1 00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:07,258 What's with all the yogurt? 2 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,886 Shh! Durkas has been breaking into my locker. 3 00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,305 Mmm. But I've got a little revenge planned. 4 00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,148 Sorry. I just remembered I don't really care. 5 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:20,271 Where is mom? 0/7, my god. What is that outfit? 6 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,107 Are you going goth? You still sleep with a stuffed panda. 7 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,942 Don't you have a fraternity to pass out in? 8 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,528 Is there anything else you need for your procedure? 9 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,530 Um, I think I'm supposed to have ice cream. 10 00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,449 Hmm. Actually, I don't... 11 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,285 I'm sorry. Is it a vasecto-you or a vasectomy? 12 00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:36,370 You can have ice cream. Thanks. 13 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:38,289 Today— Snip-a-Dee-doo-dah! 14 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,684 We-we've been talking about doing this for a while. 15 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,543 Yeah, ever since dad and Gloria... 16 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:45,046 Had their little accident, we don't need any surprises. 17 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:48,090 Also, though, it will allow for a little more freestylin' in the boudoir, 18 00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:50,509 if we're not having to worry about adding more critters. 19 00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:52,428 More importantly, it is an essential part... 20 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:54,013 Of our five-year plan. 21 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,390 Oh, the five-year plan. Talk about the— the rosses. 22 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,392 The rosses— okay. The rosses are this couple... 23 00:00:58,476 --> 00:01:00,394 We have known forever, and... 24 00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,104 They were never able to have kids, 25 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,023 so we always felt a little— jealous of 'em. 26 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,608 Yeah. I mean, we love our kids, 27 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,526 but John and Chrissy can travel. 28 00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,070 They're always tan. 29 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,572 Did you know that Chrissy is eight years older than me? 30 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:13,407 I would have said eight years younger. 31 00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:14,971 There's just this spark in her that... 32 00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:17,034 Well, look who I'm talking to. You used to have it. 33 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,080 Wow. It's like you don't hear— the point is, 34 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:20,998 as long as we don't have another baby, 35 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:23,000 that life is ours in five years, 36 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,585 when Luke goes off to college... 37 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:26,128 Or somewhere. 38 00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:27,922 It will actually be a pleasure walking... 39 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,341 Into the doctor's office today... 40 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,985 There you are. Mom... 41 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,469 Hang on a second. What is this? 42 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,805 Is this because of your new friend Skylar? 43 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,682 Oh, she's just trying to change her image. 44 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,476 Nice work, by the way you went from o'ork to count dorku/a. 45 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:43,145 Can we talk about my clothes? You were supposed to send them. 46 00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:46,232 I'll be with you in a second. Hang on. I don't like this Skylar. 47 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:48,985 You don't need to change who you are to fit in with the cool kids. 48 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,112 Oh, of course she does. 49 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:53,781 She just is so uncooi, she doesn't know who the cool kids are. 50 00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,574 [ Sighs I don't you have a class to fail? 51 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:57,410 Don't you have a raven to train? 52 00:01:57,493 --> 00:02:00,413 Listen, /ha ve repeated outfits twice this week. 53 00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,665 - It's a disaster. - And I will deal with it tomorrow. 54 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,875 But today I'm taking your father to the doctor. 55 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:07,169 He's having an ass-ectomy. What? 56 00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,755 - I hear things. - You're getting your tonsils out? 57 00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:12,133 Oh! This family needs a dumb-ass-ectomy. 58 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,194 Shut up! I'm tired of you thinking you're so... 59 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,095 Did mom and dad ever tell you you were adopted? 60 00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,406 Five more years. No, I wasn't! 61 00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:18,950 Okay. 62 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,267 Y hey, hey, r 63 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,185 y hey, hey, r 64 00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:25,313 y hey, hey, r 65 00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,315 y hey, hey, r 66 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:28,566 j hey j'j' 67 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:35,114 okay, so after school, you're going to your friend Ashley's to swim, 68 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,325 so I'm gonna need you to go get your swimsuit, 69 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,994 your swim goggles and your sunscreen, okay? 70 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,997 And change into a dress that's not covered in cat fur. 71 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,957 Oh, that cat is really losing its hair. 72 00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:47,626 Maybe we should slip it one of your Propecia, huh? 73 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,087 - What Propecia? - Your pro... 74 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:53,424 Is that not something that we're... 75 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,676 So, what you got going on today? 