1 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,424 Why are there giant lollipops all over the front yard? 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,092 And why do they taste so bad? 3 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,237 Because they're made out of cardboard, mouth breather. 4 00:00:10,261 --> 00:00:12,722 [ Phil ] Hey! The world needs more dreamers, Luke. 5 00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:14,724 Never stop licking things. 6 00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:17,369 I know it's lame, but after last year, we promised the neighbors... 7 00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:20,104 We would keep our decorations more family-friendly. 8 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:23,232 - We can't even carve a pumpkin? - The petition was very specific. 9 00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,985 Every Halloween, we have the best house. 10 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:28,571 Last year, I took things to a whole new level, 11 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,240 but apparently it was too scary for some kids. 12 00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:33,242 And one adult. 13 00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:34,911 [ Man/aca/ laughter] 14 00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:36,662 Trick or treat! 15 00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:38,372 Would you like some candy? 16 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,041 [ All ] Yeahl 17 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,627 or would you rather have this? 18 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:47,006 [Screaming ] 19 00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:56,933 - [Screaming continues] - Come on. You're fine. [Spits] 20 00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:59,936 I don't care what anyone says. You did not give that man a heart attack. 21 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,980 Thank you. I mean, you're not even scary. 22 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,292 Can I grab a little bit of this candy for my open house tonight? 23 00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:06,984 Uh, yeah, sure, but... 24 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:10,446 It's genius. An open house on Halloween. 25 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:14,367 Millions of bored parents just trying to keep their kids out of traffic. 26 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:17,536 Now they can get away from all that and see a nice house. 27 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:19,538 What do you mean, I'm not even scary? 28 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:22,583 I literally almost scared the life out of a man. 29 00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:25,795 You literally scared a little saliva and a little urine out of him. 30 00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:28,756 That happens to me every time I see a monkey wearing people clothes. 31 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:31,676 I was plenty scary. I used professional-grade makeup. 32 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,428 That's the point, Claire. It was overkill. 33 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:37,632 You're the kind of person who can be twice as scary without wearing any makeup. 34 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,894 Y hey, heyy 35 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:43,980 y hey, heyy 36 00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:46,107 y hey, heyy 37 00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,067 y hey, heyy 38 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:49,360 j hey jv 39 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,049 [ door closes ] You remembered to pick up the costumes, right? 40 00:01:54,073 --> 00:01:56,075 Yes, they're right over there. Very excited. 41 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,618 Cam has lost a lot of weight. 42 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,121 [ Sighs 1 no. So we're throwing a Halloween party... 43 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:01,747 To debut the new him. 44 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:04,083 I'll be dressed as a matador. 45 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,252 What— what is it now, 30? 32.4. 46 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,839 So I've lost Lily. 47 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,215 Where is Lily? Hmm? 48 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,675 Do you— you don't have her? No. 49 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,028 Cam? Why would I have her? I don't have her in my pocket. 50 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,430 What about the tiara? Uh, we didn't buy one. 51 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:20,141 You can just use the one from last year. Are we poor? 52 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:23,185 No, sweetheart. But you don't need two tiaras. 53 00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:25,563 How 'bout next Halloween you try a different costume? 54 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,773 No. I have to be a Princess. 55 00:02:27,857 --> 00:02:29,025 Every year? Why? 56 00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:32,528 Because my mom's a Princess, just like you told me. 57 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,990 Cam and I have always known that someday... 58 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,242 We were gonna have to have the big talk with Lily... 59 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,536 About who her mom was. 60 00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:44,415 We-we were gonna pick the right time and do it together, 61 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,335 carefully following an agreed-upon script. 62 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:50,379 [ Sighs ] Then I got tired. 63 00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:54,342 “And she was the most beautiful Princess in all the land. 64 00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:57,928 The end.” again. 65 00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,598 Why is Tyler's mommy so fat? 66 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,099 [ Chuckles ] 67 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,935 Oh, that's because she has— She has a baby in her belly. 68 00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:06,520 Okay? Good night. 