1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,839 Haley! Hurry up. 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,067 You don't have much time, and I made chocolate chip pancakes. 3 00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:09,260 Morn, I'm not 12. Dibs on hers. 4 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,903 Honey, you excited about your first day? 5 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,430 You know what? I really am. 6 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,825 There's something about going to work that makes you feel like you're... 7 00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:16,350 I don't know— worth something. 8 00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:17,894 No offense, mom. 9 00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:19,746 Listen. I wanna give you some advice. 10 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,314 Donmfl. She's gonna be late. 11 00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,065 Work hard. Uh-huh. 12 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,026 Keep your eye on the ball. 13 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,360 Stay focused. 14 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,029 Never... 15 00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:30,198 Check it out. Cam in overalls. Oh. 16 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,533 Mitchell sent me the same text. 17 00:00:32,617 --> 00:00:34,160 Why “look what you've done”? 18 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,704 Oh, because cam is helping me out with that baseball field, 19 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,640 and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up. 20 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:43,044 His turn-offs are farm, fizbo and worst of all, farmbo. 21 00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:47,423 Hey! Howdy, life partner. 22 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,219 Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my first... 23 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:54,138 Oh, my god! Why didn't you guys tell me the time? 24 00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,933 So, what do you think? 25 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:59,727 Can we turn this into a baseball field? Oh, yeah. No problem. 26 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:04,065 You know, back on the farm, I once turned an acre of corn into a snowflake-shape maze. 27 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,959 Still be there if our neighbor Billy-Bob sheinberg... 28 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,378 Hadn't seen it from his crop duster and said it looked like a swastika. 29 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,487 Hmm. 30 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,572 So how good's Luke's team anyway? 31 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:15,618 Well, you may have seen them on YouTube under “boy stuck in batting helmet”... 32 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:18,079 Or “pitcher beans self.” 33 00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,581 But a few of them went through puberty early this year, so... 34 00:01:20,665 --> 00:01:22,792 They say it's because of hormones in our milk, 35 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,127 but whatever it is, they reallyjacked up. 36 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,691 Luke and Manny's team tied for the final spot in the play-offs, 37 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,925 but since nobody was expecting it, all the fields were booked. 38 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,052 The other team wanted to settle with a coin fiip. 39 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,930 We said rock, paper, scissors. That's when talks broke down. 40 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:39,225 So what do you do when you can't find a field? 41 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:42,144 You build one. And we got the last laugh. 42 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:46,565 'Cause guess what I found there? Rocks, paper and scissors. 43 00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:48,609 I see home plate up here. Mm-hmm. 44 00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,778 I see pitcher's mound in here. 45 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:53,614 And I see little boys' dreams coming true everywhere. 46 00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:56,284 I found a dead snake. It's perfect. 47 00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,952 Not dead! Not dead! 48 00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,870 I'm gonna be mother of the year. 49 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,540 Y hey, heyy 50 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,417 y hey, heyy 51 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,544 y hey, heyy 52 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,379 y hey, heyy 53 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,797 j hey jv 54 00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:16,095 and this is our dining room, where we eat. 55 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,764 And this is our kitchen, where we also eat. 56 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,993 Who are you talking to? It looks like you lost your tour. 57 00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:22,143 Or your mind. 58 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,519 The baby. 59 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,147 Shorty's girlfriend, Darlene, sent it to me. 60 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,482 She said it's for prenatal bonding. 61 00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:31,068 I love it. We took a tour of the house. 62 00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:33,029 We took a look at all my shoes. 63 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,823 Come on, Jay. Say something to the baby. Darlene's an idiot. 64 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:39,076 Oh, yeah, beautiful. Your first words to our baby: “Darlene is an idiot.” 65 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,370 This is stupid. The baby's only two inches away. 66 00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:43,205 He doesn't need speakers blasting at him. 67 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:46,059 Like in restaurants nowadays, where you can't even hear yourself think. 68 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,295 Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? 69 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:52,173 Get used to that. Sometimes you just gotta let him go. 70 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,008 Then he eats some sherbet and falls asleep. 