1 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:06,424 Okay, here's the number for poison control. Ask for Carol. 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,177 Honey, we're gonna be fine. Enjoy your reunion. 3 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,137 It would be a lot more fun if you were there. 4 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:14,682 I really am sorry about that. I just can't miss the chance to bowl on Jay's team. 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,226 - Mmm. - That's why I ordered these glide rights. 6 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:18,811 If you break 'em in properly, 7 00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:21,147 they're supposed to give you a completely motionless... 8 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,940 [Groaning ] 9 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,650 If I'm being honest, 10 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:27,445 the reunion might be a little more fun if Phil isn't there. 11 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,114 Othennise, I spend the whole weekend telling him who's who... 12 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,824 And explaining inside jokes, 13 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:36,537 and if all that explaining is going out, the alcohol is not going in. 14 00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,915 Hey, mom, before you go, you have to sign this for school. 15 00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:41,000 You don't have to read it. It's all boilerplate. 16 00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:43,419 Honey, I am running really late. Ask your dad. [ Kisses] 17 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,630 Right here, buddy. [ Grunts ] 18 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:49,675 I have to get a letter signed because I failed my assignment on the revolutionary war. 19 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:53,387 I re-created the battle of bunker hill using one of my old science projects. 20 00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:55,640 Seemed pretty revolutionary to me. 21 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,351 The brave patriots made their way up the hillside, 22 00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:01,562 prepared for whatever the devious redcoats might inflict next. 23 00:01:01,646 --> 00:01:03,856 [ Scoffs ] Now you work? 24 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,818 So, dad— one second, buddy. 25 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,112 The salesman said when you're breaking these shoes in, 26 00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:12,740 it's easier to move side to side. 27 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:16,410 Son of a gun. He was right. What do we got here? 28 00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:17,495 [ Grunts ] 29 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:20,122 Y hey, heyy 30 00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:22,250 y hey, heyy 31 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,335 y hey, heyy 32 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,295 y hey, heyy 33 00:01:26,379 --> 00:01:27,505 j hey jv 34 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,303 [ Jay] I've waited a year for this day... 35 00:01:34,387 --> 00:01:37,390 The annual trade association scratch bowling tournament. 36 00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:39,600 Last year we lost to our biggest rival. 37 00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:41,269 Frazier had Ali. 38 00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,480 Pritchett's closets has closets, closets, closets, closets. 39 00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,065 It's a stupid name, 40 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,192 but those cats can bowl. 41 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,237 Ay, I knew the pancakes will bring you down. 42 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,239 Just coffee for me today... 43 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,283 Black, like I feel on the inside. 44 00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:58,661 Ay, Manny, please. It was only one bad audition. 45 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,746 No. Three bad auditions: 46 00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:04,041 The fall assembly, phantom and now the spring sing. 47 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,794 - I'm a disaster. - You're always so dramatic. 48 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,337 Dramatic, mother? 49 00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:10,798 I am sure cam is gonna call you today and give you the solo. 50 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:12,383 You're always so hard on yourself. 51 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:17,179 Remember that you said that you didn't have a face for hats? And? 52 00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:19,765 - [ Mumbling ] I look great in every hat. - I can't hear you. 53 00:02:19,849 --> 00:02:21,642 I look great in every hat. 54 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:23,686 Well, enjoy that while it lasts. 55 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:27,648 I had a pretty good hat run, but then I saw a photo of myself from the dude ranch. 56 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,650 I looked like reba at the grammys. 57 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,819 - [ Chuckles ] I see that you found the fur. - Yes. 58 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,155 Uh, you wouldn't happen to have a feather boa, would you? 59 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,033 Are you wearing that to your Oscar party? No, Manny. 60 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:39,994 We're not cliches. Cam's decorating the party with photos of Lily... 61 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,954 Dressed as different starlets from the... 62 00:02:42,038 --> 00:02:43,497 We're cliches. 63 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,542 Hey, Gloria, look what I found in my bowling bag. 64 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,836 Second place prize in last year's tournament. 65 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,880 A spa day. 0th 66 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:54,133 oh, but it expires today. Oh, sorry. 67 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:58,095 I just wish that I could use this, but today's the nanny's day off... 68 00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,680 And I have a million things to do. 69 00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:03,059 I have to buy diapers. I have to go pick up the stroller. 