69 00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:09,732 Was I in my mom's belly? 70 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,943 Lily, no more questions. Just go to sleep. 71 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,488 Where's my mom now? 72 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:20,159 Um, she's in a faraway land. 73 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,702 Why? 74 00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:24,246 Because she's a Princess, 75 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,500 and she's very, very busy. [Yawning ] 76 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,336 Okay. 77 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,713 I thought that she'd forget about it by the next morning. 78 00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:34,715 I mean, I did. [Sighs] 79 00:03:34,799 --> 00:03:37,551 I knew I was gonna have to tell cam, and he was gonna be furious, 80 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,970 but I was hoping that he'd see the bigger issue. 81 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:43,432 You know, I was really tired. 82 00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:46,227 Hey, cam, you know this whole thing about Lily... 83 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,062 Wanting to be a Princess again? 84 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:51,023 I think it might be because I let her believe her mother was... 85 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,401 This is a nightmare. It was just a mistake. 86 00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:55,152 More like a disaster. 87 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:58,155 They sent the matador costume in your size... 88 00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,241 And the bull costume in mine. 89 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:02,284 Oh. I didn't notice. 90 00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:05,371 Now no one's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume. 91 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,373 It was— It was honestly a mistake. 92 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,643 Listen, um, you could do that other thing that you thought of. 93 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:13,379 You could put on that gorgeous white suit that fits you so well now, 94 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,798 and you could be Mr. Roarke, and Lily could be your tattoo. 95 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,092 No! I have to be a Princess! 96 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,844 But, Lily, you were a Princess last year. 97 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,514 No! You promised! I'm being a Princess! 98 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,308 Why is she so obsessed with princesses? 99 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,811 Well... 100 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,646 Like we weren't at that age? 101 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,189 I mean... 102 00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:35,526 I'm not mad about the ticket. 103 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,505 It's just the first time I couldn't charm my way out of one of these things. 104 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:42,199 The way I see it, it's not a ticket. It's a conversation. 105 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,076 No offense. You don't need that siren. 106 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,537 You could stop traffic just getting out of that squad car. 107 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,956 License and registration, please. 108 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,749 I, uh... 109 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:53,169 I'm no stranger to the police academy myself. 110 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:56,213 Seen all seven of 'em. Sir, no one's seen ahseven. 111 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,340 Yeah. Is this information accurate? 112 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:02,428 Uh, except for the weight. I thought they wanted to know how much I could curl. 113 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:03,637 Mm-hmm. 114 00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,681 I must be getting rusty with my moves. 115 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,476 Moves? What moves? You know, flash the baby blues. 116 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:10,311 Hit 'em with the devilish grin. 117 00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:12,938 In case of emergency, break glass and bust out the dimple. 118 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,316 Hey, isn't that one from the smallpox? 119 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,693 'Cause I'm a hundred. Chicken pox. 120 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,279 And it doesn't matter where it's from. It always worked. 121 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,530 Hey, mom. 122 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:23,550 Manny, why are you coming back from school so late? 123 00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,451 I got sent to the principal's office. 124 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,971 I am sending him an angry e-mail because I don't like it when... 125 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,223 - No, no, no. It's not his fault. - What did you do wrong? 126 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,291 - Nothing. - Oh, that's it. I'm calling him. 127 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,919 I hate when he tries to— Uh, nothing on purpose. 128 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,630 It was between periods, right before this big test. 129 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:40,799 I was clearing my mind by practicing some of my gene Kelly dance moves. 130 00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:42,384 As one does. Right. 131 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:45,095 And my umbrella accidentally snagged the fire alarm. 132 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,806 The principal thought I did it on purpose so we'd miss the test. 133 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:50,309 But you didn't! That's it. I'm going to his house. 134 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,269 Mom, you gotta stop doing this. 135 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:55,898 I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy, which we both know isn't your fault... 