76 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,470 Oh! Busy. Busy, busy, busy. 77 00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:59,713 I might buy some light bulbs and then, if time permits, 78 00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:02,016 I might do a little work on my master project. 79 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,434 Top secret. Okay. 80 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,120 So don't you dare ask what it is. 81 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:06,437 I won't. 82 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,064 Since Lily started kindergarten, 83 00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:09,899 cam's had a lot of free time. 84 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:13,486 Now, i-I'd like to suggest he go back to work, but... 85 00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,905 Historically, uh, that has proved to be... 86 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,907 A sensitive topic. 87 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,910 We sent those adoption papers to Vietnam last summer. 88 00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:22,953 No, thank you very much, 89 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:24,705 and please remember my tone, not my words. 90 00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:27,083 She said it could take up to nine months to get a baby. 91 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,417 It's inhuman! 92 00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:31,045 Is it? Don't— I-I know it's frustrating, 93 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,047 but maybe instead of driving yourself crazy... 94 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,424 Waiting for the phone to ring, you could go back to work. 95 00:03:35,508 --> 00:03:36,759 Excuse me? 96 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,820 Get a job! 97 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,847 No, it-it— it'll help you take your mind off the baby. 98 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,492 Oh, what, because I'm a big, giant freeloader? 99 00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:45,660 Actually, I think I laid out the reasons pretty clearly. 100 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,228 No, I think you pegged me. Bone lazy. 101 00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:50,064 Just like on the farm— first to bed, last to wake up in the morning. 102 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,417 Why don't you call my dad, and you two can gab all night... 103 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,443 About what a teat-sucking layabout I am? 104 00:03:54,527 --> 00:03:57,238 Okay, I think I might have paddled into some deeper waters here. 105 00:03:57,321 --> 00:04:00,908 Think I sit around all day? Well, I'm not sittin' now. 106 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,910 What's happening? 107 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,870 You keep a packed suitcase? 108 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,872 That's a healthy baby. 109 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,416 Hold on. What? 110 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,459 Is that a license plate and a hubcap? 111 00:04:10,543 --> 00:04:12,044 You know, like in jaws? 112 00:04:12,128 --> 00:04:13,712 I never saw it. 113 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:16,441 I saw it, but I don't remember a scene with a hubcap and a pregnant woman. 114 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:17,758 Forget it. 115 00:04:17,842 --> 00:04:20,153 So, would you like to know if you're having a boy or a girl? 116 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,595 Yes. 117 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,889 Ay I want it to be a surprise. 118 00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,433 Don't you, Jay? 119 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,727 I'm having a baby at 65. You want another surprise, Gloria? 120 00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,188 Buy yourself a box of cracker Jacks. 121 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,066 Stupid dry cleaners! 122 00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:35,693 They shrink my clothes! 123 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,778 Might be time for maternity wear. 124 00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:40,364 Are you crazy? I'm barely showing. 125 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,717 Sweetheart, your shirts barely fit before you were pregnant. 126 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,368 And I never heard you complain. 127 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,289 We're gonna need a bigger belt. 128 00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:50,458 Come on. 129 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:52,626 This is hard. 130 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,589 Hey, cam. 131 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,007 Who's hungry? 132 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:01,969 Oh! Were you thinking about dropping by for lunch... 133 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,637 Again? 134 00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,306 You know, I-I really wish I could, 135 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:08,309 but it's, uh— It's a zoo around here. 136 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:11,061 Um— but, hey, cam... 137 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:14,148 Cam, would you mind, uh, stopping by longinus's boutique... 138 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,733 And picking up a few shirts for me? 139 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:16,877 Sure. 140 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,652 Thank you. Or we can do it together. 141 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,945 Hey! 142 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,238 Hi. 143 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,448 Good. How are you? 144 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:23,908 Okay. 145 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,785 Um— that's-that's good. Okay. Yeah. 146 00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,972 You didn't send the little green jacket? 