71 00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,634 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 72 00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,970 Okay, I'll chalk the field with this bad boy. 73 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:01,140 And while you're doing that, I will get the bases. We make such a good team. 74 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,725 Why does your friend have a chalker? 75 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,686 Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter. 76 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:07,563 Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that? 77 00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,148 Oh, yes, please. 78 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,274 Is this your house? 79 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,234 I'm moving in with my son. 80 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,402 He's rich. 81 00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:15,071 Phone-by-the-toilet rich. 82 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,989 Oh. Great. Have you lived here a long time? 83 00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:20,618 I moved here in '62 to be an actress. 84 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,621 I had one line in a rockford files. 85 00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:25,831 “He went out the back.” 86 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,416 Who went out the back? 87 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,211 That was you. Okay. 88 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,504 Well, you're all set here. 89 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,672 You're not interested in the place, are you? 90 00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,175 Oh, no, thank you. Yes, we are. 91 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,010 Yes. Yes, we are. 92 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,346 Come on. Okay. 93 00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:43,557 You gotta keep your eyes open. 94 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:46,352 It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face. 95 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,480 - Will you choke up a little? - Probably when they play the national anthem. 96 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,233 No, move your hands up the bat. 97 00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,193 “When they play the national anthem.” 98 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,736 I had a perfect record: 99 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:58,114 Twenty-two games, and I hadn't played a single inning. 100 00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,907 Then the McCoy twins' grandma dies, 101 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,951 and suddenly I'm starting at right field. 102 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:05,413 What does that even mean? Is it the same as stage right? 103 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:08,457 All right, ready? Nice and easy. 104 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,960 I haven't even thrown it yet. 105 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,920 Then it's your fault. I'm doing my part. 106 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,257 Forget it. We need to do something different. 107 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:19,176 Let's change your stance. Try leaning in. 108 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,344 Funher 109 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,805 now close your eyes. 110 00:04:23,848 --> 00:04:25,433 Ah. Perfect! Ow! 111 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,560 You think you can do that every time? 112 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,103 What, get hit on purpose? 113 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,313 If you wanna get on base and be a hero. 114 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,399 Some men are born into greatness. 115 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,067 Others have it chucked at their face. 116 00:04:35,151 --> 00:04:37,069 - Yes! 117 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,447 Okay, Mrs. Brooks. 118 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,299 Thank you very much. We'll be in touch very soon. 119 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,534 - Say it one more time. - “He went out the back.” 120 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,328 - Ah. Love it. Love it! - Brava. Brava. 121 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,746 Bye-bye. 122 00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:51,208 What do you think, Phil? Well, I have to admit, it's a steal. 123 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,294 Yes! Yes! I told you. 124 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,577 And you said Gil thorpe makes a killing fiipping houses. 125 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,465 Yeah, he brags about it all the time. 126 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,609 Every time he makes a sale, he calls himself flipper... 127 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,719 And walks around making this dolphin sound, like... 128 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,389 How does he do it? I hate him so much. 129 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:08,353 Look, if the four of us go in on this together, we can minimize the risk. 130 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,912 Or if none of us do it, we can eliminate the risk altogether... 131 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,831 Because none of you know anything about flipping houses. 132 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,541 [ Sighs 1 well, we already have it figured out. 133 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,960 I'm gonna be the designer because I know about colors and shapes. 134 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,486 Yeah, so does Lily. 135 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,154 I'm gonna be the contractor. 136 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,677 And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go. 137 00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,743 Mitchell, I am serious. I have overseen lots of projects in our home. 138 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:29,163 I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom— under budget. Right, Phil? 139 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:32,350 I was a little disappointed we didn't go for the butt-washing toilet, but othennise... 140 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,252 You can wash your own butt for free. That's not the same, is it? 141 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:36,962 This is all fun to talk about. It is. 142 00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:39,774 But I don't think that you understand what this could really entail, and it... 143 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,902 Okay, there it is. Mitchell just said “no,” so we're done. 144 00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:43,344 Surprise, surprise. 