1 00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:05,798 Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond to allegations... 2 00:00:05,882 --> 00:00:08,551 That you look super sexy in your new suit? 3 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,011 I haven't been elected yet. 4 00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,346 Come on, kids! We gotta vote! 5 00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,849 Honey, come on. Please stop filming. I'm just excited. 6 00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:18,477 After today, you are going to be a councilwoman, 7 00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:20,813 and I am going to be a first husband. 8 00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:23,542 Well, if you don't stop filming, you're going to be my first husband. 9 00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:25,026 All right, everybody, come on! 10 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,694 You know what you're doing, kids? 11 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,655 You guys are Manning the phone banks. Alex, you're in charge of that. 12 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:33,576 What? Why is she in charge? And wh-what's a phone bank? That's why. 13 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,119 Phil? I got it. 14 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,997 I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, 15 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,475 assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. 16 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,792 Redirect. High five. 17 00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:44,170 Old people occasionally forget things. Okay. 18 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:47,089 All right, everybody, let's go. Wait, wait. Real quick. Sorry. 19 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:49,091 Everybody get in there. Jump in there. 20 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:52,261 I just want to say how proud of you we all are. 21 00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,180 You're an inspiration. 22 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:57,159 Who would've thought that 20 years ago, when you were still in the bloom of your youth... 23 00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,060 Okay, I'm gonna go start the car. 24 00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:00,645 Claire likes to win. 25 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,968 When she was eight, a little girl scout friend of hers... 26 00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:05,316 Bragged she could sell the most cookies. 27 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,318 Damned if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood... 28 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,320 Till she got blisters on her feet, 29 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,863 and won by 10 boxes. 30 00:01:10,947 --> 00:01:14,617 Best part is, Claire wasn't even a girl scout. 31 00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,745 The choice is Claire. 32 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:21,249 I/ofe Claire dunph y for to wn council! 33 00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:24,085 What? [ Laughing I oh, I love it! 34 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,170 What do you think, huh? I love it. 35 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,880 We got it on craigslist. 36 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:31,133 , r, r - 37 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,694 Came off a taco truck. It did. 38 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:35,054 I love that you're doing this for me. Thank you! 39 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,973 You're welcome! 40 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,696 I know how important winning is to Claire. 41 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,727 And I love to festoon things. We're her dream team. 42 00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:44,665 So we cleared the whole day, dropped lin off at school and voted first thing. 43 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:48,693 Although one of us had a bit of a dimpled Chad situation. 44 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,754 Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad? 45 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,489 Oh, sure, no problem. 46 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,783 Just vote over here. Just... 47 00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,953 ,/' hey, neyj 48 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,997 ,/' hey, hey, r 49 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,291 ,/' hey, hey, r 50 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,084 ,/' hey, hey, r 51 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,335 j“ hey if 52 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,964 thank you. Thank you. 53 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,424 [All byefl 54 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:15,136 I can see claire—iy now that Duane is gone! 55 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:18,097 Bye! Thank you! 56 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,808 Oh, my gosh. Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go, let's go. 57 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,351 Good luck today, Claire. 58 00:02:22,435 --> 00:02:23,936 Oh, Laurie, thank you. 59 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,938 By the way, we have some really good news. 60 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,190 What's that? Becky got into the university of Oregon. 61 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:30,151 Oh, congratulations. 62 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,736 Any news, Haley? 63 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,279 Uh, no, not— not yet. 64 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,614 But, you know, super psyched! 65 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,199 This whole waiting to hear thing... 66 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:39,203 Has been a nightmare since the very first letter. 67 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,663 I'm too nervous. I can't do it. 68 00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:46,000 “Dear Ms. Dunphy, 69 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,085 we regret to inform you—” 70 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,716 What? Don't leave me hanging. 71 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,802 After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news. 72 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,305 I have one school left. 73 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,140 The only good news I've gotten is that... 74 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,226 My annoying neighbor Becky is moving back east to Oregon. 75 00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:06,812 Manny, write this down. I didn't bring a pen. 76 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,899 Election day is america at its finest. 77 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,234 The people speak and the government listens. 78 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:13,798 I don't know what they do in Colombia. 79 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,279 No one does, and don't ask. 80 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,281 I mean, we know that voting's a privilege, 81 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:20,605 but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot, it just means so much more... 82 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,955 You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later. What? Where you going? 