147 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:32,625 Honey, I am not doing this again. It took me an hour to mail that package before. 148 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:35,920 I have post-post office traumatic stress disorder. 149 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,005 Stop smiling. It's not that c/e ver. 150 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,841 It is clever, and there's no way I'm going back there today. 151 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:42,526 Oh, my god! /hate you so much! [ Sighs 1 152 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,112 Sorry, that's your father. Gotta go. 153 00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:46,514 Claire, where are you? 154 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,099 Oh, honey, I just had a hellish experience at the post office. 155 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,436 I have post-post office traumatic stress disorder. 156 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,021 Nailed it. Yes! 157 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,814 And Luke forgot his science project, 158 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,538 so now I'm at the school, dropping it off. 159 00:05:57,608 --> 00:06:00,110 Um, but what about my appointment? 160 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,112 I'm so sorry, honey. Imade other arrangements, 161 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,073 but I promise I will be there when you wake up. 162 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,699 Arrangements? 163 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,618 What, um— wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 164 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,495 What— what arrangements? 165 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,373 I, um— I kinda wanted you to take me. 166 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,875 Let's go! Chop, chop! 167 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:16,168 Seriously? “Chop, chop”? 168 00:06:16,252 --> 00:06:19,338 Oh, right. 169 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,307 Oh! 170 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,269 What? 171 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:37,648 What is this? 172 00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:39,275 Luke! Mom? 173 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:42,611 - What are you doing? - I was dropping off your science project. 174 00:06:42,695 --> 00:06:46,782 Not to my locker! When are you ever gonna stop embarrassing me? 175 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,368 Five more years. 176 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,662 Five more years. 177 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,712 Oh, my god! 178 00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,881 Oh, my god! 179 00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,508 Oh, my god! 180 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,028 If you're gonna go any higher, maybe I should put this down, huh? 181 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,721 So? What do you think? 182 00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,889 Finally, a store that sells shirts... 183 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:13,017 Men actually want to wear. 184 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,978 Thank you. Holler if you need me. We're a little shorthanded today. 185 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,187 What happened to j'Marcus? 186 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,897 Don't ask. She's a j'mess. 187 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,901 I'm telling you, it is so hard to find someone... 188 00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,901 Who knows clothes and is good with people. 189 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,070 Well, I wish I knew somebody. 190 00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:27,698 Oh, my god. Wait a second. Cam? 191 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,242 You wouldn't think about taking the job, would you? 192 00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:34,079 - Do you realize how perfect you'd be? - Well, yes. Um, but i-i... 193 00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:37,625 You'd only work part-time. You'd get employee discounts on the clothes. 194 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,168 Stop me if I'm wasting my breath. 195 00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,045 I don't know. What do you think, Mitchell? 196 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,339 I would miss having you around the house, 197 00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:45,262 but, you know, if it's something that you love. 198 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,968 - Mulling. - You know what? It was nice of you to offer. 199 00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:49,946 - But he should probably think about it. - I'll do it! 200 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,073 - Really? - Yep. Just until he can find somebody to replace me. 201 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,475 And good luck with that. 202 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,226 Oh, and I don't fold. 203 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,231 Longe, I'm getting a protein shake. 204 00:08:01,357 --> 00:08:03,901 Okay. Mitchell, this is jeoux. Hi. Oh, just “joe”? 205 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:07,404 - Yes, jeoux. J-e-o-u-x. - There it is. 206 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,300 Is this the Mitchell you're helping out because he wants his boyfriend to get a job? 207 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,926 I don't know what you're doing. Should I wave? 208 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,511 Did your boyfriend take the job? 209 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,746 Oh, my god! 210 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,624 - That looks so good on you, cam! - Don't even. 211 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:23,253 It is everything I can do to not create a scene right now. You will pay for this. Mmm. 212 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,591 And this. 213 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,761 And this. 214 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,893 Manny, you don't seem so happy. 