448
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,637
Oh, hey, you're
mitzi roth, right?

449
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,180
I recognized you from your ads.

450
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,182
Smokin', huh? [Candy spilling]

451
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:28,186
I can't believe you got that
listing back, honey! Sweetheart!

452
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:29,521
Ohh. Honey.

453
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,648
Mm-hmm? Ding.

454
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,901
Are you sure you want
to cling a chatterbox?

455
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,195
Hmm. Wh— uh...

456
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,655
Honey.

457
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,865
Quick. What's the trick
to those fake tears?

458
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,784
The three stooges are all dead.

459
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,453
[Whimpers ] Yeah, that's good.

460
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:53,211
Well, it looks like
somebody likes coldplay.

461
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,754
Hmm. Right. You saw.

462
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,005
Uh—huh.

463
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:58,716
Did you see the pictures
I posted from Thanksgiving?

464
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:01,845
Totes adorbs. I'm
going to kill myself.

465
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,764
You gotta check out my wall.
Right there.

466
00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,767
“Spring break, 1990,
New Orleans.”

467
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:10,061
Is that you? What?

468
00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:12,439
Some guy from your college
tagged you in a picture.

469
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,691
What is tagging? What
is tagging? [ Chuckles ]

470
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,068
Why are you drinking
out of a funnel?

471
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,863
And why is his hand on your—
[Laughing]

472
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:22,449
Untag it! Un— untag it!
Oh, my goodness!

473
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:25,368
Girls, I'm serious!
Untag it! Tear down the wall!

474
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:31,291
English - us - psdh