83 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,874 The line is too long. 84 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,835 It's only three people, and nobody has a gun. 85 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,670 Eh. 86 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:36,342 We 're here! We 're Claire! Get used to iz'! 87 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:40,471 Mmm. You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking. Here, let me try one. 88 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,933 You don't have to be claire—voyant to know who to vote for! 89 00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:47,269 Vote Dunphy for town council. 90 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,230 Uh— uh— uh, Claire Dunphy. 91 00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:51,107 Uh, c—claire's her first name. 92 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,567 I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire. 93 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,195 Oh, my god, look at that. 94 00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,863 There's a trash can right there, 95 00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,907 and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk. 96 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:04,453 Hey, you in the yellowjacket. Pick it up and put it in the trash. 97 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:08,165 Sorry! Oh... 98 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,960 Oh, my god, he did it. Yes, he did. 99 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,295 Ooh, here, let me try one. 100 00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:15,798 Hey, dragon tattoo! No jaywalking! 101 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,635 Oh, my gosh, this is an instrument of power. 102 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,097 How could they not sell tacos? You know what we could do with this thing? 103 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,683 Cam, we could really make a difference. 104 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,518 We could be the voice of change. 105 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,019 Ooh, I got it. 106 00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:32,189 Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt. 107 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,191 Come on, gang. 108 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,778 Today is the dunphys at their best. 109 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:42,074 - Hey. - I'm from the weekly saver. 110 00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:44,177 Mind it! Ask you a couple questions about the big election? 111 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,703 Not at all. Fire away. 112 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,538 Who are you voting for today? 113 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,707 Claire Dunphy. 114 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,852 Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. 115 00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:55,337 Why? Because I am Claire Dunphy. 116 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:56,714 Oh. I'm sorry. 117 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,175 They moved me over from ad sales. We take turns reporting. 118 00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,135 How do you feel about your chances today? 119 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:04,221 Not as good as I did a few minutes ago. No, she feels great. 120 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,849 Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high. 121 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,976 There's your headline. Phil... 122 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,037 - — How about a photo of all of you? - Sure. Yes. Yes. 123 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,105 Mom. Mom, mom. Tag. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. 124 00:05:13,189 --> 00:05:15,900 That would have been a really awkward picture. 125 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,318 Okay. 126 00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:20,196 Oh! 127 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,072 What is that? Is that a tooth? 128 00:05:22,198 --> 00:05:23,824 Awesome! Ewww! 129 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,659 How old are you? Do it again. 130 00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:28,954 How does that even happen? — it's a fake tooth from an old ice skating injury. 131 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:31,207 It just fell out. Oh, my gosh. Vvhytoday? 132 00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,709 Let's not overreact. Let me see it. 133 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,669 Okay. All right. 134 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,463 Oww! 135 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,715 Got it. Thanks. 136 00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:48,974 What happened back there? — The line was too long. I couldn't wait. 137 00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:52,061 I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet. 138 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,104 Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay? 139 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:57,024 That place I take you has the greatest sherbet on the west coast. 140 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,401 They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet. 141 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,945 Why are we talking about sherbet? 142 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,465 - — He's clearly changing the subject. - Why aren't you in school? 143 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,990 He's doing it again. 144 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,243 Manny's right. You're being very ardi/la. 145 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,286 Ardi/la? Yeah, you know. 146 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,747 - — The— the one th—that— - Rabbit. I was being “rabbity.” 147 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,291 - — No, the one with the cheeks and tail and— - chipmunk. 148 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:16,669 - — Possum. - Okay, obviously she means squirrel. 149 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:20,548 - —You were being squirrelly then, you're being squirrelly now. - Better than bein' a rat. 150 00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,174 Manny, give us a minute. Oh, sure. 151 00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:24,552 I served him up on a silver platter. 152 00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:30,140 What? 153 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,018 All right, it's no big deal. 154 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:36,355 There was a woman working there. I didn't want her to see me. 155 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,190 - Who is she? - Her name is dottie. 156 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:42,319 - — She's the first woman I dated after my divorce. - You dated a dottie after dede? 157 00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:46,031 You're focusing on the wrong thing here. The point is, it ended badly. 158 00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:50,452 I tried to let her down easy, but, uh, she didn't take it too well. 159 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,539 Actually, I don't know how she took it 'cause I wasn't there. 