1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:04,797
Haley! Hurry up!
You're gonna be late!

2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,693
Alex, what are you doing? I need to document
Haley's first day on the chain gang.

3
00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:09,844
It's not a chain gang.
It's community service.

4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:12,638
And leave her alone.
She feels bad enough as it is.

5
00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:14,473
Okay, I'm torn.
On one hand, I'm like,

6
00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:16,076
“ugh, I have to pick up
garbage all day.”

7
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,853
And on the other hand, I'm
like, “look at me in orange.”

8
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,855
[Camera shutter clicks ]

9
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,357
Aw, that's cute.
Send that to me.

10
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:26,027
Haley had a little run-in
with the law in college.

11
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,863
She was arrested for
assaulting a police officer.

12
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,990
Accidentally. I fell on him.

13
00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:34,076
While evading arrest for underage
drinking. That was on purpose.

14
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,921
They were very lenient with her.
She only has to do community service.

15
00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:39,498
Because I do not
have any priors.

16
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:42,126
Taking a little too much
pride in that, sweetheart.

17
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,045
Things can get
pretty rough out there.

18
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,130
I couldn't get my hands
on any cigarettes,

19
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,549
but I did make you a shiv
out of an old knife.

20
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:50,426
You don't make a shiv
out of a knife.

21
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:53,179
Yeah, you make a shiv out of a
rusty spoon or a shard of glass.

22
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:56,390
- Or a human femur.
- Exactly. Be creative.

23
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,975
It's really sweet of you, Luke,

24
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:00,329
but there's just gonna be a bunch
of drunk drivers and vandalizers...

25
00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:02,063
Who were stupid enough
to get caught.

26
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:04,982
Or stupid enough to use the
word “vandalizers.” [ Chuckles ]

27
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,526
It's “vandals.”

28
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,988
I'm so alone.

29
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,240
[ Roars] [All scream ]

30
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,284
They're gonna eat
you alive, suburbia.

31
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,038
Y hey, heyy

32
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,123
y hey, heyy

33
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:23,251
y hey, heyy

34
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,211
y hey, heyy

35
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,462
j hey jv

36
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,885
Mitchell, we're back. You
are not going to believe this.

37
00:01:32,969 --> 00:01:36,031
Cam, do you remember why I didn't want you
to swap out the handles on Lily's dresser?

38
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:38,015
Because you lack a designer's
eye and fear change?

39
00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:40,101
No. Because I was afraid
two weeks would go by,

40
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,687
and we'd still be using a
spatula to get at Lily's clothes.

41
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,231
Okay. Well, we have
bigger issues.

42
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,692
Guess what they are cutting down
at the park today.

43
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,652
A tree. Yes. How
did you know that?

44
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:52,822
- I played a hunch.
- Not just any tree— treeona elmsley.

45
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:56,200
Oh, no. That's terrible.
That's our picnic tree.

46
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,160
It's a nightmare.

47
00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:00,579
Well, someone's picked up
her daddy's gift for hyperbole.

48
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:03,958
They are literally chainsawing
paradise to put up a parking lot.

49
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,560
That's too bad.
We have to do something.

50
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,086
Well, if we knew earlier,
we could.

51
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,088
I blame myself.
I've taken on too much.

52
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,632
What exactly have you taken on?

53
00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:13,634
Are you kidding me?
Teaching music?

54
00:02:13,718 --> 00:02:16,721
This dresser handle project?
My role in the musical?

55
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,307
- Oh, that.
- You know what? I don't like your tone.

56
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,310
The understudy's the most
challenging role in any production.

57
00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:25,706
You have to be ready at a moment's notice
to go on and face a disappointed audience...

58
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:28,733
- Who was there to see Kenny Van heffington.
- Our insurance guy?

59
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,735
- He's breathtaking.
- Really?

60
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,195
Yeah, I hate him. Anyway,
what was I talking about?

61
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,573
Putting new handles
on the dresser.

62
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,326
Right. The tree.
I have to do something.

63
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,038
I can't live like this.

64
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,127
Manny, while we're young!

65
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:51,547
He doesn't want to go. That's why
he's taking so long with the primping.

66
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,675
A boy his age should do
exactly zero primping.