145 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:46,472 Listen, we'll talk about this at home, okay? Mmm. 146 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,098 Don't give up. 147 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:51,018 Phil, you think it's a good idea, right? 148 00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,355 Totally. Yes. And you know we can handle it, right? 149 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,690 I think you guys can handle anything. 150 00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:59,461 Yeah. Then you go talk to him. You're a professional. He respects you. 151 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,321 Give us some space. I'll go talk him into it. All right. 152 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,199 - All right? - Okay. 153 00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,993 Listen. There's no way we're letting them do this. I know, right? 154 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,787 They are not equipped to take this on. 155 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,915 We might as well fiush all our savings down my boring old toilet. 156 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,542 You are really bitter about that. 157 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:18,379 It's the one thing I asked for. Don't sit on your sunglasses. 158 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,273 Sorry, guys. 159 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,550 Whoops. Just to be clear though. 160 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,760 Under no circumstances are we letting 'em do this? 161 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,720 I am totally with you. 162 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,723 Okay, you stay here. I'll go break the bad news. 163 00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:31,433 Sorry, guys. Not gonna happen. 164 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:32,994 Yeah, well, maybe if— I would drop it. 165 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,812 It is not worth the fight. Come on, Claire. 166 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,566 The faster we leave, the less it's gonna hurt. Hop in. Yep. 167 00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:44,655 Why does it have to be like this? 168 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,241 I don't know. He's your brother. Buckled up? Good. 169 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:50,202 Oh, no, no, no! No, no. I see what you're doing! 170 00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:51,996 He doesn't want this either! 171 00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:53,414 Little radio? Sure. 172 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:57,251 - Yy - Phil! Claire! 173 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,169 Come on! 174 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,680 It's such a shame, because I know we would do a great job on that house. 175 00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:12,224 Totally. If Gil thorpe can do it, I can do it, right? 176 00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:13,517 Please! 177 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:16,270 Please. Gil thorpe has decades of experience... 178 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,105 And infallible instincts. 179 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,149 As much as we'd all like to believe othennise, 180 00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,443 I did not marry Gil thorpe. 181 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,112 Can you imagine that? 182 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,324 God, we'd sell a lot of houses. 183 00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:31,410 - Oh. - Great. Mitchell. 184 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:34,264 You know what, Claire? You gotta cool down or you're just gonna make this worse. 185 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,391 Why don't you go get the coffees, and I'll deal with him. 186 00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:37,916 Well, what are you gonna say to him? 187 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,480 I'm just gonna talk to him man-to-man. 188 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,295 Okay. Uh— all right. 189 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,464 Heho? 190 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,758 Claire, Phil doesn't want the house either, all right? 191 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,521 He's letting me take the fall. He's a liar. 192 00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:48,913 And a clever one. 193 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,639 How long do you think you can keep this from her? 194 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,223 I'm gonna talk to her eventually. 195 00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,535 Well, as long as we're swapping stories, maybe I'll tell cam... 196 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:58,103 What happened to the sweater he knit for you. 197 00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:04,318 I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't do it. 198 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,320 I can't take this stupid thing anymore! 199 00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:10,614 It was stolen out of the car. Do you understand me? 200 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,117 Got it. 201 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,079 That is low. 202 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,666 I know. Don't be mad at me. That said, I suggest you lose this number. 203 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,335 I'm not proud of what I did, 204 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,504 but I'm not comfortable squashing people's dreams. 205 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,089 I am a cheerleader. 206 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:28,175 I'm the guy on top of the pyramid shouting, “go, dreams, go!” 207 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,718 You know what's not a cheer? 208 00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:31,428 Two, four, six, eight! 209 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:35,140 You are going to fail at this and lose everything we've worked for, Claire! 