160 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:57,126 We dated a few weeks, then after we, you know... 161 00:06:57,209 --> 00:07:00,504 I slipped out of her house before she woke up and never called her again. 162 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,923 Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral, 163 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:04,925 let it roll down the driveway, lights off. 164 00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:07,469 Hey, I can't talk about this anymore. 165 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:11,015 So because of this woman, you didn't vote for your daughter? 166 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,350 It's Claire. We need her to win. 167 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,270 I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled. 168 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:19,273 I'll figure out something. Maybe those poll workers take shifts. 169 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:23,736 Stop hiding in your little cave like a— like, you know, like the... 170 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,529 The— the... 171 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,894 I really don't want to do this again. No, th-the big one. 172 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:30,200 Like the monster furry one. 173 00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:33,537 Why can't I remember any animal names? 174 00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:37,333 Climb aboard the Dunphy express. 175 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,834 Next stop, democracy. 176 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,395 What? No, no. Please don't go. 177 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,171 I won't do that anymore. I promise. 178 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:45,049 Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop. 179 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:47,676 I gotta pick up my new glasses. No can do. 180 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,596 I, uh— I got a lot of people waiting, so... 181 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,222 It'll just take two minutes. 182 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:55,309 I can't even see the ballot without my glasses. 183 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:59,521 I Mark the wrong box, next thing you know, I'll be married to a guy. 184 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:01,732 Yeah, I—I don't think it's mandatory, Walt. 185 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,110 I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me. 186 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:10,699 They will break all your buttons and say you brought it in that way! 187 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,326 Okay, go, go, go! 188 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,162 Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind. 189 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,998 And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us. 190 00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:22,836 Do not see that movie. You will neither laugh nor cry. 191 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,173 Best pizza in the city? Not even the best pizza on the street. 192 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,801 They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures. 193 00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:33,222 Totally free checking? Don't bank on it. 194 00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:36,767 Okay, that was really fun, but now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire. 195 00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:40,145 We've been saying that for two hours. Yes, but now I really mean it. 196 00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:42,356 - — Oh, my god, there's Sandy. - Sandra bullock? 197 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:46,360 Yes, Sandra bullock. We're such good friends, I call her Sandy, so... 198 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,696 No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool. Oh, yeah. 199 00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:51,198 No! You know, she got engaged. 200 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,908 To the gay boyfriend? Totally. 201 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,910 Oh, how does she not see it? 202 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,389 If / was with somebody that gorgeous, I 'd o ver/ook a few quirks too. 203 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:58,872 First of all, thank you. 204 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,834 Second of all, point well taken. 205 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,836 Li/lmm, poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her. 206 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:06,130 It's better than being alone. Is it? 207 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,756 She is looking 0 ver here. 208 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,567 Oh, my god. Ll/I/tche/I, you're sitting on the button. 209 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,093 No. No, I'm not. No, I'm not! 210 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,220 It's stuck! And you're the one that had it last, 211 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,532 when you were taunting the cheese shop. Oh, please. You know what? 212 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,701 If you advertise truffle cheese, there are certain expectations. 213 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,435 Hi Sandy. 214 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,480 I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy. 215 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,066 Sure. Yeah. Uh—huh. Okay, whatever. What a beautiful name. 216 00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,336 I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council. 217 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,028 All right, how about this? 218 00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:31,530 If you vote for Claire Dunphy, 219 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:34,700 you won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life. 220 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,202 Vote for Claire. 221 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:39,997 Luke, what are you doing? You can't say that. 222 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,876 Oh, like she'd be the first politician to make a promise she can't keep. 223 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,378 Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you either. 224 00:09:46,462 --> 00:09:50,174 Maybe you are the one that is bothering me! How do you like that, huh? 225 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,552 Gloria, I'm going to have to ask you again... 226 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,763 To please stick to your script. 227 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,640 But everybody's saying no to me. I don't get it. 228 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,727 Usually, when I ask someone to do something, they just do it. 229 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,146 Maybe it's because these people can't see you. 230 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:08,776 I don't like it. Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera? 231 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,778 Uh—huh. Thank you, Maggie, for the vote. 232 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,447 Okay. Bye—bye. 233 00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:15,908 Here's your seat. 234 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,327 Thank you. Um, you have to excuse me. 235 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,246 I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before. 236 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,706 Don't worry about it. 237 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,500 Just think of it as a conversation. Okay. 238 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:28,295 Here are your headphones. Volume control. Don't get too far from the mic. 239 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,297 Okay. Make sure your cell phone's off. 240 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,425 Oh, cell phone, right. And you're not chewing gum, are you? 241 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:37,012 No, I'm not. I just had some temporary dental work done. 242 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,597 The last thing— ohh! 243 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,265 Jv 244 00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:44,394 And welcome back to a matter of record I'm Cecil Van gundy. 245 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,814 Joining us now in studio... 246 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:51,777 Is district 43 town council candidate Claire Dunphy. 247 00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:54,655 Thank you, Cecil. 248 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,533 It's a pleasure to be here. 249 00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,786 So, you're a first—time candidate. Tell us what got you involved. 250 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:04,873 It all started with a, um— a stop sign. 251 00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:08,710 I was concerned about safety in our neighborhood... 252 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:12,965 And I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall. 253 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:14,758 What's wrong with mom? 254 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,343 Oh, this isn't good. 255 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,887 She sounds drunk. That's not her drunk voice. 256 00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,974 And tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. 257 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:26,645 Where do you stand on the city's sewage and sustainability initiative? 258 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,564 The so—called s.S.I. 259 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,566 One cannot really talk about... 260 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:32,985 S—s—sewage and sustainability... 261 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:36,071 Without first discussing recycling. 262 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,396 This city can do more with its recycling program. What the hell's wrong with her? 263 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,869 - — She sounds drunk. - It's a tooth thing. 264 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,579 Uh-oh. 265 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,164 What's wrong? I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy. 266 00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:49,334 - — Is it serious? - Is oxygen serious? 267 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,087 You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses. 268 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,716 I'm gonna drop you at home. You can get your air, I can drive other people. 269 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,509 I don't have any more tanks at home. 270 00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,511 Why? That seems like bad planning. 271 00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:01,513 Well, I forgot to order them. 272 00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:03,724 My pills make me forget things. 273 00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,726 Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill! 274 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:08,103 Please tell me you have it with you. Of course I do. 275 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,188 But I have to take it with food. Don't I? 276 00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:13,650 Are you asking me? Uh, yes. I do take them with food. 277 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,277 I don't feel so well. 278 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,279 Okay, I'll get you whatever you want. 279 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,281 I'll get you the air! I'll get you the food! 280 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,199 Then I'll vote for your drunk wife. 281 00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,535 That is not her drunk voice! 282 00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:26,371 Thank you so much for voting. 283 00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,832 Thanks so much. We appreciate it. 284 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,046 Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay pritchett. 285 00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,131 Uh, can I get in and out really quick? Thank you. 286 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,967 Wait, no. You have— sir! This is all I need. Thank you very much. 287 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,304 All right. Claire, Claire, Claire. 288 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,139 Claire, claire— aha! Here! 289 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:46,892 Oh! 290 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,144 - Hey! - Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 291 00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,648 Hello, dottie! 292 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,235 Jay! 293 00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:59,029 It's so nice to see you. 294 00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,239 Is it? Oh, why wouldn't it be? 295 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:02,741 Well— oh. 296 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,786 That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. We're good. 297 00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:09,414 - — Oh, that's great. - Thank you so much for voting. 298 00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,124 You remember my daughter, Claire. 299 00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,085 She's— she's running for town council. 300 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,296 Oh, isn't that neat? Yeah, so proud. 301 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,466 So, you're gonna put it in there, huh? 302 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,802 - Oh, yeah, of course. - Definitely. 303 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,804 'Cause every vote counts, you know. 304 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,431 Thank you so much for voting. 305 00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,599 Yeah. 306 00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,393 Boy, I'd sure like to see... 307 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,979 The sweet sight of my vote counting. 308 00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,649 Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? 309 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,359 That would make me a liar, 310 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,820 instead of a trusting widow who fell asleep... 