70 00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:05,186 I have to go to the doctor. 71 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:09,690 I hate wasting this, but I just don't have any time today. 72 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:12,526 Yes, I would have loved to go to the spa. 73 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,529 But having a baby has changed completely... 74 00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:17,907 The way that Jay's family look at me. 75 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:21,660 I am not anymore just Gloria that has her hair done, 76 00:03:21,744 --> 00:03:23,704 Gloria that goes to the gym. 77 00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:26,123 Now I am Gloria the new mother, 78 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,417 the “I don't know how she does it” lady. 79 00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:31,545 If the feather boa is not here, it's at my cousin's. 80 00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:34,131 I will go get it after the doctor, after the pharmacy, 81 00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:35,716 before the baby store, okay? 82 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,760 Honestly, Gloria, I don't know how you do it. 83 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,762 - Ah, I found it. - Yes! 84 00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,556 Help me. Careful. 85 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,393 [Groaning ] Gloria, are you all right? 86 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:48,187 Ay, I told you to help me. I am so sorry. 87 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:51,065 I twisted my ankle. Sit down right here. 88 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,817 I don't have time for this. 89 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,777 You-you can't walk around on that all day. 90 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,238 No, I'm good. I'm good. 91 00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,490 I will use... 92 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,410 The baby carrier as a— As a cane. 93 00:04:02,493 --> 00:04:04,412 O-Okay. Okay? 94 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,955 [ Grunts ] 95 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,141 [ Shutter clicking ] Hold that. Hold that. Good. Good. 96 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,917 Now smolder. Smolder. 97 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,502 Perfect. Perfect. 98 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,087 [ Door opens ] Let me guess. 99 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:16,340 You couldn't remember if I said “boa” or “baby,” so you brought both. 100 00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:19,593 [Groans] Gloria hurt herself, and it was kind of my fault, 101 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,637 so I offered to watch Joe. 102 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,849 - Oh. - Can I take a break? I want to be alone. 103 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,060 Okay, where was that attitude when we were doing Greta garbo? 104 00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:29,854 Okay, fine. Take five. 105 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,356 [ Singsongy] Hi, baby Joe. 106 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,401 Why don't you just sit a spell? We're just makin' pictures. 107 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,944 Why are you being all Missouri? 108 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,256 I don't know. I guess I'm excited to go back to the farm. 109 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,425 - Is it that obvious? - You said “dagburn” at breakfast. 110 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,201 - Have you booked our tickets? - I'm not sure if I can get off work. 111 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,847 Yeah, but you have to get the tickets before all the good seats are taken. 112 00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,849 You mean the ones that aren't on a plane to Missouri. 113 00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:51,292 - Okay, sweetie, break's over. - It hasn't been five minutes. 114 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,335 Yes, but it has been five animal crackers, 115 00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:55,713 which is five too many to eat on a shoot day, so... 116 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,174 No more! I quit! 117 00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:00,176 Oh, my gosh. What has gotten into her? 118 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,904 We've been doing this for six hours. All of a sudden she doesn't love it? 119 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,639 - You know, I have a theory. - Okay. 120 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:08,034 We're only halfway through all the pictures that I wanted to do. 121 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:11,520 Lightbulb. Hello, baby Joe. [Joe fussing ] 122 00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:14,106 Well, you might as well be a dead hobo... 123 00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,650 In the woods of a small town after a rainstorm, 124 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,445 because you have just been discovered. 125 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,406 I'm looking less and less fonnard to this trip to Missouri. 126 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,659 Hey, handsome. Can you sign this? 127 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,496 Youdontneedtoreadil neverdo. 128 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,080 Right there. 129 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,999 [ Cell phone rings ] Oh, quick. 130 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,584 Nature's surefire sunburn remedy. 131 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,294 [Beeps] Aloe? 132 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,837 [ Both laugh ] 133 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,507 Hey, Jay. Super excited about our big match. 134 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,343 I dreamt about it last night. Guess what. We won! 135 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:45,554 Phil, I like you too much to sugarcoat what I'm about to say. 136 00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,139 You're off the team. 137 00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:50,100 Good one. Loosen me up with some pre-match humor. I like it. 138 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:54,230 No, I found somebody better— Rudy sorrenson. He's in. You're out. 139 00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:56,023 [ Chuckling ] Hfianous. 