215 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,729 You usually love when I pull you out of school to play hockey. 216 00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:42,314 “A,” it's “hooky,” 217 00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:44,608 and b” don't ever take me out of school to play hockey. 218 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,568 Did something bad happen at school? 219 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,321 They fired the music teacher. Mr. Hideo namagachi? 220 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,616 That you say perfectly. Manny, don't worry. He'll find another job. 221 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:56,495 But what about me? I've been buttering up Mr. Namagachi for years. 222 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:59,623 He was gonna give me the lead in the school musical, Oliver! 223 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,208 It is not all over. 224 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,626 Ol-i-verl 225 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,545 Manny... 226 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,380 You are a very talented boy. 227 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:10,217 You're gonna find plenty of music teachers to put butter on. 228 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,219 But what if I can't? I don't want to spend... 229 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,096 My last year of middle school in the chorus. 230 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,681 Maybe I can help. 231 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,225 Maybe when they pick the new music teacher, 232 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:21,603 I go and I flirt a little bit with him, you know. 233 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:25,733 Hey, mom, since we're just talking here— about your shirt, I... 234 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,985 What about my shirt? 235 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,029 Nothing. I just noticed you got some, uh... 236 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,407 Some pizza on the ice cream on it. 237 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,326 Ay a little pizza. Mmm. 238 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,415 It's natural to want to know the sex. 239 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,042 And there's practical matters. How do you paint the nursery? 240 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,545 Gloria should— Phil, would you please knock that off? What? 241 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,922 What's the matter? Are you nervous? I'm not nervous. 242 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,925 May-maybe you're the one who's nervous. You ever think about that? 243 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,802 Okay. Okay. Nervous. 244 00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,429 Okay. 245 00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:58,241 Because if you've had a change of heart— I haven't had a change of heart. 246 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,869 Maybe you've had a change of heart, but I'm totally pumped. Pump, pump, pumped. 247 00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:03,353 Pump up the jam in my pumped-up... kicks. 248 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,022 Pumpty dumpty. Pumpelstiltskin. 249 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,709 Because they do this kind of thing all the time, and in about an hour, 250 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,401 you're gonna be wanting to ride a horse. 251 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,452 Mr. Dunphy, can you please come to the desk? 252 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:22,956 What's the plan, Phil? Just sit here. Just gonna sit... 253 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,125 I'm gonna sit a bit. Sitting pretty. 254 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:27,586 Is there a Phil Dunphy here? 255 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,481 I'm his father-in-law. He's gonna need a moment. 256 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:31,590 Is there anything I could fill out for him? 257 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,383 Not unless you want the vasectomy. 258 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,552 - Where were you six months ago? - Barbados. 259 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:39,598 Now I really need to speak with the patient. Got it. Phil, get over here. 260 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,183 Phil. 261 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,061 He just ran ou... 262 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,522 You know what could do wonders for your business here? 263 00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,106 A recovery room. 264 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,080 Okay, wait, wait. 265 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,374 I'm not sure about this. Don't be a baby. 266 00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,084 It's gonna look cool. Just hold still. 267 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,585 Oh! 268 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,170 Mom, what are you doing here? 269 00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:12,422 I am changing my shirt. Why aren't you at school? 270 00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,984 - Ms. Dunphy, we just— - oh, no. You don't get to talk, morticia. 271 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,428 Okay, we out last period— big deal— because we're shaving the backs of our necks, 272 00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,013 which is totally a style. 273 00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:21,658 But of course, now you're going to freak out, 274 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:23,809 like you always do about every little thi... 275 00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,936 Let's do it. What? 276 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,481 Yeah. Yeah. Let's shave up some heads. Come on. Who's first? 277 00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:32,359 - Okay. Okay, mom? We don't need you to do that. - Are you afraid? 278 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,236 I'm not afraid! Then let's do this. 279 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,989 It's shaving time. Shavy gravy. Shaved by the bell. 280 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,907 Why are you talking like dad? Hair up, girls! 