67
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,802
You ready? Not in the least.

68
00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,346
That's the spirit.

69
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:00,097
This kid in my class,
Doug Brooks,

70
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,516
has a sports-themed
birthday party every year.

71
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,519
All boys. All sports. All day.

72
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,605
He calls it the Doug-iympics,

73
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,191
which might make sense
if he did it every four years...

74
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,276
Or if his name was al.

75
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,862
Let's just say
nothing about it works.

76
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,864
Manny, it's a beautiful
day outside.

77
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,075
Go on. Enjoy your dougylympics.

78
00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:21,577
You don't have to win
a medal. Just have fun.

79
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,038
Doug finishes with the most
medals no matter what.

80
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:28,000
Plus I think he only invites me because
he likes to match skin color to nation.

81
00:03:28,084 --> 00:03:30,002
I know that's why
Alan Yang gets invited.

82
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:31,754
Okay, we get it.
Sports isn't your thing.

83
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:35,049
But you gotta step out of
your comfort zone sometime.

84
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,802
And for god's sake,
change out of those wing tips.

85
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,137
You're a kid.
You're not Nixon on the beach.

86
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:43,015
Fine. I'll put on my sporty
shoes. Where are they?

87
00:03:43,099 --> 00:03:44,600
They're still in the box.

88
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:47,728
Don't forget to take out the paper
before you put them on, okay?

89
00:03:47,812 --> 00:03:50,439
And they're called sneakers.

90
00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:51,607
[ Knocking ]

91
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:54,735
[Singsong ] Hello, hello!

92
00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:56,821
Hey, Gloria. So, ready to go?

93
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,948
- Where?
- Thought we were doing a costco run.

94
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,867
Oh, I see what this is.

95
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:05,162
You called Claire to babysit
the stupid pregnant lady!

96
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,165
You're the one who
called her. I did?

97
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:11,252
I called Claire.
Gloria needs watching.

98
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,587
She's got a serious case
of pregnancy brain.

99
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:16,590
Last week, I found a
bar of soap in the fridge...

100
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,509
And a stick of butter
in the shower.

101
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:22,096
I walked around all day
smelling like a bucket of popcorn.

102
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,265
Better than the toast I ate.

103
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:27,226
Yet you ate the second piece.

104
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,645
Jay, bye-bye! We're leaving!

105
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,856
Seriously? I'm right here.

106
00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:37,736
[ Shouting, laughing ]

107
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:40,215
[ Man #1 ] Duck! Duck! Come
on and hit him, you little freak!

108
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,449
[ Man #2 ] Hands up!

109
00:04:41,574 --> 00:04:44,660
Talk about a big left
hook. God, I love you.

110
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:48,414
- Phil in the blank!
- Bill of rights! Jerryatric!

111
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,791
Alan's dad!

112
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,501
Hey, guys.
Luke, you getting in there?

113
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:53,794
Of course. [Laughs]

114
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:56,547
Look, I'm Mexico. Again.

115
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,883
Does anybody care
that I'm not from Mexico?

116
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,635
You keep saying that, but we've
never seen a birth certificate.

117
00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,388
All right, look. I'll pick you
up at 5:00. Knock yourself out.

118
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,724
Or better still,
knock someone else out.

119
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,578
Jay, where you headed? Why don't you
stick around and grab a beer with the dads?

120
00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:12,873
I don't really know those guys. I think I'll
just swing by the club, hit a few balls.

121
00:05:12,897 --> 00:05:14,857
Well, come here.
Let me introduce you around.

122
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,319
Hey, guys, this is Jay, my
father-in-law. Manny's stepdad.

123
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:21,155
- Hey, what's up, Jay-io?
- Okay, guys, I'll see you later.

124
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:24,450
What's the matter, Jay? Afraid
to step outside your comfort zone?

125
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:27,286
I will send you back to Mexico.

126
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,997
I didn't really call you, did I?

127
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,500
No, my dad did.
But I thought you knew.

128
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:36,212
[Groans] I want to be so
mad at him, but he's right.

129
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:40,341
I have two brains in my body, but I've
never been so dumb. It happens. I get it.

130
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:44,178
You have another human being
inside of you competing for resources.