140 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:59,693 Sticking with the bit. I love that this is our relationship now. 141 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,321 This match is too important, and you're a wild card. I'm sorry. 142 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:06,408 Jay, I'm not sure I like where this is headed. 143 00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:08,953 Phil, this is nothing personal. It's bowling. 144 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:11,288 No, no, no. I get it. [ Object clatters ] 145 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,958 Listen. Um, I should get going. 146 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,168 [Voice breaking ] My allergies are starting to cry. 147 00:06:16,252 --> 00:06:18,045 [ Phone beeps] 148 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,630 [Beeps] 149 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,507 [Rfigs] [Beeps] 150 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,968 Hey, Gloria, I was just about to leave. What's up? 151 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,512 Mannyjust texted me. Did he tell you the news? 152 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,889 Yes. Wonderful. We'll celebrate later. 153 00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:32,977 No. He didn't get the solo. I think he's very upset. 154 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:35,396 Aaah/ my glove. Where are you? 155 00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,898 At the doctor. He's checking my ankle. 156 00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:40,693 Jay, I think you should try to cheer him up. 157 00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,444 Why don't you take him shopping? 158 00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:45,114 Gloria, my match is at 5:00. I have a ritual. 159 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,700 I walk the lanes. I play two or three warm-up games. 160 00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:50,619 He's fine. I'll let you talk to him. 161 00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,164 Darkness, please. 162 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,166 Oh, shoot. He's out in the pool. 163 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,396 - What do I have to do to make you go away? Sing? - I'll have him call you back. 164 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,381 My life is a musicless gray hellscape. 165 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,718 Wow. Well, this doesn't look like anything shopping can help you with. 166 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,636 It's worth a shot. 167 00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,354 Sorry I was so indecisive back there. I'm out of it today. 168 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,666 Well, you got what you want, and that's what today is all about. 169 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:23,569 Turn that frown upside down. Now, you're gonna take this 15 local to get home. 170 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:27,031 Keep both your hands tight on that bag because it goes through a few sketchy blocks. 171 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:29,825 You're not driving me? Well, you kind of used up your drive time... 172 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,161 Deciding between thoseidenficalbefis. 173 00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:34,955 Okay. It's just hard, you know, Jay? 174 00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:36,707 I mean, I've never been a quitter. 175 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,959 Well, new chapter for you. You got any change? 176 00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,712 I mean, I always imagined I'd be a performer for life. 177 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,714 I guess some dreams you just have to give up on. 178 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,592 Know when to fold 'em. Here's a 50. Someone will have change. 179 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:49,428 I can't sing, period. 180 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,389 What am I thinking? 181 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,476 The 11 goes right by the house, and there she is. 182 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,686 Now, text your mom when you get home. 183 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:02,191 - Good luck with your bowling. - Thanks, kid. 184 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,030 [ Bus door squeaks ] [ Bus drives off] 185 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,657 Yes. Yes. 186 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,785 You've had my dad's baby for 45 minutes, and he's already in a dress. 187 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:16,622 Okay, Lily, I think we're ready for our most important setup— miss Shirley temple. 188 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,582 Here. Oh, wow. 189 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:21,269 - You're an even better assistant than you are a model. - I don't care. 190 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,295 Well, that came through in her modeling. 191 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,298 [ Lowered voice ] Our daughter. I know, but it just hurts, Mitchell. 192 00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:29,677 It's the first one of our things that she's outgrown. 193 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,138 But isn't it great that we've raised her to have opinions and interests of her own? 194 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:35,724 But this early? She's still so dadgum young. 195 00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:39,245 Is that another southern thing, or are you just trying to remember her Vietnamese name? 196 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,271 - Oh, my gosh. This thing is stuck. - What? 197 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,273 - How— how could it be? - It is stuck. 198 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,025 - [ Mitchell ] Oh. - I glued it. 199 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:48,028 [ Gasps ] Wha— why-why would you do that? 200 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:50,656 Because the Jane Crawford wig kept falling off him. 201 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,200 It's Joan Crawford. 'Cause that's what's important here. 202 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,786 It's glued to his actual hair. 203 00:08:55,869 --> 00:09:00,290 Okay, Lily, this is bad. This is very, very bad. 204 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,126 Sorry. I was trying to help. 205 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,961 Okay, well, I should've seen this coming. 