281 00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:40,659 Let's see some napes. Come on. Let's... 282 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,160 Oh, god. No! 283 00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,997 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! What did you do? 284 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,416 What did you do? I have my sister's wedding on Saturday! 285 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,877 I'm so sorry. Uh, Skylar, wait! 286 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,628 I could— I could even that up for you. 287 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,214 Stay away from me, both of you! 288 00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,508 Ugh! You ruined my life! 289 00:11:56,592 --> 00:11:58,510 Skylar! 290 00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:00,220 Oh. 291 00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:02,139 Cam. 292 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,392 Cameron! Oh! You're gonna have to talk to me at some point! 293 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,562 Oh, well, let me put that on my list of things to do, right after “get a job.” 294 00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,105 Would you stop running away? 295 00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,983 Nope. C-Cam! Come on! 296 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,044 You know, I can barely catch up with you... 297 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,820 Now that you lost all that weight. 298 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,464 You know what? I am sleeping better, and I do have more energy... 299 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,618 Oh, you know what? You're good. You're very good. 300 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,250 Cam! The only reason I tried to get you that job... 301 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,170 Is because you've been seeming a little... unfulfilled. 302 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,256 What, and you thought you'd fix me by turning me into some common shopgirl? 303 00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,842 You're not going anywhere. We have a daughter. 304 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,469 It's not for me. It's for you. 305 00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,804 Cam, I'm not go— Okay, well, that's packed. 306 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,283 And if you're going some place cool, I have a winter one packed as well. 307 00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:46,975 I'm not going anywhere! 308 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:50,437 - I should be able to talk to you about these things. - Oh, what things? 309 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,065 How empty my life is? 310 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:56,234 You know, you have no idea what I do around this house every day. 311 00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,779 I shop for food. I pay the bills. I maintain the house. 312 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,697 - I grocery shop. - Same as shopping for food. 313 00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,408 And still I have enough time to work on my master project. 314 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:07,371 And you never asked me what my master project is. 315 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,373 Because you told me not to ask! 316 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,291 Fine, since you won't let it go. 317 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:18,298 Does this look like the work of an unfulfilled slacker? 318 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:21,093 - A mermaid costume? - Hand-sewn from my own design. 319 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:24,096 Have you ever stitched lycra? 320 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:25,514 It's like sewing water, Mitchell. 321 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,391 It looks a little small for Lily. 322 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,976 It's not for Lily. 323 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,602 It's for the cat. 324 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,064 It's a mermaid costume for the cat. 325 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,986 My master project... 326 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:41,697 Is a mermaid costume... 327 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:42,990 For a cat! 328 00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,283 Okay. Hey, don't cry, okay? 329 00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:48,620 No, no. It's-it's nice. It's a— It's a very nice cat costume. 330 00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:51,456 Oh, stop it. This is eight weeks of my life! 331 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:54,543 My— my stupid, empty, creepy, 332 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,962 useless, cat-dressing life. 333 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,190 Okay, look. Let me get you a tissue, all right? 334 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,966 Here. 335 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,135 Oh! You packed me tissues. 336 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,886 I know how you are with your allergies. 337 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,764 Cam. You know I don't think you're lazy. 338 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,225 I crying I I know. That's just stupid dad stuff. 339 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:13,812 I didn't like working on the farm, and he just took it as me being lazy. 340 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:16,356 The truth is-is... I am unfulfilled, 341 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,525 and I do need to find something. 342 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,928 Well, you just— you seem happier when you have a challenge. 343 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,904 You know? I know, I know. 344 00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:25,032 You know, I love teaching music to kids. 345 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:28,035 And then— then Lily, she came along, and... 346 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,287 That's the best job in the whole wide world. 347 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,581 You know? And now she doesn't need me as much. 348 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:35,584 No, come on. Come on. We're gonna find you something else, all right? 349 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,587 Yeah. And it doesn't have to be longinus. 