210 00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,935 J' hush, little baby; 211 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,062 j' don't say a word j' 212 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,399 j' papa's going to buy you a mockingbird j' 213 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:47,319 j' and if that mockingbird won't sing 3 214 00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:51,115 j' papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring j' 215 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:55,327 papa'd buy 10 diamond rings to get that mockingbird to shut the hell up. 216 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,830 But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. 217 00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:01,125 That's just taking a bath with a toaster. 218 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,253 Still, the thought of that poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, 219 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:07,589 listening to that racket days on end. 220 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,258 I just couldn't take it. 221 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:13,053 J' and if that Billy goat won't push j' 222 00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:16,265 j' papa's gonna kill the Billy goat u 223 00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,808 I'll tell you what papa's gonna do. 224 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,269 He's gonna take a turn on that Mike. A y, really? 225 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:22,831 Yeah. I've been thinking, if it's a chance to bond, I should take it. 226 00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,982 A y, Jay, that's great. 227 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,900 I think that the sound of my voice... 228 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,920 Shouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear. 229 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,571 Same page. 230 00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:34,032 Breaker, breaker, big Jay. Baby, what's your 20? Over. 231 00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:37,661 A y, that's so cute. You sound like smokeyana' the bandido. Go on. Go on. 232 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,830 Hi, kid. This is your dad, Jay pritchett. 233 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,541 Uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you. Just a heads-up... 234 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,960 I might be a few years older than you're expecting. 235 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,922 But on the plus side, we're very comfortable. 236 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,716 What's that? Nothin'? 237 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,259 Tough womb. 238 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,696 - What are you doing in there? - You sleepin'? 239 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,389 J' are you sleeping? J'j' 240 00:09:57,473 --> 00:10:00,517 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Still daddy's turn. 241 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:08,150 Dumb, dumb rock! 242 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,570 Hey. Are you cryin'? 243 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,281 No. No. I just can't get this rock to budge. 244 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,364 Okay, what did we learn from a league of their own? 245 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:17,659 No crying in baseball. 246 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,245 No. That Madonna's a lousy actress, and so are you. 247 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:24,249 What's really going on? Okay. 248 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:29,087 You know, over the last couple of months, I've applied for, like, five different jobs. 249 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,672 I didn't know that. No. 250 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:34,384 I didn't tell anyone because I didn't get them, cam. 251 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:37,346 I went to college, you know? 252 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:41,183 And... I just want to be able to contribute to my kids' education. 253 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:45,103 And I want to be able to buy my husband a present with my own money. 254 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:47,356 Hey, you're preaching to the choir director. 255 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,501 It's actually why I became a choir director. [ Sighs 1 256 00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:53,445 you became a part-time teacher in a public school for money? 257 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:57,366 I make more than you do. I mean, before parking. But... 258 00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:01,119 Look, I'm sorry Mitchell killed our house dream. 259 00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:04,957 You know, now especially that I know you wanted to use the money for such noble reasons. 260 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,040 Yeah. 261 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,377 And also... 262 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,296 There was this pair of boots. 263 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,215 There's always a pair of boots. 264 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:20,722 Mitchell, do you know what I've realized? 265 00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:22,891 That some thoughts are better left unexpressed? 266 00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:26,687 No. That in this relationship, I'm the gas pedal, and you're the brakes. 267 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,874 Okay, wait, wait, wait. Last week you said that you were the painting and I was the frame. 268 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,359 That's if we were artwork. This is if we were a car. 269 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,361 I know what part you'd be if we were a horse. 270 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,904 - Excuse me? - Hmm? 271 00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:39,116 Claire and I bring you this great opportunity, and you stop it cold. 272 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,993 I guess that's what brakes do. 273 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,996 You know what brakes also do? They keep you from driving off cliffs. 274 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,539 Maybe they're not cliffs. 275 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,876 Maybe they're ramps ready to launch us into new, exciting vistas. 276 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:52,021 I am not the only one against this whole house thing. Phil doesn't want it either. 277 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,840 You keep saying that, but I find that very, very hard to believe. 