136 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,401 But lately, you've been such a hothead. 137 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,154 I am not a hothead. I am Colombian. 138 00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:05,574 We get excited. My country is covered in coffee. 139 00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,719 Just like the Starbucks girl when she got your order wrong? 140 00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,828 Half-caf, nonfat white soy latte. 141 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:11,914 How hard is that to hear? 142 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,832 [ Howling, faint] 143 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:20,798 [ Doorbell rings ] 144 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,527 You don't get to be two-time nonconsecutive district salesman of the year... 145 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,219 Without thinking inside the box. 146 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:28,264 That's right. I said “inside.” you know why? 147 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,909 'Cause while everyone's chasing each other around outside the box, 148 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,435 you know what the box is? 149 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,437 Empty. 150 00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,440 Which brings us back to our formal dining room. 151 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:41,527 Now, any questions? Can we have our candy now? 152 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,238 Just as soon as we go over what you're gonna tell your parents. 153 00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:47,533 Now, what was our style? [ Together] Prewar craftsman. 154 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,577 Good, good. And how many square feet? 155 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:52,496 3,500. 156 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,208 Sfihno trick-or-treaters? Not yet. 157 00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,836 Well, maybe people are going out later this year. 158 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:02,756 Well, the street's full of kids, but they're actively detouring around our house. 159 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,717 Wait. I lost my— whoa! [ Man ] Move along. 160 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,802 [Screaming ] Wait for me! 161 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,387 Huh. 162 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:14,018 Who wants some candy? 163 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,996 Plenty of name-brand, family-friendly candy right here. 164 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:17,688 [Screaming ] It's a trap. 165 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,816 No. I— ooh! How 'bout you? Hey, hey. 166 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,527 You want some candy, right? [Yelps ] Mommy! She's got me! 167 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:26,030 No, I don't— I'm not try— oh, my candy! 168 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,781 - Just leave it! - [ Children screaming ] 169 00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,366 [Child ] Go! Go! 170 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,998 Jay, you have to get ready for Mitch and cam's party. 171 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:39,752 Gloria, does my skin look looser to you? 172 00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:41,128 What? [ Doorbell rings ] 173 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,440 Maybe I should try some of that fancy neck cream of yours. 174 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,091 Don't you have some with specks of diamonds in it or something? 175 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,509 Trick or treat. Trick or treat. 176 00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,345 You guys don't even have costumes. 177 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:52,056 I'm a skeleton. And I'm— I'm a lemon. 178 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,849 Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating? 179 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,310 Aren't you too old to be having a baby? [ Snickers ] 180 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,604 A y, you find that funny, lemon? 181 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,899 Here's a betterjoke. Knock, knock. What's gone? 182 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,485 Your candy. 183 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,111 [ Both muttering ] 184 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,613 [Tosses bag ] 185 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,175 What was that? Some rude dummies that they think that they can... 186 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:13,744 All right. Listen. Let's just calm down. 187 00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,330 Get ready for the party. Calm down what? Huh? 188 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,415 You think I'm a hothead like Manny? 189 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,167 [Thump] 190 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,711 You can be emotional. Volatile, maybe. 191 00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:24,797 Still, that's a far cry from... 192 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,884 [Gasps] You put egg on my house! I kill what you love! 193 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,594 Psycho. 194 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,180 Plush utility room? Yeah, right. 195 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,015 I know a hall closet when I see one. 196 00:08:35,099 --> 00:08:38,977 And your dad never lies? What medical school did the great appliance doctor attend? 197 00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,896 - [I boy] Hey, delgado. - Oh, no! Durkas! 198 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,816 What I wouldn't give for this umbrella to have Mary poppins powers. 199 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,734 Oh, I pray he didn't hear that. 200 00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:48,296 Heard you pulled the fire alarm today and got us out of that test. 201 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,072 - Good job. - Thanks, Mr. Durkas. 