350 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,172 Or this. Yeah. 351 00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:42,466 We'll just— you know, I do like these shirts. 352 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,051 Yeah. Yeah. 353 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,344 Okay. Mulling. 354 00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,448 If I'm gonna mull, I could really use some chocolate. 355 00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:50,575 Well, since your diet, we don't keep it around the house. 356 00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,350 Side pocket. Yeah? Oh. 357 00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:54,227 Okay. Remind me to replace these. 358 00:14:57,189 --> 00:14:59,357 Oh! Hey, Jay! How you doing? 359 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:02,027 Phil, you gotta stop running from things because... 360 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,571 Running? I'm not running. You're running. 361 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,216 Look, I'm not up for another round with this. Just get in the damn car! 362 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,011 - I'm not having a great day. - You're not having a great day? 363 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,412 Are you about to get spayed like a common schnauzer? 364 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:14,498 They don't spay you. They fix you. You're a man! 365 00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,792 I just want to stay one! 366 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:25,258 Phil, what's scaring you here? That people are gonna think less of you as a man? 367 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:28,011 - No, I'm afraid it's gonna hurt. - That's what this is about? 368 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:31,640 Wait. People think that, that you're less of a man? 369 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,517 Thatnevereven occurred to me. 370 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,437 Look, nobody's gonna think less of you. 371 00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:38,980 And it hardly even hurts. 372 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,149 I'm unusually sensitive down there. 373 00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:42,859 I can't go in certain jacuzzis. 374 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,861 I'm gonna be with ya the entire way. 375 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:48,865 Plus it's the fear of pain that's always more than the actual experience. 376 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,230 That's easy for you to say. You're not afraid of anything. 377 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:54,162 Of course I'm afraid of stuff. Like what? 378 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,666 Look. 379 00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:01,002 You remember before, when I told you I was wanting to know the... 380 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:04,464 The sex of the baby— For practical matters? 381 00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:06,466 Well, that wasn't true. 382 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,136 I'm kind of afraid of having a girl. 383 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,054 Give me a break. That's not a thing. 384 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,889 You'd just rather have a boy. 385 00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,724 Everyone would rather have a boy. 386 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:17,102 No. I'm actually scared. I get boys. 387 00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,312 It's girls— They're-they're complicated. 388 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:23,233 Half of Claire's childhood, I did everything I could to try to turn her into a boy. 389 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,945 Well, whatever your issues were, you and Claire are good now. 390 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:32,033 But I may not get that kind of time with this new one, and I can't screw it up. 391 00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,911 I don't think I'm sensitive enough to raise a girl. 392 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,998 Jay, you're being sensitive right now. 393 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,584 I mean, I was pretty hysterical, and you calmed me down. 394 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,003 I-I— I don't think you're the guy you used to be. 395 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:46,423 So you're saying that if I can deal with you, then I can handle... 396 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,508 Any other little girl? 397 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,468 I think I'd put it a-a little differently. 398 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,429 No, but I-I think that's right. 399 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,015 Thanks. 400 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,185 Are we gonna do this? 401 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,187 Promise me it's not gonna hurt that much? 402 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,396 Tiny little pinch. 403 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,857 I built it up in my head, didn't I? Totally. 404 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,693 And I can still achieve a full and satisfying... 405 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:10,030 You know what? We had a nice little moment here. We don't have many of those. 406 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,365 I think I'm gonna commemorate it. 407 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,992 Okay. All right? 408 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,952 So sit up straight. 409 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,871 There you go. 410 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,915 No, no. Arms down. Better, arms down. 411 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,210 All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Relax. 412 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,669 There you go. 413 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,881 Perfect. Can I get a copy? 414 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:31,009 - Oh, there'll be a lot of copies. - Oh, great. 415 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,553 You were kind of hard on that cinnamon bun guy. 416 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,388 Did you hear what he said to me? 417 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,265 “Congratulations”? 