206 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,546 I replaced her with somebody younger, 207 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:08,048 and she sabotaged Joe's shoot out of sheer jealousy. 208 00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:10,759 Maybe she does have what it takes to be a model. 209 00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,678 Can you... 210 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:17,516 [ Man on car stereo ] Y and as funny as it may seem y [ Horn honks ] 211 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,435 - Sing. - What? 212 00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:21,913 I've heard you sing in the shower. You sing in the car with me. 213 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:25,107 You never miss a note. Your problem is doing it around people. Sing. 214 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,901 - You want me to sing now? - Yeah! It's all in your head. 215 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:31,530 When you get over that little stage fright, you'll never choke an audition again. Sing! 216 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:34,867 [ Off-key] J' I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet: 217 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,410 That's not singing. Attack it! 218 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,995 J' a pawn and a king j' 219 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,582 j' I've been up and down and over and out; 220 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,125 j' and I know one thing j' 221 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,085 what's that thing? 222 00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:48,672 J' each time I found myself flat on my face j' 223 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,257 yeah, now you got it! 224 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,301 J' I pick myself up and get back in the race j' 225 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,928 get in that bag! I know you want to! 226 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:58,056 - J' that's life j' - sing it to me, baby! 227 00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,975 J' that's what all the people say j' 228 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,228 [woman laughing ] [Gasps ] Oh, my god. Is that Janie Gibbs? 229 00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:05,731 Yikes. Her skin looks like crumpled tinfoil... 230 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,775 You try to smooth out and use again. 231 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,861 Remind me not to get old in front of you. 232 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:14,698 [Chuckles] I don't even see the kids' faces anymore. 233 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:17,785 I know them by the decals on their laptops. 234 00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:19,995 Professor Cooke. Mmm. 235 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,998 Still the sexiest man on campus. Wanna know a little somethin'? 236 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,625 You dated him? [ Gasps ] 237 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:27,085 How did you know that? We were so careful with that secret. 238 00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:29,421 You wore an oversized tweed jacket to breakfast... 239 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:31,381 And called my rabbit convertible “bourgeois.” 240 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:34,676 Well, it kind of was. We were so jealous of you. 241 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,305 He was so hot, jogging around campus in those dolphin shorts. 242 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,850 And that wasn't even why I was with him. It was his mind. 243 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:45,437 You know those people who make you feel smart just by being near them? 244 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,773 [ Sighs 1 I watched you guys once. 245 00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:51,151 Claire? Claire's friend. 246 00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:53,237 He remembers me. 247 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,197 Hello, professor. 248 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,199 [ Both 1 mwah! Wow. 249 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,368 [ Giggles ] It's so good to see you. 250 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,995 Clearly, the academic life agrees with you. 251 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,456 Mm-hmm. Well, I guess we're all doing pretty well. 252 00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,958 Cheers. Cheers. 253 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,044 Here's looking at you two. Were you always like this? 254 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,547 Claire? [Claire] Oh, my god. No way. 255 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,966 Tater! Oh, my gosh! 256 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,802 [ Kisses] I heard you're hugely successful. 257 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,471 Yeah, well, when all the hot girls call you “tater,” 258 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,766 you tend to try a little harder. Adorable. Adorable! 259 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,351 [ Laughing ] You're adorable! 260 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,311 Claire! Honey! Hey. 261 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,605 Hi. Phil! What are you doing here? 262 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,692 Uh, your dad dumped me from his bowling team, 263 00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,277 so I thought I'd surprise you. 264 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,239 Um— okay. Wait. Come here a second. 265 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,241 I— I thought you'd be happy to see me. 266 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,535 I am. No, I am. I'm happy. 267 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,370 Is something wrong? 268 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,998 [ Sighs, groans ] It's just— It's a little bit embarrassing. 269 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:48,542 The guy that I dated right before you is here. 270 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,020 Well, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. We all have exes. 271 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,684 So the guy you dumped right before you met me is here. No big deal. 272 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,549 [ High-pitched voice ] Wei/... 