202 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,616 You know what? You don't need to call me that anymore. 203 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,804 Anyway, we're all meeting at the playground at 8:00 and heading out, if you want to join. 204 00:08:55,828 --> 00:08:57,746 You're totally going to that. 205 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,623 Yeah, if you wanna ruin your reputation. 206 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,507 You're finally gonna be in with the cool kids. 207 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:05,045 You need to talk at the school assembly on Monday and apologize to all the teachers. 208 00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:07,381 Teachers. More like public sector parasites. 209 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:10,509 Be strong, Manny. Be smart. Adventures, parties. 210 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,678 Juvie, heartache. Girls! 211 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:15,806 But not the kind we want. They're all the kind we want! 212 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,391 Mr. Dur... 213 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,976 Conrad! 214 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,311 [ Laughter, chattering ] 215 00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:24,398 Take one. I'm an egg donor. [ Laughing ] 216 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,734 I love your costume too, cam. Adora-bull. 217 00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,569 Oh, well, thank you. It's all in fun. 218 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:31,005 I half wanted to wear something tighter. You know, I've been reducing. 219 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,948 I can see. Well, you say it like you can't. 220 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,992 No, no, no. I totally can. 221 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,577 [ Unzips ] 222 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,245 [ Cameron ] Impressive, huh? 223 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,914 [ Man ] Yeah. I'm— I'm gonna go. 224 00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:44,543 Hey, cam. I'm hearing rumor that you keep fiashing our guests. 225 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,086 Oh, well, not in a perverted way. 226 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,131 I just want people to see my body under this stupid costume. 227 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,216 That's very close to what actual flashers say. 228 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,885 Daddy? Uh, one second, honey. 229 00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:55,155 I'm just tired of throwing out compliments and not getting anything back. 230 00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,449 I told Roberto his spray tan looked real. Look for yourself. 231 00:09:57,473 --> 00:09:59,141 It's on two of our pillows and our cat. 232 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,186 Daddy. Lookit. It's my mommy. 233 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,854 She came. 234 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,731 Oh, no, honey. That's not your mommy. 235 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:08,567 It's not? No, no. That's just one of daddy's friends. 236 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,171 What's going on? Oh, nothing. She just wants one of these cupcakes. 237 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:13,655 But I already had— oh, there you go, honey. Okay. Off you go. 238 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:16,408 Mingle, mingle! 239 00:10:16,492 --> 00:10:18,869 [ Alex 1 oh! 240 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,954 Looks like some people came by. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 241 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,664 We had a few. I saw that. 242 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,083 [ Phone rings ] 243 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,752 Hello? [ Phil] Hey, honey 244 00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:29,338 [ candy rattling ] Hi. How's your open house? 245 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,007 Pretty empty, actually 246 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,510 I kind of just took it out on a Harry Potter. 247 00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,513 Seriously, though— a Gryffindor letting his mom carry his Quidditch broom? 248 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,390 - How huffiepuff is that? - It's pretty lonely here too. 249 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,392 We've been shunned by the whole neighborhood. 250 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:46,522 That's ridiculous. All over some mild little gag you pulled? 251 00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,899 It was not mild. There was an investigat... 252 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,401 Shh! 253 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,153 Oh. I-I thought I heard someone. 254 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:56,240 I guess it was just trees tapping against the window. 255 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,868 It's pretty creepy over here in this rattly old house. 256 00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,913 Anyway, I'll probably give it another 30 minutes, and I'll see you at home. 257 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,165 Okay. Bye. [ Chuckles ] 258 00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:06,834 What are you laughing about? 259 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,837 Oh, it's just your poor dad, you know? 260 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,214 Your poor, dumb dad. 261 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,593 [ Insects chirping ] 262 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,100 I'll fill you in at the staff meeting... 263 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,144 After keneally's done telling us about his morning commute. 264 00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,772 That's hilarious. You sound just like him. 265 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,400 You are so doing that at Christmas talent night. 266 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:36,071 Dude, “rich girl,” “Sara smile,” then a “maneater” encore. 