278 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,843 Phil supports Claire. Phil is a cheerleader. 279 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,304 Why can't you be more like Phil? 280 00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:04,516 And then it hit me. I could be exactly like Phil. 281 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,395 I could pretend to be on board, forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy. 282 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:11,398 I know it's underhanded, but that's the way I throw. 283 00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:16,153 Mitchell? You— you know what? You've convinced me. 284 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:20,198 If you and Claire and especially Phil are into this, then I'm on board. 285 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,910 What? Seriously? Yes! 100%. 286 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,871 In fact, why don't you call Claire and Phil right now and tell them? 287 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:29,541 Okay. It was the ramp thing, wasn't it? You know, I felt really good about it. 288 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,210 What? Are you serious? 289 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:34,463 That's fantastic! Oh! I gotta tell Phil. 290 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,882 I'll call you right back. What's— what's up? 291 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,092 Mitchell changed his mind. He's all for it. 292 00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,677 We're fiipping a house! 293 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,055 Yeah! 294 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,977 Well, hello, Phil. To what do I owe this pleasure? 295 00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:52,356 Cut the crap. You wanna play chicken? Chicken's my middle name. 296 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,358 I don't know what you're talking about. 297 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,777 I'm just being supportive of my partner and my sister, 298 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,779 both of whom I love very much. 299 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,447 How do you sleep at night? 300 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,783 Soundly, knowing you'll do the fight thing. 301 00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,534 So how about it, Phil? 302 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:07,162 You gonna stop this train? 'Cause these brakes are out. 303 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,832 Oh. And I suggest you lose this number. 304 00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,918 Mitchell? 305 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,628 Mitchell! 306 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,651 Yeah, I was pretty ticked off that Mitchell double-crossed my double-cross. 307 00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:24,054 Then he stopped taking my calls, and so I sent him the following carefully worded text: 308 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:26,848 “You suck.” 309 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:32,562 I could tell Phil felt pretty hurt and betrayed, so I responded: 310 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:35,399 ”How are you gonna cheer/eao' your way out of this one, Buffy?” 311 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,651 ”We both know this house thing is a disaster.” 312 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:41,947 “Then say something or/ will. /o'on't care if you tell cam ”... 313 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,241 “I threw out that hideous sweater”? 314 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,594 I spent months knitting that “hideous” sweater. 1 sighs 1 315 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,245 yeah. How are we seeing this? 316 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,205 They're using the group text from yesterday. 317 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,041 Okay. They have no idea these are even coming to me. 318 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:55,002 Oh! Here's another one. 319 00:13:55,085 --> 00:14:00,298 “We need to shut this house thing down without them knowing it's us”? 320 00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:01,842 Oh! Well. 321 00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:04,511 “Too late.” 322 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,139 Uh-oh. 323 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:10,475 Oh! No, that— that's bad. 324 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:19,234 Claire, I am so sorry. I know I should've been more honest with you, but I... 325 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,902 No, Phil. You know what really kills me? 326 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:24,948 Is you didn't believe in me, and you believe in everything! 327 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,743 You know, I knew that sweater wasn't stolen. 328 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,162 And here I pick blue yarn to match your eyes, 329 00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,165 but I should've picked black to match your heart. 330 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,750 Although you look amazing inbmchamnymr 331 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,960 Come on. 332 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:41,423 “...leaving 17 dead and thousands without power.” 333 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,216 A y, Jay, please! 334 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,178 It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things. 335 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,721 It's heard worse. 336 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,723 Jay, do you know a good one-hour dry cleaner? 337 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:53,226 And I don't mean the “must be in by 10:00, only on weekdays, you need a coupon” kind. 338 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,811 I mean a hard one hour. 339 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,772 This conversation feels like a hard one hour. 340 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,274 And what do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless. 341 00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,276 There's mustard here from Reuben's Reuben. 342 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:04,079 That's what happens when you put a narcissist in charge of snack day. 343 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,031 Okay, it's my turn again. 344 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,575 Baby, it's your mother again— Gloria? 345 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,243 Why don't we give him a break? 