273 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,301 [ Normal voice ] He might have dumped me. 274 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,928 I thought you said you'd never been dumped. 275 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:02,306 We/I— maybe one time. 276 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,517 So he dumped you, 277 00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:08,020 you healed completely, and then you met me. 278 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,314 Well... 279 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,527 I've regretted throwing away things way more beaten up than Claire. 280 00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:19,907 So if this campus Casanova had thoughts of reclaiming her— guess what, hotshot. 281 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:23,118 Legally, I still own her. 282 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:27,205 Man, I always wondered who'd be lucky enough to marry the beautiful Claire pritchett. 283 00:12:27,289 --> 00:12:29,833 [ Chuckles ] No luck involved, hombre. 284 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,419 She saw, she liked, she got pregnant, she had to. 285 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,839 Hey, stop hogging this guy. I haven't seen him in 20 years. 286 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,966 My tater. Look, I've got to run. 287 00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:41,511 But I'd love to have you guys by my apartment for a cocktail before dinner. 288 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,221 We are totally doing that. 289 00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:45,849 We might have to go back to the hotel for a while. No, no, no. 290 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,434 That's what this weekend's for... 291 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,478 Having a laugh, meeting new people. 292 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,480 I don't wanna miss any of it. 293 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,065 [ Gasps ] Oh, my god. 294 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,609 And I don't miss much. 295 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,779 [Water running ] [ Knocking ] 296 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,965 [ Cameron ] Close the door. You're letting the steam out. 297 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:04,201 Is the wig coming loose? Oh, yes, Mitchell. It's completely off his head. 298 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,305 We're just staying in here because there's nothing babies and big guys love more... 299 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:08,789 Than 100% humidity. 300 00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:11,541 My god, do you realize what Gloria's gonna do when she sees this? 301 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,961 She punched me when I got Manny that henna tattoo. 302 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,421 And not the side-of-the-hand way that I do it. 303 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,674 [Water stops ] This had rings and knuckles. 304 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,884 Don't worry. I'm working on a plan b. 305 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,304 Or should I say plan bieber? 306 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,640 Huh? No, I just gave him a little bit of a haircut. No! 307 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,392 Give me the baby. I know. 308 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,063 That's the great part of my schedule. 309 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:37,109 We make it to Europe almost every summer. But I'm sure you guys travel. 310 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:41,154 Well, honestly, I don't think I've been anywhere without a waterslide in 15 years. 311 00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,739 [ Both laugh ] 312 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:47,953 That's funny. She's mentioned Esther, Dougie, Tripp, afro Judy... 313 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:52,624 The name “tater” has literally never even come up once in the last 20 years. 314 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,334 I don't know why I'm surprised. 315 00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:56,169 I was madly in love with her for four years, 316 00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:59,423 and I was basically invisible until the day I choked on that tater tot. 317 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,925 Wait. I-I— I thought you were her ex. 318 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,636 I wish. [Laughs] 319 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:07,723 [Laughs] So, Phil, are you here all weekend? 320 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,224 [ Groans ] 321 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,810 That's too bad. I was gonna suggest some activities. 322 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:15,313 The Palmer center's doing a wonderful retrospective of impressionists. 323 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:19,192 Oh, that is a shame. That's a field I know quite a bit about. 324 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:20,902 Phil, no. Ah. 325 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,696 You can see the influence, can't you, 326 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,115 of the, uh, early impressionists... 327 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:29,202 The, uh, rich littles, the frank gorshins... 328 00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,164 On the Jimmy fallons, if you will. 329 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,207 He meant the painter kind. Yes. 330 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,293 - Freshen your drink? - No. No. Not done. 331 00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,880 You'd know if I was finished with something, and I'm not. Oh. Hmm. 332 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,841 Oh, just the one then. [ Claire ] Yeah. 333 00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:45,820 What are you doing? I'm sorry. Did I embarrass you in front of your ex-boyfriend? 334 00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:49,514 Yeah, I know about that. Because I told you. You can't seriously be jealous. 335 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:53,477 Well— Phil, it was 20 years ago. 336 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,103 Rein it in. 337 00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:57,314 Come on. You're embarrassing me a little. 338 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,125 Fine. But do you deny that part of the reason... 