267 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,699 It was scary how good they were. 268 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,243 Close your eyes, it could've been the real band. 269 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,203 Yeah, he got lucky in the football pool once, 270 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:45,205 and now he wants to double the stakes. 271 00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,875 Oh, I'm so scared. 272 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:50,043 [ Chucklin right? 91 273 00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,920 well, this night was a bust. 274 00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:54,131 Not a single person even. 275 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,302 Or did I speak too soon? 276 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,930 Was someone in the mood to be a bad little ghoul? 277 00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:04,766 Oh, Connie. I didn't mean you. 278 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:08,645 I'm— hey, that's just— That's just the divorce talkin'. 279 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:11,064 Hang in there. Bye-bye. 280 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,531 , r, r [ Stereo: H/p-hop ] 281 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,175 Well, someone decided to take a trip to fantasy island after all. 282 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,095 I'm tired of people not noticing my new physique. 283 00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,306 If this doesn't work, I'm breaking out the diaper and top hat... 284 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:27,831 And going as baby new year! Hello. 285 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:33,128 Oh, my god! John-John, is that you? You look amazing! 286 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,881 Thanks! That's what happens when you lose a hundred pounds. 287 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,382 Oh, come on. What a... 288 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,217 Who wants to lift me? Come on. 289 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:40,761 How could he have not called us? 290 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,180 Oh, my god! He's as light as a feather. 291 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,266 You know what? I'm gonna go lift him, shake him till his staples pop. 292 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,269 - Cam, stop! - Just saying that we could have caught those kids. 293 00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,021 What, and chased them around all night? 294 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,232 I'm not a young man anymore, as the world keeps pointing out. 295 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,276 What did that waiter just call you outside? 296 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,195 Medieval knievel. 297 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,158 That is hilarious. I love when people put some thought into their outfit. 298 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,866 Illegal alien? Sugar daddy. 299 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:06,078 Why do you say “illegal”? Because antennas are alien, and... 300 00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:09,456 What? Illegal? Because of the color of my skin? 301 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:12,459 Why don't I dump your baby in your gas tank? 302 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,378 Gloria! Uh, no hard feelings, please. 303 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,588 Just enjoy the party, okay? 304 00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,548 First of all, relax. We're at a party. 305 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,801 Secondly, you've been deported twice. 306 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,970 You're not allowed to be that defensive. 307 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,180 What is it with me lately? 308 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,307 Manny's right. I'm such a hothead. 309 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:29,810 Ithappens. You're pregnant. 310 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,603 That's what it is, isn't it? 311 00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:33,647 It's the baby. 312 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,774 It's angry in there. 313 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,151 Yes! You just said it yourself. 314 00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,820 I have changed. 315 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:42,864 I have an angry baby inside of me, making me do bad things. 316 00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:46,118 It's just hormones. It's your mama bear instinct kicking in. 317 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:50,497 And that's a good thing, because that means you're gonna be a great mom— again. 318 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,793 Do you really think so? You got a lucky little kid in there. 319 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,587 He's got a mom who's not gonna let anyone harm him. 320 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,840 Or her. 321 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:01,383 Or— or him. 322 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,635 [ Together] Trick or treat. 323 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,724 Go ahead. 324 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,392 /n0 corran/ 325 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,230 oh, my gosh. Is that the most precious thing you've ever seen? 326 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,648 Oh, my god! 327 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,526 Do you know other princesses? 328 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,153 Trust me. I know lots. 329 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,405 - Okay. Bedtime. - Oh, no. It's not that late. 330 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,866 Do you know my mom? She's a Princess. 331 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,201 [Laughs] She's exhausted. She's not making sense. 332 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,620 - She's so tired. - Daddy, you told me! 333 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:34,458 - What is she talking about, Mitchell? - My real mom. She is, right? 334 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,261 Okay, I think we need to have a little talk. 335 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,296 Uh-oh. Sam, do you notice how slim cam's getting? 