311 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:42,823 In the warm embrace of a man who promised to make breakfast. 312 00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:45,200 Okay, there it is. 313 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,327 Look, I'm so sorry. 314 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:51,999 You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex in 35 years. 315 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,834 I panicked. 316 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:57,337 A—a—and it wasn't 'cause you weren't pretty naked or anything like that. 317 00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,172 I'd have run from Angie Dickinson. 318 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,507 Lucky her. Dottie... 319 00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,009 Good—bye, Jay. Dottie, dottie. 320 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:04,261 Please. I'm just tryin' to get my ballot in the box. 321 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,138 Oh, yeah! That sounds familiar. 322 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,640 You don't have to do anything. Just let me put it in. 323 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,559 Shouldn't have said that. 324 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,520 We are so sorry. 325 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:16,732 We did not mean for you to hear any of that. 326 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:19,276 Yes. And we shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place. 327 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,154 What if you're right? What if Gregory is gay? 328 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,906 When my mom said it, I didn't believe her. She lives in Iowa. 329 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:28,785 But coming from you two— means nothing. We barely know your fiancé. 330 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:31,663 If he says he's straight, he's straight. 331 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:34,624 We're getting married in a month. People are flying in. 332 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,169 He signed us up for dance classes— oh, my god. 333 00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,712 No. No, no, no. Hey. 334 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:41,298 This is what gays do. We gossip. Yeah. We gossip a lot. 335 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:45,052 He gossips! No, no. You're missing the point. Okay? 336 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,720 We see a great—looking guy like Gregory, 337 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,347 and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay. 338 00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,391 Really? Really? Are you sure? Yes. 339 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:53,935 Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars. 340 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:57,064 You know? Hugh Jackman. He sings, he dances, he's dreamy. 341 00:14:57,189 --> 00:15:00,233 So obviously we would want him on our team. Mmm! 342 00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:01,985 But he's straight. 343 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,987 Trust me. I know. 344 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,989 I said hello to him once in a restaurant, 345 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,909 and there was absolutely no chemistry. 346 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,887 Well, if that isn't proof... 347 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,080 Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married, 348 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,248 and everyone said the wedding was beautiful. 349 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,958 Gregory did the flowers. 350 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,670 Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy. 351 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,593 The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb. 352 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,512 All right, let's go vote. 353 00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:31,640 Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician anyway? You heard her. 354 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:35,060 She wanted to put up a stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf, but then she ran into... 355 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,354 Wait, wait, wait. That's near where I live. 356 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,147 Yeah! We're neighbors. Let's go. 357 00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:42,901 No way I'm votin' for that. Too much government already. 358 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:47,656 I didn't fight a war so some politician can tell me where I have to stop my car. 359 00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,491 You don't even drive! 360 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:52,035 That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away. 361 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,830 I don't think he was involved in the decision! 362 00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:58,250 I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife. I'm not going home with zero. 363 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,795 The least you can do is walk right in there and punch a hole for the woman... 364 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,798 Who drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday! 365 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,676 I don't like it. Goes against everything I believe in. 366 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,512 - Really? A stop sign? - But I'll do it. 367 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:14,432 'Cause you're a good kid, and I had a nice day. 368 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,685 Till you started yelling at me. 369 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,479 So sorry. Thank you. 370 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:20,939 Here you go. 371 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:23,859 You know, my wife was an alcoholic too. 372 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,610 Okay. Let's just go vote. 373 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:29,156 The polls are closed for the district 43 to wn council race... 374 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,907 Hi, everyone! 375 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,494 Any news? Not yet, not yet. 376 00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:38,165 But even if! Lose, at least now I know I have a future in radio. 377 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,959 I couldn't. People need to see me. 378 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,961 Before we hear the results, 379 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:46,923 I just want to thank you all for everything you've done for me. 380 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,925 Mitch and cam, 381 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:52,345 for campaigning for me all day in your little Claire-mobile. 382 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,472 It's the least we could do. 383 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,141 Literally. 384 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,394 We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career than we did for Claire's. 385 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:04,316 And Manny and Gloria, thank you for making all those phone calls. 