339 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:01,568 You wanted to come back here by yourself is that guy? 340 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,737 I'm not even sure it's a bad thing, Claire. 341 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,540 We all wonder about the paths we didn't follow, but you can admit it. 342 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,492 [ Stammers ] 343 00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:12,621 Well, you can't be mad at me if I do admit it. I won't. 344 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:16,041 [Grunts] Well, I'm not admitting it... 345 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,252 Because I couldn't be happier than I am in my life with you. 346 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,088 But... 347 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:24,382 I mean, maybe a tiny part of me... 348 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:27,094 Just wanted to sort of peek through the window... 349 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,304 And see the life that might have been. 350 00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,889 [ Door opens ] 351 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,934 Never get tired of those three fiights. 352 00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,770 Maggie! Say hi to everyone. 353 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,939 [ Clattering ] In a second, angel. 354 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,024 - Mama's had a day. - Huh. 355 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:44,069 Oh, I thought that was the bedroom. 356 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,821 You're in the bedroom, honey, 357 00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,990 and the living room and the study and the gym. 358 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:52,494 Hmm. But anyway, listen to me. I'm being rude. 359 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:54,412 How is everybody? How's things? 360 00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:58,208 - Not too bad. - No, I'm literally asking you how is it to have things. 361 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,293 - [ Clears throat] - Gr [ Techno, mufiieo'] 362 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,712 Oh. Yep. Right on schedule. 363 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,714 Keep it down, you hoodrats! 364 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,633 Maggie, you were once a student. 365 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:11,054 I remember. That's when I boarded this little rocket ship to the moon. 366 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,266 [ Clears throat] 367 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,184 Wow. 368 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:17,811 Phil, wait. Thank you. 369 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,188 For what? Everything. 370 00:16:20,272 --> 00:16:22,482 I'm not sure how that guy got to be a professor. 371 00:16:22,566 --> 00:16:24,442 He'd have to be pretty stupid to dump you. 372 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:27,362 Aw! Hey, the party's starting, 373 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,174 and there's a really good-looking guy I was hoping to do a little dancing with. 374 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,992 Do you mean me? Yes. 375 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,870 Wait. Before we go, are there any more exes I should know about? 376 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,496 Honey, what do you think I was like? 377 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,165 Hey, Claire pritchett. 378 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,625 Hey, Dean stoller. 379 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,170 Super quick story. 380 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,756 All right, it's not too late for plan c. 381 00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:49,801 We drop the baby and run. What? No. 382 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,679 You have to tell her what you did. You scalped her baby. 383 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,723 I had to cut that wig off. 384 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,559 What did you expect me to do? He keeps pulling his hat off. 385 00:16:57,642 --> 00:17:00,538 Okay, well, you could've let me do it. I have 32 hours of vidal sassoon training. 386 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,857 What? I left the program over creative differences. Shut up. 387 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,859 [ Door opens ] Ho/a. 388 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,444 Ho/a. Ho/a. 389 00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:11,239 Oh, there's my little angel. 390 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:13,200 How was he? 391 00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:15,660 Uh, th-there's a funny story here. 392 00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,038 Gloria, forget about that baby... 393 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,956 And check out this one! 394 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:24,211 [ Laughing ] You beat closets, closets, closets, closets, closets? 395 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,754 We destroyed them! 396 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,340 And it's closets, closets, closets, closets. What did I say? 397 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,860 We went through this for a half hour yesterday. I can't do it again. 398 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,594 Nope. You're gonna have to tell her. 399 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,138 What? Why? Because she has two new rings. 400 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,908 That's gonna take the meat right off the bone. 401 00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:40,393 Okay, cam. You take the fall for me, and I will go with you to Missouri. 402 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,854 - I'll even go for a whole week. - Make it 10 days. 403 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:46,942 Okay, fine. But I don't wanna meet anything on Monday that I'm gonna eat on Friday. 404 00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,526 Oh, well, that's gonna happen. 405 00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:51,404 Oh, my perfect angel. 406 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,531 You got this. You're good. A y [ Kisses] 407 00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,385 Gloria, do you remember that chafing dish I lent you a couple months back... 408 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,036 That you returned with a chip in it? 409 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,121 Every time that Luke comes over, 410 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:03,959 he takes things out of the attic and leaves them just everywhere! 