131
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,823
Look, when I was pregnant with
Alex, I could barely remember my name.

132
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,557
Same with Haley and Luke?

133
00:05:48,641 --> 00:05:51,561
Mmm, not so much. They kind of just
hung out in there, let me do my thing.

134
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,687
Thank you for understanding.

135
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,232
I'm glad that you came. Mmm.

136
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:59,443
It will help me not to forget
stuff. I'm glad I can help out.

137
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,338
[ Door alarm chimes ] I—
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

138
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,572
Why didn't you stop first?

139
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,367
[ Men chattering ]
Where's daddy?

140
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:09,679
I don't know, sweetie. He said to meet
him by treeona. [Cameron ] Mitchell! Lily!

141
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,122
Where is he? Up
here! Look up here!

142
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,500
[ Gasps ] Cam, what
are you doing up there?

143
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,086
I came down to say good-bye
to the tree, give it one final hug,

144
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,380
and before I knew it,
I was up here.

145
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,131
When you say one final hug...

146
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:25,302
If I'm occupying the tree, they can't
cut it down. I googled it. It's a thing.

147
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,304
Okay, Lily. See,
this is a nightmare.

148
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,557
Tell me about it.

149
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,309
You know what? You're
a list-maker, a planner.

150
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:35,312
I'm a doer and an action-taker!

151
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,731
Sean penn would play me
in a movie about this,

152
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,442
or Anne hathaway, if they
wanted a female-driven vehicle.

153
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,611
And who would play
your long-suffering partner?

154
00:06:42,695 --> 00:06:45,739
- Julianne Moore, either way.
- I would totally see that. I would.

155
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:49,702
Hey! My supervisor wants to know if
you have a history of mental illness.

156
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,788
- No, sir, I do not.
- Well, uh...

157
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,627
All right, cam, let's hear it.
What's the plan?

158
00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,713
I don't know. I'm sort
of making it up as I go.

159
00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,131
Are you sure you wanna do this?

160
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,967
Yes. I've never been more
sure about anything in my life.

161
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:09,972
We need to teach our daughter the value
of taking a stand, no matter the sacrifice!

162
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,765
[ Cell phone rings ]

163
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:13,350
[Beeps] Hefio?

164
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,354
Done. I'll be right there.

165
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,499
[Beeps] Mitchell, you need
to get up here. I have to go.

166
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:21,668
- Excuse me?
- That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick.

167
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,152
I have to go and do the matinee.

168
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,571
What happened to showing Lily
the value of taking a stand?

169
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,197
Ifsthelead.

170
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:30,743
It's also important to show her the
value of honoring one's commitments.

171
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:33,120
And in this case, my
commitment preceded my stand!

172
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,705
This is so you, cam.

173
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,541
You start something, and then
you expect me to finish it.

174
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:41,128
- So you're not coming up here?
- No! No, I'm not. Come on.

175
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:46,091
- Mitchell, where were we the first day Lily rolled over?
- Under this tree.

176
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:49,678
- Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek?
- Under this tree.

177
00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:52,806
And where did we take shelter
during that dangerous lightning storm?

178
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:56,185
Wasn't a good idea,
but it was under this tree.

179
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,896
Daddy, you've got
to save the tree!

180
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:01,398
Yeah, daddy, you have to
save the tree! Okay, okay.

181
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,776
But you get back here
the second you are done.

182
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:06,236
Well, I can't very well turn
away fans that come backstage.

183
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,529
The second!

184
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,616
[Vehicles passing ]

185
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:19,208
Last summer, my sister took a
totally humiliating photo of me.

186
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,793
[Air horn blasts]
[ Muffied scream ]

187
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,127
[ Chuckles ]

188
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,712
[ Muffied ]
Haley, that's not funny!

189
00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:26,590
Then she posted it to Facebook
and refused to take it down.

190
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,218
Il go! 373 likes.

191
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:32,805
Meanwhile, there's not
one embarrassing photo of Haley.

192
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,598
Even her mug shots were cute.

193
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,308
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

194
00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:39,061
Today, I get my revenge.

195
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:43,440
One photo of hale y diny, sweaty,
picking up fresh like a criminal.

196
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,734
It'll be my finest moment.

197
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,820
In a few years, I hope
to have some more friends...