346 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:13,139 He probably needs a minute because he just learned about a deadly tornado. 347 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,956 Okay, stop calling him a he. 348 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,584 What if he's a she, and you're making her upset? 349 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,479 I told you. That's just the shorthand I'm using. 350 00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:21,647 Don't jump down my throat every time—, 4 y, yeah. Because you always... 351 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,173 What are you doing? 352 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,051 Do you really want your unborn baby to hear you fighting like this? 353 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:29,679 Studies show it's unhealthy for a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment. 354 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,765 Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book. 355 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,600 What time does your game start? 356 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,453 I have to be there at 3:00 for hitting practice. 357 00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,645 Batting practice. 358 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,313 Not for me. 359 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:43,151 Jay, I don't want our baby to think that he's coming into an unhappy home. 360 00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:47,072 Let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him. 361 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,699 - No fighting in front of the baby. - Okay, good. 362 00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:56,206 ; Twinkle, twinkle, little lamb j' 363 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,291 Gloria, stop it! Stop it. 3 I am going— 33 364 00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,960 why? No more singing. 365 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,254 Because you stink. 366 00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,714 You're a terrible singer. 367 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,508 Come on. Let's get some lunch. 368 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,887 - How dare do you tell me that I am— - ah, ah, ah, ah! 369 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,765 No, no, no. No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal. 370 00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:17,018 Yeah, but that's not fair because I am always in front of the baby! 371 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:19,312 Gloria, you're as close to perfect as a woman gets. 372 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,356 Nothing wrong with one tiny little fiaw. 373 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:25,277 Yours is when you start to sing, it sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner. 374 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,529 Thatsyoun— ah, ah, ah! No, no, no. 375 00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:33,034 That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay. 376 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:36,663 But I am very angry at you, and I am gonna make a list... 377 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,499 Of all the things that I am going to scream at you... 378 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,586 As soon as this baby is out of me. 379 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,883 I didn't think it all the way through. 380 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,345 Oh, hello, Mitch. 381 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,182 You got Claire flowers? Yes. I had a little bit of a rough night. 382 00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,850 Yeah, you and me both. 383 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,977 Daddy slept in my room last night. 384 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:00,582 Here. Give me some of those. What? No. 385 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,415 You got me into this. Hey, stop! You're breaking 'em! 386 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:05,358 I'm not going to cam empty-handed! Phil, let go of the... 387 00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,569 33 388 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:08,652 Whoa. 389 00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:13,950 Ow! Hold still! 390 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,953 Claire and cam did all this? 391 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,581 A week ago, that was all junk. 392 00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:22,727 It's amazing. I mean, there's that little bump in the middle, but other than that... 393 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,961 Even if one of those boys had hit five home runs, 394 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,755 the biggest star on that field was Claire. 395 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,090 That's the funny thing about marriage. 396 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:31,676 You fail in lo ve with this extraordinary person, 397 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,095 and o I/er time, they begin to seem ordinary 398 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,766 I think it's all the nagging. 399 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,356 Wow. This— this is incredible. 400 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,399 You literally saw a diamond in the rough. 401 00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:49,861 Yeah, but I take on a lot of projects no one else is willing to. 402 00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,488 I deserve that. Mm-hmm. 403 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,908 I was an idiot for doubting you. Please, honey, forgive me. 404 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,786 How could I not, when you give me this bouquet of crumpled fiowers? 405 00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,746 Mitchell did that! Mitchell again? 406 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,373 Ask Lily! 407 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,250 Hey, cam. 408 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,960 Here you— okay. Well... 409 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,003 Oh, wow. Broken and mangled. Mm-hmm. 410 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,880 Just like my heart. 411 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:11,007 Cam, I'm sorry for not supporting you. 412 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,818 What about the sweater? That's unforgivable. 413 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,922 You put all that time and work into it, and I just toss it out the car window. 