336 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,214 Nice try. I will be back for that answer. 337 00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,966 [ Groans ] 338 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:48,221 This isn't gonna work, Claire. 339 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:50,807 'Cause I know you're here. [Chuckles] 340 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,186 What's the plan anyway? 341 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,021 You gonna pop out at me? 342 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,957 It's gonna take more than that to scare this realtor... 343 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,733 [Woman ] Hello! 344 00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:03,528 Is the house still open? Oh, yes! Yes! I'll be right down. 345 00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,655 Claire, this is serious. I have a job. 346 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:09,179 Not that you don't. You work 24-7, and you don't get half the appreciation you deserve. 347 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,744 Can we talk about this later? 348 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:15,290 As you potential buyers can see, this is a, uh— a beautiful home. 349 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,667 What's behind here? Oh, I wouldn't go in there. 350 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,004 Unless you love formal dining rooms. 351 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,132 Wow! Honey, look at this. I'm in the kitchen. 352 00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:26,593 Oh, we should probably stay together. 353 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,261 Come on, Sheila. 354 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,138 Wait. Phil, one question. Are these... 355 00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:33,809 I just love to see people's reactions when I show 'em so much storage. 356 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,811 What? It's crazy. 357 00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:40,607 I think you guys will find that this house is full of so many delightful surprises... 358 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,484 That you'll be happy here for so... 359 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,277 Oh, my god! I don't know her! 360 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,905 Is this the original tub? What? 361 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:49,783 Yes, it is. It is, uh, the original tub. 362 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,952 Um, original fixtures, beveled mirror. 363 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:55,539 Just a-a huge stall shower if you guys would, uh, wanna have a party. 364 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,124 I'm kidding, of course. 365 00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:00,377 But, um, just a house with a real personality. 366 00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,382 We'll be right in, sweetie. 367 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,528 We agreed to tell Lily about her mother together, wearing calming earth tones. 368 00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:10,762 And we agreed to tell her the truth. 369 00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:14,033 I know, but haven't you ever said something dumb to Lily that you wish she would just forget? 370 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,643 This isn't about me. Let's just fix this. Okay, great. 371 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,728 Although... 372 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,707 The way you agreed so quickly makes me wonder what sort of things you've told her. 373 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,151 I may have told her her fibs kill birds. 374 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,111 Wow! We're coming back to that one. 375 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,698 Oh, hi, Princess. Hey, lil. 376 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,659 - Could we talk to you for a second? - Am I in trouble? 377 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,745 Oh, gosh, no. Of course not, sweetie. 378 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,206 Um, well, do you remember how we used to tell you... 379 00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,292 There was a heaven for all the flowers that die? 380 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,835 [ Muffied ] What do you mean, usedto? 381 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,920 Sorry, I let it slip. We'll deal with it later. 382 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:47,591 - How much are you not telling me? - Why are you talking like this? 383 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,235 Daddies took a little side trip. Sorry, sweetie. 384 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:53,805 So sometimes, uh, we tell you things like that to make you feel better. 385 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,892 And I might have done the same thing... 386 00:16:56,975 --> 00:17:00,645 When I told you that your mom is a Princess. 387 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,023 So she's not? 388 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,650 Well, you know what? She might be. 389 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:07,194 She might be. 390 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:10,947 But we can't know for sure, honey, because... 391 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:15,160 Well, we don't know where she is or what she's doing. 392 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,622 But-but what we do know is that she loved you very, very much. 393 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,749 And she knew that she couldn't take care of you, 394 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:25,712 so she made sure that she went with the most loving family she could find. 395 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,423 And that's how the three of us became a family. 396 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,218 - Does that make sense, sweetie? - Mm-hmm. 397 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,719 Do you have any questions for us? 398 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:36,014 Why did you say a fib and kill a bird? 399 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,683 Mm-hmm. 400 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:42,020 I noticed you walking in with your wife earlier. She's stunning. 