386 00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:07,235 And dad, for all your support. 387 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:10,113 I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire. 388 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,907 I don't think I even voted. 389 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,117 And my husband. 390 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:21,583 Who drove around I don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls. 391 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,501 One. 392 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,587 And my beautiful children, 393 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:30,300 whose faith has given me the confidence to believe that I can do this. 394 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,719 I can— oh! Somebody else answer it. 395 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,721 Ifs—ilost icanfeeln mom.Mom. 396 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,890 Answer the phone. 397 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,392 Heho. 398 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,103 This is she. 399 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,064 Mm-hmm. 400 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:47,692 Thanks so much for calling. Bye-bye. 401 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,156 I have some bad news. 402 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:58,453 Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman? 403 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,039 No, no, no! 404 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:03,541 No, I wasn't doing that fake thing. I really lost. I lost. 405 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,503 Ay, no. 406 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,381 - That's all right. - I'm so sorry. 407 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,424 But you know what? 408 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,594 We are still just so proud of you. 409 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,098 Yeah. 410 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:22,143 I don't know about you, but, um, I could use a glass of wine. 411 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:27,857 Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice. 412 00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,778 Hmm. 413 00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:34,072 Mmm? Mmn 414 00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:37,033 - — you okay? - Yes, fine. I'm good. I'm fine. 415 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,828 I'm not fine. I wanted to win, and... 416 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,579 And I'm so embarrassed. 417 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,960 Everybody out there worked so hard for me... 418 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,920 And they believed in me, 419 00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,463 and I let 'em down. 420 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,678 Oh! Honey. Oh, sweetheart. 421 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,847 Well, don't cry. 422 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,682 I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. 423 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,600 Really, I am. 424 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:05,478 Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better. 425 00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,188 No. 426 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:10,567 I got four rejection letters I never told you guys about. 427 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,779 What? 428 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:18,241 I got rejected from ucsb, Oregon, Wisconsin... 429 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,784 Oh, no. Northwestern. 430 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,829 Well, we were overshooting on that one. 431 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,998 What about, uh— came today. 432 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:28,251 My last chance. Mm-hmm. 433 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,628 I'm too scared to open it. 434 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:35,925 Whatever it says in there, your father and I are crazy proud of you. Okay? 435 00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,970 I did start trying this year. I know you did. 436 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,723 You did. You have nothing to be ashamed of. 437 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,559 Neither do you. 438 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,063 Mmm. It's a little bit different. 439 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:51,316 No, it's exactly the same. 440 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:55,695 Except you tried really hard the whole time, not just at the end. 441 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,783 You're right. It is the same. 442 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,077 We have nothing to be ashamed of. 443 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,788 So let's open that together. 444 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,207 Yeah, open it. What? No. 445 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,377 What are you doing here? — no, come on, Haley. We believe in you. 446 00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,670 Do it! You can always work for me. 447 00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,839 You can do it. Come on, Haley. 448 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,425 All right, open, open, open, open. 449 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:24,891 “Dear Ms. Dunphy, we regret to inform you—” 450 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,518 Oh, honey. Mm-hmm. 451 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,396 “While we cannot offer you admission at this time, 452 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:33,000 you are a promising candidate, and therefore we would like to place you on our wait list.” 453 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,151 Oh, my god, I got wait-listed! 454 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,612 We will take it! 455 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,240 Congratulations! Haley! 456 00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:42,492 Our daughter might be going to college! 457 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,625 Phil! Look! 458 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,630 - — A stop sign. - It's addressed to you. 459 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,554 “Dear Claire, I won, you lost. 460 00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,973 Here is your stupid stop sign. 461 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:08,601 Next time you think about bothering me, please take its advice. 462 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:11,020 Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey.” 463 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,440 - Blaaah! - Honey, you did it! 464 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:17,318 I did it. I made our neighborhood a little bit safer. 465 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,654 I may even have saved a life. 466 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:25,326 You idiot! There's a stop sign! Can't you read? 467 00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,163 No. We need speed bumps. 468 00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:30,165 Mnnn. No.No! Honey! 469 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,045 English - us - psdh