198
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:50,280
And not have time
for this kind of stuff.

199
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,451
Okay. Hey.

200
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,412
Where did you go?
To get a sweatshirt.

201
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,807
We've been standing in the
frozen food aisle for half an hour.

202
00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:02,292
I need something frozen.
Right. What?

203
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,379
I don't know. I just
wrote the word “frozen.”

204
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,716
Okay. Uh, let's think.
Peas. Ice cream. Pizza?

205
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,634
Waffies. Wait a minute.

206
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,095
Itsays“dozens” I need the eggs!

207
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,847
Ah, the eggs. Okay.

208
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,390
A y, no, on the other side.

209
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:20,769
Oh. Oh. I-I'll get the
cart. So that's— oh, sorry.

210
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:23,647
That's— that's me.
That's me. I got it.

211
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,275
[ Shouting ] [ Grunting ]

212
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,110
Come on, guys!
They're killing us!

213
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,695
Where the heck is Mexico?

214
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,905
Good news, gentlemen!
I found another rope.

215
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,616
If we double Dutch,
everyone wins.

216
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:35,743
[ Groans ]

217
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,327
Okay. Hold still.
[ Shutter clicks ]

218
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:41,123
And wait for it. This is what
you'd look like fat and bald.

219
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,875
[All laughing ]

220
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:44,918
On my phone,
that app's called a camera.

221
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,545
Bill, don't do that to yourself.

222
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,881
Let me tell you something.
Ellen is one lucky woman.

223
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,592
[ Laughing ] Why is that funny?

224
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,928
Because she's married
to Jerry. [ Chuckles ]

225
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,513
Jay, you got any good apps?

226
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,766
I don't know. I got call
waiting. Is that an app?

227
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,351
- [All laughing ] - You
guys laugh a lot, huh?

228
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,145
Jay's a little
technologically challenged.

229
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,688
From a guy
who can't drive a stick.

230
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:05,939
[ Jerry] What? You can't?

231
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:07,941
- Well— - he called me
to rescue him one time.

232
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,486
He got stuck on a hill. He
was afraid to let go of the clutch.

233
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,780
- Well, I—
- By the time I got there,

234
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,364
traffic's backed up half a mile,

235
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,283
everybody's yelling at him,
he's in tears.

236
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,368
Not tears. Maybe sweat.

237
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:22,039
- Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.
- [All laughing ]

238
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,251
[Camera shutter clicking ]

239
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:28,754
I had about 10 pretty bad
pictures of Haley.

240
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,965
I could have quit right there,
but I'm a perfectionist.

241
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,258
I thought

242
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:36,595
”/ could do better
she could look worse.”

243
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,305
[ Horn honks ] Whoa!

244
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,057
Oh, my god.

245
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,313
All right, pal.
Come down from the tree.

246
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,273
Sorry. Can't do that.

247
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,983
Come down before
we pull you down.

248
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:52,736
Well, hey. Ease up.
What's the problem?

249
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,988
Look, I don't want to be
up here, you know?

250
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,949
But this is my daughter's
favorite tree.

251
00:10:57,032 --> 00:11:00,202
And my partner, he's all up in
arms about them cutting it down, so...

252
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,013
If your partner's so worked
up, why isn't he here?

253
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,039
Oh, well, that's
a very good question.

254
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,584
It's because he starts things and he
doesn't finish them, so then I have to.

255
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:11,505
Just like my wife. You know, my
therapist would say we're enabling them.

256
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:15,300
You and your therapist. Well, I wouldn't
have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy.

257
00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:18,470
Ah, that again? Look, let's
just spray him with the fire hose.

258
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,472
You're not helping, Terry.

259
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:24,726
It's not your fight. So why don't
you do us a favor and come on down?

260
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,854
Because he's right, all right?

261
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:30,524
That's the frustrating part. I-I've been
sitting up here these past few hours,

262
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,694
and... this tree
is beautiful, okay?

263
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,197
And h can hear the squirrels
dancing through the branches,

264
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:38,949
you know, chasing each other.

265
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,534
No idea what's about to happen.

266
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,871
You know, this isn't just
a tree. This is a home.

267
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,749
Yeah. To, like, a hundred rats.
They're all over this thing.