414 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,932 Tossed it out the car window? I'm forgetting how much you knew. 415 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,767 You know what, guys? Honestly, i-i... 416 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,204 I think we should do it. I think we should go for the house. 417 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:25,498 Okay, but careful, honey. Don't say something if you don't mean it. 418 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:28,108 No, I do mean it. I think you two will do a fantastic job. 419 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,068 You know, I do too. I'm on board. 420 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,821 - On board for what? - Well, the four of us might go in on a house. 421 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,656 Claire and I fix it up and flip it. 422 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,033 - That's the worst idea I ever heard. - Okay. 423 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,286 You guys know nothing about construction. 424 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,037 You'll make all sorts of mistakes. 425 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,623 You'll turn on each other. You'll stop talking. 426 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:46,126 And suddenly I'm doing two dinners a week instead of one... 427 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,378 Because you can't be in the same room. 428 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,005 Family and business doesn't mix. 429 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,424 Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? 430 00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:54,426 Is he right? 431 00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,720 You know dad. I mean, he's a pessimist. 432 00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,015 I want us to get that house. I do. But I don't want us to fight. 433 00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:02,183 - We're not gonna fight. - Of course not. 434 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,518 Probably. 1 sighs 1 435 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,937 I don't know. Will we? 436 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,148 Maybe we just take a beat and think about it. 437 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,608 Yeah. Yeah. I-I guess that couldn't hurt. 438 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,462 You guys mean the world to us. I don't want to jeopardize that over a house. 439 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,155 Yeah. We feel the same way. 440 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,533 You know what? I know we'd do a good job though. 441 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,909 Hello? And I have so many... 442 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,661 It's Mrs. Brooks, the lady with the house. 443 00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:24,247 Actually, it's good that you called. 444 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,541 What? What happened? 445 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,336 Gil thorpe just made her an offer. 446 00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,504 We did it! We bought a house. 447 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,048 It's gonna be great! 448 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,008 What could go wrong? Nothing. 449 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,012 Sometimes /don't understand people. 450 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,515 They do crazy things for the dumbest reasons. 451 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,976 I'm going to march out there and swing as hard as I can. 452 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:48,188 And if every sports movie is correct, I'm going to smack that ball, 453 00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:51,191 and everyone will chant my name as I round the bases. 454 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:54,027 By the way, is it always counterclockwise, or do I get to choose? 455 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,154 I don't think it's gonna matter. 456 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:58,615 They convince themselves it'll all work out. 457 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,575 Please rise for the national anthem. 458 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,162 I'm gonna show you who can sing. 459 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:05,622 Gloria. Hmm. 460 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,207 Oh, this is gonna be rough. 461 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,251 Despite all the evidence to the contrary. 462 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:15,256 3 o say can you see 3 463 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:19,386 3 by the dawn's early light? 3 464 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,221 which / guess isn't so bad. 465 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:27,185 3 and the rocket's red glare! 33 466 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:31,564 all I'm saying is, I hope to god you don't have your mother's singing voice. 467 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:34,567 But, man, I hope you get her self-confidence. 468 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,627 Try to get some sleep. I'll talk to you in the morning. 469 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,916 Two outs, bottom of the sixth. Tied at 4. 470 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,501 This is it, folks. 471 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,420 The whole game comes down to this. 472 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,463 Manny delgado, 0 for 3 on the day. 473 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,048 Gloria, your thoughts? 474 00:20:57,132 --> 00:21:00,051 I think he's going to hit the home run. 475 00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,594 Please, god, give me one. 476 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,721 Manny, stand up straight! 477 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:04,931 I Jay I but bend your knees. 478 00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,349 Widen your stance! 479 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,684 Would you please let me ju... 480 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,367 - Ooh! - Take your base! 481 00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,688 You did it! Run, Manny! I did it? Yeah! 482 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,331 No, no, no, no! Not that way! Go this way! Why do I bother? 483 00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,817 He's gonna do what he wants. 484 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:20,321 Manny! Manny! Manny! 485 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,032 Manny! Manny! Manny!