401 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,832 You know my favorite part of that compliment? You knew she was my wife. 402 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,524 Half the world thinks she's my daughter. 403 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,652 Well, if you ask me, she's a lucky girl. 404 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,530 Bummer for me though. Handsomest man in here, and he's taken. 405 00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,575 I'll bet you do all right with the boys. 406 00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:58,620 I do. It's the men I'm interested in. 407 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,473 You just put it all right out there, don't you? 408 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,667 I always try to hold a little something back. 409 00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:06,544 Oh, my gosh. No, no, no, no, no, no. 410 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,421 Leave him. No, but you know that's a... 411 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,382 Okay. I know. He needs this. 412 00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:12,759 It was great meeting you, Jay. You too, Sam. 413 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,303 Wow! Looks like somebody really likes you. 414 00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,055 What can I say? I still got it. 415 00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:20,076 I've been meaning to ask you, have you lost some weight? 'Cause you look good. 416 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,103 Wow. You have no idea what that means to hear from you, Jay. 417 00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:24,854 Uh, turn it that way. 418 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,773 I thought this might cheer you up. 419 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,775 Da plane! Da plane! Oh! 420 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,527 Baby girl. 421 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,696 Look at you. You even taught her the catchphrase. 422 00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,906 Yeah. Jay, have you seen my new tattoo? 423 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,908 Be in touch. Well, thanks so much for coming. 424 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,035 Yeah, thanks. Okay. 425 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,709 Okay, Claire. They're gone. You can come out now. 426 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,254 Claire? 427 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,631 Honey, I'm sorry I said you weren't scary. 428 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:55,593 It's been such a long day. Can we please just go home? 429 00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,846 [ Wind whistling] 430 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:01,224 [ Low green ] 431 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:04,477 All right. I'm leaving without ya. 432 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,063 [ Electrical static] 433 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,703 [ Floor creaking ] 434 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:25,540 So, this remote you know how to use. 435 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:30,545 [ Ringing ] 436 00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:43,016 Yes? [ Claire] Phil, where are you? 437 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,518 Claire? Where are you? 438 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:49,022 I came over to scare you, but then / heard you showing the house to that couple, 439 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,441 so / got out of your way 440 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,444 you're at home? Yeah. I got here 70 minutes ago. 441 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,945 S-So... 442 00:19:56,029 --> 00:20:01,034 So you're saying this call isn't coming from inside the house? 443 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:04,120 What are you talking about? Just get home. The kids and I are hungry. 444 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:07,123 [Alex] Yeah, hurry up, dao'. [Luke] We miss you! 445 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,335 Miss you too, buddy. 446 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,797 [ Handset settles in cradle] 447 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,049 [ Wino' whistling] 448 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,637 [Creaking ] 449 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,555 [ Thudding ] 450 00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:24,557 [ Dog barking ] 451 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,142 [ Rattling ] 452 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:35,985 [Stairs creaking ] 453 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,080 [ Shouts ] [Yelps ] 454 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,165 - [ Shouts ] - [Screaming ] 455 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,584 [Screaming continues] 456 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,670 I wasn't really that scared. 457 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,675 Okay. 458 00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:05,390 Hey, you never told me if you hit those kids with that egg. 459 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,351 They blended into the crowd, but there was a slow one with them. 460 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,938 He couldn't run so fast, and I nailed him pretty good. 461 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,441 I warned you. Okay, Reuben. 462 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,359 Where are your cool friends now? 463 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,361 Not q-tipping your ear, that's for sure. 464 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,946 Okay, Reuben. 465 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,749 This is why I never hang out with cool kids. 466 00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,283 Yeah. You rejected them... 467 00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:26,077 Shortly after you and your mom roller danced at the talent show. 468 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:28,764 [ Scoffs ] We were robbed. Couldn't have been the song you picked. 469 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,623 “Wind beneath my w—” ow!