268
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:51,628
Well, that changes nothing. I will
wait you guys out all night if! Have to.

269
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,606
Cam, you got 20 minutes,
and I'm out of this tree.

270
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,215
[Rusmng] [Squeamng]

271
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:57,759
Terry, you wanna get
ready with that hose?

272
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,529
So Alex comes home
from school the other day,

273
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,614
and she says the teacher didn't
know what she was talking about,

274
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,140
when in reality,
I don't think that...

275
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:04,725
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

276
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:07,644
Hey! You almost just cut
my head off. You gotta focus.

277
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,856
I am sorry. After all that,
I forgot the eggs!

278
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,858
Excuse me.
Yeah, hang on one second.

279
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:16,570
Listen, this is not just your pregnancy.
You are purposely turning your brain off.

280
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,293
You have to at least
try to pay attention.

281
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,531
Yeah. Maam?

282
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,909
Do you have a receipt for
that sweatshirt? Oh, shoot.

283
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,720
I'm gonna need you to
come back into the store.

284
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,163
Oh, no. I forgot I was wearing
it. It's no big deal. Here.

285
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,664
Ma'am, the store.

286
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:30,792
Are you kidding me? I
didn't try to steal a sweatshirt.

287
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,586
Sir, I'm a mom. Uh-huh.

288
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,088
- Gloria, help me out.
- Listen, Mr. Policeman.

289
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:38,467
If we wanted to steal it, you
wouldn't even know that it was gone!

290
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,761
Yeah, okay. That's not helping.

291
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,017
[ Haley laughing ]

292
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,604
[ Stick snaps ]

293
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:54,691
[ Grunts ] Ooh! Oop! Ooh!

294
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:58,862
Oh, my god! A gold bracelet!

295
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:01,657
Hey, can we keep what we find?

296
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,784
Unbelievable.

297
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,661
[Junk clatters ]

298
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,413
Really?

299
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:15,170
Gentlemen, you wanna know
about the real ultimate frisbee?

300
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,631
Walk with one balanced
on your head for 50 meters.

301
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,258
It is a measure of poise,
balance and posture.

302
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:24,096
Let's just whip the frisbees at each other
as hard as we can and see who quits first.

303
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:27,015
Frisbee smash.
Awesome! Let's go!

304
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:29,142
Oh, my god, I'm sisyphus.

305
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:31,311
[ Luke] A big one! Ha, ha!

306
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:35,190
So he's out in our yard
and he's got a boom box...

307
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,001
What's the name of that
movie with the boom box?

308
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,069
Oh, sayanything.
With John mahoney.

309
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,280
So anyway, he's out there, and
he's begging Claire for forgiveness.

310
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,783
She's still mad at him.
She won't have any of it.

311
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:47,327
So he turns it up full blast,

312
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,287
and it's Olivia Newton-John.

313
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:50,831
[All laughing ]

314
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:53,542
And he starts singing,
“let's get philsical.”

315
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:58,005
- It was an inside joke.
- Oh, not anymore.

316
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,007
Okay, enough with
the funny Phil stories.

317
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,776
But I haven't even gotten
to the best part yet.

318
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,177
So he's doing his little dance,
and I can't take any more,

319
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:06,263
so I nail him
with the sprinklers.

320
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,266
Yep, and you also
shorted out my boom box,

321
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,991
which you said you'd replace
and you never did. I never said that!

322
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,580
Yes, you did. You still owe me
one boom box, 12 “d” batteries...

323
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,106
And an Olivia Newton-John
cassingle.

324
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,484
Huh. Okay, uh...

325
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,403
Why don't we settle it
in the ring?

326
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:25,490
We get in there, and if you beat me,
I'll buy you any boom box you want.

327
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:28,535
If ibeatyou, then you've gotta
do your little dance for everyone.

328
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,120
[ All ] Yeah!

329
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,581
I'm in.

330
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,166
Let's get philsical.

331
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,918
I wasn't worried.
I'd boxed in the Navy.

332
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:39,546
And it was Phil

333
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,441
and here's something
I thought I'd never say...

334
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:45,927
I'd rather box my daughter's
husband than my son's.