411 00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,752 Oh. Yeah. 412 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,940 Well, you know, funny thing about that chafing dish is it was my grandmother's... 413 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,465 [ Growls ] And it was given to her... 414 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,050 Luke! 415 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,176 [ Exhales] 416 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:20,558 Oh, hey, Manny. Glad I ran into you. Listen. I'm gonna give you the solo. 417 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,019 Really? You must have heard what happened to me today. 418 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:26,024 I feel confident now, and I know I could— I don't care about any of that. 419 00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:29,168 I just need you to tell your mom that you gave your brother Joe a haircut, okay? 420 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,444 No problem. How bad could it be? 421 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:32,529 Aaah! 422 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:37,450 Anyway, I heard you need a letter from school signed. 423 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:40,078 I kind of nailed my declaration of independence replica. 424 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,038 Forged every signature with this pen. 425 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,624 Stop. We have a deal. 426 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,627 I'll say I cut the baby's hair, and you give me that cool pen. 427 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:51,423 - What? No, no. That's not what I was gonna— - deal's a deal. 428 00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,133 A thief, Lily. 429 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,385 That's who ate my last piece of cake... 430 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,221 That my mother send me specially from Colombia. 431 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,640 It helps you make the milk. 432 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,979 Such a cool trophy. [ Chuckles ] 433 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:09,065 - Say, how did that new guy, Rudy sorrenson, do? - He was great. 434 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,650 It's funny how he has the same name... 435 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:13,278 As one-time pro bowler Rudolph sorrenson, 436 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,905 which would be against league rules. 437 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,782 Well, I'd find it funny. 438 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:23,496 Jay, hurry up. You have to take the kids to the movie. 439 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,875 And why does the baby still have that hat on? He's going to burn up. 440 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,294 Gloria, I have a confession to make. 441 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:32,714 I gave Joe a haircut. It's bad. 442 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,925 Why would you do that? My dad used to cut my hair when I was a kid, 443 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:38,595 and I thought it'd be a nice way for the baby and me to bond, 444 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,681 but I just made a mess of things... 445 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:44,184 Like I make a mess of everything. 446 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:47,270 [ Sighs ] Let me take a look at this. 447 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,897 La y, o'iOS mio/ 1 all yelp 1 448 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,649 dad, why would you do that to your own son? 449 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,611 - He's just a baby. - Plus you ate that cake. 450 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,654 Okay, enough. Leave him alone. 451 00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,948 He could have invented some crazy story, 452 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,659 but instead he decided to tell the truth. 453 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,037 That's what families do. [ Cameron ] Yes, it is. 454 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,164 [ Gloria ] Okay, go. Go, go, go. 455 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,583 Uh, Lily, sweetie, we're leaving. Come on! 456 00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:12,545 [ Gloria ] I know that they expected me to go all Colombian crazy 457 00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:14,798 but this was just another opportunity for me... 458 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:19,135 To show them that I was not the superficial Gloria that I used to be. 459 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:22,972 Plus, I was very relaxed after the day I had. 460 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,479 [Aaah! I Jay] Where are you? 461 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,273 At the doctor. He's checking my ankle. 462 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:36,653 What? Did you think I was gonna throw away a whole spa day? 463 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:39,239 1 sighs 1 464 00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:42,575 I'm coming, fulgencio! 465 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,583 [Grunts] Why am I doing this again? 466 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:54,003 Dad'll get a kick out of it. Like when we were young and used to wear his shoes. 467 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,880 Now get up and take a few steps. 468 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,007 1 sighs 1 469 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:05,014 did dad ask for this? [ Luke ] No, but he'll love it. 470 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,641 Maybe dance around. 471 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,729 Okay, nowjump. 472 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:13,773 What kind of video is this? 473 00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:15,442 I've got to go to work. I'm sorry. 474 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,110 [Shoes hit floor] Okay, thanks. 475 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:18,945 What the hell? 476 00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,783 [Thuds] 477 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:25,368 Finally!