418 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,059 He thinks I'm pregnant! 419 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,437 That is an insult when the person doesn't look it. 420 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,773 Mom, wait. 421 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,691 You need to hear this. 422 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,485 You are pregnant, and you look it. 423 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,406 I hope that this new one has some good manners. 424 00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:54,991 Mom, stop! 425 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,954 I know this whole thing is a little scary for you. 426 00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:02,916 Last time you were pregnant, you kinda did it alone 'cause dad wasn't around much. 427 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,335 But this time, you have two partners. 428 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,880 That's sweet. 429 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,632 And so are you. 430 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:15,345 Especially with a little bit of sugar in your face. Let me see. 431 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,307 /ay/ what happened? 432 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,018 Your shirt couldn't take it anymore! The stupid dry cleaners! 433 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,353 Oh! Where is it? 434 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,938 La y, no! 435 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,708 You're running out of arms, mom! A maternity store's right over there. 436 00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:28,858 Ah! 437 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,860 What was that? I don't know, but let's go. 438 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,529 Oh! 439 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,699 It's you. I thought it was the guy coming to shave me. 440 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,117 Oh, good. They haven't started. 441 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,440 He had a little piece of bloody toilet paper on his neck. 442 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,997 It was disconcerting. Hmm. 443 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,623 Are you okay? Mm-hmm. 444 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,250 Yeah. I had a pretty crazy day, 445 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,877 but it— it had an interesting ending. 446 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,338 And this tortoise was 200 years old. 447 00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,590 I'm sorry. I'm boring you with my trip. 448 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:55,844 No, not at all. You hot-air ballooned over an active volcano. 449 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,305 Three weeks ago I made every green light on Jefferson. 450 00:18:58,388 --> 00:18:59,949 Couldn't stop talking about it. 451 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,476 - You e-mailed me. - Oh, god. 452 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:08,189 Il/lom shaved Skylar's head? That's hilarious! 453 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:11,359 It's not gonna be so fun the next time she bothers to show up for school. 454 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,462 What do you care? You know you don't e ven like her. 455 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,988 I don't. Skylar's awful. 456 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,781 Mom actually did me a huge favor. 457 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,825 Cnlrnycrxi do not tell her that. 458 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,827 She will never shut up. 459 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,888 I know. Remember when you admitted that you didn't hate... 460 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,672 That James Taylor concert she dragged you to? 461 00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:27,208 She was unbearable! ”I told you!” 462 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,878 “He's got the voice of an angel!” 463 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,799 She's such a nerd 464 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,093 I kind of miss her though. 465 00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,900 You know, honey, I don't want to do this... 466 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,610 Unless you are really ready. 467 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,153 I am ready. 468 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:58,656 I don't know if! Am. Me either. 469 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,702 You wanna wait? 470 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,579 Five more years? 471 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,085 ! Jay! I've always seen life like a series of doors. 472 00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:12,670 Sometimes you get to choose the door you go through. 473 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,589 Sometimes you don't get that choice. 474 00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,966 But you still gotta walk through. 475 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:23,056 So you can either go kicking and screaming... 476 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:26,518 Or walk through with your head held h/gh. 477 00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:36,903 And since I don't get to choose the door I'm about to go through, 478 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:40,573 I just pray it's a healthy, happy kid. 479 00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,200 And a boy. 480 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,708 Honey, look what Manny just sent me. 481 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,378 Hang on one sec. Okay. 482 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:56,172 Is that the funniest thing ever? Oh, yeah! 483 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,384 Oh. Oh, my gosh. Mitchell, come here. You have to see what Claire sent us. 484 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:02,262 Okay, wait. One second. 485 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,930 - Okay. - Is that hilarious? 486 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,558 That's great! Oh, Phil! 487 00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,101 A y, this is embarrassing. 488 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:11,146 I don't know how comfortable I am with this guy teaching our kid.