335
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,804
[ Dings]

336
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,724
Vvhoo! Yeah!

337
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,143
Yeah, come on! Ohh!

338
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,270
Ohh! Ohh!

339
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,022
Yeah! Yeah!

340
00:14:57,105 --> 00:15:00,984
I may have been holding on to
a tiny bit of anger towards Jay.

341
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:04,529
I scooped ice cream all summer
for that boom box!

342
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:07,657
[ Grunting ]

343
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,452
Oh!

344
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,663
Excuse me. Pardon me.
We're here! We're here!

345
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,416
- We came as fast as we could!
- You couldn't change?

346
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,502
You said come right away!

347
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,670
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

348
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:24,341
Oakwood rep's production of cats—
Make sure you catch it this week.

349
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:28,845
Word on the street is the
understudy steals the show!

350
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:32,682
Mitchell, I get two more shows. Kenny
Van heffington's toenail is infected!

351
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,267
Just get up here, all right?

352
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,062
The crew has to leave at dark,
so you have until then.

353
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,730
Easy peasy.

354
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,958
Sweetie, tell daddy what
you thought of my performance.

355
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,234
Transcendent.

356
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,693
Ah, geez.

357
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,529
Is this sap?

358
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,117
Why would I buy hundreds of
dollars worth of merchandise...

359
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,827
And then steal a $20 sweatshirt?

360
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:55,664
I don't know.
Maybe you do it for the thrill.

361
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:59,126
I know your type. You're a
bored housewife, drives a minivan,

362
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,128
husband spends
a little too much time online.

363
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,505
Got a couple of kids,
a college degree you don't use.

364
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,090
You could not be more wrong.

365
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,967
Yes. She has three kids.

366
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:10,095
Okay, no. No, no. No, no. No.
That's not helping.

367
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:13,098
Look, as I said before,
it was an accident.

368
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,808
Heard it a thousand times.

369
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:18,854
Grandmothers, businessmen, honor
students. They all say the same thing.

370
00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:22,190
“It was an accident. I don't know
how that clock radio got in my pants.”

371
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:25,235
Oh, for god's sake! I
don't feel well. Let us go.

372
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,904
Yeah, right.
Is that even a baby?

373
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,158
'Cause from here,
it looks like a Turkey.

374
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:34,244
[Sighs] I need you to sign
this, admitting your guilt...

375
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,013
And promising you'll never
return to this store.

376
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,123
I'm not signing that.
Okay, great.

377
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,542
Then I'm gonna call the
police and I'll be forced to— aah!

378
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,544
[ Liquid splatters]
What was that?

379
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:47,007
My water broke!
I'm having the baby!

380
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,009
[ Chattering ]

381
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,848
Sorry about that.
I went a little nuts there.

382
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,892
I don't know what happened.
[ Spits ]

383
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,560
I do.

384
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,729
I was ragging on you
in front of your friends.

385
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,190
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.

386
00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:06,484
I couldn't think of anything
else to say. Why not?

387
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:09,362
I got 20, 25 years on those
guys. We got nothing in common.

388
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,989
It's only gonna get worse.

389
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,533
I mean, what's it gonna be like
with the new kid in 10 years?

390
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:16,036
Oh, my goodness.

391
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,873
You're insecure and vulnerable.
This is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

392
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,125
Shut up. Who's a shy bunny?

393
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,336
You wanna go one more round,
without the gloves?

394
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,504
I'm just playing around, Jay.

395
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,466
I don't care how old you are. I
could sit and talk to you all day.

396
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:32,677
Those guys really liked you
too. I don't care about that.

397
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,846
Did they?

398
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,140
Even Jerry? Yes.

399
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:40,769
Well, maybe you're right. I mean,
Manny didn't want to come and look at him.

400
00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,520
Looks like he's
having a great time.

401
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:47,025
So then Luke's dad grabs the taser
from me, and he was like, “uhh! Uhh!”

402
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:51,196
No. No! That's not how
it happened. [ Laughing ]

403
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:54,199
[ Groans ] Jay, ay/ it hurts!

404
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,136
Hang in there! Hang in there! I'll get
you to the hospital as soon as I can.

405
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,472
I just want to apologize one
more time on behalf of the store...

406
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,057
For any stress that
I might have caused you.

407
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:02,808
Here, you can keep the
sweatshirt as a gift. [Whimpers ]

408
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:06,169
And congratulations on this baby,
which is clearly not a Turkey. That was...

409
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,672
Yeah. Go away now!

410
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:11,800
Okay. Go on. Go on.
Get in. You good? Iay/ iay/

411
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,678
what hospital are we
going to? No! No hospital!

412
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,514
No hospital. Wow. Oh,
you're one of those, huh?

413
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,475
Okay, please don't have it in the
pool, though, 'cause we swim in there.

414
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:24,729
I'm not having the baby,
Claire. I was just faking it.

415
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,356
What? [ Bottle crinkles ]

416
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,401
Not bad for someone
with pregnancy brain, huh?

417
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:33,488
Okay, that's good. That was
very good. Good thinking, Gloria.

418
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,949
I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit
there and watch you suffer...

419
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,993
Just because you had
turned your brain off.

420
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,537
Okay, I deserve that.
[ Siren wailing ]

421
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,789
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.

422
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,666
I just blew through
a red light. Damn.

423
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,228
You think you can keep the pregnancy
thing up for a little while longer?

424
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:48,712
[ Screams ]

425
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:52,507
,'ay/ I feel the head!
Feel it! Feel it!

426
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,467
Save it! Save it for
the cop! [Screaming ]

427
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,552
Save it.

428
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,138
[ Cell phone rings ]
[ Chattering ]

429
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:02,392
[ Sighs ] All right,
guys, that's it. Pack it up!

430
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,812
You win for today.
See you on Monday.

431
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,897
- That's it?
- That's it.

432
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,483
So I'll go to city hall on
Monday and see what I can do,

433
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,527
but... you did it, cam.

434
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,739
No, we did it. I had to run
away, and you stepped in,

435
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,825
and like an understudy, you
gave a brilliant performance.

436
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,660
Yeah, but you're the star.

437
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:22,203
[ Chuckles ] Oh, well.

438
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,623
Can we stop doing this
and go home?

439
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,209
Yes, Lily, but I want you
to remember this moment.

440
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,521
- The day your daddies made you proud.
- [ Branch cracks]

441
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:33,131
- [ Yelping ]
- [ People gasp]

442
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,257
[ Both gasp]

443
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,634
[ Shrieking ]
Turn her away, Mitchell!

444
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,555
Turn her away! [ Both laughing ]

445
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,353
[ Sighs 1

446
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,604
[ horn honks ] [ Gasps ]

447
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,565
- [ Crunches ] - Alex,
what are you doing here?

448
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:54,986
Learning a valuable lesson
about Karma...

449
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:58,031
And how wrong it is to take
pleasure in people's embarrassment.

450
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:03,036
Wow. I don't know what any of
that means, but you look like hell.

451
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,162
Say “geek.”

452
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:05,288
[ Shutter clicks ] No!

453
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,415
[Whispering ] He's a vandalizer!

454
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,713
593 likes and counting.

455
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,220
Who does he belong to?

456
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:22,180
He's mine.

457
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:26,017
It was a great ending
to an amazing day.

458
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:29,062
Look. Leven made
the paper. [Laughs]

459
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,356
“Bizarre protest
saves park tree.”

460
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,024
Oh. Look. What's this?

461
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:36,736
“This production of cats should
be put to sleep”? Don't read that.

462
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,029
Don't...

463
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,076
[ Doorbell rings ]

464
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,372
Oh, hey, Gloria.

465
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,625
Listen, I called Jay about borrowing
a drill for my dresser handles.

466
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,545
I got it right here, cam! Oh,
geez. What's with the getup?

467
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,630
A y, good. You see that too?

468
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:57,757
[ Barking, growling ]
Stella, stop.

469
00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:59,801
Ay shh, shh. Sorry, cam.

470
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,220
Oh, no, don't be. I take it
as a compliment. [ Hisses]

471
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,639
[Whimpers ]

472
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,142
Cats— now and forever.

473
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,785
Well, actually, just
till next Thursday.

474
00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:11,688
It's been described
as transcendent.

475
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,022
[ Chuckles ]

476
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,652
[Camera shutter clicking ]